The last week of summer is a strange time of year, it often feels as though we are in a liminal space, summer is pretty much over whether you are savoring the last strands of it or ready to jump into fall. You are neither here nor there, as if in a dream state. I believe it also makes it the perfect time to think about your dreams, and the importance of them. Because I don’t think we think or talk enough about our dreams. Certainly we think about our fears (or at least I do) often enough, particularly in the state of the world right now. But how much time do we devote to our dreams? How often do we tend to them, nurture them and feed them?

And I am not referring to the ‘I hope to get a promotion soon or I really want to get a new car’ dreams, I mean the ‘how could she have the audacity to have that outrageous of a dream’ kind of dreams. The kind of dreams where you reach the end of your life and look back and say to yourself, ‘f*** yeah, I really went for it, I did the thing that my soul was craving, and I truly LIVED life to its fullest.’ From my experience, nothing really forces you to analyze your life and whether you are fully going after your dreams quite like getting cancer.

When I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer I had just purchased 9 acres of land in Costa Rica and was planning to move to the jungle. So after my quick assessment of whether or not I was in fact going after my most audacious dreams, I realized I actually was. (the fact that both my parents still thought it was an insane idea was also a good indicator of that) As it turned out, cancer and cancer treatment meant the timeline would be a bit different. And although I was very frustrated about that at the time, in the long run that was probably better because my dream for the property has evolved a bit in terms of what I want to do. If anything, it has become even more audacious. Also, big dreams take time and as they say, Rome was not built in a day. So as we find ourselves in this small weird liminal space of time, I thought what better time to share my dreams for my property and what I am in the process of building.

The Intention

When I purchased the property there were three questions I asked myself that have informed all of my decisions and my overall vision for the property which are:

• How can I nourish the ecosystem so the plants, bugs, birds and animals can all thrive here? (my property is bordered by a river so there is a natural ecological corridor that runs through it so I feel a tremendous responsibility to do right by this ecosystem)

• How can I make this feel like you have been transported to the most achingly beautiful and magical place that you have ever been?

• How can I do both together?

The first question I knew I was completely out of my depth and would need to find an expert willing to work with me. Thankfully I now have an amazing eco-engineer (someone who specializes in reforestation) and will go into more detail in a later post about everything we have done and are doing including the food forest and over 500 plants we planted in 2024.

The second question came pretty quickly and easy to me in terms of the overall visual vision I had for the property and what I wanted the experience to look and feel like. I knew I wanted it to calm your nervous system, I knew I wanted it to feel like a magical intersection of nature, art and beauty, and I knew I wanted it to feel like a visual and literal paradise that surprises, delights and enchants you. For me, everything also starts with the land. From there I narrowed in on the overarching concepts I wanted to inform and shape the experience of the land which include the following:

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Ancient Inspiration

I have a little bit of an obsession with Ancient Greece, both from the aesthetic of the architecture and the art to Ancient Greek Mythology. When it comes to creating beauty, the Ancient Greeks did not mess around and understood that the math really mathed when it came to the Golden Ratio (which is credited with being discovered around 300 BCE). Their marriage of harmony and proportion is one that has stood the test of time while I love their incorporation of natural shapes and elements into the art, architecture and mosaics. As I want one to feel transported when you are within my gardens, incorporating this ancient aesthetic in different ways into the landscape can lend a timeless feel. I also love the idea of outdoor built environments that evoke the feeling of ruins rather than something that is new and perfect.

Sculptural Immersive Gardens

There are many things I am focusing on in terms of the plants I choose for my property including what will feed the native animals best, particularly those that are endangered and how to replace the tree canopy for the monkeys (an essential part of the eco-system). But I also love the idea of plants as living sculptures and growing a sculpture garden based on the shapes, sizes and colors of the plants. I believe that a garden is in fact a work of art and with so many stunning plants to choose from, the possibilities seem quite delightfully endless.

Surrealist Sculptures

I really want my gardens and property to feel like you have walked into a dream and like no place you have ever been. So naturally I thought what better way to do that than to incorporate sculptures and planters that seem to bend one’s sense of reality. Perhaps instead of staring at screens all day we all could use a good tumble down the rabbit hole once in a while? A huge part of this inspiration came from Edward James’ enormous surrealist garden Las Pozas, located on over 80 acres of pools and waterfalls in Mexico…..which truly boggles the mind.

Portals

Speaking of being transported, in my opinion nothing seems to do that faster than walking through a portal. The best part is a portal can be almost anything as long as it evokes a doorway one can walk through. From using natural materials such as wood or even a living tree to more significant structures made of stone or metal that plants can grow around- the possibilities are only limited by one’s imagination.

Pools Immersed in Nature

Nothing relaxes my nervous system quicker than immersing myself in a body of water. When I think of the perfect day I imagine it spent with friends in a garden, eating and hanging out and when it gets too hot, to go for a dip. I love the idea of a dipping pool or small body of water that is secluded and nestled in amongst the plants - perhaps even a little like Artemis and her nymphs.

Delightful Vignettes

Another element I often think about is what is the journey of a place? For me the places and gardens I have visited that have been the most delightful always had at least one part of that is either unexpected or hidden. With that in mind I plan to have small vignettes throughout the property ready to be discovered, surprise and delight. Whether it is for people to sit down for a morning cup of tea, meet someone for lunch, or even just read a book they will all serve as opportunities to connect - with themselves, with others and with nature.

In summary, this is also very much about a co-creative process with nature for me, and as much about the journey as it is about the destination. I strongly believe that when humans co-create in harmony with nature, that is where magic happens and that is where we become re-enchanted with nature. And above everything else, that is my hope for my property for I think a re-enchantment is exactly what we are craving right now, whether we are aware of it or not. Also life is short, so we might as well go out and do the thing we really want.

Thank you for reading!

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I also realized that I am not limited to Chaos Gardening but a few other gardening styles or rather, Archetypes (namely Maestro and Mystic and an occasional Bandit). So with my newfound self-honesty, I thought it would be a fun little exercise to come up with Garden Creature Archetypes. I based these on the general categories outlined in Carl Jung’s own Archetype Theory which states that ‘universal, inborn models of people, behaviors and personalities reside within the collective unconscious - a shared reservoir inherited from our ancestors’1 Jung outlined 12 specific archetypes, I followed his general guidelines for those and threw in a couple of others I felt I would be remiss not to include. Can you land on which ones fit your gardening style?

The MAESTRO: A creative visionary, you do not do things halfway and live by the motto go big or go home. You have a vision and although some might take you for a chaos gardener at times (and you can certainly be both), they don’t see that there is a bigger picture at play here. You are a world maker, while most people are stuck in the weeds you see the forest and the trees and are the maestro of it all (literally). It is not merely the plantings you treat as brush strokes, but the whole built environment with architectural spaces often within your grand vision and execution. Theater, whimsy, surrealism, the absurd and imagination of the mind are often found at play here. Famous Maestro’s include Ganna Walska (Lotusland), Vita Sackville-West (Sissinghurst), Edward James (Las Pozas), Monet (Gardens in Giverny)

The CAPTAIN: You are the opposite of chaos, you run a tight ship, everything is labeled and organized and has a place and a time to be planted. You are an operational mastermind, plants do not bloom without your approval and planning ahead is your love language. Similar to the maestro you have a vision but it is with absolute precision. Traditional French gardening or Japanese gardening is likely right up your alley and you thrive on always steering the ship and the direction. Famous Captain’s include the captain of all captains Martha Stewart and Bunny Williams.

The MOTHER: You do not like nature, you literally ARE nature, you are mother. You were born in the garden, you will die in the garden, and you are likely up to your ears in soil half the time with no better idea of fun than truly mucking in. If it was possible, plants would sprout from your fingers. Not only do you talk to the plants, but you have a relationship with them. In place of a green thumb you have a green body, humming with nature, you are the earth itself, nourishing all that is around you. Perhaps you are an herbalist by practice or have a profession directly related to nature in some way. Or like Sonja Guajajara pictured above, you are an activist and advocate for Mother Nature. Sonia is currently the Minister of Indigenous Peoples of Brazil, sits within the President’s cabinet and is an elected politician. Other mother archetypes include Harriet Tubman and Jane Goodall.

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The MYSTIC: You are esoteric and ethereal and here to do witchy shit whether you are casting spells or are an herbalist and healer. Your garden is likely filled with mugwort, yarrow, bay leaves and sage among other herbs and is imbued with magic. You were absolutely a witch in a past life as well as likely this one. Your gardening style is often intuitive, knowing what to plant when and for what purpose. And if anyone messes with your gardens or with you, best of luck to them…..they were warned. Famous Mystic gardener archetypes include the goddesses Circe, Hekate, Artemis and Gandalf the Grey from Lord of the Rings.

The PLEASURIST: Your garden is about pleasure and activating all the senses with a focus on smell, sight and touch. It is a sensual, erotic experience and one that Aphrodite herself would have envied and Dionysus admired. Exquisite beauty is your love language while it is likely you have numerous pollinators and an abundance of flowering plants with not only humans enjoying the pleasures but also the bees, butterflies and hummingbirds. Pleasurist garden creature archetypes include Greek Gods, Goddesses and lesser deities such as Nymphs, Aphrodite, Eros (Cupid) and Dionysus.

The CHAOS GARDENER: It is survival of the fittest in your garden, you adore gardening but also have so many ideas it might be hard to execute them all at once. Because you have so many projects going on simultaneously, the plants that do well are the hardiest and most adaptable. You sprinkle seeds and see what grows and you nurture and cajole on the days that you remember. The Chaos Gardener is also absolutely a spectrum, starting at just a little ADD and going all the way to Little Edie Beale (full chaos with the garden coming inside rather than staying out). Famous chaos gardener archetypes include Vita de Sackville (Sissinghurt) and Little Edie Beale (Grey Gardens). Also, me.

The EDIBLE GARDENER: At the core of your gardening practice is creating edible gardens, you are likely a chef or love cooking which is how you exercise one of your creative talents. Your garden is focused on creating food and you truly enjoy the fruits of your labor and nourishing yourself and those around you with your bounty. Famous Edible Garden Gardener archetypes include Edna Lewis, pictured above, an American Chef and Author who is widely recognized as one of the pioneers of the farm to table movement and known as the Grande Dame of Southern Cooking. Famous Edible Gardener and chef of Chez Panisse fame Alice Waters, often cites Edna Lewis as a major source of inspiration.

The ADVENTURIST: You are always trying new plants and seeing what might work, you are not afraid of failure but rather just afraid of being boring. In a past life you may have been an explorer, venturing to new lands and discovering new plant species. Anything everyone else has you want nothing of, you are constantly trying to see what might be unexpected and interesting and how to continue to mix things up, you are here for the plot (literally). There is also a large chance a bit part of the adventure for you is always learning, as you are always curious. Famous Adventurist Gardener archetypes include pictured above Maria Sibylla Merian who born in 1647 was a naturalist, artist as well as single mother whose work established that insects have a life cycle. In 1699 at the age of 52, she and her daughter traveled to Suriname in South America from which her book Metamorphosis Insectorum Surinamensium came about producing groundbreaking scientific research as well as some of the most stunning naturalist artwork and engravings. Other Adventurists include Charles Darwin and Margaret Mee.

The WINDOW GARDENER: You might not have an actual garden plot with soil per se and more than likely are an urban dweller, but that does not mean you cannot have your own potted garden of delights. You live and die by pots, whether they are on the fire escape or at your windowsill. You like that things are kept in their place and can easily be moved, it allows you to play and experiment without being overly committed as you enjoy your freedom. The beauty about being a Window Gardener is that it is available to literally everyone, anywhere as long as you have a little light, can get your hands on some seeds, a small pot and a little bit of soil.

The NEOPHYTE: You are a beginner gardener, excited to learn and learning as you go, likely just starting to dip your toe into the gardening world. Maybe you bought one plant or it was given to you, your main goal at this point is just to keep it alive. Or maybe some friend gave you some seeds and some soil. Regardless, everyone is a beginner at some point and there is no better place to start than with something easy and small.

The BANDIT: You are an expert at propagating which means much of your garden may in fact not be from the local nursery but from your evening trip to your neighbors yard for a quick trim. Your pruning shears are not far from wherever you are as who knows, maybe you see a lovely little varietal on the side of the highway or driving through the neighborhood, all you need is a quick snip and no one will be the wiser. Famous Bandits are hard to put a finger on because the best ones never get caught!

The BENEFICIARY: You do not in fact have a garden or even know how to garden, but you do so very much enjoy them and lucky for you, you have lots of friends who do. You can often be found lounging in your favorite friend’s garden or rolling out a picnic in the park. The best part about this Gardener Archetype is it requires zero effort and allows for maximum enjoyment as you bask in the fruits of all your friends’ labors.

The PATRON: This is the second of the two archetypes that are not in fact gardeners at all. Unlike the Beneficiary who only contributes their presence while enjoying the gardens of others, what you contribute as the Patron is the funds to create said magnificent gardens. Perhaps you still refer to yourself as a gardener but likely most of your friends know that the only gardening you do is pointing to different areas where your actual gardeners put in all the hard labor and effort. It is also likely that you have lots of friends who are beneficiaries, and can you blame them? Famous Patron Archetypes include pictured Queen Charlotte of Britain who is well known for her love of Botany and expanding Kew Gardens, Abby Aldrich Rockefeller who commission famous landscape architect Beatrix Ferrand for many projects, and of course King Louis XIV of France who commissioned Versailles.

Thank you for reading!

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I first met Heidi Smith in 2020 after purchasing and falling in love with her first book, The Bloom Book: A Flower Essence Guide to Cosmic Balance. Beginning with the story arc of past matriarchal societies and how patriarchal domination has impacted our health and wellbeing, the book takes the reader on a journey to wholeness through a re-connection with nature with the support of flower essences, a plant medicine modality. At the time I was living in the woods of North Carolina in the midst of the pandemic and it was as though the book illustrated everything I had been feeling and searching for - that nature was in fact, the answer. We ended up working together for her first book and her second book, The Uncommon Book of Prayer, while also becoming fast friends.

As a psychosomatic therapist, herbalist and flower essence practitioner, Heidi’s books are not only an extension of her work but in my humble opinion, imbued with magic, just like Heidi. She recently re-located from NYC to Paris with her husband and two cats to start a new chapter and life. As someone who has created a magical world and life centered around nature, I wanted to interview her to hear her perspective on what it feels like to move to Paris as a recent American expat and capture a glimpse of the experience through her own magical nature loving lens.

A New Life

As a longtime New Yorker who just moved to Paris in February, your first real season in Paris has been Spring (I am unquestionably, very jealous!). What did your first Spring as a full time resident in Paris feel and look like?

I won’t lie, Paris in the springtime is quite charming. The types of trees they have here (Chestnut and Sycamore) really go to sleep in the wintertime. It’s a lot of brown and grey. There’s not a lot of evergreens. So when the leaves start coming in it is a dramatic arrival of greens. I love passing the colorful tulips and poppies in the Tuileries. Parc des Buttes Chaumont has a waterfall! My favorite park, I think, is Parc Monceau, which feels wilder to me as you can sit on the grass.

How does living in Paris feel different than living in the US?

In addition to feeling more ease in a healthy work/life balance it has been nice to have some spaciousness from US politics. I still listen to WNYC and BBC News Hour, read the NYTimes, but its more global news here. You’re not bombarded with it as much, and I’m giving myself permission to enjoy how that feels.

I do feel calmer in some ways, but feeling like an outsider, the language barrier, having to move again—there’s an unsettled feeling for me, a somatic uneasiness. I’m not totally in my body here yet. A part of me wants more control, more permanence. I understand how fortunate we are to be as resourced as we are, and it’s still a difficult thing to uproot your life and move to another country. And learning/relearning another language in midlife is a great exercise, but also quite humbling.

With a new life comes a completely new routine. As someone whose life is very much centered in nature, what does your new routine look like and how is nature playing a role in that?

Nature is important to me, and yet I live predominately in cities, which is not the easiest for me energetically. I’m also very organized and do well with structure. I think one way nature is playing a role in my new routine here is just following the light, which is different here. I’m very sensitive to light and there is a lot of daylight this time of year! It is still light out at 10:30pm, and that has taken some getting used to. The days just keep going and I’m finding I have to pace myself. My cats, too, (we have two sister cats) are adjusting to the changes in the light. It will be interesting to see how it feels when we are plunged more dramatically into the dark in November.

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Do you have any new daily practices?

One practice for me right now is trying to let myself do absolutely nothing for 30 mins/day. No output, input only. One way I do this is stare out the window of my apartment at the sky. I love clouds. If I wasn’t an herbalist, I’d love to be a cloud scientist. I could look at clouds all day. There is something special about the light and clouds here in Paris. Everything looks like a painting to me. It’s really magical, I can’t tell what’s going on, so I just keep gazing and let my mind be spacious.

I know you are living in an apartment but have you bought any plants at all or started a balcony garden?

This is going to be a big project for me in our new apartment! It’s very important that we have plants for my cats as well as our wellbeing. As luck would have it, our new place overlooks the botanical garden of the pharmacy college (praise be, Universe!). Our place is on the fourth floor and that’s the floor that has a wider balcony so you can put potted plants out there. I’m hoping I can make it really nice, and maybe even attract some birds.

Do you feel that the French relate differently to nature than Americans do?

I appreciate this question. I would say that Europeans might hold a different reverence for nature. This is reflected in the quality of food, water, and produce, too. I spend a bit of time in England and you really see how they tend to the land there, there are a lot of gardens. There are not as many gardens here in Paris. You fly over the land in Europe and you can see the green, you can sense the land is in better shape.

I would say Parisians prefer a certain aestheticism with their nature that I don’t particularly love. Everything is very controlled, curated, e.g. the trees pruned into boxes. The espalier trees in the Jardin du Luxembourg are beautiful but kind of sad to me. None of the root systems are exposed. I wonder how good these choices are for the ecosystems in the parks. But then again, there’s an apiary in the Jardin du Luxembourg. No, you can’t sit on the grass there, but maybe that’s better for the plants and animals? I just observe the differences and wonder.

Paris Delights

Can you share what is currently delighting you and lighting you up the most in your new city?

In addition to the sky I guess I just love walking around and looking at art. I’ve met some new friends here and I love to see the city through their eyes. It’s cool to see people turned on by where they live. I’m most drawn to classical art. My favorite museum so far is the Musée de Cluny, which is Medieval art housed in an old castle from the Middle Ages, and before that it was an ancient Roman bath. Lots of myths and unicorns in the art. I think the Middle Ages are an underrated time of beauty, art, music, and also healing traditions. Many aspects of modernity are tough for me, and I can transport myself to another time here more easily, everything is so old.

The Lady & The Unicorn

*Fun Fact: The most famous work housed at the Musée de Cluny is the Lady and the Unicorn (La Dame à la licorne) tapestry series. Woven in the late 15th century, the work consists of six intricately detailed panels representing the five senses plus a ‘mysterious’ sixth sense, "À mon seul désir" (To my only desire).

What are your new local places for herbal remedies i.e. tea shops, supply stores etc?

The Herboristerie de la Place Clichy (founded in 1880 and one of Paris’ oldest and most renowned herbalist shops) is very good for herbs and supplies. There are a lot of beautiful tea shops in Paris. Conservatoire des Hémisphères has particularly lovely blends and the whole store looks as beautiful as it smells. Jugetsudo has high quality Japanese teas.

What are you most looking forward to for this first summer living in Paris and Eurupe? Any fun plans or gardens you are dying to go visit?

I still feel a bit overwhelmed here and so the idea of planning vacations and leaving the cats when they are still acclimating brings some anxiety for me. Every place has its own learning curve. I feel like I still have much to learn about Paris and the country. I’m trying to not take on too much and keep it simple. I traveled to Marseille last week with a friend and loved the vibe there. We may check out Archachon later in the summer. I must make it to the Monet Gardens in Giverny soon!

Thank you for reading!

If you enjoyed this story written by a real human (no AI!), please press the heart button 🏹💚🌿

If you are interested in reading more stories about creatives and the magical worlds they build centered around nature along with some of my own gardening (mis)adventures, hit subscribe on the link below (its free!).

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Like Harriet Tubman, Fannie Lou Hamer’s story is of a black woman who with astonishing strength, grit and resilience put her own life at risk to fight the very system designed to keep her impoverished and powerless. She is most known for her work as a civil rights leader who fought to register black voters, founded a political party and challenged a president while being an incredibly inspirational orator and singer. Although her work to empower Black Americans was primarily focused around political empowerment and voting access, she recognized that it was of equal importance to provide economic empowerment through the ability to grow and maintain one’s own food source. Like Harriet Tubman, Fannie Lou Hamer was also a Freedom Gardener.

Beginnings

Born in 1917, a few short years following Harriet’s death, to a sharecropping family in Montgomery County, Mississippi, Fannie Lou was the youngest of 20 children. For a black child born during the post-reconstruction era in the Deep South, it was a time of terror and deep racial oppression. Sharecropping by design was a system created to keep black tenant farmers perpetually impoverished and indebted to the land owners, this also meant young Fannie Lou was no stranger to hunger. By the young age of 6 Fannie Lou was put to work on the cotton fields.

Although there was limited access to education, Fannie Lou was able to attend the one-room school that was available to the children of sharecroppers between picking seasons and excelled in spelling bees and reciting poetry. By age 12 however she was forced to quit school to work full time and was soon picking between 200-300 pounds of cotton daily. As one of the few workers who could read and write, Fannie Lou became the plantation’s timekeeper once her abilities were discovered by the plantation owner. The organizational and oratory skills learned during this time would serve her well in the future.1

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A Civil Rights Leader is Born

Everything abruptly changed when in 1962 at the age of 45, after hearing for the first time she had the right to register to vote, Fannie Lou took a bus to the county seat in Indianola and unsuccessfully attempted to register to vote. When her employer learned of her actions, she was abruptly fired and evicted from the plantation she had spent nearly 20 years living and working on. 10 days later the home of a friend she was staying in was sprayed with 16 bullets in the middle of the night. Despite the eviction, dismissal and attempted assassination (of which it would not be the first), she was determined to succeed in both her registration and helping other Black Americans register to vote. Fannie Lou’s work as a civil rights leader had begun.2

Her political activism would include organizing the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee’s Freedom Summer, co-founding the Mississippi Freedom Democratic Party to challenge the all-white regular Mississippi delegation at the Democratic National Convention, co-founding the National Women’s Political Caucus and two runs for congress. Fannie Lou broke boundaries and played an essential role in the progress of the Civil Rights movement while shining a light on the atrocities against Blacks in America.3

The Freedom Farm Cooperative

As Fannie Lou knew from her own childhood, hunger served as another form of racial oppression in the South. She also knew however, that if someone can feed themselves, it becomes a lot harder to control them. Thus in 1969 Fannie Lou founded the Freedom Farm Cooperative to promote economic independence and food security for marginalized Black families.4 The co-op business model and details included the following:

• Size: The program began with 40 acres in Sunflower County, Mississippi, and eventually grew to over 640 acres

• Goals: The initial goals were to provide a reliable food source, improve overall nutrition, while providing affordable housing and entrepreneurship opportunities not afforded to Blacks in the South.

• Qualifications: you had to be poor and did in fact provided resources to anyone in need, regardless of race

• Dues: were $1 a month but only for those able to pay, with most being unable

• The Co-operative Format: allowed families to trade work hours for a bushel of the farm’s produce

• Funding: Cash crops of soybean and cotton were grown to fund the co-op

• Food: The remaining land was used to grow vegetables including cucumbers, peas, beans, squash, sweet potatoes, kale, tomatoes and collard greens and was distributed to those working on the co-op

• Housing: Housing was provided for over 70 families5

• Results: The program allowed 1500 families to be self sustaining by growing cash crops and vegetables

The Pig Bank

As part of the Freedom Farm Cooperative and with funding from the National Council of Negro Women, Hamer also started what she called a “Pig Bank” which provided free pigs for Black families to breed, raise, and slaughter. Program details included:

• Initial Livestock: Starting with 35 gilts and 5 boars, the bank provided an initial source of protein and future revenue to impoverished residents.6

• Revolving Fund: Participants raised a piglet for two years, brought it back to the bank for mating, and replenished the community bank by providing two pigs from every litter.

• Impact: By 1973, the FFC pig bank and related programs supported over 865 families in the Mississippi Delta region, yielding thousands of pounds of meat and helping marginalized residents avoid relying on exploitative, white-owned plantation credit.

Despite all Fannie Lou’s efforts of making the co-operative self-sustaining, after facing severe droughts, limited funding, and insufficient external support, the Freedom Farm Cooperative was forced to disband in 1976. Although ultimately not self-sustaining (in large part due to the institutionalized racial injustice and oppression), it still had a tremendous impact on the lives of those it was able to support and is an example of how when you empower people with the tools to help themselves, it provides not only personal but economic empowerment

Fannie Lou’s Legacy

Sadly Fannie Lou would pass away the following year in 1977 at the age of 59. Her official cause of death is stated as due to breast cancer, hypertension and heart disease. As a poor black woman from the Mississippi Delta however, Fannie Lou faced many health challenges throughout her life which likely contributed to her early death. These included contracting polio as a teenager, a hysterectomy against her consent while undergoing a minor elected procedure (the horrifying practice of sterilizing black women was so common in Mississippi the procedure was commonly known as a ‘Mississippi Appendectomy’) and a nearly fatal beating while in police custody in 1963 that left her with permanent kidney and eye damage.

The legacy she leaves behind serves as a reminder of what true courage and integrity look like even when it seems the odds are stacked against you. As Fannie Lou demonstrated, resistance and empowerment comes in many forms and one need look no further than your own backyard or a windowsill, in order to begin.

To plant a garden is to believe in the future, and right now more than ever I think all of us really want and need something to believe in. As we approach America’s big quarter millennia birthday this weekend, it feels hard to celebrate a country whose current government is as murky and corrupt as the state of the algae filled Lincoln Memorial reflecting pool (well played, Mother Nature).

What I love about gardens and history is that they are both teachers. When we take the time to learn from the earth and the wisdom she has to share, she empowers us to learn how to feed ourselves, heal ourselves and nourish ourselves. When we take the time to learn from our own history the names and stories of those who held this country up and lit the way forward during some of its darkest hours, it empowers us to be inspired to do the same.

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As we find ourselves amidst what feels to be in a particularly dark chapter, I came across the stories of two great Americans whose strength, resilience, and fearlessness in the face of utter oppression, and brutality leaves me in complete awe. While Harriet Tubman is best known as an Abolitionist and Fannie Lou Hamer as a Civil Rights Leader, what is lesser known about both is their deep knowledge of nature, farming, and gardens and how that knowledge further enabled them in their fight against the injustices in this country. They were, in effect, Freedom Gardeners.

As we look within ourselves to find the fortitude and strength to bring this country out of our current dark chapter, I hope their stories may serve as a source of inspiration and reminder that the tools of resilience and seeds of tomorrow, are always at our fingertips.

Harriet Tubman

Most people are familiar with Harriet Tubman as an Underground Railroad conductor and Abolitionist however Harriet also served as a Union nurse, Scout, Suffragist and expert Herbalist and Gardener. Born into slavery in 1822 on a Maryland plantation, Harriet was forced to work beginning at the tender age of 5. By the age of 10 she was put to work doing outdoor labor which included pest trapping, cutting wood and field work. Already showing signs of her will of steel that would serve her throughout her life, Harriet much preferred the outdoor work rather than inside the ‘big house’ as it meant she was not under the constant watch of her white mistress.

During this time outdoors and in the woods, her mother taught her what can best be referred to as survival botany i.e. learning the plants and herbs around her. She was taught which ones heal, which ones provide sustenance and which ones can support basic medical needs - essential survival skills at a time when slaves were given no real medical care. 1

Finally in her late 20s Harriet escaped to freedom, traveling the roughly 90 miles to Pennsylvania on her own. Directly following she began her legendary work as a conductor on the Underground Railroad where she would successfully complete 13 missions back to Maryland to usher slaves to freedom. What helped her survive that trek and undoubtedly aided her missions, were the life saving skills she learned in those woods with her mother.

Plant Medicine On The Underground Railroad

Some specific examples of the plants Harriet relied upon during her treacherous missions and future work beyond that include:

• Water Lillies & Cranesbill: Used to treat dysentery and infections

• Cayenne Pepper & Wild Onion: These would be crushed and used to scatter behind her trail to ensure her scent and those she was leading through the Underground Railroad would be hidden from the noses of any tracking dogs

• Opium Poppy: A tincture would be used to quiet babies while a group was on the move

• Sassafras: Provided flavoring for teas and soups

• Black Cherry: was a nourishing fruit that provided energy

• Paw-Paw: provided vital nutrients for strength

• Bird Mimicry: Her talent for mimicking bird sounds was utilized to mimic the call of an owl to alert people the coast was clear

• Camouflage: Harriet became an expert at camouflage, allowing her to move covertly on her missions2

• Fun fact: although few Americans’ bravery, fortitude and strength can compare to that of Harriet, she measured a mere 4’11” in height.

Civil War & After

After 10 years as a conductor, in 1861 at the beginning of the Civil War Harriet was called upon to serve the Union Army as a nurse to treat both the troops as well as any slaves escaping from the South. Two years later and as the war progressed she utilized the skills she honed from the Underground Railroad to become a spy and scout, going behind enemy lines and even more impressively, becoming the first woman in US history to lead a military expedition.

Following the war Harriet settled in Auburn, New York - a known hub for abolitionists - where she created a home and place of refuge for those in need who sought out her support. There she cultivated thriving gardens to serve both her food and medicinal needs and that of her community. An innovator and inspiration to the very end, in 1896 at the age of 74, she established the Harriet Tubman Home for the Aged and Indigent Colored People, thus spending the remainder of her days until her death in 1913 at the age of 91. 3

Thanks for following along, coming up next I will be sharing the courageous and inspiring story of Fannie Lou Hamer and how she created opportunities to empower poor black farmers during the civil rights era.

Up until now my Substack articles have been focused on my own gardening experiences, musings and curiosities. However I am excited to begin branching out (pun intended) by interviewing other creatives who have built their own magical worlds centered around nature, beginning with my dear friend Camilla Marcus.

I first met Camilla in April of 2022, I had just had my double mastectomy in New York and then promptly moved to Los Angeles to begin chemo treatment. A mutual close friend who I trusted inherently and was helping me navigate my cancer journey said when you get to LA, you HAVE to meet Camilla, you will absolutely love her. Also an ex-New Yorker, Camilla is someone who both makes her own rules while seemingly leaving magic and beauty in her wake. Six months pregnant with her third child and still in the midst of Covid, she greeted me with her megawatt smile and said - how can I help? We have been fast friends ever since.

Named one of Fast Company’s Most Creative People in Business, Camilla is a chef, author, entrepreneur, activist, mother of four (all ages 6 and under!), hostess extraordinaire and founder of the brand west~bourne. A native Californian, she started west~bourne as New York City’s first zero-waste certified restaurant and has now expanded its mission of eating well and doing better into a collection of regenerative, carbon neutral provisions for the modern home. Through environmental stewardship and challenging conventional ideas about our food systems, she is also deeply committed to creating a healthier planet.

I wanted to interview Camilla because few people understand as well as her the connection between where our food comes from and the impact it has on our own health and well being and that of the planet. She understands that everything is connected. I have mentioned that gardens and gardening has been a tremendous help for me in my journey healing from cancer and cancer treatment however another big component of that has also been food. As I have learned from my cancer nutritionist, food is in fact medicine.

On the eve of embarking on a new chapter to a new home in Los Angeles, I paid this wonder garden creature a visit at her magical home and garden hideaway nestled in Mandeville Canyon, Los Angeles to talk about all things gardens, growing your own food, regenerative farming and finding joy in the little things.

Deep Roots

When did you first discover your love of nature and gardens?

It’s very much an influence from my mom and our family history. My mom’s grandmother, who died when my mom was eight, had a real love for gardening and a green thumb. She believed a lot in talking to plants and the symbiosis between humans and their natural environment. She grew Camellias which were her favorite, and no one has actually written this before, but that is where my name comes from.

As a child my parents lived in a canyon so there wasn’t a ton of space for a proper garden, but we had this little citrus orchard where we’d climb up the hill and into the trees and pick them. My mom also grows roses like nothing you have ever seen, so gardens were always a big part of how I grew up with my mom.

As an adult, how have you cultivated your own gardening?

I lived in New York for almost 20 years where we did some small things in pots, so it wasn’t until I moved back to LA that my gardening dreams could be fully unleashed. As a chef it all starts with growing food. My parents didn’t grow herbs so I didn’t grow up with a chef’s garden. That came from all the work I do in regenerative farming and really wanting a piece of that in my own home, and seeing how impactful it can be for kids.

I think it’s very important for kids to see the slow side of life, especially now. I’m the queen of analog and believe everything should be retro and human again. We grew a Calamansi tree and it took three years for it to give one piece of fruit. The kids loved watching the tree grow and now are so attuned to the seasons. We’re about to go into butterfly season and the kids are very excited as we get tons of monarchs here. They see all the caterpillars growing so they know it’s coming. As I modernized, I got really into regenerative farming, and once I had my kids, all of that kind of converged into where my heart is.

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Regenerative Farming 101

Can you explain what regenerative farming is and why is it something we all should care about (particularly now)?

It’s a set of farming practices that focuses on pulling carbon from the atmosphere and putting it back into the soil. It’s not just protecting the soil, not just avoiding chemicals or pesticides the way organic farming does, it’s about reviving the soil so it can last the next many generations. Beyond protecting, it’s nourishing and most importantly restoring. I have always been very passionate about climate advocacy and when I started really researching climate, the data is just undeniable. But regenerative farming can fix it. It’s also the only way we’re going to have a food supply going forward given population growth. Our Westbourne Instagram has a little tutorial on it here for anyone who wants to learn more.

When did you start getting into regenerative farming?

I really started getting into regenerative farming in New York when I was cooking in kitchens, helping open restaurants and working with professional chefs. The Hudson Valley was an early hotbed for regenerative farming and we weren’t even calling it that yet, which is interesting, but that’s where I got involved.

When did you become interested in environmental advocacy?

Honestly my whole life I’ve been interested in climate. When I was 8 I would write letters to the president about animal rights, activism, preservation, and forestry, and no one in my family is like that, so it’s funny.

How can people support regenerative farms?

Look for the label: For starters, buy regenerative products — go to a grocery store and look for that label (see above).

Find Your Farmers: People ask how to buy from a specific farm and I tell them most farms have websites and ship across the country. People forget that farms are also businesses, you can call them and ask what they’ve got. It’s really just putting in that one extra layer of research. You want a pair of sneakers and you do your research on materials, sustainability, toxicity…..apply that to your food. Frankly it matters more, because what you’re putting in your body and how it’s grown are far more impactful choices than the shoes on your feet. Especially for your highest frequency purchases, think about the collective impact if you put just a tiny bit of that same intention into your grocery list. It’s very accessible. And there are some things you can grow at home, and some things that are better left to farmers, there’s always a mix.

Click here to find a list of regenerative organic farms in the United States.

Camilla’s Gardening Rules

What are your gardening rules for yourself?

I have 5 key gardening tenets:

1: Edible: Creating an edible garden with a focus on flavor and use

2: Native: Native plants are so essential which ties back to regenerative thinking: we need to go back to how things were grown, not just for the aesthetic but for the ecosystem. Is it nourishing the birds, the bugs, the animals?

3: Attracting Pollinators: Pollinators are essential to our eco-system. Pollinators facilitate plant reproduction, ensuring the growth of fruits, vegetables, and seeds for over ¾ of the world’s flowering plants and are a vital component of creating food for us and every other living species in some way on this planet. They are also so beautiful. We have crazy monarchs around this time and there is something so special about that.

4: Flexibility: I love a mix of potted and in-ground plantings regardless of what you’re doing. I love the look of it and from a maintenance standpoint it’s easier. I’m constantly tinkering, that’s how my creative brain works, and I believe having some flexibility in your plan is important

5: Tools: I strongly believe in investing in quality tools starting with a nice garden hose, a nice shovel and a nice trowel. I especially love Japanese tools, they are so precise and of such high quality.

Can you tell me about what you have currently planted in your kitchen garden?

• Sungold tomatoes

• 2 kinds of Jimmy Nardello peppers (One of my favorite pieces of produce)

• Artichokes (which are gorgeous!)

• Persian cucumbers

• A variety of herbs

• Strawberries

• Pink blueberries

• Citrus: We perennially grow citrus so we have Flor Blanco, Yuzu, Kalamansi which is a Filipino citrus, Meyer lemon

• Cantaloupe, which will take a little while to come out

Walk me through your annual gardening calendar, when do you plan, when do you plant, when do you harvest? Do you plant so that you always have something in season?

​​We plant about three times a year. The idea is to always have something in season and as we have a relatively small plot we are constantly testing what will work with our microclimate here in the canyon, how the weather will be that year and the type of soil we have. So it is always a mix of what works and what doesn’t. We also always do some plantings in pots in order to have a little bit of diversity and control and the citrus is always year-round although not always blooming. We also rotate in different herbs year around and then we play with different seasonal varietals. I love heritage seeds and I love sourcing from row seven seeds and certain seeds from the farmers market to try and rotate in and out things that might work again.

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How To: Starting a Kitchen Garden

What would you recommend for someone starting a kitchen garden?

Keep it Simple: I always tell people to start by planting what you like to eat and enjoy and to keep it simple. You’re going to be more interested if you want the end product. I’d say start with herbs or orchard type stuff, citrus, lemon - something fun you can use in a drink or a dish that is easy.

Pots are Your Friends: Starting in a pot is always an easy way to begin, I know people get stressed about the ground and feel overwhelmed, but if you start with something in a pot you can move it if it’s not happy in a certain location. Potted also means growing something is much more accessible to a lot more people if you don’t have a piece of earth to plant in (especially city dwellers). When I was in NYC I had an apartment that was pretty dark, but we did the window sill. We had a little Juliet balcony. Even a potted tree — tomatoes, you can grow. There’s a lot you can grow in pots depending on what you’re going for.

Do Your Research: Get your feet wet with a few things, and I think the key is doing research on what’s going to grow in your environment and what can overgrow. People plant mint and don’t realize it’s a weed that’s going to get everywhere. This house was covered in rosemary which was a big ordeal. She also had nasturtium, which was amazing, but there are only so many uses for it. It looks beautiful but it’s not that edible. Growing what you enjoy and what you’re going to eat is the thing.

When planning a garden, what are the questions you ask yourself?

• What do things look like in two years, five years, ten years, twenty years?

• What do I have to work with, what am I trying to solve?

• What is your ecosystem?

• What’s the weather like, what’s actually going to be able to grow?

• I look at it as wayfinding and experience making — what do I want someone to see and not see? The chicken coop could have gone up the hill, but I like interacting with them. Would they be visible? Should there be privacy? How far are they from the neighbors? People ask me why my garden pops, I think the chickens create an ecosystem where pollinators thrive.

Any other gardening tricks or hacks you like to use?

A lot of farmers’ markets have great seeds for unusual stuff, I always like to do one thing that’s a discovery product. So maybe instead of Meyer Lemon, grow Yuzu, instead of orange, try calamanzi. Try something a little different. Instead of basil, do purple basil or Thai basil, try shiso instead of mint. Farmers markets are good for ideas and new varietals — go to the citrus stand where there are 20 different varietals and pick one that’s not a navel orange.

How much work is your garden once you are done planting for the season?

That’s really dependent on the weather. The past three months in LA have been so warm — we hit 90 degrees in February, which was murdering the winter crops. It’s hard to know how that’s going to affect the next season. I’m in the camp of, where’s the fun if it’s not a little dicey? I want it to be challenging — that’s the meditative part for me. The discovery, the curiosity, the research, that’s what I enjoy. Just continuing to grow, evolve, and experiment.

What is bringing you daily joy in your garden right now?

I love what our garden can do to teach my kids about care, stewardship, patience and how life is perfectly imperfect as I like to say. For them to really understand where their food comes from, how long it takes and the amount of effort it takes to grow something that ends up on their table, is so important. And the excitement they get from that. Just yesterday actually, we got our first single tomato. Summer produce is so vibrant and so special, so right now is the season that we all look forward to a lot. But I think for me the daily joy is seeing them appreciate it. Seeing them understand it and really grow with it, how much interest they have in it and how it’s all really processing. Seeing their beautiful big tiny human brains understand that it’s a real privilege to have food like that and learning the importance of really investing in how we grow our food.

Failure is Part of the Journey

What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever tried to grow?

The cantaloupe — one single cantaloupe taunts me every season. We’ve tried to grow sweet potatoes and Purple garlic and both failed for whatever reason. That Meyer lemon tree almost died three times, but it’s now taken root in a good place which was a big deal. Every season, at least one or two plants don’t take. Nature is a teacher. I love the challenge and the imperfectness of a work in progress and I know for some people that’s very hard. I enjoy turning the garden over and trying new things. If everything works, you want it to be constantly evolving. There’s no project if it’s perfect, there’s nothing to do. Every season I try to grow something we haven’t grown before, just to see how it goes.

Camilla’s LA Recs:

Food Shopping

I mostly shop at farmers markets and direct from farms as I try to be as direct to the source as humanly possible. Some of my current favorites are the Ecology Center which has a stall at the Santa Monica Farmer’s market, Dover Sole Market (follow on IG for weekly drops) which just had an amazing write up in the LA times. She is working directly with fisherman and the boats themselves to get really fresh fish and seafood so that’s been really cool to work with her a lot. In and around LA there are always great specialty grocery stores such as LA Grocery & Café and Windrose Provisions. Then for certain basics I go to Sprouts and Whole Foods but in general I purchase from farmers markets and direct from farms.

Restaurants

LA in general focuses heavily on the regenerative market and who’s growing what in a big way compared to other cities. Some of my current favorites are Found Oyster and Queen’s Raw Bar & Grill, Ari Kolender ironically is known for seafood but at Found Oyster he definitely invests heavily in farmers market and special growers who are really tending to the land and grow very special pieces of produce. Suzanne Goin, whose restaurants include A.O.C, Cara Cara and Caldo Verde (both at the downtown Proper Hotel), has always been very supportive of our growers here in the region as has chef Nancy Silverton of Pizzeria Mozza, Osteria Mozza, and Chi SPACCA. At Bell’s in Los Alamos, chef Daisy Ryan focuses tremendously on her region in central California and in and around Los Alamos and as a result has put a lot of those really mindful growers on the map in a big way.

With the Summer Solstice coming up on June 21st it had me thinking, I actually don’t in fact know THAT much about the Solstice beyond the basics that it represents the longest day of the year and with Pagan roots, pre-dates Christianity. As a bit of a history buff, I decided to do some digging regarding the history of this ancient holiday to better understand how and where it has been celebrated across history (and perhaps for some of my own personal celebratory inspiration).

What has struck me in this exercise as you will soon see, are the striking similarities I have found across continents, culture and time. From worshiping the sun god from each region to bonfires, belief in fairy magic, architectural achievements aligned with the sun’s position to purification rituals, the similarities far outweigh the differences. And as most of those practices still seem pretty fun from where I am standing, it seems a shame this is no longer considered a major holiday in most parts of the world (shout out to the Scandinavian countries and witches still keeping things alive). So for anyone looking for any of their own inspiration to celebrate the longest day of the year and an excuse to enjoy the warm weather with friends, perhaps one or two of the below practices may strike your fancy……

How Old Is It?

The Summer Solstice dates as far back as the Neolithic Era (roughly 10,000 BCE to 2,000 BCE). Some of the biggest news that came out of this era is that humans began to switch from nomadic wandering and foraging for food to cultivating crops and domesticating animals resulting in the development of settlements and the building of permanent villages. This also marked a large shift in the way humans engaged with the earth and the seasons as we became more active participants in co-creating with nature and growing our own food.

Also coming out of the Neolithic Era are the stone circles such as Stonehenge, which historians believe were designed to align with the Sun’s movements and frame solar motion on summer and winter solstices.

Ancient Greece

It seems Ancient Greece (spanning from 800 BCE to the Roman Conquest in 146 BCE), found no lack of reasons to celebrate the Summer Solstice (can you expect anything less from the civilization responsible for the god of good times, Dionysus?) The significance and ways in which they celebrated the longest day of the year included:

• New Years Day & Olympics Countdown: The longest day of the year not only marked the first day of the new calendar year in Ancient Greece, but also the beginning of the monthlong countdown to the beginning of the Olympics. So basically two reasons to party, to countdown to another reason to really party. Well played.

• Kronia Festival: This festival celebrated the Greek God Cronus, the God of Agriculture. During this festival societal order was upended temporarily where slaves were not only allowed to participate in all festivities, but often were served by their masters for the day. As all business ground to a halt, gambling, street games and drinking became the natural part of the revelry (a lot to unpack, I am only the messenger here)

• Erotic Magic & Purifying Fires: Traditions in various regions included leaping over large bonfires to burn away bad luck and purify vows. This was viewed as a night for erotic magic, where young people would exchange vows and use the flames of fortune to protect their relationships.1

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Ancient Rome

Taking much inspiration from Ancient Greece, Ancient Rome (which spanned from the city’s foundation in 753 BC to the fall of the Empire in 476 AD), also managed to have their fair share of fun (you had me at party caves) on the longest day of the year.

• The Lead Up: Vestalia Festival: Leading up to the Summer Solstice, Romans celebrated the Vestalia Festival (June 7th - June 15th), which was a bit of a somber affair. Dedicated to the goddess of hearth and home, Vesta, it was the only time of year married women were allowed to enter the Temple of Vesta in the Roman Forum to leave offerings in exchange for fertility and blessings for their family (so still doing household labor even when they weren’t doing household labor, fun!). This was also a day off for millers and bakers who would adorn their donkeys with flower garlands, honoring the animals they relied upon to turn the heavy grain mills.

• Architectural Illumination i.e. PARTY CAVES: Romans were masters of Archaeoastronomy, the ability to design architecture in line with the movement of the sun and light. For example the ever humble Emperor Tiberius, designed his Grotto in Sperlonga to align the setting solstice’s sun’s rays to perfectly hit his dining niche to create a divine glow intended to prove the emperor's divine origins. (10/10 for party planning)2

• The Festival of Fors Fortuna (June 24): After the low key Vestalia Festival was over, Romans turned it up a notch with the Fors Fortuna Festival, the goddess of luck and chance which took place on June 24th. It was widely celebrated with boating and banquets along the Tiber River where revelers would row in boats along the Tiber to the temples of Fortuna, following undisclosed rituals they would row back garlanded and (likely quite) inebriated.3

• Bonfires & Flora: Solstice celebrations included wearing protective garlands of herbs (like St. John’s Wort) to ward off evil spirits, and lighting massive bonfires to symbolize the triumph of light over the impending shortening of days.

Ancient Celts

The Celtic Period spans from roughly 1200 BCE to 400 AD and rather than a unified empire, it was dominated by a network of tribes connected through shared languages, art and religious practices. Although eventually conquered by the Roman Empire, Celtic heritage and practices still survive today within the Celtic Nations of Ireland, Scotland, Wales, Brittany, Cornwall and the Isle of Man.4

In Celtic lands, the Summer Solstice was one of eight sacred days marked within the Wheel of the Calendar Year. It was a time of both joy and reverence and thought to be a powerful spiritual gateway.

• Honoring the Sun Goddess: The Celts believed it was a time to honour their Goddess who went by many names. In Irish mythology, the solstice was closely tied to Áine, the sun and fertility goddess.5 Communities would gather at sacred stone sites aligned with the solstice sun like Stonehenge or Loughcrew.

• Bonfires: As feasting and dancing took place, the revelry continued with large bonfires on hillsides to honor the sun, boost its strength, banish evil spirits and encourage an abundant harvest. As flames were believed to have purifying and healing properties, couples would jump over the fires for fertility and luck, and farmers would drive their cattle between the flames to protect them from disease.6 (what couldn’t the fire accomplish??)

• Inner Wisdom & Offerings: The solstice was not just a celebration of sunlight, but also a moment for inner reflection, when one could seek insight, healing, and inspiration from the natural and mystical worlds. Offerings of herbs, flowers, or milk were left at sacred wells to honor the earth’s bounty.

• Herbal Magic & Lore: Midsummer’s Eve was considered the most powerful time of the year to forage. The Celts gathered herbs like St. John’s Wort and Vervain, believing the sun’s peak energy imbued these plants with enhanced medicinal and protective magic.

• Sacred Water & Dew: Water from sacred wells was thought to be highly restorative. People would wash their faces in morning dew on midsummer day to ensure health, beauty, and good fortune.7

• Fae Folklore: The solstice was believed to be a time when the veil between worlds was thinnest. Fairies and nature spirits were thought to be highly active as they wove enchantments throughout the forests while it was also considered an ideal time to request any favors of them.8

Vikings

Because of the long harsh winters they endured, the Summer Solstice, or Midsummer as it is called, was a much celebrated time for the Vikings from both a spiritual and practical perspective. Although written records are scarce, historical and folkloric evidence highlight many past traditions that have been carried through to modern day celebrations where nature, light, and community are still honored.

• The Sun and Nature: Festivities celebrated and honored the sun and fertility deities like Freyr and Freyja. Because of the long winters the extra daylight was especially important to the vikings for their agricultural and food needs (not to mention I imagine, their mental health).9

• Bonfires: Communities lit massive bonfires to ward off evil spirits, promote fertility, and ensure a prosperous harvest.10

• Fairy Magic: Midsummer's Eve (or Jónsmessa in Iceland) is considered the most potent night for fairy magic as it was thought to be a time when the veil between realms was very thin. Legends say that sitting at a crossroads on this night will tempt hidden people to offer you untold riches but be warned as going with them would drive you mad. (tempting but a definitely a pass)

• Magical Herbs: As with the Celts, this was prime time for foraging for medicinal and magical herbs as it was believed they held amplified healing powers.11

• Raiding Season: The solstice was the official kick-off for the summer voyaging/raiding season across the North Sea, serving as a final celebration with family before longships were pushed into the water.12 (YIKES!)

Ancient Egypt

In Ancient Egypt (3150 BCE to 30 BCE), the summer solstice marked a quadruple threat with the birthday of Ra, God of the Sun, the beginning of the Egyptian New Year, the rising of the star Sirius and the beginning of the annual flooding of the Nile River.

• Divine Rebirth and the Sun God: The solstice was celebrated as a time of maximum solar energy and the birthday of Ra, the sun god, thus representing the triumph of light over dark and of divine renewal.

• Honoring Isis: Priests closely tied the rising of the star Sirius to the goddess Isis as the floodwaters were seen as a divine gift from her which nourished the parched lands and allowed Egyptian civilization to survive.13

• Rooftop Rituals: At temples like Dendera, priests carried the statues of sacred gods up to rooftop shrines on solstice eve as the first rays of the morning solstice sun were believed to rejuvenate them, thus spiritually recharging the universe.14 (no big deal)

• Astrological and Architectural Alignments: The ancient Egyptians engineered several monuments to perfectly capture the sun’s alignment on the summer solstice. One prime example is when standing at the Sphinx at solstice sunset, the sun sets exactly between the Great Pyramids of Khufu and Khafre.15

China

The Summer Solstice, known as Xiazhi (夏至) in China, holds immense significance in traditional cosmology, agricultural planning, and history. Dating back to the 7th Century BC, ancient Chinese astronomers calculated the longest day of the year by measuring shadow lengths. While it is no longer an official public holiday, the solstice remains culturally relevant today, especially in practices related to Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), which focus on protecting one’s energy during the hottest months.

• Peak Yang: The solstice represents the pinnacle of Yang (sunlight and heat) in Chinese cosmology. Ancient scholars recognized that immediately following this day, daylight begins to wane, symbolizing the philosophy of “Yang giving way to Yin” (阳极生阴).16

• Fan and Sachet Exchange: Women historically gifted one another colored fans (to cool down) and herbal sachets (to repel mosquitoes and bring good smells).

• Earth Worship: Imperial Altars: Emperors of ancient China would lead grand ceremonies and offer ritual sacrifices to the Earth and the gods of nature, praying for a stable wheat harvest, safety from natural disasters, and the well-being of the realm.17

Japan

Summer solstice in Japan, known as Geshi (夏至), is historically tied to agricultural milestones and Shinto nature worship with a focus on purification rituals

• Ancient Origins: The concept arrived in Japan from ancient Chinese lunisolar calendars, used to track agricultural milestones. Archaeological sites like the Jōmon-period Oyu Stone Circles in Akita Prefecture suggest that ancient people tracked the sun’s movements, including solstices, for ritual and calendar-keeping.18

• Sun Goddess & Shinto: Because Japan’s indigenous Shinto religion is deeply tied to nature and sun worship, the solstice aligns with the mythological importance of Amaterasu, the Sun Goddess.19

• Meoto Iwa (Wedded Rocks) Ceremony: At the Ise Futami Okitama Shrine in Mie Prefecture, pilgrims participate in Geshisai, a summer solstice rite where hundreds enter the ocean at daybreak to purify themselves and watch the sun rise between the two sacred rocks.20

• Purification: The solstice ushers in the broader season of summer purification rituals. Shrines across Japan host Chinowa Kuguri, where people walk through large, woven reed rings to cleanse themselves of sins and bad luck before the second half of the year begins.21

Mayans & Aztecs

The Maya (1800 BC - 1524 AD) and Aztec (1325 - 1521) civilizations observed the summer solstice with great reverence, constructing their temples and pyramids in alignment with the solstices and equinoxes. The pyramid at Chichen Itza in Mexico, for instance, was designed to produce a serpent-like shadow during the summer solstice, symbolizing the descent of the feathered serpent god, Kukulkan. These events were celebrated with feasts, dances, and ceremonies to ensure agricultural fertility and cosmic harmony.

I hope you’ve enjoyed my little venture into history and whatever you choose to do on June 21st, may it be filled with merriment and perhaps even a little bit of magic…..

Shortly after I finished building the Secret Garden I realized it was time to move on to greener pastures. Living in the woods had been a wonderful, restorative and healing experience that had also given me a few realizations. First, that I had a deep desire to continue to create magical and enchanted garden spaces within nature. And second, that the next time I built something I wanted it to be for myself, on my own land. (no matter that I had no property of my own to speak of at that point)

Directly prior to the pandemic, I had spent February of 2020 in Costa Rica with my new puppy, Ernest, to see if I wanted to permanently re-locate there. As a 40 yr old single, childless woman the US had started to feel stifling and I wanted to live in a place where I could feel more free, less judged and rooted in nature. I returned to NYC on March 4th of 2020 with a plan of putting all my things in storage and returning to Costa Rica full time.

As you can guess, Covid put a quick stop to that as we went into lockdown three days after my arrival. However by the end of May 2021, life and the borders had finally opened up again and everything fell into place as I made arrangements to spend the summer in Costa Rica before returning to the US for work in September. When I finally laid eyes on that lush green vista once again on the flight down, I distinctly remember thinking, maybe I should look into buying a piece of land? The seed was indeed, planted.

The Magic of Costa Rica

For anyone reading this and wondering why I would make the decision to purchase land in Costa Rica, I am guessing there is a large chance you have never been. It is hard to sum up in words how special of a place it is. From the first time I ever visited and my feet touched the ground, it was as though my nervous system instantly let out a huge exhale. Everything just hits different, from the air to the smells, the sounds, the plants, the animals, the most beautiful beaches you have ever seen that are the temperature of bath water…..and perhaps most of all the kind and lovely Costa Ricans (or Ticos and Ticas as they call themselves).

There is a term Costa Ricans frequently use, Pura Vida, it is both a greeting but also a way of life. It translates to pure life, embodying a relaxed and grateful attitude towards life and appreciation of life’s simple pleasures. About focusing on what really matters and what is really important, a central part of that being a connection to nature. And although no place is perfect (as I like to say wherever there are people, there are problems), if ever a place were made of magic, it would be Costa Rica.

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My Intention

Before I go into further detail about the story behind purchasing my land in Costa Rica, I want to talk about my intentions and what the concept of land ownership means to me. Because the story of a privileged white woman going to the jungle of Costa Rica to buy land and build a new life, can also be quite problematic when looking through a historical lens.

Generally speaking within modern society our relationship with nature and land is one of extraction and domination. If we own land we believe it is here to serve us, it is ours. No matter that the land is a living breathing eco-system that was here before us and will be here after us. We seem to have forgotten that everything is connected, that we are in fact as much a part of nature as anything else. I was recently reading the book Magic Maker by Pam Grossman (which I highly recommend!) and very succinctly puts into historical context what I have been feeling:

My intention in purchasing and owning land in Costa Rica is rooted in preservation and conservation. My hope is to leave the land, and the entire ecosystem it contains, in a better place than when I received it. And in doing so, the land gives back to me. It provides purpose, a sense of value, delight and beauty, and most of all, it is a teacher. As a guest in a foreign country, I am also deeply committed to supporting local businesses and the local community. And so the question I keep asking myself is: how can I do everything in my power to NOT become a New Age Colonist?

Se Vende

Back to finding my property, once I landed in Costa Rica that ping about buying land just wouldn’t go away. I started to ask around and educate myself on what the landscape was and how things were done. Due to the pandemic, it was clear a big shift had just happened and I wasn’t the only one thinking of buying. When driving through the jungle nearly half the properties you saw would have signs that said Se Vende (For Sale) with a phone number attached.

I began to notice that a lot of the real estate agents were white foreigners, many even with American companies. Layer in the fact that technically there is no such thing as a real estate license in Costa Rica so really anyone could do it, it was giving Carpet Bagger vibes in a big way which felt VERY icky. This was a new Wild West, just with a lot less clothing.

I concluded that if I was going to purchase land then I wanted it to be through a Costa Rican and I wanted all my money to also go back to a Costa Rican. I did not want some white foreigner taking a cut of anything. I began asking around to see if there was someone that people trusted who was Costa Rican and seemed legit. I got a recommendation from a friend of a friend of someone, he was also a surf instructor (everyone has multiple side hustles so not as strange as it sounds) but sounded okay so I connected with him. He said yes he had some properties he could show me but his schedule was a bit packed so he could have his business partner Alex, take me. I connected with Alex and set up a day for him to pick me up and take me around. (Alex’s business partner was in fact extremely shady, but that is a story for another day and thankfully I realized that very quickly)

The Signs

A few days prior to looking at properties, I had received an intuitive ping that an old woman was waiting to sell me her property. It seemed random but it felt like something I shouldn’t ignore. Alex picked me up early on the day we agreed upon and as we were driving along on the bumpy unpaved road on the way to the first property, I asked him: “Do women often own property in Costa Rica?” Since we were in Latin America I knew that it might be unlikely as my observation had been it is a pretty mysogynistic part of the world and women are not generally treated as equals. He responded that no, generally women did not own property in Costa Rica, why was I asking? I told him I had a ping an older woman was waiting to sell me her property so just thought I would ask. He shrugged and we kept driving.

We finally arrived at the first property in Manzanillo, an area about 15 minutes outside of Santa Teresa, the main town. To say that we were on a road would be a stretch, most roads are not paved in the area but this one was barely even drivable and would not have been possible if we didn’t have 4 wheel drive. As I jumped out of the car I was startled. Standing 20 feet in front of me and staring straight at me, was a white horse smack in the middle of the road. No saddle or any markers of belonging to anyone, just standing stock still, staring at me. I froze and thought is this actually happening? - and returned the gaze. A few moments later, the horse turned around and sauntered away in the other direction. I quickly grabbed my camera to try and snap a photo and was able to capture one just as it trotted out of view.

I looked across the car at Alex who had also stopped and stared. I asked him, was that normal? He seemed equally surprised and said no, not normal. It felt like another sign and I told him so, he didn’t really have a response but seemed to agree it felt like something. I looked around the area, mostly all forest jungle with one house next to the property we were looking at. The property was all forested on a bit of a hill with a stream going through it, it was beautiful but…..just didn’t feel like MY property. So we got back into the car to go look at the next, the horse still in my head. Clearly the message was not about the property we just saw, but I still believed it had to mean something.

We drove around the area and looked at a few more properties, none of which felt quite right. Too small, not the best location, not enough trees etc. More than anything though, it was a feeling I knew that I was after. Then Alex said, “okay there is another property I want to show you, it is a bit further out than the others. It’s a farm up in Rio Negro area, but it’s a lot bigger and I have a feeling you will like it.” I was game and clearly up for the adventure so we headed over.

Rio Negro is up in the mountains essentially above Santa Teresa, no one I knew lived there and it was almost entirely still Costa Rican farmers. We had to drive across a river to get to it (the Rio Negro or Black River) and then up a very steep hill. At the top we were met with sloping hills on either side with trees and cattle ambling in the grass.

I had never been to Rio Negro but I was blown away by the beauty of it. Off the (unpaved) main road we took a right turn down an even less paved road which kept going and going, where were we? It was almost as if the air shifted, we passed several enormous and ancient pochote trees lining the road, their long limbs stretching far and wide. The road T’d into another road and we took a left……wow this felt different. Costa Rica is very magical but this felt somehow even more so. 50 feet after we turned we stopped, we had arrived.

Home

As soon as I put my feet onto the ground it hit me, this felt like home. The earth under my feet, rather than it belonging to me, I belonged to it. This place was different, the air felt different, the land felt different, it had a hold on me. There was a very rustic barbed wire gate we opened as we walked in. Dotted with enormous trees it was heavily overgrown with cattle grass. Alex took out his machete to start cutting a path through the grass as we made our way in. It was enormous, although hard to tell where the property line was as the only specific markers was a quite old living fence located on the right side. Suddenly we found ourselves in the midst of a Mango orchard. What was this place??

With each step further into the property I became more enchanted. Then Alex turned around and said “Oh, this place is actually owned by an older woman, I have been talking to her son about selling it.” I was buzzing, my intuitive ping had been spot on. He told me the original property had been owned by a farmer and was over 120 square acres and ultimately split evenly between his 11 children, 7 of which had been girls.

As we continued on, trying to decipher the property lines, Alex who looked at properties all day long and seemed like a person that is generally unfazed by life murmured, “it really is mystical.” Then suddenly we stumbled upon her, one of the largest Pochote trees I have ever seen, with a height reaching over 100 feet and her limbs reaching out to what seemed to be even longer. She took our breath away. We stood still, staring in awe at her beauty and her power, her limbs dotted with orchids and other plants.

And then something clicked and Alex turned to me and said, “Do you know what they call this property? The Horse’s head. The shape of the property line looks exactly like a horse’s head.” He quickly pulled out his phone to show me the proof, and right there in black in white I saw the property line, shaped as he said, exactly like a horse’s head. If I had any hesitation before about the property it had evaporated. However corny it may sound, it felt like destiny had played a hand. There was indeed something very special about this property and for whatever reason, it would be my role to act as steward of the land, to protect it and nurture it. She was mine, and I was hers.

Whereas most people generally take many months if not longer to find a property that aligns with them, in one single day, I had found my property. And before I left I realized I already knew what the name would be, bordered by the Rio Negro (Black River), I would name her Caballo Blanco, after the White Horse I had seen that morning.

The Magic of the Pochote Tree

As soon as I got home from seeing my property, I knew I needed to find out more about the Pochote tree, because there was something otherworldly about it. Once I googled it, it seems my hunch was correct. According to Mayan Cosmology, the Pochote tree is considered one of its most sacred symbols. Revered as the World Tree that linked the three realms of the Cosmos, the underworld, the earth and the heavens. It was also considered to be a home for deities, fairies and mystical forest creatures. Mystical indeed.

You know how change kind of creeps up on you, a few things start to shift slowly but not in a super noticeable way. You are still the same person you have always been, mostly. Civilized, have your ducks in a row, shower daily, crystals weren’t really your thing. And then one day you wake up and BAM….. you have a menagerie of wild creatures you have named and feed daily, you own a John Deere and 9 acres in Costa Rica that you are re-foresting, you swear by micro-dosing, and you refuse to pay for citrus because obviously, you forage from friends.

So maybe not everyone reading this can completely relate to all of the above, but my point being is I recently realized I have become well, a bit feral in the last few years. Covid was definitely a feral turning point for me, when I left NYC to live in a cabin in the woods, as I think it was for a lot of people. And it seems like when things started to get back to normal-ish (what is normal anymore anyways??), that some people continued to embrace the feral, and some began to pull back. As you can guess, I embraced.

After the cabin I went straight to Costa Rica and bought said 9 acres of land in the jungle. Although I now live in Ojai, California and not the jungle, Ojai is definitely not NOT feral. Like everything, feral is a spectrum. According to the definition, Feral is “an animal or plant that has reverted to a wild state after being domesticated.”

Here in Ojai most people wear shoes, the art, hospitality and music is often of the highest caliber, most people partake in some type of plant medicine and nature is deeply revered and embedded into all aspects of daily life. So sophisticated feral. Like goldilocks and the three bears, it is just the right kind of feral for me.

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A few days ago I came across this Vanity Fair article that talked about the dilemma of the uber wealthy having to decide where to travel this summer as many of them will likely need to stay in the US because of the state of the world. After my eyes finally returned from the back of my skull, it had me thinking. Maybe all of us having to stay more put could be a good thing?

What if what we all really need is a good old analog, frolicking, feral summer right where we are? What would happen if instead of the goal of achieving we allowed, instead of being afraid of boredom…..we welcomed and savored it? If we thought less, felt more and took every opportunity to play and touch nature that we could find……would we move differently? Would we feel different?

Getting Back to Myself

As I’ve been writing this I have realized that the appeal of a feral summer for me is very much intertwined with my current journey of learning how to finally feel like myself in my body again. With my breast cancer diagnosis in 2021 I have since had a double mastectomy, chemo, radiation, six other surgeries and worst of all hormone blocking therapy. The result has been feeling as if my body and spirit have been spliced apart, to say it has been devastating would be an understatement.

However bit by bit I am learning how to fuse myself back together. And in fact the moments in the past few years where I have felt the most feral (primarily frolicking nude in the jungle with friends)…….have also been the ones where I have felt the closest to being re-connected with my own body and how I want to feel in it again.

I know it will never be the same body, and some changes I have accepted, some I am still grieving and some I am pushing my doctors to find better alternatives. But what I won’t accept is not being able to get to the point where I can put something on, look in the mirror and say, there she is. I am home, this is me. Not the old me, but a new, stronger more resilient me. A me that feels sexy again, and alive, and good about the way I look and feel. In my bones I know that the more feral and connected with nature I am, the more true to myself I am, is the path that will lead me there. I am close, but not quite there. But that is the medicine, nature, which at its core is also who we are. And I think all of us could use a lot more of that medicine right now.

Feral Summer Goals

As I believe in leading by example, below I have gathered a list of feral summer goals I started for myself and those of some of my most adventurous (and fun with a capital F) friends. My hope is that these will serve as a source of inspiration for your very own feral summer. Domestication is overrated, may you go forth, frolic and be feral!

My Goals: Install raised beds and plant edibles in the garden, spend more time in watering holes, skinny-dipping, dance naked under the moon with friends, try falconry, plan an irreverent costume party, read smutty books, picnic often, nap, do less and savor more, spontaneous day trips, shamelessly flirt, follow what feels good in my body, sleep deeply and restfully, be smarter with my time and energy, chase joy, answer the question - what can I do to feel lighter?

“Naked swims in the sea and rock scrambling (climbing on rocks, like mountain goats).” - (Vasi Papadopoulos, Consultant, Ibiza, Spain)

“I am always a yes person - nothing more fun than just agreeing to go on an adventure, for nothing else but the story. Unexpected, unplanned travel is the best way to have unhinged fun. Bonus points if it’s not with your typical crew.” - (Camilla Marcus, Chef & Founder of Westbourne, Los Angeles)

“Spontaneous summer picnics, letting go of bedtime schedules (in moderation of course), NPW (no plans weekends), lounging around the house with no goals. This can only happen during the summer when sports aren’t happening! Less shoes, more dirt.” - (Veronica Taylor, Head of Partnerships at Godmothers, Santa Barbara)

“Teaching zine making to teen girls is definitely feral” - (Paula James-Martinez, Filmmaker, Founder of Cuqui Magazine)

“Whenever I get to the beach I love to use sand as a natural exfoliator on my body before diving into the freezing Atlantic, it feels like my own personal spa and cold plunge. We also always go clamming every summer in Nantucket with our hands (no rakes!). It’s like finding an easter egg in the silty mud, you are filthy after but that’s what outdoor showers are for.” - (Lia Burke Libaire, Artist & Founder of Brier and Byrd)

“Being more naked, I have realized it is the most powerful medicine for me to feel more accepting of my body and myself. I can literally measure how much I love my body based upon how much time I have spent naked. It is more effective than working out or anything else I have done. Feeling how beautiful it is to be in your own skin and summer is the perfect time for that. A feral summer really means what I feel on the inside and it is connecting to this very wild and powerful part of me, it is both and spiritual and a part within me that is at the core of who I am. Also more naked dinners!” - (Bianca Marzouk, Somatic Sex Therapist, Costa Rica)

“There’s something really freeing about a feral summer; switching off the noise and being genuinely present. I know people who are getting burner phones just to reclaim that feeling of not being constantly available. Working remotely, meeting new people, being open to adventures, that’s how you come back in September with new ideas, new energy and a new perspective. The best way to stay in touch with your intuition is sometimes to take a step away from things for a moment.” - (Julia Melbourne, Brand Consultant, Substack: Work(ing) Hard World)

“Thrashed around by ocean waves, see some sunrises, have dirt under my fingernails and a messed up pedicure” - (Allie van Iden, Founder Prismatics, Ojai)

“My feral girl summer plans include: skinny dipping in the river, spontaneous mid week camping trips, taking over a pool table mid-afternoon, horseback riding fast, late nights at dive bars, finishing up the work day at the beach, smooching strangers in dark corners, takeout over cooking but also big dinner parties with gals” - (Barrie Cohen, Founder Meiners Oaks Community Garden, Ojai)

“My big rebellion this summer will be to create the feeling of the summers I had when I was a kid. i.e: I’m creating adult summer camp. I want to slow down, grill, swim, play outside in my garden, write fiction, work on my new substack, forget where I’ve left my phone, do craft projects, eat watermelon and stone fruit until I feel ill, walk to get ice cream after dinner, get into bed with a book I’m excited to read, have the kind of sleep I used to get after a long, tiring day — free from worry, utterly exhausted in the best way and overly excited to wake up and do it all again tomorrow.” - (Erin Weinger, Writer, Substack: Going to Seed)

“Plan a rage ritual with my close friends where we can scream and cry and maybe break some shit and just release. I’ve also started doing archery and putting intention into the actual bow and arrow and allowing it to move through my body which has felt really good.” - (Michelle de Flores, Founder The Tea Room, Costa Rica)

“Forage for wild berries, intentionally not pack a bathing suit but still go swimming” - (Lucy Bennett, TV Producer, Ojai)

“I just got a Bengal kitty so a feral goal besides being near bodies of water as much as possible, is to be inspired by the leopard-cat energy that I am communing with now. Also being more instinctual about decisions - what to eat, wear & trusting the body, not forgetting to be playful and curious.” - (Jaclyn, Founder of A Wave Awake, Ojai)

“Hike to the swimming holes, go skinny dipping. Don’t bring towels, just dry off on the warm rocks. (That’s pretty much what I do every week anyways). Forage straight off the trees. Bring a fancy bottle of wine and drink it straight from the bottle.” - (Johanna Bjork, Graphic Designer, Ojai)

Some Feral Reading Inspiration….

For anyone looking for some reading inspiration, below are some of my favorite books that have further inspired me to connect with nature and get in touch with my inner feral self.

For anyone who has stuck with me for this Secret Garden series, THANK YOU, you are very much appreciated (and for anyone who wants to read the previous Secret Garden stories, you can find those here). While I have been in the process of re-visiting my memories of building the garden and the time spent living in the cabin, it has given me the opportunity to reflect and process. When I arrived on the property in the fall of 2020 I was - like many people I imagine in 2020 - struggling. Struggling to figure out what was next, struggling to figure out where to go with my career, struggling to find a deeper purpose and something that truly gave me joy.

I wish I could say that by the time I finished the Secret Garden and left the property in May of 2021, that I had it all figured out. However not only did I not have it all figured out, but a mere 7 months later I would be completely blindsided by my breast cancer diagnosis. However what the time spent living in the woods and building the Secret Garden did give me, was the beginning of a new inner foundation. With each stone I laid, I was laying one for myself. And as I deepened my relationship with nature, I was both re-connecting and deepening my relationship with myself.

There is a photo I found a few years ago of myself as a child, I am probably around 6 or 7. I am sitting in a tree and looking upwards, likely at an animal or a bird, with an expression of both wonder and delight plastered across my face. I look fully in my element, a bit of a wild thing in nature, equal measure fearless, curious and delighted by the mysteries and beauty of the natural world.

I believe my time in the woods helped me realize that at my core, that is still who I am and who I have been trying to get back to all this time. Re-connecting with nature via building the Secret Garden, was in fact the path that led me back to her. And through her guidance and my true inner compass, is where I began to rebuild my own foundation and allowing it to lead me where to go next.

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Where We Left Off

Back to the garden, where we last left off I had just:

• Finished planting the moss throughout the entire stone patio

• Laid out the framework for the scalloped side beds

• Put down the path leading into the garden

• Finished the patio and moss by the fire pit

• Built the raised bed on the main stone wall

Saving the best for last, the only thing left to do was…..plant!

Plant Sourcing

The areas I allocated for planting were the garden beds which included the raised bed by the front wall, the large scalloped side beds on each side wall and two small corner back beds. When deciding what to plant in the beds there were a few factors I had to take into account.

1. I had barely any budget

2. Located in the middle of the woods, the garden received little sunlight, particularly in Spring and Summer

3. Although I was able to get a very long hose connected all the way to the garden, there would not be anyone to consistently water anything I planted

Thus I needed shade loving, low water, resilient plants (i.e. survival of the fittest). I began by searching for any plants already living on the property and doing well under these conditions. My search turned up:

1. Spanish Bluebell or Wood Hyacinth (Hyacinthoides Hispanica) - I found it growing in abundance on the hill above the wagon trail. Native to Spain, it has been cultivated in the US and was very much thriving on the property. Historically it has served as an emblem of unchanging affection and eternal love while folk stories suggest the blooms are filled with fairy enchantment, signaling a site for fairy revelries in the moon’s glow. (yes please!)

2. Spring Starflower (Aphelion Uniflorum) - non native to the US but cultivated here, it boasts an exceptional adaptation allowing survival in a wide range of climates. Interesting to note, has an affinity for certain metals which can thus indicate soil contamination levels.

I decided these would go nicely in the raised bed by the main wall. As that was all I was able to find that worked, I had to turn to the closest plant supplier in the area which was Lowe’s. Because native plants are almost always the best way to nourish an eco-system and keep all the pollinators, birds, and animals well fed and happy while being much hardier (i.e. harder to kill), I knew I ideally wanted as many natives as possible. Unfortunately Lowe’s did not stock a lot of native plants but I made the best of what they had available.

Plantings

Raised Bed

Because of the Spanish Bluebells I landed on a range of a blue, purple and white color palette. The additional plantings I purchased for the raised bed by the main wall were:

1. Virginia Bluebells (Mertensia virginica) - a pretty (native!) plant with big rounded leaves and purple drooping flowers. Interestingly, it thrives in cold weather and its edible frozen sap was prized by Native Americans as a wintry dessert. It blooms early before canopy trees fully leaf to ensure it receives ample sunlight while being a beacon from springtime pollinators.

2. Sea Thrift (Armeria maritima) - I purchased these in white and purple. Native to parts of the US in coastal areas, it has thin grass like long leaves from which shoots out long thin stem at the end of which are a burst of flowers shaped in a ball when in bloom. It represents a symbol of endurance and resilience due to its ability to thrive in harsh, saline (i.e. coastal) environments.

3. Carnation (Dianthus caryophyllus) - I purchased bright pink carnations with grey/green leaves for the vintage grecian style planter I had found at an antique store down the road to give a little punch of color. A non-native to the US, historically it has been used to flavor ales and wines while also being used as a natural dye.

Scalloped Side Bed

For the plantings in the side beds, I chose the following:

1. Isu Tree (Distylium racemosum) - I chose these to be a larger shrub that would grow and give more architecture to the raised beds, cultivated in the US they reach a height of 10-15 feet tall (so ideally eventually would help create a living wall around the Secret Garden). They are quite drought tolerant and disease resistant and I personally found to be quite elegant in the small oblong leaf shape.

2. Pink Alumroot (Heuchera rubescens) - Native to the Western US, they have a quite delicate shaped flower and leaf spread that to me read as very classical and went easily with my aesthetic inspiration for the garden. They symbolize pure affection.

3. Spotted Dead Nettle (Lamium maculatum) - I used these for ground cover in two different varieties so they would eventually cover all the soil areas of the beds. Cultivated in the US they are native to Europe, Asia and Russia. They provide a rich source of nectar for bees and butterflies while in European folklore it is said to be a plant that can break spells and work against negative energies.

Back Corner Beds

1. Bigleaf Hydrangea (Hydrangea macrophylla) - For the two back side beds I was able to re-home two that had been planted on another part of the property. Native to coastal and mild regions of Japan, the flowers change color based on the soil pH. They are linked to an ancient story about an emperor who, to express remorse for overlooking his beloved, presented Bigleaf Hydrangea to her kin. This has led it to becoming an emblem for expressing regret in Japanese culture.

And then all of a sudden, the garden was complete.

The Big Reveal

Without further ado, I present the Secret Garden:

Where it Started…..

Where it Ended…..

As far as the Secret Garden goes, we have now come to the end of this garden story. Shortly thereafter I realized it was time to move on and at the end of May 2021, I left North Carolina to go spend the summer in Costa Rica. I had a hunch that I might want to consider purchasing property there where I could build my own gardens………..and thus, as one adventure drew to a close, the next almost effortlessly began to unfold……

Back to our regularly scheduled programming of the Secret Garden, where we last left off the inlaid herringbone brick floor was complete and I was about 70% done with the inlaid stone patio. For anyone who has not read the previous articles, if you wish to get caught up, those can all be accessed on my Substack page here.

If not, a brief synopsis is that this is a chronicle about a Secret Garden I built within the ruins of a building that had been part of an 1800s mill. This was all located on a friends property in the woods of North Carolina that I was living on during the pandemic. All of the work was done entirely by myself and by hand using materials found in the woods and throughout the property.

Now I have a confession to make, I have a tendency to be a bit of a perfectionist (shocking, I know). Perhaps both a blessing and a curse, I believe this stems from my ability to look at something and quickly visualize the best version of what it can be. This could be something that is visual such as a garden or a room, or something more abstract like a brand or event.

For me it really comes down to what is the experience of a thing and how do we want it to make us feel. From there it is about what does it need to look like in order to make us feel that way and then what needs to happen in order to get it to that point.

In the case of the Secret Garden, I knew I wanted it to feel like a sacred and magical space lost in time while visually inspired by classical greek temples and architecture. (low-key I am not)

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Where I often get myself into trouble is when my overexcitement in creating something beautiful and making it the best it can be, underestimates the amount of energy and labor required to do so. In other words, it’s me, I’m the problem.

Moss Visions

Case in point - once the stones for the patio were laid down I realized that only having dirt in between them would not fit my vision of being able to walk barefoot in the garden (hence why a lot of stone patios are laid with cement). If you read my most recent newsletter, you know that I had recently fallen in love with moss, which there was an abundance of on the property.

You can probably guess where this is going…..I suddenly thought, how amazing would it look to have moss in between all the stones on the patio? Famous last words. Once my mind had landed on this shiny new moss embedded vision, there was no going back. And so, I set about my moss mission with the vigor of someone who has not quite realized how much they have underestimated the task that lies ahead.

My technique for transplanting the moss was pretty simple, with a bucket and a spade I would remove the moss in large chunks from where I found it on the ground. (Moss does not in fact have roots, it has small hair like structures called rhizoids that anchors it to surfaces). As the ground was very wet at this point, it was pretty easy to remove while remaining intact. Once I filled my bucket with moss chunks, I would go back and place (or if I’m being honest, often smoosh), each piece on the wet ground between the stones and with a wish and a prayer, hope for the best.

Thankfully and somewhat to my surprise, it worked. With several varieties of moss growing on the property, I decided to combine them in a kind of patchwork moss quilt, letting the differences in color and texture play off each other while still reading as a cohesive whole.

From beginning to end the moss mission took about two months. In comparison, this was about twice as long as the time it took to build the overall infrastructure of the garden (i.e. leveling and clearing the space, the stone side wall, the inlaid herringbone floor and the stone patio). Part of what made this so time-consuming was the need to harvest the moss carefully. Taking too much from any single spot would have left gaping holes that would have turned to mud, which would have been poor form entirely and a sure way to ensure no further invitations back.

Remaining Framework

On account of my intense (ADD fueled) desire to multi-task, at the same time I was transplanting the moss I continued to build out the remaining framework for the garden. These additional elements included:

Scalloped Garden Beds for the Side Walls

I felt that the natural curve of the scallop shape added a softness to the feel of the garden and nicely complimented the rectangular shape of the space. Now they were just waiting for the final and most important phase - planting!

Raised Bed by the Primary Stone Wall

The raised bed helped to formalize the space a bit more while allowing the beautiful green lichen covered stone wall to serve as a backdrop for any plantings.

Curved Entrance Pathway

Because the stone wall sits below the main level of the property, the Secret Garden remains hidden from view. At that lower level runs a trail, and it's from there that one walks down a fairly steep hill to reach the garden. Thus the most natural and pleasing solution to get to the garden was to create a gently curved path leading down.

Fire Pit Patio

For the fire pit area, my friend created five cedar stools that he placed around the pit. This made for a lovely seating area which we quickly put to use.

And with that, the Secret Garden was thus ready for its final and most important phase - the plantings!

Signs of Spring

While I was diligently planting moss and building out the rest of the garden, signs of spring began to slowly appear as the forest re-emerged from its long slumber. With a freshness in the air there came a feeling of excitement for what was about to burst through the ground at any moment. What began with little green leaves and small shoots from the ground quickly turned into an abundance of ferns and then almost as if overnight, a fresh new carpet of green appeared on the ground.

Spring was officially in full swing! For the next and final installment of this Secret Garden series I will get into the finishing touches, plantings and most importantly the BIG REVEAL. Until then, here are a few more moss planting and signs of Spring from the property to enjoy!

“The patterns of reciprocity by which mosses bind together a forest community offer us a vision of what could be” - Robin Wall Kimmerer

We are taking a brief interlude from our regularly scheduled Secret Garden storytelling to talk about one of my favorite plant species - moss. Now one could say that moss is having a bit of a moment as summarized in this recent Vogue article. But my hope is that this will not be another passing trend but rather the beginning of a cultural shift of long overdue respect for this small but mighty hero.

I quickly fell in love with moss by chance while searching for the stones for the side wall of the Secret Garden. As I was going about my business looking for the perfect flat stones for the wall, I stumbled upon something else entirely. It was a stone but it was completely covered in a textured vivid green moss, the plant had transformed this ordinary rock into something that felt ancient and deeply alive at the same time. The closer I looked, the more intricate it became. What appeared to be a soft green carpet from a distance, revealed itself to be a tiny forest of individual stems and leaves, each one perfectly formed.

To say it was magnetic is an understatement, I was practically spellbound by its beauty. Immediately I realized I had to incorporate these moss covered stones into the garden in some way. And then ah-ha! As the stones at the top of the side wall were not going to have anything on top of them or be walked on, these magical moss covered stones would be perfect to use to add additional texture, color and well - magic - to the Secret Garden wall.

My search quickly shifted to only looking for moss covered stones - which quickly blossomed into a bit of a love affair errr……..obsession. Everywhere I looked there were different types of this heavenly plant. It was as if it had a mystical hold on me, just looking at it calmed my nervous system and FELT SO DAMN GOOD.

Revisiting all these photos of moss, it occurred to me I surely cannot be the only person ever mesmerized by this magical plant. Not only do I want to know more, but perhaps there might be some historical and cultural storytelling around moss that could be of interest to share? As it turns out, my hunch was indeed correct. But first, a few fun facts!

Small But Mighty

• An OG Pioneer: Dating back 450 Million years, moss was one of the first plants to transition from water to land thus pioneering the way for the forests and plant life we see today.

• Destroyer of Giants: "Moss is inconceivably strong. Moss eats stone; scarcely anything, in return, eats moss. Moss dines upon boulders, slowly but devastatingly, in a meal that lasts for centuries. Given enough time, a colony of moss can turn a cliff into gravel, and turn that gravel into topsoil.” (Source: The Signature of All Things by Elizabeth Gilbert)

• The Family is LARGE: There are between 12,000 - 15,000 known species of moss.

• Resilient AF: Researchers were successfully able to revive a moss dating 1,600 years old that had been found frozen in Antarctica. In 2025 on a space expedition moss was kept outside the International Space Station while upon returning to earth, most of the moss specimens managed to spring back to life following their intergalactic experience.

• Essential to the Planet: Moss is the largest land repository for carbon. In fact, peatlands of Sphagnum sequester far more carbon than every single rainforest combined. The loss of peatlands is thus as big of an issue as the loss of rainforests to the health of our planet (and us!). (Source: Portland Japanese Garden)

• A Natural Healer: Throughout history and dating as far back as the Druids, dried Sphagnum (peat) moss was used as an emergency field wound dressing. It is known for its remarkable absorbency—soaking up to twenty times its weight in fluid—and for creating a naturally acidic environment that inhibits bacterial growth. This was used as recently as World War I. (Source)

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The Magic of Moss

As one of the oldest plants on Earth, it is not surprising that there is not only a wealth of historical writings about moss, but it also holds deep significance across many cultures around the globe. Below are some of the most interesting and delightful highlights I came across while researching this ancient plant species.

Ancient Celtic Cultures: They associated moss with the wisdom of nature and the interconnectedness of all things including a connection to the spirit world and the ancestral realm because of its ability to thrive in damp, shady environments. The Druids, the spiritual leaders of Celtic societies, used moss for both spiritual rituals as well as healing rituals, including for treating wounds and respiratory issues. They believed moss had the power to heal and promote spiritual well being.

Scandinavian Folklore: Viewed as a magical, living element of the forest and deeply connected to spirts, fairies, elves and other mystical creatures. Moss was thought to be where fairies and forest creatures dwelled. Other folklore includes a moss people or Moosleute and an association with the Huldra, a beautiful forest spirit who appears as a woman from the front but is a tree trunk or covered in moss from the back. She is a guardian of the forest, often leading lost men into mossy, shadowy woods. Some also believed it could grant invisibility or shape shifting abilities.

Native American Cultures: It was believed to promote physical and emotional well-being, protection and guidance and by many viewed as a versatile gift from nature rather than a mere plant. The Potawatomi and other traditions used dry moss within "moss bags" for infants, providing a soft, comforting environment that evokes the womb and offers superior hygiene.

Japanese Folklore & Culture: Moss is considered a celebrated symbol of everlasting love, longevity, and wabi-sabi (the beauty of imperfection). Rather than a garden pest, it represents harmony with nature. Folklore elevates this humble plant through stories of nature spirits and tragic, immortal love. (Source)

(Smutty!) Victorian England: In the mid-19th century, bryology (the study of mosses) became a widespread, socially acceptable hobby for middle-class women and men, leading to the publication of many books on identifying and collecting different species. On a more risqué note, according to the Paris Review, Moss also played a surprisingly active role in the smutty Victorian imagination. Serving as a botanical, aesthetic signifier for a soft, damp, and "hidden" setting for illicit sexual encounters, or "romps," allowing people to escape the rigid constraints of stuffy Victorian homes. “One need only look to the climax of Elizabeth Gilbert’s recent historical novel, The Signature of All Things — a long-coming sexual awakening that takes place in a hidden moss-covered grotto in Tahiti — as evidence for the strength and longevity of this Victorian plot device.”

In my last Secret Garden post, I had just finished building out and laying the herringbone brick floor I created with antique bricks found throughout the property which you can see in the image above. Although I was quite happy with the result (not bad for a first try!), it did not however cover the entirety of the space I designated for the patio area.

Because I am a glutton for punishment, I therefore decided that I would finish the remainder of the patio with stones from around the property. How hard could it be to create a stone patio by hand anyways? (I idiotically said to myself)

The Magic of Stones

I never fully appreciated stones until I began looking for them - suddenly I became a connoisseur, looking for the right shape and flatness but also noticing the beauty that they held and the exquisite colors they come in. A light teal with a streak of rust through it, a pale grey with some purple veins.

I began to think about how stones make me feel well, good. From their muted colors to their weight and shape, they somehow provide a sense of comfort, even safety. Whether it is a stone cottage, stone wall or stone pathway, the idea of any of these somehow nourishes my soul in a way that is hard to explain.

Perhaps it is that most stones were created over the course of millions of years and will probably be here for another million. A permanence in a world that feels impermanent. They are steady and secure but there is also a connectedness. When we are around materials that come from the Earth, whether we are aware of it or not, I believe we feel more connected and grounded to ourselves, to the Earth and perhaps something greater. We feel more present. One only has to look to the Pyramids or Stonehenge to understand that our relationship with stones and what we create with them, has often ventured into the mystical.

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Reflecting back I realize how fortunate I was to be able to have this experience. Not only was the world in complete turmoil as we were in the midst of the global pandemic, but I was very much experiencing my own inner turmoil and crisis. I was at a crossroads professionally, personally and spiritually, completely uncertain about what I really wanted to do next with my career and life.

I chose to do a lot of inward work during this time with meditating, journaling and reading - but there is only so much of that you can do at a time without going a little nuts. I was able to balance that by getting out of my head and doing something with my hands. To create something of beauty that was within nature and of nature while within the historic setting of the ruins, was both healing and nourishing at a time I needed it the most.

Back to the Stones

As I diligently gathered stones for the pathway I soon realized that the cute, small shallow stones I had begun gathering were never going to work. If I wanted a patio that was going to stand the test of time, what I really needed were the big guns, the ones that were 50+ pounds (and a terrible idea to try and pick up on your own if you had zero weight training experience).

Never one to let experience get in the way of a risky decision, I forged ahead. As I grunted and huffed and awkwardly picked up the mini boulders, I was grateful I only had to lug them as far as the John Deere Gator, my handy mode of transport on the property.

If you aren’t familiar with what a John Deere Gator is, it is like a hybrid between a golf cart and a mini tractor with a tiny pick-up truck bed in the back. Driving that little off roading motorized mini monster around the property, I could not have been further away from the life of red carpets and runways that I had built, I also could not have been happier. (Little did I know there would be another John Deere Gator waiting for me in Costa Rica…but I am getting ahead of myself)

Slow But Steady

Building out the stone terrace was slow and methodical. I began to build it out in chunks, first gathering a Gator load full of stones, then transporting them down to the garden site, followed by another round of Tetris for placement. Once the placement was decided, for each stone I would then have to dig a hole the exact size of the stone to set them into the earth. Oftentimes the stone was only flat on one side which meant I had to dig the hole in a way to position the stone to lay as flat as possible.

I realize now this might sound a little insane, and I don’t disagree. I also count myself lucky that I did not seriously injure myself during this process. But as a friend once said of me, I don’t do things halfway. Bit by bit, the stone patio took shape.

Ferns

Because of my penchant for multi-tasking (or rather my ADD), while I was building out the patio there were a few other projects I was working on simultaneously.

I had noticed that within the original stone wall from the Mill building there were some spaces that I thought would be perfect to snugly plant some ferns, thus adding to the wild and overgrown feeling of the Secret Garden. As ferns were in abundance around the property, I easily gathered several and started sticking them into these cracks and crannies between the stones. The clay consistency of the soil made this fairly easy to do without them falling out (and not because I actually had any idea what in fact I was doing).

During my fern relocation mission, I became entranced by these plants, watching them emerge and unfurl all over the property. As it turns out ferns are in fact ancient, having existed long before animals walked the earth and 100 million years before dinosaurs emerged. They are what is called cryptogams, meaning they bear no flowers or fruit and thus propagate via spores rather than seeds. (Flowering plants emerged 200 million years AFTER ferns)

According to Celtic folklore, ferns were believed to be closely associated with the world of fairies and thought to be a gateway to the fairy kingdom. Other beliefs around ferns include symbolizing new life, fresh beginnings, eternal youth and fertility. In fact the Southern Maidenhair Fern (Adiantum capillus-veneris) is named after Venus, the latin name translating to ‘hair of Venus.’ These discoveries only added to my love of this mystical plant and reaffirmed my instinct it would be a great addition to the Secret Garden.

Welcome back! Where we last left off with the Secret Garden, the side wall was now complete. If I’m being honest with myself, in an ideal world it would have been a towering stone wall with an antique door to gain entry, the kind that requires a large rusty old key and heavy vines curling all around the frame. Unfortunately for me, my imagination far exceeds my physical abilities as I am not in fact a stone mason, so this is where we landed.

With the side wall complete, I decided the next order of business was the patio floor in the center of the garden. While I had been searching for stones, I had noticed here and there throughout the property what looked like antique hand made bricks -presumably from the same time as the 1800s mill. Many of them had this beautiful warm pink-ish terracotta color to them that I loved. I decided these could make a lovely inlaid herringbone floor which would anchor the space and provide a point of interest and beauty to draw the eye to. (No matter that I had neither skill nor experience making an inlaid herringbone floor, YouTube to the rescue)

A brief bit of history to note, brick making in North Carolina dates all the way back to the 1600s. Due to the thick clay soil found in many parts of the state including the area I was in, it did not take long for settlers to realize it was the perfect material for bricks.

I started gathering the bricks I saw laying about in different parts of the property. Eventually this turned into a bit of a treasure hunt as I would often find one brick half sticking out of the ground and upon pulling it out, would quickly discover several more underneath. They varied in color and size with some of them a bit crumbly and broken into pieces and likely upwards of 150 years old, while others looked machine made. (I much preferred the old crumbly ones as although they would make things trickier in fitting all together, they had a lot more character and history to them)

After gathering what seemed like enough (everything was a guesstimate at this point), I then did a trial run of how I wanted to place the bricks to see how large the footprint would be and if in fact my lofty vision would even work. The old crumbly bricks proved my biggest challenge as a lot of them were broken in half and I had to find two halves to make a whole, thus requiring a Tetris like skill level. Luckily, I also happen to love Tetris which likely explains my deep affection for a seating chart (something my previous fashion colleagues know all too well).

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After a bit of trial and error, I was eventually able to make them fit AND with exactly the right number of bricks to spare. (Phew.)

After all that work, I marked and staked out the area they covered and (begrudgingly) disassembled them. It was time to roll up my sleeves and get to the real work: digging out the depth where the bricks would be inlaid. This was perhaps the most laborious part of the whole process as it was pure blood, sweat, and well - hard labor (I quickly realized I much preferred supervising rather than actually performing the physical labor). Since the ground was only level-ish at that point, the digging also meant further leveling, ensuring the bricks would eventually lie flat.

Once the space had been dug out, I quickly consulted YouTube which informed me I would require sand to pour into the area before placing the bricks. This would further level it while keeping the bricks in place. After retrieving the sand from Home Depot (where I received some quizzical looks from the helper after telling him I needed the sand for a inlaid herringbone floor I was digging out for a Secret Garden) - I was ready to go.

I poured out the sand and found a flat board to sweep across to help identify any areas that were still not fully level. I also used this blue tool I found to kind of flatten the ground in certain parts, I’m not sure how much it actually worked but it felt official at least. Once that was done, I was ready to start laying the bricks down.

Back to Tetris, I laid out the herringbone floor one more time, then poured the remaining sand over the bricks to set everything in place.

And Voilà - c’est fini! It wasn’t perfect, and it didn’t follow any standard rules, but as it was laid deep into thick Carolina clay, it wasn’t going anywhere. Additionally I felt the imperfections only added to the ancient, weathered aesthetic I was after. You can see there were spaces on the sides of where the brick was next to the border which I didn’t really know what to do with because I wasn’t using any type of mortar. At this point I felt it was all good enough and figured that those would fill over time with dirt and debris. I was ready to move onto the next task, finishing the rest of the patio……

I am taking a quick break from my storytelling about the Secret Garden, as I saw something I felt compelled to share. I recently read a quote from an interview with Brené Brown for the Financial Times where she declared ‘I’m solidly in my fuck it era.’ And that really hit for me.

I've always had a hard time explaining what led me to leave NYC and the glamorous life and career I spent 17 years building as a fashion executive to retreat to a secluded cabin in the woods of North Carolina. But after reading that quote, it clicked. My pandemic-motivated escape to the forest to live blissfully secluded in nature, marked the official beginning of my very own 'fuck it' era.

And by ‘fuck it’ I mean the courage to look at my life, and admit to myself it was no longer making me happy. It was time that I hang up my headset and five inch designer heels and instead cultivate a life that felt more purposeful and fulfilling. Most people might find that prospect terrifying, but most people also wouldn’t wear six inch heels a week after an appendectomy to oversee a fashion show (it takes a special breed of masochist to succeed in Fashion PR). So although I knew nothing about living in the woods, I knew it certainly couldn’t be any harder than running a door to a MET Gala afterparty….it was time for a new adventure.

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Buckle Up

In terms of what led me to my ‘fuck it’ era - or probably more accurately my ‘fuck that’ era (pardon my language but also, sorry not sorry) - is that the input vs. output math was no longer mathing for me. I had poured so much into my career and yet with the rise of social media we were now expected to do more with less and work harder for the same paycheck. I was giving more but getting less out of it. I also have always cared deeply about the environment which was now in dire straits. Then there was the moment I connected the dots that what I did for a living might actually be contributing to the negative impact on the environment. Shiiiiittttttt.

Once you see something you cannot unsee it. So I left my big job at the big agency at the end of 2017 - goodbye New York, London and Paris Fashion Weeks, goodbye five star hotels and expense budgets, goodbye Delta platinum status. I was burnt out and ready for a change.

I took my own version of an Eat Pray Love sabbatical through Southeast Asia to re-set. Over the course of two months I traveled through Thailand, Cambodia, Laos and Bali and became completely re-enchanted with life but more importantly, with nature.

From the Elephant sanctuary in Chiang Mai, a river cruise in Luang Prabang, a sunrise in Angkor Wat to the rice paddies in Bali - it felt as though nature had breathed life back into my soul. (although I will admit, the romance with a Belgian surfer in Bali didn’t hurt either)

But then I started a business with a partner and poured every waking moment into making it a success. After a year and a half it wasn’t working, which left me feeling demoralized and even more burnt out than before. Six months later I went through a romantic break-up that left me feeling even worse. (this time a Brazilian surfer, photographer and ex-model - extremely good looking men have always been my Achilles heel, perhaps one day I will learn my lesson)

And that is when I hit my ‘fuck that’ inflection point. More specifically fuck sacrificing everything I have just for a paycheck, fuck adhering to the societal standard that we have to live to work, fuck worrying about defining my life through my work and my romantic relationships, fuck being disconnected to nature and following the rules of a system designed around extraction rather than contribution. Specifically, extraction of labor and extraction from nature all so a few (ahem, white men) can thrive at the top. And most of all fuck following the rules.

Stops and Starts

In quick succession, I got a puppy and went on a women’s retreat in Costa Rica. To say I immediately fell in love with Costa Rica is an understatement, located in a small surf town in the jungle on the beach, it felt very similar to Bali but also not halfway around the world. I returned to Costa Rica for February of 2020 to see if a permanent move might be in my future.

After living in Bali, I had a feeling that remote work was going to become the next thing, and thought I could easily do it from Costa Rica. I got back to NYC on March 4th of 2020 with my mind set, I was going to put my stuff in storage and move abroad, living between Costa Rica and Europe and consult remotely. As you can guess, Covid had other plans.

Grounded in NYC and on lockdown for what ended up being the next seven months I focused on painting, walking my puppy and creating a little garden oasis on my terrace. Then, finally, in October of 2020 I took the plunge and ended my NYC lease, put my stuff in storage and descended into the woods of North Carolina to officially begin my “Fuck That”era.

The throughline here is that NATURE has in fact always been the impetus behind and ultimately the main character in my “Fuck That” era. NATURE put me on a road back to myself. In hindsight I also believe that NATURE was preparing me and steadying me for the biggest challenge I would soon be faced with and could never have anticipated, namely Cancer.

But first, let’s get back to the Secret Garden….

Forgotten by time, the wall and what was left of the side walls were covered in vines, leaves and debris. The first thing that I did was to clear the vines and debris off to see what I was dealing with - ideas began to take shape. I wanted it to feel like a sacred space, imbued with magic, nature and mystery, as if it had always been there and would be there for the next several hundred years (or perhaps longer). It would need a floor that was leveled for people to gather as I wanted it to feel like a clearly defined room and container for sacred gatherings and ceremonies. It was also about 100 feet from the river bank and directly faced it so there was a special energy you felt when you were in the space.

Uncovering History

I began first by starting to level the ground. While attempting to clear several lumpy mounds that I assumed were merely accumulated mounds of dirt, I discovered that the lumps making the mounds were in fact old pieces of machinery from the mill. Shapes started to emerge, a cog, a spoke, other machinery parts I could not quite identify. As the number of machinery artifacts began to pile up, I started to feel as if I was on my own archeological dig. Eventually I decided to incorporate these artifacts into different areas of the garden - such as the spokes from a wheel to shape the walkway path - thus creating different points of interest while reflecting some of the history of the property.

An Outdoor Room

With my initial attempt at leveling the floor area done, I turned my attention to how I was going to create a sense of actual space and the feeling of an outdoor room (or goddess temple, pot-ATO pot-AHHTO).

My intuitive feeling was that this had to be done by re-building the side wall where one would enter the garden from the path above as well as creating stairs to walk down into the garden. At this point there was in fact no secondary wall but rather a ledge where it seemed like the secondary wall should have been and you had to hop down to go into what felt like the actual space. (In a nutshell, a broken ankle waiting to happen)

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Building Stairs

Before I could start building the side wall where one entered the secret garden, I first needed to build the stairs. The natural slope of the hill made it quite easy to determine the ideal stair location which was about 3 feet out from the primary wall. Once that was decided, I began looking around the property for the right kind of stones to build the stairs - they needed to be wide and fairly flat so they could be stacked on top of each other.

Thankfully I was able to find the right sizes and shape pretty easily while I also found 2 perfect stones that would act as a corner next to the stairs. I loaded them up in the trusty John Deere Gator, drove them over to above the garden site and rolled them down the hill as they were far too heavy to actually carry (they likely weighed 30-50 lbs each). I got to work digging out where the stones would be placed and in about a day and a half - TA-DAA - stairs and a side corner wall. (note I left ample space on either side of the stairs so I could place plantings down each side to create that wild and overgrown ruins feeling)

The Entrance Wall

With the stairs done, I began digging out where I thought the secondary wall should be and creating space to build up the wall with stones from throughout the property. (As I had no budget, I needed to find all materials from around the property plus I liked the idea of using the materials the earth was providing)

As my digging got underway, I realized that my intuition for where the wall should be was correct (woot woot!) as there were in fact some remaining stones already there from the original wall. It was then on top of these that I would add the additional stones. As there was also now a fairly significant tree in the middle of where the side wall had been, this meant that I was also uncovering some pretty large roots while digging out the side walls.

Although this meant a lot more maneuvering and care when building the wall back up with the stones so as not to harm the roots of the tree, in the end this helped create the visual effect I was going for - namely, ancient AF.

Looking through all of my old photos now I am estimating that digging out and subsequently building out the side wall plus sourcing all the stones took me 5 days in total - not bad for a few weeks work I think?

Et voilà - a built in albeit small, stone wall. I would also eventually add additional stones on top of these however this was a solid foundation to start from and I felt ready to move onto the next task.

Coming up in the next newsletter……always a glutton for punishment, an inlaid herringbone brick floor.

As a child I used to listen to books on tape when I went to sleep at night, listening to the same few books over and over again. One of my absolute favorites was The Secret Garden - few things tantalized and excited my young mind as much as the idea of a hidden garden, forbidden and locked away and full of secrets within nature. The garden represented the mysteries of the unknown, a portal to the past, to love, to another world, to magic….it was a liminal space where anything was possible. Clearly, a seed had been planted.

A New Chapter

Fast forward to the fall of 2020. After living in NYC for 17 years, like many long time New Yorkers, I left during Covid. I was fortunate enough to have been able to achieve all my childhood dreams of working in fashion - from fashion weeks in New York, London, Milan and Paris to the MET gala and countless other red carpet events - I had done it all and was incredibly grateful for it. But I was also ready for a change.

The pandemic gave me the extra push I needed. I realized if I was going to have to be confined anyways because of the pandemic, I would rather be in the middle of the woods in nature than confined to an apartment in the city. I had some close friends with a large property in the woods of North Carolina and on it they had an 1870 farmhouse that was vacant and needed some love. If I painted a room I was welcome to live there rent free - it could not have been more perfect.

A little over five acres and set back in the woods bordered by the Rocky River, driving into it for the first time one perceives a distinct mystical quality. Apparently a yoga retreat back in the 1970s, in the 1800s it had been a mill while the main dwelling for the owners was likely the farmhouse I was living in (there had seem been several more recent buildings added to the property). The Rocky River itself is considered a landmark for early settlers, who having arrived in the mid 1700s, utilized it to foster early industry including grist mills, representing a significant aspect of the county’s early agricultural and economic infrastructure. There is of course a very dark element of this history as slavery was often used to support agricultural industry. I don’t know if there was a history of slavery on this property but it is certainly possible and something I thought about often.

If I am speaking of the history of the land, it of course did not start with the settlers who colonized the area. Prior to the arrival of the European settlers, the area had been inhabited by Native Americans for at least 10,000 years with early inhabitants including Siouan-speaking tribes like the Occaneechi, Soccoree and Eno. As a river would have been a daily center of life for Native Americans, I always had a feeling that the property was one with deep Native American roots. A people who held deep respect and reverence for the land, and whose ancient wisdom is what we so desperately need today. This was on my mind constantly and begged the question, was there a way I could honor the history of the Native Americans who once lived here?

I moved into the farmhouse in late October and by December I had painted the entire downstairs as well as helped reconfigure the interiors and was looking for a new project. I had a lot of time on my hands and needed something to do.

I had created a potted garden and outdoor space on my balcony in Williamsburg while I was still in NYC, so my interest in gardens had already been ignited.

The Ruins

The ruins of what had been the Mill from the 1800s still remained on the property, you only had to venture down towards the river to find them. What must have been the main building had moss and ferns growing all over the remaining portions of the walls. If you knew where to look, further along the riverbank and through the woods you came across a striking lone wall that faced the river. It was a glorious tarnished green color, much like aged copper, as the lichens had made their home on it. Around it there were remnants of what must have been the additional walls. My guess was that perhaps it had been a storage building for the grain because our understanding was that the path above it was where the wagons had gone back and forth to meet the boats coming down the river.

One day I ventured down to the lone wall facing the river, and I had an idea - a secret garden. The wall was located below the wagon path and therefore not visible from the elevated part of the property where the houses and buildings were located. Directly facing the river, it was its own secret space waiting to be re-awakened.

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Hi and welcome to Garden Creatures, I am so happy you are here. My intention behind this new writing adventure is for it to serve as a beginners guide to cultivating achingly beautiful gardens, the unconventional and inspiring creatures and stories that create them and choosing the road less traveled.

Why I am choosing to go on this Substack adventure are for a few reasons. Firstly because creating beauty with and within nature feeds my soul and I am excited to connect with and share the stories of other like minded creatives and their gardens alongside my own. Secondly because at a moment when humanity seems to have lost its way, I believe the garden offers a path back to ourselves, to nature, to awe, to wonder and to magic. (And I think all of us could use a lot less stress and a lot more wonder and magic in our lives these days) Lastly, because life is short and sometimes you just have to try the thing.

For anyone who knows me, it is likely from my life as a fashion PR girl in NYC. Since leaving NYC in 2020 after 17 years, I have gone through a series of wild pivots that much like Alice, have led me further and further down the rabbit hole to gardening.

Said pivots have included building a Secret Garden, buying 9 acres of land in the jungles of Costa Rica, getting diagnosed with and beating breast cancer, moving to LA then followed by moving to Costa Rica to re-forest and plant gardens and food forests on my property. In the summer of 2025 I decided to move back to California to the town of Ojai, a nice happy medium between a big city and jungle living if there ever was one. (As it turns out, running a consulting business from the actual jungle is bad for business - who would have guessed?)

What has steadied me through the hardest parts of the last few years (including 7 surgeries, chemo, radiation and hormone suppressant treatment), is nature. What has restored me, is being able to co-create with it.

When I was diagnosed with cancer, I realized it was not death I feared, but the possibility of not living life on my own terms. Part of those terms I soon realized, is creating achingly beautiful, unconventional gardens and spaces that delight the senses and make you never want to leave.

A World of Gardens

Have you ever stepped foot in a garden that is so achingly beautiful it feels otherworldly, as if somehow magic is imbued in every leaf, every flower, every bee like a living, breathing paradise…. the more it hums and shimmers, the more it mystifies and delights? Or perhaps it is a single flower, the petals so perfectly formed and the colors so elegant it breaks your heart wide open? What if instead of being a fleeting moment, we created a world around that beauty, that feeling of deep connectedness to nature, to self, to nourishment of our body and soul? My intention for this newsletter is to discover, share and construct what that world could look and feel like - the creatures that create those spaces, the creatures that inhabit them, the stories behind them and the interconnectedness of it all.

I also plan to get into more practical skills such as how to grow your own food (hello, society collapse) and my favorite resources, sources of inspiration and everything I’m learning as I go.

The Invitation

So here is your invitation to join me on this new adventure and imagining what this world could look and feel like, to open yourself to the possibility of returning to the rhythm of the earth, to create beauty at every turn, and to step into the mystical unfolding of it all.

If this sounds of interest to you, I encourage you to subscribe, it’s free and hopefully will become a source of nourishment, inspiration and most importantly - delight!

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