About 6 hours I was completely incapable of writing an essay. This can be confirmed via my posting history on Substack over the past year and a half, most of which consists of various Substack Notes which consist of incel blackpilling, esoteric chudstack in-jokes, and the occasional ‘niggerfaggot’. Additionally, going back to my high school days I would spend entire weekends doing nothing but agonizing about the impeding doom of essay due dates while staring at a blank Word document. Somehow I always got it done but I was never proud of a single sentence and if AI existed back then all of my effort would have gone into engineering that shit to pass the Pangram instead of actually writing a single letter.

Only one thing has changed in the past four hours, and it is the application of an adhesive patch containing 7mg of nicotine. After this, I lifted harder than I have in months for 2.5 hours, came home and washed the billions of moldy dishes in my sink, and cooked a hearty meal of oxtail stew. This may seem like just normal functioning, but it feels fantastic when one has been unable to function normally for over a year.

I was only able to discover this fact that such a small physical change (among many others) has had such an outsized positive impact on me by shifting my focus from the Spiritual to the Material.

Here is the ideological pipeline I have gone through over the past 5 years in visual form:

1. Evangelical → Reddit Atheist

This is a pretty common occurrence for those who grow up within fundamentalist Christianity. Basically, I was unable to accept the fact of a literal 6 day creation 6000 years ago, and I was unable to reconcile this disagreement with the biblical inerrancy I was taught, so I left the faith as a teenager.

However, I failed to grasp that while I had rejected Christianity I had rejected none of its metaphysical or moral foundations:

• We are a soul in a body

• Humans are evil by nature

• Rewards correlate with effort (Protestant work ethic)

While I no longer had God to define the meaning of ‘good deeds’ and ‘bad deeds’ I attempted to replace this source of truth with ‘Science!!!’ One could just ‘be a hecking decent person’ by acting to avoid causing suffering to others. The Science determined that racism, sexism, homophobia and transphobia caused suffering to others, so you could be a good person by not being those things. Human nature (specifically that of White People) is evil, and it caused the evils of slavery, colonialism, and the holocaust. Repent of your Whiteness, and you will be saved.

However, I was not saved. I was constantly filled with guilt over simple things like eating meat (I actually became vegan for a while), driving my car (I biked everywhere to ‘reduce emissions’) and talking to girls (I didn’t want to ‘make them uncomfortable’). I unsurprisingly was unable to get a girlfriend (or any dates) in college, and I grew resentful of the fact that I was a Good Person but no one wanted to date me (despite the fact that I never asked anyone out).

2. Reddit Atheist → Grindset Moralist

The main problem with Reddit Atheist Liberalism for me was the complete failure to improve my life at all. Hypothetically if my veganism and feminist status signalling had gotten me a girlfriend, I would probably still be a standard liberal.

At this point I became obsessed with the ‘self help’ side of the internet, David Goggins, Jordan Peterson, Stoicism, etc. Basic grindset stuff. This was ultimately somewhat good for me as I was able to get into very good shape and run an ultramarathon. I got straight A’s in my engineering classes through sheer willpower despite not giving a shit and having zero motivation. I was able to keep up outside appearances but I became more and more depressed an unmotivated as I got closer to graduation.

3. Grindset Moralist → BAPnigger

By the time I graduated, I was completely burned out and deep into ‘existential crisis’. Somehow I got a decent job, and moved 3 hours away to a new city. At this point my mental state completely collapsed as I had no friends around me anymore. I was constantly miserable and hated everyone and everything. I isolated myself and I would just go to work, and then go home and scroll substack and call people niggers and watch porn.

I read Bronze Age Mindset while in this state, and while is mostly served to radicalize me further into hatred of the Modern World and all the cucked faggots around me there was one core of truth that eventually got me out of this state — You ARE your body, there is no ‘soul’. Physical strength and vitality are not just a shell around you, they determine the very substance of your life and your value as a person.

Basically this was just the most retarded way to learn that ‘self care’ is actually important and your biology determines everything.

4. BAPnigger → Radical Materialist

At first I just focused on physical training, I would go to the gym and blast HH by Kanye while doing deadlifts. I fixed my sleep schedule (somewhat) not through Willpower like I had tried to do for years but by taking Melatonin. “Wow, I should take more supplements”. Most of these did nothing, but Magnesium-L-Threonate gave me a massive burst of euphoria about 10 minutes after taking it which lasted for about a week, where I had extremely high motivation. This was the first piece of evidence that my life could improve drastically and I had hope for the future for the first time in months. Eventually the euphoria faded, but my motivation was increased slightly from before and I started waking up at 10 or 11am on weekends instead of 3 or 4pm (after 12 hours of sleep). Next I increased my caloric intake and carbs (heil peat) drastically which gave me much more energy and mental clarity. I also was now motivated enough to order an online sleep apnea test, which came back with mild sleep apnea. Each of these steps may seem like an obvious and easy to take but when I was in the raped state it would have been totally impossible. Its only because of the bottom up physiological upward spiral that I have been able to actually take control of my life and begin to exercise agency again. The years of Willpower and mental coping mechanisms and Ideologies before this only sent me further into misery. Similarly, while nicotine may have some risks (tolerance, addiction, etc) the massive positive effect it is having on me right now will help accelerate the biological upward spiral and likely outweigh the negatives.

Darwin wants you to die. David Pearce wants you to live. Do drugs, hack your biology, break the chains of natural selection. Accelerate your Will to power and become who you are.

TK-2042

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