Haus Of Pancake

DAY TRIP TO THE PINES (part III)

Haus Of Pancake — Wed, 29 Jul 2026 14:00:58 GMT

PART III

Sip ‘N Twirl is PACKED. Prima and I clutch our bags and join the fun!

I’ve never partied while donning an overpacked tote bag before, but I won’t let it stop me! We dance with such frivolity. Like we have the security of a bed to sleep in.

In a flash, it’s nearing 2 am and Donald calls me in for a huddle.

“This place closes soon and we’re still hom…

DAY TRIP TO THE PINES (part II)

Haus Of Pancake — Wed, 22 Jul 2026 16:30:22 GMT

PART II

We lug our bags down the boardwalk, hungry dogs, tails between our legs. Trudging aimlessly towards the main dock of the harbor.

We hear giggling and bump into a herd of happy gays with red solo cups.

“Donald and Michael?!” An unseen nasal voice pierces through the gaggle.

It’s an acquaintance from college and he invites us to join them at a friend’…

DAY TRIP TO THE PINES (part 1)

Haus Of Pancake — Wed, 15 Jul 2026 14:02:25 GMT

PART I

It takes a train to a train to a bus to a ferry to get to the gay oasis of Fire Island Pines. We’re in our mid twenties with all the energy in the world and are ready to take this party by storm! I’m with my bestie, my college roommate, my chosen family, my soulmate, Donald. Lovingly nicknamed “Prima.” The most gregarious light up the room kind o…

Boys Will

Haus Of Pancake — Wed, 17 Jun 2026 21:29:01 GMT

This week, I was alerted that a former ex of mine is returning to the city. Someone I haven’t talked to in over five years. It brought back painful memories of our relationship.

So I’m sharing a dramatic short I worked on following that break up. It’s racked up high praise in various festivals and was even in the top 10% of scripts on Coverfly (well, whe…

Friend of Dorothy

Haus Of Pancake — Wed, 03 Jun 2026 22:47:40 GMT

Everybody knows that Dorothy is a gay icon. She felt displaced at home and wanted to go over the rainbow to find a life in technicolor, so it makes a lot of sense.

Then why, as a child, was I so drawn to her and that story? I wanna feel unique, but it’s probably because of those cliche reasons. I epitomize the trend.

One of the first times I truly felt li…

a rant from a diva who really wants his own tv show

Haus Of Pancake — Wed, 20 May 2026 18:54:45 GMT

I was raised on the gospel, “If you believe it, you can achieve it.”

As I work tirelessly to write and rewrite and write and rewrite and write and rewrite and write and re-outline and rethink and redo and reshape a queer-ass pilot over the last few years, I keep being drawn back to this phrase.

As a millennial—who grew up in the era of participation troph…

We Regret To Inform You…

Haus Of Pancake — Wed, 13 May 2026 14:01:54 GMT

“While your playlet is enjoyable, I don’t think your premise is strong enough to turn into a full length piece.” These were words from a rejection letter sent to my Great Grandmother about one of her plays.

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I visited my 91-and-a-half-year-old grandma (who we affectionately call “Mamsie” because my brother couldn’t say Grandma as a kid) for mother’s …

Don’t SCREAM Over Spilled Milk

Haus Of Pancake — Wed, 06 May 2026 14:02:31 GMT

It’s 5th grade lunch at the beginning of the new millennium. Seating is separated by classroom. Every class has their own table and all of the fifth graders eat together. So I’m not really able to sit with my friends – who somehow happen to be the “popular boys.”

Fifth grade is when I start getting bullied for “flirting with girls” AKA spending too much …

Burn Baby, Burn!

Haus Of Pancake — Wed, 22 Apr 2026 14:02:26 GMT

“It’s on fire!”

“Hell yeah, I’m on fire!”

“No… it’s literally on fire.”

_ _ _

I am booked to perform drags at a bachelor party for a gay wedding. I’ve been recommended by a friend of a friend of a friend. I don’t know these people, but I’m told they’re a good time.

I’ve performed for many many bachelorette parties, with screaming women grabbing at my fake ti…

Jump Rope Jesus

Haus Of Pancake — Wed, 15 Apr 2026 14:02:51 GMT

It’s Elementary School in 1999. We’re talking Pokémon cards, Tamagotchis, and gel pens. I’m in first grade and I have a Lisa Frank notebook, the best beanie baby collection in school, and a Care Bears lunch box. I’m certainly the poster child for “light in his loafers.” But the school bullying hasn’t been too bad. And thank GOD for that, ‘cause Hillary …

I FEEL PATHETIC

Haus Of Pancake — Wed, 01 Apr 2026 14:00:35 GMT

It’s midnight at the gay club and I feel pathetic.

The beats are bumping. Techno is blaring. Men are shirtless. And I’m having an incredible time.

I look across the sea of shirtless homos eating each other’s faces and I’m suddenly hit with an unshakable sensation, “...I feel pathetic.”

It’s been nearly three months since my break up. Three months since the…

NEPHEW OF DOROTHY

Haus Of Pancake — Wed, 25 Mar 2026 14:03:07 GMT

My four-year-old nephew is a West Village kid. He’s obsessed with the subway, literally has perfect pitch, and loves to play the piano. He’s an academic savant who can already read, write, add AND subtract at the ripe age of four. Because of this, he is very literal when it comes to the imagination.

I might hold up an object and say, “Look, it’s a rocket…

THE QUEERTIES

Haus Of Pancake — Wed, 18 Mar 2026 14:02:45 GMT

When I was in the closet, all of the mainstream media focused on the “coming out journey.” Stories either ended with the main character coming out or… committing suicide. SO, when I came out, I thought that I would immediately accept myself. But boy was I wrong! I still had so much shame and lots to uncover.

Then I discovered the world of the queer web s…

GHOST

Haus Of Pancake — Wed, 04 Mar 2026 15:03:08 GMT

The week after my break up I made sure to get out there and keep it moving. I didn’t want to wallow in bed. But anywhere I went in the city I saw ghosts of him. When someone turned the corner in a yellow beanie. When a short guy with dark hair walked across from me on the subway platform. When I passed by a date spot we went to together. I was hit, like…

The Mouse Hoarder

Haus Of Pancake — Wed, 25 Feb 2026 15:08:10 GMT

There we were. Two college roomies, besties, in the blistering heat of New York City summer. That 21-year-old feeling where you know all of your dreams will some day come true.

Away from our bumblefuck college town, we’re in the city for summer internships, conveniently living a block away from each other. And BABY we are taking the party by STORM.

It’s t…

The Toy Gown

Haus Of Pancake — Wed, 18 Feb 2026 15:02:50 GMT

Today we’re going Behind The Seams of one of my favorite drag outfits: The Toy Gown.

I first wore this outfit at the end of my One Woman “Drag- Mitzvah” Show, Today You Are A Man! The show was based on the true story of being unintentionally outed at my Bar Mitzvah when the DJ played Diana Ross’ gay anthem “I’m Coming Out” for my party entrance. How trag…

Strep Throat

Haus Of Pancake — Wed, 11 Feb 2026 15:00:37 GMT

It’s Elementary School in the early 2000s. Butterfly clips, Tamagotchi, and Lisa Frank folders are all the rage. The girls wear Limited Too jeans with Jelly sandals. The boys are in baggy shorts with Adidas slides. And I… am the epitome of a closeted homosexual. I love love love the color pink, Polly Pocket, and lip syncing as Éponine in my bedroom — wi…

THE THREE OF SWORDS, reversed

Haus Of Pancake — Wed, 04 Feb 2026 15:14:09 GMT

The cards never lie.

It’s the week before my year-long relationship will end. The week before my boyfriend, who I think is “my life partner,” will drop the bomb that he’s leaving me for his best friend’s husband. The week before my world will upend. And the theme of this week: Tarot.

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A few years back, my dear childhood friend gifted me a Philly Theme…

[BEST FRIEND'S HUSBAND]

Haus Of Pancake — Wed, 28 Jan 2026 15:01:46 GMT

Heartbreak. What the fuck to do about it.

My gut has been wavering, quietly warning that something’s been off for the past month-ish. We’ve been together for a year, so I’m starting to learn his behavioral patterns. He’s a sensitive guy (something I treasure). And it can, of course, cause a lot of sadness. So, I’m used to this behavior. And this “off” fe…