This morning, someone asked, “what is the oldest piece of art you have?” And that inspired me to pull out the first piece of real art I remember making. I’ve carried it with me since age 10. I never stopped to question why I held onto it, when I have let go of most of my possessions, more than once.

It’s a penny which I turned into a copper enamel pin. The only object I have from my childhood. It’s tucked away with other jewelry I don’t wear, from the past, seeing it now and then, but not really stopping to think why I kept it.

Just today, the reason I held onto it all these years, became obvious. It is a talisman, a reminder and key to my creative maker-self.

What were the other clues and hints about the artist in me yearning to express? Here’s a random hodgepdoge.

Playing hooky from high school, or trying to! I set up an art making space, with supplies and pillows, everything a girl could need, in the garage attic—where no one ever went. It was a perfect nest, and a perfect plan – except my Dad caught me sneaking around so no hooky was actually played.

Was it college, maybe? Someplace where I was asked to write a kind of life summary. I wrote down—without having any idea what I really meant by it—“I’m an artist in search of a medium”.

My Uncle Dave became an artist after he retired from computer engineering, a painter and a sculptor, even creating a community gallery in his Massachusetts town. And near the end of his life, my father told me his side of the family had many artists and musicians. It still didn’t dawn on me, that I might be one, too. It wasn’t my identity. I was the smart one, the studious one. I could dare claim ‘creative’. But artist?

So many clues that didn’t register.

A dear friend, quite a talented artist with painting, encaustics, glass and other things….was always encouraging me, and we had fun playing with materials in her studio. But still, I held art at arms-length. My friend B was the artist, the creative one.

It was in my blood, but I never knew that for most of my life. My Uncle Dave became an artist after he retired from computer engineering, a painter and a sculptor, even creating a community gallery in his Massachusetts town. And near the end of his life, my father told me his side of the family had many artists and musicians.

It still didn’t dawn on me, that I might be one, too. It wasn’t my identity.

So many clues that didn’t register.

Through the twists and turns of fate, I ended up teaching business to art students at IAIA, a Native American tribal college, and to other indigenous artists in northern New Mexico. There I was, so close to artists yet feeling so NOT part of being an artist.

I never took it seriously. Never really thought it was anything. Exactly the attitude I grew up with - oh, sure, amuse yourself. But take it seriously? You can’t make a living at that! Why bother if you can’t earn money with it? How many of us were raised to devalue our natural gifts and talents?

We don’t see what we don’t see – until we are ready to see it.

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We don’t see it until we feel safe enough to see it, until we are healed enough, until it is the right time and most importantly, till we give ourselves PERMISSION.

The timing has nothing to do with calendars and our age but with the timetable of the soul.

May we all live long enough and be blessed enough to bring our deepest gifts and fullest aliveness into the world.

It’s time to come in out of the cold! Welcome to the “Alt-Mothers” Club. You are welcome here--the doors are wide open. Pull up a chair, grab a cuppa, there are some nice snacks for you on the table.

Inside the Alt Mothers club, we value mothering in all its forms. We take a wide angle view of mother energy. It’s anything that helps grow, nurture and sustain life. That takes mothering well beyond the raising of one’s own or adopted children. Our club includes non-biological mothers, mothers who have lost children, and even men who offer the care and heart of a mother.

Let’s include it all: caring for animals, plants, a garden, a farm….caring for vulnerable children not our own, or adults needing care. Caring for the earth, working for clean water and healthy conditions, offering places of safety and refuge. Healing through words, touch, plant medicine, sharing wisdom, making beauty, creating a welcoming home. It’s so rich, isn’t it!

What else would you include as a form of mothering?

As someone who was not drawn to raising children, I get to use my mothering energy in so many other ways. I love to nurture those who nurture: moms, healers and therapists, business leaders. I’ve helped families heal, I’ve guided women in healing wounds around money, power and that nagging inner critic. Mothering comes through my work with animals, my movement classes, and the spiritual work I do: prayer, ritual and working for earth healing. Tending plants and gardening, too…I have grown fruit and roses and tended gardens

The many ways to mother, the many ways this energy is expressed in the world, are all so beautiful, so inspiring and expansive.

What a form of abundance this is, this overflowing Mother energy. It is actually an expression of the Divine Feminine, Shekinah, Mother Earth….She is called by many different names. My favorite one is Divine Mother.

I did not come by a close relationship with Divine Mother naturally—raised atheist by an intellectual mother. It took quite a while to be open to Her. This happened after much healing work, many rituals, journeys, etc. to heal my relationship with my birth mother. I had pounded pillows, raged and cried, put her in the other chair and talked to her, Gestalt therapy style. I reached a dead end and could go no further.

I began to make peace with who she was and what she could never give me—and ultimately, to appreciate the many things she did give me.

It was time to release my grief and longing for that love to come through her—and this was years after her death. I turned towards an infinite, unconditional source—the Divine Mother, the nurturing healing force of Divine Love. She is the expression of Universal love and acceptance of a mother with a limitless supply of love for each of her children, exactly as we are.

I bring Her presence into my client sessions too. Where someone is healing from trauma, deep neglect, deep shame, being supremely hard on herself—Divine Mother works magic. She offers grace, mercy, compassion and unconditional support. I invite her in with different names (depending on what resonates for the client. She does not care what we call Her!). She is the true source of healing especially for those whose mothers were toxic, narcissistic, or for a thousand other reasons could not offer acceptance, presence, support and guidance

Have you been able to experience Divine Love and mother love in some way? Do you have a practice or a way to make that connection for yourself? One way is self-love, self-mothering. It can become a practice, something we do regularly.

Let’s take a few minutes right now to make this connection, to mother ourselves by receiving Divine Mother. It’s going to feel soooo good.

Continue reading, or listen to this healing meditation via this audio I recorded for you. Click here: https://vimeo.com/1192150006?share=copy&fl=sv&fe=ci

First, move around a bit, and shake out any body tension. Let it go like a puppy shaking off water. Let out any sighs or sounds that help you to let go, and relax. Breathe deeply through your nose, and out through your mouth. Do 4 or 5 rounds of this breathing.

Light a candle if you wish.

Now, we invite in the Essence of Mother Energy…that loving generosity, gentle caring presence, the Source of All Life. Call her Divine Mother or use your preferred name for her.

Divine Mother, come. Heal me, hold me, cradle me, breathe with me

Stay relaxed, keep breathing and see how she arrives. Is there a body sensation, an image, some words, a color, sound or even a song…maybe you are just relaxing deeply. Rest into that for a minute. Relax, breathe, receive….let this energy sink into your heart, belly, any place of pain or that needs healing. Savor, enjoy….linger in this deliciousness for a bit.

You can stay here as long as you like.

If this stirs up some difficult feelings, it’s okay. Stay with yourself, be compassionate. Sometimes this Divine Mother love brings up sadness about what we did not receive from our mothers, or for losses we’ve had.

It may not ease up immediately, but by allowing a feeling to move through us, and meeting it with kindness, it will lighten up.

Know that you can come back here to be with Divine Mother Energy. Like a true mother, she is always with you, just call her name. Then, stay open—she WILL show up.

PS SPECIAL INVITATION: An opportunity to receive healing and nurturing mother energy, and join us for Cosmic Smashbooking! Red Thread Abundance Circle this Saturday, May 16^th, 11:30 to 1:00 pm Eastern. Post a message in the comments and I will send you the flyer.

PPS Here are questions to help you explore this on your own through journaling

1. How do you express your life supportive nurturing Mother energy—towards yourself (yes, that counts) or others?

2. How do you receive mothering in your life, for you--perhaps through a friend, a healer, walks in Nature?

3. Where have you received, where have you offered acceptance, compassion, and loving presence?

4. Do you allow yourself to be nurtured by your partner, family, friends, or others? How could you open up to receive even more?

There is something artificial about it (did you know Mother’s Day began from the commercial desire to sell cards?). It’s also a bit suspect—if we truly valued mothers and child rearing, and supported motherhood economically--not just with sugar coated images and Hallmark cards--we wouldn’t need a special holiday devoted to honoring mothers. Until that day, may Mother’s Day serve as an important reminder and a reason to stop and appreciate the massive contribution—and labor—of mothering. And its sacred place in the Creation.

Anyhoo, looks like Mother’s Day is here to stay. It’s hard to avoid (believe me, some years I try). So why not use it for our growth, healing and expansion? Or as a time of honoring and appreciation?

For me it’s become an annual assessment of where I am in my healing journey, and in my relationship to my mother, to not being a mother, and to Mother energy in general.

I lost my mother at age 26, in July. The geraniums I gave her for that Mother’s Day were still blooming in her Brooklyn garden when she passed. For those first raw years, Mother’s Day was poignant and mainly reminded me of what I was missing. It’s not that my mother and I were so close, it was a difficult relationship—but her death was complicated and painful. And losing her added to my feeling of being other, left out, different.

Mother’s Day has often been double-edged for me. In my late 20’s I worked through feelings of loss and grief, about my mother’s death, and from being motherless. Then there was the “I’m not having children phase” of my 30s and 40s, and then grief realizing that door was now closed. Grieving wasn’t long nor that deep for me, as I’d not had any deep desire for children.

But if you are one who remained without children NOT by choice, I honor you on this Mother’s Day. That is a deep sorrow, and I hope you find or have found a way to heal this. I can bet that you have used the energy you might have used with children, in being an Alt mother. I’ll be sharing more about “Alt mothering” in my next post.

What lingered was the left out feeling, so not part of the club, no mother, no kids. Living in suburban NJ for 13 years where so much centers around children, school holidays, etc. made me acutely aware of being different and left out. It did ease up eventually as my friend’s children grew up. I found the gap smaller, suddenly we could relate more as adult women to each other, not through the lens of the kids.

Mother’s Day is just one day, and it’s a good marker. Yet our relationship with our mothers is so profound, so formative and impacts everything.

It’s been for me a very long project, healing my relationship with my mother and the impact she had on me. Eventually my path led me to Divine Mother, the nurturing healing force of Divine Love. She is the expression of Universal love and acceptance of a mother who loves each of her children, each of us, exactly as we are.

Having a source to turn to, an Infinite Source of acceptance, compassion, love and support, and knowing I need not depend on a memory or image of my actual mother or even an imaginary human mother, has been so transformational. It’s helped me to look for and find many ways to be mothered even though my own mother is long gone.

I bring Divine Mother into my client sessions often, especially when someone tends to be supremely hard on herself, or is healing from trauma, deep neglect, deep shame. This Great Mother brings a healing balm for all, with special magic for those whose mothers were toxic, abusive, neglectful, narcissistic. I have no statistics but there seem to be a LOT of women whose mothers were like that—it’s a super-common theme in my healing and coaching practice.

This is healing that happens by grace, outside of linear time or logic, what I call timeline healing. From the present, we work with the past, revisiting a difficult experience. Not to retrigger old pain, but to bring compassion, acknowledgement, validation and a loving supportive presence. I am there with you as practitioner, but we bring in whatever healing presences feel right. It could be an angel, Divine Mother, a circle of friends (who could be from any time in your life, this is not an exercise in factual logic). In this way we recreate or redirect a past memory, in a way that the nervous system can embody as true.

Working with Divine Mother is so…divine! She gifts us with grace, mercy, compassion and the ability to hold it all. To this Mother, it doesn’t matter what the story was, or the reaasons our mother wasn’t there for us, why she couldn’t or didn’t offer the nurturing, care, love, presence and acceptance we needed.

Thank you, Divine Mother for the many ways you show up for us!

PS It feels important to say, since this is a Mother’s Day post:

To those who identify as mothers, I salute you, I honor you, I appreciate you, I admire you so much. However imperfect, and brilliant: well done!

Some might call it the hardest job in the world. It is certainly the most valuable one. Yet it’s also the most invisible, the most taken for granted, under-appreciated, and least well paid (if at all) and economically supported.

Aye, lassie, we have a long way to go to make every day Mother’s Day.

But please know that it is more than a job: it’s a sacred relationship. Something worthy of spiritual respect or devotion. (the Latin root of the word means something consecrated or set apart for divine power)

Dearest Mothers, we revere you in this holy role and offer our praise and devotion.

This year, it’s about the fertility of spring. The approach of Mothers’ Day, has me thinking about our relationship to our first and last Mother, Mother Earth.

I grew up in New York City in a garden apartment with no garden. Later, in our house, my parents, confirmed urbanites that they were, concreted over the backyard, much to my dismay.

I developed my own relationship with nature, in gardens, parks and hikes….but until my 50’s I lived mainly in the city and suburbs. While I did have houseplants, and made a valiant attempt to grow miniature roses indoors, in a Brooklyn window box….I had little to do with farming, planting or harvesting.

I learned about natural abundance from my peach tree, growing in a protected corner next to my house in Santa Fe. It was a master teacher of nature’s fecundity and generosity. Each year, except the year when April frost wiped out all the blossoms, that small tree produced SO much fruit…I gave away buckets and still had plenty to freeze, make into preserves and bake into cobblers. They were the sweetest I’ve ever eaten—fresh from the tree, every day!

I remember one year at harvest time, marveling at the branches absolutely covered and clotted with peaches…..hearing the words “Be fruitful and multiply!”

I thought, ah, that’s what that means. I get it now!

So many of us were raised in urban or suburban settings, far from the rhythms and cycles of the earth. We spend many hours indoors, disconnected from the natural world, often focused on screens or thoughts and ideas.

It’s much easier to believe in scarcity when you live in a world manufactured by human thought…..and systems that want to keep you enslaved to material needs, to earning money.

To shift back into abundance and the reality of Infinite Supply….turn to your nearest garden, fruit tree or beloved animal….what can THEY teach us about love, all needs taken care of, the natural cycles of seeding, growth, fruition, harvest, compost and renewal, rebirth?

original artwork, “Tree of Resilience” c 2026 Ellen Anne Shapiro

Here I am

Eyes seeing, ears hearing, breath moving, my very skin awakening

My outer self is becoming present

I have everything I need to be present.

I am present as I can be

I am healed enough

I step across the threshold with hundreds of women

Here I am

Hineni

Eyes seeing, ears hearing, breath moving, my very skin awakening

My outer self is becoming present

I am enough

I am ready enough

No more whining, shrinking, apologizing, swallowing my voice

No more chained to a chair and sedentary sedation

I draw my power back from the earth and light charge myself from the cosmos

Exulting in my essence

Applying it to my body like celebratory mud or paint

The power of a focused group intention has been shown in all kinds of experiments, as well as throughout history. Whatever we focus on, grows and expands.

Peace. Love. Understanding. Respect. Let’s make THOSE grow and expand, together.

I am going to do my own simple qigong ritual and focus at this time, at home. Please, meditate, speak the words, envision the ripples of these four words spreading across the world, whatever floats your boat.

Also, the Great Synchronization is an organized effort around this, and more information can be found here:

https://vision2028usa.org/

Please join, and spread the word.

Our soul motion guide, he brings in the presence of, and the awareness of, the children.

Being empty, being able to be present and let the children remind us, bring us back to ourselves, has the power to change everything.

What would happen if we stopped all of our busy madness,

And simply meditated on, sat with, or felt the spirit of a child or children.

What if we could welcome, allow and be present with children, and child energy?

Instead of paving and pasting over them, with layers of screens and images and planted perceptions.

How is it that we know everything when we are young? And through education, imprinting, domestication, this thing we call growing up...the rest of our lives seems to be a gradual forgetting.

Let us keep remembering, and reminding each other.

Listen to the children, they know EVERYTHING about what matters and how to be.

PS Sometimes I feel SO over “Adulting”. If growing up means it would be beneath my dignity to climb a tree, I’ll never grow up, never grow up, not me (think those are lyrics from Peter Pan).

Hence the term fracking the Shadow (I coined it in 2016, but wow is it ever accelerating/intensifying! )

Such ripples from the Epstein files. The headlines (but not the details) are not news to me. Sources close to me have been talking about pedophile rings for years. Which I would listen to at times, and other times try to deny in horror, but knowing it was likely true.

Yet the massiveness, the pervasiveness of what we are now seeing, is mind and soul boggling. And the growing evidence of how much was covered up. Many are reeling—it is a LOT to try to be present with.

A friend was especially thrown by learning about Deepak Chopra’s association with Epstein, and some appalling quotes attributed to Deepak. I reached out to offer her a listening presence, and thanked her for inspiring this Substack post.

I also emailed her and the other members of our group:

“The revelations are shocking and radical, and I agree it’s a clarion call to self empowerment and inner authority.

My personal reaction: it is atrocious and egregious, it’s a dark underbelly that is being exposed. (Take any of those adjectives and multiply exponentially).

I am glad it is being brought to light, long overdue. It’s part of the overall horror of this that it’s not being handled with sensitivity to the victims—come on, not redacting their names?—or in any way acting to avoid adding yet another layer of trauma for them.

This isn’t an ‘elephant in the room’, it’s a trumpeting thundering herd that cannot be ignored or dismissed. (Excuse me, majestic elephants. You really should not be linked with the Epstein horrorshow), but couldn’t resist a good metaphor.

Too late, we’ve heard the trumpeting. The times are too ripe now, astrologically and politically for this to be pushed down. There are enough voices saying no, we cannot, we will not allow that.

I say, let it rip. Pull the lid off the coverup. Let perpetrators be held responsible, let the entire system and the underlying attitudes that fed (and still feed) this monstrosity be shaken up, broken up, woken up. It is time for the Light of Truth.

I could be a little numb after the pounding of the events of 2025 (and every year since 2020)….but it does surprise me a bit that I am not more shocked than I am. And not to say that I don’t feel the upheaval or massive tectonic shifts we are in.

Events in my life seem to have been preparation for this time in history. My early training inculcated a strong awareness of injustice and oppression. I was raised by contrarians and taught to question authority.

Later in my professional years in accounting, I was immersed in enough toxic male culture, to lose my naivete, having worked in an especially macho corner of the corporate world in NYC.

Then there was the false light that I experienced in the realms of healing and spirituality, The falseness of spiritual teachers and members of the inner circle who are or were harming others, manipulating and misusing power, not walking their talk or living their teachings.

I was drawn to these paths, and the flaws and inconsistencies only became obvious after years. What drew me in was powerful healing energy, the charisma of the teachers, and the draw of community. In both cases, at the time I found these teachers, I was in great need of finding healing, meaning and solace.

Both of these spiritual paths (25 years for one, 7 for the second) have been a major part of my life and I received many good things from both, that stay with me to this day. I am still grateful.

But the gradual disillusionment, as I became more aware of flaws, hypocrisy, power plays….the increasing cognitive dissonance and negativity, I was left with a deep mistrust of anyone putting themselves in the position of guru, teacher, expert or authority.

As far as Deepak Chopra, I was not drawn to him as a teacher, but did found useful wisdom in his writing. What I felt seeing him was that something was energetically ‘off’. Yet his way of taking ancient understandings and making them relatable to modern life, I found (and find) of value.

I’ve seen a few posts discounting or dismissing all of his teachings, and painting all “New Age” teachings with the same negative brush. Can we not separate useful teachings from the teacher? I am not sure we are well served by indiscriminately tossing everything labeled ‘New Age’ (still don’t really know what it even means, that label) in the trash.

Beyond that, where can we go from here?

Let’s begin with more compassion and caring presence, with ourselves, with the feelings and needs of others. Offering a safe space to witness and acknowledge, making room for our feelings and reactions, and honoring them. Part of our wiring as humans is the need to be heard, witness, and to gather at difficult times.

What is also needed—increasingly—is DISCERNMENT, taking back our sovereignty, knowing and stand in our own truth. How? Media literacy, questioning sources, remaining aware that what we are seeing in the news—and also what we aren’t—may be playing on our fear, fomenting anger, or undermining our ability to trust the veracity of ANYONE.

My favorite discernment tool is the body—we have built in mechanisms to help us discern what is safe, what is helpful, what is dangerous, what is false. We;’ve been trained to dismiss and distrust our gut reactions, but they are a powerful compass. It does take some intentional retraining, which can happen through breathwork, and other physical practices to train back our sensitivity and sensory awrreness. It means observing our habits of talking ourselves out of our feelings, ignoring what our bodies are telling us through sensation, breath, posture. Reducing stimulation, shutting off noise, resting in silence can also help us to truly listen to ourselves.

Discernment is the gift of that listening. It’s something we can’t outsource to anyone..spiritual teacher, partner, therapist or healer, politician or political party, media voices, your parents, AI.

We are being asked to get better and better at discernment. Lots of practice ahead, as even more dysfunction and dark ways see the light of day. We are now in a period of prolonged shadow fracking…not easy, and yes, it rocks my world sometimes too.

Yet, we can’t change things if we can’t see or acknowledge them.

Like it or not folks, this is going to go on for some time…it’s not just a trend of a few weeks. We will be witnessing and we can energetically support the exposure and dissolution of false light, of which there has been a LOT on this planet.

May truth and light prevail.

PS I believe very much in the beauty of the human spirit, and that there is an essential goodness inside people (except for those tampered with). I know there are many gray areas in morality, many issues and points of view, where wrong and right aren’t clear.

I also know evil exists. And needs to be named, called out, perpetrators need to be accountable. Systems and movements need to be created to make sure this does not keep happening. THIS is the gift that the fracking of the shadow brings.

I love to celebrate multi-culturally, but this year the Chinese New Year feels the strongest…..And the shift from last year’s energy of Wood Snake (lots of shedding of old skins and stories)…to Fire Horse.

I really enjoyed this writing, it’s not mine, but from a wonderful teacher of Intentional Creativity (amazing work that I am getting certified to teach). She is Amber Kuile Milani Bonici, and this arrived from her via my inbox this morning….riding with this powerful Fire Horse energy (one slight edit by me). (You can find Amber at Woman Unleashed)

“She holds on,

Riding the waves towards desire,

To the destination of Divine flow.

She travels farther

When she stops doing it alone,

And rests on the power already here.

She frees herself,

Moves with the wind

And makes her way home.

Happy Year of the Fire Horse!”

(more from Amber, as she continues:)

“Today is a new moon,

A solar eclipse.

A lunar new year.

A powerful threshold.

When I was young, I had a Shetland pony named Babe. We rode the trails near my home, jumped fences and even did barrel racing.

Babe taught me about power.

How to respect it.

How to hold on when we leapt,

To redirect her if she took off,

To get back on after falling.

Horses hold the symbolism of power in motion,

Energy you can partner with,

Not control.

They represent the parts of you that refuse to be confined:

Personal freedom

Authentic self-expression

The desire to run your own path

Breaking out of limitation or domestication.

They symbolize life force and creative fire.

Vitality,

Drive,

The raw energy that wants to express itself through you.

And they remind us of partnership and trust.

A horse doesn’t give away its power.

It shares it.

It moves with you when trust is there.

This year is asking us to do the same.

To stop forcing,

To stop dragging ourselves forward alone,

To ride the energy already moving through us,

And trust the momentum of what wants to be created… now.

We’re all crossing into something new.

As we move from the shedding of the Snake year into the forward motion of the Horse, I invite you to ask:

Where am I being called to run free?

Where can I partner with power instead of pushing alone?

​​​​​​​Here’s to riding the energy that’s ready to carry you.”

Heart of Moss - Ellen Anne Shapiro c 2025

What is the Heart of Moss?

This heart is from my “Legend” painting, from last summer. My teacher, Shiloh Sophia had just spoken about the power of painting and images to transmute pain and create healing and transformation.

I was at that time, in a phase of life review. I was seeing a pattern of having received one deeply sharp, soul level betrayal from each of my close family members. I could feel each of these like a stab wound to my heart.

Ouch. Pain needs to be felt and acknowledged, but healing involves transmuting and transforming it. I asked, what could possibly heal these wounds?

A texture came to me, of velvet. But living velvet—I realized it was the texture of moss.

I could see it, I could feel it in my body…how moss can be cut, even stabbed with a sharp blade and still grow back, how it remains soft and moist and alive……how it endures….and so I painted a heart of moss.

It was, and remains, a profound symbol of healing, for me.

I offer it here to you, may it be a source of healing for you, a reminder of the yielding yin nature of absorption and receptivity, of the resilient nature of life.

My Heart of Moss to yours, this Valentine’s Day 2026.

I remember saying goodbye to a dear friend in the early morning darkness of the Albuquerque airport at 6am, pulling my winter jacket closer and walking, without looking back, to the departure area. I remember arriving at Merida very late afternoon (winter jacket long since packed away) feeling the tropical humidity hit me hard as I got into a taxi, and heading off to the beach to recuperate from a grueling last few weeks before my move. It’s not so easy to get rid of a lifetime of possessions, and empty out an entire house…a huge project.

January 6 is the same date that Spanish colonizer Francisco Montejo, entered the city of Merida, which I imagine then was a small Mayan village, in 1642.

For me, it will always be the anniversary of one of the bravest, craziest things I have done in my life.

It makes me think about other anniversaries. Instead of a wedding anniverary, I celebrate and honor my non-wedding anniversary—on June 18, 1989 I was supposed to get married, but instead, called it off, three weeks before. And have never looked back on that decision….we were already drifting apart before we even tied the knot.

Or December 18, 1989, the date I flew from Kennedy airport to Mumbai India, to begin a a life changing 4 month stay at the Siddha yoga ashram (yes, the one of Eat Pray Love fame).

I don’t have children, never got legally married, so I don’t have the conventional anniversaries to mark. But I continue to remember some of the boldest turning points of my life.

What about you? What signifcant events do you like to remember and honor?

Can we please nip the New Year ‘shoulding’ on ourselves in the bud?

What about entering this next year from a space of compassion? And letting ourselves ripen into the energy of the New Year rather than forcing it upon ourselves simply because we turned a calendar page?

Compassion could look like this: reviewing the past year, celebrating what we learned or how we grew, acknowledging what was difficult or unexpected…naming regrets, and letting go. Releasing promises or good intentions that did not come to fruition.

The compassionate reframe could also look like letting go of the rigidity of resolutions….it’s already been shown that resolutions such as working out, a new diet, fizzle out within a few weeks…then we are left with the residue of a promise to ourselves that we broke. Yet again. Why do we persist in this?

Let’s let ALL of that go….step into a warm shower of forgiveness…and then, choose something new, a fresh way. We are finishing a 9 year cycle, let’s step into the freshness of a one year….without the resolutions or the shoulding.

Here are some creative alternatives to the usual New Year should-show:

What are you yearning for, in your life, for the year ahead?

What is wanting to emerge or be expressed through you?

What learning, growth or insight can you bring forward from the year just ended, into your new year?

I recently did a beautiful journey with a group of sister coaches….where we connected with our yearnings. Then, we journaled, collaged, painted them out and shared with each other. It was so much fun!

I plan to offer something like that in a few weeks….that will be more aligned with what I consider a ‘truer’ New Year, the Chinese New Year/Human Design New Year.

I offer one final reframe—to let go of the artificiality of January 1 as the date for ‘mandatory’ new beginnings. Our internal seasons rarely match the calendar…..and truly, just a few days past the Winter Solstice, we are seasonally in deep yin….the time of rest, inner journeying, the seeds of the next cycle buried deep under the earth….it’s a great time of dreaming, introspection and receptivity to what wants to be received and conceived. (Complete polar opposite of holiday busyness and consumerism!)

Different cultures and traditions honor the stirring of spring (Candlemas, early February), the Chinese New Year, NOT this made up day in the dead of winter. Some traditions celebrate New Year at harvest time, like the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah, usually in September.

The calendar and the dates are useful mainly as pointers, reminders…..what feels most important is paying attention to our organic, internal cycles and rhythms. Our time of letting go and settling down inside (fall/winter) might happen at any time of year…..our feeling of renewal and life-stirring could happen later or at any other time…..we can use nature’s cycles as a guide, but within those cycles we will have our own places of the void, new beginnings, growth, flowering, harvest and letting go.

It can become a beautiful self awareness and contemplation practice….what season are you in, and can you allow it? Or, are you resisting it, not willing to see or feel where you are…maybe you are wanting to move into the new but feel stuck…or want to leapfrog over where you are now into the new season.

With kindness, without judgement, take a look…..and love the place you’re in, love the one you’re with!

I wish for you…light, stillness, depth, receptivity, compassion for yourself and others. May you feel ALL your feelings, may you embrace who you are, how you are…may you be surrounded by love at this time and throughout the coming year.

Many blessings, with love,

Ellen

My sleigh is brimming over with creative ideas for things I could gift you, but hold back, reindeer! Simplicity, less is more, are mantras I keep returning to….the world is a bit overwhelming, especially online, these days.

MY giving Tuesday will continue through December so come visit again next week and throughout the month.

Today’s gift is a self discovery exercise. I recommend a journal for this, or if you like to draw/doodle, a sketchpad or visual journal. No journal? No sweat, any old piece of paper you can write on will do!

The exercise takes the idea of your primary love language (Popularized in a book by Gary Chapman, the 5 Love Languages) and applies it to self-love

Each of us has a preferred love language—the way we like to express love, and also the way we like to receive it. The 5 love languages from the book are: words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts.

The book was focused on couples and how to offer your partner gifts in THEIR preferred love language. And also an invitation to understanding and healing rifts and miscommunications between partners.

It is lovely to get more fluent in different love languages and practice this inside of our couple relationship.

Yes, and…what if we could practice the love languages also, in how we relate to ourselves and give ourselves love? Which of these languages could we most benefit from ourselves, which are easier or more challenging to give to ourselves? Which one FEELS GOOD for right now, that you would really love to give?

Go ahead, explore these questions in your journal, share if you’d like, here.

What words of affirmation could you gift yourself?

What would quality time with yourself look like?

Can you touch your body with love and gentleness—what kind of touch would feel good? Deep pressure can feel nourishing, soft strokes can be soothing…..tapping or rhythmic touch can also hit the spot. Or a hug…yes, you have permission to hug yourself!

Acts of service—what an idea, an act of service towards yourself! We could get really creative with this one……

How about giving yourself a gift, and really letting yourself enjoy it, appreciate it, appreciate that you gave this to yourself?

One final gift is to explore this without guilt, ‘shoulding on yourself’, turning this exercise into a chore. Have fun, and I would LOVE to hear what you discover….or how this is for you.

Give yourself a magical holiday season….who knows, these 5 languages of self-love could become a year round habit!

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When your old hiding place disappears into the woodwork.

You seek for it in the familiar spot, but the opening no longer exists.

The day arrives,

When the road to retreat is barricaded,

When you come face to face with the terror, the rage, the grief you’ve been running from

And your running takes you to a dead stop, face to face with the sheer stone wall of a canyon.

The day arrives,

When the numbing drugs, the distractions, the passive friendship of salty, creamy or sweet, no longer ease your pain.

How to bear the unbearable without these familiar remedies?

Seek a witness and loving presence – a friend, animal companion, a mountain, a tree, a river—

And allow the rage, the hurt, the sorrow, to pour out, to sound out, to release through stomp and wail, let them resonate into space..

Go ahead, break some sticks, hard, against a rock,

Safely smash some old dishes or bottles.

Hitting a pillow may be gentler on your hands.

If it’s too scary, do it with a loving witness present.

When you’ve moved enough, you will feel done, tired.

Then ask the wind to carry it off, the earth to compost it, the fire to transmute it, the waters to wash it away…

It’s time to be ugly.

It’s time to rant and dance and ugly cry. To flail and release your obedience to anything but your wild true self.

Go ahead,

Grimace at the Demon, mock the voices that would mute you.

Turn your volume up, slowly, from Unspoken to Roar...play the music that is in you.

When it’s time, then, settle it back down into Utter Quiet,

The stillness that follows full expression.

Sink into peace like your feet into moist moss.

Rest, Dream. Be.

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Then find and take the arm of the Companion, the Love, and walk bravely, boldly, at your pace, in your rhythm, calmly, certainly.

If you find you are not ready yet, pause and seek solace. Your Companion is patient and lovingly holds the space for your release.

She will wait for you till you are ready again to walk the good red road.

Whatever you do, whenever you are ready, continue on,

But do not go silently, back into that dark night

Where you disappear yourself.

Let the hum of your living expression buzz and rumble through your bones

Let the waters of compassion wet your dry lips and slake your soul’s thirst.

Remember who walks beside you always.

Remember that someone who carried you--and carries you still--when you can no longer take a step,

Remember the light, the purity, the goodness and power that moves through your veins,

That living force within each cell, the light extending out from your being,

Below. above and radiating in all directions.

It feels like a ‘Frontal attack’ or perhaps more true, coming towards us from all sides, underneath, above….and even from within when we are manipulated into extreme emotions, fear, separation and reactivity.

If you don’t want to get lost, submerged or taken over…to cultivate a more sovereign self, begin with awareness. When something feels like it is encroaching or impinging on you…ask: By whom, what and how is this happening? Developing discernment, media literacy, understanding psychological manipulation is key.

By doing this we assert our right to question authority and not follow automatically or blindly. When you hear something, ask does this seem true, what is its source, what is the motivation behind this?

Our bodies are important sources of knowing too. How does something ‘land’ with you, how does it feel in your body? What is your gut level, instinctual response to something? We’ve been trained to ignore, minimize or discount our body reactions, and our feelings. Our bodies and body knowing are really our first line of ‘defense’, telling us what is safe and what is not. A strong body or emotional response to something is like your psyche’s ‘check engine’ light—it won’t serve you to ignore its message.

How else can you cultivate and reaffirm your sovereignty? I’ve developed a particular protocol, the Repatterning for Personal Sovereignty to assist with this. It seems like time to start sharing this again with clients. This repatterning works to create a reset of our mental/emotional/levels and our neural pathways, which is needed to claim back our sovereignty.

Another profound way to claim, root into and materialize our sovereignty is through body practices. We can stand in a power pose and make declarations. We can speak words and move the energy through our bodies in qigong, conscious dance, our posture as we go through our day.

I just learned tonight of a new way to embody, to cultivate and circulate sovereignty at the deepest level of our bodies—our bloodstream and our cells. Here is a shortened version of the ritual from Leslie Wall, a chant you can use….anytime you need to reclaim yourself:

I am looking forward to practicing this myself, will you join me?

Here is the full post with a more extended ritual included. Immense thanks to the author!

https://substack.com/inbox/post/174705865?

My need and desire to create a new story for myself, not living in reaction or reference to the past….has been getting louder these last several years. My personal journey and my transformational healing work with women isn’t only about resolving and releasing wounds and old beliefs….but like almost all therapy and healing it is more heavily focused on that.

That’s how I’ve been led in the last few years, following the breadcrumbs of “new story creation”—for myself and for guiding clients. First, I found Claire Zammit’s Women Centered Coaching and trained in that. (I like that coaching is generally more solutions and future oriented, but feel it can also be superficial and overly mental…change must be embodied, awareness alone is almost always never enough).

And now I am immersed in Intentional Creativity—most passionately—with Shiloh Sophia. This includes leading Red Thread women’s circles, the 13 step Medicine painting process and more. .

Clarity is arriving as to what I want to do with this Substack and what I want to offer here—and in the world. Beyond the Box will continue, with a bit more focus on my favorite themes—embodiment and healing through the body, empowering women, learning from the natural world, and fresh models, fresh perspectives and stories around money, business and prosperity, and opening up our self expression and aliveness.

In gratitude and wonder,

Ellen

Meantime, here’s my haiku inspired by another Substacker, Chris J. Franklin, who invited us, on the anniversary of the show Bewitched, to write haikus on the theme of Magic.

We overlook magic

Seeing today through old lenses

Future, as the past

The power of intention and focused energy

Whatever we focus on expands

Emotional energy adds "oomph" to your manifesting spiral

Everything has its timing and cycles

I have friends with a range of political opinions and points of view, some of you would probably get into an argument with others if you were in the same room.

But today I call, not to our differences, but to what unites us.

Is there anyone here who does not want peace, a safe place to live, food, shelter, water, fresh air? Who does not want people to gather and connect at the level of the heart? Who does not want men, women, all genders, loving and respecting each other? Who does not want the earth to be honored and cared for?

We know we are powerful.

We know that the only time is NOW. And NOW is the time. The time to “Be the Change We wish to See in the World”.

What if every day we picked a time to focus our energy: to envision, feel, imagine and sense the world we wish to see and create? What if we allowed the emotions, soul stirrings and body sensations we desire, that make us come alive, that make us want to live…..to fill our days? to reverberate with deeply conscious love, care and remembrance.?

Call this prayer, visioning or simply calling in the new.

Surely when we turn away from the callous, insane, greed and cruelty, and face into the rising sun.....all of that will begin to dissolve, melt into the fire, dissipate in the wind......the towers tottering, the people who wake and go out to the dawning sun to drink it in.....

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Hold the vision. Tend the vision. Nurture the seeds of your new life in this new world, deep in your fertile moist core. They are already sprouting.

That happened last night listening to the voice of astrologer Pam Gregory, saying something I’ve heard her say often. But having been in a downward spiral lately, letting the state of the world—and my own life—really get to me, it really landed.

She speaks of the importance--nay, absolute necessity—especially these days, of maintaining our frequency. How critical it is to do all we can to protect and guard it, from how we design our lives to the everyday transitions of waking up, going to sleep and all the daily activities in-between.

There is so much coming at us—so it has become a universal challenge these days—to filter and choose what we take in. For the sensitive and empathic among us, this is truly life changing.

Not suggesting becoming an ostrich, nor being blindly and perfectly positive. But can we meet the world, feeling and seeing how the news impacts us, feeling and seeing how planetary and cosmic energies affect us, and even seeing how we are responding to other people’s reactions (hello social media). Seeing, feeling, sensing, observing and paying diligent attention to how we are feeling, how this is affecting our mood, our motivation, our sense of possibility—for ourselves and our loved ones, for the world. I've often said, "If I get stuck in fear and imagining worse case scenarios, then 'they' (those who want to keep humanity from their sovereignty and freedom) have won."

I don’t believe it is selfish to do this. I believe it’s one of those “Oxygen mask on yourself first before you save anyone else” things. Or conversely, if it is selfish to say, “My energy field, my vibration, my emotions, my mental and physical health are worth protecting and caring for” then so be it!

Okay, now I’ve got my mind going on this topic of selfishness..what is that really? And is it bad, or when might it be useful….another post. Meantime, “Hey Ma! So what if I’m being selfish here?” (sticks tongue out).

What does protecting our energy, raising our vibration actually mean?

Discernment and filtering. We get to choose what we take in (mostly) and where we direct our attention.
Compassion for self and others as a ground to stand on, as a blanket of sanity and comfort.
Getting grounded—being on the earth and in nature. Paying attention to my body's rhythms and honoring them as much as possible. Stopping when I’m tired. Taking my body out of the chair and my eyes off the screen (which I’m about to do).

Paying attention, noticing my state, observing how I enter and leave each phase of my day. Choosing to disrupt any downward spiral that I notice, and redirecting.

Any or all of these, can raise my vibration, or restore when it dips low.

It’s a committment I need to renew often: Doing my best to add to the coherence in the world, as my daily dharma Turning my focus to what is uplifting, positive, brings joy, gratitude or aliveness, no matter how simple. Simple is good!

It is an ongoing practice. Yes, I too can get hooked and looped into a downward spiral, a place of fear, rage or futility. But this practice is a living one, not something you learn once and then store away in a notebook. Like sweeping the floor, this is a kind of energetic and spiritual hygiene we need to keep after...or return to if we get off track.

(Compassionate reminder, if you do: Forgive yourself, breathe, and get up and back to what nourishes you!)

There are specific and simple things we can do—tools from the energy healer’s tookit—to pattern interrupt, to disrupt any downward spiral. We can use words, sound, breath, imagery….ah, let me count the ways! I’m partial to movement, sound and embodiment practices, myself, and will be sharing more about that, as well as others from my bulging toolkit.

If you’re looking for ‘the right or one way to do this”, or even a magic recipe, sorry no, but the beauty is that there are many ways! We can find what suits us. What are yours? Experiment, play, observe, get curious, get creative.

Have fun!

PS A note: this is the first installment of my “From the Energy Healer’s Window” series….I look forward to sharing more about my adventures in this world, including a fun story about how I got into this energy healing work.

Studying energy work in the late 80’s—so long ago—it wasn’t even known enough to be called woo-woo. So long ago that it was more “What-what?” than woo-woo!

So glad the world has been catching up and learning the true power of working at the energy level. Energy healer (which can mean a million differen thigns by the way) is now an actual thing, a career even, that people enter into. Not a minute too soon as we have a lot to heal, uplift and transform on this planet, and we need ways that not only work, but work fast. Bring it on!

We are the artists of our world, painting our canvases with words. Conscious or not, we are making those paintings every day.

We use words to touch another, open a heart, discover our own truth, remind us of our humanity and essential goodness. We can use words to create a framework, a new way of seeing, or we can simply repeat common phrases without questioning them and the assumptions behind them? Words can and do create and shape our reality. They shape the questions we ask, and the answers we look for.

Some common phrases are so violent…Who really wants to “throw the baby out with the bathwater” or “Kill two birds with one stone”. In business, do I really want to “crush” my competition, see my ideal audience as a “target?”.

Once you start looking at how language is commonly used, it can be truly eye-opening.

This theme about being more intentional about language, and questioning its underlying assumptions was sparked by my general passion about it, but also a piece by Caroline Pankhurst. You can find it here:

Quiet Courage

Thinking Outloud: Fixing Women. Correcting Men. Maybe It’s Time to Stop Both.

‘We don’t need programmes to fix women, we need to fix the system…

Read more

a year ago · 9 comments · Caroline Pankhurst

With thanks, I quote one of her responses to me here. I could not possibly say it better:

I would love to hear from you, reader….about ways you have examined or changed the words you use…or where you would like to see that happen?

Here’s to that effortful curiosity!