I always knew who Dolly was, she was just a very familiar artist. Sesame Street even had a character based off of her name Polly Darton. To say that I connected with her music before my deep dive at 12 and 13 would be a lie. When I fell in love with Country music and the women in Country music to be specific, I found out that Dolly was the blueprint for so many.

I was the type of kid who studied people, whether famous or not. I wanted to know who people were, what made them the way that they were, and how they became who they are now. Before Google or Ask Jeeves was common, we read books. We researched through books, magazines, and newspapers. I was fascinated by this tiny woman and her larger than life personality.

She was not just an entertainer, she was a business woman, and a philanthropist. Everyone loved her, literally everyone loved her to the point where it was saintly. My favorite song by Dolly is called “Two Doors Down” and my favorite lyrics are below.

“Two doors down, they're laughin' and drinkin' and having a party
Two doors down, they're not aware that I'm around
But I here I am crying my heart out, feeling sorry
They're having a party two doors down

I think I'll dry these useless tears and get myself together
I think I'll wander down the hall and have a look around
'Cause I can't stay inside this lonely room and cry forever
I think I'd really rather join 'em two door down!”

The song is about loneliness and curiosity. In the song, she is lonely, but the people down the hall are having a party or get together you can say. She decides to get out of her saddened state and find out what the commotion is about. She ends up experiencing their joy, and she loses the heaviness, and the loneliness that she was feeling. She ends up inviting someone back to her place, and she is no longer feeling lonely or sad.

I hope that Dolly is laughing, drinking, and having a party “two doors down!” May the joy that she brought to this world never be forgotten. She was one of the most amazing songwriters of our time. She taught us that even in times of grief or sadness, that it is ok to find some joy. I loved the message that her nephew shared when announcing her passing.

“Dolly called me and said she wants to rest in a beautiful bed of plush cotton because after a life of wearing heavy rhinestones, she finally deserves to be comfortable and have some rest.”

I instantly heard her voice when he quoted that for her. I can imagine her (pen to paper) writing those words down, straight from her heart. Writers are joined at the heart and I will always love you, Dolly!

I have learned so much about myself over the past 6 months. My thoughts were very loud after my recent surgery. I have been in the house all summer, and I have not traveled or moved throughout the world this year. I needed to be still for a while. This video pops up every year and it makes me reflect.

I had a session with my clinical therapist yesterday, and we discussed thought reframing. I am clinically anxious, so I tend to overthink. I find myself overthinking to the point of exhaustion most days. I have been letting my thoughts and anxiety control the narrative. Reframing my thoughts will teach me to look at the situation from a new perspective.

Today is one of those days where I do not have a plan, or anything scheduled. There is so much to be done. I feel stuck in my own head, lately. May August be gentle, kind, and patient with me.

I have been a blogger for 15 years. I have created several blogs and newsletters. I have assisted people with editing, aligning, and preparing manuscripts for self-publishing.

I would like to be a librarian in the future. My goals are to graduate from my bachelor’s program, then enter a master’s program for library science. I also would like to finish my first novel within the next year. I plan on getting into more book editing and resume building as well. I do not plan on using a pseudonym, but I do eliminate my last name when writing. I generally go with Ciara Danelle. I am very active on majority of social media platforms, and I will continue connecting with other writers to improve my writing skills.

I am at a standstill in every arena. I am at a standstill career wise, financially, and even my classes will soon be up in the air due to the “Big Ugly Bill.” I want to write, but the words come and go. I started with a new therapist last month, because my last one retired. I had been with that particular therapist nearly 5 years. The conversations are new, and the overall vibe is new! I like her, but I do not know her yet.

I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to laugh and I am just in a very confusing state of mind. Forgive me for not being as consistent on this platform. Forgive me for not having new ideas and new stories.

There were so many things that I wanted to do before 40, until I realized that 40 is not the end. 40 is a new beginning overall. I saw my 20’s as practice years. I have seen my 30’s as a stepping stone to build off of what I learned in my 20’s, but also a chance to learn new ways of approaching life. My 30’s have been about righting wrongs, healing, and laying the groundwork for my mental health.

You can’t survive in this world effectively if your mental health is compromised. However, you can exist. Many of us have spent our formative years simply existing. We show up for the people, the things, and go to the places that we love out of duty. We walk through this world with a mindset that you just do your best to get by. That is no way to live life. We are conditioned with this mindset that others have it worse, so why complain! Your feelings matter, your emotions are valid, no matter what anyone else went through. The “you could’ve had it worse” mindset was passed down by women and people who often buried their emotions.

Complaining is not a bad thing, admitting that you are just not feeling ok is a sign of a healthy relationship with your feelings. Many people think that communication is all about expressing your feelings, but it’s also important to listen. Communication is actually more about listening than talking. If you are not comprehending what is being said then it is pointless. Some people mistake communication as something you do to pass time.

Thinking before you speak is a lost art. Everyone is so anxious, and quick to express their opinion without any fear. You were most likely taught that fear is bad. Fear is a good thing when it is not hindering you. It is ok to say that you are afraid of new challenges, but do not let that fear stop you from trying new things. People who try new things, admit that those things are not for them, and move on are some of the bravest people. You miss out on so much when you do not take risks and chances. Playing it safe on a consistent basis is dangerous. You will miss out on some of the most beautiful experiences if you do not take chances.

I honestly do not have many regrets in life because I have learned so much from my failures and setbacks. I have learned who is for me, what is for me, and all the things that are not for me. I have met people who remained stuck mentally in eras, time spans, and logic. I have watched people come and go without any type of reason to have lived.

You do not know it all. You will not figure it all out. You are only behind if you stop trying to be better. Life is a journey and we will always find ourselves learning new things. We will always be on a journey of discovery. If you are not learning new things, then you will become stagnant. Trying to accomplish a million things before 40 is unrealistic. You will drive yourself mad by placing what some may call goals, upon yourself. Goals are specific things to achieve. Goals should not be used as a means to make yourself feel guilty about what you could not achieve.

Every year in December I have a vision board party. I invite other women to make posters, list their goals, or things that they want to do without pressure. Sometimes we achieve the things on our board, but we never shame each other. Life is complex, we could achieve all of our goals, and still be miserable, because we failed to experience joy. You only get to do life once, so here’s to 39. Here’s to a year without the pressure of doing anything, but growing from what I am already building on. I am better than I was a year ago, and that is an achievement all by itself.

Cdj💕

Financially I will pull it together, because money comes and goes. Mentally I am ok, I am just stagnant. Life is very normal in this season. Life is not hectic, seasonal depression has ceased, and I am simply cleaning up the messes I made during that season. I feel like I am at a standstill writing wise, and that is frustrating. I have about a year left until I finish my BA in English and Creative Writing. I have so many thoughts and ideas, but executing them is the issue. Life is just quiet, but that is better than confusion.

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I am less than two months shy of 39. Mentally the pressure is on because I feel like there’s so much that I need to accomplish before 40. I sat with myself the other day and whispered “breathe.” Society has all of these expectations, age limitations, and honestly we live on a floating rock in space. I have never been the type of person to care about other people’s expectations of me.

I set these goals for myself. I put the pressure on myself. I’m grateful that nobody around me holds me to unattainable standards. Even if the people around me did hold me to the standards that I set for myself, I do not think I would care. I am so critical of myself. I give others so much grace, but I have very little patience with myself. I am the go to friend, the one everyone confides in, tells their secrets and leans on. I often feel lonely because I do not feel like I can receive the same security.

I am guarded. I am emotional. I am erratic at times. I live life at my own pace, on my own time, and with my own idea of what to do with what I have been given. I am talented at many things. Not to sound arrogant, but on paper I am excellent at just about everything, where it counts. I am an excellent cook. I am an excellent friend. I am an excellent sibling, daughter, and aunt. I am an excellent editor and writer. I can sing. I am an excellent caretaker, nurturer, and I am kind. Any job that I am assigned, I am excellent at it. I have left so many jobs because of stress. My blood pressure often causes me to have to leave office jobs because I am extremely hypertensive (three blood pressure meds to be exact).

I have been in the medical billing field off and on for 12 years. Office jobs bore me, and although I excel in them, the atmosphere often causes me to get sick. The stress, the customers, the demands in call centers have ran their course with me. I walked away from the last job in December. My blood pressure has been normal since then, but my anxiety has been high lately. Launching back out into writing, creating resumes, and picking my novel back up has been a challenge. Life throws so many curves. I am also anxious “on paper.” I am manic depressive “on paper.” I am medicated, I have been for a few years, but naturally life still throws curves.

I see the growth from a year ago, two years ago, etc. I have changed, I have outgrown people, spaces, and so many acquaintances. Many have distanced themselves from me and I am alright with that. They have to grow just as I do. I have never lost a true friend violently or with animosity. Many people say that their desire to please others wears off around 40, and I realize that I have not really had that desire for a long time. I was never much of a people pleaser. Once again I hold myself to standards that are ridiculous at times. I criticize myself, I overthink about my own life decisions, choices, and actions.

The evolution of myself (C) will never be an overnight process. Life will throw curves, life will be painful at times because that is just a reality. I let life take away my whimsy, my delusions, and excitement. Someone once told me that in order to be creative and successful, you need to be a little delusional. You need to see yourself as great, you need to be confident in your abilities, because if nobody else will cheer you on, then you will have to do it yourself. I am tapping into my whimsical energy again. I am learning to live without fear again because being self aware on a high frequency is naturally stressful. The world is on fire, but I’m going to create in the midst of it.

Ciara J 💕

When you’re healing from trauma and mental health issues, your body starts to feel safe. Insomnia has plagued me for so long, and I end up sleeping during hours that I wanted to be productive in.

I am healing emotionally. I was angry last year and I did not properly manage my emotions. I was angry about situations that I will never get an answer to. I am healing from being let down and hurt by humans that I believed cared about me.

Life will never be completely uncomplicated, that’s just reality. Life is complex, and we learn how to navigate through its complexities. We learn how to process our emotions instead of burying them. We learn how to express our anger in healthy ways. I plan on getting back into boxing soon. I am ready for whatever the next season holds for me. I hope that that you will stay with me on the journey.

Cdj 💕

My therapist that I have been seeing for 4 years told me that he was retiring, today.He said that this will be his last month as my therapist. It shook me a little because I realized that I will have to start anew with a different therapist in the near future. I have been thinking about it all day, and letting fear overwhelm me. I realize that as I enter into the last year of my 30’s that there will be changes on the horizon. I am changing, life is changing , and the world around me is constantly changing.

I remember sitting in his chair 4 years ago, being reluctant and hesitant to share my life story with an old white man. I thought that surely he would never understand me. I had a lot of prejudices about how different our lives and backgrounds were. Men are the root of a lot of my issues so a male therapist was definitely not my first choice, especially a Caucasian male. It took about a year for me to let my guard down, and it was up from there. I quickly connected with him, and our monthly sessions. Today he announced his retirement, meaning we had one more session together, at the end of the month.

I have mixed feelings, I know that he deserves to retire. I know that I am entering a new phase and that he gave me the tools that I need to handle many things. I will never lead a therapy free life, that’s never been my plan. I am manic depressive, medicated and it will always be a requirement. I am not ashamed of that, nor do I feel like therapy is a race. We are always evolving and changing, therefore we need people who help us on our journey. The evolution of C has to continue, right? 💕🫶🏽

Emotionally, I am numb.

Physically, I am worn.

The world is on fire, people are in pain.

Hope is fleeting. We are flooded with tragic news, daily. We are bombarded by evil doers and flawed religion. We are flooded by terrifying circumstances, war, and no one is coming to save us. The earth is flooded, and I cannot find the energy to swim. Where is the shore? Where is the light at the end of the tunnel? Hope is fleeting. The earth is flooded. Where is the shore? We are waiting to be saved, but the earth is flooded. Sink or swim, but I cannot swim.

Of course I have the typical health goals for 2026, and they are not too much different than the ones that I have set in the past. I have been monitoring my blood sugar and my blood pressure for some years. I made my vision board in December like I do every year, but it was very basic compared to how it was in past years. I would like to get back to my “care free” Black woman vibes. I want to travel of course, that is my high light every year. I traveled less last year due to life overall.

I have a lot of writing ventures and plans on the horizon. I start back classes next week. I have about a year and half left before I complete my BA in English and Creative Writing.

Let’s be mindful this year of how we treat others. Let’s be mindful about how we engage with others throughout this world. I hope to be more kind, more patient, and more loving.

The morning the coffee vanished, the world didn’t scream.

It stuttered.

Alarms went off. Hands reached for mugs. Teeth brushed on autopilot. But somewhere between the first yawn and the first sip, reality hesitated like it had forgotten a line in its script.

The coffee pots were empty.

Not empty empty. Not “forgot to brew” empty. They were wrong. Filters pristine. Grounds gone. Beans gone. No residue. No smell. Just the quiet, insulting shine of glass.

In apartments. In diners. In offices. In gas stations off highways where the sun never quite reached the counter.

Coffee was gone.

At first, people laughed.

“Supply chain thing.”

“Recall.”

“Bad batch.”

By noon, nobody was laughing.

By 9:17 a.m., emergency rooms filled with people who weren’t dying but felt like they were. Migraines so sharp they cried. Office workers trembling like exposed wires. Baristas staring at their hands, whispering, This isn’t funny. This isn’t funny.

Phones buzzed. News anchors blinked too slowly. Governments released statements that said nothing and somehow made it worse.

“No known cause.”

“No immediate threat.”

“No alternative explanation.”

By day two, productivity collapsed.

Meetings started late. Then not at all. People sat at desks, staring at screens like they were written in another language. Emails were sent without subjects. With subjects like HELP and SORRY and IS ANYONE ELSE LIKE THIS?

Night shift workers slept through alarms and woke up terrified, unsure how much time they’d lost.

Parents snapped at children for breathing too loud.

A man in Chicago punched a vending machine because it still sold coffee flavored candy.

By day five, the black market emerged.

Someone claimed they had a bean. Just one. Dark, oily, beautiful. They streamed the auction live. The final bid was higher than a used car.

When the buyer brewed it when the steam rose the stream cut out.

They found the apartment later. No fire. No struggle. Just an empty mug on the counter and a man asleep standing up, eyes open, drooling slightly, like something essential had been poured out of him instead.

They stopped broadcasting after that.

By week two, something else happened.

People started remembering coffee wrong.

Not the taste something deeper. They remembered it as warmer than it was. Kinder. More necessary. They talked about it like a lost lover.

“I used to think better with it.”

“I used to be nicer.”

“I was myself before.”

Cafés became shrines. Chalkboards still listed drinks no one could order. Cups stacked like offerings. Notes taped to doors.

Thank you for the mornings.

You got me through her death.

You kept me awake long enough to matter.

A woman sat in a closed café every morning at 6 a.m., lifting an empty cup to her lips and crying quietly, religiously.

By month three, the world slowed.

Not peacefully. Uncomfortably.

Without the constant artificial urgency, time stretched. Conversations lingered too long. Silences became unbearable. People realized how tired they actually were how tired they had always been.

Naps were mandated. Workdays shortened. Entire industries folded like exhausted bodies.

Countries that grew coffee collapsed fastest.

Fields were still there. Plants still green. But the beans rotted on the branches, useless. Farmers burned crops out of grief. The smoke smelled bitter and sweet and made people sick.

Children born that year slept longer than any generation before them.

They were called The Unwired.

By year one, scientists admitted the truth:

They didn’t know where coffee went.

Only that it didn’t simply disappear it had been removed.

From soil. From memory. From language databases. From ancient texts. From freezer samples sealed for decades.

Like something had decided humans no longer deserved it.

Or needed it.

Or maybe had relied on it too much.

The riots didn’t start over hunger.

They started over mornings.

People missed the excuse.

The pause.

The ritual that said now you begin.

Without coffee, beginnings felt cruel.

On the anniversary, a woman woke up before dawn.

She was old enough to remember coffee clearly. Not the myth. The reality. Burnt sometimes. Bitter often. Necessary always.

She boiled water out of habit.

Her hands shook not from withdrawal anymore, but from memory.

When she turned around, there was a mug on the counter.

Not hers.

Not clean.

Steam rose from it.

The smell hit her like a punch. Real. Wrong. Impossible.

Coffee.

Perfect.

Her heart hammered. Her mouth filled with saliva. She didn’t think. She didn’t pray. She drank.

The warmth spread instantly. Her spine straightened. Her thoughts sharpened. Colors brightened. The room felt correct again.

She laughed. She cried. She felt ready.

Then she noticed the taste.

It wasn’t bitter.

It wasn’t sweet.

It tasted like work. Like deadlines. Like exhaustion mistaken for ambition. Like every morning she’d ignored her body and called it strength.

The mug cracked in her hands.

The coffee drained through the floor like it had never been allowed to stay.

And a thought not hers settled into her mind, calm and final:

You were never meant to run this long without rest.

When the sun rose, the mug was gone.

So was the memory of how it smelled.

But the exhaustion remained.

And for the first time in a year, the world stayed quiet.

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Life is at a standstill for so many humans, in this moment. Food security is at risk, medical care is hanging in the balance, and people are literally in the fight of their lives. Emotionally, I’m fighting, mentally I’m fighting, and this year has been a rollercoaster.

I have experienced more mentally challenging years, and phases throughout my lifetime. People are hurting, people are confused, and that scares me. I am secure in the fact that I will be alright, even with challenges, I will be alright at the end of the day. Will I be anxious? Yes. Will I be concerned for my fellow woman/man? Yes. I will not be outside on the street, I will not be hungry. I thought that I should feel some type of gratitude, but I am not experiencing that. Am I feeling guilt? No. I voted for the right side of history to prevail.

I sow good seeds, but I’m not entitled to a good harvest. Do we reap what we sow? I thought that we did, I thought that we would. When others around me are suffering, I can’t find the joy. I’m not a glass half full kind of woman. I am the glass is refillable type of vibe. This is the beginning of a whole new journey.

Ciara 💕

I find myself entering new phases. I find myself liking things I did not like before. I find myself sleeping more, and I read somewhere that healing is exhausting. When you’re healing , you’re releasing the weight of everything that messed with your sleep cycle, and peace.

2025 has been rough. Mentally, emotionally, and spiritually it has been rough. My views have changed over the years past several years, my beliefs and spirituality have changed as well. I still believe in the Creator/higher power but I will never label myself as a Christian again.

My relationship with the Creator is solely a one on one ordeal. I left organized religion completely, 5 years ago. I left churches, altars, and pews. I walked away from legalistic doctrine, and religious traditions. I feel like my heart left long ago, I had my first spiritual awakening at least a decade ago.

Deconstructing Christianity looks like finding a spiritual path of your own, undoing harmful rhetoric, toxic beliefs, and realizing that everything is not demonic. So much of religious psychosis occurs when people are shamed for their mental health issues or even simple human emotions. Faith is not ignoring your mental and physical health. For me the issue was church hopping or having various humans in my ear, but not knowing what I needed.

I needed quiet, and the pandemic forced me to be still. I could say that I found God or God found me. I’m not lost, I’m not confused, and God is not quiet. God has been loud, even in the quiet seasons, I can hear the Creator. I have learned to not put God in some box with rules, restrictions, and personal agendas. God isn’t an angry man in the sky, and God might not even be a man.

Lately I have been stepping outside of my box, and in doing so I have been in good and bad situations. I am not looking for anything but peace, I do not need anything right now but peace. I am no longer forcing anything, letting life flow is my best option right now.

Namaste,

Ciara 💕

I have always been fascinated by the generational timeline. The furthest back that the generations were named had to be The Greatest Generation. The Greatest Generation were those born from 1901-1927. I don’t have access to obtaining information from that generation and the majority have passed away.

I decided to make a list of 7 questions, and I sat down with each generation to get an idea of how they viewed the past and the future. The first part of my series was on the “Silent Generation.”

The second part was about Boomers. The previous part was about Gen X. It’s time for my generation which is Millennials. Millennials are known for their familiarity with technology, social media, and mobile devices. They are often the children of Baby Boomers and older Generation X, and are often the parents of Gen Z and Generation Alpha. They are known for coming of age with the internet and technology, valuing experiences, and being the most diverse and largest adult generation in the U.S. workforce. I will be doing two separate post with Millennials, seeing how they are my generation.

The questions are as followed:

1. What is the first major news story that you remember as a child? And how did it make you feel emotionally?

2. What is your earliest memory of school? Was it kindergarten or the later years?

3. What was the first song or album that you fell in love with or felt that you felt connected to?

4. Did you grow up in or around religion? How did religion shape your view of the world and humanity?

5. What is the one thing that you liked or loved about growing up in your particular timeline, as an adolescent or a teenager?

6. Do you still share the same beliefs politically, religiously, and socially that your parents instilled in you? *If the answer is yes, explain.

7. How do you feel about the current climate, state of the nation and the state of the world as a whole?

Millennial #1

1. Invading Kuwait. I felt so scared and worried that we were going to get bombed.

2. I was homeschooled until 4th grade. My first memory was from much later than kindergarten age. It was probably around first grade when I was learning to read. My first memory of public school was when I went in for ISTEP testing. I was asked if I could stay an additional week because the teacher said I was such a pleasure to have in class.

3. I wasn’t allowed to listen to secular music until I was in college, then I fell in love with Linkin Park’s Hybrid Theory.

4. I grew up in religion, and the earliest years of my life was in a Christian cult. It ended up giving me a very skewed view of the world. I was very harsh and judgmental towards others in my childhood, but as I grew older and had more exposure to people who believed differently than I believed, I began to have a more open mind. I was raised with a deep love for other people, but it was conditional on them changing to become/believe like me. As I grew older, I became more and more accepting of diverse worldviews as well as different religions and different sexualities and most every other kind of difference I had been taught to judge.

5. I really enjoy that I came of age as there were massive advances in technology. I love that I was a teenager when internet was becoming prevalent. I was there when social media began to gain ground, and I was also a young adult when cellphones became commonplace. Being an older millennial, I felt like I was a bridge between eras, especially in regards to technology.

6. I share some of the same beliefs as my parents instilled in me, like loving others, championing the poor, and caring for immigrants. However, I no longer believe in God. Although I wasn’t raised to be politically active, most people who were raised in the same cult as I was, grew up to be very far right on the political spectrum. I am much further left on the spectrum.

7. Quite frankly,I am terrified at how little regard there is for humanity and our world. We’ve allowed those with the most deceive us into hating those with the least. I’m terrified for the health and safety of millions of people. This country has taken a swan-dive into hatred, bigotry, and ignorance. Unfortunately, I don’t have a lot of hope for America, and I don’t have a lot of hope for the world, either. As long as the rich, powerful, and cruel are in charge of global politics, there will never be peace or harmony in this world. I wish we could all have a little more love and a little less greed. I think, that unless we find a way to get a lot more accepting of differences(of opinions, religions, sexualities, and race) we’re rapidly heading for societal collapse.

Millennial #2

1. The first major news story I can remember would have to be 9/11 it still sticks with me today I can remember going home just confused sad because I was young and it seemed like no one had an answer to what was going on I was scared.

2. My earliest memory is probably 2nd grade but I can recall some parts of pre-k like little things not a lot and I can recall my elementary school from before we made the move to Fort Wayne

3. New edition home again it was the first and only cd my birth mom ever brought me

4. I did , my family are Israelites and I went to church regularly growing up I miss those days a lot. It made me think or feel like family was forever and that our church family would always be a part of my life I was in choir my cousins all went to church and I loved seeing all my family and eating Sunday dinner together in church it was the best of times in my opinion sad that my children didn’t get to experience that I felt protected.

5. I loved the freedom being able to go outside and play and be a kid no cares no worries just climbing trees and beating up the boys I liked.

6. No

7. I’m scared nothing more nothing less I’m scared asl!!!

We have witnessed many tragedies, world changes, and have been the advocates for mental health crisis, talking it out, and sharing our feelings. We are the “talking” generation. We believe in equality, acceptance, and that everyone has the right to be treated fairly.

Ciara J. 💕