I can feel the pain somewhere.

I turn on the bed while my brain is trying to connect where my nervous system is sending this pain from.

Shoot.

I hurriedly open my eyes, get off the bed and rush to the mirror.

In the brief second of this exercise I’ve prayed to God about 10 times.

“God no. God please.”

I see my reflection in the mirror and my heart sinks.

There it is.

Shining like it was sent into the world by God.

Sitting comfortably like I welcomed it warmly in my space.

To be honest, I envy its temerity.

It doesn’t seem to care about what I think.

It just does its thing at its time.

A part of me wishes I could be like it.

Wait a minute.

Where’s the panic?

I have a pimple!

Right in the middle of my forehead.

There’s no hiding this one.

I can’t do this.

I don’t want to walk outside with this but I do not have a choice.

I hardly understand this.

Yesterday, I was admiring my skin and how better it looks.

And today, this?

I didn’t eat anything I shouldn’t eat.

My pillow case? Clean.

I use a separate towel for my face.

And I have skincare products.

But what’s this?

Again?

Hm.

I have to get ready.

I have a test today, I cannot not show my face outside.

We’d just try to ignore it and hope others do too.

Okay.

It’s not that bad.

It’s barely noticeable.

It’s alright.

See, nobody noticed.

Or did they and just decided to say nothing?

Do I want them to talk about it?

Do I want to hear them say it isn’t that bad?

Do I want them to act like they can’t see it?

“Can you guys see this pimple?”

“It’s okay. It’s not so bad.”

They are lying.

Oh well.

I just need to sit for this test and a class and I can run back inside.

Say hi to no one.

Don’t start of keep a conversation.

You can’t risk comparing your skin again.

What a day.

I really pray this pimple will leave so I can get my confidence again.

Is it a bad to go desire clear skin?

Is that too much to ask for?

I’ve tried so much to make this skin listen to me.

You know how annoying it is to have skincare products and then your skin never cares about it?

My skin breaks out in the most annoying way.

I’m kind of learning to live with it now but I really want my skin to care.

I really want to look at myself in the mirror and not see acne.

I really want a clear skin.

I know that most times I cause these breakouts but please…

I just want to not feel the pain that comes with having acne.

The physical and emotional pain.

I’m not being extra.

Your face actually hurts when you have pimples.

It’s never quiet.

And emotionally, you look at the next person with a clear skin and you just want to be that.

It’s hard for you to talk to people because you’re thinking “what if all they see is my skin.”

Or you’re thinking about how clear their skin is.

Self esteem?

Really low.

I’m saying all this to beg my skin to listen to me.

I just want to look good.

Please.

With love,🫶🏾

Hi God,

I will serve God. Out of my belly shall flow rivers of living water.

Temiloluwa Olomo Iye.

Life with you God is all that it should be.

It is amazing and complete.

With love,🫶🏾

Hi God

Thank you for waking me up today. Thank you for your purpose in my life. Yesterday, I watched a lot of YouTube videos and my mind really opened. Help me Lord. In my silent season, help me to stay. Help me to wait. Help me to listen to you. I do not want what everyone wants. I want what you want for me. Two days ago you gave me an instruction about “For Christ”. I want to begin next week but I need your help. If that is all I do this year, then I’m okay. Thank you Jesus.

Today, I want to study my books, please help me God. Thank you so much for how you’ve helped me. Thank you! I love you so much.

With love🫶🏾

Hi God,

I have this night and tomorrow night and then I am out of this place!

Thank you!

We went to lantoro today and I did not like it. Oh my phone does not want to charge past 80%. I’m not doing that one now.

God please let it charge . I went for FCN fellowship today for the last time here and the woman that preached preached a storm.

I want to stay. I need to stay.

Today I woke up after my afternoon sleep with a burden for GBE.

God I really do not know what to do with the team and the general group. I do not know God. Please help me. Please. Today is day three of hallelujah challenge. Show me your glory. I love you!

With love,🫶🏾

Hi God,

It’s been more than a week since I last wrote to you. Here’s an update: I started community posting and it felt like I couldn’t balance my time at all. I barely did anything throughout last week but I’ve decided to be more intentional and plan my day better. I’m sorry for not writing, not praying, and not studying. A whole week.

I went home for the weekend. I saw my uncle and my aunt and I love them so much. I got new wigs. Now I have to pay an outrageous price to revamp them. My posting is going well. I mean, I’ve been learning and I feel good.

Thank you so much.

Thank you my God I love you.

Hi God,

I said I’ll write every day, but I didn’t yesterday. Oh well. I’m starting today. This is for my writing every day to you. I started writing newsletters every day and I must say I’m in awe of myself. Today, my sister and I started a Bible plan.

Thank you Jesus, please help us through this year. I really really need your help this year. Please help me to continue . Send your Holy Spirit to me. Wait, the holy spirit is in me.

Please just be God in my life, home and family and friends.

I have thoughts about a journal idea.

God please keep helping me. Thank you so much for all you are set to do in 2026. Thank you so so much for 2025. I love and appreciate you. I love you Abba.

With love,🫶🏾

Hi God,

I didn’t come back yesterday, I didn’t read the remaining chapters of my Bible. I’ve become so lazy, well I’m about to read my Bible now. There’s no use dwelling on what has passed.

Your son and I texted yesterday. He didn’t reply my messages. I’m leaving him but I will keep praying till you say I should stop. What again? I’m trying to give more, I have a problem with that. Everybody on my team is tired. Am I not leading well God? Is this all me? I know they said school but I can’t help but wonder if I’m at fault.

I pray for strength for them.

For Osolu, help her in her exams please.

I need a Christian community. I need to be better with my friends.

You woke me up this morning to pray for Lekan and now m I just want to ask you to help him and everyone pursuing you. I’m not doing my best in this and I need you God? please. Bye love.

I pray for strength, help me to do the things you want. Help me to be on fire, help people see me in you and not just by what I say but also my actions and all around me. Help me in my studies.

I’m not reading God please.

I asked you to help me not like him it didn’t work out well help me forget.

If it’s meant to be then let it happen.

I need you God.

I need to be on fire, to feel the fire and change lives through the fire.

I can’t be ordinary please. Bye God.

For the mother

The little girl.

The one who once had a dream

A dream she couldn’t meet up with

She was told:

You don’t have to be ambitious, that’s not the path of a lady.

Come, let dress you up properly.

You need to be in a nice dress.

Look pretty.

Speak well

Sit well

Don’t talk to much

Don’t be loud.

You should know how to cook.

A man loves a good cook

She was told it’s okay to dream but reaching for it will be too much.

She just has to find a man to marry her.

Then have children and train those children.

Be a wife.

Be a mother.

That’s how she was trained.

That’s all she knows.

That is right for her.

That’s how she grew up and that’s the normal way of life for this mother.

For the father.

The one who became a man faster than he should have.

Sent outside of the house to learn to make a living.

Was not given the chance to be a child.

If he plays then he’s unserious.

How will be provide for the family?

He learnt early to hide his happiness.

To smile is an abomination.

He just had to look serious.

Once, his father saw him crying.

He looked at him with anger, “are you a woman?”

Those words.

He didn’t understand why they were a bad thing.

The look on his father’s face when he said those words.

It sounded so vile, he didn’t want to be associated with such a thing.

So he learned how to hide that emotion too.

No tears, no laughter.

Just a stoic expression.

Love but don’t be loud about it.

That’s what he knows.

That’s how he grew up.

To the child.

The one born in a new generation.

A woke generation.

The girl who gets to go to school, to dream, to reach for the stars.

The boy, who gets to show emotions, to follow his heart.

The child blessed with the parents that didn’t have as much exposure.

The parents that didn’t know a lot but still tried to meet up with certain standards.

The parents that err in many ways.

The parents that do not understand.

How would they?

They only know so little.

This child doesn’t like her parents because they don’t get her.

He doesn’t relate with them because they make a big deal of everything.

These parents want to do what is right but they can’t.

How will they do what they do not know?

Maybe this child should give them a little grace.

Talk to them.

Teach them.

Love them.

Maybe your parents deserve a grace.

With love,🫶🏾

a new month.

Happy new month.

This month I must write my letters up to date and I really need your help.

I need you to hold me accountable.

The goal is to send 4 letters everyday till I’m on track.

If you I do not send up to four letters in a day please text me, call me if you can, ask for how you can help.

Please.

I also want to help you.

Is there something you need accountability with?

Your personal time with God, school, work, an idea, whatever it is just let me know in the comment section or send a message.

Let me know your consistency plan and I’ll help you.

I want us to be really productive this month.

I’ve rested enough.

Thank you!

With love,🫶🏾

Hi God,

This letter is for yesterday.

I will write today’s letter this night.

Yesterday was good.

I got clarity about somethings from pastor, thank you for telling me to go.

I danced so much in church.

I will be twenty in a week.

God.

Twenty years on earth is amazing. Thank you.

Thank you very much!

I’m grateful for my friends.

I’m not the best friend, I easily push people away but you’ve surrounded me with the best people.

Thank you Abba for the gift of men.

Thank you.

I really appreciate it.

I love you so much.

Bye!

With love,🫶🏾

Hi God,

I didn’t read my Bible yesterday. I didn’t write it you.

Yes, I have become too comfortable.

What happened today? I felt so sick today. Oh Lord, I think I have malaria.

I’m really thinking of drawing away from my friends.

I have been second guessing myself.

What if I am the problem? Oh well.

Toluwani considers me her friend. I’m forever grateful for the gift of that girl.

I think I really really hate it when people shout at me.

It reminds me of secondary school fr.

I like my roommates, have I told you?

I’m so sorry for drawing away from you.

I like how this year is going now.

Please protect Ella.

Be with my family.

Be God in our lives.

I love you.

Bye.

With love, 🫶🏾

No, I didn’t like that year. I really had some clarity issues.

On friendships and other things.

Thank God.

Also, very bold of me to tell God I think I’m sick and not pray the sickness away.

Hi God,

I almost forgot to read and study my Bible. Thank you for the reminder.

I woke up this morning and remembered there is a prophecy over me and I have to get up, and let go of what has been so I read my book.

About an hour after I was done. It was announced that there will be a mid semester exam for that course tomorrow.

I wasn’t scared because I just read it. I’d just have to revise.

I took my bath. Waited for my parents.

Thank you because there was no accident. Thank you for adding another year to that of my great grandmother.

Help her know you.

Help me help her know you.

She’s 99, that’s a lot of age on earth.

What else did I do?

I had an encounter in the bathroom.

A sweet encounter.

That bathroom is dirty sha.

If I come back not too tired tomorrow, I’ll wash it and clean the room.

Tomorrow will be busy but God please give me strength. Help me Lord to remember all I have read.

I do not want to read in vain please.

I want to work and see the result please and I do not want to cheat.

Help me stay away from my friends or help them shut up.

I guess that’s it.

I saw my family and I will forever be grateful for them.

I miss my sister too and I want to go home.

God bless and protect my family please.

Your son didn’t text today.

I can’t keep pushing God.

I should relax and see how this plays out while I pray. Yeah.

Bye God.

I love you so so much.

With love,🫶🏾

Do you see that subtle testimony about me reading my book and then there was an announcement for a mid semester exam on that course the next day? Crazy. I was in 200 this time and nothing was funny.

This was the year my department did the thing that if you didn’t pass a cut off you’ll repeat the level.

God really helped me. I had issues reading and remembering but I just prayed. In my final year now and all I can say is God helped me this far.

I was still going through my heartbreak here. God really had my time because nah.

At this point, I think it is a streak of sadness.

Every single day.

The physical hurt is worse God.

My chest literally hurts.

God please. I can’t do this forever. I’m so so tired.

I saw him today and he did not care a bit about me.

God my chest. God please.

I must be running out of tears with how much I cry. I’m tired.

God please I don’t feel again.

I don’t have anyone to talk to about this. God please this one is hard. It’s painful. I do not know how I’m supposed to move, but I will keep praying for him. I should have never done this.

I would’ve never gotten hurt. Bye.

This made me laugh.

I was really going through it with this break up

It is well..

I wonder what God must have thought.

“Abba, Father,” he cried out, “everything is possible for you. Please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.”

‭‭Mark‬ ‭14‬:‭36‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I read this verse this morning and it got me thinking.

After Jesus prayed this prayer, Judas and the soldiers came to arrest him.

There was no breathing space.

There was no moment of “let me even see if God will do it.”

God simply didn’t do it.

If you’re following my letters to ABBA series, you’ll notice that I have a way of praying when I need something.

The same way Jesus started this prayer.

“God, there’s nothing impossible for you.”

“God, you said in your word.”

“God, you said I should…”

It’s obviously not a bad way to pray.

But most times we do this things to try to gaslight God.

Most times.

Other times we’re genuinely trying to remind God of his promises.

Or to remind ourselves who God is.

When we start our prayers this way, we don’t give way to listen to what God wants.

At least Jesus did.

He said: “Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.”

Not many of us will say this.

I don’t.

There is truly nothing impossible for God to do.

But if God did everything we asked for with our human understanding then there would be trouble.

Things that seem like a good idea.

You’re not asking for something bad, you’ve thought about it and you’ve seen that this will be good but if God answered it, we will be in big trouble.

God knows way more than we do.

We don’t see the long run but God does.

Can God save us if we eventually go the wrong way?

Yes, of course.

But why go that way in the first place?

Imagine if God answered Jesus’s prayer that day.

What would be of the world?

Would we know the Christianity we preach today?

Would we have grace?

Would we have the Holy Spirit?

Maybe someone else would have been found.

But would that person have been the right one?

Look at the world today.

God didn’t answer the prayer.

Jesus still died for our sins.

But the world is such a sore to the eyes.

People do things that should not be heard of.

Now, what if God answered that prayer?

It’s the same in our lives.

God knows everything.

And he tries to guide us in the right way.

But we also have our freedom of choice.

If God says no and you go to all measures to make sure it’s a yes, you’ll eventually find out why it was a no for God.

So, just know that with God, he has our best interest at heart.

He just wants what’s good for us and for the people around us.

Trust in him.

With love,🫶🏾

Hi God,

Some days it hurts differently.

It is a different kind of pain.

Oh God, I’m learning.

I’m seeing and I’m trying.

I’m not even hoping anymore. Just please help me.

I need a form of sanity back. Please.

I feel like I have just you now.

I just want to love God. Please.

Am I really a bad person? Everyone always leaves. I try my best God. I’m serious.

I just keep trying but it is never enough.

I’m tired of trying.

I’m tired of pushing.

Maybe if everyone else pushed the same way I do then I’d feel a tad bit better but no.

I just want to be Temiloluwa.

I just want joy.

I want happiness and peace.

Please God.

Bye.

Hi God,

Today makes it three months since I started journaling.

It has been a good thing.

I’ve learnt to pour out everything.

I’ve learnt to love you as a friend, a father and in so many other ways.

Femisire texted me today.

Excel sent me a text.

I’m grateful for those texts because they came at the perfect time really.

When I was feeling dejected.

I saw your son today, said hi and that was it.

I heard so much from the devil today but I’m learning to stand strong in your word.

I want to talk to my mum and tell her so many things.

I wrote a quiz today and you helped, thank you so much.

Thank you for today.

I love you.

I’ll get better.

Bye.

With love,🫶🏾

See.

Hi God,

I missed your child a little bit more today.

It’s hard.

I feel so lonely.

I feel like I have people around me but at the same time I don’t.

I just want to be surrounded with people.

I had so many scary thoughts today.

Please help me God.

I’m beginning to get really tired.

Also, please protect my friends.

I pray for Bolu.

Please be with her, please help her. I don’t know what’s wrong but please help her.

I helped someone today, thank you for the grace.

I pray for strength.

I need to get myself together.

Please help me Lord.

Please.

I don’t even know what this is but please help me. Please.

With love,🫶🏾

The “your child” at the beginning of this letter was a boy.

Let me just say 2024 wasn’t really a good year for me.

God leaves the ninety nine for the one.

I’m not the one.

I’m the half.

Every time I see posts that say things like “the one should stay in a place so that God can search after the other people.”

I wonder if I’m part of the one.

But I’m not.

I’ve thought about it and I know who I am.

I’m the child that leaves but never leaves fully.

The one that understands her identity in Christ but is never fully present.

On occasion, I get overwhelmed by the things of the world and I run into hiding.

But In my hiding, I never forget whose I am.

I’m the child that stops praying for days to weeks.

The one that doesn’t give her father an opportunity to speak with him privately but still knows she’s a child.

But still says she belongs to the family.

Still speaks about her father like he’s her daddy.

Still talks about how wonderful he is.

How wonderful it’d be to have others in our family.

I’m the child that feels distant from the family and does nothing about it.

I know I should be closer.

I know I should work to be more active in the family.

But I don’t do that

I just wake up each day with regret and I keep moving.

I don’t leave the family.

I don’t denounce God.

I don’t forget that I’m a child of God.

I love God with the entirety of my being.

I know with everything in me that I am of God and he is of me.

Even when I’m at my lowest, I don’t leave God fully.

I’m just distant.

I’m not the one.

I’m just the half.

The half that never ever leaves but is far away.

I don’t want to be the half.

I don’t like being the half.

There’s nothing special about it.

I see the ninety and I want to be like them.

Even when I’m exhausted, I don’t want to go months without communicating with God.

Even when I am tired, I want to be able to run to Abba for strength.

I want to understand what it is to be truly a child of God.

To not forget it.

To stay in him.

I don’t want to be part of the half.

I don’t want to be present but still absent.

I want to speak about my father like I know him without feeling like a hypocrite.

I want to be easily recognized.

Not by people, but by God.

It’s hard to be the half.

God makes it easy to be honest.

He’s always there.

He’s always present.

But for me? It’s still hard.

Because I know there’s a hand extended to me that I’m not reaching for.

I don’t want to be the half.

I want to be certain of my stance.

I want to be the ninety nine.

There are so many ones that need to be chased.

I want to reach out to them.

I do not want to just sit.

I want to work.

With love, 🫶🏾

Hi God,

I went against everything I was supposed to do this month.

7 days. 7 days with no prayer.

I understand that I was tired but that is no excuse.

I’m super stressed out but not praying?

I’m so sorry Abba.

So so sorry.

I started clinicals yesterday and today I had so much fear.

Why?

I made so many mistakes because of this fear.

But God, you have not given me the spirit of fear but a spirit of power, love, and of self-discipline.

I am not fearful. For fear is not of the Lord.

I do things with courage,

When I study, I understand.

When I speak, I do it with the spirit.

When I work, I do it with God.

I am not of the devil so Temiloluwa does not fear.

No, I do not.

I’ll do well as a nurse.

With God, by God and for God.

The Lord will carry me through.

Always. He will.

Thank you Father.

I love you so so much.

Thank you!

With love,🫶🏾

No, I didn’t last the entire month.

I went on for about five days and gave in to my tiredness.

It isn’t a good thing but it gives me a little peace to know that these things happen.

And it’s okay.

I genuinely love journaling. Doing this series has made me go back to my journals and I love to see the seasons I was. It’s lovely to see growth. I used to be really scared of school. I used to be really afraid to fail. I may have a bit of anxiety now but it’s not as bad as it used to be.

I really loved confessions.

I had to remind myself whose I was and I pretty sure that helped me a great deal.

Hi God,

This is my obedience to what you’ve asked me to do in November.

Day 1: I prayed for 30 minutes, I couldn’t go longer than that but I believe I’ll do better eventually.

I prayed for wisdom.

You said I should listen to a sermon on prayer by pastor Lawrence Oyor.

I’ll do that after this.

I should also fast today.

Continuation: I fasted till 6pm.

I tried as much as possible to control my tongue.

I didn’t pray when I broke my fast which was really bad.

Thank you Abba for day 1 of the month of prayer.

I envy this girl.

I’m also really curious to see if she went through with it.

Did she fast and pray through out the month?

I guess we’ll see if she did in the next letter.