This piece was inspired by Pam Grout, a best-selling author, speaker, and unconventional thinker known for her playful, life-changing approach to reality. Grout’s books, including E-Squared and E-Cubed, explore how our thoughts, awareness, and energy shape the world around us and how small shifts in perception can unlock huge possibilities.

Grout’s work has been a game-changer for me, reminding me that mentorship doesn’t always come from people. Sometimes, it comes from the living energy that animates the world, the erotic vitality that makes everything come alive.

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The following is from the Coaching and Leadership Journal. You can check it out here if you’re interested.

Have you noticed that your team member’s attention spans have shortened?

Do you become frustrated because you have to repeat yourself over and over?

Does it seem that your team can’t remember anything, and it has affected their execution?

According to Dr. Gloria Mark, Chancellor and Professor of Informatics at the University of California, Irvine, and author of the book Attention Span, our minds have undergone a fundamental shift in how they work in the digital age. Her book presents two decades of research on the science of attention, why we are so distracted, and how we can restore balance, happiness, and productivity in our lives.

“People are getting more and more into behavioral patterns where they’re simply taking instructions. When you rely on GPS, that’s what you’re doing; you’re taking instructions, like a cooking recipe. The GPS instructs you to go 500 meters and then turn right, just like a recipe tells you to put in a cup of flour and half a cup of butter.”

“People’s ways of thinking are changing—adapting to patterns of receiving these recipe-like instructions, as opposed to patterns of forming internal cognitive maps. To put this in perspective, humans have a great capability for spatial navigation.”

“The ancient Polynesians could navigate thousands of miles without any maps simply by looking at the stars. We have this potential, but we’re losing it.”

—Gloria Mark

According to Mark, there are several factors contributing to the apparent decline in people’s cognitive skills, particularly their attention spans:

• Smartphones, social media, and easily accessible information expose us to a relentless stream of notifications and distractions, making it harder to focus for extended periods.

• Rapid content delivery. Online platforms like YouTube often use quick editing and short-form content that conditions our brains to crave constant stimulation, shortening our attention spans.

• Information overload. The sheer volume of information available in the digital age can overwhelm our cognitive capacity, making it difficult to prioritize and process data effectively.

• Attention switching. Mark’s research shows that the average attention span on a screen has decreased dramatically, from 2.5 minutes in 2004 to just 47 seconds in recent years.

• Cognitive load. Constantly switching between tasks, such as checking emails or notifications, leads to increased cognitive load and difficulty concentrating for long periods.

• Multitasking reduces performance. Mark’s research indicates that trying to multitask by switching between tasks leads to decreased performance, more errors, and slower completion times.

• Increased stress. The constant switching of attention also contributes to higher stress levels and mental fatigue.

• Social media influence. The desire for social capital and validation online can contribute to frequent checking of social media, further fragmenting attention.

• Sleep deprivation. Insufficient sleep impairs cognitive and executive function, making it harder to focus. Often, because of feeling the need to check social media, young people, especially, are up at all hours of the night.

• Stressful environments. Stressful work or home environments can make it difficult to concentrate and maintain attention.

• Lifestyle factors. Diet and exercise habits can also impact cognitive function and attention span.

This decline does not mean that people are doomed. Understanding the science behind attention and the impact of technology can help individuals manage their attention and lessen these negative effects.

Mark’s strategies in her book can help leaders manage distractions and help themselves and team members regain focus.

Until next week,

The Coaching and Leadership Journal

What’s the difference between inspired action and forced action?

Don’t we all have to “pay our dues” to get what we want?

A previous Game Changing post focused on a simple but difficult question: How do you really know what you want? I wrote that once you become clear about your desires, and genuinely inspired by them, opportunities and momentum begin to show up.

But that raises an important follow-up question:

How do you know if you’re taking the right steps toward getting what you want?

Recently, I was talking with a friend who is a professional comedian. We talked about how brutal those early years were—working low-end clubs, little pay, long nights. Today, he’s well respected and makes a solid living doing what he loves.

I asked him why he stuck with it. Surely those early nights weren’t fun. Did he feel inspired to go to work back then?

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I’ve learned that if you want to evolve into someone different from how the people around you currently see you, it’s often wise to keep those plans to yourself.

Those who only know you as you are can struggle to imagine the version of you that exists in a new environment. Sometimes they even discourage you, not out of malice, but because they’re attached to the version of you that makes sense in their world.

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In a post back in April, I mentioned that I would share Henry Miller’s thoughts from his book The Colossus of Maroussi, published in 1941. These Game-Changing ideas could have easily been written today with all the social media that has penetrated our lives. Miller’s thoughts seem more relevant today in the puritanical, divided world we live in, which seems to glorify death over life

Two recurring game-changing dimensions of Miller’s thought stand out:

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If you have a desire to evolve past an ordinary existence and part of that desire includes changing who you are, what you’ve done, or where you are, be prepared to meet some resistance.

The main places this resistance greets us is through family, friends, and your ego. A part of the ego’s job is to make a good impression on others, not to disappoint them, especially those we are close to, such as family members, spouses, and colleagues.

As an example, let’s say you have parents who are aging and want you very much to stay nearby. Yet, there is a yearning within your very soul to move to a new place and to start a new life in the palm trees.

If you approach them and tell them of your desire to move away, they may hit you with, “That’s so selfish! What will we do around here without you? Who is going to take me to the doctor when I need to go?” Each statement is filled with guilt to try to make you feel bad to influence you toward the things they want you to do.

However, all of these guilt-ridden statements include very valid points, and unless you’re just a selfish asshole, they hit a soft spot within your heart. But the thing you must realize is that not only are your parents aging, but you are as well. Every day that goes by is one less day every living being has.

Sure, it is expected that an older person has more yesterdays than tomorrows, but that overlooks the fact that no one, with absolute certainty, knows how many tomorrows anyone has.

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So many partners, be they personal or business relationships, seek to control the other person. And often this is done out of fear, particularly a fear of loss.

Giving your dreams away to someone because you don’t want to hurt their feelings is a terrible way to live. And at the end of the day–and more importantly at the end of your life–you are the one who suffers.

Too many people go to their graves with their dreams unfulfilled because they don’t want to hurt those who are controlling them.

We should seek relationships not puppetry. So many of our partnerships/marriages are as if we don’t have relationships, instead we have hostages.

Most people around you want to see you succeed, but what scares them is losing control over you. If someone close to you experiences jealousy or envy because you have something they don’t or you are doing something they don’t approve of, and you feel bad about it, then you have forgotten that you are the creator of your world.

No matter how much those around you want to control your life it’s still up to you to make your own choices.

However, strange as it may seem, some people are more afraid of succeeding than failing. To succeed means that we might have to change our life, evolve, and let go of playing the victim.

We often wear our sorrows, past misfortunes, and sense of righteous indignation like medals to be applauded by a world which worships loss, control and crucifies messengers of anything that goes against their expectations of “normal” behavior.

Wake up to your power and leave smallness behind.

To evolve toward what you really want is daring because living according to your own choices makes you a threat to those around you who are hellbent on keeping you in your place.

Religions, governments, and social institutions have thrived for millennia by teaching citizens, subjects, and groups that they are guilty and powerless.

Make strong choices.

To hang out in “Maybe,” “I don’t know,” or “Tomorrow,” weakens your spirit and resolve. To be non-committal is to disempower yourself.

Don’t apologize for your dreams and desires, go for them.

A note of caution though–you must be able to distinguish between persevering until a goal is reached and naively chasing a dream that will not come true.

A game changing attitude does not require you to preserve at the expense of your happiness.

There is an enormous difference between aligned and misaligned action and successful people can tell the difference.

Until next week,

Dan

There’s a saying that God will give every bird its worm, but he won’t throw it up in the nest.

Then, at the same time, some teach that to manifest things into your life, you must stay out of the way and allow the Universe/God to handle the details.

So, the questions become, how do you know when you should take action and when you should stay out of the way? How do you stay in a place of allowing?

We’re told anytime we worry, act impatiently, doubt, or force action, then we’re blocking the things we want from coming to us, so, what do you do, just sit, and wait?

No, I don’t think so. There are times you need to act, but the key thing is to be sure you know if that action is aligned or is it just creating vibrational blockage.

It is game-changing to realize that action that doesn’t feel right isn’t a part of allowing. Instead, it is forced action.

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The phrase “like a family” is so often used by leaders and coaches. In fact, I used it many times over my career. The idea was that our team had a bond, and we were close-knit and looked out for one another.

In a perfect world, families support all their members. A family should encourage freedom, not fear. It should create space for each person to evolve beyond parents’ expectations and to live life on their own terms. A healthy family doesn’t claim ownership of its members—it empowers them to become who they truly are.

But in the world we live in, that obviously is not perfect, most families, without realizing it, suppress growth. From a very young age, expectations inform what members should believe, pursue, or become.

Leaders, be they teachers, coaches, parents, preachers, etc., may think they are providing structure and security to their members, but more often than not, they end up stripping away personal freedom and authentic desire.

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In April, I shared some game-changing wisdom we can learn from the elderly, along with a story from my book Leading Narratives. In that same spirit, here’s another lighthearted story from the book — a reminder that sometimes we don’t need to dig too deeply into the past or interrogate every detail of someone else’s journey. There’s wisdom in allowing people to live their lives without our constant questions or attempts to control the narrative.

“Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there’s something I must know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?”

Martha replied, “Well, Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I’ve been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason.”

Henry was obviously surprised by his wife’s confession, but said, “I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by good reasons?”

Martha said, “The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn’t pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?”

Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, “I can forgive you for that; you saved our home, but what about the second time?”

Martha asked, “And do you remember when you got hurt, but we didn’t have the money to pay for the surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge.”

“I do recall that,” said Henry. “And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time.”

“All right,” Martha said. “Do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?”

Henry fainted…

Keep evolving,

Dan

Some mornings begin with a strange feeling in the gut. You wake up and something feels off. The day has barely started, yet a sense of worry already sits in the background. The mind searches for reasons. A problem that could happen. A money concern. A conversation that did not go well. The feeling stays.

Many spiritual teachers say the solution is simple. Think better thoughts, and the feeling will change.

That advice sounds good in theory. Real life can be different. When a nagging emotion keeps showing up, it can feel impossible to override it with a single positive thought.

Over time, I started to look at those feelings differently. I began to see them as signals. A bad feeling often points to a misalignment between what is happening and what I truly want for my life. The emotion is information.

Earlier in my life, I handled those moments poorly. I complained about my job. I complained about money. I complained about everything. Complaining felt natural because the mind looks for proof that the feeling is justified.

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It’s game changing when you realize that you don’t have to protect yourself from something or someone and you no longer have to live in fear.

Of course, I am not suggesting you walk in the middle of a highway or go to certain parts of town in the middle of the night.

What I am suggesting is that most people live in a state of constant fear, most of which is being perpetuated by those who want to control them.

If you can get yourself into a good feeling-aligned place and live from that place instead of one of fear, life begins to take on an entirely more pleasant and pleasing outlook.

You don’t have to protect yourself from anything!

In fact, an attitude of protection will bring awareness to the thing which you’re protecting yourself from.

With all their proposed well-meaning intentions, religions’ foundations are built on the need for protection. You must protect yourself from the devil, from sin, from evil people, etc.

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How do you know what you truly desire?

Here’s the brutal truth: most of what we think we want is just noise. I used to wish for a new job. I wished for more money. I wished, I wished, I wished… but did I actually want any of it? Or was I just chasing someone else’s idea of success?

Clarity is everything. Can you see yourself with what you claim to desire? And can you feel it deep in your gut, in your bones?

I’ve learned to stop chasing labels and start chasing feelings. A new job? Sounds great, until you imagine the headaches, the time taken away from my life, the stress. Suddenly, that “dream job” feels like a nightmare.

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When I am asked to do a podcast or interview, I often make a few bullet points that I think may be helpful for the interview. I wanted to share my outline from an interview I did a few years ago with Education Leadership and Beyond--Surviving and Thriving.

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For the past couple of years, Cara and I have been taking people on trips. That is exactly why we started Free Spirit Getaways. It began with us sharing the places we love. Not tours. Not packages. Experiences.

When you step out of your routine and into a different rhythm of life, life evolves and opens up.

Now that opportunity has evolved into something even more.

Our Home in France and Your Invitation

We now spend a significant part of the year at our home in the South of France. We are not visiting. We are living. With Free Spirit Getaways, we invite you into that life.

This is not just about seeing France and Spain. It is about experiencing it the way we do. Morning walks to the bakery. Long unhurried dinners. Conversations with locals. Time that slows down enough for you to be present.

This is your invitation to experience the South of France and Spain through the places, traditions, and everyday moments that make this part of the world special.

From village markets to seaside cafés to hidden streets, every trip is designed to give you something most travel does not offer.

Free Spirit Getaways experiences are immersive and personal.

What Makes This Different

You will not rush from landmark to landmark trying to check boxes.

You choose your travel dates. We build the experience around you. That flexibility changes everything. Your trip fits your life instead of the other way around.

We remove the friction so you can enjoy the experience.

For France and Spain, travel runs from April through October, when the region is at its best. Trips range from 7 to 14 days, with options to extend your time in Paris or Madrid.

Our Miami trips are 7 days and are offered in January and February, bringing a completely different energy during the heart of winter.

All accommodations, transportation, activities, breakfasts, and dinners are included. There are no hidden costs. You arrive, and we take care of everything else.

The Energy Matters

This is not for everyone. It is for people who are evolving. and ready to experience life differently.

We want people who are curious and open. People who are energized by life. People who say yes to experience. People who embrace the unexpected. People who understand that the best moments are felt.

We have one simple rule.

No moping allowed.

France and Spain – Pick Your Dates from April through October

Choose the dates that work for you, and we will create the trip around your schedule. Trips of 7, 9, 11, or 14 days are available, with the option to extend your stay or add Paris or Madrid to your journey.

You will wander through medieval streets in Carcassonne. You will explore Perpignan and Céret. You will follow the artistic footsteps of Dalí and Picasso. You will relax in the Roman baths of Amélie les Bains. You will taste local wine and walk through olive groves. You will experience French culture and Spanish culture within one journey.

You might find yourself at a village festival watching a band move through narrow streets. You might sit at a café and lose track of time.

That is the point.

One traveler shared this after returning home:

“I tried to pick my three favorite memories and ended up writing two and a half pages.”

For complete details and to sign up, visit Free Spirit Getaways France and Spain.

Miami – Pick Your Dates in January or February

Miami has a completely different energy. It is vibrant.

Miami is our former home, and it remains a place we truly love. That connection is part of what makes these trips special.

Our Miami experiences are 7-day trips offered in January or February. You pick your dates, and we build the experience around you. Miami is a setting that invites fun, pleasure, and a reminder that life is meant to be enjoyed now.

Why This Is Game Changing

This is about more than travel.

It is about stepping outside the noise, routine, and expectations. It is about remembering there are other ways to live. Other ways to spend your time. Other ways to feel. It is about pleasure. It is about evolving. It is about a paradigm shift in how you approach life.

For me, this is a living expression of what I believe in. Choosing experience over obligation and choosing a life that feels good while you are living it.

I am including this in my Game-Changing Substack to offer you the opportunity to experience something different. If you feel a pull toward this, here is your invitation. Come experience our slice of life in the Mediterranean or in Miami. Transform your experience and change the game for yourself.

Visit Free Spirit Getaways to explore trips, see dates, and start your adventure today.

You can sign up for The Free Spirit Newsletter here to stay abreast of upcoming adventures and opportunities.

We’d love to have you join us!

Dan and Cara

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Willie Nelson and I were born on the same day—April 29—a perfect moment to reflect on pleasure, passion, and the power of never letting your life force fade. This year, he turns 93.

Another year comes around, and there he is again, still creating and still very much alive in the way that actually matters. With 72 solo albums, over 200 albums overall, and now a new upcoming album called Dream Chaser, it would be easy for him to stop. Most people would. Yet, he keeps going.

At an age when most people are shrinking their lives, Willie is expanding his. A new album is evidence of life force. It is proof that something inside him is still moving, still reaching, still desiring.

And most importantly, still enjoying.

Willie has never hidden his philosophy. Stay busy. Stay curious. Stay in love with the act of living. He once said that the secret is simple: keep moving and enjoy yourself. His approach carries little moral weight. It lacks a grind mentality. It feels easy. It feels pleasurable.

In Dream Chaser, he reveals the core of a life lived in alignment with eros. That creative life force. That quiet pull that keeps you creating and following pleasure long after the world expects you to stop.

Today I looked in the mirror
And I caught me by surprise
The man I saw lookin’ back at me
I almost didn’t recognize

There is awareness here. Time has passed. The identity has shifted. The image in the mirror is no longer the young man.

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I came across an article summarizing Henry Miller’s book The Colossus of Maroussi, written in 1941. The book is sort of a memoir of his 1939 visit to Greece, written just before World War II. It is more a philosophical portrait of a land he saw as timeless, raw, and liberating than a traditional travel narrative.

As I read the summary, it became apparent that the book could have been written today, as it dives deeply into so many issues that are currently affecting us. I plan to share some of those items that I found fascinating in an upcoming Game-Changing post.

For this article, I want to expand on my views of Miller and why I feel they are game-changing and have played an integral part in my evolution.

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Everyone knows it, everyone has heard it, and the elderly keep passing on the same advice, but so many never heed this game-changing advice…GO FOR YOUR DREAMS!

Those in the latter stages of life tell us over and over that they wish they had stopped living a life others wanted them to and lived one they wanted. Their advice to everyone is do it before it’s too late.

In fact, a recent research study conducted 1000 interviews with people aged 80 or over, and the top three lessons were:

1. Stop caring about what others think

2. Live your life now.

3. Have a positive outlook

A recurring theme when elderly people are asked for their advice for young people it is to follow your dreams, regardless of what others may think of them.

It seems that the healthiest people are those who never stop having dreams, those who keep their wild side alive…they never let the “old man” in.

With that in mind, here is a fun story from my book Leading Narratives

Wise Old Couple

An elderly couple went to a doctor. They told the doctor, “We’re having some trouble with our sex life. Could you watch and offer some suggestions?”

The doctor replied, “I’m not a sex therapist. You should find someone else.”

The couple said, “No, no, we trust you.”

After watching them have sex, the doctor said, “You don’t seem to be having any troubles. I wish my sex life were as good. I can’t give you any suggestions.”

This was repeated the next week and the following week. After they had finished on the third week, the doctor said, “You aren’t having any trouble at all. Is this your idea of kinky sex?”

The man replied, “No, actually, the problem is if we have sex at my house, my wife will catch us. If we have sex at her house, her husband will catch us. The motel charges us $75, but you only charge $45, and Medicare pays half of that.”

—Dan

Epictetus was a Greek Stoic philosopher who wrote Discourses around 108 AD. He is brought back to life in The Art of Living: The Classic Manual on Virtue, Happiness, and Effectiveness, a terrific translation by Sharon Lebell, a philosophical writer and musician.

One part of my evolved life is having the time that I didn’t have before to delve deeper into teachings and philosophy.

So many of us spend our entire lives on a hamster wheel trying to get nowhere so fast that we never take the time to look inside ourselves and the world and simply think what does it all mean?

Marcus Aurelius was the Roman emperor from 161 to 180 and is most famous for his work Meditations, a collection of private reflections on Stoic philosophy. He is widely recognized as being the last of Rome’s “good emperors.” His Meditations is considered a classic of self-improvement, offering timeless wisdom on ethics, self-discipline, and resilience.

The philosophy of Aurelius and Epictetus is especially applicable to my evolved writing life. To write is to lay your mind and soul bare for all to see. To write is to be vulnerable, and therefore susceptible to attacks from critics and haters. Like coaching, critical attacks are a cost of creativity and putting yourself out there.

I’ve learned that you can’t control other people, and as long as you are living, there will be people who try to scam, exploit, criticize, or simply despise you for being different or seeing the world differently than they want you to.

Unlike my younger days, I now try to implement the teachings of the many philosophers I have been studying and do my best to remain calm and serene, undisturbed, and unperturbed. I try my best to see the cost of being authentic and sharing my words with the world.

Some offer criticism to help, but it seems they are becoming a minority who are outnumbered by haters — those who, for whatever reason, don’t like you, your work, basically anything about you, and have no reservations about making it known.

I may have written something that challenges that person’s beliefs. Maybe it touches on an insecurity of theirs. Maybe they thought they knew me in a role I was previously in, and they didn’t want to see me any other way. Maybe I just don’t see eye to eye with that person. Maybe I simply have differing opinions, different perspectives.

“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.”-- Marcus Aurelius

With my Game-Changing Substack and other writings, I’ve told my truth as I see it. I know that I have the power over what I say, but I’ve learned that I do not have the power over how my words are interpreted, how they may be received, or how my reputation is looked upon. I don’t have power over the words or actions of critics, haters, and scammers, but I do have power over how I deal with and respond to them.

Just like coaching, I’ve learned that the longer I do something, the more chances there will be for those who dislike me for whatever reason. I’ve learned that if I share enough of my work with the world, I’ll hear from people who criticize me.

I’ve also learned that some critics may offer constructive criticism and may point out something that I failed to consider, offering information of which I was unaware. And, as I would like to believe I did while in the coaching profession, I listen and try to learn from them.

“Is it possible to be free from error? Not by any means, but it is possible to be a person always striving to avoid error. For we must be content to at least escape a few mistakes by never letting our attention slide.”--Epictetus

But I have learned that not all criticism is valid. In fact, the majority of it is not. And I know that Marcus Aurelius’ advice, so many years ago, is still relevant and so important in my life today.

Aurelius wrote, “You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”

This strength is game-changing and is vital to living an evolving life.

–Dan