So many things are in motion as I lean into this little pivot and pause. I have started coursework in nutrition to scratch my itch on food systems and I absolutely love it.

I am revisiting an ecosystem of resources and ideas I started prior to 2019, and dusting some of them off to bring them to life. I am reawakening my Patreon and supporting the ecosystem by intersecting all of the things I do and enjoy together.

I would love it if you shared about it with one person you think could use the support and if you joined (or re-join) for plenty of fall into winter fun together. One thing I love about small spaces is that they start out very small and intimate, and I hope to continue to cultivate that feeling in this space.

What’s new in my world?

Money

I canceled all of our streaming services at home and recurring subscriptions because I was continually losing track of where I was watching what. I also grew up in an era where subscribing to multiple channels and, I could not afford it anymore.

Since earlier this spring, money has been much tighter than usual. We had a very steady number of trips to tour colleges and for anthropology conferences and for study abroad, and this has depleted me far beyond the usual levels of comfort.

Studies

I have officially completed all my graduation requirements for my Bachelor of Science in Anthropology. Part of the importance of learning is a pause, so I am leaning into a gentle gap year to clarify the language of my why to grad programs and to have some capacity to pursue and learn what feels alive for me right now.

Food

Summer invites the most beautiful assortment of colors which can be arranged on your plate in simple and delicious meals. Living in California offers me and my daughter access to the abundance of simple, fresh, summer meals. I have been deeply enjoying a high protein caprese esque salad I had during my time in Central Italy on repeat.

One thing I love about the transition into fall is the colors of the trees. Deciduous trees drop their leaves with plans to hibernate and emerge anew.

Some was you can support me:

Subscribe to my YouTube channel. This helps boost my visibility to people who will connect with what I am doing.

Become a member of my Patreon. There is now a free option to be a member without paying a cent. When people see subscription numbers, this signals to others that I am worth paying attention to, and I’d love to reach more people with my words, thoughts, and ideas as I expand into truly being seen for the first time ever.

There has been a lot of change and renewal as that is what is meaningful on my long and windy path. It’s taken some time to build up the muscle to be seen in the public eye and, to decide on the best space. I love Substack for these deep dispatches and have been spending more time on LinkedIn too as I seek out aligned work.

There is no shame in wanting to be an influencer. Many of us are doing it in our own way. I am building a community, and I am so grateful to connect with others who wish to share this beautiful life with me.

Thank you for being here for the journey,

S

My last day in Italy feels like an analogy for life. I thought it might be exciting to have gelato as my final meal, and the final feeling was surprisingly underwhelmed. Try eating something for more than thirty days straight and see if it is still your favorite. Maybe, it fades into a similar shade of grey as things in life can do, collecting dust in the background.

This trip tested me, my wit, and my community as it was one of my scrappiest adventures yet and I learned so much about myself while being abroad. Being immersed in a space and a culture that truly sees me for who I am has left me with a feeling of fullness-one that is hard to replicate with usual indulgences. I have changed inside, and I am stronger for what I have endured and how much I have had to figure out and release on the fly. I am thankful for those who continue to lift me up as I try to juggle the life of an artist, writer, mother, business owner, and student. Sometimes, the failures pile in threes and yet I persist.

In Central Italy, I experienced losses, and beautiful new additions, along with further igniting my gentle interest in antique architecture. I made decisions on letting things go that were not serving my growth or development, and I leave with a new friend group that has embraced me in a way that I look forward to for many years to come.

My hotel which I write you from now, was to be the convenient point to the airport, and I have since discovered they are doing work on my metro line stop so I’ll need to wake up early to see if I can hail a taxi. It has definitely further complicated the plan, and changes continue to test how flexible I truly am.

If I take one thing away from air travel this summer, it will be that booking super economy is not the way as they make you pay $170 to check your bags on each leg, which is absurd. I am looking forward to being still for a while as the past year has been a big moment of making professional connections and expanding fully into my career as a teacher and artist. A journal is returning home, filled with ideas and memories, and a book is in motion with the wind of words and reflections that only uncovered while speaking a language that my tongue adores.

The world keeps moving in a direction that feels less familiar, and I commit to remaining hopeful for the future that is approaching with the fervor of a late summer in Roma. It seems a new door is opening so I think I’ll see what’s inside.

A doppo,

Serah

.

.

.

Written under a Leo sun and an Aries moon feeling hot, hot hot.

Viterbo, Italy

The train platform is beneath my feet and all I can think of is gelato

Sweet, sweet, delectable, lickable gelato

Odd napkins made out of some material I don’t understand

Accidentally adding toppings I don’t want because my comprehension sometimes wanes after nine

I do

I slow down

And I do some more

Thinking of gelato

.

.

.

Written under a new moon in Cancer

Happy Juneteenth. Today is an interesting day, as it is a holiday many don’t know about. Growing up, Juneteenth was not considered a holiday, and just like Kwanzaa, many I knew did not grow up celebrating it. Thankfully, with the winds of academia behind me, I am learning more about the seemingly ordinary occurrences that happen in our day to day life and Juneteenth is nothing but ordinary.

Lately, I have been simmering on how it must have felt for Black men to serve the country, finish their service, and not be able to collect the same benefits as white men.

Something that stood out to me in the emancipation proclamation is the concept of idling. This excerpt is what my amazing professor pointed out so I am not going to take credit for discovering it. I do however have a thought which is how Black men tend to loiter on corners at liquor stores sometimes. We of course do not need to limit this thought to one group of people, but, could this be a resistance or an expression of freedom and rebellion and not just aimlessness? Could it be connected to the history here which states:

"The people of Texas are informed that, in accordance with a proclamation from the Executive of the United States, all slaves are free. This involves an absolute equality of personal rights and rights of property between former masters and slaves, and the connection heretofore existing between them becomes that between employer and hired labor. The freedmen are advised to remain quietly at their present homes and work for wages. They are informed that they will not be allowed to collect at military posts and that they will not be supported in idleness either there or elsewhere."

I have not done any research here but I do find it curious.

Today, I celebrate Juneteenth because I have the opportunity to rest under a roof with my daughter knowing that we both can look forward to incredible opportunities in our future. Today, I light a candle for my ancestors who lacked the ability to choose when to rest, and who were forcibly removed from their homes, packed up onto ships, and inhumanely brought over to work for free. Today, I release any idea that I am not capable, that I am half of anything, and thank goodness, I have learned when someone tries to corner me into their own biases, there is no reason I need to explain the validity of why I am in spaces and trip over clarifying why I feel so free.

Thank goodness I have arrived here to offer some good, thank goodness I love myself despite the trials and tribulations that slow me down, thank goodness I don’t feel the need to correct everyone who says something racist to me. Thank goodness I love being me.

Happy Juneteenth,

.

.

.

Written under a Gemini sun and a Virgo moon, feeling ready for my hot summer garden.

Things I am loving right now:

Michelle Obama speaking on the Obama Center

Floetry’s Tiny Desk

-Preparing for study abroad

-Olive Oil cakes on repeat

My GoFundMe is still open and still welcome to contributions if you want to pass it along, share it, or make a donation:

link to learn more

I am grateful as always for the generosity and kindness that lifts me up as I wrap up my time in academia and go out with a bang for my undergrad degree with a study abroad experience. Earlier this spring, I received the honor of Distinguished Student in Anthropology which felt so impactful. Thank you for your support.

Here is a really good video to learn more about Juneteenth:

Interesting throughout time we have been through humanitarian crisis after humanitarian crisis and still, it seems to be easier to focus on what is happening abroad than within our own communities.

Today, I acknowledge my friend who lost his life through a random act of racism in El Sobrante, California. I remember his desire to get out, and move ahead in life, and how he was stopped by a deep hatred for his existence. When will it end?

‘Without no past you have no future’ -Henry Louis Gates Jr.

This is interesting as it briefly touches on the invalidation of oral storytelling communities and cultures.

Do you have anything to add? Please share it in the comments. I’d love to learn more and welcome corrections from credible sources.

Today is my birthday and it’s a bit odd. I have been in this intense pressure cycle of stress and overwhelm and so much happening so fast. I am behind on everything and my list keeps growing. Maybe the list is too big for my capacity in this moment of existence. Maybe I need to stop thinking about things I can not control. I spent some time looking at the voting polls in our county, and feel pretty disheartened with our young people for not voting. Instead of moping about it, I think it’s time to make a change.

Today, I had planned to be hiking east, and the weather had other plans which has kept me close to home. Thankfully, my adaptability has me in a mood where I can pivot, albeit with a bit of sadness attached to not being able to explore a new trail.

My usual tact is somewhere adjacent as my dream world has been full of premonitions, and very intense moments of processing. I am in a cocoon of processing, feeling overwhelmed with the pace and comfort society is having with bringing a planet to it’s knees.

The hope that I have feels false in some sort of way, and tricky to hold onto, and regardless I am going to continue to hold onto it. With this, I need to land, and speak simply, just sharing what feels alive for me right now.

The other day I pulled off to a safe spot off the highway to admire a beautiful flower in bloom I had never seen before. The other day it was beautiful.

My daughter is preparing for her transition to college, and this final moment feels like a reset where your piece in the board game is sent back to start. I am surprised that the transitional moment of finishing school and finding a career did not skip me and, I am trying to pursue a career as a writer. It’s not the simplest transition as a single parent with many obligations.

I made a really delicious peach cobbler the other day. I highly recommend cobbler making this season. It’s easy and comforting and warm, things we could use right now.

The low moments, paired with the highs remind me that being human is really hard sometimes. Sometimes we can’t see or understand why things are happening to us in the way they are, but it all is a part of some shaping of who you are becoming.

I feel like I am in the messiest middle right now, the middle of a life that has been well lived. Every branch explored, climbed, every fruit tasted. Yet my taste buds have changed and I am learning about which tree I want to explore next.

Everything has been tugging on me all at once with urgency, and I feel one step away from drowning. What lifts me up is that I know there are people behind me encouraging me, seeing me clearly, and sending their love and light my way. It keeps me sane. The many layers of mourning which I am experiencing may just be moments of integration, that I can allow in with stillness, care, and respect for the human I am becoming.

.

.

.

Written under a Gemini sun and an Aries moon feeling the energy gently rising.

Here are some really impactful things that have brought me joy as of late::

Toni Morrison 1988 Interview-Mavis on Four

Films::

Going in Style

The Answer Man

Spread the joy y’all.

An ask:

I am in a moment of limbo as I prepare for study-abroad. A dear friend saw I was struggling and suggested I create a Go Fund Me page. Despite my apprehension around asking for help, I did and I wanted to share it so you are aware. If you have capacity to donate, or pass it along, that would be wonderful.

It is tiered, so as we reach one goal, another one is created. My hope is to have some space to focus on writing while at study abroad, and honestly, it’s felt pretty bleak.

Here is the link: https://gofund.me/4b77c59a4

Thank you for being here,

Serah

I’ve dealt with my fair share of chaotic Gemini men. When Donald Trump was re-elected, I chose to hunker down on safety the only way I knew how-in the garden. At the very least if everything went south, I could find comfort in knowing that I have my own food in my backyard, clean and free from pesticides and other harmful toxins.

When my deep desire for comfort and security was thwarted by my overbearing and controlling landlord, my sense of safety and belonging crumbled with it. Without food in the yard, the backyard where I envisioned hügelkultur, and greenhouses filled with cucumbers and squash, trellises of sweet peas and a nervine tea herb bed, then how could I feel safe?

What my landlord tried to reinforce is how a young Black single mother could not feel safe in her own home, I doubled down on my boundaries as she continued to cross and disrespect them time and time again. The birds that flew by would jump startle me, and I peeked out my window when yet again, another contractor would be in my backyard unannounced.

The blurred boundaries of what was mine and what was hers was muddied, and in her actions, she showed me that she did not actually believe that me and my child were worthy of a comfortable place to live.

I hope everyone can feel safe in their home, and it is not a matter of deserving or not. I find deserving to be a very white framework, and a safe home is something that should be a possibility, to be visioned and moved towards at a point in everyone’s life.

Equally, I am aware of the privilege of having vision, and being able to see what is possible. This afternoon, as I watered my garden taking inventory of the beautiful purple broccoli I missed cooking that has bolted, and simmering on what I would prepare to eat later to use my dark leafy greens, I realize the importance of having something to call your own.

I enjoyed the delight of my first albion strawberry of the season, and felt into my deep reverence for the sweetness and solace available in home grown fruit. I push even more intentionally towards a path that has me including time and space for my creative energy, slowly heading towards writing and whatever I wish to create.

As the yang energy awakens, I turn my focus outwards-towards hope and what is possible. As temperatures start to climb and I meet spring with open arms, I am yearning for a nice cool dip in a glacial lake and some late spring foraging for herbs that are only at their peak for a brief moment each year. Things bloom and then die, and sometimes they bloom again. This is the way of life.

I wonder what will come back to life this spring.

I wonder what I will leave behind.

In a moment of reflection and immense pressure as I wrap up my final, very full semester at uni, I publicly archive a poem of a space I was in, and thankfully no longer reside in. A space where I felt harm of a power dynamic where my words were not heard, my boundaries were disrespected, and self-reflection from the other party felt seemingly non-existent.

This week, we have a full moon in Scorpio that will offer excavation as deep and as intense as you are willing to go. As I will be in motion, I simmer on how I can integrate the energy of the moon with my thoughts, feelings, and let whatever comes up evolve into an emotion that moves just like the moon moves the ocean waves.

Maybe today I’m feeling a bit poetic.

Maybe a bit whimsy.

Regardless, I’m still here, and so are you.

Sincerely, a hermetic forest woman,

.

.

.

Written under a Taurus sun and a Libra moon feeling gentle uncertainty of what’s to come.

Some moments of magic and reflections:

I wonder, what life and news culture will be like when we are no longer focusing so much energy on what is happening with our upside down politics.

I look forward to the freedom of mental space when absurdity no longer needs to be a part of daily life. Yet maybe, humans are naturally somewhat absurd.

Listening to Tems and Rema on repeat. Such a vibe:

We watched a documentary in class I really, really enjoyed, you can watch it here:

The free version may not compensate the creators, so you can chip in at Vimeo here: https://vimeo.com/ondemand/satellitedreaming

Currently reading:

I finished this wonderful book of Literary fiction called Margo’s Got Money Troubles. It was a very comforting read. Currently, I am reading Thunder Song, a book of essays by Sasha taqwšəblu LaPointe and I am looking forward to reading Lisa Olivera’s new book which is out today, titled When the Ache Remains.

Link to Lisa’s book

Link to Sasha’s book

Musings

Lately, I am exploring what each day feels like in a more contained way. If a day is not great, I know I can wake up the next day and have a better one. Time blocking for productivity, I am now trying a four on and one off method. I stack days of work onto four days and then spend one day doing fun stuff like exploring new and old trails, and watching birds. I really want to learn more about trees, and as this season of academia comes to a close, I know there will be time for that in my next season of transition, growth, and renewal.

What’s your season feeling like right now?

In Closing

I’ll leave you with a poem I wrote in 2025, which touched on my experience at my last rental. My new rental is calm and comforting, and I have had to put in some effort to ensure it remains this way. Luckily, all parties have been receptive to my direct communication style.

I appreciate that no matter what, my words have always been there for me.

.

.

.

The lucky sort

By Serah Blackstone-Fredericks

You are lucky to live in a world where trauma is just a word and not a lived experience

You are lucky to have the choice to show up unannounced on your property

You are lucky that whenever your toilet clogs with shit, no one is second guessing on it being a weekend and if truly, it is an emergency to send a plumber your way

That it can’t wait until mon-day

Oh so brilliant one with the words you clip from dictionaries to throw at me with your clever wit

Oh so wise one who has not yet learned that we millennials detest unsolicited advice

Why must I suffer at the hands of your unaware intentions

Why must I be the one to pay?

White people speak of deserving and not deserving

What did I ever do to deserve this level of treatment?

I just want a calm and peaceful home

A home that contains family and keeps comfort

But your belittling intrusiveness screams I deserve less

Harsh words aside, as of late my hopes have not been hopeful

My hopes have been quite harsh

Harsh words aside

I hope for suffering

Or at least clarity on why my ask is so strong

But my decent heart wishes the wish away for it is far too cruel

Even for someone as cruel and self-centered as you

All I ever wanted was to prepare a birthday roast

Seasonal, with apples and herbs from friends bounty for my daughter’s sixteenth

But you had to show up unannounced to spoil it all

Unannounced in my kitchen to lecture me on how I am rude and trite

Unannounced in my kitchen

I rarely prepare pork and it smells off

I am not sure why it smells that way

My hands are covered in herbs, salt, and meat juices

I want to wash my hands but you are standing in front of my sink

I feel trapped

Unannounced in my kitchen on and on you go

On how I am ungrateful you gave me a home

Unannounced in my kitchen!

On how your husband just-so-happened to forget to let me know you too were going to pop by

Scoffing at the meat I was preparing with a heinous scowl on your face you asked ‘what’s that?’

Not a grin or a grimace, just pure disgust

Unannounced in my kitchen!

A kitchen I am trying to build home in

Your power, towering over me

Me cowering inside in disdain

Your dominant controlling side ignited and loud

Me remaining silent as you continue to talk at me

You corner me into showing things during your stay in my kitchen

Lacking consideration of my time which I have already expressed is pressed

Me all wet, cold, and stressed from the errands run prior in the pouring rain

Rushing to make it back in time to meet your husband

Only for what I knew to be a refrigerator handle repair

Which spiraled out of control

Lacking yarrow for protection

Your unwanted barge of negative vibes

And in the back of my mind, realizing I will soon be hosting for five

The house is a mess, so much to do

And yet somehow, I am here listening to you spew

I refuse and verbalize you are not welcome and your behavior is intolerable

You corner me to agree with you and to apologize for being rude to you

I resist your belligerence

But inside I am cowering

For the tone of my messages you recommend I re-read them seven times before sending

Make sure I check my tone before sending

And all I can think of is how I have two friends whom readily read my messages before sending them to poor ol’ sensitive you

Emotionally needy, overinvolved, unbalanced–

You then reach out for an embrace I don’t want to give, but here you are standing in your kitchen

A space that is not mine

Demanding physical touch I abhor

Preventing home from ever being a possibility

Poof-–there goes the idea of a native garden, rich with the sounds of frog bellows at dusks eve

Poof—there goes the idea of hosting friends over for an early supper in the garden

Poof—there goes any possibility of a peaceful existence because for some reason, you feel that everything is done to you

Poof—there goes my daughters stability—stability I guaranteed she could expect from this home

Sixteen years and sixteen moves later

Yet somehow, you are the victim in all of this

What a luxury it is to be retired and rich

What a luxury to blame things on your oh-so-supportive and doting husband

I don’t know what that’s like

I’ve been doing it alone since 1989

You are a vile bitch see, the lying kind

You told me I could have autonomy and sovereignty over my space but you want to reign

To dominate
To decide

I should have heeded the neighbors warning

I’ve been real quiet lately, and quite frankly I have needed the quiet.

Today, in the forest with a dear friend, he asked me a question I could not shake. It was a thought on values I wish I could regurgitate here but my mind draws a blank. All I could say was “wow”, on repeat.

Lately, I have been feeling so much awe inspiring beauty, and yet, the pressure of academia pins me down like a wave keeping me under as I wonder when I’ll have my next chance for air.

It’s not overwhelm in a sense of too much, but output on output on output.

Life is fine, chugging along as it does, and March was a month that asked a lot of me, and I pivoted and showed up as life required.

Thoughts on publications arrive, and thoughts on what is being asked of me cross my realm.

I won some amazing acknowledgements, and parts of me died which won’t return.

Literary fiction has been my friend, and I take solace in my community and my journal during these trying times.

I wish I had more to say, but today, I just wanted to show up, check in, and offer a pulse check on March into April.

In April, I wonder:

What do you value?

What have you lost that will not return?

What do you want to see more of this spring?

If anybody wonders, I’m still here, still grateful, and still learning.

.

.

.

Written under an Aries sun and Capricorn moon, feeling grateful for life’s splendor.

No one’s exempt from a challenging teenager. It’s a rite of passage that comes to bless all parents and parent figures at some point. I thought I somehow skipped that and my oh my was I wrong. Teenagedom of doom comes for every parent at some point and our job is to be the stable ladder. We all must cross the fiery bridge and make it to the other side, both intact. The more I meet parents who complain about this period being or having been so hard for them, the more I realize they either don’t have enough support, or their ego is large enough to fill a grand ballroom. You need to have a lot of capacity, community, and support to make it through raising a teenager without throwing in the towel. And to those of you who inherited teenagers at the most difficult time of their lives and showed them love, and kindness, and stability—that teenager will be grateful later, whether they say it or not.

I often reflect on my sanity, and how it was smoothed over and soothed by the kindness of my dad and stepmom taking me in as a teenager. I was unwanted, and unhappy, and difficult. The benefits of my life right now are a piece of the healing and support I was offered as a teenager and again as a young, single mom. I wonder if you can even imagine starting over, right in the messiest middle, with a kid that has so many issues if you have not done it before? And not issues in the sense of problematic, but issues stemming from the pain of feeling something is missing, feeling left behind, or a lack. I absolutely could not, but I would do it, and I would try to be a stable pillar because I know how much it means when you are lost and directionless, and aimless.

I have been reflecting on what the pandemic has created with young people these days and how teenagers are now vilified. Bathroom breaks are so few and far between that kids need to hold it, and they are punished for having needs at all. Teachers are tired of kids, and kids are tired of being the bad “guy” all the time. Then they have these devices in their hands, that distract and confuse, and keep them stuck watching other people’s lives play out in real time. What a world.

The year of the fire horse is approaching and we are at a climax of energy. Horses, which as of this morning I learned used to be small animals and became larger over time have a gentle nature and, horses too have been oppressed and persecuted alongside humans. They even tell us to reign it in when we as humans are being “too much.” This is something I always think of when I see horses—that they must carry as much if not more generational trauma than many oppressed peoples because they have historically been used time and time again for human gains in war.

This brings us to our current world timeline. Everyone is concerned about a war starting, myself included but the war has already begun. It is here, and instead of it being loud, it’s been quiet, under the radar, and distracting. What has been going on in states, grabbing people off the streets with force is war—those of us who have experienced violence and harm might not even recognize it because of the distraction. Now, you might wonder what I mean by quiet, and I only mean that this is all occurring, and people are protesting, but no one is actually calling it war that I have heard. Maybe, that is because it is the start of a revolution.

So I think of teenagers and war and what this means. Could it mean that some real positive outcomes could emerge from all of this? We are in the thick of it, and I worry for people who are just waking up to do their day to day living and become caught up in war. Those who are being grabbed off the streets—directly harmed and affected.

I know that many people have very contrasting opinions about this time and that it is impacting many lives. I think about the future society, where these people whose families have been torn apart are affected by the actions of many. This has not simply happened, many people were exploited to make this occur. We have someone in a role of leadership who actively exploits whatever is available to him to make things happen again.

The only constant we have is our community. 2026 is the year of sticking together and making noise—this is what one of my best friends always says. Start to memorize people’s numbers again like you used to. If your memory is not the strongest, keep a piece of paper in your wallet with trusted contact numbers. Learn a new skill. I went to learn CPR a few weeks ago, and I want to learn more practical skills that support my community.

Ground. This year it is important to ground. I feel that the fire horse energy will move swift and this exposes us to becoming worked up quickly by things that are not even worth getting worked up over. Ground so you can keep your center. Meditate or take walks in a calm area, or nap—whatever you need to be internally resourced.

Learn to identify fake news and fact check things before you send them. More than anything, new technologies confuse us, as Uranus re-enters Gemini, this means disruption. We can consider ways we can disrupt which remain within our values and ethics. We also can consider the ways in which media disrupts us and disengage when it is distracting.

For our teenagers of these times, they are trying to become a version of self during the most turbulent timeline I have ever seen. For my 102 year old grandmother, it is the most turbulence she has seen too. This is tough for our young people. They need mentors, grace, care, and they need us.

I could not imagine being a teenager right now. It must be so overwhelming and confusing. I don’t think the kids are okay. I think they are learning to function in a very questionably healthy way. The world is too much so they tune out. They need to be present at the very least with themselves, they are addicted to devices, and we can not have them crush from the pressure of the year. This year, I would like for teenagers to feel wild and free like horses. Teenagers also need boundaries, so I won’t consider myself to be a fence but a moving bubble of safety. I want my teenager to feel safe and I need to feel safe too, so we will have conversations about what safety means.

If you don’t remember high school then lucky you (or maybe traumatized you). High school generally sucks, for an array of reasons, and it is so memorable that no one wants to go back. The few that do peaked, like 1966, and like 2026 will be. May we emerge from this fire horse year with compassion, growth, and even more community.

.

.

.

Written under an Aquarius sun and a Libra moon feeling tired and optimistic.

There has been a resurgence of analog, and I am loving seeing so many mail orders popping up in 2026.

I have participated in many mail order subscriptions over the years, and would like to share a few I enjoy or simply are happening so you are aware of them.

If you have one to share, feel free to mention it in the comments section so people can be aware of it too!

Some snail mails I enjoy::

Addie Best ⚘ patch pals ⚘

Sad Shrimps

Cup Club (sold out, but Julie has beautiful work)

Sophie Tivona (Snail Mail Squad)

PROMPTS Analog Newsletter

Here, I thought I had a photo of a horse that was at a campsite we booked for a birthday weekend, and this horsey lured my daughter closer to try to eat the carrot off her shirt. Such a clever horsey. Such a funny moment, and alas, my phone was not on me to capture said moment as my eyes were enjoying it.

Invitations::

Come connect through a new digital community space on Monday, February 9th. To those of you thinking about bookkeeping, tax time, and maybe you have some questions, I have a small group forming, no rhyme or reason, for No Silly Questions, an hour for people who need to do bookkeeping for any reason to connect and ask a bookkeeper questions for $20. Learn more below:

No Silly Questions

For natural dye and history enthusiasts, I’ll be teaching a three-part series Colors of the Land through OLLI, Humboldt’s extended learning in March and April:

Tell me more

May we be filled with joy and may our suffering be soothed by the gentleness of water on our skin.

This week, was really really hard. Can you feel it too?

My kid was pissed at me, and then my kid pissed me off.

My mom, who reads this publication could possibly weaponize my words for publishing this, as she has done so many times, and I am at yet another growth edge.

I decided to do the hard thing this week. I realized that my kid, who has been having a very hard time, and has been feeling the amplification of social media needs less time with it.

The only reason I said yes to social media was due to a friend sharing she would not be connected to her peers and, because her therapist at the time suggested it would be supportive for her to have a connection to her friends back home. The only thing social media has created is an additional access point to be able to be targeted by her peers, excluded, and for me to hear the constant fomo and bemoaning of her I wish I was there too. But we adults know we can not be two places at once.

The most exhausting part of raising a teen is the constant talking back. Teenagers are the arbeiter of logic and reason and if your reasons do not line up with their truth, they challenge you. Constantly, loudly, intensely. It’s exhausting and a part of their own path. Yet here you are, remaining strong, regardless of what is being stirred up in you, and sometimes, you get worked up too. Parenting a teen is not for the faint of heart. Parenting in this world, right now, is extra tiring.

I am filled with such a swell of emotions this morning, it propels me to write. Most of my writing as of late has been going to academia along with the two books I am working to publish this year. Everything is behind. I was asked to act in a play, and I was excited to say yes, later realized the focus must be on the writing. Writing is what matters most in my world. Writing and being a mother. Distilling thoughts and feelings and sharing is my calling.

I wonder what matters most in your world?

Shifting back to social media, I rolled out something new today, and I want to share it. I decided to limit my teens social media to three days per week.

I received a lot of kick back from my teen, but I think everyone is too tied to their devices. I believe smartphones are the devil on earth, truthfully. In order to separate from a device that when I pick up I can not even remember what I wanted to do in the first place, I have decided to disengage, and to finally activate my Japanese flip phone I have been wanting to use for a year at least. I can bring my camera and a handheld recorder around as I enjoy analog. I can save my iphone items as an archive.

I took one year plus off social media and find now, I have a very healthy relationship with all platforms. I can regulate myself and know when to stop. I absolutely can not imagine what my life might have been like if I had constant access to my peers in my ear 24/7 as a developing teen. I likely would not be here writing this today as it would have been too much. If someone decides you are to be targeted now as a young, developing human, they place you on the outs and you feel it tenfold because of the platforms, megaphones to share information even faster than we used to when we were teenagers.

Last year, I was able to show up and share online what I wanted to share, what I wanted people to know. There are no baby photos of me online without my consent because this was not a thing when I grew up. Now, young people have such a digital footprint, and AI is making things even worse such as deepfakes, and just making things up about others.

I started re-watching Veronica Mars and it has been so comforting because high school has always sucked. There is a nostalgia for the inappropriate ways in which people are addressed and the ways things are said because I remember when all of that was deemed acceptable. I remember being the token Black girl too.

This might seem like a ramble, or you might be filled with a swell of intensity too, and the times and the chaos that surrounds us feels as if it is coming to an imminent crescendo.

I am shifting my YouTube over to my name, and keeping. everything under my name moving forward. I will still be performing under the name Fo Fera, but you will see many things transitioning to me as I further become my whole self. As growing YouTube is very hard and slow to start, I invite you to press :: subscribe :: if that resonates. I know most of you are readers here, like myself.

We are in this revolutionary shake up moment, and I remember I am constantly connected to my ancestors who support me amidst the turbulence of life. Life is hard for so many of us right now, may we remember this and approach each other with kindness and care as the years are continually in disruption.

The one constant within me is that I change, life changes, and I appreciate you being here for the journey.

.

.

.

Written under a sun in Aquarius and a moon in Leo feeling pissed off.

It’s a charged full moon y’all!

Sharing::

Inviting Cultural Humility into the Delivery Room

An exploration of an intersection of my interests: narrative medicine, storytelling, and the treatment of minorities in hospitals, with a presentation of my autoethnography from narrative medicine.

I write for both The Lumberjack and The North Coast Journal now. You can enjoy my AstroloTea articles here:: read on astrology

My first published article of 2026::

How to Meditate When the World is on Fire

A couple wonderful films I have watched lately::

Maintenance Artist

Stripped: Nashville

For grounding, some in person activities::

BERKELEY

Intro to Sashiko-Sunday February 22nd in Berkeley :: Sign up here

ARCATA

I will be teaching a natural dye workshop via OLLI, Cal Poly Humboldt’s extended learning offering on March 27th, April 3rd, and April 10th You can learn more here :: tell me more

MENDOCINO

Costarossa Farm Inaugural Pouring Event 2-5pm today, February 1st

The Bell :: 45006 Calpella Street, Mendocino

Currently reading::

unremitting entrance by janelle adsit :: learn more here

The Complete Language of Trees :: meep meep

Premonition: The New Farmer’s Almanac :: learn more here

A new year used to stir up the turbulence within, and this year, I finally am not tethering my self worth to a balloon called goals.

There is a quiet gestation as I meet a growth edge and expand into a new era of self.

Mom, if you are reading this do not in any way shape or form, reach out to my child and try to get the upper hand in convincing her that she is better off leaving me, her mother, for you. What you did in December was beyond inappropriate and I am absolutely calling you out publicly because you ignored me in reaching out directly to discuss your inappropriate actions. I am bringing it to the attention of the masses until I am certain you are not going to try to spin a made up story for your benefit, and prey on the vulnerability of a coming of age teen and a mother’s relationship. Absolute shame on you.

I keep reflecting on what fire means—what does it symbolize?

As a very purgatory feeling year closes, I am surrounded by fire, and I wonder what this renewal indicates.

With fire, we might think of excitement, grief, anger, upset, but what does fire offer in return? Fire removes the mirror, it reminds us of our mortality and that we are still here. Fire is the ultimate purification, a trial which can be unpredictable and places us into our most primal state of self.

I am returning home from a very eventful day. A moment in which I was enjoying a gentle marsh walk with a dear friend, turned into coughing, and many moments later we spotted smoke, and then fire, which grew and grew. It was a moment of curiosity, which turned into having an awareness, which turned into discomfort and concern, rightfully so.

Humans are fascinating and peculiar at the same time, and today, I was offered moments of pause and reflection on the beauty of organizing, quick action and community.

Today was a perfect combination of wind and flame, and the book I planned to pick up will never make it into my hands.

The year of the fire horse is approaching loudly, and wants to be heard.

Fire is loss, and many other things as well.

May we remain tethered to all that makes us human as the machine tries to tear us apart.

Sending love to all of those who lost today in Arcata,

Written under a full moon in Cancer, winding down from an adrenaline rush.

.

.

.

Thank you for your patience as I have been deep in my grief and in a moment of expansion and growth as I sort out who I am right now and where I stand in 2026. There are not many words I feel ready to share here, but I know they will arrive as they always do, in the dead of winter. May you be well in this new cycle approaching. If you want to write me, feel free to do so to: foferasings@gmail.com

As this hermit year comes to a close, I reflect on my sense of urgency and solitude as a gift. Outside, the sun is beautiful and beaming and yet today, I crave nothing more than to be tucked in bed. This year has been exhausting—maybe because we have the same amount of tasks piled onto a year where the bandwidth is much lower—energy is lower, capacity is lower, everything is simply lower.

Last month, I gave a talk on campus on resting and activism for our campus dialogue on race. In a filled room, I inquired on if people are able to notice burnout as it approaches or if they just wake up one day and find themselves heavily entrenched in the inability to move forward. Everyone shared the same astonishing thing: we do not notice when our body needs to stop. I was surprised.

In those moments of pause and reset and stillness, the collective goal always seems to be to get back to the set list of tasks that are being set aside. Two months and two very bad bouts of sick later, I wonder if the lists can be discarded and we can acknowledge and lean into the fact that maybe, we are not meant to be moving this fast at all. When sick, the first thing I do is clear my calendar as much as possible to address as little as I am able. Once mostly healed, the precarious and daunting task of trying to fit all the things in which fell by the wayside arrives, where I somehow need to get to all that is missed. Things still get missed, and there is simply not enough time in a day to do all that is asked of us in a western/colonial society. School teaches us that our needs don’t matter as much as doing what we said we were going to do, and as someone with a Virgo moon, I have to work incredibly hard to release the feelings of guilt that arise in needing to take something fully off my plate as I no longer have capacity. This is a problem. Our bodies matter. Our capacities matter. Slowing down matters.

As we are in a collective moment of collapsing (a polycrisis world as my professor friend calls it) and so many of us are quietly suffering. Possibly this is caused by our own inability to let things go which no longer serve us. Possibly we have contributed to the way things are today by pretending they did not impact us or that we had no way to make a difference. Possibly it’s time to shift inward, to gentle planning and the magic we can not only conjure but follow through in a new year. A year that invites many new beginnings and possibilities.

Today I feel like crap so it’s my work to rest and take things slow. Not so tomorrow can be better, or I can get to my Friday’s list that was inevitably impacted but so I can extend a little bit of gentleness and love to myself as I suffer through intense allergies from a transitioning season. I feel hope for a the darkest night which is approaching. I feel hope that my teenager is showing beautiful glimpses of how she will move through the world as an adult. I feel hope because those I love are fed, housed, and doing mostly well.

If you are suffering during this season, do not do it alone in silence. Find someone to connect with and share honestly about your woes. For me, this season is filled with activities for my hands. Ceramics keeps me sane, and wedging, although not my favorite task is something I will lean more into incorporating into my wheel practices.

Expressing the utmost gratitude for a beautiful week of fun, friends, smiles, and learning more stories about those I cherish in my life.

Thank you for being here,

.

.

.

Written under a Scorpio sun and a Cancer moon, wishing that laundry could fold itself sometimes.

Invitations::

If you are in the Arcata area, this upcoming Friday, I have my last show of the year, a writers in the round with some incredible local artists. Tickets can be purchased here: I am curious to attend

Should we start a book club for the winter?

What are people craving right now, community wise?

Write me at foferasings@gmail.com with your thoughts.

That’s all for now,

S

Being angry in a world of harm is so real right now. The collective harm is real. The dissonance of the world is real. How do we pick up the pieces in a world that is unraveling? How do we take care of ourselves? How do we extend that care to those who we love in return?

These are all thoughts and positionality inquiries being challenged and questioned on a consistent basis as of late. This full moon in Aries stirred up a lot collectively, and the best way to use the energy is to move your body. On Monday, I was dealing with a plethora of bs and I decided I needed to move my body. I energetically moved through weight training with fervour and pivoted tea to an energetic 20 mile bike ride with a dear friend to reconnect, ground, and move that fiery action oriented energy from my body to a mode of circulation.

I have been reading James Baldwin as of late, and there are a lot of opinions of the world of which I am not there to readily share, but I want to share this: you have people. As the days become shorter and shorter, don’t forget you have people and don’t forget to reach out to them and let them know how much you love and appreciate them.

More than anything, I’d love for my home to be together, but I also am actively aware that I am healing from layers and layers of trauma and that life does not always slow down when I need it to. Maybe my home will continue to be apart—who knows.

Here are some things I have been exploring lately ::

Who makes me feel alive?

What are my hobbies?

What lights me up inside?

What do I want home to feel like to feel good?

What do I need to feel supported in a world that is equal parts hopeful and equal parts falling apart?

The DNS for my email still has some issues, so if you want to reply to me, I invite you to reply to my email: foferasings@gmail.com to continue the dialogue.

To those of you whom I owe books, they will get to you soon. Settling in after moving always takes much more time than anticipated and I notice how things emerge and then go missing all at once. I have collected a lifetime of books, so I want to make sure my book gets added to your collection as well.

As always, thank you for being here.

Gemini out.

.

.

.

Written under a Libra sun and a Gemini moon feeling dynamic and remembering that rain in the perfect conditions brings rainbows.

Small delights

Porch Fest was so sweet. Thank you to those who came to see me play, and thank you to uriel for such a sweet capture of a moment in time, we shared together ::

Jumping for joy moments this week ::

Tea and dinners with friends

Biking with a friend

A moving class dialogue

Choreography to Lady Gaga fun fun fun

My kid bringing home the proverbial bacon at a race

Taking things slow

What are you reading right now?

I am reading many things, many which I want to share and feel too lazy to type. Feel free to ask me though!

Shoot me an email to foferasings@gmail.com

If you reply directly here, it won’t make it to me until I update my DNS records, which I need time and space to get to.

Sending ease as we gently descend into fall,

s

p.s. I’ll be entering my snail girl era soon, therefore my replies will move slower with my ever evolving rhythm, just as Persephone’s depths pulls me into a gentle yearning for hibernation—a return to my inner world.

As I am diving into my senior year at Uni, there is one sentiment that is standing out across all of my courses, spanning five majors and that is—people love school.

Everyone expresses how joyous this time of their life is and how deeply they want to remain tethered to their time, their friends, and learning in a collective way. Meeting new people, being open to new experiences and simply having exposure is what the beauty of university truly is and I am so grateful to have had this experience with my teenager at home so I feel more hopeful of her future that is to come.

It’s been a week, and the world is having more and more rise to the surface that has been locked away for a long time, by turning a blind eye on how our country was founded and whom it supported. I have played the game and felt the affects of colonialism first-hand, especially as a Black woman working in finance, and while I express gratitude for the years it has served me, I feel more than ready to move on from it.

This past week, my health has been deeply impacted and it reminds me that without our health we do not have much to stand on. It’s of the utmost importance. Everything in me is telling me to pause, and a small part of my mind really wants to sew some welt pocket trousers. It seems like I’ll need to get on that shortly as the material calls my name.

In my usual hemertic ways, I am leaning into the art of being hidden, and a lot remains to occur below the surface. It’s the end of an eclipse portal, and the energy is low—rest, as much as possible in between day-to-day life is always supportive if space can be created for it. I wrote some sick girl horoscopes for those of you who partake. You can read them at The Lumberjack here.

Anything else? 

           Who knows.

This week’s been a bit of a meander.

.

.

.

Written under a Virgo and Libra sun and a Leo and Sag moon feeling quite uncertain of how I am feeling at the moment

Currently reading:

Decolonizing Ethnography

Poems and stuff

The Way We Garden Now

Some grand expressions of joy this week:

Being invited to give a talk in October on Rest

Invitation to perform a choreographed routine to one of my favorite artists for All Hallow Eve

Realizing the desk did not fit through the door but a removal of said door did the trick!

Gloomy forest exploring with a friend

Some sorrows:

Bed boredom

Not being able to perform at my first gig of the season due to illness

Misunderstandings and frustrations

Prednisone woes

Things that are in for Fall

Dusting and vacuuming

Early evening bike rides

Soup!

Handmade bread

Finishing my coursework early

Gentle travel

Morning stretches/sun salutations

My fall garden

Meditating/being still

Things that are out with Summer

Staying up late

Overbooking my calendar

Braids

My summer garden (rip)

Mania

See me sing::

Yes, I am back, performing limited live shows. I will be playing for the second year in a row at Sunny Brae Porch Fest on Sunday October 5th. Looking forward to seeing many of you there. I play towards the end of the day, but do consider coming earlier to make a day out of it and enjoy local musicians doing what they love, within community.

We just returned from Georgia and I am so happy to be home. There is something about aging that is deeply connecting me to my books, plants, and herbs like never before.

Moving of course has taken it out of me and, moving is something I have done

been doing

            experience

It is an act of my resilient spirit that refuses to settle for those who treat me poorly, and those who hurl their stereotypes at me or, try to put me in a box.

Returning to Atlanta after six years felt eye opening—I realized how grateful I am to not live somewhere where people naturally separate themselves by race. I felt curious as to what it would feel like to grow up somewhere as the odd one out—although in Berkeley I managed to be pretty weird too, even in private school. Yet in Georgia, I felt out of place, like really out of place, and disconnected from the majority. But I also felt incredibly whole and seen.

To have so many people embracing me and taking me in, from the flight attendant who admired me taking down my braids and shared “look at all that pretty hair” with his sweet southern drawl, to the hotel evacuation where we awaiting to be let back in to our seventh floor place, decided to take the stairs, and before heading back up, a man asked if we were from Brazil. To the new friends I connected with at breakfast—all from Boston and tied to descents that tap on my Massachusetts Caribbean heritage, I feel so seen. Being in ATL during freshman move in week felt electric, and meeting all the sweet, young visionaries starting their new lives, I could not help but wonder what life would have been like for me if I followed my English teachers advice in High School and attended Howard back in 2007. Who would I be? Whose baby would I have carried if at all?

Since moving to Humboldt, I have made intentional strides towards being in Black spaces. Spaces where I can replenish, reset, and feel whole. I travel to feel like myself again.

Here people don’t get my hair.

Here people sometimes don’t get my perspectives.

And yet, I have cultivated a sweet community which I love and adore, but I do wish there were more of us.

I long for the diversity of Oakland, seeing my community and being embraced by Californians who look, walk, and talk like me.

       I long for the feeling of Richmond, where I can drop it all for a good plate of tacos and my dancing tacones.

 I miss walking downtown Walnut Creek, where the diversity is linguistic, and I have an opportunity to speak Portuguese, German, and Spanish all in one afternoon.

        I miss being asked if I am Habesha, and I miss not having to explain myself so much.

And yet, this is a summer of slow, and I am taking my pace down a few hundred notches. Stillness is where I find breathe to rise and yet, I am not in a position to be fully still—not yet at least. College approaches for my youngest, and she still needs me more than ever.

I have spent so much time focused on watching others around me leading their lives too fast that I did not even notice my own was moving at a pace I could not manage. I managed it outwardly yes—but at what cost?

What is next when you have done it all?

I return to myself, to my breathe, to this moment, writing to you.

I return to recalling that this is a hermit year. This is a year I am gently emerging to align with my path and to become a teacher. To fully step into that role and embrace it.

It’s never too late to slow down, and it’s never too late to pause.

.

.

.

.

Written under a sun in Leo and a gemini moon, feeling contemplative.

Listening to: Quiet Classical Reading Mix (on my Spotifii perfil)

Look up Fo Fera > profile > I am the first one with the sunset photo in Point Ri

A sweet book I picked up at Ponce City Market after realizing I had zero books with me to read (qué horror!)

Reading:

Getting to Center

Watching: Absolute trash to keep my mind still. If you have interest, ask and you shall receive. My email is acting up as of late, so email me at foferasings@gmail.com or serahsmiles@gmail.com for now.

Here are some photos of our girls trip adventure to Hotlanta :)) I started solidifying a new book idea, hence the wifi requirement. I realize I am someone who finishes many things all at once, after a whole lotta nothing (seemingly), and this is simply a part of my magic and integration. I cocoon and emerge, in cycles of life and death.

There is magic all around us

Anna from Austin, if you ever find me, I hope we can be friends. Our airport conversation on your planes comedic one minute delay was absolutely delightful.

May we find each other again.

Death is all around us yet it does not feel as scary as imagined. Last night, when the world could have ended, I had tea with a friend, laughed about ceramics, and peacefully went to sleep well aware that this could be my end.

Lately, I have been reflecting on the notion of hyper-independence. On the reddit threads where I roam and peruse, I see single moms proclaiming that they singlehandedly purchased their own first homes, but I know from a firsthand account this is not so. It takes a village, and it is important to both acknowledge and name those who keep us afloat. Those who are the buoys when life’s turbulence get’s a bit too rough to float. I am thankful for those who are the buoy’s in my life, never seeking anything in return except placing action behind their hope that my life has more ease and warmth. Generosity requires a positive spirit. Resilience is an act of resistance.

I am returning from a trip down south, and I spent some time with a dear friend in the splendor of Jenner. We belly laughed over shared ideas and lamented over the worlds woes at the moment, and how to remain resilient within community.

My mind is expanding fast, and under the framework of what I have been reading lately, I would like to share an offering. This morning’s thoughts are:

just because we want something does not make it for us

In a cafe conversation I had with a stranger, he brought up an important point. The music career I have so yearned for does not really align with my homebody temperament. Of course, there are many people who claim they are x,y,z, and do something contrary to that. So we must be painfully honest with ourselves on our current aspirations and how they align with who we are now.

Rest is the name of the year of 2025, and rest is where I center and align with what I truly value. A friend suggested a podcast, and the words of this post are influenced by the idea. As we are currently in a very murky Mercury retrograde period, maybe the best thing right now is to reflect on what we value now, and if it is aligned with how we spend our time.

I value connections with people I love, and I value rest so I choose to be home. After all, if I am paying to live in my home then I want to truly live in it.

Love is love is love.

.

.

.

Written under a Leo sun and a Libra moon feeling hopeful.

Currently reading:

Against Health

Social Science Journals

Hell Yeah or No

Currently reflecting on:

Disability Justice Principles

Want to read:

Legacy

Currently watching:

Currently listening to:

The Alchemy Index by Thrice (this song linked is from 1&2, fire and water)

My favorite kind of baby:

Seen in Berkeley:

Addendum and additional resources ::

I have found the absolute best way to feel about the current state of the world is to prepare myself. I took a disaster prepardness course locally and realized I was much more prepared than I had originally thought. Coming together with a collective of folx interested in supporting each other through hard times helped reframe my worries and insecurities on the state of the world, and provided me with some resources and new ideas to support my family and those close to me.

Additionally, many towns have a disaster prepardness team for the community. You can take courses via the University of Utah: here

“Humanity is calling for a different way of being and a redefinition of power.

We await the emergence of heart-centered trailblazers, torch-bearers, and bridge walkers. And this may be where sensitive, intense, and gifted people come in.” -Imo Lo

Today I had a beautiful day at the market. I enjoyed running into many friends and folx I have not had the opportunity to deeply connect with in a while. So many moments shared are gentle bridges to ideas which will be added to my first book, and I feel joyous. Immensely thankful for the opportunity to be existing as a human, albeit a hard time to exist.

I think about how much time we, collectively as a society have had to coast and simmer on the beautiful simplicity of existence, and I wonder what the world will become as we see the times rapidly changing before our eyes.

I recall when life was simpler. I recall when the world was a bit more calmer. I rejoice in a peaceful, pre-smart phone childhood era. How I wish my child could have experienced the same tranquility.

Today was a good day. Tomorrow who knows what will come, but I am thankful to be here regardless. I will continually choose joy, for as long as I am able.

Some positives from today:

🌀 A friend dropped by some wonderful veggies for us from his families garden

🐚 I said hello to a hummingbird and the hummingbird in turn returned to say a close hello back

🦪 My first zucchini has rapidly evolved into my main zucchini

🦋 My friend at market said my smile makes her week

A way to be resilient in this world is to decide to be joyous and keep your hope close to your heart and, to share it with others. Finding joy in the small things is worth a lot these days. Many can not find hope at all.

Be the one who can find hope in an endlessly hopeless world.

.

.

.

Written under a Cancer sun and a Taurus moon feeling clothed, fed, and the need for more rest.

Recently, I have been amidst a deep shapeshifting metamorphosis which is testing who I am to my core. I realize there is nothing out there I truly want to ‘do’ in a sense, and as I enter my final bit of time at school, I realize the beauty of university is the possibility to create your own path.

As someone creative, there is nothing more appealing than trying something new, and I believe it’s time to start thinking outside of the proverbial box.

This years energy has been one of the trickiest to metabolize and work with. It’s been a strong energetic shift and pivot into a space many of us don’t want to be in but, we can not deny ourselves of joy.

It is of the utmost priority to be able to find small pockets of joy. Joys which bring smiles to our faces and connect us to what it means to be human.

For those of you who have been here since the beginning, maybe you remember my ethos on what we cherish, or maybe you don’t.

To those of you who joined mid-chapter, or a bit later, maybe this will be new, but, I have an ethos, and that is to use the things that I love and am saving right away.

In life, we have absolutely no idea what will happen each and every day. This is both the joy and the worry of existing. But there is beauty in enjoying the items that bring us joy, while we are alive, well, and healthy.

Life makes no promises.

So my life ethos is as follows:

Do not save your favorite belongings until you are gone.

Use that tapestry you love and adore.

Decorate your home with the decorations you cherish for special ocassions.

Invite a close friend over and crack open that very special bottle of wine and share a nice meal and laugh into the sunset.

Don’t wait for joy to find you.

Tell those you love and cherish how much they mean to you while they are still here.

.

.

.

Written under a Cancer sun and an Aquarius moon feeling too tired to be dramatic.

A song I love:

Some recent photos I have taken during my gentle, quiet, summer:

We cannot expect to grow as a society by expecting different upbringings to produce like minded thinking.

Let’s start stretching our own limits and come together, for humanity’s sake.

I am sitting in our third place in two years. On the anniversary of our arrival to a new area, we fully moved into our new home, and I am so beyond tired.

For the first time in a long time, I feel as if I can settle in. Like a feral kitten that is slowly learning to trust again, I lean into the deep inner yearning for home to no longer spin around me in the form of passive aggressive landlords and righteous people who do as they please in the name of a cause they do not understand. This season has been rough.

Fear keeps trying to creep in and I continue to close the windows. I shant ignore it and I shant let it in to destroy the light I have cultivated within. After all, the light feels dim and near burning out forever.

I take solace in my music, my lovely new garden, and the magical birds which surround me each day and remind me I am alive. I am still here.

Worry tries to creep in and I seal the doors and crevices of my mind in which she hides, trying to whisper stories into my ear. Worry is not welcome here.

This year is one of exhaustion, of laying my sword down and saying no more, I need to rest. I need an infinite pause. Summer generally is one of enjoying the long days out with friends, yet this one feels different. This one I crave being in, creating home, and tending to myself and those I love.

There is no doubt that the world is heavy, and on this solstice, I just want the people I love to know I love them and have them love me in return.

We must continue to remember we are alive and our hearts are still beating.

.

.

.

Written under a Taurus moon and a Cancer sun, feeling indeterminate and unclear.

Things that cheer me up lately::

Working on the farm

Mochi cake (omit the evaporated milk and use 1/2 coconut sugar, and overbake for a nice crunch) a la Pickled Plum blog. Recipe here

Comedian round tables on YouTube

Rest and warm baths

Cute pets

Loving friends

My sweet child

Birthday bread in the forest

Some spring into summer moments captured::

I’ve been reflecting a lot on pleasure and joy as of late.

In the ways it finds us when we are not even certain of what we are seeking

And in the ways we yearn when in lack.

There has been a fervent reconnection to pleasure for me in these past few months, and not in the way I could possibly envision or even imagine.

This winter into spring, I connected with new humans, who I was supposed to know in this lifetime, and although I am still in the trenches of immense fire, I feel for certainty that everything is going to be okay.

Yes, I said it, everything is going to be okay.

What a bold thing to say during times like these, when the globe is restructuring, and we are facing collapse, but I can let you in on a little secret: America has not been great for many people for a very long time. As a Black woman, my experience of America has been laden with injustices, and I am somewhat curious what life could look like rebalanced.

Might I suggest we be so bold to envision a future even better than now?

Might I offer you an opportunity to broaden and not be stuck in fear?

Imagine the possibilities of what is new with this new era of existence.

Now is the time to rally your communities, gently, quietly, gather and build or create something together.

Despair keeps us stuck and in energetic lack.

Pleasure is a measure of our freedom.

.

.

.

.

Written under a Taurus sun and a Libra moon feeling frisky.

:: Mil Gracias ::

Thank you Farmer Mai for bringing in Audre Lorde’s words into your newsletter which made it into mine.

Thank you to my dear friends who tether me to this earth and keep me sane.

Thank you to my local farming community who keeps my hands full of soil.

Thank you to those who supported my dive into academia.

Thank you family for bestowing and imparting knowledge to me.

Thank you new landlord for being calm and easygoing.

Thank you to my daughter for loving me through my immense humanness and flaws.

Thank you Substack community who continually supports my words.

A communal ask:

Now for some reason, everytime I try to write on my Substack, I am locked out of it on all my computers at the moment. If you have a way to connect me to someone who can support with a back end reset for summer, that would be great as I have many words to share.

Lately, theres been a shift in the world and I can’t quite gain my footing. Everything feels more impactful—I am caught in an emotional stasis and have no idea of how to show up and what to do. Almost twenty years of instant fast food media use have caught up with me and I want off the conveyor belt of a line. I need a pause.

Today, I wish I was able to teleport to Berkeley as there is a celebratory talk from john a. powell for his new book The Power of Bridging. Here are the details for that if you are in the Bay and wish to attend this evening: book event

Everything feels more emotionally charged, and for some reason, I am feeling so incredibly isolated—like the very existence of me is causing abrasion—I feel sad and confused. Abrasive to others and as if I am not being received well. The energy of the world is way off. I don’t tend to personalize this much.

There is so much I understand about what is happening in terms of us experiencing an assault on humanity and, my body simply can not integrate it. I keep getting sick. My daughter keeps getting sick. People around us keep getting sick. Very very sick. My body is failing on me, each week a new ailment arising, bubbling up to the surface. We are collectively overwhelmed.

I am spinning out of control and have no boundary to lightly bump into to slow me down. I am trying my best to brace myself for impact but it never arrives. I continue to read, write, and nourish my various external and internal ailments.

I am curious, how are you protecting your peace? Are you able to locate it? Or is it a bit lost, as mine is too.

Personally, I have created two lifelines: a silent book club in town and an unexpected friendship which has brought me the companionship my lonely heart has been yearning for. Having someone to prepare meals with has never been so comforting.

At my last silent book club gathering on a rainy Sunday morning, I had a gentle conversation with a new friend. I shared I did not know what do to and he shared, maybe making rice pudding cakes is all my work is at the moment. I liked that idea, and if I survived someone trying to destroy my life and baked my way to sanity, I think, now is the time to bake more than ever, and maybe even invite daily crochet as an act of resistance back into my life.

We must remember that we are not all islands, we are a community, that very much impacts each other and creates ripples which radiate outwards into our greater communities. Ripples of good.

How can we remember we still exist?

How do we remember we can still lead peaceful lives?

How do we continue to love each other when existing feels so hard?

How do we love ourselves when this is the world we have created or inherited?

.

.

.

Written under a Pisces sun and a Gemini moon feeling lost

Currently watching:

Cats in Istanbul. It’s where it’s at right now.

Currently cooking:

So many delicious homestyle meals and kimchi jjigae.

Currently reading:

The Guardian of the Word (Kouma Lafôlô Kouma) by Camara Laye :: access to read

Mumbai Modern :: More info

Culturemaking : When Creative Entrepreneurship and Community Building Collide by :: purchase link

Culturemaking is by far one of the most moving books I have read in a while.

I have been doing so much more reading lately and with this, I notice when I shift back to my phone screen my eyes do not want to adjust. Have you tried it? Can we leave phones behind? Is there a way?

Yesterday, I saw a sticker on a call which stated “cell-phone free” I loved this so much.

I stopped shopping on Amazon too—I believe you can do it too. I believe it matters too. Voting with your dollars and all.

I’ll leave you with a photo of Gladys’ toe beans whilst resting and a poem.

             Your bushy tail signifies the return

                           A winter’s chill

              Yet you emerge a new

                           Ready for a new beginning

                                               For a new year

                                  I rise too

                               In reluctance