The college admissions process you remember isn’t the one your child is experiencing. And it’s rough out there. Today’s applicants are surrounded and besieged. They’re in a giant swirl of school information, rankings, chat rooms, social media, and admissions influencers. The advice coming at them might feel directive, urgent, and contradictory.

Your opportunity is the relationship you have with your child. Help your child ask probing questions so they can securely navigate the choices they will make. Help them ask “does this make sense?” when advice they receive challenges their direction. What are the credentials of the source? What is the motivation of the source? How does that advice feel? You can hold a space of stability, consistency, and security. You still might not be cool. But you just might be in touch and informed.

If there’s something I’ve realized after raising three teenagers, it is that they hit milestones at different times. They all crawled, walked, potty-trained, and slept through the night at different ages. Their teen years are no different. Teenagers are pressured to hit certain milestones at exactly the same time: Get your license at a certain age, figure out where you are going to school, and know where you’ll spend the next four years. I’ve learned the best thing I can do for my kids is to let them have the space to hit certain milestones when they are ready.

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• Prepare and cook a meal or bake a treat together

• Visit local museums and art galleries

• Go on a hike or nature walk

• Attend a local sports game

• Have a movie marathon night

• Play board or card games, family game night

• Attend community events or festivals

• Visit a nearby amusement park

• Have a picnic in the park

• Volunteer together at a local charity

This is just the top 10; read the complete list for 100 ideas.

As a working mom, I couldn’t offer to help at school very often. But when I could volunteer — at a class party, a fundraising event, or field trip — I felt as though I had wandered into a foreign land where other moms knew each other’s first names rather than just their identities as “so and so’s mom,” and seemed to exude a magical, nearly tribal bond with one another. Sometimes it’s really hard to connect with the ‘other’ moms.

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Recently, a student came to me, her college counselor, and told me she didn’t know how to answer a question on her application to an Ivy League university. This particular student was at the top of her class: she had taken every advanced course available to her and earned straight As, she had over a 1550 on the SAT, and she had awards and accolades lining her bedroom shelves. There weren’t many questions she couldn’t answer, but this one had stumped her: What brings you joy?

Colleges want good teammates, good friends, good citizens. Colleges want good humans. Our children’s lives need to revolve around more than academic achievements and goals. Instead, it means encouraging teenagers to develop an understanding of what they care about and “how those cares can connect to opportunities in the adult world.” Instead of just “achieving to achieve,” ask teenagers to think about what brings them fulfillment, what drives them, and what they value… in short, what brings them joy, and how they can continue to pursue that in college and in their careers.

Whether heading to college, pursuing a trade, or starting a career, the preparation is intense. Sports, extracurricular activities, test prep, school projects, visits, applications, and social dynamics have turned our once self-sufficient children into young adults who need us now more than ever. It’s as if we’re back in those early parenting days, but this time, the stakes are even higher. We got a bit complacent (ok – cocky), thinking we had everything under control, and this new phase hit us HARD. This led me and my husband to an important conversation—we were in desperate need of a second parental leave. It’s a full-time job — scheduling, driving, talking, and navigating the complexities of their lives.

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As a parent with a background in academic advising and student life, I felt confident that my perspective would be valuable, but I quickly realized that it was essential to develop a few strategies (and even make a few rules for myself) to ensure a fruitful visit.

BEFORE your college visit:

• It is important to visit a college while classes are in session.

• As soon as you have a date for a visit, reserve your spot for a tour and an information session.

THE DAY OF your college visit:

• Leave early to get there early.

• During the tour, stay near the front.

• If you get an opportunity to eat in the dining hall, take it.

Read the full list here.

Teens WILL cause you discomfort. Perhaps in the form of a snarky comeback, an indignant eye roll, or narrowly missing a parked car while learning to drive. Oh my goodness, the fights that erupted in the front seat of my Mazda when my oldest had his permit, often right after my life and his passed before my eyes. As a parenting coach, educator, and mental health therapist, I often remark that a secret ingredient to raising healthy teens is increasing one’s tolerance for distress — at the parent level. Yes, you read that right. A lot of doing this parenting thing well comes down to learning to manage your own discomfort.

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• Look people in the eye

• Offer your seat to anyone older or less healthy than you

• Pocket your cell phone during meals

• Multi-tasking doesn’t always save you time

• Know who your friends are

Read the full list here.

Parents and students alike already know the reputations of many wish-list schools. We see various lists and rankings, most notably from US News & World Report, where the Ivy League schools — and their cousins — jockey for position each year. But all these important metrics don’t tell the anxious mother in me what I really want to know: Which colleges are kind? Which universities naturally attract and foster students who exhibit kindness? For just a moment, I’d like to forget about ‘reach’ schools and ‘safety’ schools. I’d like to hear which ones will make my kid feel safe and reach for him if he needs help.

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• Shower every day: Good personal hygiene isn’t optional; it’s about respecting yourself and others around you.

• Keep your phone charged: Staying reachable is important and can even be a safety issue when teens are out and about.

• See chores through from start to finish: Tasks like laundry, trash, and dishes shouldn’t be half-done — follow through builds responsibility.

• Eight-hour off rule: Your electronics, and you, must be off for eight consecutive hours each night.

  

I often sit in wonder and marvel at the fact that I am already a parent of a kid who is at the edge of 17. With a heart overflowing with all the emotion. The edge of 17 feels like the real turning point of youth. Where the pressures of the future begin to weigh down. The endless questions about life plans after high school. The standardized tests lurk around the corner. One more summer before the wind blows him in a new direction. The beginning of the end of a journey that in so many ways feels like it just began. I watch him, from a close distance but a distance all the same. Glimpses of a future I know is coming so quickly and that I will not be a part of every day anymore.

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• Explore and label what’s going on with your teen’s friendships

• Normalize your child’s experience so they don’t feel alone

• Help teens see patterns in behaviors and social dynamics

• Encourage them to find new peer groups or opportunities

• Create a sense of belonging at home, even if friendships are unstable

I have five teens and I am surviving but barely. I call it the ‘Alien Theory.’ At some point between the ages of 13 and 19, your child comes and goes. The kid you have fed, comforted, cheered for, and known better than anyone on earth is still in there. But some days, someone else entirely shows up in their place. The alien is not a person, it is a personality, a mood that possesses your kid without warning and drives off with your car keys and your patience.

Teens save their worst behavior for the person they are closest to, not because they do not love you, but because they do, because they know your love is not going anywhere. You are the safe place, and being the safe place means you absorb the worst of them while the rest of the world gets the version they are carefully managing.

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• The courage to ask for help: Teens often feel that confusion is a sign of failure; they need to know that reaching out to a professor or advisor for help is a vital part of being an adult.

• Recovering from setbacks: College is often the first place a high-achieving student faces a bad grade or a social rejection; they need practice getting back up and understanding that a single struggle doesn’t define their future.

• Building personal structure: Moving from a micro-managed high school schedule to total freedom is a shock; teens must learn to create their own routine, such as regular sleep patterns and meal times, to avoid becoming overwhelmed.

Click here for the full list.

It was easy to feel comfortable and connected to my children during the middle school years. This sweet spot stretched into junior high, peaked, then heartbreakingly plummeted off the charts. Overnight, I became an annoying person who knew absolutely nothing. Banned from being seen in public with them, I was forced to parent on the sidelines. Everything changed. How did it happen that I’m now officially ‘The Enemy?’

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Because here’s what most families get wrong: They focus on filling time instead of building a strong college application. The truth is, not all summer activities matter. Some actually do very little to improve admissions outcomes, while others can significantly increase your teen’s chances of getting accepted and earning merit scholarships.

Stephanie walks you through:

• The 3 things students must prioritize this summer to stay competitive

• How to get ahead on the Common App and essays before senior year

• What admissions officers actually look for (and what they ignore)

• How to choose the right mix of jobs, internships, or projects

• What to do if expensive programs aren’t an option

• How to position your teen for scholarships and financial aid

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Here is the thing nobody tells you about raising competent kids: competence feels like rejection at first. You spend fifteen years being the answer to their questions, and then one day, you are no longer the first number they dial when something goes wrong. That is, objectively, the goal. You want to raise a person who can handle the world. You want to work yourself out of a job.

“I don’t need you to fix it, I just need to say it out loud.” I am no longer the man he calls when the laptop overheats. I am the man he talks to when the friendship is breaking. I’ll take it.

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College is the best four years of your life: College may be three and a half, or three or two of the best years of your life, or it may not be; it often includes an adjustment period with highs, lows, homesickness, and uncertainty rather than instant happiness.

You need to find your passion: Finding a passion is great if it happens, but not having one does not prevent a happy, successful life, and you shouldn’t feel pressure to force or chase one that may not appear in a clear way.

Keep all your options open: Keeping every option open can lead to indecision, while real progress comes from making choices, committing to opportunities, and adapting when things don’t work out.

The first time my daughter drifted toward the center line while driving, I grabbed the wheel. It was a reflex. And the thing that finally landed on me, sitting in that silence, was this: the dangerous driver in the car that day wasn’t the sixteen-year-old. It was me.

Teaching a teenager to drive is the first big thing where intervening is the mistake. We white-knuckle it. We suck air through our teeth at every yellow light. I finally understood that my fear was contagious, that the moment I tensed up, she tensed up, and a tense driver is a worse driver.

The whole job of that year, it turns out, was learning to believe she could, calmly, steadily, with my hands in my lap, long enough for her to believe it too. Here is what 50 hours in the passenger seat of the car taught me about letting go.

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• The challenging of authority, ideas, and the world is a gift, revealing how they think, what they value, and who they are becoming.

• Teens are genuinely funny, offering humor that is clever, self-aware, and often as entertaining as adults.

• Watching them with friends is a joy, full of laughter, warmth, and reminders of how far they’ve grown.

• They are often kind and thoughtful, showing tenderness and generosity in ways that can surprise and delight.

Despite the mood swings and eye-rolls, these years provide some of the richest experiences in raising a child, reminding parents that the teen stage, with all its ups and downs, can truly be the best time to watch your child grow and flourish.

We need to choose our words carefully — especially the ones we offer our children. I used to think I was being supportive, even encouraging, when I told my sons things like, “You’re going to do great things,” or “You’re going places, kid.” Those words came from love. From the belief in who they are and what they’re capable of. But in hindsight, I see that it may have been carelessness, not thoughtlessness, that led me to contribute to a culture of quiet, crushing expectations. ​​The weight of our words: What I no longer tell my kids about their future.

Amazon Prime Day is happening June 23-26. We’ve rounded up excellent deals on storage, study supplies, bedding, beauty, tech, and more for your teen and your entire family.

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Dr. Lisa Damour, clinical psychologist, best-selling author, and mother, shares strategies for parents to help teens avoid many common dangers:

• Strategize in advance: Help your teen think through tempting scenarios ahead of time so they arrive with a plan they can stick to.

• Brainstorm acceptable excuses: Work with your teen to come up with prepared excuses they can use to avoid drinking or other risky behavior.

• Send two messages at once: It’s okay to tell your teen not to drink and to call you if something goes wrong, because their safety comes first.

• Know the most important message: Reassure your teen that you will never punish them for asking for help, so they always feel safe reaching out.

Full list here.

As I pick up my son from school, I notice something smeared all over his white T-shirt. I’ve had many confrontations about his clothing, if he’s taken a shower, or done his homework on time, and he just doesn’t care. He keeps his room looking like a nightmare, and when I tell him to clean it up, it consists of him filling the sink with dirty dishes and throwing everything else under the bed. To the mom with a teen who just doesn’t seem to care, you are not alone.

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I can feel the heat of frustration radiating from this normally placid man who is “on the brink of volcanic eruption” over our son.

“How can he be so lazy?”

We are guilty, my husband and me. Guilty of wanting more for our son than he wants for himself, guilty of expecting him to perform at his best, always, and guilty of being disappointed when he does not.

Like many parents, we look at him and think: This boy is bright; imagine if he really put his mind to it. Imagine if he really ‘did his best.’ Do we need him to be a straight-A student just because he has the potential? Can we not accept his choice sometimes to be a B or C student because that’s all he’s got to give today, because his life is about more than paper qualifications? After all, it’s his life, not ours.

When we begin our search for the right college, we consider all the obvious things: big, small, private, public, urban, rural, a preponderance of Greek life or very little, great food options or mediocre ones? Or sometimes, we feel like we’ll know the right place when we see it and we let our emotions take over. But given the enormity of the investment, there are things that we should focus on that we sometimes gloss over. We asked members of Grown and Flown Parents what they DID NOT consider when looking at colleges but wished they had:

• What percentage of students live on campus?

• What is the school’s 4-year graduation rate?

• What is the school’s retention rate?

• What is the school’s grading system?

• How tight is campus security?

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• College Motto: A college’s motto reveals its core values, mission, and culture, making it a useful clue when evaluating fit and writing supplemental essays.

• Day in the Life Videos: Watch multiple student-made “Day in the Life” videos to gain a more authentic and balanced perspective on campus life.

• Admissions Outreach and Communications: The responsiveness and helpfulness of the admissions office can indicate the level of support students will receive.

• On-Campus Events and Activities: Exploring typical weekend events helps you understand campus culture.

• Popular Student Clubs: Looking at the most active and influential clubs reveals what aspects of campus life shape the student experience.

If your teen seems incapable of committing to plans — or takes an entire group chat and hours of back-and-forth just to decide on a simple outing — you’re not alone. This mom reflects on how frustrating it is to watch her teens fumble through organizing something as basic as going to the fair. She contrasts their indecision with the no-nonsense planning of her own youth and explores why this generation seems so overwhelmed by even minor logistics. What happened to just making a plan and sticking to it?

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She urges parents to prioritize their children’s mental health over academic achievements and extracurriculars, highlighting that the pressure to excel can lead students to compromise their sleep, nutrition, and social lives. By fostering an environment where mental health is openly discussed and prioritized, families can help ease the transition to college and support their teens in navigating this significant life change.

What starts as a quick trip to pick out a prom tux turns into one of those unexpected parenting moments where everything hits at once. One mom finds herself watching her son try on formalwear and, almost without meaning to, thinks back through all the versions of him she’s known over the years. It’s not just about prom or clothes — it’s about realizing how close he is to stepping fully into his own life, while she’s still holding onto the kid he used to be.

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• Financial Discussions: Initiate conversations early about the cost of college, potential loans, and the long-term financial implications to ensure informed decision-making.

• Balanced Involvement: Create shared tools like Google spreadsheets to track deadlines and college information, and establish regular check-ins to stay updated without dominating the process.

• Encourage Independence: Support your teen in taking ownership of their college search and application process, offering guidance and resources as needed.

By adopting these strategies, parents can effectively support their teens in the college admissions journey while fostering independence and confidence. For a comprehensive list of all 50 suggestions, you can read the full article here.

A teen saves up for gas and insurance, starts driving himself places, and suddenly, a parent is confronted with one of those unexpected emotional moments that sneaks up on you. Beneath the excitement of keys, freedom, and first real responsibilities is something deeper: the realization that the child you used to drive everywhere is now learning how to navigate the world on their own. Grabbing the keys, calling out a quick bye, and walking away without looking back, already stepping into the next version of life, and this mom couldn’t have been prouder.

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The moment your child turns 18, you lose automatic legal access to their medical information, their financial accounts, and their academic records. It doesn’t matter if they’re still on your insurance or you’re still paying tuition. The law changes, and most families don’t find out until they’re in the middle of a situation where it really matters.

We sat down with Neil Neilsen from Mama Bear Legal Forms to walk through exactly what documents your student needs before they leave for college — and why getting them in place is simpler than you think.

Once you’ve watched, head to Mama Bear Legal Forms to get everything done in one place. It takes less time than you’d expect, and once it’s crossed off your list, you won’t have to think about it again.

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Writing a college essay has somehow become one of the most stressful parts of the admissions process, but former director of international admissions at Dartmouth College, Becky Munsterer Sabky, says students are overthinking it. She breaks down what actually makes a personal essay work:

1. Be specific: Admissions officers don’t need a summary of one’s entire summer. Instead, a simple moment can capture the energy and experience.

2. Don’t write an essay about your grandmother, your soccer coach, or Hermione Granger.

Read on for her full list of tips and secrets on how to write a winning personal essay.

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• Don’t talk to them like they aren’t smart enough to choose good friends: Spend time with your teen doing something they enjoy and ask about their friends in a way that shows curiosity and compassion.

• Stop talking and listen: Let your teen explain what they like about their friends so they can feel empowered to make healthy decisions on their own.

As parents, we are constantly faced with the conundrum of how much to tell our children about ourselves and our lives before them, our mistakes, and our own poor choices. Is there any value to secrecy within a family? How much of our past should we tell our children?

According to Carl Pickhardt, author of Holding on While Letting Go: Parenting Your Child Through the Four Freedoms of Adolescence, it matters more than you might think. Pickhardt asserts that self-disclosure is a skill we should model for our teenagers — essentially, if we want them to share what’s going on in their lives, we must reciprocate.

The more we are willing to share our lives with our kids, the more we’ll promote strong connections by allowing ourselves to be honest. This ability to communicate with each other will be a far more potent tool to help them survive the struggles of adolescence than using secrecy to create an unattainable sense of perfection.

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Reduce stress with a clear plan for each semester (grades 9–12) to help your teen find colleges that are an academic, social, and financial fit.

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• Explore and label what’s going on with your teen’s friendships

• Normalize your child’s experience so they don’t feel alone

• Help teens see patterns in behaviors and social dynamics

• Encourage them to find new peer groups or opportunities

• Create a sense of belonging at home, even if friendships are unstable

Let’s be real: You asking your kid what they want to be when they grow up for the umpteenth time isn’t going to create a lightbulb moment. And asking them to share their feelings or limiting beliefs will probably get an eye roll. So what CAN you ask your teen to connect with them and get them excited about their future? Here are questions to ask your teen to motivate them without annoying them:

• What would you do after graduation if money weren’t a factor and nothing bad could happen?

• What would make you jump out of bed at 6 am on a Saturday?

• If you could drop one thing in your life without consequence (a person, a subject, a class, an activity), what would it be?

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More schools than ever are asking students to declare a major before they even set foot on campus. And with AI reshaping careers faster than any of us expected, the pressure around that decision is very real.

We sat down with Adam Weinberg, President of Denison University, and he gave us the kind of practical, reassuring advice we wish someone had given us sooner.

Here’s what he covers:

• Why so many students feel pressure to declare early, and how to help them think through it

• The questions your student should actually be asking before they choose a major

• What a successful college experience really looks like (hint: it’s about a lot more than grades)

• How you can support your student through this without taking over

• Why the AI job market shift is worth understanding, but not panicking over

Adam also walks through the four things that matter most for student success: academics, finding the right peers and mentors, building good life skills and habits, and yes, finding the right major. And he’s very specific about how parents fit into each one.

It’s a really good conversation. We think you’ll find it helpful wherever your student is in the process.

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Adam Weinberg is the 20th President of Denison University, with a background in sociology, international education, and a career focused on student outcomes and career readiness.

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As parents of teens and young adults, we’ve witnessed countless trends come and go. But the latest phenomenon sweeping through high schools is something we never expected: Grandmacore. Yes, you read that right. Our tech-savvy, social media-obsessed kids are suddenly embracing activities traditionally associated with their grandparents’ generation. What is Grandmacore?

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