oh heart, you are allowed to love

you are allowed to feel

you’re allowed to do things because you want to

and not be swallowed by overthinking it

it’s okay

oh mind of mine, you are allowed to think

overthink, and then to change your course of thought

or to stop traveling down that known pathway

oh body, you are allowed to feel

to be wounded

and to heal

to rest

and to grieve

oh body, you can feel

you were made to do so

i give you permission

to be the body you are

and to function as such

and to every part of me,

i am learning to love you just as you are

without change

and without exception

and i am learning to allow you to be

I find that it is far too easy to compartmentalize emotions and feelings, and not touch them until they are invited into the room or unpacked from their labeled box…but what if we just allowed ourselves to be, and feel, and just be undone or embarrassed!!! It is okay to be embarrassed! It’s really okay. It’s okay to be excited and to be there. It’s okay to be sad and to be there too.

Someone told me that God is demure, but in relation to us, He lets that go, and for a lack of better words, He “loses” His face, and even tells us in Isaiah 54:5 that He is our Husband!!! That’s pretty out there and obvious. He’s not shy with us. I think it’s okay if we’re the same, and can have glimpses and shadows of His inner feelings too.

Isaiah 54:5 — “For your Maker is your Husband; / Jehovah of hosts is His name. / And the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; / He is called the God of all the earth.”

Remember that wherever you are, wherever you find yourself today, the Lord is there too. He wants to be the realm, the sphere, the environment in which you process, feel, don’t feel — all the things. He wants to be the floor and the ceiling of all the things, all that you are feeling, processing, and more.

Psalm 139:7-12 —“Where shall I go, away from Your Spirit, / And where shall I flee from Your presence?

If I ascend into heaven, You are there; / If I make my bed in Sheol, there You are.

If I take the wings of the dawn / And settle at the limits of the sea,

There also Your hand will lead me, / And Your right hand will take hold of me.

And if I say, Surely darkness will cover me, / And the light around me will be night;

Even the darkness is not dark to You, / And night shines like day; / The darkness is like the light.”

Let Him be with you in your “there” // wrote this last year — you can read this too //

song ⛓️‍💥: I Can Always Find You | Sarah Juers

presently,

elona

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The Lord woke me up to write, and I want to be a faithful minister of what I have received (2 Timothy 2:2, Ephesians 6:1, Colossians 1:4; 4:7). I’m deciding to spend much time this term to stay up to write out what I’m taking in, chewing on, and digesting, and sharing it w/ you all.

p.s. this section has been re-titled: “the greenhouse”🪴 :)

Our God wants to have one life and one living with us. He wants to have a way to live on the earth again through us and with us. For this, He sent His only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ, to be a model and pattern for us, in which we are to be duplicated to be the same as He is (John 3:16, John 12:24, 1 Peter 2:21, 2 Peter 1:4). And He gave us the way! John 14:6 says that He is the way, the truth/the reality, and the life (John 14:6). He Himself, is the way.

Prayer, as we know it, is not meant to be an activity, something we do when something happens, or the extra cherry-on top. Prayer is to be our living, our person, and the merger between us and God — what brings us, ushers us into God and Him into us.

What does it mean to be a man of prayer? What is prayer? Prayer is a central relationship truth, in our sublime, ultimate, and intimate relationship with the Lord. The first God-man, the Lord Jesus, lived as a man of prayer (Luke 5:16). His life is to be to us a portal, entry, access point on how we are to be the same, men of prayer.

Luke 5:16 — “But He Himself often withdrew in the wilderness and prayed.”

The word “first” implies that there are many more to follow. It implies that there is an invitation to be and an expectation that there would be others who are brought into the same living to be men of prayer.

In describing the first God-man as a man of prayer, we can say He was divine and mystical; divine on God’s side and mystical on the human side. Jesus was mystical. Not in the way of society’s definition to mean something supernatural, strange, or difficult to explain. To be mystical is to carry with us an indescribable ambience, one that is humanly inexplicable. In His living, all that the Lord Jesus did was divine and mystical; God was manifested in a mystical way (1 Timothy 3:16). Not only that, but the Lord’s mystical human life was a divine realm (John 3:13, 3). Even His prayers were in this realm.

A realm implies that, that is where we are. The Lord lived there to bring us there. He showed us that it’s possible to be there all the time!

Our Jesus was the first God-man who lived “as” a man of prayer, meaning that prayer was not an adjunct (a complement, addition, add-on, supplement) or activity, but He was a man of prayer who lived this way.

So, what is prayer? Prayer is not just the repetition or multitude of words (Matthew 6:5). Prayer is to have our being turned, oriented, and pointing toward God all the time (Luke 5:16).

Luke 9:18 — “And as He was praying alone, the disciples were with Him, and He questioned them, saying, Who do the crowds say that I am?”

As the Lord was talking to His disciples, He was praying in another realm. Prayer should be to us an atmosphere of delight. Nothing in life will ever be perfect, and more times than not, will feel like a yoyo, a sine wave, or peaks and valleys, but we can take with us an atmosphere of prayer. We do not have to stay in a down state or even be there! Hallelujah!

Psalm 109:4 — “In return for my love they have become my adversaries, / But I am all prayer.”

To be all prayer means that every fiber in and of your being is prayer. This verse tells us of Jesus, and defines where and who He was all the time. Prayer was His constitution. Prayer is a relationship truth with whom we have this relationship that moves us toward and into God. Our human life is to be a divine realm to live and in which God also lives.

Christ’s prayers were divine facts in His mystical human life John 17). Whatever He did was a divine fact, and in the Lord Jesus the divine facts were lived out in a human life, making His human life mystical. All throughout the Gospels, we can see Him as such a pure pattern. He was One who was always one with God (John 10:30), lived in the presence of God without ceasing (Acts 10:38, John 8:29; 16:32), trusted in God and not in Himself under any kind of suffering or persecution (1 Peter 2:23, Luke 23:46), and He was a man in whom Satan, the ruler of the world, had nothing — no ground, no chance, no hope, and no possibility in anything. Satan had no ground in Him because His submission to the Father cut off Satan (John 14:30).

Are you mystical? Would anyone that you know describe you that way? We should be the definition of what it is to be mystical.

Prayer is man cooperating and co-working with God, allowing God to express Himself through man and thus accomplish His purpose (Romans 8:26-27; James 5:17). Prayer is man breathing God, obtaining God, and being obtained by God; real prayer is an exhaling and inhaling before God, causing us and God to contact each other and to gain each other (1 Thessalonians 5:17).

Real prayer is God gaining us and us gaining God. We move into Him and He moves into us.

A praying person cooperates with God, works together with God, and allows God to express Himself and His desire from within and through him (Romans 8:26-27; James 5:17; Ephesians 1:17-23; 3:14-21). Genuine prayers cause our being to be wholly mingled with God, causing us to pray as a man mingled with God, a God-man (Jude 1:20; Ephesians 6:18).

The Bible teaches us, the believers, in Christ, the God-man, to live as divine and mystical persons (Matthew 28:19-20; 2 Corinthians 13:14; Ephesians 4:1-6). The New Testament teaches us, the members of the Body of Christ, to do everything with God, in God, by God, and through God; this is what it means to be divine (1 Corinthians 10:31; Colossians 3:17). A genuine and proper prayer is not merely spiritual but also divine; this means that the Triune God prays with us and that we pray by living in the Triune God (Romans 8:26-27; Jude 1:20). All genuine prayers, prayers that can be counted by God, are divine facts, something divine performed in the mystical realm (John 14:13-14; 16:23-24).

As a merged person, we begin to do things together. In and through prayer, God becomes our lens. He picks us up and we pick Him up, and we look through Him. He becomes the realm in which we live, move, have our being, and the lens in which we see everything through (Acts 17:28). Praying in this way, living in this way, produces something that is unfading and eternal.

Such a living will also causes others to wonder what we have that they may not, creates a way for them to enter, and even without them asking, it can be emanated into them.

Such a life and living of prayer produces God in us, us in God — a divine, mystical merger.

A divine, mystical, and merged God-man,

Elona

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It has been officially 16 days since I was stung by a bee (NEVER IN MY LIFE HAVE I EVER!!) + 4 days since the end of my 2nd term of Bible school = it’s time for a new email!

Preface — The Bible school that I am in is a “training”. A training of my entire being (body, soul, and spirit). Those of us who are here are not merely learning doctrines or memorizing a good gospel, elevator pitch. We are being trained, perfected, and equipped to be normal, functioning members of the Body of Christ. Normal functioning members. Nothing spectacular or extraordinary. I think Jesus is longing for a testimony on the earth of those who love Him, day in and day out, in a normal functioning way. Our goal is not be produced as those who are super-Christians, pastors, or heroes, but simply lovers of the Lord Jesus, those who seek His face and perfect will in and above all things, and are most sensitive to His face, even the slightest twitch of His eyes. Ha! Wow. I want to be one who is so well-acquainted with His face, even one who is found with His face.

With that being said, this first half of this year and the whole semester was really rough for me (as seen in Oil Change). Some of the hardest days I’ve faced in a long time, feeling like my whole being was giving up on me. It’s hard for Elona to stop and rest, but this semester, my body just took the rest it needed. But now, it’s my interim/break before my next term, and looking back, I can see a little clearer what God was doing behind the scenes. God’s only goal in time is to dispense/give Himself to us, day by day, moment by moment. Which means that we open up to Him, we talk to Him, and we allow Him to come in and meet us where we are. We let Him meet us where we are. We don’t pretend to be where or who we are not.

I’m seeing more that He was doing a deeper, fine, intimate work in me. In the very beginning of the Bible, there was the tree of life, and the principle of the tree of life is dependence. This term, I experienced God weakening me to strengthen my leaning on Him. He wants to be our source, strength, and supply. In everything and in all things, He is waiting to be found by and included in by us. He is so desperate to be involved with us. This term was full of hundreds of situations where, if I was still enough to hear Him, He was saying, “Hey, Elona. I’m here. You’re not alone. I want to do this with you.” There is nothing that we do or go through that He does not want to be involved in. God arranged everything this year for me to be more honest with Him, give up faster, return to Him, and lean. I am learning to tell Him my thoughts (no matter how dirty, mean, evil, repetitive, or happy + joyous they are) on the spot, and without trying to package it with a nice bow on top.

For whoever may need to hear it: Yes, God wants to hear your honest 2:14am thoughts. I tell Him mine. #honestyisstillthebestpolicy

Simple Exercise: you can say, “Jesus, I don’t like…”, or “Jesus, this…bothers me because…”, or “I feel like I can’t talk to You because I don’t feel like You care or that it matters to You”, or (my personal favorite) “Jesus, why is this happening to me?!! This was not part of my plan, and if it were up to me….”, etc, etc, etc (there’s much room for personalization here)!

this right here is a MUST read —> ⛓️‍💥: "Tell Him" Booklet

Day by day His tender mercy,

Healing, helping, full and free,

Sweet and strong, and ah! so patient,

Brought me lower while I whispered,

Less of self, and more of Thee,

Less of self, and more of Thee.

hymn #435, stanza 3

(I think I’m making my way to this part of the song)

Pictures!

Here’s what I posted on my instagram :)

(it’s been awhile since I made something graphic, but this was fun (+ a little stressful) to make):

Caption: Another term of training w/ no desire or aim to be a superhero, pastor, or anything great. Just to be a lover of my Jesus, to know Him, and to be found in Him (Philippians 3:9-10) will do. I cannot describe in words how hard this year has been, but thank You, Lord for arranging all things well for me to see, seek, and find You (Jeremiah 29:13-14). Lord, deepen and further Your eternal work within me. Your fine, hidden, and deep work. Continue to woooo, kiss, and draw me. Gain my heart and my love for You. Gain my helpless lean on my Beloved. Keep me open to You. Holding nothing back from You, with nothing reserved or on hold for myself, pouring out my all and wasting my life on You. Telling You everything and all things. I allow You. Make all Your home in my heart and in every part (Ephesians 3:17).

Song: Lean In | Abbie Gamboa

Isaiah 59:1 — “No, Jehovah’s hand is not so short that it cannot save; / Nor is His ear so heavy that it cannot hear.”

Psalm 62:8 — “Trust in Him at all times, O people; / Pour out your heart before Him; / God is a refuge to us. Selah”

I’m learning that He is a safe place for me to run, and a safe realm to spiral in. I spent a lot of time this term in my car. Getting away from my environment, thoughts, people, etc., to cry, catch my breath, and sometimes to sleep. My car became a refuge for me. But in the same way, He is the real refuge. We can turn to Him all the time, get away from everything else, and be safe in and with Him.

soooo what’s next?!

I’ll be spending my summer abroad in Europe, visiting local churches, saints, sightseeing, serving at a youth conference in Poland, and hopefully squeezing in some rest! Jesus is coming back soon, and He’s doing a lot in Europe today! I want to see what He’s doing, and see if He’ll move me there some day. The last time I was in Europe was 2022, on a trip to visit my brother in London, so I think it’ll be fun to be back.

I’ll be returning to California in early August for my third term! Thank you for all of your encouragement, phone calls, texts, hugs + kisses, and hidden prayers. I definitely would not be here without the support and supply of the Body.

I’ll send another email w/ updates from my travel!

If there was ever a time to get to know the Lord and be honest with Him, that time is now. Get to know Him, a life with Him is worth everything.

Day by Day, Elona :)

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The Lord allows us (and even leads us) to pass through things to refine and purify our hearts, our love for Him, and cause us to grow. For anything to be proved, it has to be tested. And most times, this takes time and/or difficult, tough, and uncomfortable situations. Recently, I’ve been reading through Genesis again, and reading about the story of Jacob/Israel. A couple of verses caught my eye.

Genesis 41:57 — “And all the earth came to Joseph in Egypt to buy grain, because the famine was severe in all the earth.”

Genesis 42:1-2 — “Now when Jacob saw that there was grain in Egypt, Jacob said to his sons, Why do you keep looking at one another? And he said, I have now heard that there is grain in Egypt; go down there, and buy grain for us from there, that we may live and not die.”

RCV footnote 42:2¹ — “God used the famine and Jacobs’s sending of his sons to Egypt to deal with Jacob for his maturity in life. During his long wait for the return of his sons, Jacob was emptied of all his preoccupations (v. 36; 43:13-14) that God might fill Jacob with the element of the divine life.”

Hebrews 6:1 — “…let us be brought on to maturity…”

God desires all of His people to be mature, and to grow. This is not an outward show of having it all together or even the lack of problems, but maturity is the increase and the working of the divine life within us; the fullness of life (2 Peter 1:4). Everything that happened to Joseph was for Jacob’s growth in life and maturity. There must’ve been something that the Lord had been wanting to touch or deal with for a long time in Jacob, but He didn’t have access to until something happened (in this case, a famine).

There are a few very specific situations that I can point to in my life that happened years ago that were beyond painful (that I would not wish on my worst enemy), but looking back, those were the situations where I gained God the most, my roots went deeper, and I loved the Lord more then than I had before. I mean, so many Scriptures and songs have been tattooed on my heart from those times. Last year, in my time with the Lord, I told Him that I wanted to grow. Really, I was pleading with Him for Him to have mercy on me to grow in this age, on this side of eternity. A few days later, there was a situation that made me beyond upset and irritated. I went on a walk, and as I was talking to Him about it, He gently said, almost as if it was hurting Him to tell me — “But Elona, you told Me that you wanted to grow. My dear, you don’t get to choose how.” Immediately, it all made sense. So, just remember that with Him nothing is wasted. He knows where we are and what we need. He’s an Ancient Refiner. It’s all used to prove us and cause the growth.

Psalm 139:23-24 —“Search me, O God, and know my heart; / Try me, and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there is some harmful way in me, / And lead me on the eternal way.”

Prayer: Oh, Ancient Refiner, how sweet You are. To choose me and cause me to grow. Dear Refiner, remove what does not look like You. Search me, my Refiner, and know me, try me, and remove anything that is not of You. Oh, Ancient Refiner, keep me open to You, to allow You to touch and deal with whatever is in my being that is hindering my growth and maturity in life. I want to grow and I want to be useful to You and in Your hand.

Malachi 3:2-3 — “And who will endure the day of His coming? And who will stand when He appears? For He is like a refiner’s fire and like fullers’ soap. And He will sit as a refiner and a purifier of silver, and He will purify the sons of Levi and purge them like gold and like silver, and they will offer to Jehovah a sacrifice in righteousness.”

Songs: The Refiner Stands By | Olivia Buckles, Refiner | Maverick City Music

When you’re pressed on all sides, what’s inside comes to the surface

When you’re put in the fire, all the dross comes to the surface

The Refiner stands by, keeping a close eye

The Refiner stands by, ‘til the gold reflects His smile.

(p.s. my suggested way to listen to the first song is in a hammock, with headphones)

2 Corinthians 4:6-9 — “Because the God who said, Out of darkness light shall shine, is the One who shined in our hearts to illuminate the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels that the excellency of the power may be of God and not out of us.

We are pressed on every side but not constricted; unable to find a way out but not utterly without a way out;

Persecuted but not abandoned; cast down but not destroyed;”

Day by Day, Elona

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p.s. thinking of renaming “pocket of pearls” to be “the orchard” (where things blossom + bud, bearing the fruit of my learnings…please let me know what you think by voting)

Our wonderful God (who is Father, Son, and Spirit) loves us, and He created us with a body, soul (mind, emotion, and will), and spirit (1 Thessalonians 5:23). When we were saved, He, as the Spirit, came into our spirit and made us one spirit with Him (Zechariah 12:1, John 3:6, 1 Corinthians 15:45, 6:17). His dwelling place is now our spirit! Amen! We know where He is! His plan is not to stay in our spirit, but is to spread throughout our whole being (1 Thessalonians 5:23, Ephesians 3:17), see more in A Small Kingdom Seed and Allow Him. His plan, His intention, and His economy is to give Himself to us continually and dispense Himself into us day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, even millisecond by millisecond (Ephesians 1:9, 3:9). Just like an empty bottle, we have to stay open to Him to receive and be filled with Him. The infinite God has limited Himself to our response, our response to His proposal. Our cooperation to being filled with Himself. The Bible begins and ends with a wedding (Genesis 2:18-24, Revelation 19:7-8; 22:17). Our Maker is our Husband (Isaiah 54:5), and this same One is also our Physician + Bridegroom (Matthew 9:12-15). Our destiny is to be in an intrinsic relationship with Him for our eternal married life. He has loved us, and it is only right that we love Him in return.

Facts for the end of the age: Jesus will return sooner than we think (Matthew 24:36-44). He will come back for His bride, the church (Ephesians 5:25-27). The bride will be made ready (Revelation 19:7). And He is healing us today for that day (Malachi 4:2).

We are positioned, and alive here and now in this point in time (this juncture) to be His loving seekers and bride. We need to be those who give ourselves to live intrinsically in romantic involvement with Him for the preparation of the bride and for His second coming.

-

The Christ we love is coming soon,

And He will come as our Bridegroom.

We’ll wait for Him, we’ll watch and pray—

It may be today, it may be today!

(Hymn #1311, chorus)

Recently, I was on the phone with a friend, and jokingly, at the end of the call, I said, “wow, we sound like two sick patients in the hospital”. And they replied by saying, “I’ve never been so happy to be sick because I know I have a Physician.”

We’ve all been sick before with a flu, cold, or worse. But the sickness of sicknesses is our obliviousness to and forgetfulness of the Lord. Throughout the Bible, history, and all of time, there have been millions and billions of Christians, but how many of them gave themselves to be in an intrinsic, affectionate, intimate, romantic, and ever-deepening + ongoing relationship with Jesus? Will we?

Intrinsic = basic to a thing, by nature, essential, inherent, from within, and genuine

This relationship, this touch, is to be ongoing, consistent, uninterrupted, unhindered, undisturbed. It is to characterize our human life and living. It is necessary to be romantic with Him. It is the all-worthy cause.

Today, everyone (yes, you and me) is sick. Our real sickness is missing Him. Not caring for Him. Neglecting Him in things both great and small. We’re all sick, and our cure is Him, and being in this relationship with Him. This is not a matter of Him doing something for us, but Him being all that He is to us, and us being all that we are to Him. Every relationship is two-directional, and all love requires a response. How can we not respond to the One we will marry?? Imagine a man proposing to a woman, and when he asks the big question, she has no feeling, no consideration, and says nothing?! More times than not, that is our condition with the Lord (you can read about the children of Israel and check with your own experience too).

-

Oh, the bitter shame and sorrow,

That a time could ever be,

When I let the Savior’s pity

Plead in vain, and proudly answered,

All of self, and none of Thee,

All of self, and none of Thee.

(Hymn #435, stanza 1)

-

Let’s just expose the devil: Satan’s tactic is to turn us from being hot to warm, sharp to less sharp, and wear us out little by little. We may think that he is working overtime to turn us from hot to cold, but really he works little by little (Revelation 3:15-16). His goal is to dilute us to the present evil age that we are in, to poison us into thinking things are not as bad as they are. Y'‘all! His goal is to fashion us according to this age and cause us to miss the Lord (Romans 12:1)!! In fact, Satan wants to use our soul as merchandise to exploit, use, and possess us. Another problem here is that we can so easily be deceived and fall into self-deception and obsession. This is to believe something that is not true, but to be convinced that they are right. We can even be deceived from within. This is to be in darkness and this is degradation. It is only normal and right that we love the Lord. We were created in such a way, with the ability and capacity to respond to Him. What He is interested in with us is a relationship of romance. Our beginning, our pathway, and our end is love. The whole Bible consummates in a love relationship. If that is the way the Bible ends, how much is our love altogether necessary today?

Mark 12:30 — “And you shall love the Lord your God from your whole heart and from your whole soul and from your whole mind and from your whole strength.”

This comes down to a seemingly small, but mighty gear ⚙️: our heart. Our heart is our representative, our person. It is our soul (mind, emotion, and will) in action, determined to get something. God does not take our hearts by force in an obligating way, but He simply wants us to allow Him to come in and make home in every part — every feeling, emotion, disappointment, failure, expectation, dream, etc. In this, He shepherds and heals us from within (wow, He’s even our internal medicine + cure).

Psalm 23:1 — “Jehovah is my Shepherd; I will lack nothing.”

1 Peter 2:25 — “For you were like sheep being led astray, but you have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.”

2 Corinthians 5:15 — “And He died for all that those who live may no longer live to themselves but to Him who died for them and has been raised.”

We are to live our Christian life to the Lord. To live to Him (gk.) implies force, a directional position. We know that we are living to Him when He has a place, an abiding place in our consideration, awareness, and registration. The degree of our registration is the degree in which we are living to Him.

Turning our hearts to Him gives Him the signal, “yes, Lord! I want this!” Without our response, God will not violate our relationship. Only He has a heart that is set and unchanging, and this is the same heart that He has set on us.

1 Thessalonians 3:13 — “So that He may establish your hearts blameless in holiness before our God and Father at the coming of our Lord Jesus with all His saints.”

To be blameless is related to our active participation in the divine-human spousal life

Isaiah 54:5 — “For your Maker is your Husband; / Jehovah of hosts is His name. / And the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; / He is called the God of all the earth.”

If Isaiah 54:5 registers with us, then the only response is to respond. His drawing power is our pursing power.

Song of Songs 1:4 — “Draw me; we will run after you--The king has brought me into his chambers--/ We will be glad and rejoice in you; / We will extol your love more than wine. / Rightly do they love you.”

There is a cure! There is hope! Jesus is our Physician and our Bridegroom. We can be sure that His healing promise is sure because He marries the church who is without spot, wrinkle, or blemish. I can imagine the Lord saying, “Show me the church without spot or wrinkle, and I will show you My bride!” His healing of us is directly related to His return, and His marrying us! Our loving Him and our healing, go hand-in-hand.

-

Day by day His tender mercy,

Healing, helping, full and free,

Sweet and strong, and ah! so patient,

Brought me lower while I whispered,

Less of self, and more of Thee,

Less of self, and more of Thee.

(Hymn #435, stanza 3)

-

Song of Songs 1:3 — “Your anointing oils have a pleasant fragrance; / Your name is like ointment poured forth; / Therefore the virgins love you.”

His very name is healing. It is an ointment poured out. His name is a healing ointment = healing balm.

Malachi 4:2 — “But unto you who fear My name will the Sun of righteousness arise with healing in His wings, and you will go forth and leap about like well-fed calves.”

Matthew 9:12-15 — “Now when He heard this, He said, Those who are strong have no need of a physician, but those who are ill. But go and learn what this means, “I desire mercy and not sacrifice,” for I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners. Then the disciples of John came to Him, saying, Why do we and the Pharisees fast much, but Your disciples do not fast? And Jesus said to them, The sons of the bridechamber cannot mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them, can they? But days will come when the bridegroom will be taken away from them, and then they will fast.”

Luke 10:34 — “And he came to him and bound up his wounds and poured oil and wine on them. And placing him on his own beast, he brought him to an inn and took care of him.”

Ephesians 5:27 — “That He might present the church to Himself glorious, not having spot or wrinkle or any such things, but that she would be holy and without blemish.”

One way that He heals us is by bringing us into the light. Darkness is our lack of responsiveness to Him. To be healed is go after the Lord in the relationship we are supposed to have. His light is healing. Oh, how freeing and healing the light is.

Psalm 36:9 — “For with You is the fountain of life; / In Your light we see light.”

1 John 1:5 — “And this is the message which we have heard from Him and announce to you, that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all.”

Oh, may Thy living light, Lord,

Scatter all my night, Lord,

And everything make bright, Lord,

For this I pray to Thee.

(Hymn #426, chorus)

God sanctifies us wholly and also preserves our spirit, soul, and body complete. In order to cooperate with God to preserve our spirit in sanctification, we must keep our spirit living by exercising it to have fellowship with God; if we fail to exercise our spirit in this way, we will leave it in a deadened situation. The perfect will of God is 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18. These verses are a descriptor of a healed person. In order to cooperate with God to preserve our soul in sanctification, we must clear the three main “arteries” of our psychological heart, the parts of our soul—our mind, emotion, will; in order for our soul to be sanctified, our mind must be renewed to be the mind of Christ (Romans 12:2), our emotion must be touched and saturated with the love of Christ (Ephesians 3:17, 19), our will must be subdued by and infused with the resurrected Christ (Philippians 2:13; Song of Songs 4:4; 7:4), and we must love the Lord with our whole being (Mark 12:30).

We need to get to the point where God is our cause, our goal, our agenda. This does not mean that we do more or less things, but we don’t do anything without Him. Every time we do something without Him, we are guilty of rebellion, lack of submission. He is our Husband. This should be fine and detailed in our consideration, in the details of our daily living. He is Physician to be Husband.

-

There is a great Physician still

Whose hand has all its ancient skill;

At His command our pains will flee—

“I am the Lord that healeth thee.”

(Hymn #753, stanza 4)

-

Beneath those healing wings I rest,

While all my heart with rapture sings:

The Sun of Righteousness has risen

With healing in His wings.

(Hymn #754, stanza 4)

Prayer: Jesus, thank You for being committed to us. We commit ourselves again, afresh to You. We cannot keep our hearts on our own, but we believe You can. Our trust is in You. We receive You and Your love. Make more of Your home in our hearts. We allow You, and welcome You in. We make the choice to pay the price in this age. To buy the oil and to be made more precious to You. Save us from being deceived by the evil one. We want to be Your loving remnant of seekers on the earth today. Day by day, may we be those who are found stitching our garment. Loving You supremely, above all else. We believe You are coming again. Thank You for healing us today for our wedding day. Come, Lord Jesus.

Revelation 21:20 — “He who testifies these things says, Yes, I come quickly. Amen. Come, Lord Jesus!”

Amen, Amen, & Amen

Day by day, Elona :)

Thank You, Jesus for the ways that You love me

Thank You for putting things in the way for me to talk to You

Thank You for not letting me go until I do

Thank You for allowing me to fall

How sweet You are

How sweet You are to pick me up and hold me time and again

Thank You for allowing me to be complicated

To overthink

To not understand

So that I could see how simple You are

You are simple

Thank You for simplifying me to Love,

To Yourself

Thank You for loving me to no end

For fighting for me and searching me

What was broken, You are sure to restore

You mend and make worthy of being made whole

Give me Yourself to me

Lavish Yourself upon me

Making me precious to You

Thank You for loving me

Being faithful to lead me to You

And simplifying me to You, Love

Psalm 19:7 — “The law of Jehovah is perfect, / Restoring the soul; / The testimony of Jehovah is faithful, / Making the simple wise;”

Psalm 139:23 — “Search me, O God, and know my heart; / Try me, and know my anxious thoughts;”

Psalm 139:24 — “And see if there is some harmful way in me, / And lead me on the eternal way.”

Romans 5:5 — “And hope does not put us to shame, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”

Our wonderful and increasingly precious Lord loves us to such an extent that He allows, and even disguises Himself within our uncomfortable situations, so that we could see Him, turn to Him, and talk to Him. He has poured His very love into our hearts so that we could love Him with His love. Our heart now contains Him as love! So please don’t miss Him in all that you are going through and experiencing. His only goal in time is to give Himself to us. Don’t miss Him. We can’t afford to miss Him.

Songs:

I Can Always Find You -- Sarah Juers

Pour My Love On You -- UPPERROOM

Encounter with You + Created to Love You -- Olivia Buckles

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I often find myself in these little “writer ruts” because there is so much that I want to share, but somehow cannot manage to get it all out — either in conversation or in writing or in processing, but I’ll try my best in this email.

p.s. I’ll send another email out soon, this is mainly from Feb-April

We can learn a lot from babies. They are so simple. Sometimes all they need is a new diaper, a warm bottle, some kisses + snuggles, a song, and a nap. I need that.

1 Peter 2:25 —“For you were like sheep being led astray, but you have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.”

Let me also preface by saying, I’m so tired. So tired and exhausted in every way, and having a hard time, so please feel free to call me, text me, or send me a hand-written letter in the mail with encouragement, or if you’re nearby, please hug me. I really need a hug. I can’t really or fully explain how or why or what hurts, but I just know everyday feels like a rollercoaster, and like I’ve been body-slammed. God is touching more things in me and in my soul than ever before and all my natural strength, zeal, goodness, and even love (for Him and others) is running out (I’m still holding on LOL, but learning to let go), and all my future plans are changing. I also have been really overwhelmed because I have SO many unread texts (sorry if I haven’t replied), and I don’t know how to answer the question, “How are you?” anymore.

But it’s been a term of returning (or, rather re-turning) again and again and again. Finding the Lord, holding onto Him, and not letting Him go. Falling on my face and having the courage to get up again, saying the wrong thing and apologizing and sometimes not, being tired and just taking the much needed rest (which, if you know me, you know this is hard for me). This year (and these past few months) have been filled with really high highs, really low lows, and just about everything in-between. My soul has been a VERY busy place — think a coffee shop/cafe or the highway that you avoid because you know that it’s too busy.

I’m learning that deciding to follow Jesus is a daily matter. Every single day, I have to decide to turn my heart to Him (2 Corinthians 3:16-18), to pray, include and involve Him in all things. Every single day.

2 Corinthians 3:16-18 — “But whenever their heart turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. And the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. But we all with unveiled face, beholding and reflecting like a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, even as from the Lord Spirit.”

Yes, my life is for Him, but that also must include my today, my present. My today includes what I eat, where I am, where I go, who I talk to, what socks I wear, and even how long I brush my teeth. He’s there and He cares. Everyday, my new and fresh love is required.

It’s like frying something in oil — there is no old oil that can be used here. Haha, you could say that everyday (most times, multiple times a day) we need an oil change (maybe that will be the title). // Wow — the miles we drive in our minds apart from Him…Jesus have mercy. // We need to, like in Matthew 25:1-13, be like the wise virgins who paid the price to buy the oil for their lamps. So even on your hard days, please remember (Elona, you too) that you have to buy the oil because you been called for such a time as this — not to do something for God or to try to make Him more proud of you. He just wants you to love Him. Your love for Him is enough, it pays the bills. Love is the only requirement, the only currency accepted. There’s nothing that He desires other than our love.

So stop. Stop your doing, wanting to be, your not being, being, trying to fix yourself, and just tell Him that You love Him. Seriously. He’s simplifying us to love.

Matthew 25:1 —“At that time the kingdom of the heavens will be likened to ten virgins, who took their lamps and went forth to meet the bridegroom.”

Esther 4:14 — “For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from some other place, and you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?”

Mark 12:30 — “And you shall love the Lord your God from your whole heart and from your whole soul and from your whole mind and from your whole strength."

For your ♥️: He’s the Dad that shows up to your game and cheers you on even if you’re on the bench the whole game, the One who buys your whole box of World’s Finest Chocolate for your school fundraiser, and the Friend who loves talking to you and never gets tired.

“If I sit here long enough, He’s Daddy enough to find me. There’s no collection of words, there’s no rhythm of talking that would influence Him anymore than He’s already influenced about me,” — Song: ⛓️‍💥: Leon Timbo, Get the Glory (timestamp: 7:23)

some joys + updates from mid February - end of April w/ pictures:

1. I’m on a new team this term! I switched from a college campus team to the community team. The community team involves door-knocking, sharing the gospel in parks, passing out free Bibles, and visiting new and old friends.

   

2. My high school bestie got married in February, and I was her maid of honor 🥺 — so crazy that these days are already happening! Love you mucho, mi amiga bonita!

3. The sistas that I live with took a weekend trip to San Diego!

4. My birthday was almost 2 months ago, and no one really knew, and it felt cool having a little secret…until halfway through the day, and then I got really sad and cried…but then I saw Mimi w/ a bundt cake (& got a bday card sent from Glori all the way from Georgia (which now lives in my journal)), yay hbd to me🫂

   

5. My friends came to visit from Austin, Texas! This has been one of my top tier moments of my time here, and it felt like I could breathe again. Miss y’all so much.

6. I took myself to a pottery class, and it was so good + needed (Romans 9:21-23)🍶

7. If I am learning anything, it’s to give up faster — and to sink in Jesus. To drown. Cry it out and talk to Him. I went home early last week because I just found myself pushing through the day with a headache, confused emotions, overstimulated, sleep deprived, and dehydrated. I got home, cried on a shoulder of a friend (like boo-hoo cried - thank you, Esther for your shoulder), and then showered. After which, I came to my room and this was on my desk. Thank you, M + E.

1 Peter 2:25 —“For you were like sheep being led astray, but you have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.”

(can also be translated as: Guardian) — my soul has a Guardian, wow!

Things have not been easy, and there’s been a lot going on, but in spite of all of this, Jesus has still been calling and beckoning me. He has still been drawing me to Himself. Renewing my love for Him. I thought that Matthew 25 was solely my responsibility, but He is the One who comes to trim the wicks in Revelation 2-3 (in this case, to change my oil) to keep my love for Him, burning. At the end of a really long day, when I realize that I let go of His hand @ 11am, and now it’s 9:17pm, when I close my eyes and my head hits the pillow, I still hear His call, see His face, and He is still whispering to me that He didn’t let me go and He does not need me to be so strong or have everything together, but He just wants to do life together with me — everyday, and each moment in-between. His desire was never for me to do anything alone, and it’s the same with you.

—

as I was writing this, God reminded me of the prayer that I came into this new year with:

“My prayer so far this year has been, “Lord, have mercy on me that I would not be closed off to You. That You would have access to every part of my being, and so you could gain what You’re after in me,” and oh my Lord, may it be so.

When we live a life independent from the Lord, we actually rob Him the opportunity of being able to shepherd us where we are in a specific way. So, I’m still learning. Learning to be simple, to be open, to talk to Him about any and everything, and really just be His kid, and oh also to let myself be loved by Him. Like really loved. The more I see this, the more I’m realizing how simple it is to be loved and to be loved well.”

see more in my first email this year:⛓️‍💥: The Start of Something New

—

God reminded me of this prayer because He’s answering it. We never know how He will answer the things we ask of Him. So I’m learning to be open to my God, who does all things well. He is doing all things for us to see Him and love Him more. All things have been arranged by His sovereign nail-pierced hands, in love. He knows what He is doing in me and in you.

He dwells with His people below,

He loves in their trials to share;

(Hymn #904 — We Have A Most Glorious King, stanza 1)

Psalm 18:19 — “He brought me forth to a place broad and free; / He rescued me, for He took delight in me.”

(He does all things to bring us to this place. A place broad and free.)

Psalm 18:28 — For it is You who light my lamp; / Jehovah my God lights up my darkness;

Matthew 11:28-30 — “Come to Me all who toil and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am meek and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

Come to Him, there is rest. I’m still learning this, and hope you can too.

Song: ⛓️‍💥: I'm Desperate for You (UPPERROOM)

Please listen to this song linked above (from the timestamp: 42:00-52:00)

— my prayer:

Jesus, please show me Yourself again

Teach me to find You

To not be content until I do

Jesus, I am lost without You

I am desperate for You

Wake me up like You used to, to spend time with You

Keep drawing me, please don’t stop drawing me

Teach me to be beside myself with You, that I can be

Touch what You haven’t touched before

Keep going where You haven’t gone in me

I still give You access (read Allow Him)

The real me draws the real You

Gain the real and genuine me

Each and every day, Jesus, make me more aware of You

Life is too short to not give You all of me

Day by Day, Elona :)

turning off the stove

still warm

but will go cold

until He lights the fire again,

or should the flame never again be lit or alight,

may I, be His, alone

Song of Songs 1:2 — “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine.”

Psalm 73:25 — “Whom do I have in heaven but You? And besides You there is nothing I desire on earth.”

Matthew 5:8 — “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.”

Matthew 6:33 — “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

Mark 12:30 — “And you shall love the Lord your God from your whole heart and from your whole soul and from your whole mind and from your whole strength."

Revelation 2:4-5 —“But I have one thing against you, that you have left your first love. Remember therefore where you have fallen from and repent and do the first works; but if not, I am coming to you and will remove your lampstand out of its place, unless you repent.”

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— taken from my Wednesday Night’s Class (04.08.2026) —

In my time with God today, He asked me to share what I’ve been learning in a more consistent way, for myself and also for the benefit of others (long-term) — and to remind me that I am truly under a rich fountain. Jesus, please remind me to write.

These will live under the tab titled: “pocket of pearls” — (Revelation 21:21) — collecting things as I go.

(p.s. please please please please (!!x4) read all the verses below, every single one)

A poor constituent of the kingdom I thought I was, but I realized that the whole kingdom He wanted to be to me, that He sowed Himself as a seed into me to grow, develop, spread, take root, and be the kingdom within me. He is the King, and we are in the kingdom, the kingdom of the Son of His love (Colossians 1:13). Let me introduce you to the kingdom — the kingdom is altogether a matter of our heart and daily living.

(keep reading to see this develop)

Title: Called into God’s Kingdom and Glory

I. God has called us to enter into His kingdom and glory — 1 Thessalonians 2:12

God loves you — John 3:16; 1 John 4:19. He loves you, full-stop, no questions, no debates — and without cause or reason. And because He loves you, He has chosen you — Ephesians 1:4-5. And because He has chosen you, He has called you. Called you into His kingdom and glory — 1 Thessalonians 2:12.

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that everyone who believes into Him would not perish, but would have eternal life.” (John 3:16)

“We love because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:19)

“Even as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world to be holy and without blemish before Him in love, Predestinating us unto sonship through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will,” (Ephesians 1:4-5)

“So that you might walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into His own kingdom and glory.” (1 Thessalonians 2:12)

—

II. The New Testament is a book of the kingdom of God; the entire New Testament is on the kingdom — Matthew 3:2; 4:17; Revelation 11:15; 12:10

“And saying, Repent, for the kingdom of the heavens has drawn near.” (Matthew 3:2)

“From that time Jesus began to proclaim and to say, Repent, for the kingdom of the heavens has drawn near.” (Matthew 4:17)

“And the seventh angel trumpeted; and there were loud voices in heaven, saying, The kingdom of the world has become the kingdom of our Lord and of His Christ, and He will reign forever and ever.” (Revelation 11:15)

“And I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying, Now has come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of His Christ, for the accuser of our brothers has been cast down, who accuses them before our God day and night.” (Revelation 12:10)

God has a heart’s desire — Romans 8:28; Ephesians 1:9-12; 3:9-11. Meaning that it pleases His heart for something to be done and carried out that makes Him happy. Everything that lives, every living thing has a desire. Even we can testify to that.

I asked Kayla what her heart’s desire was, and this was her response: my heart’s desire is (the thing in which I find joy) — my deep-longing that will result in my joy, comfort, satisfaction.

“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

“Making known to us the mystery of His will according to His good pleasure, which He purposed in Himself, Unto the economy of the fullness of the times, to head up all things in Christ, the things in the heavens and the things on the earth, in Him; In whom also we were designated as an inheritance, having been predestinated according to the purpose of the One who works all things according to the counsel of His will, That we would be to the praise of His glory who have first hoped in Christ,” (Ephesians 1:9-12)

“And to enlighten all that they may see what the economy of the mystery is, which throughout the ages has been hidden in God, who created all things, In order that now to the rulers and the authorities in the heavenlies the multifarious wisdom of God might be made known through the church, According to the eternal purpose which He made in Christ Jesus our Lord,” (Ephesians 3:9-11)

So, what is God’s heart’s desire?

Simply put, the kingdom. He needs, as we saw in Allow Him, to make His home in our hearts (Ephesians 3:17), and spread throughout our entire being (1 Thessalonians 5:23-24). The kingdom of God is a divine sphere for God to work out His plan; it is a realm where God can exercise His authority to accomplish what He intends — Matthew 6:10. He needs a realm and sphere to carry this out, and for this, He has chosen our hearts.

“That Christ may make His home in your hearts through faith, that you, being rooted and grounded in love,” (Ephesians 3:17)

“And the God of peace Himself sanctify you wholly, and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete, without blame, at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. Faithful is He who calls you, who also will do it.” (1 Thessalonians 5:23-24)

“Your kingdom come; Your will be done, as in heaven, so also on earth.” (Matthew 6:10)

If we would really see this from God’s point of view, the entire New Testament is focused on the kingdom. The more that we are living in the kingdom, the more His divine life is saturating us. The New Testament preaches the gospel in the way of the kingdom; the gospel is for the kingdom, and the gospel is proclaimed so that rebellious sinners might be saved, qualified, and equipped to enter into the kingdom — Mark 1:14-15; Matthew 4:17; Acts 8:12. Repentance is mainly for us to enter into the kingdom of God; unless we repent — that is, have a change of concept—we cannot enter into the kingdom—Mark 1:15; Matthew 3:2; 4:17.

“And saying, The time is fulfilled and the kingdom of God has drawn near. Repent and believe in the gospel.” (Mark 1:15)

This is the gospel of the kingdom! If you have never heard the gospel or the gospel in this way before, let me be the first to share it with you!

Every living thing has a life (bugs, birds, and us). In order for us to belong to that category or species, we have to possess that life. Through believing into Jesus, He gives us His very life.

“Through which He has granted to us precious and exceedingly great promises that through these you might become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption which is in the world by lust.” (2 Peter 1:4)

“Jesus answered and said to him, Truly, truly, I say to you, Unless one is born anew, he cannot see the kingdom of God.” (John 3:3)

“Jesus answered, Truly, truly, I say to you, Unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Do not marvel that I said to you, You must be born anew.” (John 3:5-7)

What does this mean to us? He has qualified and rightly positioned us to be partakers and enjoyers of His very Self as life. When we believe into Him, He sows Himself as the seed into us. The kingdom of God is God Himself and God is life. The kingdom is a realm of the divine life, just like any kind of kingdom that is composed of living things is made up of the basic thing in that, which is the life. In order to be in the kingdom of a dog, we would have to receive the dog life. It is the same with God. God who is life is in Jesus Christ, [God has given us eternal life and this life is in His Son], and Jesus is now in us — 1 John 5:12.

“And this is the testimony, that God gave to us eternal life and this life is in His Son. He who has the Son has the life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have the life. I have written these things to you that you may know that you have eternal life, to you who believe into the name of the Son of God.” (1 John 5:11-13)

“Jesus said to him, I am the way and the reality and the life; no one comes to the Father except through Me.” (John 14:6)

“Having been regenerated not of corruptible seed but of incorruptible, through the living and abiding word of God.” (1 Peter 1:23)

—

If you do not have the Son, you do not have the life, and if you do not have life, you are not in the kingdom because the kingdom is the kingdom of life. The kingdom of God is the kingdom of the divine life, and the way to enter into this is to be regenerated (or, born anew, born again). Jesus came to establish the kingdom of God on the earth, that is not just an outward realm in which someone rules, but it is an inner realm, a realm of the divine life. Those who have this life are in it, and those who are living by the divine life are living in it, and they know it, they know the things of this kingdom because they live by the life of the kingdom.

How does God exercise His authority in relation to us? He does this by coming into us, by living in us, moving in us, speaking in us, and giving us a sense of life.

If we are off and are not one with God, we have an inner sense that tells us that something is wrong, that we need to make a turn. “If a day goes by, that you did not repent one time, either 1) you were in your spirit the whole day, or 2) you were not in your spirit even for a minute because if you are living in your spirit at all, you’re going to have the sense of life, and the Lord is going to adjust you. So, we have to repent when our thinking is wrong, when we say wrong words, or whatever it may be. If we are not one with the Lord and living Him out, we have to repent,”. What a mercy it is to repent. To be arrested by the Lord to repent.

He rules us by being life to us, not outwardly with an army or by outward control, but He rules us from within. That is the reality of the kingdom. We live by the life of the kingdom, not by our natural life. Our concept should be that God does not want us to do anything by our natural life, be it good or bad, but what matters is by what life we live by and who we express. Do you express yourself or God?

snippets from a convo w/ BD

If you prayed that prayer, HALLELUJAH! All of heaven (and me) are rejoicing!! (Luke 15:10) 🥳!

“Who desires all men to be saved and to come to the full knowledge of the truth.” (1 Timothy 2:4)

You are saved, and are included in God’s eternal plan. I want to encourage you that there is so much more ahead — the full knowledge of the truth! Feel free to text me, email me, or comment below, and I can share some next steps with you.

The kingdom of God is God Himself, and God is life, having the same nature, ability, and shape of the divine life which forms the realm of God’s ruling — Mark 1:15:

The drawing near of the kingdom is the drawing near of God Himself. The nature of the kingdom of God is divine because it is the kingdom of God with the divine attributes of love, light, holiness and righteousness—1 John 4:8, 16; 1:5; 2:29; 1 Peter 1:15-16. Only by having the divine life can we enter into the divine realm. The only way to enter into the kingdom of God is to receive God as life and to gain God Himself — John 1:1, 14; 3:15; 1 John 5:11-12. Through regeneration (aka being born again, this is to receive His life) we have been transferred into the delightful kingdom of the Son of God’s love — a realm where we are ruled in love with life — Colossians 1:13. His ruling is altogether a matter of love. Love upon love upon love upon love.

“Who delivered us out of the authority of darkness and transferred us into the kingdom of the Son of His love,” (Colossians 1:13)

When the authority of God’s kingdom is allowed to operate in us, righteousness, peace, and joy will characterize our daily life —Romans 14:17. The kingdom of God is the Lord Jesus as the seed of life sown into His believers and developing into a realm over which God can rule as His kingdom in divine life — Luke 17:20-21; Mark 4:3, 26.

“For the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 14:17)

God sows Himself into us as a seed, and as we give Him the ground (in our hearts and in our being), He grows. He is the King of kings, and Lord of lords, but when it comes to us, He bends a knee and seeks our permission, our consent — to grow, to spread. He desperately seeks the throne of our heart. Without this seat, this place, His ruling, government, administration, is made of no effect to us. He cannot rule us without if He cannot rule us within. When the authority of God’s kingdom is allowed to operate in us, righteousness, peace, and joy will characterize our daily life—Romans 14:17. We can tell the Lord, “I do not just allow You, but I encourage You to work and operate in me and my will. I allow You to rule me in love”. The work of the church is to bring in the kingdom of God — Matthew 6:10; 12:22-28; Revelation 11:15; 12:10.

—

III. God’s glory goes with His kingdom and is expressed in the realm of His kingdom — Matthew 6:10, 13; Psalm 145:11-13

The kingdom is the realm for God to exercise His power so that He may express His glory —Revelation 5:10, 13. The kingdom of God is God being manifested through us; the expression of God from within us is the kingdom — vv. 14-15; 1 Corinthians 4:20; 10:31.

In summary:

Let me illustrate it this way — the Lord is not a Knight who wins and marks His territory by dominating us, stabbing us with His sword, and forcibly invading us to make His home in our hearts. He is not happy to defeat us in such a way. He actually makes His home by and in love. Asking us if we would firstly, let Him in, and secondly, allow Him to spread and occupy more of us. In His spreading, He is increasing, and in increasing, He is expressed in our daily living spontaneously (John 3:30).

“He must increase, but I must decrease.” (John 3:30)

What kind of King is this, who does not force us, but woo’s us?

When we come to know His heart in a real and genuine way, it frees us to pray: “Lord, defeat me all the time. Never let me win,” because we know that we are being conquered by love. Oh, I long to be conquered by love.

The kingdom requires a certain kind of people with a certain kind of living. People who are open to Jesus, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second.

Will you give yourself to be a person of and for the kingdom of God?

Song: Hidden Behind Every Scene -- SoundCloud 🌱👑 ♥️

Hidden behind every scene,

Lovingly, sweetly operating,

One who is sovereign and wise,

Patiently guides even our eyes.

Look at My Son, the Beloved,

Sitting here at My right hand.

Jesus is King, yet He’s bound,

He cannot move until His people

Give Him ground.

Lord, we see You! Lord, we love You!

Lord, we submit everything to You.

Each day, Your ruling and Your reigning

Bring a sweet supply.

Oh, what a rich blessing!

We’re in the hand of our King.

Everything You hope to accomplish,

Do in me.

In us a small Kingdom seed,

Orders our steps, governs our deeds.

Jesus, enthroned in our hearts,

Gently He touches our every part.

Do you not know you’re the temple

Of your God, King of kings?

Through us our Lord has a way,

To rule and reign here on the earth

Day by day.

I colored w/ Jesus today, on a bench.

I came back to campus this afternoon for my team check-in, and had 30 minutes until we had to leave again. I went to my car, and reached for my Bible because I thought it would be good to read, and then His quiet voice said, “what about the coloring book?”

So, I colored with my 36-pack of colored pencils (it was in my trunk) and ate my lunch. I set a 30 minute timer, sat on my new found favorite bench, and colored — and it was exactly what my soul needed.

“For you were like sheep being led astray, but you have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.” (1 Peter 2:25)

“I am a rose of Sharon, / A lily of the valleys. As a lily among thorns, / So is my love among the daughters. As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, / So is my beloved among the sons: In his shade I delighted and sat down, / And his fruit was sweet to my taste.” (Song of Songs 2:1-3)

And I hope for more times like these to slow down, and just be with Him, and let Him be with me. Be it coloring, listening to my favorite song, reading the Bible, sitting in the sun, resting (whatever that may look like), or anything else.

But today, I found the secret joy of a coloring book, again.

song: Slow Down -- UPPERROOM

This is probably my favorite piece I’ve written in a long time (welcome to my first short story) — and in writing this, I realized a new area to let Him into, and I saw more of His heart for me, genuinely. Oh, Lord, come and heal my mind and heart of who I thought You to be. Heal me, and be a Dad to me. Cause me to know and remember who You are and want to be to me.

(p.s. i stayed up to write. some of my best writing ideas meet me at night — this is a very rough draft, and could be thought out more, but here it is. feel free to let me know what you think!)

I’ve never met anyone so happy to live in a home that was broken into, used, battered, bruised, and still found loving other things — until I met the Lord, and He came into my heart.

I opened the door and welcomed Him in. It had been a long time since He had come by, and so He admired the walls and what I had done with the place. I’m not sure if He could see that the painting next to the staircase barely covered the hole in the wall or hear the dripping of the water from the ceiling into a bucket because the A/C was broken and now the house was too cold or feel the chipping painted walls. I opened the door, but felt a sudden shame of what He might find.

With no attention given to anything but me, He asked how my day had been, and what I had eaten. He took His shoes off at the door, and then I walked Him to the kitchen. I offered to make Him something to eat, but He said He was fine with whatever I would provide.

He had these familial, warm, and kind eyes, the kind that you would catch and would make you stop. Stop and breathe. The kind that assured you were safe to be lost in. Interesting to think how eyes can hold you. How you could feel safe with just one look.

We ate, and then He asked for a tour of the rest of the house. I showed Him my unfinished art room, broken pottery barn, dying garden, stuffy garage, and then His room at the end of the hall. Some rooms were left out because they were not neat or well-put together, but I found that as I tried to end the tour, He lingered in more rooms than one, and then I saw His eyes again. He asked a question without using any words, asking, “I know there’s more, would you show Me?”

I responded, “Well, You definitely do not want to see what else there is — it’s not up to Your standard, and had I known that You would have come today for a longer stay, I would have gotten things together and prepared a better place for You to be. I can show You Your room again and help You bring in Your things, if You would like? You can stay in Your room or any of these rooms or You can go back downstairs and watch a movie or something or play a ga—”

“Oh, I see. I was just hoping to be where you were, but I am happy to be wherever you allow Me to be. It’s a joy to be here with you at all. Thank you for letting me in.”

I left Him alone, and came back to find Him in my art room. He was humming a familiar tune that I had known as a child, and finishing one of my childhood paintings. Where did He know to find the paint color I had been missing?

—

The next morning, He had made me breakfast and asked if I would join Him to eating. He already had the table set and prepared for me, and said all I needed to do was to join Him. So I did, and He told me stories of a daughter He had whose favorite meal this was. It was my favorite too. Some lucky girl she is to have a Dad who remembers her favorite meal.

He showed me what He had been working on that morning on the pottery wheel. He called it His masterpiece. I hadn’t been in this room for a while because something there felt broken and beyond redemption. He chuckled and said He loved working with His hands and on broken things, and for the first time, I noticed the holes in both of them.

This piece was not yet completed, but He looked at it with so much joy and pleasure — something that could do nothing for Him in return, He delighted in. It reminded me of the look in His eyes when He looked at me when He came in to eat.

Could He tell that I didn’t feel safe here? That I was barely surviving and that I wanted to let Him in further, but didn’t know how? Oh, what it would be like to be held by Him like the clay, and called a masterpiece. To be healed by His eyes. I wanted Him to look into me, to remove whatever was not meant to be and heal the things that were beyond what I thought to be redeemed or fixed and make it whole, make me whole — secret contemplations of my heart, these were. Was He someone more to me than I had known? How could He have such an affect on me?

—

I went on my afternoon walk, and to my surprise when I returned, He was right where I last saw Him, working on another piece, but this time the painting next to the stairs was replaced with the piece that He had been working on — and now the hole in the wall was not just covered, but also filled. There was no evidence of there ever being a hole there.

—

We went on like this, He and I, and after seeing what He could do, I showed Him another room. And then another. And another, and then another. He made more pieces in the barn, a blanket with my name on it, repainted the walls, revived my garden — I never knew things could grow there again. It was fun talking to Him while He fixed the house, fixed things that I did not even know needed fixing, making it a home again.

But there was one room…I couldn’t. He must not enter. There’s too much there to be seen. If I show Him this room, He’ll never return. He’ll think me too little to be. He would leave at an instant.

Hearing my thought from far off, He called out and said, “Hey! I just wanted you to know that I’m so happy to be here with you, I would never leave. I’ll only go where you allow, and I will be gentle. I promise.”

So I called Him up, and in tears He took my hand, and I led Him and opened the door to the last room that had been closed. This was my private room of all the things I held near and dear, collected, and carried — things that competed with Him, and argued, wrestled for the first place in me. Suddenly, a certain smell rushed toward us — the smell of something that had died but was still trying to live, something fighting for life. His eyes filled with tears as He saw to no end what occupied the room. I could see His broken heart so clearly. I didn’t know it hurt Him this much. To be replaced by other things. My, I was touched by what went beyond His sadness, and was grief. I fell to the floor and wept.

In His weeping, He gathered me, put me on His back, kissed my forehead, and whispered, “I’ve found thee, thou art Mine:” and then item by item, thing by thing, He cleaned the room until nothing remained but us.

That room was something between He and me. He never brought it up or reminded me of the work that He had done, and never did I once feel that He was disgusted by or disappointed in me. He was not sad because of the things, but because I had given His place to another. Although sad, He was glad to be with me in all these moments to help, gather, and restore me.

—

I came across a letter from Him that evening telling me that He did not want to overstay His welcome if I no longer wanted His presence, and would be leaving first thing in the morning.

But there’s no way He could leave now. How could I forget the work that He had done and who He was becoming to me? He’s familiar in a way that I cannot describe, in a way that I have never experienced, and He cares for me in the most tender way. I broke His heart, and yet, He stayed. Almost as if I was someone to Him that He really loved, would never leave alone. It’s almost as if this house was really home. It was comfortable now, and now I didn’t want Him to leave. I wanted to be with Him, wherever He was, involved with Him, and never letting Him go. I had been met by the sweetest of loves. My heart became free. And my shame was undone. He loved me . He loves me! He even made me the object of His love — His masterpiece. Everything I needed, He was. Present registration — He is. There is no way He could leave now, I was just getting to know Him, and He showed up at the perfect time, and now, I should ask how He knew. How did He know this home needed so much work? How did He know that I ran out of a paint color? How did He know my — I mean, His daughter’s favorite food? How did He know there were more rooms, and things to fix and clean out? How did He know to knock on my door…that I would open? It’s almost as if one day there was a hole in the wall, a crooked painting to hide the damage that had been done, water dripping from the ceiling, chipped painted walls, broken and unfinished pieces, and now none of that remained. Somehow in His constant visitation to me, I was healed. Wait.

“How did You know what I had been needing?”

“A Father always knows.”

“That Christ may make His home in your hearts through faith, that you, being rooted and grounded in love,” (Ephesians 3:17)

“For all these things the Gentiles are anxiously seeking. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.” (Matthew 6:32)

All along, it was me. The one He chose to set His love upon. The one in whom He was pleased to make His home in. To dwell. To love. To live. It was me who was His masterpiece, and He was — is always, so happy just to be with me.

“Because He has set His love upon Me, I will rescue Him; / I will set Him on high, because He has known My name.” (Psalm 91:14)

I was happy now, in my new home. The sun comes through the windows as it once did before, I dance to the sounds of the rhythmic mornings, and have no need of lack or fear because He is always near. And I found that I too, was just happy to be where He was. I am never alone. I am home, and He is too.

I cannot stress it enough —Ephesians 3:17. Our hearts matter to the Lord, and He is ever so desperate to make His home there, to share it with us, to occupy ever corner and space, to redesign, renovate, and remodel our inner most being — with Himself. He wants to repaint your walls, reorganize your furniture, etc. Our heart is our mind, emotion, and will — it’s our very person. He wants to make His home there, in us. Completely settle down in us. He wants to do more than take off His shoes. He wants to be one with us, think with us, walk and talk with us, do everything with and in us. He wants to give us nothing other than Himself.

some verses that came to mind and inspired this:

“Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, then I will come in to him and dine with him and he with Me.” (Revelation 3:20)

“Arise and go down to the potter’s house, and there I will let you hear My words. So I went down to the potter’s house, and he was there doing work at his wheel. But the vessel that he was making of clay was spoiled in the potter’s hand; so he reworked it into another vessel, as it seemed good for the potter to make. And the word of Jehovah came to me, saying, Am I not able to do with you, O house of Israel, as this potter does? declares Jehovah. Indeed, as the clay is in the hand of the potter, so you are in My hand, O house of Israel.” (Jeremiah 18:2-6)

“O Jehovah, You have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I rise up; / You understand my thoughts from afar.” (Psalm 139:1-2)

“Where shall I go, away from Your Spirit, / And where shall I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; / If I make my bed in Sheol, there You are. If I take the wings of the dawn / And settle at the limits of the sea, There also Your hand will lead me, / And Your right hand will take hold of me. And if I say, Surely darkness will cover me, / And the light around me will be night; Even the darkness is not dark to You, / And night shines like day; / The darkness is like the light.” (Psalm 139:7-12)

“For it was You who formed my inward parts; / You wove me together in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am awesomely and wonderfully made; / Your works are wonderful, / And my soul knows it well. My frame was not hidden from You / When I was made in secret, / Skillfully fashioned in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; / And in Your book all of them were written: / The days that were ordained for me, / When not one of them was yet. And how precious are Your thoughts to me, O God! / How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more than the sand. / When I awake, I am still with You.” (Psalm 139:13-18)

“For we are His masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand in order that we would walk in them.” (Ephesians 2:10)

“Even as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world to be holy and without blemish before Him in love, Predestinating us unto sonship through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will,” (Ephesians 1:4-5)

“You have ravished my heart, my sister, my bride; / You have ravished my heart with one glance of your eyes, / With one strand of your necklace.” (Song of Songs 4:9)

“His eyes are like doves / Beside the streams of water, / Bathed in milk, / Fitly set.” (Song of Songs 5:12)

“For your Maker is your Husband; / Jehovah of hosts is His name. / And the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; / He is called the God of all the earth.” (Isaiah 54:5)

“Whom do I have in heaven but You? / And besides You there is nothing I desire on earth.” (Psalm 73:25)

We all have these hidden compartments within us, things we treasure and secretly store, and are too ashamed to show Him. The question is not if we have them, but if would we allow Him?

My one piece of advice? He already knows. He knows and wants to settle into that exact corner, avenue, and piece of your heart. What does this look like? Have those ugly, uncomfortable conversations with Him. No pretense, no filter. He knows what’s there, what’s in you that you are not even aware of, and there — still there, He desires there to be.

Let Him in. Allow Him. Your Father always knows.

My prayer after writing this:

A guest no more You would be in me

I allow You to take up space, fill, and occupy me

No, never withhold Yourself from being given to me

Settle down, make Your home in me

(More of Thee, I long for more of Thee)

—

Empty me

Even of what I think of me

Even of what I want to be

Even of what others think me to be

Even of what I think I see

Even of things I cannot see

Come, take all from me

Cause Your love for me

To give exclusive love to Thee

My Love, I pray

Empty me.

“To His Bride,” - (Eric Gilmour)

—

hymn #1068

He washed the bleeding sin-wounds,

And poured in oil and wine;

He whispered to assure me,

“I’ve found thee, thou art Mine:”

I never heard a sweeter voice,

It made my aching heart rejoice.

—

hymn #428:

O Lord, Thy boundless love to me

No thought can reach, no tongue declare;

Oh, knit my thankful heart to Thee,

And reign without a rival there;

Thine wholly, Thine alone I am;

Lord, with Thy love my heart inflame.

Oh, grant that nothing in my soul

May dwell but Thy pure love alone;

Oh, may Thy love possess me whole,

My joy, my treasure, and my crown;

All coldness from my heart remove;

May every act, word, thought, be love.

O Love, how cheering is Thy ray,

All pain before Thy presence flies;

Care, anguish, sorrow, melt away,

Where’er Thy healing beams arise;

Lord Jesus, nothing may I see,

And naught desire, or seek, but Thee

O Lord, Thy boundless love to me (SoundCloud)

Welcome home, Lord. We want You to settle down in us. We allow You and make room for You. Have Your rightful position in us. Welcome home, Lord.

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I’ve made it a goal this term to write more — for you and also for me, so I have something to look back on :)

I want to start off by saying that the Lord is always going on and is always advancing, and we should be the same. He is new, forever new, even evergreen. And we should be no different.

I made it back to California for my second semester of Bible school! Over my break, I spent time with family, read some books, and went on a gospel trip for two weeks to Vancouver/Nanaimo/Victoria, Canada — it was my first time in Canada! Part of my program includes an opportunity to go on a gospel trip either to North America or Europe for the purpose of spreading the gospel, passing out Bibles, and spending time with local believers. We are usually in teams of 5-8 students from my school, and we prepare by spending lots of time in prayer and the word. During our trip, my team passed out almost 500 Bibles and gospel tracts on multiple college campuses, and we also prayed with many to receive Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior. Yay, go Jesus!

Some pics:

Okay…things you should know about Canada/Canadians 🇨🇦:

1. $1 = a “looney” and $2 = “a “tooney”, and their money is plastic 🪙

2. They don’t have a Target, Trader Joe’s, or Chick-Fil-A💔

3. They call the candy “smarties”, “rockets”, and it looks like m&m’s…jump to-the-scare 🍬

4. They buy their milk in bags (not everywhere)🥛🛒

5. Tim Horton’s is Canada’s version of Dunkin’ Donuts 🍩 (get the farmer’s wrap w/ egg and sausage and a london fog)

6. There was a war on ice cream, but I solved it — try Rain or Shine and Earnest! 🍦

   

   ---

One song that kept coming to mind over and over and over again on this trip was hymn #904: We Have A Most Glorious King (stanza 3):

I dwell with the King for His work,

I’ve part in His glorious plan

To bring in His kingdom to earth

And tell His salvation to man.

The world has its work and rewards,

I count them but folly and loss;

My business is only His work,

My message is only His cross.

All else is folly and loss. All that matters is our being attracted, and as a result, our giving ourselves to Him — Hebrews 12:1-3

It really is a privilege untold that we could give ourselves to know this One. That we, like Mary, could waste all that we have, are, and could ever be on Him, at this moment in time (read Matthew 26:6-13, Esther 4:14, Luke 19:31, and Philippians 3:8-10). This is the highest profession.

I realized on this trip, that we actually have good news to announce. Good news to announce to a world that is dying, hopeless, and without Jesus (Romans 10:15). It is a joy to co-labor with our King for His work.

These two weeks were filled with lots of opening and outpouring in my times with Jesus. Telling Him what was hard, what I loved, and what I questioned. Also, lots of giving up and consecrating my life, all that I have, and am to Him again and again, and again.

Parts of my winter break (also referred to as interim) were VERY difficult. Being somewhere I’d never been before, with people I was still getting to know, and lots of cultural differences was hard. Family was hard. Doubting the Lord and my own decision making was also hard.

I called a friend, and they told me, “I get it, it’s hard. But have you ever thought how long it took the Lord to arrange such an environment and situation for you?”, and that’s when it hit me. In every situation and environment that we find ourselves in, the Lord gives us many opportunities to talk to Him, spend time with Him, get to know Him a little bit more, and to simply to look away, and see Him. It’s really not necessarily about the specific circumstances, but He uses all things, all matters, and all people to touch something deep down within us that He hasn’t had access to yet. Many nights and moments were spent crying, making calls, journaling, not talking to the Lord, wandering in my mind, etc. — but I realized that after all of that, after I tried to figure it all out on my own and still came to naught, God was always there, patiently waiting for me to just cry on His shoulder. It’s almost as if He is hiding in all these things, waiting to be noticed by us.

My prayer so far this year has been, “Lord, have mercy on me that I would not be closed off to You. That You would have access to every part of my being, and so you could gain what You’re after in me,” and oh my Lord, may it be so.

When we live a life independent from the Lord, we actually rob Him the opportunity of being able to shepherd us where we are in a specific way. So, I’m still learning. Learning to be simple, to be open, to talk to Him about any and everything, and really just be His kid, and oh also to let myself be loved by Him. Like really loved. The more I see this, the more I’m realizing how simple it is to be loved and to be loved well.

I’m looking forward to this new semester to meet all the new incoming students, learning and experiencing more, but most of all, to really really really fall more head over heels in love with my Jesus — to be undone, to frolic, to linger with Him — to know Him (Philippians 3:10).

Really, our Christian life in every stage and at every age, can and should be one of being drawn, captured, and captivated by Him day by day and moment by moment.

“Looking away unto Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down on the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:2) Recovery Version

A footnote/commentary on this verse says, “The wonderful Jesus, who is enthroned in heaven, and crowned with glory and honor, is the greatest attraction in the universe. He is like an immense magnet, drawing all His seekers to Him. It is by being attracted by His charming beauty that we look away, from all things other than Him. Without such a charming object, how could we look away from so many distracting things on this earth?”

He does all things to attract us. Today, give yourself to be attracted. May everyday be another sloppy wet kiss, attracting day from His heart to yours, and yours to His. All love requires a response. So, we can respond to His love just by telling Him that we love Him. May we be those who pay the price, and respond to His attraction. May we have an ever-so increasing attraction to Him. Lord, here we are. We respond to Your love, with our love. We love You, Jesus.

day by day, an attracted one <3

// written on thursday, december 04, 2025 @1:52pm, outside of a coffee shop, in my car — writing this with my blended strawberry matcha in hand 🍵🍓//

this is me and my matcha! i’d give this a 5.75/10 — it wasn’t the best, but wasn’t terrible…would drink again, but wouldn’t buy again.

honest confession — writing has been a little impossible to do because my schedule has been so intense for the past couple of months, but writing in this way gets out my most honest thoughts, and gives me (and hopefully you) a better sense of where I’m at.

“what’s in your rearview?”

This thought came from looking at the first photo. It’s cool that words just come to me, I’m starting to treasure this more, and am collecting a list of words/phrases.

There are always things that we hold onto — whether we know it or not. This can be our past experiences, our learnings (could be as simple as, “I already know this”), even our hopes and dreams for the future. Sometimes it’s good and pleasant things, and other times, it’s the things no one knows and we don’t talk about, but we harbor within us. I’ve cried a lot this week. For me, it’s been wondering how to take care of family when we’re not seeing eye to eye, trying to plan out a future that I can’t see and am unsure of, and looking at my sweet, past experiences of Jesus. It’s also been a lot of figuring out how to follow the Lord, while constantly checking to see if everything I’ve left behind is crashing and burning — in flames. I can definitely say that this week, I’ve swerved multiple times, and hit a tree (not in real life, but just keep reading).

But Paul says in Philippians 3:13-14,

“Brothers, I do not account of myself to have laid hold; but one thing I do: Forgetting the things which are behind and stretching forward to the things which are before, I pursue toward the goal for the prize to which God in Christ Jesus has called me upward.” (Philippians 3:13-14).

A lot of times I’ve seen that holding onto anything other than Christ and my present experience of Him hinders me from what He wants to do in me and show me.

Jesus says in Luke 5:37-39, that He cannot pour new wine into old wine skins.

“And no one puts new wine into old wineskins; otherwise, the new wine will burst the wineskins, and it will be poured out and the wineskins will be ruined; But new wine must be put into fresh wineskins. And no one who has drunk the old desires the new, for he says, The old is better.” (Luke 5:37-39).

When you’re driving, if you only look into your rearview mirror, you’ll crash because it is not a good or accurate gauge for the way you need to go. You have to look through the main window to really see where you’re going. Where you look actually controls and directs where you go.

I’m learning that my Bible reading yesterday cannot sustain me today. Neither can my past experiences of the Lord be good enough for me today. It’s like the Lord is storing oil in jars and putting them on the shelf, but He has so much more oil to give us every single day and in every situation.

Sound familiar? It’s like the manna from the wilderness in Exodus 16. You can’t save or store it for the next day. It has to be fresh everyday. The Lord and our experiences of Him are the same.

Forget who you know Him to be, how you served Him in the past, and how many verses you can recite. Because who You know Him to be is not all that He is or desires to be to you. The Lord is waiting for you. Gently, He guides us to re-center our eyes on Him. Waiting to steal our gaze, so that we can move toward God.

// Love Note🪞: Maybe just as an encouragement to you and to me, don’t be satisfied with the things that are holding you back from all the Lord wants to be to you today. This does not mean that we despise or discount our genuine experiences of/with Him, but we also know that there is so much more that He wants us to have of Himself.

I’ll be the first to say this and am still learning this: You can trust God with what is in your rearview mirror. Letting go of the familiar for the unknown is never easy, nor is it comfortable. But there is so much more in free-falling in Him and looking away to Jesus — into His very eyes. He is so fresh, so new, and so living. He is better than anything you’re holding on to. He is so much and desires to be so much to us. Let Him be new to you today. //

“Looking away unto Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down on the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:2)

We can pray: Lord, empty my hands of all else, and fill me with Yourself. Jesus, I don’t want to hold onto old experiences. I want to know You for all that You really are. I want a new, loving, living, fresh, and fragrant experience of You today. Jesus, I love You, and I’m glad that You love me. Thank You that today is a new day to receive more of You.

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.” (Lamentations‬ ‭3‬:‭22‬-‭23‬)

love,

from elona, pen & poems

// written on tuesday, november 18, 2025 @1:20am — i couldn’t sleep (s/o to my 20oz Vietnamese coffee from 3pm), so i started writing ☕️ //

-

“there”

let Him find you, there

loving another,

entangled with your sin,

and all your other lovers,

and all your heart’s attachments and entanglements

-

let Him find you there

for He already knows

and sees all

-

let Him find you, there

and let Him love all that He sees

after all, He’s after you

and He’ll do whatever it takes to possess, gain, and attract you — again

-

just let Him find you there

and there, let Him love you

let Him be all that He is, to you

-

let Him find you, there

for there, He is waiting to meet you,

invite Him in

and let Him fill and occupy every part

and corner of your heart —

don’t miss Him, “there”.

some verses (and songs) that came to mind while writing this:

Ephesians 3:17

“That Christ may make His home in your hearts through faith, that you, being rooted and grounded in love,” (Ephesians 3:17)

Jeremiah 31:3

“Jehovah appeared to me from afar, saying, / Indeed I have loved you with an eternal love; / Therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness.” (Jeremiah 31:3)

Hosea 2:7-8, 14-23

“And she will pursue her lovers / But will not overtake them; / And she will seek them but not find them; / And she will say, I will go / And return to my first Husband, / For it was better for me then than now. For she did not know / That it was I who gave her / The grain and the new wine and the fresh oil, / And who multiplied to her silver / And gold, which they used for Baal.” (Hosea 2:7-8)

“Therefore I am now luring her, / And I will bring her into the wilderness / And will speak to her heart. And I will give her her vineyards from there / And the valley of Achor as a door of hope; / And she will respond there as in the days of her youth / And as in the day when she came up out of the land of Egypt. And in that day, declares Jehovah, / You will call Me My Husband / And will no longer call Me Baali. For I will take away the names of the Baals from her mouth, / And they will no longer be remembered by their name. And I will make a covenant for them / In that day / With the beasts of the field / And with the birds of heaven / And the creeping things of the earth; / And bow and sword and battle / I will break from the land, / And I will cause them to lie down in safety. And I will betroth you to Myself forever; / Indeed I will betroth you to Myself / In righteousness and justice / And in lovingkindness and compassions; Indeed I will betroth you to Myself in faithfulness, / And you will know Jehovah. And in that day / I will answer, declares Jehovah; / I will answer the heavens, / And they will answer the earth, And the earth will answer the grain / And the new wine and the fresh oil, / And they will answer Jezreel. And I will sow her for Myself in the land; / And I will have compassion on Lo-ruhamah, / And I will say to Lo-ammi, You are My people; / And they will say, My God.” (Hosea 2:14-23)

Isaiah 54:5

“For your Maker is your Husband; / Jehovah of hosts is His name. / And the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; / He is called the God of all the earth.” (Isaiah 54:5)

Jeremiah 2:11-13

“Has a nation ever exchanged its gods, / Even though they are no gods? / But My people have exchanged their glory / For that which does not benefit them. Be appalled at this, O heavens, / And be horrified; be very desolate, / Declares Jehovah. For My people have committed two evils: / They have forsaken Me, / The fountain of living waters, / To hew out for themselves cisterns, / Broken cisterns, / Which hold no water.” (Jeremiah 2:11-13)

Jeremiah 29:11-14

“For I know the thoughts that I think about you, declares Jehovah, thoughts of peace and not for evil, to give you a latter end and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you; And you will seek Me and find Me if you search for Me with all your heart; And I will be found by you, declares Jehovah. And I will turn your captivity and gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you, declares Jehovah, and bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile.” (Jeremiah 29:11-14)

Psalm 23:1-3

“Jehovah is my Shepherd; I will lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures; / He leads me beside waters of rest. He restores my soul; / He guides me on the paths of righteousness / For His name’s sake.” (Psalm 23:1-3)

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Youtube Songs⛓️‍💥:

The Love of Psalm 23

Sixolele

Thix’oyingcwele sihawukele (Holy God have mercy on us)

Bab’onomusa sixolele (Gracious Father forgive us)

Thix’oyingcwele sihawukele (Holy God have mercy on us)

Bab’onomusa sixolele (Gracious Father forgive us)

Sixolele Lyrics

// love note🫂: maybe you have a besetting, constant, or even a once-in-awhile sin, or maybe you so easily find yourself being drawn away from the Lord again and again — and maybe you don’t desire to be “there”, but you find yourself going along with it. let this be a gentle reminder, that wherever you are, He is there to meet you. to pour the oil and the wine. to woo and attract you again. wherever we are is where He wants, desires, and longs to meet us. //

love,

from the pen & the rocking chair

we are finishing up week 10/20 (halfway🏎️💨!), and there has been a lot of things going on and happening, learnings, lots of ups and downs (literally within the same day), burdens, attractions, loss of attractions, hope, and the loss of it — but honestly all of this only has one purpose: which is just to bring me back to a Person.

honesty alert — my time here has been rough figuring out the ins and outs of where, how, and if to fit, making new friends, being around people 25/8, being open and vulnerable when you’re the only one doing it, being real and genuine and authentic, digesting so much truth at such an intense rate, making time for myself, trying to take care of family and those close to me who aren’t supportive of my decision to be here, finding God again, and — figuring out how to linger with Him.

it has been a fight to see Him through and above my feelings, situations, and desires.

my learning: this may sound really simple, but God uses everything — the people you like and do not like, loving your team or wishing you were on another, having people to talk to or not, looking for those who can understand you in deep ways, having rules to follow, breaking the rules, etc — to name a few — in all these things, God is there and is waiting to be noticed and invited (Revelation 3:20).

in short, for us to see God, He has to move things out of the way — whatever is hindering our view. He moves things so we can see Him. see Him rightly. i’m fighting to see Him like Moses did — face to face (Exodus 33:11), to know Him how Abraham did — as a Friend (James 2:23), live a life like Abraham — a life of the altar and the tent (Genesis 12:8), and to have a life like Enoch — a life that was well-pleasing to God (Hebrews 11:5). i want to know Him as a friend, a lover, a mother, father, a sister, a brother, and all the things — because He wants to be everything to us.

i want to know Him in this way because i’m learning that He is the only One who can be all these things to me in the way that my soul needs.

i’ve been enjoying this hymn #206 (it’s really sweet in Spanish too)

(English + Spanish)

O Christ, He is the fountain, / Oh, Cristo es la fuente,
The deep, sweet well of life: / El dulce manantial,
Its living streams I’ve tasted / Sus aguas vivas pruebo
Which save from grief and strife. / Que salvan del pesar.
And to an ocean fulness, / Es Su misericordia
His mercy doth expand; / Tan ancha como͜ el mar,
His grace is all-sufficient / Su gracia͜ es suficiente,
As by His wisdom planned. / Según Su sabio plan.

week 1:

this was supposedly the most strenuous week of Bible school, that is basically bootcamp, we have about 5-7 classes a day, and your whole day is planned out…but me writing this is proof that I survived! the purpose of this week is really to re-center us on Jesus, and water us with the truth.

here’s a few things that made my first week a little more bearable!

week 2:

in this program, we can select our top choices for where you want to serve (on a college campus, with the young people (yp)/church youth, or in the local community). You select your top 2 choices, and when you get here you find out where you are placed…

my sister goes to college at USC, so i’m happy that i’ll get to see her and spend time with her on campus and see her friends ( & also preach the gospel there too yay :)) )

pictures from week 3-9:

prayer burdens:

• please pray for me to be able to come back for another semester in the spring, and that the time God wants me to be here would not be cut short, but would be what and the length He desires.

• pray for my family (anything that is in your heart to pray).

• time with my sister! please pray that God would: 1) release some time for us to be together, and 2) that God would help me to be so human and normal with her, and that she would see more of God’s heart for her.

• Christ would do everything possible to make more of His home in my heart, and He wouldn’t wait, but would gain my love now.

p.s. i want this space to be more of my digital journal, so i’ll try to share more bites with you much sooner than last time. talk soon!

in the meantime,
elona :)

it’s titled in the meantime!

I just want to start off by saying that I’m really happy you’re here.
*insert smooch here - 1 Peter 5:14*💋 :D
Thank you for being a part of my journey, and now, opting to stay on for the ride.
*there’s no getting off now, so buckle up*💺

I’m currently writing this on Monday, 09/01/2025, but this email update is from the first week of August (and a little bit before).

If you didn’t know, I recently graduated from Arizona State University (ASU) with my degree in Computer Science (after a period of working, serving with my church, and taking some time of off school)! Praise the living Jesus.

I spent my summer traveling! I was in New York, NY (for a retreat for a lot of Christian campus serving ones/staff/full-timers in North America), Knoxville, TN (just visiting friends), Austin, TX (serving with campus outreach), Anaheim, CA (attended a church conference on experiencing, enjoying, and expressing Christ…woah), Athens/Atlanta, GA (Christian conference with 100 college students!! && visiting more friends), and Bozeman, MT (for my friend’s wedding)! ‘Twas a very busy summer!

*I also had a grad party during Memorial Day at my parents’ house with over 50 friends…toooo sweet of a time - thank you guys for coming and meeting my parents. It was a real kiss, and meant so much to me.

*if you live in Athens, GA - please go to Andy’s Frozen Custard and get the “Bulldog Concrete”…oh, and tell them I sent you🍒🍫🍦!

So, what is Elona up to next? I have decided to go to a two-year Bible School in Anaheim, California. I’ve wanted to go to Bible school for a number of years (actually even before going to college), but I believe now is the time, and now, the way is open and I want to seize the opportunity. My plan is to take it all term by term (or semester by semester) to see if the Lord would want me to stay for the entire time or not, and figure out where He’ll lead me next, but my goal for right now is to be where my feet are and gain as much as I can - with where I am, what I’m learning, and spending as much time with Jesus as possible. Nothing is more important than walking with the Lord step by step - not even, but in-step - where His steps are yours and yours are His.

There are multiple ways to serve while I’m there - this may look like but is not limited to - serving on with a Christian club on a college campus (in the SoCal area), serving with my church’s youth, preaching the gospel in the communities, gospel trips (maybe a little similar to mission trips, but with the view to share the gospel or evangelic outreach instead of doing something), audio/video/social media services, and much more. The goal of this school is not to have a head full of Bible knowledge (1 Corinthians 13:2), but in my own words, is to be so filled with Jesus to the extent that He so effortlessly lives out of me (Galatians 2:20). My heart’s desire has always been to have a life that is really useful to God, and I believe that giving Him this time of my life is vital, crucial, and essential.

Some may think that this is a waste or not necessary because I’m in my mid 20’s and this is the time that I should be using to further develop myself, get a master’s degree, get married and start a family, make money, trav-

Trust me, I’ve heard it all, and my response would be Luke 19:31 (read vv. 28-40 for the full context).

"And if anyone asks you, Why are you untying it? thus shall you say, Because the Lord has need of it." (Luke 19:31)

I’m delighted to have something of value that the Lord needs.

I can talk more about this later, but I’m really excited to go, and most importantly, I believe Jesus is leading me there.

"My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me;" (John 10:27)

My plan for these emails is to contain more than just Bible school, but all the life changes/adjustments, hard times, good times, prayer requests, photos, videos (I think a vlog would be cool, so stay tuned), what I’m learning, team photos, food, new adventures and reads, songs, travels, my favorite memes, love and relationships, and most importantly, all things Jesus. He’s the fabric of my being, so He’s always woven in there🧶.

Prayer Requests: Please pray for me, my time there, and my family back home.

Here’s a few photos from my last week in Arizona before moving (feat. some who are in my heart) <3

Anywho! Talk very soon!🤸🏾‍♀️

Song: In the Meantime - Jess Ray

(p.s. I’m still learning how Substack works, but I think you can comment on here (below) too. But please feel free to call me or text or email me or mail me something at anytime!)

p.p.s. - i really love getting things in the mail (especially handwritten letters)

in the meantime,
elona :)