As a co-host for the podcast for the last three years, I had dreamed of one day putting together a discussion addressing what’s missing in mainstream coverage of ADHD. This dream came true when Emily W. King and Debbie Reber joined me for a wide-ranging exploration of ADHD, from whether it should even be considered a disorder to the most dangerous misinformation out there. For today’s Substack, I excerpted parts of our discussion (lightly edited for clarity) but please tune into the whole episode!

Debbie Reber  is a parenting activist, best-selling author, speaker, and the founder of TILT Parenting, a top resource for parents raising neurodivergent children. In her groundbreaking book, Differently Wired, and Full Tilt Parenting podcast, Debbie  champions a strengths-based approach that reframes how society supports differently wired kids.

Dr. Emily W. King, a child psychologist, hosts the Substack where she provides parent workshops, created the Neurodiverse Classroom, a professional development curriculum for educators, and just published her first book, The Neurodivergent Learner.

ADHD: Worst Name Ever?

Emily E.:  ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. This is a complete miss because it makes us focus on attention and hyperactivity when what we’re learning the differences are in regulation of multiple parts of the brain and the nervous system: sleep, emotion regulation, appetite, cognition, energy management. It’s so beyond attention, and the fact that that’s the first word of the acronym, already there’s misinformation woven into the DSM.1 And this is partly because there have been advances in science, so we started with ADHD, but now we’ve outgrown that as an acronym.

Debbie:  We’ve been learning about ADHD in my house for the past fifteen-plus years from when we first got that provisional diagnosis, and I’ve been doing this work for ten years, and I feel like it was only in the past seven or eight years that I even realized that emotional regulation was a key component of ADHD. It made so much sense, but that wasn’t brought up in any of the conversations we had with people who provided us with the evaluation and the plan for how to move forward.

Emily K.: It’s a huge missing piece of diagnostics, and I think there are kids that will get misdiagnosed with mood disorders, and actually they have severe ADHD, trouble regulating their emotions. And they’re kids who are not hyperactive at all, but they have that mood piece, and so it gets missed.

Thinking about ADHD as a regulation difference as opposed to simply an attention problem helps make sense of many other behaviors that can confuse parents.

“I didn’t know that was ADHD”

Emily E.: In my work with parents, it’s been a common theme that some of the main features that I know are common in ADHD are ones the parents have never heard of. So across all the professional settings, the pediatrician’s office, the evaluator, the school, parents often haven’t heard of things that actually really affect kids’ functioning and can be core parts of ADHD. What have you noticed are common features of ADHD that are not often discussed in formal evaluations or treatment?

1. Lying

Emily K.: Lying is something so common in ADHD. How I describe it is if you do something impulsively and then you immediately realize that you’ve done something negative, but you don’t have the insight, the delayed gratification of knowing “if I tell the truth now I can help keep this relationship solid in the future.”

If you are in the moment, of course you’re going to lie. Of course you’re going to say the next thing that you think of to distance yourself from that. And what’s so wild is that very intelligent kids will lie like they do not realize that we know they’re lying.  But it’s this emotional avoidance of being very sensitive to getting called out or whatever that impulsive mistake was.

A few strategies that I use are helping kids know that when I know what happened, like when I know the truth as a parent, as a teacher, I can help you solve this so much faster. Because impulsive kids like to do things quickly. So we reward the truth and the problem-solving versus consequencing the lie because they’re not gonna learn from that. They just learn to keep avoiding and they don’t feel supported.  It is hard for parents to drop that, “I’m not going to consequence my kid for lying,” because we feel so offended when they lie, right? But for ADHD kids, we really have to join them even faster to help them not feel so negative about themselves.

2. Time blindness + “the future doesn’t exist”

Emily E.:  I think time blindness is a big one because parents do not understand how we can have the same routine every morning, and yet we are running out the door late every morning. I try and help parents understand -- and some parents with ADHD do understand –that some kids with ADHD don’t feel the passage of time internally like neurotypical people do.

Debbie:  You mentioned avoidance, Emily, earlier when you were talking about lying, but also just avoidance in general. If you can delay anything that’s a non-preferred task, you will. Like, you know, 100 times out of 100 I could say, “We, we need to do this. Should we do it now or in two hours?” The answer will always be in two hours because there is this sense that “the future doesn’t exist,” and that can be really challenging, especially as kids get older and there’s homework and there’s responsibilities that our kids have to attend to. Just putting it off, putting it off. Whatever’s not happening right now is not happening, period.

Emily E.: Yeah, there’s a lack of that future thinking and really understanding of the abstraction that there is a future

Emily K.: Yeah, if, if kids realized there was a future, they wouldn’t lie, right?

3. After-school crash

Emily E.:  The other piece that I find really helpful to think about is the sensitivity to energy management. People would describe many of these kids with ADHD as “they’re so active, they’re always going,” right? But then what happens is the crash. I picture it like if your phone battery is not working very well, it’s at 80% and then it’s at 20% and you’re like, “What happened?”

In a lot of kids with ADHD, this is an under-noticed phenomena, and so a day at school takes everything they have. They are exhausted by the time they get home. They have expended so much energy processing, interacting, regulating to not get in trouble, right? This can pair with that we haven’t touched on, this whole interoception idea of not being very well tuned into the internal state. A kid’s not gonna say, “I’m really depleted.” They may not have the awareness that their energy is plummeting and they really need downtime. They may actually go into this hyper mode of wanting to keep going when you can see they are fraying at the edges.

Debbie: Dr. Amy Laurent and Dr. Jacquelyne Fede, who created Autism Level Up!, really talk about this idea that a lot of neurodivergent people struggle to connect with their internal emotional experience, and energy is something that actually makes more sense to them. It’s more about helping our kids understand where there’s a match versus a mismatch for their energy.

Some of our kids really need a lot -- to be in really active environments in order to feel settled, and some of them get really depleted in certain environments, right? So, I like that idea of also thinking about what are the best matches energetically and helping our kids start to tune in with that interoception piece and “when do I feel more calm and what does that environment look like and how can I tap into more of that?”

Emily K.:  I have a whole chapter in my book on managing energy for this reason. Talking about energy usually resonates with them because they know how they feel now and they can think about how was my energy at school?

 We have to teach them what are the clues you get in life, in the day that may be showing you that your battery is low: helping your kid eat snacks on a routine, because you have to have energy; understanding that if your kid didn’t get enough sleep, sending a, a quick text to the teacher is really important so that they know, “Let’s handle with care today.”

Why parenting ADHD feels different

Debbie:  Despite the fact that there’s so much more awareness of neurodivergence today and so many more resources, parents still feel isolated from other parent communities and like they’re screwing up or they’re being judged by other people. So that is one of the biggest challenges because there are so many opportunities for us to be humbled by our children and for us to be reminded that we have no control over how this is gonna look in different environments.

Another really challenging aspect is the fact that we as the parents are often having to be the executive function for our entire family. The apple doesn’t often fall far from the tree, so then you’ve got a parent, often one or both parents with ADHD, who’s trying to do all the adulting and manage the executive function for a child who has executive function challenges and is disorganized. It can create a very chaotic home environment, which then can perpetuate the sense, “I’m doing it wrong, I’m failing,” and it just can just build up, and that then can lead to burnout, right?

Emily E.:  I often steal something you coined in your book, Differently Wired, the term “advanced parenting.” This is like the AP course of parenting.

Debbie:  I also say that we’re like the wingsuit flyers of parenting because it’s an extreme sport, right? And if you’re not a wingsuit flyer, you don’t get it. You don’t understand all the things that are involved. And we can’t fake it. We can’t decide, “Well, I’m just gonna kind of phone it in.” We could, but that is not gonna work well for anybody. And so our kids place so many more demands on us than families raising neurotypical kids are navigating. And not that it’s a competition; parenting is hard across the board, but that perpetuates this further sense of isolation because we really feel like we can’t even voice what’s hard because people aren’t gonna get it, and then we feel even worse about ourselves.

Emily K.:  I will add to the parent experience two takeaways.

If you can just shift your mindset from thinking about chronological time to developmental time. So, when you are thinking chronological time, you’re thinking, “Okay, my kid’s gonna turn five, they’re going to kindergarten. My kid’s gonna turn eight, they’re gonna, start losing all their teeth,” and all the things that eight-year-olds do. “And when they’re 12, they should, should be doing this.” All these shoulds start coming up.

Well, you start dropping all the shoulds when you switch over to developmental time, and you just think about, “What is it my child can do, and what is it that we’re working on next?” That’s the advanced part, because there is no roadmap. It is just following your child to the next thing, and you have to relinquish a lot of control.

 The second thing I will say when we’re very stressed, we tend to do things for our kids, and this is gonna lean into Emily’s autonomy research. It makes family life easier, but then we end up enabling. And I do see some of that in my practice where if the parent challenges the child in any way, there’s gonna be a big emotional explosion. Of course you want to avoid that, right? But then we get into the weeds of actually they can do it under some circumstances. The opposite of that is avoiding your child, not helping your child, and then you don’t have the relationship you want with your kid.

So, the advanced part of that dynamic is finding that balance between enabling and avoiding. Because our stress is going to make us polarize and do one or the other. As parents, we’re always figuring out what can we handle emotionally that day. What is my kid capable of? And is this a day that I could step back and let them take longer to get ready, or step back and let them get frustrated and slam something to the ground and decide if they’re gonna ask for help or not. That would be growth for our kid, if we can tolerate it as parents.

Room to Grow

I am exceedingly grateful for the work that Debbie and Emily continue to do in the world of parenting and neurodivergence. The more deeply and holistically we understand how the ADHD brain works, the less pressure we may feel to “fix” our kids. We can more clearly see their strengths, support them through their struggles, and recognize when they need our help—and when they’re ready for us to step back.

Just as important is talking more honestly about the parenting experience. When we better understand both our kids and the demands of this advanced parenting journey, we can shrink the space taken up by “I’m doing this wrong” and make more room for growth—for all of us.

What would you add to the ADHD Roundtable? What has surprised or mystified you? Where have you found support? Please share!

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“You Don’t Know Me”

This is what my son said, who turned 12 yesterday. He has accelerated at break-neck speed toward adolescent-ness all summer so this sentiment was not surprising. What did stun me was how he finished the sentence: “You don’t know me — and you know me better than I know myself.”

I have been chewing on the brilliance of this revelation for days. He feels unseen and misunderstood at times by me, and of course I don’t bat 100 in this area because nobody does. But he’s also able to hold the duality that I can also understand him in deep and complex ways that he is still figuring out.

He is my youngest of three children, so his recent relentlessness about spending time away from us is not new for us veteran parents. Yet, as I write this on his birthday, I am reflecting on how much being his mother helps me grow as a person everyday. It was nice to hear he sees me doing the same for him.

These are the moments that sustain us on this rocky path of parenting! I hope you have a few of your own to savor.

In parenting solidarity,

I actually love this time of year as an autonomy-supportive parenting refresh. Where can we level up our kids’ self-sufficiency now that they are maturing into their next grade? I’m sharing this repeat newsletter from past school years about how to increase independence in the home and with school, but check out my Self-Sufficiency Starter Kit handout with more guidelines from my book about chores, homework, and allowance specifically.

Sometimes we forget that as our kids get older, we should be expecting more from them. If that’s true for you, here’s a reminder and a roadmap.

September (and now August in many parts of the country) heralds our kids leveling up in school—which means they can also level up in life. If we let them! (And if you are reading this, I believe you will.) Take stock of where each child is with their skills as they start the next grade or next year in preschool and consider what you may be doing for them that you don’t need to anymore.

Ask yourself, “Is my child capable of this task that I have always done for them?”

It’s not just filling up water bottles and making lunches. We also need to examine social and emotional skills. As our children age, they are more capable of handling social stress and their own emotions with less hand-holding from us. For example, if your child comes to you with a friendship dilemma, you can use four magic words before giving any direction: “What do you think?”

Most of us understand why fostering independence matters. The harder part is actually doing it—especially when we're stressed. And when is there a spike in family stress? In these early weeks of switching from summer chaos to school routine.  

Stress kicks us into automatic mode for getting through the day with the least resistance, but this can also mean we miss opportunities to nudge our kids forward with their independence because it feels easier to do everything ourselves. At the end of our action-packed days, this results in us doing more work than we need to, while the children lounge with video games and Netflix (or is that just my kids?).

It doesn’t have to be like this.

Welcome to this year’s installment of the Self-Sufficiency Starter Kit, inspired by the autonomy-supportive parenting framework.

Self-Sufficiency Starter Kit

CHORES:

Chores are a critical part of kids developing life skills (e.g., the first time they face a washing machine isn’t in college) and of experiencing how, at any age, they add value to the home and family.

In my house, we re-evaluate chores at the beginning of each school year.1 Each child chooses a set of chores they commit to for the next year (the older the child, the greater the number of chores and the level of difficulty). They can choose to keep or dispense of chores from the previous year, but we have a master list of all the household chores for their selection. My kids also choose which day they do each chore, keeping in mind their activity schedules.

I know most children will not embrace taking out the trash and sweeping the kitchen floor, but the more it becomes part of the family culture, the less resistance will follow. In another autonomy-supportive move, in my family we frame these chores in the context of values. As children get older, they value their freedom more. I present chores in the context that with freedom comes responsibility.2

I spend a fair amount of energy reminding and supervising this imperfect chore routine. It takes time and bandwidth, especially at the beginning. But what my kids learn from this about helpfulness, daily living skills, and confidence in their self-sufficiency makes it a priority for me to keep chugging along.
 
SCHOOL PREP:

Think about all the steps for being ready for school in the morning and make three lists: which tasks each child can do independently, which tasks they can do with you, and which tasks you really, really need to do for them (for now).

In my family, we have a policy that our kids make their own school lunches. In his younger years, my third-born has resisted the most with complaints that he “can’t” spread the jelly or reach objects in the refrigerator. We made his lunch with him (an example of scaffolding), but kept leveling up our expectations of his contribution and explained the rationale for the expectations. How will he ever figure out how to spread the jelly if he doesn’t do it?”

If you find yourself running around the house at the last minute doing things for your children that they can do themselves, have a family meeting about how to better manage their morning time. (You can probably tell I’m the CMO in my house – Chief Morning Officer.) Speaking from experience, the morning routine may never reach peak kids-do-it-themselves level, but it’s worth at least aiming closer. Every water bottle that gets filled by someone other than you is a win.
 
HOMEWORK:

If you have a child in a school with a teacher who requires homework (many don’t these days), think about how much you participate and how much you need to participate. Scaling back your possible over-involvement doesn’t just save you time and stress trying to understand “new math,” but it serves your child in the long run.

They might need help at different stages in the homework routine, like sitting down to start or persisting when they get frustrated, but homework doesn’t have to be the power struggle it commonly is. What if your child gets all the spelling words or math problems wrong? It's okay not to correct it all (inevitably resulting in a very upset child) because the teacher needs to know they aren't mastering the material.

If your child seeks your help during homework, feel free to give it (without solving the problems for them) but refrain from controlling the process. Let them take the lead.3

The more trust you show in your child’s ability to work independently, the more they trust themselves.

PORTAL GRADES:

For older kids, many tweens and teens have this now-ubiquitous portal system where parents can look at every assignment. I call it the siren song for controlling parenting. When technology makes it possible for parents to do something, that doesn't mean we should.

I see the pull to micro-manage causing problems in many families. It will help everyone if you can zoom out from each assignment and focus on your child building their own internal motivation in school. Ask them: “What is important to you about grades?” Consider what actually fuels their own sense of pride and accomplishment rather than what you think should matter most to them.

This is the perfect opportunity to again recommend Jennifer Wallace’s essential book: Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic—And What We Can Do About It. She shares data that when kids feel less pressure from us to perform academically, they are more likely to build the internal motivation that supports stronger achievement.

I’m not suggesting to never look at the portal, although that may work well for organized kids with a lot of initiative, but don’t feel the need to be up-to-date on each assignment. Each tween and teen needs a different level of structure and monitoring around school, so experiment with what works best to support your child’s work completion (e.g., weekly or monthly portal check-ins).

In this process, however, aim to be as collaborative as possible with your young student while keeping an eye on where their internal motivation lies.

Tips for Success: The 3 P’s

I can hear many of you saying in your heads right now, “this won’t work with my kid” or “but what about …?” Yes, there is always nuance and many factors to consider for increasing a child’s self-sufficiency. In fact, I dedicate an entire chapter in my book to ADHD and Autism because differences in executive functioning have to be considered when shaping self-sufficiency. I also devote a chapter to parenting a child going through depression or anxiety, which also requires thoughtful tweaking.

Regardless of each child’s unique needs, the following tips for success are a good guide for you to help them chart their own path to greater independence:  

1. Prioritize: Don’t expect all the new self-sufficiency all at once—your child will likely revolt in total overwhelm. Pick an area that would have the most impact to be worth the effort and explain the reasoning for expecting more of your child: “You’re getting older and you are ready to do more.”

2. Pace: Over a few weeks, add areas of self-sufficiency brick by brick. Look for areas of success to celebrate new skills and build confidence for the next step forward.

3. Persist: This will not be smooth for some (many) kids. It’s a pretty great setup to have one or two adults doing everything for you. They will likely complain. Cooperation will be inconsistent. Persist and I promise it will pay off, even if it’s not until the beginning of the next school year when you realize how far they have come!

So as your kids level up this school year, look for where you can level down your involvement. And your stress.

Parent Group for ADHD

This summer, I piloted a virtual group for parents managing ADHD in their families and I’m excited to run another one in the fall! We meet every other week for an hour and a half to share challenges, successes, strategies, and validation. The group stays in touch between sessions to support each other in real time when problems flare. I have heard from the parents in the group how it has felt like a much-needed and different kind of support.

If you’re interested in being considered for the fall session, please email me “I’m interested” before 8/31 and I’ll add you to the list! I intentionally keep the group small, with a maximum of 8 participants.

Next Best Parenting Books

I don’t call out specific parenting books too often (there are so many and I don’t want to play favorites) but there are two upcoming books I have previewed that will immediately join my shelf of “must-read” parenting books:

1. The Neurodivergent Learner: A New Approach to Your Child’s Success in the Classroom and Beyond by (out 8/25). You can hear more from Emily, a psychologist and longtime advocate for improving education for neurodivergent students, on a podcast episode for that comes out next week. We have a roundtable discussion about what we’re getting wrong about ADHD and what we need to understand about the diagnosis to better understand our children. (Teaser: the legendary from Tilt Parenting and author of Differently Wired joins us too!)

2. Restoring Childhood: How to Set Kids Free in the Age of Anxiety by (out 9/15). I’m preparing my interview with Peter on his book that is a wholly refreshing take on what is and isn’t contributing to the rise of anxiety in our children. (Hint: Peter and I align on staying off of the Anxious Generation bandwagon.) A research professor of psychology and neuroscience, as well as a career-long proponent of the value of play, Peter offers insights based in science and his many decades of studying children and childhood.

In the last hour finishing this newsletter, I helped one child learn our new washing machine, argued with one child about following through when you commit to a friend, and followed up with another child on the status of summer reading. So, yeah, I’m ready to have this house back so I can write a newsletter in half the time!

In parenting solidarity,

Emily

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My son stood at the top of the stairs at 9:20 pm, incredulous that we could be close to running out of milk. I don’t remember his exact words but they were along the lines of, “How could you not have enough milk, MOM?” I emphasize that last part because I am apparently singularly responsible for this egregious error of not having a second gallon of milk.

Earlier that same day, that same child scolded me for something else I forgot from the grocery store. I teetered on blowing up, feeling my heart race and chest tighten. I said to him, “Sometimes I forget things. Do you know how many things I have to remember?” He doesn’t. Nobody does.1

In these moments, that SNL skit with Kristen Wiig pops into my head. On Christmas morning, everyone else in the family (including the dog) opens heaps of presents while Mom has one gift. A robe. While kids and husband keep opening expensive and thoughtful presents, Mom makes breakfast, burning her arm. She notices the sale tag on her robe. She smiles with sad eyes. It’s funny because it’s true.

It’s also not funny because of how true it is.

My reality doesn’t directly match the skit. I have a partner who selects several thoughtful gifts for me every holiday and who leads the way in the kitchen as a superior cook. I’m not literally standing in the middle of a room full of presents with only a sale robe for me. But there’s an essence to Kristen Wiig’s personification of the Mom-robe experience that rings very familiar.

Against Martyrdom

I’ll never forget one December when I yelled into the void over a baking sheet of cookies. We have a family tradition of baking and compiling platters of treats for friends and neighbors for the holidays. Correction: it’s my tradition that I impose because it’s important to me. This particular year, we planned our afternoon of icing the sugar cookies (a sticky and tedious task I hate) and as I stood at the counter to ready our family activity, each kid had suddenly scattered away to do something else.

I stood there, alone and angry, surrounded by trays of naked cookies and bowls of different colors of icing - and I lost it.

Whenever I get this feeling of being a martyr (“I do everything around here and nobody notices or cares”) it’s my signal that things have gone askew. Meaning I am making choices and having silent expectations that set me up for feeling taken for granted. Most of the time, I’m not a martyr. I consciously choose and explicitly prioritize my needs (“bye everyone I’m going in my room to meditate”) and I express what I expect from my family (“kids your father better not be the only one in the kitchen making food on Mother’s Day”).

I consciously work against martyrdom. But here’s the thing that works against me: being a woman and mother in our society.2 We are expected at every level to sublimate our needs. Every level. From getting out of the way of a man striding down the center of the sidewalk (there are studies on this) to the deeply entrenched message that smaller bodies are better (for women). From every direction we are told to not take up too much space, to shrink, to stay quiet, to smile with sad eyes.

So on Mother’s Day when it’s supposed to be about us, it’s not because it never can be. We may even hate the day because it reminds us of how invisible our labor is, how our constant giving is a given rather than a gift seen and appreciated by others. We live in a state of centering others while nobody centers us. Why would it be different on this one day of the year?

Idealized and Invisible

Most mothers I know either roll their eyes about the impending May Sunday, or even dread it.3 Despite the aisles of greeting cards gesturing how important we are, it doesn’t feel that way.

When my kids were younger, the best part of Mother’s Day was any part of the day by myself. Yes, I said it. The best part of Mother’s Day was time without my children. (2026 update with kids now aged 16, 14, and 11: all I want is for them to want to spend time with me!)

I’m not writing this to complain about my Mother’s Days specifically because on the whole, my family has created some special moments. (There are also some memorable terrible moments too that I won’t get into here.)

I’m writing this because I have noticed how complicated this so-called holiday feels for so many. A day allegedly about mom brings up how mothers are both mythically idealized and minimally noticed. Impossible expectations paired with invisibility. A strange paradox to grapple with that seems more obvious with each passing year of motherhood.

The Perfect Mother’s Day Gift

“What mom really wants” isn’t on Amazon despite the many listicles telling us so. The perfect Mother’s Day gift is a complete overhaul of our social construction of womanhood and motherhood.

Pass this on to anyone in charge of planning Mother’s Day: Forget the restaurant brunches with cranky children. Forget satisfying other family members’ wishes for what Mother’s Day should be. Don’t forget the mother you are celebrating. Remember her. Remember everything she does for your family that is seldom acknowledged. Acknowledge her.

The perfect Mother’s Day gift is hearing “thank you, Mom” for what we do remember from the grocery store. For all we do and remember and give and are.

What are your thoughts on Mother’s Day? Please share!

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Mother’s Day Reading Roundup

The best part of my Mother’s Day tradition is staying in bed drinking coffee and reading while the rest of the family does what I would usually be doing. In honor of this precious time and space to start a day reading, I offer a Mother’s Day reading round-up. This round-up is diverse in style and tone, but each one explores the meaning of motherhood, including its intersection with women lacking social power.

A Flower Traveled in My Blood, Haley Cohen Gilliland: This is a narrative non-fiction detailing the decades-long fight of the Grandmothers of the Plaza de Mayo (Abuelas de Plaza de Mayo) in Argentina after their children and grandchildren were abducted by the junta between 1976 and 1983. An inspiring true story of grit and determination powered by maternal love (and the burgeoning science of genetics — fascinating!).

Margo’s Got Money Troubles, Rufi Thorpe: I’ve recommended this hilarious, heartfelt novel in the past, which is now a show on Apple starring Elle Fanning (who also read the audio version, which I loved). Although more comedy than drama, the story tackles the impossible paradox of society’s idealized expectations for mothers — without any real support. Margo turns to starting an Only Fans account as an efficient way to generate income while being available to care for her infant — and then gets punished for it.

The Frozen River, Ariel Lawhon: Set in 18th century Maine, this novel is based on the real-life diary of midwife Martha Ballard. A mysterious murder may be the central plot point, but the story is really about a woman and mother battling patriarchal oppression and injustice — with the support of a husband heroic for his progressive respect for her.

Madwoman, Chelsea Bieker: This story starts with a frazzled mom of two young children trying to get through simple errands, which are interrupted by the reminder of a secret past that takes the whole novel to fully reveal. This protagonist perfectly captures the tension between performing as the mother she thinks she’s supposed to be while reckoning with the complexity of her true self.

Mothers and Other Fictional Characters: A Memoir in Essays, Nicole Graev Lipson: I recently recommended this essay collection but I couldn’t let a Mother’s Day Reading Round-up go without it! From her meditation on female friendship to navigating her children’s gender identity to reckoning her own negative bias in memories of her mother while her children treat her with the same bias, there’s something for every mother to relate to.

I hope my Mom readers can be truly celebrated this year and thank you to all of my Dad, grandparent, caregiver, educator and parenting-interested readers for being Mother’s Day allies!

In parenting solidarity,

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