Midlife ENM Goddess

#32 Warning: There Is No Sex in this Entry

Orchid — Wed, 02 Sep 2026 02:14:39 GMT

Entry #32

Friday, July 24
And in the world of ethical nonmonogamy, doors close and windows open. The Organizer texted and asked me to have a beer this weekend. We settled on Friday after work.

I met The Organizer after work today for a couple beers. It was so nice. It was easy, interesting, exciting, flirtatious and fun. I intentionally talked a bit about my dating experience and explained the ENM concept. I don’t want to hide anything and I feel like I am different now. I do not want to shove myself back into a box.

The Organizer was curious and respectful and shared some of his feelings about what I was saying. We talked a bit about his taking time to recover from his 2 year relationship that was right after his divorce. I told him again that I was very serious about waiting for him. I told him to take his time and being friends in the interim sounded great.

At the end of the evening we had a lovely hug and he said it had been great for him and he texted me later that I was the best. Who can beat that!

Saturday, July 25
I am really crushed. I keep trying to find justification for the many hurtful decisions the Luftmensch has deliberately made in the last 24 hours. He was supposed to reach out and tell me when to reschedule the twice-canceled camping trip. He was supposed to confirm that he would come over today at 8:15 to meet with a friend of mine. We were supposed to check in and he was supposed to have some idea about us and our future. Then not including all of those choices, we had agreed to keep our phones on and to answer our phones whenever we were in some kind of a controversial or contentious place. Not only did he not answer or respond, there was no text to tell me he was OK.

With the possibility that maybe he had actually hurt himself, I went over to his house. Not sure if I expected to find him with someone or just sound asleep and completely self-absorbed. But I pulled up and the truck was gone.

He always leaves his house unlocked so I went in and I got some of my things. I also happen to notice that he had new wax molds so he’s been playing with wax with someone else. All of his equipment was gone, so he’s off fucking someone somewhere right now. This is all after he made this enormous deal about having a night to himself on Friday so that he could bike down to the city and get his favorite tacos and go to some comedy club; this was gonna be his time.

It hurts, I didn’t think it would hurt this much. There is still this part of me that absolutely adores him and somehow wants this to work out. It’s funny. There’s a small part of me that actually wonders if this is real love. Radical acceptance is this aspect of real love that maybe I haven’t known. In spite of all the red flags and all the drama and the clear feelings of dis-ease, I still want him.

I can’t explain that and I’m not sure that that was the way with my Former Spouse. I don’t know that I ever felt particularly sad about the idea of my Former Spouse and I being apart. I regretted that our relationship failed and I regretted the difficulty that it was gonna cause, which sounds so shallow, but I’m not sure about the Love part anymore.

So that’s where I am right now and I’ve texted The Luftmensch 100 times.I called him throughout the night. It definitely makes me look like an absolutely crazy person, except for the fact that he had promised we were gonna communicate and I didn’t hear from him. I was afraid he might be suffering or dead somewhere. Now I can’t help but kind of hope he’s suffering somewhere, but I know he’s just fucking someone else. He has made his choice very clearly.

#31, Public Sex, Wax, STDs, a New Guy, Reflection and Disappointment

Orchid — Tue, 01 Sep 2026 01:46:22 GMT

Sunday, July 19
I went home on Sunday morning as my daughter and I had plans to have brunch with Jasmine and her daughters and then, to take my mom for a pedicure. Post pedicure, I drove my daughter back to the city with a load of stuff. Then, I headed directly to The Luftmensch’s.

He had been busy all day hunting down wax religious candles and a crock pot. He had big ideas for creating a mold of my breasts in wax. We were going to go canoeing and swimming first and then have a waxfest at his.

I got to his place and switched to a bikini and we headed out. I did not want to take gummies that day. I was ever so slightly concerned about feeling like I needed them to truly let go. I wanted to confirm the only thing I needed was The Luftmensch.

It was a gorgeous day and we beached the canoe at Hippo Falls and drank, we danced and messed around. In the spirit of my new exhibitionist powers, I went down on him while I was in the water and he was sitting on a rock. He surreptitiously took some very hot pictures. No gummies needed.

When we got back to his place we showered and made out. He brought me to climax a couple times and then secured me with leather restraints for the wax play. I asked him to grab a cup of ice to include in our temperature play.

The Luftmensch had a lot of fun, I think, putting layer after layer on me. He was doing different colors and patterns. It was very enjoyable. There wasn’t pain but hot and then, ice that he dripped or ran across my body.

Unfortunately, we finished abruptly because some wax pooled down at my waist and burned me. I was impressed at how quickly he reacted. He got me up and out of it with ice directly on the spot. I then took a cold shower and you could not really see any marks. I am starting to fully understand why sobriety and some of these sensation play activities are so important.

Later that night, I got a text from The Organizer.

#30 Bliss at the Dungeon

Orchid — Mon, 31 Aug 2026 16:14:43 GMT

Thursday, July 16
Still feeling crummy and not able to sing at work. I think tonight is The Luftmensch’s night with The 35-year-old and I have a date with Mr. Forgetful; a new guy I started texting a while back. I decided after we said goodbye this morning to not text The Luftmensch for the day. I thought it might allow me to think less about it.

I think that is what happened, but also I kept coming back to the crazy evening we had. I think some of the struggle I have had with this weird transition we are in is my faith in his feelings. Leaving his house in the middle of the night to come over and reclaim me felt pretty darn solid; like the stuff of rom com fantasies.

#29 Agree to Disagree and Just Keep Fucking

Orchid — Mon, 31 Aug 2026 00:45:39 GMT

Wednesday, July 15
Today is our 3 month fuckaversary. I texted him this morning to see if he would join me for the garden tour. He has never been there and that is a huge hook for him. He agreed to meet at my house at 10.

#28 Overthinking and Overtexting

Orchid — Sun, 30 Aug 2026 18:41:09 GMT

Entry #28
Tuesday, July 14

Me- “i know today isn’t our day but if you feel like company, i’m up for switching wednesday or Friday to go canoeing at 6. The weather looks nicer today and we could take both cars. I have a strong need to reconnect a bit”

The Luftmensch- “I am leaning towards going on the water alone, I haven’t been in a bit. But I hear your need for reconnection. Could we have lunch?”

Me- “hmmm, no. thank you, that’s very sweet. I was looking for something more fun and selfishly I really wanted to get out in some sunshine. I’m off tomorrow so I have more flexibility.”

The Luftmensch- “Tomorrow will be just as nice love.”

#27 The Dungeon

Orchid — Sun, 30 Aug 2026 02:07:52 GMT

Entry #27, The Dungeon:

#26 His 35-Year-Old Is My Emotional Rollercoaster

Orchid — Fri, 28 Aug 2026 17:42:59 GMT

Entry #26

#25 Parameters and The Daddy

Orchid — Fri, 28 Aug 2026 16:15:04 GMT

Entry #25

#24 Not Really Feeling Independent this July 4th

Orchid — Thu, 27 Aug 2026 17:20:05 GMT

Saturday, July 4th-I got up and went home to change for work with no real idea of what is happening in general or in specific regarding this weekend. It was a very emotional evening and The Luftmensch wasn’t even moving when I left his house this morning.

#23 The 35-Year-Old

Orchid — Thu, 27 Aug 2026 02:33:28 GMT

Entry #23

Tuesday, June 16
The Luftmensch came by my work during my lunch hour. Neither of us were sure how to begin, but we both had used the same marriage counselor in the past. So we started with talking about how we feel, Dr. Rob style. I told him how hurt I was and my understanding of where we had left things and again reminded him he was under no obligation to me, but I couldn’t proceed if he didn’t tell me what was going on.

The Luftmensch said all the things Dr. Reed had suggested were imperative for us to get past this. The Luftmensch talked about how he was out of practice making decisions with someone and he shouldn’t have informed me. He should have included me in the discussion.

He wanted to hold on to the argument that there hadn’t been a better opportunity to tell me; which I told him was still not valid. We agreed on an “I need to talk to you” approach to get someone’s attention.

The plan is for him to meet the 35-year-old tomorrow.

#22 The Start of the Real Rollercoaster

Orchid — Thu, 27 Aug 2026 01:05:31 GMT

Entry #22

Sunday, June 7
I have started a new chapter on my birthday.

Tuesday, June 9
I had some disappointing news this week that my mortgage application was denied due to a risky debt to income ratio. My second job was not included in my income as the job is less than a year old.

Me to The Luftmensch-”be warned, I am a little bit tied up in knots. I’m gonna try to be chill and levitating, but it might take some persuading.

The Luftmensch- “I got you babe. It’s not persuasion, just back to the present and the joy of reality. You will have the outcome that you need. You will achieve it.
Orchid, you are a force.
There is no more wilting. That’s not you.
You will have what you want.
You will make your future.
And what you need and deserve will come to you, always.
You are one of the most wonderful people I have ever met.
And I believe in karma.
You are set, love. Fight knowing that.
I have two choices for you, you can only have one to start.
Romantic evening. Evening focused on your pleasure.
One is a start to finish activity.
The other could be a combination of the two.
Romance or lust? I love both with you.”

#21 The Calm Before the Storm

Orchid — Tue, 25 Aug 2026 03:07:45 GMT

Entry #21

May 31, 2026
After a couple days reflecting back on my threesome, I have determined emotional connection and physical attraction are big components of my interest. When I was being pleasured, I had my eyes closed and was able to really tune into the sensations. But when it was my turn to please them, it became like a task.

I also looked up the A spot and I think the Short King was exactly right about my sensitivity. I also think The Luftmensch’s length allows him to rub on it when he is inside me or when I am on top of him. This spot in particular helps a woman lubricate and I also wonder if that is why sex with The Luftmensch is so easy. The lubrication allows me to keep going with no rubbing or chaffing.

I’ve told The Luftmensch that I would like to try something with him there, as he would be my Tall Queen. I have had sex with The Luftmensch morning and night literally this entire week that his daughter has been with her mother. He has slept in my bed every night but one when I went to his house. I have not felt sore or tired or disinterested even once. I seem to be the most interested of the two of us; which is oddly proud of. His body is endlessly entertaining and he does not mind all the touching, rubbing and squeezing that I am obsessed with doing in our between sexual escapades. He also seems to revel in my body, touching me whenever possible and holding me as close as possible in bed. I think we both feel there is so much fun to be had.

#20 A Night with the Tall Queen and the Short King

Orchid — Mon, 24 Aug 2026 14:09:26 GMT

Entry #20 The Tall Queen and the Short King

Wednesday, May 27
Email to The Luftmensch-we’ve known each other for six weeks today. That is hard for me to wrap my head around when I think of all you have shown and given to me.

This is from my scrolls today. I really wanted to share it with you. I know questions of love present a challenge for you. and I also know how I feel. I reflected a bit more today on what I’ve been feeling the last few weeks and this came out.

Not sharing it is not my nature. I always think sharing helps understandIng. No response is needed and please believe me sincerely when I say your feelings are incredibly important but don’t impact what I am feeling or how much or how soon I am feeling things. Perhaps reading this will give you some idea of why I truly believe people can feel differently and different things and still be totally ok.

much love. Orchid

Six Weeks
Is six weeks short or long? I think it is both but also not the most relevant thing to know.

Things I Know

1. I love how at each greeting he takes the time to give me a huge hug and kiss and only if something is cooking, does he seem in a hurry to end it; sometimes letting hello kisses take on a life and path all their own regardless of where we are or who may see, allowing the kiss and connection to be the epicenter

2. I love the noises of contentment he makes during kisses, nonsexual touching, sexual touching and simply looking at me that leave me feeling seen, appreciated and present; allowing me to understand without a doubt his feelings, mood, need and level of participation

3. I love the way his eyes take all of me in when we are in bed together as if he might miss some detail including the hunger and desire i see there and the response it elicits in my body but also my brain and heart

4. I love how he pays attention and has so quickly learned my body and its responses from breathing patterns to rubbing against him to pressing parts of my body towards his fingers, hand, mouth, cock, to internal contractions by body makes with his tongue, fingers or cock inside me; also his ability to read my face or what i don’t say or question me if i haven’t said enough for him to fully comprehend my experience

#19 A Bump in the Road of Intense Infatuation

Orchid — Sun, 23 Aug 2026 23:06:14 GMT

Entry #19

Friday, May 1
I pretty much floated into work today after such a lovely evening full of touch and looks and laughs and tears. So many emotions. The Luftmensch was going to get me later today around 5 pm for a fire out by the river. I planned to bring my ukulele.

He was not very responsive today and I knew he was reading his lawyer’s proposal to settle the business trouble with his ex spouse. I finally heard from him around 4 pm when I asked him if he was ok.

The Luftmensch- “No. Going over the deception again, hearing what doesn’t matter despite her clear abuse, compromising, and also feeling very sick physically. I’m taking a minute, I’m not OK.”

#18 The Limerence

Orchid — Sun, 23 Aug 2026 22:37:06 GMT

Entry #18

Monday april 20
Later Monday noonish
The Luftmensch said he had some things to do and would head my way around 11 am. There was some discussion back-and-forth about gardening and a couple pounds of wildflower seeds I had for planting in rows. In the meantime, I had to pack up a bunch of tree limbs and debris from having some weed trees taken down. I told him I’d be in the backyard playing with my sticks.

The Luftmensch does run on Luftmensch time and unless we have a set plan like with the baseball game, he gets distracted and delayed. It’s fine. He found me in the backyard around 1 pm drinking a beer and cutting up sticks. He was grinning ear to ear as he came down to meet me. I reminded him although it was Monday, it was my Sunday and he joined me for a beer.

He took in my plan for the wildflower meadow and suggested a shape instead of straight lines and my mind was blown. I stood there with my mouth open. We were off to the races talking about moons and unknown shapes and all sorts of possibilities.

Me- “Pretty and smart.”

I was pretty much done filling all my trashcans with sticks, so we went in to shower. The sex is so exciting. He brought some restraints for my wrists and was playing a bit more at pressing on my sternum to keep me still, holding my hands with his hand and grabbing firmly but gently around my neck. Surprisingly to me, I really liked all of it and especially this feeling of him possessing me.

#17 Couples, Cuties and Cozeners

Orchid — Sun, 23 Aug 2026 13:06:45 GMT

Entry #17

Sunday, April 19
I met theTall Queen and the Short King, a couple I have been chatting with on the kink app, for coffee at 9 am. They made an effort to drive in to meet me before they both go out of town separately to take care of aging parents. Tall Queen gave me the best hello hug I think I’ve ever gotten. She pulled me all the way in and held tight for the perfect amount of time.

They are an intriguing couple. She is 5’ 11” and he is 5’ 6”. She is Taiwanese and both slim and strong in appearance with intense eyes and a kind smile. He is a swarthy red head with enormous arms, a very easy smile and obvious devotion to his primary partner. After ordering coffee, we sat in a booth and started to get to know each other.

#16 From Sex to Dating The Luftmensch?

Orchid — Sat, 22 Aug 2026 01:40:37 GMT

Entry #16

Still Friday, April 17
I stumbled through the rest of my work day after a super hot morning with The Luftmensch and some super crazying texting with The Cozener. The Luftmensch wasn’t available to meet tonight as he had another date. He had some interesting thoughts to share about his approach to dating and ENM and what he has learned in the time since his divorce about 3 years ago.

The Luftmensch- “I like a challenge. Here’s how I see it, if dating and meeting new people is a priority, definitely keep doing it. If finding pleasure and exploring sexually is your goal, that’s where some introspection may be needed.

#15 Figuring Out The Cozener

Orchid — Fri, 21 Aug 2026 01:20:32 GMT

Entry #15

Later texts with The Cozener- I canceled my evening plans to see a concert with The Cozener. In retrospect, I should have told him the truth that I had fucked all morning and was full of images and thoughts and desires for someone else. Instead I blamed it on the fact I hadn’t heard from him in a couple days and was feeling skittish. He almost immediately responded asking me to delete his nudes and texts and have a nice life. I confess that was not what I was expecting, but now I see it is his way.

I really didn’t want to break up with The Cozener so I tried to calm the situation. I started off by trying to blame the situation on his not responding to my texts the last couple days and he lashed back about my anxiety and fear of him being an ax murderer, but at the same time going off with other guys I just met and fucking all day. I tried to argue the differences in the situations, including geography, schedules and meeting face to face instead of texting, but I soon realized it wasn’t about the specifics of the situation.

#14 Finally...Someone to Scratch my Itch

Orchid — Fri, 21 Aug 2026 00:58:04 GMT

Entry #14

Thursday, April 16
I have been grinning from ear to ear all day and people keep remarking about how I am glowing and so full of joy today. What a funny life these days. But to meet someone who shares my enthusiasm and is available is absolutely what I need.

Today at work was a dream and both kids were coming home for dinner and my daughter was staying the night. The Luftmensch and I were sending texts all day and he included pictures of him shirtless on his canoe or in his hammock. Cute as a button, that one.

The kids and I went out to dinner and there was so much laughter and teasing. Then, my son agreed to stay the night if he could suggest the movie. My daughter and I were, of course, totally in! It was such a lovely night.

#13 Moving from Dating to Kink

Orchid — Thu, 20 Aug 2026 02:14:45 GMT

Tuesday, April 14
By the morning, The Musician never confirmed and I wasn’t really in the right headspace. I hadn’t heard from The Musician since last Saturday; which is fine. I didn’t reach out either. I was having a lot of conflicting feels about this thing with The Marine. It has not been what I want. That is the bottom line. So Tuesday after work I joined a platform for people with more explicit sexual needs from casual all the way to very hardcore kinks.

The Cozener helped me create an alias. Apparently the dating app is mainstream enough but the kink platform raises eyebrows. His suggestion when I asked was immediate.