I woke up really early yesterday to continue the preparation for my exams.

After studying for about two hours, I decided to get on with my day. I prepared breakfast, arranged my space, had a cold bath, and headed out to one of the places I study at.

The study spot is actually a restaurant.

I go there to study most times. By "most times," I mean during exam periods. It's not the most conducive place, but it's comfortable enough.

The best time to study there is during the early hours of the morning.

Back to my story, I walked into the place and picked a spot I felt was very conducive for me to study and focus with little to no distraction.

I settled down and entered focus mode.

Now, I'm a very observant person.

I can read people's mannerisms, behaviours, and its connotative meaning. My situational awareness is top-notch as well.

Keep these things in mind.

In as much as I was focused on what I was doing, I always took mini-breaks in my head to observe, for a few seconds, the people around me and the happenings.

People were trooping in, ordering food, casually sitting, and having conversations with their friends.

Nothing extraordinary, right?

No.

I noticed him again.

Darting eyes.

Unnatural focus on customers who had ordered food.

Pacing in the kitchen.

Button phone in hand.

He was a food server.

If fidgeting was a person, it'd be him.

He was extremely uncomfortable.

No one seemed to notice, but I did.

Suddenly, he walked up to the table of two customers who were done eating and told them to transfer the money to a strange account.

I paused.

It's important to note that this particular restaurant has only 3 account numbers for receiving money—Opay, Moniepoint, and Palmpay.

This boy was telling them to transfer to a "FairMoney" account.

Unfortunately for him, and luckily for the owner, they had already transferred to the appropriate account.

Disappointed, he left.

I began panicking because he had done this to me before. I texted my roommate, explaining to her what had happened and what I was about to do.

My plan was to get the daughter of the owner alone and tell her what had happened, or rather, what has been happening. So, I waited till I felt the time was right, pulled her aside, and told her everything.

She was calm at first, and everything seemed okay. Till, it wasn't.

I began hearing screaming, names being thrown around, and threats enveloped the atmosphere.

As expected, he denied everything.

What he didn't know was that I had his FairMoney account in my Opay transaction history.

The moment he angrily left the building, I walked up to the owner and showed it to her.

They were pissed off but grateful at the same time. At first, I felt scared, but I couldn't allow the innocent owner to keep losing funds because of him.

I'm happy I did something about it.

If you were in my shoes, would you do the same?

"How's this semester going to turn out?"

"Can I do this again?"

"What if I don't get my desired grades?"

"What if Nigeria's educational system "palava" gets to me again?"

I study.

I'm actually putting in my all but in some way, I find the fear of failure trying to creep in and it seems to cloud my anticipation for success.

I don't think anyone wants to fail.

Certainly, not me.

If I fail, they'd say, "Grades don't define you."

While true to a great extent, it's important to note that as someone who is actively in the educational system, a lot is determined by the kind of grades I end up with.

Boy, do I crave beautiful and excellent results!

There's a different kind of joy seeing the lovely results of things worked so hard for.

In desiring that, the fear of not getting what you want keeps growing. Fear is a valid feeling but it shouldn't prevail over the possibility that you can end up with what you badly desire.

So, yes.

I am scared

Will I let it derail me? No.

I appreciate the fear but I'll take it as a push instead. God didn't put in me the spirit of fear.

I'll study, understand, retain and pour out effectively and efficiently when needed.

Amen.

Goodluck to those writing or about to write their exams!

Where our efforts fail, may God's grace sustain us.

Amen.

I'll be off to go study!

What exactly is "Girlfriend's day?"

Yesterday, I saw a post by a male friend of mine who expressly stated that girlfriend's day isn't a day for lovers to celebrate their union or better put, for men to celebrate their significant other.

He stated that this "National Holiday" is actually for the ladies to celebrate their femininity and female love bonds created.

It got me thinking.

I always heard of the celebration but I never got to understand what it was about or it's origin. If I'm being honest, I thought it was a day for men to celebrate their women by showing them how much they are loved, valued and cared for.

While that isn't far-fetched to think because it literally says"Girlfriend day," it's also important to understand if there is at all, a connotative meaning.

So, I did a little research and discovered that my friend was actually right.

Girlfriends day originated in the early 2000's and while the founders or creators of such a day isn't exactly clear, it's pertinent to note that around the same time, Alliesia Davis created a National Girlfriends Day celebration in 2004 as a way to express gratitude to her female companions.

Kathleen Laing and Elizabeth Butterfield) in 2002 as a promotional effort for their book, Girlfriends Getaway.

Digging deeper, I discovered the day was actually meant for the ladies to celebrate meaningful friendships acquired overtime in a variety of ways.

Beautiful, isn't it?

It could involve literally anything.

Going on a vacation.

Having a sleepover.

Exchange of gifts.

Karaoke nights.

Starving together while choking on a friend's never ending comic acts.

ANYTHING!

However, the essence of this holiday has been changing or rather, changed to include romantic associations. Truthfully speaking, it has overriden the meaning or intent of this beautiful holiday.

While that isn't wrong in its entirety to include such, it's still important to wholly appreciate its true significance.

Yes.

Girlfriend's day is for the ladies to celebrate and support the good female relationships in their lives.

What exactly did you think it meant?

#girlfriends

#friendship

So....

My loveliessss!

I FEEL MUCH BETTER!

When my friend said I should channel my hurt to other areas of my life, I took it personal. I'm not where I want to be but I'm much better than I was few weeks ago.

I've been working on other areas of my life and basically, it's been good.

Few weeks ago, I thought I'd never get here because the hurt felt unreal.

It was a feeling I'd never ever want to experience in my life.

Thank goodness for my fast rebound.

My friend says I have the fastest rebound she has ever seen.

Heartbreak got nothing on me.

I'm not gonna lie....

I still fantasize about our experiences.

The only difference is

that this time, I SMILE.

Today started off on a positive note.

I was much calmer than I was yesterday.

Night class was a lot.

Someone was snoring loudly and It didn't even sound human. Two guys got into a fight. I met my girls. I studied and pushed myself to complete a good chunk of work I had mapped out. I laughed hard.

I and my friend ran for our lives on our way back to where we lived. That's a story for another day.

Today, I went to a gym/eatery with my friend to get some studying done. It was fun and exciting! I do not regret.

I love the fact that I felt free from the emotional shackles that threatened to end me few days ago.

They played "Colorado" by Ayra Starr and I immediately started vibing to it.

Yesterday, I wouldn't have dared.

Today, I did.

Time is doing it's magic.

I'm happy.

Today was a good day.

I found myself remembering the good times and I didn't shut it down. This time, I embraced it but it didn't bring sad feelings. For the first time in a while, I felt calm.

I'm channeling my energy to things that deserve it.

I'm proud of me.

I really am.

Brick by Brick.

Today was a good day.

It started off a bit weird. I experienced heart palpitations just minutes after waking up.

Anxiety, perhaps.

I drank loads of water to calm myself down.

As the hours passed, I found myself much calmer than expected. I even began to spend 5 minutes without the heart wrenching thoughts nagging at me to pain attention.

From five minutes, I moved to 10 minutes-30 minutes.

That's a huge improvement considering the fact that at some point in my life, my every breath was a memory of what we had.

I studied a lot today.

I'm still studying.

Currently, I'm in my Faculty, right now for night class.

Yes, night class.

It's been months or probably, a year and or years since I tried to spend the night here. It's not my favourite cup of tea but look at me.

This breakup needs me to upset my routine.

I've decided to upset it by channeling my energy to productive areas of my life—my academics.

I've started listening to songs now.

Days ago, even amapiano sounded depressing.

Every single song felt emotional and a reminder of what I had with him.

Now, listening to music is a bit tolerable but I still avoid listening to "Colorado" by Ayra Starr. It's "our song."

It still hurts hearing it.

I still spray the perfumes he got me as a birthday gift. I badly want to stop because it reminds me of him but I won't. I wi keep spraying it everyday till I begin to associate it with less painful memories. I still take deep breaths before I spray them. Especially, the green one.....

It smells just like him.

Overall, today was and is still chill.

I'm currently studying but I set an alarm to remind me to journal my progress.

So, I have to get back to other pressing activities.

I love you all and I can't wait to see how much I progress.

I'm going through a heartbreak.

No.

I've never experienced being heartbroken.

I've been hurt before in previous relationships but never heartbroken.

I've loved but I've never BEEN IN LOVE like this.

I've seen guys but not a MAN like this.

I cried.

Oh yes, I cried.

Yesterday, we made a decision to end things.

As expected, I felt like I was about to pass out when it finally hit me.

I woke up today with my heart racing and for the first time ever, I wanted to hug someone.

I've never wanted to hug someone so bad like I did, this morning.

My brain understands but my heart finds it difficult to process. It hurts. Badly.

The memories...

Oh! The memories!

I hate to relive them.

Chatgpt tells me not to. It'll do me no good.

So, today, I pushed the memories away because the more I recall, the more my heart begins to pound uncontrollably.

I was in class today but I found myself trying to balance focusing on what was being taught and navigating calming myself down.

Even when I try to smile at any memory, I end up coming back to the crude reality that they'll never be an "us.

Most of my friends know about what happened and in their different ways, they did their 100% in trying to make me feel better.

They speak wise words but when they stop and I'm alone, the silence hits.

I realize that I could be texting him about how my day went or how I'm PMS-ing.

I love him.

I really do but letting him go was the best version of love I could offer.

Now, do you know what is pain?

It's when you breakup with the one you never dated.

It feels like your heart is ripping apart.

In my case, I feel my heart beating like it's about to pop out.

Then again, I'm fine.

I didn't cry today.

I promised him and Afoma that I'll not shed a tear over this, again.

But, heyy!

I was able to get some studying done.

I'm slowly working on getting my spark back.

It's not easy but I'm trying.

I really am.

I feel good.

I can't wait for the future to be able to ask a very pertinent question,

"Wetin dey do you that time?"

For now, let my pen bleed🩸

For that, we, the members of the High Value Women Association, have decided to lift the ban on her entry into the union.

She is now one of us.

I had just alighted from the car when I noticed a big truck similar to the one that brought Agadi's things when she was moving in. The trunk was almost full.

Curious, I slowed my footsteps down. Nothing would make me miss this show.

Yes, I love drama!

A set of furniture, two deep refrigerators, a gigantic Storex tank, a huge six-burner, two king-sized foams, and lots more. I kept wondering if the family was moving out. I felt it was too soon. Considering that the environment was relatively peaceful, it was strange that one would leave barely two months in.

Anyway, I stayed and observed but not enough for them to notice.

Giant, expensive-looking items were being carried out of the house and into the truck. It was at that moment I noticed six hulk-looking men lifting and tossing things in the truck. They were not smiling.

For some reason, the angry faces stood out to me. Agadi Nwanyi would occasionally come out, carrying little items or inspecting what they were doing. She looked dejected, to say the least.

Something felt off. It didn't feel like the typical family moving out. To be fair, the typical family isn't an abusive one. So, I shouldn't be expecting happy faces in that scenario, but I digress.

They lifted, they packed.

Orders were being given.

Movement akaria...

At some point, I was getting bored of watching the entire packing process, and just as I was about to leave the area to mind my business, a high-pitched, blood-curling scream filled the air.

Everyone paused.

The scream was familiar.

The men dropped everything and ran towards the direction of the horrendous scream. It was Agadi Nwanyi! She was pinned to the ground by her husband, Emeka who was towering over her with a knife! He was trying to kill her.

Luckily, the men were able to get him away from her before anything fatal happened.

My heart was beating so fast that I almost threw up. It was an intense few minutes. Agadi Nwanyi was in tears.

What the hell just happened? What the hell was happening?

Turns out that she tried to leave the house due to the abuse, and because she's the sole provider of everything they own, she decided to take it all with her.

That pissed Emeka off! He was not having it! He felt his ego was being tampered with. Aww...

Anyway, the men did what they were supposed to do. They almost beat him into the next year, but he survived. Guess what? Those men were actually Agadi's brothers that she called to help her pack. Good thinking, but the timing was almost too late.

Luckily, she survived it. Barely.

The end.

Wait... You thought that was the end.

Nope!

When they were done packing and it was time for them to drive away, there was a car that was parked directly behind them.

It needed to be moved before they could exit the vicinity. Someone called the owner, and guess who the owner was....

If your guess is as good as mine, it was Uncle Ife!

He stepped out with the biggest smirk on his face.

Ohhhhh, the plot twist! The freaking plot twist!

He didn't say much. He calmly moved his car away. Some part of me believes he was a tad bit happy. I might be wrong.

They left Emeka all alone. Boo hoo....

Months later, after she moved away, Emeka became seriously ill. His leg began to rot!

The Nigerian in me wants to believe she had something to do with it. I might be wrong. Too much Patience Ozokwor movies, I guess.

Karma, perhaps? Maybe.

There's no relationship worth your mental, emotional, physical, spiritual health.

I hope you enjoyed the story. If you wanna hear more of this kind of story, please subscribe and tell your friends to subscribe as well.

Before one could say, "Jack Robinson," the policeman rushed out and went towards the direction leading to Agadi Nwanyi's house.

"Emeka, open the door! Can you hear me? Is everything okay? Open the door!" the policeman yelled.

My heart started racing with excitement.

Yes, excitement, because for some reason, my childish self loved drama irrespective of how traumatizing it might be. I wondered why no one was opening the door.

Then, the policeman told the girl to take him to where she snuck out from.

She did.

I don't know why they didn't think of that before.

Maybe it's the adrenaline.

Anyway, they got in, and the policeman walked into what looked like a crime scene.

Emeka was STRANGLING his wife!

He was trying to kill the mother of his children.

But Emeka was gentle... old even. I guess his wickedness quickened the aging process.

It was all a mask. Emeka was a demon, and even the feisty Agadi Nwanyi couldn't fight him off.

Is this the man she was singing his praises? The man better than the gentle Uncle Ife?

Sigh... It was obvious that he didn't mind that the policeman saw him because he kept strangling his wife—trying to snuff the life out of her.

Eventually, the policeman succeeded in getting him off her. Everywhere got quiet.

Peace returned.

Doors clamping shut.

Feet shuffling back to their respective doors.

Tired murmur enveloping the darkness.

You'd think that would be the end. You'd think she'd pack her bags and live. You'd think she'd call the cops and have him arrested for assault. You'd think she'd actually choose herself instead of him.

No! Nehi! Mba! She stayed!

Guess what? He did it again!

This time, she almost didn't survive it.

Did she leave? Nehi! Nehi, as you expected, because these type of women don't learn. They don't listen. They hope! They hope for change. They hope that their prayers would work. They hope that they can change their partner with actions. They hope that all their efforts to make the home stable would finally be acknowledged.

He physically and emotionally tormented this woman and the children over and over and over and over again. Finally, she decided to leave the house.

That was when Emeka had enough. What he did next was as crazy as adding salt to plantain.

Insanity!

Wanna know what happened? Stay tuned for the final part of this story!

I know the chances of abuse going extinct seem impossible, and rightfully so, it is.

Sigh…

At least, we can do our bit by not just trying to stop the abusers or put them behind bars, but by trying to be more sane and less inhumane.

Rhymes!

I be Eminem on a budget.

I digress.

I know multiple victims of abuse, but I’ll tell you about one today. Grab your Berry Blast or jollof rice and glue your eyes to this post.

Story one:

“The Defender of the Person That Didn’t Ask to Be Defended”

Some years back, we lived in an apartment complex, and in that complex were a decent number of tenants, mostly families. This apartment complex provided the tenants with two gigantic storex tanks for water supply. Even with that, most tenants had their individual storex tanks because the water supply from the public tanks was extremely epileptic.

That little background info is for context.

Moving on, “Agadi Nwanyi” (not her real name) moved in. She had the swagger of an angry corn seller in your street whose daughter got pregnant out of wedlock

No smile. No pleasantries.

She just came with a huge truck containing all her assets. The truck’s trunk was so full that, if care wasn’t taken, a little tilt and pshhhh! Immediate disarray successfully loaded.

Her little girls stared at the environment like aliens who had just discovered that humans exist and were disgusted that we walk on twos.

Silently but noisily, they off-loaded their things from the truck.

A FEW DAYS LATER

“You are very stupid!” a female yelled.

I rushed out.

In that moment, even journalists couldn’t catch this gist faster than me.

I peeped from the verandah.

I saw an unfamiliar-looking lady screaming at a man. Let’s call him “Uncle Ife.”

I was confused.

I was interested.

I wanted to know more. I focused with great intent!

Suddenly, she turned in my direction, and I inwardly exclaimed, “Agadi Nwanyi!”

“What’s going on?”

“Why is she yelling?”

“She just moved in.”

“What business does she have with confrontational conversations at this early stage of her arrival?”

Random thoughts were having a swell time in my head. I decided to pay keen attention to what was happening.

Apparently, Uncle Ife was fetching water from the public tank and stepped out to get something. Agadi Nwanyi “chanced” him.

If you don’t know what “chance” means, it’s Nigerian slang, and in this context, she removed his gallon and put her bucket to fetch water, even though she wasn’t there before him.

Bad idea.

As expected, Uncle Ife came back and was pissed off. He didn’t say anything. He just calmly removed her bucket and put back his gallon.

Agadi Nwanyi, like a ticking time bomb, exploded. She began cussing at Uncle Ife.

All the while, Uncle Ife didn’t respond. When he finally did, it wasn’t anything special.

She?

Agadi Nwanyi?

She wasn’t having it.

She not only cussed him out but made a serious show about it.

The show stood out for a lot of reasons.

Aside from the fact that I could see her veins popping out due to how pissed off she was, there was something she said, or rather, a statement that was completely uncalled for.

She began yelling, “My husband is better than you! My husband is better than you!”

I was so shocked because it didn’t fit the scenario.

How does your husband being better than another man correlate with you “chancing” someone fetching water?

She switched to, “My husband will deal with you!”

Anyway, in that confusion, curiosity crept in, and I wondered how this amazing husband treated her that made her just bring him up like that. He must be obsessed!

Mind you, I had only seen him twice.

He was old.

Not the old that comes with age, the one that comes with suffering. Not the kind of suffering you think, though.

He seemed calm, with his gentle strides.

Night fell, and I began to hear moaning…

It was coming from Agadi Nwanyi’s part of the complex.

I immediately thought that some “adult activities” were ongoing.

Suddenly, I heard footsteps and a scream.

What followed next was a loud bang!

Wanna know what happened?

Stay tuned for part two.

Seriously, press play.

It's going to give you a beautiful experience while reading.

I've always wanted to start a YouTube channel—lifestyle content creation, to be specific. I just adore the idea of documenting certain parts of my life on social media for people to see.

However, I do not have a good quality camera yet. I know that's not an excuse to be dilly-dallying but let's be honest. Nobody wants to consistently watch a video that looks like it was recorded with a vaseline smudge in front of the camera.

That doesn't mean I'm not gonna try other means to still push content. Hey….I post parts of my life on here. That's something!

Now, I've been thinking of ways to take it a step further and the idea of "picture vlogs," popped in and I thought, "Why not?"

So, here I am, testing this out and wanting to know if you like it because I think I do.

Here's how my day—yesterday went:

I usually wake, make my bed and journal. I do different kinds of journalling but what I did today and it's basically what I do most mornings is "gratitude Journalling"

Basically it's basically it entails writing five things I am grateful for that's how I do my people or rather you can't trick it to how you desire. It keeps me in touch or rather in tune with the things I have and makes this um feeling of contentment and gratitude for how far come permanent or rather consistently sticking within me.

So after journey I would ordinary make a to do list of the things I want to do but the day or I think I plant to do for today.

I believe my biggest red flag when it comes to planning for the day or writing my to-do list is overestimating my ability to perform tasks. This is usually because of the initial ginger that comes with planning your day or planning a part of your life.

You can see it below.

Immediately after writing my to-do list, i try to start carrying some things but then trying to take off things on your to-do list on an empty stomach is like trying to drive a car without fuel.

So first I got a feed me so I can feed my day.

I don't want to sound dirty but I used to not brush before eating in the morning depending it on whether I'm going to school or not. So I'll ordinarily wake up drink some water or not and start chowing but I have decided that it's not really the most hygienic thing to do.

I brush before eating now.

After brushing, I decided to eat a light breakfast. You can see just biscuits, tea and an apple. It's not the most aesthetic picture but it's pretty all right.

Now ,I'm not only weight loss journey I'm actually on a weight gain journey but I was too lazy to prepare anything serious. That is not what one who's dedicated to gaining weight will do but I'm a student and sometimes school life doesn't really permit you to do as you wish.

Sometimes you wake up tired. Sometimes we wake up unmotivated. It's just human and that's fine.

Immediately after eating I decided to study but before I studying, i journal.

I have a different method of journaling for my grades I call it the manifestation method whereby I write the grades I desire and believe I will have.

Then, when I see the results, I write it as “the grades that came into fruition.”

Most times, the grades I desire turn out to be the grades I get so I do it with intention I set the intention. I pray about it I consistently and try to live in that reality as if it has already happened. I walk in the footsteps of someone who already have those grades. I send it out to God. I send it out to the universe and believe it has already happened.

Immediately after that, I decided to begin studying. I studied a course called Arbitration.

It's an elective and I chose it because i love it. It's interesting. I decided to study for one hour.

While studying, I used some relaxing focus beats. I don't know whether to call this lo-fi beats.

N/B: I say a short prayer before studying and if I forget, I always remember mid-way into the study session.

Immediately after studying I decided to take a bath

.

That's my bathing supply. Nothing too serious. Yes, I brush twice. Immediately after that, I dressed up. I forgot to take a picture of the outfits i was supposed to wear for the day but it wasn't anything exciting.

Now, on to my skin care….

I know that seems like a lot but it's not really a lot. It's just what works for me.

While getting ready for the day, I decided to listen to a podcast.

I am an addict—a podcast addict and not just any podcast addict. I am a true- crime podcast addict. I listened to other genre of podcast but true crime just has me in a chokehold. I said listen to true crime I also listened to the 2.0 success motivation podcast. It's been years since I listen to that kind of podcast.

Just something to ginger me as I do what I do.

Then, I slept for the day.

I carried on with other activities for the day. I'm not going to lie. I did procrastinate and I didn't clear everything on my to-do list.

I'd like to give myself grace and believe the it's part of being human. It's something I need to walk on though and um actually working on it.

Moving on…..

I returned to work.

Then, later on, I have my lunch.

Where is the protein?

When I bought things to prepare this soup, I left the place and forgot one of the most important things—meat or fish. Trust me it was extremely tasty I don't know if you've had this combo—Egusi and Ogbono before but it's really nice really nice.

My day wasn't as productive as I would have loved but I have had better days. That is fine. That is okay.

I just wanted to show you all how a day in my life would look like.

It doesn't really look exactly like this most days. It’s way more productive. I study a lot more. I do a lot of things but on this particular day, I was just not feeling it.

I hope you enjoyed this picture vlog!

Tell me what you think about it.

Tell me if you like it.

Do you want more?

Please, what kind of vlogs do you want?

You'll feel it better. Trust me.

Hey....

It’s 2026.

For some reason, my brain keeps thinking it’s 2025.

Christmas didn’t feel like CHRISTMAS and this new year came so quick!

I didn’t even have time to plan my goals and set the intention like I used to.

However, I’ve come to realise that the new year, new month, begining of the week, end of the week, anniversary, birthdays are just what I call the “Fresh start placebo effect.”

We trick our brain into thinking that there’s a special moment or time to begin or change into an entirely different person or even do that one thing or numerous things we’ve been postponing.

I saw a quote yesterday that said, “If it really mattered that much, you would start.”

Let’s put this concept into the context of examinations. When the exam period is fast approaching, you don’t need to be told to start studying, right?

For the most part, you don’t begin to study on the day of the exams. You try to gain some ground beforehand.

For those that study on the day of exams, uhhh.... I have nothing to say to you.

Moving on, the same applies to this “fresh start placebo effect.” You shouldn’t wait for that particular special day to do what you have to do.

There’s another saying that goes, “Why leave for tomorrow what you can do today?”

When I see the cliché “New year, new me” posts, I get so irritated. It should be, “New year, better me.”

Obviously, your wickedness doesn’t have a light switch.

News flash....

This isn’t vampire diaries!

You are still going to be the same evil person you were previously but for some reason, you feel the “fresh start” or new day will change you.

Darling....

It’s going to take more than the new year to change whatever or start whatever.

Now, I’m not against trying new things or deciding to make the new year, yours.

No.

No.

No.

Walk with me, sweetheart.

The point is, THERE’S NO PERFECT TIME.

You don’t have to stay the same waiting for that day.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO WAIT.

JUST START!

The NEW YEAR or THAT SPECIAL DAY is just another opportunity to continuing try not to be waiting to try when it comes.

I’m not just speaking to you.

I’m speaking to myself too.

So, LET’S CONTINUE TRYING.

That's the favourite statement of my best girl whenever I have a question on love.

We all have our different views and opinions on what our Significant Other should and shouldn't be; Should and shouldn't have; Should and shouldn't look like.

On the issue of attraction, sometimes we might find ourself falling for people who don't really fit into our preferences category.

He might not be 6ft tall.

He might not be muscular.

He might not be 5 years older.

He might not be dark skinned.

He might not be as facially attractive as you desire.

He might not be “made" to the extent you desire.

BUT

There's something about his personality that drives you crazy!

The way he says your name turns your insides into butter.

His brain is so damn sexy! As a sapiosexual, you know that's the biggest turn on for you.

Why?

You are big on the non-superficial things but you still don't want to settle for “less"

That's not to say that the person in question is "less" but isn't exactly how you envisioned the form of your dream partner.

In situations like that, do you ignore those preferences or wait till you find “the one?"

“Is this pretty girl a student of UNN?” He asked.

As respectful as I was, I responded in a friendly manner and everything kicked off.

He was the perfect gentleman. Even Disney couldn’t have created a character more perfect than him.

You know the way chivalry is shown in movies....

He was PERFECT!

He did everything right!

I’m talking about the constant replies, engaging conversations, love poems, declaration of our soon-to-be fairytale experience called “love.”

Man was always the first to say “Good morning” and “Good night” in the sweetest way possible!

I can’t even explain how mushy I felt inside. Everything seemed like it was too good to be true and truth be told, it was.

Fast forward to this month, he came all the way from Enugu and we met.

It was chill.

It was lovely.

He asked me to be his girlfriend the next day and I accepted.

The first red flag should have been when he asked me to be his girlfriend online and not in person when we met.

Now....

I’m an overthinker and I’m no longer ashamed of it.

I am PROUD of it.

It has saved me from a lot of bullshit.

It makes me pay attention.

Of course, it has it’s downside but in my case, I’m somewhat emotionally mature and it’s being channeled positively.

During our “getting to know each other” stage or talking stage as people know (I prefer the term, invitation to treat), he was INTENTIONAL.

He was the kind of guy to send paragraphs, expressing how he was so much in love with me.

He was consistent with it.

It was one of the things that attracted me or rather, kept me going with the whole online, long-distance thingy.

I noticed that everything stopped. He wasn’t being lovey dovey anymore. He wasn’t being expressive as he used to be. Everything seemed platonic and not romantic like it was. It just seemed like two friends checking on each other daily.

I became worried.

So, I confronted him.

I sent him an emotional text. It was a very long one expressing how the change was affecting me and how I don’t like it at all. I specifically pointed out how he’s been distant and plain with me lately.

He just replied with “It’s probably because you moved back to school and the pattern changed.”

I asked him, “Is that all? I literally poured at my heart and soul and nothing you said addressed anything I brought up.”

I believe he felt pressured and decided to spill.

In his words, “You know what….“

Then, came the most disgusting words I’ve ever heard

He told me that when he met, he was impressed that I looked more beautiful in person than videos and pictures (According to him).

He said a lot of crap but the thing that caught my eye was when he said, “I noticed a feature but I tried to ignore it because looks aren’t everything in a relationship.”

A lot of dumb things were said. I don’t even remember them because they were covering the bone of contention.

So, I asked “What feature did you notice and tried to ignore?”

That was when he spilled even more tea.

Baba asked, “Do you remember when I told you about legs?”

I replied with a, “Let me guess.... You don’t like my legs.”

He affirmed.

My heart broke.

He explained that it’s something that he can’t overlook.

Disclaimer: I’m not disabled or have any leg defect of some sort. That’s not to say that if I did, it’d have changed anything for someone who truly loved me.

He told me earlier during our talking stage that he has a particular kind of leg that he’s attracted to on a female.

Now, my legs are normal/perfect for my body type/size

According to him, it’s not something he can ignore.

I was soooooooooo confused.

It wasn’t making sense.

I felt hurt that if anything should make him not like me anymore, it’ll not be something as superficial as “legs.”

Looks shouldn’t even be the issue here.

I’m actually quite beautiful.

However, the problem is not me. It’s him.

It hurrrrt!

I’m fine now.

I easily detach.

But, it hurt me badly that day.

I’m already insecure about a lot of things about myself. It tore me up because it added to my insecurities.

However, my friends spoke life into me and now, I’m okay.

I'm just here to tell you that Boys will hate your legs

You know that saying, "Once bitten, twice shy."

It applied aggressively in this chapter of my life. Choices were made. Decisions were taken. I chose knowledge over grades. I chose my academics over temporary pleasures.

Most importantly, I chose to make future Dr. Yompo and her parents proud.

To say I worked hard and smart this semester would be an understatement, because I almost lost myself in the process. I started studying a month before school resumed, and that helped me a lot. In the process of doing that, I began to understand better, retain better, and focus more. I was happy with myself.

The quizzes for each paper went well. Nothing spectacular happened, other than God helping me through it all.

Exams came, and my first paper broke me.

The funny thing was, I knew what to write, but my time management skills killed me. It was something I didn't work on in preparation for the exams. I was so focused on how to make my script a textbook of its own, without taking note of the fact that I was supposed to be working on a time crunch.

After that particular paper, I broke down so bad, because I had been preparing for this day before it came, and when it finally did, I messed up. It took the grace of God and my very good friend, who I'll call Vee, to get me back on my feet.

When I finally got back on my feet, I went full throttle, studying and revising for my other exams. I did what I believed was my best and left the rest for God to handle.

With that, the semester came to an end.

Second Semester

This time, I took into consideration what worked for me and what didn't the previous semester.

This semester's workload was a lot more than the first, but I wasn't deterred. I had one thing in mind, and that was to make myself and my parents proud.

It was in this semester that I got to see vividly God's hand in my results.

Remember the drama concerning LAW A in my 200lvl, right? I hadn't seen the results yet, but I already believed I was going to fail. However, I had a change of heart and decided to trust God entirely for a miracle.

Now, the thing about me is this... I'm an overthinker. Maybe "overthinker" isn't the right word, but an "over-analyzer." I would analyze a situation to my own detriment. Some part of me would want to even defy the law of gravity if possible. It's that bad.

In as much as I trusted God, I won't sit up here lying that I wasn't even a tad bit skeptical about how God would perform that miracle. I'm sure God must have been tired of me at some point. However, the good thing about being a believer is the ability to call yourself to order when in doubt, and that's what I did.

Then, it came...

As clear as daylight, I dreamt.

You do not want to miss the next post!

If you doubt that God really turns up for people, my dear, THINK AGAIN.

Hopefully, this story gets to the right audience, and when it does, I pray that they be comforted that God is part of the BEHIND THE SCENES.

Two stages of my university life will come into play here because of how significant it is to my TESTIMONY.

We'll name one course, LAW A, and another, LAW B. LAW A is a 200-level course, while LAW B is a 300-level. Keep the names in mind.

Here goes nothing…

First semester of 200-level felt like a breeze until I saw two C's in my law courses.

To say that I was heartbroken is an understatement. It was way worse.

I felt useless. I felt like a failure. I felt like my parents were wasting their money on me. I felt like I didn't deserve to live.

Suicidal thoughts began popping in (it's funny how something so little can impact one in a big way). It doesn't have to be entirely reasonable.

Now, I just want to put this out here. I'm not a dumb kid. I'm actually a very brilliant person. I know my way around a handful of things.

I got into university on a clean slate. By clean slate, I mean the MERIT LIST of my university. If you are a Nigerian and you attend a Federal University, you'd understand how grand that is, especially when you applied to study a course like LAW. I made a 281 in my JAMB and performed well in my O'level exams. The cumulative of my JAMB and O'level for admission was a 291.2. This isn't to brag, but to lay a foundation for the story I'm about to tell.

Here's the full gist:

After my 100-level, I felt comfortable being a "good" student with the grades I got. Thinking about it now, I know my capabilities, and I would have performed better than I did, but that's not the point now. I felt comfortable with my grades, and in that comfort, came pride and laziness. I felt I could handle anything, and nothing deserved to stress my pretty little head.

Boy... was I wrong!

First semester of 200-level was horrible! My exam preparation tactics killed my grades and CGPA in general.

In case you are wondering what CGPA means, it's basically a Cumulative Grade Point Average of all your results that have been released. I got an A, 4B's, and 2C's.

Might I add, I offered 4 Law courses that semester (every semester), and the B's I got were in them. Ouch...

Seems okay, right? NO!

Law courses are a whopping 4 credit load! Getting a C is really bad, and the fact that I got it in two 4-credit load courses made it even worse.

In as much as it's two law courses that I "failed" in this semester, one stuck out like a sore thumb, and that was LAW A. The reason it stood out will come into play in the next semester of 200-level.

Second semester of 200lvl:

I might have slacked in the first semester, but if there's one thing I love about myself, it's my "not-a-quitter" attitude. I worked hard this semester, and that's perfect, right? NO!

Yes, I worked hard, but I studied for the exams and not for the knowledge. That's a terrible way to go about your academics.

Anyway, I did just that, and it's safe to say that it paid off. Kinda.

Why is LAW A important?

First off, I blanked out during the quiz, and that cost me a gigantic 30 marks! I scribbled a thing or two in my paper and left the rest for God to help me with. You see why studying for just the exams is bad. You tend to forget because you don't plan to remember afterwards. I did try my best in the exams.

The other papers went really well. No story here. It could have gone better than I expected, but God has His ways and reasons. Regardless, I'm grateful!

Is that the end?

Where does the dream come into play?

When I tell you that God tests your faith, HE DOES!

God tested me! You'll see how in the next post.

Stay tuned!

The last actual post I made was over a month ago, and I feel extremely bad.

I keep thinking I can beat the academic system and create enough time for my writing on here, but when the time comes, I find myself prioritizing school over Substack.

To be fair, it is the ideal thing to do. But considering the fact that I did have some free time on my hands to write on here and I didn’t, is quite sad. This is not to say that I was whiling away my time, but I was doing other things that I could have sacrificed to be here without any consequences.

It makes me question if I truly love Substack like I claim.

I do love Substack, and I’d love to take it to the next level. However, I’m obviously not putting in the necessary effort to show how much I really value the audience I have on here and the passion I’m trying to harness/grow.

I don’t want to keep making promises about how I’m going to be consistent on here. I’d rather just be quiet and work on it silently. I want you all to see it, love it, and point it out!

Regardless, I do want to say that prioritizing my family on here is a new goal of mine. I’ll work towards it.

With that being said, let’s move on because I have quite a handful, or possibly a legful, to share. Sadly, it will not be shared in this post but in my next one. Don’t kill me!

For context, I am a penultimate student of the prestigious Law Faculty, and I just finished 300 level in my university. If you do not already know, in Nigeria, Law is in two stages: the first being five years in university and a year in Law School. I’m still in the first stage, but I’m currently in my 4th year of university and I COULD NOT have done it without God and my loved ones.

300 level was A LOT! But in that a lot came so many lessons for me to learn. I wouldn’t say that it changed me, but it did remind me of a lot of things. It basically showed me that I’m not a kid anymore and that realization was a painful one.

I experienced a lot of good times.

I equally experienced down times.

Most importantly, I saw God’s hand in my life in the best way possible. God sabi shock person oo.

The lessons I learned from that stage of my life are things I hope I will be able to fully implement henceforth.

I just want to say a very big THANK YOU to my family on here a.k.a my lovelies!

The checkups and support have been amazing and beautiful. I do not take them for granted. God bless you all.

We’ll see in my next post! Bye, babies!

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It rained heavily and I thought it wouldn't stop. I had already began to worry about how late I'd be for the two quizzes we were scheduled to have that dat. I decided to suck it up and go outside, regardless of the downpour.

The rain was too heavy for me to even step a foot outside my hostel. So, I sat in the reception area, panicking at the thought of "I'm still here oo! I need to go to the faculty now. I want to revise there".

To add a bit of context, I prefer going really early to my faculty whenever I have a quiz or an exam. The mere thought of me being at home(hostel) while some important thing might be going on in school, is quite unsettling.

Basically, anxiety gets the best of me when I stay back.

Moving on, I waited for minutes on end, standing occasionally to check if the rain had at least reduced a bit.

To make it worse, no tricycle was in sight. I was barely concentrating on "revising". I watched as people carried their umbrellas to leave. I didn't have one and that's because I felt it wasn't particularly necessary. Oh boy, I was wrong!

I sat, sulking.

I stood up again to go peep if any tricycle was available and just when I sighted one, it hit me. I had to walk or rather run to get to it and it was raining heavily. I began thinking. There was no way THE LAW would get soaked under this rain. “Wetin go do my panache?”, I thought.

Then, she came, an angel in human form.

Pretty…

Tall…

Kind eyes…

With a soft voice, she asked “Where are you going to?”

I responded.

She told me to get my bag and join her under her umbrella. I thanked my stars and rushed to get it.

The walk to the tricycle park took longer than expected. She shielded me so much to her own detriment. She made sure I was fully covered even when the rain was pouring heavily on her.

Why did she do that? Like I said earlier, she's an angel.

Did we know eachother? No.

Finally, we got in but, two more passengers were needed for us to move. I told him to start moving and he did.

While we were in the tricycle, the rain was still splashing on us but, we were almost at our destination.

She engaged me in small talk with a warm smile plastered on her face.

Thankfully, I arrived my destination and I decided to thank her by paying for all the seats(Hers included).

I was happy doing that.

She was grateful.

It just felt good reciprocating what might seem to be a little gesture but, means so much to me.

We might never see again but, I sure as hell I'm grateful.

I'm not fine.

I'm not a princess.

I'm not that smart.

I'm not tough.

I'm not enough.

I'm not that pretty.

I'm not that bold.

I'm not feminine.

I just exist….

No, don't lie to me!

It's true!

Well, at least, sometimes it is.

I wish I was THAT GIRL that could make the guys drop down to their knees.

But, look at me…

I'm just a girl with barely enough self confidence within.

I'm so insecure and

No amount of Andrew Tates Videos will work on a mind like mine or even as a cure.

Ughh…I hate the success of others!

I know that's not a nice thing to say but, HEAR ME OUT!

Everyone dreams of basically the same thing—Something good.

When they get it and I'm left waiting for mine, it hurts!

But, do you want to know what hurts more? When it never shows up.

Then, resentment sets in….

I'm TORN!

My family is complicated but, I'd like to believe every family is the same as mine.

Same? I see the love in theirs and the lack in mine.

I hate a lot of things in my life!

I hate the fact that I can't change what I don't want!

I hate the fact that the more I grow, the worse it seems I get!

I hate that I have to try so hard to maintain a persona that is me but, really isn't.

I hate the fact that a lot of things I crave comes easy to everyone but, me.

I hate the fact that this prompt

exists….

Diary of a fictional character