My name is Umar Fawaz Aderemi, and my pronouns are he/him/selfishwickedyorubafeministallyfromosunstate.

Take your time to read the pronouns again.

Before I carry on with the four words I put together, I’d like to explain them one by one for everyone to understand.

Trigger warning: i will be cursing (yes, i deliberately used curse instead of cuss) men a lot.

Let’s start from defining men:

Men: The XY chromosome. The group of humans who think they’re “naturally dominant”. The stinky misogynistic set of creatures with a penis.

Prison: (also called a correctional facility or penitentiary) is a secure (in Nigeria, it’s not secure), state-authorized institution where individuals are legally confined as punishment for committing crimes or while awaiting trial.

This part will get me mad. Jesus Christ, I need patience.

(I don’t believe in Jesus, so expect that the prayer didn’t work and I did NOT attain patience.)

Rape culture: Rape culture refers to a social environment that normalizes, trivializes, or excuses sexual violence through prevailing societal attitudes, norms, media portrayals, and institutional practices.

Big big English abi? Stupid boy. I didn’t expect you to understand, I will give you examples of how you enforce rape culture.

“What was she wearing.”

OluSegun Daniel Ajayi, it won’t be well with you for asking what a rape victim wore.

another example:

“didn’t she enjoy the prick?”

Yes. That’s rape culture, and you’re signifying that a woman should enjoy being FORCEFULLY penetrated. And if you think this way, I genuinely don’t wish that you grow older than age 26. And the ones that are already older, can die immediately.

last example: many of you dò this.

(An average conversation between two useless men)

Man 1: I’m so horny bro.

Man 2: Dò you have a girlfriend?

Man 1: no, but if I do mistake catch one girl ehn, I go pound am.

Before you open your stinky redundant mouth to tell me it’s a joke, I need you to know that many of your “jokes” is a reality to the same person you’re making the jokes with.

Your bro is horny, why can’t he masturbate?

Why is he looking for a “girlfriend” or a “woman” to “CATCH”.

Why are we catching?

Isn’t sex a mutual thing? But no, Oladimeji. You chose to think like a rapist.

Animal, predator, killer, fool, sex starved hen, everything in between.

Fuck, that got me pissed, I need to clear my head for the last definition.

Gimme a second.

I’m back like never before.

Hey ladies and stupid men, I’m back and I will continue from where I stopped.

MEN, BRACE YOURSELF O, I’m about to define misogyny.

Women, brace yourself too, because this shade will touch you small. Many of you are still misogynistic.

(Breathes in, breathes out.)

Misogyny: misogyny is the actual hatred of women, or enforcement used to control, disrespect, or punish women who don't fit traditional expectations.

Big English again abi, Abdulkareem. I’ll teach you.

“As a woman, why you go dey…”

In your life. I repeat, IN YOUR LIFE. Never feel like you have the right to tell women what to do and how to act. It goes as deep as telling women how to dress, how to speak, how to “respect” men, and how to be a “good wife”.

I’m not done, stupid misogynist.

A woman takes care of herself, has a job, and is living comfortably without the involvement of a man.

And the next thing you say is:

“She dey dò hookup for sure.”

Are you daft?

Anyways, women think this about other women too, and yes, Stephanie, you’re misogynistic too.

Must a woman depend on a man?!!!!!!

The last but not the least, omggg this one is so sensitive.

(Average conversation between a lesbian and a man.)

Woman: (comes out as lesbian)

Man: oh, you just haven’t had good dick yet.

Oloriburuku Elesin, i don’t wish you well in your acedemics and all areas of life.

What makes you think your 7-9 inch is worth changing someone else’s sexual orientation?

You men have so much faith in your penises. It’s almost as if your only worth in life is your penis.

And the most annoying part is, 92% of women have reported that they were not able to cum/climax with a penis. and they have to touch themselves to attain climax.

see how useless your penis is?

It’s like a caricature that can be fondled with.

Stupid boy, your penis is NOT that important to women. They would always choose touching themselves over your stinky caricature body organ.

WOMEN, you are not excluded from this call.

A woman will come out as lesbian, and you will start commenting on how you will always love penis.

Okay.

I won’t say more than that. And it’s only because I respect women.

Okay, now that I’m done explaining well, I will be using those words frequently from now on.

I brought four words together:

Men, Prison, Rape culture, misogyny.

How are they connected?

I’m pretty sure we already know men and misogyny are already destined to be together.

Rape culture is one of their children.

But you must be thinking: what is Fawaz cooking?

What of Prison?

Fawaz will serve you, hot.

Please reminder: if you did not understand the definition of these words, go back up and consume curses again. Torh.

I was on TikTok randomly yesterday, and I saw one of those TikTok jokes made by men, talking about prison.

Homosexual alert:

“Pick up the soap.”

Yes, we all know this meme.

But just in case you want to pretend like you don’t know the meaning, I’d like to teach you again. Foolish isoko boy.

The joke implies that if an inmate (prisoner, OLODO), drops a bar of soap, bending down to pick it up exposes them to non-consensual sexual assault by another male prisoner. Rape. RAPE.

Men are joking about rape amongst each other!

Why do you now think they’d take women seriously?

I’m not done.

Now, this…joke is not directed to masculine presenting men. This joke is used to mock or warn men who are soft, calm or in summary, effeminate/feminine.

This flips the narrative back to misogyny.

Are you already putting the dots together?

No?

Okay, I’m not done, Akure boy.

Let me show you a few images of the jokes men have made about RAPE amongst each other. “Joke” btw.

See how millions of men from different continents all relate to the same joke? And NORMALIZED IT?

Very good.

Now let me put all the words together in a SENTENCE for you.

THE RAPE CULTURE IN MEN’S PRISONS TOWARDS EFFEMINACY IS DEEP ROOTED IN MISOGYNY.

Read that again.

Now read it again.

One more time.

It doesn’t end there.

The rape culture in men’s prisons that have been normalized, have found its way out of the prison to real life women.

Aliyah, if you have ever found the “pick up the soap” joke funny, then you are further encouraging a man to rape a girl, if he mistakenly finds himself in the same space as her alone.

MEN have normalized the idea of predating on anything they view as weaker. Sexually, physically, èven mentally.

And by mentally, I present statements like:

“Women are too emotional, they can’t lead an organization, men are more logical.”

That is predatory. Predation is WILD ANIMAL BEHAVIOR. I’m not surprised sha, I’d expect nothing less from men raised in Mushin.

Sexually predation, we of course, have— rape.

Physically, we have domestic abuse toward women.

Now, I have three questions: now that my point has been made.

1. Why can’t the men in the prison masturbate?

2. Why can’t men agree that their penis is just another organ, and does not make them sexually or societally superior to women?

3. Why do men not care about each other? Because if men DID care about each other, they would have found a problem with the “pick up the soap” joke.

I’ll answer. First of all, the men in the prison already see women, or anything replicating or imitating women, as sexual objects, and nothing more. So it’s easy for them to prey on a man who is effeminate. Therefore, neglecting masturbation.

Moreover, men have an issue agreeing that their penis is another organ, because their worth is tied to their penis, and the misogyny in their blood, or the one they were raised with, will not allow them to drop their ego. Non existent fallacy called ego. That words irks me.

Finally, men dò not care about each other because “caring” is socially constructed as feminine, and they don’t want to be seen or compared to anything feminine, because they’d be viewed less. Again, misogyny.💔

Now, men.

Men.

I’m not sorry about all the curses I hurled towards you, if you are/were misogynistic.

I do have a question, though.

What did you learn from this article?

I’m sure my lovely ladies have learnt to not shame other women too, because it gives an incentive for men to do the same. You won’t be respected if you don’t respect yourselves.

Short advice for the women, misogyny is also present in little statements you make towards men and women.

I’ll give you examples.

1. “You’re a man nau, you have to be strong.”: My love, you are setting yourself up for disrespect. This man will always view you as weaker, because you have also placed yourself as weak.

1. “That girl’s skirt is too short, I’d never wear that, she’ looks like a slut.”: My love, you are once again, exposing other women to judgement or control from men. The same way the man can see you disrespect or disregard another woman because of her choice of clothing, THEY WILL DISREGARD YOU TOO. They will be monitoring your clothes to check if you’re an “ashawo.” That’s control, and it’s bad.

1. “See as man dey dò like woman, god forbid.”: Okay, queen. What do you mean? Why is there a problem with the fact that he’s effeminate? If it disgusts you, then you will also be viewed as disgusting to another man. Even to yourself. If you see an effeminate man, and your first reaction is disgust, then I just know you hate yourself too, and you are a raging misogynistic because you also view anything effeminate as “lesser” or “disgusting” or èven unworthy of respect or love. You’re not viewed much different from an effeminate man, you just have a vagina and a breast. I’m not sorry.

There is a lot more, but this article is not to educate the women. It’s not my job to do that. Overemphasis on education of women by me, who is a man, is also very misogynistic. I believe we can all be independent.❤️

Now back to those ikorodu men with saggy stinky balls.

What did you learn?

I’m done cooking, all of you should eat and make sure to leave no crumbs and give reviews.🥲 Na me nau.

I forgot to add: special thanks to for encouraging me to type this. I typed it yesterday, and Substack deleted it. I wanted to cry, because it took me hours to finish. God bless you, Agbalagba mi.❤️

I was gonna give up on this article.

It’s more of poetic. And yes, i remember that I promised an article today. I’m still cooking.

Just calm down, and enjoy the poem, or whatever this is. It’s sha a beautiful read.😹

Brace up for iconic lines, and get ready to be quoting and resharing those lines.🤧

I’m a wayward child, and that’s okay.

Iya Amoke, no.

No I will not stay away from smokers.

In fact, I smoke too.

And look at me: still your son with Good grades.

Iya Amoke, no.

No I will not keep quiet while you talk.

And yes, you’re capable of lying.

The last time I kept quiet while you talked, it ruined my ability to stand up for myself, and in the future, I couldn’t tell the difference between you and my agemates.

Iya Amoke, no.

No I will not stay away from women.

Neither will I stay away from men.

And not everybody is wicked.

I cannot grow without other people.

I will also sleep with them in the process.

Iya Amoke, no.

No I will not respect elders.

I blatantly refuse to see myself lesser than an adult because they’re older.

Mummy, the adults of nowadays are rapists and pedophiles. And many of these rapists don’t even smoke, ma.

I am equal to all, until proven worthy of respect.

Iya Amoke, no.

No I will not “dress like a good boy”.

I am not a good boy.

I’ve seen what ‘good boys’ are contributing to the society, and it gets them killed too.

I will dress like myself, and watch the good boys kill their own creativity.

Iya Amoke, no.

Not all my friends are jealous of me.

Yes, I am uniquely special. But so are they.

If they are intimidated by my uniqueness, then I’ll assume it’s because they haven’t found theirs.

Iya Amoke, no.

No I am not the head of the family.

Your first born was a woman, therefore if need be, she can and will efficiently represent as the head.

I am your first son, and that’s all there is to me.

I do not subscribe to that misogynistic behavior.

Iya Amoke, no.

I will not hide my colored hair from the neighborhood women.

There is nothing wrong with my hair.

My colored hair does not make me less of a human than the others.

Iya Amoke, if this is your idea of a child who has been lost to the devil, or a wayward child, then you’re right.

I am wayward, and I am also unique and beautiful.

If you cannot see the beauty in my waywardness,

Me I can see it. And that’s enough for me.

You gave birth to me, but I decide what I do with myself, because fortunately, the only thing you shared with me, is a placenta and blood, Not a brain, so I DO have a mind of my own.

I am not an extension of my parents.

I am a product of two adults, who is blooming into the brightest wayward icon.

My name is Fawaz, and I identify as wayward. And that’s ok.

Mind you, I wrote this while washing plates. My brain is so weird, lol.

Anyways, what do you think?

And what was the overall message this article was trying to pass?

Please you people should drop creative comments.😭 i want to gag at your representation of this poem.

Love, Fawaz.

Wait!

Do you think I should have posted this as a note instead? Omfggg why am I èven overthinking this?

my mom calls me Alabi, and my partner calls me Akorede. I like being given a special name apart from the Islamic one that the world knows me as.

Skip the excruciatingly hot and sexy picture below and get to reading the article.

1. I am easily manipulated by those I love: I want to say more on this, but I can’t.

   Actually, I can. I just don’t want to.

1. I’ve been writing since I was 5: Unlike other kids, I didn’t want to play outside or play under the rain. I spent 80% of my day writing, or reading. So I have been learning to express myself with words èven before I learnt what those words truly meant.

1. I’m the strongest person you’d ever meet, and simultaneously the weakest person you’d ever meet: I’ve stayed hungry, sick and weak, but you’d never see me cry. I have experienced the death of a loved one, and I also didn’t cry. However, you will catch me crying at 3:00AM, because I just realized my friends do not love me the way I love them.

1. I love my partner, but I’ll always put my friends first: As much as I’d like to expatiate on this, I will not. I’d like to hear your own thoughts and reasons why not.

1. I think more than I speak, and I speak more than I act. My brain is a storey building of several museums of different thoughts, experiences, emotions, and the people I love.

1. I’m always self reflecting. Don’t worry,’I’ll teach you.

Self-reflection is the deliberate practice of looking inward to examine your thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and motivations. Rather than living on autopilot or religious morals, it allows you to evaluate your actions, realign with your core values, and process experiences to make more intentional choices moving forward.

The Four Core Pillars

Self-Awareness: Identifying your emotional triggers, habitual thought patterns, and dominant behavior cycles.

Objective Evaluation: Assessing your choices and outcomes without immediate harsh self-judgment or defensive justification.

Alignment Check: Measuring your actual daily behavior against your stated values, goals, and personal ethics.

Actionable Insight: Converting internal discoveries into deliberate adjustments for future growth.

Credit: Gemini, because I love y’all and I want all of you to consider self reflecting more than you already are. There is no limit.

1. I might be very close to being a misandrist: And in case you’re wondering- yes, a man can also be misandrist. But luckily for all of us, I am not a misandrist. I remain a feminist ally, and I pray it ends there.

1. I’m the first son in my family, also the first male grandchild from both my mom and my dad’s families. It Doesn’t make me more special than the women, btw. I’m just letting y’all know.

1. I’m a half-orphan: My dad passed away seven years ago. I was second guessing writing this here, before I remembered that it’s my article, and it’s about me. So why feel a certain way?

1. I’m pantheist: You don’t have to know what it means, just know it means I’m not muslim, I’m not Christian either. I know it’s on my bio, but still. It’s my article o, and I will add what I want.🥲

1. I hate being popular: This is probably the most vulnerable part of this article. I hate the favoritism that comes with being popular. I want to be treated like you treat everyone else, including the daughter of the old lady across the road who sells corn. I am in no way different from her. But no, you’re rude to her, and you’re in my dm asking to be friends. I am no different from her, I promise you. Popularity has stripped me of my ability to be studied, or to be found naturally. Don’t tell me you know me from TikTok, that information is irrelevant. Ask for my name like you would ask a stranger. And if you can’t ask a stranger for their name, then why are you pretending to care about me? Omg I can go on and on, but I’ll pause here. Thanks to Substack sha, y’all are beautiful.

1. Unlike most of you, I do not love my mother unconditionally: And I am not ashamed to admit it, since many of you want to be hypocrites, and remain in the shackles of Stockholm syndrome. Fortunately for her, and thanks to my emotional intelligence, I do not hate my mother either. She still held me for 9 months. She will most definitely receive love and respect for that.❤️But she still has to face the consequences of her bad parenting and domestic abuse.

1. I’m turning 19 next month: Great, you’re shocked too. “How are you so mature”, “how are you so smart”, “how are you so-“, “i thought you were 20…”, oh, baby I’m sorry. I’m not sorry for you, I’m sorry for myself. I stripped myself of my teenage years very very fast, and as much as I’d like to blame my father’s death, I still take accountability for my actions, so I CHOSE to chase knowledge and respect faster than I should. Now I want to give it back. But unfortunately, I can’t.

1. Straight people think I’m bisexual. Gay people think I’m bisexual. News flash: I identify as a selfish Yoruba boy from osun state. (Copied this from Darlington)

1. I have anger issues: Before you start shouting, better calm down. Nigerians have a very ignorant view or idea on what anger issues is. And I’ll be explaining to you today.

Anytime Nigerians hear anger issues, the first thing they think of is a man. As if that isn’t dumb enough, the next thing they think of, is physical harm or violence. And in reality, violence is just…well, violence.

Having anger issues means experiencing anger that is unusually intense, frequent, hard to control, or disproportionate to the situation at hand. While anger is a healthy, natural human emotion designed to signal when something is wrong, it becomes an "issue" when it disrupts your daily life, damages relationships, or leads to harmful behavior. Harmful behavior is NOT equal to violent behavior.

Key Signs & Manifestations

Impulsive Aggression: Reacting with immediate verbal outbursts, shouting, or physical reactions before processing the event.

Passive-Aggressive Expression: Suppressing anger directly while expressing it through sarcasm, silent treatment, subtle sabotage, or persistent resentment.

Low Frustration Tolerance: Feeling an overwhelming surge of rage over minor daily inconveniences, like traffic, small mistakes, or minor delays.

Physical Tension: Experiencing strong physical warning signs—tightened jaw, clenched fists, racing heart, or a sudden sensation of heat—long before you consciously realize how angry you are.

Post-Anger Guilt: Feeling deep remorse, shame, or embarrassment shortly after an outburst passes.

Now, because I am an icon, I am very self aware and I have been working on my anger issues since 2019. I now identify as someone who you’d never suspect in your lifetime of anger issues or anything related.

It didn’t go away, I just express the anger with words instead of allowing it to breed into resentment. And many more mechanisms… as far as i don’t hurt others.

1. I used to be both Muslim and Christian: I was born in a church, and I attended the church with my mother for the first 8 years of my life. I finished the Bible before 8, btw. My favorite part was revelations, and the apocalypse. (i liked reading a lot). After a lot of pressure from my dad’s family who’s predominantly Muslim, I was taken to the mosque to learn the Quran, where I graduated in less than four years. Yes, I finished learning the Quran in less than four years. So at some point, I used to identify as both Muslim and Christian. Isn’t it ironic?

1. I’m hypersexual: Or wait no- maybe I just have a really really really high libido that allows me make decisions based on how horny I am sometimes. And 96% of the time, I am horny. (I’d NEVER rape anyone, though.)

1. I love teaching: I have taught physics, Chemistry and English to students in Grade 10-12, in a private school in Lagos. I did this after my WAEC, and I was a very amazing teacher. (Mind you, I was 16 at the time.) Some of the students still call me till date to thank me. I thank them back, because I loved sharing my knowledge with them. Knowledge can be quite overwhelming if kept secret. (Don’t worry, I wrote multiple exams before they allowed me work as a teacher)

1. I have an OCD: No I won’t be explaining this one this time, just know that it’s nothing related to JUST cleaning, or being neat- like most ignorant Nigerians like to portray it as.

1. Me and my current partner have the exact same birthdays: October 19th. Mind you, we didn’t figure this out until three weeks in the relationship. I almost ran mad on the day i found out.

1. I love the Yoruba/african tradition: I love everything about the cultures (except the misogyny involved), and I love their gods and goddesses. I currently have an Ifa bead on, and I think it’s beautiful.

1. Fun fact about me: I used to draw as a child. I drew anything drawable, but something in me died on the day my father died. And it was my ability to draw. Now, the only people who believe I can draw, are my family members who knew who I was before my father’s death. I think I’m talking about his death too much, you’d think I’m sad. And in reality, I’m not. It’s just a very important milestone in my character development. May his soul rest in peace, if souls exist.

1. I’ve been in 11 relationships since I was 13. Don’t ask. Just, assimilate.😭

1. I’m very liberal and extremely open minded: I’m open to trying ANYTHING new, as far as I can afford it, and it’s not harmful. I’m willing to try ANYTHING. Literally anything you can think of- èven sexually.🌚

   additionally, I do not stick to one perception of life, I am open to other views, and other possibilities. I do not have a favorite food, nor a favorite color, nor a favorite person, nor a favorite place to be. I am universally unique. I am also always seeking knowledge and constantly evolving into someone new.

1. I support abortion, but because I am a man, I do not believe I have a say in abortion rights. No matter how much of a feminist ally i am, I still do not have a say on what women should do with their bodies.

1. I’m anti-Jungle Justice, Classism and homophobia: These three are always having sex with misogyny, and patriarchy. And i do not support those either. I notice the tiniest hint of misogyny in everything bro.

1. I spend too lavishly for the financial state i am currently in, and to worsen the case, the country i find myself in.

1. Injustice hurts my soul in the worst ways you can ever think of. And injustice doesnt always have to be about the law. Emotional injustice, financial injustice, POLITICAL injustice, societal injustice , domestic injustice, academic injustice, they all exist. And I hate them all equally.

1. I’m always right about People: At least, 90% of the time. Before you think I’m egotistical, I’d like to let you know that I’ve been studying psychology and human behavior since I was 13. So yes, I can tell which traumatic event is causing you to feel that way. Sometimes my friends get free therapy in disguise as advice.😅 They love me so much.

1. I am extremely creative: I have a natural ability to find the beauty in the world and its imperfections. That being said, I always look beyond the surface. Èven with humans.

because I know you people want more, I will add more.🙂‍↔️

1. I take accountability as fast as possible: I will see where I’m wrong and apologize, èven before YOU figure out that you’re offended.😅 The downside to this is that I always expect it back from other people, and when I don’t get it, I subconsciously force it out of my loved ones.

1. I am courageously honest: You’d always catch me getting in trouble because of what I said to someone. I am the most courageous in my friend group, in my family, and èven in my class. And to be honest, it gets overwhelming. Sometimes I just want to be saved, and not the savior.

1. I am very selfish: Not the evil type of selfish, because as usual, Nigerians and their nuanced views of themselves. As a retired raging people pleaser, I now identify as someone who does not give a fuck. I will do exactly what I want to do to my satisfaction. I might apologize later, but I will still do it.

1. I have made peace with death, and death has made peace with me: That being said, I no longer fear death nor the possibility of death. I recommend that you do that too.🙂‍↔️ It frees you from a lot of worldly restrictions.

1. I am left handed. I used to hate this part of me, I can’t believe I allowed conservative Muslims to deceive me into thinking I was flawed for being left handed. “It’s the devils hand” in that case, I identify as an 18 year old devil who is confident in their self. Thank you.

1. I am currently a 300 level mechanical engineering student in Osun State’s University, and I have four snails. I named them Felix, Felicia, Darion, and Darionne. Snails are hermaphrodites, meaning they do not have a gender and they can all get pregnant. The oldest of them all is Felix. Yes, I did not stop picking up snails from the road, èven as an adult.

1. 1 do not argue, i communicate: I don’t want to win an argument. I don’t even see it as an argument. I just want to air my opinion, and listen to yours too. You may think you’re arguing with me, and it’s not mutual. If you think you won an argument with me, you’re wrong. It was never an argument with me, you just successfully communicated your opinion to me, and I realized mine was flawed.

1. I hate competitions. Why can’t we all win?

1. I don’t like to sleep in the dark: I need at least a tiny form of light around me. I hate being clueless in general. Darkness makes me feel clueless, and not safe unlike most of you vampires.

1. I adore every single part of my body: I love my eyes, my nose, my hair, my skin. It might look messy to you, but to me, it’s the most beautifully unique thing I’ve ever come across.

Now that I’m done with this article, you can tell that i didn’t join the trend because I wanted to “check” if I can write articles.😹 of course I can write articles, I’m just lazy as fuck.

Now that I’m reading this article all over again, I am realizing that there are so many things that are repostable or requotable o.😭

And now I low-key want to write more.🤧 But let me allow y’all digest on these words of the wise. (I’m the wise)

Long press the line or quote you want to repost or requote because I’m sure as hell these have to be relatable to most of you.

Anyways, I love you, have a nice day and leave as much comments as you can. I’m open to questions.

this might come off as narcissistic, but it’s not. Take a deep breath, and read.

AND NO, I am not competing with nature. Nature is competing with me.😂

I’m guessing you have a few points? Calm tf down.

the moon and stars lights up at night? My eyes dò the same when someone gets me a gift, or when I want to cry.

The nature sound is aesthetic, so is my voice when I moan. (I have no sexual image to add, so just see a thirst trap I took yesterday below)

The trees stand majestically, beautify the society and smell good sometimes.

Yes, so dò I. I stand majestically during a debate- i èven walk too.

I beautify the society with the love I express, and the smell of my hair is an experience on it’s own.

Rivers are vast, and it’s beautiful to stand at the shore to experience. So am I. I have so much experience and knowledge and talents and creativity, and it’s also fun to stand at the edge to experience a bit of my vastness.

Forests have been walked through, you cannot ever walk through my mind. Èven I haven’t fully walked through my own mind.

I dey discover new things about myself everyday o.

Nobody knows every corner of my mind, every contradiction I carry, every memory that quietly shaped me into this person. There are parts of me I haven’t even discovered myself.

God, I am so vast and disgustingly self aware.

The moon is magnificent, but it has no choice. It rises when it must, disappears when it must, and returns exactly when it should. The stars have danced the same dance for billions of years.

Tomorrow I could become someone I’ve never met before. Your “beautiful moon” cannot. It will never evolve.

The sun gives life through photosynthesis. I give life through everytime i made someone else happy, or everytime i made someone laugh, or everytime I show kindness to another human.

That’s why I think I’m more natural and mysterious mysterious than the night sky.

Not because nature is ordinary.

But because I have more life and information in me than that moon and star you adore.

Instead of saying “you’re beautiful, just like the moon”, just tell that person what you really find beautiful in them.

Me I’m not beautiful like the moon. I am beautiful like ME.

I am beautiful like the way my eyes light up the room, and how my voice drags attention.

BEAUTIFUL LIKE FAWAZ!

Thanks for reading.

Wait wait, I think nature also has adverse effects. Do you think I should write about those disadvantages too, and how it’s applicable to me?

Whenever someone does something bad to you:

• a friend betrays you.

• a boyfriend or girlfriend cheats on you.

• a random stranger does something so disgusting to you.

The first thing you say is,

“I wish everyone was like me, the world would have been better.”

“If I dated someone like me, I would be so happy.”

No baby, you wouldn’t be happy.

Whenever you say these things to yourself, you’re probably only highlighting the good parts of yourself.

The one that is always smiling, the one that gives anytime they have, the one that’s a good communicator, the one that would go all out for their friends and family, and the one who loves wholeheartedly, and the one who would never cheat on their partner.

Yes, yes, yes. Those are all cool qualities. But let’s flip a mirror, shall we?

Let me put you in a room with an exact replica of yourself. Both of you are roommates, and you are lovers.

Both of you talk about the same hobbies for a whole day, laugh for a whole day, catch fun, and understand each other perfectly well. Fun, bah?

Well, knowing that you sometimes slip into your non-verbal mood, both of you will keep quiet at the same time. And there it goes. You’re in a bad mood. You probably remembered how toxic your family is. Your clone did the same. Now both of you are mute.

Now you need emotional support. But your clone who also needs emotional support, is off the grid.

Resentment builds.

“Why is my clone ignoring me? They know how I feel and know that I need emotional support at the moment.”

I’m not done. Wait, baby.

Now remember that time both of you were catching fun the whole day? Eating the same favorite meals, watching the same movies, good.

Now the house is dirty. And both of you are in your moods.😅

It’s the next day of silence, and your ego and anger is not allowing you to clean that room. Because why can’t the clone just clean it?

Baby, your clone thinks just like you.

You see that devilish voice in your head? Yes, your clone has it too.😂

Now you’re èven angrier cause everywhere is smelling, and you need to prepare for class on Monday.

You stand up angrily. Your clone jolts up too at the same time. Both of you start screaming at each other to do those chores.

But you’re an emotional person, you can’t handle conflict so both of you stop fighting and just clean the place together. Not calmly o, angrily.

Now it’s Monday, and both of you are going to class…

I’ll allow you to fill the rest of this article in your own head. Take a look at your personality and your behaviors- the ones you just Ignore because you don’t see it as a problem.

Once you take a look at it, write your own article. Continue from where I stopped, and while writing, I’m sure you’d realize that you’re not as perfect as you think.

And you can only experience yourself from your own lens. You can’t experience yourself from the lenses of others people.

Use the same title and tag me.

Subscribe if you found my article interesting or just lmk if I should do a part 2.😔

Love, Fawaz.❤️

Have you done that? Very good. Plug in headphones if you can. Now, put the song on repeat/play-one.

I’m writing this text at 3:10AM in the midnight with very cold air, while listening to music.

Can you guess where I’m seated? I’ll tell you.

But before I tell you, I want you to put on your imagination cap- therefore, imagine everything you’re reading, as though you’re here with me- feeling the exact same thing.

*takes of my glasses to wipe off the tears*

(Mind you, I haven’t cried in seven months.)

Sorry for the interruption.

Now, shift your imagination from cold air at midnight to hot environ by 11:00AM in the morning, in a new environment where there are thousands of people, with new faces and different lives.

You are excited, you just got to the university and you’re wearing a sandal and white socks. Yes, white socks— awkward dressing, but you don’t know it’s awkward because you’re really excited.

But the person your mom connected you to in the uni isn’t picking your calls, so you just have to sit somewhere — in the middle of the whole campus. A big block that’s higher than the school, where you can sit and look down on people.

Imagine yourself playing around on that same block with your registration papers while being careful of your faulty phone because it switches off when you shake it a little.

I am so full of life and energy. I want to make friends with everyone! I have great social skills!

I’m sitting on that big block right now.

And it’s dark and cold, but I can no longer feel that excitement. I have two phones. None of them are faulty. I can’t feel the papers in my hand anymore.

You are now filled with numbness. Emptiness. So much experience, so much people know you—

Yes, you’re the most followed content creator on campus with 33,000+ followers and if you sat here in the afternoon, you wouldn’t be comfortable because everyone knows you and is looking at you as though you have stolen something.

So much academic pressure but no effort. I can’t put effort. It’s not working.

The breeze is still cold rn. The black durag I’m wearing is flying in rhythm to the breeze.

People are coming towards me— fuck. Did they recognize me?

Oh thankgod. They just whispered to each other and passed…

While still trying to remember the image of the first time you came to the school, there are other memories that are forcing their way in your head.

Imagine your brain keeps flickering from Sucidal attempts to the first time I made a friend, and then back to the time I was raped by the same friend, and then back to memories of my first viral video.

I can still hear the song faintly besides me through the headphones.

Memory block.

I can’t remember anything.

Everywhere is quiet. I assume it’s quiet over there too.

Remove your imagination cap. I think we are done for the day.

You can leave this note now. As for me, I’ll plug the headphones back in and go back in the classes to force myself to read for tomorrow’s test.

Thanks for reading.

I’ll drop a part two later. I have a lot to say, and I will say it.🙂

I just realized I have so much anger in my that I am not letting out.

There is years of built in anger in me FROMT hings rhat people have done to me, thinfs I went through and things I had tj let slide because she was my mothher

I was raised in anger, I was fed with anger, I was groomed in anger. Anger is my basic core, why did I ever try ti control it when I was brok with it?

Yes, empathy ANE emotional intelligence, but it’s killing me because there is so much anger in my that I can’t even cry anymore.

My sor emotions have been traded for anger

I deserved better

I deserved a Better boyfriend,

I deserved a better mother

I deserved a better life

I deserve peace

I deserve love

I have love, love is all I give out

But WHWRE Dò I put all my anger?

Please put me out of this misery

I’m trying to control what I was born in and born with

But at the end of the day, love and empathy will always prevail over my anger. Anger is human, so is love.

And I will allow love dominate me tofay.

My name is Fawaz, and I chose love.

I do not forgive a lot of people yet, but I choose love, èven though it will always be at war with my anger.

I read this poem by myself and wanted to edit it to fix the spellings, but then I realized that if I left it unedited, maybe a few people would feel the same thing I felt while writing this.

TORNADO OF DECEPTION.

My chest would squeeze whenever my mom made me lie to my dad.

That was when I knew i wasn’t born for deception.

My blood would boil whenever my sister didn’t give me an equal half of beef.

That was when I knew my system repels unfairness.

I never blamed god anytime I got cheated, I blamed myself for allowing it.

I’m responsible for standing up for myself.

Because brethren, lies make me sick.

Injustice cripples my empathy and converts it to anger.

Toxic power dynamics disgust me.

Imbalance changes me from an emotionally intelligent person to a dragon.

Lack of reciprocity weakens my mental pillars.

Betrayal turns me into a war machine.

I hate feeling this way. I hate having to punish people myself.

I hate hating people.

I hate being treated like a dummy, because I’m calm.

I promise I am capable of chaos and destruction, but my emotional intelligence and empathy are at war with my anger issues.

I pray everyone who deliberately cheated other people, faces the harsh consequences of living. But unfortunately prayers don’t always work.

I could also pray for death, but death is too much of an easy way out for evil people, and I need them alive…

Maybe one day, I might get an apology or at least, accountability.

(If anyone from my school sees this, I need you to know that I do not care in the slightest. If this poem doesn’t sit well with you, then you are one of the evil people.)

Let’s imagine depression was a woman.

This woman would be very sexy.

Always wearing lingerie,

calling out, waiting right outside your door for your friends to leave your home

So she can have her way with you.

She wouldn’t make noise.

She wouldn’t use a knife.

She doesn’t have a gun.

But she comes to entice you to give in to her seduction.

You eventually succumb.

She begins to alter your reality.

She makes you distance yourself from your friends, because she knows when they are around, she can’t kill you.

You will feel pain with no evidence.

You will feel heartburn without fire.

This woman’s lip gloss is laced with insomnia.

Everytime you come in contact with her, you lose sleep.

Most people think she is just a weak woman, because of her physical luster. Not knowing that the same luster can drive a man to it’s death.

She would be beautiful, though.