One of the things we’re focusing on in Season 11 of The FEEL Podcast is helping you take the conversations we’re having and actually LIVE OUT FEEL in your everyday life.

Because listening to an empowering conversation can make us think.

It can inspire us.

It can even help us see something about ourselves we haven’t noticed before.

But the real impact comes …

Read more

We are retiring our Pre-drop blogs that have come out the day before our episodes since we started in Summer 2021, and replacing that with “FEEL Weekly”, a one page newsletter that will drop each Monday highlighting the coming week, and giving you your “Ways To Engage” with each of the podcast drops that week.

We hope this gives a fresh look and a more concise way to have all of your FEEL info in one document to help you plan your week, with a little less to read and one stop weekly to see all that we have coming for you. This will also create more space for our writer and author to focus on getting Volume 2 of our book “Embracing Layers Unapologetically” ready for availalbility in 2027. Stay tuned for more exciting updates on that!

Our previously written fabulous blogs will continue to be available for re-visit right here on Substack, for up to 3 months after they’ve dropped, and then in our archive and available “to infinity and beyond” for our paid Substack Subscribers.

Let us know what you think in the comments of this refresh.

Check out our very first FEEL Weekly, Vol. 1 , and Welcome to Season 11 of FEEL!

Welcome to our final blog of season 10 of The FEEL Podcast! To wrap things up, we have another astounding woman Melissa met from the Fresno County Women’s Chamber of Commerce, Carla Perez. She describes herself as intentional, compassionate, creative, resilient, and immalleable.

As a naturally empathetic person, Carla is able to detect negative energy from other people, and this helps her protect her peace. Through self care, she fills up her own cup and is able to pour into those who support her. Even though she says that it’s difficult for something to disrupt her day, Carla is not afraid to take time off when needed. No matter what is on her calendar, she says that if she needs a day, she takes one. She has an awareness surrounding herself and her body, which is so important to not only have, but to listen to. So many times we know something is wrong, but we keep pushing through until it stops us dead in our tracks. It’s admirable that Carla doesn’t let anything in her calendar stop her from prioritizing her own health.

She credits her father, who was a huge inspiration in her life, always sharing words of wisdom on how to live. He told her, “Nobody determines your limitations and self worth.” This wasn’t a gender specific statement either—he believed that anyone could accomplish what they set their mind to. Carla carries that strength with her and encourages everyone to sit at the table, because there are plenty of seats for all of us.

In terms of her layers, Carla has learned to identify them, take accountability for them, and have an awareness surrounding them. She says that it’s helpful to even identify what layers you don’t like and allow mistakes to happen while owning up to them. We’re human and mistakes are natural; we shouldn’t beat ourselves up so much over them, but I see that pattern in a lot of women’s lives. Guilt is a strong emotion in women, and its intensity only grows over time, especially after becoming a mother. However, Carla has found ways to be more patient with herself and continues to prioritize her needs.

I think one of the greatest takeaways from this episode is the grace Carla shows herself and how confident she is being authentic. Carla honors herself and her father everyday by being the empathetic, generous, intelligent, courageous woman she is.

Ways to Engage: Become more self aware of your emotions, your layers, and your boundaries. Keep track of your habits and routines that might be triggering, or the things that you notice uplift your spirits. Tune into your body and listen.

When we’re in survival mode, we do whatever we need to get through, and sometimes that leads to unhealthy habits and relationships. Not all relationships that start this way need to end, but both parties need to be working on themselves and continue growing. Otherwise, you’ll just end up back where you started. Though FEEL is a connected journey to other women, we all have to learn to live it out on our own.

It’s easy to fall back into old habits and difficult to get back on track. You can continue to support one another, but you might have to take a step back to maintain those necessary boundaries. This way, you’re showing that you no longer need to lean on them and that there is power within them to stand on their own, too. It’s exhausting to constantly be pleasing people or being the other half of a codependent relationship.

Although some people are willing to make a change, you have to stand strong in your boundaries when they try to pushback. We’ve heard guests say that they’ve experienced this when they started setting boundaries after not having them for so long, and this can lead to some difficult decisions. At the end of the day, you have to do what is best for you and keep yourself healthy inside and out. That is your most important obligation, though that’s not what we’re originally taught growing up. Without pouring into yourself first, you’ll never be able to pour into others.

Remember the reasons you’re transforming your life and keep the end goal in mind. It’s difficult to break free from relationships you’ve had for a long time, especially ones that were developed through trauma bonding or thrive on codependency. However, it’s the healthiest decision for you in the long run. Trust me, the relationship you form with yourself along the way will be your greatest one yet.

Ways to Engage: Start setting boundaries with friends or family members you feel you have a codependent, people pleasing, or trauma bonded relationship with. Set a boundary you’ve been meaning to and pay attention to how they react once you set it. You might receive resistance, but keep in mind your end goals and how you want to see your life change.

✨ Free Download: Embracing a FEEL Fueled Life Sample Freebie
✨ Ready for deeper support? Visit our website to schedule a complimentary 30 minute session or learn more about Breaking Free from Codependent, People Pleasing, Trauma Bonded Relationships with Melissa

Our next guest is Marianela Borbon, a friend whom Melissa met locally from the Fresno County Women’s Chamber of Commerce. Marianela describes herself as encouraging, grounded, resilient, empathetic, a visionary, and community-oriented. These traits become clear as Marianela tells her story, showcasing especially the work she does for others that continues to fill her cup.

Like too many others, Marianela didn’t slow down until her body forced her to. We need to learn to slow down before our bodies give out and allow ourselves to take a break. Even starting small is a huge accomplishment, and it helps to build up more consistent practices that you’ll use in everyday life. You don’t have to be on all the time or always going.

COVID-19 became a huge indicator to people that they needed to slow down just because of how quickly life came to a halt. For me, with all of the free time I had suddenly, I struggled to find things to fill the space with. I really got to discover myself, what I liked, and what I didn’t. It’s crucial for everyone to do this at some point in their lives, and don’t wait. You don’t want to be retired not knowing who you are at your core.

Coincidentally, Marianela’s business started in 2020 after many indoor festivities were being cancelled and people were moving celebrations outside, and there’s no better way to liven up a backyard party like balloons. She calls her business Uplift Balloons because she wants people to feel uplifted and supported. Her business also helps the environment by using a biodegradable latex for the balloons, so when you let them go, they won’t harm wildlife. Marianela says it’s empowering to the community to provide this service to them, and she’s also educating the public. Both of these things are forms of self care for her, so her work is fulfilling and nourishing to her soul.

Marianela is defining success in her own terms. She has discovered that trust within herself to know that she is doing what’s right and what aligns with her values. Once you have that trust in yourself, there’s nothing you can’t accomplish.

Ways to Engage: Marianela plans in quarters. Look at your calendar and plan ahead, giving yourself some time for adjustments. Life happens, so give yourself breaks.Don’t overwork yourself and put things into your calendar that matter to you. You won’t believe the difference it makes.

It’s all about meeting yourself where you’re at, another topic we discuss frequently on The FEEL Podcast. It’s so valuable in our journey because if you force self care, then it isn’t truly nourishing your soul. If you only have the energy to do a 5 minute breathing exercise, then do that. Don’t force a 20 minute meditation because it won’t give you the results you’re looking for. We also don’t want to feel like we’re letting people down when he have to cancel or reschedule, but sometimes it’s necessary to slow down. Even emotionally, you can be drained by something in our schedule that you weren’t anticipating, and you may need to adjust after that. If you have a busy week up ahead, check in with yourself prior to and then after. See what you need to do to replenish your energy, and then actually do it. Don’t push through and keep going like nothing happened because it will all catch up to you eventually.

Communication is the most important tool you can have. Communicate with those around you that you don’t have the bandwidth for everything in your schedule, and people will understand. Those who truly care for you and want to see you at your best will support the healthiest decision for you. Stop saying yes to every project because you feel bad for saying no. Don’t sign up for everything just because there isn’t someone else to do it. You can’t carry the world on your shoulders—no one can. Honor the bandwidth you have for your schedule, and don’t overload it just because you think that’s what others want. No one will look out for you better than you, so honor yourself.

See the value in your time and energy. Feel the need to take up space and don’t be afraid to do so. Prevent burnout before it creeps into your life suddenly and you’re left wondering how you got there.

Ways to Engage: Check in with yourself regularly. Put it on your calendar to check in with yourself mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Whether it be once a week or once a month, continue finding time to check in and honor your bandwidth in your schedule.

✨ Free Download: Embracing a FEEL Fueled Life Sample Freebie
✨ Ready for deeper support? Visit our website to schedule a complimentary 30 minute session or learn more about Honoring Your Bandwidth in Your Schedule with Melissa

Our next guest has strong values in her freedom and wellbeing, describing herself as courageous, ambitious, energetic, kind, and dynamic. Jana Westin has joined us previously on our Together We FEEL Panel No More Commenting on Other People’s Bodies, which gives some insight into the amazing work she does.

Jana’s involved in the world of health, something she struggled with for years. Every single person is different, so there will never be a “one size fits all” solution for health (even if they market it that way). I love that Jana makes the distinction between dieting and nutrition because, though we tend to associate the two, they are completely different. There are some diets out there that are dangerous, and just because you weigh more than someone doesn’t mean they’re healthier than you. Numbers on the scale do not equal how healthy you are, an idea that has been ingrained into our heads from the start. Jana works to help people actually be healthy, rather than helping them reach a goal weight.

With her own health, Jana looks at her energy levels and how to protect those, which is exactly where boundaries come into play. What do you find acceptable for you? And it doesn’t have to be all in or all out; in fact, it can be more harmful to make too many changes too fast. It’s good to start small so your nervous system isn’t shocked. Jana says that she’s found it fairly easy to set the boundary, but the most difficult part is keeping it. If you continue to say you’ll do something but never do it, you become less trustworthy and your word isn’t worth much. Jana has integrity in what she does, so if she says she’s going to do something, she’ll do it.

Within her work, Jana wants the client as involved as possible because, as we said in this week’s empowerment episode, you know your body the best. You’re part of your own health team, and that’s where it starts: together. It’s more than just what’s on your plate, and I appreciate Jana prioritizing that message. We villanize food in our society, something we need in order to survive.

Just because someone is thin doesn’t mean they’ve lost weight in a healthy way or are maintaining it in a way that’s healthy. Don’t judge someone based on their weight or what they’re eating, because you have no idea what they’re going through internally. It’s one thing to be concerned for someone, but it’s another to input your opinion when no one asked for it.

We all have a comment someone made about the way we look, probably our weight, that has stuck with us in all the wrong ways. You can take a look at Jana’s website or our own to take your first step today towards creating the healthy lifestyle for yourself that you deserve.

Ways to Engage: Check in with your energy levels throughout the days and weeks. Pay attention to the people around you, the foods you’ve been eating, the amount you’ve been sleeping, your workout routines, etc. Keep track of what’s fueling you and what’s draining you to create the healthiest possible environments for yourself.

Whether it’s because we don’t think about it at the appointment or don’t want to step on anyone’s toes, we don’t clearly communicate what we want to happen. They may be the professionals, but the healthcare system in America is not sustainable, making it easy to fall through the cracks. It’s a systemic failure, not necessarily the nurse or doctor, so there is no shame in speaking up for yourself. No one knows your body better than you, so if you feel something wrong, stay insistent.

It’s also important to be transparent. You might think a symptom is unrelated or insignificant, but the more pieces you give them, the easier it will be for them to see the whole picture. A lot of times people are worried about sounding stupid or embarrassing themselves, but I can guarantee you, the doctor has seen and heard worse. It’s their job to understand what’s wrong and treat you accordingly. Whatever is on your mind in the doctor’s office, speak it, even if you think it might not be related.

Be specific in the emotions you’re feeling or in the pain levels that you are experiencing. Be honest. Don’t downplay what you’re feeling—it will only prolong the inevitable. It does no good to lie to the people who are trying to help you and, the way I see it, you’re spending enough money on insurance and medical bills. Be clear, insistent, and recognize your value. We prioritize what we value, so make sure you’re at the top of the list. Always, always advocate for yourself. No one knows your body better than you do.

Ways to Engage: Next time you go to your doctor’s appointment, write down your questions ahead of time. Put them in your Notes app or somewhere you won’t forget, writing them down through the weeks leading up and clearly communicate what you’re feeling.

✨ Free Download: Embracing a FEEL Fueled Life Sample Freebie
✨ Ready for deeper support? Visit our website to schedule a complimentary 30 minute session or learn more about Communicating Clearly with Medical Practitioners with Melissa

ou may know our next guest, Kira Hartley Klinger, who has been on several of our Together We FEEL “Come As Your Are” panels on YouTube, including Navigating Hope, Frustration, Joy & Connection and Capacity, Career Change, Support Systems & Self-Trust. Kira describes herself as resilient, determined, and strong, while Melissa adds the word courageous to the list.

Kira shares with us how anxiety has taken over many areas of her life, but this is a season that has been difficult for her personally. Some days she feels good and doesn’t have a care in the world, but there are also days where she feels she can do nothing but pray for help. I’m very appreciative of our guests who are so vulnerable with us, and Kira speaks with such empathy in her voice. I agree with Melissa that courageous is a great word to describe her because it isn’t easy to share the trouble with the triumph. However, it’s perfectly normal to have some good days and some bad days—you can’t know one without the other. Progress is not linear, but we tend to have an idea in our head of how things will go. It will never be perfect like you may see in your mind because no one is perfect, but one thing for sure is that it will get better.

Writing has always been important in Kira’s life, a self care act that allows her to be completely honest with herself. She recalls how she would get up before anyone else in her house to write, even completing 3 novels in her 20s. Though they were fiction and unpublished, her first published piece was nonfiction work in a magazine while in her 30s. This further led to her publishing Fabric Wars, detailing true stories from auctions where she buys vintage fabric for her Etsy shop. Kira says that this allows her to tell the story as herself, while being free and unapologetic. She doesn’t hold back when writing, and this activity allows her to be her most authentic self on the page.

Through her years of experience with auctions, Kira found herself surrounded by strong women who stood up for themselves and didn’t back down in the face of adversity. It was something that she needed in her life, and it’s helped her become the woman she is today. Who we surround ourselves with impacts us more than we may think. The people in our lives can either lift us up and hope to see us succeed, or they can hold you back from living out of your own expectations and values. It’s up to you to make the choice of who you want in your circle and how you want to show up for other people.

There’s so much amazing content here with Kira, and I encourage everyone to check out the panels she was featured in. These relevant resources will always be here to look at, so no matter where you are in your journey, we’re here.

Ways to Engage: Name 5 activities that nourish you, and think about which ones bring out your most authentic self. Is there one that sticks out more than the others? Hone in on this activity, how you feel while doing it, and who you are in your purest form of contentment.

Melissa has always said that there are no “good” or “bad” emotions—they are clues to what our bodies need. Sure, certain emotions are more enjoyable to experience, but they all matter nonetheless. If you neglect your emotions, they can manifest in physical ways. You could get a headache, have chest pains, or shallow breathing from emotions that haven’t been addressed yet. You could become frustrated easier or even start lashing out if you don’t listen to the clues that your body is giving you. Even with physical pain, if you ignore it, it’ll be displayed through your emotions. The little things will continue to add up until they are addressed or until you can no longer hold it in, left wondering why you’re “crying over spilled milk.”

Women especially have had a history of their feelings being dismissed. Sometimes they’re told they’re too emotional or have PMS, stereotypes that have only caused harm to women. Following emotional clues can lead to something major, and you have to trust yourself. Follow your instincts, take yourself seriously, and advocate for yourself because no one knows you better than you. It’s time to cast out the idea of good or bad emotions and just take them for what they are. Don’t dismiss the clues you’re getting through your emotions, and walk out as your most confident, authentic, healthiest self.

Ways to Engage: Start thinking about your emotions in a different way. Don’t categorize them into “good” or “bad,” and allow yourself to feel each emotion fully. Don’t push it away or try to ignore what your mind and body are telling you. You’re receiving these messages for a reason.

✨ Free Download: Embracing a FEEL Fueled Life Sample Freebie
✨ Ready for deeper support? Visit our website to schedule a complimentary 30 minute session or learn more about Emotional Clues with Melissa

Layers are a massive part of each conversation we have on The FEEL Podcast, and our next guest from Podmatch, Urmi Hossain, hits the nail on the head perfectly. She describes herself with the three Ds: dynamic, determined, and disciplined.

Each of our layers represents a lived experience, and they each come with a lesson. Urmi says that she has accepted herself from a cultural point of view, something that was quite difficult for her in the beginning. Hiding one of her identities to fit in, she could never be her true, authentic self. This serves as a great reminder that our layers are so personal to us, and people have battles they’re fighting that we have no idea about. Urmi has since been able to experience interactions to the fullest, not having to disguise herself based on who she’s with.

Boundaries tie closely into this conversation, as do expectations. She used to think boundaries were selfish, but Urmi learned the hard way that boundaries are necessary no matter who you are. Knowing that she places them with good intention helps Urmi in the process, because she’s only trying to protect her peace and energy. Boundaries used to have such a negative connotation, but I feel like the narrative is switching. People are realizing what life is like when you don’t have any boundaries…and it isn’t fun. I’m glad Urmi has learned to stand up for and accept herself because she deserves it—just like we all do.

While discussing living out FEEL, Urmi mentions the power of the tribe, which I couldn’t agree with more. I always try to talk about the importance of surrounding yourself with good people. It was a huge part of my journey, and that’s the same for a lot of others, even if they might not have realized it yet. The people in my life negatively impacted my self-esteem, so each step I took towards accepting my layers, they’d drag me back three. If you don’t have the right people behind you while you’re on the path to accepting and embracing your layers, you’ll never reach your goal. They could be in your life for a reason or for a season, so if you feel the relationship no longer serves you, there’s no shame in ending it. Be with people who lift you up, support you, and want to see you succeed. In this kind of positive atmosphere, it’s much easier to grow, and you can grow together.

The topic of intersectionality and layers is a beautiful thing, and our differences only make us stronger. Each experience and uniqueness makes us who we are, and it’s what makes life worth living. Live life to the fullest as your most healthy, authentic, beautiful self. It’s the least you can do for yourself.

Ways to Engage: Name the different layers of yourself, starting small with what you look like on the outside. Now, what’s your personality like? Your job? Your hobbies? Keep listing the layers and explore deeper. Be patient, be kind, and be curious.

Episode trigger warning: mentions of abuse

Looking to start your journey of healing but not sure where to begin? Our next guest, Pamela Michaux, joins us from Malta to share lived experiences. She describes herself as a chameleon, adaptable, and someone who is able to go with the flow.

A huge part of Pamela’s journey, she says, was learning to love herself, something that so many of us have to learn to do. We think we like ourselves enough, but once we’re faced with harsh reality, it’s apparent that there’s a lot of unhealed layers. Allow the things that hurt you to have space; If you constantly push it down, then there’s no room for the hurt to breathe and, therefore, no room to heal. Pamela says healing is a journey—there’s ups and downs, but you have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. It’s easy to blame yourself for past mistakes, but it’s time to forgive yourself and learn from it.

Pamela shares with us that one of the most important parts of the healing journey is to share your emotions. It’s difficult at first, especially if you’re not used to doing it. So many times, especially as children, we’re told to suck it up or to hide our emotions so we don’t make others uncomfortable. Your feelings are valid and just because someone else has different emotions about an experience doesn’t make yours any less real. It’s only when we explore our emotions do we understand ourselves better. Pamela encourages everyone to practice naming your emotions and writing them down. Bit by bit, you’re able to improve on sharing your emotions with others in a way that is healthy and freeing.

Remember, there is no shame in asking for help. It’s okay not to be okay. We try to be strong for those around us, but we are not responsible for other people. Pamela serves as a great reminder that only you can tell your story. At The Embracing Layers Network, we work so hard so women have as many resources as they need to be able to reach out and get the treatment they deserve. Pamela says the only person you have to tolerate is yourself, which reminds me of something similar a friend told me in high school. We’ll be with ourselves forever, so you ought to make sure you like yourself.

Pamela gives us a great quote in the episode: “The only way to reduce your fears is to face them.” She admits it’s scary to do so, but if you continue to run from your fears, you’ll be running forever. Her memoir, Mundele Diaries, is available on Amazon where she dives deeper into her story with vulnerability, grace, and strength. Listen to Pamela’s episode and start healing from the inside out today.

Ways to Engage: Next time you want to go to someone for advice, stop and think about if someone you love came to you with the same question. What would you tell them? How would you speak to them? Take your own advice, be patient, and trust yourself.

Resources:

• Sexual Abuse

  • Call 800-656-HOPE (4673)

  • Text HOPE to 64673

  • Chat online with someone at RAINN.org

• Physical Abuse

  • Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

  • Text START to 88788

  • Chat online with someone at TheHotline.org

If someone were to ask you to name your top 5 priorities in order, could you do it? Do these priorities reflect your why and your values? Our next guest is a pursuant person who is the Values Queen. Eva Kennedy lives in her purpose, always pursuing it, and she also serves women. She lives in that and thrives in that, knowing who she is and just how beautiful of a person she is.

Eva tells us that she was married to her job, working 29 years in the corporate world. This changed when she was diagnosed with breast cancer, of which she was free of for 5 years after radiation treatment. Her priorities began shifting, and it was time to leave her that job because it no longer served her. This launched her into her journey of discovering what truly mattered to her and to her soul. Mentally and physically, she was exhausted. She hadn’t taken the time to process her cancer journey, and she also was moving her life in a new direction. Eva says that she was looking outside for her purpose, but it was within her all along. We always want to encourage women to discover themselves and embrace their layers so they can find this within, too.

Eva describes her values as tools or a roadmap. They help help to guide you in your decision making based on what’s important to you, and it’s crucial to have them. Otherwise, other people will decide for you what’s important, and that’s when you start to live out of other people’s expectations rather than your own. It’s a process that happens over time, and Eva reminds us that’s it’s okay to need help along the way. It’s why we provide as many resources as we can, so women are able to take that first step in their journey and decide for themselves how they want to live. Everyone’s values and choices will look different, but the outside noise shouldn’t matter. It’s for you to know and feel good about, not others.

Who are you? What do you want? Be truthful with yourself when you ask these questions. Otherwise, you won’t be getting the most out of your experiences. Remember to give yourself grace during this time of discovery. So many people feel stuck and don’t know how to move forward, but like us, Eva wants to help women with their journey. Her website details her services, links her book, and offers the opportunity to learn more about the community she has created. I’ll leave one last quote that really stuck with me, and I hope it can help inspire you: “Become the woman you know you are meant to be.”

Ways to Engage: List your Top 5 Values in order of priority. Take time to think about it, reflect, and determine what is truly valuable to you and your life. Use this list to help guide you through tough decision making and bring you back to yourself when you feel lost.

• Season 1, Episode 2 - Meet the Crooks

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• Season 2, Episode 7 - A Life of Growth & Care: Self-Worth, Boundaries & Purposeful Living with Jaime Wheeler

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• Season 3, Episode 6 - Beauty & Beauty Privilege: What Is It, Who Defines It & How Do We Find Our Beauty In It?

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• Season 4, Episode 8 - Celebrate Yourself: Healing Childhood Trauma & Reclaiming Your Power with Valerie from Inner Solace Therapy

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• Season 5, Episode 16 - Making Space for Women to Live Unapologetically with Intention | Shaquanda Reese of Burst Beans Coffee

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• Season 6, Episode 12 - FemTech & What Women Need to Know: Redefining Women’s Health with Bethany Corbin

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• Season 7, Episode 22 - Embracing Accountability & Cultivating Soul-Aligned Relationships with Lisa Shield

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• Season 8, Episode 17 - Unmasking the Layers: Eating Disorders, Sexual Shame, & the Journey to Self-Healing with Leslie Draffin

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  • Our most watched episode to date

• Season 9, Episode 52 - Breaking Generational Trauma, Survivor’s Guilt, & Emotional Healing with Julie Barth

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• Season 10, Episode 6 - Mental Health & Motherhood: How to Support Your Child Without Losing Yourself with Jenn Robb

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