I refuse to focus on MASSIVE growth and I genuinely focus on caring for and showing up for the clients and community right in front of me.

Not because it’s a ‘tactic’ but because I’m hopelessly heart centered and cannot help but overdeliver

So instead of finding ways to make myself less generous, I’ve found strategies that turn this to my advantage.

So yes I asked claude to create two new tags in activecampaign, my most connected people (for me that is length of time on my list and number of tags they already had from signing up for free or paid programs)

Then I wrote two separate emails in 10 minutes (different versions) one to the most engaged (I called them Diamond Members because why not) and then to the next group (I called them Gold Star Members) and included some fun bonuses and genuinely shared how grateful I am that they are there!

And the replies poured back like wild- they are so grateful to be here too! PINCH ME I’M LUCKY.

But first let’s also talk about why spiraling over the negative things that happen in your business isn’t a character flaw, it’s a biologically normal!

….o that it’s easier to REROUTE your brain back to the openness, love, creativity and inspiration that’s going to sell out your Fall launches!

“Negativity Bias” (Baumeister, Bratslavsky, Finkenauer & Vohs) is a researched concept that tells us what we already know, which is that negative events, feedback, and interactions have a bigger psychological impact than EQUALLY strong positive ones.

This means that one unsubscribe genuinely does indeed FEEL louder than fifty new subscribers. Our cavewoman brain is trying to protect us!

Your brain lights up and feels most ACTIVATED when you think about….

→ how small your list is

→ the unfollow and unsubscribes

→ the one unhappy client

→ the family member your content offends

We have to do MIND OVER MATTER to turn our mind to the positive majority…

→ The people on your list who LOVE you, open every email have been there for AGES!

→ The woman who happy cried when she felt seen by your IG post and shared it with a friend but didn’t have the courage (yet) to comment.

→ The clients you are an answered prayer for and you make their gratitude list every week.

→ The family members that brag about you that you don’t even hear about.

→ The friend that likes and shares all of your content just because she loves you.

This is why I asked Claude to tag my two most engaged groups and I wrote them a no-agenda 10 minute email with my heartfelt thanks and a resource or two.

Because truly I feel the biggest blessing of having a personal brand is you get to connect with incredible women who are like minded and like hearted and as a single mom who spends a lot of her time in the carpool lane, the grocery story and basketball practice it’s a big blessing to be able to get have GENUINE connections at “work” in my business.

Want to find your diamond and gold star members on your list? I’ll send you the exact prompt I used so that your list can get tagged without creating a single spreadsheet or lifting a finger.

Comment DIAMOND in the comments below and I’ll message you here on substack with the full prompt you can personalize and paste.

And make a promise to yourself during your September launches to SEE the good and FEEL good and know that will make you more money than fear, pressure, overwhelm ever will <3

XX Anna

I’m obsessed w growth strategies so OF COURSE I went back and counted how many Notes I’d written.

105!

This surprised me because I wasn’t even on Substack daily!

I have my weekly podcast a full client load two littles at home.

I didn’t start batching or doing theme-ish-ing until HALFWAY through the month.

Some Notes were thoughtful.

Some were random.

Some were basically whatever was bouncing around my brain at that exact moment (proceed w caution 😂).

I half-assed PLENTY of them.

But those 105 Notes gave me so much clarity about what I wanted to write about + connected me with hundreds of people outside my existing audience.

And a month ago I almost didn’t start because I felt like I didn’t “know enough about substack yet.”

Which is kind of hilarious now. That month felt like a YEAR because of what a supportive and incredible community I have found here!

I’m writing this for the heart centered entrepreneur who is currently doing a lot more THINKING than writing on stack, I get you…and also… this is my way of encouraging you to WRITE, CREATE, POST!

We think the clarity is eventually going to come from more thinking and overthinking 😂

I hear versions of this ALL THE TIME…

Once I’m clearer on my niche I’ll write…

Once I update my bio / homepage / intro post / welcome email / content pillars THEN I’ll really start….

Once I know exactly who my ideal client is the writing will be easier...

Once my offer is perfect I’ll make content that connects w it…

Once I find my authentic voice I’ll put myself out there….

Once I’m not so scared of being judged I’ll write my story to help others…

I did this at the beginning of my business too.

Journaled about it.

Rewrote my strategy again and again.

Downloaded WHO KNOWS how many freebies.

Rewrote my niche statement who knows how many times.

None of that gave me the same information as actually saying something in front of humans and seeing what happens.

OH YES THE BEAUTIFUL HUMANS.

The people we literally got into business and writing to help.

I wish I could go back and tell myself….

I don’t think you need to find your PERFECT message and then create…. I think the perfection happens in the creation!

(though I do get that SOME level of clarity is useful)

I think you get it 67% there (sorry I have grade schoolers 😂), call it good enough, CREATE, and let the reps + actual humans help you get to 99%.

And honestly I don’t think I’ll EVER be at 100% message clarity.

I’m a multi-passionate, deep thinking woman and here are parts of me that are never going to fit neatly inside a “message” or “online presence.”

Realizing that was actually really really freeing.

BACK TO NOTES.

Subscribe now

Your first 10 might be weird.

GOOD.

Maybe they sound like five different ppl wrote them.

Then your next 10 maybe you teach about the thing you were POSITIVE everyone wanted to hear about…

and sadly discover…

it’s crickets <3

Maybe you write something way too cookie cutter.

And then you write something in 45 seconds in the grocery store line and someone comment: OMG THIS.

interesting.

So you talk about it again.

Someone responds again.

You share something you almost didn’t share and a few people subscribe.

Some people unsubscribe.

Something you thought was brilliant gets crickets.

Someone asks a question you never would’ve thought to answer because you didn’t even know people were confused about it.

Something you see facinates you and you comment and then paste it as your own note, that does well too.

THIS IS THE GOOD STUFF.

THAT is information.

And for me getting that information is so freaking thrilling that it makes the scary vulnerability of sharing your work worth it.

And I already know someone is thinking this 😂

“Anna, of course you’re growing on Substack. You write ABOUT Substack ON Substack.”

FAIR.

I’m not going to sit here and tell you that if you write 105 Notes you’re magically going to have 375 subscribers.

I have advantages in that I invited my IG people over but still MOST of the new growth has been BRAND NEW ppl.

Also I grew up doing theater so I came into this with a pretty high tolerance for trying something having it not land and rolling with it instead of immediately deciding I suck. Like I am used to forgetting lines or saying something funny and nobody laughing and needing to retry <3

Your life experience is different.

Your niche is different.

Your people are different.

You also might have ADVANTAGES over me too.

AND I will be GOBSMACKED if you put 100 pieces of content in front of real humans and nothing changes.

Maybe you get 100 subscribers in a month. Maybe you’ll get 500 in a month.

Maybe you get 20 and one becomes a client. Honestly I’d take that too.

Maybe you get zero clients but finally figure out the thing you want to be known for.

Maybe you decide you hate substack and never want to write another note again ha!

I DON’T KNOW.

That’s kind of the point.

Audience growth isn’t even the most valuable thing my 105 Notes gave me.

They gave me reps.

And confidence.

I feel weirdly comfortable here already. Like I’ve been on Substack for 10 years instead of approximately five minutes 😂.

I won’t write 100 Notes every month forever.

But as a way to START?

I’m obsessed.

I actually tend to do this whenever I’m starting on a platform. I create A LOT at first because then each individual “flop” doesn’t carry so much weight.

It’s just one of 100.

Data.

Next.

Discovering your beautiful voice.

For me it feels like Substack gives me more permission to be FREE than IG or FB.

I love that.

TO WRITE a FULL thought without being interrupted by having to make it 60 seconds.

The IG captions always get me for length too.

To not WORRY about trends.

And people here have been so supportive and kind!

A PERFECT SUPPORTIVE safe and cozy place for finding your voice.

But then I again iI don’t think you’ve lost it.

Maybe you just haven’t been using it enough to feel comfy and familar.

So write.

and be too serious.

too wordy.

too weird.

Write something and get zero likes.

or that’s healing.

maybe something you’re weirdly proud of.

post a note somebody might judge you for.

Write about what matters deeply to you.

write about what you’ve been saving for your book

Then one day you publish something and think:

WOW that was me!

Do it again and again and again and again.

100 times.

dropping some of the performance.

Your opinions get clearer.

And you stop worrying about what others say or that it doesnt sound expert enough or that your hair looks wild in that photo.

And that’s the magnetic part.

Not because you sat down and engineered the perfect brand / message.

They’ve just heard you talk enough in your actual voice to actually KNOW YOU.

And you realize she was ALWAYS ALWAYS good enough.

And this is why I don’t really care if you stay on Substack forever.

Maybe you write 100 Notes and think:

I freaking LOVE this place. Amazing. Me too :)

Maybe you think: Not for me. Also fine!

You leave with the EMAILS of your new followers to bring to wherever you want.

AND SO MUCH INFO.

About your message.

Your audience.

Your voice.

What people respond to.

Plus you now have a ridiculous pile of ideas you can turn into emails, podcast episodes, IG, workshops, sales copy + offers….

TAKE IT WHERE YOU PLEASE.

The platform is almost secondary when you create from the heart.

Commit long enough to learn something. To feel something.

I wasted SO MUCH time at the beginning of my business trying to pick the perfect platform / niche / offer WAITING WAITING WAITING. Trying not to waste time (don’t laugh ha!)

Don’t make the same mistake.

COMMIT.

So if you’re feeling unclear right now…

Maybe you don’t need another month of THINKING.

Or another platform.

Or 17 more options.

Maybe you need a direction that’s good enough to start + a ton of reps.

My current theory is basically:

unclear → commit → get 67% clear → CREATE A LOT → pay attention → adjust → get clearer → create better stuff → find your people → naturally connect them to your offers

Not as sexy as “find your perfect niche in 3 steps” 😂

BUT THIS WORKS.

Want me to help you get clear-ISH enough to start?

On the back of the amazing challenge we did this week (I’m still googley eyed over it 🥹 and it has been the biggest joy to see each of you not only grow with me but also support each other in the chat so ruthlessly), I’m opening a limited number of 1-1 calls where I’ve been meeting with women 1-1 on zoom to help them write 30 notes together in 30 minutes. And in the process start to see the CLARITY emerge on what they want to say and to whom!

Some have been using the 30 notes for one week and some as a 1 month batch of content! But it’s been amazing to see in action that it is OUR ACTION that moves us forward every time.

One final reminder…

That I wrote in a sticky note in my early days of getting visible online…

CREATIVE ACTION will give me clarity and confidence… I don’t need to wait to feel clear or confident to take action <3

I wrote it on a journal page and it seemed impossible.

$76K seemed like I was asking the universe for THE MOON.

Actually a moon landing would have felt easier.

(and yes I was making way less than that with a masters degree as a practicing therapist who was also an adjunct professor in my University’s psychology undergrad department AND I was assistant director at the counseling center chairing on boards and overseeing mental wellness initiatives for the school)

I was pregnant with my second baby and somehow that ticking time bomb added to my audacity even as a planner / control freak.

I wanted more time to be present with my kids.

And I think somehow deep down I knew that in the next 2 years I’d be leaving my whole life behind, carrying 3 boxes and 2 kids and moving in with my parents to start a new life.

I told myself if I could sell out my coaching TWICE I would quit.

I wanted to sell out the first time to KNOW I could do it.

And the second time to have clients waiting post maternity for coaching spots.

I didn’t know it but I actually STARTED on the 3-day workweek, or under 20 hours.

(as many entrepreneurs do)

I would work THE MORNINGS coaching before my therapy job started plus some weekend hours leading in person workshops at a local coffee shop.

I STARTED making six figures in less than 20 hours a week.

But I didn’t KNOW it and it sure as hell didn’t feel like it because I was working OTHER hours in my job and also overperforming in my marriage/household but that’s another story for another day.

Once I quit my job and returned from maternity I of course QUICKLY filled the hours with good but busy business tasks.

I even hired team members. And again I filled those hours back up.

It wasn’t until 3 years into the business that I realized I didn’t just want to make six figures as a coach.

I didn’t JUST want to do fulfilling work with clients.

I also wanted to take care of my body in a way that my corporate job didn’t let me and in a way that I wasn’t letting my business take care of me either.

YES I quit my job to make time for my babies… but I needed more space and time for me, and my sensitive body too then a traditional job could offer.

Turns out I wasn’t AS bad of a boss to myself as my former boss was…

but it was a close tie.

I had the power and freedom to grant myself the 3-day workweek.

But I wasn’t doing it.

And honestly, something was stopping me…

GUILT.

The first time I walked into a Pilates class on a Monday morning…

I was judgemental.

What were all these women doing here?

DIDN’T THEY HAVE WORK TO DO! 😂

The first time I went on 2 field trips in the same month with my kids, same thing.

When I went grocery shopping DURING school hours.

Shouldn’t I be working?

Was I doing enough?

Eventually I realized it wasn’t enough to technically HAVE the freedom to work 3 days a week. I had to actually build my business in a way that protected it.

These are the 5 things I swear by to outsmart yourself and keep yourself on a 3 day workweek no matter how much you try to sabotage it.

1. Put your clients back to back

This will only sound horrifying if you:

1. Hate your clients

2. Hate the work you do with them

3. Hate the way you work with them 😂

And need I remind you ALL of those can be changed at any point!

It’s your business, you’re the boss and it’s safe to change WHO you work with, WHAT you work with them on and also the FORMAT of how you work together (i.e. done for you, coaching, strategy, teaching, groups, 1:1. You get to decide)

I get into the ZONE and LOVE my coaching days! When I have my one week of no clients each month, I miss it!

Context switching is costing you more than you think it is, out of the coaching hat and into the marketing hat etc…

2. Batch your content / write ahead

AGAIN, you as the WRITER / CREATIVE / DEEP THINKING is a different persona than the one that’s looking at your bank transactions.

Write your content in advance AND have a smooth system to do it by getting clear on exactly WHAT you want to create each week (i.e. record one podcast audio, write 1 substack article, batch 10 notes) and put a TIME limit on each thing.

THIS ALSO makes you focus and make your content creation more STRATEGIC… making sure you have dialed messaging and are writing content that CONNECTS with your paid offers so it actually makes you money while also fulfiling you creatively.

I’ll give you more on this in the free workbook CONTENT MIRACLE that I share during the free challenge this week

3. Get more strict with your workdays

This is the part I didn’t expect.

Working LESS required me to get more strict about WHEN I worked.

If I’m supposed to start at 9 AM on Wednesday, I need to start at 9 AM on Wednesday.

Even if I’m not in the best mood.

Even if a friend wants to hang out.

Even if I’d rather start working at 11.

When I had a 5-6 day loosey goosey schedule I could always say, “I’ll do it later.”

But if I want Friday OFF…

Wednesday actually has to be a workday. 😂

There is less “I’ll do it later” when you’ve decided later belongs to your LIFE.

This will feel “restrictive” at first but then TRULY LIKE FREEDOM as you don’t have to re-decide every day what the day will be.

4. Let people wait

This one took practice.

Someone wants a sales call Monday?

They can wait until Tuesday.

Someone emails me on a day I’m not working and my notifications are off?

They can wait.

I think when I first started my business I thought freedom meant I could accommodate EVERYTHING because technically I could move my schedule around however I wanted.

But that just meant everyone else got access to my freedom.

Not everything needs an immediate response.

Not every opportunity needs to fit.

Not everyone needs access to every open space on my calendar.

5. Stop filling the time you worked so hard to get back

THIS ONE you need to read twice.

I would create more space and then…

fill it.

Hire a team member and save 3 hours?

Amazing, what other business task can I put there?!

Get faster at creating content?

Great, now I can create MORE content!

Finish my work early?

Maybe I should get ahead for next week!

I had to realize at some point that THE EMPTY SPACE WAS THE POINT.

The Pilates class on Monday morning was the point.

The field trip was the point.

Having lunch with a friend was the point.

Taking care of my body was the point.

Having a random afternoon where there was absolutely nothing I needed to accomplish was the point. GET USED TO BEING BORED, going slow, taking a nap etc.

BONUS POINT for ya…

I realized the best way to build a HAPPY BUSINESS was to put less pressure on my business to make me happy.

To bring positive energy into my business by having a happy/vibrant/fulfilling LIFE!

It means that everything in the business feels less PERSONAL… someone leaves a mean comment? You don’t even see it on the weekend and when you do it’s on your 20 min block to reply to social so you delete it and move on.

SO YES in many ways a 3 day work week means less “freedom” but what it gives you is your TIME BACK and a SLOWER more meaningful life…which I think is what we were wanting all along <3

If you resonate…. I hope you join the free private chat here on substack because it’s popping in here! I love the substack community and this pocket of the internet that’s so encouraging to writers and creatives!

I share them because it’s important that women know that even someone like me who started “ahead on my journey” because I grew up doing theater 24/7… And I already had a successful craft and food blog I was monetizing…

… still had SO MANY visibility blocks and awkwardness as I was finding my way.

I was afraid my supervisor would find my videos and think I was being an unethical therapist, I was afraid writing online would start making me a bad mom, I didn’t feel qualified to teach when I felt I had so much to learn.

AND I MADE MONEY while I looked awkward and felt unready.

People don’t need you to be perfect, they just need you to be real.

But this isn’t what our brain tells us. It’s trying to keep us safe and it tells us the opposite.

PERFECTION.
CERTAINTY.
FULL SUCCESS THE FIRST TIME OR NOTHING.

In the age of AI the work to clear our visibility blocks and find our AUTHENTIC VOICE is even more important.

It doesn’t mean sharing EVERYTHING or really anything you don’t want to. But it does mean clearing the blocks keeping you small (trying to keep you safe) so we are living from VALUES not from fear.

Here’s a list of the top visibility blocks I’ve seen in my clients and community after coaching thousands of women entrepreneurs in the last decade….

1. Fear of Success: “What if this whole thing works and I get more visible and create more interest and I book more sales calls? I feel so uncomfy on sales calls!” or “What if my business takes off and it makes me too busy for the people I love or burns out my body?”

2. Self Consciousness: “I don’t like how I look / how I sound / how I write”

3. Impostor’s Syndrome: “I don’t know enough, I’m not an expert, there are too many other voices”

4. Self Confidence: “I don’t know what to say, my life is boring”

5. Fear of Judgement: “What will others think about / what if they disagree with me / what will Nancy at work or my Aunt think of me”

6. Scarcity Mindset: “I have to be certain that every action I take is directly benefiting me or will land me success the 1st time or I won’t do it”

7. Fear of Being Misunderstood: “What if they don’t get the full context of what I’m saying”

8. Perfectionism: “I don’t feel ready yet, I need to wait till life slows down, I need to have perfect clarity before I take action so I don’t waste time

9. Fear of Failure: “I started too late, I don’t want to waste my time”

10. Identity as a Writer / Creative / Entrepreneur: “this comes more natural to everyone else, I’m not as successful as I want to be yet so I can’t claim that title, If I don’t own it doesn’t work then it won’t sting so bad”

11. Comparison: “Susie is so much further ahead and/or better at this than me, I feel behind”

12. Decision Fatigue / Overwhelm: “I have too many ideas and strategies on my mind that I can’t pick one to start, my life is overwhelming right now so it’s hard to be creative or make business decisions and take business action even though I know having a creative outlet and monetizing will give me more resources for less overwhelm it’s hard to get out of the cycle.

13. All of Nothing Thinking: “I have to either not be visible or be on 24/7”

14. Fear of Disappointing Others: “What if I don’t reply to messages, comments on time…what if I don’t write about the things that my audience is most needing, or write something that offends”

15. Fear of Wealth/Attention: “What if having more fame/money makes me a bad or unethical person”

Share in the comments the three that you feel have the opportunity to release so that it’s easier not just to be more visible but be more AUTHENTIC in your visibility so that it converts to the right clients and feels more natural to you.

Here’s why this matters…

I got 182 subscribers here on substack in my first 21 days and to be honest that was HALF trying.

Not because I don’t care I LOVE this platform.

It’s just that I’m fully booked with 1-1 clients, I run an online course, I have two kids and I have other visibility platforms; my IG, my podcast, my FB group.

One of the BIGGEST things I credit my fast success to is my ability to have CLEARED my visibility blocks early in business. And my ability to spot and continue clearing them ANYTIME they pop up when I try a new platform etc.

I published an article MY FIRST DAY on here. Because I’ve already cleared block #3

I engaged with other people with no agenda for 30 solid minutes on my second day, leaving 10+ comments vs just scrolling and consuming because I’ve already cleared blocks #6 and #11.

The strategy of a platform (i.e. writing words and hitting publish) isn’t the hard part- the hard part it’s YOUR HIDDEN VISIBILITY BLOCKS.

Naming the challenge area without making yourself feel bad for it is such a skill. Name your top 3 blocks today.

Then you can take action to solve it, but today just make the objective — making the unknown KNOWN.

Bonus points for naming an action for each of your blocks like journaling, writing a letter to the fear, or if I’m your coach letting me know about it in basecamp or session so we can talk through it!

Maybe there’s a practical strategic fix- like when I was starting to get visible and scared to because of my therapy job I would have LOVED something like substack where I can see / block subscribers as needed so that I could leave people from my work off etc.

I would have LOVED if Instagram’s “mute” feature existed back when I started so I could mute the people I compared myself too.

I hope you’ll consider joining me for the free challenge! We’ll be talking about the mindset and the practical strategy to get more visible so you can grow your audience with more aligned subscribers this fall. I can’t wait!

And I think back on my time in Madrid.

I won’t remember the museums.

I’ll remember the sun on my face, standing on our apartment balcony. feeling free. feeling peace.

And really every way our apartment made me feel. The quiet inside and the bustling city outside.

In the last decade I’ve quit my therapy job, started my coaching business, moved across the state, got my kids into a good school, got divorced, coached hundreds of women, hired 3 women to help me in my business, bought a house, bought a car and THIS in many ways felt like the 2026 celebration of what I started in 2016 which was completely overhauling my kids’ and my life to create our first taste of stability and peace. Now that we have the peace I feel like I can find more adventure and freedom to layer on top.

Instead of sharing my top 10 moments of the trip I wanted to share a “normal” day...

In hopes to convince you to try this life changing way to slow travel. ONE CITY. ONE MONTH.

Or as many days as you can afford in ONE CITY.

I think this is the way to create a vacation you don’t need a vacation from.

I’d love for you to tell me which city YOU would live in for one month if it was all expenses paid….

Leave a comment

Typical day:

Wake up at 8 AM

this wakeup time IS WILD FOR US- we are a family that wakes up at 6 AM on schooldays and really on the weekends too! I teach a fitness class Saturday morning and just in general we rise EARLY.

Not starting the day, EVERY DAY until 9 AM IS WILD. It gave the sensation of a Sunday… but every day.

Some of this could be because we were on vacation… but truly it seemed many people in the city also had this later rhythm.

Get DRESSED, dressed at 830 AM

I had heard that people dress nicely in Madrid so I left my ALL of jeans at home and didn’t wear yoga pants, sweats or anything causal a SINGLE TIME while out of the house which says a lot because I live in athleasure.

And I’m so glad that I did because my intentionally nice outfits were FAR OVERSHADOWED by the incredible since of everyday fashion in Madrid. It was inspiring to watch.

My daughter is naturally fashionable so of course soaked up the norm that everyone was dressed so incredibly young and old.

I enjoyed the experience of putting more time into getting ready for the day and have been wearing more skirts and dresses since I’ve returned home. I also realize how functional / cooling dresses are in the heat!

Walk to school at 930 AM

We left the house around 9 which gave enough time for us to linger and actually eat breakfast and take our time walking. We usually had time to stop at our favorite coffee shop right outside of the school. The owner/barista was amazing and it was fun to get to know him and hear him talk about coffee every day. There’s something so contagious about someone who is passionate about what they do.

Can we talk about the walking? A few days in my calves were aching.

I checked my phone (just realized it has been tracking my steps!) and I had been walking between 10,000-25,000 steps EACH DAY without noticing. Our apartment alone was on the 5th floor and the elevator was like a 1 person situation that wasn’t frequently used…

EVERYONE seems to walk in the city and there’s something incredible about it. Yes the health benefits but it also gave us so much time as a family to transition between things, connect and talk shoulder to shoulder.

We have even kept up on more family walks since we have been back.

10:00 AM Take the Metro

My kids started out hesitant but by the end of the month they were pros at navigating it (googlemaps makes it super easy too). It was such a safe and FAST way to travel! You could get across the city in 20 minutes!

10:30-2:30 Adventure in Madrid

After I brought the kids to school I did something that surprised me.

I thought I would do more of my normal routine in Madrid. And while I did attend some great barre classes and visited a local gym several times… I MOSTLY EXPLORED the city.

I picked ONE THING each day to do and let that be enough.

It was so nice and many of the things I did were outdoors or required walking so really I feel I did a lot of walking and SOLO THINKING on this trip.

To be honest there were times I was lonely as I’m not used to this MUCH free time! (fortunately I ended up seeing two friends while on the trip… one happening to travel to Madrid at the same time and one who lives there)

It was so interesting to really allow myself 4+ hours each day to AT MY PACE visit one beautiful thing. It was incredible and freeing and eye opening.

Here are some of the things I did during my adventure time:

>> Four Seasons Hotel // Sat in the lobby after a long walk enjoyed the fresh orchids and listened to this song and this song playing in the lobby.

>> La Rosaleda de El Retiro // The Rose Garden at El Retiro Park, walking this vast rose garden was one of my favorite moments of the whole trip

>> Royal Botanical Garden // found a bench near the Jardines por la Paz monument and sat forever because it was so beautiful and surrounded by greenery

>> Galería Canalejas // An incredible luxury mall that was shockingly empty, quiet and incredibly peaceful. It’s so interesting to see stores with a huge rack and 5 pieces on it, or a huge shelf with 3 handbags, the margin is so relaxing to watch.

>> Círculo de Bellas Artes // The most incredible rooftop view, it’s more of a nightime bar but you can pay a few Euros during the day to visit and it was completely empty, I sat in a lounge chair under the water mist and took in the city.

>> Thyssen Museum // This changed my feelings on museums, it walks you century by century through the changes in art history room by room and explained it all so well! WOW!

» Neighborhood walk through Chueca & Malasaña // went on a long walk and practiced my spanish. Bought a new dress, green tea and new purfume.

2:30 “Comida” Lunchtime!

YES official lunch is not until the late afternoon in Madrid! My kids ate lunch at their school at this time and this is when I headed back because I wanted to be near to them if they needed me as they day finished up.

I was able to use the coworking space to REST MY FEET after all the walking, and catch up on emails or with friends in the afternoon.

2-4 PM Escape the heat

Most non-food businesses close from 2-5ish which is so different to see… but super smart. It’s really the hottest time of the day and it was interesting to see the city follow the natural rhythm of the elements.

4 PM Walk home / Get Groceries

Even though it was hot what made outdoor walking do-able was there was SO MUCH SHADE in the city from the tall buildings. This surprised me and I wore my hat much less than I thought I would. Which is good because most of the locals did not wear hats.

The other thing I avoided wearing to try and not stick out was a backpack! I noticed women would carry up to FIVE bags, a purse, a tote, a cross body… but very few wore a backpack. I wonder why? Not sure if it was fashion or another reason.

I noticed that this time of day everyone filled the grocery stores too, probably thinking about dinner. I didn’t see a single person with a big cart of groceries, so we followed suit and bought just what we needed for the day. It was really freeing to think that short term.

5 PM “Merienda”

This is afternoon snack - what kids eat after school but really this was our baby dinner. Because the restaurants were still EMPTY when we would go at 8:30 PM. At home we usually eat dinner around 4-5 PM, which I’m realizing is more close to the Spanish lunch time. Which made me realize that we were both doing something similar, eating our MAIN MEAL late mid day.

6-8 PM Family Time

It was really interesting to NOT be getting the kids ready to sleep at this time, I feel like it gave us an EXTRA two hours in our day!

We would shower and go for a walk. Or stay in and watch soccer (would cup was happening during our trip and Spain was LIT UP of course!) We would do the laundry- there are very few DRYERS in Spain so we hung our clothes on our balcony rack every day.

8:30-10:30 “Cena” / DINNER

AND IT IS AN EXPERIENCE unlike anything I’ve had here. Not just the time difference but the length and general energy of it.

I have had 3 hour meals with friends before but like twice a year. In Spain it seems that MOST people eat AFTER 9 PM and it’s a 2-3+ hour ordeal. The waiters leave you be after they bring your food and you have to pester them for the check.

It felt weird at first but by the end I LOVED IT! Again another pocket of time that I feel like I GAINED, like 2-3 hours with my kids to eat and relax.

Near many of the restaurants there are children’s park so often the kids would play while I rested at the dinner table.

ALSO almost all the places we ate had outdoor seating, maybe by virtue of the heat and lack of AC, but it had such an calming vibe to it.

On the days when the kids weren’t in school we brought this same practice to our breakfast time too- sitting down for an entire hour to enjoy our pastries or coffee drinks. The cafes were set up for talking and not working (i.e. smaller low cafe tables) which was a change up too.

10:30-Midnight or later - Family Time

This is the wildest part, we were OUT till 11 PM or Midnight almost EVERY NIGHT in Madrid.

Now to be clear it is still LIGHT OUT at 10 PM.

(During World War II, Spain changed to Germany’s time zone and never changed back… interesting history piece to read more about!)

After dinner we would walk and find a playground. There was one right outside our apartment where kids would gather to splay soccer or play on the structure and my kids played with the same kids every night.

So many families were out and the city felt completely safe. I don’t know if I have EVER had my kids out till midnight here in the states, like I cannot think of a single time!

Nighttime safety

It was really interesting too because where there was questionable nighttime behavior I saw two times where the city self policed itself.

One time at the park, some teenagers came over to kids on the swing and started pushing them roughly even after the kids asked them to stop and were crying…while the teens were laughing. The mom went over, ran half a block after them, brought them back to her daughter and started yelling at the teens. We walked by again 20 minutes later and the mom was still berating them while they had their heads hung low.

Another time this drunk guy walked straight into a cement wall and hit his head, and a group of people checked on him and walked him over to their table, pulled over an extra chair and sat with him and gave him water to give him more time to sober up. Like they literally had him just sit and join their friend group of 8.

There wasn’t very much of this at ALL but it’s almost like when things happened the city took care of it on it’s own.

Midnight - Bedtime.

We consistently went to bed at midnight. The kids thought it was the coolest thing on the planet to be out that late every night.

We did get less sleep than we got back home but not too much less because we were sleeping till 8 AM or later each morning.

I’m not sure how much of this was “vacation mode” because I was working very light and the kids weren’t in traditional school… and how much of this is SPANISH LIFE.

I actually think 80% of this was Spanish life… because very few people were out early in the morning, and so many were up late at night etc.

Reflecting back, I thought I would be doing my “normal routine” in Madrid. I was wrong.

We did do some of the things we did back home… like our last day we spent all day at the public pool and my kids love swimming here too.

But in general, I didn’t keep my normal daily routine like I thought with workouts and cross stitching. There were actually VERY FEW gyms compared to the amount of people (probably bc of all the walking!).

But I created a NEW daily routine in a way.

And it was completely freeing and relaxing to let go of our way of doing things and TRY to really let the pace of the city tell us what to do. Less hobbies and less working out and more just living and being with people really.

I have been keeping some of it back here in the states.

I’ve been letting us sleep later and get ready RIGHT before school to have more of that morning sleep.

I bought a grocery cart and I’ve been having us walk to the grocery store sometimes instead of drive.

We got a backyard fire pit so we can hang out later at night on some nights and linger.

I’ve been requesting the patio more when we eat out.

When I got back to the states I forgot my computer password. ha!

That’s how MUCH my brain truly unplugged and started a new context.

It felt like a complete reset of how we lived.

There’s something about trying on a NEW way of living for a month that’s almost like a BIG PICTURE ESCAPE like loosing your unspoken cultural norms and TRYING ON different patterns that are so natural to you, you don’t even know you’re doing them.

That’s the gift of living in ONE CITY for a month is you really start to adapt to THAT CITY and you really get to try on NEW ways of thinking and living.

One thing it made me realize is how much of my day evolves around work vs in Spain it feels more like the day goes on and work fits within it if that makes any sense.

It made me reconsider some of the things I do for the sake of EFFICIENCY that actually drop intimacy or present living as a family (i.e. shopping in bulk)

We did do 3 day or weekend trips with our backpacks that I’ll share about soon- but I’m so glad that we spent most of our time in ONE city and I could have stayed even longer. Though I didn’t feel the need to.

I didn’t have vacation sadness when I returned because I think what I realize is while I LOVE MADRID- what I love most is a peaceful rhythm.

And we have that in San Diego too.

I work 3 days a week back home.

MARGIN.

And that’s why a packed vacation feels NORMAL to most people, because they are stressed in day to day life, so we create a stressful vacation.

I think the packed vacation felt like such a contrast to my day to day life- and it was a reminder I want to vacation like the LIFE I created- slow. with margin.

Even if and especially if you’re still working to create a 3 day work week- I think the ONE CITY. ONE MONTH. approach is so valuable because it gives you a glimpse into the everyday slower pace that’s possible for you.

Would you consider doing one city for a month? Let me know which one! ♡

Nicole Walters quit her job live on live video in 2016.

…the same year I scar-citedly quit my job.

I was hooked on her story.

It was front seat access to a life I could relate while I was pregnant, had a toddler and was looking for answers.

Fast forward to 2026.

Nicole came across my feed sharing (in vivid detail) stories about her divorce, SA, having to pay her ex-husband (who disowned their adopted children and had a trust fund) an alimony, details about sex with her new boyfriend, her surprise pregnancy etc…

I was hooked again. She’s an incredible storyteller.

A few minutes into reading…

Right when I got right to the climax of the story I realized…

My parasocial intimacy with Nicole would now come with a $12.99/mo bill.

I clicked that paid subscribe button smiling.

Nicole monetized her own story and really “gossip” and I’ve never been prouder.

Some commenters agreed with me…

But the internet was also frustrated, fascinated and throwing a giant fit.

And of course since I coach women around getting visible and making money online I was beyond fascinated by their fit!

Let’s break this down… starting with the least to the most shocking reactions to Nicole profit from her pain…

Reaction 1: Disagreeing with her decisions altogether

(shock factor 0/10)

Reaction 2: Not challenging her life decisions but her decision to share it with the internet

(she did share that she shared previewed the content with her children before sharing)

Reaction 3: Asking her to return to her former more palatable, less dimensional identity, more of the business only / highlight reel side.

Our para-social relationships are our happy-place-escape.

So when our internet friend shares a ‘real side’ or discloses values that no longer align with us there goes the comfort of the fantasy. Rats.

Or at least the version of them WE created in our minds… or maybe the version THEY created in our mind…. or something in between.

When we go beyond internet strangers being an inspiration… it’s so easy to get enmeshed to the point where we refuse to let them change or have different views.

Yes maybe this Nicole disappointed her audience, but you know what would have been worse?

If Nicole disappointed herself by not showing up and sharing in a way that felt true to her this year.

Yes sometimes not self abandoning means enduring the discomfort of disappointing others.

This is why I tell my clients growing an online audience and I’m sure what Nicole came to terms with….

“You don’t owe the free internet anything”

Examples:

• You can post every day and then not show up for a year. And then return to showing up again without an apology.

• You can post personal content

• You can keep your brand professional and not share personal content at all.

• You can share 50% personal and 50% professional one year and completely change the percentages the next year.

The only people you ‘owe’ something to are your paying clients.

To me what Nicole did is different than Ballerina Farm’s Hannah Neeleman incident.

After the Times posted an article that challenged Hannah’s image as a SAHM on a farm…. revealing her privilege/wealth, confronting the gender roles that she practiced vs preached and really her overall authenticity….

Hannah was living one thing and portraying another. AND MANY people defended her idealized image. We want the fantasy.

Nicole is doing the opposite; she is showing up MORE authentically BUT it’s more uncomfortable right? That’s why some people in Nicole’s audience preferred the Ballerina Farms style illusion not because we want honesty, because we want the comfort.

Authenticity from on online creators in the form of evolution or truth not only snaps us into reality from the fantasy but it also confronts our own beliefs and realities in our own life we aren’t always ready to face.

Reaction 4: Some readers questioned Nicole’s MOTIVES for sharing…

As if it’s not possible for her to have coexisting motives!

Maybe it’s healing for her (and others) to no longer stay silent in a world that protects abusers over victims AND she maybe she wanted to monetize it too.

Our brains short circuit when we see someone doing this because…

We have duality thinking when it comes to money.

Either someone can want to make money OR they can have a heart / soul / care / feel aligned / be passionate.

I felt this leaving therapy and entering into business as a life coach and it sounded exactly like this in my head…. “I can’t make money/sell in my business AND truly and deeply care about my clients”

In grad school I was taught what would help heal clients was in part my silence, my hiddenness, my humbleness, my willingness to sacrifice money.

So you can guess that it felt like a huge identity crisis coaching and feeling ethical doing something that felt SO MUCH MORE aligned AND also paid way better. Not because it was coaching and not therapy but mostly because I was approaching it with a new, not overly sacrificing mindset. More on that another time.

Here’s where the comments get to another level of fascinating…

Reaction 5: We wanted the story and the scoop, we just didn’t want her to charge us for it.

This one made me laugh, the non-stealthily sneak attempt past the paywall…

BUT THIS IS WHERE I WANT TO LAND…

The readers who did not disagree with her decisions or the fact that she was sharing them publicly….

Reaction 6: Protesting her directly profiting $12.99/month for access to her story.

And I agree with the part that stories ARE HEALING and empowering and powerful.

In my journey and recovery from codependency and leaving an abusive marriage stories WERE key to me leaving.

I remember watching an episode of “call the midwife” and hearing another story on NPR and realizing omg I have experienced that too, is that not normal?

HUGE shift for me.

I GET the value of survivor’s stories.

And yet you know who holds the power and consent on Nicole’s story? Nicole.

And isn’t that some of that redemption of it?

That this brilliant woman who is so good at writing social media hooks now gets to use that skill to monetize and alchemize the pain that she endured and held in silence for a decade.

While I don’t have a paid substack my story has for SURE helped me make money in my business.

As I share my business and life experiences and opinions on my podcast… it’s HEALING.

And it’s incredible to know that my stories carry with them my values which means people not aligned with me will leave long before they pay me money- I love that for both of us.

I spent so much of my life PRETZELING around other people with my words and identity that it feels entirely freeing just to share my voice and opinions in my own way (and change my mind and apologize at times).

And the fact that this can make us money / draw people to our business? What unicorn magic internet age do we live in?!

Its just a next level example for me of what is possible for women, slowly, piece by piece.

I want to conclude with one more detail that I haven’t shared yet.

ALL THESE COMMENTS ABOVE WERE CREATED BY WOMEN.

Which adds a final layer of complexity.

As women we should be the FIRST to stand up and say that it’s safe for other women to separate from abusers, to tell their story in their time and on their terms, to change up who they are and keep evolving, to use stories for healing and for profit.

Because we sure as hell know that most men aren’t doing this.

AT LEAST we as women have to have each others back.

I’m not saying you need to subscribe to Nicole Walter’s feed. I’m just saying you shouldn’t be mad about it….and maybe you should go cheer her on…

And in so doing give yourself permission to open up the doors to more healing, more visibility, more monetizing for YOU this year ♡

If you’re a Heart Centered Entrepreneur subscribe for authentic tips monetizing your business on a 3 day work week. And most importantly don’t forget to join my free private channel because I’ll be hosting a challenge next month to “Get Your First 100 Substack Subscribers” to help you grow with non-icky tactics and fill your client spaces this fall!

She literally laughed at me when I told her how much I have in one savings account; $45,000.

But it’s not the money it’s the FEELING I’ve had these past months in business.

…and it feels more intense than when I was in debt, did not own a house with equity, did not have savings, a bulky retirement or recurring income come in.

It started when I let go of a team member earlier this year.

I didn’t find anyone to immediately replace her so in many ways I stepped in myself as project manager of my business.

I realized how much my business needed a deep clean.

It was livable for sure but I was starting to notice the heaviness of 10 years of (beautiful) work and not the organization to match.

Things getting created but not archived.

Things getting made but not organized.

I went through Satori that holds my coaching offers and archived 264 old ones to leave a dozen remaining.

I went through ActiveCampaign and Leadpages with a team member and sorted it in an index and archived the 10 years of outdated pages and funnels.

Found three softwares I was paying for and not using.

Unsubscribed from who knows how many email subscriptions.

Deleted a lot of accounts and storage and URLs that used my former married name.

Went through a brutal week of moving a big chunk of my project management from basecamp to clickup… hated it and moved it back to asana where it was 2 years ago.

Contaction.

Not entirely in a “bad” way but not in what I usually felt in the EXPANSION in business.

…feeling isolated in my living room

…interviewing 15+ OBMs

…sorting through project management software

It’s not my happy place.

It’s not my zone of genius.

I was born to coach- to listen- to empathize - to sit with women all day on zoom.

To get visible and to create content with a message that matters to me.

I tolerate business and marketing so that I can do what I LOVE and that’s coach.

And yet the backend, and the contraction it’s where I’ve felt I’ve needed to be for the last month.

And I’m begrudgingly learning to be okay with it.

I realize this is the part where many women in business burn things down or stop before they really get started.

When things feel fuzzy or unclear or messy or where you have to retreat out of your zone of genius…and the enjoyment or income temporarily goes down.

I think it’s partly because we’re not talking about it.

I remember feeling a lot of contraction at the start of my business.

Before I could afford to hire I was doing a TON outside of my zone of genius. Contraction feeling.

I was doing NEW things in business (i.e. selling) I was horrible at after being a rockstar in my corporate career. Contraction feeling.

I was getting a lot of rejection (i.e. content with no comments, nos on sales calls) Contraction feeling.

I felt a lot of impostor syndrome as a new, uncertified coach. Contraction feeling.

I spent a lot of time unclear on decisions about my niche, my offer. Contraction feeling.

Feeling dread about leaving a position where I created so many systems for them and wasn’t sure if they would maintain them after I left. Contraction feeling.

Feeling dread about leaving a career I invested over a decade of time (masters degree and 2000 of free or low cost work) and and tens of thousands of dollars into. Contraction feeling.

Contractions feel DIFFERENT then expansions (obviously) but I’m trying to tell myself that different isn’t bad.

And now that I look at my history… maybe contractions FEEL bad but ARE GOOD.

Kind of an unshiny growing pain of sorts.

Actually, when I look back on the seasons of seeking CLARITY, stopping to make difficult decisions, slowing down and organizing so that things can be cleaner for me… it’s all been the precurser to the uplevel.

I continually forget the truth that the expansion is always proceeded by contracting work months or years before that moment.

Once the expansion comes it FEELS so good that I forget to say a thank you to my former self that set things up, that took the risk, that waded through the mess to get the clarity.

I continually forget that nature contracts and expands and doesn’t make herself wrong for it.

The winter season.

The low tide.

Hibernation.

--I FEEL insecure when things are not immediately growing because I forget the truth that ebs and flows are entirely normal and healthy in nature and life.

But when I embrace them they actually feel GOOD.

The calm, the stillness, the quietness, the change of pace, the rest in a way.

When I have the trust that the contraction won’t last forever.

I think my body knew this was coming

Because before I left for Madrid with my kids for a month I deep cleaned every corner of my house. I think my body and mind can only be in one place of focus and chaos and improvement at once.

I feel what made made looking at my business mess do-able was feeling peace in my house.

Also not punishing myself.

I feel I have another good month of contraction in the works so wish me luck.

And if you’re going through a contraction of sorts I’d love to know what it is and what it’s feeling like so we can journey this together.

Maybe like me you’ve been in business for a while and the contraction looks like cleaning, organizing and re-hiring.

Maybe you’re at the start of your business and not ready to hire yet and because of that doing a LOT of VA type work for yourself that makes you feel bogged down. Or simply learning a lot of new things at once that can make you feel really bad at the start.

This is my first article on substack.

And I’m so excited to connect. I started 13 years ago as a food and craft blogger so long form, honest, quality content is such a happy place for me and I can’t wait to follow old and new friends here ❤️