It all started at 11:45pm the day before, after finishing my job as a remote tutor, then 3hrs+ of packing for the trip slipped in. This would explain “zzzzz” later in this post.

We set out (my mom, dad, sister and I) at 8:00am in the morning of the next day. A very good neighbour of ours helped convey us to the Garage.

The ride to the garage was casual as ever. Casual in the sense that my dad and neighbour kept discussing and also casual in the sense that we, the main character of this journumentary, were lost in the worlds of our own and we were trying to defeat the nervousness by transforming it into a stone and throwing it deep into the ocean of excitement. Or should I speak for myself only since I can't read the mind of my partner.

Upon getting to the garage, a wave of porters almost made us drown in sweat, spit, chaos and frustration. Evident confusion was written on my sister's face and my head felt like a rollercoaster. We hadn't hired their services yet and still, they were buzzing around us like houseflies. Our parents negotiated with them and then we were seated in the bus but this time around, it was just I, my sister and my mom. Dad and us exchanged salaams, he waved us goodbye as we went. The goodbye I didn't think would come so soon. The goodbye that would have made me cry if we weren't in a commercial car. I'm a tough girl y'all. 🌚🫠

The wave into a new chapter.

Where should I start this narration from? It should be from when the tires rolled and the bus sped off the Ikorodu Garage. Deep into the journey, I inhaled some car exhaust and you know what that means ? Headache. I usually get it when travelling long distances and it is triggered by car exhausts (the longer the distance, the more exhaust I inhale). More reason I had to cool off my head by …… SLEEPING.

Then I slept,

Still sleeping,

Then my phone rang and it was my senior calling me. She is so sweet, she called to ask about the journey. After hanging up, mama continued sleeping o.

Okay, we know we've missed some part of “Roads” due to my sleep but I still get gist with evidence. 😝

“Assalamu alaikum my love” Those were the words I heard after picking up the second call that woke me. The call was also from my senior who happens to be the friend of the first senior that called.

Guys, my seniors >>>>>>

She also gave me a gift package for my matriculation….. Am I supposed to tell you that? 🙈

Okayyyy, back to the journumentary.

We were on the Lagos-Ibadan expressway and it was at that point we experienced traffic.

👆🏾 That caused it, “The fallen trailer”!

In this exhibit above, we can see an issue Nigeria deals with - Land pollution. The driver of the car we boarded was literally eating bananas and dumping their peels on the expressway. 😑

Nextttttt

“Ibadan, the city of brown roofs”

Upon arriving in Ibadan, we were welcomed by a procession of road side vendors.

I could not help but admire their zeal and agility when they immediately left our car to advertise their goods to the bus that arrived after us.

Then while on that road, I remembered an incident that occurred when I went to Ibadan during my post UTME. A girl bought a bunch of bananas from an old woman but the bus sped off before she could pay. Then all the women in the bus started commenting on it, some advised her, the others narrated possible consequences the girl could face such as the old woman cursing her. Moral of the story: Don't buy anything from a roadside vendor, if you are in a vehicle that didn't halt/a vehicle that isn't waiting for your purchase.

Spoiler: I tried to take good photos but 🙂

This is all I can get for now and I don't want to go on the net for the pictures because it might affect the authenticity of this piece. 🫠

Now, we are coming to the last section of this journumentary and it is

The road to the Blue Tower was one filled with chaos, deceit, unexplainable emotions and gratitude.

The chaos of the porters.

The deceit of the driver.

The unexplainable emotions I felt.

The gratitude from it all.

Upon alighting from the car, they were cab drivers waiting for us. A group of individuals from the car we alighted from were also heading towards the blue tower.

Ibadan porters are worse than the Ikorodu porters. You know I wanted to write “Lagos porters” but I decided to balance it by making use of a local government since the former is, even though it is the third largest city in West Africa. 😌

Describe the porters in three words? Rough. Uncouth. Impatient.

This made me come to a conclusion that these porters, both Ibadan and Ikorodu, take some sort of hardened substance because why do they have similar qualities?

I wasn't surprised by the deceit the driver of the cab we decided to take, displayed because while heading to my post UTME's venue last year, the driver was also dishonest. Ibadan drivers and extortion 🤝🏾.

The driver aided the porters in exhorting us too because he didn't dismiss the huge amount they charged. The point from where they picked up our luggage to the point where the car was situated was between 25 - 30 steps and they charged ₦1000! We took the cab from Iwo road down to my hall, the hall named after the great Bini Queen 😌 and the driver charged ₦2500 per person and that is excluding the luggage charges!

Yeahhh the blue tower. I swear I tried to take good pictures. 😩

The unexplainable emotions descended upon me from the point where I was able to see the gate while we were still in the cab.

You know that feeling “it's getting real”, “I'm officially a uni student”, “The real life begins from here”, “Oh Allah please guide me”, “yayy, University of Ibadan”. These emotions and more!

But as soon as the cab made its way into the gate, a feeling that flowed into “AlhamduLillah” settled in me.

……………………..

This journumentary has officially come to an end. Did you enjoy it, comment on your most favourite part.

Thank youuuuuuuuu for reading. 🌷

Kindly share, every uni aspirant needs to read this!

Share

I earned this. University of Ibadan, here I come.

Byeeee.

……….

But it's second semester……. I don't want to be a writene.

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Almighty Allah guides whom he wishes and makes whom he wishes go astray ? Yes but that is not all. Almighty Allah guides those who turn to Him but let those who turn away from Him go astray.

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When searching for the meaning or purpose of life, we need guidance and Almighty Allah is الهادي (Al-Hadiyy: The Guide). He guides the heart of those who turn to Him and keep them on the straight path, His path.

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Those who are guided know what is right but they need to be clear on what righteousness is and it should also feel right to them. This is bestowed upon them by الرشيد (Ar-Rasheed: The Guide to the Right Path) and He makes righteousness feel sweet and evil feel bitter.

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After guidance and clarity, the straight path feels more safe and secure because it is being expanded with light. By every step one takes, the light increases because Almighty Allah is النور ( An-Nur: The Light) and when we walk towards light, we become fully immersed in it until we become light ourselves.

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The path is fully light up and due to this, we would be able to see the signs of our Lord all around us. He is المبين (Al-Mubeen: The Evident). This would keep us going, forever away from darkness which blinds are eyes and turns the heart away from righteousness.

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Ya Hadiyy, guide me towards you and towards that which I was created for. Guide me away from ignorance, darkness and arrogance.

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Ya Rasheed, give me clarity upon my Deen. Let Your wants feel right to me and let my heart detest all what you hate.

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Ya Nur, illuminate my path with light. Let it shine through every of my deeds. Let me hold on to it at all times and let my soul seek nothing except that which is light.

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Ya Mubeen, make your signs, your likes and dislikes known to me. Make my strength and piety evident to me so that I can maximise all the benefits that come with them.

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Aameen 🤍.

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I decided to make the day 3 recap, a post because I can. Actually it was because it was lengthier than I expected.

May Almighty Allah grant me the strength to meet up with, continue and finish the Yaqeen Institute's Ramadan challenge.

Aameen. 🤍

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Assalamu alaikum. ✨

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Source: https://youtu.be/58ya89yheYI?si=F6gN-qHHJnB5AgNu

From now until March, I am going on a reading and “writing for myself” streak. Writing for myself means not writing on Substack and I do not want to feel guilty about it. And that is exactly what having 100 subscribers would make me feel - guilt.

Hanat, why are you thinking of writing for yourself only when you could write and share to impact?

I know people need to get my message but I never wrote my first drafts. But my timing feels off right? It does because when I was supposed to be doing this, I was busy doom scrolling Facebook to save aesthetic pictures (my ss2 days). And when I actually became serious with writing, I immediately started writing on Substack (after three years of procrastinating writing).

I am not a writer yet. This is not from an approach that everyone writes but writers are people that can make their readers feel. I have not even been able to write - mediocre, crude or whatever - I have not been able to.

Or I have?

Write what you want to read.

Okay, here goes something……

I want writers to write about how difficult writing is and how writing would feel lifeless to you if you don't read.

I do not want only the “there are some days when you would feel tired and doubt your abilities”. I want there are times you would cry and say writing is the wrong choice. The “I should never have started my Substack account” or “I was so stupid to think that writing is for me”.

I want writers to talk about when they get incredible writing ideas at times they are unable to write like while doing chores and while on Salaah (while praying) and the doubt whether it was from Allah or from Shaytan. I want them to talk about this struggle and how when after Salaah or chores they want to write it, the idea is gone. Or should I say that the way it was crafted in their head is gone.

I want them to write about the times they feel like a failure and the times they feel their intentions aren't right.

I want writers to talk about the opposite of writing block or an explosion of writing ideas that hits writers monthly and make them, actually make them write five times a day; and then the next days or weeks, there would be a writing block downpour.

I want them to talk about the guilt of not writing. The headaches that sometime come with writing and the anxiousness that comes with sharing the message.

I want writers to write about the uncertainty whether the spellings or the grammars they use in their writings are correct.

I want writers to write about the weirdness they feel when they begin a sentence with “and” and “but”.

(I feel weird, it's not poetry)

I want them to write about the feeling of “I didn't write this well enough for my readers to understand and still writing it like that makes me feel lazy and mediocre”.

I want them to write and write about the struggle, the doubt, I want them to write about it all.

Dear reader,

If you are subscribed, Thank youuuuuuuu. Having this number of subscribers is actually a win, like 83 people actually feel I am a writer!!!!

Thank youuu

Weird fact: I still want you to subscribe. I think I have an issue identifying my choices.

Until next time,

Hanat and her Bizarre writings.

P.s: I am not going to publish this 😝🥲

Edit : I actually did publish it because the same newsletter I read that traumatized me, made me do it.

“showing up imperfectly, is better than not showing up at all”.

Nigeria is a country with a population of over 200 million people, 250+ ethnic groups and different ideologies; and what is one thing that unites us all? Football. I felt so passionate about this beautiful unity that I decided to write a poem and also “this is a good muse for me”.

This is something I am passionate about, it is about my nation. I love motherland so much, she loves unity, and I love what mama loves.

I wrote this poem to make you feel what I am feeling. All of the mixed emotions - my love for the unity, the heartbreaks and my anguish at people’s pessimism. My heartbreaks cut across Nigeria not qualifying for the Qatar 2022 World Cup, our loss in the finals of the last Afcon (second place is actually the first to lose) and we not qualifying for the 2026 World Cup.

Now we are playing at Afcon, and maybe due to last year’s heartbreak, a lot of Nigerians are pessimistic about us winning but I doubt it because last year, we were also pessimistic until we were in the Quarter finals (but that could have also been because of our previous Afcon loss 🥲). We are the most pessimistically hopeful people I know. I say this because we are good at hoping but we need something to trigger the hope. All of these prompted me to write this poem.

This is dedicated to something that unarguably unites, something different. Let this be your trigger to hope, get ready to feel what I am feeling.

For the love of things that unite us.

For the love of things that unite us…

Victory shall be written with our names

The glitter of the gold would be enhanced with our sweat

Our cheers, our voice

Shall sing the song of nationalism,

The anthem that defines our prowess

And prays for our progress.

Across the Sahara, our eagles shall fly high

Over the coast, they would paint ivory with the breath of our resilience

By the Niger, the current shall flow with our pomp of triumph

In our veins, not in vain but for gain

O dazed they would be with our dazzling sensations

The sensations birthed by us -

The giant of the great motherland.

P.S: After watching “People and Power” today on Al-Jazeerah, I am happier that we beat Tunisia.

Please Subscribe before leaving. I am having issues with the subscribe button that is why I am unable to add it to the post.

So here they are…

Ten Words I Love:

1. Bizarre: I just don't love this, I am obsessed with it and it was connection at first read. I have heard the word “bizarre” but never really read it in usage until I took the read your colour test. When I took the test, I discovered I was a purple reader and “bizarre” was one of the adjectives used to qualify us. And I fell in love. I didn't just used it to qualify my reading but also my writing and personality. My personality is weird and unique, and my writing is unique and I didn't want to say those words so I just went with Bizarre 💞 ( I like it with capital B for emphasis and with that cute emoji). Addition of “Positively” is another little story, I am not sharing yet or maybe I will (read till the end).

2. Chaos: Don't get me wrong, I don't love chaos, just the word. Let me show you its usage in a positive sentence: “I am the bizarre writer whose chaotic words are soft on the heart.” Lately I have been having lot of thoughts and having too many thoughts and not having a way to manage them usually leads to headaches so they have a chaotic nature. Bottom line is that, my thoughts are chaotic and I manage them through writing ( I am coming from a poetic POV).

3. Valour: This was last year (if you know, you know). I feel that there is power on the ‘V’ and softness on the ‘-our’ and that is an amazing feeling. It is all about how I feel connected to the word. The feeling I get from pronouncing it and through its meaning is just wow. I haven't been using it lately, so before writing this I felt a little bit disconnected from it but now that I have used it, I feel more and more connected. More in love.

4. Bashfulness: Bashfulness! So powerful, so bold and a fluent heaviness on the mouth and yet it means shyness or coyness (soft words). Can you sense the beautiful effect? Coyness and shyness are associated with modesty, so I use ‘bashfulness’ when qualifying someone modest (especially me). This was last year as well but I'm bringing it back on board. Stay tuned!

5. Peace: I just have to fall in love with this word, I mean I practice the religion of peace, my name means peace and what is the ultimate desire in life? It is peace. We all want peace thinking money, good health, love, family, can grant it to us. Upon realization that peace is a gem and even talking about peace makes me feel at peaced, I had to just fall in love. I mean, who wouldn't fall in love with the meaning of their name?

6. Aesthetics: ouuuuuu, this is a nice one. Aesthetics is the philosophy of beauty and the word is actually beautiful. The flow and the symphony of the vowels, in your mouth, is just ouuf! It also gives me the same feeling as peace does when I pronounce it. And I want to learn how to write it in cursive. (Aesthetics, something like thisss).

7. Enthusiast: This word flows into your mouth and commands fluency from you. The meaning as well adds to the nature of the word. And its usage ? instead of saying I like nature or I like positivity, I say I am a nature enthusiast or positivity enthusiast. This word literally commanded fluency from me and It swept me off my feet.

8. Breathe: Any word that makes me feel the same way peace does when I pronounce it >>>, I just love it. And when you tell someone to breathe, you are telling them to let go of their worries. You are creating a safe (*realized she likes safe too) environment for the person to relax and that is sweet. So dear reader, breathe.

9. Multiplicity: I was contemplating on whether I should include this because it was from an academic approach but I did so because I like saying it now. Also, it has a tongue twisting nature and once you are able to pronounce it fluently, you feel happy. Try it, mul-ti-pli-ci-ty (haha). The vowels also reminds me of “aesthetics”, there is a connection there.

10. Coagulate: I cannot remember when I first heard this word but I have a vivid memory of its usage and it was in a poem. “Coagulates into….” (I can't fully quote it because I don't have the permission of the poet). The love for this is poetic (same as Chaos). For me, when I use it, I'm saying all of the emotions solidifies into something that still makes you experience all of those emotions. Deep!

Ah, falling in love with words is all about how I feel connected to them with the way they make me feel when I pronounce them and also how their meaning emphasizes the feeling.

I mentioned earlier that I also love safe, so here are bonus words I love:

11. Humanity: I love humanity and I love how the pronunciation translates into my heart that it home for all human (this is not literal or should I say I don't know the exact way to write the feeling because some things are just felt, but I would get back to you on that).

12. Please: I say this as a worship word. I'm all about pleasing my Lord through every action of mine. And I say this everyday, “I write to please my Lord” ( I might as well say I like Lord too)

13. Positive: I love the meaning of this word and I love the feeling that comes with pronouncing “positivity” (and hey, it rhymes with multiplicity). Maybe that is why I added positively to “bizarre” for emphasis because bizarre is something strange, which is mostly used in a negative sense, and also because I love positivity and its family.

14. Safe: Peace, Breathe, Safe. The same feeling but different levels of love but still love. Writing is my Safe space, what is yours?

I hope you enjoyed reading this and Thank youuuuuuuu for doing so.

Until next time,

Hanat, The Bizarre Writer 💞

Is the story untold ?

That with our cloak we covered up their burdens

And in our bosoms they found a safe place to fall in

And with our grit we planted giggles on their faces

Which sights and rhythms blossomed in many places.

Our blood go dey hot when the men we called our own were touched

With swords and arrows, we’d strike the foes and leave them scotched

And our blood drizzling, our youth fading, we put forth our all

And we didn't even dare to give ourselves, an ounce of reason to fall

But we did fall…

For this was their master game

And it bore us pain.

And with sizzling agony

We beckoned in disharmony

Even with our anguish, we wanted peace

With hopes of reconciliation ruptured, we never got even a sorry kiss

And with disdain fury, they paved their hatred

Foregoing all we had sacred

The bond never existed

The love was long dead

No be our fault say the barrack don annihilate

Wetin matter na we - the soldiers - remain .

Am I being insensitive

Or just ignorant

Or am I looking for answers for a double standard of humanity if it questions?

I have been keeping quiet, I pray to be forgiven. There is no doubt, we have failed them, humanity has.

Is this what have become of them? A muse, an inspiration. Let me borrow a line from song of the women of my land by Oumar Farouk Sesay

Now feeding the verses of poets, it echoes

Reading these lines back in secondary school, I couldn't really relate to it but now - I can.

The bombings, the death toll, the horrid screams of women and children, pictures showing their broken limbs, the starvation 💔 all echoes, echoes ? It is a documented genocide streaming over all social media platforms and a debate in the comments section over “whether they deserved it or not”, “did it start October 7 or it began through the Nakba of 1948 ?”. Are all of these just a muse for writers, peace speakers, film makers ? Have they just become a hot topic for world leaders? Have we all just become familiar with them being tagged as “breaking news” ?

If yes, then remember, these are human beings not just a movement to be supported. They are not topics to be debated on in the face of double standards. They are not concepts to be written on. They are human. They are tired.

If you are human then you should understand, they need to be human - they need to breathe, they need to have food,water, protection. They need freedom not compensation nor a hypocritical 21 point plan.

Compensation?

Whole families were wiped out, children were burnt alive (All eyes on Rafah). They might compensate for the houses they destroyed but what of the lives lost? Or do they think their loss is their infrastructure ? No, it is the lives lost, dreams and hopes crushed. So what compensation is being discussed here? All we want is FREEDOM. End all genocidal operations.

And yes, you are right. They are being punished. For they are punished for being human and for believing in humanity the day they said “come brothers, you can settle in our land.”

Great things are not done by impulse but a series of small things brought together ~ Vincent van Gogh.

Growth is inevitable - only physical growth but other than that, it is. In fact it would be non-existent for an individual waiting for inspiration before acting. Do you think Hilda Bacci would have achieved her dream of becoming a Guinness world record holder if she waited to be inspired before cooking? Or you acing that test if you waited to be inspired before reading? (Well actually you could if the test was not testing your abilities which leads to no growth!) . You have been a spectator all your life, watching people do great things but you have never kept the ball rolling. And silly you waiting to get inspired by them (by watching those 10 things you can learn from Aliko Dangote videos) before acting.

Inspiration is not toxic and it is rather needed, it kicks you off and makes you a go-getter but waiting to be inspired before acting kills your growth. It only lasts through the beginning phase and leaves you with multiple unfinished projects eventually leading you to give up (*sighs).

As a writer, waiting for inspiration before writing, kills your creativity. Do you know why writers are creative? It is because they are able to transform that random thought into a literary piece of art. If you are waiting to get overwhelmed with that idea - inspiration - then you are threatening your creativity.

Personally, writing a poem is the easiest form of writing. It is easier due to the nature of poetry, which is based on emotions; once you get that feeling, just juggle some words together, each resonating the emotion you are feeling. But, as a writer and not a poet, you get that random thought with no emotions backing it, if you are prioritizing your growth, then you better challenge yourself to WRITE it.

Write even when there are no stories to tell, write even when your shaky hands can not hold the pen properly, write even when the pad looks rumpled, write even when the idea is dead, write even when there are no claps at the end. For non-writers - do it even when you are not rendering any service, do it even in the midst of doubt and fear, do it even when your resources rages against you, do it without the cheers.

Challenge your creativity.

Do not be like a lake that is not able to carve out new paths like a river, because the former is dwelling in the midst of its barriers and is waiting for an external force - inspiration - to flow. You cannot own a legacy by waiting for inspiration before you act.

How to act without inspiration? Just start, there is no other way. As a writer, to pen down my writeups without inspiration, I just had to write my naked thoughts down, filter and reconstruct them, critic my writings, reconstruct again, maintain my originality and make my uniqueness evident and to do it again? I reignite the cycle.

It is human to want inspired, even when you act without inspiration, along the way, you might crave for it. Yes, you can seek inspiration -not wait. Seeking inspiration helps you prevent born out (and those headaches ) but here is the thing, you are already doing it and you did not stop doing it even in the quest for inspiration. It is not the same as endlessly waiting for inspiration.

I leave you with these words as a take home.Be ready to transform those ideas, those thoughts into something beautiful. Be ready to keep the world waiting for your next creation just as I have had you all waiting at the nib of my pen.

And I write to please my Lord 🤍 ✨.

Yes, I am bizarre, in a positive way

Introvert? Extrovert?

Just an Advocate of the Duo.

Yes, my amour prope (self esteem) is below average but I am healing

Yes, I am not outspoken but I am evocative

Yes, I am reserved, situationally and situationally can be verbose.

Yes, I am confident but still afraid to display it

Yes, I am eloquent - through my writings

Yes, I can be eloquent through my Voice.

Yes, I was embedded in a web

Yes, I am uncomfortable in my comfort zone.

Yes, I have never felt ‘not good enough’

Yes, I have always believed in my

Abilities.

Yes, I have always recognized my strengths but not all.

Yes, I ran away from my weakness but now, I am embracing it.

Yes, the Excuses are gone, I am ready

Yes, I am redefining myself piously

Yes, I can identify my identity

Yes I can be ME.