Even if someone warns you about this before you have kids, it’s hard to actually understand until you’re living it: once your baby is born, until they start kindergarten, you don’t get child-free time unless you pay for it. There are naps, there’s after bedtime, sure. But those are brief exhales you mostly spend showering, eating, or trying to get enough sleep to function the next day. And yes, plenty of parents have family or close friends they trust with their kids. But those people aren’t always around when you need them, and sometimes they live farther away than you’d like.

So: enter the babysitter. The nanny. The daycare.

A friend of mine without kids was telling me recently about a friend of his—a Forwhen family, as it happens—who he thinks has the best balance of any parents he knows. Still traveling, still working, still going out together, two kids in. When he described it, it didn’t sound like they knew a secret that I didn’t about parenting. It sounded like hours. The parents with the best balance I know are, almost without exception, the parents with the most childcare.

Since starting Forwhen, I’ve had 12 to 20 hours of childcare a week. This fall my daughter starts daycare three days a week, which brings us to 24. Otherwise, it’s on me—my husband works full-time, and while I have in-laws nearby and they do so much for us (including watching Tate this weekend while we go to a friend’s wedding, yay!), they’re not able to take on consistent weekly childcare. Most weeks it feels like treading water: I need to grow Forwhen to make more money for my family, and growing it takes more hours than I currently have to give it. I’m looking forward to what a more consistent schedule could do for the business, and for the three of us.

Even the childcare hours I currently do have don’t all go to work. There are doctor’s appointments, grocery runs, workouts, showers, meal prep. Sometimes it’s a nap, because she was up at 3am and I need the energy to get through the rest of the day. This isn’t a complaint—it’s just the reality most parents live in, whether or not they have full-time childcare. Whatever hours you’re given, whatever you’re doing will expand to fill them. And then there will always be that workout class you’d like to take, that article you meant to read, or your partner who you haven’t spent alone time with in months.

I started Forwhen before I understood how much my time—and my focus—would shift once I became a mom. If my daughter is downstairs with a new sitter and I can hear it’s not going smoothly, my to-do list stops mattering. So I guess what I’m really saying is: what’s more important than childcare? It’s parents’ number one priority, and it felt genuinely validating to see New York City treat it like one too.

There are so many people like me who want to work, want to be present with their kids, want to do both well, and just need a break to make it possible. We don’t always have the time, money, or energy to make that happen on our own—and my friend’s friend, with a full-time nanny plus date nights that don’t require two weeks’ notice, isn’t managing life better than the rest of us. He just has more hours.

This is why I’m building Forwhen—to give parents back some hours in their day. Because even if you have the budget to hire care, you still need to find someone you trust with your kids.

So thank you to the mayor, and to everyone who worked on Parent’s Night Out—for giving hundreds of parents one night of that feeling. I’m hoping it’s the start of a lot more nights like it, and a lot more opportunities to make parents feel seen.

We arrived on Friday and quickly realized that outside of our friend group, our class was barely represented. We didn’t mind—it was a reunion for our friends regardless—but we spent a lot of time theorizing about the low turnout.

The prevailing theory was just the stage of life we’re all in. Most of the people we saw were now parents. Among the friends who made it, there were eight kids between us, and even more people trying to get pregnant or thinking about another. The logistics to get there hadn’t been easy: parents and family members to wrangle, long routines to write down, sleep anxieties to talk yourself out of. We spent a lot of time swapping pictures, sleep and sickness horror stories, and glimpses of each other’s Nanit camera feeds. I teared up when I FaceTimed my daughter and she started wailing.

But we were there—together. We wandered around campus, griped about the dining hall, stayed up too late, and danced harder than our mid-thirties bodies are really built for. We brushed our teeth in the co-ed bathrooms at the end of the hall like it was 2008.

A full weekend at a college reunion isn’t everyone’s first choice for time away from their kids. But it was a good reminder that as important as it is to be present with your children, it’s just as important to get away. Not for work, not for something that feels like another item on your to-do list—a real break. Sometimes that’s a full weekend. Sometimes it’s a few hours. Either way, it doesn’t make you any less of a dedicated parent.

It reminded me exactly why I’m building Forwhen. I want to create space for parents to have a moment to just be themselves—to miss their kids, to see a movie, to dance to something other than whatever’s coming out of the Toniebox. The hardest part is usually getting out the door, and that’s the part I want to make easier.

I hope to see more of my classmates at our 20th. Our kids will be older (and so will we, ugh) and will need us differently—but I’m certain we’ll still need the break.

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Mother’s Day is so often busy in the wrong ways—too many mothers to see, a brunch that feels like an obligation, handmade cards that leave glitter on your kitchen floor. What if instead it meant a few hours out, without your kids? We’d love to help you find a sitter for any part of Mother’s Day weekend. (And yes—mothers do enough that we should get the full weekend.)

Here’s what would be on my agenda with a few hours out:

• A pedicure and Patrick Radden Keefe’s new book

• Browsing Sephora for makeup that desperately needs replacing given how little I wear it these days

• Drifting into very small boutiques, stroller-free

• A wine bar, a crossword, my husband, and one glass of wine that will absolutely make me feel tipsy

• A latte and a chocolate croissant, uninterrupted by a toddler frantically signing “more”

Any of the above would also make a great gift, if you’re still looking. We’d love to hear what you’d do with a few hours out—or help you find a sitter to make it happen.

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But then—pregnancy. Overnight, I felt constantly starving, my body was expanding faster than I thought possible, and I had to either pee or was exhausted for most of the day. My body did not feel like my own, and I had to plan everything around a mandatory midday nap.

Then Tatum arrived. While my body started to feel a bit more like mine again (breastfeeding was actually easier for me than pregnancy, though I know that’s not everyone’s experience), my life now revolved entirely around how hungry or tired she was at any given moment. Even at 13 months, with a more predictable nap schedule, she’s still the boss and probably always will be.

The loss of control that comes with having a child gets replaced by a different kind of power—especially for moms. I get to choose the brand of diapers, what she wears, when to make the switch from two naps to one. My husband is incredibly involved and an amazing dad, but he works full-time and I’m the primary caregiver, so a lot of these calls fall to me. Turns out I’m in good company: women make over 80% of household purchasing decisions in the US.

But how do we decide what decisions to outsource and which ones we need to take into our own hands? When I was pregnant, I went fully registry crazy, reading hundreds of reviews and constantly swapping out for the latest and greatest. But now as a mom with an almost toddler and a business to run, I asked a fellow Virgo mom with a four-year-old about her rotating car seat and am going to trust her recommendation. I don’t want to start the search from scratch for every single item I buy, or the care my child receives.

When selecting a daycare for Tate to start this fall, I asked a neighborhood mom what research she did. I expected spreadsheets and pro/con lists. Instead, she said it was walkable, she’d heard good things from neighbors, and liked what she saw on the tour. She didn’t need to reinvent the wheel to make a call she felt good about. (Spoiler alert: we’re going to the same daycare this fall!)

That’s really the whole idea behind trusting other parents. The best recommendations usually come from people who are just a few steps ahead of you.

But in practice, acting on those recommendations is often harder than it should be. I see it play out constantly in neighborhood WhatsApp groups: someone posts asking for a sitter, another parent responds with a name she’s worked with, the first parent has to reach out cold (usually just a first name and a phone number), make small talk about how she heard the recommendation, figure out availability, and then, more often than not, find out that person isn’t free and start the whole thing over again.

Forwhen is designed to make that easier. You text one number, share a few details about your family, and get matched with someone who’s been interviewed by a mom, available when you need them and has experience with kids your age. You can read reviews from fellow parents—people you may not know by name, but you've probably passed them at the playground or grabbed coffee at the same spot. No spreadsheets, no cold outreach, no starting from scratch. Just a network of great sitters, one text away.

I started Forwhen based on my own experience as a babysitter in NYC. I found it hard not only to find work, but to get a full picture of what the parents wanted from just a short onboarding at the beginning of each sit. Some parents sent detailed routines in Notes apps and some ran out the door barely waving goodbye. In both situations, I was always making quick decisions about when a tantrum meant relenting on the “no more dessert” rule, when to deploy 20 minutes of screen time, or when to say “totally fine” if the kids wanted to build a fort out of mom and dad’s pillows. I hoped the parents were okay with all of the choices I made, but it’s hard to know! Every family is different and what’s fine with one parent may be totally off-limits to another.

In my conversations with sitters, this kind of uncertainty comes up again and again. Communication with parents is the #1 issue caregivers say makes babysitting challenging. It’s not for me to say if the current environment for sitters is harder “than ever,” but parents definitely seem on edge.

I’m also a mom to an 11-month-old baby girl. In the WhatsApp mom groups I’m in, first-time parents who have the best intentions of getting things right seem overwhelmed by the logistics of working with a caregiver in their home. There is no onboarding guide carefully put together by HR for your first ever nanny or sitter. But childcare is work, and it should be treated with professional care. I chatted with a mom recently who said that she had no onboarding plan for her nanny’s first day and expected her to take the lead, and then was disappointed by some of the choices the nanny made. Imagine that situation in the corporate workplace. It doesn’t make a lot of sense—so why are parents expecting that from their household employees?

At Forwhen, we offer a sitter prep guide for every parent to fill out before their first sit. This gives them space to write down meal routines, bedtime order of operations, and kid idiosyncrasies without the clumsiness of actually saying them all aloud. There will always be things missed, but at least it’s a start. When my part-time babysitter started a few months ago, I made her a Google Doc of activities my baby likes, naptime schedule, places to go on stroller walks in the neighborhood, general household info, and a section titled “What to do when she gets fussy and it’s not time for a nap or feed yet.” (There is no magic answer to that last one, unfortunately!) I expected her to come up with her own tactics that worked well once they got to know each other, but I wanted to give her a list of preferences and any firm “nos” in one place.

There’s a lot going on in a parent’s brain, everything from “did I book that doctor’s appointment” to “what am I doing with my life” and “did I remember to blow out the candle before I left the house.” Our partners definitely can’t read our minds, so we shouldn’t expect our caregivers to either. The short-term awkwardness of saying “this is how I want XYZ done” has to be better than finding an entirely new nanny. So, the next time you’re hiring a caregiver, take 10 minutes to write down your expectations and I bet it’ll go much more smoothly. Or, better yet, use Forwhen.

“Don’t build an app,” he said. He said that that apps are expensive—you spend a ton of time and money building something that you’re not sure people will like. He told me to build a very low-cost prototype and go from there. See what people like and don’t like and what features they’re asking for. Then when you have some traction and a better idea of what your users want, you build something.

He was totally right (and I’m saying that to the world!). I’ve worked in startups for years and have been told to focus on the MVP (minimum viable product) hundreds of times, but it’s easy to forget when working on your own projects. I purchased a domain, spun up a Squarespace site, found an SMS provider, and got to work. I shared sitter profile information with parents in graphics I created in Canva. I made endless tweaks to the website copy. I got feedback from parents on what information was important before booking and kept iterating on the sitter profiles. I realized that not having an app is actually our strength and that texting was way more efficient for parents and sitters.

Then, a few months ago, I felt ready to start working on a more robust website—one better informed by all that I’ve learned. Thankfully, my husband was willing to partner with me. He spent nights and weekends and nap times building the new version of Forwhen. You can now log in, view sitter profiles and reviews, and request new bookings.

I’m really excited about the site for many reasons, but especially because it allows me to spotlight what makes Forwhen work: our sitters. Whenever people ask me how I can tell if someone would be a good sitter, I say a few things.

• They’re responsive and good communicators. I interview every sitter to hear about their background and experience in childcare. If they’re on time, quick to let me know if they need to reschedule (or respond to my rescheduling request because of a last minute nap fiasco), and are prepared to have a conversation with me, that’s a great sign.

• They show genuine enthusiasm for the kids they’ve cared for in the past. They speak about the kids as if they’re family—telling funny stories about how much they love to paint or the times they turned getting ready for bed into a fashion show. If they talk about a tough situation they had with a kid, like one who wouldn’t get off the floor of the bathroom in the Brooklyn Public Library, they do so with care and respect.

• They are passionate about their work, whether that’s in childcare or something else. Many of the sitters I work with are full-time elementary school teachers, daycare leads, or nannies. Others are freelance photographers, podcast producers, journalists, travel agents, and graduate students. They love babysitting and want to take care of kids whenever they can fit it into their schedules.

I’m so glad that parents now get to learn more about our sitters and the very kind words that parents have said about them in their reviews. And that I have a partner who supports me in so many ways in this journey of building Forwhen. I hope you check out the new site and let me know what you think! Your feedback will help me keep working toward the next version, and the one after that.

I’m torn on how I feel about generic parenting advice. It’s not that helpful to hear “it’ll pass” in response to the latest sleep regression or teething trauma. Your own lived experience is the best teacher. But I do love information. Whether it’s advice I’d take or decide to go another way, I like hearing from other parents about what’s worked for them or what they’re struggling with today.

So I won’t say this is advice, but it is what I think about a lot as a mom to an almost eight month old.

• I’ve become a cliché and have accepted it. Here’s a list of things I’ve done since becoming a parent that I thought only existed in TV shows or among a certain set of Facebook moms: a newborn photoshoot, mommy and me yoga classes, gone slightly crazy at 5pm waiting for my husband to finish work, cried while reading The Runaway Bunny, drove to a mall just to get my baby to nap, left a bachelorette party early because I didn’t want to be away from her, contemplated buying matching Christmas pajamas (in September)…the list goes on. It’s oddly comforting to know that we all go through this—every woman who turns to me and says, “enjoy this time, it goes by so fast” probably never thought she’d become the type of person who said that to strangers either.

• Every day, I’m trying to figure out how to enjoy right now. Everything happens so crazy fast in the first year of life. By the time we tried every swaddle and found one that worked best for her, she started rolling and we had to move on to something else. Just when I bought a cute new 3-6 month outfit, she outgrows it a week later. She went from taking contact naps on my chest with the TV on in the background to needing an extremely specific sleep routine. All this to say, what’s frustrating or unknown about today will be old news in a week. There’s no reason to push them toward the next thing, because it will be here any minute.

• I don’t want to apologize for being in public with my baby. With the exception of a restaurant that’s literally too small to fit a stroller, I try not to think too hard about whether somewhere I’m going is baby-friendly. Most places have high chairs or booster seats and I love to see her interact with new faces. Going out with a baby usually means eating at an early hour when it’s less crowded anyway. Even if she gets upset, having a baby who’s melting down in public is not a crime! Plus, for the times that you do want to go to that tiny wine bar, you can book a sitter through Forwhen :)

• I want to take full advantage of my community, and vice versa. My baby registry didn’t need some key items because I was borrowing them from a friend, many of which I have to return in the next few weeks as she prepares to have her second. An expecting mom at prenatal yoga gave me a giant bag of 0-3 clothes. I gave a few bags of breastmilk to another mom when she was going to be away from her baby for the day and didn’t have a stash. I’ve received great advice and wisdom from parents of older kids in my life, but the community I’ve formed of moms who have babies around the same age as mine have been so helpful—they went through the same thing last week and their insights are fresh.

I’d love to hear what you’re thinking about at whatever age you’re going through now, and I’m looking forward to seeing how much this changes in just a few months. But like I said, I don’t need that to come any quicker than it already will.

This level of enthusiasm was completely unexpected—before that, I had a couple hundred sitters sign up to join the platform in the year I’ve been in business and have over 75 verified sitters that have gone through the interview, background, and reference check process. The thousands of likes and hundreds of comments are a huge vote of confidence that what I’m building is something that both sitters and parents are really lacking. As a solo founder and new mom trying to squeeze in work during naps and after bedtime, it feels really good to know that Forwhen is resonating with so many of you.

For my new subscribers and potential sitters, I wanted to share what makes us different from other sitting services. I’m now a mom to a six-month-old baby girl, but I started this platform as a sitter myself. I spent a lot of time looking for jobs, interviewing with parents, and paying to be a part of sitting platforms. I wanted to create something different with Forwhen.

• We don’t take a cut of your pay. We firmly believe that sitters should be paid fairly and directly for the work they do, so we don’t take a percentage of your hourly rate or inflate your rates to parents and then only pay you part of that. Instead, we charge parents a per-booking fee.

• We personally interview every sitter that’s a part of our platform. This is to get to know you, your background, and your experience in childcare. I consider every sitter that works with me as a partner, since you are the IRL representation of the Forwhen! I love meeting you and developing a relationship so that I can better refer you to families that I know you’d enjoy working with. So, this takes a minute! If you don’t hear from me immediately, it’s because I’m working my way through the sign ups and seeing who’d be a great fit.

• We charge a one-time background check fee of $40—and that’s the only fee we ask from you to start booking jobs. This is to cover the cost of running the background check from the third-party service that we use. We don’t accept previous background checks from other jobs just to ensure consistency and legitimacy in each report.

  • Heads up, this is a change from our previous policy. Until now, I covered the background check fee until you booked your first sit. With all of the incredible interest in Forwhen, I can no longer front this charge for the hundreds of sitters that I would love to join the platform. To my new signups: I realize this is a big change, so I understand if it impacts your decision to be part of our service. But this one-time fee replaces any cut of your pay or recurring membership fee that other sites will use to try to convince you to pay to get more jobs.

I’m so grateful for your excitement about finding sitting work—that’s why I started this business! As I interview and onboard many more of you, this also allows me to encourage many more parents to start finding their sitters through Forwhen. Any questions or feedback? Let me know here or at ellie@forwhencare.com.

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By the time I decided to have a baby, I felt like I had a general handle on the whole life thing. I’d lived in New York for over a decade, worked at great companies, navigated relationships, friendships, a wedding, and years of dog ownership. I even knew how to roast a chicken. But I realized I had no idea what the next phase of my life would look like when I became pregnant. It was scary to be in my mid-30s and all of a sudden have zero lived experience about what happens next. Would I like being a mom? Would my birth experience be beautiful or terrifying? Will I be able to breastfeed? Would my baby sleep well? Will they be happy and healthy and fulfilled? There were no answers to these questions while I lay awake at night between trips to the bathroom. What there was, however, was the add to cart button.

The curated Instagram feeds, the perfect nurseries, the baby registry of it all—it got to me. I spent hours rearranging my wish list, determined that this stroller, this bassinet, this onesie would lead to easier nights and a happier baby. Now, with an almost six-month-old, I don’t regret the research. It’s helpful to know the options for swaddles, pacifiers, and developmentally appropriate toys. I do regret some of the last-minute purchases that ended up in the donation pile after watching too many “what to pack in your hospital bag” videos. Now, when I text a mom of an older kid about if I need to buy X, Y, or Z, the prevailing answer is: probably not. It’ll soon be something else you trip on and then store in the basement. The best way to figure out what your baby needs is, unfortunately, just trial and error.

What I’m saying is: think about where your money is going. Is it Add what you can to your registry, but whatever you don’t get, don’t sweat it. Try to find it secondhand, or if you feel like you really need something (unless it’s diapers), try waiting a few days and see if it still makes sense for your baby. They change so fast! There’s a lot of stuff down the line that you will want to buy that isn’t on sale during Prime Day.

A short list of thing I am happy to spend on:

• Doordash, ideally for a meal creates enough leftovers to also provide lunch for the next day. Or for cooking from home, I subscribed to Caro Chambers’ Substack, which has super helpful grocery lists and meal plans because it’s harder than ever to come up with those on my own.

• House cleaners, because I’d rather get on the Peloton or write this Substack or just have a moment to myself when I’m not hanging with my baby.

• A one-piece swimsuit, because I need something to wear while on the several family trips I have this summer to introduce Tatum to the beaches of the Jersey Shore and Cape Cod.

• A hotel room near MetLife for when I saw Beyonce. My mom was kind enough to come with me on a complicated adventure that all started when I bought tickets to Cowboy Carter two weeks after giving birth, not totally understanding the logistics it would require. But even in the pouring rain, I was so happy to be singing along to Bodyguard with my friends knowing that my little one and my mom were a 10-minute drive away.

• Childcare, because there are toys that entertain her for long enough for me to grab a quick snack or answer an email (currently it’s a crinkle book), but not that allow me to actually focus or mentally reset. That’s why building Forwhen is so much more important to me as a mom. I know I can show up for my baby 100% when I’m with her, and then trust a sitter to take care of her when I need to do anything else. Multi-tasking with a baby is really, really hard.

What else do you not regret spending money on with a new baby at home? I’d love to hear.

• Document everything: If your sitter is doing bedtime or any other multi-step routine with your little one, you can set the sitter up for success by writing it out, sharing it with your sitter, and walking them through it when they arrive. Bonus if you save it as a note in your phone and then you can send to future sitters and make tweaks as routines change. At Forwhen, we ask that every family fill out a prep guide that includes emergency contacts, medical info, things your little one loves and things to avoid, etc.

• Think about dinner (or don’t, but make it clear ahead of time): A lot of families ask if they should provide dinner for their sitter. If your budget allows, offering to cover delivery for an evening sit is always welcome. If that doesn’t make sense for you, that’s fine! Just tell the sitter the plan ahead of time so they can bring their own food or eat beforehand. People are picky! It’s best not to assume that the sitter will be fine with cheese pizza, but if that’s what you’re ordering for your kids, would have some extra just in case. Regardless of whether you’re ordering dinner, having some easy snacks around (and showing your sitter where they are) is customary.

• Offer an Uber (or don’t, but make it clear ahead of time): At Forwhen, we always ask if the sitter would like an Uber home if the sit ends after 10pm. For evening sits, we aim to find folks who live close by to the family so they aren’t paying for an expensive ride home. If your budget allows, we’d recommend the same. But if that doesn’t make sense, you should make that clear to your sitter before the job is booked—it may be a dealbreaker for them to take the subway home at 11pm, or they may end up spending an hour or two’s worth of what they just made on a ride home.

• Determine communication style: Do you want photos throughout the sit? Or would you prefer not to be contacted unless something is urgent? Will you be at a movie or performance and hard to reach? Do you want to be on a group chat with your partner and the sitter if you’re both out? Determine the approach that will give you the most peace of mind and share with the sitter.

• Pay the sitter what they’re worth: This might be a hot take, but I don’t believe in paying the same sitter a different rate for monitor sitting. You’re paying for the sitter’s time and experience, regardless of how much of that your kid is awake. If you’re looking to pay a lower rate, you will likely need to use a less experienced and younger sitter, like a local high school student. Tips aren’t essential, but it’s always appreciated to round up to the nearest hour.

In my interviews with sitters, I’ve heard again and again that they love taking care of little ones, but sometimes get tripped up by miscommunications or unclear expectations from parents. Making it easier for sitters makes things easier for you :) I’d love to hear what else you’ve thought about or helped you as you prepped for your first time away from baby!

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• The largest, comfiest T-shirts I could find and more nursing bras than seems reasonable: Postpartum night sweats are extremely unpleasant, and even worse when you only have sleep shirts in your pre-pregnancy size and everything is just, well, wet.

• Easy access, zip-up sweatshirt: I was a lot comfier once I wasn’t shedding all my layers to breastfeed. Plus, I wear this when she’s in her carrier (more on that soon).

• One pair of pants that fit: I like to say that I’m curating a jeans museum—I have the ghosts of sizes and trends past hanging in my closet. For the time being, it feels nice to have at least one pair of pants that make me feel presentable.

• Facebook Marketplace: I feel a sense of pride looking around Tate’s nursery and seeing all of my scores that were either free or heavily discounted.

• A sandwich on fresh bread: I don’t need to say anything else here.

• AirPods + audiobooks: To stay awake during late night feeds, I’ve relied on my headphones and not podcasts but audiobooks, because hearing an ad for direct-to-consumer sweaters at 3am feels adding insult to injury. I’m partial to memoirs, especially when read by the author. My favorites have been The Many Lives of Mama Love and The Vanity Fair Diaries.

• Not only having a carrier but using it: So many friends tell me that they got carriers off their registry but their babies never took to them. I use a carrier at least once a day, either for walks outside or naps inside, and love the flexibility. Tate has a 99% nap success rate in the carrier—it took a little bit of fussing at first but we pushed through! I have the Artipoppe (borrowed from a friend, thanks Jordan!) and the Solly wrap.

  

• Going to mom groups + classes: After I felt recovered from my C-section, I realized that getting out of the house everyday (and seeing someone other than my husband or baby) makes a huge difference. Being able to talk to other moms in my exact life stage affirms everything I’m going through—plus you get better advice when asking questions face-to-face than in a Reddit black hole. It’s a great reminder that everything is a phase and we’re all just trying to get through the day. Moms online can often seem like a judgmental mob, but moms IRL, in my experience, have been warm, welcoming, and generous.

• Frozen chocolate chip cookies: Ideally gifted to you by a friend who’s an ace baker. Thank you as always to my pal, Aya.

• A lo-fi label-maker: Because it’s a lot more fun to put labels on breastmilk storage bags with this guy, for some reason. Also works well for identifying all of those different drawers full of tiny clothes.

I’m already excited to see what the next three months will bring (hint: it’s putting everything in her mouth), and would love to hear other suggestions from all of you on what made the first few months more bearable. Til next time!

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My enthusiasm for making childcare easier and less time-intensive to find has only grown since becoming a mom. The amount of time and energy it takes to make breakfast, let alone plan a night out and find a sitter, can feel all-consuming. I understand just throwing your hands up and saying we’ll try again next month (or year). But the outside world still calls! Work happens, a much-needed doctor’s appointment is scheduled, family plans to visit and watch the kids fall through, or you commit to the promise of getting out of the house without the baby for once. I want to make that idea less overwhelming—and I’ve met so many sitters who want to help. With that renewal of the mission, I also wanted to refresh the name. Brooklyn Babysitters was always a starting point.

Introducing Forwhen. Because we’re here to help for when you need to do, well, anything else.

With the name change, I’ll also be changing our cost structure:

• Payment for finding a sitter will be required to confirm a booking. The fee is $10 for your first time using Forwhen and $5 for each subsequent sit. This means there are no changes for parents who’ve already used us to find a sitter.

• Parents will pay sitters directly at the end of each sit, rather than Forwhen directly.

Forwhen will continue to only charge sitters to cover the background check fee. We do not take a cut of each sitter’s hourly rates, unlike other sitting services, so these booking fees allow us to focus on the work of finding more great sitters.

We will still focus on one-off and date night care, but we always have sitters who are looking for more consistent work, so reach out with those requests as well and I’ll see if there’s someone to put you in touch with.

Manhattan is also in our sights—we already have great sitters that live across both boroughs, and now just need more families to work with! Spread the word to your local and not-so-local pals that we’re open for bookings.

I’ll be rolling out these changes over the next few days—my ability to sit down at a computer comes in fits and starts. Reach out with anything at all to ellie@forwhen.com. I’ll be here to help for when you might need it. In the meantime, here’s what I’ll be doing.

Photo credits: Andrew Piccone

Here’s what’s happened since then: My first is arriving any moment now. So many families have put their trust in Brooklyn Babysitters to find care for their little ones. I’ve met loving and capable sitters that have found great work through those connections.

My husband and I have spent the last few months doing what so many other expectant parents do—we moved (at 33 weeks pregnant), spent countless hours googling “what to add to baby registry,” read Emily Oster, went to birthing classes, hired a doula, tried to remain calm at every OB appointment, received almost everything from our baby registry and still panic ordered more, painted the nursery after I said I didn’t want to, and so much more. There’s a lot of information out there on what to do to prep for a baby, but not much out there about what to do when you run a small business and need to take a pause. So what does this mean for Brooklyn Babysitters and this tiny but mighty team of one?

I’ve decided to take a few weeks off from coordinating bookings while I adapt to this new stage of life, and a month off of accepting new sitters on the platform—starting Monday, January 27th.

For parents that have booked sitters before, you’re welcome to reach out to any sitters you’ve previously worked with directly (and for sitters, this means you may hear from parents directly). For parents that I haven’t worked with yet (and also those I have), I’ll let you know as soon as I’m back up and running! If you have a job booked while I’m on leave, I’ll still work with the parent and sitter as usual. I’m not turning off my phone or notifications, so I’m here if anything comes up! I hope to be back online by mid-February.

I’ll also hold on accepting new sitters for a bit longer, as interviewing sitters is the most time-consuming part of running Brooklyn Babysitters—I get on a video call with every new sitter to get to know them, run a background check, and then reach out to 1-2 references to learn more about their history as a caregiver.

I’m nervous to take even a small break from running this platform, but I’m so excited for what comes next. Being pregnant and starting a business at the same time has also meant that I haven’t done nearly as much as I want to do with Brooklyn Babysitters—I have so many plans stuck in ideation rather than execution, starting with a rebrand, Manhattan expansion, and going from there.

I look forward to seeing you all on the other side—and to further the mission of finding great care for your little ones so much easier and creating job opportunities for sitters. Send any advice my way. I appreciate your support on both of these exciting journeys!

xo, Ellie

Perhaps the amount of stuff you need while pregnant is just training for the stuff needed with an infant, but it is a shock to have none of your clothes fit and for the things you used to take for granted (like the ability to stay awake through the full day) to disappear. When I was asked about birthday gifts, I searched for “gifts for pregnant women” and was disappointed with what I found. The same Ugg slippers that dominate every gift guide? Stuff for the baby? Come on. You’re pregnant for most of a year, you should be extremely comfortable for as much of it as you can. So without further ado, here’s what I’ve enjoyed over the past 28 weeks. Hope it can be a guide for holiday shopping for the pregnant friend/partner/sibling/child in your life!

Clothing and shoes. I’ve never thought as much about the placement of seams in my life. Everyone’s different in their personal styles, but the removal of tight waistbands is something we all can agree on during pregnancy. Clothes can be tough to gift but it’s really what I needed as my pants stopped fitting extremely early on and to wear something new when you aren’t feeling your best can be a balm. Plus, include a receipt if you’re gifting and they can always exchange.

lululemon Align™ High-Rise Mini-Flare Pant ($118) I’m in these whenever they are clean. They’re extremely comfortable and the flare makes it seem like you’re not just headed to yoga. I got one size up from my pre-pregnancy size and think they’ll fit throughout the third trimester and long after. For a dupe, try this pair from CRZ. I recently got maternity leggings and a top from CRZ and they feel really similar but offer more support for actually working out, when I have the energy to do that.

Quince Tencel Rib Maternity & Nursing Jumpsuit ($49.90) So many pregnancy jumpsuits look a little too baggy and music festival-y for my liking, but this one is relatively streamlined and soft. The buttons also aren’t too annoying to snap back on after your thousandth bathroom trip of the day. I also now understand that jumpsuits and one-pieces are so popular during pregnancy because it means you don’t have to find two different items of clothing that fit and are clean.

Quince Cotton Modal Maternity Crewneck Tee 2-Pack ($34.90) Most maternity shirts are tight, which was a shift from my pre-pregnancy wardrobe., but these are nice and loose. Especially when you’re not quite showing or are normally a baggy tee person, some extra roominess is very appreciated. My favorite tank is this one from Abercrombie, it holds its shape even after wearing it all day.

rosyclo Cloud Slippers ($23.99) One symptom that started relatively early for me was that my feet felt like I had walked around European cobblestone streets all day as soon as I woke up in the morning. Now, I wear these around the house constantly and my feet haven’t bothered me since.

Kizik Athens ($129) For when you can’t be bothered with laces. Or bending down. I bought Dr. Scholl’s walking inserts to make these a bit more supportive and now these and my Birkenstock Bostons are all I want to wear.

Nuuly subscription ($98/month) I started needing new clothes almost immediately, so I subscribed to Nuuly throughout my first and second trimester as I shifted sizes but didn’t need maternity clothes quite yet. I loved getting new options and the customer service is really great, as one item per month didn’t work for me or wasn’t as expected but I always got a credit or refund.

A P.S. on maternity jeans—I wouldn’t recommend gifting these as everyone’s preferences are so different, but I ordered what felt like all of them. For what it’s worth, Paige were my favorite for side panel (these are on Nuuly!) and Madewell work best for over the bump for me.

General comforts and things that make life easier. Need I say more?

Slip Sleep Mask ($42) I’ve always been a sleep mask gal, but this would be especially key for someone who all of a sudden needs midday naps. The horoscope collection makes it feel that much more personalized. Could pair with my favorite noise machine too, especially to get them ready for when the baby’s here.

Bio-Oil ($24.99) or Everyday Oil ($52) A friend recommended Bio-Oil to me and said she had no stretch marks postpartum—hard to tell whether this is genetics or the oil but I’ll take it! I put that on my belly and Everyday Oil everywhere else, it smells so good. I’m really fragrance sensitive but I love how this smells and I’ve gotten a lot of compliments on it.

Trace Minerals Magnesium Gummies ($22.99) I upped my dose of magnesium when I got pregnant and this brand is the only one my gummy-adverse husband likes too. Sleep is hard enough when you’re expecting, so I’ll take all the help I can get.

LMNT Electrolytes ($40.50 for 30 packets) I learned your body loses more electrolytes than normal when pregnant, and the salt in these make them tastier than others on the market (to me, anyway). I like Citrus Salt with water or Chocolate Salt mixed into smoothies with peanut butter. I know this doesn’t seem like the most exciting gift, but you use it everyday and they aren’t cheap! Would love to stock up and receive more.

Crown Affair The Dry Shampoo ($42) One of the positive side effects of pregnancy is that your hair grows and grows, so this dry shampoo is super helpful between washes. I take a lot of body showers because it turns out carrying a baby makes you sweat more than usual (or is that just me?), but my hair is thankfully less oily and healthier than ever. My friend Dianna started this company and I love all of her products, also highly recommend The Cleansing Scrub for wash days.

If you can’t think of anything else, there’s always a gift certificate for a pedicure as we can no longer reach our toes. Or, reach out to me and ask about gifting babysitting hours. I’d be happy to arrange something for when the baby’s ready to be left with a trusted sitter. Anything else you’d recommend for the expecting parent in your life?

• Today’s parents are stressed to the level that’s become a public health crisis, similar to recent warnings about loneliness and child use of social media.

• The stress is driven by what’s called intensive parenting, driven by societal pressure to ensure children succeed in this increasingly tough economy. Parents are spending more time playing with and educating their children than ever, constantly optimizing and stimulating them with the goal of improving their long-term outcomes. The most mind-boggling stat that was shared (and reshared by moms everywhere) is that working moms today spend as much time with their children as stay-at-home moms did in the 1970s.

• Parents feel unsupported by the government, their community, and feel like they can’t talk about how overwhelmed they are.

After taking a few deep breaths, the reaction of every parent I know was “sure, but now what?” How do we encourage the type of societal change that would be required to reduce this issue at a systemic level? How can we break away from parenting driven by fear of judgment by our peers? Will my actions today leave a lasting impact on my kids’ future successes?

I don’t have the answers to these undoubtedly important questions, but I know of one thing you can do to temporarily pause the persistent worry: this weekend, get a babysitter. Take a few hours by yourself, with your partner, or a friend or two. Go to a movie. Get a pedicure. Try to snag a seat at the new wine bar in your neighborhood and bring a book (and if you want a page turner, here’s my suggestion).  While some of these problems feel insurmountable, it’s important to come up for air. You aren’t just a parent, you’re a person. A person who wants to be able to chime in about their opinion on the new SNL movie or be complimented on their nail color by a colleague. This break won’t make your worries go away, but maybe they’ll provide a moment of clarity, or just a bit of distance from constantly hearing “mommy” being called from two rooms away. Sounds nice, right?

At Brooklyn Babysitters, we have experienced sitters who would love the opportunity to take care of your kids for a few hours—so let them! Your kids might miss you, but they’ll be busy being entertained by the silly voices their babysitter makes while reading Captain Underpants. You’ll be home in the morning to give them the biggest hug. You always are.

I recently revisited a piece from The Atlantic published earlier this year called Don’t Tell America The Babysitter’s Dead, by Faith Hill. The article reflects on the loss of the neighborhood teenage babysitter—that is, me in the 2000s. Today’s teenager is now filling her time with resume-building extracurriculars and parents are more enrichment-obsessed than ever, preferring more trained, knowledgeable, and frankly, older sitters. Local moms or dads find it easier to open up Facebook or Care.com and post about looking for a babysitter rather than turning to their young neighbors, and especially in cities, it’s harder than ever to get to know those neighbors.

If we’re losing the teenage babysitter, there’s a gap in the market. But who could step in and fill it? After months spent researching, interviewing, and being a babysitter myself, I feel confident that the answer is the young professional. 

Think about it—an early career 20-something, getting to know the city on a new-grad salary. They’re living in their first apartments and figuring out how to fill their downtime without spending a ton of money, and are happy to play pretend with second graders and then watch Netflix after the kids are in bed for the night.

They have more lived experience than a sixteen-year-old, and as any parent who’s confronted a new situation for the first time knows, there’s a lot that can be handled with common sense and knowing what to Google. They’re willing to take a first aid class to further their preparation for anything that might come up.

They might be in New York, pursuing a career that isn’t possible anywhere else, but feeling unconnected from their new community. First jobs are notoriously unfulfilling, but getting a hug from a three-year-old at the end of a sit—that can make you feel pretty good about yourself. 

New Yorkers love peering into our neighbors’ illuminated windows at night, curious to see how the other millions of residents in this city are decorating their apartments and filling their time. Babysitting can be a gateway to connection in this sometimes fragmented city—as sitters, you can meet adults further along in their careers, bond with their kids, and take a break from screens to build Legos. As parents, you can meet your ambitious new neighbors and ask them about the bars that you’ve been too busy to try.

As I’ve been building Brooklyn Babysitters, some parents I’ve spoken to have been excited about the idea, but told me they only work with direct referrals. 

I find that this mentality can limit the available pool of amazing sitters. People move in and out of this city every day, and so many are looking for work, connection, and community. Why block ourselves off from broadening that circle from someone who just started grad school at Pratt from Chicago or a Californian pursuing the off-off-Broadway scene? 

Parents need one-off childcare to not only fill the gaps that nannies, daycare, and school doesn’t cover, but also just to have a moment to themselves. Young professionals need some extra cash and a bridge to their communities. My goal with Brooklyn Babysitters is to make these connections and knit these groups closer together—we all need each other, we just may not always know where to look.

Trust goes both ways here—the sitters haven’t met you before either. Sitters enter into new homes and don’t know the lay of the land, the quirks of your family, or where you keep extra rolls of toilet paper. Just as parents want to know their kids are in safe hands, sitters want to ensure they’re entering a safe environment. This is why we created a parent code of conduct with the sitter in mind. Here are a few things I want to highlight for parents joining Brooklyn Babysitters:

• Identity verification: We require all sitters go through a background check before getting started on our platform, which includes a SSN trace, age verification, and national and sex offender searches. For parents, we use an identity verification platform called Persona that scans your license or other form of ID and matches it against a selfie taken through the platform. This process is free and only takes a minute, ensuring all of your information matches up before we send a sitter to your home.

• Cancellation policy: Sitters rely on their income from babysitting jobs and clear their calendar to make room for your family. While last-minute changes happen, I want to respect their time and guarantee that 50% of their pay will be guaranteed for a sit canceled less than a day ahead of time.

• House guidelines: Before your first sit, you’ll be asked to complete a form with your general house rules—your kids’ preferences, what to avoid, bedtime routines, etc. This will be shared with the sitter ahead of time to refer back to throughout the sit. Having this information written down is helpful for the sitter to remember your family’s preferences and you can spend less time at the beginning of the sit reviewing every detail and more time introducing them to your little ones.

• “Help yourself” mentality: Sitters don’t want to be walking on eggshells in your home. Let them know if there’s anything off limits to eat or drink, otherwise tell them to make themselves comfortable and feel free to have an extra snack or two. Parents should also let sitters know if there are cameras in their home outside of baby monitors or video doorbells; sitters don’t want to have to guess if they are on watch.

Brooklyn Babysitters Parent Code of Conduct

• Brooklyn Babysitters will try to accommodate all of your booking requests, but at launch we may not be able to fulfill every ask. As we grow, we hope to be able to fill 100% of all sit requests!

• Parents need to complete identity verification before booking their first sit. 

• Parents should not cancel confirmed bookings within 24 hours of start time. Sits canceled within 24 hours of the start time will be required to pay 50% of the total cost of the sit, plus the booking fee. 

• Parents should continue to use the Brooklyn Babysitters platform for all bookings even after being matched with a sitter. Repeated instances of booking directly with a sitter may result in removal from the platform.

• Parents should complete a house rules guide prior to the sit and are responsible for communicating any changes to the sitter. 

• Parents should tell the sitter if there are any cameras in the home, outside of visible baby monitors. 

• If a sitter is taking kids out for an activity or snack, parents should leave cash for the sitter unless clarified ahead of time that they can be paid back later.

• Parents should review the sitter code of conduct and agree to the guidelines stated there—any expectations that differ from the sitter code of conduct should be discussed with the sitter.

I’d love to hear your feedback or questions. Let me know in the comments! I hope everyone’s enjoying their late July—I’m writing this from a rainy day in Avalon, NJ, trying to resist eating the fudge purchased on the Wildwood boardwalk last night.

This is why it was important to me to create a sitter code of conduct at Brooklyn Babysitters. My goal is to take out the guesswork and give parents and sitters a starting point to have a conversation about expectations. Every sitter signs this when they get started with us, in addition to going through an interview, background check, and reference check.

I’m also working on a template for parents to share their house rules so that those can be communicated easily to each sitter for quick onboarding, that’s next time!

Brooklyn Babysitters Sitter Code of Conduct

Job and house rules commitment

• Sitters should accept requests for services only if they are able to meet the unique needs of the family. This includes having both the experience and availability to meet these needs.

• Sitters should continue to use the Brooklyn Babysitters platform for all bookings even after being matched with a family. Repeated instances of booking directly with a family may result in removal from the platform.

• Sitters should not cancel confirmed bookings unless of a true emergency and should provide at least 48 hours notice when canceling. More than one cancellation within 48 hours of the job start time may result in removal from the platform.  

• Sitters should follow the platform’s rules for participation on the platform, including:

  • No drinking or other substance use

  • No visitors 

• Sitters should follow the stated house rules of each family, to be discussed at the beginning of each new sit.

Timely and consistent communication

• Sitters should be prompt in providing availability and responding to job requests from Brooklyn Babysitters; consistent delays in communication may result in removal from the platform.

• Sitters should text parents one hour into the sit with an update on how the sit is going.

• Sitters should discuss with the parents ahead of time if they will be going to another location and keep parents updated on their status.

Meaningful play

• Sitters should embrace the philosophy of engaging in meaningful play with kids rather than deferring to screen time

• Sitters should not be on their phones with the kids present except for communicating with parents or other quick, logistical messages.

Cleaning

• Sitters should tidy up after themselves and the kids—they do not need to do any deep cleaning, but make an effort to put away toys and clean up dishes when possible.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the code of conduct—anything you’d add or change? Let me know in the comments. Have a safe and fun fourth of July! Last year, I made dirt pudding at my family’s cookout and it was a huge hit. The very adaptable and extremely kid-friendly recipe can be found here.

I’m starting a new babysitting matchmaking service in Brooklyn. What does that mean? How did I get here? Well, I wanted a place to share more context, thoughts in progress, and behind the scenes looks at building a company. So here we are.

I started babysitting last fall during a career break, and I quickly realized a few things: 1) babysitting is fun! I enjoyed getting to know so many new families and tiny humans, 2) it’s really hard for parents to find sitters they trust in a sea of online platforms, and 3) it’s not easy for sitters to find work—especially when just getting started. Coming of age in the school of “there must be a better way”, I’ve spent the last few months heads-down thinking about what that could be.

Here, in my mind, is the better way: a babysitting matchmaking platform, starting in Brooklyn. We’ll recruit sitters, current and new, to fit parents’ one-off babysitting needs. We do the legwork of vetting recommendations, initial interviews, and keeping track of sitters’ availability. You just text us when you have a need and we’ll send a great sitter your way—no app needed.

All of the sitters follow our code of conduct so that you receive consistent care, even when working with a sitter for the first time. We believe in engaging and age-appropriate play, staying away from screens, cleaning up after ourselves and the kids, and respecting your house rules.

Most sitter sites charge a membership fee both to the parents and the babysitters, and then take a cut of the sitter’s hourly pay on top of that. Instead, we’ll charge a per-booking fee so that you only pay when you need us, and sitters take home their full earnings. Win-win.

Here’s where you can help: I need help recruiting our first batch of sitters in Brooklyn so we can officially launch this summer. They don’t need to have years of professional experience with kids (although they can), but anyone who’s enthusiastic, responsible, a favorite of your cousins, and wants to make some extra cash fits the bill. Think students, those in creative fields, people like me in between jobs, or anyone with a non-traditional schedule who keeps asking you to hang out during the day. Send this link along to sign up.

If you’re a parent and would like to join now, you can be the first to know when we’re ready for bookings here.

I’m really excited to see how this platform works in the real world, but I need your support and referrals to make it happen. I’m grateful for anyone you send this to—this is just the beginning!