The tree resists, not by fighting the wind, but by refusing to lose its shape. This, too, can be your courage — the kind that asks no one’s permission and seeks no audience. It’s not a loud stand, but a quiet one — the dignity to continue to grow in your own true direction.

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“That is at bottom the only courage that is demanded of us: to have courage for the most strange, the most singular and the most inexplicable that we may encounter.”

~ Rainer Maria Rilke

From Letter Eight in “Letters to a Young Poet”, as Rilke asks Franz Xaver Kappus to not reject, but embrace what frightens him as necessary for personal growth…

View the Book

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loud, or quiet and nearly invisible

The podcaster is beloved. Part coach, part therapist, best friend, and preacher - she is all. Day after day, episode after episode, millions tune in, glued to the screen, hoping to hear one life-changing idea that will make them healthier, richer, smarter, happier, more confident, and more desirable.

“You have all you need! You have no idea how great you are! Be courageous and bold and stop playing small!” “It’s your time!” “It takes courage to be great!” “Find your greatness!”

She looks into the camera, waving her arms, almost shouting as she repeats the words, “You’re unstoppable!”.

But, I am stoppable - and easily so. In fact, after about fifteen minutes of listening, I want to lie down. It may be due to my time in life, where I am in my work, my age or a bit of rebelliousness, but whatever it is, my skepticism is not new. I’ve always questioned a one size fits all idea of what constitutes success and how we’re supposed to go about achieving it. I question the idea of ‘greatness’, wondering if it’s over-emphasized, over-sold, and in today’s culture made synonymous with courage.

the framing of courage

Too much, too little: where do we land? According to the writings of Aristotle, too much ambition was a vice, but no less a vice than its opposite - false modesty or lack of drive.

Thinking about this, I head upstairs to re-read a line copied years earlier from George Elliot’s fabulous novel, “Middlemarch”, remembering that I’d scribbled and attached her words to my desk on what is now a tattered sticky paper…words holding a greater and different meaning today than on the day I’d first read them…

“…for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts;

and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is

half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in

unvisited tombs.”

The line is used to reflect on the protagonist, Dorothea Brooke, whose ambitions to master the world finally settle into a quietly chosen life as a wife and mother. No matter the ambitions, the tombs - visited or not - stand strong and sturdy long after we’ve left the grounds, but it’s the commitment to the tending made by those who lived “faithfully a hidden life” whose influence lives on in the “growing good”.

See the Book

I’ve always viewed courage as the stepping in and stepping up to challenge, however big the doubt or deep the exhaustion, intense the fear or obvious the risk - sacrifice would be made. It seems changed - now large and loud with a hurried no-time-to-waste urgency - the courageous of today must be willing to face reputational backlash while maintaining public scrutiny and vulnerability, loss of audience as painful as loss of life.

What then of quieter times when you endure something no one else will know about, honest and unwitnessed moments when you do the right small thing, even at some cost to yourself? To some, this would be seen as weakness or surrender or foolish self-denial. Do you - can you - stand up to these assumptions?

When Susan Cain published “Quiet”, she gifted introverts with sorely needed permission to stop explaining and apologizing for who they are. The clever subtitle, (cleverly) encircled by the title’s large “Q”, hinted at the relief readers would find in the content -

“The power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking.”

Cain, a brilliant - and (used to be) socially anxious - Harvard trained attorney, freed millions whose lives were spent longing to be some version of themselves that was not only unwanted, but close to impossible to achieve - that of the outspoken, highly driven, charismatic extrovert.

Explore the Book

Whether you choose the fast-paced climb or the ‘steadfast’ approach of the Stoic, it might be good to know your motivation. What lies beneath your need? Could the seeking of exceptional status be more a derivative of fear than courage? Fear of being no-thing or nobody, forever anonymous in a culture that attends to the most visible? Why do you move towards anything?

The person responding to conditions not of their choosing may find themselves engaging in mostly unnoticed acts of courage, measured not in numbers of likes - but, by one more day - faced in honesty. Weary, alone, riddled with self-doubt - there is something they know, something certain - they must and will keep going.

(everyday) courage observed

• The Village Women - There’s a crosswalk midway in the one-block long village I live in. It’s a busy spot with a large, yellow button attached to a pole. Pushed many times in a day, it activates bright, flashing lights signalling traffic to slow or stop allowing safe passage for those heading across to a tiny, completely irresistible bakery. Some sit outside with family, friends and dogs at tables shaded by orange-coloured umbrellas. Others run inside for a quick pick-up order on their way to errands and hikes and other things. 4-legged creatures sit staring through open car windows, heads pointed directly at the front door as they silently pray their guardian will return with one of the baker’s bone-shaped, chicken-flavoured bisquits.

As I come and go, I see more than a few women in the 75-95 range of years lived push the yellow button, then cross. No two are alike. Not in dress, not in expression, not in the way they move. I imagine their lives - what they might have been, what and who they are today.

My curiosity has something to do with being older myself, but, also having grown up in a matriarchal household. I had no choice but to watch as the women lived and worked and created everything that was my world. Surrounded by mother, grandmother and great-aunts, the messages noted about age and aging were positive - a time never to be feared or rejected, but inspired by and valued.

As a child I wondered - what did they know? How did they have the spirit to laugh at themselves and whatever had befallen them on any given day? How did they remain hopeful, seeing art in the smallest flower, or joy in the words of a poem recited aloud at the kitchen table - this as I heard stories of tragedies and despair brought on by everything from the life of an infant lost in a nanny’s careless hands, a son’s remains missing in the killing fields of WWI, a New York blizzard claiming the life of a young father, to wartime infidelities across the seas, and too often, financial uncertainty. No matter how grey or how lined, I grew to believe it was unbreakable courage that was the single most important ingredient for the beauty I saw in every face.

I don’t know the crossing women. I don’t know their sorrows, but I see in them the same beauty - and courage - backs held straight and shoulders high, steps deliberate with small skipping motions signaling vitality to anyone who might be watching. Some move with a defiant stroll while others appear apologetic as they rush awkwardly to avoid wasting a waiting driver’s time. - time they fear, more important now than their own.

None pretend youth, but, something more solid - a force for dignity requiring immense courage for those whose years are a new weight to carry. To navigate unfamiliar territory in a body barely recognized, to retain a voice in one’s decisions, and accept vulnerability as self worth grows more delicate - these are challenges best faced by the brave. Rilke’s words are fitting - (it is) the demands of this ‘strange’ and ‘inexplicable’ place - showing up almost overnight, without warning, asking so much of the person visited.

more courage…

• A Young Mother Walking - Years ago I met a young, single mother of a two-year-old who every day walked three miles to and from a job she neither liked nor belonged in. Working as a bookkeeper until something more closely aligned with her intellect came along, she sat all day at a desk in the dreary back office of a jewelry store. On her walks she would finger the gold band she wore on her right hand - 5 fairly sizable diamonds set in gold once belonging to her grandmother. She said touching it made it easier for her to bear the hardness of each step felt through gaping holes in the soles of both shoes.

“Why…”, I asked, “…would you keep the ring when you need shoes so badly?”

“It encourages me…”, she said,”…it reminds me that I’ll be OK.”

The ring was love. The love was her courage.

• Towards a gentleman’s end…There was a gentleman who called before our visit to prepare me for what I would see when he arrived.

  “I’ve lost a lot of weight”, he said, “…I don’t want you to be alarmed.”

  He didn’t want to miss what might be a last visit before his end. Still, he came, smiling, concerned more about me than himself. I see him still - a beautiful man once strong and strikingly handsome, now standing in front of me, frail and gaunt. His courage came in the form of elegant humility. How I loved him.

• The Firing Line - I met several times with a beautiful young medical resident assigned to Elmhurst Hospital - one of the deadliest locations to be in at the height of the COVID pandemic. Talking through her experience with the “inexplicable” and“strange” helped her focus both eye and mind on one soul at a time, as together they faced death or its possibility. Her courage came in the form of hope.

• The Fierce Power of a Dream. There was the middle-aged woman who finally returned to school to secure the education her high school guidance counselor and later two husbands in two early and disappointing marriages told her she would never need. In the case of the counselor, ‘guidance’ came in the form of being told it was her brothers who would need to be “educated first”. For the husbands, it was their ambitions that would carry them through. It took another thirty years before she realized that being female was not a deficit and being ‘cared for’ was not her wish. Her courage came in the passion to grow.

To be fair, acknowledging what I think is a conflation of ‘greatness’ and courage, I accept the overlap. It may be here to stay. You may aspire to ‘greatness’, or you may wish for something less large - either way, test your preference - is what you’re attracted to ‘fear-driven’ or ‘fear-facing’? Choice will be your courage.

nature’s carefully tended garden

wisdom note

When the seeking of ‘greatness’ moves you to reach - to make the world a better place - self-worth will be the by-product and happiness the reward.

Many of us don’t want the stage or the stage wouldn’t be offered anyway, but what is offered is tomorrow - one more walk to work on one more beautiful morning, thankful no one can see the bottoms of your shoes.

nature note

Go well into the fields…

Austen

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for a walk in nature - to the website

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A small note: some of the books I mention include affiliate links. If you follow one and decide to buy, I may earn a modest fee — it won’t cost you anything extra, and it quietly helps Field Notes keep going.

Birds and ducks photographed during a visit South this past winter, long emblems of the even mind, they complement this month’s topic. Not because they’re untouched by turbulence, but because they know how to move within it. Able to observe the world from above - they soar in the overview. Flying in formation members of the flock don’t all see the same thing. The lead bird reads the wind, the birds trailing read the leader, not always seeing the destination, but navigating on faith and feel. Nature reminds - it’s never about the highest view, but about knowing which position you’re flying in.

“You have the power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength.” ~ Marcus Aurelius

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Welcome to Field Notes 2

Generosity comes in many forms - nature’s bounty, a writer’s words transformed into a journey for an eager mind, a red-ribboned box filled with dark chocolates, or the work of a single man’s lifetime skillfully compressed into a ten-page article for the convenience of another man’s afternoon read. Each recipient holds a unique perspective on what’s received, and whatever the gift, it’s far more delicious when shared.

You have free access to the same landscapes, the same ideas and information as I do - Field Notes is the sharing of one perspective, open to many, open to change, and open to gratitude.

This month’s exploration - the mechanisms of perspective, and how they shape every human response.

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on perspective

at odds; what we say matters and what we make matter more…

If I were to choose one thing that stands out as problematic for a large percentage of clients, I would say it’s loss of perspective - times when the intensity of feeling surpasses the perception of threat.

No matter how well-intentioned, in spite of believing we’ll respond to challenge with a balanced, rational, even-mind, expectations can change in seconds. We know what we’re about in the middle of an over-the-top response - the elevated voice we hear - it’s our own; the strained muscles and pulsing chest - that’s ours too. And, when it’s over, we can be all sorts of things; horrified, justified, embarrassed, defensive, surprised, and, almost always, spent.

real life

Years ago, waiting in line in the post office, I witnessed a moment of what - to me - was an overreaction. The wait was long. I could feel the impatience and hear the deep inhales and exhales of the people behind me as the line grew longer. An attractive, well-dressed woman, maybe mid-forties, was screaming at the clerk about a package filled with clothing samples she’d just been told was ‘lost in transit’ - a package worth $450,000. As she stood at the window she seemed to grow before my eyes, taller, and if possible, wider. With hands flying and fingers pointing, voice threatening, and shoulders puffed up, she was berating the clerk, calling him an “idiot” while promising punishment for his “unheard of”, “unbelievably stupid”, mistake.

Watching this unfold, I was calm, wondering how cloth in a box could possibly be worth the amount of rage I saw coursing through this woman’s body.

“Fabric can be replaced.”, I thought. “Loss like this is generally reimbursed.” I know - the items in the box may have been hand-made, one of a kind, impossible to recreate.

More thoughts, ”Health is more important than samples of anything”, “Life is too short”, “We shouldn’t treat people so badly.” It did occur to me that perhaps she’d paid for the contents of the lost box with her very last penny, or she was afraid of being fired, or maybe she was starting a business and the loss meant the end of her beginning. Whatever the reason, the intensity - to me - didn’t match a box full of ‘things’, and I did find myself saying the word “things” more than once - what are they - really?

You might agree with the woman’s response more than mine. No matter who you are, the dollar amount heard repeatedly by everyone in line, was not small. But, this woman and I had, on this day for her, and recently for me, both experienced a loss. Before the yelling began my wait was spent counting the weeks with no contact, no call, no voice, no message from my son who’d lost his life three months earlier. I had no reason to criticize this woman, but I was puzzled by such enormous anger about the loss of anything material. It made no sense.

I felt a pull to move towards her with an offer of comfort, reminding her that somehow she’d recover. I wanted her to know what I’d learned - that if we’re still breathing we can overcome and rise many times over from the blows that come to every life. But, in that moment, on that particular day, my heart may have been beating, but it was broken. I didn’t move. I could only watch and wonder.

another happening

Among the many stories I’ve been told of intense emotional reactions, one was about a common and irritating, far from life-threatening event that happens to thousands of people every day - a missed appointment. In an hour-long therapy session a bright, energetic attorney, explained that he’d been arrested for standing on the hood of a cab, preventing the driver from moving.

His rage, described as, “a reaction anyone would have” when confronted with such, “complete incompetence”, from “such a stupid driver”, who’d caused him to miss a “really important meeting”. The argument about who was right, turned into a full-blown confrontation between passenger and driver - ending with my client leaping onto the hood of the cab. (May I add that early one morning, six months later, he died of a fatal heart attack at the age of 58.)

measuring awful

With maturity comes a growing commitment to what we believe matters, what deserves our time and attention - and what does not. We’re certain we’ll behave in accordance with our beliefs - until we don’t.

No excuses, but we may not be entirely to blame. In the end, it’s not about character or virtues or will - it’s about biology.

In my practice, with the goal of eliciting honest self-appraisal and awareness about how we react during those times when life feels incredibly difficult, I use a simple tool guided by me, with data provided by the client.

I ask, how do you respond when overlooked, or your colleague takes credit for your idea, the audience isn’t interested, you’re rejected, fired, or face financial ruin? What if you miss the bus and have no choice but to wait for 30 long, cold minutes in a snowstorm until the next one arrives, or someone takes your wallet and within the hour uses your bank card to help themselves to the cash in your checking account? What if your best friend seems unimpressed with your great idea, or your husband spends an unusual amount of time talking to a beautiful woman at a friend’s gathering?

In ‘real life’, how do we respond? Too often, not well. Not well at all. To the missed bus in a snowstorm example - in the office, under calmer, (warmer) conditions, the experience is given a 2% rating compared to personal tragedy - but, the physiological and psychological response experienced at the time can be as high as 80-90% furious! On days we’re not relying on a scale reviewed under calm conditiions, everyday stressful events are experienced and described as, “horrible”, “the worst”, “devastating”, “unbelievable”, “infuriating”. Considering actual danger or risk involved, responses are generally examples of perspective lost.

I’ve had reason to use the tool a lot. I mean - a lot.

it’s complicated - in a good way

I thought writing about perspective might be useful - and simple. I would focus on the way we view and respond to difficult people and situations, following the values we believe align with the person we see ourselves to be, and, why, in spite of assumed ‘normalcy’ - we lose it.

But, as with most studies of just about anything, they’re rarely simple. First, the word ‘perspective’ has grown so familiar, it’s almost lost its edge. At its most precise, it refers to the capacity to perceive one’s own position - emotionally, cognitively, temporally, socially - relative to other possible positions. It’s more than just ‘seeing the other side’, more than Rudyard Kipling’s reference to keeping “…your head when all about you are losing theirs….”. (This has been with me since high school English class - it impressed me then and does today.) The study of perspective is complex and rich, with most of us moving in and out of one or more interpretations of what it means, combined with what best suits the moment, our mood, and mindset.

Here’s some of what I found - perspectives on ‘perspective’ -

• The Stoic Perspective - Control vs. Chaos - (the interpretation I’d initially set out to consider)

  This centers on life divided into things you can, and cannot, control, recognizing the difference and responding with acceptance rather than frustration; guided by reason and wisdom, rather than emotion.

• The Existentialist Perspective - Meaning through Choice -

  This is about seeing yourself as the architect of your own values, what Victor Frankl referred to as the, “will to meaning.”

• The Essentialist Perspective - The Power of Less

  This interpretation follows the idea of ‘noise’ vs the truly ‘vital’ in every life. Learning to say ‘no’ to the trivial or less than necessary, leaving enough energy to say a profound ‘yes’ to the things that carry meaning for you.

• The Cosmic Perspective - The Overview Effect

  The philosophy here is that in the grand scheme of the universe, our problems are small and recognizing this is meant to liberate, rather than depress. This is for us all to realize, for us all to be reminded of, perhaps something we might consider as we try to preserve some measure of inner peace.

With these four, I thought I was finished. I was not. There’s the Buddhist tradition; the phenomenological tradition; psychological traditions; narrative theory - more constructions than we need or can possibly manage in this letter.

going sideways

We may never give much thought to where we fit, that is, which interpretation is us, but daily active experience, or life lived, is our philosophy. I’m not an expert on this, but I would guess we all slip naturally in and out of different versions, functioning with a subconscious “operating system” - with what we care about the framework shaping and moving us towards what feels right.

As creatures of nature, we drift away from - or could be catapulted out of - a place of balance. But, we return, always weighing competing considerations without following a single dominant position simply because it’s bigger, louder, shinier, or more self-serving, but, because we believe it’s best.

We do what we can to follow perspective’s moral dimension - fair play - applying balance to situations involving competing interests, particularly ours against those of others. We want equanimity - not the cold, detached, defended variety of distance that protects the self, but rather the capacity to be fully present in the face of challenge, pain, or uncertainty, without being overwhelmed or destabilized. (the Stoic and Buddhist traditions ask us to hold both pleasure and suffering without grasping one while recoiling from the other).

But - we are, after all - Primates - keen threat sensors. Because of that, whichever perspective we hold, it can slip away in mere seconds, without warning, out of mind when we need it most. It does exactly that. Facing very different kinds of dangers than our ancestors knew, we’re equally intimidated under modern versions and conditions of (mostly social), menace and risk.

For the woman in the post office, I would say her reaction suggested a response to threat (possibly financial; employment; status; reputation, etc.). Threat for her - not for me. It’s likely we both hold good intentions when it comes to keeping our cool, but in that moment her reaction was likely a result of intense feelings of risk. My calm, reflective response had nothing to do with superior coping skills, but everything to do with the absence of threat. No more than a bystander, I could spend the minutes considering all sorts of ways this poor woman could see and respond differently.

In the conversation I had with the attorney arrested for banging his fists and feet on the hood of a New York cab, it became clear that his response was also a result of threat. How could someone ‘in his place’ (status), be treated so badly? In spite of who he saw himself to be, he was denied what he believed he deserved - his way. What could be worse for someone holding fast to an identity of superiority than being denied something by someone whose role it was (in the lawyer’s mind), to serve?

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in the beginning

From an evolutionary standpoint, social animals who could anticipate the intentions and responses of others were better at cooperation, competition, alliance-building, and conflict avoidance. Something I learned that I find fascinating - early man was naturally better at modeling the inner lives of people they identified with, those they needed something from and those perceived as powerful, but empathy and perspective taking faculties were not yet designed to extend equally in all directions. They were designed for the advantage in navigating the particular social landscape our ancestors occupied. There were clear distinctions between the “in-group”, and “out-group”, and we were hardwired to be wary of those we thought of as “out”. This - the beginnings of our evolutionary bias of, “us vs. them”.

This means the broad, more principled perspectives and compassion and empathy we value today began developing more ‘recently’ - between 2 million and 500,000 years ago - are not natural, but, rather a way to correct our biological beginnings. This explains the decline in managing emotion under conditions of stress, cognitive overload, time pressure - and threat - again, precisely when we most need some form of control. Never ‘natural’ for us in the first place, in times of challenge, it’s the primitive brain that goes into action - aka - “fight or flight”. It’s meant to keep us alive, but, in today’s world, called upon too easily, too often, and with far more emotion than we need - it can get us in trouble.

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It was a thrill to see this spectacular lavender heron - motionless at water’s edge for long minutes - not passive - it’s attending, which is its own form of balance.

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field practice

What can we do? To be able to count on our compassion-driven beliefs, and call upon even-minded responses, we need to build our capacities during calmer times.

Prepare…

• Think ahead - when you know in advance you’re about to enter a situation or be with someone you associate with distress, visualize the way you want things to go. Don’t leave it up to chance. Instead of defending, remain curious, keep your feet firmly rooted in the ground, take a breath, pause, and listen. You can take these steps in a matter of seconds. No promises - things may go well, they may not - but you’ll do better than you have in the past.

• If you’re someone who has the habit of over-responding, begin your day affirming aloud:

  “Something will probably show up today that’s difficult/challenging. Whatever it is, I can handle it.”

  “I’m learning to defend less, explain less, and listen longer and better.”

• How do you or others label you? “Sensitive”, “Thin-skinned”, “Intense”? “Pushy?” Whatever the label, you’ll step into it the minute you sense challenge headed your way. Change the label. Change the way you see yourself. “I’m good at holding on when things don’t go well…,” “I’m steady…, “I’m grounded and confident…, “I have nothing to prove.”

• If there’s anyone you know who responds well, the way you wish you could - someone who exudes a quiet confidence (think Queen Elizabeth when meeting those she considered difficult, the (mostly) men who at times left her feeling unsure - her motto {borrowed from Benjamin Disraeli}: “Never complain. Never explain”, carried her for decades.)

  Use her(his) words, borrow someone else’s, or make up your own. Write them. Read them. Say them. Hear them. Make them yours.

  Or…Write your hero’s name with big black letters on a 3 x 5 note card and carry it with you everywhere you go. If you have at least 30 seconds to take it out of your briefcase in the middle of a fray, or if challenge has come and gone, reading the name will help you recover quickly. Read it. Ask, “How would he react?”, “What would she do?” In these moments, knowing your hero well, reminded of his or her strengths, there’s no need for long drawn out re-framing. The name alone is the reset.

• Remain open. Flexible. Decide you no longer need to be right. You often will be, but less than you think you are. Let that be o.k. Live with uncertainty. Uncertainty is attractive and appealing. Rigid ‘knowing’, is not. In the very moment your idea is challenged, remain curious. Three words reveal your strength more than you know - as you’re being attacked, judged, criticized, sit back and say, “Tell me more”. Welcome the opposite. Not to challenge. Not necessarily to agree. But to witness - and, if you’re lucky, maybe to grow.

• Be mindful of overall health. Well-rested, well-fed, well-hydrated, with pressure and stress managed - you’re far less likely to ‘over’-respond. You know this.

• Know what you value. It’s fine to own the most beautiful piece of leather, the finest piece of jewelry, the most stunning home or outstanding outfit, and the most perfect self - but if these things are yours to make you more, they will also make you more vulnerable - to threat. Have them for their usefulness, their beauty, their comfort - they are things made for your pleasure, they are not self-worth.

• See others as less threatening. They have their own struggles. (This, above all, I have learned - no one, not anyone, is without struggle.)

• Understand and work to accept the threat of loss. It’s inevitable. When it happens, you don’t have to know the ‘how’ to take your next weakened step. There is no roadmap. Every journey is unique. You will stumble and grieve in your own way. And, you’ll find your way. You will.

wisdom note

Imagine for a moment the threats faced by early man - some for the first time. Without guides, books of caution, or classes for preparation, he relied upon exquisitely wired threat-detectors for survival. And, he or she did well, very well, making it possible for you to be here reading these words on something called ‘a device’.

Status, belonging, and approval weren’t luxuries for our ancestors, they were essential for survival. Threat of exclusion is not at all new, it’s ancient, something that could mean death. In today’s culture we’ve expanded what counts as threat to include our net worth, our shape, our productivity, our children’s achievements, where we live, what we wear and the car we drive.

The biology is still in place, the psychology a little fragile. As the amygdala has no opinion as to what constitutes threat, it will, in a matter of seconds allow us to feel as much fear facing someone’s negative opinion as our ancestors felt standing in front of a predator.

And, volume matters. Our ancestors interacted with groups of about 150. We’re interacting in person or electronically with millions, some known, many not. Lots of opportunities for messages telling us we’re not quite right, fueling frantic comparing, leaving us wondering if we’ll ever be enough.

Will you consider the importance of your most deeply held values and orient your life in their direction, giving them your attention and most accurate measure of importance? What we all need is courage - courage to say “no” to what today’s culture insists is worthwhile, leaving space to freely choose whatever it is that nourishes our best life.

into the field

As with every in-office session, if you leave with one idea that awakens your spirit, encourages your outlook, or moves you one small step closer to your best possible self, the time is well spent.

• Please take one minute to send this issue of Field Notes to one person.

• I welcome your suggestions on topics you would like to see included in Field Notes - what we humans are about, how we behave, why we think the things we think, the complicated and complicating ways we see life, others, and ourselves. I’ll do my best to explore what you’re wondering about.

• For a moment of calm, please visit my website - nature captured and ideas considered while walking in England, New England, and America’s South.

  to the website

nature note

Go well into the fields…

Warmest wishes, Austen

“I think, at a child’s birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Hello, and welcome to the first edition of Field Notes!

Let me introduce you to the idea, the plan, and the hopes for this exciting project.

Rather than Field Notes being about Nature, more accurately I would say it’s supported by Nature, as companion and faithful friend, ready to supply the solace and inspiration I count on to help me sort through life. In what feels like a strained, fast-moving, complicated and noisy world, I sincerely hope time spent with Field Notes will do the same for you.

Drawing upon a bit of psychology, a smattering of science, and the experience of thousands of clinical hours, what’s written is meant to encourage you to trust what you already know, see the good you already have, and with that as starting point, continue to move in the direction of possibilities yet to come. I’ll share what I’ve learned with an open mind and passion for discovery, while encouraging you to make the very best use of this life of gathering. No matter age, status, gender or coins in your pocket, don’t stop yet.

And, I thank you because encouraging you will encourage me to work on my own quiet life redesign. In September, filled with equal parts uncertainty and excitement, my Labrador and I will board a plane carrying a camera, boots, and two raincoats, ready to try on a different life. In the land of my father and his many fathers before him, England is a place where I hear the heart of the fields. And, Field Notes is the place where I’ll encourage you to free yourself from the weight of self-doubt and judgment, seeing and realizing the unfinished, beautiful, fully alive, glowing work in progress that is you. And, wouldn’t you be bored if there was no progress to be made!?

As with the heart and beginning of all things new, this first letter takes us on an exploration. Sometimes trait, sometimes state, curiosity is the desire to know that moves us from the unknown to the known - may your mind - as with all things in nature - be awakened beautifully, then rested, refreshed, and readied for more.

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On Curiosity -

How wondering keeps the body and mind alive - better and longer -

Curiosity at play

Fall 2025 - captured on a leg of the Appalachian Trail, beside the Housatonic River as it moves gently through the tiny hamlet of Falls Village, Connecticut. After hundreds of walks over the same bank, it’s impossible not to be amazed with all that’s familiar, and never the same - day-by-day, season-by-season.

The dark spot in the distance is my lab, Willoughby. Always seeking and wondering and eager to discover, she gives me no choice but to be in the now - and, when you pay attention, you’ll see - no two walks are alike.

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Curiosity - what is it? why is it us? how does it work? what might it do for your life?

There’s something delightful about curiosity. It’s light and alive and carries a feeling that rises up from a place deep inside, reminding you that as long as you remain unsatisfied - and willing to tolerate a bit of unease in the gap between what you know, and what you don’t - you’re still growing. In places unfamiliar we’re naturally more attentive to sights and sounds, but even sitting at home in a favourite chair, finding a piece of information you’d never known before, you hear whisperings with lots of “wows!” and “look at this!”, and “isn’t this fascinating!”. Lucky for us, unlike other primates, humans are gifted with the capacity to enjoy child-like curiosity for a lifetime.

I count myself among the curious, constantly wondering, jotting reminders of things that pop into my mind and must be looked into. I keep a sticky pad in the console of my car, an 8 1/2” x 11” pad on my desk, and when I’m walking my dog, the audio tools on my phone make sure nothing is missed or forgotten. This is curiosity - dots connecting, one thing leading to another - then another.

I wouldn’t have it any other way. This ‘drive to find’ is a kind of vitality leading us in the direction of things both novel and meaningful. No doubt it can also lead to exhaustion, and when it does, I ask my mind for quiet intermission - no wondering, just being.

So, here in this first letter, I’m curious about curiosity. Why is it? Does it change as we change? Surely it must have some evolutionary connection, in a way purposeful, supporting survival, as do most elements of human desire like sleep, eating, sex, and falling in love - not necessarily in that order.

This is where curiosity took me - here’s a sample of what was learned:

• Curiosity gets us moving - the engine of exploration - leaving the cave or opening the door, we set out to find the resources we need for survival (and joyful living) - food, a mate, information, money, products, or almost anything steeped in questions and considering.

• Those times of discovery and spontaneous “wows”, are likely signalling the release of the chemical dopamine as it reinforces the seeking. It’s thought of as the ‘feel good’ transmitter responsible for the excitement or satisfaction running through all of you when you find the perfect gift, or pull together the answer to a pressing dilemma following hours or days of uncertainty.

• Your cave-dwelling ancestors had no self-help books outlining the value of curiosity - dopamine did the job - as it does today. It’s Nature’s way of making sure you’ll search - and, search again - and keep on searching for millions of years. The species survives.

• Because pleasurable feelings reinforce behaviour - you won’t hang around waiting for the bison to come to you. The desire for a repeat of good feelings will ignite the approach and curiosity will encourage more and more creative ways to secure the resource. Far more than, “I’m hungry. I have to find the meat.”, this is a search filled with the unanswered leading to greater and greater mastery (sustained by that ‘feel good’ transmitter) - ‘where will I find it?”, “what are its habits?”, “what’s the best way to win the battle?” Combining the biology of hunger with pleasant feelings, with challenge met and overcome (curiosity > mastery), you try and try again. The species survives.

• That childlike curiosity we’re capable of having (more or less) for life, has kept us on the move across the globe, making paths and trails, seeking, wanting, asking and finding: ‘Are there better and more abundant resources over the hill?’ - the climb begins and over you go. Again, the species survives.

• Continuing to read (seek), I was reminded that for early man, while the benefits of curiosity were many, so were the costs with man vs beast encounters raising the risk of death. In some ways, the slightly less curious were better off. Reading this, my curiosity was triggered - “What about now?”. Surely, that can’t apply today when information is coming at us faster than the speed of light - faster than a wild bear. “Isn’t it better to know?”

• And - yes - things have changed over these many millions of years (adaptation at work), it’s all opposite - or, as the literature says, “flipped over”. Less curiosity means added risk and possibly shorter life, while a strong dose of curiosity (the search for information instead of the wild animal), is associated with an extended ‘healthspan’ and longevity.

  Apparently, heightened curiosity helps us not only cope with the challenges inherent in aging, but health outcomes are measurably better with lower rates of disease (e.g., hypertension and diabetes).

• Something I was thrilled to learn - the more curious you are, the healthier and more ‘plastic’ your brain will be, with dopamine aiding in the formation of new neural connections. The curious mind becomes and remains more resilient to age-related decline.

• And, something else - both interesting and reassuring - as we age, when it comes to curiosity, our brains shift from a wide-open, “scattergun” approach to one more focused. Not a sign of loss of function, but more an exchange as we move from reliance on “Trait”(baseline), to “State” curiosity. Rather than lots of curiosity about lots of things, we experience an increased and deeper interest in specific, more meaningful topics. We tend to ‘dig deeper’ with pleasure (dopamine), reinforcing the journey into more knowing.

  I say reassuring because I often hear clients express concerns regarding loss of interest in at least some things…seeing the loss as a sign of either deficiency(decline), or depression.

  Sometimes it is depression, sometimes it is decline, but it’s most commonly about becoming more discriminating with age - this is ‘specificity’, in part a result of awareness of time (less to waste), resulting in a preference for quality over quantity, whether for things or people. Having come to an understanding of what matters most, meaning becomes more important - contrary to the idea that we all become more similar, with time we grow more unique and ‘individualized’.*

  *(being thought of as more ‘similar’ or ‘generic’ often reflects the influence of societal stereotyping that may or may not be internalized person-to-person - “all old people are alike”)

field practice

I’ve had the pleasure of working with many curious people (curiosity the reason they’re in my office in the first place), still, there have been more than a few clients who’ve described themselves as, “not the curious type”. Case settled.

“What does that mean?”, I wonder. Might the answer lie in perception - not ‘seeing’ oneself as curious based on interpretation of what it means to be curious?

“What do you mean…”, I ask, “…can you tell me more?” I sense a polite push-back - a look in the eye combined with tone suggesting an absolute ‘self’ certainty - they’re not that, and sure of it. The stronger their certainty, the greater my curiosity. What makes someone so sure and even if they are sure, do they like seeing themselves this way?

No matter what it’s about - “I’m a couch potato”, “I’m not the marrying type”, “I have no sense of money” - seeing ourselves in one light for a good part of a lifetime, then having that view challenged, can be unsettling. Useful or not, we’re comfortable with the person we think we are, and experimenting with a new way of seeing means leaving someone or something behind. A change in self view might go so far as to abandoning the bond between ourselves and a beloved parent whose messaging about who and what we are was trusted and internalized when we were five.

It turns out, “I’m not the curious type”, is a common and mismatched conclusion - a misinterpretation of the word and how to apply it - a self-bias that ‘feels’ real, but may not be true. In this way of thinking, to be a legitimately curious person requires elevated and intellectually driven interests often aligned with some, ‘big purpose’. What does match is the way the ‘not curious’ tell me their interests are “nothing special”, “no big deal”. The translation might be - not always - “I don’t measure up”.

Once we grant ourselves permission to like what we like and stop comparing ourselves to everyone else, when we see that what we’re curious about doesn’t matter, but being curious does - no matter the topic - from auto mechanics to the life of insects, from how to grow the best tomatoes to keeping your skin aglow as you age - then we can relax. We can be who we are, accepting that our likes and dislikes are as important as anyone else’s - as important as they need to be. Curiosity is never limited to the “what” - whether state or trait, it’s the wanting to know something about something, and, we all want to know something.

Whatever it is that peaks your interests, wondering is life-giving, not only increasing a sense of fulfillment, but improving and sustaining good health. If you think you might benefit from awakening your curiosity…

• move outside of what’s comfortable - learn something requiring new skills. Yes, it’s great to read your favourite newspaper, but even though what’s reported is different day-to-day, the routine isn’t…there’s not a whole lot of brain exercise happening. Choose a book you find challenging, whether by topic or style…the less familiar, the better. The effort needed to understand the new is a form of brain activity helping you to sprout young neurons.

• swap (some) social activities for something creative - photography, hand made birdhouses, calligraphy, learn to paint using water colors, take a memoir writing class. Rather than repeating the same type of puzzle or mind game every day, a new-to-you creative pursuit will improve memory more effectively.

• use curiosity as a method for self-regulation. When someone approaches you in a combative or argumentative way, turn your anger or frustration into curiosity. It’s a powerful tool helping you control not only your emotions, but the tenor of the exchange itself…

• ”what’s going on here?”, you ask yourself.

• ”can you tell me more?”, you ask the other person.

  As you invite the person to help you understand(while acknowledging their point of view), you avoid the need to defend against attack, you take back control and you feel your body relax. I promise you, if you defend - the ‘attacker’ will find more to attack you about - what you end up with is a ‘back and forth’ heading into a circular escalation impossible to exit.

Whatever it is you pursue to keep curiosity alive and growing, let it be with something not too familiar (easy), and not too hard (stressful). Something in between that feels good when you do it, and even better when the outcome is mastery.

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wisdom note

As with all in nature, we can be certain of change in the form of endings and renewal - permanence never promised or achieved. We fear change and long for stability but it’s in times of change we’re often most energized- the instinct to go on takes over, turning fear into curiosity. “How will I do this, fix this, make this better, overcome my doubt?”. “How will I survive?”.

Curiosity is the gift that moves us from cold to warm, darkness to light, sorrow to joy, loss to expansion. And, how surprised we are as we see ourselves changed - more resilient, insightful, compassionate, and wise.

into the field

I said Field Notes would be a “skimmable” letter. I’ve not kept my word. I’ll try harder with the next edition, but, for even a basic understanding of curiosity, there’s much to know. I hope what’s included here will encourage you to remain open to the search - take the walk on the path never tried, be open to the opposite or different - for a mind alive, a body well and a spirit that has no age - never stop wondering.

Three things -

• Please take one minute to send this issue of Field Notes to one person

• Please send in suggestions and ideas about topics you’d like to see included in Field Notes - anything about what it is to know and feel and do - the way we behave, the feelings we feel and the complicated and complicating ways we see life, others and ourselves. I’ll do my best to explore what you’re wondering about, right here in Field Notes

• And, for a moment of calm, please visit my new Squarespace website with words considered and photos captured on walks in the countryside - thank you from my heart!

  Visit My Website

  Go well into the Fields!

  Austen…

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