When I used to hear people talk about healing yourself it was a little confusing to know what that kind of self love looked like. I thought I was taking care of myself, mostly. I would get my nails done or a have massage once in awhile but that wasn’t the kind of healing I was looking for.

In a world that sees success as a physical act, a service, or a monetary contribution I probably wasn’t all that successful - in that regard.

I was deliberately making a sacrifice of a career to be available for my family. I will never regret that choice.

However, when I would see people on line or in my neighborhood that were able to be home with their family plus earn a good income, I would get really jealous and wonder why I didn’t or couldn’t pull that together too?

The comparison thing. You know the feeling.

I started listening to a podcast called Expanded by Lacy Phillips. Her work is to help you to create your dream life from an authentic place. I used her teachings as my guide to healing.

One, among many, valuable take aways from her was that when we have a reaction or feeling toward something - good or bad - it’s our body signaling to us to look a little closer at this thing.

For instance, if seeing a certain influencer on social media triggers a jealous feeling, that is my body telling me that I want something this person has. Look into it and see what that is. By pinpointing the thing I can then turn that into a “seeing is believing” to expand my belief system that this thing can be achieved and is possible.

Now that I can read into my triggers more they started to have a different affect on me. I think an integration starts to happen where your focus becomes more about yourself and how things are affecting you instead of look what that person has and what I am lacking.

It’s in your mind.

That is where healing begins. Your mind.

One example of this is that I have this friend in my life that I truly admire. She’s successful in her career, she supports her family financially, she’s always kind & well respected. Things just seem to go right for her all the time.

At times, I found myself not wanting to hang out with her much because I had a jealous or inferior feeling around her. Once I looked closer into it - what was it that I wanted that she had. Funny thing is that I realized … I was actually jealous that her husband spends so much time with her!

Not having a job of his own, he supports her in her work while she earns the money for the family. It seems like she has this walking support system so she can make a great career. He cleans her car, does the grocery shopping, cleaning etc..

Realizing my situation is different and that I actually have the supporting role in my family, not the bread winner was my first take away. Hello!

Pinpointing the thing simplified how I felt around her. I could let the jealousy fizzle and actually have fun with her again.

In a way it feels like a little game to play with yourself. After several years of teaching myself to analyze my feelings, I’ve become more comfortable with myself and actually know what it is I want. I recognize that I certainly have flaws but I have gifts too.

Using a journal to sort out my thoughts was so helpful because I couldn’t just come up with the answers through thought alone.

I hope this helps you view your own triggers in a different way to make better sense of them. It’s truly liberating to figure yourself out.

Until next time!

My name is Holly. I’ve shared my life on line since 2011 in some way. Mostly through a DIY blog and through social media. My content has revolved around home making and design with a family story here and there.

I’ve known for many years that I am called to share my healing journey so I created Holly Birthday.

I was so excited to come across Substack because when I started my first blog it was on Blogger. The platform was so easy to navigate and create with, this one is so similar.

I had migrated my blogger blog to a Wordpress platform in 2019. It was a huge mistake. Bigger blogs were doing it and I felt like I needed to as well. It was confusing and I didn’t enjoy logging in and working there.

My passion for writing completely died. I eventually tried to have a professional brand made to help jump start my sharing again but the inspiration never came.

Turns out, though my branding and showing up in diy & interior design communities on line is great, it’s not driving my passion at this point in my life. While creativity is so important I was boxing myself in to creating & sharing about interior design and home, as I had done for years.

But now, I am different. I have more to talk about.

Read more

My life blueprint!

What?

In my spiritual studies journey for the last 8+ years - reading books, listening to podcasts and joining spiritual communities - I have come across so many helpful ways of finding my life purpose and learning to heal my inner child. Learning a whole new language around spirituality.

During my search I was drawn to an app called Align by Jenna Zoe

It’s one version of Human Design that I really like. There are others but I am no expert and truly it was just one step for that time. I reflect on it once in a while now but it was just what I needed to hear at that moment.

if you are more curious of this you can visit this link to where I started. Definitely do your own research. (I actually hate when people say that - eye roll)

Here is a confusing example of what a chart looks like.

Not promoting anything at this point - just sharing exactly what I used and what inspired the name of this journal.

Amazingly, in the app you simply provide your name, birth date, time and place you were born. Based on planetary alignments at that moment your blueprint says so much about who you came to earth to be. Your strengths, personality traits & the gifts you bring to share with the world. I like how Jenna reads and it was easy enough to understand. Most of all, it resonated with me.

This was a profound discovery for me as I am in a phase in life of allowing new beliefs to exist in my reality. I’m not closing my mind to things that my body and heart say yes to anymore.

My hope in sharing the tools I used might give you a guide too. However, looking back, not every tool I used then would I use now.

In a nutshell, that is the background story for the “birthday” part … besides the fact that I don’t want to use my real last name, nor my maiden because - well, Holly Birthday sounds more fun than “brown, like the color, i n g”. That is how I keep people from spelling my name like Brownie.

“Holly”, well, that is my actual name.

I had an experience recently.

In the last year and a half I made some major life changes, one being that I let my hair go gray. One morning I was in Sally Beauty Supply asking for a toner to get the blue tone out of my newly grown out gray hair. My conversation was pleasant, just short and sweet with the sales girl.

At the end the she told me that I “seem so happy”.

I wasn’t expecting that.

I sat in my car so surprised that she read that in my energy because I had just had some stress at home and felt very far from happy.

I guess I was so thankful that she felt that but it made me look a little deeper - happiness - something I would say I’ve struggled with my entire life.

The goal!

I even hung the word above my door in 2010.

(an old blog photo)

Another time, many years ago, I went to a Chinese festival in Wilmington, Delaware. I had a Chinese man draw my name in Chinese characters on an 8x10 sheet of cardstock to take home and frame as art.

This isn’t the exact, of coarse, but something like this.

(my design ideas back then must have been influenced by scrapbooking in the 90’s - wink)

Later, when our Chinese friends came I would ask them if this reads as my name. The reply was always - Oh, that says Happy! Some said it was because the artist thought I was a happy person because there is not a direct translation.

... Oh!

What did that guy see that day? I took it as a huge compliment but never actually put that art on my wall (wink).

I have learned to not question things that come so simply. Especially for a name of a journal that is meant to be a collection of my stories.

I have complicated decision making my entire life and I am now done with that. So one night while getting ready to go to Portugal I had an idea-light-bulb saying to me to create a share page called Holly Birthday.

(Portugal was magical. Highly recommend.)

Here we are, nearly a year later.

My intention for this journal is to connect with those looking for comfort through shared ideas and experiences. I’m specifically needing a place to let my stories land. I pray that the friends that find me will benefit from my version of experiences, lessons and insights. My goal is to spread healing energy with love in all I do.

My Introduction will be coming up next week.

Questions are welcome, always.

with LOVE.

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