Screen time is a reality for athletes (and all humans) of all ages. The youngest kids may watch a little TV or beg for a tablet at dinner, an easy sell for parents looking for some peace. Older kids grab their phone like it’s a security blanket, go into a trance scrolling social media, and engage in screen cascading where they are watching TV and their phones in unison. Their brain calls rapidly bounce between the two, inhibiting their ability to fully process either screen.

Yeah, the basic perils of screen use for kids is nothing new. So what does this have to do with youth sports?

Well, this week I came across a Norwegian research paper sounding the alarm on the specific correlation between excessive screen time, social media usage and lowered physical activity and performance. As one of the gazillion parents constantly pulling teeth trying to get my kids to put down the screens, this paper got my attention.

In Norway, nearly 90% of 6-year-olds meet the physical activity recommendations of at least 60 minutes of moderate-to-vigorous physical activity per day, but by the age of 15, this drops to 40-50%. A related study found that limiting recreational screen media use in families with children significantly increased their engagement in physical activity. The paper goes on to explain how “social media platforms, intentionally designed to maximize user engagement and screen time through features like infinite scrolling and personalized content recommendations, further discourage physical activity.” Bottom line is the correlation is strong, and even the Norwegians are sucked in.

This is Norway. With its utopian youth sports model, and its status as both the sixth happiest and healthiest country in the world.

If Norwegian researchers are sounding alarms about their country’s youth, it’s safe to say that our American children are pretty screwed.

The general arguments against screen time are numerous and yet a hard sell. Unlike smoking’s connection to lung cancer, omnipresent access to screens is still a newish phenomenon without a fully proven ramification. It’s pretty hard to get a kid to care about the possibility of inhibiting the development of their prefrontal cortex. Believe me, I’ve tried.

But I do think for young athletes, we can at least attempt to connect the impact of screen usage to performance. It starts with acknowledging both the reality of screens and their positive uses for young athletes. For example, a pushup challenge on TikTok is perfectly great. Watching some motivational speech from an athlete they admire can also pay dividends.

But when it comes to screen time’s impact on sports performance, aside from appearing aloof when the end of practice seamlessly morphs into scrolling Insta, there are many specific ramifications. These are important for the youngest athletes that have yet to develop a screen addiction, older athletes gunning to play in college, and everyone in between.

It starts with poor sleep. Poor sleep isn’t just about feeling tired: it reduces recovery, slows tissue repair, and impairs focus, coordination, and reaction time, all of which are critical for athletes, notes the Omaha Physical Therapy Institute.

A 2024 study found that young athletes with higher daily screen time not only had worse sleep, but an increased injury risk.

Athletes who slept on average less than 8 hours per night were 1.7 times more likely to have had an injury compared with athletes who slept for 8 hours. For each additional grade in school, the athletes were 1.4 times more likely to have had an injury. This study focused solely on direct hours of sleep without factoring in how all the late night dopamine from screens adversely affects quality of sleep, though the latter can be inferred

Then there’s also the pre-and post-game screen time that may have a corrosive effect on actual performance.

A 2018 paper titled, Mental fatigue impairs soccer-specific physical and technical performance, explains that when athletes move directly from these high-stimulation digital environments into competition, the nervous system often struggles to recalibrate efficiently. The researchers explain that this “mental fatigue” is a psychological state that can impair reaction time, attention control, visuomotor performance, and decision-making. (All things vital to optimizing performance.)

The immediate jump from game or practice to a device eliminates crucial processing time. Thinking about the transition, processing feelings around it, looking at the sunset. Sometimes a distraction can be good—hence my consistent advice to always focus on post-game eats. But there should have some type of mental reset before hopping right on screens.

This is all well and good but getting your athlete’s buy-in is another matter when there are Snaps to send and YouTube Shorts to scroll.

Having coaches talk with their athletes about responsible screen time and consider setting parameters like no screen time 30 mins before a game is a great start.

But like most everything else, the dirty work happens at home. Mental performance coach Tyler Meade makes some excellent points about not eliminating screens entirely and reframing the message to encourage healthy pre-game routines.

“Establishing a screen-free window of 30-to- 60 minutes before competition may allow the nervous system time to settle and refocus,” writes Meade. “Encouraging social interaction with teammates, engaging in positive conversations, discussing goals, or participating in calming warm-up routines can help athletes mentally transition into competition. Breathing exercises, visualization, mobility work, and focused warm-up routines may also help athletes regulate emotions and prepare mentally for performance.”

Screens are not the enemy. But like all vices, they need to be used responsibly if your kid wants to thrive on and off the field.

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But the moment camp or sports is over, the real adrenaline kicks in. These River Vale kids hop on their bikes for second half of their day, coalescing at the place to be: the front lawn of the Carbone house.

It all started at the beginning of last summer when brothers Jacob and Mason Carbone, then 14 and 11, started pondering their future. “In 3-4 years, Jacob would be going to college and we wanted to have a memory before he went to college,” Mason said.

While the boys have divergent interests—Mason is the baseball kid, Jacob is an athlete but more of a STEM kid— they share a love of wiffle ball. What’s not to love about a lightweight perforated ball and bat that is safe and can be played anywhere by anyone.

The River Vale Wiffle Ball league (RVWBL) was soon born. In the spirit of inclusivity, Jacob and Mason opened the league to both sets of friends and charged no entry fee. Instead, they pooled money and Dick’s Sporting Goods gift cards they had received from their May birthdays and got to work. Mason sourced the bats, nets, bases and balls so kids could drop by without needing a thing. Meanwhile, Jacob created a website with a registration page, schedule, standings and live game streaming.

“I wanted it to feel more organized because then it runs better and everyone has more fun. It’s not super chaotic that way,” said Jacob who had learned about website development through an entrepreneurial class at school.

Brothers Jacob and Mason Carbone

Mom Alyssa Carbone remembers the build up to the inaugural season last summer. The Carbone family was spending the Fourth of July holiday in Cleveland attending Guardian games, and all her sons could talk about was RVWBL’s opening day. “They were on the phone with their friends wheeling and dealing. Rosters were set, team names were discussed,” Alyssa said. She knew the boys had poured their heart into this project but even she could never have imagined the joy that would soon emanate from their front lawn.

In year one, the Carbone house quickly became the epicenter of wiffle ball and community. The games were so joyous that even kids not playing a game that day would arrive to partake in the camaraderie. Each team from the River Vale Rhinos to the Walkout Wizards played two games a week but Alyssa says there might be 40+ kids hanging out to cheer on any given day. They even started played the National Anthem before games. The fun was infectious.

At first Alyssa thought, “What are they doing?” Yes, Jacob and Mason are close but they are still brothers. Some days they are besties; other days not so much. She told them, “This is your thing. I’ll be around but the only rules I have are no physical fighting, and nothing mean with the intent to hurt feelings. They were like, ‘ok’ and that was it.”

Combining groups of friends three years apart, especially in a sports context, can be a recipe for disaster. But Alyssa considers this marriage RVWBL’s secret sauce. “Both Jacob and Mason have such nice groups of friends, and the boys are friends with each other’s friend group. It could have been a movie.”

As the league took off, so too did its support system. The RVWBL moms formed a group chat largely centered around logistics, specifically snacks. This rotation of food drops not only created a deeper bond among parents, but gave the kids another aspect to look forward to. While the RVWFL is certainly competitive, a kid could make it to first base and run to grab a slice of watermelon without ridicule while the next batter was at the plate.

The parents loved the super causal environment, and its myriad benefits. “Not only does it keep them off phones, but they all work on organizational skills and negotiation. It’s amazing,” Alyssa said. “It’s good, old fashioned, kids being kids.”

Neighbor Joe Favorito, a sports marketing professional, was awed the first time he drove by the Carbone house and noticed all these kids playing wiffle ball on the front lawn. Favorito, who has known the family since they moved in, saw it quickly develop over the course of a month or two as the boys even put up an outfield fence. Favorito would walk by and marvel at the wholesomeness of it all.

“They weren’t being policed or adulted by anybody, which I thought was great,” he said. “It reminded me of when I grew up 40 or 45 years ago. You’d leave your house at eight o’clock in the morning, go out and play with your friends, and come back at six—and nobody would bother you. That’s the way you spent your summers.

“I think it’s very special. It’s very emotional for me to watch these kids do it, because that’s what I grew up with.”

Favorito’s only concern, aside from the state of the Carbone front lawn, he joked, was preserving the league’s sanctity.

“I told Alyssa straight up, don’t let people adults ruin it, because these kids built a community,” he said. “These kids know how to self police and control it, and I think that’s very mature for their ages. Adults tend to ruin everything in our lives today, and this is something that shouldn’t be ruined.”

Adults mostly stayed out of the way in year one, well, other than then a skeptical travel baseball coach who got wind that some of his players participating in the RVWBL. The coach insisted they stop because they were in the playoffs and he was concerned wiffle ball would mess up their swings. Kids being kids didn’t listen. When they killed it in their playoff game that night, the coach flipped his stance. “Forget it, you play wiffle ball, “ he told his kids.

Most adults, like Favorito, were in awe of the kid-run goodness. This includes YES Network’s Jack Curry, the Yankees broadcaster who stopped by and took a swing. Jacob and Mason are Yankee diehards, and Curry is basically royalty.

RVWBL kids sing the national anthem.

The RVWBL is amid its second season. Games have mostly moved from the Carbone lawn to a local park. The league has grown in stature and impact, but Jacob and Mason, now 15 and 12, are still running the show with minimal drama.

On July 11th, the RVWBL hosted a special day of wiffle ball games with music and other surprises, all to raise money for Stand Up To Cancer. Costs were offset by Jacob securing a litany of sponsors. Ah yes, that entrepreneur class. He approached local businesses in person or via email, explaining what they had accomplished last summer and how many kids they were expecting. He then asked them to sponsor the winner and different aspects with incentives and prizes. The response was 100% positive. The widespread support allowed the boys to charge a $5 entry fee and donate ALL the funds to Stand Up To Cancer.

Again, these boys are just 15 and 12.

Mason isn’t completely sure what the future of the RVWBL will hold once Jacob departs for college in a few years. For now, the youngest Carbone is relishing its success. “It’s like really fun to think about how we just started this from our heads. I like how it turned really big, and like every day in the summer, we get to do this and spend a lot of time with our friends while there’s like only a short period of time before we have to do work at school.”

As for Jacob, he knows the RVWBL has inherently strengthened his bond with Mason.

“We have to work together to collaborate on the big picture things like who’s gonna do this, who’s gonna do that. But every time something minor pops up, we also work together to figure it out and execute it. We get to see each other every day in the summer, not just like going separate ways to camp. We work together a lot more, and I think it’s really nice.”

Soon, these River Vale kids will trade their bats for backpacks and the grind of school. Summer will slip into the rearview mirror, but the friendships, inside jokes and memories built around wiffle ball will linger. And before long, the long-anticipated RVWBL registration post will go up, and another summer together will begin.

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Man, what a joyous ride for the USMNT until it wasn’t. The good vibes were flowing. The John Denver sing-a-longs were glorious. For what now seems like a millisecond, the USMNT was knocking on the door of the exclusive club where the world-class soccer powerhouses hang. Then Belgium kicked our ass, in quite embarrassing fashion. Tactically and physically, we were royally outmatched. The pumpkin came quick.

Honestly, losing in heartbreaking fashion like the Egyptians in the Round of 16 with its 2-0 lead over Argentina until the 79th minute would have been better. At least Egypt can hold their heads high knowing they can go toe-to-toe with the world’s best.

It’s frustrating. This is America, where we are contenders in almost every team sport. Look at the last Summer Olympics in Paris where the US earned a medal in almost every team sport, including the USWNT’s FIFTH gold medal since 1996. (The USMNT lost 4-0 to Morocco in the quarterfinals.)

The postmortem about what went wrong with this team in this World Cup has run deep. Was the team unfocused after the drama surrounding the Balogun red card appeal? Did Pulisic really choke? Did Mauricio Pochettino start the right lineup and pull ineffective players fast enough? (Looking at you, Dest) While I’d personally cast my vote for the crowd in Seattle singing the team’s victory anthem, “Country Roads” BEFORE the match started, the finger pointing is pointless. On a good day, the USMNT is a top 20 team. That’s fine, but we are we not a powerhouse?

Much has been written in the past week about all the flaws in the U.S. Soccer pipeline. I highly recommend the NYT on U.S. Soccer’s pay-to-play problem and ’s look at complex ecosystem of the MLS Pathway. I’ll add that any pathway with a pyramid that changes on a yearly basis is a disaster. The current U.S. Soccer pyramid is supposedly topped by MLS Next, a league that has only been in existence since 2000. Next year it will be back to ECNL or some new league added to the alphabet soup. Add in the change back from birth year to school year and it feels like U.S. Soccer is making it up as they go along.

In Europe, kids are IDed early, a professional team’s academy invests in them and that is that. Maybe there are second teams. But everyone else plays pickup or low-cost club soccer and develops a love of the sport. In the U.S., we pay extreme amounts to put kids in “academies” at 5 or 6 years old and then continue to pay more each year for professional coaches with practices 2-3 times a week year-round. Some clubs have 4-5 teams per age group. There can be upward movement, even in season. But kids can also get pulled in a year if they don’t stand out on a tiny field clumped with 50 other kids in identical pennies come tryouts.

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Anyhow, as a parent amid the U.S. soccer youth machine, there are two missed opportunities unique to America that have long drove me crazy.

We shun the country’s best athletes.

Before a young multi-sport athlete has a chance to fall in love with soccer, we are telling them it’s all or nothing. Because of the pay-to-play model, most competitive youth soccer programs are not only expensive, they are year-round. Gotta pay the bills, right? If you only love soccer, great. But if you’re an athletic 6-or 7-year-old boy who wants to do it all - basketball, baseball, flag football - the current club structure makes it impossible. Let’s be real, the more athletic you are, the more drawn you probably are to the sports that rule in America.

These kids might have eventually chose soccer but the unsustainable pressure to commit at such a young age is a turnoff. In fact, soccer is probably the club/travel team sport where kids go competitive at the youngest ages. There are solutions, like joining lower level teams, though that is often not the best fit for an athletically gifted kid.

I can name at least ten amazing young athletes in my stratosphere who quit soccer because it was too much of a commitment at too young of an age. These are the kids who excel at all sports. They are the kids who could waltz on a field after a month-long vacation and still thrive on the pitch due to physical dominance. What they lack in foot skills, they make up for in speed, strength, and a keen understanding of movement. All the benefits of being a young multi-sport athlete.

It’s a shame we can’t figure out a way to attract these kids to soccer a little longer. We have plenty of physical specimens in the mold of Erling Haaland in the United States. But the would be 6’5” American athletes wind up playing football or basketball. The U.S. Soccer system as is doesn’t offer a viable path.

We don’t embrace goalkeeping.

Don’t get me wrong. The USMNT has bred some goalkeeping superstars. Namely, Tim Howard and Brad Friedel. And compared to the rest of the soccer landscape, multi-sport athletes are generally embraced as goalies. Matt Turner was a top baseball player. Matt Freese broke track and field records at his high school. Given that competitive advantage, we should be churning out world class goalies (in the vein of Hope Solo).

But for those immersed in soccer at the youngest ages, goalkeeping is often a throwaway. You might be pegged as a goalie if you’re slow or tall. It might be a punishment for acting up at practice. It might be the only way your kid is guaranteed a spot on the top team. Despite the unique skill set required to be a goalie, clubs too often deprioritize the position. Many don’t offer specialized goalie training, leaving kids to have to find private training ($$). And if they do offer it, it might be a bunch of kids of varying ages and levels clumped together, maybe with a coach who has little background in the position. Since goalies aren’t exactly growing on trees, many teams end up with a single goalie who has no teammate to train and compete with, further dampening development.

We do an ok job drawing multi-sport athletes for the position, but even our current best are MLS caliber, not world-class as evidenced by this World Cup. Given how many freak athletes with insane wingspans and elite hand-eye coordination we house in this country, American-bred goalies should be dominating around the world. We have to start by marketing goalkeeping as the awesome, badass position it is.

Off the soapbox. Enjoy the remainder of the World Cup.

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Ah, summer. Time to slow down, maybe ship the kids off to a summer camp, go on hikes, spend hours at a local pool.

YEAH RIGHT.

Most of the youth sports families I know are mired in summer sports commitments. It’s not just practices, local games on the weekends, or regular trainings so your kid doesn’t “fall behind.” The now ubiquitous summer tourney scene has kids and families traveling across the country. In some cases, it’s simply to face a local rival equally enchanted with tourney vacations. And that’s just for club sports.

Add in kids who play on little league all-star teams or are mired in daily football high school football and good luck with the notion of a real summer vacation.

So I get that the lovely Good Game readership is not the ideal audience for this article’s message. The truth that many of you are completely fine with this reality. After all, you’re here engaging in dialogue as if you don’t already put in enough time. . Like me, you’ve laid down a red carpet for youth sports, and wouldn’t have it any other way. Our kids are active and (hopefully) happy, we get to make like-minded (read: crazy) youth sports parent friends, and spending 5k to travel to Branson, Missouri instead of 10k to travel to Maui at least feels like an economic win.

Anyhow, I am aware that there are one or two people in the world who don’t want to spend every weekend on a sideline. They have other interests and grave concerns about youth sports increasingly becoming an all or nothing proposition. So send this to a friend or coworker or anyone who needs to hear it:

IT’S OK. YOU CAN DO YOUTH SPORTS YOUR WAY. YOUR KID WILL NOT BE LEFT BEHIND.

Easier said than done, I know. For practicality sake, here’s a few tips to do youth sports like a normal person.

Turn off the noise

By noise, I mostly mean social media. You don’t need to see every wannabe youth sports influencer guilting you with mantras about how average kids spend their summers playing video game while elite ones train every second. Or videos of 7-year-olds with seemingly the most advanced foot skills (captured after the parent’s 200th take). I feel like this is an important starting place as these types of accounts are the most over-the-top by poisoning minds with the notion that your kid is falling behind.

Be upfront with your coach

Whether it’s the summer and your family wants top go to Disneyworld for a week and will miss a team camp or your kid has violin lessons on Mondays so will miss a weekly practice during the season, let your coach know. If said coach agrees but calmly notes that it may impact playing time, so be it. If the coach loses their shit and starts lecturing you about how your kid will never be great if they only attend 2 out of 3 practices as a 9-year old, maybe look for a new team?

Instead of thinking you’ll figure out how to make it all work, you will feel so much better setting expectations

Pick a level that both fulfills your kid and matches your lifestyle

There are so many tiers of teams in volleyball, soccer, you name it. Our inclination is to try and make a top team. Top teams are supposed to have the best coaches and put your kid in the best position to succeed. But those teams are also often the most cutthroat with kids under the most pressure for everything including commitment. Provided the coaching and level is acceptable, consider proactively seeking out a second or third team that will offer your kid some grace.

Start one family tradition and try hard to keep it

Maybe it’s a Friday night dinner. Or a Saturday night movie. Something that coalesces a busy family.

It’s hard to be involved in youth sports and have absolutes. So maybe the Friday dinner becomes a Thursday dinner in the fall due to practice times as long as it happens. The most important thing is there is some tradition that is removed from the youth sports vortex. So yeah, the post-game meal at Chick-fil-A doesn’t count.

Believe in fate

Now that I’m a veteran youth sports mom, I finally get what a friend of mine who happens to a high school coach meant when he said, “the sport eventually finds you.” The sport may pick your kid due to size (or lack thereof) or more likely, your kid will eventually fall in love with a sport so much that they become obsessed. Maybe that’s at a high level, maybe it’s just messing around with their friends at an open field.

Either way, If you can buy into the notion that your kid will end up where they’re supposed to be, you will preserve a lot of sanity.

Again, I’m happiest watching my kids play sports, not to mention troubleshooting youth sports with this awesome community. But please, share these thoughts with someone that could use the help.

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PS: Want to put the early plug in for a story we have coming next week that has restored my faith in youth sports. I hope you will read it and agree. 🤗

Graduation season is in full bloom, and for high school students it’s the glorious culmination of over a decade of education and discovery and puberty and awkwardness. College graduation can feel even more monumental.

In modern times, the precursor to high school graduation is the social media college announcement. They are the sweetest, whether academic or athletic. Ben is excited to announcement his commitment to Cal State Hayward where he’ll major in Astrophysics. Olivia is thrilled to announce her commitment to continue her academic and athletic journey at University of Alabama where she’ll play tennis and study Undecided. The idea of a kid committing somewhere and opting for a field to study or a sport to play feels like a decision that going to frame their life - even if we know they can switch majors or may eventually drop the sport.

In a parallel universe, where my youth sports-driven social media algorithm seems to call home, a similar rollout is happening. Except these aren’t college-bound athletes. They are kids with splashy graphics and posts that look just like those of college-bound athletes. I don’t remember seeing this trend in previous years but somehow I’m being fed multiple suggested posts every day about some 11-year-old making a pre-ECNL team (OFFER ACCEPTED!) or a 13-year old who is staying with their volleyball club (COMMITTED!) I’m not in the quasi-doxxing business so here’s a little Canva graphic I threw together inspired by all the posts I’m seeing these days. All elements are fictional and any similarity to real content is unintentional.

Anyhow, what are we doing, people?

If you were selected for some national team or anything highly selective, post that fancy graphic. If you won some award, cool. If you’re some local superstar making a decision between rival high schools, cool. If you’re going to some showcase and want to create a graphic with game times, yes please.

But if you’re paying thousands of dollars to play on a random AAU team, we don’t need to be bowled over by a fancy announcement like your pre-pubescent 9 year old just made the Olympic roster.

Of course we take immense pride in our kids and naturally want to showcase their accomplishments. Zero judgement about when and how people post highlights, winning championships, candid shots with teammates, and everything else in that bucket.

But commitment graphics feel like we’ve jumped the shark. The other day I was fed a post of a U15 girl signing a contract to solidify her spot on a GA squad. It was a team-driven social play so what followed was a slideshow of all these 14-year girls taking turns at a desk, pen in hand, logo-heavy backdrop behind. It would be one thing if the tone were like when we stick our heads through those cutouts at minigolf courses or any other version of pretend. That was the not the vibe here.

There are bigger issues in the youth sports world but this trend is a symptom of a larger epidemic that was become increasingly hard to fight. When is the system going to stop encouraging our kids to operate like professional athletes?

In the case of these commitment posts, we’re defining kids by the sport they play at any insanely early age. Maybe that 11-year-old will be good, maybe they’ll quit. Maybe if they’re good at soccer, they’re good any another sport and will drift that direction. Maybe one of their parents will get a new job and they’ll move to a more competitive area and land on a third team.

These posts already seem to have a domino effect as more seem to be rolling in every day. Not only are they blurred with actual commitment posts, they reek of boasting and signal some immense achievement. Again, college announcements are the culmination of 17 or 18 years of a story and ups and downs and framing of a human.

On the other hand, an announcement of “continuing my soccer career” on some random ECNL team, especially before you hit puberty is, dare I say, pretty cringe.

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Murray waxed poetic on how the term “soccer mom” was coined long ago by politicians as a must-have voting bloc, and how a recent podcast host he appeared with noted that soccer moms often had three traits. 1) A little athletic 2) A little socially minded 3) “They might have a little more than water in that tumbler.”

Funny enough, that’s pretty much how, if pressed, I would characterize a “soccer dad.” Often with a side of, thinks he knows everything about soccer despite never having played the sport.

Luckily, Murray is not that kind of dad. Quite the opposite, in fact, as he remembers the early days of soccer parenting with his wife.

“I feel like neither of us knew a damn thing about soccer, which was our superpower because we didn’t have anything to say in the car ride home,” Murray said. “We were just like, ‘seemed like that didn’t go very well,’ or ‘that was awesome.’”

Murray still doesn’t fancy himself a soccer expert, nor is selling some magical elixir to cure the chaos of youth sports parenting. With Soccer Dad, he shares his experience in a way that is humorous and relatable.

It started when Scout was four and her parents enrolled her in Lil’ Kickers, one of those programs you throw your kids into for the free childcare and hope they don’t pee their pants or cry in the corner. But Scout was different. She came in laser-focused and ready to dominate the other four-year-olds. People took notice. “I remember that first moment when this woman came up to me and she goes, she’s pretty good. And I thought, ‘oh, she is?’ Those words would haunt me, because that set us on a course that we never got off,“ Murray said, somewhat jokingly.

Scout would go on from a gifted young kid to high school star. Despite her small stature, her speed turned heads at almost everything juncture. Along the way, she experienced a brutal but formative jump to the ECNL before settling into the new frontier of D1 soccer at Ohio University.

Soccer Dad shares some of Scout’s glorious moments like when she made varsity as a freshman at a large high school and ran into her father’s arms upon exiting the bus. Or the time she scored six hat tricks in a row as a junior in high school. But the heart of Soccer Dad lies in the discoveries Murray made about the grind of soccer, his daughter, and himself, along the way.

A sampling of those observations follow. For more, grab your copy of Soccer Dad, and check out my full conversation with Murray above.

The social struggles of Scout playing up:

When you’re nine and a kid, and you’re playing up with people 11 or 12, that’s a huge age gap with kids. Like those kids had boyfriends and phones. You don’t have either, so you’re just the odd man out. That’s why it’s important to play with your age group, it seems to me, if you have a choice.

On Scout joining an ECNL team in high school at the urging of a former coach:

She immediately realized she wasn’t there. She wasn’t as good as these players, and she had a long way to go. The players weren’t very nice. They seemed like professionals. They seemed actually pretty cold. And it was like going from being the best to being just a chump with a year to go in the recruiting process and COVID being in the middle of that stuff. She overcame that, and she started going to those practices and getting up to speed, but it was never fun. She had a bunch of these moments where it looked like all was lost. And then she persevered.

The kids are watching us, too:

They don’t quit, because this is what makes them special. That’s like quitting being special. And so, yeah, it’s kind of corrosive. It’s emotionally corrosive, and we’re all involved in it. Like your kids know, if you’re in love with watching them play sports, they know that if they quit, they’re letting you down. And as much as you can tell them, and I told [Scout] so many times … This is not your job. We have saved money for you to go to college. You can quit at any time. This is not your full-time job to be a soccer player. It is your life. But as much as you can tell them that they still understand that this is a family project, and that a lot of our meaning is wrapped up in this. And it’s an intense thing.

Youth soccer as a family project:

They understand that this is a family project, and that a lot of our meaning is wrapped up in this. That’s tough because ending the sport can feel like unraveling a part of the family’s story, not just a kid’s hobby.

The pressure of D1 soccer:

You are under pressure to make sure you’re on the team, and you’re under total pressure to make the starting lineup. If you’re starting, you’re in one class, especially in soccer. If you’re not starting, you’re a sub. There’s no sixth man like in the NBA, and so there’s just tons of angst in every practice. Even on a team that’s not toxic, every practice feels like a tryout, and then the games are so intense and the coaches are yelling at you. You need to talk to somebody who loves you. And I just think you need to talk to that person once a day.

What to expect when parenting a soccer star (or any dedicated young athlete):

I thought [sports] was going to be the fun and easy and effortless part of parenting. Oh, you just unfold that chair and sit on the soccer sideline, and this is the easy part. It can be wonderful and fun, but it takes all your emotional intelligence, all your imagination, and a hell of a lot of your energy, and in some ways, more of your energy than any of the rest of it.

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For those new in these parts, welcome to The V! Here, I share five of the most thought-provoking pieces (at least in my opinion) that I’ve read in recent weeks. Enjoy, and, as always, drop in with anything that has especially resonated with you.

I: Why Don’t Some Kids Play Youth Sports? Maybe You Should Ask Them (USA Today)

Speaking of fives, this piece from Steve Borelli looks at five nuanced ways to keep kids playing sports. One point on how fostering a general love of sport in a healthy way makes it more likely that a kid (or adult!) will want to try out a new sport makes a lot of sense. I also appreciated the notion of taking a break from sports, even if temporary. I bet a lot of young athletes these days don’t feel like a mental and physical reset is even an option. I’ll take this a step further for the multi-sport athletes out there. It’s critical that at the very least they are embraced as farm-to-table athletes. Let them enjoy whatever is in season!

II: In Austin, Sandlot Baseball Is an Entire Way of Life (Austin Monthly)

A deep dive into the history and beauty of sandlot culture in Austin. This type of offering would be idyllic for kids-just sub out the beer for soda.

III: Confidence is Overrated For a Ballplayer (Have Bat Will Travel)

This piece from former MLB and current Substacker deconstructs confidence in a way I’ve never seen. Botts’ case for focusing on courage and the art of showing up in the face of adversity is strong.

IV: Maryland Becomes 19th State to Sanction Girls Flag Football as Championship Sport (Youth Sports Business Report)

Not only is Maryland the 19th state to sanction flag as a championship sport, it followed Kansas who sanctioned flag on the same day! In 2023-24, 10 high schools in Maryland offered flag, Last year, the number grew to 91. The rapid rise in participation is becoming commonplace across the country. Clearly, the demand for flag is through the roof. At this rate, every state and youth rec program will be overflowing with flag registrations by the time the sport is on the international stage at the 2028 Olympics.

V: Parents Watching Youth Sports (Thirty-Something)

This beautiful essay from is a love letter to her parents for always showing up at her sporting events, disastrous as they may have been. Grace, the youngest of four, tells her mom that she’ll only watch her future kids’ sporting events if she’s a fan the sport. Her mom’s reply is so sweet and relatable for so many sports parents: “You’ll feel differently if you have kids. We were happy to watch you all.”

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When I was about 22, I wanted to be Sarah Thomas, the first female NFL referee. I knew the NFL rules inside and out, probably more obsessively than I do now. I even scored an invite from then NFL Head of Officiating Mike Pereira to tour their expansive NYC operation. I was in awe, like a STEM kid visiting NASA headquarters.

Once I realized I’d have to start at the grassroots level, like finding some middle school peewee football game to ref, I was out. After all, I had a media career ahead of me and wasn’t willing to give up the promise of such a stable industry. 😬

Anyhow, the closest I ever came to having some on field authority was vicariously through interviewing Thomas, Maia Chaka and other women over the years who have graced NFL stadiums as officials.

That was until last fall.

Though I pride myself in knowing the rules of sports, especially football, my soccer knowledge was still lacking despite so many years on the sidelines. I could navigate the complex web required to schedule games as a team manager. But I couldn’t pinpoint the nuances of an offsides. Sure, the concept of receiving the ball ahead of the second-to-last defender being a no-no was clear. But what constitutes being actively in the play or what happens if the ball deflects off the second-to-last defender were a bit confusing. The only certainty, apparent in our infancy days of youth soccer, is that most parents didn’t know the rules either.

I would argue parents collectively know less about soccer rules than the other major sports given soccer’s rank in our national sports popularity hierarchy. Yet that doesn’t stop them from screaming bloody murder at refs about all the supposed fouls and offsides they missed. Much like a typical NFL fan instinctually yelling HOLDING at the TV every time the opposing rusher breaks off a hefty run. Both forms of exasperation are typically devoid of deep rules knowledge. The difference in youth soccer is the yelling is in person and often to teenagers, some of them volunteers.

It wasn’t just a quest to absorb the rules of soccer that led me to sign up as a US Soccer referee trainee. A year ago when picking up my older son up from a ref gig at a tournament, a parent I know told me a coach in the U12 boys’ championship game was complaining about having an all-female crew. How I would have loved to tear that coach apart.

But really, I just wanted to have a deeper understanding of the rules of this sport I watch so often. I also wanted to model jumping out of comfort zone to my kids. Plus, I thought it would be a nice bonding experience to ref with my then 14-year-old son after seeing a few father-son teams do the same. And hooray for built-in cardio.

I plunged ahead through the five-hour online course from U.S. Soccer that teaches and quizzes you on everything from rules of the game to health and safety to how to have a proper postgame debrief.

I almost chickened out of the mandatory in-person portion, the second piece you have to complete to earn a ref badge and pick up assignments. Almost all the female refs I’ve observed are under 20 and almost all the adult refs are men. But then I remembered that I actually didn’t care if I stuck out. Turns out the on-field training was awesome as a confidence bolster and workout, thanks to all the practice accelerating up and down the sidelines.

That night the email same. I was officially an official. I couldn’t wait to sign up for a match with my son. When I initially floated the idea of reffing together, he was game. By the time I actually earned my ref badge, four months had passed ad his enthusiasm for the idea waned.

Still, we immediately signed up for a 9v9 rec game. He was the CR, while I was one of the ARs. Essentially, he got to be my “boss.” As we donned our matching bright green ref shirts at home and expressed my nerves, he was supportive, even telling me he thought I’d crush it. But on the field, he was not thrilled with my many questions not to mention my 20 requests to take a photo. It didn’t help that there were parents and classmates he knew on the sideline.

It’s chill, mom. I’m not low key trying to do that.

It turns out a 14-year old boy really didn’t want to ref with his mother. Who would have thought?

We reffed one more game together last fall. Though it was rec and the coaches and players were there to have fun, there were a couple of boisterous parents who expressed displeasure with a couple of calls.

We laughed about it on the walk home. That night, I overheard my son telling his brother about my calls and how I held my flag. Shockingly, most of the comments were compliments with undertones of wonderment. So maybe I didn’t get the perfect photo, but I felt seen by kids for embracing something new.

I’m not sure I’ll ever ref more games with my son. He’s already like four tiers above me and pretty nestled in the competitive reffing business. But I will absolutely keep reffing. Let me tell you, the referee view of the game is so different and invigorating. You have to stay alert, you get your cardio in, you get a better look at the work rate of these young soccer players, and with every match comes more confidence in the rules. Even watching from the sidelines is an opportunity to learn from that day’s crew. Most importantly, it’s an opportunity to show them the empathy they deserve.

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Count me among the sports parents who opted to watch The Oscars over the WBC last Sunday night. My kids ridiculed me, but guess who had the last laugh? That would be me, winner of our annual family Oscar ballot by a whopping five categories. And I got to watch the USA-Venezuela final in its entirety! Gotta take the small life victories where you can find them.

Before we dive back into some heavier fodder on Good Game, I put together a little Oscars of our own to celebrate the small victories and unsung heroes of youth sports Below is a list of winners.

🏆 Best Youth Sports Trend

Explosion of girls flag football

About a week before the Super Bowl, I was nestled in my chair on the sideline of my kid’s soccer match when I noticed a girl strut onto the field on the other side of the fence. She was hard to miss with flags around her waist, eye black, and an Eagles jersey. Then came many more like her. And a bunch of other girls wearing Raiders jerseys. Sorry to my kid, but I was so mesmerized by the flag football action across the fence, I might have missed a sliver of his match. These middle-school aged girls were just a few of the over 500,000 girls aged 6-17 now playing flag.

The sport has grown exponentially in recent years with 28 states now sanctioning high school girls flag. Women’s flag is played in over 100 countries and international flag stars like Diana Flores (Mexico), Nausicaa Dell’Orto (Italy), Kodie Fuller (Australia), and Mona Stevens (Germany) have become global ambassadors. The NFL has heavily invested in its NFL Flag programming, and the league recently announced plans to launch girls and boys flag leagues. The growing sport will only get buzzier when flag football debuts at the 2028 Olympics.

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🏆 Most Polite Sport

Ultimate Frisbee

Imagine a sport rooted in sportsmanship and respect. Ultimate’s “Spirit of the Game” is exactly that. The sport intentionally operates without referees which means players have to self-regulate, be prepared with a mastery of rules, and demonstrate a positive attitude.

Spirit is so fundamental to ultimate culture that it’s a scored aspect. Winning a Spirit award at a tourney is a huge deal, while low Spirit scores can impact team rankings and seedings at future tourneys.

Look at this scoresheet from USA Ultimate.

In summary, Ultimate is as close to an asshole-proof sport as it gets.

🏆 Best Type of Coach

Former college or pro athlete

They lived the drill. They know it’s a long game. They know how the ebbs and flows of puberty can impact development. As opposing to screaming at their players at every turn or hinging on every serve, kick, and pitch, the best of them take it all in. They offer advice and focus on small gains, not on trying to turn every 7-year-old into a pro athlete overnight. Bonus points for the former athletes who are unbiased and even-keeled when coaching their own kid.

🏆 Most Fun Sport to Watch

Volleyball

What a perfect sport. It’s action-packed, fast-paced, and has THE best chants. Ace it up, Olive, Ace it up. BRICK …WALL.

Oh, and it’s inside so no dealing with the elements.

🏆 Best Behaved on the Sidelines

Little siblings

Most of them couldn't care less about the action. They play with their other sideline friends or are immersed in an iPad. And they don’t break the rule about immediately discussing the game in the car because, again, they didn’t watch it.

🏆 Hardest Youth Sport to Play

Baseball

Baseball is terrifying. Whether you’re on the mound, at bat, or waiting to catch that “routine” fly ball, the pressure is on. But let’s be real, as Ted Williams famously said, it’s hitting a baseball that is the hardest thing in sports. He was one of the best at it and only successfully hit the ball 34% of the time. The level of physics involved in pitching and hitting are off the charts, so much so that even a perfectly hit ball is often an out. And for the many young kids who need glasses and don’t know it yet, hitting a baseball can be extra crushing.

🏆 Most Forgotten Piece of Equipment

Water bottles

This one had several nominees. Backpacks, cleats, balls, and hoodies to name a few. But somehow, no matter how colorful, how decorated with unique stickers, or how thirsty the athlete, just about every youth sports team in existence could start a lost water bottle collection.

🏆 Youth Sports MVP

Team Manager

I cannot tell you the number of fellow youth sports parents I’ve met who describe their team manager role as another full-time job. It’s true. The team manager is the funnel through which everything flows. Coach communication, team communication, opponent communication, game scheduling, equipment pick-up, field set-up, tear down, and a million other things. All for the massive salary of $0 a year. There is not a more thankless yet crucial job in youth sports.

Thanks for playing, everyone. Feel free to add any nominees we missed.

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It’s been about two weeks since the women’s figure skating final in Italy, and my town, The Town, can’t get enough Alysa Liu. First there was the massive mural, then the ‘Alysa Gold’ ice cream flavor. Today, the mayor announced a celebration rally next week to honor the first American woman to win an Olympic gold medal in figure skating in 24 years.

Oakland loves its natives, especially when they are unapologetically authentic. Liu, fresh off a flawless Olympic performance filled with a million triple jumps, contorted body spins, and endless joy, personifies independence. Her routine looked effortless because she was competing on her terms. She wasn’t performing for accolades and medals; she was performing for herself. Finally.

There is so much for us youth sports parents to savor from Liu’s journey. Quite frankly, we owe it our kids to keep her top of mind.

Long before Liu stood beaming on the tallest Olympic podium with The Star Spangled Banner blasting, she was a 5-year-old taking group lessons at Oakland Ice Center. Her father, Arthur, was a huge Michelle Kwan fan and it didn’t take Arthur long to realize the next Michelle Kwan could be his daughter. Liu was the definition of prodigy, competing at age 6. By 7, she was competing in national competitions. By 10, she was winning national medals. At 12, she landed a triple axel, and at 13, she was the youngest U.S. national champion ever. Then at 16, just as she was heading into her prime, she quit.

In a since-deleted Instagram post, Liu cited “losing motivation” as the impetus for her retirement just months after finishing sixth at the 2022 Olympics. She later told reporters she was checked out and only there for the Olympic experience, not to actually win gold.

A figure skating prodigy with a normal childhood is an oxymoron. Liu was not the exception. Her father, a single dad raising four other kids, was the ultimate Tiger Dad, laser-focused on coaching and managing his daughter’s blossoming career. Liu was kept on a strict schedule, and at 14, her father shipped her off to the U.S. Olympic Training Center in Colorado Springs to live and breathe figure skating at the highest level. Recently, Arthur admitted that decision was a grave mistake.

“She was upset, and she missed home. But then I was thinking, when I was 14, I went to boarding school. I survived. I felt like [Alysa] can survive this, too. But not knowing that she hated it. I did not know until she came home.’’ Arthur told Yahoo.

While Liu’s friends back home were having sleepovers and navigating teen life, she was isolated.

“I really had nothing going on with my life, you know? Just training,” Liu said in a recent interview with the Associated Press. “I would live at the Olympic Training Center in Colorado, in a dorm by myself. I would eat their food. I went to the rink, skated, ate lunch there, skated some more. Went back to the dorm. I didn’t go anywhere. I didn’t see anything. I was just there,” she said. “And so all that, I was like, ‘Skating is not worth it.’ Like, this is not worth it.’ ”

Liu calls her courageous retirement the “best decision she ever made.”

During her two years away from competitive figure skating, she hiked to Mount Everest Base Camp in Nepal spent more time with family, and enrolled at UCLA to study psychology.

Liu had to step away to fall in love again, which she did two years later after an adrenaline rush on a ski trip with friends. And just like that, Liu redefined what it means to quit.

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Ok, so most of our kids are not the next Alysa Liu. But that doesn’t mean our kids aren’t exposed to a litany of pressure in youth sports. There are goal posts at every turn. Even at the basic level, there’s something concrete to achieve. A win. A sticker. A goal that you or someone else decided your kid needed to reach. Assumed they wanted to reach. Like Liu’s father assuming his daughter would want to live in Colorado Springs as a 14-year-old because who wouldn’t mind trading in their childhood to be a world-class skater?

If we learn anything from Liu’s journey of stepping away in her prime and returning on their own terms, it’s that we need to listen to our children.

If they say they hate the sport or the team or want a break or need a break, we have to listen. There are margins, of course, like if your kid wants to skip a particular practice because it’s conditioning day and instead wants to eat a box of thin mints and play PS5 for four hours instead, that’s a different conversation. But if the joy has exited, we need to listen. Our sports goals for our kids might not align with their’s.

It’s a scary conversation to spark because we might hate the answer, especially if we’re one of the many parents who think our kid might be going places. It’s so much easier to think about adjustments. Maybe if I don’t talk about the sport as much or maybe when he’s on a different team or works with a different coach. Believe me, I get it. I’ve lived it with one of my sons and grapple with it with the other

It’s a fine line, and no one wants to encourage their kid to quit. I tried to think of some universal signals that a kid who once loved playing a sport needs a break. Here’s a very basic list of questions to ask ourselves when considering if and how wide an exit lane to offer:

• Do they talk about their teammates? Or coach?

• Do they tell you something they did in practice, good or bad?

• Do they ask when games or practices are?

• Do they like watching the sport?

• Do they ask to play the sport outside of practice and games?

• Did something terrible happen? Did they choke?

Sometimes what seems like the obvious path to us isn’t right for them. After all, isn’t the goal for our kids to feel something akin to the joy emanating from Alysa Liu’s face a few weeks ago.

“Breaks can do wonders for you,” Liu told NBC after winning gold. “I think every athlete should take a break to be honest —actually not just athletes, everyone in general that’s kind of in the same loop in their life. I think it’s very healthy to kind of step back and get a different perspective. I sure learned a lot from it.”

Amen sister.

For the locals….

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Only the iciest of hearts were unmoved by this year’s Super Bowl spot from Dove promoting girls playing sports. The ad titled, ‘Game is Ours’ opens with a disturbing graphic stating that 1-in-2 girls who quit sports are criticized for their body types and ends with a call-to-action: Together we can keep girls playing. In between is a montage features girls of all shapes, sizes, and ages playing a litany of sports with pure, rhythmic joy.

Here it is if you have yet to see or just need an excuse to smile today:

Dove’s ad is a reminder that body image and self-esteem are a key driver in girls dropping out of sports at twice the rate of boys by age 14. Other factors, as researched by the Women’s Sports Foundation, include: cost, lack of access, social stigma, and lack of positive role models.

But the ad is also a visual celebration of why girls do and should play sports. Teamwork, friendship, exercise, and leadership jump off the screen.

In order to get more girls playing sports, it’s important to understand what truly draws them in the first place. Serendipitously, just last week, i9 Sports released the results of a robust, nationwide survey in attempt to answer that very question.

The survey titled, Shaping the Future of Sports for Girls! collected responses from over 1500 families that have registered a daughter in i9’s youth sports community programs within the past two to three years. Smartly, parents were encouraged to complete the survey alongside their daughters so both perspectives were represented. (Long-time Good Game subscribers know how much we proselytize checking in with your kids.)

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When it comes to why parents sign up their daughters to play sports, confidence is king.

• 31.5% named the chance to build confidence as the top reason they enroll their daughter in sports, followed by physical activity and having fun.

• 6-in-10 parents named confidence is no. 1 thing they hope their daughter gains from playing sports.

• 92% ranked confidence in the top three, again, as a benefit they want their daughter gaining from sports.

It was refreshing to hear that the girls who answered the survey listed having fun as the top reason they play, not to get an NIL deal or to bring home hardware to fill the trophy room their parents built. In fact, winning ranked last for both parents (0%) and daughters (3%).

Here is a breakdown of what the girls value. As you can see, confidence, though not the top reason for coming back, is a key driver.

Interestingly, parents listed having fun (30.97%) as most important while their daughter is actually playing the sport. The girls named getting better at the sport (36.6%) as most important to them with having fun (29.39%) coming in second. Only 20.08% of parents said their child getting better at the sport was most important.

A couple of things to bear in mind if that this survey features parents and athletes in community-based programs. Club/travel parents and kids may be more skewed to answers rooted in intensity and competitiveness. But that’s just me speculating. It’s always helpful to ask.

Because it surveys athletes and parents in community-based programs, it is especially valuable. Pretty much anyone in the youth sports zeitgeist agrees that our community youth sports programs need bolstering. Understanding the clientele is a great place to start.

The biggest takeaway, though, is how girls and parents crave gaining confidence from playing sports. It falls on coaches and leaders of youth sports organizations to consider whether they have an infrastructure that promotes this. Do they have positive, supportive coaches? Do they have female coaches? Representation is so key. Do they have policies in place to remove bullies or anyone stripping the joy? Do girls get the same number of prime slots and quality equipment as boys programs? And perhaps most importantly, do they understand puberty in girls and how quickly body image issues are amplified?

Hopefully parents will consider these factors before signing up their daughter and hold these organizations accountable once they do. That’s how we get the win-win of girls playing sports for the long haul.

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Apologies for the recent radio silence. I was quite under the weather with that lingering cold business that so many seem to have. Luckily, I have no more coughs to give so let’s get to today’s newsletter, shall we?!?

A few weeks ago, I came across a beautiful piece of writing titled, “The Invisible Architecture of Captaincy” from ’s Substack. Twumasi-Ankrah poetically explores captainhood in soccer, a role he deems “the connection between strategy and soul.” From Ghanan captain Asamoah Gyan bearing the weight of a hopeful nation and absorbing the blame after a missed penalty shot in the 2010 World Cup to Japan’s Homare Sawa honoring her tsunami-ravished nation with grace on the way to the 2011 World Cup title, a captaincy transcends the pre-match handshake at midfield.

Of course little kids and teens playing soccer, volleyball or any sport don’t quite have the weight of a nation on their shoulders. And many youth sports don’t utilize captains. But Twumasi-Ankrah’s piece got me thinking of the power of captainhood and how it's too often a missed opportunity in our orbit.

First off, being a captain matters to kids. Handled correctly, it can infuse a kid with confidence and empowerment to lead. Handled without care, as I’ve now witnessed across sports and age groups, and it can feel demeaning and create a sense of disenchantment.

I saw the power of captaincy for my younger son when he was 9. He started as a bench player on his soccer team and was far from captain material on or off the pitch. But he loved the game, obsessively following the sport in real life and FIFA video game form. Thus, at a young age became a player adept at rules and positioning. That alone catapulted him to a starting spot, which in turn inspired him to address a massive weakness - speed. He joined a run club and became noticeably faster. Suddenly he became a kid who cared more about helping his team than acting like a dumbass with his buddies at practice.

When it was time to name a captain, his coach dangled a compelling carrot. The captain wouldn’t automatically be the best or most popular player; they would be named when the coach saw someone put in captain-like effort. My son wanted it bad and the next game hustled more than I’ve ever seen. After being named captain, he felt a sense of pride and responsibility. He wanted to get to every practice and game early. He wanted to help with equipment. Even though he was only 9 and would show up with his shorts on backwards half the time, he wanted to be a captain in more just name. To this day, he likes to tell people he went from bench player to captain, not from bench player to starter.

A youth sports captaincy might not seem like a huge deal on the surface, especially for younger ages, but it is a powerful tool. Too often coaches treat it like a throwaway while they focus on what they deem more important things like x’s and o’s. But embracing the captain role can pay dividends for individual kids and team culture. It can instill everything from better communication skills to a deeper sense of belonging. With captaincy on the brain, here are a few Dos and Don'ts , both incorporating common sense and pitfalls I’ve witnessed.

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Do set clear guidelines and expectations for the captaincy. Do this at the start of the season. Let the kids have something to strive for.

Don’t make it random and last second. “Oh yeah, you two are standing closest to me so go be the captains today.”

Do name captains for the season or for a game or even weekly basis. Make the announcement in advance so it comes with a sense of pride.

Don’t make it a popularity contest. A player vote only works if they have to name 2 or 3 reasons why that person should be captain.

Do regular check-ins with the captain. Make it come with some tangible responsibility. Older kids should be an extension of the coach.

Don’t have a silly pre-determined rule. My highest IQ player is always my captain is great. My goalie is always my captain is not.

Do let others have a turn at captaincy if it’s earned. This is a great tool for rewarding players for a particularly strong week at practice or who accomplish some goal on their own time.

Don’t automatically name your best player a captain unless that player embodies all of the traits of a captain. Similar to the pre-determined rule except this one comes with a damaging message of valuing talent over all else.

Do offer captain-like opportunities for sports that don’t carry the captain distinction. Every sports team should have some opportunity for leadership. Leading warmups is an easy, yet important, responsibility to dole out.

Don’t name your kid the captain if you are the coach. Sorry, it’s a weird look.

Do offer very young kids playing sports “captain-esque“ jobs. They might be too young to give a rousing pregame speech or help set up equipment, but let the kid who behaved that day pass out stickers. Or have a captain teddy bear that is awarded weekly. Or a coach can try on leadership roles much like preschool and elementary teachers rotates kids as line leaders or light switchers.

Smart, strategic uses of captaincy are dangling in plain sight - yet too often go unused by coaches.

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Happy holidays, everyone! Or as happy as is possible these days. Anyhow, appreciate the response to our last newsletter about negative parent behavior. Really interesting to get so many perspectives.

We’re bringing you a double dose of Good Game this week. To whet your appetite, today is our periodic (once a monthish) segment, The V. Here, I present five pieces of recent youth sports pieces or news notable enough that I had to share with all of you. Enjoy!

💰Why States Are Beginning to Approve NIL Deals for HS Athletes ()

A nice overview of the high school NIL landscape from a fellow youth sports Substack. (not many of us!). The piece explains the aftermath of an Ohio high school football star being offered an NIL deal that turned into a legal fight. Initially, the athletic association denied the athlete’s ability to accept the deal but later reversed course after the athlete’s family sued. Bottom line is courts are ruling that even high school athletes should not be denied access to partake in the economy. More and more high school athletic associations know they’re fighting a losing battle. Also, some interesting insight here about the types of NIL deals typically offered to high school athletes.

✅ Most Parents Keep Youth Sports Dreams in Check (University of Florida and The Ohio State University)

Ohh, some good news from the world of delusional sports parents. Maybe we’re not that delusional. Researchers from the University of Florida and THE Ohio State University recently studied data from 4000 parents and had some fascinating takeaways, most notably that parental expectations of turning pro or playing in college tend to dwindle as kids age. (This may seem obvious but there also a bit of a “why not me too?” FOMO once kids and parents see other athletes getting offers.) The study also busts the myth that parents of female athletes have tempered expectations compared to parents of males.

While the study points out that expectations can be positive if the child extends expectations to academics and other endeavors, there is a clear a slippery slope. But the real danger lies in kids with average athleticism who identify as an athlete first. “That’s what really switches someone from being realistic to potentially having very high expectations,” said Chris McLeod, Ph.D., an associate professor in UF’s Department of Sport Management and associate director of research for the Institute for Coaching Excellence. “If parents think their child strongly identifies as an athlete, expectations jump.”

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🤬 When the Toxic Coach is the Problem ()

Friend of Good Game and powerhouse youth sports advocate and podcaster, tackles a question I’ve thought about a bazillion times. Is navigating a toxic coach going to build resiliency or turn my kid (your kid) into an anxious, joyless, mess? And what defines a toxic coach? The answer may seem obvious but the threshold between tough love and toxic can be minuscule.

🏀 Coaching Youth Basketball Shines a Light on My Deepest Insecurities (Andrew Knott, Yahoo Creators)

Please read this lovely essay from an extremely non-toxic coach. The author fell into coaching 5th grade AAU basketball, and believes his self-awareness a liability.

Extreme self-awareness is, I think, a trait that most successful coaches don’t have. It’s hard to project the necessary confidence and inspire young athletes when you’re using half your brain power to observe the game and the other half to speculate on whether your last celebratory fist pump was a little too aggressive, or maybe not demonstrative enough. - Andrew Knott

As a woman who has long covered the NFL and also coached youth sports, I feel this in my veins. Anyhow, cut your coaches some slack, especially when they’re of the volunteer parent variety.

🤗 Let’s End on a Happy Note

@just.jeseeka“one size” does not fit all. ♥️ #youthsports #amazing #parenting #fyp

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And….we’re back after a little travel and a lot of computer trouble. Pro tip: Don’t set a full-to-the-brim glass of water right next to your keyboard after three hours of sleep. Talk about a literal glass-half-empty!

Anyhow, excited to bring you today’s newsletter. I initially planned it for last week but decided it was too negative for all the fuzzy holiday week vibes.

So I’ve been scouring Google Scholar a ton lately. (Thanks to Project Play’s Marty Fox for the recommendation!) There is so much terrific research swirling youth sports, and one paper, in particular, I knew I had to share with all of you right away.

The fancy title: Frequency of Negative Adult Spectator Behavior at Adolescent Sporting Events.

My alternate title: Which sport has the shittiest parents? Or fine, most negative parents.

This study was performed by researchers at University of Hawaii’s Department of Pediatrics and published in ScienceVolks

This is a topic I’ve long debated with my youth sports circle. I imagine the same for other households with multisport athletes or different kids playing different sports.

Before I go further, quick disclaimer that I firmly believe most parents are lovely and well-intentioned. I also know the forces of youth sports like rising costs and pressure to specialize sometimes make it difficult to remain lovely and well-intentioned.

Still, it’s the crazy ass parents that give us all a bad name. They frequently embarrass their kids and themselves. For the purposes of this study, it’s not so much the dad bragging to other parents about how fast his kid is, or the mom in the “My kid is the next Mbappe” shirt hovering over every practice and frequently accosting the coach after about playing time.

It’s the parent telling the ump they’re blind. The parent cursing nonstop. The buzzed parent who can’t walk in a straight line. Some of these behaviors are more subtle than others but they all have an impact.

Between Jan 2022 to Sept 2023, researchers attended 40 sporting events played by children ages 11-15. 10 games each of baseball, basketball, flag football and soccer. Recorded behaviors included alcohol use (confirmed by visible cans or bottles, with unidentifiable drinks excluded), smoking (cigarettes, joints, vaping devices), swearing, and other negative language (such as threats, violent language, and yelling at event personnel).

If you guessed the sport with the most negative incidents per game was baseball…ding ding ding.

No sport was completely sanitized; in fact, negative spectator behavior was observed in 68% of games attended.

However, baseball was the runaway offender with 5.2 incidents per game

Soccer had 1.8

Basketball had 1.3

Flag Football had 0.9

Before revealing the breakdown of specific incidents by sport, it’s important to note the point of the study. The University of Hawaii researchers sought to connect the dots between negative parent behavior and ACE (adverse childhood experiences). The belief is that the impact is inherent. They explained why they chose the specific age range of 11-15:

Adolescence is a formative period, marked by a complex interweaving of physical, social, cognitive, and moral development. Early adolescence (ages 10 to 13) is characterized by comparing oneself to peers and worrying about perceived physical differences, making this the adolescent stage most sensitive to criticism and negative comments.

Middle adolescence (ages 14 to 16) is characterized by being influenced by peer feedback to set goals and rules of conduct, making this stage sensitive to peer pressure and the need to please significant adult figures such as coaches

In other words, kids this age are keenly aware and deeply impacted by negative behaviors that surround them. Of course, that very much includes parents. And parents are more dialed into their kids’s sports than ever.

Here is ScienceVolks’ breakdown by behavior:

• Alcohol use was sky high for baseball even though all games observed were in the morning or afternoon. Alcohol use was nonexistent for the other sports.

• Soccer took the cake for negative language. As a reminder, this category included yelling at event personnel, soccer refs included.

• There was significantly more swearing among baseball and basketball parents.

• Luckily, smoking and vaping were relatively low across the board.

• Good job, flag football parents.

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Some of you may be thinking, well, 40 games is not a ton. Also, all the sporting events were observed in central Oahu. Researchers address this, noting their choice to decrease variables like socioeconomic status and cultural differences. Different communities or a cross-section of communities may produce a different result.

Still, I had a few takeaways and theories. Feel free to disagree.

• My kids have played all these sports. These findings pretty much line up with what I’ve observed.

• There’s a reason soccer parents yell at ARs roaming the sideline more than basketball parents yell at refs also in close proximately at times. I chalk it up to soccer parents not knowing the rules of the sport as well so they cry for fouls and offsides more often than they should.

• Baseball parents love their beverages. Count myself among them. Baseball is sooo slow, and if your kid is pitching, a little IPA can calm the nerves. This study is a great reminder that we need to refrain.

• I think flag parents are relatively chill because the sport is still mostly played at the recreational level. Travel flag is definitely becoming a thing but for the most part parents don’t look at every perceived bad call as screwing up their kid’s travel ball trajectory.

• Also, football is still predominately a free play situation. Kids messing around and playing with their buddies for fun. That has to put flag parents at ease.

Again, though interesting, this study is clearly not exhaustive. I would have loved to see how these four sports line up with others and how the demographics in O’ahu line up with other locales. So for those volleyball, softball, hockey, and water polo (and sports I’m missing) parents, would love to hear how you think your sport’s parent behavior lines up.

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Quick note to Save the Date for THIS FRIDAY at 2PM ET/11AM PT for what I believe will be a quite useful Substack Live with speed/agility/injury prevention coach, Andre McBride. He’ll be sharing man pearls of wisdom on how to maximize your child’s speed while staying safe. Oh, and if you haven’t already, please check out my Substack Live with author Linda Flanagan on fighting the biggest temptations in youth sports. Which is the perfect segue to today’s main event…

Kids are inching toward winter break. Some families are dreaming of being nestled with hot cocoa and holiday movies. Or playing in the snow. Slowing down and reconnecting after a whirlwind of a fall.

But lurking in the background of youth sports a marketing force that doesn’t care about your cozy holiday plans. As the tentacles of professionalized youth sports have grown, so too has the push of winter workouts for non-winter sports. t’s a message of … cool if you want to chill over the winter break but don’t be surprised if you come back sucking!

Some winter workout offerings are pretty benign. They simply float out the option of their camps or programs in a take-it-of-leave-it manner. No biggie either way.

But too many are over-the-top. Why not take advantage of parents who are both delusional about their kids’ ability and trying to keep up with the Jones?

Like the explicit language in this article on the Barca website titled, “Why Smart Youth Players Choose Winter Soccer to Excel.”

Or the more subtle language in this one I got from a local college about their baseball clinics for kids aged 8-12.

“This advanced winter hitting clinic is designed for motivated young athletes who want to take their offensive game to the next level,” the email read.

It appears innocent enough. Even the language of taking their offensive game to the next level is fine. You have to sell your product somehow. But marketing it as “designed for motivated young athletes” irks me. If your family wants to go on vacation or can’t afford yet another youth sports ancillary product or is playing a different sport, does that mean your kid isn’t motivated? Will your kid fall behind their peers? Of course not, but that’s the subliminal message here. I know this outfit and guarantee they will take any and all unmotivated kids if their parents are willing to pay the registration fee.

I fell into the winter workout trap when my older son was younger, I think 9 or 10. He was part of a (very-for-profit) travel baseball program that was mildly competitive. I remember dropping him at practice in early October when one of the veteran coaches approached to ask if my son was doing their winter workouts. Upon informing him that we hadn’t decided, I swear this coach looked at me with a straight face and said something to the effect of, “you don’t want him to fall behind?” I don’t remember verbatim but the implication was that not signing up would be the beginning of the end of my son’s baseball “career.”

I thought the guy was a bit nuts but because my son’s friends on the team were doing it, I eventually signed my kid up too. Looking back, I’m sure a part of me believed at the time that not attending might impact my kid’s playing time even though he was one of the top performers on the team.

Guess what? The winter workouts were absolute garbage. Kids stood around in the dark freezing and basically learned zero. We, the parents, had the privilege of shelling out a few hundred more dollars, not to mention the burden of shuttling our kids to yet one more thing.

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This is where parents HAVE to clap back. Unless your kid is begging and you have disposable income, you should really consider the opportunity cost of pushing your kid into winter workouts. There’s the cost of family time, the cost of not trying other sports, but mostly the ramifications of not getting a reset.

These kids need a break, probably way more than we realize. Even when a clinic or winter team partaking in a non-winter sport is billed as more chill, it’s still a workout for the mind. It’s like taking a beach vacation, but still having to take a couple of work calls during the week. You’re either in full vacation mode or you’re not.

This trend is particularly egregious in soccer where the keeping up with the Jones is off the charts. Again, if your kid is beyond obsessed or you need something for them to do, ok fine I guess. But it’s also fine is they don’t. U.S. soccer is already losing enough elite athletes at a very young age by forcing the notion that 8-year olds should be specialized and training year round. Then they are encouraging (and in some cases, pressuring) these specialized young athletes with still developing bodies to literally add a winter season to their fall and spring seasons. Epidemiological studies have found that between 30 and 50% of youth soccer players experience an overuse injury within a season, with the knee and ankle being the most commonly affected sites. The International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health also notes that the period around peak height velocity (PHV: 11.5 years in girls, 13.5 years in boys) is especially high risk. Yet we’re bombarded with winter trainings.

And that’s my main issue is the idea of winter workouts that come with any amount of arm twisting. This literally flies in the face of everything we preach as youth sports experts and everything logical parents know. The body and mind need time to rest.

Do you notice that no professional league in any sport is year-round? Players have unions that negotiate time off to reset, and owners want healthy, hungry players. Some might go to Europe. Others might hop right into lifting. The point is they don’t have to go from a week of intensive training to another week of intensive training when it’s the off-season. They have a rich understanding of what their bodies and brains need to be at that sharpest once the preseason sharpest.

Youth sports parents could learn something from the pros. Do you really think your kid is going to fall behind is that don’t attend trainings multiple times a week for a month? Puh-lease. More likely is they return to their sport with a renewed sense of excitement and a lower chance of future attrition.

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Let’s be real. Games are merely the cherry of top. It’s what happens in practice that actually makes or breaks a team. Success transcends wins and losses. There’s team improvement, individual improvement, and an overall sense of joy, to name a few.

But practice can be a beast. Kids arriving late, tired, stressed, or generally disinterested. What a coach instills at practice is paramount to retention and fun.

Every coach should have at least one go-to drill in their back pocket.

I’m not talking general tricks, like muttering 6-7 or bribing them with stickers, candy or even playing time. I’m talking specific drills that are proven to keep kids of all abilities and personalities engaged. Bonus points if they organically improve along the way!

Today’s newsletter is a sampling of drills that consistently deliver results from several trusted coaches I know across sports, ages, levels, and locations. I’ve also included a few favorites from respected coaches outside my network as well.

My hope is that some of you submit your go-to drills, especially coaches of sports not listed (like lacrosse, hockey, tennis, flag). I will add to list below as we aim to turn this into a more robust resource for coaches and parents.

[Coaches responses have been edited for clarity. Ages listed are what the respondent currently coaches. I’ve also embedded a few videos where I can find them and they match up with the coach recommendation.]

⚾️ Baseball ⚾️

Coach Dan, 11U

BP but make it Savannah Bananas style!

Live batting practice is always a challenge given the amount of standing around in the field. I made the rule that all hits were live - it didn’t matter if it was a fair ball or a foul ball, everything was live. I had 12 kids on my team, so we broke into three groups of four where one group was batting and the other two were fielding (coaches were pitching). After the team batting made three outs, they went in the field and another group of four came in to hit.

After a few foul balls, the kids really had a blast with the drill, especially when a foul over the backstop ended up being a triple or a home run. That led to the kids placing a fielder completely out of the field of play to prevent those plays from happening again. We further enhanced the drill by saying if any foul ball was caught, that was worth three outs and an immediate switch of batting/fielding groups. Aside from the kids having a lot of fun, I like to think they learned the following:

Hustle on everything! It doesn’t matter if you think the ball is going foul, run it out.

Long throws - The throw from foul territory by third to first base is a loooong throw.

Game strategy - If players are trying to do something, like intentionally hitting it wide of third base, figure out a way to stop it. And what to do when plays break down? For example, setting up a hotbox when a fielder or two are deep into foul territory.

The best validation of this drill was that the players asked to do it again the next practice!

Coach Matt, 8U-10U

The Bucket Game

Stack two buckets, dividing players into two teams, roll grounders from SS/2B lines to throwers; throwers aim to hit the buckets (top bucket = 3 points, etc). This is probably the all-time favorite drill for the teams that I’ve coached.

🏀 Basketball 🏀

Coach Daria, 2nd-5th graders

Dribble Tag

Dribble tag is my favorite drill for young hoopers because it forces them not only to learn how to dribble but to dribble with their eyes up. There are many variations - my favorite is a basic knockout format. Every kid gets a ball and tries to swipe others on the court. The coach has to decide things like if it’s all half-court or if they have to stay in certain lanes. I don’t coach older kids but you could up the degree of difficulty like make it more challenging to get back in the game.

Coach David, Middle and High School

Master your layups

Mikan drills will make your child a layup guru. You simply stand under the basket, make a layup with one hand, receive the ball, switch to the other hand while switching to the other side with quick feet and make another layup. You want to keep your hands high the whole time and don’t let the ball hit the ground. It’s good to have a goal like 6 or 10 in a row. Keep it an even number so they have to work both sides.

Honestly, it can be boring at first but when the players improve their footwork and lay ups, they will love it.

🏈 Football 🏈

Coach Parker, Pee-Wee

Contain Pod Drill (focus on DEs and OLBs)

This a great drill for young defensive ends and outside linebackers to learn contain responsibilities that I use regularly. Here are the steps:

Place your (DE) or outside linebacker (OLB) in his “contain” position - outside shoulder of the line, eyes on the sweep or outside run possibility.

The offense simulates an outside run or sweep . Offensive players may block accordingly.

On the snap or coach cue, the DE/OLB must:

Stay wide and disciplined (do not drop inside unless the play dictates).

Read the play (running back path, blocks forming outside).

Force the runner back inside or to the pursuit rather than letting them bounce outside.

After the initial contain read, other defenders (ILB, DB) flow in and finish the play. The DE/OLB role is “first responder / edge keeper.”

Rotate players so everyone gets a turn at the contain-spot, and vary the offense (sweep left, sweep right, outside zone, etc.).

Coach P, High School (Also coaches track and field)

Sprinting to create explosiveness for the attention-challenged

Lining up and sprinting shorter distances (20-60 yards) usually works, as it indirectly forces competition against peers which requires athletes to give full effort. For track, the kids know the drill, line up, burst out, use proper form, and get to the finish line. Historically, this has also worked for football and I’d say it has more than a 90% success rate at creating explosiveness, increasing top end speed, and having kids give their full attention.

⚽️ Soccer ⚽️

Coach Ben, U8 and High School

Connecting to today’s generation.

“Avengers Assemble” is a drill where every player earns a “super power” related to the game. This is an impactful game-based activity, as gamification meets contemporary needs of Generation Alpha and Gen Z. We are asking the question — are they athletes or players?

Coach Tim, U9, U10 and U14

Rondos

Before every game and practice, as soon as the kids jog and stretch, they hop into rondos. Rondos are basically “monkey in the middle” for soccer. Example is there is one player in the middle and four players forming a circle around her. They have to pass the ball while the center player tries to intercept. Whoever the player intercepts becomes the new center. I keep it simple with my littles. My older kids have to pass within :3 seconds. The circles can be as big or small as you want. Rondos are my favorite because they are efficient and effective. You get to work on touch, technique, angles, and working together.

🥎 Softball 🥎

Coach Claire, High School

Tag, you’re it

I love starting practice with a community building warm up that gets the body moving and is tons of fun. I play all types of variations of tag (conditioning, agility, teamwork), but power pose tag is my favorite. Everyone is “it” and if someone gets tagged they freeze in a “power pose” or position that makes them feel strong and confident. Sometimes players stand with their hands on their hips, flexing their muscles, or even making heart hands! It’s fun and they get the feeling of how body language affects themselves and their team.

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🎾 Tennis 🎾

Coach Michael, Ages 4-16

Jailbreak

A game I play is called “Jailbreak”, it’s very simple and something I grew up playing with my local rec department. Line the group up at the service line or baseline depending on age/ability. One at a time, feed them a ball, varying pace and location depending on skill. If they hit the ball into a the designated area (full court, singles court, alleys), they are safe. If they miss they drop their racket and join you on the other side of the net in “jail” where their goal is to catch a ball hit by another player. If they do, they switch places with that player along with any other player in “Jail” at the time. I typically try and keep the game moving as fast as possible, allowing only 5 seconds for a player to run to the other side. As the game progresses and more players are on the “jail” side, it forces players to aim their shots more, as well as encouraging full swings rather than simply tapping it over the net and risking it being caught.

🏃🏻‍♀️ Track and Field 🏃🏻‍♀️

Coach Alfredo, All Ages

Tempo relays

My go-to drill is “tempo relays.” I split the group into small teams and have them run 150–200m reps at a controlled pace, passing a baton between reps. It keeps the intensity right where I want it, builds aerobic capacity, and adds just enough competition to make everyone locked in.

It works every time. Athletes push themselves but stay smooth, and it’s great for team energy and consistency. Plus, they actually enjoy it, which is rare for tempo days.

🥏 Ultimate Frisbee 🥏

Coach Carolyn, Middle and High School

Boot

One of my favorite drills is Boot. The set up is the same as regular ultimate play on a regulation size field, but there is a cone set in the middle of the front line of each end zone. Each team (4 or more players per team) must advance the disc (by throws) past midfield. Once at midfield, the team with possession of the disc can decide to go in either direction to go after the cone in either end zone. If there’s a turnover, the other team picks up the disc and must advance past midfield before they can go in either direction. Teams get a point when they knock a cone over. Reset for the next point. We usually play a game to 5. It involves teamwork, strategy, and quick thinking and reaction time on both offense and defense. Because it’s played on a full-size field, every player gets involved.

🏐 Volleyball 🏐

Coach John, All Ages

Dummy arm swings

I will start the players with “dummy” arm swings, that is, swings with no balls. They can do one every three seconds so it’s easy for them to spend a minute or two before adding balls. They can toss to themselves and hit over the net. If the players are young beginners, don’t be afraid to lower the net.

Favorite in-drill feedback:

Hide your logo - The attacking arm is pulled back, and the front of the shirt is sideways, not forward.

Crack - Make a cracking sound by contacting the ball in the middle of a big, firm hand.

Shape and spin - Impart topspin on the ball, and see it clear the net in a rainbow arc.

Way up - Contact the ball on the way up in the jump, not the way down.

Coach Leah, Middle School

Toss 10 - Pass 10

When we start our year, I force the returners (kids that have played for the school) to pair up with a new kid to teach them their skills. Toss 10/pass 10 is a super simple drill where one tosses and one passes back to the tosser. The returner corrects, helps, and coaches the newbie. They switch and the newbie can watch the returner pass.

It fosters community and deters the returner “clique.”

It also has HUGE success in that when a returner coaches, it turns them into an expert passer themselves. They have a sense of pride that I trust them to teach- and when they demonstrate - it forces them to show perfect skill. Win win.

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If you found this post useful, please share it with a fellow youth sports coach or parent. And again, I welcome you to reply with your own favorite drill.

A quick shout out to Pam Baker who won last week’s drawing for paid subscribers. She’ll be receiving a copy of Linda Flanagan’s book, Take Back the Game. Side note: Pam’s organization, Women’s Coaching Alliance is doing incredible work!

It’s Wednesday afternoon, my younger son’s “rest” day. A rest day that involves no rest. A rest day crammed with a debate class, an online language class, the option to join another team’s training, oh, and homework. When else is he supposed to become a well-rounded human?

A few weeks ago, I wrote about the lack of free play in youth sports - the good ole’ pickup culture where kids get to be creative and learn to self-govern. But rest is another missing ingredient that’s just as essential. Real rest, the kind where kids do nothing, feel bored, or maybe even think about who they are when they’re not holding a ball. It’s so simple, yet seemingly impossible in modern youth sports. We are on overload, folks.

Per the 2025 Aspen Institute Project Play parent survey:

• 21% of kids play their primary sport 9–12 months a year

• 10% play one sport year-round

• 11-14 year-olds average 5.8 months per year playing their primary sport, a sizable jump from the 5.0 months spent between ages 6-10

Aside from not playing a single sport more than eight months per year, the NATA (National Athletic Trainers’ Association) recommends at least two days off per week from organized training and competition for rest and recovery.

Sounds great in theory but what kid partaking in a year-round sport is getting two days off per week? Anyone who’s even dipped a toe in youth sports knows that the demands only ramp up as kids get older. So the parent survey jump of 5 months for 10 year-olds to 5.8 months for 11 years olds is all the more dramatic when the jump also means 2-3 practices have become 3-4 a week.

Beyond jam-packed sports schedules, let’s be real. Resting, really resting, is kinda taboo. My youth sports mom friends and I are constantly chatting about the insane logistics we embark upon almost every day. The venting is real but so too is a sense of pride that we can make it all work. That’s my viewpoint, at least. When there is a magical night off, that just means I can catch up on other duties - work, non-sport kid logistics, cooking, whatever. Resting - doing nothing and being ok with it - is strictly reserved for illness. How messed up.

Busyness is often seen as a parenting virtue, and busyness for our kids can subconsciously feel virtuous as well. It’s natural to fall into the trap of filling a kid’s free day with a clinic or tutoring session. But all the science points to the power of rest.

Physical rest is self-explanatory. It’s the mental rest that needs clarification.

Psychologist Rick Hanson Ph D. notes, “when you get some rest and get more rested, you have more energy, mental clarity, resilience for the hard things, patience, and wholehearted caring for others.”

Beyond that, researchers have discovered that when your brain is doing nothing, it activates the default mode network. This synchronically turns on various parts of the brain to allow for mind wandering, remembering past experiences, thinking about others’ mental states, envisioning the future and processing language

Young athletes always in motion rarely have to chance to explore this level of psyche. In addition, real rest helps prevent burnout, a major epidemic in youth sports.

But if your kid’s definition of rest is zoning out with some Roblox or scrolling through TikTok, they’re better off squeezing in another practice.

Look at this terrifying reality from a 2018 Preventative Medicine Report paper, “After one hour per day of use, more hours of daily screen time were associated with lower psychological well-being, including less curiosity, lower self-control, more distractibility, more difficulty making friends, less emotional stability, being more difficult to care for, and inability to finish tasks.”

There’s also the negative impact on sleep, another epidemic in youth sports.

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It’s time coaches and parents bought into the notion that stillness is not weakness. It is a weapon, and unfortunately a secret one for too many young athletes.

What if youth sports organizations made “doing nothing” part of the plan? Like scheduling rest days like they schedule games? Like actively discouraging those extra touches or extra swings on days off from practice? What if parents viewed kids who wanted to rest not as lazy, but as smart and strategic?

We applaud load management in the NBA, so why do we feel terrible if our burned-out kid wants to miss a U10 softball practice? It’s all pretty silly when you think about it.

I imagine a day soon when my kids strategically sit out a practice. They finish homework early. Maybe hang out with friends for a bit. But come home with plenty of clock left in the evening. Wi-Fi is turned off so no screens. They start complaining they have nothing to do and are bored out of their minds. What comes next could be heavenly.

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Will keep this short and sweet. I have a nice hardcover copy of Linda Flanagan’s masterpiece, Take Back the Game, that I’d love to send to one of you. Malcolm Gladwell calls it a “profoundly important book” that “every parent needs to read.” I agree.

If you’re interested, simply re…

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Welcome to The V, a shorter post where I guide you through five recent youth sports stories and news items worth checking out. Always feel free to pass along any stories that you think should be shared with the Good Game audience.

Also a quick note to our Very Good Gamers, aka paid subscribers, check your inboxes tomorrow/Friday. I’m going to try out a little giveaway. Not too late to upgrade your subscription if you’d like to join in … and support my efforts to educate and empower the youth sports community. 😊

Let’s get to today’s V, shall we?

……

I: Ben Shelton’s Father Offers Amazing Character-Building Advice for Parents (Youth Inc.)

Bryan Shelton, former tennis pro and father of the no. 6th ranked tennis player in the world, is on to something in this clip with Youth Inc. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good “Thank you, parents” chant from the kids at the end of a game. It’s always sweet yet hard to feel the sincerity when my own kid isn’t even making eye contact with me.

In this clip on the coach-parent relationship, what really sings is Shelton’s advice for parents to be the most effective supporters. He suggests parents let the coaches coach and focus on character-building at home. Stress the importance of saying thank you, shaking your coaches hand, and making eye contact. Not just the action but the why behind it.

The eye contact piece really stood out to me, simple as it seems. As a coach, I can’t tell you the power of a young athlete making eye contact amid conversation.

Some kids have the eye contact and other sporty social skills naturally. Others have to work on it, especially when the coach is less than approachable. This can be quite hard for many kids (adults) so seeing something like eye contact as a coach shows care and respect from both the kid and the parent teaching these skills at home.

One of the revelations from my recent conversation with author Linda Flanagan is that building character is not an automatic benefit from playing sports. Shelton reminds us we can do much at home to help get our kids there.

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II: Inside Perfect Game’s Astronomical Rise (Fox Business)

There’s a lot not to like about Perfect Game’s monopoly on the youth baseball scouting business - like the daily emails inferring your kid has no future in the sport unless they attend a (very not free) PG event. Be that as it may, it’s hard to deny PG’s slick business model and 1.5 million participants. An interesting deep dive into the company’s rise.

III: Announcement of Women’s Professional Baseball League and Men’s and Women’s Professional Flag Football Leagues (The 19th and NFL)

Very cool story from the tryouts for the Women’s Professional Baseball League (WPBL), set to launch next May. The rise of girls’ baseball has been pretty remarkable. Relatedly, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell announced that the NFL would be launching a flag football league in the next “couple of years.”

IV: How to Raise Motivated Kids (Parent Smarter, Not Harder Substack)

I promise the reminders and advice from will hit hard. If you’re among the few with intrinsically motivated kids, congrats.

V: Indigenous Youth Basketball Coach Gets a Huge Surprise (GMA)

Lovely piece from Good Morning America on Muckwa Roberts of the Southside Red Bears in Minnesota who has devoted his life to keeping indigenous youth in low income areas out of trouble. Get the tissues ready.

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