I’ll be real with you.

5 weeks ago was when I jumpstarted my identity shift, but the inner work and the full commitment decision to change my internal programming and vibrational field actually began one June 29th, 2026.

In the past couple of months, I have changed my emotional and frequency states before the external reality reflected the evidence that it was working back to me.

Prior to June 29, 2026, I did not have my shit together! I was in the void, really going through it, transitioning. Shedding the old layers but had no fucking clue what my new life looked like or what direction it would take.

I was irritated, frustrated, angry, ashamed and boy was my body tense.

I’m telling you this because if I was able to shift from the devastating rock bottom I was in, then you can too with the right mental reprogramming, energy work and support.

A quick rewind to give you an idea of the kind of grime I was moving through. In April 2025, I experienced what can only be described as the breakup that demonic nightmares are made of. I was unraveling from the most toxic narcissistic abusive relationship, abandoned in a foreign country with my 3 animals pretty much overnight, and left to pick up the debris of what I had naively thought was my happily ever after. We won’t get into the nitty gritty details of this story now, but this traumatic event left a gnarly imprint in my system that took a full year and a little more to heal.

I was not in a good state. At all. Financial abuse was involved, and he took a large portion of my savings, unleashed a smear campaign narrating me as the abuser, and there I was, left to clean up the shards from this disastrous aftermath. At the time it felt like purgatory, but this crucible was precisely the feminine alchemical process I needed to rise back up on my feet and reclaim my full power.

For the following 12+ months, I lost all confidence in myself. With little energy reserves to maintain day to day function, while attempting to heal my heart, regulate my nervous system, detox the negative energies and cope with the explosive inflammatory response in my body from the trauma. My business slowed down drastically. I was making a fraction of my usual income, doubted my abilities to continue working with clients, and honestly for most of the first quarter of 2026 I marinaded on the couch, feeling sorry for myself, falling into frightening levels of depression.

I lost all sense of who I was, and questioned my purpose. Serious existential meltdown. Can you relate? Getting derailed from a relationship, and in my case, a narcissistic-abusive one, is one of the most challenging things to transmute. In one of my shorts bursts of energy and mental empowerment during this time, I made a reel, encapsulating what I was feeling at the time. A simple B-Roll with text overlay and music, with this text:

“As a spiritual woman, I can’t afford to get derailed because of men. I’m the one who pays the karmic debt when I lose focus and forget my Soul Mission. Stay on track Queens.”

This reel reached hundreds and thousands of women, and it dawned on me that we were collectively experiencing a similar season of inner alchemy.

All that is to say I was pretty much at ground negative zero prior to June 29 of this year. Now, I’ve had many rock bottoms, and rebuilt more than once, but this was a particular flavor of “WTF is happening?” Now I know, an alchemical process unlike any other I had experienced was occuring.

There comes a point when you reach such deep depths of rock bottom with your head crushed into the pavement moaning “I’m done with my own BS” that that is when the real excavation of your most hidden shadows and evaluation of your conditioned identity truly begins.

The person whose words you are reading now is not the person from 5 weeks ago. She’s gone. This person writing to you is on a new timeline, playing this game of life as a new character. 5 weeks is all it took for these results to manifest in my 3D reality:

My IG audience jumped from 50K to 130K.

• My (one stream) of income (not counting the other ones) increased by 5 times

• My content started landing powerfully with energetic congruency

• Opportunities started showing up at my doorstep

• My decision making and discernement got sharper, faster, cleaner

• And my internal “ceiling” that was previously capping my potential disappeared

And no —

I didn’t suddenly discover some secret content growth hack.

I didn’t go viral from one lucky post. Virality is not the same energetic coherence.

I didn’t hire a team or strategist. I am to this day a one-woman show.

I didn’t grind 10 times harder. Hustling was not involved.

What actually changed was and I emphasize that I intentionally made the decision to change was much more subtle, but no less powerful.

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"Sexual energy and spiritual energy are the same. Sexual energy is simply the physical expression of spiritual energy."

🌴 your alchemist sister transmitting this article from the tropics.

Your personal power capacity is directly linked to how deeply you understand, cultivate, and master your sexual energy.

Yet ironically, it is the one subject that is not only not taught in our society and educational systems, but heavily culturally and religiously stigmatized, oppressed and weaponized.

Sexuality is viewed as taboo in our modern world — the narrative embedded in our psyches through social conditioning lands on two extreme polarities: ultra hyper-sexualization or strict repression. And we already know by now through historical data that anything which swings between extremes are fated to crash and burn at some point.

The key practical implementation that humans are still learning is the “Art of the middle way”. Moderation, balance, harmony, equilibrium, and the socially counter-programming of our skillful ability to hold paradoxes. (our human minds love predictability, certainty, and black or white diagnoses, but if you can learn to sit with yes and no, instead of yes or no, the world as you know it shape-shifts into expanded multi-dimensions that inspires you to understanding our existence in so many more ways than one hard, cold, objective truth.

Last night, a old friend from my past who I’ve recently reconnected with asked me: “Lily, how did you become a sexual energy & trauma healer?”

🔮 🧞‍♀️if you are looking for more support, you can book an Exploration Session with me for 1-1 guidance:

BOOK SESSION HERE

A quick rewind: this friend knew me from nearly 20 years ago when I was a self-destructive, wounded, fragmented, chaotic mess just winging my way through life, and partying myself to an early burial to cope with my repressed pain.

I said to him: “you know how it’s said that you don’t find your purpose and calling, but that it finds you when you are ready?” I never set out a goal to become a healer, it happened because I followed my heart and energetic guidance one step at a time, one foot in front of the other, and one door at a time opened up for me to step through.

I further added that I’ve always been an incredibly sexual individual, but because I didn’t know what to do with my sexual energy, combined with the lethal concoction of: virtually zero teachings I was given about this topic (cue: asian origin family, where even mentioning t6he word sex could get your brutally scolded and shamed), and indoctrinated through a cultural brainwashing system that fundamentally confuses girls, women, boys and men about what sex is — I ended up spilling that energy ou tin ways that harmed me rather than empowered me.

It’s said that, your deepest desires point you toward your greatest gifts. Your desires serve as intuitive compasses, quietly nudging you toward the spiritual work you’re here to do in this lifetime.

I had this realization that if I’d always been an innately sexual being, and no shutting it down, numbing it out, or beating it away made me any more content or at peace, then rejecting that part of myself would be the harshest kind of self-abandonment and soul rejection. So instead of running from it, I decided to sprint straight at the target. Locked and loaded, bulls-eye into the sexual vortex.

This decision birthed my path of a decades-long initiation.

I immersed myself in authentic lineages of Tantra, Daoism (blessed to speak and write Chinese as it gave me a direct link to teachers who taught in its original language and permitted me access to information non-translatable), trauma healing, neuroscience, psychology, psychedelic therapy, shamanism and countless other modalities. I studied with masters across the world, tested their ideas in real life, kept what consistently created profound transformation and left aside what felt dogmatic, constraint, performative or simply didn’t work for modern humans with our unique challenges.

Today, my work is the distillation of that journey — a body of teachings forged from decades of study, living, learning, making mistakes and thousands of hours clocked working with clients and students across the globe. My transmissions are not a copy of Tantra, or Daoism, or psychology, or any other (fill in the blank), but the culmination of everything I’ve found to be true and beneficial for me. I emphasize this point, because what works for me may not necessary work for you.

Don’t believe everything I say. Discernment is your ultimate power. Read, listen, learn with an open mind-heart and test the methods out for yourself.

“Learning that sexual alchemy and divine intimacy can uplift human consciousness and light up the Spirit without alcohol, drugs, or illicit uses of sex, will bring enlightenment to an individual or couple..."

— Master Del Pe

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Your Sexual Energy broadcasts and signals whatever your underlying subconscious patterns are. All of the most repressed, shameful, guilt-ridden, dark, twisted, kinky, horny, embarrassing and exiled parts of you are hidden in these shadowy chambers, running your life on automation, looping endlessly, in which you end up calling fate and destiny (thanks Carl Jung), but in actuality are personal choices that can be carried into the light and alchemized.

The more you allow yourself to acknowledge and communicate with your hidden shadows, without denial, the faster you unchain from the societal shackles of right and wrong. It’s only when I gave myself radical, unhinged permission and allowance to be sexually embodied devoid of deflection and performance that I broadcasted an all new signal of reality manifestation.

I want you to take a breath in now. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Hold the energy, now let it go and turn on the permission button to welcome back your intrinsic sexual self.

Dark Sexual Energy Manual:

Modern Temple Book One (your prerequisite required reading in sexual empowerment).

Who is it for: anyone interested in becoming Powerful AF and impossible to manipulate.

ACCESS INSTRUCTIONS:

Ancient Vault of Knowledge Portal passcode: Sovereign

Access granted. The gateway recognizes your energy blueprint. Step through please.
Remove your mental limitations. Leave your conditioning at the door.

Enter Lily’s Modern Temple for Powerful AF Women (and Men).

BOOK DESCRIPTION

This manual explores one of the most misunderstood forces on your planet: sexual energy.

The creative current responsible for soul power, ego transmutation, attraction, magnetism, intuition, and creative genius — ***important note*** when left unconscious — user experiences some of the4 most spectacular self-sabotage you’ll ever witness.

For reasons no one has adequately explained, society run by those veiled behind the curtains has systematically decided this sexual life force birthed into every human being should be commodified, commoditized, suppressed, feared, and weaponized. The goal is to manufacture consciousness separation between man and woman, the masculine and the feminine, the yin and yang of the cosmic dance.

Next Agenda: Program them to be in endless spiritual warfare, and have one enact aggression to dominate the other, brainwash them into forgetting they are two parts of one divine whole and pursue only material and bodily pleasures absent of love.

This book one of the archives proposes a different experiment, written by the Goddess Consciousness.

Before you open this book, ensure that you have:

• a subscription to this Substack. Book 1 is the first of a series.

• an open mind and heart center.

• a functioning bullshit detector.

• critical thinking stills and the willingness to be proven wrong. Check ego at the door.

• curiosity stronger than your conditioning. dissolve rigid belief systems.

• a quiet place where your soul can awaken to these transmissions.

If this book found you, chances are you’ve already begun remembering. Some part of you knows there’s far more to sexuality and sexual energy than what you’ve been breadcrumbed. This is not a book about becoming someone new, but a starter pack to recovering and rediscovering the aspects of yourself that never should have been separated in the first place.

Chapter One: The 12 Sealed Secrets of Dark Sexual Energy

1. Sex is a Portal Opener

Every time you have sexual relations and let someone merge with your body, you open an energetic doorway. The frequency of sex and two bodies connecting are like magnetic poles energizing for activations and opening into other worlds and parallel dimensions. This temporary opening allows another person’a emotional residue, karmic attachments, ancestral entanglements, energies of their past partners and whatever entities are riding shotgun in their field to travel through the gateway and into your body.

Of course, there are protection and purification methods you can utilize to lessen the transference, which I teach in my 1-1 sessions and online programs. These practical tools will give you an unfair advantage to navigating sexual and romantic relationships.

2. Field Attachments & Entity Walk-Throughs

Sex is not just physical, it is spiritual and energetic. It is the single most undefended, unarmed portal you will ever offer to another human being, and almost nobody has taught you to treat with with the elite level security clearance necessary to limit breaches.

If the person you are sexually merging with is inhabited and governed by dark or fractured energies — addiction, cruelty, shame, guilt, unmetabolized rage, and imprints that have made a home in the cobb-webbed emotional basement of himself/herself he refuses to confront, I hate to be the carrier of bad news — but you don’t get to opt out of absorbing that if you consent to the sexual interaction.

3. Cord Cutting is not enough

Your exes’s energies never fully left, and cord-cutting alone won't remove them.

The energy of every past sexual partner stays active in your body and field in perpetuity until you do the actual work to clear it. A cord isn't a rope made of material fibres, it's a energetic current, and cutting a current (firstly is impossible) and 2. doesn't stop it from reforming and re-attaching — if the subconscious loop is still active (you thinking about him, hating him, missing him, fantasizing about him) the cord reattaches, because energy follows attention. Full removal means working out every layer — physical, emotional, mental, energetic, ancestral — because different imprints from different people sit lodged in different areas of you.

4. Casual Sex is not casual

The “sexual liberation” movement gaslit you into believing that casual sex is empowerment.

Most humans are having sex with no love as the motivating intention, and sold the idea that casual flings with strangers, acquaintances, non-committal avoidants, succubus archetypes and situationships is empowering when it is in actuality the fastest way to deplete your life force. There is nothing casual about two bodies, two souls merging into one field of consciousness.

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HELLO MY LOVES AND WELCOME BACK TO OUR MAGICAL CORNER OF THE INTERNET WHERE WE SAY THE THINGS EVERYONE IS THINKING BUT NOBODY IS SAYING OUT LOUD 🔥✨

but I will cause i have no filter.

Before we get into the juicy goodness of a topic I looooove talking about —sexual energy — a quick life update:

Your unhinged alchemist sister is back!!! After a brief hiatus and much needed personal recalibration, during which, I am proud to say I used this time fairly productively without over-exerting my nervous system: rebuilding my entire business foundation, dancing on the daily (if you saw my recent dance video, you know), vibing to my heart’s content, healing my body, remembering what fun feels like, and i mean ALOT of fun, dipping into both my light and shadow personas, and genuinely giving myself permission to be a friggin’ human again.

accurate visual portrayal of me saying yes to more pleasure. yes to more power. yes to more crazy!!!

I currently write this article frolicking from a tropical location that I swore I would never come back to. Not because I don’t like this place, but there were certain variables that had deterred me returning for the past 9 years. However, when your inner compass says go, you go. So here I am, acting in accordance with cosmic direction. I booked this flight 12 hours prior to the boarding the flight. Spontaneous? abso-fucking-lutely.

I have been in what I can only describe as a creative fever dream for the past few weeks. Deep in the inner work, wading in my own psychic processes, battling the last remnants of shame programming that’s limiting my explosive growth spurt, and going ever so strong in my no-sex era (more on this shortly). I’ve been immersed in a kind of clarity and knowingness that only reveals itself when you stop giving your energy to things and people that are not in alignment with your soul’s expression and trajectory.

And somewhere in the middle of all the change and transitions, I kept coming back to this one topic — sexual energy. The one discipline I’ve been studying and practicing for ten years as a professional sexual energy practitioner, healer and alchemist. We are about to dive into my perspective which I feel explains SO much about why so many brilliant, powerful, extraordinary, sexy, beautiful women, keep ending up feeling drained by the men they entertain, or couple with.

Ten years in the sexual energy space working with hundred of clients (both men and women) in person and thousands online, teaches you things that can not be discovered anywhere outside of lived experienced and practical training.

The things I’m about to share with you are things you probably won’t learn in therapy (most traditional therapists, psychotherapists, psychiatrists are simply not trained in the specificities of sexual energy from a multidimensional understanding and embodied practice or in spiritual workshops that are geared towards highlighting only the eroticism aspect of this work. I hope that this will change, because I am of passionate belief that if we want to create positive change in the world, shift the consciousness of humanity, it starts with our integration of a language of sexuality that is devoid of shame and weaponization.

Here is the pattern I’ve witnessed time and time again:

The women who came to me feeling creatively depleted, energetically dimmed, inexplicably exhausted, unable to access the version of themselves they are cognizant exists somewhere buried deep, deep, deep beneath her wounds, masks, costumes and social conditioning almost universally have one thing in common.

They were or are partnered with (or recovering from) a man who has leaky sexual energy, like a toxic oil spill that pollutes the entire ecosystem. So they would go to traditional relationship therapy in hopes of fixing the disconnect, but the problem with this method is that it lacks the spiritual, energetic, and karmic integration for real conflict resolution.

And they had NO LANGUAGE for what was happening to them but the felt sense of disconnection, and relational imbalance was visceral, palpable, impossible to ignore.

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What “Leaking Sexual Energy” Actually Means

First, let me be precise about what I mean and give it a definition we can anchor into.

Sexual energy — and I propose this in the full, all-encompassing, ancient, esoteric-scientific-hybrid sense that every tradition that ever took energy seriously (Taoist, Tantric, traditional martial arts lineages) understood — is life force. It is the regenerative creative power that creates literal human life in the woman’s womb. It is the same force that, when transmuted and directed consciously, creates art, communities, businesses, movements, missions, and bends realities.

It is the most potent energy a human being embodies.

And most men are leaking it. Everywhere, constantly.

The leak is designed and craftily embedded to limit human potential and exacerbate relational disharmony. How is this done, you may ask? Well many ways, and most definitely not limited to this list: societal programming, social engineering, religious dogma, cultural indoctrination, the Manosphere hijacking of male psyches, toxic power dynamics, rigid gender roles, and intentional lack of holistic education with regards to this topic. Let’s elaborate on some of the most common forces that perpetuate the pattern of men leaking their sexual energy:

Porn. The constant scanning, checking out, evaluating, assessing and objectification of women’s bodies. Keeping multiple options open with zero commitment. The endless doom-scroll and absorption of hyper-sexualizing content. The dopamine hit of instant-gratification without the depth of actual intimacy. The flirtation with the waitress, the follow-for-follow with the Instagram model, the casual consumption of a buffet of women as a background activity of mundane daily life.

Is this technically a “crime”? Our social paradigm is torn, separated by three parties of belief systems: Party Sexual Liberation, Party Sexual Conservatism and Party Sexual Discernment.

1.) Party Sexual Liberation: “it’s a crime to look and window shop! just because there’s a goalie doesn’t mean i can’t score! Women are beautiful creatures, I’m a man, it’s in my nature to look and appreciate aesthetics. As long as I’m not acting on my lust and cheating, what’s wrong?”

2.) Party Sexual Conservatism: “Any sexual energy directed outside my intimate, romantic, and committed relationship — even a glance, even a thought, or fantasy — is a betrayal. Total fidelity means total fidelity. Your eyes, your mind, your attention: all of it belongs to your partner. Anything less than is emotional infidelity and an act of adultery. Real love means you genuinely don’t see other people through a sexual lens.” ~ see below for the middle path, where I am now in Party Sexual Discernment:

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Hello everyone.

I haven’t been active online in a while. I have barely been on social media, with the exception of the last few days to stay connected to the news of the Hong Kong Fire that took the lives of hundreds of people and pets. Frankly, I’m sick of social media — the theatrics, noise, opinions, unchecked projections, shadows, and this attitude of constantly “go, go, go” and every account is selling something over social connection and community building.

I haven’t posted, or published. I haven’t felt like doing any of it. There’s a reason for it. I’m evaluating how I want to show up or if I want to continue showing up in this crazy, frantic, absolutely insane online world.

I’ve been meaning to write for months now, but every time I tried to put words together, something in me stopped. It wasn’t writer’s block, or creative stickiness, but more like my own over-soul had placed me on pause, a kind of spiritual time out to come back to what’s true.

Sometimes life does that. So we can check ourselves.

It slows us down, halts all external movement and momentum so we can finally take a breath, sit and be with ourselves. For me, this year has been a deep life review, and one of the assignments of this process is to honest excavation of my own tendencies, patterns and blindspots to ensure I am not carrying old energy and baggage into my next chapter.

And I think that’s what this year has been for many of us. A massive, collective pause and review.

The year of the Snake has been nothing short of an initiation.

For some, it’s been a quiet withdrawal giving time for reflection and introspection. For others, a full-blown crisis. Either way, it’s been the same medicine: the invitation to shed.

I’ve lost count of how many skins I’ve shed this year.

Old friendships. Outgrown identities. Outdate belief systems. Fleck by fleck. Layer by layer.

I’ll be honest, in the initial months of this year, I was still trying to hold on for dear life. I tried to grip on to the remnants of the familiar and predictable, patch the broken pieces back together, to make the old life still fit somehow in my expanding state. But the Snake doesn’t allow that.

It moves in silence, in cycles, and its timing is never wrong.

Shedding happens when we’ve simply outgrown who we used to be. And yet, the process doesn’t just feel like growth (that comes later), it can also feel like loss, confusion, instability and vulnerability.

It’s uncomfortable, often times messy. You don’t feel lighter right away. You feel more raw and exposed than anything.

When a snake begins to shed, its vision clouds over. A thin layer of fluid builds between the old and new skin, veiling its eyes in a milky blue haze. During this phase, the snake can barely see. The world around it blurs.

It’s vulnerable then. Disoriented. Even defensive and agressive. Because when you can’t see clearly, everything can pose as a potential threat, making it much more likely to strike out in fear and anxiety.

It seems that’s where many of us have been this year, in that cloudy stage of shedding. When the life we knew is dissolving, but the new one hasn’t fully emerged. Our clarity is gone. The vision that once guided us doesn’t work anymore. So we grip, we protect, we react.

But just like the snake, this stage is temporary.

Once the old layer finally releases, and we stop fighting what is, our vision clears again. We begin to see the world with new eyes. Colors sharper. Edges softer. Truth clearer.

We are being initiated into greater discernment, and power.

The transformation begins by changing the way we see reality, both from and through the inner and outer eyes. As a tell my clients after energy sessions: “it gets worse before it gets better.”

That’s what this year has been: a foggy, disorienting stepping stone into new insights.

To see in a new way, we first have to unsee what’s false.

Clear away the distortions.

The Snake year has been about releasing the outdated versions of ourselves that can’t follow us into the next cycle.

The performer. The saviour. The rescuer. The people-pleaser. The victim. Whatever it is for you. The roles that have protected you but are no longer beneficial as you step into a higher, bigger, clearer frequency.

These archetypes were necessary once, they helped us survive. But the Snake’s medicine is awakening of consciousness and evolution.

And evolution always comes at the cost of comfort, complacency and accepting that status quo just because.

So this year has asked us to let things fall apart, be boldly courageous in saying goodbye to things, people, ideas, behaviours, and actions…

because their purpose is complete. The cycle of doing things in the way you’ve always been used to is finalizing.

What I’ve noticed most is how this shedding happens in layers.

You think you’ve released something, and then another layer appears. You think you’ve grieved the loss, and then a new wave hits.

At first, I tried to rush it. I wanted to be “done.”

But snakes don’t rush the process. They rub against the earth, or a fallen tree, over and over, until the old skin loosen. The friction is the medicine.

And that’s how life has been rubbing against us this year:
Through conflicts, crises, traumas, pain, disappointments, endings, so that we may blink our eyes wide open and see reality for what it is.

The Snake doesn’t shed because it wants to, it sheds because it has to. The old layer becomes too tight. Too restrictive for the growth happening beneath.

That’s exactly what many of us have been experiencing. The discomfort of growing too large for our old lives.

Relationships cracking under the weight of truth.
Careers that no longer make sense.
Creative callings that have been getting louder and louder, urging for our attention.

The Horse energy that’s coming will feel like a rush of motion after months of internal excavation.

But don’t mistake momentum for escape.

The Horse doesn’t run from pain, it runs with wisdom.
If the Snake is death, the Horse is resurrection.
If the Snake moves through the underworld, the Horse bursts back into the sun.

And this is the key: the Horse can only run as fast as the Snake has shed.

So if this year has felt heavy, if it’s felt like you’ve been stripped bare —good. Keep shedding. Drop the weight. Surrender the things you don’t need. Clear the path. Get out of your own way.

That’s the whole point.

The Snake year taught us how to let go.
The Horse year will teach us how to live freely and boldly again.

With love,

Lily

Earlier this year, after the unraveling of a relationship that felt less like a heartbreak and more like an exorcism, these are some of the lessons I’ve learned:

If you have followed along on my journey, you are probably caught up with the drama of my love life which I have been documenting on my little instagram account for many years — a place that has become my cozy corner for emotional expression and education on all things trauma, healing, self-reclamation and returning to power.

This is going to be a longer piece of writing.

In this piece, I’m going to share:

• What the law of mirroring actually means when it comes to trauma bonds and attraction.

• Why we unconsciously draw narcissists into our lives and what they are here to reveal.

• How the cycle of idealization, devaluation, and discard mirrors our own forgotten relationship with self-worth.

• The deeper spiritual and psychological lessons hidden within narcissistic abuse.

• Narcissistic abuse and colonization — what’s the correlation?

• The Dark Triad of Psychology.

• How I learned to alchemize pain into self-reclamation and the arrival of zero charge post breakup.

• The cultural and ancestral layers that make this pattern feel personal, when in truth, it’s collective
  

A little over 6 months ago, I dare to say that I had the worst breakup of all time. Now, I don’t say that lightly, considering just how much buffonery and fuckery I’ve lived through when it comes to dating and dealing with the audacity of the male species and frankly my own issues of self-worth that landed me in those situations to begin with.

In this short life of mine, I’ve collected more credentials than I can count — diplomas, certifications, awards, all neatly archived evidence of my societal competence. And yet, none of them come remotely close to the curriculum life offered me through relationships. My true education was learned through heartbreak, betrayal, abandonment and ultimately rebirth — a doctorate of the human heart earned through experience, not academia.

It’s almost comical how precisely the stars conspired. My numerology, astrology, even my human design and gene keys have all inscribed the same message: you will learn your greatest lessons through relationships. And they were right. A great many love affairs. Every single one of these relationships were my mirror and initiation. Pain became my teacher. Love, the exam. And healing, the thesis I’ve been rewriting and perfecting across lifetimes.

So when I speak about relationship alchemy, I don’t do so as a theorist, but as a woman who has lived it, walked through the fire of narcissistic abuse, attachment wounds, the consequences of staying through toxic love and come out the other side fluent in the language of regeneration.

My purpose, it seems, is to understand relationships in the deepest way possible and figure out how to unravel the invisible threads between love and loss, and to guide others in remembering what I’ve learned and am continuously learning: that relationships are portals — each one teaching us how to return home to ourselves.

I have a smile on my face as I’m writing this because there is genuinely no more charge when I talk about these topics or see in my mind’s eye the face(s) of all those who I was once hurt by.

For a while after the breakup, I could still feel the charge — you know that electric tornado of devastation, frustration, sadness and rage that irks your nervous system every time you hear, think, see, or remember anything that reminds you of the person that literally took a hammer to your heart. You know that charge.

I think it’s important to let you in on the catalyst that had me diving even deeper down the rabbit hole of understanding everything I could about all of these topics and beyond: trauma bonds, narcissistic dynamics, relationships and attraction, the differences in how men and women come into attraction and cope with heartbreak, the law of mirroring, karmic relationships, twin flame theories, and so many more topics.

You should see the mountains of journals I have filled in my own attempt to deconstruct these patterns. I did the heavy lifting, so you don’t have to.

So a little over 6 months ago, after the worst breakup of history, a dear sister asked me this question:

“Lily, what part of you attracted him in the first place?”

I knew the answer before she finished her sentence.

“The wounded part. The me who still thought she wasn’t worthy of the kind of love that doesn’t need to be earned.”

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Dear friend, wherever you are as you’re reading this, I hope you know that you’re not alone and no matter how bleak the road ahead of you looks, there is a way through.

I have a secret to share:

real healing is shockingly simple.

what we call healing now is overwhelming, and distorted most of time.

it’s not that modalities are useless (I have been trained in dozens myself), they can be doors to deeper understanding but the problem is that people keep opening these doors but not walking through them. Not staying within the modality long enough to master its wisdom before hopping over on to the next thing.

The system thrives on our confusion, promising transcendence while keeping lost souls perpetually in repair. it teaches us to release, activate and manifest but rarely to rest. to listen. to be ordinary and present with life again.

the irony is that healing isn’t a quest for more light but rather the willingness to meet your darkness with total acceptance.

When I look at the current state of the healing industry, I see something that began with sincerity but has rapidly since become sterilized, aestheticized, and sold back to us piecemeal. What started as a sacred remembrance has turned into a marketplace of methods and modalities.

We have coaches teaching trauma work who have never known despair themselves. We have spirituality packaged as a trendy lifestyle. And we have millions of people chasing a version of “wholeness” that demands constant fixing because capitalism found a way to make even healing a profitable machine.

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After years of witnessing both my own process and the collective obsession with “fixing themselves” here are…

12 things I wish people truly understood about healing:

It’s less healing and more Coherence.
Healing is not about fixing. You are not broken. What you call “healing” is simply the process of aligning and resonating with the version of yourself that already exists in wholeness. You are creating a coherent field where no dis-eases, illnesses or issues are a part of your architecture.

The wound only exists in the version of you that believes it does.
When you stop identifying with that version, the wound cannot remain.
You don’t let go of pain, you let go of the you who needs pain to validate their story. Most people try to heal by fixing the wound itself. But the wound is not the problem — the identification with the one who carries it is. You’re not actually healing a wound; you’re shifting timelines. The moment you stop energizing the identity that says, “I am the one who was hurt,” that entire energetic structure of trauma collapses.

Healing happens at the speed of permission.
The moment you believe it’s possible, it is possible.
Time doesn’t heal; belief does. Time just gives you the illusion that it’s taking longer because you haven’t fully said yes yet. The universe doesn’t delay. You do. Every second you doubt your readiness, you stretch the illusion of linear time. Healing exists in the eternal now but it requires full energetic consent from you. When you drop resistance, clarity floods in instantly. It’s not the universe withholding the result; it’s you taking time to believe it can be that easy.

Emotions and triggers are not problems, they’re indicators.
They are messengers and feedback data telling you exactly where you are off-track, in alignment or out of alignment, in coherence or out of coherence. Nothing is wrong, and nothing has built-in meaning. You are the one who gives it meaning. Stop fixing or attempting to get rid of your feelings and start listening to them. When you meet your emotions with understanding, they release you with love.

Every emotion is a messenger. When you try to fix it, suppress it, ignore it, or judge it, you interrupt the message. Emotions exist to guide, not to punish. A trigger is simply your inner GPS saying, “You’re still holding an old belief here.” When you respond with curiosity instead of self-attack, the emotion completes its loop and releases itself. Understanding, not resistance, is the real dissolver.

You cannot suffer your way into balance.
The idea that you must earn your peace is a distortion. You don’t expand through exhaustion; you expand through coherence. Suffering only arises when you resist your own guidance and argue with reality. When you insist that growth must be hard, your reality must comply and reflect that belief, because your reality has no choice but to match your vibration. You are literally experiencing the discomfort of contradicting your true self.

Suffering doesn’t make you enlightened. Ease is the natural vibration of truth. Stop romanticizing suffering.

You cannot bring an old vibration into a new reality.”
If you keep replaying the story of your trauma, you’re literally re-selecting that timeline and story plot.

The past doesn’t exist except as data you continue to access. Every time you retell the story from the lens of pain, you re-anchor yourself to the same coordinates at the level of consciousness that manifested the pain. Healing doesn’t mean rewriting your story; it means ending your identification with it altogether. When you stop broadcasting that signal, that version of reality no longer receives power.

The body is the holographic expression of your beliefs.
Change the belief, and your reality must follow. Don’t argue with reality, edit the coding that’s generating the outcome of the reality you don’t prefer.

Your body is not against you. It’s a messenger, a perfect projection of the patterns you hold in consciousness. Physical symptoms are feedback loops translating energy into matter. When you shift the belief that created the distortion, the body recalibrates by default. The mistake is trying to fix the body while keeping the same frequency running in the background. You don’t have to keep healing the same wound if the core coding is re-patterned.

Your healing triggers others because it threatens their version of you.
That’s not resistance, it’s confirmation that your work is working.
When your frequency shifts, the collective hologram must reorganize.
Let it.

You’re not losing people, you’re changing wavelengths. The people aligned with your former vibration will either rise to meet you or fall away. Both are perfect. When others react to your new energy, it’s not a sign you’ve done something wrong, it’s evidence you’ve shifted your field. Let reality rearrange. Don’t chase coherence in spaces built on your old coding.

Integration means no longer labeling anything as unhealed.
You cannot become whole by fighting and imposing judgment on the parts you call broken or “not good enough” as many of you say. Integration isn’t fixing what’s broken, it’s inclusion of all abandoned and exiled aspects.

What you call “healing” is simply the process of reintegrating frequencies you previously judged as incompatible with love. The ego mind calls them shadows, but the higher mind knows they are simply unmetabolized energy, energy that was never given full permission to express, to move, and to complete its circuit.

If you’re getting triggered, say thank you.
When old pain and triggers resurface, it’s not a setback or regression.
What you call a trigger is just residual energy attempting to complete its sequence for resolution. Triggers aren’t bad. They’re precision indicators and exist to show you the exact fracture point where you’re still subscribing to a belief that doesn’t serve who you prefer to be.

It’s not trying to hurt you; it’s trying to correct your course.

The fastest way to heal is to stop calling it healing, ironically.
Healing by definition is “the process of becoming whole again”. So every time you say, “I’m still healing,” you place yourself on a timeline where healing never ends.

Say instead: “I am discovering new levels of wholeness.

The language you use determines the frequency you live in. “Healing” implies incompletion; “wholeness” anchors presence. You are not becoming whole, you’re uncovering the timeline and frequency of already being there.

It’s not your job to heal everything and everyone.

This one is for the empaths, sensitive beings and cycle-breakers.

When you feel another’s pain, it does not mean that pain belongs to you. What it means is that your frequency is sensitive enough to detect it. You have the antennas to perceive the vibration but that doesn’t mean you should make it your duty to fix.

You see, consciousness is a field of mirrors. When you experience someone’s emotion, you are simply tuning into their broadcast. The idea that you must absorb it to help them is a distortion created by guilt and the belief that love equals sacrifice.

It’s not your job to heal everyone.
Each being is on their own frequency journey, learning through their own reflections.
When you try to heal someone who isn’t ready, you interrupt their alignment process, drain your own energy source and take on their karma.

💎 Work With Me 1:1

Healing doesn’t have to be complicated.
You don’t need 20 modalities or endless processing.

In our 1:1 sessions, I help you see where your energy, beliefs, and nervous system are out of sync — and bring them back into coherence. It’s simple and direct.

We go straight to the root. No looping. Just clear insight that changes how you think, feel, and create.

If you’re ready to stop “fixing yourself” and start living from coherence, this is your invitation:

✨ Click Here To Book Your 1-Month Energy Shift Mentorship:

1:1 Mentorship

A private, personalized online 4-week initiation designed to reorient your authentic energy.

Using my signature system of Fractal Keys, we dissolve the energetic architecture that’s been keeping you looping in outdated realities and rebuild your foundation from alignment.

Over the course of 4 weeks, we focus on:

• Reconnecting you to your body’s truth and instinctual wisdom.

• Reclaiming your sexual life force as your source of creation and direction.

• Clearing energetic entanglements and attachments that distort clarity.

• Awakening the power buried beneath trauma, performance, and conditioning.

Your mentorship includes:

• 4 weekly 75-minute online private sessions.

• Ongoing support between sessions via voice notes and messaging — as you stabilize new frequencies and embody your next expression.

• Mapping your current cycle of death and rebirth, and aligning with where your consciousness is calling you to rise.

*** this letter is sent to my whole community. Some of you are here for the love letters, while others are here for my offerings, and guidebooks on healing from narcissistic abuse and traumas. This letter is to say hello to all the old and new people. The next letter will include information on how to access my guidebooks.

Before I get into the nectar of the story, I just want to take a moment and say how deeply grateful I am for you. Yes, you. The one reading these words right now.

Just 6 months ago, I was blindsided by a traumatic breakup, and left to pick up the pieces alone in a foreign country. While my heart was breaking open, I was on the brink of giving up serving others in their healing journey.

I remember staring at the ceiling for weeks, depressed, paralyzed, moving through my day like a zombie, completely at a loss for how to move forward. This is a story for another time, which I will share at some point. The fact is that I did move forward, and I moved on even happier, stronger and more in alignment than pre-breakup. So if you are in that place now of feeling like the pain is never going to end, I assure you, it does and it will.

Many of you resonated through me sharing my story of heartbreak, abuse, cycle-breaking, and rewriting new patterns, but what you don’t know is that I almost didn’t share any of it.

For months I carried this hidden shame and was terrified to share my story. And if I hadn’t, I would not be writing to you right now.

I was blown away by how many people requested to be on my love-letters list. I was born in a generation where we had pen-pals — yes! there was a time when we wrote actual, hand-written letters, pen to paper, and mailed them to our friends from around the world. The excitement of writing each letter and awaiting patiently (for weeks) to receive a response :) I hope that you get the same feelings of joy I did when you open my letters now.

Sometimes I sit here and think… wow, there are actual human souls on the other side of the screen, reading my words. People with their own battles, their own dreams, their own days where it’s hard to get out of bed and life feels like its collapsing upon them. And yet—you choose to ask for and open my letters.

Like I always say to my community:

Ask and You Shall Receive.

Why aren’t you asking for what you want in your life? (I’m really asking).

As for me, in the abyss of reclaiming my power, I asked for the courage to share my story, and when I finally did — you showed up. Thank you for choosing to spend a little bit of your precious attention here with me. That is not small. That is not something I take lightly. Your presence means more to me than you know. Every single time you read, you remind me that this isn’t just about me pouring out my heart, it’s about us being connected in a deeper way, walking together, holding the lantern for each other when the road is dark.

And I want you to know something: the same way you feel impacted by my words, I feel impacted by your existence. By the fact that you’re here. By the fact that you haven’t given up. By the way you keep showing up to life, even when it’s messy and chaotic AF sometimes.

So today, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for reading. Thank you for being here. Thank you for carrying your shimmer of light into this world.

I’m so glad you’re here.
We need you here.
And I love you more than words can say. ✨💛

That version of me from 6 months ago —the one who was crawling her way back up from rock bottom, felt too messy, too behind, asking “wtf just happened — was more courageous than she realized at the time. I’m blessed to have friends around me who did see my power when I couldn’t see it. So now I’m here to remind you of your power, even if you can’t see it yet.

Maybe you’ve been in that place of darkness.
Maybe you’re there now.

So let me remind you of something that changed everything for me:

✨ Every time you wake up, it’s a moment of success. Every time you step outside your house, eat something, drink water, continue breathing — you are bravely choosing to face the world. That takes grit. One moment at a time, one breath at a time.

✨ Just because it feels unbearable doesn’t mean it is. Remember, it is almost unbearable, the word “almost” being the key here. You’re more powerful than you think. You would not be given anything that your soul cannot bear.

✨ You are capable of rebuilding your life again, and the one you built from here on out is going to be even greater, more magnificent and in alignment with the true you, than the one you were merely surviving in.

Use whatever tools you have right now. Even this love-letter can serve as a talisman —a reminder that any challenge in your life right now is there for a higher reason, it is serving a purpose, and you hold the light to transmute it.

Because we need you in the world, in your totality, not just the curated versions of you that society deems “acceptable”.

Now…Storytime.

🦋A Story of the Magical Loom

A young woman once kneeled before the Ancients in desperation, tears streaming down her face and asked:

“Why was I born into a family that does not see me? Does not understand me? Why did you put me in a lineage heavy with pain I did not create? Why must I carry what is not mine?”

The Ancients took her hand and led her to a great loom. Upon it, stretched hundreds and thousands of threads of every color and shade. Some threads were luminescent and radiant, some were torn and frayed, some knotted in to tiny tangles, and some were completely cut off from one end to the other.

They told her: “this is the great tapestry of your bloodline from all timelines, dimensions and lineages. Each thread represents an ancestor of yours. And now, here you stand, holding not only your own thread of life and death, but a seat at the loom. You were born to be a weaver of your lineage.”

She looked at the chaos of threads and felt her anger simmer, but she swallowed her rage as she had learned to do so her whole life and asked:

“Why me? Why must I clean up this mess my ancestors left behind?”

Instead of hearing the voice of the Ancients, the loom before her shimmered and spoke:

Every lineage chooses one. Not the weakest, not the blind. Not the most loved, and not the one who is understood, but the one with clear eyes and a pure heart who can see the patterns beyond patterns. The one who cannot look away from distortion. The one who feels as deep as the earth and creates a whole new wave of change from pain.

The young woman wept, “it feels like a burden! I don’t want it! It’s not my mess to clean up.”

For a moment, there was only silence as the loom glistened under majesty of the golden hour, hovering in mid air, unperturbed by gravity. The voice of the loom sang clearer now:

Only the strongest are given the seat of the Weaver. Do you not see? The knots, tangles, frays and sorrows came into your hands because they knew you would not look away. While others turned their faces and called it fate, you were born to burn suffering to ash and rewrite a new destiny.

The loom paused for moment and let out a chuckle,

You think the ancestors abandoned you, child? You think you’re being punished?

The young woman blinked. “I am being punished…”

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The Loom continued:

🐉 “Your definition of what you have been given makes it a blessing or a curse.”

The choice is yours. You volunteered and were chosen by the ancestors for this quest for they know that you hold the power to spin pain into gold. They placed their heaviest songs inside your chest for a reason. Your path is to remember why, not fight it.

Once you stop resisting the path, the whole tapestry changes forever.

And just like that, the magical loom landed softly back on the ground.

It was perhaps the most obscure and cryptic message the young woman had ever received but the loom’s words stayed with her forever. It was these same words that carried her through some of her toughest times.

✨The Initiation of Cycle Breakers✨

For as long as I can remember, I grew up feeling different. Like I crash landed on earth from a different world by some galactic freak accident. Much of my childhood was spent daydreaming and traveling to imaginary realms, making friends with fairies, mermaids and water spirits. If you’re reading my words, chances are you’ve experienced similar feelings in your life, this sense of being different or non-beloning.

My clients who stumble upon my work are all cycle-breakers in their own right, but what I’ve found fascinating is that 10/10 of them resist the path —the calling, the soul mission, the dharma — in spite of desiring to step into their purpose. I point them to see the obvious signposts, but the resistances are strong when they first come to me.

Cycle-breakers are doing potent work in our world today. We live in an era where many old souls are choosing to say “this ends with me” but the act of actually doing the work and saying the words make all the difference. We are in a planetary moment where the collective and individual karmic loops are reaching a critical mass. The cycles of war, abuse, domination, separation, ignorance and trauma can no longer fester under the surface. The concoction of densities are collapsing under their own weight.

There are individuals like you who I call “chosen nodes” in a lineage. You’re the one(s) encoded with a different frequency at birth. Your very nervous system is wired as both a receiver and transmitter of ancestral and generational energy, holding the memories of fractal information. And you my love, at least your soul, has taken on the responsibility of carrying out the contractual terms of being the interruptor of this fractal code.

Rewriting new patterns.

✨Altering The Grid✨

I see cycle-breakers as needles placed with precision in the acupuncture points of humanity’s body. Each time one of you refuses to repeat the ancestral script of suffering, pain, and limitations, you alter the geometry of the Mother-Grid.

Growing up, my father said “my daughter, you’re incredibly intelligent but you could never be a surgeon.” He was referring to my airiness as a child, always darting off to far off lands. He called me absent-minded, and joked that I would probably be at risk for leaving a scalpel inside of a patient. It was always quite comical to me, but now I also know that I seemed “absent” because I was present with the subtleties of the unseen. So now I tell my father in spirit, “I actually was made to be a quantum surgeon Baba (that’s what I call him in Cantonese), I’m extracting distortion from the ecosystem of our bloodline.”

Maybe you were not made to fit into this world because that was never your design. And maybe your audacity to admit and accept this, is the very medicine that heals you and your family. Courage and reclamation of self-expression are powerful healing forces that ripples across timelines. One woman leaving an abusive marriage in this life heals seven generations of women who couldn’t. One man learning it is safe to cry cleanses centuries of men silenced in war.

🐉 Without cycle-breakers acting as the axis on which timelines tilt, Earth doesn’t ascend — it recycles patterns and histories.

✨Resisting The Path✨

You chose this path before you were born.

If you’ve been resisting the path of being a breaker of cycles, here’s the truth:

You are not alone and there’s no shame in feeling that way. But I am here to remind you that at some point you must change the narrative, redefine your experience and understand that resistance creates persistence.

What I’m about to share with you are things that I wish I had been told in my earlier years of trial and error. I had to figure out all on my own, and I hope that these words can shine light on the confusion you may be wading through and serve as a torch of clarity as you move forward and inward into your chosen destiny.

At the very bottom of this post, I will also share the keys to transmuting these feelings. I’ve reserved this especially for paid members.

Since many of you have asked about my offerings, here’s a small section about ways to work with me — if private mentorship isn’t accessible for you right now, subscribing to my Substack here is the easiest way to begin. Think of it as your lowest barrier entry point into my world: a space to access the tools, transmissions, and healing frameworks I use with clients 1:1, but in a way that’s more accessible for your current financial state. It’s the perfect first step for those at the precipice of shifting their patterns and reclaim their power.

You can ✨Upgrade to Paid Here

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The Sacred Path of Cycle-Breakers + my excavations from working with thousands of people:

1. You feel deeply, and deeper than most in your family line because you’re not only feeling your own stuff. You’re metabolizing the repressed agony of all those who came before you. The deepest feeler often ends up becoming the surrogate to everybody’s stored away feelings. This is why many of you complain about it being a “burden”, because at the human egoic level, it is unfair. You didn’t cause the trauma, yet you’re asked to remedy it. There might even be a compounded effect of anger, frustration, and resentment while your siblings and relatives get to coast along in denial why you’re the one feeling like you’re being burned through fire. But at a soul level, this is the accelerated curriculum you signed up for and the path that is designed to liberate you.

2. You’re not just healing trauma, you’re recalibrating the DNA encoding and template of your ancestry. On a wider scale, you’re also shifting the energies of humanity. Trauma patterns live in the epigenetic and energetic fields. When one person in the family line heals, it’s not just pain that ends, it’s new variations of realities made possible. The child of a cycle-breakers is born with a different set of instructions than his/her parents. Instead of inherited malware and viruses, this child receives codings of higher transmissions, where entire futures open that never existed before for the lineage. This is how timelines bend, it’s not through mass awakening in one swell swoop but through individuals daring to stop to repetition of old, played out patterns.

3. Many cycle-breakers today are incarnations of the original architects of the distortion itself. Simply put, you are karmically clearing the wounds of the pain you once caused, in another version of reality. Therefore, in this lifetime, you are not only clearing your family’s pain, you are correcting mistakes you made in other incarnations, where maybe you served systems of control. This is why the work feels so heavy at times, because you are not just liberating your family in this life, but freeing versions of your own soul across time.

✨Your Invitation and Reframe:

The resentment, frustration, and anger is part of the initiation, but your job is to learn how to use the emotions as fuel for change instead of getting stuck in a loop of victimhood and martyrdom.

When the breaker of cycles moves from “I have to carry this burden” into “I get to alchemize this into power”, sovereignty is the gift.

They could not, but you can.

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✨For My Paid Subscribers…

This month, I’m releasing a preview of my Fractal Key System for paid subscribers only. I developed this system as I was in the most traumatic heartbreak of my life, so trust that it’s potent because I was at my “I’m done repeating old patterns” moment.

What’s in the Fractal Key System?

• The origin story of how and why I developed the system + how it’s different from other healing modalities.

• Why my clients transform so fast through applying this work. Some shift after just one session.

• Formulas for recognizing and recoding your patterns sustainably.

• Reveals the repeating emotional, physical, relational, and energetic loops running through your life and family line.

PLUS, paid subscriptions get access to my “In the Portal” Q&A, aka our unfiltered, uncensored sanctuary where you can private message me all of your questions to be answered. Think: breakthrough shares, pattern decoding, energy shifts, ancestral wisdom drops, and the occasional “help, I’m spiraling but also rising” moments It’s giving: collective power, rapid transformations, and the real behind-the-scenes of becoming sovereign and unstoppable.

🐉✨Upgrade to Paid Here

With love, Lily

Keep reading the article below:

You’re not the victim of your families or circumstances. You are the leaders your families have been waiting for, and once you accept this as truth, the burden transforms in to ferocious wings that span the skies.

You don’t have to heal because your family deserves it, if you’re not quite there yet with radical forgiveness. You heal because your soul chose this path, and because you hold the power to end what others could not.

The weight is proof of the sanctity of the mission.

And guess what? Releasing the resentment will ultimately free you.

If you’re ready to free yourself from an old timeline and rewrite a new destiny, in as simple and direct of a way as possible, you can book an online session with me:

🌺 Book Your Session Here

Below are my 🔑 Ten Keys of Transmutation:

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Total demotion.

For me, it happened on 4 occasions. I mean there were other smaller, micro nodes of events that threatened my will to power on, but the ones I’m about to share with you hit me the deepest and changed the trajectory of my life. In a strange way though, I feel like these events actually put me back on track to the right path:

• in my early 20s, I found myself fighting for my life after my ex physically assaulted me. I landed in the ICU swaying between life and death.

• in my early 30s, my father committed suicide.

• in my mid 30s, my ex-husband divorced me through a text.

• and most recently, just 5 months ago, the man I thought I was building a family with left me after we moved to a new country. Abruptly.

I moved across the world with the man who promised me forever. And then—suddenly—he was gone. No warning. Zero accountability. Discarded.

He left me with the house, the bills, our animals, and the remnants of a life that no longer made sense.

I can still remember the first night after he left. The animals padded softly around me, waiting to be fed, asking to be cared for while I could barely take care of myself. I stared in to empty space, standing in a house that once felt like home, trembling, in shock — the weight of survival pressing in on every breath. The demons of fear were loud for weeks.

It was more than heartbreak. It was demolition. My identity, sense of safety, dreams, fantasies — all of it shattered.

And I soon found out, it was all good. Better than good. In the rubble, I began to find something unexpected.

I discovered that I was the one who held the entire relationship together, and that him leaving made no difference to my fortitude. I learned that I could hold the weight of life’s challenges with immense courage and trust. That I could tend to myself and the animals, even while my chest burned with rage and grief. Slowly, I realized the love and power I had been projecting on to him was something I’d always carried.

I was the reason the relationship lasted for as long as it did.

I was the life force.

I was the power.

I am the power.

There’s a beautiful alchemy in heartbreak. At first, it feels like annihilation. but if you keep breathing, if you keep showing up for the smallest tasks, something else is born in the ashes.

One night when I was at my lowest, a friend who holds Temazcal ceremonies came over to sit with my grief. At this point, I was still under the spell that he was “the one”. How silly now I look back. I thought I had lost everything. But what I lost was the illusion that it was ever love.

She asked me a question:

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For the past one and a half months, I have been in a deep unraveling - untwisting and detangling my old identities thread by thread.

The death of my ten-year plan - crafted with precision, ambition, and a mind that believed safety came from certainty.

The death of a relationship I once built my future on - one I thought was eternal, sacred, destined.

The death of who I thought I was - a woman with clarity, direction, and answer, a healer whose mission is to be of service.

While those identities served and protected me for a long time, they no longer felt in resonance with the person I am blossoming into. This season has called me into deep rest, against my will - sleeping until noon most days, feeling unmotivated, fomo and lacking inspiration. It’s triggered a landslide of frustration and anger within and I have been fighting these intelligent messengers with impatience, meanness and a stubborn grip on the last remnants of control.

No one really talks about this part. We see the highlight reels of a person’s magnetic life online and imagine how everyone’s lives must be better than ours because we rarely are invited into the dark corners of their emotional landscape. To witness the realities of the moments, the days, and months when they are in grief, fear, shame, confusion and all the backlog of emotions swirling like a storm beneath the facade of a well-presented self.

My body has been screaming no for months. Begging me to pause, slow down and unwind from my survival state, to process the losses and integrate. Here’s what I’ve recognized through my unraveling:

Each loss has felt like a piece of scaffolding breaking beneath me, followed by a stomach-dropping terror of plummeting through space with nothing to hold onto - no anchor, no form, no direction.

At first, there was panic.
That animal part of me clung harder - trying to patch things back together with willpower, force and denial.

But when something is no longer aligned with your soul’s evolution, no amount of grasping can keep it from crumbling.

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Lately, I’ve found myself missing myself. The real me. The untamed one. The unapologetic wild child who lived her life drenched in vivid colors and bold imagination.

The one who cries in the shower, wakes up and stretches her body like a cat and talks to the moon like a dear grandmother.

The one who dreams in symbols, speaks without shrinking, sings off-key in the kitchen and laughs innocently with herself.
I miss her.

I miss the version of me who didn’t overanalyze every word before it left her mouth.
The one who didn't bend her truth into scripts that were easier for others to digest.
The one who didn’t confuse productivity with worth or silence with peace.

Somewhere between trying to be everything for everyone,
I exiled the girl who was once everything to me.

The girl who wrote poems in the margins of textbooks and doodled celestial tattoos on her arm,
Who believed in the impossible that others didn’t dare to dream of or believe was possible.
Who danced freely in candlelight painting artistry with her shadows - her very own form of prayer.
Who felt God in the ocean and heard love songs in the wind.

She didn’t need a ten-year plan to find herself, nor strategize her way into an idealized version of a future promising safety, success, and accomplishment.
She was already home in her skin.

I miss her.

I’ve been a daughter, a sister, a healer, a therapist, a teacher, a partner to men, the breadwinner, the strong one, the caring one, and in my unintegrated states, I even became the mother in relationships that asked me to mute my needs and soothe theirs.

I performed the “good feminine”: endlessly supportive, endlessly giving, out of the conditioned confusion between love and self-abandonment.

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The Good Feminine Does Not Equate to the Whole Feminine.

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But who secretly still spirals when triggered.
Still shrinks.
Still feels the pull of old survival codes when it’s time to be big, seen, soft, valued, and resourced.

She wants to be held in love, but collapses when it gets close. She sabotages, without knowing that’s what she’s doing.
She wants to receive more money, but her nervous system says, “It’s not safe.”
She wants to lead, speak, teach, express,
But something in her body tightens when she’s about to do the thing that can get her to the next summit.

If this is you — I just want to say: It’s not because you’re broken.
It’s because your body still remembers a version of reality where power = danger.
Where love = abandonment.
Where visibility = over-exposure and judgment.
Where softness = weakness and powerlessness.
Where wealth = lack, scarcity, guilt, over-giving or depletion.

And when those energetic and emotional codes are still running the show beneath the surface,
No affirmation, strategy, or mindset shift can override it.

This isn’t about reprogramming your mind.
This is about creating emotional safety and receptivity at the deepest layer of your being — so your nervous system, not just your mindset, is a match for the life, love, money, abundance, joy and the vision of leadership you’re calling in.

This is the work I’ve devoted my life to.

Because I was that woman.

The one who people came to for healing, but couldn’t feel safe in her own skin.
The one who built from her masculine, then burned out and collapsed in resentment.
The one who loved deeply but unconsciously attracted abandonment over and over again.
The one who tried to “quantum leap,” but whose body was still trapped in survival and chained to the old world.

So I rebuilt. From the root.

Through trauma alchemy, ancestral healing, sacred feminine embodiment, and wealth energetics, and deep nervous system recalibration.

Not only did I reclaim my magnetism —
I now hold the mirror for others to do the same.

✨ To feel safe in their softness.
✨ To stay regulated in love and visibility.
✨ To build sacred wealth in full integrity with their feminine.
✨ To stop collapsing into old wounds, and rise in embodied leadership instead.

And I’m creating something powerful for the woman who feels this in her bones.

But first — I want to hear from you.

💌 Let’s Talk, Woman to Woman. (Men are welcome too if you feel called).

I’m opening up a few spaces for 30-minute connection calls this week.

This is not a sales call.
It’s a chance for you to share what you’ve been moving through, what you deeply desire, and what kind of support would actually feel safe, nourishing, and powerful.

I want to get to know my community, get to know you.

So that I can build something that speaks to the real you. The part of you that’s finally ready to be met in ways you have never been.

If you’re feeling the pull…
Click here to book your call. Let’s drop in :)

I can’t wait to hear your truth.

With gratitude,
Lily

Every day felt like I was being pulled in a hundred directions, and the more I tried to keep up, the more exhausted I became. I didn’t even realize how much the environment was affecting me until I started to slow down and pay attention. It wasn’t just the physical tiredness—it was something much bigger. My mind was scattered, and I felt like I was losing touch with myself, my health and energetic hygiene.

But over time, something shifted. I began to understand that I didn’t have to let my environment control me. I could find a way to navigate it without being overwhelmed by it. I didn’t have to be an absorbent hyper-empathic sponge, mopping up the gunk of the world. I started taking moments to center myself, to connect back to what was mine and not get swept up in the chaos around me. Slowly, I learned how to hold onto my own energy, no matter where I was or what was happening in my external atmosphere.

It wasn’t easy at first, but now, even in busy, hectic places, I’ve found a way to stay grounded. The city doesn’t have that same grip on me anymore. I’ve learned how to be present in it without losing myself in it. And that’s been one of the most freeing things I’ve discovered.

I began studying healing and energy medicine out of sheer necessity, realizing it was my only choice left—it was either that, or an early death. When we’re faced with survival or death, it’s the primal part of us that makes the decision, grasping for the option that keeps us in this world, fighting to stay alive. A part of the soul always remembers that this was a choice based on free will for its evolution.

Over the years, I’ve come to understand that there’s one key quality that sets us apart as humans navigating the School of Earth: resilience. How do we respond to adversity? Do we collapse into victimhood, or do we rise with defiant joy and tenacious bravery? We’re here to learn, to experience, and to evolve—not just for our personal karmic journey, but for the collective evolution of all. Raising the frequency to support the elevation of consciousness.

We enter this world with strong castle walls—our defenses intact, our shields in place to protect us from the foreign energies, the temptations, and influences that don’t belong in our energy field. These walls guard us from the outside world, from the forces that seek to weaken us, pull us off course, or sow doubt and fear in our minds. But here’s the paradox: the very walls we build to protect ourselves can, over time, also make us more vulnerable. The longer we keep them up without nurturing or reinforcing them, the more susceptible we become to the attacks from the outside world—the temptations, distractions, and forces that chip away at our energy, our spirit, and our sense of self.

The world is relentless and it’s designed to be that way. It tests our boundaries, challenges our resolve, and wears at the very defenses we’ve set in place. But here’s the truth: while these walls may weaken, they are never permanent—because they can always be rebuilt. When we acknowledge the fragility of our defenses, we are invited to strengthen them, to fortify our being and spirit against the chaos of the world. To gather the community and trips to restructure a stronger Queendom or Kingdom.

It is in the rebuilding that we find our true strength - this quality of resiliency.

Our castle walls, though worn and battered, are not the end—they are the beginning of our transformation. As civilizations rise and fall, what was build from a previous era permeates into and influences the culture of the next, often in subtle ways that are barely detectable by the ignorant eye.

When we tend to our castle wallswith care, nurturing their foundation, they become our greatest allies, standing strong in the face of life’s challenges. It is through this continuous process of rebuilding, re-aligning, and reclaiming our inner strength that we rise, not just as survivors, but as warriors of resilience—ready to face whatever comes our way.

Changing the story from “what is this happening to me?” to “what is this here to show me, to serve me, so that I may be ignited to grow?”

People sit with Ayahuasca, Huachuma, DMT and mushrooms, but imagine if that journey lasted for more than nine months? A pregnancy is the peak of a woman’s psychedelic journeying.

I want you to take a deep breath and read that again.

A pregnancy is the peak of a woman’s psychedelic journeying.

Do you understand the magnitude of self-love, courage, adaptability, and resilience it require to walk this path and come out on the other side?

Much like a psychedelic experience, pregnancy stretches your sense of reality. It takes you beyond the physical, forcing you to confront parts of yourself and aspects of your world that once hid cleverly in blindspots.

Suddenly, your body is not just your own—it's becoming something entirely different - shifting shape, expanding, contracting - to make room for a new life carried within your womb. The way you experience the world changes. Your senses are amplified—smells, sounds, and tastes can become overwhelming, while emotions feel deeper, more raw, more intense. There’s a heightened sensitivity, as if you're perceiving the world through a different lens, because you are.

The growing baby inside of you, with its small movements and micro-developments week by week, becomes your key to unlocking unseen worlds. This new life is not just a part of you—it’s a bridge between the physical and the spiritual, between the known and the unknown. Every flutter, every shift inside your body is a message from the universe, a reminder that life is more than what you can see. You begin to feel energy in ways you never have before—an energy that connects you to the past, to ancestors you’ve never met, and to a future you can’t yet fully imagine.

You are shifting from maiden to mother.

You are no longer the same woman you were before conception.

The emotional rollercoaster of pregnancy is a wild ride that mirrors the ups and downs of a psychedelic journey. There are moments of pure joy and connection, magnified awareness, times when you feel deeply aligned with the universe and your purpose. But there are also moments of confronting fear, confusion, uncertainty, and vulnerability, as your mind and body are pushed into new realms. Just like in a psychedelic experience, pregnancy invites you to surrender to the unknown, to stop resisting the medicine, and to trust in the process of transformation, even when it feels overwhelming and beyond terrifying.

The feeling of being deeply connected to something larger than yourself is also a common thread between pregnancy and psychedelics. Many people report profound spiritual awakenings during pregnancy, experiencing a deep sense of connection to their unborn child, to their own body, and to the collective consciousness of the universe. It’s a time when you may feel more attuned to your intuition, to the unseen forces guiding you, much like how psychedelics can open doors to other dimensions of thought forms, visions and sensorial awareness.

There’s also the release of old patterns, just like during a psychedelic experience. Pregnancy often brings up unresolved emotional and psychological material, inviting you to confront your past, heal old wounds, and shift patterns that no longer serve the new person you are becoming. You’re being called to transform—not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, energetically and spiritually.

In essence, pregnancy can be like a psychedelic journey because it pushes you to step outside of the mundane and into a space of deep transformation. It’s an intense, sacred process that strips away the layers of the everyday, revealing your truest self, your deepest fears, and your highest potential. Just as psychedelics can bring clarity, healing, and insight, pregnancy can do the same—if you allow yourself to surrender to its mystery and embrace the wild, unpaved roads of the journey.

But many women fight through their pregnancies, resisting the change. Just like the people who fight against the current during their psychedelic experiences have a terrible time.

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Many women do resist the changes that pregnancy brings. It's not uncommon to feel overwhelmed, uncertain, or even frightened by the intense physical, emotional, and spiritual transformation happening in their bodies. The discomfort, the physical changes, the loss of familiar control over one's own body—pregnancy can feel like an invasion rather than a celebration, and resistance often arises when the change feels too big to manage, or when it challenges existing beliefs about self-identity, comfort, and autonomy.

For some, the journey feels like a loss of control, a surrender that is forced upon them. The discomfort of the body—growing, shifting, stretching—can feel like it’s too much to bear, and the mind resists, clinging to what was familiar before. The pregnancy becomes something happening to them rather than something they are actively participating in, which leads to a sense of disconnection, frustration, or fear. This resistance is often rooted in the fear of the unknown, worries of inadequacy, of stepping into a new version of themselves that feels uncertain and undefined.

Some women question if they have the capacity to be a better mother than their own mother was to them.

Emotions become heightened during pregnancy, and some women fight through these intense waves of vulnerability, often not knowing how to navigate the depth of their feelings. The flood of hormones can feel disorienting—anger, joy, sadness, fear all seem to arise in waves, and without tools to process these emotions, the resistance can grow even stronger. There’s also the pressure to embody an ideal of motherhood, of being “strong” or “grateful” for the experience, which can make women feel isolated or unable to voice their true struggles.

In resisting this transformation, many women are unknowingly fighting the very flow of life that pregnancy invites them to surrender to.

Pregnancy is a powerful initiation into a new stage of life—a transition that asks for deep self-acceptance, trust in the body, and connection to the spiritual energy of creation and destruction -

as a new version of you forms, the past version dies.

There is happiness and there is grief.

Resisting that this is all part of the process inevitably creates more tension, doubt and suffering, keeping women from fully embracing the beauty of the journey.

However, the moment they allow themselves to soften, to let go of the fight, is when the experience can become a deeply active and empowering one. When a woman stops battling against the current and starts flowing with the changes, even in their discomfort, she may begin to unlock a deeper connection to herself, her body, and the life she is creating within her. It’s in this surrender that the magic of pregnancy truly unfolds, where the fears and doubts distill into an elixir of strength, clarity, and a profound sense of inner wisdom.

I see you—the woman who is fighting through her pregnancy, resisting the changes happening in your body, your emotions, and your life. I have been that woman, and it led to a devastating miscarriage.

My conscious mind was ready to be a mother, but my old survival system was still rebalancing decades of nervous system dys-regulation - the vestiges left over from abuse and traumas.

I know it feels overwhelming, like you’ve lost control over what’s happening inside of you. The discomfort, the stretching, the acute fatigue, the nausea, and all of the endless changes can feel like an invasion, and it’s hard not to want to fight it. But let me tell you something: I understand. The fear, the frustration, the worry—it’s all so real, and you’re not alone in feeling this way.

It’s hard to let go of the familiar, to the person you have become so well-acquainted with all these years, and to surrender to a process that feels so beyond your control. It’s easy to think that by resisting, you’re keeping yourself safe and protected, that somehow, holding the reins tighter will make it all feel less uncertain. But here’s the truth: this resistance, as natural as it feels, is only adding to your suffering. Every time you push against the changes, you create more tension, more discomfort, more friction with you and the soon-to-be-born soul.

Your child is waiting to be embraced by you, to be fully accepted. Perhaps in a way that you were not in your own birthing into this world.

Now is your opportunity to break the ancestral cycle and write a new story for your family constellation.

This little soul, in its innocence and purity, has chosen you of all other mothers—not just to provide a home, but to offer a deep, unconditional acceptance. They are coming into this world, not just to be held into your arms, but to be born into a love that sees them completely, without judgment, without conditions.

Perhaps, in a way, this is also a chance for you to heal something in yourself. A chance to offer the acceptance that maybe wasn’t given to you in your own entrance into this world. Many of us are born into environments where we were loved, yes, but perhaps not fully seen. Perhaps our needs weren’t always met, or our presence wasn’t always fully acknowledged. Maybe we had to fight for love, or for space, or for belonging.

But now, with your child, you have the opportunity to do it differently. You can offer them the acceptance that you may have yearned for in your own life. You can create a space where they know they are safe, loved, and allowed to simply be, without needing to prove themselves worthy. In doing so, you may also begin to embrace yourself in a new way. You may find healing in the act of giving your child the love and acceptance you’ve always deserved, and in turn, you may heal the wounds of your own past.

Your child is not just coming to you to be cared for—they are coming to help you rediscover what it means to love yourself completely, to open your heart, and to offer the unconditional love that allows both of you to grow and thrive together. This is the beauty of parenthood—an invitation to give what you never received, and to receive the gift of pure, unfiltered love in return.

When your desire for expansion is greater than your attachment to resistance, love enters.

The moment you soften, when you stop battling the discomfort, and start to breathe through it, something incredible starts to happen. You begin to reconnect with your body, with your intuition, and with the powerful energy that is creating life within you.

Pregnancy is not just something that’s happening to you—it’s happening through you. This is a sacred journey, an initiation into a new version of yourself. I know it’s not always easy, and there are days when the weight of it all feels like too much. But if you allow yourself to stop resisting, to stop fighting, you’ll start to unlock a deeper connection to yourself and the child growing inside of you. This is your opportunity to let go of what no longer serves you, to shed the fears and doubts, and step into the wisdom that burns vibrantly in your womb.

You are capable of so much more than you think. The strength you need isn’t found in resistance, it’s found in surrender. Trust your body. Trust this process. You don’t have to do it alone, and you don’t have to be perfect. But you can embrace this journey fully, with all of its discomforts and beauty.

You are worthy of experiencing the full power of a conscious pregnancy, an orgasmic birth and the divine gift of motherhood, it is beautiful. You are beautiful.

Recently I made a post on Instagram that exploded and has been shared close to 3000 times. It speaks to the awakening of consciousness that men and women are realizing about their power of choice when it comes to procreation and parenthood.

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I grew up in a whirlwind of languages, a mosaic that reflected the rich, varied cultures I was raised in. At home, Cantonese was the language of my mother—her native tongue, her foundation, the words that she dreams in. And for me, English amongst Cantonese, Mandarin and French were the languages of my inner world. I learned to switch between them seamlessly, like changing clothes depending on the occasion and necessities.

But I never paused to consider and extend empath to my mother, what it must have felt like for her who arrived in Canada with just her Cantonese, a language that wasn’t widely understood in a new land. She came from Hong Kong, with a rich history, culture, and identity—but none of it seemed to translate into the new world she had stepped into. I didn’t truly grasp how difficult it must have been for her to adjust—to learn a new language, adopt a new way of life, navigate unfamiliar customs, mannerisms, integrate into a new community, care of her family and raise her two toddlers in a country that didn’t speak her mother tongue.

She, who had once been so sure in her world, had to rebuild from scratch.

Now, I am living in Peru with the intention of starting our own family here - yes we are ready for babies - I find myself in a position my mother must have known all too well. And yes, while I’ve had decades of exposure to new cultures and languages, adapting and assimilating like a chameleon, I realize how much I’m just beginning to understand the depth of what she experienced. Traveling the world as a nomad, a few months here, a few months there is one thing, but actually tilling the soil and planting seeds into the ground in a new place you call home, applying for residency and eventually citizenship is a whole different story.

Living in a place where I don’t yet speak the language fluently, where almost everything feels unfamiliar—my senses constantly overstimulated with sounds, words, and customs I haven’t fully absorbed—it’s slowly dawning on me how isolating and humbling it must have been for my mother 30 years ago, back when cultural diversity and inclusion were not widespread.

I walk through the streets of Peru and hear conversations exchanges in rapid Spanish and Quechua, languages I don’t yet fully understand. I’ve picked up certain words, and can have a basic conversation with the locals, and roam the markets to get groceries but linguistic fluency is a requirement to being able to express succinctly your thoughts and demonstrate to another person the details of your internal landscape. For a woman who loves to express, needless to say, I’ve been struggling.

It’s a constant reminder of how much there is to learn, how much I don’t yet belong even though there is such a wellspring of love and acceptance here. There’s a sense of displacement, of longing to be able to connect deeply with the people around me but unable to (unless I pull out my translation app). When I try to speak, I stumble over words, feeling a bit like a stranger in a place I am learning to call home. It brings a new appreciation for my mother’s strength—how she navigated those early years in Canada, how she made our house a home despite the language barrier, how she gave everything to make sure my sister and I thrived in a world that felt so different from the one she knew.

Everyone celebrates the adventure but no one talks about the fears…

Everyone celebrates the adventure, the thrill of the unknown, the excitement of starting fresh. But no one really talks about the quiet fears that settle in the cracks of the subconscious. Like, where do I go for emergencies? Who do I call when I need help, and how do I navigate a situation when the language is a real barrier to getting your message across?

The rush of exploration and new experiences is beautiful, but it’s the fear of the unknown—the “what ifs”—that often linger in the back of our minds. What happens if something goes wrong? What happens if I can’t find the help I need in a foreign place, where everything feels alien?

The adventure is exciting, absolutely. But it's in these moments of uncertainty that we find ourselves holding on, not to the excitement, but to the steadying force of trust. Trust that we’ll find a way, that even in the face of fear, we are capable of navigating it, just like we’ve done before. Because even when the fears rise, they’re part of the adventure too.

Raising children in Peru

The shift in perspective has been subtle but powerful. As I look ahead, imagining raising children in this beautiful land, I can’t help but reflect on the complexities my mother must have faced silently. I think about the love and sacrifice that went into those early years—the resilience and openness it took for her to embrace a new way of life, to meet friends who only spoke english, knowing deep down that every encounter would test her capacity to stay inquisitive. I think about how she must have longed for belonging, for her language and culture to be understood, for her best friends to be close by, and to taste the flavors of a hot meal from the recipes of her ancestors.

And that’s exactly what she did. She made it work for her. Even as she adapted to a new life, a new culture, and a new way of being, she never lost sight of who she was. She stayed open to the experiences this new world offered, but she made sure to anchor herself in the roots that ran deep within veins. She ensured we would continue to taste the culinary delights of our bloodline—dishes that simmered with the flavors of our heritage, the spices and smells that made us feel connected to our origins.

She brought the healing power of traditional Chinese medicine into our home, from herbal remedies passed down through generations to potent teas like 24 herbs that soothed our bodies and spirits. At the dinner table, Cantonese and Mandarin were the languages we spoke, keeping us secured to a culture that spanned thousands of miles away. My mother became the bridge that connected the diverse worlds my sister and I shared.

And the holidays—oh, the holidays—were celebrated with pride and were they colorful. They were not just dates on a calendar, but moments imprinted deep into our hearts, filled with rituals and practices that kept our lineage alive. We honored the traditions that shaped us, infusing them with our own love and meaning, making them ours, even in a land that was technically not our own.

In all of this, my mother found her best version of balance. She wasn’t perfect, but she always tried. She showed us how to respect our cultural blueprint while embracing the future. She taught us how to be proud of where we came from, even when we didn’t always fit in, how to celebrate who we are, even when the world around us looked different. And now, as I stand at the edge of my own new journey, I realize how much of her adventurous spirit, her strength, resilience, love and wisdom I carry with me.

Now, as I stand at the precipice of starting my own family in a new country, I realize how much my mother’s journey shaped me. I didn’t understand then. It’s not just about learning a language or adopting a new culture—it’s about holding on to the pieces of yourself that make you feel unapologetically you, even when the external world around you feels like it’s moving too fast, changing too quickly, and vastly different from the way you had known life to be.

It’s a path of discovering a new way to belong, creating a new expression, while staying true to yourself, no matter where life takes you. And now, as I walk this path in Peru, I find myself carrying my mother’s strength with me, understanding, perhaps for the first time, the depths of her courage.

Ancestral healing really does take us full circle, back home to the womb of our mom.

"Don't share your body with just anybody." - my traditional Chinese mother.

If only I had heeded her wise words. But at seventeen, fiery and rebellious, it wasn’t the advice itself that I resisted—it was the scolding, demanding, and judgmental tone she delivered with a punch. Instead of receiving her crone wisdom, I bristled against the way it was dished out without consent, letting my defiance overshadow her well-intentioned attempt to guide.

“Don’t let men take advantage of you by giving your body away so freely!” my traditional Chinese mother exclaimed, her voice laced with urgency and frustration.

“They can’t take advantage of me! I’m the one taking advantage of them! It’s my choice, my empowerment. Stop being so old-fashioned, Mom. Not everyone has to wait for the perfect relationship to have sex.” I snapped back, my words sharp and dismissive. Huffing and puffing, eyes rolled so far back behind my socket it is a wonder they didn’t get stuck there. I slammed the door behind me, leaving her standing there, exasperation etched into her face, while my anger trailed behind me like a threatening storm cloud.

The Journey of Sexual Exploration

I began exploring my sexuality at the age of seventeen. Diving headfirst into uncharted territory with a mix of curiosity, rebellion, and naivety. At the time, I thought I was owning my power, taking life by the balls with a boldness that felt intoxicating and free. But looking back now—older, wiser, and having spent years studying tantra, sexual energy cultivation, and energy medicine—I see how unprepared and impressionable I actually was. I was playing with fire, unaware of the flames I was igniting within myself and the consequences that would come with them.

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Hi! I’m Lily. 6 weeks ago, I packed my whole life, piece by piece, into six suitcases. With my partner and my decennial husky guardian-elderess in tow, we boarded multiple planes and landed in Peru,…

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I’m Lily and the creator of Her Living Library - a deeply raw and personal space I’ve brewed up to share the wisdom, stories, and practices that have changed my life, my client’s lives—and might just resonate with yours too.

I’ve spent years exploring what it means to truly live in alignment with our roots, especially as women navigating a world that often asks us to forget where we come from, and who we are. For me, this journey has been about unlearning the shame I carried around my ancestry, my body, my sexuality, my womb-anhood, relearning ancient feminine practices and rediscovering the immense power and freedom that lies in embracing our full-bodied, wild, messy, untamed, tangly haired, skin kissed by the wind, dark jungly vines of pulsating veins, delicate gaze, emotionally diverse, paws clawing, gentle purring of melodic hymns conducted by the orchestra of her womb - multidimensional selves.

She is all she is and who she is.

Her soul is diverse and vast, a kaleidoscope of contradictions—gentle and fierce, tender and powerful, vulnerable and courageous, soft like dancing moonlight and sharp as thrashing thunder.

And that’s exactly what this space is for - a living library that defies mere logical, rational, right-brained, masculine explanation of what it means to be a woman, an embodied feminine navigating the absurdity of this world we have all signed up for.

What You’ll Find Here:
You’ll find thoughts, reflections, insights, integrations and musings on healing generational trauma and on this note, let us not forget to bring to light the abundance of generational gifts bestowed upon us by our ancestors too, insights into sexuality and sexual energy as our ancient elders understood, and practical ways to live in alignment with your authentic self.

But it’s also real and raw here. Some people call me TMI — too much information. I call it intimacy. We have built enough layers and defences, from human to human, there’s something soothing and curative about letting our truth of the truth be shown.

Because the journey back to truth, which is just another word for your self, the God/Goddess principle within - It’s never pristinely manicured and perfectly imagined. It’s messy, rugged, crazy, beautiful, and deeply human.

Why I Started This Space:
I know what it’s like to feel disconnected—to wonder, doubt, and fear if you belong…anywhere. I know what it’s like to feel like something’s missing - a dismembered limb, an inexplicable emptiness, like there’s a barely audible and perceptible power deep inside you (but you know its there) that’s just waiting to be remembered but right now, right here, right this moment in your current situation, and probably unconscious situationship- you are cervix-deep in contaminated water, drenched in stench from those rusted, moldy, infested alleyways your mother and aunties warned you to stay far, far, far away from.

Founding Her Living Library was my way of affirming, “You’re not alone in this. I’ve been in those dark, wet, gruesome alleyways too. I’m not your enemy in judgment. I’m your sister in lived understanding and compassion.”

This is a space where we honor the stories of the women who came before us and it is also here that we rewrite our own destiny from their limitations.

A Little About Me
I’m a feminine wisdom educator, a healer, a tantric, a storyteller, and a woman who believes deeply in the power of imagination - the mind. My work is kept alive, flamed by the glowing embers of experiential memories of traversing and integrating some of life’s greatest lacerations, familial tragedies, emotional grief, physical dismemberment, and spiritual loss, and learning how to wield my own torch, touch fire to skin, bear down with gritted teeth and a fierce heart to alchemize every increment of darkness into love.

I’ve studied, practiced, stumbled, geared up, got up, died and re-birthed over and over again.

But beyond the titles and accomplishments, I’m just someone who’s passionately devoted to lifting away the veils blurring the vision of the feminine psyche, and inviting women to believe in their intrinsic wholeness.

With love and shimmering gratitude,

Lily ✨

Now - I would love to learn more about you and what synchronistically landed you here. What are your passions? What are your deepest wounds? Share anything you want to share.

Thank you for being here.

Weeks old worn, crumpled clothe…

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