I’ve had this draft sitting for a while now, but this photo on instagram, gave me what i needed to complete this. I’m speaking about the first part of the photo, the millionaires gathering for F1. I think I’m too innocent to get the quote tweet, these out of context tweets for engagement piss me off, - but i digress. Yeah, the image got me thinking about something else: if theres such a thing as honest money. As someone who thinks about making money all the time, chasing it led me to the difference between ethics and morals.

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Most people use the words interchangeably, but they’re not the same thing.

Morals are personal.

Ethics are standards within systems. 

They are the rules that justify what is acceptable within a particular environment, and wealth has a funny way of changing the environment.

My first question is; At what point is a line drawn and crossed. You hear people speak a lot about how billionaires must have ‘dirtied’ their hands to be where they are, whatever ‘dirty hands’ mean. But the truth that most people don’t see, the higher you climb, the more your ethics become tied to outcomes rather than intentions. Billionaires don’t always think about other people. You don’t make money thinking about other people. 

As someone who grew up in a middle-class Nigerian home that later became a poor Nigerian home, and then worked hard enough to claw my way back to what I would call a survivable income (because this cannot be middle class), I was taught to think about wealth differently. Add religion to it and you’re on your way to where you don’t know. Poverty and religion can shape your understanding of the world in a very particular way, especially when you’re raised in communities that don’t teach much balance. You learn that being good matters. You learn that integrity matters. You learn that money can corrupt.

And for a long time, you believe it, then you meet people with money, people who have a different reality than you do and then you begin to question things, especially if you are privy to their lifestyle. Wealth doesn’t just change what you can buy. It changes what you can justify, the consequences you face and how the world responds to your actions. Que any rich Nigerian you know, even people you are fans of. 

When you don’t have money, your reputation is often your currency, trust me I’ve been poor I’m familiar with what this means. If you were somewhere and something got missing, even before they point at you, you become defensive, because how dare them, is it because you don’t have money? Lol we know these things. 

A poor man’s riches are his integrity and thats why morals are the currency (mind you moral is still very definitive in context), what people say about him when he leaves the room. These things matter because they are often the only assets he owns.

But a rich man’s riches are different, they know their wealth is a shield. It buys access, convenience, and my favorite, freedom from consequences. At a certain level of wealth, what people think of you becomes less important than what you can afford- truthfully, I aspire for this.  

If your goal is extraordinary wealth, sooner or later you have to answer a difficult question:What are you willing to justify in order to get what you want?.

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Most of us like to believe our morals would survive unlimited ambition or proximity to wealth and riches, I find that funny not because I don’t think you can’t. I just believe no one can be confident about actions they’ll take for decisions they didn’t make. 

This is why conversations about wealth and morality are so complicated.

The poor often see morality as a necessity. The rich can sometimes afford to treat it as a choice, they make decisions based on the ethics of what gives them what they want, this might be ethical for them and in the environment of what works for billionaires, but immoral to others. 

maybe thats why most poor people never become rich, they spend time judging through the lens of what they deem moral, not the principles and standards of the other world.

“you have to play the game”

to have a chance, you have to be a player, the game only recognises registered players, you cant be outside a game and expect to benefit from it.

Play the game

And maybe that’s why the image of billionaires watching F1 from yachts fascinates me so much. Not because of the yachts, but because it represents a world where consequences can be waved, lives can be designed and redesigned easily, no performance needed. 

Here's the thing about morals, they're built by your circumstances, by what you needed to believe to survive where you came from, you parents passed it on to you, you had moral lesson classes after school and a handbook of what community thinks is a generally accepted code of conduct, and thats totally okay-but exposure moves things.

So I think, the question and direction of this piece, isn’t whether billionaires are ethical. The question is, When the fear that built your convictions no longer has its hold on you, when you have wealth, access, power and nothing is forcing you to perform goodness anymore.

Who do you become?

What kind of billionaire would you be?.

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In a time and economy like this when everything seems to be hard and you need to triple your efforts to be average, seeing someone get what you want can hurt. In all honesty, it should hurt, especially if you work hard.

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You see someone get the opportunity you wanted. The relationship you hope for, recognition etc. And somewhere in your mind, a small voice says: “That should have been me”.

As if there was only one seat. As if the door closed permanently the moment someone gets the opportunity you wanted or think you deserve. As if someone else being chosen automatically means you would get thrown away. Scarcity is persuasive like that. But the truth is, like most things, it’s all in your head and you should get out of there sometimes.

When I decided to start making candles in 2022, I didn’t know anyone close to me who was doing it. The only people I saw were online, and they already seemed fully formed, like they had everything figured out. It was easier to admire someone who was already “there” than to watch someone build in real time and actually succeed, because when you see the process and the progress, it becomes personal, you can measure it, you can compare it. You can start to feel like there was space for one of you and they got there first. It doesn’t make you a bad person to feel this way, it’s what and how you process all the feelings that determines who you are.

It sounds dramatic when you think about it, but in real life, it shows up as a comparison. As overthinking, you smile, of course. You congratulate them. You mean it, too. But somewhere underneath the smile there’s a small ache that whispers, God barb me this style?

A familiar phrase—an umbrella for “God, what about me? When will it be my turn?”

Because if you start believing that life only has enough room for one person’s needs to be met at a time, you’ll begin to see other people’s blessings as evidence of your lack. Their progress becomes your proof of being behind.

But that logic falls apart the moment you examine it closely.

Someone else getting what they need doesn’t remove the possibility of you getting what you need. I’ve always wondered why people get affected by how other people live their lives. It’s just their life unfolding. The world does not operate on a single-slot system where only one person can receive something good at a time. Opportunities are not a limited raffle ticket where someone winning means the rest of us go home empty-handed forever.

but yet, we treat it that way.

We scroll through people’s announcements and silently measure our own lives against them. We hear someone’s good news and instinctively compare. We assume that if they have something now, we must be further away from having it ourselves. But life shouldn’t be like a scoreboard. If anything, other people receiving what they need is proof that things are possible. Proof that opportunities exist. Proof that outcomes you’ve been hoping for are real and attainable in the world you live in.

It’s evidence, not competition.

But comparison has a way of distorting evidence. It convinces you that the pie is small, that the table is full, that the invitations have already been sent out and you must have somehow missed yours. And when you believe that, you start shrinking yourself.

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You stop celebrating people fully because part of you is afraid their win means your loss. You hold your breath around other people’s good news. You quietly brace yourself every time someone announces something big. Comparison doesn’t care about that kind of nuance. It just sees the outcome and decides whether you’re ahead or behind.

Real life is much less linear than that.

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Feelings are very valid.

For the longest time, I thought my biggest flaw was that I felt things too deeply, but it was who I became when I felt things. I would withdraw for days, bury myself in work, and sit in dark rooms because the darkness matched whatever I was feeling. Instead of letting the emotion pass, I allowed it to consume me. I have always been the kind of person who would pay more than I owe because someone might need it. I give more than I take, and I like to tell myself I don’t expect returns from where I’ve sown. But that’s a convenient lie. If you plant a seed somewhere, you naturally expect the tree to grow there. So forgive me for wanting to believe my investments are secure. I digress.

If you’ve ever been sad for days, i mean sadness within your control, not medically diagnosed people, you’ll realise you feel very exhausted, sadness is a consuming feeling, it weighs on you, but it doesn’t have to.

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Lately I’ve realized something important: our bodies are not always reliable storytellers. They are unreliable narrators

Sometimes our bodies simply echo the things we have been telling ourselves. A small situation happens, and because we have rehearsed a certain narrative in our heads, our bodies react as if the story is already true. And we start to feel something, whatever that feeling might be. But the feeling itself is not the whole story.

The story you attach to the feeling is what determines what happens next.

You can feel something and move through it.
Or you can feel something and build a home inside it.

Many of us were never taught the difference.

So sadness shows up for a moment, and suddenly the entire day becomes sad. Anger visits briefly, and somehow we become “an angry person.” The emotion stops being a visitor and becomes our identity.

I have been accused of being an angry person before. Maybe sometimes I am. But I refuse to let anger become my default setting. Anger has its place. It can protect you, clarify things, even move you to action. It just shouldn’t become your personality.

There is a saying that two children can grow up in the same household and become completely different people. One person grows up around an alcoholic and decides never to drink. Another grows up around the same situation and becomes one.

The environment may shape us, but our responses still involve choice.

Empathy works the same way.

Many of us walk through life like sponges. We absorb everything: other people’s stress, their expectations, their disappointments, their pain. At first it feels noble. Compassionate, even.

But what happens to a sponge after absorbing too much for too long? It weakens, it stops holding its shape and eventually becomes heavy with everything it has taken in- it starts to sag and some things will drip off it.

A lot of us are walking around like that sponge.

We carry our own struggles and quietly collect everyone else’s too. In the name of empathy, we process pain that does not belong to us. In cultures like ours, especially within families, this often feels expected. You repay kindness by sacrificing yourself. You prove love by absorbing discomfort.

But there is a quiet danger in that pattern.

You start losing yourself.

It is exhausting to carry a load that isn’t yours while also carrying the one that is.

And people like us rarely complain. We rarely “dump” our feelings anywhere because we believe the world already has too much going on. So we try to stay rational. We repeat comforting phrases to ourselves like a mantra.

It’s a bad day, not a bad life.

Sometimes it helps. Sometimes it feels like we are trying to convince ourselves.

Here’s what I’m learning slowly: feeling deeply is not the problem.

The problem is believing that every feeling must be carried indefinitely. You are allowed to feel something fully and still let it pass. You can care about people without absorbing every piece of their pain. You can keep someone warm without setting yourself on fire.

Empathy should not require self-erasure.

So if you are someone who feels everything intensely, this is your reminder: nothing is wrong with you. Just remember that emotions are meant to move through you, not move into you permanently.

Feel the feeling.

Then let it go.

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Learn to keep your identity irrespective of the crowds you find yourself in. You’re always going to be in the midst of people, you can’t keep adapting to their style, you’ll lose your uniqueness. Protect it if you must, ask yourself. What do I really want, think deeply, filter out the superficial wants for now, think about what will bring you the utmost pleasure, short term and long term and then work towards it.

Having different friend groups taught me early on that my identity stays constant, no matter the circle. Yes, I’ve done some growth and my friends have influenced me deeply, but they’ve never tried to change me, and we’ve never forced our beliefs on each other and that’s what makes us beautiful, the diversity of our personalities.

This year I learned to say no and mean it. No! I love that word so much, before I say yes, I say no-most times, this year I want to say more no’s and learn to enjoy my own company. In fact, it’s said the most successful people are often the ones who say no the most. They have learned to choose what is most valuable to them and maximised their time alone, excitement is great, but often we need to choose ourselves in a way that is not exciting, it means cutting off distractions, setting aside time for business and rewarding ourselves with pleasure. In this part, Fun is a reward before it becomes a lifestyle.

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‘If you want a specific outcome in life, you must have the lifestyle that creates the outcome long before you reach it’ a quote from one viral twitter post that I love, if you haven’t read it, i think you should. It talks about being the person you have to be to be where you currently are . which might sound like a whole mambo jumbo, but quite an interesting perspective on how successful people become successful. Create the identity you want for this year, you don’t have to design a new one, just be who you are with better habits.

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My work is challenging, but because I fear trying too hard, I do only what I’m paid to do aka bare minimum. I keep my head down just enough to keep my job. Dare I say, it has nothing to do with passion, or love, or balance, there’s fear hidden somewhere. Most days, I show up as an employee instead of showing up as Victory — the creative, analytical, curious thinker that I am. I just know I do some work and my luck takes care of the rest. Is this what they call stoicism; focusing on what I can do, what I have control over, and just letting life take its course or is it something else?

One too many times I’ve heard of people who change their luck-be it superstition or reality, it has worked for many. People who TRY to change their luck often end up changing it, and there’s the other group of people who sit back and think “Hey, this is what life has given me so I’ll stick with it”

Why don’t people try anymore?, no scratch that…

Why don’t I try? I’ll be honest, and no matter how proud this might sound, I believe there’s someone who understands. I fear what I’m capable of. I know how good I am at what I do, and I fear the outcome of me trying hard. Would I be able to handle the responsibility? Would handling this kind of responsibility change me and by how much? This uncertainty of who I will be when I have all I want.

But here’s the thing I’ve realized: trying doesn’t have to be huge. Sometimes it’s about the small, deliberate steps. Trying could be showing up for yourself before the world demands your time and attention, trying could be doing one thing you’ve avoided, even if it scares you, facing your fears- a wise man said the thing you want is on the other side of the work you’ve refused or avoided doing. Trying could simply be giving your best today without overthinking about tomorrow.

You don’t need luck to try; sometimes you try to get lucky, you know, like raffles and lotteries, you’ve got to apply first. It’s also easier to share yourself trying in spaces where you feel supported, so start within your comfort zone to try, because if you rush out in the open too quickly, you might just run back when things don’t go as planned. But asking for support? That’s harder. It can bring up shame, and shame makes you shrink back instead of reaching out. If you’ve felt that way, ask yourself: why the shame? Is the shame coming from within your own self, or is it coming from fear of what people might say or think? I think shame is really just fear in disguise.

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Honestly, shame is a small price to pay when you try. And honestly, external shame is something you should worry about less. Confidence comes from trying repeatedly, failing, and learning.

I’ll admit, I feel it too. I cringe when it comes to public advocacy, my work is even more scary because everyone has more experience than I do and I shudder at looking like an embarrassment in front of them. More times than I’d like to count, I’ve made a post, dropped my phone, and almost died from second-hand embarrassment at something I myself wrote- would most likely do the same with this, but the fact that you get to read it means I tried.

Here’s what I’m learning: nobody is trying on your behalf, thats something that cannot be outsourced. So ask yourself, what are you going to do about it?

Because trying, even imperfectly, is the most rewarding thing you can do for yourself.

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My question and key takeaway from this if: Doing too much… for whom? Where is this imaginary line, and who drew it? Better yet, who gave them the marker?

The internet, as connected as it has made us, has also made the world way smaller than it should be. Because why is Emeka, who hasn’t had breakfast and telling you that putting three eggs in your noodles is too much? Respectfully, we are not in the same tax bracket, mood board, or group chat. Please stop shouting from across the algorithm. People will always have opinions, especially when they're projecting, uncomfortable, or simply don’t understand your portion in life. But that’s their portion to carry. Not yours to adjust to. I hate to see people shrink and this shrinkage is often caused by the perception of others. “What will people say”

We don’t owe the world a watered-down version of ourselves. It is not your job to be palatable, minimalist, or neutral if you are not designed like that. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, you’re not always rainbows, sometimes you have to be a storm. You don’t have to be a mysterious girl if you were designed to be a yapper, theres a whole lot put inside you that the world needs to hear or see, but you’re too busy being Pinterest perfect to tap into that divinity.

I struggle with fitting myself into an aesthetic that is not me, I was designed to overshare, to yap, to give tough love. By design i’m also equipped with the understanding to protect myself and guard my heart because ‘too much” in the wrong hands can lead to mismanagement and mishandling.

You should be able to discern if their "too much" is coming from a place of authenticity and intention or attention-seeking or projection, their inability to handle the unique design that you are from the ultimate designer.

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More than 2cents, this advice probably costs like 10grand

Notice where you’re editing yourself, reducing or shrinking (it could be what you wear, how you speak, what music you listen to, artist you support etc) and ask why. Who are you afraid of being “too much” for? Then, challenge it. You’re not a lite version of your own life. You’re the Alpha. The fully launched version.

Mini Challenge

This week, intentionally do something that feels like “A LOT” . Post the “extra” photo dump, speak up in that meeting, Post that content. Then write down how it felt. Who were you when you didn’t shrink?- I’d love for you ton share this with me too.

This particular letter seems to be my favorite so far, i think i’ll stick with this writing style.

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Your favorite dispatcher

Girl dispatch✨

Anyway, Valentine’s Day is here, love is in the air… but so is THE ICK. You know, that tiny, seemingly insignificant thing your partner or situationship does that makes you rethink all your life choices? Yeah, that one.

One minute, you’re planning cute couple outfits and family group pictures, and the next, you’re wondering if you can ghost them without consequences.

And let’s not forget personal icks—those little humiliations that make you want to crawl out of your own skin. Because sometimes, we are the problem.

So, in honor of this overly romanticized day, let’s talk about icks and how they ruin the fantasy of a forever after.

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What Is It?

I’ll tell you what it’s not—it’s definitely not just an episode from Netflix’s Nobody Wants This.

The ick is a psychological phenomenon. Researchers say it happens when a small, unexpected behavior triggers a sudden loss of attraction, often irreversible. (For your sake, I hope not, because if you keep catching the ick, you might die single. Just saying.)

Why Are You Running?

Before you throw away a perfectly good relationship over how they pronounce “criteria” (true story) let’s take some learning cues from Nobody Wants This. (No, I didn’t just watch this, I’ve been dying to talk about it.)

In one episode, Kristen Stewart’s character, Joanne, experiences the ick when her boyfriend tries a little too hard to impress her family. She cringes so hard, and honestly, her sister isn’t helping. And I know we all have that one friend who points out the cringiest things about people, making it ten times worse—even when it’s not that deep. Because once someone else sees it? Ouuu, moving past it is hard.

But Joanne did something a lot of us struggle with. Instead of ghosting him and moving to another country (like I would have), she talked about it. She told him how his actions felt forced and off-putting as well as the consequences of them. Was it cringe? Yes. But was it also sweet to see how they moved past it? Also yes.

Now, think about all the relationships you’ve let go because your partner likes to carry a JBL speaker when they take a stroll. (If this is your partner, please leave. No jokes.)

Okay, I’m digressing.

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The Moral of the Story

As you celebrate today with your gals, lovers, or a suspiciously attentive situationship, remember: people aren’t perfect. And because imperfect people are in relationships, most relationships won’t be perfect.

The perfect relationships? They do one thing well: they talk about stuff.

Sometimes, the ick can be a sign to let go. But other times, it’s just a momentary glitch in attraction. If you actually like the person, ask yourself: “Am I actually turned off, or is my brain being unnecessarily dramatic?”

Sometimes, people act cringe because they’re nervous, stressed, or dealing with who knows what. You won’t know unless you ask. A simple conversation can reveal the difference.

At the end of the day, love is weird. People are embarrassing. You are embarrassing. If you can acknowledge the ick, laugh about it, and still want to cuddle and kiss them after, maybe it’s real.

Think about this as you spend your day/night/week with your people.

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I wish you luck.

Your Favorite Dispatcher 💌

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You need to do it anyways

To achieve new results, you have to do things differently, act despite fear and discomfort. For instance, when I was younger, I would not travel anywhere without informing my parents. As an African child, this is not news to you. If you have ever expressed a desire to travel without your parents, and they eventually hear of it, you know your mother will have a series of dreams that week. Out of fear and respect most of us will stay back especially mothers, the entire week they would have dreams of something happening. Do you every think of how much you missed just by listening- I know I do, but on the other hand-

As much as I complain about this adult life, there are a few perks, and with the new year, I can ‘start afresh’. I recently went on a day trip and climbed Olumo Rock. If you have climbed that rock, you know it's definitely not all roses(no rose at all). My friends and I found it challenging, often questioning our decision to walk on the rock instead of the man maid stairs, but we persevered and even went beyond what was expected of us.

Fear does not disappear; learn to walk with it.

There are times when fear can be paralyzing, but it is crucial to take action regardless. Each morning, you may not feel like working, and getting out of bed can be difficult. However, consistent small efforts lead to significant outcomes. If you wake up and lack motivation, instead of doing nothing, work even when you feel tired or confused. If your goal is to work for eight hours, start with two hours. Tomorrow, do another two hours. You will feel better than if you had accomplished nothing at all.

If you are at the office and have a task, complete it, even if you make mistakes, rather than avoiding it out of fear. I have faced challenges with this mindset, often hesitating to take action because I fear making mistakes and prefer guidance. Recently, I have learned to embrace my experiences and improve the documents I work on, even if I feel uncertain. I will send my work to my manager, and if she believes it is on the right track, she will provide feedback for improvement.

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Fear Extinguishers

For me, there is a fear I encounter when it comes to sharing my thoughts and experiences publicly, still follows me like a backpack, but i’ll plan to work and walk with it. I won't say I have specific strategies to manage fear, but recently, I have tried not to overthink things. If you have an idea, do not dwell on negative thoughts. It is important to think about your idea, considering both the positive and negative aspects. However, one thing you should not do is dwell on the negative, as many people tend to do.

The next piece of advice I would offer for managing fear is to educate yourself. Often, fear stems from ignorance. By educating yourself and gaining more knowledge, you can improve your confidence. This increased confidence will enable you to take more risks and face challenges without fear.

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Your favorite Dispatcher.

I’m considering setting a schedule for this so it’s more organized and you’re more expectant.

Anyways, Updates: I had a tooth extracted- Danm, and finally got my medical reading glasses, and I hope this improves my quality of life honestly, I got glasses too-this is changing my life.

Today's issue is dealing with expectations. 

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Dealing with Expectations

One word that has been resounding for me throughout my career is how proud people are of me, people who have known me longer or shorter-it doesn’t matter. Honestly, hearing that is a good feeling. I've worked quite hard for this, but sometimes, it’s just a lot to process. 

Expectations aren't new to us, and we’re all subjected to them (you could have high expectations of something or someone or also be viewed with high expectations by others).

Whether they come from family, friends, work, or even ourselves, expectations can feel heavy and suffocating. They can motivate us to strive for more, but they can also become a source of anxiety and frustration when they are unmet or feel unfair.

From a young age, many of us are molded by what others expect of us. Family expectations on career paths, education, relationships, etc. Navigating this landscape involves an understanding between maintaining your authenticity and giving your best.

It’s almost the end of the year, and internalized expectations are just as daunting as external ones. We often set impossibly high standards for ourselves, measuring our success by unrealistic benchmarks and putting so much pressure on ourselves. You are planning right now to set goals for the last few weeks of this year or even for next year, here is a free tip- Let go of overwhelming expectations.

Navigating Expectations

1. Recognize the source: Take a step back and assess the source of the pressure. Is it truly your goal, or are you trying to meet someone else’s standards?

2. Talk about your feelings: If you’re feeling the weight of others’ expectations, you should let people know where you stand and how you feel. I’m learning to do this, but in all honesty, no success yet. 

3. Set clear boundaries: It’s okay to say no or set limits that prioritize your well-being, Let people know that you don’t have to meet their expectations, manage the ones you set for yourself, and do not overload.

4. Adjust your self-talk: If your own expectations are overwhelming you, practice self-love. Shift from harsh self-critique to a supportive inner dialogue that acknowledges your effort.

5. Reward yourself: Even though expectations are overwhelming, there is always a sigh of relief when met. To encourage yourself more, buy little gifts, and commend yourself for trying. 

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Embracing Imperfection

At the end of the day, no one is perfect, and sometimes expectations won’t be met—and that’s okay. Accepting that imperfection is part of growth can be freeing. Dealing with expectations, both external and internal, requires patience and self-awareness. Recognize whose expectations truly matter, learn to balance ambition with self-care, and I'm sure you can work towards a healthier, more fulfilling path. I’m trying to. 

Your Mini Challenge

As you set goals for next year, be more deliberate about it. Identify what are your expectations for yourself and what other people want from you. compare these against your goal for the year and eliminate whatever seems like pressure.

I know you’ve got this.

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Today’s order is one we often avoid: hard conversations. Whether it's with yourself, family, friends, colleagues, or a romantic partner, having these tough discussions doesn't make them any easier. Hard conversations are often uncomfortable but also necessary for growth and understanding. 

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Hard Conversations with Yourself

If you have to speak up at some point in your life. It starts from within. Sometimes the hardest conversations are the ones we have or refuse to have with ourselves—facing our fears, acknowledging what’s holding us back, or being honest about what we truly want. These internal dialogues are important for self-growth and clarity. From my experience, talking with yourself starts with building self-trust. Some of us don't trust ourselves so it's hard to listen or speak to us. You’ve probably heard people say, 'I don't trust myself to make the right choice.' Giirrrlll who do you trust then?  How can you trust others before trusting yourself? 

Fix up! 

Sorry, I'm not screaming at you. 

Hard Conversations with Others

After you have mastered speaking and trusting yourself, the next upgrade is ‘hard conversation’ with family. Tough conversations with loved ones can feel emotionally draining because of the strong connections we share. Whether you are expressing your fear or just sharing an opinion, it can be tough. Growing up in an African home, there were plenty of times I wanted to speak my mind or show emotion, only to be chastised (fancy word for 'whipped'). 

With my friends, I’ve learned to navigate those hard conversations. The core of my friendships today is trust, but that trust wasn’t built overnight. We each chose to be in each other’s lives long-term, so we do what’s needed to sustain those relationships. Now, I’m working on extending that to family and having those difficult conversations with them. Me, I’ve got one weighing on me right now that I need to talk to my parents about. I’ll let you know if I still have a home and family in a few weeks.

At work, tough conversations are often around giving or receiving feedback, addressing misunderstandings, and negotiating boundaries. These talks can be quite challenging because you’re sometimes dealing with complete strangers or bosses, and if you don’t navigate them tactfully, you risk being ostracized or losing your job-Damn. Whether it’s uncomfortable or easy, you must speak up if you feel unjustly treated, let that people-pleasing attitude walk right out the door.

While I’m encouraging you to have hard conversations, it’s equally important to be someone others can approach without fear of backlash. Some of us can be unapproachable—and not in a good way. People don’t trust us to handle things well, so they avoid bringing up certain topics. It’s either they think you are too sensitive, or judgemental or you just lack comprehension abilities - mean?

It didn't come from me, ask your friends if they can have certain conversations with you and what topics they rather not discuss with you and why. 

Tips for handling hard conversations

• Start by setting the intention of the conversation, why is this important, and why do you think this is a hard topic to discuss.  Let the receiver know that you are just stating how you feel, you don't want to fight or point fingers. Ask them to relax and be open. 

•  Focus on solutions, not blame. Hard conversations are successful when there’s progress at the end, not conflict or more misunderstanding. 

• You can write down talking points in your notes, or a piece of paper, this way you can edit your statements before you present them. Don't let anyone bully you for doing this. It takes courage. 

• Some folks during discussions become omnipotent, they don't want to hear from anybody else after stating their points. That's not a conversation, that's dictatorship. Please give the next person an opportunity to speak. It helps you to note if you are on the same page and if the topic was received with proper understanding. 

Your Mini Challenge

This week, choose one hard conversation you’ve been avoiding, whether it’s with yourself or someone else. I’ll say if you are yet to master speaking with yourself, then you should start with yourself. Take a small step toward having that conversation—maybe it's journaling your thoughts, scheduling a time to talk, talking in front of the mirror, etc. Just talk.

Ask your friends what topics they would never want to discuss with you or find hard to talk about and why. 

How you react to this determines whether they are right or wrong. 

Introducing Dilemma, 

Dilemma is a category of the newsletter where I share what's upsetting me or something I'm curious about. As i have come to learn, i’m not a know it all and I look forward to learning from every one of my subscribers. So feel free to interact with this post. Share with friends. Let's grow our community. 

Having hard conversations can feel daunting, but they’re key to fostering stronger relationships with yourself and others. If you think the receiver of the hard topic may find it hard to relax, send them this post. This could be a great way to start a hard conversation. 

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Love 

Your favorite Dispatcher. 

I couldn’t take that first step. Whether it was fear of failure, not feeling "ready," or just not knowing where to start, I found myself stuck in place. I started Girl Dispatch to be a space to discuss real, unfiltered reflections on life—thoughts from day-to-day experiences, stories that resonate, or little bits of wisdom picked up along the way. This newsletter is fun, honest, sometimes random, but always meant to connect with anyone who’s just trying to figure it all out. Think of it as a cozy chat between strangers who’ll never meet again.

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Why is it so hard to start?

Starting something new is always exciting, but also a little scary. There’s that fear of stepping into the unknown especially when it comes to creating content. What if it’s not perfect? Trust me, I’ve been there too. But here's the thing: perfection isn’t the goal—progress is.

Helpful Tips to Get Going

1. Set Small, Achievable Goals: Fear is usually the biggest hurdle. But here’s a secret—everyone, even the most successful people, feels it! Instead of getting overwhelmed by the big picture, break things down into manageable steps. Small wins build momentum. Start small, and as you go, you’ll build the confidence you need. 

2. Dealing with Doubt: Feeling like you're not "good enough" or that you’ll never make it is normal. The truth is, no one has it all figured out when they start. The process of learning and growing is part of the magic.

3. Just Start: Perfectionism can be a dream killer. Remember, you don’t need everything figured out from the beginning. Sometimes the best way to start is by simply starting. You’ll learn so much more along the way.

4. Celebrate Progress: No matter how small the step, celebrate it! Every bit of progress is a victory. Get yourself a trophy or treat, you know, Do hot girl stuff. 

Your Mini Challenge

Now, I want to try as much as I can to be consistent with this, and getting feedback will help so much, so how about we do fun challenges with this newsletter? 

 Here's something fun to get you moving! I want you to take a moment to think about one thing you’ve been wanting to start but have been putting off. It could be something small, like learning a new skill, or something bigger, like launching a project.

Challenge: This week, take one step—just one—toward that goal. It doesn’t have to be huge, but it has to be something. Write it down, read about it, and tell a friend- my friends have a way of mocking me into doing things I’m supposed to do, maybe it’ll work for you. 

Afterward, reflect on how it felt. 

• Did it feel easier than you thought? 

• Was there a sense of relief? 

• Share your experience in the comments. Let’s celebrate those small victories together!

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You’re here because there’s something inside you that you want to bring to life or maybe you just want to connect- follow us on TikTok and share our newsletter with your friends.

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