There is a superstition roaming around that a broken mirror means seven years of bad luck. It was the first thing that popped up when I googled the meaning of a broken mirror. Intuitively I received the message don’t fall for superstition, look deeper within. When something breaks it often signifies an ending and a karmic cycle completing. Maybe it is not a bad omen, but an invitation to see myself differently.

I have been looking at myself through a broken mirror. The realization came that I was never broken to begin with. After getting hurt and feeling criticized in my childhood I made it mean I was broken. I have carried this belief into my adult relationships. Each time I felt rejected, abandoned or hurt it reinforced the belief that there is something wrong with me. This unconscious process became a record on repeat. As a reaction I began to hide and wear a mask.

I became a shapeshifter changing form to appease, fit in and feel accepted by others. Throughout the years I transitioned from a buzzing social life to spending more time in solitude. In the creative process I found my inner voice and vision. As I became my own best friend, I realized I didn’t feel seen and accepted by others because I was hiding my true self. Then it was time to come out of my cocoon and cultivate authentic relationships. A therapist recommended mirror work to me so I could see my own beauty. She noticed how easily my inner critic can take over my mind. I couldn’t see myself clearly.

A few weeks earlier, I received an assignment from my art teacher to make a self-portrait with charcoal on tinted paper. I wasn’t allowed to use a photograph. I needed to make the portrait based on what I saw in the mirror. Making a portrait invited me to trust, listen and see with presence and patience. The charcoal invited me to let go of my perfectionism and free my expression. I noticed the shape of my face and a shadow moving diagonally across my neck. When I looked beneath the surface, I saw my hair moving with the wind. My neck ended in a v-shape that began to look like wings. This inspired me to draw a raven.

The raven is a shapeshifter who can travel between the seen and unseen realms. The Irish triple goddess Morrigan is associated with the raven and the power of prophecy. Tales were told that the warrior goddess flew over the battlefield in the form of a raven. As an oracle she foretells the outcome of battles and the fate of warriors. Through her connection with the land and its rulers she is strongly associated with sovereignty. As I move through a rite of passage from maiden- to womanhood, the goddess invites me to choose intuition over logic.

Seers exist cross culturally and often spend long periods in solitude to bring back wisdom, prophesies and even warnings. I remember a wise woman giving me a note of appreciation after spending a week together at a retreat. The phrase that continued to stay with me was “The one who sees everything is not often seen.” Her words described the struggle of the seer. The one who witnesses the depth in others but is often judged for being different. This quality often goes hand in hand with being a deep listener.

The path of the seer is not for the faint hearted. It requires overcoming hardships, going within to heal old wounds and facing deep rooted fears. The deeper we go within, the more deeply we can meet others. One of the greatest blessings in my life is having learned from elders who truly see me. They look beyond the facade into my heart. A sensitive and wild beating heart that struggles to find belonging. The seers I met along my way inspired me to love and accept my weirdness.

This morning, I looked into the mirror and saw the weaver of my own destiny. The power to create resides in my hands and the decisions I make shape my path. My heart has guided me to faraway lands to find lost pieces of who I am. A week ago, I landed in Uruguay to embark on a new adventure. My daily walks by the ocean helped me love myself more deeply and trust my heart’s wisdom as I navigate great change. No longer afraid to fail or make mistakes, I trust my inner guidance.

In September, I will open up three spaces for 1:1 online coaching sessions with me. Through a series of three sessions, we will focus on releasing fears and old patterns so you can embody change, trust your heart’s wisdom and embrace your creativity. If you would like to book an exploration call or receive more information, just send an email to sanne@creativefire.nl

Even though the phoenix and firebird are depicted similarly their origin and meaning differ. As I described earlier the phoenix rises from the ashes and symbolizes the cycle of death and rebirth. The firebird on the other hand does not resurrect, but is hunted for its magnificence and immortality. The large bird has feathers made of flames and gold illuminating the darkness. In Slavic lore, the firebird has a dual nature of bringing blessings and troubles. The quest of capturing the firebird is a difficult journey filled with challenges.

I have received a feather of inspiration. My creativity was sparked after attending a storytelling evening with Jimmy Nelson at the Bookstor in the center of The Hague. He shared how his early life experiences shaped him to become a photographer and travel to rarely visited indigenous communities. Through his spontaneous way of being, humility and patience he builds trust with people from all around the world. When a circle of people gathers around a natural storyteller, something magical happens. We begin to exist within the story and a spark of imagination awakens within each of us.

At one point he asked if we had seen the movie Forrest Gump. The majority of people nodded their heads. He brought us back to the beginning of the movie. A small white feather floats through the sky over the city. Eventually the small feather lands at Forrest’s feet. He picks up the feather and places it in his favorite book. Through the film he carries the book with him wherever he goes.

Forrest lived by the advice he received from his mother “Life is a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get.” Remembering the scene makes me question: what is chance and what is destiny? At the end of the movie Forrest opens the book again after sending his son to his first day of school. The feather is set free to be carried by the wind and the story comes full circle.

The symbolism of the feather stayed with me. At the end of the event, I spoke to the owner of the boot store across the street. This is where I bought my first pair of high black boots adorned with roses. She recognized me and we had a little chat. Jimmy reminded us that great stories don’t have to come from faraway places and wild adventures. We can find great novelty close to home. This inspired me to share a recent meaningful encounter on my way back home.

Three months ago, I was sitting in the bus and a teenage girl walked towards me. She told me with the sweetest smile and a sparkle of joy in her eyes “I want you to know I love everything about the way you look. Your boots, colourful coat, all the patterns, just everything you are wearing is amazing. It is so inspiring to me!” Her enthusiasm made me smile and it touched me deeply.

My first thought was: this girl is so brave, to walk towards a complete stranger and give her a big compliment. This moment definitely disproves the Gen-Z theory that all of them get lost in their phones. For a moment, I reconnected with my younger self and suddenly it hit me. I made myself proud. Not through achievement, but simply because I have the bravery to express myself. And without knowing it, I inspire others.

My generation has been conditioned to believe that success, value and worth are found in impressive achievements, material riches and degrees. A sudden moment of insight made me realize that what makes me a writer is noticing the small things in life. It’s what you see and pay attention to that matters. What we give our attention to grows. I discovered my uniqueness doesn’t make me special. We are all unquestionably unique. When we are brave enough to express our uniqueness, we attract people who love and appreciate us for who we are.

In a time of trolls, haters, critics, constant comparison and naysayers it is revolutionary to mirror another’s beauty and celebrate the people who inspire you. Remember, a small act of kindness can change the choices someone makes. The teenage girl sparked a fire of spontaneity in me. Life works in magical ways. Every time I began to doubt myself, a messenger was sent my way. Reflecting on my writing reminds me that we are all messengers that can make someone’s day.

When I came back home I experienced a clear moment of insight ‘Firebird Feathers.’ I have found the name for my new publication. I looked around and smiled as I noticed the various feathers I collected over the years. Through my whimsical nature, I collect stories wherever I go.

Last Whit Sunday, I came together with other creatives in a lovely art studio called De Kust (translation: The Coast). A peaceful and nurturing place that allows me to delve deep into the creative process. I dedicated the whole day to work on an illustration. I felt inspired to draw a phoenix. First I used a picture of a heron as a reference. Then I began to draw more freely as the bird moved through a mythical transformation.

Art always invites me to reflect on my own transformation. I find myself in the midst of a big transition in life. I have decided to leave my home city, The Hague in the Netherlands to travel to South America. This is a big leap of faith that invites me to trust myself as I move into the unknown.

The space in between chapters brings up fears, unhealed wounds and self-doubt. It’s the dark night of the soul before dawn. I noticed it can be tempting to cling to the old, but I have found myself at a turning point where I can no longer deny my true calling.

In the afternoon, a couple arrived. A man gifted his wife the experience of having a full day to create and feel inspired by other creators. She shared she was moving through a transition in her career that brought up deep rooted fears. It was time to let go of her role as a school teacher and trust her intuition to follow a more creative pursuit. After the lunch we moved back to the atelier and she noticed I was drawing a phoenix. She turned around and pointed to her phoenix tattoo on her upper arm. I responded by pointing to the phoenix tattoo on my right calf.

Again I was reminded of the deeper meaning of the mythical bird. A symbol that has guided me through the most challenging yet powerful phases of transformation. It clearly wasn’t a coincidence we sat next to each other. We both found ourselves at a crossroads, an old way of being no longer works, but the new is yet to emerge. We can wait for clarity indefinitely or accept uncertainty as a part of change. More often than not taking a risk is what brings the change we have been longing for in motion.

The phoenix reminds me that what I have outgrown must be released before the new can emerge. In my drawing I noticed a big empty space underneath the phoenix. I felt inspired to draw a sun that transformed into a sunflower. Then I was reminded of how the sunflower lets go of its petals once it’s fully grown and leaves behind the seeds.

Nature reminds me the process of transformation is cyclical. The ending of a chapter carries the seeds of a new beginning. After a period of blossoming the flower is destined to decay and return to the soil. The essence of the flower is contained in the seeds that hold promises of new life.

When we travel back to ancient times, we can find different stories about a mythical bird associated with the sun. Where did the myth of the Phoenix come from? The true origin of the myth remains uncertain, but for today I want to share the story of Bennu with you that inspired my drawing.

In Egyptian mythology, the Bennu bird had an important role in the creation of the world and tells the story of the first dawn. The bird was depicted like a heron flying over the waters of chaos. When Bennu landed on a rock, he opened its beak and its cry echoed far and wide over the water. The cry was an important call to creation which ‘determined what is and is not to be.’

The firebird was born at Heliopolis “City of the Sun” in ancient Egypt. Bennu created itself from a fire at the top of the Persea Tree, a symbol of eternal life and divine knowledge. In ancient texts, Bennu is mentioned as “the Heart-Soul of Ra” who enters the underworld at night to return at dawn. The setting and rising of the sun symbolises the cycle of death and rebirth. After darkness Bennu rises to bring light to the world.

I take another look at the sunflower. The sun rises and sets each day, flowers bloom and decay. The process of transformation invites us to let go of our attachments to identities, people and places. If life gives you a blank canvas; what would you create? What is the most radiant future your heart can hold? Imagination invites us to move beyond our current limitations to create something new.

The myth of the phoenix spirals back into my life for a reason. A major life change invites me to let go of an old way of thinking rooted in fear. I am finally ready to step out of my own way. I was given a lesson. Let go of the baggage of the past and travel lightly. You won’t miss what you have outgrown. The more you are ready to release, the higher you will rise.

This is only the beginning of Firebird Feathers. Stay tuned for more tales filled with depth and meaning. I am looking forward to sharing my creative journey with you!

Every new and full moon, a tale of magic and meaning, accompanied by original artwork.

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