I have found that standup is one of those activities that no matter how many times I do it, it’s always a grind to do it again. At my stage, which (and try as I might) is still quite novice, it’s not always easy to get stage time. The best way to secure said stage time is to go to open mics, meet people, go to some more, connect with people on Instagram, hope they think you’re funny so maybe they’ll invite you to a show they host, get stage time somewhere else, hope those people think you’re funny or at least like you, rinse and repeat. It’s a lot of wearing your heart and your head outside your body. If you thought the getting on a stage in front of people and performing was the most challenging part, it’s nothing compared to the networking part. But like most things in life, the key to success really does seem to be to just not give up. Ugh, exhausting.

Because apart from the tactical side of the gig, there’s also the emotional side which is allowing the little voice inside your head to be your cheerleader, and not your critic. And so to get myself to an open mic I need a perfect storm: I need to not be tired (which I mean come on, aren’t you tired just reading this?), to be free for an evening (also hard because I am typically unable to say no to things), to have courage (and brains and heart, oh my), and for it to not be raining or snowing or too cold or too hot so the journey there isn’t totally unpleasant.

With all that said. Do I love it? Hell ya. Does it sometimes make me question the very fabric of my being and the value of my life? Of course. But in the three years since I started performing, I have learned a lot about myself, about the world, and in hindsight, I do feel like I’ve accomplished a lot. I now have a solid repertoire of jokes that I like (dare I say even love) and that make people laugh. Am I a viral sensation? No. Am I performing super regularly? Well, not exactly … Do I no longer bomb (which is the word for when a comedian gets no laughs and practically dies a slow death on stage)? Well …

Okay enough! We get the point.

But quickly: recently, I woke up to a comment on one of my IG reels that said “Another example of why women aren’t funny” –

I tried.

– which of course made me want to curl up into a ball, throw my phone out the window and find a job in tech. But on the same day, I bumped into someone that saw a show I did at Comedy Bar in Toronto. And I remembered them too because they came up after the show to tell me how much they loved my set.

And so why am I telling you all of this? Well. I have an idea for a series on this Substack.

Oh great, because you stayed so consistent on your last series.

Oh shove it.

The series will be called SIT DOWN (Get it? Because it’s the opposite of standup? You should really come see one of my shows!!) and it will feature my standup bits and stories, as well as stories about standup, as essays. While I do think I’ve been told that as a comedian, one of the number one things you shouldn’t do is “burn” your bits (aka let them live online somewhere so that when you tell them on stage they feel redundant), I think that might only apply to someone working on a Netflix special … so I think I’m safe.

After all, one time my brother said that my standup “isn’t even really standup, it’s just [me] saying things almost exactly how they happened, in a bit of a funny way” to which I said, “Okay and who was brave enough to do that?”

So here’s me taking this all one step further. Because how hard can this be? I already have the bits. So now I just need to write them down. Like that pilot series I haven’t written yet. But it’s all like in my head so it’s basically gonna write itself. Rinse and repeat.

Thank you and goodnight! (Is what I feel like my standup sign off should be, but it’s usually just something awkward like “Okay that’s all from me, thanks, uh, here’s your host!”).

xoxo

check me (or my standup) out on IG

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Just finished: A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith

going to start including this because I’ve been loving reading, and maybe someone out there is reading one of these too!

So now this should be called “Bits and Bites of the quarter”. (See the last post to understand that joke, but also the title I guess).

This is a bit of a milestone post. 10 bits and bites! I started this series because writing thoughtful, interesting essays once a month (a made up challenge I created for myself) seemed really daunting. And so to have a bite sized, rather simple, same(ish) structure of post to turn to when I wasn’t feeling inspired to write something deeper seemed like a great way to create a consistent body of work while allowing myself a bit of grace (aka to be a bit lazy).

But in the spirit of radical transparency (and because you could check in 0.25 seconds), you should know that I haven’t posted a “bits & bites” since December 2025 and it is now mid-June 2026. (Holy shit! I didn’t realize it had been that long! Fuck!)

Well whatever. I’m here now. And in my defence, after a long day of doing work for another person, the last thing I ever seem to want to do is any work for myself. It seems silly to try and meet my imaginary deadlines when I have their, very real, very important deadlines on my plate. And why work on my own thing when I could be watching more Sex and the City?

Oh listen to yourself, Emily! Your stuff matters too! Just because you’re not getting paid at all doesn’t mean it’s less important!

And so you see: the artist’s dilemma.

But today, we’re celebrating. Because I carved out time to create this silly little post and because having written ten of them is a big deal! My boss (me) will be so proud!

How about ten more by next quarter, Emily?

Slow your roll Ms. Boss Lady.

March always seems like the busiest time of the year – Sorry. That must have been confusing. I started writing this post in March, you see. So let me try this again. Ahem.

Spring always seems like the busiest time of the year but then oh my god it’s the middle of June and basically summer. I’m not sure how that happened. But I am grateful because finally I can wear shorts and a t-shirt outside comfortably, only getting too cold when I stay inside an air conditioned store or cafe for too long. But don’t worry, I always bring a tiny or huge sweater with me anyway.

Here are some things I realized in Spring:

• Being on your phone in public is so embarrassing. You’re not different, trust me. You look stupid too.

• I am not an aesthetic person.

• You gotta just do things sometimes, even if you’re not feeling up to it.

• Having the ability to work from home when I wake up with a tiny headache is one of the great privileges of my life.

Now onto the bits and bites. That’s right, those incredibly insightful realizations weren’t even the good part! Buckle up!

BITES OF THE WEEK

I’ve always been a note taker / over thinker / scribe / genius? – whatever you want to call it. Dare I even call it being a writer … But as of late, I’ve become almost overwhelmed with ideas and bits and anecdotes. And annoyingly, these moments of inspiration often strike at very inconvenient times. For example, 5 seconds before I reach the REM part of my sleep cycle. Just remember it, Emily, just remember it, I coo to myself so I don’t get up and “lose my tired” as they say. But of course, that’s never worked and because I’ve learned my lesson too many times now, I more frequently opt to get up and text myself whatever brilliant thing I thought of, so I can reference it forever and ever. Or the moment will strike when I’ve decided to “unplug” and not “be one of those idiots on their phones while walking on a busy street” so when I do inevitably pull out my phone to jot something down, I feel like a failure.

Anyway, all that to say, that over the last 6 months I’ve been texting myself … a lot. In fact, when I opened the Messages app on my computer to see what I have been texting myself, I found this draft:

I’m sure this will make sense to me later.

And so also all this to say that, please don’t think I’m insane since a lot of these I would have thought up on the verge of a very deep, and recently disrupted sleep.

Here are some more of my beloved bits:

Instead of picturing people in their underwear, picture them having sex. Because then you’ll remind yourself that they’re fucking gross.

Not very nice of me. But … am I not wrong?

I bet with the flip phone. I answer or sorry I start a video where I’m like. My phone is amazing and then I had to call and it’s a really serious call and the video captures everything.

Time stamp on this one: 12:59am. I’ve been jotting down more comedy reel / TikTok content ideas so I can only assume this is a creative director’s note.

Big sports casters and tiny desk that they’re doing their announcements at.

I was watching the Knicks game and Shaq always looks a bit too big for that desk during the halftime commentary. Sorry!

WILD CARD (meaning it’s a random selection from a list of bits I’ve had running since 2014): Mom: ugh I am so thirsty. (To herself) big glass of water, big glass of water. Ahh, Ok.

This is referring to the time my mom said how thirsty she was, then proceeded to chant, “big glass of water” and then act like she had drunk one. It was … inspired. Somebody play “Busy Woman” by Sabrina Carpenter.

BITES OF THE WEEK

If you made it this far, good for you because I know these posts are usually unhinged and sporadic, but I think this one takes the cake.

As for the bites of the week, it’s been a while, so instead of listing off a ton of random shit (because as you can tell, that’s not really my style…), I’m going to share a poem with you that I wrote.

I took a walk that turned into a run

And when it started to rain I slowed down and

After a long time, I made it home

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… holding for applause …

Well it was actually a full body workout but I had to lift some weights and use my legs and – you get it. For the next three days, I basically couldn’t walk due to extreme leg pain. Now before you start saying things like, “That’s honestly too long. Are you sure there isn’t something medically wrong with you?” let me just say that other than a doctor once telling me I absolutely had to stretch more because my leg muscles were so tight, no.

That pain I was feeling was my body working hard to make me … better. When we work our muscles, they tear slightly and become damaged, which causes soreness. But as this damage heals, we become stronger. It’s honestly quite beautiful and it makes a lot of sense why so many fitness people won’t leave you alone about “lifting”.

But of course, in my state of soreness and distress, I thought to myself: what a bummer that something I know is so good for me, like exercising, is such a pain in my literal ASS (and upper thighs and side thighs and under thighs and my god, how do my arms hurt too?)

In other words, things that are good for you are hard. Or at the very least, uncomfortable. While it’s super annoying and inconvenient, it is undoubtedly true. You’ve all heard it before: growth happens in discomfort.

UGH!

And if that’s true, then the same must also be true: nothing that’s that easy, or feels that easy, can be that good for me.

Another example would be the bag of Ruffles Original Chips and Helluva Good Dip that I eat. Nothing that tastes that good, could possibly be good for me.

The list goes on.

So what am I really talking about? AI, plastic surgery, Ozempic, etc. But I’m not even really talking about them. I do a lot of improv (yeah …) and there’s this concept of something “not really being about the thing” that the improvisers are dissecting. Think the 30 Rock episode where Criss and Liz fight in IKEA about the “chair not being supportive enough” but they’re really talking about their relationship.

Of course there are exceptions. I understand that progress often means making things easier and more accessible. But I am thinking of medicine and human welfare scenarios and not the same progress that for many means making things faster, cheaper, and convenient.

What I’m really talking about (and I mean it this time) is a society / culture / situa-aysh – however you wanna slice it – where we’re slowly and insidiously being forced to reduce difficulty at all cost while being sold convenience and sameness for the sake of … what? Progress? To me, that’s a crock of shit that’s just making a few more people rich, and a few billion people feel like shit about themselves.

Being alive today is one big contradiction. “Don’t doom scroll! Love yourself! But make sure you watch until the end of this advertisement so we hit our ad spend quota and you want to buy this cream that will make your face feel less fat. You can do it instantly using this link. It’ll arrive tomorrow! By the way, the actress that we paid to be our spokesperson? She gets botox every 2 months and has a face lift. So while you’ll never look like her, what if you bought this thing because you’re too poor for those surgeries?”

What ever happened to, “life’s a climb?” and “it’s about the journey”? Instead, we’re moving towards “life is a teleport from there to there” and “get the journey on Prime for a small additional monthly fee”.

I also don’t mean to sit here and act like I’m perfect and all I do are hard things that make me amazing or that I’ve never used ChatGPT and that I think my worry lines aren’t ginormous and distracting. I am addicted to my phone and I sit on my couch a lot and I really wish the pilot that I’ve been trying to write for months would just smarten up and write itself.

But I think my point is … that they’re trying to kill us!! So it sorta feels like one of the most radical things we can do is go out of our way to do hard things. Remember, the brain is a muscle that needs to be worked, just like my legs in my leg workout (call back!). We need to work the muscle and while we’re at it, we should teach it to love ourselves so that when someone tell us to buy something to “look younger” or "be on trend” we can shout “no” or at the very least, “not today bitch!”

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But what better thing to be during International Women’s Month?

(Pretty epic reframe right? I’ve been wheeling and dealing – as they say.)

No one says that, Emily.

Oh shut it, Inner Critic. It’s International Women’s Month! (I started writing this in March.)

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But it’s true. For the last few years, March has been a particularly busy month because in the world of Toronto Comedy, it’s Toronto Sketchfest. Meanwhile this year, I’ve also been working on some other projects, prepping a more professional standup set than I ever have, celebrating friends for various milestones (it’s wedding season people), and not to mention my parents have been away so there have also been the untimely and lengthy phone calls with my mom. Before you say, “Oh, Emily, give your mother some grace,” please let me finish. … phone calls with mom, that are always a total joy (and a privilege I don’t take lightly!).

All this to say, that when Sunday nights would roll around and I’d attempt to prep my schedule for the week, it was hard not to be slightly overwhelmed. And now of course in hindsight, what a fabulous month it was, made ever more fabulous by the women I had the opportunity of crossing paths with.

Okay nice, I knew you were gonna connect the dots.

Thank you.

Last year, on International Women’s Day, I thoughtfully compiled a list of advice, wisdom, insights, and silliness from some of my favourite women (you can read it here, I know I do when I need a pick-me-up). But this year, I thought I’d just randomly list some of my favourite “women moments” (as I’m going to call them) from the past month for you, to paint a picture of how awesome and amazing women are.

A quick aside to say that the Blowline (which is the line that ends a comedy sketch and is typically followed by a blackout/fade to black as well as uproarious laughter) from two sketches in my sketch troupe, The Red Hot Sili Peppers’, most recent show is: “Women are amazing.” Both times, the line is delivered amongst absolute chaos and fun and I’m happy we were able to say it not once, but twice, to really hit the sentiment home. Now onto the women moments!

• First, there are the birthdays. Lots of my favourite women are born in March it seems. And as we’ve discussed, birthdays offer a special moment to not only reflect on your relationship with a person, but also indulge in it. You craft cards and texts with special memories and moments, and ideally, as so many wonderful friends have done for me on my birthday, you remind them why they’re fabulous. This month alone, I got to wish so many wonderful women a happy birthday including a hilarious best friend, my comedy protege, a beloved aunt, my sister-in-law, and a few others I noticed had birthdays per IG stories. Honourable mention: it was the 2nd birthday (or rather anniversary) of an amazing and women-run Stand-Up Open Mic I frequent, and I attended the birthday party.

• A lot of my friends had exciting career-related milestones – a friend who’s a realtor sold her first house; two more made challenging but strategic and thoughtful decisions about their next moves with their respective organizations; others got promoted or raises; they studied hard, whether for a CFA or a school program; one traveled across Canada as part of her Med School program; friends got exciting auditions and had days on set; some started work or continued working in new countries; and in general, everyone kicked some serious career-oriented ass. Oh and my mom was interviewed and quoted in a magazine for her work as a family law lawyer. And that’s only one month, people! And I’m only just scratching the surface.

Seriously, you tried to stop adding to that list several times and just kept coming back.

I know right. How cool?

• At a standup show I did, a fellow female comic came rushing to find me right after my set to congratulate me. When I stuck out my hand to shake hers and say a formal hello she said, “Oh fuck that, give me a hug!” So awesome.

Hand shake?

I know, I know. Shut it!

• Speaking of comedy, my all-female sketch troupe The Red Hot Sili Peppers performed an extra fun sketch revue as part of the Toronto Sketch Festival and not to mention, the short film we wrote, produced and starred in took home the Outstanding Comedy Short award. I also won a performance award, and when I did, my troupe mates stood and screamed like I had won an Oscar. Women are amazing.

• I watched other incredible female performers throughout that same festival and it was such a joy.

• My friends and I who wrote, produced, directed and created another short film this past summer and did the final edit together so now it’s ready … to be coloured and sound mixed. But it was so exciting! And the short is called Girls Weekend so how fitting?

• Finally, there are the seemingly-endless life milestones and celebrations: engagements, showers, bachelorettes, housewarmings. I have learned that sending or bringing flowers is never a bad idea. Or bringing a charcuterie board. People love a charcuterie board. (For the record I didn’t bring a charcuterie board anywhere in March, but a friend did and just wow.)

While I was attending one of the aforementioned celebrations I had a serious moment of awe as I looked around the room. It was a bachelorette, and as the bride and I run in different circles, I didn’t know that many people headed into the weekend. But of course that didn’t matter because women are, well, amazing. Everyone was friendly and interesting and each brought something unique and different whether it was their hobbies, careers, where they lived, their taste in music, etc. It made me think about all my female relationships and all the women I get to cross paths with. We’re all on these different and exciting journeys and it’s so special to be both a witness to it all, and to experience it yourself while having built-in cheerleaders surrounding you.

But a reminder that it’s not all sunshine and daisies being a woman. There are challenges and pain and I’m only talking about my period cramps. And we don’t all have it the same. That’s why we need to look out for each other – now more than ever. We need to be kind to each other and include each other and cheer for each other and dance together. Then, we’ll become so powerful that we will finally get to be somewhat rude and no one will call us a “bitch”. Instead, they’ll call us courageous. And fabulous.

No but you know what I mean. I’m in a moment of change right now. I think the weirdest part is that I know I am. Recently, I feel like I’ve been watching myself exist, doing whatever I can to remember where I am and how I’m feeling, so that when I’m farther away from these moments, I can still remember them. I guess that’s what they call being present? Or is that the opposite?

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Because, what’s that Ferris Bueller quote again?

The change is that I’m moving out of my 20-something-friend house. The one you’ve seen in Friends and New Girl and How I Met Your Mother and The Big Bang Theory (that one is for my mom who loves The Big Bang Theory.). It’s a three bedroom, multi-floor, semi-house with a big living and dining area, a full kitchen, garage and massive basement that for a while we did nothing with until a roommate put a bedroom down there. Thank goodness that she did, because while we had big plans for that basement (“Let’s get a pool table! Another giant couch for movie nights! Mini put course!” (Pool tables can be thousands of dollars by the way)) it never manifested and felt a bit like wasted space. It was an “at-home-gym” at one point. I put that in quotes because I think I did 5-10 pathetic little workouts down there while my roommate’s cat jumped on and off of my stomach as I tried to do crunches and bicycle kicks.

Not to mention that the neighbourhood it was in is one of the best in Toronto. We were steps away from Canada’s hottest pizza joint (Badiali’s), but would more often opt to get Pizza Pizza (NOT Canada’s hottest pizza joint) because of its proximity. I went there so much that one time I asked the cashier if their card-machine was new. And it was. We were blocks away from Ossington street – a hustling and bustling strip of trendy restaurants and bars. I swear there was something new every month that we could try out. One of my final nights living there I made my way to a jazz bar down the block that I’d always seen but never checked out and let’s just say it was totally frickin’ awesome.

That was home for almost 2 and a half years. It was really special. And what made it more special was the people. Throughout my time there, I had three roommates (one roomie moved in when another roomie moved out) – sorry, four if you count (and I do) my roommate’s cat, Hyde – but we also brought so many other people into that home. It was a hot spot for parties and pres, movie nights and craft days. And while there are a lot of things we dreamed up but didn’t do (and I blame the pressures of TikTok for convincing me I absolutely needed to host a monthly dinner party for all my friends – cooking and decorating based on a monthly theme that related to the calendar – because if I wasn’t doing that then what the hell was I doing?!), we had a pretty good run.

It felt like a university house without the university part. We got to be silly and stupid and downright irresponsible (we’re still young afterall!), but we were also professional individuals, going to work each day (albeit often times from home) and doing our best to just figure things out. It’s that second part that isn’t quite like university, because outside of school, well you’re on your own a bit, kid. And remember, your 20s are really hard, so having people around you to laugh with, cry with, dance with, and to sometimes annoy you makes you more whole.

That house gave me so much: an 8-minute commute to work, a baked-in social calendar, proximity to the places where I wanted to perform and enjoy comedy, proximity to friends and fun, direct access to delicious foods, a dance floor, an event venue (sorry to our neighbours), a cat, and while a bit emo, my boyfriend reminded me that it’s where we fell in love.

But now we’re moving out, and as I alluded to I’ve been actively aware of all my lasts: my last sleep at that house, my last couch dinner and TV night with my roommate, my last Pizza Pizza run, my last shower there (grasping at straws a bit with that one). But there are a lot of lasts I don’t recall, and that makes me a bit sad too. Remember the first time someone horrifyingly pointed out to you that “you know you don’t even remember the last time your parents picked you up as a kid. They just stopped one day.” And I mean, come on, I was a child, cut me some slack. But it does hold true: sometimes, you really don’t know when it will be the last time you do something, see someone, say something.

There’s a bittersweetness to that. Maybe it’s better that way, but I think to remember that things could be our last, while a bit morbid, can also remind us to be a little more grounded and grateful, a little more intentional and to move a bit more slowly.

Change is also great (reminder to amend my poem). The only constant is change, as they say. I’m someone who doesn’t like staying the same, but it doesn’t mean the change isn’t scary still. It’s okay to be scared, to be nervous, to feel overwhelmed. I know I do right now. And it’s not just because I started writing this while a stack of 5 boxes labelled “clothes” sat beside me with no dresser or hangers to put them on because the movers come later this week. But my new home also has the most adorable and lovely cafe just beside it, and I’m here now as I type and am excited to make these morning visits part of my weekly routine.

I’ll miss my 20-something house. This is the end of a chapter, and I know that. When my mom used to tell me about hers, I remembered feeling so jealous and excited for when I would get there. Well I got there, and it was everything I wanted it to be and more. It wasn’t always easy, it wasn’t always perfect. But it was home, and it was fun.

And now (cue Monica Geller voice) I HAVE TO LIVE WITH A BOY!!!!

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And because my birthday is December 30th, a date I have grown to love (see here for some more thoughts on my birthday and birthdays in general), I’m able to look back on my 27th year in a similar way – which is quite nice.

With that, I have compiled a list of my “Best of 2025” – a hodge-podge mix of things in no particular order that brought me joy, fun, a sense of comfort, and more in the past year.

MY BEST OF 2025

• Eggs for breakfast. I am either on or off of eggs. This year, I was on them. In fact, I was on them, all over them, under them, and more. Most mornings, I treat myself to two scrambled, fried, or, more recently, soft boiled eggs and a series of sides that could include but are not limited to: berries, an arugula salad situation, toast. I know what you’re thinking … healthy. Most days it’s all a bit downhill from there though … here’s to figuring out healthy lunches/dinners in 2026!

• Good Hang w/ Amy Poehler. This podcast has been a warm hug, a call from a dear friend, and a sweet treat all in one. The conversations are fabulous and funny, and I’ve learned so much about some of my favourite comedians and their comedy journeys. Improv nerds and beyond: this one is a must!

• ‘My green pasta recipe’. Placed in quotations because it is not my recipe and is in fact this guy’s, this has been a go-to meal for me for the last two years. It’s one of few recipes I’ve saved on social media and then made – again and again – so that’s saying something. It’s yummy, it’s healthy (I’m pretty sure? I mean there’s spinach in it) and while it’s simple, it’s also complicated enough to make me feel like a bit of a real chef.

• IRL Crossword Puzzles. While I’ve only been doing them for less than a week (I got three crossword books for Christmas), I actually feel like this will stick with me into the new year. The idea of a paper crossword that I can complete on my own time, no timer, that’s challenging yet doable, is exactly what my brain needs in 2026. This year, I’m striving for more long form, non-digital content consumption.

• Halloumi. I don’t think I need to elaborate here. Halloumi is just awesome and makes any silly little lunch or dinner I make much better.

• Homemade cards. This is a project I took up this holiday season and I have loved it. First, anything homemade is just that much more thoughtful and special. Second, it’s fun! I gave a lot of loved ones homemade cards this year and not only was it a nice weeknight activity, it makes you feel good when you hand it over. I’ve also taken a few things to the next level, making homemade gifts. It’s mostly been art so far – I like painting/drawing very simple food items; I’ve made a KitKat bar, a Miss Vickie’s Chip Bag, Helluva Good Dip … yes a theme is upon us. Once I finish this homemade sweater that’s running my life, I’m also hoping to give more crochet and/or knitted gifts. Root for me.

• Dancing all the way home. I did this on the way home from a concert this year. I was fairly inebriated and definitely a nuisance to the friend that had to walk with me, but it’s a shared memory that was pretty hilarious and awesome. I plan to dance far more in 2026 – after drinking far less.

• The Red Hot Sili Peppers. This is the sketch troupe I am a part of and we have had such an incredible year – from fun at festivals, to new sketches (both on stage and on the screen) and an hour long revue, we’ve really brought it and I’m so excited for what’s in store in 2026. These ladies are pure joy!

• 30 Rock. I rewatched it this year and wow it’s just the best.

• My new ballet flats. While a purchase I wasn’t so sure of at the time, the ballet flats I bought this year brought me an enormous amount of joy and confidence. They are bonafide dancing shoes, and help me elevate pretty much any outfit I put on. I look forward to bringing them out once again in the spring.

• My sunrise alarm clock. I have the dupe Hatch one, and while I’ve been opting to snooze my alarm more frequently as of late (I blame the seasonal depression), this alarm clock seriously helped my over-snoozing-my-alarm-addiction and helps me get out of bed in the morning to start more productive days.

• Walkin’ around. Whether it’s the same place or a new place, with a friend or alone, there’s nothing like throwing on your favourite podcast (see above), song or just enjoying the moment (how about that?) and getting where you need to go on foot. Unless it’s um too cold or rainy or windy of course. Don’t worry …

• Making something from a recipe book. Because it just feels good when you get it done and get to eat it. A favourite from this year: Does This Taste Funny? by the Colberts.

Now, in true cally’s corner fashion, I wanted to include a list of some of the best “bits” I saved to my notes* this year, but with a focus on those taken directly from my “Things I Learned in Books & Readings” note because they offer some lovely insights and advice. Enjoy!

*includes text messages I send myself, things I physically write down, or anything I add to the Notes app on my phone (BITS OF THE WEEK - Part 1)

• “Whenever I get stuck on something, I’m like ‘What would I do if I wasn’t afraid? What would I write if I wasn’t afraid? What would I say in this situation if I wasn’t afraid?’” (Phoebe Waller Bridge)

• “Remember: if you don’t do your work, it won’t exist. Make sure that it does.” (Maggie Smith, author of Dear Writer)

• “Not sharing a compliment is like wrapping a gift and never giving it.” (Jessica Harshman, Substack writer)

• “Have the courage to imagine your life going well.” (Meg Jay on The Mel Robbins Podcast)

• “Life is about learning as much as you can about as much as you can.” (Tim Minchin)

And to bring things home, one final piece of advice from me. Every year, I try to make a conscious effort to “Favourite” photos on my camera roll. Then, at the end of the year, I make an album called “[INSERT WHATEVER YEAR IT HAS BEEN]” (so naturally this year, I’ll call it “2025”), then I go through my favourites and I pick my favourite favourites – aka milestone moments, fun memories, anything that I want to remember. Then I have this collection of fabulous pictures to look back on and remind me of special moments from past years. I’ve been doing it since 2021. I will say, I was much more choiceful in my earlier years (21 images in 2021 versus last year I had a whopping 112) … but I think that’s okay. We make the rules here.

I haven’t left the house today. Both my roommates made remarks about how cold it was outside. One of them even turned our heat up upon returning home. So I opted to shift any outdoor errands to tomorrow. Opted to close the shutters in the living room before it got dark outside. Opted to have a ginger molasses cookie from the cookie tin and then another one. Opted to head to my room after dinner, and do some personal admin from my bed.

Which brings me to now and which bring us to our weekly (monthly ahem) Bits & Bites.

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BITS OF THE WEEK

A series of my notes – from my phone, my notebook and beyond – because I have a lot of them tucked away and well, I want to share them. For more context on this, see my original post.

A (very blank) letter from my past self.

I’m now granting emails eligible for this series.

Clearly a TikTok told me to write a letter to my future self. Or actually, I think it was the New York Times newsletter woman. That makes this worse then. You do have to give me some credit – I did create the draft. Perhaps one day I’ll write a letter to my future self. But also, maybe I can just have a healthy and consistent conversation with my current self which motivates and inspires me to do all that I’ve ever dreamed of. Maybe, maybe not. But it’s worth a shot.

- girl who just took a reformer pilates class for the first time
- girl who is taking a workout class but not trying whenever people aren’t looking

- dad with road rage
- girl who just took up crochet
- girl at a party who’s pissed herself
- girl who can’t get the waiter’s attention to pay the bill
- old timey voice actress
- professor mcGonnagul on the school being very unsafe
- boy from the Dead Poet’s Society

This is a list of “brainstorm ideas” for some solo sketch / character work I was developing. I ended up going with the first idea, but you can’t deny there are some options here that have legs. … McGonagall?

Writers, write. That’s the difference.

God dammit, Emily. I hate when you’re right!

WILD CARD*: A detective who “doesn’t want any part of this case!” He’s too old for it. He can’t take it on. And yet he helps every step of the way. He just can’t help himself. Morgan freeman seven vibes

When I watched the terribly disturbing but excellent movie, Seven, I couldn’t get over how Morgan Freeman was retiring and therefore “didn’t want anything to do with the Seven case” but also couldn’t stop helping Brad Pitt’s character with the work. He spent like hours in a library reviewing the codes and clues. I mean come ON man, why play it so hard to get.

*Wildcards are randomly taken from my 12 year old Notes App labelled ‘Ideas’

BITES OF THE WEEK

Things I’m eating, loving, doing, and listening to – and maybe sometimes more!

Eating – I have had so many chicken finger meals over the last two weeks. So many that I’m talking about it here. I just love a classic, easy, chicken finger and fries combination. True story, one time I went to The Keg and ordered chicken fingers and fries and the waiter said “That’s from the Kid’s Menu, I can’t bring you that. I can offer you Chicken Strips and Fries if that works?” And I said of course that works and I’ll have that. Asshole. You never run into a problem like that when ordering your chicken fingers at a bar called Hurricanes.

Learning – to rest.

Doing – FINISHING MY KNITTED SWEATER. This week. Mark my words people*. For context, last winter I was very kindly gifted a Wool and the Gang Sweater – a gift that I genuinely love and appreciate. I have been working on it ever since. One new purchase of Crazy Sexy Wool in Lilac, several untouched journeys to and from a weekend away, I have one sleeve left, and then I will put it together and I will wear it. I will wear it every single day.

*I just realized I’m going to New York City tomorrow so this may not play out. But by next week! Mark my words!

Listening to – I finally made the “killer running playlist” that has been on my to-do list for months now. And while I haven’t been for many runs, I have listened to that playlist on repeat. I called it, “I Run For Fun” which coincidentally, was also the nickname I put on the back of my custom cross country shirt in Grade 6.

That’s all for now. See you next week, or month.

So true.

Not everyone is kind. A lot of people are “nice” and unfortunately, that doesn’t quite cut it. In searching the definition of “nice” (I love knowing the true meaning of words, because I find so often it can be hard to say exactly what you mean), one of the descriptors was “agreeable”. Ain’t that the truth. Sometimes I worry I’m just nice. For one, I am definitely agreeable. I think another term for that can be “people pleaser”. But I’d like to think that when it matters, I’m not. I want to be kind. It all makes me think of a quote I love from Amy Poehler: Clear is kind. Being clear sometimes means you have to skip past niceness, because telling someone what you mean, what’s more, how you feel, is difficult. It can hurt. But it is a kindness. To the other person, and to yourself.

People are often nice I think because they expect niceness in return. That’s not what being kind is. To me, being kind is doing something with no strings attached. That includes ego. You have to detach your ego. This is one of the most important differentiators.

There are a lot of ways to be kind. That Costco Members magazine was certainly onto something: volunteering your time, running an errand for someone, smiling at a stranger –

Though I do this too much and in a people pleasing way, I think. Like you know when you have to pass someone on a sidewalk and you’re both super far away from the other person so you look away, you sneak a look at them, you look down, you pretend you’re lost in thought, then at the last second, you finally try to get a quick glance, with eye contact, and a smile. Because what, Emily? You want that person to like you? Not think you’re rude for just … continuing to walk? Yeah, chin down sister. Just keep walking.

But you know what I mean. Smile at the stranger that’s helping you in the store, that holds the door for you, that’s in front of you in line and looks apologetic about how long the barista is taking to make their coffee because it means you can’t order yours. Then smile at that barista.

But the kind of kindness I want to talk about today (she says after talking about kindness a lot already) is a bit different. In chatting with someone recently (my mom), I was offered some advice to which I said something like, “But you don’t do that.” My mom was a bit dumbstruck. Here she was, telling me to do something – or maybe I was telling her to do something that I know she’s told someone else to do before, but didn’t do herself – and it occurred to me: we very rarely take our own advice.

I’ll give you another example. Oh I don’t know, um, this blog!? I write and I preach all day long – even now I’m telling you to take your own advice and I don’t even know if I’ll be able to do it – about why it’s good to get less screen time, about what to do when you’re hungover to not feel hungover, about not scattering your energy. The list goes on.

Although, I must say here I am, trying to take my own advice, trying to do something (writing) even when it would be a lot easier to watch more Downtown Abbey. (Edith was just left at the altar! … Oh, what? You’re calling that a spoiler? Like we didn’t all see that coming? Grow up.)

But seriously. It’s that old saying, “treat others the way you’d want to be treated.” Let’s not forget one very important person in that equation: you. In the same vein, we’d want to be treated the way we treat others. So why can’t we treat ourselves that way? And may I circle back to: why can’t we take our own advice?

Because we often don’t treat ourselves the way we treat others – like a friend. But we ought to. We’re our best friend, really. So cut your best friend some slack. Root for her. Go easy on her. Buy her something nice. Tell her to get the fuck UP and stop snoozing her alarm. Then make her a yummy breakfast! Feed her something healthy. Compliment her. Bring her to something where she’ll meet people, where she’ll learn something! Get her out of her comfort zone. Give her good advice, and make sure she takes it.

I don’t mean to suggest that the kindest thing we can do is all about ourselves. No way. But there’s a method to the madness. Another favourite quote of mine? Hurt people, hurt people. Another way to put it? Take care of yourself so you can take care of others. Be kind to yourself so you can go out into the world and be kind.

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While not a bits & bites post (aka a post dedicated to extracting notes from my phone and elsewhere – see here for what I mean), today’s thoughts are derived from a sentiment I once added to the “Things I learned in books and readings” Note on my phone and that is: Stay silly, while giving a damn.

I extracted this when watching Stephen Colbert honour John Stewart when he won the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. In commending John’s leadership and working style, Stephen (yeah that’s right, first name basis) quickly shared that he admired and applauded Mr. Stewart (for some variety) and his ability to “stay silly while giving a damn”. It’s a 2 second moment in what is a 6 minute tribute, but it really stuck with me.

Coming out of Thanksgiving weekend (ah so now you get it), a time for delicious food that’s dedicated to being grateful, I am always reminded of how lucky I am. How privileged I am. Then at the same time, I’m reminded of how unequal everything is. It’s no secret the world can be a bit crappy. There are people out there whose agendas seem to be determined to destroy things, and there are times when I feel helpless and scared. There’s a flip side to every coin, you see. October in Toronto was absolutely beautiful – warm, sunny days that felt like summer. But while I get to wear a tank top on my walk home from work, it’s hard not to think about the fact that the world is on fire. You know?

I know, I know, enough doom and gloom. I guess what I mean to say is, yeah, the world is kind of fucked. And as I’ve previously mentioned on here, I’m at a point now where I consider myself a comedian. So it can sometimes feel foolish trying to be funny in a world that can be so unfunny, trying to be silly when others are suffering. But then I’m reminded of what Stephen Colbert said to John Stewart (last names now for dramatic effect).

Keep giving a damn: about the world, about other people, about your friends and your family, about yourself. Log off when you need to, for goodness sake, put your phone down. But give a damn. Once we stop giving a damn, that’s when the real doom rolls in. But of course, stay silly. Keep laughing, punch up, acknowledge the insanity, the discomfort, the absurd. We don’t have control over much, but we can control how we act or react. So give a damn, but stay silly. (As always, these pep talks are more for me than anyone else.)

I know what you’re thinking: “easier said than done”. So how about I tell you how I do. Well, I do comedy (twist!). Because yes, I love making other people laugh, because I believe laughter really is the best medicine, even if I have to remind myself of that some days (aka the day I started writing this). But it’s more than that. I love meeting and working with other people – comedians, improvisers, standups – and learning why they love to make people laugh, showing up in basements to support them at shows, signing up for classes and courses and workshops to talk to them and learn from them. I love inviting friends and family to shows – whether I’m in them or not – and seeing how excited and silly we all get to feel. There’s power in showing up. In going out into the world. I truly think if we all just got outside more, met more people who were different than us (and took an improv class), the world would be a better place.

But I also must confess I am disappointed that I let the month get away from me and miss out on some writing. I invented this “Bits and Bites” assignment to ensure that I would at least be able to get words down on a weekly basis because I mean how hard is it to explain what’s happened to you over the last week or two? No matter. I know I’ve already covered that the only person who actually cares about all that is me, so let’s just move right along to the bits and the bites.

I’ve rearranged the order of things this week because I felt like the bits were more intriguing this time. And I make the rules!!

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BITS OF THE WEEK

A series of my notes – from my phone, my notebook and beyond – because I have a lot of them tucked away and well, I want to share them. For more context on this, see my original post.

Life is about learning as much as you can about as much as you can.

Tim Minchin said this in a commencement speech that I recently watched part of on TikTok (that sentence, I cringe), and I really loved it.

Well you know what they say: when someone closes a door, someone else is building their screened in porch.

I don’t know exactly what I meant by this because I wrote it down so long ago … but why is it actually so deep?

bride on her wedding day: I don’t care about the dress. I want there to be an open bar.

As more of my friends approach engagement and weddings, myself included I guess, I encourage us all to think as logically as this.

Grandpa says a very standard grace. When you look back up at the table, every woman (aunt) is crying. And then you do and you don’t know why.

This is just a reality any time my family and I get together for dinner and so it felt rather appropriate to share in this week’s edition knowing Thanksgiving just passed, and this exact thing happened, twice.

BITES OF THE WEEK

Things I’m eating, loving, doing, and listening to – and maybe sometimes more!

Eating – It’s Thanksgiving weekend so needless to say I’ve been doing a lot of this. I’ve had the privilege of enjoying four delicious meals with various loved ones as well as enjoyed visits with family members, with one such visit including some of my favourite things: my grandmother and Helluva Good Dip.

Learning – to stop comparing myself. Social media doesn’t make this easy. All it lets us do all day long is compare ourselves to other people – their meals, their daily routines, their jobs, their dreams, their triumphs, but also their trials. It can be a real mindfuck, for lack of a better world. How can I be made to feel I have everything and also nothing in one scroll? “Get off your phone is the answer,” and while I do believe it is, I also need to reframe how I interpret the information I’m seeing, all while remembering that I have a lovely life, and I’m doing things in my own time.

Doing – a lot of sketch comedy, as well as comedy adjacent things. One of the more recent and exciting assignments I had was co-writing, co-producing, and co-directing a short film. My two friends and I whipped a script, cast, and crew together in less than a month and headed north to shoot for two days at my grandparents’ cottage. It was simply the best and while my directing various scenes with no prior on set experience, let alone directing chops, definitely felt irresponsible, it was also a very exciting milestone. Though don’t worry, I had a lot of help from the friends and team members on set – it was an intensely collaborative effort, which made it all the more fun and all the more manageable. We’re hoping to premiere it in the coming months, so stay tuned! I also recently performed in my first ever official comedy revue – an hour long set of sketch comedy – alongside my troupe The Red Hot Sili Peppers. This was also an incredibly exciting milestone, and one I got to share with two great friends, as well as lots of other great friends and family who attended. I have no idea what’s next … but how exciting is that?

Listening to – Good Hang with Amy Poehler as always, and more recently, the main title sequence of Downton Abbey which is just a creative way of saying I’ve been watching a lot of Downton Abbey. It started with my mom – we binged the entire final season over two days or rather two nights following two delicious Thanksgiving dinners, and I’ve carried the tradition into today where I re-started the first season.

Loving – being a comedian. I don’t know when I finally felt like I could call myself that, but I’m doing it now.

I signed up for a half marathon this year. Why? Well, my brother ran two full marathons over the course of the last two years, so partly it was a desperate plea for attention, mainly from my parents, but also my peers; I needed to demonstrate my discipline and drive in some tangible way to avoid looking like the lesser child while also appearing as a strong and interesting person. And the other (less pathetic) part was that I was very proud of my brother, and thought it would be nice to set a similar (less crazy and far more achievable) goal for myself. (And I mean if he could do it, who can’t, amiright?*)

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*I remain very proud and all jokes are mere projections of my own insecurities about the fact that I could never in my life run a full marathon.

And may I quickly say that nothing gets you more positive attention than telling someone you’re thinking of running a half or full marathon. You don’t even have to actually do one, just “thinking about” doing one will suffice. I told so many people that I was considering running a half marathon – I hadn’t even signed up for one yet – and they all responded with a similar “that’s amazing.” They were likely one part impressed and another part envious that they hadn’t thought of getting off their lazy asses and trying to do one too. Or perhaps that was just my experience.

But now? Now I was in the winner’s circle! I had actually signed up, earned my stripes, and to my surprise, started to train. I got up early on weekdays, I ran 10k in my neighbourhood, I stretched, I used Strava. I was a runner. I’ve talked about this previously but having a deadline really helps me, and because I knew that on May 4, I would need to run 21.1km, I had to prepare. And so I did.

The only problem was that I soon realized I had actually signed up for Toronto’s October half-marathon. And while having six extra months to train may sound like a positive, it’s not for me. I’m someone who will stop doing work at 5pm, knowing very well that means I’ll need to wake up at 5am to finish something, because diamonds are made under pressure, baby! My impending, very real deadline, became a distant, easy to ignore, hypothetical. Any momentum I had, was gone.

But on second thought, no big deal. I had a new plan: I’d just run casually for a few months, then restart my more intensive training 14 weeks ahead of the October date. And then when July rolled around, I restarted the Nike Run Club 14-week half marathon training plan. And I followed it … for about two and a half weeks. Then I moved into running 1-2 times a week, if that, never as far as I was supposed to, and so what if I walked most of the way at least I’m moving! Oh don’t be too hard on yourself, it is summer so get that extra drink, and maybe don’t run tomorrow morning you have another night out on Thursday and you don’t want to be too tired and oh god my bed is so comfy what if I just skipped all runs this week but went twice as far next and oh my gosh I’m already so busy I’ll just do my best … And so you see, it became quite difficult to stick to my regime.

The new half marathon date kept getting closer, and I wasn’t running any farther, and finally after a particularly brutal, yet short, run I decided to stop training and sell my bib. In other words: I quit.

Because here’s the thing. I was half-assing it. And while “run a half marathon” has been one of my goals for a while now, this wasn’t the way to go about it. What was I even doing it for at that point? The stamp of approval? The ability to check “done” in the “Goals” note of my Notes App? These aren’t terrible reasons, but they aren’t particularly good ones either. I wasn’t giving myself the time I deserved to do a good job.

When you want to do something, you shouldn’t half ass it, you should actually do it. In training for that marathon, I wasn’t even trying to enjoy the journey, I was only thinking about the destination, only thinking about crossing that goal off a list (that by the way is filled with other goals that I was simultaneously crashing out about). It’s good to have goals, to have dreams. But we have to take care of and enjoy the moments that get us there.

When I first heard Jay Shetty say that quote on a podcast (“When energy is scattered, it’s difficult to create momentum or impact.”) I freaked out. Because that is me to T. I do a lot of things, sure, but I don’t do them particularly well; I don’t give them the time and care and patience they deserve, hell the time and care and patience I deserve to nurture and sustain them.

My name is Emily, and I am an energy scatterer. I like to think of it more as a “yes” woman, but no matter how you slice it, it means I end up with a pretty packed (and sometimes overlapping) schedule, constantly thinking about the next thing I have to do, or the next place I need to go, and feeling like I never have enough time to do the things I actually want to do.

Don’t get me wrong, I like being busy. It’s a blessing to be busy. But every once in a while, on a Sunday night, I’ll review my calendar for the week ahead and think to myself, “what the hell have you done?” Now I’m not saying I want to be someone that’s constantly “protecting their peace” or that bullshit. No. I like going out and doing things, I like making plans with friends, I like to have things on the go. What I am saying is that I’m someone who like double books people and things, and it’s exhausting. And not to mention … it’s rude! For me, being busy is often also a form of procrastination; and so what can be disguised as “seizing the day” is actually keeping me away from the personal projects and commitments I have made aka the things I know I need to do and want to do, so I can not only achieve my hopes and dreams, but also live an authentic and beautiful life. (Bet you didn’t think I was gonna go that deep on us, did ya?)

And so, sometimes you have to quit. It’s tough. It’s failure that you instigate, and nobody wants to fail. But letting go of something creates more room for something else, something else that deserves your time and attention, something else that honestly is probably more important to you anyway. I don’t want to be an energy scatterer. I want to give things my all, and if that means I have to do less things … then that’s okay. I can’t do everything, everywhere, all at once like Michelle Yeoh, Ke Huy Quan, and Jamie Lee Curtis in that movie. And that’s okay.

Let’s also stop pretending that we don’t know what we want. When I dig deep, I know why I wanted to run a half marathon. It personifies a deeper goal of wanting to get exercise, eat well, feel strong and healthy. Well then, it sounds like you know what to do, Emily. So do it, and try to enjoy it.

Mark my words, I will run a half marathon. But it will be when I’m actually ready, and not when I think I should be.

But my friends, summer isn’t over. No, no. We’re in a delicious sweet spot of crisp summer/fall air; the air that smells like change and which provides the ability to go outside with a sweater and jeans and not overheat. My dream date, really. It’s that special time where one can have hot soup or cold soup, and neither is wrong. (Yeah that’s right, something I did cross off my summer bucket list was making a Summer Gazpacho soup.)

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By my calculations — and the world calendar — the last day of summer is September 21. Cue my favourite song by Earth, Wind and Fire. And so I changed the heading of my “To do this summer” list to be: “To do before September 21st”. And if I don’t do those things before September 21, well there’s always next summer. Kidding! But for real, as great as the summer is … is it? As a kid it obviously rocks: no school, epic park moments, staying up late (if your parents are cool), going to Blue Jays games, eating ice cream, and more. As an adult, it’s just a constant stream of plans and activities that overwhelm the only times you aren’t working. Don’t get me wrong, these plans can be very fun. But they can also be exhausting, and did I mention that when I’m hungover I’m miserable and useless? And that I haven’t seen my friends in three months? Please understand that I’m talking like summer summer — those hot, June/July/August days. And I do love you summer, but you got a little crazy on me and so I’m excited to spend more quality, cozy, and even productive time with you for the next 19 days, as we welcome fall together.

Now that we’ve covered that, it’s time for some bits and bites!

BITES OF THE WEEK

Things I’m eating, loving, doing, and listening to – and maybe sometimes more!

Eating – Well as you know, I made a Summer Gazpacho soup. Yep. And not just once, but like twice. And both times it was delicious and pretty easy and I even brought some to work the next day for lunch. I’ve also been eating a lot of chips because we picked up not one, not two, but three bags of Ruffles Originals at Walmart on our way to the place we stayed at in Park City, Utah. So it’s not my fault!

Learning — I’ve been doing standup for a couple of years now and last week I had a real “bombing” experience. I’ve definitely performed sets where I haven’t felt amazing before, but this one took the cake. And so in an attempt to not dwell on it (because oh, I have been) I am typing it out here to release the negative feelings it has made me feel. And you know, I’m never one to blame the audience … but they didn’t want to have fun and it’s not my fault.

(A joke. I’m a comedian!)

Doing – a lot of traveling. I’m currently in San Diego, visiting a friend who lives here, and was just in Utah for my cousin’s wedding. I have a big family and she’s the first cousin to get married so this is sort of like our royal wedding. Then I’m in Chicago this weekend for my Great Uncle’s 90th birthday party. And while I’m excited for these moments, I am also very excited to get back to Toronto, to unpack my bags, put on my fancy PJs and sleep for a while.

Listening to – The Book of Mormon soundtrack, because well, I was in Utah. And then during a car ride recently with my mom and brother and we listened to “Welcome to the Rock” from Come From Away. Twice. I cried both times.

Loving – It’s cheesy but: my family. I highlighted a few of the recent moments (Come From Away in the car, my cousin's Royal Wedding), but this August in particular has given me lots of family time. Whether having a quick but quality visit with my cousin visiting from England, a wedding that means I’ve seen all my aunts, uncles and cousins on my mom’s side of the family in the last 48 hours alone, or a visit to Thunder Beach to eat corn and then butter tarts with my grandma, there has been lots of time well spent with family this summer.

BITS OF THE WEEK

And now a series of my notes – from my phone, my notebook and beyond – because I have a lot of them tucked away and well, I want to share them. For more context on this, see my original post.

Do we all know someone who’s really into biking?

• We do, right?

My birthday in 2023 was so good — awake at 6am, drinking from a bottle of white wine (how it made it through the night, I have no idea) and watching… The Help.

• My birthday is December 30th. When people learn about it, they typically respond with “yikes” or even “that’s the worst birthday I’ve ever heard of.” And sure, I sort of hated my birthday when growing up, especially in my early university years because well my fake ID was bad and so I couldn’t get into any of the good bars until mid-way through second year. And yes people are away, or have plans or don’t want to do something the day before New Year’s, but recently I’ve come to really love my birthday. I mean, it makes me feel young as hell, and I’ve never had to work on my birthday. Anyway, recently I was telling someone about why my 25 birthday, in 2023, was a particularly standout celebration.

“Flight attendants prepare for landing” Ummm we can hear you. Stop gossiping.

• Not much to say on this one, it just always makes me laugh when pilots do this over the speaker and act like they’re just talking to the flight attendants. I know it’s the best way to do that but it does feel silly.

WILD CARD: A bit about a character who always looks like they’re about to perform jazz but they never actually go through with it.

• It’s so shocking that I never did anything with this! Just the premise of “jazz” makes me laugh, but weirdly La La Land wasn’t a comedy. Anyway.

See you next time!

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Anyways, Airplane Mode is a setting that disables your phone’s ability to transmit and receive radio frequency signals (thank you, Google) – so cellular data, and automatically your Wi-Fi and Bluetooth connections, but these can be turned back on. Basically, going on Airplane Mode (true Airplane Mode aka no Wi-Fi add-on) turns your smartphone into nothing more than an iPod/flashlight/calculator.

So in the context of the “bit” I mentioned, when a friend would tease me or lean into some harmless mockery at my expense, I would tell them “I’m going on Airplane Mode” to suggest that I would not be reachable (by phone, but also in real life) for a significant amount of time. I was taking some much needed, much deserved (yet, ironic) space.

I shared a “bit/bite” in my previous post about an instance where I actually went on Airplane Mode recently (no airplane involved) and what transpired.

I recently went for a weekend morning stroll to grab a smoothie, a coffee — all those good treats. For context, my family shares a Spotify account, which means that we can’t listen to music at the same time when we’re all “online”. Totally brutal I know, Definitely get that fixed, I know, What the fuck is wrong with you, TRUST ME I know. We are just … lazy. And also, I have figured out a hack that if I go on Airplane Mode, aka I listen offline, I can listen to any of my Saved Songs, no problem. Yeah but then you can’t do anything else on your phone — shut up, I’m gonna cover that! So. While I was waiting for my smoothie, I noticed a new restaurant had opened across the street, and naturally I immediately went to look it up along with its menu. But I was on Airplane Mode, so I couldn’t. And what’s a weekend morning walk to grab your treats without music? So instead? I decided to walk to the restaurant and ask them to see the menu. I talked to a human being about it, had a lovely interaction, warned that I just wanted to see the menu, and then left, assuring them I’d be back. It felt like the 80s. No phones, no internet, just vibes (for all of 14 and a half minutes).

Let me first defend my chaotic and utterly stupid Spotify account set-up: my dad and brother don’t use it enough to be a real hindrance to me, and I don’t currently have the emotional capacity to start fresh with my playlists and ‘Liked’ songs list. I will one day, but today is not that day. Okay!? Also, I have my brilliant Airplane Mode solution.

Back to the story. I also recently wrote a piece about how I’m addicted to my phone, but didn’t expect to be, and don’t want to be. Well, here comes idea #1 of how to depend on my phone less, and it’s to go on Airplane Mode more. And that doesn’t necessarily mean I have to physically turn off my phone’s ability to transmit and receive radio frequency signals. I’m using it as more of a metaphor, for the following:

• Get rid of the noise. Aka, turn off any notifications. Notifications are a trap, and they always have been. I’ll never forget watching that scary social media documentary during the pandemic (The Social Dilemma) and people from literal Facebook were like “yeah notifications are meant to be addicting and we constantly were coming up with ways to make people more addicted and obsessed with checking their FB because of a notification … because your attention is our currency! ” – or something like that. My phone right now is a constant stream of notifications from various apps, and while at one time I told myself that notifications from The Atlantic and The NYT made me intelligent and interesting, I’m a bit over seeing the most terrible and frustrating news coming out of the world and US at any given time. I’ll seek it out for now, thank you.

• Lean into the community. This brings me back to my restaurant moment. We need to carve out more intentional time to connect with others, and I’m talking about strangers too. Ask real people, real questions. Not just AI, not just Google Gemini. Or maybe even … sit with a bit of uncertainty, even if just for a little bit. Write down what you wanted to know, and ask other people when you can. I get that social media and the internet can connect people too – that’s not lost on me. But there’s nothing like a positive in-person interaction to revive your day, whether you’re an introvert or an extravert.

• Wear a watch. This one is huge, because how many times have I gone to check the time on my phone only to then start doom scrolling? Too many. Wearing a watch lets us keep our phone in our bag or our pocket. You can also be like Carrie Bradshaw and just know that someone will always be able to tell you what time it is, but this is a bit presumptuous and annoying. But I guess that’s leaning into community … Okay sorry I snapped, Carrie. Oh and I don’t mean an Apple Watch.

• Finally, for the love of god, Be disciplined. I’m talking to you, Emily. Put your phone in another room, put it on actual Airplane Mode, throw it out the window, I don’t care. Just don’t pick it up only to open Instagram, scroll, put it down, forget that you just wanted to check the time, so pick it up again only to — oh no, I forgot, so I what’s 5 minutes of TikTok scrolling time.

Please know that I write these notes as reminders to myself more than anything else. I don’t mean to sound accusatory. I’m a real work in progress as it relates to avoiding my phone. As I previously mentioned, they’re designed to be addicting and all-encompassing and overwhelming. I feel the effects, even if I’ve tried to ignore them – my memory is shot (well duh, I can write down every thought I’ve ever had on my Notes app and forget it immediately), I’m insecure (well you were before but duh it’s heightened because everyone’s life online is curated and perfect), and I’m overwhelmed (duh, see previous sentence).

But I can feel a real push back from my generation, a desire for a more analog life. And while there are lots of forces working against us (I’m looking at you big tech and “super intelligent AI”), just know they can’t find us on Airplane Mode.

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So anyways, when I see anything writing related with a deadline or an associated challenge, I get excited — even hopeful. The one I saw was through Vocal+, which I had never heard of before. It seems to be a platform very similar to Substack, so naturally I was intrigued. Then when it outlined some “Summer for Storytellers” writing challenge with “weekly prompts” and “12 weeks of writing” and “$15,000 in cash prizes” I was downright obsessed. I mean, come on, how fun does that all sound?! Then I checked the prompts, and they’re all pretty low stakes, low word count pieces, perfect for an amateur (or rather, wannabe) writer like myself that’s trying to dedicate more time to writing projects.

The only problem? You have to pay to enter. Insert road block. A mere $49 dollars came between me and my beautiful deadline. And while I’ll happily spend $49 on a round of groceries or a bouquet of flowers, or fine, a cool vintage T-shirt (and honestly way more, far more stupid shit), for some reason, this $49 was just too daunting. I felt discouraged. Then I remembered free will, and specifically, it occurred to me that the prompts are all readily available, same with the deadlines, and so really the only thing I am left out of is the prize money portion — which I don’t really care about anyways (emphasis on the “really” and also I certainly wouldn’t be winning it (though you know how deep down there is always still a small part of you that for whatever reason believes maybe you will defy the odds and do / win the thing. But it’s just too embarrassing to lean into. Sorry to get so deep on us here …)

Before I knew about this $49 fee though, I attempted the first challenge I saw. It was to write a poem inspired by “Instructions for Disappearing” — whether that be physically disappearing, literally disappearing or any other artsy-fartsy way I’m sure much more talented writers could interpret it.

The point of my telling you this long-winded, kind of boring, story? Well I wrote a poem, inspired by that prompt. And I thought to myself, why not still post it here where I’ve carved out space for my writing. And why not attempt the other challenges and share them here as well?

Now ironically, I am posting this past the challenge’s relevant deadline, but I mean come on, cut me some slack. Remember what I said previously about being a pathetic procrastinator? Let’s just be glad I’m doing anything. So here goes nothing …

Though I should quickly mention that I haven’t written a poem since, um, high school, so this could be (and perhaps is) quite rocky. I forget the rules and the Iambic pentameter of it all (and it’s important you know that to search this term, I first typed “iambec pentametor” into Google), but I’m sticking to my guns and doing my best here. A special shout out and thank you to Vocal+ and its support for writers. I’m sorry I can’t give you my $49 at this time, it’s just that I’m worried I’ll see an overpriced piece of pottery soon, or another vintage hoodie.

Enjoy!

Instructions for Disappearing

Back against the wall. Leg up. Very chill.

Not your house. Shoes on. Leg down.

Red solo cup, half-filled. Hold it out straight.

Maybe cross your arms?

No. Not like that.

What did they say? Just laugh. Nod.

Relax.

You’ve got this.

Remember what we said in the mirror: “You’re a rockstar.”

Even used finger guns.

You don’t got this.

Anecdote about vacation. Anecdote about vacation.

They’ve been where? Saw who?

I am not interesting.

Chug.

Get another drink. All good.

Oh and they’ll get another drink. Great.

Oops, getting a phone call. Pull back.

Fake phone call.

Breathe.

Where’s the wall? Lean back.

There it is. Very chill.

Check your phone.

11:16pm.

No texts. That’s fine.

You got this, you did this. You showed up.

Back off the wall. Into the kitchen.

Grab your jacket.

Head down.

What a lovely home.

Too much big art though.

See you next time.

Or never.

No one has to know.

Fresh air.

Now that’s how you Irish exit.

I have big plans to do another post about less phone time, per my previous post. Just know that okay? Onto the bits!

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BITES OF THE WEEK

Things I’m eating, loving, doing, and listening to – and maybe sometimes more!

• Loving – the New York Times game suite, specifically Wordle, Connections, and the Mini. And by “loving” I mean I haven’t done them in a while, but just tonight I did them all alongside my grandparents, aunt, and boyfriend and it was a hoot. We were all in a circle, waiting out a Tornado warning in my grandparents’ cottage basement, each on a separate device, playing our individual games, info sharing only when absolutely necessary. (Info sharing is another word for cheating.) While everyone was sharing their go-to first Wordle word, I admitted that I use a different one most times, just you know because why not and for the vibes. They were appalled.

• Eating – a lot of take out and restaurant food. My bank account is furious. But it’s been one of those periods where I haven’t been in routine, haven’t been at home for an extended period of time. And so while I have big plans to make a summer Gazpacho soup, those plans will have to wait until I am more situated. Summer is wild for that, huh? Summertime business means I’ve eaten six hot dogs in the last eight days … and four of those hot dogs were in the last two days. I know I teased that I’d be in New York City eating delicious food, but the only thing I can remember eating is the most delicious and beautiful tiny birthday cake (see below). But don’t worry, I definitely ate a lot more than that, I just guess none of it was “camera ready”.

• Doing – a lot! I think I need to chill a bit! This month I’ve performed a lot of comedy (in NYC and TO!), played baseball, done a cooking class, traveled to and from NYC (for work and much play), gone to a Jays game, gone to an amateur baseball game, helped my boyfriend move into his new place, bought flowers, created content and posters to promote the aforementioned comedy shows, gotten my steps in, re-started training for a half-marathon (I have been on one run), hung out with friends, family, my boyfriend, bought ingredients for meals that went bad, seen friends visiting from long distances, had lots of fun, been tired, and eaten a lot of hot dogs. And just when I was on the brink of losing it, my friends and loved ones grounded me, made me feel better, made me laugh, made me cry, and also I journaled a lot.

• Listening to – my “2ummer025” (I know that makes zero sense) playlist on Spotify. So ABBA, Olivia Dean, ROLE MODEL, Rainbow Kitten Surprise, Noah Kahan and more. And of course, Good Hang w/ Amy Poehler.

BITS OF THE WEEK

And now a series of my notes – from my phone, my notebook and beyond – because I have a lot of them tucked away and well, I want to share them. For more context on this, see my original post.

It is HOT out there. Thank god everything’s fine. Sorry on fire thank god everything’s on fire.

• Get it? Because everything is so not fine?

And because I was on airplane mode, when I saw a new restaurant pop up on my street, I couldn’t google the menu. I had to actually go in and ask the hostess to see it.

• Bear with me here: I recently went for a weekend morning stroll to grab a smoothie, a coffee — all those good treats. For context, my family shares a Spotify account, which means that we can’t listen to music at the same time when we’re all “online”. Totally brutal I know, Definitely get that fixed, I know, What the fuck is wrong with you, TRUST ME I know. We are just … lazy. And also, I have figured out a hack that if I go on Airplane mode, aka I listen offline, I can listen to any of my Saved Songs, no problem. Yeah but then you can’t do anything else on your phone — shut up, I’m gonna cover that! So. While I was waiting for my smoothie, I noticed a new restaurant had opened across the street, and naturally I immediately went to look it up along with its menu. But I was on Airplane Mode, so I couldn’t. And what’s a weekend morning walk to grab your treats without music? So instead? I decided to walk to the restaurant and ask them to see the menu. I talked to a human being about it, had a lovely interaction, warned that I just wanted to see the menu, and then left, assuring them I’d be back. It felt like the 80s. No phones, no internet, just vibes (for all of 14 and a half minutes).

Wise words from Julia re: trying to get into a restaurant that was booked: “no I literally drove there and begged and they of course did it for me because God loves me and wants me to be happy.”

• As stated, wise words from my dear friend Julia who is one of the most optimistic and vibrant people I know. I’m always trying to think more like her, and I thought we could all use a dose of her energy today. Note that she is not religious, but she still knows that God loves her.

WILD CARD: Man on the phone in the street. “Tonight? Might throw on some destiny’s child and dance around in my under pants.”

• I think we can all use a dose of this stranger that I overheard on the street once’s energy as well. God loves him too.

Ta-ta!

Well, if it’s okay with you, my weekly bite is going to change somewhat (That’s great, Em). Yes, I’ll continue to share bits from my notes in an attempt to give them new life and meaning and all those things (Again, sure, great, but you said something about food, can we just get to that?), but I figured I’d also take this time to share some of the things I’ve been eating (Oh great, yes there we go), drinking, doing, loving and beyond to add a bit more value, context, and because heck, I’ve seen other Substackers do it and it seems fun (Okay you’re diverting again). What’s great about this blog is that it can be a constant evolution – and also I have free will so I can do whatever the heck I want to, I guess (No, yeah that’s how that works). Don’t worry, I won’t let the power go to my head. I’m also going to organize things better, but that’s more of a me thing/problem (And thanks for sharing). Oh and just like the name suggests, I’m going to try and keep these bite sized to avoid dragging on too long and you know, being overbearing or overshare-y (What? You? Impossible).

Okay exhale. Here goes nothing:

BITES OF THE WEEK

Things I’m eating, loving, doing, and listening to – and maybe sometimes more!

• Eating – Thai food that I (sort of) made! My boyfriend and I love food, so for his birthday, I got him an “Adult Cooking Class Gift Card for Two” at The Chef Upstairs. His birthday was in February and last week we finally cashed it in. A dinner date for two (plus 8 other strangers), cooking delicious food that you chop and toss and learn to make and then get to eat? Yes please. The starter soup was particularly amazing — Thai Tom Yum Soup — and I will be making it and if I do it right, I’ll share the news on here, okay?

• Loving – the Toronto waterfront! On Saturday, my friend and I biked all the way from Queen West to the Distillery District and back. 17.5km according to her Toronto Bike Ride app, and 25 minutes one way according to Google Maps but it actually took us 42 minutes. Whatever. The route was amazing; we passed the CN tower, the harbourfront, saw the water, and not to mention hundreds of bustling people – all from the comfort of the protected bike lane. Then we enjoyed a bite and a Sangria at The Goodman’s Pub, which is right on the water. I will be back to the waterfront this summer!

• Doing – more standup. Well … in the sense that I was asked to jump into a show and even though I could have used a night off, I said yes! My good pals produced and hosted the first edition of their All Sorts of Friends comedy show and I jumped on for an 8 minute standup set. What a fun show through and through.

• Listening to – Good Hang with Amy Poehler, specifically the Seth Meyers episode. If you haven’t seen the clip / bit where he talks about her and her friends’ totes then do yourself a favour and watch it. My friend recommended the Telepathy Tapes – a podcast and documentary series exploring the possibility of telepathic communication in non-speaking individuals with autism – which she has raved about. I’ve only listened to the first couple episodes but it is certainly compelling. Finally, a TikTok reminded me just how good the Music & Lyrics soundtrack was so I’ve been listening to those hits once again.

BITS OF THE WEEK

And now a series of my notes – from my phone, my notebook and beyond – because I have a lot of them tucked away and well, I want to share them.

“Bit: someone who just ate something spicy but is trying to get through the conversation.”

• I deeply hope to play this character some day.

“There’s a tiny pube on the toilet seat song.”

• Sorry for the visual, but if you know you know. I deeply hope to write this song some day. And as suggested earlier, because of free will, I can!

“Slow down, you crazy child. You’re so ambitious for a juvenile. But then if you’re so smart, tell me why are you still so afraid? Mmm? Where’s the fire, what’s the hurry about, you’d better cool it off before you burn it out. You’ve got so much to do, but only so many hours in a day, hey.

But you know that when the truth is told, that you can get what you want or you can just get old. You’re gonna kick off before you even get halfway through. When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?

Slow down, you’re doing fine. You can’t be everything you wanna be before your time.”

• No you’re right. These are just the lyrics to Billy Joel’s Vienna but I read them on their own recently and holy shit. So I wrote them down, and I thought I’d share them here in case anyone else needed to read them.

“Tennis lessons with two female friends.”

• In university, I took tennis lessons with two of my friends and wow did we have a blast. So I imagine I wrote this in an attempt to capture the essence of that time because a) I thought it would make a great TV show episode or plotline and b) something that fun deserves to be remembered and documented.

That’s all for now, folks! Thanks for listening. I hope this made sense.

It didn’t have any games. You couldn’t access the Internet – or maybe you could, but you didn’t want to because it came at a great expense and also it was some spooky search engine that looked like it was from 1987. I used it to call, text, and that was really it.

A particularly exciting day was when I got to set my speed dial contacts. My mom, my dad and my brother were selected of course. This is ironic because today, those remain the only phone numbers I actually know by heart. But who to fill the coveted and final two speed dial slots? “How about this number you seem to call five times a week?” my mom asked. I didn’t recognize it, so I opted to call the number to scope it out. It turned out to be the Chinese restaurant at the end of our street.

My second phone was a Blackberry – I was moving up in the world. Both of my parents had a Blackberry so it made me feel particularly cool and adult. But to go a step further, I decided to swap out my existing keyboard for a custom blue keyboard thanks to the guy at the back of the Game store near my house who specializes in phone repairs and “upgrades”. It was my way of saying, “Yeah, I have a Blackberry too like everyone else, but mine has a blue keyboard and that’s unique and awesome and it’s fine that the keys get stuck sometimes or don’t even work other times.”

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Those early days of grade 8 were filled with Brickbreaker, BBM status updates, adding other people I didn’t know at all on BBM, PING!!!-ing people on BBM, and changing my profile picture … on BBM. The simple status and photo updates were the closest you could get to sharing content at the time. In a way, it was the earliest version of an Instagram or Twitter, a subtle way to say something to the people that followed you.

Around the same time, my older cousin got an iPhone – the second generation iPhone to be exact. Ah yes, you remember it: the iPhone 3. They skipped 2 for some reason. I distinctly remember having many conversations with other Blackberry users at the time about how iPhones “sucked” and that a “Blackberry was way better” because “BBM is awesome” and “have you even played Brickbreaker? Or updated your BBM status?” But it was hard to keep up the act, especially after I was introduced to the game More Toast! on my cousin’s iPhone which is basically a game where you add condiments to different types of bread and sandwiches … and I know that doesn’t sound like much but at the time? It was amazing. Don’t even get me started on More Cupcakes!

By grade 10, it seemed like everyone had an iPhone. The bandwagon was here, and I got on. For myself … and for More Toast! (and after much bargaining and complaining to my parents). Let me pause briefly to say that I know I sound super spoiled. And I was. And I’m glad we cleared that up.

The only person I know who didn’t “upgrade” to an iPhone (or other Smartphone device) for several years was my mom, who had a Blackberry RIM until it was in no way practical. She had it long after Blackberry crashed. Because her phone didn’t let her take photos, she also carried a giant Nikon camera with her everywhere she went, and used a paper map to get to places. This was in the 2010s. She’s iconic.

All this to say: I have been an iPhone/Smartphone/whatever-you-want-to-label-it-as user since I was about 14 years old and therefore more than a decade. I’ll do the math for you, I’m 26. My iPhone and I have been through many phases. There was the:

• I just got an iPhone phase where I loaded it with more useless and idiotic apps than you can count. I’m talking More Toast! and More Cupcakes!, the Beer app where your phone just emulates being a beer and you can tilt it to the side and “drink” it – among others.

• Candy Crush phase where I spent hours playing the game, making it through to levels so high and mighty, levels you couldn’t even dream of. I played in History class with my seatmates and can honestly say I didn’t listen to a word my teacher said. And that’s terrible!

• Instagram is an art phase which refers to downloading “editing” and “artsy” apps that would let me add hideous effects and borders to my Instagram posts in an attempt to be cool and interesting.

• Instagram is a curse phase which refers to being so anxious about posting on Instagram because my photos and posts were “stupid” and “nobody cares” and also “who am I to think they should”. I would argue I am still in this phase.

• Collage Creator phase where I would spend hours creating colour-schemed collages for myself, my friends, my family and beyond because it was a) fun and creative but mostly because b) it was COVID time and I was bored out of my mind.

But it’s this latest phase that I’m not a fan of: complete and utter dependence combined with information overload. My phone is a third limb. I remember learning about this in a media studies class at university and thinking, well that won’t be me. I have boundaries! I am not dependent on machines! I am better than what you think of me, and better than the average chum!

But unfortunately, I am not. I mean this very genuinely: I did not expect to be so addicted to my phone. I did think I was “better” than the average chum. I read the early stories and findings about doom scrolling, and had parents that naturally worried about the all mighty devices. And sure I’m not on the dark side of the internet, and my “worst” TikTok algorithm has been “Ancient Egyptian Tomb Discovery” – which by the way, whoa! – but I’m not being particularly productive either. I am consistently picking up my phone, checking for notifications that aren’t there, opening Instagram or TikTok out of habit, scrolling, getting pissed at myself for scrolling, putting my phone back down, and forgetting what time it is which was the “real” reason I checked my phone in the first place. Rinse and repeat.

You know when you’re walking and texting, and then you stop, and you see another person walking and texting and you think, “Wow, maybe it’s time to join the real world stranger that can’t seem to put their screen down. Oh how I am better than thou.”

Umm no you aren’t, Emily. Five seconds ago you were looking down at your phone, disconnecting from reality.

Yes, but I was just looking at my map to make sure I hadn’t missed my turn which I looked down at 15 seconds earlier but forgot because when I looked that time I accidentally opened the Instagram app and started looking through people’s stories and oh my god people are really getting engaged these days aren’t they? Will I ever get engaged? –

So you see, I am no better. I did the same thing as I peered down a subway train the other day. Every single person was either scrolling on their phone, listening to music via their phone, or holding onto their phone for dear life like it was a medical device or even a bodily appendage. It felt … dystopian. And I was right there with everyone, even though I “swear” I don’t want to be. With my own phone heavy in my pocket, this time I tried to just be on the subway. But alas, I had to check to make sure I was meant to get off at St. George station even though I definitely knew I had to get off at St. George station. But why should I have to remember a thing like that when I can just look at my phone?

I can’t really blame myself, I mean these devices are designed to be addictive – is often what I tell myself to feel better. Because sure it’s not my fault but I can certainly try harder to be less dependent. I try to remind myself that phones are also designed to be helpful, and convenient, but I think we’re learning that price. Let me guess, your parents harp on you for your phone use and screen time, right? Well they’re no better – even though I’m sure they think they are. I once woke up to 33 texts from my mom which were all Instagram reels. No one is safe out here. Even the very people that revoked our phone privileges growing up have fallen victim. Even the very woman who held onto her Blackberry RIM.

My complete dependence always reminds me of the following. My mom told me that when she was in her 20s – long before the first cell phone (not to age you mom, sorry) – she did a classic Europe backpacking trip. Before she left, she and a friend/acquaintance realized they’d be in Rome at the same time so decided they should meet at the Trevi Fountain around 2pm on, say, June 18th. And then they … did. No follow-ups, no reminders, no last minute “sorry traffic is crazy, I’ll be closer to 2:30pm” on the day because you just got out of the shower. They made a plan, they wrote it in their … agendas? … and they stuck to it. I asked my mom, “And if so-and-so hadn’t shown up? Would you have been worried?” “Not really,” she replied. “I would have thought she forgot or got busy.” This to me seemed like a dangerous reaction – I mean what if so-and-so was in a ditch somewhere? Or had been kidnapped? Or had joined a sex cult?

But you see, of course my mind went to the worst case scenario and hers didn’t. My phone lets me know too much. I can call or text my family and friends at a moment's notice, track their locations if I so please (and I so please), I can see when they were last active on Instagram if they’re not responding to my texts – the list goes on. My phone makes me worry when I don’t need to worry. Another example: I was having a wonderful morning the other day – I got up early, showered, wrote, cleaned my room, folded my laundry – but then I opted to check my work Slack and email around 7:55am and it totally ruined my morning. There was a message from my boss that wasn’t particularly bad, but it just reminded me that I had work to do and therefore I was wasting my morning and it sent me into a negative spiral. My lovely morning, ruined by a simple string of letters on a digital screen. It sucked. There’s of course an entire discourse about the nature of remote work and how we’re never truly offline now. I’ll put a pin in that one for now.

Instead I’ll return to the notion that: I did not intend to be so affected by these devices. I grew up in that “lucky” generation just before the exponential growth of social media and utter phone dependence. Phones were around when I was young, but they were just these cool things that you left in your backpack until the end of the school day and could customize with a funky ring tone and add people to your speed dial. And then when social media did turn up, it wasn’t as advanced as it is now, and by the time it was, people had already written stuff about how clearly fucked up it was and how dependent we were on these devices. But not me, I thought.

So where do we go from here? I read a story from The Atlantic the other day about someone who had never had a smartphone. To go completely cold turkey feels somewhat unrealistic, but in chatting with friends and others about this, I seem to be in a generation hungry for less screen time. We know the negative effects, heck we can feel them. I feel happy one minute, open my phone and watch everyone’s perfectly curated life appear through their Instagram stories, and feel bad about myself. Rinse and repeat. Every horrifying news headline is either in my notifications centre or one click away. And while access to information and connection is one of the great benefits of screens and smartphones in my opinion, there are limits.

Like with any addiction, there are steps to be taken. But this is already running long, so I think I’ll save those for another post – mostly because I need to think about them a bit more. Ultimately, I think I’ll start with treating my phone a bit less like a limb and more like a … hat. Functional, and while sometimes necessary, definitely not appropriate at the dinner table.

Oh my god. You didn’t even notice, did you.

It’s okay, really. Not that you asked, but I swear I had the same reminder in my phone (“BITS OF THE WEEK POST - TOMORROW” – how inspiring is that? Doesn’t that just get your creative juices going!?), and had every intention of doing this. But when I went to start writing, it was already Thursday? I don’t know what was going on with me on Wednesday, but it sure felt like a Tuesday. Anyways, by that point I thought “well, I’ll just post a day late” but then Thursday turned into Friday and finally by Sunday I was able to release my anxiety around the whole thing because the following Wednesday was closer anyway.

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And again, not that you asked, but I had a really busy week last week and while I’m trying to leave more time for writing and creativity in the morning because I’m always so tired by the end of the weekday, I still haven’t cracked the slow, creative morning. But I do feel like I’m getting close!

And not that you asked, but a reminder that self imposed deadlines are important but also fake and shouldn’t cause you anxiety.

Okay, breathing out.

Now for this week’s bits. For anyone that’s new here and is wondering what the hell I’m talking about, know that this is a (basically) weekly series I’m doing where I feature recent notes I have jotted down (whether physically, in my notes app, as a text to myself etc.) and then one wild card (aka a note from my master ‘Ideas’ list which I’ve had since 2014) to give them some life outside their pages (whether digital or physical).

So now for this week’s bits.

Guess who’s hosting the World Cup next year? Everyone’s most dramatic throuple … Canada US and Mexico

We’re in a trade war after all.

Just because it’s taking time, doesn’t mean it’s not happening.

I saw this quote on Pinterest and saved it to my “Things I learned in books and readings note”. I have a laundry list of them included in here if you ever want a little pick-me-up.

Coconut milk

Vegetable stock

Egg noodles

Tofu

Carrot

Pepper

Okay, you're right. This is just a grocery list. But isn’t it … impressive? Like if you saw these items in my cart you’d be like, “wow she’s really about to do something.” And I did! I made a delicious yellow curry – from TikTok! Don’t panic, I also had a beer and fries after. We’re doing our best. And know that it fell between the following notes:

And before you call me spoiled let me first say that I am spoiled. Glad we could clear that up. - this will actually be in an upcoming post … stay tuned)

BITS OF GJE WEEK - a follow up to my prelude; I sent this text before bed on Thursday to encourage myself to write this on Friday morning. Once again, inspiring stuff. It’s shocking it didn’t work!

WILD CARD –

Man on the phone in street: “Tonight? Might throw on some destiny’s child and dance around in my under pants.”

I do not remember adding this one, but based on how I’ve written it, I think I overheard a man on the street tell someone on the phone that tonight? He might throw on some Destiny’s Child and dance around in his under pants. Excellent stuff.

That’s all she wrote, folks! (Except that’s not true as you know that the whole point of this series is to unpack truly all that I have written down and there is so much more; but for the sake of being succinct and charming, we’ll go with it!)

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(Upon doing a quick Google search, I have realized that it’s a bit of a universal thing and not just something that the principal invented. Research is important.)

This month, I said it first, which feels like a big and exciting deal. I quickly followed up my rabbit rabbit text with, “It’s going to be a good month.” I said it first, I honestly think for the first time ever. So I’m feeling pretty good, and I’m ready to have a great month. Please don’t beat yourself up that you didn’t think to say it first. You maybe didn’t know! But either way, I did beat you. I also don’t mean to hit you while you’re down, but I just lost the game.

(Upon doing some additional research - and by that I mean reading further down the “Rabbit Rabbit” Wikipedia page -, I have learned that it’s supposed to be said out loud to receive the good luck, but I think its inventors would understand that a text totally counts seeing as we now live in a digital age.)

Anyway – this silly, simple ritual sparks a lot of joy and excitement for my friends and me. It’s nice. And it got me thinking of other silly, simple things I do, or that I could do, this month and beyond, to spark a bit of joy for myself and others. I guess this is a fancy, just-get-to-the-point way to create a summer bucket list. But I don’t want it to be a list of to-do’s as much as a list of “I could do’s” for when I want to spark a little bit of joy. What do we think? Let’s try:

• Say “Rabbit Rabbit” out loud. Because it’s silly and fun! (and apparently the real way to get good luck)

• Do Wordle and Connections.

• Make dinner – for myself and for others.

• Buy and try new wines, Ontario wines – we are in a trade war after all (I think. We are still, right? I don’t know it changes every day, you can’t blame a girl.)

• Gather (or rather, make plans to) – have people over, go to things, host shows, bring people together, gather with other people.

• Be outside, go for walks.

• Be present. Get off your damn phone. And on that, do not check your phone until you’re vertical and/or until you’ve gone pee (ideally those don’t happen exclusively).

• Go on a run (aka start training for your half marathon (ughhhhhhhh ahhhhhh but it needs to be done)).

• Try to find a new outfit using the clothes in your closet.

(So as you can see, I have to switch from “me/I” to “you” when I have to be more real with myself)

• Make and eat yummy food.

• Buy flowers.

• Explore! Neighbourhoods, parks, topics that interest me, books!

• Be a writer.

Okay I think that will do the trick for now. I write these kinds of things in the notes of my phone all the time (which should come as no surprise) so I have them close by. I may not always remember them, but at least I can read them when I need a little inspiration or a gentle kick in the ass. Notice how none of them involve my phone? Because damn that thing! But also I need it so desperately and can’t live without it ugh. I plan to write more on this very soon …

But alas, all I’m trying to get across is that it feels so good to just do something sometimes. Here’s to June and beyond. Rabbit Rabbit, everyone!

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Enough of my inner monologue – you want the bits, right!? Well, consider me flattered. To preface, I was telling people just tonight how my brain works so much differently now that I perform comedy. (Just call yourself a comedian, you freak. I’m trying, but I have trouble taking myself seriously!) Unfortunately, many things are content and bit material. Sometimes I tell a story to a group of friends or colleagues, and if it gets a laugh well then it gets a note entry and maybe one day a feature in my standup set or sketch (or more realistically in one of these bit lists which will never see the light of day but which may find meaning via the digital world). Sometimes it makes me feel inauthentic, like I’m constantly just mining the world and my relationships for stories, insights, and data – not living in the present, not just existing. To that I say: yeah shit.

So on that note, please enjoy this week’s bits. A reminder that these are recent notes I have jotted down (whether physically, in my notes app, as a text to myself etc.) and then one wild card (aka a note from my master ‘Ideas’ list which I’ve had since 2014).

Do you ever do things that so majorly remind you of being a kid you almost start to cry? Like I just stopped in the middle of the sidewalk to zip up my jacket very thoughtfully, very carefully. We don’t get to do that stuff anymore it feels like.

Okay I might have to write a blog post about this actually. I also tied my shoe on the sidewalk the other day and really made a meal out of it – like put down my purse and the bag I was holding, maybe even unzipped my jacket – just so the angle and everything was perfect. I felt foolish, and childish and wonderful.

The claw you have to make to get the dip on the crumb chips

For those that know me, you know what I’m talking about.

Apparently using Chat GPT is the equivalent of pouring out one glass of water. Which is of course terrible. But I need them to use units I’m more familiar with or uncomfortable with. One glass of wine!? WHAT? NO.

A very important PSA for wine drinkers: did you know using Chat GPT was like pouring out one glass of white wine? Scary.

WILD CARD

Bit: who is going to bring the toothpaste

Okay this is actually an important one and it refers to friendship. When you go away for a weekend with your girlfriends, there are friends that either bring the toothpaste that everyone inevitably has to use, because they don’t bring the toothpaste. I have been both a bringer and a non-bringer because it’s also circumstantial i.e. the spectrum of bringers and non-bringers is a wide range and therefore sometimes you must be flexible. However, there are people who will never bring the toothpaste and there are people who will always bring the toothpaste. Anyways. For me it’s a metaphor about friendship. We all need people who will bring it, and we all need people who won’t. That made sense, right?

And with that, it’s 11:57pm and we’ve done it again. Buzzer beater. Thank you, and goodnight!