I was crushed to hear Dolly Parton died this week. Much like when I learned Diane Keaton passed away. Just heart broken. Dolly’s passing felt a little more intense, though. Maybe it’s because she’s from Tennessee and her presence is all over Knoxville. She felt more known, closer, even though I never met her.

When I’d see “Dolly for President” signs, t-shirts, bumperstickers, and needlepoints, I’d smile and feel a little better, safer even in this crazy ass world.

Yes, her music lifted so many souls repeatedly, AND her kindness and generosity are truly legendary. Giving millions of books away every year encouraging children and adults alike to read more. Supporting the LGBTQ+ community long before most were doing so. Her devoted husband behind the scenes loving & supporting her faithfully- music, books, generosity for others.

As a child I played her songs on repeat on my record player in my room. I can remember one day feeling so badly that I was asking her to keep singing all day. I just needed to hear her voice. It soothed me.

I found myself wondering a bit why the world felt a little less safe with Dolly making the transition to the great beyond. There are few people in this world who stand up for the marginalized who don’t have to. There are few people who use their gigantic platform to offer loving kindness to ALL of humanity. I told Andy the night she died, “I always felt like if Dolly knew something bad happened to me, she’d fight for me.” She just always had a larger than life presence. She was known for her frontside, but I was always most impressed by her backbone.

There was a moment this week when I was literally feeling a little scared knowing she had left this earth (at least in body), and I sensed the Spirit whisper into my own backbone- “No need to fear. You have a backbone too, and can use it for good in this world.” There will never be another Dolly Parton. Some will stay inspired by her kindness and generosity. Some will take on her work for advocacy. Some will keep singing her songs. Some will keep sharing books. Some will keep sharing their smile with someone else. And, some, some will let their backbone get a little bit stronger knowing Dolly is with them from the other side now.

God speed, Dolly. We will always love you. 🦋

Someone asked about “life hacks” this week. Little ways you have in your pocket that make life run more smoothly, easily, efficiently. As I thought about my life hacks, I realized several of mine have come from the wisdom of my babes.

For example, my older son played football in middle school. It was a feeder team to one of the local high school teams. He is totally built for football and has excellent hand/eye coordination. But, of course I was worried about concussions and protecting his brain. We made a deal that if he got one concussion, he was out. Done. Finito.

One day I’m driving him to practice, and he’s just so upset. He doesn’t want to go. It looks and sounds like what I imagine the “gnashing of teeth” as mentioned in The Gospel of Matthew. And, I’m trying to figure out if “this is for real” (as Leanne Morgan would say) or is he hungry, tired, or upset about something else. And, the more I listened, the more I realized he was done. Done done. He didn’t like his coach (which made perfect sense to me), and he didn’t want to play anymore for someone he didn’t like. He looked at me with his big innocent honest brown eyes and said, “Mom, just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean you need to do it.”

Mic drop.

I took some slow deep breaths.

Preach, Oh Middle School Yoda.

Every once in a while that Yoda wisdom floats back to me, and I let myself be curious… “Do I want to be doing this? Do I need to be doing this? Or, am I doing this because someone else thinks I should?”

It’s my experience that the Spirit breathes and speaks through all kinds of people around me. And, I find myself extra grateful for how She has and continues to breathe wisdom through my children.

What are the life hacks you’ve pocketed along the way? Who has the Spirit used to bring you this wisdom? Do you ever fight it? Or, are you prone to hear it and follow?

A special thank you to all paid subscribers! Your support keeps the posts coming and this author encouraged! Thank you! 🤍

So many of us wonder if our intuition is guidance of the Spirit or just what our ego wants to do. I talk about this with people all the time. As human beings, there are going to be times when our ego and the Spirit’s guidance are the same thing- pointing to the same North Star. But, what about the times when there isn’t overlap and we really don’t know if what we’re sensing is Spirit or ego? And, we feel like the stakes are high, and we don’t want to pursue something that isn’t good for us &/or others? What then?

I have found myself answering this question for myself and encouraging others to use this frame as well… what if you put the “guidance” (Spirit &/or ego) up to/alongside the fruits of the Spirit? What if you look at the situation through the lens of these fruits as a bit of checks and balances to discern?

🍓 love - would following the guidance being loving towards yourself and others?

🍋 joy - would the guidance ultimately bring joy to self and others?

🍊 peace - would the guidance ultimately bring you peace, like peace deep down in your bones peace?

🍑 gentleness - is the guidance ultimately gentle on your mind, body, soul and spirit and will it be for others? Will the guidance lead you into a greater gentleness within your own being, community, and the world?

🍋‍🟩 faithfulness - is the guidance congruent with your faith? Is the guidance woven within the fabric of what you not only hold to be true but also value and prioritize given your faith?

🍒 patience - would following the guidance offer you a deeper sense of patience with yourself and others?

🥝 kindness - is the guidance inherently kind to yourself and others? Brené Brown talks about “Clarity is kindness.” Clarity may not feel kind initially, and it can ultimately be kind in the long run.

🥑 generosity - is the guidance generous in spirit towards yourself and/or others?

🫐 self-control - if you were to follow the guidance would it/could it be done with self-control? Will the guidance offer you a greater sense of equanimity?

I keep using “ultimately” because the initial pursuit of the wisdom may feel anxiety producing, not gentle, peaceful or kind. If you sense the Spirit is calling you into a new line of work, for example, it may feel daunting at first to make the leap. Ultimately, however, if the shift is of the Spirit, the leap ultimately will bring you peace in time.

If you’d like to read more about the fruits of the Spirit, noticing them in your everyday life, and intentionally growing them, enjoy the last chapter (Ch 10) of my book As Yourself: The Sacred Work of Embodying Grace.

If you’d like to enjoy a meditation on the fruits of the Spirit, you can utilize the free guided mediation on Insight Timer. The meditation uses a body scan as the basis for being blessed by the fruits of the Spirit.

And, if you’d like to enjoy a 4hr retreat (noon to 4pm) which will include meditating with the Spirit and engaging the fruits, be sure to sign up for the Sunday, August 30th retreat afternoon at Grace Point Camp and Retreat Center.

I always try and pay attention when a particular subject keeps coming up. I always wonder, sometimes feel it’s the Spirit trying to get my attention about something. Like a plane trying to land, and it won’t until it’s cleared to actually touchdown… in my brain &/or heart.

Something that has kept coming around lately is how even the smallest encounters impact us. In June I read Cured: Strengthen Your Immune System and Heal Your Life by Jeffrey Rogers. He has so many good points in this book, so many things I kept chewing on long past reading the last page. And, one of them was about how even short in-person encounters with people can brighten our day and help us feel more connected to ourselves and others. He uses an example of how your grandmother exchanging a brief, sweet “hello” with her mailman has a stronger positive impact on her nervous system than texting or a phone call with a loved one. Isn’t that fascinating?!

I think it’s one of the many, many reasons we saw/experienced mental illness jump during COVID. We are social creatures and we thrive on actual, face-to-face connections with each other. We are naturally co-regulators. So, when we’re in the presence of someone’s light and joy, it’s contagious. Our nervous systems feel that light and joy and are more likely to feel light and joy as well. (Of course the opposite is true as well- if someone is upset and/or down, we’re likely to sense that too and feel upset and/or down.)

And, though in-person face-to-face likely has the most bang for it’s time, it has kept me open to brief encounters in general. I’ve been listening to some Mel Robbins podcasts recently while I exercise. At the end of every episode she says- “In case nobody else tells you today, let me be the first to say that I love you, I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to create a better life, and in our ability to create a better world.”

There is a part of me that goes, “She doesn’t even know me. How can she say she loves me or believes in me?” But, I notice my body. When I hear her words, something in my body relaxes, responds well. One day I just stayed with her words and the response my body was having. And, I realized a bigger part of me felt grateful for her words. Not so much that I needed to be loved or believed in by her, but that I want to be someone who puts good energy into the world. I want to move through the world loving people and believing in them.

I clearly believe people have the ability to create a better life. I have the privilege of journeying alongside people day in and day out as they do just that. It isn’t easy work. It is deeply meaningful and impactful, though. And, it brings me joy watching people’s hard work and effort (that oftentimes feels assisted by the Spirit) create a better life for themselves, their families, their communities through the ripple effect.

And, I definitely want to be part of the world, the movement that not only believes but also actively creates a better world for my children and my grandchildren, myself and my siblings, my good friends and my parents, really for everyone.

I deeply believe the Spirit is assisting us in our personal and more global efforts to create better lives and a better world. Her movement is within us and around us. Might we pay attention to her flow and allow ourselves to flip over onto our backs and float in her guidance and direction. When needed, might we flip back onto our bellies and use our effort to swim with her current, using our energy and intention for good. With the Spirit’s flow guiding us, we don’t have to do much efforting.

What are the small encounters with others that lift your spirits and in small or big ways reset your energy flow into the goodness of life? When do you experience Spirit assisting your process? When do you know you’re in her flow? Is it easier for you to float or swim? 🏊🏻‍♀️ 🏄🏻‍♀️ 🛶 🚣🏻‍♀️

Blessings on your weekend, friends. I too love you, believe in you, and very much believe in our capacity to create healthier lives and a better world. May the Spirit be with you & may you know it!

We can’t always pack our bags and head to Iona, Scotland or walk the Camino de Santiago in Spain (though it’s on my bucket list). Or, even head to a national park on a regular basis (though we’re pretty lucky here in East Tennessee being so close to the Smoky Mountains).

I’ve learned to take a quick walk here or deep breaths in the sunshine there. Swim some laps with a big blue sky above or simply listen to rain fall. Connecting with nature does have a way of drawing us into greater alignment with our soul and the Oneness of Creation, the breath of the Spirit within and around us.

One of the many reasons I like to offer retreats from time to time is to allow people to get some of the benefits of “exteriorized mysticism.” Leaving your home and ordinary life, status and social position and responsibilities behind (if even for a few hours) can renew the soul and create greater alignment. Alignment that connects us with the Mystery once again.

Years ago I attended a wonderful day retreat led by Brenda Rasch. I was stunned by how much my nervous system benefited from one simple Saturday down the road. I didn’t have to travel too far or make extravagant plans for my children to be cared for while I was gone (since it was only a day retreat). We each made a little nest on the ground with these wonderful large, plush Feldenkrais® mats. We ate healthy food. Brenda led us in meditation, Feldenkrais® exercises, walking meditation outside close to water, and processing aloud a bit.

Again, as the day came to a close, I was stunned. I couldn’t believe how much my nervous system had settled, how peaceful I felt, how content and still my mind, body and soul were. It made me realize how activated I had started the day and frankly how stressed I was day in and day out. (Brenda is offering a 4 day retreat this November @ WellBeing Retreat Center. If you can go, go!)

Since that first retreat, I’ve been fortunate enough to do many of Brenda’s retreats and silent retreats in other states for my Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) Training with Brown University. The time away (whether down the road or states away) always offers my soul, mind and body respite. With each one, I restored an alignment within my being and with the Divine. Some of the longer silent retreats proved to be challenging at times. And, I gained from that too. The Spirit kept moving, and I had no where to go, nothing to do, nothing even to become- simply be with the Spirit’s presence within and around me.

If your soul needs a respite, your spirit yearns for connection with The Spirit, and your nervous system craves an extended period of regulation, drive over to Grace Point Camp and Retreat Center on Sunday, August 30th for an afternoon of spiritual practices. From noon to 4pm, we’ll engage mindfulness meditation practices close to water- sitting meditation, walking meditation, gentle movement meditations, loving kindness meditations. All meditations will either intentionally drop us into the love of God already within you and/or encourage breathing with the Spirit.

You can learn more and register on my website:

RETREAT INFO

To learn a bit about mindfulness meditation, check out the podcast recently released w/ Courtney Pinkerton, a friend from div school. We discussed Mindfulness and Meditation for Real Humans on her podcast Inner Ecology. You can learn more and listen here:

PODCAST

Several months ago I had the opportunity to talk to an old friend from div (divinity) school- Courtney Pinkerton. Courtney just released our conversation on her podcast Inner Ecology. Listening back through it last weekend, I really enjoyed our content and flow. And, the thing I enjoyed most was our shared laughter. You can listen to our conversation (and laughter) about mindfulness and meditation here…

PODCAST

It’s always interesting going back through a conversation months later- parts you clearly remember talking about and things you don’t recall at all. The three things I find myself noodling on from our conversation are…

1. our shared laughter

2. “I’m learning.”

3. throughlines

I had felt the Spirit stir my heart when we were recording our live conversation, and I felt it again when I listened to the recording. Spirit stirred in all three items I mentioned above. And, the one that keeps coming back to me with a sense of awe and wonder, leaving tears in my eyes is the throughline.

Courtney shares a story about our early days in div school together- something she remembered about me from the early day. She recalls a class we were in together and we had to share a mini-speech. Get up in front of the whole class and share (as she mentions a very ego saturated environment). I had chosen to share about the mental health of adolescent girls. Right there… stir. One of the reasons I wanted to go to Harvard Divinity School was because I was interested in the interconnections between spirituality/faith and mental health, and a badass professor named Cheryl Giles were there, and I wanted to study with her. Once there I also fell in love with Stephanie Paulsell (be sure to follow her new Substack: Fresh Chapel) and Davíd Carrasco. Divinity school felt like the best playground on earth for this ever learning girl! I could have stayed a very long time simply reading, studying, writing, digging, conversing, debating, sermonizing, etc. It was pure heaven for me.

In any case, listening to Courtney’s early memory of me took me home to a knowing deep within my soul- healing has always been at the heart of my ministry. Healing of the mind, body and soul- and the way the three are yoked together. The tears that swelled in my eyes were that “baptism of the soul” that Stephanie had told me about years ago (more on that in another post). It’s not that I had forgotten, it’s that I was moved to hear the throughline so clearly yet again.

My language has changed over the years about how I hear, understand, embrace my calling to healing, but the essence remains the same- the mental health of girls and women and how spirituality and faith weave (or don’t weave) with mental health. Faith and spirituality can be incredibly impactful in healthy and life giving ways w/ someone’s mental health. And, faith and spirituality can also be abusive and harmful in someone’s mental health also. We can’t assume that someone’s faith and/or spirituality is benefiting them and/or creating greater health. In my heart of hearts and in the depth of my soul, the essence of genuine faith and spirituality is meant to benefit humanity and all of creation. It has been in human interpretation and what people have done in the name of faith/spirituality that has been so harmful and destructive.

Allowing ourselves intention to be mindful, time to meditate on what is true within us and around us can help us discern our own faith and spirituality. These practices can assist us in seeing what is getting in the way of health and wholeness whether physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually. And, certainly engaging with trusting and life-giving friends, mentors, spiritual companions and therapists can help us sort out what is life giving and life stealing as well.

So, I’m curious… what are your throughlines? What has the Spirit called you back to over and over again throughout your life? How has the throughline continued to make itself known to you? And, what spiritual practices assist you in honoring your throughlines?

Join me Sunday, August 30th for an afternoon of meditation and mindfulness practices dropping into the love of God already within you and breathing with the Spirit. It’s space and time designed to calm your nervous system and feed your soul. You can learn more on my website and register there as well. Feel free to email me any questions @ carolinevogel@gmail.com.

RETREAT

June is my favorite month of the year and the beach my favorite destination.

🚲 🌊 🏖️ 🐚 🩱 🧴

I’ve been pondering about hope the last several months- maybe the last couple years- maybe most of my adult life. There feels like an organic knowing that I need to honor that the meaning of hope has significantly changed for me. It feels different. It sounds different. It holds a different meaning within my being. It lives and moves and has it’s being in a way that feels significantly different to me now.

Maybe this is a turning 50 thing. Maybe this is pivoting from ministry to counseling. Maybe this is sitting with people’s experiences as a trauma therapist five days a week. What I’ve come to is that I don’t believe in hope the way I used to. My previous way of engaging hope was with a bit of naivety and guilelessness. And, honestly, at times I miss the luxury of being naive.

I looked up the definition of naive and it read “(of a person) natural and unaffected; innocent.” And, it also read “(of a person or action) showing a lack of experience, wisdom, or judgment.” I don’t want to be a person in the world lacking experience, wisdom and judgement. And, I very much miss being seemingly unaffected. I miss the innocence that comes with not having hard experiences.

What happens though when hard experiences turn your life upside down? Experiences that don’t align with the narrative you would have written for yourself or the theology you’ve longed believed in? Experiences that make you question your faith and hope? I have the privilege as a therapist and spiritual companion to sit with people in these life spaces every day. People wrestling with- “My life experience doesn’t match up with my theology. What now?”

I had a wise mentor years ago who reminded me on refrain that hope is about our relationship with God. Hope isn’t about specific outcomes for situations or people or circumstances. It’s about how we live in connection to a loving God. I think there has always been a part of me that wants hope to mean that everything works out well. That God somehow pulls a thread through people’s individual and collective lives for the good, making everything ok (the way I think it should be ok). A thread that ends with a bow.

So, I find myself wondering what does hope look and feel like today when I look around this world and within myself with my eyes and heart fully open? Hope that doesn’t necessitate everything “working out” the way I think it should. Hope that doesn’t require a loving God magically making things ok. Hope that doesn’t burden the believer with what can feel like half truths and partial threads.

What does everyday, garden variety hope look like? Feel like? Sound like?

This is what I’m thinking… hope found in the grit of everyday life takes the wisdom of Hebrews Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen and allows the Holy Spirit to play with it, breathe through it.

Assurance of things hoped for? What is ok to hope for and what is not on the divine approved “hope list”? Is it ok to hope for good health even if there is a good chance that a diagnosis won’t resolve the way someone wants it to? Is it ok to hope for a healthy relationship when the other person refuses to do their work? Is it wise to be hopeful about finding a new job when the prospects have been slim pickings for a long period of time? Is it healthy to be hopeful when the desired outcome doesn’t match the facts of reality? What is on the approved hope list? What things am I allowed to have assurance of things hoped for?

The second part of this scripture is much easier for me- the conviction of things not seen. All my life, I have had a deep and passionate conviction of the “things not seen.” And, the hard experiences in my life have only strengthened my convictions. I feel lucky, blessed that I didn’t grow in up a faith that taught me that if I’m “good,” if I’m obedient to God, everything will work out for me… nothing bad will happen to me.

Bad things happen to good people all the time. ALL THE TIME. It’s not because they were bad or disobedient, unfaithful or strayed. It’s because it’s the nature of life. My conviction has never been that a loving God will swoop in and prevent bad things from happening. (That’s actually not true. I can think of one time in my life when I got really angry that God allowed something bad to happen. And, I can think of oodles of times that I got confused and angry that God allowed bad things to happen in the world. Tons.) For the most part, however, my conviction has been that a loving God is with me no matter what is happening to me, around me, within me. God’s grace isn’t God swooping in to prevent or allow things. God’s grace is the presence WITH no matter what is happening. I can’t convince anyone of my experience of God’s presence. And, I know it’s true deep in my bones. Of this, I have a deep and abiding conviction - God’s presence is real and benevolent even when bad things are happening.

Most (if not all) people can name at least one time in their life when they felt like God was watching after them or acting for them or simply with them in a meaningful way. Or, experienced some form of benevolence that felt like a gift from the universe (something they couldn’t have orchestrated on their own). Something mysterious in nature. Something that couldn’t fully be explained. Many people have numerous examples of God winks, God dreams, or when the Holy Spirit was showing off in their life- little things, big things, mundane things that became holy because of the felt sense of God’s presence in it. Conviction of things not seen.

So, wisdom might just mean applying the conviction of things not seen to inform what we can be hopeful of. We can be hopeful of a loving God showing up and being with us, for us, even when things aren’t working out the way we want or think they should. We can be hopeful that there will be mystery in our experiences pointing to the presence of a loving God weaving a thread of goodness through our lives, even in the times we’re unsure if there is a thread.

So, this day I allow a loving God to fill me with all joy and peace (two of the first three fruits of the Spirit) in believing in God’s benevolent presence and ability to pull a thread of goodness even through storms. It is in the allowing to be filled with joy and peace that we abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. We may not know what or who God will utilize to fill us with the joy and peace, and that is simply part of the fun, the mystery, what keeps us guessing, engaged and on our toes.

As for the things that you don’t know whether they are on the divine approved hope list, my 2 cents is… put everything and anything on your hope list. It may or may not come to fruition. But, know this, we simply never know how the Holy Spirit is going to breathe goodness into our lives. We are worthy of good things manifesting in our lives. God is trying to make His joy complete within us. So, don’t put up any boundaries for your hopes- your big ones, littles ones, and mundane ones… because you just never know what fruits the Spirit is growing within and around you. 💓Caroline

Join me Sunday, August 30th for an afternoon of meditation at Grace Point Camp and Retreat Center. You can learn more on my website.

A special thank you to all paid subscribers! Your support keeps the posts coming and this author encouraged! Thank you! 🤍

What happens when Spirit is silent? Or, maybe you sense She’s speaking to you but you can’t make out what She’s saying?

Is Spirit really there? If I can’t find Her, how do I follow Her?

For most of us, the most challenging time of our lives and faith come when we don’t know where the Divine is, how to access their presence and/or can’t feel their comfort or hear the guidance. We can be quick to say “I must not be praying hard enough?” “I must have done something wrong???” Or even, “Why has God abandoned me now?”" For myself all these scenarios and thoughts have something in common- my expectations. I expect Spirit to be here, present, and palpably so. I expect myself to be able to access that presence at all times, especially when I need it most. And, if any of these expectations go unmet, I think something is wrong with me and/or Spirit.

The older I get and the more years I attempt following Spirit, the more I realize She’s not really an “on demand” kind of gal. (Nor have I ever experienced God or Jesus as on demand either.) What if the point isn’t to be with us all the time? What if the nature of the Divine is to move like the wind. Sometimes it’s just right here, easily palpable even if not understood. And, other times it feels illusive and not easily available as needed in the moment.

Is there something to the spiritual discipline of showing up to Spirit regardless of whether She feels present to us? When I need Her most and She doesn’t feel present to me, her guidance feels intangible, can I pull out of my metaphorical pocket all the times She has been there for me? Might Spirit be present in all the touchstones She’s given me?

• Can I pull a thread through all the pearls She’s offered before providing a pathway of where to go next?

• Can I dip into Scripture and other reading that speaks to my soul and listen for Her wisdom and guidance there?

• Can I talk to a trusted friend or colleague and share my way into understanding all the nuggets She has offered previously, breadcrumbs of diamonds that not only speak to past experiences but current conundrums?

Have you had times you wanted Spirit to light a burning bush to give you a sign or steer you? Or, moments when you needed to hear Her and couldn’t? How have you navigated Spirit’s silence in your life? I’d love to hear… please share in the comments…

A special thank you to all paid subscribers! Your support keeps the posts coming and this author encouraged! Thank you! 🤍

Every time Andy and I left premarital counseling with our therapist, we saw this hanging on the wall. The imagery and message have stayed with us both over the years. And, this weekend I just purchased a copy to hang in my own counseling office. It has always resonated, and over the last couple years leaning in professionally and personally to Internal Family Systems (IFS), I have come to appreciate the imagery and message even more.

I actually don’t think anyone can slay a dragon. Some can, not sure that all can.

And, it’s true that slaying a dragon is far easier than befriending a dragon. And, that is what this picture depicts! Befriending a dragon. It’s not that you slay a dragon and then get up and love the world all over again. It’s that you get up and lovingly with compassion look the inner dragon in the eye and say, “Hey. I want to get to know you.”

Richard Schwartz the creator and founder of IFS is adamant that there are no bad parts of us. That even the inner dragons are truly trying to serve us, help us, prevent us from deeper hurting and suffering. So, though some of our inner dragons may breathe fire or whack around their large tails, they are only doing it so that we’ll stay way from the deeper, darker wounds within us. Sometimes it’s hard to imagine that inner dragons are trying to serve us, much less protect us. It often feels that THEY are what we need protecting from. When the dragons allow us to move in closer to them, offer them our calm, compassion, and curiosity, we can learn how important the dragon finds its roll and how determined he/she is to protect us from further pain. Turns out that the inner dragons deserve our care and kindness too.

When I’m not feeling all too loving towards one of my dragons, I call in the support of the Spirit. When I notice that Spirit can lean in with curiosity to every part of me- dragons and all, I find it empowers my ability to lean in as well. It’s like my True Self needs some encouragement and support from the Divine. Or, maybe it’s that Spirit serves as an excellent role model. I can feel into genuine compassion for the dragon as I notice that there is a felt sense to sensing the Spirit’s compassion for the dragon.

Thanks be to God we don’t have to face our dragons alone. Thanks be to God for the breathe of the Spirit and how She role models and cares for all our parts so that we can more bravely and patiently care for them as well. ❤️ 🐲 ❤

F️or all Knoxville readers, The Hive Bookshop has two copies of signed books in stock! I really love shopping local, and I really appreciate The Hive carrying my book. I put a small prayer/hope in each book when I signed them. So, if you’re needing a little Spirit nudge in handwriting, go pick one up. ☺️

If you’d like the opportunity to intentionally drop into the breath of the Spirit, join me Sunday, August 30th at Grace Point Camp and Retreat Center for an afternoon of meditation practices. From noon to 4pm that day, we’ll gather in their beautiful chapel for a variety of practices- guided meditations, gentle movement, loving kindness meditation, walking meditation- all with the intention of dropping into God’s love already within us and allowing the Spirit to breathe our minds, hearts, souls, and bodies. You can learn more about this offering on my website: www.carolinevogel.com. You can also find meditations on my website as well.

A special thank you to all paid subscribers! Your support keeps the posts coming and this author encouraged! Thank you! 🤍

Intuition is one of those things that can be hard to grasp, and yet… you know it when you know it. Over the years, I have come to think of intuition as the still small voice within, the gentle nudges of the Spirit, and sometimes major whack me over the head of the Challenger Guide. I heard myself say to Andy once again this morning, “You know the only times I get in trouble in life are when I don’t listen to my intuition.”

So, why don’t we listen to this gift from the beyond? Why don’t we honor that it’s a message that is meant to be received, appreciated, and listened to/honored? Some get bogged down in a legitimate stress response, and their emotional brain overrides the intuition. The body’s survival response will always win out over everything else. So, if for whatever reason it doesn’t feel safe to follow or act on the intuition, we won’t. So, freezing, or fleeing, or fawning can disrupt the organic ability to go with the intuition, to follow it.

Some of us have been indoctrinated to value what other people need over what we need or intuit is right or best for ourselves. So, some of us struggle to follow intuition because we believe that we’re not worthy of following it or we’d be wrong to place what we need/ what our intuition says over what someone else wants/needs.

It’s taken me a long time and a lot of inner work and healing to come to the place where I can both hear the intuition, honor it, and FOLLOW IT. I now honor intuition as one of the greatest gifts life and the Spirit offer. I don’t take it lightly, and I offer thanks for it daily.

A special thank you to all paid subscribers! Your support keeps the posts coming and this author encouraged! Thank you! 🤍

This weekend is Pentecost weekend! The date changes every year because Easter changes every year, and Pentecost is always 50 days after Easter Sunday. So there you have it!

Pentecost is the day we celebrate the breath of the Spirit moving among and filling the disciples gathered together (just as Jesus told them would happen). I have long thought of Pentecost as the Spirit’s birthday party- though she was around long before the day of Pentecost. She’s been around since the beginning of time. Maybe She precedes time. Pentecost marks a significant day, however, in Her movement within and among humanity. Hence, the perfect day to celebrate Her!

Naturally the Spirit’s birthday weekend is a perfect time for Rara and I to share the cover of our new children’s book- Meet My Friend Spirit which releases this August!

Meet My Friend Spirit is a book about a young girl named Dorothy Ann who introduces her best friend Spirit to all her friends. Helping her friends understand who Spirit is AND that she’s really everyone’s best friend.

I wrote this book to educate children that they always have an advocate with them- breathing through them, guiding them, comforting and challenging them. None of us are ever alone- ever. We always have the Spirit with us. When we need her and when we don’t- She’s there.

I also wrote it as a reminder to all the people reading this book to children or to the child within themselves. As adults we often forget that there is a Great Guide, a superb comforter, a wondrous source of wisdom moving within us and around us. We need only remember She’s with us and tap into Her presence.

Rara did an AMAZING job with the paintings and brings the story to life in exciting and fun ways that captures the attention of young and more seasoned hearts. I can’t wait for you to see the whole book in August!!!

Over the coming weeks, Rara and I will share more about our new book and all are welcome to our book signing at Camp Honey Coffee on Saturday, August 22nd from 3:30-5:30pm.

If you’d like the opportunity to intentionally drop into the breath of the Spirit, join me Sunday, August 30th at Grace Point Camp and Retreat Center for an afternoon of meditation practices. From noon to 4pm that day, we’ll gather in their beautiful chapel for a variety of practices- guided meditations, gentle movement, loving kindness meditation, walking meditation- all with the intention of dropping into God’s love already within us and allowing the Spirit to breathe our minds, hearts, souls, and bodies. You can learn more about this offering on my website: www.carolinevogel.com. You can also find meditations on my website as well.

If you missed Thursday evening’s webinar Compassion in a Hurting World with Frank Rogers Jr, you can watch the playback here.

Wishing everyone a Spirit-filled long weekend! -Caroline

A special thank you to all paid subscribers! Your support keeps the posts coming and this author encouraged! Thank you! 🤍

My new friend Sally wanted to talk Sophia, and I’ve been thinking about our conversation ever since. Sally is more AI savvy than I am. (Who am I kidding- everyone on the planet is more savvy with AI than I am!) A couple days after our conversation she sent me some AI scoop on the differences and similarities between Stoicism Wisdom and Sophia Wisdom.

So, while exercising, I was reading the chat she sent me and found myself smiling from ear to ear. I was smiling because all the ChatGBT lines up with why I consider myself a lover of the Holy Spirit, a seeker and follower of Sophia. I have always aligned Sophia (divine feminine/ Wisdom) with the Holy Spirit, Spirit with Sophia. For me, they are one in the same.

So, whether we’re talking about the Wisdom of the Hebrew Scriptures or the Holy Spirit of the New Testament, in my heart of hearts and soul of souls, we’re addressing and/or encountering the same divine feminine within us, within someone else or within the world about us.

Below I’m going to put several of the points from the chat that made me smile…

• Christian wisdom anchored in the Sophia/Spirit flows from the belief that “Peace comes not from controlling life, but from alignment with God.” Yes, yes, yes. We steady our souls and bodies, our minds and hearts with intentional connection between our beings and the Divine.

• Book of Proverbs portrays Wisdom almost as a living feminine presence:

  • calling in the streets

  • guiding rulers

  • shaping creation itself

  And in the New Testament, the Holy Spirit is understood not simply as information, but as:

  • counselor

  • comforter

  • guide

  • source of discernment and transformation

  • One might say all of these could be a living feminine presence too- counselor, comforter, guide, and source of discernment and transformation.

• “Wisdom changes how you walk through the world.” Yes, yes, yes- wisdom is not merely a head exercise. Wisdom is a knowing in our bones, our hearts, our souls, so much so that is shifts how we walk through the world. Thanks be to God!

• The Spirit-Centered Sage says ““Open your heart and be transformed.” It sounds magical, doesn’t it? Open your heart and be transformed. If it were just that easy! One of the reasons I have so enjoyed and appreciated mindful meditation over the years as my main spiritual practice is that it offers the opportunity to be still and open my heart. Some might experience receiving the Eucharist/Communion as their heart opening practice. Others may read scripture, others walk with a friend, others meet with a spiritual companion. Many of us have a variety of spiritual practices to encourage our heart to open. In my experience, the transformation is all in Sophia’s time, in Her ways. We cannot will transformation. There is no equation to if I open my heart X many times, I will be transformed. So, there is both a willingness to show up and open my heart and also an acceptance that what happens next (if anything happens) is pure mystery.

• “Stoicism seeks emotional regulation while Sophia wisdom seeks emotional transfiguration. One aims for clarity. The other aims for sanctification.” My experience of following Sophia/Spirit is actually both of these. The more I anchor in Her presence, the more emotionally regulated I am. Through repeated anchoring over periods of time, I may glimpse some transfiguration from time to time. So, I see this as a both/and. In seeking emotional transfiguration there is a lot of emotional regulation along the way. Just as there tends to be great clarity along the pathway to sanctification.

• Transformation and sanctification are lofty goals in my opinion. And in this ever earthly, messy life, I do not expect myself to be transformed nor sanctified. As I follow Her, however, I do have glimpses of transformation and sanctification. Times when my reactivity is more calibrated by Her breathe and healing. Moments when I feel more deeply connected to the Source within me and able to relate from that place. All to say, I think there is a lot to be said for noticing, embracing, celebrating emotional regulation and clarity along The Way and how they are every bit as important as transformation and sanctification.

• “Sophia is often experienced not merely as “truth,” but as:

  • living wisdom

  • sacred feminine presence

  • compassionate discernment

  • the intelligence of love”

  • Each of these bullets lights up my brain. Not just wisdom- living wisdom. Wisdom that shapes our days, enlightens our minds, stirs our hearts, strengthens our will, and empowers our bodies- living wisdom. Sacred feminine presence that is kind, gentle, firm, challenging and empowering. A presence that is for us, works with us, encourages us, and maybe even gives us a swift kick in the butt from time to time. Compassionate discernment. Not just discernment- compassionate discernment. Holding the processing and decision making of life with a reverence- a deliberate turning towards and honoring the hard and rough spots of life with care. The intelligence of love. I don’t think we consider this truth enough- the intelligence of love. I’ll write a whole post on this at some point.

For years and years and years, I’ve filled journal after journal about my Sophia/Spirit musings. Conversations with Her, ponderings, prayers, and questions about Her- how She connects with my life and experiences, how She may be moving in other people and how She’s moving in and through the world. I don’t know whether to be disturbed that AI nailed my understanding and lived experience with Sophia/Spirit so well or rather to rejoice in being seen and understood in my alignment. Like most of life, it’s a swirl of the both/and. I’m both disturbed and delighted. I’m curious how you relate to Sophia/Spirit and what if any of the chat above left you with a greater understanding, awareness, or appreciation of Her presence in your life…

Just as a reminder, Frank and I hope you’ll join us next Thursday, May 21st @ 7pm EST for our webinar hosted by the publisher for both our books- Upper Room Books. The webinar is entitled: Practicing Compassion in a Hurting World. We’ll be discussing the organic overlaps of our books and leading practices from our books as well. You can buy Frank’s book and mine at this page for a discounted price. Even if you can’t attend the evening of May 21st, please register so you can receive a recording of the webinar and watch at your convenience.

A special thank you to all paid subscribers! Your support keeps the posts coming and this author encouraged! Thank you! 🤍

I am reading Frank Roger’s book Compassion in Practice: The Way of Jesus (Revised Edition) in preparation for a webinar that he and I are doing together Thursday evening, May 21st. (See more information below.) I have underlined and highlighted, noted and flagged more sentences than I haven’t. I’m already enjoying it so much, I’ve purchased 5 copies to give to family and friends who I know will enjoy it too! Don’t you love reading a book knowing how much others are going to love it too! Do you ever read back over something intentionally reading it from how you imagine someone else will read it/ hear it?

Anyway, Frank’s words ring true to where I am and where I think many are these days. I know many deeply compassionate people who are struggling to either stay compassionate or trying to take their compassion deeper. This book is really for any and all of us who value compassion and value embodying it for ourselves and others. It’s such a gift to offer a book to people as a way of “seeing them” and seeing the world we’re living in and how better to approach it. I’ll be sharing more as I continue to read because I find it’s so thought provoking in juicy soul ways. As well as helpful in it’s straight forward, practical, rubber hits the road approach to LIVING, EMBODYING COMPASSION.

For example, Frank outlines very clearly the essential components of compassion using the acronym PULSE:

1. Paying attention/ Contemplative awareness. He quotes William McNamara definition “a long, loving look at the real.”

2. Understanding empathically / Being moved emotionally.

3. Loving with connection/ all-accepting warm regard.

4. Sensing the sacredness/ spiritual expansiveness. Noting that “compassion is a spiritual energy.” Frank writes that “These moments (compassion-filled moments) are portals of a celestial Presence that remind us that compassion flows not only from a single person’s generous heart but also from the very texture of the universe. We are plugged into and instruments of the sacred Spirit whose loving energy reverberates throughout all time and space, holds with care every scar and wound no matter how deep or brutal, and seeps through the open heart that is willing to be the instrument through which it might soothe another.” (p.42)

5. Embodying new life/ desire for flourishing.

6. ACT from the pulse of compassionate connection. Acting with care/ restorative embodiment.

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I love it when authors breakdown the meaning of something fairly intangible like compassion or trust. When we read through these descriptions (that he goes more into in the book), we have a greater sense and likely greater appreciation for what compassion actually is and how we might engage it. In the breakdown of meaning, it’s also possible to gain better awareness of where we get hung up in the practice and/or embodiment of compassion. For example, maybe we find it easy to pay attention with a long, loving look for what is real. And, maybe we are easily stirred empathically. But, having an all-accepting warm regard feels difficult. Breakdown of definitions can provide clarity in helping us figure out where our working edges are and therefore a way in to deepening our practice and embodiment.

I really appreciate how Frank calls to attention to “sometimes, compassion requires cultivation.” He follows that by saying “-the pulse of our lives feel off, beats out of synch with the pulse of God’s love, and requires restoration to the tender heartbeat of care.” I find myself wanting to share several pages of his book right here! But, I’ll stop myself and encourage you to purchase his book for a deeper dive.

Compassion for others comes so very easily to many of us. Some not so much. In either case, there are times for compassion to be cultivated. Even for those who find compassion as natural as breathing, even those need times of cultivation because their pulse is off. Part of being alive in this crazy world means that at times (if not large stretches of time) we aren’t in synch with the pulse of God’s love. It’s not bad or wrong. It’s simply human. Can we allow ourselves the opportunity to notice when we’re off and use practices that walk in The Way of Jesus to pull us back into the flow of the life-giving Spirit and anchored in God’s love? From here, Frank goes on to describe a four-fold Compassion Practice and then each following chapter takes on a fold. Ending with a chapter called The Hope: The Miracle of Compassion.

Frank and I hope you’ll join us Thursday, May 21st @ 7pm EST for our webinar hosted by the publisher for both our books- Upper Room Books. The webinar is entitled: Practicing Compassion in a Hurting World. We’ll be discussing the organic overlaps of our books and leading practices from our books as well. You can buy Frank’s book and mine at this page for a discounted price. Even if you can’t attend the evening of May 21st, please register so you can receive a recording of the webinar and watch at your convenience.

A special thank you to all paid subscribers! Your support keeps the posts coming and this author encouraged! Thank you! 🤍

I mentioned in last weekend’s post that I recently finished Shelby Van Pelt’s book Remarkably Bright Creatures. I started it years ago when it first came out (2022) and really couldn’t get into it even though everyone was raving about it. Then last week I saw a preview for the Netflix movie starring one of my all time favorite actresses- Sally Field. I found my soul nudging me back to the book. Maybe it was picturing Sally Field as Tova, but I was hooked this time. I couldn’t put it down. I found myself tearing up at points, smiling with my head titled to the side as a read, and laughing out loud. By the middle of the book I knew this was a novel I didn’t want to end. I would miss the characters and their relationships to each other too much.

I think the part that stirred my mind, heart and soul the most was the nod to the capacity we all have to be Remarkably Bright Creatures. I think it’s how God made us. How God made creation. And, when we partner in life with the Spirit, on a daily basis, with each breath and decision, we amp our capacity and ability to be remarkably bright.

There are moments within the book when I even found myself thinking of the octopus as a bit how I think of the Spirit- playful, observant, insightful, willing to go to great lengths for the care and wellbeing of those he loves, a nudger of awakening, moves in surprising ways. The list is really quite long actually.

My post this weekend is really quite simple- a gentle reminder that you are a remarkably bright creature, and if you want to amp that brightness, simply keep pairing up with the Spirit.

Be sure to register for the upcoming webinar hosted by Upper Room Books. Author Frank Rogers and I will share our perspectives on how to practice compassion in a hurting world. If you’d like to read ahead, you can purchase both our books here.

A special thank you to all paid subscribers! Your support keeps the posts coming and this author encouraged! Thank you! 💖

Recently someone mentioned the 7 deadly sins: pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, sloth. Then I found myself reading them in a slightly different form and language when I was reviewing The Gospel of Mary Magdalene: darkness, desire, ignorance, craving for death, force of the physical body, the foolish wisdom of the flesh and the compulsion of rage. And, I found myself thinking that in essence all the deadly sins or forces/powers are ways in which we try to protect ourselves from pain, run away from or minimize pain. Ways we try to make ourselves all powerful rather than staying in humble relation to the Divine- pride (inflated self to the point of superiority), greed (I want more, more, more), lust (excessive sexual desire), envy (resent or desire of someone else’s more), gluttony (excessive desire for food and drink), wrath (fight response), sloth (freeze response). Rather than relying on God, we take matters into our hands (consciously or subconsciously) as a way to pivot away from mental, emotional, physical, or spiritual pain. I want to note that we are biologically wired to pivot away from pain, so pain is perfectly natural as is our desire to escape it.

In Internal Family Systems (IFS) work we would call all these sins “managers” or “firefighters”. We’d call the pain an “exile”- in that we naturally try to exile our pain and not deal with it, better yet- not feel it. Managers are ways we keep ourselves from feeling any original pain/ exiles. And, firefighters are parts that get thrown into action when the exile pain has been activated; the firefighter is simply trying to put the pain out once on fire so to speak.

So much of religion historically has been about making people feel badly/ sinful for how they don’t meet the mark of obedience to God. How they don’t fully rely on God to meet their needs, comfort their sorrow, or alleviate their pain and suffering. How we take matters (even our pain) into our own hands. And, I wonder… I get curious if by naming the ways we naturally/biologically steer ourselves away from our pain (naming it “sinful”), we perpetuate our suffering rather than use that energy to meet the original pain in ways that might actually alleviate it.

What if, rather, we engage our pain and the ways we try to move away from it with curiosity, allow God’s love to embrace it and hold it dearly, and open to the movement of the Spirit to breathe new life through it? Basically, what if we apply the fruits of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control) and/or the 8Cs of Self Leadership (IFS Institute) (calm, curiosity, compassion, creativity, clarity, courage, confidence, and connectedness) to our pain and suffering rather than judge it?

As a priest who has moved into the world of trauma therapy, I’m in an interesting position to see the wholeness of this picture- the biology, the psychology, and the religiosity. This matrix has always held my deepest fascination, interest and passion- body, mind and spirit. The places where our minds, bodies and spirits interconnect and create health and wholeness and/or some gradation of dis-ease and suffering. Our fullest health expands with the alignment of body, mind and spirit. So, from this perspective can we look at our “sins” as the ways in which we’re trying to manage our own pain, our exiles?

One of the things I’ve both enjoyed and appreciated about learning from and engaging Internal Family Systems (IFS) is Richard Schwartz’s belief that there are truly No Bad Parts, as one of his books is titled. All managers, all firefighters, one might say “all sin” is an attempt to alleviate pain. Now, many mangers and firefighters and certainly sins tend to make a big fat mess of things, so it’s hard to see them as “helpful” or even “good.” For example, it’s hard to see how wrath is trying to keep someone away from pain when the wrath itself is painful. However, the manager “wrath” believes it’s pain isn’t nearly as bad or painful as the pain one would feel if it had to face and feel the original pain directly. So, wrath manages by pulling the attention away from the original pain and directing all energy on uncontrolled feelings of anger, rage, and hate.

Judgement isn’t the point, after all. Naming and understanding something as “sinful” isn’t what a loving God is after. The whole point of noticing how we’re keeping away from our pain or putting out the fire of our pain is so that we can meet it with compassion and love, acceptance and presence just as God does with us and for us. The point is to bring ourselves (with God’s help) back into alignment body, mind, and spirit which is where we most easily align with Spirit.

I just finished reading a wonderful novel Remarkably Bright Creatures. The main character (played by Sally Field in the Netflix movie- out on May 8th) has this remarkable relationship with an octopus. A relationship that changes her life for the better. The octopus will weave a tentacle up her arm or use a tentacle to motion her attention. I quite think of the Spirit this way- weaving her tentacle up our arm or motioning to get out attention somewhere. Or, maybe even swatting us a bit, nudging us back into Her flow, her compassion so that we may be more fully aligned in body, mind and spirit.

What about you? Are there ways you can see or appreciate that your “sins” are trying to protect you from facing or feeling your original pain? How might the fruits of the Spirit already within you and/or the 8Cs of Self Leadership help you navigate, hold, engage, maybe even embrace your pain? Might awareness of your managers held with compassion be the first step in finding your way back into alignment with Spirit, connected to your truest self, the essence of your being- your soul?

Be sure to register for the upcoming webinar hosted by Upper Room Books. Author Frank Rogers and I will share our perspectives on how to practice compassion in a hurting world. If you’d like to read ahead, you can purchase both our books here.

A special thank you to all paid subscribers! Your support keeps the posts coming and this author encouraged! Thank you! 💜

As I shared in last weekend’s post, I found myself curious about how the Divine may yearn for our company as much as we yearn for their’s. Today is more about how we yearn for the divine’s company as most of us are more acquainted on some level with that yearning within our own heart, mind, soul or body.

We hunger at times for a knowing, maybe even a felt sense that there is a benevolent being bigger than us that cares about us- a loving God that roots for our wellbeing and health, our goodness and strength. Maybe even tries to run interception at times for those ends. As a priest, chaplain and now a trauma therapist, what I have always found is that we are most hungry, maybe even desperate at times to know of this benevolent being, a felt sense of a loving God when we’re in pain- physical, mental, emotional, and/or spiritual pain. And, the irony is that because of how our nervous systems are wired, we are least likely to remember much less have a felt sense of that holy presence when we need it most. This can be so frustrating!

This is the way I see it and experience it… We have so many facets of our lives- family, work, friendships, care of our homes, finances, preparation of meals, chores, exercise, faith/spirituality, community involvement, politics, etc. (These are all the purple circles below.) When we feel overwhelmed all we really see and focus on is the “black hole” of despair, anxiety, shutdown. It can feel lonely and isolating. Our nervous system uses everything it has to zone in and tend to the “point of interest.” We may try to solve it, numb it, run away from it, fix it, deny it- any number of ways of managing the pain of it can come into play.

In this hyperfocus on either managing the pain directly or managing the pain by distracting from it, all our energy is THERE. And, from this place the presence of a loving God, the breath of the Spirit fades into the background. Sometimes so much so that we forget it’s even there or could be there. We cry out in anger and pain to this loving God, “Where are you?!?!?!” Much like Jesus’ words, “Lord, why have you forsaken me?”

The way I have experienced life and understand the gospels, is that God never promised that life was going to be easy or fair. God never promised that if we were faithful that we would be rewarded with ease in our lives, free of pain and suffering. I think humanity has wanted this interpretation so much so that we believe that somehow it’s in there.

Rather, as I have shared before, I believe the divine, holy promise is to be WITH US in all that life throws at us. The joy, the wonder, the pain, the suffering, the mundane. Just as Jesus experienced pain and suffering and wondered where God was in the midst of it all, we can trust the divine has empathy and compassion, a deep sense of knowing of the trials we go through in our lives.

I have found it to be like most of life- practice, practice, practice. We build muscle memory of the divine presence with us in good times and hard ones.

As an EMDR therapist, when I teach clients about the Safe/Calm State, I encourage people to practice it when they are already in a low stress state. As we build some muscle memory for that calm/safe state, we then have people try and practice it when they “need it”- when life feels unruly, when their nervous system doesn’t feel safe or calm. Can they use their word for safe/calm state and practice feeling into that place to draw the nervous system back into their window of tolerance. It takes practice. For some of us it takes a lot of practice!

I think we learn to rely on the divine presence through similar practice. It’s really hard to rely on someone, anyone who you don’t spend time with. It’s hard to have trust or know how to co-regulate with them, if you’re never around each other. When we set the intention to regularly show up to our loving God through prayer, centering prayer, meditation, walking with God (literally taking a walk as a way of spending time with God), journaling, reading scripture or other literature that turns our attention to The Love, discussing God with loved ones and trusted companions, we build the muscle memory of connection with our loving God. It’s one of the reasons why 12 steps are so successful- it provides community and companionship, intention and accountability to purposely turning attention to a Higher Power. When I was a priest, one of the things I appreciated most about the regular rhythm of worship was the intention of turning the eyes of my heart to a loving God in community. Receiving communion in my hands that genuinely felt like it strengthened and nourished me for the week ahead.

Through regular practice we grow our capacity (our window of tolerance) to be with the pain and suffering we may be experiencing at any given time AND in doing so leave more room to sense and access the presence of our loving God with us, loving us, supporting us, rooting for us. We may even have eyes to see more clearly both within ourselves and around us. In this way, accessing connection to the divine, we also are better capable of accessing our own higher good within us. Such as the fruits of the Spirit- love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. And/or, the 8 Cs of Self Leadership outlined by the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model- calm, compassion, clarity, curiosity, courage, confidence, creativity and connectedness.

It’s not to say the pain and suffering is completely eliminated. Rather, in connectedness with our own higher self and a Higher Power, we can hold life with more balance and equanimity with more space within us to be guided by the Spirit.

They say in 12 step rooms that people often have to leave the environments that don’t work for them, that trigger them and make them more likely to pick up their substance of choice. Alcoholics can’t hang with friends they met at bars. Al-Anons can’t hang with people they want to overly help or save. Overeaters can’t frequent fast food places. We have to learn to “make new friends” and not hang out in the old environments that pull for our drug of choice.

In so many ways, God, Spirit, Jesus, Love, Higher Power is the best friend to our soul, our true self, our self leadership. If we want to strengthen our soul, our true self, our ability to soberly self-lead, it’s wise to find a good companion to spend time with strengthening our commitment to The Good Life rather than feeding our managers, firefighters and demons with environments and people that pull for managing the pain and suffering rather than growing our capacity to be with it, move through it (rather than around it), maybe even be transformed by it into new life.

In the Gospel of Mary Magdalene, it says in Dialogue Two…

When we intentionally stay connected to our loving God through prayer, meditation, yoga, journaling, walking, reading scripture or other literature, listening to music, hiking in nature, receiving the Eucharist, we give our hearts the opportunity to open towards the Good. That opening empowers us to live from this inner place where we have greater capacity to engage both ourselves and others with kindness, compassion, health and wellbeing.

As we make our way through this Eastertide, might we meditate on all the ways we encourage our hearts to open towards the good, live and engage from a place of wholeness and compassion. 🌷

A special thank you to all paid subscribers! Your support keeps the posts coming and this author encouraged! Thank you! 🩷

As I shared in last weekend’s Easter post, through Holy Week, I found myself curious about how the Divine may yearn for our company as much as we yearn for their’s. We social creatures are after all created in God’s image, so might God be a social creature too? More than anything, might our loving God be not only a God of love as a belief, but as a way of life? Might love by way of connection be the essence of the God we believe in and connect to? Maybe the whole point of Jesus’ walking this earth was to literally show us, embody, role model how to connect with the love of God? Wasn’t connection at the heart of Jesus’ life and ministry- both his connection to God but also his connection to humanity and creation? Maybe all that loving connection wasn’t simply one way. Maybe it has been a reciprocal love all along.

When I think about how Mary Magdalene both anointed Jesus the day before Palm Sunday and then was the first person he encountered in resurrected form, it makes me curious about Jesus’ desire for connection- to be seen and understood, accompanied. It makes me then curious about the wider concept of relationships in Jesus’ life and ministry. How Jesus benefited from his relationships with the disciples, the people he encountered, and maybe especially that woman in the Gospel of Matthew that begs him to heal her daughter even though they aren’t Israelites. I’ve also been fascinated by how (just maybe) the encounter with this woman, the way the Spirit breathed through both of them in this encounter, broke something important open in Jesus. We’ll come back to her another time. This weekend I’m staying with the connection with Mary Magdalene…

Being the Maundy Thursday girl that I am, I find it fascinating that before Jesus washed the disciples feet, Mary had (just days prior) anointed Jesus’ feet with expensive nard. Before Jesus touches the feet of the disciples and makes them feel all uncomfortable (at first), Mary had touches Jesus living feet and wiped them with her hair and tears. There is this weaving of receiving and giving, giving and receiving that includes Jesus himself.

When Mary encounters Jesus in the garden in resurrected form, of course she doesn’t think the man is him. Though she doesn’t know where they have laid her friend and teacher, it doesn’t cross her mind that this guy in the garden speaking with her is him. It’s not until he says her name (which she must have heard him say hundreds of times before his death) that she realizes her beloved friend and teacher is living, breathing and standing before her. She turns and says his name in return. ❤️ ♾️ ❤️ If you read this passage slowly enough, you can feel the connection between them, the movement of the Spirit. And, then he says the most interesting thing…

In this rush of movement of the Spirit between them, this recognition that Jesus was alive, being accounted for, witnessed in his resurrection, there was likely a deep desire within Mary (as there would be within the other followers) to hold on to him. After experiencing such a terrifying or horrific loss of his death on the cross, the natural instinct would have been to hold on to him for dear life. It reminds me of the time when I couldn’t find my younger son. I was terrified. Panic ran through all my veins; I was mobilizing people right and left. Eight minutes (that felt like hours) later when we found him at the snack bar, I held him so close he likely couldn’t breathe. Someone was going to have to pry him out of my arms.

In Jesus’ words, though, I think Jesus is pointing to the secure attachment that has already been created within us and for us by way of his loving connection. We don’t have to cling to him. We don’t have to hold onto him in order to feel secure in his love and connection to us. His love and connection live with us. The Spirit breathes this love in and through us breath by breath. So much so that we can go tell our brothers and sisters about it with confidence and clarity.

We are so deeply loved. I hope the awareness of this divine love, the movement of the Spirit that carries it within us and through us changes everything about our lives. May we move about this day and through the world claiming the secure attachment we already have with our loving God. Amen.

A special thank you to all paid subscribers! Your support keeps the posts coming and this author encouraged! Thank you! 🧡

Leaning into the Divine Feminine Through Mary of Magdala

I didn’t give much thought to Mary Magdalene growing up. I didn’t give her much thought in divinity school either, if I’m honest. I wasn’t sure why anyone would want to pay much attention to Mary Magdalene. She was possessed by demons and then freed of them. She was considered an adulterer. I mean why would anyone want to lean in there? Sounds kind of terrifying.

It wasn’t until two pieces of work that I found myself curious about this Mary- curious in a way that didn’t terrify me but rather broke open my curiosity: (1) I listened to Diana Butler Bass’s sermon she gave at the Wild Goose Festival in 2022 and later (2) when I read Cynthia Bourgeault’s book The Meaning of Mary Magdalene: Discovering the Woman at the Heart of Christianity (suggested to me by a parishioner where I was serving at the time).

So it is on this Holy Week that I have been sitting with two passages both of which I believe are about Mary Magdalene, both from the Gospel of John.

The first is (John Chapter 12) when Mary anoints Jesus for burial the day before Palm Sunday. The men are gathered with Jesus in Bethany. Mary takes an expensive jar of nard and anoints Jesus’ feet. Judas is up in arms that they shouldn’t be using the nard for Jesus but rather for the poor. You kind of expect Jesus to agree with him (or I do), but instead he says…

It’s a really intimate moment between Mary and Jesus. She’s wiping his feet with her hair. The room becomes fragrant with the nard. According to the scholarship of Elizabeth Schrader Polcze, Mary and Martha could have been one person- Mary Magdalene. At some point the text was altered making her two women (sisters) so as to downplay her importance in the life and ministry of Jesus. Doesn’t that just make you want to take a deep breath and sit with it for a hot minute.

Later in John Chapter 20 this Mary goes to the tomb looking for Jesus’ dead body so she can properly prepare him for burial. (She needs to use the rest of the nard from earlier in the week.) When she arrives, she notices that the stone has been removed. She goes and tells Simon Peter and the other disciple. They run and see for themselves that Jesus’ body isn’t there. They run home while Mary stays standing there weeping outside the tomb. Eventually she looks into the tomb and sees two angels in white. One is sitting where Jesus’ head had been and the other sitting where his feet would have been. They ask her why she’s weeping. She turns back around (away from the tomb) and sees Jesus standing there (but she doesn’t know it’s Jesus). Jesus asks her why she is weeping and who she is looking for. She tells him that she doesn’t know where her Lord is and if he could please show her, she’ll take him away. Jesus says to her…

Mary then takes off to tell the disciples what she has experienced. There is so much to say about both of these texts. And, when held together, what powerful “bookends” to Holy Week. Mary anointing him both for burial at the beginning of the week and her looking for his body to finish anointing at the end of the week. And, it’s so much more than preparation for burial.

Mary really sees Jesus- holds space for his experience, the anticipation of what is to come- the pain, suffering and then the disorientation of resurrection. She both helps to prepare him for the days ahead with the anointing AND encounters him on the other side of the cross, his life after death in resurrected state. That’s a lot to hold with someone. And, it does make me wonder about how the Divine yearns to be seen and companioned as well as humanity yearns to be seen and companioned by the Divine. (I’ll write more about this in next weekend’s post.) ♾️

I recently reread The Gospel of Mary Magdalene in The Luminous Gospels offered by Lynn Bauman, Ward Bauman, and Cynthia Bourgeault (which includes the Gospels of Thomas, Mary Magdalene and Philip.) And, I’ve just started reading Karen King’s book The Gospel of Mary of Magdala. My soul tells me there is more to lean into here, more to learn from Mary The Tower, a wider appreciation to grasp of how the Divine Feminine is reflected, role modeled, embodied by this Mary and what we can learn from her to enhance our own wisdom, connection to the Divine, and embodiment of Love.

Wishing you moments of quiet in whatever form of garden you find yourself in this Easter weekend. May your experiences with the risen Christ not pass you by, nor the opportunities to lean into new life. 🌷 🦋 🌸

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In last weekend’s post I wrote about the hunger to lean into understanding and connection with the divine feminine. For me this has mainly been an adventure with the Spirit- reading passages throughout Scripture where She appears. Thinking about those passages individually as well as collectively. I love considering how the breath of the Spirit breathes through all of scripture pulling a thread of wisdom from beginning to end. A golden thread of wisdom that continues to breathe through us today. By looking back through scripture and how others engaged the Spirit, we glean wisdom and insight about how we can too.

In last week’s post, I was also curious about prayers written by women, so I wanted to share some of my findings that are feeding my soul in the hopes they might feed yours as well.

Prayers Written By Women

Some might wonder why I yearn for prayers written by women. I’ve even wondered it myself. There are wonderful, even tremendous prayers that speak to my soul written by men. And, does it really matter who wrote them? For me this is a true both/and.

It both doesn’t matter who wrote the prayers if it speaks to my soul, and it deeply matters. It matters because the way we hear God speak to us in our lives, the way we hear Spirit whisper to us is shaped by what we read and how we pray. The words women choose and the cadence in which they speak is often nuanced. In the nuance the soul can feel seen and understood, spoken to and nourished in meaningful and important ways.

Below are some of the prayers written by women that are resonating with my soul...

A Rhythm of Prayer: A Collection of Meditations for Renewal

Sarah Bessey edited this book of prayers and meditations written all by women. She contributes a few passages herself. I wanted to share a bit from the introduction of this book because it speaks so well to what I think I’m yearning for too…

Breath Prayer: An Ancient Practice for the Everyday Sacred

I love the idea of having a breath prayer for checking my phone and also sending emails & texts! These are two breath prayers by Christine Valters Paintner’s book Breath Prayer: An Ancient Practice for the Everyday Sacred…

How the Stars Get in Your Bones

I have long loved the work of Jan Richardson. I’m currently enjoying her Book of Blessings entitled How the Stars Get in Your Bones (isn’t that a great title!) which was released a couple months ago. There are several blessings I particularly love, and here is one of them…

The Black Liturgies: Prayers, Poems, & Meditations for Staying Human

Another source I’ve been devouring lately is The Black Liturgies: Prayers, Poems, and Meditations for Staying Human written by Cole Arthur Riley.

The Sunday after George Floyd died was Pentecost Sunday. Given that it was still the height of the pandemic, Riley tuned into her church’s worship service online. Even though the prayers of Thomas Cramner spoke to her through depression, she now found them suffocating. So, Riley started Black Liturgies “mostly out of rage” that was both holy and hatred. (She hopes more holy.) She’s clear in her introduction that she writes out of her Christian formation. AND, she also notes that she also writes from a deep spirituality that “flows through her family— a spirituality grounded not in articulation of doctrine or creed, but in storytelling, myth, humor, and the Black body.” She says that “if the book has loyalty to anything, it is to spiritual liberation in all its incarnations and complexities.”

Speaking of women writing to women, Upper Room Books sent out an email of book recommendations this week for Women’s History Month. You can purchase any of these books from their online bookstore with the discount: UR0326…

Ponder: Do you have favorite prayers written by women?

Practice: How do prayers by women affect you? Differently than prayers written by men?

Participate: Please share prayers written by women or resources that you engage to lean into the divine feminine.

Holy and gracious Spirit, my soul yearns for your divine feminine presence within me and around me. May the wholeness of your divine feminine see my hunger, soothe my thirst and settle my body and spirit into a deep sense of safety and security in you. From this deep sense of security, may I be empowered to love myself wholeheartedly as you love me. May I love you with a fierceness that knows no bounds. And, from this well of genuine love for you and myself, my I love others in a way that embodies your loving kindness for all of humanity and creation. Amen.

Several of the people who have reached out to me to start spiritual direction over the past year have had something in common- they are looking for a safe place to talk about the Divine Feminine. Some whisper into the phone as they share this with me. Some speak it boldly with conviction. In every case, I can feel the hunger, the need to create sacred space to lean into whatever this means- “divine feminine”.

I have this same hunger. And, if I’m honest I’ve grown tired and more than a little weary of connecting with God the Father and God the Son and all the white male voices that talk about God the Father and God the Son. I took a class not long ago from a man I deeply respect about the Divine Feminine, and I dropped out of the class. Something in my soul said, “Enough.” I don’t want to learn about the Divine Feminine from a man. I just don’t.

Lately, I’ve found myself hungry for a prayer book written in the words of women. So, I’ve been pulling together prayers and quotes, poems and lyrics from various places to make my own prayer book. It’s not that I don’t resonate and appreciate the words of men. There are oodles of prayers, theology and writings of men that have taught me, formed me well in healthy and life-affirming ways. This isn’t an either/or scenario. This is a “where are all the prayers written by women” era. My soul yearns to be nourished by female words, ideas, thoughts, and ponderings.

A couple years ago I had the good fortune to go to Iona, Scotland with a group of 10 women from Tennessee and join a gaggle of other pilgrims from all over for an Allie and John Philip Newell offering. On that small island of liminal space I found myself daily sitting in the ruins of an old nunnery. I’d just sit in there on a bench and listen to the quiet, curious about the women who had lived here long ago. I wondered about their prayers, their connection to God and each other. I was curious about their strength and resilience. I also wrote. I wrote about an experience that had left me feeling angry with God, an emotion towards God with no muscle, just a lot of quiet, furry. Though as a chaplain I had always encouraged palliative care patients to be angry when they found themselves angry with God, the truth is I rarely (if ever) was angry with God myself. I had always told patients “God can handle it.” The question really was “Can we?” Maybe I felt the strength of all those women with me allowing me the time, space and courage to get angry. Hot tears streaked my face.

One day John Philip and Allie Newell were leading us in a chant within the oldest building on the island- a small chapel that sits next to the famous Iona Abbey. It was quite barren, no seating, wooden beams, a few prayer candles you could still light. As we were chanting and moving in a circle, I found my heart lifting. The eyes of my heart shifted to the wooden beams above, and I found myself thinking of something an old mentor told me before she died. “Caroline, sometimes we have experiences to broaden our empathy for the experiences of others. This experience offers you deeper empathy and compassion for other women.” It was like my mentor’s soul was perched on that beam whispering to me. Something settled in my soul in that moment and the moments that followed. I experienced such divine kindness in that clarity.

In the clarity I heard my own theology- I didn’t believe (and still don’t believe) God allowed anything to happen to me. People have free will and do insane things with it all the time. And, God was both with me and helped me find a way out, and the experience by all means has deepened and broadened my compassion and empathy for women’s experiences.

People have written me and shared how when reading As Yourself: The Sacred Work of Embodying Grace, the tears start flowing in the introduction when I share about calling Spirit “She” and naming why.

For all the women and men out there who find themselves hungry for understanding and connection with the divine feminine, I encourage you to lean into the Spirit. Read about Her, meditate with Her, pray to & with the Spirit. As Jesus promises in the Gospel of John, She will guide you into all truth. She will meet you. And, if you’re looking for a spiritual director, please email me. I’m not taking new companions at the moment, but I have some dear colleagues that are who are absolutely fabulous. 🕊️