I used to think having high standards meant becoming untouchable. The less people could reach me, the stronger I thought I was.

But the strongest women are not the ones who build the highest walls. They are the ones who know exactly when to open the door… and when to close it.

Nowadays, everywhere on social media people keep saying the same thing.

“Raise your standards.”

“Never settle.”

“Cut people off.”

And honestly?

I agree.

You should know what you deserve. You should never beg someone to love you correctly. You should walk away from people who continuously disrespect you. But somewhere along the way, I think a lot of us started confusing having standards with building walls. At first they almost look the same.

Both women know their worth.

Both women can walk away.

Both women refuse to accept less.

But if you look a little deeper, they are actually completely different.

Having standards is saying:

“I know what I deserve, so I won’t accept less.”

Building walls is saying:

“I know what I deserve, so I won’t let anyone get close enough to disappoint me.”

One comes from self-respect.

The other comes from self-protection.

And I think that’s where many of us get confused. Because after being hurt, disappointed, rejected, or betrayed, building walls feels like healing.

It feels powerful.

It feels safe.

You start telling yourself things like...

“I’m never texting first again.”

“I’m never showing that I care first.”

“I’m never letting someone know how much I like them.”

“I’m never giving anyone another chance.”

At first, those rules make you feel strong. But then I started wondering...

Am I actually protecting my peace?

Or am I just protecting my fear?

Because the truth is, walls don’t only keep the wrong people away. They also keep the right people away. The same wall that protects you from heartbreak can also stop you from experiencing genuine love, friendship, or connection.

And maybe that’s the scary part.

Sometimes we become so focused on never getting hurt again that we accidentally stop allowing ourselves to be loved at all.

I don’t think healing means becoming someone nobody can hurt.

Because honestly... I don’t think that person exists.

No matter how many books you read.

No matter how confident you become.

No matter how high your standards are.

Life will still disappoint you sometimes.

People will still let you down.

Someone will still leave.

Someone will still misunderstand you.

The goal was never to become untouchable.

The goal was to become someone who knows that even if those things happen...

...you won’t abandon yourself.

I also think social media has made this conversation a little confusing. We celebrate women who “don’t need anyone.” Who cut people off after one mistake. Who never show vulnerability. Who act like they don’t care.

And yes, there are situations where walking away is absolutely the right thing to do.

But I also think we’ve started romanticizing being emotionally unavailable. Being guarded is not always the same as being healed.

Sometimes it’s just fear wearing confidence as a disguise.

A woman with standards doesn’t expect perfection.

She simply pays attention.

She observes actions.

She communicates.

She gives people the opportunity to show who they really are.

And if their actions don’t align with her values...

She leaves.

Not because she hates them.

Not because she wants revenge.

But because she respects herself enough to know she deserves better.

A woman with walls is different.

She decides before anyone even has the chance.

She assumes disappointment before connection.

She expects people to leave before they even arrive.

And maybe the saddest part is...

She often calls it self-love.

Nowadays, before I tell myself that I have “high standards,” I ask myself one question.

Am I walking away because this person isn’t right for me?

Or am I walking away because I’m scared they might disappoint me one day?

Because those are two completely different reasons.

One comes from confidence.

The other comes from fear.

I still believe every woman should have standards.

In fact, I think they should be non-negotiable.

Know your worth.

Know your values.

Know what kind of love, friendship, and respect you want in your life.

But don’t let your standards become walls so high that nobody can ever reach your heart.

The strongest woman isn’t the one who never lets anyone in.

She’s the one who knows that even if someone hurts her...

...she trusts herself enough to walk away without losing who she is.

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We always look at other people’s lives and think, “Wow, they are so lucky.” We see people achieving their dreams, getting successful, building businesses, travelling around the world, having the life that we secretly wish we had… and somehow we convince ourselves that they were just born lucky. Like maybe they were chosen by life to succeed, and we were just not that person.

And because of that, sometimes we start accepting the idea that maybe we are just meant to have a normal life.

But honestly?

I don’t think that’s actually the truth.

Recently, I’ve been reading articles, essays, and listening to podcasts from people who are already successful in their own fields. And something interesting that I noticed is that almost all of them have something in common.

They weren’t just “lucky.”

They were intentional.

They knew what they wanted. They took risks. They failed. They learned. They kept going when nobody was watching.

So I wanted to share some things I learned from them.

This might be a longer read, so grab your coffee, get comfortable, and maybe take some notes if you want to.

1. Really know what you want

The first thing I noticed is that successful people usually have a very clear vision of what they want. Because honestly, how can you achieve something if you don’t even know what you’re trying to achieve?

A lot of people say:

“I want to be rich.”

But what does rich actually mean to you? Is it having a million dollars in your bank account? Is it being able to travel whenever you want? Is it having enough money so you don’t have to worry about bills? Or maybe it’s having freedom over your time? You have to be specific.

Because when you know exactly what you want, you start noticing opportunities that can bring you closer to that goal.

It’s like when you decide to buy a specific car. Suddenly you start seeing that car everywhere. Not because it suddenly appeared more often, but because your brain is finally paying attention.

The people we call “lucky” usually aren’t just lucky. They are people who know what they are looking for. And yes, people who are jealous of someone’s success usually only see the result. They see the beautiful house. They see the successful business. They see the achievements.

But they don’t see the years of uncertainty, failures, rejection, and hard work behind it.

2. Understand that you can have anything, but not everything at the same time

I really believe that you can achieve almost anything you want in life.

But the thing is…

You cannot achieve everything at the same exact time.

Sometimes we want everything at once.

We want the dream career.
We want financial freedom.
We want the perfect relationship.
We want to travel.
We want to build a business.
We want to become healthier.

And suddenly we are overwhelmed because we are trying to become ten different versions of ourselves at once.

Life doesn’t work like that.

You have to choose what season of life you are currently in. Maybe right now your focus is building your career. Maybe later your focus will be your relationship. Maybe another season will be about your health.

You are not behind just because you cannot have everything today.

3. Be willing to stair-step into your biggest goal

Life works more like stairs, not an elevator.

We all want to jump directly to the top, but the truth is every step teaches us something that we need for the next level.

For example, I personally dream about having my own fashion business one day.

But realistically?

I know I cannot just wake up tomorrow and suddenly have a huge fashion brand.

I need money.
I need knowledge.
I need experience.
I need connections.

So instead of feeling frustrated that I’m not there yet, I have to ask myself:

“What is the next step that can bring me closer?”

Maybe right now it’s learning.
Maybe it’s saving money.
Maybe it’s building skills.

The small steps are still taking you somewhere.

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4. Don’t let society decide your life

One thing I realized is that if you constantly let society judge your decisions, you will never truly grow.

Because instead of asking:

“Is this what I want?”

You start asking:

“Will people approve of this?”

And those are two completely different questions.

People will always have opinions.

If you succeed, people will talk.

If you fail, people will talk.

So you might as well choose the life that actually belongs to you.

5. Create small milestones

Sometimes we become so obsessed with the final destination that we forget to appreciate the journey.

We think:

“I will finally be proud of myself when I achieve this.”

But what about everything you already achieved?

The first step you took.

The first time you tried.

The first small result.

The first person who believed in you.

Those things matter.

Big achievements are usually just a collection of small wins that happened consistently.

6. Learn how to be happy with less

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t want more.

Wanting more is not a bad thing.

But if you cannot appreciate what you already have, you will always feel empty no matter how much you achieve.

Sometimes happiness is not only in the big moments.

Sometimes it is waking up healthy.

Having someone who loves you.

Having a peaceful morning.

Being able to breathe and experience another day.

If you can appreciate the small things, imagine how grateful you will feel when the big things arrive.

7. Don’t convince yourself that change is scarier than it really is

A lot of times, fear makes things look much bigger than they actually are.

We imagine the worst possible outcome before we even try.

“What if I fail?”

“What if people judge me?”

“What if it doesn’t work?”

But ask yourself:

“What if it actually works?”

Taking risks doesn’t mean being reckless.

It means being brave enough to move toward something you truly want.

8. Create a morning routine

A morning routine is not just about waking up early.

It’s about proving to yourself that you can keep promises you make to yourself.

Before the world starts demanding your attention, take some time for yourself.

Because the goal is not letting the day control you.

The goal is learning how to control your day.

9. Experiment more

The fastest way to discover what works is by trying.

A lot of people spend years thinking about what they want but never actually testing it.

You learn yourself through experiences.

You discover what you like.

You discover what you don’t like.

You discover what you are actually capable of.

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10. Surround yourself with people who inspire you

Look at the people around you.

Are they helping you become the person you want to become?

This doesn’t mean you need to abandon your friends or family.

But it is important to also have people around you who challenge you, inspire you, and remind you what is possible.

Your environment shapes you more than you realize.

11. Live like your future self

Manifestation is beautiful, but manifestation without action is just wishing.

You have to become the person who can hold the life you want.

If your future self is healthy, start taking care of your body now.

If your future self is confident, start keeping promises to yourself now.

If your future self is successful, start building the habits of a successful person now.

Not by pretending you already have everything.

But by becoming someone who deserves it.

12. Ask

I think this is one of the most underrated things in life.

Ask questions.

Ask people you admire how they got there.

Ask them about their failures.

Ask them what they wish they knew earlier.

A lot of people don’t ask because they are afraid of looking stupid.

But asking is free.

And sometimes one conversation can change your whole perspective.

I don’t think I can promise that doing all of these things will magically give you everything you want in life.

Life doesn’t work like that.

There will still be failures.
There will still be unexpected situations.
There will still be moments where you question yourself.

But I do believe that doing these things will make you closer to the life you want.

Because maybe the people we call “lucky” were never lucky after all.

Maybe they were just people who decided to keep showing up for themselves.

And maybe you can become that person too.

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My mom used to tell me, “Stop being on your phone all the time. Go enjoy your life. Go do something instead of staring at your phone 24/7.” But then again, I was born into a generation where our phone is literally everything.Sometimes I even ask myself...

Who are we without our phones?

I still remember how exciting it used to be. When I was in elementary school until high school, I wasn’t allowed to bring my phone to school. Well... I secretly brought it anyway. Not because I was going to use it during class — I barely even touched it —but somehow just knowing it was in my bag made me feel better.

Then after a long day at school, I finally getting home and opening my phone felt like the best part of the day. Texting my friends, checking what everyone was up to, stalking my crush to find out if he was single or not, trying to figure out if he has siblings or not, looking through every single photo he ever posted.

Uff... Those were such fun memories.Back then, my phone felt like a place that connected me with people. Now... I’m an adult. And somehow, somewhere along the way... I think we all became addicted to our phones. Sometimes it feels like I can’t even live without mine.

The funny thing is... The more time I spend on my phone, the less connected I actually feel. My phone used to be full of notifications from my friends. Now the only notification I get is Pinterest telling me that I have good style. Which... I mean... not wrong. Hahah.

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But you get what I mean… The older I get, the quieter my phone becomes. And yet... I still keep picking it up. Not because someone texted me. But because I want to escape. Or maybe because I’m bored. Or maybe because I’ve become so used to reaching for it that I don’t even realize I’m doing it anymore.

The problem is that somewhere along the way, my phone slowly stopped becoming a tool...

...and started becoming a mirror.

Every time I opened Instagram or TikTok, I somehow ended up comparing my life to someone else’s. Suddenly I wasn’t just scrolling anymore. I was wondering...

“Am I pretty enough?”

“Am I successful enough?”

“Am I talented enough?”

“Why does everyone else seem to be doing so much better than me?”

The craziest part?

I never really used social media as an opportunity to grow.

Why? Because I was too shy, too scared to upload, too scared that people would judge me, too scared that someone would make fun of me.

So instead of creating... I consumed. I became obsessed with watching other people build the life that I secretly wanted for myself. And every now and then, I’d catch myself thinking, “That should’ve been me.” And then, when I finally did post something... I wanted everything to look perfect. I carefully chose the prettiest picture. The best angle. The happiest moment. I wanted people to think I had everything figured out.

But then I realized... Isn’t everyone else doing the exact same thing? We’re all posting the highlights. The celebrations. The vacations The aesthetic cafés. The achievements.

But almost nobody posts the moments when they feel lost. Or lonely. Or like they’re questioning everything. So we all end up comparing our real lives to everyone else’s highlight reel.

And somehow... We believe it. Maybe that’s why social media can feel so exhausting nowadays. Not because the phone itself is bad. But because we slowly start measuring our worth through what we see on it.

Sometimes I wonder... How many opportunities have I missed because I spent more time watching other people live than actually living my own life? How many ideas never became reality because I was too busy scrolling? How many memories did I almost miss because I was trying to capture them instead of experiencing them?

And maybe my mom wasn’t really telling me to get off my phone. Maybe she was trying to tell me to get back into my own life.

Because at the end of the day... We are not competing with anyone. Not with the girl who just hit 100k followers. Not with the person who just started a business. Not with the couple who look so in love online.

Everyone is living a completely different life, with different opportunities, different struggles, and different timing.

So maybe the next time we unlock our phone... Before opening Instagram, TikTok, or whatever app steals the most of our time...

We should ask ourselves one simple question:

“Am I opening this because I want to create something... or because I want to escape from something?”

I don’t think our phones are the enemy. And yes, it is really okay too to be a consumer — but you also have to remember to protect your own self & peace. Because social media can also be dangerous sometimes.

Sometimes it’s not the phone that’s keeping us from living. It’s forgetting to put it down.

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Somehow, it’s always either we’re not enough or we’re too much.

It’s always, “I should’ve done better.”
“I should’ve started earlier.”
“I should’ve worked harder.”
“I should’ve chosen a different path.” It’s like no matter what we do, our minds always find another reason why it wasn’t enough.

I remember there was a time when I constantly wanted more from life. Every time I saw someone achieve something, the first thing that came to my mind was, “If they can achieve that... why can’t I?” And honestly, I don’t think having ambition is a bad thing. Ambition is what pushes us to grow.

But I also realized that if you’re not careful, ambition slowly turns into comparison. Instead of feeling inspired by other people’s success, you start feeling jealous of it. You stop seeing their achievements as proof that something is possible, and start seeing them as proof that you’re falling behind.

That was exactly me.

Yesterday I wanted one thing.

Today I wanted something completely different.

And obviously, tomorrow I wanted another challenge.

I kept chasing the next thing before I had even finished the first one. I always felt like I had to keep changing directions because I thought doing more meant becoming more successful. But in reality, I wasn’t giving myself enough time to become really good at one thing. And at the end of the day, constantly chasing everything made me feel like I wasn’t achieving anything at all.

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I think that’s also why it’s so hard to be proud of ourselves. Because the moment we reach one goal, our brain immediately creates another one. It’s like we’re always moving the finish line. For example: when someone starts their first business, instead of celebrating it, they immediately think, “Okay... now I want to build a second one.” It’s never, “Wow... I actually did it.” It’s always, “What’s next?”

I used to be exactly like that. I moved abroad when I was 18 years old. Now I’m almost 21, and sometimes I already catch myself thinking about moving to another country. Not because I truly want to. But because I feel like I need another challenge. Like I constantly have to prove something. And then I stopped and asked myself...

“Why am I always looking for the next mountain to climb when I haven’t even taken full advantage of the one I’m already standing on?”

Sometimes we become so obsessed with what’s next that we completely forget to appreciate what’s now. And maybe that’s why it’s so hard to be proud of ourselves. Because we’re always looking ahead. Never behind.

The funny thing is, I’m always the first person to tell my friends, “You should be proud of yourself. Look how far you’ve come.” But somehow... I never say those words to myself. It’s so much easier to recognize someone else’s progress than our own. Maybe because we only see the highlight of their journey, while we experience every single step of ours.

Every mistake.

Every delay.

Every failure.

Every moment where we thought we weren’t doing enough.

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So when we finally achieve something, it doesn’t even feel special anymore. It just feels... normal. But maybe that’s the problem. Maybe we’ve become so used to surviving our own journey that we forget to stop and admire it.

At the end of the day, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting more.

I still have big dreams.

I still want to build my own business.

I still want to create the life I’ve always imagined.

Wanting more isn’t the problem. The problem is believing that where you are right now is never worth celebrating. So maybe every once in a while, instead of asking yourself, “What’s next?”

Ask yourself, “How far have I already come?”

And before you make your next big decision, maybe ask yourself one more question: “Am I doing this because it’s truly what I want... or because I’m hoping it will finally make me feel enough?”

Because those are two very different reasons.

And I think... that’s something I’m still learning too.

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And because of that, we become so hungry to be seen. We start thinking that in order to be chosen, we have to fit into a version of ourselves that isn’t really us.

I used to be that kind of girl. The kind of girl who always followed what everyone else liked. Or whatever was trending. For example, if every girl’s favorite color was pink, then suddenly pink became my favorite color too. If every cool girl had an iPad and a MacBook, then I also felt like I needed one. Not because I actually needed it — but because I thought maybe people would see me differently if I had it.

Now that I think about it, it’s actually funny how early we learn this.

I still remember when I was in elementary school. Every cool girl had this specific notebook binder, and inside it, they collected this special paper called Harvest. The paper was thick, prettier than regular paper, and there were even limited-edition designs.

Every morning before class started, all the girls would gather around and trade their Harvest papers. If you had a limited-edition one? Oh... you were basically one of the cool girls. And mind you, those papers weren’t cheap — especially for elementary school kids. Of course, it was always our moms who ended up paying for them. I remember having to argue with my mom because she thought buying those papers was such a waste of money.

And honestly... she wasn’t wrong.

Because we didn’t even use the papers. You could write on them, but nobody actually did. According to the cool girls, they were “too exclusive” to be written on. So we just collected them and looked at them.

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Looking back now... it sounds so silly. But at that age, having those papers made me feel like I belonged. Like maybe people would choose me too. And I think that’s the scary part.

Because even as adults, we’re still doing the exact same thing. The Harvest papers just look different now.

Instead of trying to have the coolest binder, now we try to have the perfect Instagram feed.

Instead of wanting the limited-edition paper, now we want the latest phone, the designer bag, the aesthetic apartment, the perfect body, the impressive job title...

Not always because we genuinely want those things.

But because we think having them will finally make us someone worth choosing.

Whether that’s being chosen by friends, by a partner, by a company, or even by society. Most of my life, I spent sooo much energy trying to become someone I thought people would like.

I wanted to be interesting enough.

Pretty enough.

Successful enough.

Funny enough.

Cool enough.

I thought if I could just become the version that everyone wanted, then maybe... they would choose me. Because if I’m being honest, I was terrified of not being chosen.

But you know what I’ve been realizing lately? Being chosen by people doesn’t actually mean you’re living as yourself. Sometimes it just means you’re really good at becoming who everyone else wants you to be.

And I don’t know about you...

But I don’t want to spend my whole life performing just to earn a place in someone’s life. Because if I have to stop being myself just so someone will choose me... Then maybe I was never really chosen in the first place. Maybe they just chose the version of me that I created for them. And I think that’s one of the saddest ways to live.

So yes, I get it.

Sometimes being chosen requires sacrifice.

Relationships require compromise.

Friendships require effort.

Jobs require growth.

But if becoming “worthy” of being chosen means becoming someone you’re not...

Then what’s the point?

I’d rather be rejected for being myself than accepted for pretending to be someone else.

Because one day, the right people won’t choose you because you fit in.

They’ll choose you because you don’t have to pretend.

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I’m not gonna make this reading like those “Something I Wish I’d Known in My 20s” kinds of articles. Okay, I’m literally still 20 and will soon be 21 in 2 months. So here I am, just sharing with you some of my perspectives since I’m still learning in my 20s, and I also have lots of friends who are already in their late twenties or even in their 30s.

Not long ago, I was really, really feeling guilty toward myself just because I haven’t achieved something big yet.

Everyone I know seems to already be at a level in their life where you can call it a stable life, or at least they have achieved something interesting in their life.

But me? I’m not there yet.

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My brother recently shared his achievement in our family WhatsApp group. He shared that he made and designed an app for a running app. And yes, he made it because it was a task from his university.

Me and my brother are both studying abroad, but in different universities. Obviously, he is studying at a public university, which is way greater than mine. Meanwhile, I’m studying at a private university, and sometimes I feel like there is nothing that is really challenging me in my university.

And yes, my brother also joined a community here that I kind of refused to join (because I have my own reasons for that).

Don’t get me wrong, I truly love seeing my brother achieve something, and I genuinely want to see him win in life.

But at that moment, I kind of felt like I was in a competition with him — like who would achieve something better and faster.

And yes, of course, my parents are so proud of my brother’s achievement, and honestly, that was also one of the reasons why I started feeling like I was such a failure.

I kept asking myself, “Why haven’t I achieved anything yet, even though I’ve already tried everything?”

It’s not that I never got any results, you know. It’s just that the results I got always felt like they were never enough to prove that I was actually doing something.

And yes, I do believe that everyone has their own timing. I believe that my own timing will come.

But sometimes, I just wish that my results were enough to prove something.

However, as time moves forward, and after I had many conversations with my friends who are already in their late twenties, they all said the same thing:

“Never ever compare your own timing with someone else’s. Yes, there are some people who can already afford a house when they are still 18, but there are also people who can only afford a house when they turn 32.”

And that’s the point.

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If right now you are in a position where you feel stuck and like nothing is changing, remember that you are not actually stuck.

You are just in a season where your results might still be small. And because the results are small, sometimes you don’t even realize that you are actually achieving something.

Sometimes we only recognize our progress when it becomes something big enough for other people to see.

But the small steps you take every day are still progress.

And when the time is right, it will happen.

(Isaiah 60:22)

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Yet people nowadays are so quick to give up on each other, like it meant nothing.

Every relationship I’ve been in, I’ve never been the one who wants to give up. Not because I’m someone who holds onto things too tightly, but because I know that a simple problem in a relationship doesn’t mean the love is over. It doesn’t have to ruin what you feel for someone.

But unfortunately, I always, alwayssss end up meeting people who, the moment something feels wrong, they choose to leave.

Do people who give up that easily even realize that problems can be solved? That you can actually sit down and have a deep, mature conversation with your partner and figure things out together? Do they know that?

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For me personally, love has never been about meeting someone and then, when something feels off after a while, just deciding to let them go. To me, that doesn’t feel like love.

Love is about choosing to stay no matter what happens - and figuring it out together. Because trust me, there will always be solutions. The real question is: do you want to find them together or not?

Sometimes, as a woman, I used to think that if I treated my boyfriend better than anyone else ever did - like cooking for him, helping clean his apartment, spending time with his family and friends, including him in my schedule, supporting his goals - then he would love me more.

But it turns out, it doesn’t work like that.

My ex once told me he just wanted someone who could help him in life. For example, if I got home earlier, it would be nice if I cooked or cleaned a bit. He also told me that his past relationship didn’t work because his ex didn’t help him much - she didn’t cook or clean for him, even though he was the only one who’s working and paying the rent.

But with me, it was the opposite. I paid the rent, I cooked, I cleaned everything for him.

So guess what?

He stayed in a relationship with someone who didn’t help him at all for two and a half years. But with me… he could only stay for one year and two months.

And the reason he broke up with me was because he said he couldn’t see a future with me, because our lifestyles were too different.

Even though I actually have the same lifestyle as his family - the one he grew up with and is already used to. For example, I like going to nice, slightly expensive restaurants, and yes I also do like to dressed up and so do he and his family.

So honestly, I still don’t really understand it.

But I guess… men will always find a reason to leave, won’t they?

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You don’t know how many times I asked myself, “What did I do wrong?”

Because I truly felt like I treated him so well, but he just couldn’t see it.

But now I realize it wasn’t really about me.

It was about him.

Because when someone isn’t ready, or isn’t yet the version of themselves they want to be, they will often see themselves as not enough. And when someone feels like a failure inside, they struggle to imagine a future - even with someone who loves them.

So as a woman… maybe next time, choose a man who already knows who he is, or is already in the place in life he wants to be. Your role then becomes to support him and grow together, not to fix him.

I hope you will find the love you want - and the love you deserve.

Love you!

-Kay

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I don’t know with this generation anymore. It’s not that people think love isn’t important - it’s that they don’t really understand what love is supposed to mean.

People get into relationships just to have someone. Not because they truly want that person, but because they’re bored, they want company, or they want the feeling of being in a relationship. Love becomes a pastime instead of a commitment. And for some people in our generations, they are just so easy to leave their partner - for example: when something goes wrong in the relationship the first option that they will choose is to end the relationship rather than to fixed it.

And sometimes I do feel like I was born in the wrong generation. Because, to be honest, I’m so hungry for the kind of love that, no matter what happens, we are committed to working together to find a solution. I’m just so tired of always having to get to know some strangers, and from strangers becoming friends, from friends into lovers, and strangers again… like ARGHHH!! CAN’T WE JUST, FOR ONCE, TRY TO FIX THE PROBLEM RATHER THAN JUST END THE RELATIONSHIP??? CAN’T WE JUST, FOR ONCE, STAY NO MATTER HOW HARD THE RELATIONSHIPS ARE???

Yes, I get it there are some certain things that is okay to end the relationships. For example: your partner always saying sorry but never changing their behavior or you just can’t be together anymore because of something is going on and there is no solutions to fix it (but hmm.. actually there will always be solutions).

But what I meant is that romance nowadays is so fcked up because of the internet. And yes, many people directly believe what social media says about love - like, for example: “If they wanted to, they would.” Like, ugh, as a woman, I 100% hate that statement. But don’t get me wrong, I actually used to believe that statement, because at first what I understood about it was that my partner has to always know and give me what I want. But the more I heard that statement again, again, again, and again, the more I realized that it is the wrong statement. Because what do you mean your partner should be able to read your mind without you telling your partner in the first place what exactly you want? Except if you already tell and explain to your partner what you want and they still don’t want to give it to you or something - then yeah… we know for sure that your partner is not the right person for you.

I just wanted the kind of love like in the movies - that the man is really trying soooo hard to get the woman he wants, and he is also already sure in the beginning that he is really in love with her, so that no matter what happens they will figure it out together. The kind of love that wants to see each other win in life by growing together. The kind of love that always gets excited to see each other. The kind of love that is willing to get wet only to dance together in a summer rain. The kind of love that can make each other’s life feel easier, and many, many more.

Maybe I wasn’t born in the wrong generation.
Maybe I’m just meant to love differently.

And even if love doesn’t come easy, even if it breaks me a little along the way, I’d rather be someone who believes in staying, fixing, and growing - than someone who leaves at the first sign of difficulty.

I still believe in that kind of love. And I just hope that one day, it will find me and ofc you too.

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You know, the kind of girl who always seems to get everything she wants in life. Everything looks so easy for her. It feels like everyone loves her.

And yupss… that was me.

I was always copying “That Girl” — the way she dressed, what outfits looked pretty on her, what makeup suited girls with the same skin tone as me, what hobbies she had, what her life looked like, everything.

If you’re reading this and you relate… then we’re the same.

And because of that, I want to help you get out of this situation.

The more I realized it, the more I started asking myself:

Why did I always want to look like other girls, but never me?

The more I copied others, the more I felt like I wasn’t myself at all.

I didn’t even know what my hobbies were. I didn’t know what I liked to do in my free time. I didn’t even know my favorite color. And yeah… that really sucks.

I remember when I was 9 years old and my mom asked me what my favorite color was. I answered pink — not because I actually liked pink, but because there was a girl in my class who was really popular and pretty, and she liked pink, obviously.

And when I was 6 years old, I begged my mom to put me into ballet class. Not because I loved ballet, but because my cousin — who I thought was so talented — did ballet. She also played the piano, and that’s exactly why I begged my mom again when I was 12 to put me into piano lessons.

Guess what?

I only stayed in both ballet and piano for about four months… or even less.

And one more thing — this one is kind of embarrassing but very real.

There was a time when matcha became a huge thing, right? To be honest, I had never tried matcha until I was 18 years old. But suddenly, every girl wanted to be that girl—holding an iced matcha before Pilates or on the way to class.

And yes… after drinking matcha for the very first time, I started telling everyone that I couldn’t live without matcha.

Don’t get me wrong — I do love matcha.

But what I’m trying to say is, that’s how hard I was trying to be seen as “That Girl.”

So if you’re also like me…

Please, I’m begging you — stop doing this to yourself.

Yes, it’s okay to take inspiration from other people. That’s normal.

But remember this: you are the author, the director, and the producer of your own life.

Do what you like — and really mean it.

Wear what you want to wear, based on what you love.

And if you still want to copy “That Girl”, that’s okay too. But please don’t copy her 100%. You can wear a similar outfit, sure — but add your own touch. Your own taste. Your own style.

Because the more you do things that you genuinely like, the more you’ll become yourself.

And that’s when your light will really shine.

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I’ve been thinking about this rule a lot lately.

Say it.

Or let it go.

I think we’re all pretending shyness is cute, when it’s actually ruining our lives.

Two days ago, I watched my best friend suffer in silence. Nothing dramatic. No cheating. No chaos. He’s just… in her circle. Same uni. Same friends. Same space.

And because of that, she says nothing.

She has reasons. Obviously.

What if it’s awkward?

What if it ruins the friendship?

What if everyone finds out?

And at first, I was on her side.

I was like, “yeah honestly… I wouldn’t say anything either”. But then i kept thinking about it.

Not saying it was already hurting her.

picture from : https://pin.it/744v6dEYk

The thing is, feelings don’t follow rules. They don’t care about timing or circles or history.

We’re SOOO afraid of ruining friendships that we end up ruining ourselves instead. And somehow, we call that “being mature.”

But let’s be real for a second.

What’s the point of having feelings

if we’re too scared to admit they exist?

Saying how you feel doesn’t change who you are.

It just stops you from carrying it alone.

And honestly, there’s more peace in being honest

than in holding everything inside your chest.

picture from : https://pin.it/7X05xAhRV

The funny thing is.. she’s known him for years.

They studied together. Graduated.

And only after all that, her heart randomly decided,

yeah, that one.

Because that’s how hearts work.

They’re messy.

Inconvenient.

Bad at timing.

And I keep coming back to this rule:

Say it.

Or let it go.

Because staying in the middle.. liking someone quietly, overthinking every interaction, replaying imaginary conversations at night → is not protecting anyone.

It’s just exhausting.

If someone is a decent human,

they won’t make it weird.

And if they do?

At least you’ll know.

But sitting there, saying nothing,

hoping the feeling disappears on its own?

That’s not peace.

That’s self-betrayal.