It has been a month since I last wrote to you and it has pained me for two reasons: I had an elaborate blueprint for Dara’s Diary - Volume II. One of the keys of this, was regaining a consistent routine, of which I have been unable to due to unforeseen circumstances (that are still ongoing, so bare with me).

The other reason is that in these last few weeks, I have craved the cathartic release writing draws to me. In the midst of the chaos, inspiration has been seeping through my cranium, but time has been the barrier to creation. So, before I spontaneously combust, I decided to forgo the tasks on my list for now, in hopes that writing this, will aid in calming my cares, providing a constructive distraction. I hope that this article not only helps me, but all who read it are blessed also.

Picture this, you’re in a dimly lit room. There is clutter everywhere, cobwebs in the corners, water dripping from the ceiling, the light is blinking and the pile of papers and books are preventing you from finding a clear pathway. You pray to God for relief from your environment, but it seems as though there is no immediate release from the dingy prison you see around you. When we find ourselves in these circumstances, we have three choices:

We can complain, attempt to work our way out alone, or partner with God and see what he is trying teach us and how he is trying to grow us. These three options could be categorised as: flesh, pride and spirit. Our flesh is naturally greedy and constantly wants to be fed. By itself, it cares about nothing but what it wants. Our pride is even more dangerous than our flesh, as it can deceive us into thinking we deserve what our flesh wants. Our spirit, if in tune with Holy Spirit, will lead us to where God wants us to be and show us what we need in tough seasons when our faith alone is not enough to weather the storms of life. If we are operating in the former two, we can so easily miss God in the midst of our circumstances.

“…Potiphar, an officer of Pharaoh, the captain of the guard, an Egyptian, had bought him from the Ishmaelites who had brought him down there. The Lord was with Joseph...” Genesis‬ ‭39‬:‭1‬-‭2‬ ‭ESV

“But the Lord was with Joseph and showed him steadfast love and gave him favour in the sight of the keeper of the prison.” ‭‭Genesis‬ ‭39‬:‭21‬ ‭ESV

Joseph faced many adversities between slavery and prison and the bible says repeatedly, “The Lord was with Joseph…” It doesn’t say, God plucked him out of prison immediately. In fact, his life was a rollercoaster for over a decade. Similarly, God allowed Daniel to be thrown into the lions den by King Darius. He did not prevent the circumstance but he did rescue him by shutting the mouths of the lions and allowing Daniel to be set free the next day. I’d imagine that one night in a den of lions would feel like a year at least.

“Then the king commanded, and Daniel was brought and cast into the den of lions. The king declared to Daniel, “May your God, whom you serve continually, deliver you!”” Daniel‬ ‭6‬:‭16‬ ‭ESV

“My God sent his angel and shut the lions’ mouths, and they have not harmed me, because I was found blameless before him; and also before you, O king, I have done no harm.”” Daniel‬ ‭6‬:‭22‬ ‭ESV

Then there was Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego who were tied up and thrown into the “burning fiery furnace,” yet when King Nebuchadnezzar checked on them, there were four men walking around in the furnace. God was visibly with them in the fire and had unbound them even though they were still in the fire.

“…Did we not cast three men bound into the fire?” They answered and said to the king, “True, O king.”” Daniel‬ ‭3‬:‭24 ESV

“…But I see four men unbound, walking in the midst of the fire, and they are not hurt; and the appearance of the fourth is like a son of the gods.”” Daniel‬ ‭3‬:‭25‬ ‭ESV

So now I ask you, who are in what feels like prison, a furnace or a lions den, do you know that God is with you? Have you seen how God has shown up for you? Or are your flesh and/or your pride concealing the truth from your spiritual eyes? If your pressures are so great, that they have temporarily rendered you spiritually impaired to the voice and move of God, let us begin by doing something simple. Changing our language. The pressures are not ours, the pride is not ours, the flesh is not ours because not only did God not intend for us to sin, in Christ we are a new creation. Do we battle with these things? Yes, but they are not ours to fight alone. We serve a God that fears nothing because fear is not of him, he is in the trenches of our trials and tribulations with us. Seeings as we were made in his image, he did not give us a spirit of fear. Furthermore, our creator defines us, not the world, not the enemy and not the challenges we face.

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Joseph was promoted after he was sold into slavery by his brothers, he was also promoted even higher the second time from prison to essentially the equivalent of being the Prime Minister in modern day terms. God gave him the vision for his outcome, then allowed him to endure before he could step into the position the Lord ordained him for.

Daniel’s miraculous survival, resulted in King Darius declaring God be praised by all nations and Daniel thrived during his reign.

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, were promoted and their unambiguous salvation was undeniable to King Nebuchadnezzar, a king who had previously called for idolatry to be the standard of the people of Babylon.

God permitted them all to go through difficult, terrifying chapters but he never left them. He carried them through, fortifying them and elevating them on the other side of their tribulations.

Let this serve as a reminder if life has been kicking you for a while, that God is still able. The same God that delivered Joseph, Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, is the same God that is walking with you, whether you realise it or not. Invite him into your circumstances and more importantly, your life if you haven’t yet.

With Love,

Grachael Dara

I learnt something last year, that flamingos often easily identifiable by their vibrant pink hue, tend to lose that bright shade during the beginning of parenthood. Their colour, which is as a result of their diet, fades to white due to the demanding nature of feeding their chicks. A couple of months after their chicks are weaned, their pink colour returns. Now I am no David Attenborough, so feel free to research for a much more detailed explanation but the focal point is that parenting, even in the animal kingdom, can take a lot out of us, rendering us unrecognisable. To ourselves and to others. I am now on my third postpartum period and each time it has differed but each time, it has taken a piece of me.

Having a baby is wonderful. It’s as though God took mine and my husband’s hearts and merged them to form three tiny humans. Well that’s exactly what happened and after growing them for 9 months a piece, they requested a transfer to the world outside of my body. Although, they are no longer in utero they still need us as parents to provide their nourishment to grow in their subsequent developmental stages. The thing is, whether breastfeeding or formula fed, that initial postpartum period can wreak havoc on us as parents. While I do not wish to negate the role of a father and the toll having a small baby takes on them, I will purely be focusing on postpartum through the lens of a mother.

Just as flamingos inadvertently relinquish their colour, similarly as mothers we deposit so much into our little ones that we are left depleted mentally, emotionally and physically. We can lose our vibrancy for a time as our priorities change and we devote ourselves to rearing the tiny humans we are blessed to take care of. Growing a human and then giving birth to them, surpasses physiology and the natural world, there is a significant spiritual aspect of the entire process. It can leave us overdrawn and with our layers stripped away, we can be left chasing a version of ourselves that no longer exists. Yearning for the return of the woman that dressed up just because she enjoyed fashion. Or the one who would jump on a plane and travel at a moments notice. Or missing the woman who did not have to overthink the plans she was making with her friends, so that they don’t interfere with bedtime.

“And no one puts new wine into old wineskins. If he does, the wine will burst the skins—and the wine is destroyed, and so are the skins. But new wine is for fresh wineskins.”” Mark‬ ‭2‬:‭22‬ ‭ESV

With all of these adjustments we make and the ways we change, what if our depletion is a chance to partner with God to replenish ourselves? What if, instead of longing to be who we once were, we open our arms to heaven and ask, “Father, who do you want me to be in this new season of life?” What if as we are giving to sustain and build life, we tap into the source who gave life to everything good and invite him to breathe new life into us once more? Maybe if we saw our white feathers as a blank canvas for a new creation, we could look in the mirror at the tired lady in front of us with hope and aspiration, as opposed to loss and despair.

“Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” ‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭43‬:‭19‬ ‭ESV

Motherhood has taken many things from me: time, energy, nutrients, sleep, I could continue but I don’t have all day. It has also given me so much more: formulating a woman who is finally bold enough to strive for her dreams, someone who is actively utilising talents that once lay dormant. A woman walking in alignment with the plans and purpose God has for her life. Most notably, motherhood has drawn me closer to God than I have ever been, taught me to forgive quicker and let go of upset. Fight less to prove myself and I have learned that I don’t have to convince people, because my Heavenly Father is fighting battles for me so I can focus on the things that truly matter. So am I trying to get my pink back? Yes, but not the same shade I once was. A shade that may not look the same, but the tones vary from fuchsia to pastel pink. Instead of being one distinct solid colour, my pink will be more nuanced depending on how the light hits it. You know what? That variation is exactly what this season of motherhood calls for.

With love,

Grachael Dara

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Dear Lovelies,

Last week was my Substackaversary or better yet my first Substack anniversary, personally I prefer the former even though it is not actually a word. Since the inception of Dara’s Diary, I am always pleasantly surprised when anyone reads what I write. Mainly because each article has been God teaching me and me then relaying that in written form, hoping that it helps someone other than just me. I often feel like I am ministering to myself as God is shaping me and moulding me like clay to make me more like him. Anyway, it was only fitting that I would reach one year of blogging and run out of words to type. I started writing five articles between last week and this week and have I published any of them? Not one. I haven’t gotten past two paragraphs of each draft, it’s as though I am collecting drafts for a rainy day when brain fog temporarily blankets my left hemisphere. Hopefully they will come in handy next time I am battling writers block, allowing me to avoid going Super Saiyan just to get my words out. Reminiscent to how I began, I am typing this without a plan as to how it will conclude, so either this could be brilliant, revitalising propulsion. Or to quote my brother Alangel, “plummet gracefully” into the abyss of the ocean, never to be gazed upon.

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I guess given the title, I should explain how I even got here. It all began when I made the novice mistake of leaving my laptop with my external hard drive connected on the dining table. I had used it either earlier in the day or the night before to aid my husband with something, my memory is slightly fuzzy on the details but truthfully, it matters not. What is significant however, is what happened next…In walks my three year old son who in my experience is the most curious small human to ever walk the planet. He spotted the electronic contraption and had no desire to control his impulse to investigate. My beloved explorer, climbed the mountain that was a wooden dining chair. Arrived at his intended destination at the pinnacle of the dining area of the living room. After conducting a brief inspection of the peculiar piece of engineering, and unplugging it to do so, it took a nose dive off the table, increasing speed with each centimetre it fell, before shattering on the wood posed laminate floor in our apartment.

“Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Proverbs 19:21 NIV

This external hard drive was permanently connected to my laptop at the time due to it’s lack of space, especially when running certain softwares, i.e. adobe suites. Any business ideas and plans I had created were saved on that hard drive, so the crashing wasn’t merely the death of a digital storage box. It was all of my unfulfilled hopes, dreams and plans diminishing with it. In that moment, my fears culminated and actualised, or so I felt as I envisioned my future void of achievement or upward momentum. A supernova. Now, my one year old daughter witnessed all of this and while she could not yet communicate with words I could verify, she began humming the tune of a song I made up for her when she was upset. The lyrics are as follows, “alright, alright, it’s okay, it’s alright.” I kid you not, her comedic timing is still impeccable but it’s in these moments I am reminded of how perceptive children are, even when their words don’t match ours as adults. I was yet to utter a word before she began humming, my little songbird. She sings all day everyday with such a powerful voice for a 2 year old.

As I stated, I am typing without a plan but I just realised I omitted an important piece to this story although, it may actually work better that I am mentioning this after the event for dramatic effect. The weekend prior to my star exploding, I attended an event in which a lady prophesied over me. Most of what she told me, I knew already as the secrets I shared only with God. The main one I will share with you is that in spite of the love and fulfilment I receive from being a wife and a mother, there is a notable part of me that longs to establish a career of my own. Many dreams and ideas that have been planned but not yet pursued and fear that raising a family will act as a barrier to achievement. Contextually, I hope this provides insight as to why I had such a visceral internal reaction, why I mentally catastrophised to the end of my existence. I had spent so long gathering and crafting plans but up until that point I had no tangible product, business or service to show for it.

The truth is, that is all it was and God allowing it to be destroyed was an invitation to step out of my head and start living. To begin sharing my talents with the world instead of keeping them buried as I had done for so long.

“so I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. Here, you have what is yours.” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭25‬:‭25‬ ‭ESV

Currently, I have two paid subscribers, I used to have three, all known to me and I have made it over 100 subscribers in total. To some that may not be a lot, but for someone like me who has spent the majority of her life sitting on the bench or fading into the background, momentum is a huge accomplishment. Even though very few are watching, I thank God for each and every person that has taken the time to read one of these articles with dodgy grammar that gets missed when this tired mama of three clicks publish. I still have a long way to go, other talents to share that sometimes seem far-fetched or fantastical but I am grateful for how far I have come.

Grachael Dara

Dear Lovelies,

Have you ever heard the phrase: this person brings out the worst in me? I find it to be somewhat of an interesting sentiment because there is a significant element in there that is missed. The fact that whatever character trait that is surfacing is coming out, meaning it was already present and the right or better yet wrong pressures/influences are drawing it forward. Too often, we jump to blaming the other party when we feel uncomfortable emotions or are triggered by something/someone. Which truthfully has become a massively overused as a concept in today’s society. Being “triggered.” Everyone is so quick to be triggered, that they miss the blessing in disguise that it could be. A trigger reveals something that was already there: pain, trauma, upset that was being concealed or at the very least unaddressed, meaning it’s an unhealed part of us. Instead of viewing a trigger as an opportunity for growth, it is automatically seen as a negative that results in us swiftly allocating blame to the person or thing that supposedly triggered us. All because the emotions that are brought forth are unpleasant.

Instead of examining ourselves in that moment, we make the other party wrong. It’s not me, it’s them. Here is the thing with that, we think we are merely protecting our peace but we’re actually delaying our own healing by making someone else wrong for the way we feel. In turn, we are relinquishing our power when we could be reclaiming it and conquering it. If we go through life making people and situations wrong for what they stir up in us, we will forever be controlled by our trauma. We will be doing ourselves a disservice even though it seems plausible to us because after all, we are just protecting ourselves, right? This over protection is an over correction of the trauma we initially faced. In an attempt to regain our control, we can essentially indenture ourselves to the trauma instead. By reacting to every trigger with an iron fist, we facilitate an illusion of power that is actually masking pain.

Power would mean not being reactive in the face of a trigger, fighting the immediate urge to treat every mildly adjacent reminder as though it was the original situation. The ability to step back and evaluate what am I feeling? Why am I feeling this way? Is this situation the same as what I have experienced previously? Is this person intentionally doing or saying something to harm me? Is it them or is it me? If it is always them, it might actually be you. It may be that the next realisation you need to have, is that the trigger is actually a mirror showing you a part of yourself that is still sore. A reminder of a painful past, does not necessarily mean that whatever or whomever stirred up those uncomfortable emotions should be vilified. Otherwise you could spend your life causing people to walk on egg shells around you for fear of disrupting your sensitivities. Making others wrong to absolve ourselves of growth does nothing for us but keep us sedentary in our silent sorrow.

“Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offence.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭19‬:‭11‬ ‭ESV

Is that the life that God has for us, to be controlled by our emotions? The word talks about how our emotions can deceive us, Jeremiah 17:9. So constantly allowing them to be your primary guide when navigating life and relationships, may not be the wisest idea no matter how we spin it. The Lord however, does encourage us to be diligent and “guard our hearts because everything we do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23

At this point you may be thinking… so I cannot trust my own emotions and I shouldn’t be defensive but I should guard my heart, it sounds somewhat confusing and contradictory. The question is how do we guard our hearts? With the peace of God.

“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians‬ ‭4‬:‭7‬ ‭ESV

In all of the evaluating I spoke of earlier, God should be at the forefront of that deliberation. Going to him and his word for guidance. Listening to the still small voice that instructs us in relationships, whether platonic or romantic. Asking for insight and wisdom instead of relying on our own thoughts and feelings. Going to him for healing from the traumas we’ve faced that still plague us to this day.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm‬ ‭147‬:‭3‬ ‭ESV

The thing with unhealed trauma, is that it can cloud our judgement, rendering us deaf to correction or wisdom from others because it has blown a breeze, exposing the hidden wound. We immediately leap to the worst conclusion to justify our hurt feelings, never once pausing to think that God may have allowed a situation not to hurt us, but to heal us. He reveals to heal and he often uses people and situations to do so, but if we are so stuck in our pain, we could miss an opportunity for restoration. Subsequently delaying a blessing that we are not ready for because we are cemented in our own pain.

“Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.” Proverbs‬ ‭19‬:‭20‬ ‭ESV

Pain can have a purpose and we cannot completely rely on ourselves to recognise that in the moment. So when you’re next offended by something someone has said or done, before you dive to press the eject button, sit with it for a while. Invite God into the offence and the pain you feel before you make the person automatically wrong. Otherwise you could spend life being that person that cuts off everyone without a second thought and that my lovelies, is a lonely life to live.

Grachael Dara

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Dear Lovelies,

It was almost 7 years ago that I sat in my car outside a friend of a friends house praying. While I was praying I found myself saying things that were not coming from me but coming from the Holy Spirit, and that’s when it happened. I said the following words that I had no idea would flip my entire life upside down, “Lord, please remove anything and anyone from my life that is not supposed to be there. Bring people in my life that are supposed to be there and strengthen the relationships that remain.” Well boy, who told me say that? Of course I know who as stated above, what I did not know is what that would mean. That being said, what I understood in that moment was that I was entering into a new phase of my relationship with God. It revealed to me my heart posture and that no matter the consequences, I was willing to follow God wherever he was taking me.

“…For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” Matthew‬ ‭12‬:‭34‬ ‭ESV

God does not reveal his entire plan to us because he knows it would most likely be met with resistance. Can you imagine God telling you all of the trouble and hardships you would face in your life, simply by choosing him? Most of us would lack the spiritual maturity, to anticipate the level of breaking that we have to undergo, to be moulded into who he has designed us to be.

If David’s kingly anointing was prefaced with all the issues he would face before and during his reign, he may at least have been understandably apprehensive.

If God said to Abraham, I will grant you your son Isaac but then you will have to sacrifice him. (In case you have no idea what I am talking about, Abraham did not actually sacrifice his son in the end. God intervened beforehand.) Somehow I think at the very least Abraham would have had questions.

If Mary knew that carrying and giving birth to Jesus would have meant having to hide him and flee to save his life from a king that felt threatened by the life of an infant, it might have provoked a level of doubt.

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Now I am merely speculating, but us knowing too much of God’s plan could be more of a hinderance than a help to us. Initially, it would quell our thirst for information but also quell our need for faith.

Anyway, that prayer was a catalyst for a metamorphosis in my life. What happened next, I can now summarise as God stripping away everything that was previously tied to my identity. My worldly identity. I use the term worldly, not because those things were inherently sinful, but because in some way shape or form, those things subconsciously replaced the need for intimacy with God in my life. They provided an identity based on codependency that was birthed out of survival and personal interests/passions that could have been powerful if partnered with God but instead became bigger than the one who had granted them.

“For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother…And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me…” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭10‬:‭35‬-‭37‬ ‭ESV

Anything that replaces God in our lives is an idol whether we realise it or not, because it acts as a barrier between us and The Father. So when I prayed that prayer, God sought to remove anything that took the place of his sovereignty in my life, from the smallest, seemingly insignificant thing, to the larger, more obvious distractions. Anything that I may have prided myself on or relied upon to define or uplift me more than him, vanished over the course of a few years. While I had an inkling that this was going to happen right as it began, I definitely did not know the extent to which he would have me take up my cross ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭10‬:‭38‬-‭39‬ ‭ESV.

If you just take a minute to think about how you define yourself and how you would describe yourself if someone asked who you were. You may list your profession and your interests. You’d probably talk about your culture and/or the country you come from. Maybe you would highlight some personality traits you exhibit that are prominent and even the family you grew up in. Just imagine those things as you knew them, shifting systematically or being suspended indefinitely. All these things we cling to that make us “who we are” but not necessarily who God has designed us to be. God often strips us from what we know, to refine us and mould us to be more like him, particularly when we are willing to be used by him. All of the removal he allows, can feel like punishment, as though we have done something terribly wrong but in that time he is actually pruning us for his purpose.

In this instance, I prayed a specific prayer that later felt like a catalyst for God’s pruning but the true impetus was internal. It was a willing heart. Joseph, Moses, Saul, Rahab, Esther, Ruth, David, Abraham and Job all had willing hearts which is why they were chosen to play pivotal roles in key situations. They all either had to endure or potentially endure hardships. What they received as a result of obedience was far greater than what they lost or the threat of what they could have lost, and that is the key. The world teaches us that good things yield good results, yet in God’s upside down kingdom, those good things may not come in the straight forward way that we expect. It’s important to remember that pruning is not punishment and although it feels uncomfortable and can be painful in the moment, all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to his purpose Romans 8:28 NIV.

Though this portion of my story is not yet complete, I have already seen that God has blessed me immensely in this time also. So many of the things I thought I had lost, were actually barriers for growth and their absence made room for much greater blessings in my life. Most importantly, my relationship with God has grown significantly in this time. I know him more and in turn I know myself more because I made space for him and he made even more space for me.

Grachael Dara

There are so many songs about it, books about it and films about it but what is love, anyway? I am sure if I was to do a survey, asking this very open ended question, it would garner a myriad of responses that range in length, complexity and context. Some of the typical comments surrounding love are: love is the feeling of butterflies in your tummy when you have a strong affinity towards someone romantically. Love is something you can fall in and out of. Love defines itself or love is something that finds you and it should be easy not difficult. If you ask me, (which no one did but I will share my thoughts anyway) all of these rhetorics, although poetic at their roots, are fleeting, fickle and fanciful. Don’t get me wrong, they make a great basis for a 90’s R&B song or 90 minute rom-com but in reality, they lack depth and truth. They provide fluidity, which is convenient in a non-committal age/society but as culture is ever evolving, how can we rely on our subjective, emotionally driven flesh to define something so powerful and purposeful.

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” Jeremiah‬ ‭17‬:‭9‬ ‭ESV

How about we rely on the source of wisdom and love itself to define what humans have attempted to encapsulate in words for thousands of years.

“Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.” 1 John‬ ‭4‬:‭8‬ ‭ESV

By biblical definition, God is love. There is no love without God, so we cannot define it without him. Furthermore, our capacity to love in any context, whether romantic or platonic, is far less than the love of he who is love itself. For us to truly grasp love, let’s delve deeper into scripture shall we?

What are the attributes of love?

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. ‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13‬:‭4‬-‭8‬ ‭ESV

I could probably write an article for each one of these characteristics and maybe I will…but not write now. I would however, like to illustrate how God conveys a few of these aspects of himself in scripture.

Love is patient and kind

“And the Lord said to Moses, “I have heard the grumbling of the people of Israel. Say to them, ‘At twilight you shall eat meat, and in the morning you shall be filled with bread. Then you shall know that I am the Lord your God.’” Exodus‬ ‭16‬:‭11‬-‭12‬ ‭ESV

When I think about the patience and kindness of God, immediately I think of the journey the Israelites had through the desert after leaving Egyptian enslavement. God rescued them but whenever their current circumstances seemed tough or unpredictable, they doubt him. They grumbled on several occasions and even verbalised that they would rather return to servitude because at least they knew what they were receiving. They expressed that they would rather suffer in a situation of certainty than have faith in the midst of uncertain circumstances led by a God of certainty. A God who had proven his love for them time and time again.

They created a golden calf and worshipped it in lieu of God and still they did not all perish. God provided food and water for them, light for travel, all that they needed, they had. Their sin cost the first generation the privilege of seeing the promise land and they were reprimanded for the sins they committed but God in his kindness and patience, kept them and protected them from enemies along the way.

It is not irritable or resentful

“God said, “No, but Sarah your wife shall bear you a son, and you shall call his name Isaac. I will establish my covenant with him as an everlasting covenant for his offspring after him.” ‭‭Genesis‬ ‭17‬:‭19‬ ‭ESV

While God is the only one who has the ultimate authority to judge, he is not resentful, and the story of Abraham and Sarah is demonstrative of his faithfulness and mercy. Abraham was promised a rich and expansive lineage by God but when that promise seemed like it was taking ‘too long’ Sarah and Abraham tried to fulfil the Lord’s promise in their own way through Abraham’s interaction with Hagar. Although, this did produce a son, the usurping of God’s will, way and process resulted in animosity on generations between two nations. The beauty of this story is in God’s lack of resentment. He still blessed the line of Ishmael and stated his descendants would be numerous in their own right. In addition, Sarah and Abraham’s attempt to bring forth God’s promise before its time, did not cost them their blessing. God remained faithful to them both, utilising both of them to bring forth the blessing of Isaac and his lineage.

God specifically used Sarah as the vessel to establish his promise. In spite of her doubts and disregard for the angels prophecy, he still included her in the ancestry that would ultimately lead to Jesus. He could have swapped her for another, especially given that after her passing, Abraham married again and had more children. Also the fact that Sarah initiated Abraham’s relationship with Hagar and subsequent conception of Ishmael. God’s steadfast love and promises remained true and ultimately were fulfilled through Abraham and Sarah by way of Isaac.

Love bears all things

“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” John‬ ‭15‬:‭13‬ ‭NIV

Imagine being completely innocent and pure but choosing to accept consequences for the actions of another. Excruciating and subsequently fatal consequences. Jesus being God, the fatality was not permanent but it would have been undeniably torturous. Furthermore and arguably most importantly, it was unjustified as he was holy yet, Jesus paid the ultimate sacrifice by dying on the cross to pay the debt for our sins. He bore it all for us, not only to save us but to give access to the Heavenly Father through him. He became the only legitimate conduit by his death and resurrection. We ghost family and cut off friends when they say things that we don’t like but Christ’s example was so counter cultural.

We cannot even comprehend it in its entirety although, becoming a parent has elevated my understanding and appreciation for the cross. Any half decent parent would sacrifice for their child, at least in some capacity. Yeshua did that for us, though we did not deserve it and our sinful nature would constantly make us undeserving without him. It is why I maintain that as human beings, finite creatures, we do not have the knowledge or jurisdiction to define a concept and reality so insurmountable and dynamic as love. So what is love, anyway? God is Love.

Grachael Dara

My goodness, it’s been a while hasn’t it, and what an ominous title to recommence with but I was inspired, so c’est la vie. During the course of my unscheduled hiatus, I started writing a few different articles, but none of them seemed to flow. The ideas felt forced or incomplete, so I abandoned them, at least temporarily. Until such time they can be crafted into something of high quality for the lovely individuals who take the time to read my writing. Most of all, writing being a ministry to me, I am accountable to my Heavenly Father for everything I produce, so I pray he is pleased with my return. Okay, that’s enough waffling for one article. Let’s get to the meat of the matter.

Warfare. Most, if not all believers will experience it in one form or another at some point in their walk with Christ. Some more intense than others, some for longer than others and some more frequently than others. Now let me just interrupt myself to address a shallow narrative that I have heard bouncing around for sometime. There is a notion of, “you’re not going through your Job season, it’s not the devil, it’s just you, you’re lazy.” Yes it is possible to hold yourself back and blame other things however, this attempt to not over-spiritualise life, negates the impact of other forces at play in our lives. Failure to acknowledge their existence, does not make them any less prevalent.

“Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” 1 Peter‬ ‭5‬:‭8‬ ‭ESV

Before I get carried away, I will end my sub-rant there. Spiritual warfare is not fought in the flesh, it is fought in the spirit, through prayer, armed with scripture, covered by the blood of the lamb with God fighting for us.

“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” Ephesians‬ ‭6‬:‭12‬ ‭ESV

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With all of that, sometimes we are still left with lingering wounds or scars down the line. We win the war but the battle scars prevail.

The question is, how will these wounds heal?

1. Will they heap up like keloids, creating an obstacle so your hands cannot pass over them smoothly?

2. Or will they lay flat and neat with minimal difference between blemish free skin and the scar that remains?

3. Better yet, will the wound heal totally, exiting your body without a trace of impact?

4. What determines the overall outcome?

More often than not, we are left with some reminder of the trials we have faced. Whether they be physical, mental, emotional, spiritual or otherwise. Attempting to face warfare alone and rely on our own strength however, is bound to leave much more notable scars than entering into battle with Yahweh-Nissi.

“The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.” Exodus‬ ‭14‬:‭14‬ ‭ESV

How we heal can be affected by and indicative of our heart posture. So approaching the healing process intentionally, with certain key things in mind, might just be the difference between a keloid or a faint, flat scar. As tiresome as warfare can leave you, maintaining a posture of gratitude in spite of the circumstances we are faced with, is powerful. Worshipping through the warfare and keeping our eyes fixed on God is a way to ensure that we don’t make our problems greater than the God we serve. It may be easier stated than lived however, keeping God at the forefront of our hearts, may just minimise the aftercare required to recover.

Even in our moments of doubt, worry and/or despair, staying close to God and being honest about our concerns, draws us closer to him. Growing in intimacy and faith. Let’s be honest, he already knows our souls anyway i.e. our mind, will and emotions, so lying to him would be pointless. King David, for all his human faults, was described as a man after God’s own heart because he truly loved the Lord and stayed in constant communication with him. Through trials, tribulations and triumphs, David sought intimacy with God. So while we cannot predict the length of the trials we will face in this life or even how we will recover, one thing I do know, is staying with God through the storm will always lead to a much more favourable outcome than trying to fight on our own.

Grachael Dara

Most of the occasions in which I have heard the story of Martha and Mary relay or preached, Mary is always praised for her ability to be present and still in Jesus’ presence. Martha is somewhat chastised for her busyness. While I understand that stems from Jesus highlighting that despite Martha’s frustration at the lack of her sister’s assistance, Jesus praised Mary for her engagement with his presence. I have long identified with Martha more than Mary. Why? It’s simple. I am a busy person. My mind is busy, I am always doing, I struggle with stillness and being present.

Let us pause for a moment as to not assume that every reader has a foundation for what I am referencing. If you have no idea what I am talking about, I implore you to read Luke 10:38-42 for context.

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The Lord recently placed this character trait/way of being into context and revealed why this is an area of constant battle for me. I grew up with the reinforced notion that my value was mainly in my service for others as opposed to my being. When a giving heart is overdrawn instead of cherished, it emphasises that without actions of servitude and sacrifice, the giving heart is of very little value. I believe this experience is not solely mine but that others can also relate to the sentiment of being undervalued. God recently used my son to bring me back to the reality that I have value beyond my doing but I am also needed for my being. That I can be a blessing because of who God made me, not just what he gave me the ability to do and not the existence in my own strength.

But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.” ‭‭Luke‬ ‭10‬:‭41‬-‭42

In Martha’s doing, she missed the value of having Yeshua in the flesh and soaking up all that he had to give by speaking but also by being God incarnate. Martha also negated her own identity in Christ, by not seeing the value in her being because God created her. Mary sat like a child at the feet of Jesus. She did not allow the anxiety of doing, to rob her of this unique opportunity. Anxiety that does not originate from God but is a direct consequence of mans fall from grace in the garden of Eden. Mary kept her eyes fixed on Jesus and in that, was able to see herself. Martha, although I believe well intended, allowed her flesh to become greater in her existence than God in the flesh. Thus losing sight of her identity and intrinsic value.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but one of power, love, and sound judgment.” 2 Timothy‬ ‭1‬:‭7‬ ‭CSB

We don’t have to do, to be valuable. God cherishes us as his children and he has done so since knitting us in the wombs of our mothers Psalm 139:13. He calls us valuable even if the world negates to. His love is perfect and pure as it is the embodiment of himself 1 John 4:16. He invites us to sit at his feet as his children and just exist. Just listen. Just be loved by him. Whether or not we have been loved by others or we feel we have been overlooked, God sees us and desires relationship with us.

Dear Lovelies,

Shh…can you hear that? Neither can I. That’s because my littles are asleep in their beds, peaceful and quiet. That means it is me time. As a mama of two, I often enjoy engaging in self-care at night, which usually entails showering uninterrupted and subsequently greasing myself up like a Christmas turkey. Last night, I was about to do just that when I felt the urge to wash my face in the sink before my shower. Now truthfully, I just wanted to step in and feel the soothing hot water on my back to relax the tense muscles and wash away the stresses of the day. However, I felt the Holy Spirit nudging me to wash my face in the sink first. So I did it, not understanding what the big deal was. After I rinsed the exfoliant off my face and went to dry it so I could put on my homemade face mask on, I realised I did not have a towel. That is when I laughed to myself and said, “Okay Holy Spirit, thank you.”

Now in case you are wondering what transpired, had I not listened, I would have discovered that I was without a means of wrapping my body and drying my skin, after exiting my cleansing chamber. I would then have had two options: 1) walk through the cold hallway to my bedroom, catch a draft when I am already losing my voice and risk making it worse. 2) Call for my husband to bring a towel for me, which he would have gladly done but with the littles’ room being in between the bathroom and the living room where he was, I would have risked disturbing their slumber. No one wants that. Especially not a mama who has had a long day and is seeking tranquility. This may not mean a lot to anyone else but it did to me and it reminded me of how God cares about what matters to us and he walks with us in the small and the big things. It also made me think of how we miss out by not heeding to his voice urgently.

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Frivolous as this example may seem, this concept was then echoed when I was catching up on my bible study that I am weeks behind in (don’t judge me). I was in Genesis 19 where God rescued Lot from his wrath against Sodom and Gomorrah. Whilst it is a story that I have read and listened to many times, the consequences of delayed obedience and disobedience, stood out to me even more on this occasion.

1. Lot’s sons-in-law (to be) dismissed the warning Lot relayed to they that was given to him from the angels and therefore, perished with the rest of Sodom and Gomorrah.

   “So Lot went out and said to his sons-in-law, who were to marry his daughters, “Up! Get out of this place, for the Lord is about to destroy the city.” But he seemed to his sons-in-law to be jesting.” Genesis‬ ‭19‬:‭14‬ ‭ESV

   This left his daughters without husbands once they fled and out of desperation they took it upon themselves to rectify their situation at the time in a way that made sense to them. I am not going to comment on what they did and my thoughts on it but you can read it in Genesis 19:30-38.

2. Lot was sluggish to act in the morning when it was time to flee nevertheless, the outcome of this, is demonstrative of God’s merciful nature and faithfulness to Abraham.

   “As morning dawned, the angels urged Lot, saying, “Up! Take your wife and your two daughters who are here, lest you be swept away in the punishment of the city.” But he lingered. So the men seized him and his wife and his two daughters by the hand, the Lord being merciful to him, and they brought him out and set him outside the city.” Genesis‬ ‭19‬:‭15‬-‭16‬ ‭ESV

3. Lastly, the most spoken about disobedience of this entire story: Lot’s wife. The escapees i.e. Lot, his wife and their two daughters, were given specific instructions to leave and not look back. A warning that Lot’s wife couldn’t resist thwarting which ended fatally for her.

   “And as they brought them out, one said, “Escape for your life. Do not look back or stop anywhere in the valley. Escape to the hills, lest you be swept away.” But Lot’s wife, behind him, looked back, and she became a pillar of salt.” Genesis‬ ‭19‬:‭17‬ & 26‬ ‭ESV

   In the case of Lot and his family, they were visited and rescued by angels which you’d think would evoke a sense of belief and urgency, yet it was digested with mixed reactions. As tempting and easy as it may be to judge Lot and his family, we do the same thing every time we ignore the Holy Spirit’s warnings or instructions. What we need to remember is that we have a 2D view of life, whereas God exists outside of time and space. His view, knowledge and wisdom is without limitation. So when you hear that still, small voice that you know belongs to God, listen to the whispers.

   Love,

   Dara

Eczema has been the bane of my existence since before I can remember. I had it as a baby and have dealt with flare ups intermittently throughout my life. People who have never dealt with eczema, usually oversimplify it and advise, just try this or that. Anyone who has been afflicted with this condition first hand, will understand when I say that it is extremely complex, poorly understood and there is no one size fits all remedy or cure. You can change your diet, take appropriate supplements, have a water tight skin regiment and still not see results or begin seeing improvement and then plateau or regress without an obvious reason. Also, just because something eradicated the eczema on one person’s skin, does not mean it will do the same for everybody. Between managing the scratch itch cycle, lichenification and TSW it can send you in a tail spin of frustration, sadness, self-consciousness and even depression. You can pray repeatedly, in addition to trying every oral and topical remedy there is and still feel like you’re slowly or rapidly sinking in quick sand.

Sometimes, I don’t know what is more frustrating. Trying so hard in your own strength and knowledge to improve this condition, or praying continuously for healing to no avail. The former is frustrating because you wonder why remedies that have worked for others don’t work for you or why remedies that once yielded results for you, seem to be now letting you down. Whereas the latter is disheartening because God is a healer and restorer. I know for a fact that he can heal me, my condition, as dire as it may feel and be to me, it is not too big for Jehovah Rapha to cure. Knowing that, believing it and seeing evidence of that truth in his word and by way of testimonies, without then receiving the same healing you have prayed for, can produce a whole host of emotions. It is disheartening, annoying, saddening and sometimes frankly angering to try and understand why healing has missed you. God is a healer, so why hasn’t he healed me?

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“So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited.”

“Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians‬ ‭12‬:‭7‬-‭9‬ ‭ESV

I just want to make it clear that I am not Paul. I do not boast about having eczema nor am I remotely happy about it and quite frankly, I see no positivity in not being able to recognise myself in the mirror. I guess this article is more of a lament than a, ‘I have it all figured out,’ piece which I think is important. Honesty, because God knows how I feel anyway, so why am I lying about it. Even though, I am still dealing with the effects of this condition and I still don’t recognise myself in the mirror, I have hope. Hope that one day I will have my skin back, hope that one day I won’t be constantly in inflamed and dealing with hyperpigmentation. Hope that one day the thought of going outside won’t be so taxing as I have to evaluate how best to cover the worst parts of me, that bring me incessant irritation and evoke sadness. Hope that one day my children will see my face clear and free. I have hope because I have no guarantee of healing this side of heaven but I have God.

Eczema and the effects thereof are still the bane of my existence and yes I know many people have ailments and diseases that far outweigh what I am dealing with in severity. That being said I can only speak about my experience and the impact it has in my life. If you have been praying for a healing miracle and it has not yet arrived, understand these three things:

1. God is still good. Psalm 136:1

2. Battling illness is not automatically an indication of sin or punishment. John 9:1-3

3. It is okay to grieve your circumstances but remain hopeful. Psalm 42:5

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans‬ ‭8‬:‭28‬ ‭ESV

Recently, I have been fighting fatigue and most days it is winning. There are so many things I would like to do. I wake up in the morning with grand plans to tackle a weeks or months worth of a to do list and at some point, plans get derailed and my body comes to a screeching halt. You may be thinking, “girl you are trying to do too much,” and you would be correct. I always am, because in my mind, time moves at an unrealistic pace and I convince myself that I can accomplish a myriad of tasks, all at the same time. I often tell my son, “mama is not an octopus” but no wonder he thinks I am, when I behave like one most days.

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I would hazard a guess, that many mamas reading this can relate to wanting to accomplish so many tasks in a day but not being physically able to. Some may say, society places so many expectations upon us as women, as mothers, as wives, which ever is applicable to you. Others may say we encumber ourselves with such astronomical expectations that we can and should be able to do everything because we have been doing it for so long. A fair assessment would be that both perspectives are true in terms of the origin of the pressure upon us, although the ratios are likely to differ from person to person. If this is you, I would like you to slow down for a moment, stand in front of a mirror and ask yourself, “am I being kind to myself?” If the answer is no, then it may be time to reevaluate and shift your current modus operandi.

“And on the seventh day God finished his work that he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all his work that he had done. So God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it God rested from all his work that he had done in creation.” ‭‭~ Genesis‬ ‭2‬:‭2‬-‭3‬ ‭ESV

After creating the world, God rested. Not because he was tired because he who is omnipotent cannot tire. God rested as an example to his image bearers that we need rest. That is the purpose of the sabbath, to rest and replenish but we do not have to wait for the sabbath to rest. Our bodies speak to us and tell us what we need on a regular basis, but we have a choice as to whether we take heed these warnings or continue to ignore them to our detriment. If we viewed rest as an act of worship, we might approach our days differently.

“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” ~ ‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭6‬:‭19‬-‭20‬ ‭ESV

Burnout has become normalised and to some extent, we are celebrated for pushing ourselves to the brink of exhaustion, once it results in a pretty picture. Once we have attained our professional goals or the house looks instagram worthy. As mothers, we need to centre ourselves and remember the children we are raising are paramount. Being present for them is ministry. We are shaping and stewarding God’s image bearers and I say this not to reinforce pressure, but to shift the hierarchy of importance and place things in their intended perspective. Dishes will always need washing, laundry will accumulate and stare at you with an heir of accusation, the toys will cause your living room to mimic the aftermath of a natural disaster. So what? Some days you may be able to tackle it all, other days you might leave it all for the sake of resting and making memories with your littles.

Whether you are a stay at home mum, a working mum or a running my own business mum, your body needs rest by design. You’re teaching your children by example to honour the blessing of self that God gave them. To worship God through stewarding his temple. You are exercising the fruit of the spirit by displaying kindness and being honest with yourself by saying I can only do, what I can do and that is perfectly fine.

Covetousness. A topic that is rarely spoken about and when it is, we often talk about it in a way that puts the sin on others as opposed to ourselves.

“You shall not covet your neighbour’s house; you shall not covet your neighbour’s wife…” ‭‭Exodus‬ ‭20‬:‭17‬ ‭ESV

We think, well I’m not lusting after another’s spouse or envious of their house, so I am fine. When we limit it to what we deem to be “obviously” sinful, we negate the nuances of what it means to covet and the dangers of it. We become blind to how we do it in every day life and justify it because we are coveting what we are lacking.

I watched a video: Covetousness: The Sin Behind the Sin and it was the main catalyst for this article. I highly recommend you watch in your own time. It provoked me to explore all the ways in which I covet and justify it because I am lacking or have always felt that I was lacking in certain areas. Lack is something I have been confronted with a lot recently, especially because the ways in which I feel I am lacking whispered in childhood but are screaming in adulthood. It is not that I needed them less as a child but contentment is easier when you have not seen as much. As an adult, it can become more difficult because of the exposure to possibilities and the lives of others. Whether they are known to you or virtual strangers whose lives you peek at on social media, this exposure can stir up quiet feelings that grow into covetousness.

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Not everyone desires a massive house or a fancy car, some people may wish their body looked a certain way but they may have always struggled with obesity. For another, it could be longing for a spouse while simultaneously seeing peers get married or enter relationships with ease, whilst you’re single. Or you may be struggling financially and it seems like others your age are thriving in that area. Whatever it is for you, these areas in which we feel we are lacking, can lead to coveting said thing. Now let us clarify something, having a desire for something is not inherently bad. In fact, it can be a positive motivating factor for change and elevation in your life. I often see what others have and it stirs a sense of hope that something is possible with hard work and dedication. A practise that I have done for some years now is to thank God for blessing people when I hear or see good news about a friend or a stranger, which is good heart posture to maintain.

The problem arises when we begin obsessing over said object or circumstance. The heart shifts from I am happy for this person that they have X, to “I want what they have,” “I deserve what they have.” “Why don’t I have what they have?” Then we ruminate on those thoughts, building them into idol in our lives instead of looking to God for our provision. For me, I really wish I had my mum, which is a longstanding yearning however, becoming a mother and realising that my peers with mothers, are aided and ushered in their own journey into motherhood in a way that I could only dream of. Worse yet, when I see that the assistance given is not being appreciated, it becomes a source of frustration.

Underneath covetousness, there is often a foundation of unbelief that God will provide for us. This is true especially when the wounds of childhood, follow us into adulthood. In all that we feel we need or want that we do not have, it is crucial to remember that God is still good and wants to provide for us. Luke 12:24

“Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us,” Ephesians‬ ‭3‬:‭20‬ ‭ESV

In my case, my mum is not going to miraculously walk through the door after almost 27 years with the Lord however, God can provide what I need by way of support and comfort, whether that be through him or others. It may not mirror the idealistic yearning of my heart but it might just be exactly what I need.

There are times in our lives when we think no one is watching, then God sends someone to stand in the gap for us in ways that are significant to only us. However, it is in these moments when God reminds us that he knows us, loves us and cares about us in ways the people around us may not. This help we receive may be designed to fulfil a need we have at the time e.g. someone randomly paying an overdue bill or it could be something ostensibly smaller, more individual to who we are as people. I have experienced the latter much more than the former in my life and if you are not a believer, you may just think there are just kind people, which there are. For someone like me however, who grew up feeling largely invisible, these seemingly minor acts of kindness, helped remind me that my Heavenly Father was indeed with me. He saw me and he cared.

“For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you.” Isaiah‬ ‭41‬:‭13‬ ‭ESV

With all of that being said, let me formerly introduce the person I wish to highlight today, Marilyn.

Marilyn was a person you noticed when she entered the room. She had a naturally warm yet commanding presence due to her tall, statuesque frame, genuine nature and welcoming smile. She sang soprano in the choir at St. Marks Methodist Church in Manhattan, New York. At the time, I lived in Queens but went to church at St. Marks Methodist. At eight years old, I was new to the country and found solace in books to escape the reality of my ever evolving environment. Marilyn noticed me. The skinny little girl with glasses who was always carrying a book. One day she stopped me and with an inviting smile on her face said, “you like to read, huh?” Which was an understatement because I loved to read. I told her yes and she handed me a book with a picture of a little girl on it that looked like me.

Marilyn explained to me that as I hadn’t been in the States for that long, it would be good for me to learn a bit about the history and culture of the country. I cannot remember the name of the book but I do remember the subject matter. It was the first in a series of books where the protagonist was a little girl who was born into a family that was either currently or formerly enslaved. Her brother at some point joined the military and would write letters to communicate with his family. Anyway, I am a little fuzzy on the details but I found the book to be enthralling. The next Sunday, Marilyn was aghast that I had completed the book in such a brief period of time. She bought me the whole collection which I read swiftly and thoroughly enjoyed. It was informative in places, sad in places and even though it was fictional, it possessed a ring of truth. Each instalment transported me to a period that I had previously known nothing about. Nonetheless, I quickly identified with the little black girl who’s family was displaced and navigating life under strain while loving each other through it.

Being bought those books at that time meant more than anyone realised, even me. I had lost my mum two years prior and was in a new country with my stepmother, who habitually minimised my achievements. My stepmother was a minister with two faces and let’s just say the one at home was not very pleasant, so to have someone take a vested interest in me was significant. Especially as that someone was a woman nurturing a passion of mine. I hope to see her again one day but I imagine that she probably would not remember this or remember me but she played a treasured role in my life for a brief period that I will never forget.

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