We learn, develop and grow through experiencing everything life has to offer. The people we speak to, the destinations we travel to, the places we frequent all chisel away sculpting us into a beautiful, well experienced, diverse individual we are. So when you haven’t put yourself out there in a while, or traveled anywhere new or spoken to any strangers it’s not a surprise when you tumble into a rut when every day is the bloody same.

This was me last year. Complete writers block caused me to have zero inspiration or motivation to write anything new. I felt the pressure of abandoning a hobby I put so much work into but I was just banging my head against this mental wall. Now I go to sleep with a buzz because I am excited to wake up the next day for whatever it is I’ve got going on and full of ideas to create.

In this article I’m going to give you step by step how I made this change.

What did a “rut” look like to me

• boring nights in, never going out

• Everything planned, nothing spontaneous

• Sticking with the same people, not meeting anyone new

• This resulted in depression, boredom, and stagnation

The reality is I was living Groundhog Day. Chances were my grandkids would be shushed to sleep from how boring I was recounting my ‘life in my 20s’ stories if I continued on this way

Now for the fun bit…

How I got out of it?

• I started forcing myself to get dressed up to go out multiple times a week. The simple action of doing my hair and makeup then planning an outfit to go out skyrocketed my mood

• Then I planned out my calendar. Now I mean I PACKED it full of events, pub quizzes, run club, hikes, beach days, day trips etc. I still left flexibility for spontaneous yeses though

• I prioritised speaking to my new and old friends. No longer did I let messages go unread 2, 4, 7 days. I replied to messages the same day they were sent and made numerous plans to meet my friends in person. I pushed past the fear of “what if they think I’m weird by suggesting going out” NO, stop it, don’t listen to that voice it’s silly. People are craving connection and your real friends will jump at the chance to get out

• I pushed myself out my comfort zone and signed myself up for a ridiculous amount of things outside my comfort zone. Networking events, a hike up the UKs highest mountain, a kilt walk, fundraising etc

• I tried new activities, new hobbies, classes etc and met loads of people. Now most didn’t become friends but I still had a great time chatting with them for the time we did

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Now I don’t want to leave you without some of that inspiration I promised in the title. So here are 28 prompts for you to start having a bit more fucking fun in your life!

1. What hobby brought you joy as a a child? Painting, swimming, music or was it dancing because I want you to block out time in your calendar for you to do that at least 1x a week. Non negotiable time you try an old activity to bring back your childish spark

2. Now find a social club for that hobby. Look on facebook groups, instagram accounts or posters in local coffee shops etc to see if your community offers a club or classes in that hobby. I have found everything from group guitar lessons, to a trapeze courses to crochet clubs. Find out when it is and commit to going every week for 6 weeks before you decide if it’s for you or not. The reason why I say 6 weeks because the first time you might feel a bit stressed and awkward to talk to people. However, each time it will get easier and you’ll become a familiar, regular face

3. Find a fitness challenge and start training for it. Now I’m not going to be that person that says sign up for a marathon and just grit and bear it because I HATE running. That being said there are loads of fitness challenges out there, I recently hiked up Ben Nevis, the UK’s highest mountain. You could train to swim a distance in lake either that be yourself or a for race. Setting yourself a challenge that’s outside your comfort zone will do wonders for you

   

4. Suggest going to try a new pub/ bar after work one Friday night with colleagues. All you need is to get one person on board and they message around saying hey me and x are going to this new pub after work on Friday, wanna come too?!

5. Solo travel. I’ll never stop banging on about how important it is to solo travel in your 20s because I grew so much as a person in my confidence from my solo trip to Copenhagen. I’ve got an article coming soon about how to plan your own solo trip.

   

6. Day trip to another city. Edinburgh is the nearest city for me and I love getting an early train and going shopping, trying a new lunch spot or going to an author talk (Edinburgh always gets the good authors)

7. Be a tourist in your own city. I love visiting museums, natural wonders, historical sites that I don’t appreciate because I live amongst it. Gives you an appreciation for where you stay and the chance to explore some hidden gems

8. Fundraise for a charity important to you, I recently did a bake sale for Alzheimer’s Scotland in my work and spoke to lots of people I never would have spoken to otherwise

9. Do something for the adrenaline. Sometimes we just need a reminder of what it feels like to be alive. Bungee jump, go on a roller coaster or tackle your biggest fear. Personally I’m terrified of bees and my work is having a bee keeper come in and we can volunteer to suit up in the bee suit to meet a hive of bees (very random of my work I know) so I plan to do that next month, photos to come!

10. Plan a games night with family/ friends. Whoever you live with whether that be flatmates, a partner or family, suggest instead of separating off to watch TV why don’t you play a game. Heads up is a great one and you can get the app easy on your phone, monopoly is great if you want to burn all existing connections you once had with your friends or charades is brilliant to get noise complaints as you shout “TITANIC, NO PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN, NO FUCKKK WHAT IS IT”

    

11. Go to a pub quiz/ bingo night. This is a great one as most often pubs will do this on a regular basis, a great opportunity to create community and make friends as you become a regular

12. Find a regular exercise class you like the look of. Even look beyond the normal ones, the botanical gardens in Glasgow has yoga and Pilates on a Saturday morning?! Very unusual but I love it

13. Go to a really cheap, up-incoming comedy bar without having looked into the acts for the night

14. Get tickets for small gig you’ve never heard of and get to the very front of the stage

    

15. Get dressed up to go out with your friends and change your accents for the night. My friend and I did this, he tried an almost regal English accent and I tried my very best at my favourite, a southern belle Texas accent. I don’t think either accent was particularly convincing but we had the best night

16. Go watch a sport game at the pub. I dont have any interest in sports of any fashion but the buzz in the city during the World Cup watching Norway v England was incredible. Go for the buzz, vibe and drinks then find someone to ask a ridiculous amount of questions on “why don’t they just kick the ball in the net?”

    

17. Find a hike and get the coolest photos up the top. Nothing says mum lore than trekking up a mountain with a picnic and getting cool ass photos with a stunning view

18. Go to a cafe with a friend on a Saturday morning with a pack of cards and get coffees with breakfast. Now I’m not pretentious, and I’m not going to say this has to be with a deck of cards, a pack of uno cards has the same desired affect

19. Go to a pool, darts or snooker club with friends and teach yourself to play

    

20. Enrol in an adult acting class. Even if you don’t have an desire to be an actor I think acting classes have the ability to do wonders for your confidence and worth trying once in your life

21. Start volunteering. Look out for if your local hospital, dog shelter, community centre needs volunteers. It’s so rewarding to give back, you’ll definitely meet new people and learn new valuable skills

    

22. Go to kareoke night. I implore you to sing but even if you don’t it’s such a fun night watching others butcher Celine Dion and the little guy who stands up and belts Frank Sinatra at 1am

23. Visit a themed bar. In Glasgow we have a rodeo bar, arcade bar and a bookstore bar but I bet your city has something very similar

24. Do a 24 hour trip…okay I’ll expand. Get a flight to somewhere in the morning, spend the day there. Eat, drink, explore but don’t forget about your flight back that night. I’m planning on doing this when I visit Dublin, 7am flight there, 11pm flight back!

25. Find your local market and support some small independent businesses

26. Tick off one scary thing of your bucket list. Scuba diving, bungy jump, go karting whatever it is, get it booked and in the calendar

27. Start your own business. Perhaps it’s selling those crochet pumpkins you make every year on Etsy, or running yoga classes in your local area or setting up a stand at your local market and selling cookies. Starting a business can be hard but it’s incredibly rewarding and fulfilling. I’ve started numerous and it’s taught me so much about myself and my work ethic

28. Start a substack! I started this three years ago whilst I was still in uni and it became so much more than a form of self expression. It kept me accountable to something, strengthened my work ethic and showed me I could achieve my goals. When areas of my life weren’t going so well I had my substack that stilled my confidence in myself. Just message me if you’d like any tips on starting your own substack!

Where I am now

We’re reaching the end of August and I had such fun last night planning out my calendar for September. I’ve have everything booked from a charity kilt walk on the 13th to an author event on 1st. I’ve scheduled in my weekly Monday night catch up with my best friend and then my weekly date night with my boyfriend. I’ve made time for clubs, my hobbies and room for spontaneous yeses. Through jam packing my schedule it has my head bursting with ideas to create. I sit down to write and 3 more ideas come to my head and it’s so fulfilling when your hobbies and talents comes back to you naturally.

I’m writing more consistently than I ever have and at a quality I feel grows everyday. So while I’m doing more with my social life and technically ‘resting’ (i.e. slugging on my couch) less I have more energy for my job, friends, hobbies, family etc. I feel so happy being genueinely fulfilled and excited to wake up every day. A feeling I didn’t have much of not that long ago. So it is possible, I pulled myself out that rut and I know you can to <3

Which one of these prompts are you going to start with?

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IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

I am launching a paid subscription tier very soon in October!

The articles you’ll receive with your subscription will be similar to this one. They will go deeper than my usual articles, provide more value and advice for you

If you have the means to consider going paid then you will receive the following

• 2 extra articles a month that expand further on the topics that provide the most value to you

• Hyper specific guides such as “18 tips I wish I knew before my first solo trip + how to plan your first”

• Deep dive interviews such as “I interviewed 28 women in their 40s, here’s what they would do differently in their 20s”

The reason I’m deciding to go paid now is for two reasons.

1. Your continued support by interacting with my writing has given me the confidence I could be a writer and get paid for my passion

2. The money will be funding the romance novel I’ve been writing. In the background I have been working on a fiction Scottish Highlands small town romance series I want to independently publish. However, I’ve found this route to publish is very expensive. A book cover ranges from £300-1000, editing is £500-1500 so I’ve been saving up for a while. The income from my substack would go directly into funding the publishing of my book and would support me immensely on this journey

So overall your support, if you have the means to go paid will be directly funding my novels as I follow my dream of becoming an author.

I still will be releasing my free articles 2x a month but this is just an additional extra if you have the means to

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I write about female friendships, community building and having a strong self identity but at the crux of all of it, its about reminding us all to have a fun life which isn’t going to be found in the crevas of your sofa watching Gilmore girls AGAIN (this was me last year, I feel you girl, I know its comforting but lets get out there)

If you want to see more of me that I don’t post on substack you should follow me over on instagram. I post what I get up to 5-9, to show you fun can still be had around your 9-5. I share the adventures and activities I get up to on my weekend including new hobby clubs, hikes, wild swimming, markets, literally anything thats going to build cool mum lore

I’d love to see you over there so I can put faces to names of all you lovely people who support my writing.

DMs are always open, can’t wait to see you <3

Instagram: @hollywattwrites

Then I started proclaiming about how it’s far better to leave the club at 1am because I could get home at 1:30 and still make it up for my 9am lecture. Besides the club was too busy and my bed was just too inviting. I got some eye rolls and some groans when I slipped out early but eventually it became a given. Holly leaves early.

Then I decided, I don’t like clubbing. Nope, it’s too busy and expensive. My mother (a literal dancing queen in the 80s) couldn’t understand. She said you loved getting dressed up to go out, screaming 10% of the words I knew in the song and dancing like I was crazed. I justified it to her, clubs aren’t the same as they were in the 80s. They’re busy, unsafe and dirty. So it just became a given. Holly is a homebody.

That became my concrete identity for a couple of years and where I pushed down anything that rejected that identity. Sometimes it would come out, I’d dance like no one was watching at weddings or I’d rigorously plan a solo trip I’d never book. I had big aspirations of studying abroad, solo traveling, interailing or getting my yoga teacher training abroad but they all got sidelined. Too dangerous, too expensive, too not my thing. I bounced about in the bubble of my comfort zone. I got irritated with people who tried to loop me in on spontaneous plans, because if it wasn’t planned a week in advance, don’t expect to see me there. I pulled back from making new friends and didn’t prioritise the existing friendships I had. I spent most my time with my boyfriend and got comfortable with just having my 1 singular person. You might have caught on to what this is a recipe for…loneliness and depression BINGO! I was suffocating in my comfort bubble and didn’t realise just how boring I had made my life.

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Cozy Vibes Culture

The cozy vibe culture online was kick started with the Covid Pandemic. Forced indoors we had to make the most of it. Booktok was born, we all started crocheting and making our spaces cozy, comfortable and welcoming. It made the lock down more bearable however, I think a lot of us got too comfortable with staying at home.

My job for instance has 4 days WFH and 1 day in office which would have been unheard of before the lock down. Socialisation and community is at an all time low in workplaces and the concept of 5 days in office feels like a prison sentence. Hospitality businesses are closing, high street stores are left vacant as people opt for online shopping and to top it off isolation and loneliness is at an all time high.

Now there are a number of brilliant aspects to the cozy culture online. It’s bringing people back to analogue hobbies like reading, crafting and unleashing their creativity. We’re seeing an overall decline in substance abuse in Gen Z as our generation opts to stay in aware instead of participating in the nightlife like previous generations.

However I feel many of us are clinging to the identity of cozy culture too heavily that it becomes our unwavering personality. I know I certainly did. As human beings we crave to be understood by ourselves and others. We can achieve this by fitting in a box that can be identified so we can find our community. Cozy culture is the community we’re creating in an effort to feel relatability to others even if it’s a front.

How I started having fun again

Now for some honesty…

I fkn love the club

Come 2am, fuelled by red bulls I’m dancing with my girls in heels that make my toes numb. I’m in an outfit I planned for a week and hair and makeup that took me two hours. It’s then I feel, I’m made for this shit.

My song comes on and I down my drink, dragging my friends to the floor, spinning them in circles, giggling and holding hands as we weave through the crowd.

I love DJs, the lights, getting photos to spam my Instagram with in the morning. I am free as joy pumps through my veins filling my soul and I can’t believe I ever convinted myself this wasn’t me.

I’ve realised the goal is finding your balance

I started saying yes and hauling myself out no matter how spontaneous the plan was

I made more of an effort with existing friends and pushed myself to make more. I made plans with them and while not everyone I met became my friend I still had fun and made memories I’ll cherish.

I joined clubs and went to events solo I had been too nervous to attend prior

I booked my first solo trip to Copenhagen where I stayed in a hostel, made friends from across the globe and cycled on roads I had no idea where they lead

But here’s the thing, I haven’t started drinking again. That is my balance. I don’t like alcohol and it doesn’t agree with me. After a lot of self reflection of my identity and what truly fills my cup I realised that was part of me. Not everything needs to change, just the parts that don’t fill your cup. In this case for me that is drinking and that doesn’t fill my cup

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Finding your fun

I hope I’ve made clear that having fun again doesn’t need to be found through a row of tequila shots it can be found through a number of ways that will be unique to you. I’ll give your some ideas to ponder on

Traveling: Go somewhere outside your comfort zone, explore a culture, community an destination like a traveler experiencing not a tourist checking if the hotel is all inclusive

Expand your social circle: Spark up conversations with strangers, complement people, reach out to old friends, attend local clubs, societies and communities where you can find your circle of people

Make time for new and old hobbies: Go back to what brought you joy as a child and start there. For me that is making cards, hiking, painting, dancing and swimming. Explore new hobbies perhaps through clubs like book clubs or classes in painting or crafting.

Being spontaneous: I’m still learning this myself as I try to pry my fingers off the control freak nature in me. Sometimes the best memories were spontaneous fun and when I find myself leaning towards going I remind myself I’d rather regret going than not going

Solo Dates: I want to shout it with a megaphone loud enough for you to hear me from where ever you are in the world. The best relationship you have is the one with yourself. Spend time in your company doing activities you enjoy, for yourself and no one else. You’ll learn far more about yourself on a solo date than any boring self help book.

Lessons I learnt from learning to have fun again

I am a better me now. I am a better daughter, friend, girlfriend, etc and that is because I am not longer rotting at home lonely and depressed.

I still have my off days but getting out and about and prioritising true freedom and fun has done far more for my mental health than anything else.

Overall I’ve learnt not to settle for comfort. Your comfort zone is where your dreams go to die and I don’t wanna be 80, my grandchildren asking me what I did with my 20s. Seeing their faces as I tell them well I watched the office 3x in 6 months and read books instead of socialising. I want to tell them the places I traveled and who I met, I want to tell them my spontaneous adventures, the hobbies I picked up and I want to tell them the books I loved and the people I met through book clubs that I shared that love with.

I want to look back on my life and see fun, spontaneity, connection and community and all that is outside the bubble of my comfort zone.

How are you going to step outside your comfort zone to start inviting more fun into your life!

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By the end of this guide you will be equipped with too many ideas and activities to keep you off your phone this summer it won’t even cross your mind if he viewed your story or if one more TikTok edit wouldn’t hurt.

Journal prompts

Journalling is my foundation. It roots me to the present when my thoughts get too busy and stops me flying away with them. I’ll always advocate for journalling so this summer we’ll start with some prompts to get you started in the practice and then either you can continue with more journal prompts or do mind dumps like me

• What do want to experience from this summer

Spontaneous fun, I feel like I got a little boring last season so this summer I want to experience more carefree, in the moment spontaneous fun

• What memories from past summers bring you nostalgia, how could you recreate some of those feelings

Anytime I’m on a bike it takes me back to being 7 again. Cycling through the houses in my neighbourhood with the sun tickling my skin. I want to pump back up my tires and get back out on my bike this summer, maybe do some wooded cycle routes

• What themes do you want to experience from this summer

Independence, spontaneity, getting outside my comfort zone

• What do you want to ticket off your bucket list this summer (big or small)

I finally ticked off my first solo travel in May! I went to Copenhagen and grew so much as a person. It built my confidence and assurance in myself so I want to go another one, Italy in September and I’m going to learn conversational Italian for this (Bucket list item: travel to another country and speak the language with a local)

• What do you need to let go of this summer

Planning. As a type A girly I have always planned out my entire life down to the second. I’m learning that if you always live in the future you’ll miss the present. So the goal will be to slow it down.

• How could you be more present this summer

Experiencing life without so many distractions. Doing only one thing at a time and reducing my screen time to really live in the moment

If you’d like more prompts, I wrote these for spring but could be used for summer too

Reading list

I always tell people who say ‘I haven’t read a book in years, I don’t really like reading’ they just have not found the right book. Summer is about light, airy reads that transport you to another world

Romance

• Fever Read by Elsie Silvers

• The Daisy Chain Flower Shop by Laurie Gilmore

• Summer in the City by Alex Aster

• Sunburn by Chloe Michelle Howarth

• Call Me By Your Name by André Aciman

Fiction

• The Wedding People by Alison Espach

• My Friends by Fredrick Blackman

Fantasy

• Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

• A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas

Thriller

• Malibu Rising by Taylor Jenkins Reid

• The Wasp Trap by Mark Edward’s

Playlist

I believe the music you listen to can play such a key role in shaping your experience. So for summer we are listening to music that fills our cup and serves as a backing track for living in the present

Summer activities

• solo date

I say take yourself on a solo date every week and if this is new to you build your way up. Start by sitting in a cafe or restaurant yourself, work your way up to visiting a new exhibit or market yourself. Then look to plan your first solo trip. It was on my bucket list for the longest time and believe me, I am not the type of person who is good at being on their own but I really surprised myself. It pushed me outside of my comfort zone and I spoke to so many people at my hostel or out on my days around Copenhagen. Even if it’s a day trip to the nearest city or booking a flight for a weekend city break. A solo trip will teach you so much about yourself and I think we should all do it at least once

• Go to on a hike

If your problems start to feel big, go somewhere where you feel small. I can’t explain this but it works. Standing atop a hill, feeling the wind whistling in your ears while your hair whips against your face. Nothing feels so still and calm.

• Watch a sunset

I would love to watch a sunrise but at the moment here in Scotland the sunrises at 3/4am. So later in the summer and I’ll get up early to see the sky turn hues of pink, orange and yellows. In the meantime I love going walks as the sun starts to set and returning home just before dark. The roads are quiet and it’s just me and my dog watching the sun dip below the horizon.

• Outdoor concert

If you couldn’t tell from the sea of bald caps, this was a Pitbull concert. The rain was intermittent but heavy and by 9pm my makeup had run and my hair was drenched but I had the best time. I tried so many different food from the foot trucks, chips, hot donuts, ice creams slushies, the lot. Then because it’s such a large venue on a hill I could see far better than I could ever see at any concert. Soon as I left this concert the next morning I booked another outdoor concert in August.

• Outdoors activity

Summer is the time to take advantage of the longer sunny days. Pick an activity hobby that you can do outside and start there. Perhaps it’s finding new routes to cycle, or calling up that family friend with a kayak, going swimming or picking up a new sport like tennis or panel. Anything to get you outside and endorphins pulsing. Make this a regular activity and you’ll always have plans, and even meet people who share the same hobby

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Accessories

• jewellery stacking

I love finding markets or local artists who create unusual pieces that you could never find in your bog standard chain jewellery shop (pandora this is aimed at you). I have so much fun layering jewellery and finding the perfect pieces for the perfect outfit. Any outfit can be made better with a good jewellery stack

• Crafting our accessories

This has involved me pulling out my childhood craft materials as the result of a rabbit hole on Pinterest. When crafting something whether thats doing patchwork like me here, or embroidery, crocheting, weaving etc we value that piece so much more. They are far more representative of us as a person than anything we could find in H&M or Hollister. So I recommend pulling out old craft materials, or take a visit to your local craft shop (my favourite activity and where all my money goes) and seeing what clothes or accessories you could make or upcycle

• Wired earphones

As I try to go more analogue wired earphones have been the first step. It’s such a simple thing but I never realised how much I missed when I wore my big noise cancelling headphones. Wired earphones can also get in the way sometimes if I can’t carry my phone so it encourages me to unplug more. I also break earphones at a ridiculous rate and these are a lot cheaper than wireless ones

• Carrying my book everywhere

This is bringing my scroll time down a lot. Those little grey times, on the bus, waiting for an appointment etc I would usually go on my phone and scroll. Instead now that I always have a book packed I instinctively bring that out instead

I want to note, don’t beat yourself up about your screen time. These algorithms are designed to keep us hooked and dependant on them. You are not at fault. Hopefully these activities can be the bait that can pull you away from your phone and make TikTok scrolling feel boring in comparison to feeling the sun tickle up your skin whilst you read a fluffy romance in the garden

Let me know what activity you’ll be taking into summer!

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I’ve moved cities and have started my first big girl job but I’m really struggling to enjoy myself because I have no friends here. I know I need to talk to people more but I find it so nerve wracking and never know what to say to keep the conversation going without worrying what they think of me. I guess my dilemma is I have no friends here, how do I talk to people so I can put down more roots here and actually enjoy my 20s

Thank you!

From a reader

Dear Reader,

I first want to tell you, you’ve done the hard part. Moving out and away from your home town is an incredibly daunting experience which takes a lot of confidence. Moving into any new space whether that’s a new city, new company or job it’s daunting walking into a room and not knowing a soul. It’s only natural that when alone with your thoughts you’ll start to overthink and over analyse when in a room of strangers.

In the last year I have started my first corporate job and moved roles twice. Each time I’ve had to walk into a room of strangers and do my absolute best to build a network of colleagues and close friendships. There are five things that I think that have led to being successful in making friendships where ever I go, so lets start

Ask questions

This comes from the basic of our human psychology, our favourite topic is most often ourselves! To establish friendships you need to make that person feel that you are interested in them and value what they have to say. No one wants to be friends with the person that haven’t stopped talking for 10 minutes about how they found themselves riding elephants in Thailand. Open questions are best and to do this it’s important to actively listen. Perhaps something they’ve said in passing, follow that up.

Recently I was talking to a colleague at work and he mentioned he was going for a volunteer gig on the weekend. It was a passing comment but I picked up on it and followed up asking about if he did much volunteering before, what charities were he interested in, what was his motivation behind volunteering. What resulted was a deeper conversation that wasn’t surface level chit chat about how we both valued charity work and what charities were meaningful to us.

Mirror behaviours

Now I’m not asking you to put on a striped t-shirt and turn into the silent mime but hear me out. This is another little psychology hack, (my 2 years in my psychology degree is really pulling through here) we naturally feel more comfortable around people who show similar behaviours to us. This could be a similar tone, is that person a quick talker with lots to say, or more chill and laid back taking more time to process. Does that person talk a lot with their hands, or do they have a little phrase they say a lot. Mirroring (not copying) people’s behaviours gives the other person a sense of relatability and familiarity.

I think it’s important not to take this one on too heavily because we don’t want to start friendships by people pleasing, we want to be friends with people that bring out our natural vibe not copy there’s just to be liked. An example I like to use is how I act with different friends. I have one friend where we don’t come up for air sometimes. We both talk so fast when we’re together and we always leave thinking omg I forgot to tell them x,y,z I could probably break a record with her for time yapping. Another one of my friends is more chill, quiet and laid back. I don’t talk as fast, giving them time to process our conversation and we usually have deep chats about individual topics. See how I’m not changing myself or turning into a version of myself that is unnatural. One friend brings out the excited, high energy version of myself, and the other brings out the more introspective version of myself and we need each of these friends at different points of our life.

Another way I use this hack is when meeting people for the first time if I notice them using a little saying or phrase I tend to do similar. I met a girl at a bar and we were chatting away having such a fun time. When cheering on my other friend singing karaoke she was shouting ‘slayyy’ to her on the stage and I started tapping my fingers together to say ‘teaaaa’ and we had a right giggle about it. That simple mirroring of behaviours makes people recognise themselves in you.

When speaking about yourself circle back to them

It’s important not to treat a conversation like question time on them, don’t be afraid to talk about yourself too. What I generally follow is for every time I speak about myself I follow up with a relevant related question for them to keep the conversation flowing. It makes them feel seen and a part of the conversation.

When speaking to a new colleague at work I spoke to them about the various jobs I’’d had in the past. Which is a bit of a long winded story as I’ve worked 9 different part time jobs in the space of 3/4 years. So I made sure after I rambled on to follow up and ask where did they work previously, what was your first part time role, what was your favourite part time job.

Lead with feeling not fact

Don’t get too caught up in keeping a conversation going that you forget to react with feeling. When someone shares with you it’s important to react. Reacting makes them feel like you’ve actually just heard them and that you’re not an interviewing just moving onto the next question.

I asked a colleague about their music they released on Spotify, to which she told me about the music she had made and her aspirations to do live shows. I wanted to ask if she had any gigs coming up but I first took pause and told her how impressive it was having the talent to make music and that it must be so exciting getting to perform that music she’d worked so hard on. That acknowledgement can make a person feel incredibly valued

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Don’t be scared of silences

This is one I’m still learning for sure. Silences can leave room for that creeping voice of doubt telling you, they don’t want to be your friend, they think you’re boring, why are you bothering them. That’s what the little voice tells me, tapping into those soft little insecurities. However I want to tell you not to fear silences because it is inevitable. Silence signals confidence and comfort. That you feel comfortable enough to sit in a silence and either process what the other person has just said or take in your surroundings. Don’t race to fill every silence because you will inevitably put too much pressure on yourself to be constantly on throughout a full conversation. No one expects that, so ease into those silences

These five tips have helped me go from department to department in my work and make friends where I go. However I often use these tips on the dance floor at the bar or to a girl in the pub when I just have to ask where her bag is from. My favourite quote is exhilaration is often on the other side of your comfort zone. So as hard as it is I encourage you to take daily baby steps that get you out of your comfort zone to talking to strangers. Whether that be at a bar, work or that person that sits across from you every day on the bus. Potential friends are everywhere and we are humans that crave connection. We’re all looking for that person who’s going to start up a conversation with us too.

Keep me updated on how this goes

With love, Holly xoxo

If you would like to submit a question to Ask Holly, private message me here on Substack to be in the next edition of Ask Holly

Have you felt the anxiety of making conversation with new people?

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Two months ago my social life was held up by just a couple of people. My notifications consisted of insufficient storage space reminders, spam emails and a nagging notification from my fitness pal to log my lunch.

My calendar, dry. My messages, dry. My social life, dry.

The couple of people I did have I relied on too heavily for my socialisation. So when plans fell through my mood fell through with it. It wasn’t always like this, I went from a big group of friends in high school, picked up friends in uni and hospitality jobs and I thrived on all these connections and going out all the time. However the change from teenager to young adult usually leaves room for old connections to move in other directions as we change into different people. So naturally friendships witted down and I soon came to realise in your 20s it isn’t so easy to come across new friends as it was in school. I became content with my small bubble and my quiet nights in. Treated my going out days as a memory of the past.

However when you depend on just a few people for anything this leads to a number of problems. You plan your schedule around others, then when they aren’t available suddenly you have no back up. When something goes wrong, your one social outing of the week is ruined. Little hiccups turn into big cluster fucks. It was at this point I realised

Holly, it’s time to get a grip.

So I treated myself like I was 4 again, showing up to the playground alone on a mission to make a friend and I’m going to tell you exactly how I did it

Become a regular somewhere/ get to know your city

Your new favourite spot is out there and you don’t even know it. Explore your city and find your favourite bookstore, test and try to find your favourite coffee spot, find the pub/ bar that is just totally your vibe. It’s so important to get outside and show your face to the world. Your social life isn’t going to be built sat forming a crevice on your sofa.

Hobby based meet ups

As a hobby hoarder this has got to be one of my favourite tips. There is a social club for quite literally every hobby or sport you can think of. I find these on facebook, Meetup, instagram or if you live in a city with a university or college you can often join their clubs and societies even if your not a student. Joining a hobby based group means your meeting people where shared interests and probably on the same vibe as you. My favourites are book club, run club and a writing club. These reoccurring groups creates repeated interactions with the same people allowing for friendships to build so much faster. You’re touching base each week/ month with the same people with minimal effort, just showing up to the same group or class. It makes it easier to build connection on shared experience over time and eventually you can suggest meeting up before/ after the group.

Start saying yes more

Go to that event that popped up on your feed, join that social club, accept that invitation from a friend. Start being more open to experience because this is where you’ll collect stories and connections.

Be the instigator for planning

It’s easy to sit and wait to be asked, but lemme tell you a secret. If we’re all waiting, no one is going to get asked. Being the person that makes the plans can be scary to put yourself out there and be vulnerable. However, you know how good a feeling it is to be asked and included so be the instigator! Send them a post of a gig and ask if they want to come, suggest if anyone wants to go for drinks after work, or bring up in conversation if anyone is planning on seeing a movie you’re excited to see. Remember that we’re all looking for connection and friendship and perhaps that person has just been waiting to be asked

Reoccurring meet ups

I love a reoccurring meet up. In your 20s everyone is on different paths with conflicting schedules it can be difficult to pin down dates to see each others. This is why I love the reoccuring meet up because it’s consistent and gives you something to look forwards to. For instance, I hang out with my friend every Monday night 8-10pm at her work while it’s quiet. Her work is local and It’s only two hours a week but if we didn’t have this I’d probably hardly get to see her. Other ideas could be calling a friend on your Friday lunch break, or going for brunch the last Sunday of every month. It can be as small as a monthly call or as planned as brunch and a workout class on a Saturday.

Maintain those friendships

Now I think this is where people slip up, myself included. I used to be a horrific texter and would take a rude amount of time to respond to people for no good reason. I’ve luckily pulled myself out of this bad habit and it’s been the biggest reason my social life has grown and multiplied. Commenting on an instagram post or liking a story isn’t maintaining a friendship. Friendships are maintained by rambling voice notes of the latest work drama, suggesting trying a new cafe on your lunch break, replying back to their 20 messages asking for advice on the boy of that week, remembering important dates and celebrating their milestones. Friendships are effort and thats a good thing! Nothing good ever came easy and that’s very telling with friendships as you’ll only get what you put in. So reply to your friends, put their dog’s birthday in your calendar, send them the instagram post of the new bar that opened up. Being nonchalant or low effort is a quick way to a boring social life so start putting in the work.

I’ve been drafting out another article coming in the next couple of weeks on how to be a good conversationalist and avoid the dreaded small talk that leads to absolutely nowhere. So subscribe to get that article straight into your inbox when it’s released!

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I’m posting this on Sunday evening after an afternoon of sending voice memos back and forwards with my friend who lives at the top of the country that I hardly see. This morning I saw my friend at her work and we chatted about my new job and celebrated a milestone of hers. Yesterday on Saturday I attended a summer solstice yoga and wellness event with a bunch of girls I had never met but still had the best time. On Friday I sent a message on teams to a person I spoke briefly to few months ago and started a conversation over whether they went for that job they were interested in. I also planned line dancing for next Tuesday with a friend and booked in for a new reformer Pilates class next Sunday. My social life has came a long way in only two months just by making more of an effort to maintain the friendships I have, instigating plans and saying yes more.

Which of these tips you’re going to take on and try this week?

Leave a comment

And I’d love to hear how you get on with building your buzzing social network!

It’s the season of wearing clothes that hang off your body, letting the sun peek through and tickle up your spine. It’s for dangling your legs in the pool and getting water splashes on your book. For getting sand in your hair and sprawling out in public parks and gardens to soak up every ray of light

Here I give you a comprehensive guide to follow this summer. Journal prompts to be written on a park bench, books to be read that will whisk you away in a summery daydream. Then some personal recommendations of accessories and activities for you to follow into the new season

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Journal prompts

• What have you learnt in spring that you would like to carry into summer

• What is a summer memory you never want to forget

• What memories do you want to create this summer

• How can you show up for your body this summer

• What is your ideal summer, how can you create that this season

• How can you slow down this season and savour the summer

• What does summer represent for you, how has this evolved over the years

• What adventures do you want to have this summer

Ur Summer Reading List

Golden summer - Carly fortune

A summer love story of self discovery where lost love is rekindled

Beach Read - Emily Henry

Two rival authors swap genres and fall in love over a summer that transforms them both

Happy Place - Emily Henry

Exes are forced to fake a happy relationship on a group holiday where they rediscover love

The Unhoneymooners - Christina Lauren

A fun enemies to lovers romcom where real feelings spark on a fake honeymoon

Everything I Know about Love - Dolly Alderton

Friendship, heartbreak, career and growing up in your 20’s

The Roughest Draft - Emily Wibberley & Austin Siegemund-Broka

Estranged co-authors are forced to reunite and face their path

Malibu Rising - Taylor Jenkins Reid

A lively family summer party reveals some carefully buried secrets

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Summer Accessories and Activities

Digital Camera

I recently brought my digital camera on holiday with me to Italy. I take photos of everything, and I mean everything. The hotel, the drive, the food, the beach, museums etc. I also have a habit my friends have pointed out to me of going “omg thats so Italian (insert country I’m in) and snapping a picture of the most mundane thing. Whipping my phone out constantly takes me away from the moment, distracted by random notifications on my phone or the need to post one of the 100 photos on my story. My digi cam has a little strap that attaches to my wrist so I could easily grab it to snap a photo. I took less photos of the same thing, one snap and I’m done. My phone remained snug in my pocket, barred from distracting me. So not only did I get the nostalgic Pinterest worthy photos but I felt like I was more present on my holiday. Not standing trying to pick one of the 100 photos I took of the same lemon tree, then flick through audios to post on my story. All the while missing the holiday I’m on and the moment I’m in.

Sunscreen

Burning is not hot. It’s just not. Burning causes premature wrinkles, scarring and increases your risk of skin cancer, which is not what we want for our future. A good facial sunscreen is what you need in your beach bag. I love Bondi Sands, they do a tinted facial moisturiser but any one will do. Then an all over body sunscreen for when the UV is high. Tanning in the sun is fun, but let’s be safe <3

Silk scarfs

I’d take one of these in every colour, they are the perfect summer accessory. Perfect for a bad hair day, protect your scalp from getting burn and adds a chic colour to your outfit

Doing everything outdoors or with a window open

I think the very worst part of winter is being cooped up inside all the time. Grey cloudy skys paint your windows, you have to wrap up like an absolute donut just to step out the door and then the wet grass starts seeping through your pastel trainers. Then summer comes and I can wonder into my garden, barefoot, still in my pyjamas. The morning sun tickling the hair on the back of my neck. I make it my mission to do absolutely everything outside, and I mean everything. Every meal is sat out on deck chairs. The extension chord gets rolled out so I can iron on the decking. Then every morning I bring all my work out in a big canvas tote bag and I type away on my keyboard in the sunbeams.

Start baking or cooking from scratch

Summer always has me in the mood to climb onto my counters and reach to the back of the top cupboard to retrieve all my baking supplies. Victoria Sponge, Lemon Meringue Pie, I might even try cookies soon. Then I also just love buying lots of fresh produce and experimenting with my meals. Having just returned from Italy my kitchen has been constantly smelling of basil and garlic, especially garlic. So try a new recipe, whip out the fancy olive oil and surprise yourself

Can you talk about dealing with school and not doing well but constantly putting in effort but nothing is really working

Thank you!

From a stressed student

Dear Stressed student,

When school, whether that’s high school, college or university isn’t going well it can feel as though nothing is going well. During our time in education it often feels as though our identity is tied to our academic success. That our grades directly reflect on us as human beings, a grade representing our worth. Putting in the work and not seeing that reflected is crushing. It becomes inevitable that you start comparing yourself to your peers, listening to the people who claim “wow and I never even studied”. Do not listen to those people, they are almost ALWAYS lying. The education system is incredibly ridged and inflexible. Making its challenging to make room for different people’s learning styles and paces. So I urge you, not to blame yourself

You are not the only factor when it comes to learning something. The teacher, teaching style, time of day and your mental health are all important factors to consider. I for instance am alarmingly terrible at math but I have to stop myself from saying that because I’m not. Up until age 13 I was great at math. I wasn’t top of the class but I did get bumped up there a few times. It came to me fine like the rest of my course work and reflected in my grades. However aged 13 I moved schools half way through the year and they taught the math curriculum in a completely different order to my last school. I quickly fell beneath the cracks and slumped to just scratch a C grade. It was a pass yes but miles below than my usual performance and I needed math at an A for my university course.

At this point I had already told myself, convinced myself. I was bad at math. Couldn’t do it, my brain just did not work that way. At 16 I retook the course to get that A I desperately needed. I was so terribly negative about it. I was just dreading the class starting, but when it did, I loved it. The class was small and at 10am, 4 times a week. The teacher was a saint who taught completely differently and it totally clicked with me. I got high 80-90% in my tests and final exams, it was unbelievable. My hand shot up for every answer, I enjoyed the class and I stopped telling myself I was bad at math.

I think this is a good example to show how many factors that are often out of your control that contribute to your grade. I do math best in the morning, I responded better to that teacher’s style of learning and I stopped believing I was hopeless at math. Its easy just to blame ourselfves for our short comings but its important to grant ourselfs the room to analyse our environment. Maybe you don’t click with that teacher’s learning style and maybe you’d benefit moving classes or getting a friend to teach it to you (which is mutually beneficial for both of you!). Maybe the class is too large and you’re not getting enough individual support. Perhaps reach out to the teacher/ lecturer, request an appointment with them to sit down and go over your questions. Figure out what time you learn best and study that subject then. Then your mindset, perhaps the most underrated. If you tell yourself you’re bad at something enough, you will believe it and it will start becoming your reality. Start believing and acting like you’re the smartest person in the room (within reason, let’s not grow an ego the size of the room) and the results will start to follow. Often our abilities are limited by our beliefs, so don’t limit yourself with harsh words.

I have a friend, she called me angry and upset about a disappointing grade. I knew how hard she had worked. She had perfect attendance, furiously taking down everything in the class, she worked in the library till late and didn’t take not one shortcut. It was lower than her grade the previous year and she was beating herself up terribly for it. I told her that 3rd year is always a challenging jump for people, that it’s expected your grades take a dive. Then I reminded her of herself a year previous. She pulled the absolute bare minimum effort to keep up with her night life. She attended few lectures or study sessions, yet she got incredibly impressive grades. It came easy to her, she knew exactly how much effort she had to put in to perform and I’m sure many who were struggling in her class compared themselves to her. I reminded her that a grade is just a flimsy letter on a piece of paper that really means nothing outside of education. That her self development was far more valuable and impressive than any grade flickering on a screen. She had came leaps and bounds from the previous year, she was motivated, disciplined and had balance. These are skills that will take you further in life than any letter grade. The skills you learn, are the real determiners of your worth

And I think that is important to remember. While grades are important to get accepted into your dream job or university your self development will carry you further. The person who puts in the bare minimum but still succeeds will not respond as well to adversity as you, someone who knows hard work and dedication

Something that has helped me is broadening your horizons outside of education. Join a sports club, try a new hobby, hey even start a substack blog thats what I did! It was one month into second year, I despised the mandatory course of statistics we had to take and I just wasn’t getting it. Every question came back wrong, wrong, wrong and I started to feel defeated wondering if I was able to do my course. I started writing this blog, burnt out in need of a creative outlet. Writing has always been a joy for me but when I started seeing people reading my rambles, and then even subscribing I was elated. I was succeeding, my hard work was being recognised. I suddenly felt better in myself, responding to comments and messages lifted me from the trenches of my statistics self doubt. Now I still struggle with statistics but I no longer let it affect my self belief because I know while I might not be succeeding to my standard in statistics I’m succeeding in other areas. I’ve built a wonderful community of readers on Substack and I’ve committed and stayed consistent with my writing. I’ve grown my small business and I’ve recently taken up running to distract me from the impending doom of results day fast approaching. Allowing yourself to be someone outside of education will remind you that you are not just your grades, you are a fully formed human being with hobbies, interests, desires and aspirations. Don’t box yourself down to just your grades. Give yourself room to flourish

Keep me updated on how this goes

Xoxo Holly

If you would like to submit a question to Dear Holly you can private message me on Substack, or over on Instagram

Do you feel the pressure of trying so hard but not seeing the results you want?

Each Sunday my mum would drop me off in this bookshop straight out of a child’s dreams. A tree grew, branching out in the middle of the shop. Its canopy pressed the skylight with occasional leaves tumbling down onto the work tables. It was a kids club, children aged 10-14 and we would spend the day writing short stories. My short story was picked to be published in a little collection of the Children of Sydney’s Short Stories — a very imaginative name. I wrote about an alien abduction, a young girl plucked from her bed in the darkness of the night only to find they aliens weren’t so bad after all, they where just as scared as her and just needed a friend

I got one single page in this collection of short stories and I haven’t a single clue what happened with it but none the less I got a little piece of my writing in a published piece of work. Minor flex, but hey lemme have it because writing has always been apart of my life. English, my absolute favourite subject. I’d even comb through my friend’s essays at lunch. Reworking their paragraphs, swapping words with a thesaurus and playing around with their titles. Thinking back, I could have been taking a fee.

Writing has been a passion thats followed me all throughout life since writing Christmas songs to now, with my little substack blog <3

In this week’s edition of The Pancake Club I’ll be giving you all an insight into some of my favourites over the past week and teasing a new series I’ll be doing over here called “Writers Corner”, but more on that later!

What I got up to this week

• Very spontaneously of me I joined a creative writing course! It’s 10 week spring course and I had my first lesson on Thursday!

• The sun has been goregous in Scotland so I’ve been doing everything possible outside. Reading, writing, studying, handstands…which I’ve discovered yes i can still do

• It’s also my finals season… que the *womp womppp* so I’ve been reading dull scientific papers instead of my fluffy romance books

• The botanics in town have been littered with students, sprawling out with bottles of drink and cigarettes. It’s actually quite romantic to see, how everyone descends to the park as soon as it gets over 14 degrees. I sat all day on Tuesday with my best friend, out in the sun, only moving to get a slushie from the same ice cream van that has been there since I was coming to this park when I was 12. Please bring more sunny days to the UK pleaseee!!!

If you’d like to see more updates on my life, my writing process and snapshots of my week I’d love to see you over on my Instagram and TikTok!

My obsession of the week

As you may have seen in my last weekly round up, I’ve developed a little bit of an obsession for matcha

A little…a lot…

I’ve been on a quest to figure out how to make the overpriced strawberries and cream matcha latte I got at Black Street Coffee. This has involved me staring at the barista’s work counter to try make out what ingredients they are using to make this absolute marvel of a drink. I even reached out to a friend who has a friend who worked at Black Street Coffee, in hopes I would get an answer to my absolute obsession for this drink.

In the end I marched around every single supermarket trying to find raspberry compote (cause i sure as hell wasn’t making everything from scratch) which surprisingly nowhere sells. Then trolling through google to try figure out what is creamer? Why does nowhere in the UK sell it? Can I make it? I eventually found oatly single cream and thought I’d give that a bash. Paired with an overpriced organic raspberry and madagascar vanilla compote, I struck gold

Music

Much to my boyfriend’s pain I have the complete inability to just like a song. Even love a song. I have to eat, sleep and breathe that song. It will be the only song in the car, the only song I hum walking down the supermarket aisle and the only song I listen to for a whole week. Till I eventually grow sick of it and it never crosses my Spotify again. These however where this week’s obsessions

Playlist

I’m currently in my finals season of exam and for some reason lofi study music just doesn’t cut it for me. So this playlist has been on repeat in the background to give me some joy while I ruin my posture over a painstaking amount of flashcards

Book of the week

Beach Read - Emily Henry

I originally picked this up at the library but I have been enjoying it so much I had to go get my own copy. Still reading this one, I’ll give you all a review when I tackle my problem of sticking to one book at a time <3

Starstruck - Holly Jukes

This book has had me blushing!! I’m still reading through it and I’ll be traveling through to Edinburgh this week to see a couple of Author Events and Holly Jukes book signing will be one of them! I just love author events, I always go with so many questions tucked away in my head, having to narrow them down to just one is the hardest

Everything I know about love - Dolly Alderton

I really think this is a must read book for your 20s and 30s. I’m currently listening to the audiobook version, which I tend to prefer to do when it comes to memoirs. It’s a totally different experience listening to it in the authors voice, the worlds hold so much more meaning. I’m well over half way through this one, hopefully a few more walks with my dog and I’ll have it finished!

Movies

Pride and Prejudice (2005)

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Why did this take me so long to watch! This came onto Netflix at the perfect time, just as they’re announcing a TV adaptation of Pride and Prejudice to which Dolly Alderton is writing the script for!! So beyond excited for this

If you need a film to remind you love is real, this is it. Such a beautifully romantic and charming film with the best enemies to lovers. Mr Darcyyy!!! I just love a romance where the man is yearning for his love and best believe I will be forcing everyone I know to watch this

I just did not want this to end and now I’m just waiting till the appropriate time period has passed for me to rewatch this

Bridget Jones - Mad about the boy

I got about 15 minutes in and was bawling my eyes out.

Do not watch this if you are feeling in the slightest bit emotional because it will break you. I managed to watch the early scenes with Mark Darcy, I blinked away the sting in my eyes, I was fine. But then Bridget’s Dad was in hospital…

Bridget’s Dad - Will you be okay

Bridget - I’ll survive

Bridget’s Dad - It’s not enough to survive, you must live

Now I’m slightly paraphrasing that quote because suddenly I was howling in my living room at 6pm on a Thursday

The Hunger Games

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Since seeing everyone crying over Sunrise and the Reaping, I was feeling FOMO. I never watched or read The Hunger Games, convinced it just wasn’t my thing. BOY WAS I WRONG. I was on the very edgeee of my seat, I ate up all the outfits and I’ve been left with 101 questions

Like I’m confused does she like him or not? Was she just pretending so to create the young love illusion to please the audience and get sponsors, or did she really fall for him

The Life List (2025)

⭐️⭐️⭐️

This was cute! A really lovely idea and I had no idea at first this was an adaptation from a book! I love a film set in New York so I can follow a character round the city, living vicariously through them. This has also inspired me to write my own life list

What would be on your life list if you wrote one!

Leave a comment

Substack

As I said previously, most my reading time this week has been taken up by a laborious amount of scientific journal articles so I only have one article to share with you this week which was my absolute favourite

Do You Like Yourself Without Makeup - Emilie Mendham

The Writer’s Corner

Now for my exciting little announcement!

As some of you may know who follow me on Instagram or TikTok I’ve been writing a book, a romcom

Each and everyone of you who have supported my Substack have given me the chance to believe I could live out my dream of becoming a published author and for that I thank you from the bottom of my heart

So I’ll be starting a new series. Once a month I’ll release The Writers Corner.

Now what to expect

• an update on the progress of my own novel

• any tips or tricks I’ve learnt over that month of writing

• insights from my creative writing course

And… *drumroll please

• an interview from a published author. With questions answered about their writing process, advice for your own writing, the publishing industry etc

I’ve already got an author for the first edition of The Writers Corner and I am just so excited to share this with you all

So once again thank you for all your love and support, I’ll be taking you on this journey with me to becoming a published author xoxo

Thank you!

From, a late bloomer x

Dear Late Bloomer,

Your 20’s is the first time where everyone your age isn’t following a set plan. Primary school, high school, exams then college/university or work. There was a set plan, and we all knew where our next step was. Now for the first time everyone is making their own path, their own plan for life. So first off remember, everyone’s path is different. While it may seem that everyone is dating and posting anniversary pics or worse engagement announcements. Remember that a lot more people than you think are in the same boat as you.

Love is just one of the many aspects of your 20’s. Yet somehow it feels as if it’s the most important part of your life. You could have the closest friends, a swanky city job, have learnt Italian from your recent girls trip to Rome but still adults at every holiday will still pitifully ask

How’s the love life sweetheart,

Bring a boy back next Christmas,

In our day, you just asked a girl out, none of this dating app stuff

Pick your poison. Your 20s are about friendship, adulting, careers, finding new hobbies and yes, love is an aspect of it but it is not everything. So it’s important to not feel like you’re falling behind, like your life isn’t complete without a partner.

The intense pressure society holds over love and relationships makes them feel like a huge scary concept with terribly high stakes. However, the fun in no set plan means there’s no deadline to finding love.

Now, for tackling the nerves over relationships

I’m a strong believer that the best relationships blossom from friendship. Going into it just with the notion of making friends is heaps easier than hyping yourself up in the mirror to stride into a room to find your future husband/wife/partner. The stakes are on the floor, cause you’re just making friends. If it clicks then perfect, if it doesn’t no worries! Going on dates with a stranger you found at 2am, swiping on a dating app can be daunting and awkward. However, building up a friendship and allowing yourself the time to figure out if you want more from the friendship. That is far less intimidating. You build up a foundation of banter, inside jokes and shared experiences. All these little seeds is what allows a playful friendship to turn into a flirtatious one. Not every friendship turns into something more but that’s the fun in taking it one step at a time, finding out what you really want. This removes the awkwardness of a first date with a stranger. You’re sat in an uncomfortably tight dress, in a restaurant with menu items you can’t pronounce, wondering what’s the etiquette on who pays while he’s been explaining the rules of ultimate frisbee for the past 13 minutes and you’re now starting to wonder if he’s an axe murder looking for his next victim or that’s just an old ketchup stain on his collar. Start in a friendship and you’ll hopefully avoid all that kerfuffle.

That way if you have a friendship that starts to bleed between the lines of friendly and flirting you are already comfortable with that person as a friend to allow it to manifest further. You know how they call their mother every night after dinner, the way they tap their foot when they get uncomfortable and how they see the midnight screening of every new Star Wars movie, however bad the last one was. You share experiences, friends, workplace or lectures. Having this foundation allows you to hit the ground running and avoid the first date awkward silences. Cause it’s just another step forwards with an already good friend.

Now the best places to find friends that could materialise into more are all around you. Run clubs are apparently the best place to find all the hot singles in your area but if you’re like me and get winded going up the stairs there are loads of not sporty options. Local clubs or even the clubs societies at your local college or university (which you don’t always have to be a student to join) can be perfect for meeting people with a specific shared interest like horror movies, photography or painting. Maybe start taking a class at your local university or college. I’ll be starting soon the creative writing summer course at my local University thats open to absolutely anyone. Facebook groups also have a plethora of groups that often meet in person like writing groups, hillwalking groups or even a Wallis and Grommit Society (which I’m not ashamed to admit I find myself snooping on from time to time)

Most importantly talk to people, because what do you have to loose. Our 20’s is a daunting time, and everyone is feeling that way. So take it step by step, find a club or course in your local area and remember that everyone there is open to making new friends. Build up your circle and don’t put pressure on yourself. If you don’t feel a romantic spark at least you gained a friend! Relationships don’t need to feel so daunting, they should feel exciting and fun but also a person where you’ll feel so much comfort and love with

Keep me updated how this goes

Xoxo Holly

If you would like to submit a question to Dear Holly you can private message me on substack, or over on instagram

Have you felt the pressures of dating in your 20’s?

Leave a comment

April is often the month we roll up our sleeves and trifle through our wardrobe to declutter jumpers that were not worn for yet another winter. Jeggings you just know you’ll never let see the light of day, and that eye shadow pallet thats been smashed for god knows how long as you’re makeup still gets covered in its powder. We focus so heavily on the physical spring cleaning. Pulling out the sofa, retiring the threadborn coat, donating old toys, that we forget to take time for our mental spring cleaning. Checking in with how the year has passed us so far, what are we holding onto that perhaps is hurting us and what are we going to try do more of in the new season. This journal prompts have been curated to do just that. To allow you to check in every morning, noon, night, or 3am (whenever you bring out your journal) to dust up around how you’re mind is feeling with the welcoming of April and spring

1. What were my biggest wins so far this year?

2. What challenges have I faced, and what have they taught me?

3. How have I grown since January?

4. What habits have been serving me well?

5. What habits have been holding me back?

6. What’s something I’ve been avoiding that I need to face?

7. What gives me energy?

8. What is currently draining my energy?

9. What am I holding onto that I know I need to release?

10. What limiting beliefs are still lingering in my mind?

11. What relationships or commitments no longer align with who I’m becoming?

12. How does clutter (physical or mental) show up in my life, and how can I clear it?

13. What fears are keeping me from stepping into my full potential?

14. What’s one thing I need to forgive myself for?

15. Am I on track with my goals for this year? Why or why not?

16. Which goal excites me the most right now?

17. What small action can I take this week to move closer to my dreams?

18. Are my current priorities aligned with what I truly want?

19. What’s something I keep saying I’ll do “later”? Why am I procrastinating?

20. What does success look like for me right now?

21. Who in my life inspires me to keep going?

22. What am I looking forward to in the next three months?

23. How do I want to feel by the end of this season?

24. What new habit or routine do I want to introduce?

25. What brings me joy, and how can I make more space for it?

26. If I could design my perfect day, what would it look like?

27. Who brings me most joy in my life, are they the people I’m surrounding myself with?

28. What’s one dream I have that I haven’t admitted to myself yet?

29. How can I be kinder to myself in this season of life?

30. What’s the biggest lesson I’ve learned this month?

What are you looking forwards to this April!

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My dream is to be a writer. I guess you could say I already am? I jot down thoughts in my journal throughout the week, then sat cross legged early a Sunday morning I type out the articles you all read and support. However I dream of being published. Holding a printed copy of my first, second, third draft. Seeing my name on a cover in a bookstore, signing a copy of someone’s book, writing someone’s favourite book.

Hitting 3000 was an incredible milestone that puts me a step closer to my dreams however I cannot say it didn’t come without the dreaded feeling of imposter syndrome. The fear of expectations, of 3000 people watching on for what I write that week. It made me doubt myself, second guess if my writing was good enough. I worried of disappointing the 3000 people who had chosen to click subscribe. I see myself with similar subscriber counts to people that I admired when I first started my Substack and I wonder if they ever felt the same. The nerves of hitting publish, allowing your writing to be perceived.

However the little community we’ve built has been a lifeline to building my confidence to hit publish week after week. Writing is my outlet of self expression and seeing the positive response to all my work has lit a little fire of motivation under me

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What I got up to this week

• I hit an incredible milestone of 3000 subscribers! 3000 of you lovely people have clicked subscribe to my little blog which i cannot be more grateful for

• I double took when I saw these in the window of the charity shop (what we called thrift shops here in the UK, i understand lots of my subscribers are from the US which is so cool!) They even reduced these brand new pink bow uggs to £40!! These retail for £140! A wishlist item of mine for so long, was an incredibly lucky find

• A met up with a few old friends for coffee in some lovely cafes I hadn’t visited before

• The sun emerged finally from the cold spell of winter so I made sure to be outside soaking every ray of it up

• I went to my first University Varsity Rugby match! Such a cool university experience and was only the 2nd time I’ve ever watched a sport!

• I also got horribly, horribly ill with the flu so I hope you can forgive me from the absence of a post last week <3

If you’d like a little more of an insight into my life and writing, you can follow this substack here on Instagram <3

Now for my weekly obsessions

I’ve been reluctant against matcha for quite some time. Back in summer I tried a hot matcha latte with my Pret subscription and near spat it out. If matcha came up I was a stern no. Protesting it tasted like ground up grass. However a good friend twisted my arm and convinced me she could put me on strawberries and cream iced matcha lattes

I’ve not stopped thinking about them. We went to a coffee shop in the city and nowhere in my village makes them which is paining me! If anyone has matcha recommendations or a recipe I could possibly make at home, I would be eternally grateful. ETERNALLY. Because this has not left my mind

You can follow me on Pinterest here to see more of my weekly obsessions <3

Music

Playlist

Book of the week

Bad Publicity - Bianca Gilliam

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

‘I always feel less lonely around books,’ I say, the words coming more easily than they should. 'Does that sound insane?'

He laughs, softly, almost to himself. 'No, Andie, he says.

'It doesn't.'

Calling all lovers of an early 2000s romcom!! An absolutely fabulous read which had me giddy from page 1 💗

Enemies to lovers, second chance romance, forced proximity, and deeper themes like grief and loneliness

The angst, the bickering and the tension had me so giddy! I was smiling ear to ear reading this and I just could not put it down. I do love romcoms set in the publishing industry but this by far has to be my favourite as it allows an insight into a world we often aren’t privy to

The author painted a scene of the European cities Andie and Jack visited on the book tour and I felt immersed as if I was right there. Walking through cobblestones streets in Paris and feeling the bustle of merry drunks in Irish pubs. I could picture every place so vividly which is an incredible feeling when reading

Also the way the author tackled Andie’s grief was excellent. The moments of loss she deals with throughout the book shows a real evolution of unprocessed grief as she learns to unpack the loss of her dad

This is definitely a must read for all romance lovers! My book is just filled with sticky tabs and pink underlined quotes. Poetic imagery and language that creates such an authentic and unique voice for the characters as if they’re speaking from the pages.

I read this across a couple of days and just could not put it down! Cannot wait to see what Bianca Gillam comes out with next!

I’d love to follow more of you over on Goodnotes, you can follow me here <3

What book are you reading this week?

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Movies

Challengers

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Name a Luca Guadagnino film that hasn’t been incredible. I just love this mans directing style, he creates such complex characters and scenes. The script was ambitious to say the least, it jumped around a lot between the past and the present. Zendaya’s acting was incredible and I love seeing complex female characters that aren’t the demure, perfect and flawless character type in a lot of films. Seeing a highly motivated, obsessive female character when we usually only see these intense character types in male roles. I finished

La Dolca Vita

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Sometimes you just need a silly little feel-good movie with little to no plot but excellent vibes. I love the 1 euro villa concept so it was fun to live out that dream through this movie set in rural northern Italy. So I would recommend if you’re in need of a cheese hallmark film, but don’t go into it expecting an Oscar worthy performance

My Fault London

⭐️⭐️

I really don’t know how to feel about this because let me know when we started normalising step sibling relationships?? I mean excuse me, did I miss something, they are step siblings?!?!

however, the storyline was entertaining, the soundtrack incredible the scenes of how the upper class of London live. Obsessed. I just cannot get over the fact they’re step siblings, make them neighbours at least please!

Notting Hill

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Hugh Grant - “my relatively inexperienced heart would, I fear, not recover if I was, once again, cast aside, as I would absolutely expect to be”

eeee sorry but any 90s/00s Hugh Grant and you have me sat. Notting Hill is one of those original 90s/00s romcoms you just have to watch. All the side characters are wonderfully developed and add so much to the overall story line. I particularly love spike. I just love a film where I can get transported back to early 2000s London with a wonderful bookstore romcom

Substack

Now my attempt to narrow down my favourite substack articles to just 3

Can You Ever Go Back To Being Just Friends by Emilie Mendham

we sacrificed creativity for nothing by chicgirlmoment

Between Plath and Didion: the most important lessons I learnt in my 20’s by Caroline Beuley

March brings a fresh start. Transition, renewal and hope in the form of resilient bulbs that always bloom, however cold winter was. Each year I’m excited to cultivate my own seed of renewal. Journalling I find is the perfect time to take with yourself to encourage self reflection and blossoming. After a long winter it’s important to allow yourself grace and and space to plant down your roots and flourish again

That’s why i love spring

And I hope these journal prompts can allow you to too to welcome march and the spring

P.S. Also if you’d like a little help with starting journalling and make it a habit. This post I wrote back in October is a little recipe to start journalling it helped me a lot <3

Welcoming Spring

1. What are you looking forward to this month/spring?

2. March symbolises renewal so what part of your life needs a fresh start?

3. Describe a perfect early spring day. How does your body, mind and soul feel?

4. What’s something you’ve been waiting for that feels closer now?

5. As the days are get longer how are you soaking in the extra daylight?

6. What are three small ways you can welcome more joy into your life?

7. If you were to do some “spring cleaning” for your mind, what thoughts or worries would you let go of?

Transformation

8. Think of a challenge you experienced this winter, how did you grow from it?

9. What new habit or routine would you like to start this spring?

10. Describe a time in your life when you felt yourself blossoming, just like nature in spring

11. March is about the transition of the seasons, how do you typically handle change?

12. What’s something you’ve been hesitant to begin but feel ready for now?

13. If you could plant a metaphorical garden, what would you want to grow in your life?

14. Write about a time you took a leap of faith, what did you learn from it?

Embracing Hope

15. What does hope mean to you? Where do you find it?

16. Spring brings more sunshine, who and what brightens your mood on a cloudy day?

17. How do you want to feel by the end of this season?

18. What’s something small but meaningful that has made you smile recently?

19. What’s an area of your life where you’d like to experience more warmth?

20. Visualise yourself at the start of summer, what do you hope to have accomplished by then?

21. If you could write a letter to yourself from last winter, what advice or encouragement would you give?

Renewal & Possibilities

22. What’s something you want to try for the first time this spring?

23. If you had to choose one word to focus on for the rest of March, what would it be and why?

24. How do you show kindness to yourself during times of change?

25. Describe your dream spring adventure whether it’s realistic or fantasy

26. What’s an old fear or self-doubt you’re ready to release as the season shifts?

27. March is about fresh starts for new growth, what’s one goal you can reset or refocus on?

28. How can you bring more creativity into your daily life this month?

Finishing with Gratitude

29. Reflect on March so far, what’s been the most rewarding part of the month?

30. What’s something you’ve learned about yourself this March?

31. Write a thank-you letter to March for everything it has brought you.

The road out of the village is lined with daffodils, crocuses and tulips bursting out their bulbs. Bringing hope. A colourful reminder that winter is closing. That spring is truly springing.

It’s truly my favourite time of year. To see the once drowned grass bursting with colours and life. March feels like hope. The light at the end of the tunnel. That winter is nearly over. I carry this hope through March and many of these recommendations will be about rebirth, renewal, and hope. They’ll bring that feeling when the sun bakes your back. The nape of your neck tingling. With a hint of nostalgia and a dose of romanticising your girlhood

With a little nod to women as of course as March is women’s month. So note the little dashes of female independence, empowerment and history scattered in these recommendations for your purview

To be watched in the evening as the sun glares through your window

Little women (2019)

Greta Gerwig’s version of the classic novel by Louisa May Alcott is a beautiful telling of a women’s place in the 1860s in America. It follows the story of each of the girls as they find their place navigating marriage, passion, sisterhood and loss.

Eat pray love (2010)

Newly divorced and at a crossroads with life Liz decides to embark on a journey to find what she really wants in life. She travels across the world on a journey of self discovery from Italy, to India to Bali where she finds love for herself and someone else special.

Marie Antoinette (2006)

A retelling of one of the most famous queens, Marie Antoinette. This shows the young queens journey of being married to Louis XVI at 15 to her reign as queen at 19 and then the eventual fall of Versailles. Sophia Coppola knew exactly what she was doing directing this. An alternative rock soundtrack, elaborate costumes, colourful set designs makes this an incredibly fun and playful film to tell a young queen’s story.

The secret garden (1993)

This film is incredibly nostalgic for me and what I think is the perfect watch for the entry of spring. After a young girl looses her parents in an earthquake in India she is sent to live with her distant uncle in his estate in England. Her uncle remains reclusive, still mourning the death of his wife while she begins to explore the estate. She finds a secret garden, locked and neglected waiting to be found.

Peter rabbit (2018)

This is just such a wholesome watch which will definitely have you in spirit for spring. Nothing too complex just a lovely film that brings to life a child hood classic, Peter Rabbit, to life.

To be listened to while the sun peeks through the clouds

This is definitely my song of the month, Hoizer always has me for the change of the seasons. Something about his music always feels so thoughtful and hopeful

This is a new album I’ve discovered recently. Songs like Harmony Hall and Bambina make me crave the sun and a road trip

This month instead of recommending a playlist, I’ve went and created one! Perfectly curated for you all <3

To be read by a cracked window

Maybe in another life - Taylor Jenkins Reid

Hannah Martins is 29 moving back to LA where she is at a crossroads with a past lover. Depending on the choice she makes, she could have two very different lives. The story is told in alternating chapters that tells the story from the outcome of the two options she had. This was recommended by my local bookshop and I’m so excited to read it. It feels like an exciting journey through the alternate story’s told through the book

Cleopatra and Frankenstein - Coco Mellows

A young women marries a much older, troubled man in New York City. The story tells of their turbulent relationship navigating age, money, and the consequences of their hasty decision. This has been on my tbr for over a year! So this month is finally going to be the month I read it

Everything I know about love - Dolly Alderton

A witty, entertaining read telling Dolly Aldertons life from her childhood to early 30’s. She explores girlhood, love, friendships, health and the complicated experience of adulthood. This will be the first memoir I’ve read, but I feel it will be the most entertaining.

Right to sex - Amia Srinivasan

An incredibly important conversation about the connection between sex, politics and ethics. This was actually recommended by the Feminist club at my University and it’s been meaning to read it for too long but I feel this is the perfect month to crack its spine. It covers a wide range of issues from consent, misogyny, racism and ableism. In the spirit of Women’s month the most critical action you can take is being informed. Knowledge is power and your intelligence is something no one can ever take away from you

Some sunny activities to complement your March

An iced drink and a walk

It’s almost iced drinks season! Reach out to a friend, old or new and suggest a coffee date and a walk. I’m only just starting to appreciate iced drinks as much as everyone else and my recent order has been a strawberries and cream matcha. This is my favourite way to catch up with friends, we grab our favourite drinks and then go for a wonder in a park or the botanics. Perfect to get outside and notice all the flowers starting to bloom

Spring art gallery visit

Keep an eye out at your nearest art gallery or events centres as the beginning of spring is always a high time for beautiful, unique and immersive art exhibits. Find out if there is an exhibit on soon and book yourself tickets. Solo or with a friend this is an incredibly grounding activity. Igniting your creativity and sparking spring to the forefront of your mind

Bike rides

I prefer this as a solo activity but with friends is also a lovely idea! Evening bike rides or even take a day on the weekend to cycle somewhere and treat yourself to a sweet treat and drink. However my little bit of advice, unplug. Cycle without headphones for at least a portion of the ride. There are truly so many sounds in nature you never notice because we’re always so plugged in. And don’t forget your helmet <3

Press daffodil flowers

Go out looking for a particular flower (daffodils are my favourite) and just keep walking till you find them. However please don’t pluck from your neighbours gardens unless you want to be known as a flower thief. I then take home my little collection and dry them off then delicately place them in between a paper towel. I organise the petals so they’re not crumbled or bruised. The paper towel with the flower then goes in between my magazines where I leave it for up to a month for it to fully press. I find this is such a special way to commemorate the entrance of spring

And there are all my recommendations! March is a month of hope for warmer days and brighter nights. I’d love to hear in the comments what are you excited about for March, which of any of these recommendations will you be taking into march

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My mother’s accent remained strong. Despite after years of Australians telling her to slow down, speak more clearly, repeat that again. She never lost her tongue. Never even wavered. My grandmothers voice too remained thick and engrained with a lifetime of experiences, yet neither of their voices rubbed off on me. My tongue was imprinted by the bubble of Auzzie accents around me. My mum corrected a few, it was not “gonna” it was “going to”, it was not “thong” it was “flip flops” and it was not “undies” it was “pants”. But few slipped under the watchful eye of my mother as I reached for my “cozzie” to go swimming in the “arvo” excited for the promised “maccas” for “brekky” the next day. Perhaps I exaggerate but my accent was heavily influenced by two strong environments. My Scottish home and my Australian life. I eventually developed an accent which could only be compared to Johanna Lumley in Ab Fab. Being compared to this became a stale cliche which started to irritate under the skin. My accent wasn’t Australian but it wasn’t Scottish, I was neither, so where did I belong. Ab Fab wasn’t necessarily something I could identify with.

It was only a question. Just a very simple, low stakes question from my mother.

How would you feel about moving back to Scotland

I was gleaming. I remember specially saying, ‘“I can find out where my ancestors are from” to my mother’s bewildered face at how well I took this proposal of an incredibly massive change in my life

My school uniform was deep crimson red. The kilt grazed below my knees, my new black patent shoes clipped clopped down my new school’s corridor. The school was tiny. My year group being the largest at only 27 girls, 28 now including me. It only took three words and the girls flocked round me like seagulls to an abandoned sausage from the BBQ at the beach.

Omg you’re accent, where are you from, are you South African, American, English, Australian.

No one called me Holly, just Auzzie. That was my nickname. When there was a spider in the locker room, everyone shouted for me to escort the scuttling little creature out the door. When the first snow fell in February they couldn’t believe i had never seen such a thing. A white blanket covered the evergreen grass and hung tight to the tall conifer trees. Like a scene I had only seen in movies.

This new identity of Auzzie stuck. It felt like a character I had to play but I could feel the lines on my script fading away. The Australian slang that once rolled off my tongue became stale as I forgot. Friends commented on my accent growing weak, my new formed identity suddenly felt fake. My cousins my age still stayed in Australia. Their accents growing thicker, their slang became unfamiliar. I no longer recognised the current form of Australia, all I knew was a 5 year old version from my childhood. I held onto this identity because I thought it was all that I was unique for. That my perceived ‘coolness’ would be dropped if I couldn’t keep up with the facade.

After gaining some better friends who liked me for me, not my stories of sharks or Bondi Beach, I became to feel closer to Scotland. Previously I had never granted myself the right to feel Scottish. I didn’t grow up here, my accent was foreign, yet I loved it here.

I love hiking up the hills in the highlands, the community of my village, the chatty folk on the bus, the vast array of activities to do here. I’ve traveled to so many European countries, learnt so many cultures I would never have experienced in Australia. That I’m forever grateful for. The education system is better, I got to attend a world class university, my future is more promising here. I could write a whole book on my reasons for loving Scotland, how it is far better than Australia but one problem still remains

What criteria decides your identity?

7 going on 8 years in Scotland and my accent has grown weak. It sticks out like a sore thumb at times when I say certain words but for the most part i go under the radar. Australians think I’m Scottish, Scottish people think I’m Australian. Yet I feel fake being either.

I cannot relate to the “British nostalgia core” videos I see on TikTok. I grew up in different classrooms, different TV shows, with different toys. A different experience. Yet I know more Scottish slang than some of my Scottish friends. I have my mother to credit that for. However when my cousins phone I find myself asking wait thats a drag, what’s schoolies because I’m not connected with their language any longer.

How can I call myself Australian?

I only grew up there. I have no connection to maintaining that culture any longer, my connection is weak in my eyes. Yet new people still crack their necks round to ask where I’m from and whether I’ve seen a shark in the water.

My heart is rooted in Scotland, my life is here, my future is here. I know every street in my village, every building in the city. I’ve been all around the country, know its history and am engaged in its future. But am I allowed to call myself Scottish?

My question is, and remains. What makes someone their nationality?

Is it their birth certificate, parentage or citizenship?

Is it their accent, experiences or language?

Where am I from? What culture will take me? What is my identity?

I’m giving myself Sunday mornings. To wake up early to the cold crisp air and settle into my desk. I light a candle. Fill up my water. Load up Spotify. It’s a form of self care I find to make time for your hobbies. Social media creates a toxic narrative of all work no play. Winter arc, 75 hard, and the terrifying so called Goggin’s Mindset. Of push through the pain, go ghost on your ‘old life’, come back better. But what is forgotten is the here and now.

I am a survivor of hustle culture. I spent more time with my google calendar than I did arranging plans with my friends. Family and friends searching for my pause button as I tried to juggle every ball, while spinning every plate. Unsurprisingly, the plates came crashing down and with it the balls scattered. As I scrambled to grab back one ball, another rolled further away. The broken plates crumbling under my knees. I first noticed this when I sat down to write. My inspiration a vacant room, nothing original, nothing personal. I pushed myself to work so had than suddenly I had no experiences to draw on. I had become boring. And my writing suffered.

I organised pub quizzes, a Britney Spears tribute act, going to the cinema. I gave myself time to sit and read, colour, journal and craft. Instead of a to-do list by my bed. Looking me up and down for not being productive enough. I have a book and a candle.

I think perhaps this Sunday newsletter will keep me accountable. Steering clear of the jaws of hustle culture. Perhaps it can remind you too. Because it will eat you up. You cannot do everything, something will always suffer. A simpler life, is often a happier life

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Now onto a little summary of my week

• I went to my first author event this week! Shes a feel good romance writer, Julie Shackman. She is actually from my area so came to the local bookshop and spoke about the newest edition to her Scottish romance series. I just love hearing authors speak about their individual writing processes, their experiences with publishing and their inspirations. Julie was incredibly funny and bubbly. I told her of my own journey writing a romance novel and here was her advice

• it was my 3rd valentines with my boyfriend on Friday. Went to our first date spot, a cafe run by the same italian family for 109 years! I got very crafty for his card this year and we exchanged letters. I dragged him into Waterstones on the walk home. He started taking candids of me as he said I looked very “bookish” which is my new favourite complement. I’m not sure what it means, but I like it

• I’m so grateful to go to such a gorgeous university but I’m so glad next week I’m off on break

• My little dog has been like Velcro the past week <3

If you’d like a little more of an insight into my life and writing, you can follow this substack here on Instagram <3

Now for my weekly obsessions

Colourful tights have been a recent obsession of mines on Pinterest. I’ve got a pair of burgundy, violet, teal and forest green. However I’m on the look out for a pair of baby blue, or lace tights

You can follow me on Pinterest here

Music

Book of the week

Now yes I know, everyone and their mother has read this book. So i know I’m late to the party. In my defense, I was in a reading slump. I was in need of a quick read romance book

⭐️ ⭐ ⭐

If you’re wanting a quick afternoon read then I would definitely recommend this for you. The author did a brilliant job of setting the scene of an autumnal small town romance. It was a grumpy, sunshine trope which I did quite like. It had me smiling and giddy for the characters while recognising the connection between Gilmore girls.

However I wish it slowed down! My favourite parts were the slow burn scenes at the start, when you really had time in these scenes to take it all in. As the story progressed and crises arose I felt they were solved extremely quickly. I wanted to spend more time in the crises to go deeper into the characters inner issues. Instead I feel as though I was getting whip lash. They’re angry at each other, they like each other, they’re angry at each other, they love each other. Like woaaa wait a minute.

I definitely will read the next books in the dream harbour series because I did like the little smile it gave me. Sometimes you do just need an easy read that makes you kick your legs a little.

You can follow me on good notes here

Have you read The Pumpkin Spice Cafe? Or what have you been reading recently, I’d love to hear from you!

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Movies

This week’s watches were a little out of the ordinary for me

• ⭐️⭐️ Captain America UGH very disappointing. I loved the political espionage aspect to it, I think that gave the storyline more depth. However I was really expecting something new and distinct to separate the new Captain America from the previous one. It started off with a real edge and then ended really light. The villain was only scary when he was in the shadows, but asoon as he was revealed it was like oh, thats its. Without spoiling, the villain looks like a short stem of broccolini. Definitely had the ability to be a great movie but after finding out this was their second attempt at filming the movie! I would not like to have seen the first attempt. The ending credits scene also felt very inconsequential. I wouldn’t say don’t watch it, but I wouldn’t be running to the cinemas

• ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Jurassic Park! oh i loved this. I usually steer away from older films but I’m so glad I watched this. Last week I got through all the Jurassic World films, which just got progressively worse. However this is such a wholesome classic. 30 years old and the CGI is still incredible. The characters, storyline, honestly such a wonderful watch. Much better than the Jurassic World’s but it was good to notice all the Easter eggs they included of Jurassic Park in the Jurassic World Movies.

• ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Anything with Nicole Kidman I love! The Perfect Couple is becoming like a comfort/ background show that I just stick on when I have nothing else to watch. Filthy rich family, a scandal, and the main character is an author! You have me sat. I am not usually a murder mystery fan but this series might change me. The twists and turns were perfectly written and Nicole Kidman’s character was incredibly written which a back story that really floored me. Such complex characters and relationships, This will be an all time favourite I will, so that is why it gets a rare 5 stars from me

You can follow me on letter boxd here

Substack

Now for a few of my favourite reads here on substack

To Love Women by Soph over on the The Quiet 20’s

My Ex Told Me I Love Everything by Angelina over on Lunch on Friday

Then lastly The Love Me Knot by Ella over on Ella off the Rails

Ella has actually inspired me to start this weekly round up of my week and media as I’ve been loving her series Sunny Side Up which comes out every Monday which I’d highly recommend

Trudging up the lane, plastic bag in hand, filled with Vinted rejects I never managed to sell. Feeling guilty and shameful I never donated them in the first place, instead choosing to upload them for £3 and £5 and argue with strangers that my urban outfitters jeans were worth £5. I took my pick of potential charity bins and hauled it into an Oxfam green bin, and wandered back home after doing my good deed of the day.

A day prior I had been flicking through the racks at a Shelter Charity Shop, dismayed at the lack of option. It made me wonder, have charity shops experienced a decrease in clothes donated because of reseller apps like Vinted and Depop? I felt a little pit of guilt in my stomach, pushed by greed I had been selling my old clothes on Vinted, begging with people to value my Holister hoodie as the £3 I uploaded it for. Feeling like a capitalist junkie I shamefully shoved the vinted rejects into a yellow bin bag and tied it tight, feeling I was doing good. But upon reflection,

I never should have donated to charity shops.

Only 27% of the clothes donated to Oxfam get resold in their charity shops, 10% is disregarded and 50% ends up being shipped to the Global South

And across the UK we are seeing alarming numbers of how little of our donations will end up on the racks. Shockingly research done in Lancaster found that 83% of clothing donated to charity shops is sold to textile resellers who ship them abroad to an ever increasing problem of textile waste being dumped in the Global South

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It’s no surprise that I’m going to link this back to social media. Everyone knows how social media feeds the hungry beast of fast fashion but it’s not spoken about enough how much it encourages us to waste. Aesthetic, satisfying content is trending of people purging their wardrobes, only to fill it again when their next “ZARA Haul” is posted 3 days later. We’ve normalised annual, seasonal, monthly purges of our wardrobes to fill up charity shops bins just to make more room for the new jeans Alex Earl is wearing this autumn.

Consumers are buying 60% more clothes annually since 2014 and charity shops are inundated. So your Urban Outfitters cropped teddy hoodie isn’t likely so go on the back of someone else, or benefit the chosen charity. It will likely end up in the hands of a textile resellers who ship your clothes to countries in the Global South such as Ghana where landfills are polluting drinking water, impacting local’s health and overflowing into oceans and rivers.

An investigation into large corporations green washing placed a hidden tracker in a skirt. The tracker revealed when put in a donate box in a London H&M that skirt traveled 15 000 miles to its final resting place, a landfill in Mali, West Africa. Not back to H&M for it to be reused, repaired or recycled.

So it’s bad to bin your clothes, and now its bad to give your clothes to charity shops, so what is the alternative?

Give Your Best in a non for profit tackling clothing poverty by creating a cycle of recycling clothes to those who need it most. Think of it as a mix between charity shops and Vinted. Upload photos of your clothes with a description and people will beable to shop for it, for free. When someone chooses it, the charity will pay for your postage to send it to them. Alternatively you can donate a bag of clothes to them in bulk and someone on their team will upload the items.

This charity is giving access to good quality clothes to those who need it most. Survivors of domestic violence, the homeless, refugees and asylum seekers. There are 5.5 million people in the UK living in clothing poverty, with so much wastage of clothes this problem hardly seems comprehensible. So much clothes wastage, but so many people without the basics.

45 000+ items have been shipped and donated, all items reflective of their name. Give Your Best. They encourage people to donate their best, founder Sol Escobar saying “the clothes you donate to someone, is reflective of what you think of them”. These clothes are going to people who need presentable work clothes for job interviews, winter jackets for children, shoes to make them feel good when they step out the door. Clothing should be a human right, and this charity is trying to tackle the ever growing problem of clothing poverty

So please think twice when you’re considering a wardrobe purge to make room for more clothes. The real issue is over consumption, we wouldn’t have so much clothing waste if it wasn’t for fast fashion boom in the last 10 years. But if you do have clothes you don’t intend on wearing, give your best and know your items will be contributing to a solution, not a bigger problem.

Journalling has allowed me to sort out the jumble and clutter of my mind into scribbles on my thick red 1pleather journal. It’s a regular practice that I personally settle into at night with some candles lit and fuzzy socks on. I have below a post that i wrote back in October which a lot of you seemed to like about my experience with journalling, so if you would like more tips on how to incorporate journalling as a habit I’d recommend reading that one :)

So here are 28 daily prompts to get you through February. A simple prompt can create an easier practice to build when you aren’t sat pondering what to write. Use these prompts to create a stream of thoughts. And remember, there is no right way to journal. No correct length, style, colour of pens or even content. Your journal is for yourself, and no one else

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1. What are three things you love about yourself, and why?

2. How do you show yourself love daily? What more could you do?

3. Write a love letter to yourself from your future self.

4. What negative self-beliefs hold you back? How can you challenge them?

5. Describe a time you felt truly confident. How can you recreate that feeling?

6. What does self-care look like for you? How can you make it a priority?

7. Who in your life makes you feel valued and appreciated? How can you return that love?

8. What does love mean to you? Has your definition changed over time?

9. What are your love languages? How do you express love to others?

10. Write about a relationship (romantic or platonic) that has helped you grow.

11. What fears do you have around love? Where do they come from?

12. Describe your ideal partner or best friend. What qualities do they have?

13. How do you handle conflict in relationships? What could you improve?

14. Write a thank-you note to someone who has loved you unconditionally.

15. Is there someone you need to forgive? Whats stopping you?

16. What past heartbreak still lingers? How can you begin to heal?

17. How do you react to receiving love? Do you accept it easily or resist it?

18. Write about a time you showed deep compassion for someone.

19. How do you set boundaries in relationships? Do they feel strong enough?

20. What patterns do you notice in your relationships? Are they healthy or do they need change?

21. What does unconditional love mean to you? Have you ever experienced it?

22. What small acts of love can you do for yourself today?

23. How do you express love beyond words? Think about actions, gestures, and presence.

24. What’s one lesson about love you’ve learned the hard way?

25. If your heart could speak, what would it say to you right now?

26. Write about a time you felt completely at peace in a relationship.

27. What are your hopes for love in the future, whether self-love, romance, or friendships?

28. How can you make love the foundation of everything you do?

If you have lost count of the sheer quantity of scandals Love Island has faced let me remind you of Woman’s Aid has made 3 statements calling out Love Island for not recognising coercive behaviours and using abuse as a form of entertainment. In season 7 Danny Bibby was accused of being possessive and manipulative to Lucinda Strafford after she spoke to another boy on the show. He described his tactic of getting girls as “treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen” when telling her “I’m not the type to chase you like a little dog. I’d rather take you down a peg and have banter with you”. These are serious red flags and signs of an abusive relationship yet producers consistently bring on more boys with similar red flags and more girls who have pasts with these kind of boys and will be easier manipulated.

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Woman’s Aid has since called out two others fellow contestants Joe Garrett and Adam Collard for their gaslighting and manipulative behaviour to other female contestants. ITV2 maintains that they take emotional well being very seriously in the Villa. Yet this is hard to believe when Adam Collard was brought back for season 8 as a bombshell. Which you can imagine caused an uproar on all social media platforms.

Twitter (X) is flooded ever summer with Love Island content being updated by the second. The Daily Mail, Mirror, Guardian etc all report on these controversy and the behaviour of the boys but if you’re not exposed to these media outlets you are watching blind without an external influence telling you THIS IS ABUSE. Young girls and women seeing relationships like their own and seeing zero repercussions for the boys, re solidifies their view that their relationship is normal. That when their boyfriend question’s their memory of events, this isn’t gaslighting its their fault for messing up the details. Which allows the manipulator to introduce the notion that everything is their fault, the whole relationship. The cycle of abuse continues and its why the Woman’s Aid charity works so hard to campaign for healthy relationships in the media. Healthy relationships where each other are treated with love, respect and honesty. Then when mistakes are made, which can happen, apologies are made. Properly.

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It would be impossible to give you a list of all the times the girls on the show have taken the boys back after worthless apologies. Most recently Ronnie Vint, coupled up with Elma Pazar received significant backlash after having his first kiss with Elma to then 5 minutes later go kiss Kaz Crossley in a hidden part of the villa. Mortified, hurt and embarrassed Elma distanced herself from Ronnie till he chose her, not Kaz to couple up with the following day and all was forgiven after a half hearted apology. The list goes on, girls taking back boys, then the boys going on to repeat their bad behaviours over and over again. But they apologise? That makes it fine right? I mean surely they meant it? Wrong.

People make mistakes but it’s about recognising if that person is willing to change and understand’s their actions. Whether that person really cares that they hurt you. All too often the boys avoid saying “I feel horrible for hurting her, I don’t want to make her feel that way” instead they said “oh well its never a nice feeling to make girls cry”. They are bothered because they’re made to feel bad for making someone cry, not that they’re bothered because that person is hurt and upset because of their actions. The problems are rooted in a lack of care about the girls, a disregard for their emotional well-being because “it’s just a game”. Well it’s not just a game, 25% of women report having experienced partner emotional abuse and those are just the women who managed to escape and understood their relationship was abusive.

Love Island producers are using abuse as entertainment. They’re allowing toxic masculinity and manipulative relationships to be broadcasted to the nation as “normal relationships” which an ITV2 spokesperson was quoted saying. This contributes to the severe issues of domestic abuse by not highlighting what these boys are doing is toxic and abusive. If ITV2 continue to cast boys bubbling with red flags and toxic masculinity millions of women will continue to stay in abusive relationships, seeing nothing wrong with their treatment. Because well Joe treats Lucie like how my partner treats me, and she forgave him, maybe I should be more forgiving like Lucie.

No you shouldn’t. Always call out bad behaviour and always speak to someone, sometimes it needs an outsider looking in to remove those rose coloured glasses to see the painful red flags. Always reach out to family and friends or to domestic abuse helplines or women’s charities, I’ll attach a few below.

Click your country to be taken to your domestic abuse help websites

Scotland

England and Wales

Northern Ireland

Australia

USA

And if your country isn’t listed here a link to a range of different domestic abuse websites and hotlines globally, alternatively search on any search browser “domestic abuse help” and your local website and hotlines will be shown

You will be believed, always talk to someone

I was wearing a cobalt blue circle skirt that grazed past my knees I had sewn myself, I paired it with yellow and black striped tights, inspiration I had plucked from Me before You. I was so desperately trying to break out of the mould and express myself through any means possible. My friends wore a uniform of beiges and muted tones. They dressed like miniature versions of their mothers and expressed a similar discontent as their mother for anything different or unique.

It wasn’t just my clothes it was my energy, my jokes, my personality were all labeled “too much”. I was a handful, over the top and over excitable. Nothing hurt more than being told to “calm down”, “don’t get ahead of yourself” or being shushed right when I was happiest. It’s soul crushing, your cheeks inevitable burn up and you shrink into yourself with sheer embarrassment from just displaying strong emotions and feelings.

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It will never make sense to me to punish and ostracise someone for the crime of being themselves. For someone to feel comfortable enough around you to laugh with their belly, act silly and playful. For you to them bring them down, dull their sparkle, step on their toes and look down on them. I can’t relate to seeing someone break free from the norm and your initial action isn’t admiration for someone trying to stand out. It takes great courage to stand out and little to blend in. I have such admiration for those who dress to their own style, the one who laughs the loudest and the person who dreams up the most crazy and grand ideas because they are truly the people who keep life interesting and bright.

I was lucky to be surrounded with people who did encourage me to embrace the intensity of my emotions. To harness my big ideas, dreams and pursue the breaths of my imagination. I moved from Sydney to Glasgow when I was 11. I visited Camden, Brighton and Edinburgh upon my move here and it was the first I saw people like me. In Camden I saw punks, goths and shops that catered to every style imaginable. In Brighton and Edinburgh I saw street performers, and people who were bright and extroverted. I had never seen people like this in Sydney. Expressing themselves, being big and bold and bubbly. I believe it was here I was able to thrive, however unaccepting teenagers are to someone being different they were far more accepting in Glasgow than my experiences in Sydney. It was this move that allowed me to fully embrace the intensity of my emotions. To feel comfortable and welcomed no matter the package I came in. I found my place with space to grow further into the person I am now. I will never stop being too much or laughing the longest or dressing the most unconventional. I’ll never limit my imagination to the confines of the box society feels I should stay in. It’s important to surround yourself with those who make you feel welcomed and safe to be yourself without fear of judgement. I had a conversation with my friends little sister, we were all shopping and she picked out this brightly coloured top with frills and and designs patterned over it. It was something I would never had thought she would like as her wardrobe consisted of basics and plain colours. She twirled around in the dressing room with a smile from ear to ear but it was crushing to see her put it back on the rack back because of what her friends would think of her wearing that. I saw my younger self, tossing up whether I should dress for myself and brave the dirty looks or blend in and wear the uniform and go undetected.

So to those out there who have been shushed or made to feel small I feel your struggle. Put yourself in an environment were you’ll grow rather than being cut down. Your real friends will empower you to dream big and express yourself with the full range of your emotions. Those who love you cherish that you are “too much”, they hold tight your laugh, your extravagance and the intensity of your emotions. So don’t allow others to dull your sparkle before you’ve found the right people that will give you room to shine

However this January, we will be romanticising away all that sadness and dullness that is typically associated with this month. I’m a strong believer that you are what you eat. Now I do not mean this in a toxic food culture way but in a media way. The type of media you consume is what you become. We are sensitive beings so our mood can be very easily swayed by the movies we watch, the songs we listen to, the books we read and the activities we do. So I’ve compiled a list for you all, stocked full of recommendations so we get through this January cozy, comforting and restful.

Comforting movies

Starting off strong with an all time favourite which never fails to comfort me while also giving me a stream of tears every time is Greta Gerwig’s 2019 Little Women

Then for a dose of childhood nostalgia and a sprinkle of girlhood, Linsey Lohan in The Parent Trap is perfect for a movie night with hot coco and biscuits like in the film

Now while I haven’t watched this, everyone I know has been harping on at me to curl up with How to Loose a guy in 10 days, probs because of young Mathew McConaughey. So this is going to be the first movie I cross off my movies to watch bingo card.

Cozy playlist

I am nowhere without headphones. For this month I’m feeling like we need some cozy, calm indie music to complement the stillness of winter.

However I’ve been heavily influenced by my country loving boyfriend so Noah Kahan I feel is going to get me through January with some cozy country music. Who knows maybe I’ll be going into February a country music lover (my boyfriend hopes and wishes)

Then I feel my song of the month will be for sure Half return by Adrianne Lenker, it makes me feel like a happy little winter fairy dancing on the frosted leafs dodging big rain droplets

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Book recommendations

Now for everyone’s favourite part, the perfect cozy reads to curl up with on a weekend or a rainy night.

The dream harbour series is what is pulling me out my reading slump. A sequel which is also stand alone books are perfectly cozy but also cheeky romance stories about the going ons in a small town, Dream Harbour.

A book I previously loved was the Midnight Library and I’ve heard from so many to read What you are looking for is in the library by Michiko Aoyama. A compilation of short stories which you can pick up and put down throughout the month

Extra recommendations for a cozy January

Now some other little ways I’ll be romanticising this dreary month will be through a couple of activities so I’ve always got something to look towards to

• cafe study crawl

Perhaps you’re going back to university, college, school or work but I’m finding I work better around others than by myself. So I’ll be trying out a cafe study crawl where you move to a new cafe each time you start loosing focus on the task at hand

• trying something new

I have a habit of being a homebody, sticking to my routines, never trying anything new. But in the spirit of new beginnings I’m going to push myself to find and attend a group activity. Whether thats a new club or society at university, a local walking club or a book club. I think this will be the kicker to get me out my comfort zone to make more friends with likeminded interests to me

• Winter girl walks

However wet, however cold, however miserable looking it is outside I’m going to go a walk daily to get outside. The weather usually keeps me cooped up inside groaning it’s too dark or dreary to go outside, but it’s then staying cooped up that lures in that seasonal depression everyone knows too well with January blues. So doing specific activities I know will bring me joy is going to get me through January far happier and cosier than previous Januarys