You wake up and go to work because you have to. You pay the bills because they have to be paid. You deal with whatever your family needs, whatever your job needs, whatever your relationships need, and somewhere between all of that, you realize you haven’t really stopped to ask yourself what you want.

It’s a painful realization, and sadly, a lot of us live like this for longer than we realise. We keep waiting for something external to change before we allow ourselves to move. We wait for the better job, the money, the opportunity, the right person, the perfect time, the confidence. And sometimes, without even noticing it, we start treating our own lives like we’re passengers in them.

This is where I believe agency becomes important.

Agency, to me, is not believing that you can control everything that happens to you. You can’t. You cannot make someone love you. You cannot force an opportunity to come through. You cannot control the economy, your family’s decisions, other people’s behaviour, or every circumstance you find yourself in.

But you can get better at asking yourself, “Okay, so what can I do from here?”

And that question can change a lot. So let’s talk about some ways to start building agency in your own life:

Start with the thing you keep complaining about.

Not your entire life, lol. Pick one thing that has been bothering you for a while.

Maybe you hate your job. Maybe you keep saying you want to make more money. Maybe you’ve been talking about starting a business, changing careers, creating content again, going back to school, leaving a situation that no longer feels right.

Instead of sitting in the frustration of “I hate this,” ask yourself what part of the situation is actually within your control.

You might not be able to leave your job tomorrow, but you can update your CV. You can apply for three jobs this week. You can learn a skill that makes you more competitive. You can start speaking to people already doing what you want to do. You can save towards having more freedom later.

You don’t have to fix your entire life in one afternoon. Sometimes you just need to give yourself somewhere to move.

Stop waiting to feel ready.

I know this is easier said than done. 🫠

Sometimes you genuinely need more preparation. But sometimes “I’m not ready” is fear dressed up as common sense. Just disguising. You keep researching, planning, watching other people do the thing, telling yourself you’ll start when you know more, have more money, have more time, feel more confident. You stay in potential mode.

And then six months pass.

Thing is, you don’t need to know exactly how everything will work before you take the first step.

Apply for the job. Send the email. Make the first post. Ask the person you admire if they’d be open to collaborating. Start the course. Have the conversation you’ve been rehearsing in your head.

You can figure out the next step after you’ve taken this one. ❤️

Learn to make decisions without outsourcing your life.

There is nothing wrong with asking for advice. I love a good “please, what do you think?” conversation.

But there comes a point where you can have so many opinions in your head that you can’t hear your own anymore.

Your friend can tell you what she would do. Your parents can tell you what they think is safest. Someone you admire can give you advice based on their own experience. And all of that can be useful.

But you still have to live with the decision.

Learn to listen without automatically handing someone else the responsibility for your life. You can take the advice, think about it, pray about it, sit with it, and still decide that the answer is different for you.

Keep small promises to yourself.

This one sounds almost too simple, but I think it matters.

If you tell yourself you’re going to apply for that job today, apply. If you decide you’re going to spend an hour working on your portfolio, put your phone away and do it. If you say you’re going to start going to the gym three times a week, show up.

I’m not talking about being perfect. Because you will miss days. You will change your mind. Life will happen.

I’m talking about building a relationship with yourself where your own word starts to mean something to you.

Because every time you follow through on something you promised yourself, you give yourself another reason to trust yourself. And if there’s one thing I believe, it’s that self-trust makes it much easier to take action when nobody else is pushing you.

Ask for what you want.

This is one I’ve had to learn too. (And it’s probably been the hardest to learn because of how much I simply hate having to ask.)

But have you ever noticed that sometimes we spend so much time hoping people will notice what we want that we forget to actually say it? 🥹

Tell them you want the opportunity. Ask about the salary raise. Pitch the collaboration. Say that you need more support. Tell someone that you’re interested. Say no when something doesn’t work for you.

You might hear no. That is part of it.

But you might also hear yes. We forget that we might also hear yes!! never forget that you cannot build a life around opportunities you were too afraid to ask for.

Give yourself options.

I think this is one of the best and most subtle ways to build agency.

If you hate your job, quitting isn’t your only option. You can start applying elsewhere. Build a portfolio. Learn something new. Meet people in another industry. Take on freelance work. Save money. Explore what else exists.

If you’re unhappy with your career, you don’t have to know your entire new career path before you start moving towards something different.

The goal is to stop making one decision feel like your only way out.

Create options for yourself.

Because sometimes the feeling of being trapped doesn’t come from having absolutely no choices. Sometimes it comes from believing you only have one.

And please, stop waiting for permission.

Permission to start. Permission to change your mind. Permission to want more. Permission to take yourself seriously. Permission to become someone your old life might not recognise. 🥹

At some point, you have to understand that your life is yours.

Not completely. Life will still surprise you. Things will happen that you didn’t ask for. Some doors will close regardless of how badly you wanted them open.

But you still get to participate. You get to own it actually.

You still get to make choices. You still get to ask questions. You still get to try again. You still get to decide what you want to do with the circumstances you’ve been given.

And to me, that’s what a huge part of what agency really is: refusing to believe that you control nothing.

So the next time you catch yourself thinking, “I don’t know what to do,” maybe don’t force yourself to figure out the entire answer.

Ask yourself one smaller question: What can I do? And start there. 🫶🏻

I wanted to be older so badly. To be grown. I wanted the “freedom” that came with being an adult, the money, the independence, the ability to make my own decisions without having to explain every single one of them to someone. I thought adulthood would feel like finally arriving somewhere.

And now that I’m here, I’m beginning to wonder if I misunderstood the assignment. I know I’m not alone in this lol.

It’s like we never really knew that becoming an adult also comes with becoming responsible for so many things at once. Your money. Your career. Your relationships. Your family. Your future. Your health. Your time. Your decisions. Suddenly, there is always something to think about, something to plan for, something that needs your attention.

And somewhere in all of that, I think we start leaving pieces of ourselves behind. Not intentionally. At least, not always.

Sometimes it’s because life gets busy. Sometimes it’s because we become more self-conscious. Sometimes it’s because we learn that certain things are “childish”, impractical, embarrassing, or a waste of time. (One day, we’ll talk about who makes the rules by the way. That day is not today.)

As I write, I think about the little girl who could spend an entire afternoon doing absolutely nothing and somehow never feel like she was wasting time.

The girl who could pick up a pen and start writing because she had an idea, without wondering whether anyone would read it.

The girl who could become completely obsessed with a new interest for three weeks and then wake up one morning and decide she wanted to learn something else. 🥹

The girl who could stand on the balcony of her house for hours on end and make up stories about random passersby.😪

There was so much room for curiosity. OMG! so much room for being bad at things. There was so much room for doing something simply because you wanted to.

And then you grow up and everything starts needing a reason.

Why are you learning this? What are you going to do with it? How does this help your career? Is this making you money? Is this productive? Is this worth your time?

Even our hobbies somehow need to justify their existence.

I’ve caught myself doing this with things I love. I’ll think about reading and immediately wonder whether I should be reading something that will teach me something. I’ll have an idea and start thinking about whether I can turn it into content.

I’ll want to go somewhere and immediately start calculating the cost, the time, the traffic, what else I could be doing instead. I’ll take a work break and the wonder the amount of work I’d have done in that time.

Sometimes I wonder if this is what we mean when we say we’re growing up.

Not that we become wiser or more responsible, but that we slowly become less willing to do things without knowing where they’ll lead.

And I don’t think that’s entirely our fault.

Life asks a lot from you. You can’t always afford to be spontaneous. You can’t always follow every curiosity. There are bills to pay and deadlines to meet and people who depend on you. Being an adult does require a certain amount of practicality.

But I also think there is something dangerous about becoming so practical that you forget how to be alive.

Because what happens to the girl who loved writing when writing becomes something she has to monetize?

What happens to the girl who loved dressing up when she starts worrying about whether people will think she’s doing too much?

What happens to the girl who used to call her friends randomly when everyone becomes too busy and every friendship starts requiring a scheduled catch-up?

What happens to the girl who dreamed without first checking whether the dream was realistic?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. (I have been in a lot of reflection moods lately lol.)

I have been thinking about the many parts of myself I miss. The parts I didn’t even realize I had lost until I caught myself doing something that reminded me of who I used to be.

Nah, adulthood is so weird. It’s like you’re becoming more of yourself while simultaneously trying to find the versions of you that got left behind.

I’m still left with questions. Loads of them.

But I’m holding on to the fact that the answer to the questions I’ve asked in this letter might not be to become that little girl again. I don’t want to be twelve again. I don’t want to know nothing about money or heartbreak or responsibility. I actually like who I’ve become. I like the woman I’m becoming.

But I want to bring some of her with me. The 12 year old happy girl who believed everything would just work out.

I want to keep her curiosity. I want to keep the ridiculous dreams. I want to keep doing things badly just because I enjoy them. I want to write things that don’t need to become content.

I want to laugh loudly and take stupid pictures and spend an afternoon doing absolutely nothing without feeling like I’ve fallen behind. I want to make room for the parts of me that don’t have a five-year plan.

I want to keep learning which parts of me deserve to come along for the ride.

Because maybe the little girl you were isn’t someone you need to leave behind.

Maybe growing up isn’t even about leaving those parts of ourselves behind at all. Maybe it’s about becoming old enough, wise enough, and brave enough to make room for them again.

To let yourself be curious without needing a reason. To want things without immediately asking if they’re practical. To make something because you want to. To laugh at something stupid. To change your mind. To try something you’re terrible at and not immediately call yourself a failure.

Maybe I don’t need to find my way back to the girl I was. Maybe I just need to stop leaving her out of the life I’m building now. ❤️

Walking into a shop you've never noticed because you took a different route home. Missing your bus and ending up in a conversation with a stranger while you wait for the next one. Asking someone for directions and having them tell you about the good food spot around the corner. Hearing a song playing somewhere, shazaming it, and six months later it's still one of your favourites.

Those moments still happen. But we've become less available to them.

I've been thinking about what life looks like for a lot of us in our twenties. You wake up. You rush to work. You spend the better part of your day moving from one task, one meeting, one notification to another.

By the time you get home, you're too tired to do anything except collapse with TikTok or Instagram open. Your brain has nothing left to give. And somehow you tell yourself it’s okay. Doomscrolling has now become the reward for surviving the day.

I think the problem is that our lives have become so full of routine, urgency, and predictability that we've unconsciously lost our relationship with surprise.

Before trying a new restaurant, we already know what the food looks like because we’ve watched a hundred critique videos on TikTok. Before travelling somewhere, we've watched twenty reels about it. Before reading a book, we've visited Goodreads a number of times. Before listening to an album, we've already heard the songs TikTok decided were worth our attention.

We've become so used to knowing everything beforehand that we've almost forgotten what it feels like to discover something for ourselves.

But I believe it goes deeper than that.

Waiting used to be just waiting.

Some of my earliest ideas were scribbled in notebooks while I waited, for my dad to come home, for the bus, for my turn, for life to move again.

I wrote the first version of my first book, BEING IFE with pen and paper because there wasn't anything else competing for my attention. It was a random day and there was no light, I had an idea, so I started writing. It was that simple.

Now every spare minute asks to be filled. By something, at every moment. If it’s not a notification, it’s a reel. If not, then it’s a podcast. Or just one quick scroll. It’s always something fighting for our attention. And I can't help but wonder what I'm no longer creating because I no longer wait.

Even the way we experience moments has changed.

I'll take a picture and before I've even looked at it properly, the questions start. Should I post this? Would this fit a carousel? Will people like it?

It pains me to admit this, but sometimes it feels like I experience moments through the version of them that other people might eventually see. And I MISS keeping things simply because they mattered to me.

Since I’m on a roll, you know what else I’ve noticed? We don't really do things "just for the plot" anymore.

Everything has to become something. Content. A lesson. Proof that we're interesting, productive, living well. We’re always trying to make the best decision. The most productive decision. The most efficient decision. We optimize our routes, our weekends, our playlists, even our hobbies.

I miss doing things that didn't need to become anything. Things that got to exist simply because they made an ordinary day a little less ordinary.

Is it not strange to you as well?

Sadly, it seems like we've become people who leave very little room for the unexpected.

And now that I write about it, maybe that's why adulthood feels the way it does sometimes. Beyond being heavy, predictable. The days blur into each other because every day is built from the same ingredients.

Maybe that's why so many of us keep saying we miss being children, when what we actually miss is novelty. Children don't need life to be extraordinary. Everything is extraordinary because everything is new.

I also think we’ve forgotten how to wander.

I remember spending hours reading articles online, clicking one link, then another, then another, disagreeing with one writer, discovering another, falling into rabbit holes I never intended to enter. (I just remembered the day I found Reddit omg🥹)

The point was never just finding the answer. The wandering was part of it. Now I can have almost anything summarized in seconds.

It's convenient. It's brilliant. I use it every day. But wandering has a way of introducing you to things you weren't looking for.

I'm not writing this because I think we should throw our phones away or disappear into the woods for a month. Oh no, lol. Life is different now. Work is demanding. Bills exist.

But I do wonder what would happen if we left a little more room for life to interrupt us.

What if we took the longer route home? Walked into the newly opened cafe we'd never noticed. Read the book without checking Goodreads first. Called a friend instead of sending them another reel. (No, seriously, do this. 🫵🏻)

What if we said yes to the invitation we’d normally decline because it wasn’t in the plan? Not because we’re trying to romanticize life. But because maybe life isn’t meant to feel like something we’re constantly managing.

Maybe it’s also meant to surprise us.

What if this week we did something just because — not because it'll become content, not because it'll make us more productive, not because it'll teach us a lesson. Just because.

Sometimes I wonder if surprise is what I’ve been missing all along.

Not more time or another productivity system. Just a little more room for the unexpected.

Maybe life has been trying to surprise us all along and all this while, we’ve just been too busy filling every space where it might have happened.

No, not busy. Not constantly chasing the next thing. Not building a life that only looks impressive from the outside.

I mean I want to stay.

So much of my life so far has been movement. Constant motion. Running toward the next step. Trying to make money. Trying to become something. Trying to arrive somewhere that always seemed slightly ahead of me. Working. Building. Pushing. Doing.

My life has felt like a series of transitions. One phase bleeding into another. One door closing as I already reached for the next handle.

I’ve gotten very good at adapting. At letting go of people, versions of myself, places, seasons, expectations. I’ve worn flexibility like a strength. Like proof that I’m growing.

But somewhere along the way, I realized how rarely I stayed long enough to actually feel my life.

I rarely paused to reflect. Rarely let moments settle. Rarely basked in the reality that I’ve built something already. That surviving itself was an achievement. That not everything needs to be optimized or improved or outgrown immediately.

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And then 2025 happened.

2025 demanded everything. My attention. My energy. My capacity. Every day felt loud. Voices everywhere. Online. Offline. Telling me to do more. Be more. Decide faster. Heal faster. Monetize faster. Move faster.

I spread myself thin without realizing it. I was everywhere, but not fully anywhere. tired in a way how many hours of sleep I got at night alone couldn’t fix.

It made me ask uncomfortable questions.

Why am I always preparing for the next phase of my life instead of inhabiting the one I’m in?

Why does everything feel temporary?

Why am I so practiced at letting go, but not as practiced at holding on?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot the past few days, weeks, maybe even months. And I’ve realized that i don’t want to live like I’m preparing for some distant future. I don’t want to keep proving how well I can survive endings. I don’t want to keep turning every loss into a lesson and every disappointment into “growth.”

In 2026, I want to be obsessed with my life in a way that allows me to remain inside it.

I want to be obsessed with creating a life I don’t need to escape from.

I want to stay long enough to enjoy what I’m building. To let joy linger. To be. To let consistency feel safe instead of stagnant.

I want to be obsessed with my education. With becoming the best speaker I can be. With building financial ease that actually supports my life, not just funds survival. With creating work that doesn’t require me to abandon myself to sustain it.

I want to live, and leave survival mode behind.

I want to be obsessed with the quieter parts of living. Reading slowly. Writing honestly. Creating without immediately asking if it’s useful or profitable. Being with my family. Laughing without checking the time. Sitting in silence without feeling like I’m wasting potential.

I want to be okay with being bored again.

maybe growth isn’t always about learning how to let go. Maybe sometimes it’s about learning what deserves to be held. What deserves consistency. What deserves my full presence without an expiration date.

This year, I don’t want to live like everything is temporary. I don’t want to love my life halfway. I don’t want to keep one foot out, just in case.

In this noisy place called life, I want to choose myself fully.

In 2026 (and even beyond), I want to be deeply, deliberately obsessed with my life.

And I want to stay long enough to feel it.

I don’t know what this year will look like yet.

But I know I want to be awake for it.

If you’ve been looking for a sign too, this is it. 🫶🏻

before I go, I built something.

I created a system for YOU. A tracker. A structure that can hold all my scattered ambitions and turn them into something I actually follow through on.

It’s called the 2026 Creator Growth Tracker, and it’s everything I wish I had at the start of 2025.

It’s not fancy. It’s not overcomplicated. It’s just a Google Sheet with 10 tabs that help you plan quarterly goals, track your income, manage pitches, log skills, celebrate wins, plan content, and more.

Grab the tracker here if you want it: TRACKER.

Oh oh, I also dropped a podcast episode sometime in December that you should actually listen to here.

I don’t have the energy for a full R.E.P.O.R.T like I shared in my last letter. But I’ve been reading! Quite a number of books this year actually. 😅

And I have been watching Friends! I love it so much so farrr! But it’s taking so much of my time lol. And I have too many things to do this yearrrr to be stuck on a movie series this early. 💀

Also a stranger things nerd, so a lot of my doomscrolling so far has been watching edits of them. Lmao. (I’d have added a few of my favorites here but my sister reads my letters and she’s yet to watch S5 so 🤷🏻‍♀️)

Anyways, let me know what you’re up to!

I hope to hear from you.

What are you looking forward to in 2026?

What are your goals?

I want to hear ittttt so please share!

Till I hear from you,

Stay thriving! 🫶🏻

Work must go on, you tell yourself.

You sign into Slack, reply to the message your client sent at 8 pm last night while you were trying to figure out where the hours went, and half-mindedly check-in to Discord.

Hour after hour, you shuffle between tasks, trying to do it all, because nothing can spill over to tomorrow.

By 12:30, you realize you haven’t eaten.

Chowdeck is out of reach, as it’s quite late in the month and you’ve spent your last naira already.

So you decide it’s a good idea to step out, and you walk down to the bus stop to buy bread and egg, maybe garri too (something to hold you over) because, most likely, when you get back, a “quick” call will demand the better part of your afternoon and the bread and egg will become dinner.

If it’s a good day, maybe you find a mama put vendor and eat amala instead.

Back home, you skim through your emails and wonder if you can squeeze in a quick shower before the meeting.

The data on your phone taunts you (500 MB left after ten days of purchasing 100gb that is supposed to last a month) but life doesn’t pause for you to get angry at that. So you buy data again. Endless, unavoidable, necessary.

You hop on a call, check the time, and tell yourself, “Make e no be like say I no move since morning.” You pace, you breathe, you type, you create.

At some point, your mind drifts; a kaleidoscope of alternate realities, possibilities, things that could be.

You tell yourself, “Let me take thirty minutes off.”

You sit on Twitter. And soon enough realize it’s a bad idea. it’s not rest. The spiral of bad news leaves a bitter taste, a weight in your chest, and a lingering ache in your gut.

You force yourself back to work, remembering the email you’ve been avoiding. Five minutes, you tell yourself, but it feels impossible.

By 5, you look up and realize how much is still undone. You promised yourself you’d wrap up by 7 so you can make it to the gym today.

7:15. Too late for the gym now. You’ll just finish first, you say. Time is laughing at you, moving faster than your list.

Past 10, you glance up again. The day is gone. Missed calls. Unread messages. Tasks that waited for your attention, still waiting. You whisper to yourself, “I’ll get to them later.”

And then, you pause. You breathe. You take in the fact that this is your life, messy, relentless, imperfect, yet somehow still moving.

You feel the familiar urge to ask when it ends, even though you already know there’s no real answer.

You tell yourself it can’t be all life has to offer, and you hold on to that hope like a thread.

You try to figure out if you did anything meaningful today, or if you were just busy from morning till night.

You catch yourself before calling it something cruel (you’re not a task monkey, and you’ll do better at documenting soon), because you’ve seen enough to know you deserve better than that.

So you sit back for a moment. Maybe you close your laptop. Maybe you stretch your arms and roll your shoulders. Maybe you let yourself smile at the fact that you made it through another day. Still here. Still trying. Still moving. Still breathing. Believing tomorrow will be a better day.

Or maybe you let the weight gather in your chest and you allow yourself to cry.

Maybe you pick up your phone, reply a few messages, and fall asleep mid-typing.

Maybe you do nothing at all.

Whatever you choose, it’s enough. At least for now.

maybe it’s because people always thought i looked older and i just leaned into it. maybe i was projecting, i don’t even know tbh.

but lately, i’ve been sitting with myself a lot. (mostly because i’ve been too sick and weak to do anything else except doomscroll on x and overthink my life half the time 😭).

somewhere in between all that scrolling and thinking, i came to a  realization:

i still have my whole life ahead of me. literally.

and it made me ask, why? why have i always rushed? where exactly am i trying to go so fast? and why do we (you, me, most of us) find it so hard to just be here?

it’s like that letter  i once wrote about, how we chase one thing, finally get it, nod, and then move on like it didn’t even happen.💀

we never pause long enough to enjoy what we prayed for. we’re already off to the next thing. it’s wild!

but anyway, back to my realization.

you haven’t met all the people who will love you yet.

you haven’t heard all the songs you’ll one day call your favorites.

you haven’t read all the books that will change you.

you haven’t met all the people who’ll become lifelong friends.

you haven’t seen all your best days.

you haven’t even laughed your hardest laugh yet. 😩

so why do you keep replaying the moments that have already passed?

the email you missed. the pitch you didn’t send. the event you skipped. the friendship that didn’t survive.

it’s okay to grieve them, sure, but please don’t stay there.

because there are hundreds, thousands, maybe even bazillions😅 (lmao) of memories still waiting for you.

that’s really the point of this letter, to remind you (and me) that what’s ahead is still worth showing up for. that you’re not late. that your best moments aren’t behind you.

one day, you’ll wake up and realize your “someday” is finally here.

and when that day comes, i hope you take a second to breathe it all in.🫂

because wow, you made it here.

and there’s still so much more to come.

here’s my weekly R.E.P.O.R.T.

reading: nothing right now.

which is wild because i’m a book lover right? A very serious one at that lol. but sadly i’ve been in one of the biggest of book slumps and every book i’ve tried picking up has only ended up making me angry.😭

i did see this new book making waves on the tl which I’m going to try once i can breathe, and hopefully when I write next, I’ll give a good update.

eating: a lot of junk.🫠

maybe because i haven’t been feeling too well in about three weeks, idk, i just know that i haven’t been too bothered about what I eat (which is bad ik, because if I’d been going to the gym consistently, this probably wouldn’t have happened, but it is what it issss. 😩 i’ll do better!

playing:

a lot of nathaniel bassey’s songs. (and no, this is not because of the ongoing hallelujah challenge.🌚 i’ve just always been a fan of how uplifting his music is, especially at a time like this.)

i have also been listening to adekunle gold’s fuji. solid 10/10 imo. that man knows his onions.

also been watching a lot of stranger things. finished the whole s1-4 in days and now I’m back here, reminded why i hate it watching movies that do not have all the episodes out yet.😭 just a few more months though, and the final season comes out, i’m sat!

observing:

new words. i’ve come to the realization that i want to speak stupendously good! 😂 so i have been busy adding new words to my vocab. you just watch out! 🤭

recommending:

reading o jare. as much as i have been on the lookout for new words, i have realized that i learn new words faster when i read and randomly stumble across them. bruh reading is such a gem!

(maybe that’s why my grammar has been deteriorating, since i haven’t been reading much.🫠)

thankful for:

family. always thankful for family tbh. but especially at times like this when you’re not feeling too well and you have all the time in the world to really observe and see how things work. also, my sister keeps on feeding me and yk im a foodie. So😭😭😭

anyways, that’s enough for today. 🌚

i hope you take enough time to start implementing some of these. i hope you stop rushing yourself. again, i hope you breatheeee!

and of course, if this resonates with you, you should definitely subscribe for more of my heartfelt letters. 🤭

with all my love,

Grace 🫶🏻

But I don’t.

Some days, I want to do everything.

Launch the idea I’ve been sitting on. Pitch my brand. Record a new episode for my podcast that I’ve abandoned. Relaunch my website. Read three books. Learn a new skill. Complete my open courses. Take more walks. Cook more healthy meals. Complete all the notes on my pending tasks and never-ending to-do lists.Make healthier food. Go out more. Show up. Rest. Write. Build. Be.

Everything. All at once.

Other days? I do absolutely nothing. 

Instead, I find myself sitting in the middle of everything and nothing. A million tabs open in my head. A hundred half-done ideas. So many things I say I want to do, but somehow, I’m stuck. 

And it’s not that I don’t care. Not at all. 

Have you ever been in a situation where you had so much to do and ended up doing nothing? Then I think you’d get this. 

It’s like being suspended in limbo, your mind running laps but your body being stuck on pause.

It’s this space no one talks about enough.

The in-between.

Not exactly stuck, but not moving either.

Not quite hopeless, but not fully lit up.

Not sure if it’s burnout or boredom or something entirely different.

Just… there. Existing. Floating. Waiting for something to land. Hoping you stay high enough above the waters. 

Some days I open a blank page to write and close it a few minutes later.

I plan my week and still feel like I’m doing life on shuffle.

I say “yes” to things I’m not sure I want, just to feel like I’m not doing nothing.

It’s weird—this in-between space. You’re not exactly lost, but you’re not found either.

It’s like being in a room with all the lights off, but your eyes have adjusted, so you forget it’s dark until someone turns the light on again. 😅

And it’s weird, because I know I’m not lazy.

I know I’m capable. I’ve done hard things before. I’ve fought for things. Built things.

But right now? I’m just… tired. Quiet. Hesitant. A little lost. Just… here.

But I know I don’t want to stay stuck.

I want to feel excited again. I want to wake up and not dread the day. I want to care deeply and move, even if it’s slow. I want to be happy. I want to get stuff done. I want to see my dreams come to pass. 

I guess I wanted to say this in case you’re here too.

You, with your long list of things you could be doing.

You, in your head too much.

You, overthinking the next step so much, you end up not taking any.

I don’t have a fix.

But I’m learning not to shame myself for being here. 

This waiting, wandering, wondering space might be part of the story too.

Maybe something beautiful is blooming beneath the stillness. God I hope so. 

Just maybe.

And if not yet, then maybe soon. 

I do hope you give yourself some grace. I hope you stop beating yourself up for not having it all figured out. And I hope, slowly, you start finding your way back to yourself

No pressure to be amazing right now.

Just… don’t disappear from yourself. Okay? We have a deal then. 🤝

Starting a new section I found on Anoma’s very beautiful letter.

My weekly R.E.P.O.R.T.

Reading: Hannah Grace’s Wildfire. This one’s been a slow burn (pun intended), I guess. 😅

It’s a good book, definitely. But I think I might be growing out of the “young love” genre. I’m one of those people who, when they really love a book, will finish it that same day, no matter what. So when a book drags on for weeks, I know something’s up.

Still, I’m also one of those people who’ll stick it out just to see if they finally get their shit together and earn that happy ending. 💀

Fingers crossed I go from 83% to 100% read soon.

Eating: A mix of healthy veggie wraps and… Fab biscuits. I know. Don’t judge me more than I already am. 😭 Very soon, Fab will just be a distant memory. (Manifesting🫠.)

Playing:

Lana Del Rey’s Chemtrails Over the Country Club (I’m really getting into her vibe), and Patrick Watson.

Also been watching Kemi Adetiba’s To Kill a Monkey and honestly? Such a solid watch. I’ve got two episodes left and I might just write a review… or even record a video version of a review. Let’s see how the spirit leads.

Observing:

More like realizing that your life is actually your own. Like it is entirely (almost entirely re: LAPO baby vs NEPO baby drama 💀) in your hands how it turns out. And that’s wild, lmao.

Recommending:

Step outside at least three times this week (especially if you’re an introvert who works remotely).

Move your body. take a 5k walk. Let the breeze touch your face. Try it and see what shifts.

Thankful for:

The internet. For all its chaos, there’s so much good here that we don’t talk about enough. That you can find a course and just… take it. That you can read a book, learn a new skill, or listen to an audiobook from anywhere.

I’m thankful for what I’ve made of myself through the internet and for everything I still will. (Yes, personal branding, I’m coming back for you.)

Here’s a random picture of me after lunges nearly ended my legs at the gym, and I had to spend my tfare on parfait to feel human again.

(Inner circle privileges frfr cos I haven’t posted my gym episodes anywhere else 😅)

Yup, that’s enough for today, kids 💀

I hope today’s edition meets you gently. I hope it warms you like a voice note from someone who gets it. 🫂

I’m here, and I’m always rooting for you.

Sending love,

Grace 🫶🏻

I’m still reeling from the impact of this. For some reason, I can not just stop thinking about it.

It’s like suddenly, I started to see it everywhere.

In the way I sometimes talk myself out of ideas because they feel “too much.”

In the way I make something smaller before I even try.

In the way I forget that I’m allowed to want more.

The truth is, I’ve been in rooms where dreaming big felt like a luxury.

Places where even the thought of something soft, or full, or different felt impossible because no one around me had it.

Because I hadn’t seen it done.

And it’s not just about money or success or some big moment.

It’s in the small things too.

The way a creative charges more than I thought was “allowed.” (lol)

The way someone on X casually mentions a solo trip to Thailand.

The way someone lives in a way that feels slow and intentional and is still thriving.

And when i think about it, just for a second, I feel it.

That tug. That stretch. That widening of what’s possible.

It’s weird, because nothing about my circumstances change in that moment.

But my awareness shifts.

And somehow, my world feels bigger.

Like I’ve been living inside a box I didn’t know I was in. 😅

And if that’s the case, what else might I be allowed to want?

What would I dream if I stopped editing myself in advance?

Because sometimes the only reason our dreams feel small is that we haven’t seen bigger.

And no. It’s not because we’re not capable.

But because our frame of reference is tight. Familiar. Safe.

That’s the thing about exposure.

It doesn’t change your worth. But it shifts your perspective. It makes room for dreams you didn’t even know had names.

So I’m here thinking, could exposure be the key?

Could me seeing more be the beginning of wanting more?

I don’t know, really, but I’m willing to try and find out. To give myself the chance to keep showing up in rooms that stretch me.

To keep listening to stories that challenge my own.

To keep dreaming beyond what my past allowed.

And I’m not jealous. I’m aware.

Aware that my world is expanding.

Aware that my idea of “possible” is being stretched.

Aware that maybe — just maybe — I can dream again.

And this is for you too.

So if you’ve been feeling stuck, or tired, or unsure if you’re even “allowed” to dream differently, I hope you know you are.

You’re not asking for too much. You just haven’t seen everything yet.

And when you do? Oh when you do, your dreams will have no other option but to catch up.

I leave you with this, dear reader.

It’s okay to let your dreams grow up a little. To let them breathe. Let them stretch beyond what you’ve seen so far.

And keep on reminding yourself that it’s not selfish to want more.

That it’s not too much to believe that you can build a life that feels good to you. One that is wilder than you’ve ever imagined before.

You’re allowed to dream a fuller dream.

You’re allowed to change your mind.

You’re allowed to want things that don’t look like what you’ve always known.

You’re not asking for too much.

You’re just remembering that there’s more.

And there is.

More softness. More beauty. More joy. More freedom. More for you.

You’re allowed to want it. And you’re allowed to go after it.

Please do,

Love, Grace.

I’ve been thinking about how this month went, and if I’m being honest, April wasn’t the easiest.

I overspent (again), tried to do everything (again), and ended up doing almost nothing.

I was tired, not sleepy tired but bone-deep tired. Sad, unmotivated, and just… off. I just couldn’t seem to get my head above water.

There were moments I laughed, moments I cooked, moments I showed up. But for the most part, I wasn’t okay.

I had all these plans for April. A list of habits to build. Goals to smash. I even told myself I’d finally be disciplined.

I outlined my content ideas, bought a new microphone to take my content creation more seriously (newsflash: this is the month I DID NOT CREATE any video content for my page) purchased new courses to invest in myself…

But somewhere between life and burnout, I lost the rhythm. And that’s been the hardest part, watching myself fall short of the version I thought I’d be by now.

I was having a conversation with my friend about two nights ago, and she mentioned something I haven’t been able to forget ever since. She said, “It’s like since you started 9-5 like this, you just lost yourself.”

I weak, but where’s the lie?

Honestly, I don’t want to dwell on it. But can I help it?

More times than not, I’m up at 2 a.m. working on new strategies, new ideas, giving my all to something that isn’t even mine… meanwhile, I’m leaving my own dreams on read.

Anyways, I’m not here to rant. That’s not the point of this story. I digress, pardon me. Let’s go on, shall we?

A lot of times in April, I felt like I was just going through the motions without any real sense of fulfillment. I didn’t read a single book (and if you know me, you know how much I love reading), didn’t even watch movies. I felt like a passenger in my own life.

At some point, I came across a tweet that hit me in a way I couldn’t explain:

“I’m not suicidal at all, but I’m deeply dissatisfied with my life, and I don’t know how to fix that.”

It was the first thing in a while that truly resonated with me. I spent hours scrolling through the replies. It was strangely comforting, knowing I wasn’t the only one feeling that way. I also found some helpful tips I’ll definitely be working on, God help me.

But April wasn’t all bad at the end of the day.

April gave me a few bright spots.

I pushed myself to try something new: I joined the Hilda Baci home-to-pro cooking class. And while it cost me an arm and a leg (God, ingredients are expensive!), my cooking game is so much better now. I’m actually proud of my meals! 🤭

Also, I had the chance to meet some beautiful humans from work. Guys, work in a good place o. Connecting with good people was honestly fulfilling. It made me realize how important it is to be in an environment that energizes you.

But even with those bright spots, the heaviness didn’t really lift.

It wasn’t a “cry-yourself-to-sleep” kind of sadness. It was heavier. It was the kind that makes everything feel pointless. The kind where your body is moving, but your heart just isn’t in anything. And trust me, that kind of sadness is hard to explain to people without sounding overly dramatic.

But you know what? Some days, growth looks like starting over every single day, and some days, it’s simply staying alive. And that’s enough for now.

If April was tough for you too, please know you’re not alone. You’re not the only one feeling like things aren’t going according to plan.

Give yourself the same grace you give to others. I’m sending you all the gentle energy for May, the soft kind, that allows small wins to feel like big victories.

And I hope May meets you gently; with softness, strength, and with ease.

So in the middle of all this rogbodiyan, what did April teach me?

That showing up doesn’t always look pretty.

That healing is rarely loud.

That it’s okay to be figuring things out.

That you just can’t do everything.

And that joy can exist in the middle of the mess.

Honestly, I don’t have a grand plan for May. I don’t know what to make of that, but I’m okay with taking it one day at a time while I figure out what my next step will be.

Thanks for reading.

I hope May is kinder to us all.

With love,

Grace.

I used to be a full 9-5er almost all through the past year of my life. The last time I was one was in 2022. I don’t miss it.

I miss some parts of it, honestly, but I really don’t when it comes down to it.

Every day for the first six months, I burned my salary in transportation. The sweat, the smell, the weariness, the “I just want to get home safely.” I don’t miss it. ✋🏽

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When I eventually switched to the BRT, it felt safer for one. I never made a friend, but I started to recognize some faces.

I liked plugging my phone into the BRT‘a charging port. I even started to fancy this fine boy that used to get to the BRT late, same as myself lol.

It had its moments. Not the waking up at 6 a.m. to go and queue for the bus. Not the anxiety of a 4 p.m. meeting running over and making me miss my ride, because yes, it would definitely exceed a one-hour meeting. Not the frantic race after 5 p.m., hoping the bus would still be there.

But the familiarity of it, maybe.

And yet, there was always something about the BRT that made me sad.

I’d be on my way home, sitting in a bus with 30 to 50 people, and within minutes, over half of them would be deep in sleep. Just gone.

Sometimes I’d just pause, just look. You’d see the tiredness on their faces; 20-something-year-olds, mothers and fathers and grandfathers and grandmothers, but predominantly 20-something-year-olds, working hard, slaving our youths away in this capitalism era lol.

And as usual, one thought would be in my mind:

How do we do it? When does it end? What’s even the purpose of it all?

To devote your life to one company, one industry, climb up the career ladder, jump from bus to bus, even if you have to queue… all for what?

Is there something else to attain?

How, and why do we do it?

And maybe that’s the real question—are we really doing it, or are we just moving because that’s what we’re supposed to do?

Is this how life is meant to be? Or is this just the version of life we’ve accepted?

Because if you ask anyone why they do it, you’ll hear things like:

“I need to survive.”

“I need to build my future.”

“I don’t have a choice.”

And maybe that’s true. Maybe we really don’t have a choice. Maybe it’s just how the world works. You find a job, you make money, you build a life, and then you just… keep going.

But sometimes I wonder—what happens when the going stops? When the career ladder has been climbed, when the bus rides turn into private car rides, when the exhaustion shifts from physical to emotional… then what?

Does it ever feel like enough? Or do we just find new things to chase?

Do we ever get to pause, to breathe, to redefine what success means on our own terms? Or are we all just moving, running, chasing, hoping that one day, it all makes sense?

I don’t have an answer, really. Just questions. And thoughts. Thoughts about how we’re all in this cycle, trying to make something of ourselves, hoping that at the end of it all, it actually means something.

Maybe it does. Maybe we figure it out along the way. Hopefully we do.

But if nothing else, I hope we’re not just doing it for the sake of doing it. I hope we’re finding something: joy, purpose, fulfillment—somewhere in the middle of all this.

Because otherwise… what’s the point?

I don’t have the answers. But I think they’re worth asking.

Comment

I’ll be looking forward to your thoughts.

Till next time,

All my love,

Grace. 🫶🏽

I’ve often felt lost quite a number of times in my life. Sometimes I’ve asked myself, “Who am I if I’m not this person that people know me to be?”

It doesn’t help when people feel as though they know me from the version of me they see online. lol.

But that aside, what happens when that version of me is put on pause?

When I’m not creating, not showing up, not being the person everyone expects me to be… who am I then?

I remember a time when this hit me the hardest. When I started to feel like a fraud.

And for one minute I paused, and I tried to remove myself from the brand that I have built, and I didn’t know me anymore.

It made me realize how easy it is to attach our worth to what we do rather than who we are.

But what if we stripped all of that away? No titles, no expectations, no labels.

Who are you when no one is watching?

Because what you do is only a fraction of who you are. And if you’ve never stopped to ask yourself this question, maybe now’s the time.

And maybe that’s the scariest part—realizing that without all the things we do, we might not know who we are.

Because it’s easy to define ourselves by our work, by our impact, by how others perceive us.

It’s easy to feel seen when we’re actively creating, achieving, or being acknowledged.

But when all of that fades into the background, when life forces us into moments of stillness… what’s left? what?

I’ve been sitting with this question a lot lately. Learning to see myself beyond what I create, beyond how I show up for others, beyond the validation that comes with doing.

And the truth is…

I’m still figuring it out.

But maybe that’s okay.

Maybe the point isn’t to have a perfectly crafted answer but to become; to give ourselves permission to exist outside of the things we’re known for, to embrace the parts of us that no one claps for, to find identity in just being.

So I’ll ask again:

Who are you when no one is watching? And are you brave enough to find out?

I’d love to hear your thoughts. 🫶🏽

I think that I owe sort of explanation as to why I abandoned this space for a year. But I didn’t, not really.

I was reading your wonderful posts and creating for my community’s substack.

And time went on, I wanted to, even wrote a couple of drafts but I just couldn’t bring myself to complete a letter.

and here I am, writing this in under 30 minutes, completely unplanned lol. (Y’all do know I can be very impulsive.)

Anyways, I really do hope you love this one. 🫶🏽

So what have I been up to?

I have been doing a lot of movie-watching. lol. Since the last time I wrote, I’ve probably watched twice as many movies as I have in my entire life. (Yes, it’s that serious!)😅

I’ve also been reading. i read almost 70 books in total last year and I hope to top it this year. 🤭

I have been working. The last time I wrote here, I think few days later I resumed at a new role. It was good, and for the most part of it, I was happy while I was there.

Last month, I left. And I’m here figuring things out. And that’s okay too. (This feels like it’s about to turn into another letter so I’ll stop here lol.)

I have also been doing a lot of music listening of course.

My podcast is coming back stronger! I have an episode I’m presently editing. and I can’t wait for you to listen to it! 🤭

My community is doing pretty okay too. A lot of changes have happened in the past year. So much lol! But we’re getting back on track by God’s grace. And I’m working on a mentorship program for my creatives. If you’d love to be a mentor, hmu! 💕

I also started an interesting series on my IG page that I think you’d love, it’s raw, fun, it’s enlightening I’d like to think. and I really think you should check it out.

I think that’s all i have right now. I can’t make any promises as to when next I’ll write here again.

But I’ll try. Because this is something i enjoy doing.

Loveeeeeeee. ❤️

For me, I have found out in February that I really do not like it when things do not go my way, and I can be the version of myself I’m trying to leave behind. I can complain a lot and will most likely neglect the other good things happening in my life. 

That’s a realization that didn’t make me feel too good. Because I tried to track it back to when I started being that way. And I couldn't even remember. Lol. But the good part is, now I know and now I can start searching ways to not let that overpower who I am. 

And let me take a pause on that and divert to how you can be going through something and the next thing is you’re seeing it everywhere and you’re like, howwww? 

Let’s take the situation of my own life for example. While this was happening, I went for rehearsals and the person who spoke talked about how we as Christians can like to complain and murmur neglecting the other good things happening in our lives. 

When I heard that, me I tried to shy away from it. Lol. I didn’t want to believe that message was for me alone. But tell me why on Sunday during the first service (which I attended for the first time in forever by the way) the minister preached on this. And I guess that’s where my message today lies. 

I told you in my previous letter how February has been really shocking because my plans have been going the opposite way and it’s really beaten me down, and dragged me back to the viscous old cycle of complaining and blaming. And that service just turned my mindset around. 

Because, left to me, I was ready to just hit pause on everything. Absolutely everything. Deactivate my accounts and just go MIA till I figure out why what has been happening has been. 

But then, I remembered how the man of God had hammered on Praising your way into the era God wants for you and I’m like okay, maybe don’t run away, just calm down and breathe. 

He explained how God had won the battle for his people, how He had given them all they asked for but how He had to space it out, giving them the land in bits and how it was for their good. 

Because if He’d given them all at once, who knows what would have happened? They would have definitely been overpowered and everything snatched from them again. So they learned to wait, to be patient, and to do things in God’s own time. 

And that spoke to me. Because I know I don’t take as many pauses as I should. And maybe that’s not a good thing because it hasn’t helped me see things how I should see it. It has made me stuck on my own version of things and seeing it happen exactly how I envisioned it in my head. 

Are you also guilty of that? Planning and planning and planning away, not even bothering to consult but just planning. And when one thing or two goes awry or doesn’t go as planned, you fall into the abyss of the blame game, looking for who to blame and questioning your every move. 

If you are, then I want you to know that you’re not alone. I too am used to doing things my own way, not trusting God enough, not being patient enough, complaining too much when things don’t go my way. 

And here’s what I’m learning:

• In times of waiting, learn to embrace it. Yes, embrace the waiting period. Maybe there’s nothing wrong with pauses, in that moment when it seems like you’re not doing much when you should be. Maybe don’t complain when things aren’t going your way, praise instead because as much as certain things are not working, some still are. 

• There’s beauty in the journey, in patience and in leaving it in God's hands while on that journey, and nothing should make you lose sight of that beauty. So while you’re there, waiting, hoping and praying it gets better, don’t crucify yourself because of where you are, remeber that you’re still going somewhere and it doesn’t take a day or a set of man-written plans to get there. 

• Maybe don’t murmur, don’t rush, be patient enough to believe God who brought you this far has an expected end for you and it’s left to you to catch up. Don’t forget the part of the Bible that says that God already has an expected end for us all. So why fret, really? Remember to not let what is not working right now steal your joyful moments away.

• Don’t give up on yourself. Continue to root for yourself, to wait on yourself, to trust in yourself and to believe that everything is working together for your good. 

Shout out to Rev. Adeoye of Royalty Christian Centre. I’m so glad I was present to hear that message and I’m glad that you too can hear it right now. 

It’s also shocking, pleasantly so that I’m writing this at this time (two love letters in a week? I’m excitedddd.) 🙈

So what have I been reading, watching and listening to?

- I have been reading. A lot, thankfully. And I’ve been trying my best to quell that guilt that tries to rise up anytime I remember that I’m reading when my life is basically on a pause rn. Lol. So I read a historical romance novel (my favourite genre as you already know. Lmao) titled Bringing down the Duke by Evie Murrow. It’s a really good, not-so cliche book and if you’re into historical, def read it. 

Presently, I’m reading a book we’ll be reviewing at this book club I started attending in January and it’s titled God’s Children are Little Broken Things. It’s a good read, and I’m almost done. 

- I have been listening to a lot of SZA between the Grammys and now. Lol. 😅 I’m becoming a fannnn. But before the Grammys tho, I was listening to Billie Eilish and Khalid’s Lovely every second of every day. I fear for their mouths low key. 😂

I have also been listening to my newest podcast episode which is a fun, nostalgic episode on the myths we believed as kids. You should totallyyy listen to this and share it tooo. 🤭

Oh, wait since we’re talking podcasts, I found a very good podcast few minutes ago actually and it is the gospel! I’m really surprised I’m just finding the podcast but it’s never too late. It’s called The Psychology of Your 20s and you really need to listen to one or more episodes here if you’re intentional about your growth. 

- I haven’t really watched anything since the year started. But yesterday, I watched SGIT and just tried to catch up. Send me my Mide before you people’s Valentine. That’s all I’ll say. 💀

So that’s it on today’s letter!🥰 I hope I can again write sooner than I think. 🤭 Let’s just wait and see. 

Till then though, always remember that I’m here and I’m always rooting for you. Okay?🫶🏽

Also, please write back and let me know how you’ve also been and just chat to me. Talk to meiyyyyy. 🤭

All my love,

Grace.

On some days, January would feel like it was fast, barely waiting for me to catch up before it was moving on to the next. 

And on some days—most days—-January was slow. Almost everybody insisted that this year’s January was the fastest yet. But I disagree. And maybe that’s because of the myriad of things that happened in my life in January alone. It’s like I lived 10 different lives in just that month. Lol. 

I did promise myself I’d write to you every month, so while this is coming a bit late, pardon me and take it as my issue for January. 

Now, if you didn’t already know, I’m still figuring out the best way to dive head-on into this! So keep on reading, please. 😅

Starting with the first of the year, I dived into 2024 head-in into work. Not till the night of the 3rd/morning of the 4th did I get some breathing space. I was overjoyed! And I finally got to write the EOTY review I didn’t know I needed to write, I started to look at what was in front of me, and in one sentence we’ll say it started to dawn on me that it was a new year. Prolly the most laid-back way I’ve stepped into a new year in forever. 

Oh yess, I was definitely a bit scared because helloooo, where are your yearly goals? Where are your systems and all of that? But I couldn’t even deal. (I still haven’t exactly set goals for this year yet but don’t worry, it’s in my plans for this week because, to me, my year has just begun.)

So what did January bring my way?

- January brought change. A lot of change in so many ways I can’t even begin to fathom it. One thing I do know right now is that as hard as change can be, it can also be really good when you “get yourself” enough to wrap your head around it. 

- January brought laughter. Lots of laughter. It was fun celebrating my two little sisters on their birthdays and bonding more with my family. I missed laughing and I’m glad January brought me that. 

- January also faced me with hard decisions, some of which I’m not ready to even face yet, lol. Let me just live in denial for a bit. 

- January also brought growth. I faced one of my biggest fears and talked about my long-time burnout as a creator and how I’ve been navigating it on my last podcast episode. Lol, full disclosure, I almost did not post that episode because of how personal it felt.

What elseeee? 

- Mhhhm I’d say January also brought me the realization that baby steps are fine. Lots of times in January, I had to be okay with taking baby steps. And who’d have thought? It’s not a bad thing at all. 

Some of my high points in January:

• I spoke at my first community management event and it felt really good! I can’t wait to speak at many more. 

• I wrote fiction again. Here’s to baby steps, really.🥂 It wasn’t me finally continuing my novel or writing a new one. It was just my old series on letters to my future husband but that’s a really big win for me. 

• One of my podcast episodes had a little case of vitality. Lmao. None of my podcast episodes has flown as much as that one did, the last one I uploaded in December 2023, on age and relationships. It just kept flying higher each day and it made me so, so happy. I also uploaded a new episode on the last day of January so big win. 

• I attended a book club. Oh yes, this is one of my high points because me, I stood up ON A SUNDAY, and went through the rigorous process of looking for a reasonable wear (had to drag my poor sister who was in transit at the time into the matter. Lmao she’ll never forgive me for taking almost, if not more than an hour of her time because I wanted to wear cloth!!😂) and I went. And Lagos traffic made me get there around the last four when the book club meeting ended at 5 but nothing spoil. 😩 It was good. 

• I spent plenty money. Lmao. Why this is a high point me idk o. Because ahhh January came with billssssss. But I just closed my eyes and spent it. Wo Nigeria won’t kill me. And God who has been providing will provide more. 

• I made a large creation of Chinchin for the first time in my life and in the history of Ahuoizabakes!🙈💃 I’m so excited about this even though I’m yet to sell half of the Chinchin. I know I will though, and that makes me really happy!🥰 

Some of the things I wish I could change or maybe had done better in January: 

• Career-wise, I wish I’d done better. I’m at a point where I don’t even know what’s next for me but I’m just hoping and praying everything falls in place. Regardless, I wish I’d done more of being active, being present, and not losing something that meant so much to me. 

• I wish I’d calmed down more in some aspects and not calmed down in some. (Yeah I’m speaking in parables but it’s still fresh so pardon me. 💀)

• I wish I’d prioritized more. I’m still not doing this but I will and that’s a promise I’ve made to myself. 

• Over-communicate. The hardest lesson I learnt. 

Right now, I can’t think of any more than these big. And pardon my lateness, lol. I can’t believe I haven’t sent this since I wrote it. 😩

I’m super glad I was able to do this today regardless. And I can’t wait to write to you again, hopefully sooner than I think.

I’m rooting for you! Never forget that. ❤️

And please share your own high and low points for you in January, as well as what you look forward to happening in February. I look forward to receiving your response. 🤗

I pray February is filled with laughter and joy and all of the things that’ll make you smile and be happy. ❤️

Love,

Grace. 🫂

Now, let’s do this! (I’m saying let’s do this on the fourth of the new year when everybody has “done this” since the 30th and 31st but I’ve never really been conventional now, have I?🌚) I’m sorry, I’ll be serious now. 

But then, this is actually not an issue of conventionality. It’s a matter of “what happened?” And how it happened and when it happened and what I was doing when it happened. Bruh! I honestly don’t even know what to say if you ask me how my year was, but I'd say “rollercoaster.” It might be the most cliche saying ever but it is true this time.

And I’m challenging myself to do this regardless of the fact that it might be coming late because it actually is not. So let me start there. 

This is not coming late. It’s my end-of-the-year review anyway, so why would I decide to not post it anymore because “it’s late?” That’s a question I want to ask. I want to ask myself, I want to ask you and I want to ask anybody who uses the phrase “it’s too late” why. Why do we get to decide what is “late?” What is the defining factor in being “late?”

I had lots of questions to ask in 2023. This was titled the year of questions for a very good reason. I’d be doing something randomly, working maybe and I’d suddenly stop and look up and ask, “When does it end?” If it doesn’t end, can I do this forever? 

I never did get answers to those questions. And maybe if I had, I wouldn’t have liked them anyway so it’s fine. 

Thinking about this, I finally completed squid game the other day and someone in the game asked a question. I can’t remember exactly how it went or who asked but it was something along the lines of, “What if you’ve never been happy and you’ve just been fine all along?” I honestly wasn’t able to focus on the movie after that question because it felt like that was me the whole of 2023. And maybe I'm not doing this review thing well because I just have a lot to say and it's literally bursting out as I'm typing. So pardon me if it seems like this is an "all over the place" type of review. 

Let me try breaking it down.

The Happy Times vs The Content Times

In 2023, I asked myself every single time, “If I didn’t have a choice and I had to continue this cycle, can I cope? Can I continue this way?" And that particular question brought it back. So I asked myself—I do a lot of self-assessment and honesty is my watchword—if I’ve really been happy. And I saw glimpses, tiny little glimpses lol, a peek of moments in the year where I was truly, wholly without any doubt, happy. There were moments when happiness didn’t elude me in the year, and I’m grateful for that.

Some of them I think are when I got myself a new phone. (My account was reddddd bruh! But I was happy. If you know me, you know how much stress my phone gave me and I managed to use it to do so much.) So getting it brought me nothing but joy. Knowing I did that with my hard-earned money gave me joy. 

And there's my community. The Thriving Creatives Community. If you followed up with me early in the year when I was still consistent with my newsletters, or well maybe on my social media platforms, you'd know about this. I launched the community: one for creators to thrive in the online space (just a haven for creators) on the 15th of January last year and it has been such an experience. 

But yeah, it has been a source of joy and I can not list happy moments in 2033 without mentioning this community. It's single-handedly the hardest thing I've ever done in my life but every time I shared something there, every time I prepared for a hangout, a Twitter space, Google meet, or Instagram live session, every time I got a thank you, a prayer, a review, it just made me really happy. So it probably even tops the list.

Another one I think was my birthday (it was the first time I stepped into my birthday without expectations (normally, I’d expect gifts because I’m a gifter and after getting them from just my family members, I’d start asking myself if I’m a bad person lol and we know how just one thought, one seemingly little thought can almost ruin your day) But my birthday was going to be me and me alone. And for the first time, I was able to shut out the voices in my head to focus on me. It felt good. 

There's my podcast as well: Gracescornerpodcast. I got to 2k total listeners at the end of the year and I didn't know when I cried. I felt validated and I felt my work wasn't in vain. 

At this point, I can’t even think of more. Because the more moments I think of, the more I remember how at every moment, there was this “would it last?” thought in my mind. 

However, I spent the rest of the time of my year trying to be fine. And when I indeed attained it or got close to it, I was content. Just that. 

“Contentment.” That was my stage for most of the year when I was supposed to be happy. This reminds me of a tweet I also saw sometime back: “I did so much surviving in 2023 and I just want to live in 2024.” 

You know those tweets you see and you basically see yourself in them and you just have to take a moment to pause, breathe and get yourself together before you continue scrolling through your tl? This was one of those. God, I want to live! I’m so tired of surviving. I’m tired of grasping at straws to witness the tiniest glimpse of happiness and I want to live to the fullest this year. So help me God.

I hope this year is the year that ease is not just a saying, a prayer, or a wish, but an answered prayer. God knows I haven’t been able to set my goals and systems yet for this year and the only thing on my mind right now is just ease. I’m so tired of stress. God knows I’m made for the soft life and I’ve already started to beg God. I’m not one of the strongest soldiers, please.😭

My Faith 

In 2023, I made a plan to read my Bible every day. And not just read every day but take actionable steps to be closer to God. I got a Bible study buddy, and it was great. But it got to a point where we just couldn't meet up anymore. There were clashing schedules and as much as we tried, it just didn't work out at that point. 

That made me sad because I knew I needed an accountability partner. So I tried to continue on my own and I did. I just wasn't consistent with it. I do hope to do a lot more this year to be closer to God. I owe myself that much. Shout-out to @MisolaofJesus for her Bible Study plans for this year.

Work

It's funny how something you never thought would be your reality can turn out to be the life you breathe in and out.😅 

I feel like the largest part of my life this year was dedicated to work. I woke up, dreamt, and slept work.😂 And I hate that 2024 has been taking that same route. I legit have not slept up to 3 hours any night since 2024 started and I hate that. I'd hate for this year to be me working alone. I hope that changes. (Look out for an update when I drop this year's review.)

The crazy thing is, I didn't even start last year working. I didn't start my year in a good place career-wise. I started last year hoping I'd find a good job. I didn't. My career breakthrough only came in September even though I worked my ass off the whole year. So the better part of the year was me working like crazy and seeing little to no results.

2023 was a fulfilling year career-wise for me. I learnt a lotttt and I implemented most of it. It still surprises me when I get a DM or an email from someone saying they see my brand and my community management skills and would like me to do the same for their brand. I'm like "okayyyy, okayyy." But yeah I did that. And that makes me not only happy but proud. It took a lot of sacrifices and tears to make this work but I'm glad that I'm getting to where I want to be.

In case you didn't know, in 2023, I made a major switch to community management and it's not like I'm no longer a writer, I still am. I'm just more focused on Community management right now. And I really pray this year is my year career-wise. I have a lot of things I want to achieve as a community manager and here's to hoping 2024 is the year those things happen.🥂

Oh, I also started a career as a call respondent! Yes! It's such a beautifullll, wholesome thing to do, putting a smile on people's faces, joy in their hearts with just a call. (Sometimes I feel like I lived 10 lives in 2023 alone because if I start the story of this call respondent journey, you won't believe it.)

But I'm launching my own solo call service agency (CallswithGrace) and that's something I'm grateful for. 

Family, friends, and Relationships

2023 was a good year for me, family-wise. I still nurture the dream of moving to my space before I sleep every night.😭😂 But it was a really good year, as always. I got to build stronger bonds with my family members, and I challenged myself to surprise everyone with an end-of-the-year gift which I did and it was just such a wholesome moment. Here's to doing more of that this year. 

Friendship-wise, I did terribly. Lmao. I've never been the "plenty friends" babe. I can count on just one palm the friends I have and that's just sad. I'm changing that this year. (I've started taking steps to, don't worry. Progress report soon.) 

But in 2023, even though I went to a few hangouts and met a few people, I wasn't the follow-up babe. I was just trying to live life one day at a time so where was even the time to catch up? I hated that too. There were times I just needed to rant and I couldn't so I had to hold it in.

Soooo on the romantic relationships angu, it was another year of being a single pringle again, successfully.😂 Atp, I'm not even mad. Only God knows how I'd have handled a relationship if it came. So here's to that.🥂 Let's see what 2024 brings. 

Health

For the first time in my life, I asked the "God, is this the time I die" question in November and I meant it with every fiber of my being. It started when I woke up and couldn't speak up or move and had to be rushed to the hospital. It got worse when several drips, injections, and multiple tests later, I wasn't getting better. Oh no, that's not the scary part. I got better eventually. And then I got even worse again and it was just an unending cycle of me thinking of my life at 2 am. 

And let's not even talk about my skin. (I’d attach pictures but I’ll have to add a disclaimer.) Lmao, my skin from my head to the soles of my feet started to fall off. I can't dive too deep into that right now but know that the fact that I'm here right now, working, typing, eating, and breathing!!! is a huge miracle and I'm so grateful to God.

Mentally, I drifted in and out of a stable state. Lol. 2021 was my worst year yet mentally. And 2023 fought very hard for that position. I don't know if 2023 won the battle but I know it was really tough. I did see a therapist for the first time in my life this year and that's a story for another day. But 2023 was tufffff! I'm glad I scaled through. That's just where I'll stop right now.

New Habits

I'm becoming more of a girly girl.🙈 I got myself a gloss kit. (You might be saying, "Ah, so ordinary gloss kit is what's making you a girly girl" but please, and plix, free me. If you know how I used to be, you'll know it's a big win.😂) And even though I forget most times to exfoliate or even use gloss on my way out, I'm still changing. 

And I also got a skincare kit! Skincare girlies, shoot me a welcome message like nowww.😂 I'm hoping to do an unboxing video soon so I can proceed to use it, let's see what happens. 

Umm, I started to go out more too. I started to choose me. I started to actually be proud of myself. (you know how I always used to say I never really believed it when people said they were proud of me? 2023 is the year I started to believe it.) 

I've always been a very impulsive person but I always quelled that part of me financially.😅 This year, I splurged on myself. Oh, yes I did. The change of wardrobe I've been talking about, I used one month's salary to change it finally. 

I got myself the food I wanted when wanted it, the skincare kit I had been eyeing, and I got myself things that made me happy. Ngl, it was really fulfilling. In fact, on days I didn't feel like working, I'd use chicken republic to bribe myself.😂 Motivation aye!

I started journalling toooo, finally!😩 I'm really happy about this because I've ALWAYS wanted to journal but I've just been unable to for one reason or the other. But in 2023, albeit inconsistently at first, I started to journal. And I'm doing a lot more of that this year. 

I became a movie girl. For the first time in forever, I watched movies more than I read. And being a movie person has become an experience that I love and am now embracing. 

I started creating video content and am even swerving slowly to UGC content creation. You know that thing in your life you treat like a distant hobby, then it proceeds to a full-time hobby and finally, it becomes a huge part of you such that you can't imagine not doing it anymore? That's me and video content creation right now. 2023 gave me that.

I started being more vulnerable with my content and it felt good. Yes, sometimes I almost didn't hit publish because "TMI" but I think I learned to share and not overshare. 

I almost forgot.🤭 I put myself out there more, participated in a Nescafe challenge, and ended up winning myself a carton of Nescafe malty 3-in-1 and this really large Nescafe shirt that was made with my name on it. (Only God knows how many virtual meetings I've attended with that t-shirt on. It just swallows me cutely. Lol)

There are a few more things I started but here's to building new habits this year.🥂

My Birthday

I turned 20 this year. 😅 (The laughing emoji is there because I know someone is going to read this and enter my DM trying to argue my age with me.😂) Nahh, I definitely got softer in 2023. Because typical me would have changed it for the many people who dm'ed (and even called!) on my birthday to be sure I didn't write the wrong age. Lol. I didn't get it. And even though it was my happiest birthday in a long while, that single incident could have ruined my day. 

I have ALWAYS been vocal about my age, even when I didn't need to be. You only had to check my page or listen to my podcast to know. But of course, people made assumptions and decided my birthday was the best day to challenge me about my own age. God abeg.

Aside from that unexpected drama, I did a photoshoot for the first time in forever!🙈 It turned out soooo well!!! And I'm glad I did it. I went out with my sister on my birthday and we ate, I got a serenade and I got the best gifts from my family. Birthday depression and anxiety didn't overcome me so that's something I'm really grateful for. 

Things I didn't do

There are a lotttt of things that I wanted to do this year and I can't even share them all. But I'll start with the one that hurts my heart just thinking of it even today. 

• I didn't write fiction this year. Sometimes thinking about this makes me so sad I want to do nothing but curl up and cry the pain away. Yes, it physically hurts. I just stopped in January and it's another January and I haven't continued. Progress report soon. I want so badly to continue so I'll challenge myself to.

• I didn't meet my financial goals. And it's not even like I set specific financial goals but at least I knew that this was what I wanted and this is how I wanted it to look like at the end of the year. Sadly, that did not happen because there were so many expenses and bills to pay and I just directed all of my earnings to my cake business which I ended up not making enough from at the end of the year.

• I did not read enough books. This year, I am challenging myself to read a number of books and even though I have not gotten started yet, I know I will. But in 2023 I barely read at all and that still makes me sad.

• I did not write to you enough. Start of the year I told myself I was going to write a newsletter every week every 2 weeks or maybe every month and even though I knew I was going to be busy, I did not know I was going to be too busy to write to you. And God knows I want to change that this year. I want to write to you at least monthly and I want to continue my blog as well. I want to continue to do what actually makes me happy and see if it will bring me as much joy as it used to because that is something I lost in 2023.

• I wasn't as happy as I told myself I'd be. I did not do enough of the things that brought me Joy and it told on me at the end of the year. I hope to change that this year. I hope to be happy and never have to even doubt for a split second that what I feel is happiness and not just contentment. 

• I launched two paid ebooks and a free one. And from the paid one, I didn't make enough, not as much as I envisioned. Not even halfway. 

• I didn't make enough sales from my cake business. Sometimes, I wonder why and I blame myself 90% of the time because I know for a fact that if I wasn't doing all the things I did and I had to focus on my cake business alone, things would be better. 

One of my biggest mantras is that what is worth doing is worth doing well but with how busy I was with everything else, I wasn't able to do what I had to well enough, wasn't able to push my cake business well, or launch the new products line I wanted to. 

Since we're being vulnerable and 100% honest, I'll let you know that I wanted to launch three products in Q3 of 2023: A pancake mix, cookie dough, and puff puff mix line. But is it me that didn't have enough time to market the everyday cake that would launch and sell out? So it's one of the dreams I'm pushing to "God knows when." I can't even confidently say this year because I don't know if I'll have time this year to prioritize the business. Lol. It is well. 

Lessons

I uploaded a video on my Instagram about my top three lessons of the year and not until I started recording did I figure out that patience stopped the list for me. You people know that I have never been much of a patient type, and never have given myself much time to be patient, but in 2023 I learned to be patient and it shaped how my year turned out. 

• I learned to face my fears a lot more this year. I used to let my fear define me but this is the year I figured it was either be stagnant or forget the fear and move on and let it fuel me instead. I chose the latter and it's a lesson I'm taking with me everywhere I go.

• Balance is a myth. Yes, I learned that there is no such thing as that, at least not for me in 2023.

• I learned to choose progress over perfection. I learned that knowing I'm on it is better than not starting at all because I was scared of how it would turn out. 

• There's a phrase I also learned to never say and you guys, I beg you, resist the urge to say "can never be me" and I don't mean to sound cliche but I promise it will be you 10 times. Dazz it.

• I learned to go for what I want and to take up space. I used to be something like a people pleaser but that ended with 2023. I learned to go for what I want and I learned to take up space while at it. I learned to no longer dim my light or shrink myself to make anybody feel okay.

• I learned to just do me. Unapologetically. I've always been heavy on this but I found out I hadn't been doing enough of it. I won't say I threw caution to the wind or something but I really did me for me the previous year.

Here are more lessons I learnt: 

• This was an August sum up. 

• This was a sum of my top 20 lessons in my years of existence.

• In May, I did a part one and a part two of lessons I've learnt from AG Baby's newsletter and he retweeted it.🤭 I just remembered that.  

This has become so long, longer than I intended it to be so I'll stop now. 2023 was good and I'm glad it took me writing this to figure out it wasn't as bad as I thought it was. I hope 2024 is better on every end. On every single end.

So here's to 2023, the year of patience and questions.🥂 

I hope and pray that in 2024, I do better for me. I hope that I do all the things I plan to in my head. I hope that I'm in a better place this time next year. I hope that I gain more clarity and get to prioritize more and overwork myself less. I pray I get closer to God. I pray Ahuoizabakes goes global. I pray I ace my goals. I pray hard that I'm happy this year and I take my advice and live my life to the fullest. 

See y'all hopefully soon.❤️

Disclaimer: I'm not completely sure that I know where this is going, or why I'm writing this, or even if it has any sort of motivation in it but then I just felt like I should, you know? Maybe to feel a little bit less alone, or just to talk to someone but then sha.

So 2023 has been a lot. I meannnn😂 I didn't see it coming but OMG! And not just personally, it's like there's one or more gbasgbos everyday, and it's like what's going on? Did we not just start this year? So crazy, lmao.

And then there's personally, a whole lot has been happening and it's like my mind is just waiting for something to happen to spin it out of proportion and dissect it and give me a headache. Goodness! 

You know what? Let me give you a quick rundown of what's been happening with me. So the last time I sent out a newsletter to you, I was excited about a lot of things, especially uploading a new podcast episode. Well, since then, as much as I'd have loved to say "oh, I have a new podcast episode up!" I can't say that and I don't even understand why. It's like there's not enough time or space or I don't even know. I've just not been feeling up to doing anything reasonable, so to speak, lol. I've been revving myself up with my previous episodes though.

That aside, I've been trying to be consistent again on Instagram. I tried something new on Monday, recorded some affirmations and got this video up and it looked good. I felt good doing that so I hope to do it more. Aside from that, I also wrote and mostly repurposed my previous content, and it did do well, so I'm grateful for that.

Now, if you're reading this, I want to know how your Valentine's day went, so let me know in the cs. Or reply this email, plix. Now, how did mine go?

So, normally, I'm not always soooo bothered about being a single pringle on days like Val's and pajamas (Christmas💀) day and everything. I just love seeing cute videos. And this year wasn't supposed to be different, only I've been feeling a bit downcast since January, but I'm like nah, I'll still watch my videos in peace.

But then something happened. I became a full-fledged call respondent. And OMG! Out of the million things that I do, I won't lie to you, this is topping the list rn. Let's take it back a bit… Y'all remember in my last podcast episode how I talked about a dream job? Yup, it was being a call respondent. So I've been in training and everything. And honestly, the real deal was even sweeter than the trainings.

There's just something so soooo beautiful about bringing people joy or passing joy across to them. Guys, I cried! This woman I called on behalf of her junior sister prayed for me and I legit cried. I called boyfriends (I didn't call any girlfriend by the way, so shem on y'all men💀) I called sisters and friends, and I called a mom! Such a sweet woman. Oh goodness, this thing is the sweetest thing on earth and I'm not stopping anytime soon by God's grace. And yes! I'm a call respondent now! Yay!🤭💃

So all my story is saying is that my Valentine's went well, very well, all things considered. Though I ended up crying for a different reason during the end of the day period sha when all the networks decided to go on a break. Lmao, guys I literally cried myself to sleep dfkm. Aside from that, the day went well. Glory, somebody!

Okayyyy, I've also been busy with my Community and I'm grateful because that's one thing I feel I've been doing fairly well, or quite well this year, and I'm grateful to God for that.

That's pretty much my highlight of this month, yet. I'm hoping for better days, praying for them actually. Today, for instance –which is one of the reasons I'm writing this– has been such a hectic day, tumultuous, if you please. I woke up to no cash, no food, no money-dispensing POS, nothing. And later on, there was a riot in my area. I was just so frustrated, so pissed at the world, especially at Nigeria and everyone who caused this. And then I started to wonder about people who don't even have cash to withdraw, how they're faring and everything. Omo! I pray that it is well. It has to be, God, please.

Okay, since we're doing a full rundown, I had a silly mini-breakdown the other day. I was pissed, yet again. I was so angry at everything that was happening, I didn't know when I started crying. (I think that was Wednesday) And then God bless his soul, AY, my man, called at that time and he instantly knew that something was wrong, lmao. Long story short, I snapped out of it and then I was pissed all over again, but I didn't cry sha. I think I needed to have that cry though, so I welcomed it when it came, lol. No more crying jags anytime soon, please. That one drained me. 💀

Um, aside from all that, I have been ignoring some important deadlines, again. Lmao, if you're seeing this, just say a prayer or two for me, please, will you? ❤️

That's it, I guess. For what I've been reading, it's still been my first love: historical romance, and I recently read "Truce"  by R.L. Matthewson and I definitely recommend. I loved it!

For what I've been watching, that'd be nothing. I stopped watching "From scratch" halfway, stopped Umbrella Academy at season 3 (and I promise, I'll complete it) but then, I was going to watch "Me Before you" today again because I love the movie! And I got a reminder of it on Busayo Joan's IG post so I'm like, why not? But I spent all night downloading it only for it not to play when I woke up. I almost cried, guys! Nothing spoil, sha. That's a sign I'm supposed to be focused on my deadlines and not movies.💀

So, please, what have you been watching?

What have you been reading?

What have you been listening to?

Let me know, please. Write to me, will you? I look forward to seeing your message. Don't forget, I love you, and I'm rooting for you sooooooooo hard.❤️

Love,

Grace, your bestie.💀

I've been thinking about doing this, how to start, what to say and how to say it because it felt like it wasn't worth writing a newsletter about. But then, I decided that since I want to take more action than thinking and doing nothing, I should pen my thoughts down as usual. So I did. But then I looked at it and over thought about it and I eventually reduced it to fit into a #dearfuturehusband series. 

Now, I'm writing this because I really need to, because I want to write it whether or not it ends up making sense, because I believe it will, maybe when I'm done. Maybe not.

So, I took a break just as I announced in my last newsletter. Now, the break was not your usual or proper break. It was just a break from posting on Instagram, which I used to do everyday. So it's only Instagram and creating content there that I've been absent from. The break, as I promised, was supposed to last one week, but it's been 30 days, and I'm still here. The funny thing? I don't know how to come back. I'm not even sure if I'm ready or if I completely want to. I mean, I almost deactivated my Instagram account. But I left it because why go that extreme? 

I tried writing this newsletter again last week but I ended up just speaking about it on my podcast. And that did make me feel better. It made me feel like the content babe I remember, and it made me miss posting. Miss me.

The past month has been *hectic. I'll leave you to figure out why I used that word, lol. But then I've been trying to focus on me, on my growth, on my content. And on Sunday, I launched two ebooks. I'm glad about it, but I'm wondering why I somehow don't feel fulfilled. Sometimes, feeling this way can leave a bad taste in your mouth, as if you're ungrateful, as if you don't even know what you're doing. Especially when you consider how hard I worked on these ebooks. I didn't even plan on writing one not to talk of two, or launching them in January like some cute goal fulfilled thingy. No. It just happened. And it feels like that's the way things happen for me now. I can be very impulsive, you know that, lol. 

In all of this, I think I've figured out though, that doing what you need to do doesn't necessarily bring fulfillment. It feels as if something is still missing, a piece of something, I just don't know. And I hope I figure it out soon.

But I'm grateful to God because I couldn't have asked for a better launch and better people to launch with. Now it remains for you to goan get a copy for yourself.

Aside from all of that, I've also been busy neglecting some pretty important deadlines which I feel will bite me in the ass very soon. 😭 

I'm not sure if I've found the purpose of writing this newsletter today fa, but at the end of the day, I think all of this is just human. I don't have to like it, and I don't even do. I don't appreciate feeling this way. Working my ass off and completing an ebook by 5am, waking up two hours later, perfecting it all day, getting hella stressed by Selar, which I'm never using again btw, and launching it only to still feel unfulfilled. I really don't. But one thing I'm learning is to process my thoughts and my feelings better. They don't define me. I do. I write my own story, and I damn well will write it how I want to. I just hope God helps me in this process.

What else is there o? Okay, I have been faced with some rejections, and in my community, someone asked me how I deal with rejections so I have decided to record a podcast episode on it, to be out this week. Speaking about things (to myself or to my listeners who can't see me, mind you) do make me feel better by the way. If you haven't listened to my last episode by the way, you should totally do. I almost cried recording it and I don't even know why.😂 Emotions ear and there, plix.

And yes, before I forget, valentine is coming. Do get yourself a curated package, and your loved ones. You deserve.❤️  

Now, I'm wondering if I should stop here or go on. Stopping here feels like I've just unloaded something you didn't need to hear, lmao.

I'll stop here sha. And if there's any last word or word of wisdom, it is that you might not always feel okay, and that's fine. It's left to you to create your own happiness, find it in the little things, yunno. Do you. Everything will make sense soon, I hope. 

I don't think I have any movie or song recommendations today, not even a book recommendation, sad stuff. But then, I've been watching the Umbrella Academy series that everyone else watched ages ago. Lmao. And I've been listening to the same songs I've been listening to. For books though, aside from writing almost 20k words personally this month, I have not been reading much. Not until yesterday night, I started a new book (historical romance, thank you Jesus) and I'll tell you about it in my next letter, so anticipate. And please, recommend new movies for me, I neeeeeed. Ohhh LMFAO,wait. I watched Shanty Town some days after it was released. I watched it majorly because I missed writing movie reviews but I couldn't bring myself to write a review when I was done. I honestly didn't want to sound like a hater. I'm sorry💀. Just recommend movies, pleaseeeee.😂🤲🏾 I'll write soon again, I hope.

Bye, for now.

Kizzez.