Some of these things did occur, but much of what took place in the past year was beyond my imagination. I could have never considered the conversations I’d have with readers or how enthralling it would be for someone to share that something I had written reminded them of their own life.If I could go back and offer Melissa from a year ago any advice, I would tell her to try to let go and simply and enjoy each moment for what it is. My book didn’t become a best seller. I never appeared on any TV shows and sadly, NPR never called asking for an interview, but I learned a fair bit.

Here are a few things I learned:

· Not everyone will like your book and that’s OK (yes, Buddy—I’m talking about you). Not all family members will like your book or embrace the way that you’ve written about them. Sense a trend? If you can focus on your own motivations and your ideal readers, these moments will be easier to navigate.

· Create a community. I met writer online and when we realized our books would release within a few weeks of one another in September 2025, and we struck up a friendship. Many emails later, we wondered how we might collaborate with other writers who were also releasing books. Enter many beautiful souls including , , Tiffany Graham Charkosky, Mary Ardery, Jacque Gorelick, , Jeannie Vanasco, and !

· Establish a book inventory. Hiccups happen. Book sellers are overbooked and miscommunication occurs. After two booksellers failed to let me know that shipments of my book did not arrive before my reading, I began to bring extra copies of my book with me so that I would always have a backup.

· The OUTFIT. During readings, the last thing I wanted was to worry if my bra strap was showing or if my arms looked weird. I bought myself a dress for warm and colder weather, and then I had one less decision to make. I shopped here and here.

· Algorithmic lies? Publishing a book is one thing, making others aware of it is a completely different animal. Embrace it. One hundred reviews on Amazon? No one knows if it makes your book more visible. There’s only so much you can control. While it never gets easier to ask readers for reviews, remember that digital platforms are only one avenue to promote a book, and placing all your hopes on reviews or readings or any one thing might be shortsighted. Aim for a multi-pronged approach—read on for another suggestion!

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· Teach your book. I taught a class on girlhood right before my release and also offered a mother-daughter journaling workshop at Kids Ink, an Indianapolis bookstore. I explained much of this process and share some tips how to do this with your own book on Jane Friedman’s blog.

· Music makes the atmosphere. I created a playlist for my book ( I often play it now when I’m out jogging-so fun!)and asked booksellers to play the music before the reading, and I also gave out copies of the CD as swag.

· Ask someone to take pictures. You think you’ll be able to snap a shot in the middle of an event? You won’t. Reach out to someone before your event begins and ask if they might take photos for you.

· Invest in a teenager. When I became overwhelmed, I paid my daughter to help me create a social media post here and there. She liked the cash. I liked her snazzy efforts such as the following:

There are so many things to say about the challenges authors face these days in order to write-- much less publish a book. I am unbelievably grateful for all of it—and for the gift of being a writer.

Between the Lines with Melissa Fraterrigo

My Book is Out Today!

I’ve been waiting for this day for the past two years —really, my whole life. My book comes out today—but it’s not just any book, it’s my memoir about the personal and emotional toll of being female. I’ve shared things in THE PERILS OF GIRLHOOD that I’ve long kept to myself for fear of being judged, the shame I’ve carried as natural to me as skin…

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a year ago · 19 likes · 20 comments · Melissa Fraterrigo

Final nugget of self-promotion. The audiobook is on its way….In the meantime, paper copies are still available. ❤️

Thanks so much for taking the time to join me on this journey. Whether you read and reviewed the book, attended a reading or simply messaged me to share that the book resonated, thank you thank you thank you! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

One author who is not afraid to share her innermost thoughts is Debra Gwartney . In “Siri Tells a Joke,” which appeared in The Sun in July, 2022, Gwartney navigates the loss of her husband, the writer Barry Lopez. A few months before he died, the area where the couple lived in Western Oregon succumbed to a wildfire, devastating their community, and so Gwartney straddles the complexities of grief in light of the loss both of her husband and the landscape where they lived. The essay opens with Gwartney asking Siri to tell her a joke, and the answer forms the essay’s backbone and central conceit.

How to write with (more) interiority

1. Tell with sparkly language. Like any essay, there are facts that need to be conveyed to the reader. Yet Gwartney chooses to offer such telling by using what I’ll call sparkly language to “warm up” the reader for later exposure. In the second paragraph, Gwartney shares: “I still had things to work out with him: the last tensions between us, the ones that tend to collect and congregate in a long relationship like a few sour droplets clinging to a bowl. If he showed up again, we would find peace with each other, I was sure of it, and I might cook one more meal for him. We might make a last visit to the river, where he would point out the dorsal fin of a salmon just under the surface or spot a heron tucked into the brush.”

👉Rather than simply telling us that they argued, she uses a simile of “a few sour droplets clinking to a bowl” to detail their life together. The setting where they lived is also referenced: “salmon just under the surface or spot a heron tucked into the brush.” This works to prepare us for later insights.

2. Speculation and earned wisdom. We often don’t know why we do or think what we do; signaling this to reader builds trust. From the seventh to the last paragraph: “All that reading and thinking over a period of months: I figure now that I was shaping one of those juice life lessons about moving on, about release and liberation. Or maybe I was writing a fable for myself about cup shards spun into false gold, a story whose last line insisted that accepting brokenness is the only way to peace.”

👉The use of speculation makes such wisdom possible. We sense Gwartney is striving to make sense of something and she’s willing to share her doubts and hesitation. She’s a real person, and is willing to share this with readers.

3. Bring in another element. In the essay, Gwartney revisits the home and surrounding land where she lived with Lopez, but the whole piece stems from the joke Siri tells her in the opening. “I decided, a few weeks after hearing it, that Siri’s joke was a retelling of the Lazarus story, in that the dead man from the Bible was returned to life because others willed it to happen. Lazarus had no say in the matter. I picture the stunned Lazarus, suddenly not dead, hobbling into his small house. Here the familiar sweat-soaked blankets on his bed, there the half-eaten broth congealing on the table, his spine tingling with confusion while new blood pushes out the dried-to-dust blood in his veins.”

👉By connecting Siri’s joke with the tale of Lazarus, the world of the essay expands, offering us insight into Gwartney’s grief—and wading into such territory alongside the reader.

WHERE TO SUBMIT

The Sun

Since it’s inception in 1970 as an ad-free magazine founded by Sy Safransky, The Sun continues to showcase the best in vulnerable, compelling true stories, essays, poems and short stories. They welcome submissions year-round through Submittable. The Sun remains one of my dream publications (STILL trying!), but Reader’s Write, which welcomes submissions on a posted topic, might be a less challenging way to place your work in The Sun. If they select your piece, you’ll receive a complimentary one-year subscription to the magazine. Upcoming topics are on First Dates and Locks. Send them YOUR personal story and let me know how it goes!

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Memoir Panel: Melissa Fraterrigo, Timothy J. Hillegonds, Alex Poppe, moderated by Miles Harvey

Chicago Public Library, Harold Washington Library Center

Tuesday, August 11, 2026 at 6 p.m. CT

The Chicago Public Library will present a panel of fascinating authors of new memoirs, featuring Melissa Fraterrigo (The Perils of Girlhood), Timothy J. Hillegonds (And You Will Call It Fate: A Memoir) and Alex Poppe (Breakfast Wine), moderated by Miles Harvey. Doors to the Multipurpose Room open at 5:30 p.m., and seating is first come, first served (200 capacity). Books are available for purchase, and the authors will autograph books at the conclusion of the program.

This event will also take place live on CPL’s YouTube channel and CPL’s Facebook page. You’ll be able to ask questions during the event as well! Can’t make it to the live stream? They will archive the video on YouTube to watch later.

The Perils of Girlhood is still making it’s way in the world and recently received a Silver IPPY Award (Independent Publisher Book Awards). Established in 1996, IPPYs celebrate the independent publishing world. Your support and has made this (and so much more!) possible. THANK YOU! 🙏

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Thank you for reading! I know you have a LOT of demands on your time. Be well and write and read on! ❤️

“Aunt Mary has already gone to heaven,” Mom had explained before we arrived, information I was glad she’d shared with me as Aunt Mary in the casket looked nothing like the Aunt Mary who let us take as many coconut bars as we liked from her cat-shaped cookie jar.

The skin of this Aunt Mary was an unnatural tan all over, even her fingers, which were nested on her chest and held a rosary. Her eyes were closed and I was grateful for that, for the way she could not look at me as if she now had powers to see things in me others did not. A small pew had been set in front of the casket and Mom directed us to kneel. I made the sign of the cross and tried to pray, but the words kept slipping from my mind. I fixated on Aunt Mary’s chest. It didn’t move, and this seemed such a shock. After a few moments we stood and gave someone else a chance to pray for Aunt Mary, to tell her son, my uncle, that we were sorry.

Someone had set up a room with refreshments—a tray of cold cuts fanned out like a Ferris wheel. My cousin and sister and I made sandwiches on white bread and ate from bags of chips. I’m sure there were cookies. We hadn’t been allowed to bring toys, so we played games with our hands—Miss Mary Mack and Big Mac Filet O’Fish. Sometimes someone would come in and look in on us—my aunt or my mom and even my dad who seemed to also need a break from the living room where Aunt Mary remained unmoving. Anytime I returned to the room where she lay, my eyes returned to Aunt Mary’s chest. I was certain that if it were to move, if Aunt Mary were still breathing—I would be the one to notice.

She would show herself to me.

We stayed there all day, leaving only after the priest came and led us all in prayer. When we stepped outside, I was surprised to see the sun suspended purply orange, the day’s heat warm on the soles of my sandals.

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A few weeks later, we went to Aunt Mary’s house and stood inside the rooms without her in them. Everything had a hushed feel to it, my own voice naturally quieted. Mom brought back the bottle of rose-scented hand lotion from Aunt Mary’s bathroom and a set of sheets with tiny pink flowers. Later when she tried to make my bed with them, I started crying and tore them off my bed. “Melissa. Don’t be silly!”

I didn’t know how to tell her how frightened I was of the Aunt Mary from the casket, the thick smell of the lilies, the idea that someday, as the priest intoned, all of us would reunite with Aunt Mary. It seems like it’s been a long time since I’ve felt such overlapping emotions—sadness and fear. How as a child there is only the confusing intersection, the tears and outbursts—the silences.

Mom tried to put the sheets back on my bed, but I put a hand over hers. “No!” I shouted and cried hot tears. She frowned, relented. She didn’t understand and either did I. The sheets were put away in the closet, and I was again isolated from Aunt Mary’s still shape and tanned skin. I didn’t have the words. Sometimes I still do not.

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June Reading at the New Buffalo Public Library

So many kind writers and readers came out to the New Buffalo Public Library last week to discuss Ts, Timelines and Other Tricks Toward Your Memoir’s First Draft. One of the highlights was the beautiful introduction by , who took a class with me through the Lafayette Writers’ Studio several years ago, jump starting her own love for creative nonfiction. Patricia has a new book out now Will the Future Like You? Reflections on the Age of Hyper-Reinvention. Check it out! I have no idea why I don’t have an image with Patricia (you’d think I’d be better at this picture thing), but you can check her out at Culture Scout.

Culture Scout

Exploring the psychological roots of how we become ourselves amidst vast cultural change.

By Patricia Martin

None, I said, and his face fell. “It’s not your responsibility to judge your characters or yourself—rather it’s your job to show us what it was like and let the reader come to their own conclusion.”

He squirmed a bit in his seat. My answer was far from sexy.

But what if they don’t understand? This kind man did not say this, but I understood this belief to ripple beneath his words—the undercurrent, if you will.

“Your job is to present the specifics and facts and in such a fashion that they might do the work of ‘telling’ without ever stating that something is what it is. It’s a generosity of spirit. If you look at the books and stories you love, there’s likely a similar kindness enlivening the page—think of it like the presence of your very best self: the one who embodies all the love you’ve experienced, all the goodness of family and friends and teachers—your best self.”

I recently encountered this idea in Jill Christman’s gorgeous memoir, The Heart Folds Early, which details her decision to end a late term pregnancy when ultrasound revealed the baby had only half a heart. Prior to this reveal, Christman’s life had been transformed by fear and tragedy as the survivor of childhood sexual abuse and then, in her twenties, the death of her fiancé in a car accident. The book sets up the premise that great loss changes us—and yet Christman does not simply tell us this, but rather she lets readers experience such loss.

Purchase THE HEART FOLDS EARLY.

On the day of the eighteen-week routine ultrasound, when the technician and physician discover the heart abnormality in the baby Christman and her husband, poet Mark Neely have longed for—they are sent to a maternal fetal specialist. And here is where Christman’s own heart shows up great and vibrant on the page:

Notice how Christman works to set the scene for us— she begins by detailing the space of the room so that we can see where everyone is located: her daughter with her coloring book in a chair, the pediatric cardiologist with the light Indian accent—and then she moves onto actions. She tells us what the doctor is doing as he sketches—but then adds a question: Has he always been like this, I wonder, or has the role of delivering the worst news of having babies die under his hands worn him down? That small question works to prevent the reader from seeing the maternal fetal specialist as simply wicked. No person is comprised of just one thing or another—humans are complex even if we are only exposed to one side of them, as Christman acknowledges.

She then ends the paragraph with a statement: He wears his medical knowledge like a cloak of invisibility. This is as close as Christman gets to judging the cardiologist. If she were a less generous writer, maybe more intent on offering readers a moral, she might have told us what she believes we should understand about this man. But Christman realizes this assessment would belong more to her than readers. Instead, that final line with its figurative language offers space for readers to exist in this moment with her.

I understand that veteran-writer’s desire for others to fully grasp the horrors of war. Of course he wants to moralize—and maybe he’s earned that right. He does not want to waste the opportunity to connect with readers—to possibly change their minds. Yet I would advocate that readers will be even more invested if you invite them into a moment by recognizing the complexity of any interaction—and then letting readers arrive at their own conclusions.

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IN TEN: A WRITING EXERCISE

How to be a More Generous Writer

These exercises are designed to take ten minutes and generate responses to particular experiences. If something has energy, by all means put away the timer and keep going!

1. Select a hard moment from one of your pieces and now work to set up the scene. Include details of the space, the light—the spacing of a few objects. (3 minutes)

2. Now provide actions. What’s taking place? Bring us to this moment by detailing what is occurring. (4 minutes)

3. When you feel yourself on the verge of moralizing (the impulse is not necessarily bad), instead offer a question. Show your generosity of spirit. (3 minutes). Carry on!

Join me this June for a FREE Memoir-Writing Workshop in New Buffalo, Michigan!

The Perils of Girlhood is still making it’s way in the world. Your support and has made this (and so much more!) possible. Even if you did not purchase the book here, readers still turn to Amazon and Goodreads and Storygraph to make their reading decisions. Unsure what to say? Try this [Thought-provoking (or other title : [I thought THE PERILS OF GIRLHOOD was X. I chose this book because [reason for picking it up]. Overall, I found it to be [general opinion]. THANK YOU! 🙏

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Prom is tomorrow. My daughters have picked out their shoes, pilfered earrings and bracelets from my jewelry box, and ogled over pictures of their friends’ dresses. So much of it reminds me of my own prom going minus one thing: dates. My daughters will be posing for pictures alongside a group of their besties. They’ll be laughing over dinner with these same girls—and turning up the music in cars they are driving themselves as they travel to and from the dance. For my daughters and many in their generation, the dance is simply about having fun.

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Proms have long taken cues from debutante balls, evolving into their current state as a high school rite of passage that feels both quaint and an all-out homage to consumerism. In the 80s and 90s, when I was in high school, girls had their hair styled at the salon, purchased boutonnieres, pitched in for limos, and engraved our initials on keepsakes from Things Remembered that we sewed on our garters (umm, did we really do this??)only to stand frozen faced beside our dates. We barely cleared the banquet hall doors before making a beeline for our friends.

.

Maybe we were simply reenacting something we thought we were supposed to want and maybe we did want it—the dress, the perfectly styled hair, the sleek limousine gliding along Lake Shore Drive alongside a cascade of lights. I remember huddling with my friends during junior prom, a sea of pink and cream dancing to U2 with my arms up, later shivering alongside my friend Emily on the deck of a boat that cruised Navy Pier. Emily and our dates pooled money together to rent a limo to drive us to Chicago and back to the suburbs—and that night Emily’s date fell asleep on the way home, his head tipped back, mouth ajar. Emily and I elbowed each other, held our laughter behind our hands. We’d debrief the whole night the next day on the phone—talking in the unselfconscious way of good friends.

It’s been many decades since I attended prom, but the dance endures, only my daughters and their friends have created a version that’s more inclusive. Like Andie and her whirring sewing machine, they’ve stitched together something of their own design, a worthwhile endeavor.

We’ve long heard about the importance of friendship especially for females. Isn’t it time for there to be a party in honor of this very thing?

Earlier this week I texted my daughters that I was so excited for all the fun that they would have this weekend celebrating—celebrating their hard work as the school year draws to a close. Celebrating their youth. Celebrating friendship.

In Ten: A Writing (or Dancing!) Exercise

Sadie Hawkins. Prom. Junior high graduation formal. Give yourself the time and space to explore your own memories with a school dance.

1. *To jumpstart the process of returning to this memory, pull up a song you remember from at that time and listen to it all the way through with something to write with close at hand. (2 minutes)

2. After the song, jot down the memories that come to mind. Let the song you just listened to drive such recollections. Lean into your senses. What are specific smells you recall? Was anyone wearing a particular perfume or aftershave? What were you wearing and how did you feel in those clothes? Look around you. What was the lighting like? If you were in a familiar place, how did it feel unique? (5 minutes)

3. Isolate a particular emotion attached to one of the sensory memories and use this as a jumping off to explore this moment and what existed beyond the frame. (3 minutes)

   These exercises are designed to take ten minutes and generate responses to particular experiences. If something has energy, by all means keep going!

   * FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO PROCESS MORE THROUGH YOUR BODY OR ARE INTERESTED IN GENERATING WORK IN A WHOLE NEW WAY, RATHER THAN LISTENING TO THE SONG WHILE SEATED AT YOUR DESK, GO TO A PLACE AWAY FROM OTHERS, PUSH BACK THE FURNITURE IF NEED BE AND NOW PLAY THE SONG. MOVE YOUR BODY TO THE MUSIC. CLOSE YOUR EYES IF YOU NEED TO, BUT LET YOURSELF AGAIN EMBODY THAT TIME, THAT PERSON, THAT MOMENT. LET YOUR BODY MOVE AS IT WOULD LIKE. AFTER THE SONG ENDS, RETURN TO STEP #2.

   Thanks for reading Between the Lines with Melissa Fraterrigo! This post is public so feel free to share it.

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Can you believe The Perils of Girlhood has been out in the world eight months? Your support and has made this (and so much more!) possible. If you haven’t already done so, would you please consider reviewing the book on Goodreads or Amazon or Storygraph? Such reviews make the book more visible to the algorithm (I wish books were noticeable through other means, but this is our reality).

Even if you did not purchase the book here, readers still turn to Amazon and Goodreads and Storygraph to make their reading decisions. Unsure what to say? Try this [Thought-provoking (or other title : [I thought THE PERILS OF GIRLHOOD was X. I chose this book because [reason for picking it up]. Overall, I found it to be [general opinion]. THANK YOU! 🙏

Share Between the Lines with Melissa Fraterrigo

I could have simply told my daughter this story—but by writing down the experience, it reinforced its permanence. I wanted to convey to my daughters that their thoughts and opinions mattered, and our mother-daughter journals were a place for us to practice taking up space.

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Throughout my mothering, I’ve tried to remain mindful of what I am modeling. When I go to an art museum, I make a point of visiting the female artists first, and bristle at the scarcity. There likely were women who were painting in their minds, or at home in between laundry and child care, and this goes for female writers as well.

The poet Lucille Clifton famously watched her mother, an uneducated woman, who was asked to publish her poetry in a book, burn her own poems in their basement furnace because Lucille’s father refused to let her publish her poems. The experience remained with Lucille Clifton most clearly in the poem “fury.”

Now If I ask my now high school daughters what they are reading in American literature and notice not a single woman illuminates the syllabus, a tiny stone hardens in my chest. When you put your ideas into words and then offer those words to someone else, you are in essence saying: I matter. My thoughts my life is worthwhile. This is why I was honored a few weeks ago to teach a mother-daughter journaling workshop at Kids Ink in Indianapolis.

We began the Friday evening session by brainstorming different things that could be written in a journal. The mothers and daughters said they could ask what their favorite memories were with that person or what they wanted to be known for or even the funniest thing that happened to them that week. Then everyone grabbed something to write with, and they began writing in their journals. The room filled with the screechy sound of pens and as time went on, the girls handed their notebooks to their mothers, or their mothers handed their notebooks to their daughters, shared journals flying back and forth along with smiles, laughter, and a few nodding heads. Afterwards, we talked about how they might use such a journal in their lives, and one young writer spoke up.

Beautiful, right? That’s the real potential of writing or any creative act. It’s a place where we can be ourselves. And as mothers and daughters journey through life together, they have to work to build not just their relationship, but to remind each other that they matter.

I continue to encourage my own daughters to believe in the worth of their thoughts and visions—and sometimes they are the ones reminding me of this very truth.

March is Women’s History Month, and it’s an opportunity to celebrate women’s untold stories and creativity. Whether we pen a note to our daughters or encourage a friend who draws in her spare time, or simply read works by other women—all of these experiences honor distinctly female voices and perspectives—and together our efforts guide future generations as far from the furnace as possible.

BUY THE PERILS OF GIRLHOOD

Lucille Clifton’s “fury”

fury

for mama

remember this.

she is standing by

the furnace.

the coals

glisten like rubies.

her hand is crying.

her hand is clutching

a sheaf of papers.

poems.

she gives them up.

they burn

jewels into jewels.

her eyes are animals.

each hank of her hair

is a serpent’s obedient

wife.

she will never recover.

remember. there is nothing

you will not bear

for this woman’s sake.

More opportunities to celebrate women and writing this March!

On Thursday, 3/27, I'm thrilled to join and at Bookbug in Kalamazoo, Michigan, to discuss the ways our work disrupts and brightens narratives of gender and truth, "ruining" long held beliefs that have silenced and diminished our voices as women and artists. Think: Women's History Month in the flesh!

The event is FREE, but does require an RSVP. I hope to see you there! 👉 https://live-bookbug1722461349.pantheonsite.io/event/2026-03-26/ruining-narrative-women-witness-and-agents-story

As many of you know, memoir writing is not for the feint of heart. And yet writing your story is one of the most powerful ways to heal.

That’s why I’m excited to share an opportunity that will help you feel supported on your healing journey, work with the stories and experiences you want to transform, and use your creativity through writing, as part of that process.

The Healing Through Writing Festival is a free 4-day event that will help get started with supportive, somatic writing processes and simple memoir-writing techniques from 25+ skilled healers and writers, in this free 4-day virtual event.

For example, I’m going to be talking about Writing Girlhood (one of my favorite topics, as you know!)

And I’m in fantastic company:

• Kailey Brennan DelloRusso

• Stasia Savasuk

• Nisha Mody

• And so many others!

You can get all the details about the Healing Through Writing Festival over here, but as a quick overview:

• Healing Through Writing will run from March 30 - April 02

• Each day will be filled with kind, grounded workshop leaders offering memoir-writing processes, somatic practices, and soulful prompts to help you move forward on your healing path

• We’ve got a pop-up event group where you can connect with other creative, thoughtful seekers on a healing path, ask the speakers questions, win prizes, and more!

• The summit is free to attend, but you can choose to upgrade to the All Access Pass for bonus resources and an upgraded event experience, which includes long-term access to the workshop recordings

There’s more I’d love to tell you about this festival, but I’ll let you check out all the details for yourself.

Get your free ticket for the Healing Through Writing Festival today!

THE PERILS OF GIRLHOOD IS 50% OFF THIS MARCH!

Save 50% off many titles during Women’s History Month! Enter the code 6WHM26 in the discount code field of your shopping cart when you shop at the University of Nebraska Press and click “Apply.” Offer expires March 31, 2026 and is good on U.S. and Canadian shipments only

Thank you so much for reading and sharing Between the Lines. Writing and connecting with readers is a joy unlike any other. I appreciate you so much! ❤️

“Smile! It’s not that bad!”

I smiled. Sheepish. I hadn’t known that I was not smiling or that others walked around grinning, but I guessed that they did, and I did not, and He was calling me out for it.

Perhaps He was doing me a favor.

I kept the smile on my face past the stairs that led to the educational psychology building and up to the entrance outside CVS. I felt it there. My smile. Hard and waxy. Forced. But at least now I was smiling. I should smile more. There was always something wrong with me it seemed, and He was there to remind me.

You don’t seem too happy, another date once said.

You’d be so pretty if you smiled, said another.

Why must women smile?

I never considered it until this past weekend at a gathering for THE PERILS OF GIRLHOOD at a friend’s house. One woman shared how she excelled in her job as an accountant but during her first review, was marked down for her demeanor. She needed to be more approachable. Further pleasant. Maybe smile a bit more.

Someone brought up the orphan Annie song, how you are never fully dressed without a smile. When Annie sang, the “you” she referred to was girls and women, right?

I’ve never gone up to a man on the street and commanded a smile, and none of the women I sat with last Saturday recalled overhearing such a conversation. I couldn’t imagine my husband receiving an annual review where he was criticized for his lack of smile.

“I think they want us to be agreeable,” one woman said. “When we smile, we’re less threatening.”

We wondered if our daughters received similar requests to make their faces nice, or were such outward appearances simply another fad of the 80s and 90s along with Jane Fonda videos and Snack well cookies?

And further, what was the effect of enduring such criticisms? We could laugh about it now, middle-aged women who came of age in the Decade of Decadence, now we worked full-time jobs, raised children and supported our elderly parents. The sandwich generation. Something that could bring anyone—male or female to frown.

Back in college, why was I not smiling? My date did not ask me this, but the insinuation was there, a dark creeping shadow that eclipsed my face.

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Think about all a woman could be doing when she isn’t smiling. She might be brainstorming topics for an essay or thinking about her daughter with an autoimmune disease. She could be worrying about paying rent or finding a better paying job. Maybe she couldn’t stop thinking about her father who kept falling, his legs crumbling beneath him like sand. Or maybe she simply noticed the way the tree limbs shook in the wind and a tiny warbler kept steady as it moved through the sky seemingly without direction—a small being existing in the ever-present gale

.Brilliant readers and conversationalists. ❤️

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This is a beautiful and searing memoir. The Perils of Girlhood is an amazing book that is a must-read for fans of The Tell and other memoirs about overcoming childhood trauma. You will be inspired by Fraterrigo’s courage and uplifted by her gorgeous writing and great storytelling. Reading this book is like having a conversation with your best friend from high school over a cup of coffee and catching up on how things REALLY WERE back then in the late 80's (the hairstyles, the music, dating, sister drama, dieting, eating disorders, the seemingly-cute-and-nice swim coach who is anything but). And if you’re a guy, you will enjoy this book too—Fraterrigo’s writing is so accessible and her stories are so compelling you won’t be able to stop reading, and you’ll be glad to spend some time with her! Don’t wait! Treat yourself to this book NOW! - C. Field, Amazon

I tell interviewers it took five years to write The Perils of Girlhood , but it really took a lifetime--and your support and has made this (and so much more!) possible. If you haven’t already done so, would you please consider reviewing the book on Goodreads or Amazon or Storygraph?

Even if you did not purchase the book here, readers still turn to Amazon and Goodreads and Storygraph to make their reading decisions. Unsure what to say? Try this [Thought-provoking (or other title : [I thought THE PERILS OF GIRLHOOD was X. I chose this book because [reason for picking it up]. Overall, I found it to be [general opinion]. THANK YOU! 🙏

This week is AWP, the Associated Writing Program’s Annual Conference of 10,000 + writers and readers and coffee drinkers! This year’s conference will be in Baltimore. If you’ll be in attendance, I’d love to see you'! I’ll be signing copies of THE PERILS OF GIRLHOOD on Thursday, 3/5 in the bookfair at the University of Nebraska Press Booth 1069/1071 at 2:30 p.m. EST. Come say hello!

I wrote The Perils of Girlhood over many years, and in some ways, it took a lifetime.
Some of these essays lived inside me long before they ever found their way onto the page.

In this conversation on Writing Your Resilience, I talk about why I trust image over explanation, how braided and lyric forms helped me hold difficult material, and how writing can be a way of puzzling through what we carry.

If you’re working with personal material and wondering how to shape it into something that feels whole, I hope this offers you a gentle way in.

Listen on your favorite podcast platform or watch the full episode here:

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I smiled. Deferential, automatic. She smiled in return. My aunt is in her late eighties, and I’ve always respected her opinion. “You were very hard on your family,” she continued, and a nub of laughter slid from one side of her mouth.

The food for the party was spread out on the table behind me and as I stood there, one of my cousins heaped a plate with pasta, then pivoted her hips to inch by me.

I lifted my chin, looked at my aunt. “Well, it’s a memoir. It’s about my life.”

“You don’t need to air all your dirty laundry. Some things do not need to be said.”

I suddenly felt too warm in my sweater and jeans. “I’m middle-aged now. What good is it to hold onto these stories?”

My face burned. And while I am now a mother of two daughters, I was again nine years old, and when my parents would have parties with our extended family, my sister and I would hide in our bedroom closet. We pressed ourselves against the jumpers and dresses we wore to church on Sunday, corduroy felting our cheeks from the tunneled voices—how my uncles and aunts always sounded gruff and menacing from inside the closet, the two of us breathing inside the den of clothes until a cousin arrived and called us to play. Only then did we push the door to the side, trusting that fun would not be far off.

“Thanks for reading,” I said to my aunt. “I appreciate your support.”

I had not seen my aunt in more than a year. I was not going to change her opinion, but in the moment, I did my part to sidestep the shame she seemed determined to cloak me with, something I’d taken on and off over the five years it took me to write the book.

“I do feel like I got to know you better,” she said softer, a sort of consolation. “I’m just glad my kids aren’t writers.” We walked our separate ways.

They aren’t writers. They aren’t writers. I’m still pondering what that means.

Various drafts of The Perils of Girlhood.

IN TEN: A WRITING EXERCISE

Like me, you may have encountered someone who has tried to bury you in shame. This exercise goes beyond you saying, “This is my story” to consider not just what happened—but to think about what it means. There are three steps to this exercise.

1. Begin by recalling an exchange about your work—real or imagined. Bring yourself back to that moment. Write one page in the form of a letter, explaining to the recipient why you wrote what you did. Feel free to add anything else you wish you had said to this individual. (4 minutes)

2. Now write a journal entry that explains why you really write (or wrote that piece). (4 minutes)

3. Look at both pieces. You know what happened, but what does it mean? Use your second piece to lead you to better understand what exists between the two. What has changed? What does it mean for you in the present and future? (2 minutes)

Let’s keep the conversation going

Writers and creatives are not immune to being questioned about their work or its validity, and when it comes to memoir—whether they even have the right to a story. If you’d like to spend a bit more time on this, I encourage you to check out this conversation on with Andre Dubus III, who addresses this idea head on. I enjoyed the discussion he shared that he had with Richard Russo. “I told him I was tortured about writing about my family. And he said, look, if this were me, I’d ask myself, am I trying to hurt anybody with this book? Am I trying to skewer anybody?”

On Writing Your Resilience by , she explores how writing can be an antidote to shame. In this interview with Hannah Sward, Ellison says, “So I talk about this a lot with people, how the first draft is an opportunity to bear witness to your own experience….And then it’s through this revision process that we begin to take our power back. The first draft can feel very disconcerting, destabilizing, very powerless.

And then we go through this process of taking our power back because we shaped the story.”

From Writing Your Resilience: Building Resilience, Embracing Trauma and Healing Through Writing: Encore Episode: Writing Through Shame: Hannah Sward on Memoir, Resilience, and Being Present, Dec 25, 2025

This material may be protected by copyright.

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So tell me, what would you have said to my aunt? What have YOU said to those who have tried to shame you? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

LAFAYETTE WRITERS’ STUDIO

CLASSES WINTER 2026

Offering classes on the art and craft of writing since 2014. All our classes are online and recorded for your convenience.

2/19 Let the Fragments Be Enough: An Exploration of Flash, Micro-essay, and Fragments

In today’s world of short attention spans and shorter quantities of free time, many of us feel drawn to writing and reading short pieces. In this class we will examine very short forms of creative nonfiction and try our hand and writing a few of our own. Please bring index cards or similarly sized slips of paper as well as a notebook or other writing materials.

By the end of this workshop, writers will…

• Understand the difference between a fully realized flash- or micro-essay and a fragment

• Discover what kind of stories are best presented in brief

• Draft a small essay or two

• Become familiar with magazines where such pieces can be submitted

• Uncover new ideas on form and how it can breathe life into their writing practice

Who is the Instructor? Lara Lillibridge (she/they) is the author of The Truth About Unringing Phones: Essays on Yearning; Mama, Mama, Only Mama: An Irreverent Guide for the Newly Single Parent; and Girlish: Growing Up in a Lesbian Home. Lara is core faculty for Literary Cleveland and holds an MFA from West Virginia Wesleyan College. Her essay collection of Hysterical Harlot: An Alphabetical Exploration of Sex, Gender, and Shame is forthcoming March 30, 2027 with Unsolicited Press.

To learn more or read her work visit laralillibridge.com. This class is offered Thursday, February 19 from 6:30-8:30 p.m. EST. This workshop is open to writers of all levels. Register HERE.

Thank you so much for joining me, friends. If you’ve enjoyed this post, please do leave a heart or a comment. I so appreciate you and your support!!

Share Between the Lines with Melissa Fraterrigo

There is a difference between these needles and even now, I don’t know what it is, which brings me to the tragedy of December and the piercing nature of the holidays: time marches on and we are left with questions.

If my grandma were here now, I might ask her how long it took her to crochet the stockings and had my mom asked her to do it, or did she just decide to crochet them for us? And then—at the very start—exactly who taught her to crochet, why and when?

The first Christmas my husband and I celebrated together, we went to the fabric store and bought felt in red, white and green, then spent nights at our rickety kitchen table cutting out stockings and letters for our names, bits of holly and berries. We stitched the stockings by hand inside out so that the white thread would be less noticeable, but then when we turned them right side out, I discovered mine angled backwards.

December is a hard month. No matter what holiday you celebrate, decorations and other things serve as reminders of time gone by.

There’s this ornament my daughter crafted of clay and painted and also this one my daughter gifted my husband in honor of his longstanding love for Jeeps:

Each time I glimpse these decorations, I cannot help but ask questions—what were we doing the day the girls crafted these ornaments? What did they do in the moments before and immediately after? What books were they reading and what did they snack on that day, and when they went to be that night, did I hug them longer than usual?

I recently watched “Oh. What. Fun.” with Michelle Pfeiffer (I’ll weigh in on her motionless face at another point) and at its most basic, it’s how Claire (Pfeiffer) cooks and cleans and wraps to make the holidays happen for her family while hoping they’ll enter her into a contest for best mom. When her family fails her, she goes off the rails. It’s advertised as a holiday movie for women in the same vein as Elf and Dear Santa and The Santa Clause. The movie has been panned by many viewers, but if you ask women, I’m guessing many will share that the movie strikes a nerve.

This is the time of year that so much of women’s work goes unnoticed. Summer Koester discusses this wonderfully in her recent “Honest Version” of the Night Before Christmas. Yes, there’s an additional weight on women this time of year, but there’s also a potential to relate to those who have come before us—our grandmothers and aunts, mothers and sisters—women who make traditions one stitch at a time.

It’s easy to reduce the holidays to a to-do list and turn away from what stings most acutely. There will always be inquiries that remain unanswered—but by going ahead and asking the questions, we thread a connection to loved ones that gives us the through line we crave, and the continuity we need for the days ahead.

Happiest of Holidays, friends!

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IN TEN: A WRITING EXERCISE

1.Select a holiday decoration and look at it closely. Turn it around in your hand, if possible. Use your senses. (2 minutes)

2. Interrogate. What do you remember of this item? When did you first notice it? Who gave it to you? How did you use it in the past and how is it currently used? (5 minutes)

3. If you could ask this item anything, what might you ask it? (3 minutes)

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I’m thrilled to be partnering with Second Flight Books in Lafayette, IN to offer signed and personalized gift copies of THE PERILS OF GIRLHOOD this holiday season! If you’d like a gift for a friend or loved one, please follow this link and share what you’d specifically like me to write in the message! ❤️

LAFAYETTE WRITERS’ STUDIO

CLASSES WINTER 2026

Offering classes on the art and craft of writing since 2014. All our classes are online and recorded for your convenience.

1/15 The Art and Craft of the Substack Newsletter

In this class, we’ll discuss how to create and sustain a successful literary Substack newsletter, one that reflects your personality and interests, as well as attracts subscribers beyond your network of fellow writers, friends, and family. We’ll explore how to attract (and ideally hold onto) paying subscribers and examine different ways writers have found success on Substack, from written posts with or without video and audio content, to podcasts and livestream conversations between Substack writers and guests. You’ll leave understanding how to get started with Substack and why doing so might further your connections with writers and readers alike.

By the end of this workshop, writers will…

• Discover how to create a Substack newsletter that reflects your particular interests

• Acquire insights for managing the practical aspects of Substack newsletter-writing

• Learn how to determine your audience and attract and maintain a subscriber base

• Acquire insights on balancing the number of paid to free subscriber posts

Who is the Instructor?

Christine Sneed is the author most recently of Please Be Advised: A Novel in Memos, The Virginity of Famous Men, and Direct Sunlight: Stories. Her work has been included in The Best American Short Stories, O. Henry Prize Stories, Ploughshares, New England Review, and numerous other publications. She’s received the Grace Paley Prize in Short Fiction, the 21st Century Award from the Chicago Public Library Foundation, among other honors. She teaches for Northwestern University and Stanford Continuing Studies and lives in Pasadena, California. Explore her Substack:

Bookish

Books & book-adjacent topics, taking the long view, the writing life, and related resources. Posts every 5-6 days.

By Christine Sneed

Learn more about her work at Christine Sneed and follow her on Facebook: Christine Sneed. This class is offered Thursday, January 15 from 6:30 to 8 p.m. EST. This workshop is open to writers of all levels. Register HERE.

2/19 Let the Fragments Be Enough: An Exploration of Flash, Micro-essay, and Fragments

In today’s world of short attention spans and shorter quantities of free time, many of us feel drawn to writing and reading short pieces. In this class we will examine very short forms of creative nonfiction and try our hand and writing a few of our own. Please bring index cards or similarly sized slips of paper as well as a notebook or other writing materials.

By the end of this workshop, writers will…

• Understand the difference between a fully realized flash- or micro-essay and a fragment

• Discover what kind of stories are best presented in brief

• Draft a small essay or two

• Become familiar with magazines where such pieces can be submitted

• Uncover new ideas on form and how it can breathe life into their writing practice

Who is the Instructor? Lara Lillibridge (she/they) is the author of The Truth About Unringing Phones: Essays on Yearning; Mama, Mama, Only Mama: An Irreverent Guide for the Newly Single Parent; and Girlish: Growing Up in a Lesbian Home. Lara is core faculty for Literary Cleveland and holds an MFA from West Virginia Wesleyan College. Her essay collection of Hysterical Harlot: An Alphabetical Exploration of Sex, Gender, and Shame is forthcoming March 30, 2027 with Unsolicited Press.

To learn more or read her work visit laralillibridge.com. This class is offered Thursday, February 19 from 6:30-8:30 p.m. EST. This workshop is open to writers of all levels. Register HERE.

Thank you so much for joining me, friends. If you’ve enjoyed this post, please do leave a heart or a comment. I so appreciate you and your support!!

Share Between the Lines with Melissa Fraterrigo

To Buddy—the man who said my assault at age 14 was a “growing up situation”:

How can I refute the basics of your response to the piece I published in HuffPost—that a man pressing his erection along my backside at age 14 was not a learning experience but frightening and confusing?

Who am I kidding? My guess is even if you were sitting here in front of me you wouldn’t listen, but would instead roll your eyes, play with your hands, and figure out what you were going to say next. You aren’t the listening type, which is why this is all I have—a note you will never read and a roiling sea of emotions just like other women before me who have been told that what they have experienced does not matter, that IT—a touch, a grope, a lewd comment—wasn’t a big deal.

As I write this, my insides buzz as if I am a bottle of soda that someone holds upside down and shakes. Maybe you do not have a sister or mother or wife or daughter or niece—someone whose body has routinely been catcalled or touched without consent. Even if you did and these loved ones received unwarranted gropings, I doubt you’d hear about it.

Buck up! Deal with it!

This is why many women remain silent and bury their shame.

At 14, a college-aged man pressed himself against me and I froze. Part of me was momentarily thrilled by the attention, but that very awareness was quickly replaced by cold fear—my body held immobile—and this is what you call “a growing up situation.”

What lesson am I supposed to take from this moment, that my body is a plaything? That a man’s desire will always hold greater importance than my own autonomy? That my fears are not warranted unless someone more powerful—or friendly—like a Buddy, determines them to be so?

We will never meet. And so it’s easy for you to say these things—and that’s one of the difficulties with sharing stories. In a world filled with ever-changing technology and a news cycle that pumps out stories every hour, there is always someone ready to judge and such evaluations cede satisfaction. Yet the power of literature remains in trying on someone else’s perspective. It is a chance to grow and evolve. Things I imagine you hate.

Just because writers tell their stories, it does not mean others will honor them. We see this time and again in memoirs like Know My Name by Chanel Miller, Long Live the Tribe of Fatherless Girls by T Kira Madden, The Tell by Amy Griffin or countless other books where the authors faced controversy and hate when they detailed their trauma. And you’re right, Buddy, I was not raped. Thank God. But a woman does not need to be raped or maimed for her story to resonate.

Maybe I should back up and thank you for reading and thinking and even writing. I’ve discovered that in the most confounding moments, writing brings clarity. Is that something you believe as well?

Putting work out in the world opens me up to critique. But I’m not going to allow that critique to stop me and I hope that it also does not cause others from coming forward and sharing what they need to tell.

Today my stomach churns, but later it will settle, forming a solid crust over all of this: your words, my attempt at response. I’ll pick up my pencil or open a new document on my computer and begin writing. You. Can’t. Stop. Me. You can’t stop any of us.

How to endure negative (dare I say stupid?) reviews:

1. Keep writing. Do not let any one voice or commentary stop you from telling your story.

2. Reach out to trusted readers. Share your frustrations and concerns with your tribe—they love you regardless.

3. Write back to the reviewer as I did. You don’t need to send such a letter. The purpose is to get out the stifling feelings that come when others shut you down. It’s doubtful Buddy will ever read this letter, but simply framing a response can empower.

4. Reframe. A therapist once told me that while you don’t have the ability to change what happens to you, you do have the ability to control the way you think about it. Food for thought.

You can’t please everyone. If you are good at what you do, your work will bring forth fans and enemies. Work to be a support for others who hesitate to speak up and speak about their traumas. There is a place for all of us.

I ❤️ Book Clubs!

I love meeting with bookclubs! I’d love to join your conversation about The Perils of Girlhood in-person or online. AND I bring swag! Book Discussion Guide.

LAFAYETTE WRITERS’ STUDIO

CLASSES WINTER 2026

Offering classes on the art and craft of writing since 2014. All our classes are online and recorded for your convenience.

1/15 The Art and Craft of the Substack Newsletter

In this class, we’ll discuss how to create and sustain a successful literary Substack newsletter, one that reflects your personality and interests, as well as attracts subscribers beyond your network of fellow writers, friends, and family. We’ll explore how to attract (and ideally hold onto) paying subscribers and examine different ways writers have found success on Substack, from written posts with or without video and audio content, to podcasts and livestream conversations between Substack writers and guests. You’ll leave understanding how to get started with Substack and why doing so might further your connections with writers and readers alike.

By the end of this workshop, writers will…

• Discover how to create a Substack newsletter that reflects your particular interests

• Acquire insights for managing the practical aspects of Substack newsletter-writing

• Learn how to determine your audience and attract and maintain a subscriber base

• Acquire insights on balancing the number of paid to free subscriber posts

Who is the Instructor?

Christine Sneed is the author most recently of Please Be Advised: A Novel in Memos, The Virginity of Famous Men, and Direct Sunlight: Stories. Her work has been included in The Best American Short Stories, O. Henry Prize Stories, Ploughshares, New England Review, and numerous other publications. She’s received the Grace Paley Prize in Short Fiction, the 21st Century Award from the Chicago Public Library Foundation, among other honors. She teaches for Northwestern University and Stanford Continuing Studies and lives in Pasadena, California. Explore her Substack:

Bookish

Books & book-adjacent topics, taking the long view, the writing life, and related resources. Posts every 5-6 days.

By Christine Sneed

Learn more about her work at Christine Sneed and follow her on Facebook: Christine Sneed. This class is offered Thursday, January 15 from 6:30 to 8 p.m. EST. This workshop is open to writers of all levels. Register HERE.

2/19 Let the Fragments Be Enough: An Exploration of Flash, Micro-essay, and Fragments

In today’s world of short attention spans and shorter quantities of free time, many of us feel drawn to writing and reading short pieces. In this class we will examine very short forms of creative nonfiction and try our hand and writing a few of our own. Please bring index cards or similarly sized slips of paper as well as a notebook or other writing materials.

By the end of this workshop, writers will…

• Understand the difference between a fully realized flash- or micro-essay and a fragment

• Discover what kind of stories are best presented in brief

• Draft a small essay or two

• Become familiar with magazines where such pieces can be submitted

• Uncover new ideas on form and how it can breathe life into their writing practice

Who is the Instructor? Lara Lillibridge (she/they) is the author of The Truth About Unringing Phones: Essays on Yearning; Mama, Mama, Only Mama: An Irreverent Guide for the Newly Single Parent; and Girlish: Growing Up in a Lesbian Home. Lara is core faculty for Literary Cleveland and holds an MFA from West Virginia Wesleyan College. Her essay collection of Hysterical Harlot: An Alphabetical Exploration of Sex, Gender, and Shame is forthcoming March 30, 2027 with Unsolicited Press.

To learn more or read her work visit laralillibridge.com. This class is offered Thursday, February 19 from 6:30-8:30 p.m. EST. This workshop is open to writers of all levels. Register HERE.

Subscribe now

I know you have many demands on your time. Thank you for reading!

In this post, I read a few pages from “The Perils of Girlhood,” which originally appeared in The Offing, share some things to keep in mind when drafting a braided essay, mention literary magazines that publish braided essays, and lastly share thoughts on getting started with your own braided essay. AND if you’re intrigued by the notion of exploring girlhood such as I did in “The Perils of Girlhood,” I hope you’ll check out “I’m Just a Girl: Writing Girlhood,” a class I’m teaching 11/20 with the Lafayette Writers’ Studio.

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IN TEN: A WRITING EXERCISE

Using the braided form to illuminate your personal story

I frequently use a timer when writing. I find that limiting the amount of time I spend at the desk motivates me and keeps me honest. This writing exercise is designed to take ten minutes. Think of this as a warm-up or stretch before you dive into deeper calisthenics. Get something to write with—let’s go!

1. Make a list of some of your personal obsessions and concerns. Think broadly. (1 minute)

2. Review your list. Is there a personal story related to this larger issue? Go ahead and write a scene from your personal story. You might feel the need to summarize—work against this. Root us in scene. (3 minutes)

3. Now isolate the year of this personal story. Search for a historical event, a scientific discovery, or some sort of cultural touchpoint that intrigues you from this time period. (2 minutes)

4. Write a few lines about this event/discovery/touchpoint. (2 minutes)

5. Now select another personal story or another researched event and write this. You now have your three strands. Work to alternate each thread giving each moment to “stand” at the forefront. Keep going and please let me know how it goes! (2 minutes +)

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As writers of fiction, non-fiction, and memoir, we have stories we want to tell. Maybe it’s about a unique character, or a fantastic series of events, or an incredible locale. But our stories need a transformative arc — a message that will move readers on deeper levels. As writer / teacher Vivan Gornick says: “The situation is the context or circumstance, sometimes the plot; the story is the emotional experience that preoccupies the writer: the insight, the wisdom, the thing one has come to say.” Sometimes the real story can elude us for many drafts and years. In this interactive workshop, we’ll explore tools and prompts for finding our “why” for telling and excavating the meaning from our stories.

By the end of this workshop, writers will…

• Excavate meaning in their work through three different techniques

• Discover possible deeper layers and directions

• Generate new story or essay seeds based on additional themes they’d like to explore

• Cultivate a deeper appreciation for meaning in their creative work

• Benefit from a variety of prompts, strategies and practical tips to increase their skills

Who is the Instructor?

was the internet’s first actor-advice columnist, “Ask Blair,” for Playbill.com, where she also wrote profiles of theater artists and regional productions in the 90s. As a creative arts therapist and leadership consultant, she has more than 20 years of experience helping leaders of all sorts stand in their authority and find, or make, deeper meaning with their lives through coaching, workshops and writing prompts. She co-led the course, Women Writing to Change the World with Amy Ferris for two years at the renowned Omega Institute, where she also guided many women to write their own monologues in her popular The Vagina Monologues Workshop. Her work has been published in Longreads, Oldster, Insider, Yes!, Quartz, Greatist, HuffPost, The Muse, and literary magazines such as Brevity, The Mantlepiece, and Rain Taxi. Her memoir, This Incredible Longing, about living in an ashram in the 90s, will be published by Heliotrope in February. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and their dog-ter, Vanna White. More about Blair: www.blairglaser.com

👉To Register

For many girls, the end of childhood marks the moment we begin to minimize our wants and curtail our feelings. It is when we begin to alienate our bodies, even our minds. This generative workshop for writers of fiction, nonfiction, and poetry, will offer a space to define girlhood for yourself and shed a light on your own experience as female or female identifying. We’ll work to peel back the layers on what it meant to be female in the past, while also reflecting on this current moment in time. Exceptional works of literature around girlhood will guide our conversation including excerpts by Melissa Febos, Maya Angelou, Jo Ann Beard, Nicole Graev Lipson and Michelle Herman.

What these writers share is a commitment to discovering on the page what they think and feel and believe. Such examples will inspire our writing as we work to bring our own experience of girlhood and womanhood to the forefront.

By the end of this workshop, writers will…

• Apply a deeper understanding of reflection can access personal stories

• Understand how blend past with present perspectives

• Examine how research and other voices can deepen the female experience

• Develop the start of several pieces that illuminate your distinct gendered experience

• Highlight relevant social and cultural issues

Who is the Instructor? ‘s memoir-in-essays is The Perils of Girlhood (University of Nebraska Press, September 1, 2025). She is also the author of the novel, Glory Days (University of Nebraska Press), which was named one of “The Best Fiction of 2017” by ​Chicago Review of Books. Melissa is also the author of the short story collection, The Longest Pregnancy (Livingston Press). Her fiction and nonfiction have appeared in a variety of journals including Puerto del Sol, Massachusetts Review, Fifth Wednesday Journal, Sou’wester and Shenandoah. She has twice been nominated for Pushcart Prizes.In addition to her publications, she has taught creative writing at Bowling Green State University, Southern Utah University, Penn State-Altoona, the Indiana Writers’ Center and IUPUI. Melissa currently teaching creative writing at Purdue University and is the founder of Lafayette Writers’ Studio. To learn more or read her work visit melissafraterrigo.com.

👉To Register

Thank you for reading Between the Lines. Please drop me a line and share your current writing obsession. I’d love to hear from you!

Share Between the Lines with Melissa Fraterrigo

Hi friends,

Back when I was a baby fiction writer, my calling card became the first-person plural point of view or “we.” Blame it on Jeffery Eugenides’ The Virgin Suicides. I experienced a similar affection for the second-person point of view after reading Lorrie Moore’s Self-Help. I try not to judge that younger writer even if her motives began with imitation. She was testing the various way that point-of-view can be used to enrich a story.

This month I wanted to share with you a bit of the essay “On the Verge of Being,” which appeared in the now defunct Northwest Review. This essay is the second chapter in The Perils of Girlhood, and told from the point-of-view of a group of eighth-grade girls who are navigating adolescence in the 1980s with all its confusing messages around developing bodies, beauty, and male attention. Yes, Judy Blume lends a hand.

In this brief excerpt, you’ll see how I used the first-person plural to give a sense of this group of girls but also contrast that with the narrator’s story. I’ll also share some thoughts about what plural narration offers that other points of view cannot, as well as what to keep in mind when drafting with the “we.”

Between the Lines with Melissa Fraterrigo is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

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Here’s some things to keep in mind when writing using the first-person plural:

• We can change. As your piece evolves, the we can change and shift, just like any character.

• We is powerful. The first-person plural is another way to showcase the universality in memoir.

• There are different kinds of we’s. Your we can tell a story or the we can be an altogether different character who observes the story.

• Ask yourself, what does this plural narration offer? Like any writing choice, you should indeed have a purpose behind using such a point of view. The first person plural can draw attention to itself, and you want such attention to serve your story.

IN TEN: A WRITING EXERCISE

Playing with the First-Person Plural Point of View

I frequently use a timer when writing. I find that limiting the amount of time I spend at the desk motivates me and keeps me honest!

1. Make a list of all the groups you belong to (1 minutes).

2. Review your list. Is there a group you’ve listed that is calling to you? Which one holds some heat? Circle it (1 minute).

3. Next, select one specific event or scene where such a group might find themselves. For instance, in “On the Verge of Being,” the girls are on the playground and later in the classroom during sex ed. If you need to begin this as a brainstorm, go ahead and then select one scene or event from your brainstorm (1 minute).

4. Next, brainstorm both words and phrases reflective of this group and their experience in this scene (1 minute).

5. Finally, write this scene from the we point of view using several of the details, words and phrases from your brainstorm. (6 minutes)

If you liked the feel of the first person plural, keep going!! And please let me know how it goes!

Leave a comment

As writers of fiction, non-fiction, and memoir, we have stories we want to tell. Maybe it’s about a unique character, or a fantastic series of events, or an incredible locale. But our stories need a transformative arc — a message that will move readers on deeper levels. As writer / teacher Vivan Gornick says: “The situation is the context or circumstance, sometimes the plot; the story is the emotional experience that preoccupies the writer: the insight, the wisdom, the thing one has come to say.” Sometimes the real story can elude us for many drafts and years. In this interactive workshop, we’ll explore tools and prompts for finding our “why” for telling and excavating the meaning from our stories.

By the end of this workshop, writers will…

• Excavater meaning in their work through three different techniques

• Discover possible deeper layers and directions

• Generate new story or essay seeds based on additional themes they’d like to explore

• Cultivate a deeper appreciation for meaning in their creative work

• Benefit from a variety of prompts, strategies and practical tips to increase their skills

Who is the Instructor?

Blair Glaser, MA, was the internet’s first actor-advice columnist, “Ask Blair,” for Playbill.com, where she also wrote profiles of theater artists and regional productions in the 90s. As a creative arts therapist and leadership consultant, she has more than 20 years of experience helping leaders of all sorts stand in their authority and find, or make, deeper meaning with their lives through coaching, workshops and writing prompts. She co-led the course, Women Writing to Change the World with Amy Ferris for two years at the renowned Omega Institute, where she also guided many women to write their own monologues in her popular The Vagina Monologues Workshop. Her work has been published in Longreads, Oldster, Insider, Yes!, Quartz, Greatist, HuffPost, The Muse, and literary magazines such as Brevity, The Mantlepiece, and Rain Taxi. Her memoir, This Incredible Longing, about living in an ashram in the 90s, will be published by Heliotrope in February. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and their dog-ter, Vanna White. More about Blair: www.blairglaser.com

When is this class offered?

This class is offered Thursday, November 13 from 6:30 p.m. EST to 8:30 p.m. EST. This workshop is open to writers of all levels.

Interested in the class but the date does not work for you? Don’t despair. All registrants will receive a recording of the class within three business days of the course.

For many girls, the end of childhood marks the moment we begin to minimize our wants and curtail our feelings. It is when we begin to alienate our bodies, even our minds. This generative workshop for writers of fiction, nonfiction, and poetry, will offer a space to define girlhood for yourself and shed a light on your own experience as female or female identifying. We’ll work to peel back the layers on what it meant to be female in the past, while also reflecting on this current moment in time. Exceptional works of literature around girlhood will guide our conversation including excerpts by Melissa Febos, Maya Angelou, Jo Ann Beard, Nicole Graev Lipson and Michelle Herman.

What these writers share is a commitment to discovering on the page what they think and feel and believe. Such examples will inspire our writing as we work to bring our own experience of girlhood and womanhood to the forefront.

Who is the Instructor? Melissa Fraterrigo’s forthcoming memoir-in-essays is The Perils of Girlhood (University of Nebraska Press, September 1, 2025). She is also the author of the novel, Glory Days (University of Nebraska Press), which was named one of “The Best Fiction of 2017” by ​Chicago Review of Books. Melissa is also the author of the short story collection, The Longest Pregnancy (Livingston Press). Her fiction and nonfiction have appeared in a variety of journals including Puerto del Sol, Massachusetts Review, Fifth Wednesday Journal, Sou’wester and Shenandoah. She has twice been nominated for Pushcart Prizes.In addition to her publications, she has taught creative writing at Bowling Green State University, Southern Utah University, Penn State-Altoona, the Indiana Writers’ Center and IUPUI. Melissa currently teaching creative writing at Purdue University and is the founder of Lafayette Writers’ Studio.

To learn more or read her work visit melissafraterrigo.com.

When is this class offered?

This class is offered Thursday, November 20 from 6:30-8:30 p.m. EST. This workshop is open to writers of all levels.

Interested in the class but the date does not work for you? Don’t despair. All registrants will receive a recording of the class within three business days of the course.

I loved this review, “Melissa Fraterrigo Begins a Rally Cry with The Perils of Girlhood” with Caroline Huftalen at buskingattheseams

Thank you to everyone who has purchased THE PERILS OF GIRLHOOD, attended an event, sent me an email sharing how the book resonated with them—I am so grateful for you!❤️❤️❤️❤️

If you are interested in exploring the personal and emotional toll of being female, I hope you’ll check out THE PERILS OF GIRLHOOD. And then, please do consider sharing a review on Goodreads or Amazon. I know, I know! It’s annoying and petty, but the algorithms —they need to be fed.

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Have you ever had one of those experiences where you think something might be intolerable, and then the more you think about it, the worse it seems to grow? That was me much of this summer as I pondered the response to my book. I’m simply not used to being so vulnerable.

But you know what? I’m excited to connect with readers. I’m excited to generate conversation about how we are supporting girls and women. And I’m excited to hear about readers’ own perils of girlhood, as we work to create a new future for all our daughters.

I’ve got to tell you, I couldn’t have written this book without you. Every story you shared about your own past struggles reminded me my past mattered too. Every text and email and conversation fueled me and kept me going. When that evil critic in my head told me that no one would want to read this, I remembered you telling me you wanted to read what I was writing. I’m sending you the biggest hug.

I remember the summer before my senior year of high school, I traveled with my parents to my high school where I sat down with a guidance counselor with whom I’d never met. This nun (yes, Catholic school) flipped through my transcripts and within minutes spoke up. “You aren’t college material. Maybe junior college. But you’d waste money going to college.”

I don’t remember how I got from the counselor’s office to my parents’ car, but I do remember crying so hard that I struggled to open the door to their Suburban. I cried that day because I knew it wasn’t true but wow—it hurt.

I share this now because I’m thinking of that nun. I’m thinking about her today—and I’m thinking about all the people who tell us no—that we aren’t good enough/bright enough/eloquent enough. Enough enough enough.

Let me be the one to say it: You are enough. More than enough.

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You can order The Perils of Girlhood here. And if you’re in Lafayette, Indiana and want to celebrate, I hope you’ll join me for the release at Second Flight Books on 9/10.

If you’ve read the book, please review The Perils of Girlhood on Amazon. Unsure what to say? Try this [Thought-provoking (or other title : [I thought THE PERILS OF GIRLHOOD was X. I chose this book because [reason for picking it up]. Overall, I found it to be [general opinion].

You can also review The Perils of Girlhood on Goodreads. It takes five minutes to make an account and again, readers (especially your friends!) look to see what you recommend. Here’s a sample review: [“I absolutely loved this book! The characters felt real, and there were so many unexpected twists that I couldn’t put it down. The author’s writing style is both descriptive and engaging, bringing the story to life. Highly recommend for fans of memoirs!”

Please tell your friends about the book! I love connecting with book clubs! Here’s a Reader’s Guide to generate conversation. I’m also keeping my events page updated, and it would be lovely to see you and thank you in person sometime this fall!

6. Still need your copy? Please consider purchasing The Perils of Girlhood from Second Flight Books (or your local bookstore), The University of Nebraska Press (use code 6AF25 for 40% off), Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Bookshop.

xoxoxoxo (times a million),

Melissa

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We are less than three weeks away from the release of The Perils of Girlhood and the nerves are on overdrive! This book details difficult material that I’ve never shared. A LOT of memoir writers write about trauma. Heck, if you are alive, you’ve experienced trauma—you don’t need to be a memoir writer. There are just so many ways to be afraid. The only way to move forward is to face those fears.

This month I wanted to share with you a bit of the essay “The Telling,” which appeared in Hippocampus Magazine earlier this spring. The essay is about a Turnabout dance I attended in high school with a boy I didn’t really know very well. As the night evolved, it was obvious not only how little I knew him, but how little he knew or cared for me.

In this brief excerpt, you’ll see how I rooted myself in place, used sensory imagery to create mood, and I’ll also share some steps I took to take care of myself during the challenging drafting process.

The Perils of Girlhood is now available for preorders from the usual places: your local indie bookstore, Bookshop, Barnes and Noble, Amazon and of course the good folks at University of Nebraska Press. I also love my local bookseller, Laura at Second Flight Books!

Still on the fence? I get it. Books are expensive. Here are a few considerations:

BOOKLIST - STARRED REVIEW “Womanhood and motherhood, it seems, were even more fraught than girlhood. Intimate, raw, and relatable, Fraterrigo’s narrative of navigating life’s challenges vibrates with individual choices and reassures with universal truths. Yes, there are dangers in being a girl and becoming a woman, but Fraterrigo assures there are delights, too.”

• If you belong to a book club or have a friend or family member who does, would you please consider telling them about the book? I’d be honored to join in the book club conversation via Zoom or in-person! You can also share this Reader’s Guide to generate conversation. All writers who purchase a copy of the book can join me for a FREE Memoir-Writing Workshop on 9/3.

• Ask your library to purchase The Perils of Girlhood. Many libraries have a “Suggest a Purchase” page on their website.

• If you are on Goodreads, would you please mark The Perils of Girlhood as a book you’d like to read? You can do so here.

Even if you are unable to purchase the book at this time, please do check it out from your local library or contact me directly. I am committed to deepening the conversation about how we are raising our daughters, and hope you’ll join me! ❤️

If you’re free, would you come to an event? I would love to see you! I’ll paste the details below. I’ll also keep my events page updated. And if you’re in the Lafayette, IN area, I hope you can attend the 9/10 event at Second Flight Books. There will be cake and music and a few surprises. The brilliant Eileen Drennen will be my conversation partner. I’ll likely begin every statement with thank you. How could I not? ❤️

In this brief excerpt, you’ll see how I use pop culture to wide the scope of this essay and really pin the reader in the atmosphere of the Chicago suburbs in the 1980s. I discuss this technique specifically in the last two minutes of the video, so feel free to jump to that moment.

As we move closer to the book’s release, I want to thank you for being with me. Whether you’ve preordered a book, offered your support via Substack, asked your library to purchase the book or marked it “Want to Read” on Goodreads, your support means everything. EVERYTHING! Thank you!

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How to Support a Writer (without breaking the bank)

1. If you were thinking of buying The Perils of Girlhood, would you consider preordering? These final months are the critical window for preorders, and they now make a huge difference to a book’s success. If you order from Second Flight Books, please note in the comments box if you’d like your copy signed and personalized. Second Flight Books ships nationwide.

2. Will you ask your library to purchase The Perils of Girlhood? Many libraries have a “Suggest a Purchase” page on their website.

3. If you are on goodreads, would you please mark The Perils of Girlhood as a book you’d like to read? You can do so here.

4. If you belong to a book club or have a friend or family member who does, would you please consider telling them about the book? I’d be honored to join in the book club conversation via Zoom or in-person! You can also share this Reader’s Guide to generate conversation. All writers who purchase a copy of the book and share a picture of your receipt, you can join me for a free Memoir-Writing Workshop at 6:30 p.m. on 9/3.

5. Will you come to an event, if you’re free? I would love to see you! I’ll paste the details below. I’ll also keep my events page updated. And if you’re in the Lafayette, IN area, I hope you can attend the 9/10 event at Second Flight Books. There will be cake and music and a few surprises. The brilliant Eileen Drennen will be my conversation partner. I. Cannot. Wait!

Thank you, friends!

• Wednesday, 9/3 Virtual Release - online 6:30 p.m. EST. Send a pic of your receipt for the book and join us for this Memoir-Writing Workshop. Register here!

• Wednesday, 9/10 Second Flight Books, Lafayette, IN, 2122 Scott St, Lafayette, IN 47904 at 7:00 p.m. EST in conversation with Eileen Drennen

• Wednesday, 9/24 Women & Children First, Chicago, IL 5233 N Clark St, Chicago, IL 60640 7 p.m. CT in conversation with Michele Morano

• Saturday, 9/27 The Gathering of Writers, Indianapolis, IN, Indiana State Library

  315 W Ohio St, Indianapolis, IN 46202 9 a.m. EST

• Thursday-Saturday, 10/16-18 Lit Youngstown, Youngstown, Ohio

  https://www.lityoungstown.org/2025-fall-literary-festival

• Thursday, 10/23 Purdue University Room TBA at 7 p.m. EST

• Thursday, 11/6 Evergreen Park Public Library 9400 S. Troy Ave. Evergreen Park, IL 60805 at 6 p.m. CT

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Between the Lines with Melissa Fraterrigo is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

I set my glasses on the table that once housed our report cards and turn off the lamp. The room dissolves to ink. “Oh, jeez,” Mom says from alongside me. “I’m sorry you have to do this.”

“Are you kidding?” I ask. “It’s not every day we get to have a sleepover.”

Mom snorts, but it’s true. I can’t remember the last time I slept with my mother.

(little Melissa and her beautiful Mom)

When we were kids and home sick, we escaped to my parents’ bedroom. I’d stack pillows at the foot of the bed, stretch out on my belly and watch TV on their portable television. The oddest shows were on during the day: game shows with their candied music and flashing lights followed by soap operas--tense music rising up like a symphony.

Sometimes Mom would bring me lunch on a tray: a bowl of soup with crackers, half a sandwich, and would urge me to sit up, plumping pillows behind my back. Later, when my dad returned from work, he’d place his hand at the back of my neck to test for fever. By then, my eyes would be scrummy from hours watching TV, but it didn’t matter. I relished the attention illness provided--this proof of my parents’ love. Now I am caring for my mom while also juggling the needs of my own family.

In the past few days, I’ve helped my mom on and off a commode. I’ve eased her into and out of a shower chair. I’ve wiped a lingering bit of yogurt from her chin and when she didn’t want to call the nurse after her pain skyrocketed, I spoke up, much to her chagrin.

And maybe that speaks to one of the hardest parts of the past few days--not just watching my mom endure physical challenges, but witnessing her struggle to assert herself. There is something about her quietness that speaks to aging--that even as her body fails and her looks fade, she seems to question whether she still matters.

“Melissa?”

“Yeah, Mom.”

“Can you help me with this?”

I turn on the lamp, put on my glasses. She’s picking at the sheets, trying to inch them down her legs. “My feet are cold,” she says.

I tent the sheet back over her toes.

“Thank you,” she says.

“Anytime.”

I get back into bed, take off my glasses, turn off the lamp.

I can’t heal her body, but I can accompany her. I can place a pillow under her injured leg and bring her 7Up for her upset stomach. At night, I can sleep beside her. And in turn, she can teach me about aging.

“Were you able to have dinner with your family tonight?” she asks. It had been quiet and I had been certain she was drifting off to sleep.

“J was working, so E and I made hamburgers. Smashburgers. Have you heard of them?”

She had not, so I detail the recipe from Cook’s Illustrated, how we had to open all the windows and after dropping balls of ground beef onto a hot cast-iron pan, flattened the meat with a foil-wrapped pan.

“So, they got crispy,” she says.

“They were good.”

Hmm, she says, which means she’d never make them herself. “Well, I hope you get some rest tonight.”

“Sleep well, Mom.”

I appreciate the sentiment, but I doubt I’ll get much shut eye. Sleep has been elusive the past few years--some far-off land I can only spy in the distance and tonight I am on watch. In bed beside my mom, I have a job to do.

When we were in the hospital and staff would check on Mom, she’d often add, “This is my daughter, Melissa,” and my name slipped from her mouth like honey.

Write with me this summer! Finding Your Memoir Essay Through Play meets 7/2 at StoryStudio Chicago

In this generative class we’ll find our own memoir essays through play. We’ll read short excerpts and then try our hand at different essay forms (lyric, triptych, and segmented) to discover a new way to tell your personal stories. To register 👉 StoryStudio Chicago

Coming September 1, 2025 & available now for PREORDER!!

The Perils of Girlhood interrogates the personal and emotional toll of being female, and I cannot wait to share these stories with you! I’ve been working on this book for 5 + years—maybe my whole life?? Please consider preordering the book, and then let me know what you think. Thank you for supporting my work and thank you for supporting literary arts in general! ❤️❤️

“No!” she says. “Why are you always trying to get me to exercise?” she laughs and there it is, although it’s been five months since we’ve last seen each other, time resets, and we are again sixteen, dancing to New Order in our high school gymnasium or twenty-two and running to make a train in Rome, backpacks flapping, or thirty-seven and rolling in a bin of colorful balls with our toddlers. All the versions of myself rattle around inside me like loose coins until now, how in our time together they gravitate into one invincible mass and I feel seen in a way that I was not when I woke a few hours ago, made oatmeal, packed my daughters’ lunches and drove 1.5 hours north on I-65.

This is us sometime in a Chicago bar around 1999 —can you spy the reference to Y2K?

After using the bathroom, we hop into my car, the radio on, but neither of us paying any attention to the music. We blitz through topics like they are appetizers touching on our commutes, a high school pal’s recent post, our kids.

We park by the bike path threaded between a den of trees and start walking. The sun filters through the new leaves, shadowing the pavement into shattered bits. “How’s S.?” I ask, inquiring about her son.

“He’s fine,” she says, and I know not to push. Whatever she wants to say will come out later, after we’ve moved our legs, and she ties her long-sleeved shirt at her waist and I pull my hair into a ponytail. Sometimes she brings Blair, her husky, but I’ve yet to introduce Erica to our pandemic pooch, Dylan, whose snippiness cannot be trusted. The last time I saw Erica was at the wake for her dad two months ago and she mentions her mom is struggling to adjust. “I think she’s doing a little better,” she says, explaining how she’d brought her mom pre-made meals and stocked her freezer.

“On your left!” calls a cyclist. Two women in stretch pants pass us from the opposite direction and all of us wave, wish each other good mornings, smiles on our faces--we are with our friends, catching up, and the word good doesn’t feel wholly adequate for how amazing it feels to do just this--to spent time outdoors with a friend.

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The two of us met during a callout for the swim team our freshman year of high school. I’m not sure of our first conversation or the second--it was a long time ago--but I am certain that near her I become the best version of myself.

Erica asks about my daughters and I tell her how one just accepted a position lifeguarding, a job the two of us also once held. Erica wants to hear all about it. “I just ordered her suit.”

(this is the suit)

“Let me guess,” she says, “high cut?” I concur. Totally high cut. “All of them are,” she says, and we shake our heads. A lot has changed since we were lifeguards together at Crestview Pool in the early 1990s. Back then, we did not carry mouthpieces. Back then, we used tanning oil rather than sunscreen. But back then, like now, we were friends.

There is a lot of discussion about joining groups to make new friends, but cultivating the friendships you already have is also worthwhile.

A good friend can accompany you through any hardship and countless joys, and lately I am drawn to books and movies that highlight such relationships. In “The Last Showgirl,” Shelly, the character played by Pamela Anderson, is best friends with Annette (Jamie Lee Curtis), and the two console one another as their ages and circumstances make it harder for them to make a living. Shelly is a dancer and when her show is cancelled, she discovers she is considered too old for similar jobs.

Good friend’s aren’t props. In that movie, which I do recommend, Annette serves as ballast to Shelly’s estranged relationship with her daughter. When Annette, a cocktail waitress, cannot make rent, she moves onto Anderson’s couch.

Friendship--especially female friendship--is necessary in ways that are a challenge to put into words. I’ve called Erica in tears and I’ve been with her when I’ve laughed so hard that I’ve cried. I can only guess what other moments will we experience together.

And maybe that’s the hardest part--after we return to Panera and eat lunch, the two of us will pick up our phones and see what the rest of the world wants from us. No matter how much we delight in each other’s company, we belong to others as well. But for a little while, it was just the two of us, and it started with a walk.

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Forthcoming September 1, 2025 & Available for Pre-Order NOW

Friends, I am beyond thrilled to share the cover of my memoir-in-essays, The Perils of Girlhood—coming 9/1/25. I love how it captures the theme of girlhood and the edginess that is woven throughout the book. If you’d like to pre-order, please click on the link below or reach out to your favorite neighborhood bookstore. Pre-ordering is the greatest way to support an author’s work, so thank you, THANK YOU! And if your book group is interested in reading The Perils of Girlhood, I would gladly join you in conversation in person or by Zoom. Simply reach out and let’s talk about it.

I cannot wait to share these stories with you!

Pre-order from Bookshop

Pre-order from Second Flight Books in Lafayette, IN (and I’ll sign it)

Pre-order from Amazon

Watts goes on to show how this love for language likely should not have been as “I was raised in a crack house.” As she details her writerly journey, we learn how words saved her, ultimately circling back to her meeting Maya Angelou at a party, and the formidable writer asking her name.

“Jenisha.”

“Last name?” she shot back.

“Watts.”

Obviously meeting the awe-inspiring Angelou might be the highlight of any writer’s life--the climax, so to speak--and yet, through the course of reading Watts’s piece, we see that it simply becomes another facet of her story.

With the recent critique of educators and education, I can’t help but think of the extraordinary teachers who helped carve my path early on. My first-grade teacher, Mrs. Petski, told my mom that she’d never taught such a creative student. Perhaps she said this to all the parents of my classmates that year--it wouldn’t matter.

In college, as a freshman at the University of Iowa, after returning a writing assignment, my rhetoric teacher kept me after class. “Have you ever thought about becoming a writer?”

That professor was Jo Ann Beard of “The Fourth State of Matter” and the revolutionary, The Boys of My Youth and In Zanesville and most recently, Festival Days (you should read them all!).

You win a free spin!

I’m thinking now about how I got here: third book on the horizon (pre-order here), writing students of my own that I love and admire, and the series of moments that made this possible. Set-backs as well--rejections, doubts about the value of what I have to say (notice the present tense!) but by and large, the downs made the gains so much more meaningful.

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Like many parents, I frequently feel inadequate in my role as a mother. Unlike my husband, I cannot help my daughters with chemistry and it has been years since they handed me a math problem for assistance. Yet my husband sees otherwise. “You’ve instilled this love of reading in them,” he says. “You can’t discount that.”

You win!

When I watch my daughters curl on the couch with a book, I wonder where their own love for story will take them.

What makes a writer a writer? Someone who writes, yes, but there are likely other individuals and experiences that brought them to this place. Think about those people now. Tell them they have mattered.

Forthcoming September 1, 2025 & Available for Pre-Order NOW!

Preorder from Bookshop

Preorder from Amazon

Preorder from Second Flight Books in Lafayette, IN (and I’ll personalize it for you!)

I became used to seeing Scruffy slumped beside her when I’d pad into her room to wish her goodnight. When bedridden with a cold, his ample belly held my daughter’s movie-playing device. Scruffy has become as much a part of her room as the bed itself, so a few weeks ago, when I saw Scruffy on the floor at the foot of the stairs, I thought my daughter planned to wash him. I added Scruffy to a load and then tossed him in the dryer with a few errant tennis balls. But when I hoisted him in my arms and carried this fresher version of Scruffy back to my daughter’s room, she looked up at me from her desk. “Oh, no. I don’t want him anymore.”

“You don’t want Scruffy?” I tightened my grasp.

“No,” she said.

No, thought to myself.

At sixteen, my daughters’ lives are in constant transition. They are learning how to drive and one is practicing CPR to become a lifeguard. In opening to such new experiences, they must close themselves off from others--people and experiences and things that are part of youth.

For years, bounce-house birthday parties and Easter baskets included toys, miniature and colorful versions of the real thing: stuffed animals and play kitchens and dolls with movable limbs and the shapes of full-grown women. Inside blanket forts and basements, such objects ignited my daughters’ imaginations.

In “The Borders,” Sharon Olds upon the birth of her daughter, considers how Olds herself was mothered when she says:

I will take care of you, I will

Put you first. I will not, ever

Have a daughter as I was had,

I will not ever swim in you

The way my mother swam in me and I

Felt myself swum in.

I return to those lines again and again: I will not ever swim in you/The way my mother swam in me and I /Felt myself swum in.

Have my daughters felt themselves swum in?

Four weeks of driving around with Scruffy in my car beside my grocery bags and yoga mat, curled up receipts from the drugstore and I’m still thinking about it. If you’ve ever second guessed your choices as a parent, maybe you’ll understand how hard it can be to relinquish control, to let your child take the wheel and move in the direction that feels good and right to her.

Toys fill in the space that adults cannot reach. They serve as a bridge between childhood and adolescence only like all supports, at some point they are outgrown.

Scruffy once nestled in my daughter’s arms, maybe she hugged him when she was anxious or upset. There are likely many times in the past four years when he was there for her and I was not--and that’s how it’s supposed to be. Her world away from me expands as my world takes on a new dimension as well.

When I held the clean Scruffy in my arms, my daughter could have just taken him, finding a space for him on her bed or inside her closet. But such subterfuge would only prolong what has already arrived. What do we owe our children? Maybe to give them the space to speak their minds. Maybe to let them be.

So, in this in-between place, I give thanks to the small things. To beloved stuffed animals and speaking our truths as we turn closer to who and what each of us are meant to be.

Brackish water settles on the bottom, the gates are padlocked, the aluminum doors to the locker rooms sealed shut, and still I turn toward it, pin my sight on its emptiness, let its full body grief--warm and sharp and familiar rush over me.

During the summer, I walk this same path to the pool with my family. We bob in the water as the late-day sun makes it twinkle toe dance on the surface, then fades to orange and slips behind the trees. Our limbs are loose and dewy as we journey home, ears filling with the sounds of summer peepers, the smell of cut grass.

A winter pool holds no such allure and maybe that’s what I find most enjoyable--the absence. I fill in that void with my own recollections.

I recall my daughters joining hands and “walking the train,” as they marched to their first lessons in the kiddie pool.

Some afternoons, they’d take turns twisting onto their backs and floating in the “grown up pool,” their faces partially swallowed by goggles, arms outstretched like starfish. After such work, we’d have tea parties beneath the water and I’d usually bring the brownies, serving them on the imaginary plates we held in our palms, scrambling to eat and drink before we had to push up and breathe.

I just might love a pool even more in the winter. I will always turn toward one in passing, and in those moments, I’ll inhabit this place, walking its chilled deck, imagining kids jumping off the high dives, pouring bags of vending machine Doritos down their throats.

Is it possible that some places exist to both delight and illicit grief? Perhaps every bit of joy grows on the back of loss.

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There will always be regret alongside memories--twin towers of delight and longing, I should have, I could have. My daughters are now sixteen. It’s been years since I sat on the floor of a pool with them, but I did it once. I remember, and each time I pass our local pool, the empty lifeguard chairs and leaf-strewn deck in its state of hibernation, I am reminded that love is trying. It’s showing up. It’s the cool splash on a summer day well in the future.

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