There’s actually a lot of science behind red and near-infrared light therapy—and right now is a very good time to get one because… hello, SALE

🚨 THE OMNILUX SALE IS ON NOW - THROUGH SEPTEMBER 13TH

Are you are ready to move that red light mask from your mental cart to the checkout cart?

Full-size LED devices:

Mini LED devices + Skincare:

SHOP THE OMNILUX SALE → CODE: HTBLO10

Bundles and gift cards are excluded from the sale.

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Okay, But Does Red Light Actually Do Anything?

Yes — and this is where things get nerdy.

The Omnilux Contour Face uses two specific wavelengths of light:

633nm red light
Think of this as the wavelength working more superficially to support cellular repair and renewal.

830nm near-infrared light
This penetrates deeper and targets fibroblast cells, which are involved in producing collagen and elastin — aka some of the things we become increasingly interested in as we become increasingly interested in our faces.

Together, these wavelengths are designed to work at a cellular level to help reduce the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles and improve skin tone and firmness. The Contour Face delivers approximately 30mW/cm² and contains 132 medical-grade LEDs.

And unlike some of the wellness gadgets out there, Omnilux’s technology has been backed by more than 40 peer-reviewed clinical papers.

Omnilux recommends using the Contour 3–5 times a week for 4–6 weeks, followed by weekly maintenance treatments.

You can put it on while answering emails, watching TV, reading this substack, scrolling TikTok—or doing literally nothing.

Our favorite? Pop it on before you even get out of bed. 10 minutes into your morning, you’re still horizontal but you’re on your way to gorgeous skin ✅

Which One Should You Get?

This is the order of our top 4 favorites —

✨ Contour Face
If your main concern is your face — fine lines, wrinkles, tone, firmness — this is the one we’d start with. It’s the Omnilux we use and love - and it’s $50 off right now.

✨ Contour Neck & Décolleté
Because your skincare should not stop abruptly at your jawline — and it’s $50 off right now.

✨ Contour Glove
For hands, because those puppies can tell an unforgiving tale if left to their own device - and it’s $50 off right now.

✨ Eye Brightener
A targeted mini LED treatment for the under-eye area — and it’s 15% off right now.

Our take:

If you’ve been “thinking about getting an LED mask” this is the time to do it!

And yes, we earn a commission if you shop through our link. We only recommend things we actually use/love 💛

Since we still have 20 astronomical days of summer left, I wanted to drop some K-Beauty vs. U.S. sunscreen knowledge on you, plus offer up a few recs! And then, because we contain multitudes, I need to dive into last week’s landmark federal lawsuit, where Meta (aka Instagram and Facebook) just got slapped upside the head with an $18 billion lawsuit. Yes, billion with a “B,” baby.

But first: Calling all Gen X!

I was scrolling Instagram, came across this post and immediately knew where this photo was taken, before even reading the caption. Can you do the same?

Answer at the bottom of this post!

Okay so let’s talk about the huge win for parents and hopefully teens🤞🏻

Meta has agreed to pay up to $18 billion to settle a landmark lawsuit brought by nearly every U.S. state over allegations that Facebook and Instagram were deliberately designed to keep kids hooked, even though Meta knew about the potential mental-health risks. Meta denies any wrongdoing but the settlement includes some pretty significant changes for users under 18:

• Two-hour daily time limits

• Nighttime restrictions so the apps aren’t pinging kids at 2 a.m.

• More aggressive age verification

• More parental controls

• Restrictions on certain beauty and cosmetic filters

• The ability to opt for a non-algorithmic feed (love this one)

• More protections around messaging and potentially harmful content

The money is obviously significant, but more importantly, a new precedent has been set. For years, Big Tech has been peddling the idea that it’s just innocently giving people “what they want”. This case takes a very different position: these platforms weren’t just giving us what we wanted. They were specifically designed to be addictive.

And then, just a few days ago Meta dropped an open letter on Instagram asking YouTube and TikTok to join them in this fight.

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Meta and 52 state attorneys general agree on a new path forward to empower parents and support teens. But to be truly effective, we need TikTok and YouTube to join us.

Interestingly, Meta’s $18B deal gives TikTok and YouTube a pretty compelling reason to get on board. About $5.3 billion of Meta’s settlement is contingent on both companies adopting similar teen protections and making matching payments of their own.

But why would they want to voluntarily write a huge check?

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For all the feels, please enjoy Phoebe Bridger’s cover of Nirvana’s Lithium as we dive in:

What’s Happening In Backpacks + Accessories

Gone are the days of a simple utility backpack to lug books to and fro. We scoured the internet and found the top backpacks — and the accessories that zhuzh them up.

Backpacks Loved By Gen Alpha

The fjallraven comes in many colors and sizes. It’s simple, durable and Swedish! The JansSport Superbreak is a classic that is easy to add your own pizzazz to. State backpacks are very durable and will last several years.

State Kane

Fjallraven kanken

Jansport superbreak

Backpacks Loved By Gen Z

Gen Z is loving the Lululemon New Crew backpack because it’s sporty and polished. You can take it to class, then straight to that “third space,” the gym, without missing a beat. The Herschel is a well-established brand with a more grown-up energy, while Eastpak brings a retro, utilitarian vibe.

Lululemon New Crew Backpack 22L

Herschel Heritage Backpack

Eastpak Day Pak'r

Charms That Move The Needle: Jellycat, Sanrio, Pokémon + Labubu

If your backpack isn’t jingling and jangling as you walk through the halls, you ain’t backpacking right.

We know from Labubu but these little Jellycat charms are just moving into focus. They run around $30 give or take and they’re really adorable. A croissant bag charm with a smiley face will brighten your day. That’s just science.

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A little Jellycat intel: we just learned that a pal of ours owns a sweet little gift shop and she has the coveted Jellycat license. That means they are an official retailer who works directly with the brand and, apparently, there are RULES. Specific rules about branding, merchandising, marketing and how those adorable little creatures are presented to the public. (⁠Jellycat)

This is not a game, people.

Also back-to-school GRWM videos are the main event right now!

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They also investigate how the Tabi, aka the horse-hoof shoe, came to be and whether it might secretly be the most comfortable shoe on the market.

These three shoe styles really burn their buns: Sneex, Sneakerina and Tabi

Plus, they dive deeper into generational trends and confirm they are card-carrying members of Gen X, even if one is planted firmly in the middle while the other is hanging on by the final birth year.

And! Emily is braving her first music festival with her daughter Este! The festival is called Daisy Chain Fields and it’s being presented by Olivia Rodrigo. A new girl-powered festival, is the Gen Z answer to Lilith Fair, and the lineup is pure lady power.

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Here are a few things I discovered this week. Alix Earle has a reality show coming out in less than 2 weeks. I wont lie, this trailer has me (gulp) intrigued. Are we having an Earle Meets World watch party? Let me know in the comments.

And speaking of influencers — As we continue to keep tabs on all things Salish Matter, we have a new marketing strategy from our pals at Chipotle who have created a Salish collab. You can now head to Chipotle for the Salish order, which is a kids cheese quesadilla, chips and a chocolate milk.

tbh, feels a little polyester to me. Sound the alarms, it’s a new term alert. More on that below.

Back in July I took my daughter to the mall in hopes of assuaging my mom guilt with an overpriced gesture of love and I bemoaned the fact that she is a bit between two worlds when it comes to fashion. At 9 she’s already too old for the kid stuff, but wayy too young for the Holisters and Edikted of this world.

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Well, I am not alone in this feeling. Kids retailer Maisonette has launched a tween platform called Neon Rebel that is attempting to bridge this gap. The new e-commerce platform is for 7- to 14-year-olds, and brings together more than 100 brands and aims to bridge the gap between what Gen Alpha wants and what parents will buy. AJ Nichols, president of Maisonette told Fashionista:

“Most retailers often force families to choose between products that feel either too young or too grown up, which naturally causes friction between parents and kids… [Tweens] are digitally native, form distinct visual tastes earlier, and know exactly what they want,” she says. “However, because they aren’t fully shopping on their own yet, there’s a real need for alignment between kids and parents, which is where Neon Rebels comes in.”

Now, just like Maisonette, the price point skews high, but I appreciate the attempt to serve up some sophisticated girly vibes without being overly mini hoochie mama.

Before we get to the insults, we must - and I mean must - do a quick dusting on the ugliest shoes ever. When we wrote about the sneakerina, someone said to me, “You’ve seen those shoes that have a space for the big toe, right?” and I didn’t know what they were talking about until Deanna text me this:

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We’re all on the planet today, but the decade you were born into can make your current reality look wildly different from the generation before or after you.

So I thought it would be fun to break it all down by generation and see what the heck we’re all up to.

We’re looking at social platforms, housing, wellness & fitness, milestones, fashion, spending, and drinking habits. Obviously, there are plenty of outliers, but the bigger picture is pretty interesting! And for me, seeing it all laid out this way offered a little more insight, and maybe even a little more empathy, into where each generation is in life right now. We’re all just working with the hand our particular decade dealt us. Some of us are buying houses, some are booking fabulous trips, some are playing Fortnight and some are wondering why the hell a cocktail costs $19.

Below I’m popping out some take-away per category that felt new or surprising!

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SOCIAL PLATFORMS

Gen Alpha is engaged with the Roblox platform. We’ve discussed before but quick refresher: Roblox is a big online playground where you can play tons of different games. You can also make your own and connect with friends

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There was a meteor shower this week, Europe experienced a beautiful eclipse and the top trending viral recipe was “viral yellow cake mix recipe” which increased +550% over the past week. We’ve got the recipe below.

Ready to feel a wee bit old? Kaia Gerber (Mom Cindy Crawford’s clone) and Homer Gere (Richard’s son) have graced the cover of Vogue this month.

The two star in FX’s new Ryan Murphy show “The Shards” based on the Bret Easton Ellis novel, about 80s serial killers.

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Emily here: I caught the first couple episode of The Shards, and it’s worth a watch, especially for Kaia and Homer. But, as long we’re shouting them out, let’s please not forget this gem from 1992:

Everything old is new again. Now let’s get into some pressing news.

Pour One Out For The Grapes

So the youths are turning their back on alcohol and unlike their lush-elders (hey, girl hey 👋🏻) they have found some pretty good reasons for taking a pass:

Wellness: hangovers are out, feeling good the next day is in.

Inflation: a cocktail in a coastal city can run $16 - $22. And in the Midwest and smaller metros, you are looking at around $10 a pop.

Health Concerns: Warnings about alcohol and its connection to cancer are becoming harder to ignore.

Alcohol Alts: Non-alcoholic beverages and cannabis have officially entered the chat.

Sales have also suffered as many younger drinkers have found traditional wines stodgy and difficult to understand, and preferred canned cocktails, seltzers and nonalcoholic beers and spirits. - NYT

Between the hangovers, the expense and the desire to wake up and feel good (novel), the youths are not reaching for the drink menu.

Honestly, makes perfect sense. It also helps explain why the California wine industry is taking a major hit. So what’s happening to the vineyards?

They’re rotting, burning and they’re being fallowed!

Due to lack of sales some growers are leaving grapes to rot on the vine. Actually harvesting and processing them would cost more than the grapes are worth. Others are ripping out entire vineyards. California has lost around 7% of their vineyard acreage in a year, with 40,000 acres being removed.

And “fallowed”? That’s agriculture talk for — letting land just sit. Opting to let it be rather than plant and produce.

So wait, are vineyards really being burnt down like the headlines indicate? Not exactly. In one highly publicized case, Sarmento Vineyard pulled out its vines and then burned the piles of discarded vines.

Someone call Paul Giamatti, we need Sideways 2 stat!

But to be fair, as much as we hate to see an industry in trouble, a decrease in alcohol consumption does seem like a great development. Unfortunately not all non-alc drinks are thriving. Alex Cooper please come to the front of the class.

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In today’s episode we discuss Emily’s mental state before and after cashing in a Groupon for Morpheus. And Deanna shares a couple Groupon tragedies including a couples massage gone wrong.

We wanna know, the Sneakerina: Is she here to stay? Hear what our youth correspondent has to say about the shoe that cosmo recently deemed a ‘closet staple.’

We also get into SABsing, which stands for ‘See and Be Seen,’ and it’s happening on campus. You linger in a public spot hoping to run into someone, or to meet someone new. This move is all about stepping away from the dating apps, because you’d rather meet someone in the wild with the hopes for a rom-com-style organic love story.

This back to school season we are hoping for meet-cutes all over campus: the library, the dining hall, the student health center. Get out there and see and be seen!

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Plus, want to communicate that you are laughing really hard over text? Welp, the laugh-cry emoji is out. The dolphin is in. The youths are sending multiple dolphins in a row — you have to imagine the dolphin squeak sound as a giggle. Don’t be fooled, it’s not a desperate cry to head to the aquarium.

Plus, we chat about Sydney Sweeney’s Erewhon smoothie called BLUEBERRY SYRN BY SYDNEY SWEENEY. Don’t get us started with that name. It’s a PR nightmare. Here’s a description:

Inspired by Sydney’s favorite Erewhon breakfast, this blend is topped with Blueberry Muffin Crumbles and Vegan Coconut “Bacon.” A sweet taste of the morning, Sydney’s way. This Smoothie proudly supports Pink Ribbon Good, a charity that serves individuals and families affected by breast and gynecological cancer by providing free healthy meals, transportation to treatment, household essentials, and community support. $22 base. If you want to add collagen or colostrum you’ll add another 3-4 bucks.

AND finally, we get into Town & Country’s third annual “What’s Cool on College Campuses” survey. Find out what has replacing the Adidas Sambas and Crocs. And the hottest bag for your books.

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Yes, I bought a Groupon for a high radio-frequency laser treatment for my face and neck.

I know. If you told literally any friend you were considering this, you’d probably hear some version of:

• “Babe...it’s your face.” — the friend who watched every episode of Botched

• “Maybe you should go to a dermatologist?” — the friend with significantly more disposable income

• “A Groupon? Absolutely not.” — the realist

• “Have you considered therapy instead?” — the friend who has never once sugarcoated anything

• “But your skin looks great! You don’t need that!” — the supportive liar

I know you have questions swirling already, and this probably isn’t the first one:

Yes. Groupon still exists.

Remember when it launched and it was thrilling? There were suddenly new deals to be had all over town. Then that excitement slowly got buried under an avalanche of Gilt, RueLaLa and Zulily emails before eventually being replaced by Rakuten cash-back extensions and every company on earth emailing us 14 times a day.

But back to your next obvious question—which, surprisingly, still isn’t about my sanity.

Now back to your next obvious question, which is still not about my sanity:

What Is Morpheus8?

It’s a non-surgical cosmetic treatment that combines microneedling with radio-frequency energy. It penetrates deep into the skin to remodel collagen and fat tissue, helping to tighten sagging skin, smooth wrinkles, and improve overall skin texture and acne scars on both the face and body.

Sounds lovely.

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Now…onto my sanity.

I've wanted to do more for my skin lately. I've always looked younger than my age, but over the last couple of years my face finally caught up—and then sprinted past me with the gleeful, endorphin-fueled confidence of Flo-Jo.

I love my NIRA Pro and my collection of at-home gadgets, and I genuinely think they help. But when scientists said we age in an accelerated burst in our mid-40s...I should've listened. My face certainly did.

I've tried expensive serums. Cheap serums. Dermatology consultations. Microneedling. I've maintained a delightfully breezy Botox schedule.

And don't get me wrong—I feel good. My skin looks good. I'm not mad at my face. She's lovely.

This is just what normal, everyday aging does to a rational woman. One day you’re fine, and the next you’re making your way over to a dusty old corner of the internet looking for deals on painful laser treatments.

No bigs.

I actually went to a Morpheus consultation once, and one thing they said lodged itself in my brain:

“Some people don’t really see much improvement.”

Welp. That’s unsettling.

If I’m spending a small fortune on something painful enough that laughing gas is an optional add-on, I’d like just the tiniest bit of confidence that it’s going to do something. So I passed.

Until...

Flash forward to last week. Groupon purchased.

WTH.

And yes, if a friend told me she was doing exactly what I did, I'd also say, "Babe, no." BUT — and this is real important — I was influenced!

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Kicking things off with a little HTBLO community check-in on the current state of customer service practices. Was there a new rollout? Did I miss a memo?

But first! It’s been brought to my attention that a new way to “laugh" in texts and comments has emerged. Young radio host diana.ayoub is claiming that 😂😂😂 is officially out and 🐬🐬🐬is in!

Diana reports, that the crying emoji is — Unc.

The dolphin emoji, however, has joined the party. And honestly? Those high-pitched, squeaky dolphin whistles do sound a like a fit of giggles.

Please know that if you march forward with this update most of your pals will be confused and think you’re losing it. That said, you will start noticing this change in the wild.

Okay, back to hospitality —

This past weekend, my husband and I tried to see The Invite, directed by Olivia Wilde. It was very last-minute and to my surprise the movie was basically sold out. A non-Marvel movie, directed by a lady, three weeks after opening and the only seats left were in the neck pain section? — You just love to see it.

Since The Invite was a bust, we pivoted to getting a bite at Finney's Crafthouse, a very low-key, regular-schmegular spot. Exactly what we were in the mood for.

The vibes were up and our waiter could not have been nicer. We ordered the avocado rolls to start. For mains, I got the southwest chicken protein bowl and Wing went all in on a cheesesteak sandwich.

Our waiter warned us that, as fans of the Cheesecake Factory avocado rolls (guilty) we might be disappointed by the Finney’s version. Guess what? Not the case, they held their own against the Factory quite beautifully🫡.

Everything was unfolding nicely until around bite three of my bowl, when I discovered a hair was woven into it.

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A found hair will grind any meal to a screeching halt.

Wing immediately flagged down our waiter, who looked mortified. He cautiously asked if I’d like them to remake the dish. Honestly, before the follicle’s appearance I was very much enjoying the bowl. Plus, I was starved.

“Yeah,” I said “Let’s give it another go.”

Second bowl was hair-free (gag) and yummy. The waiter checked back and asked if the manager had stopped by. She hadn’t. He assured us that she’d be over shortly.

We were back to enjoying our evening and I’d almost forgotten about the incident, when the manager sidled up to our table.

“How is everything for you tonight?”

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We hope you’re staring down a weekend filled with joy and SABSing (term alert).

Hot off the press, the ‘Clueless’ sequel series is now in the works with Alicia Silverstone returning as (gasp) Cher. Who is Cher Horowitz all grown up? We don’t know, but we’re excited to see!

Today we are reprimanding a sneaker hybrid, identifying a new term and tipping our hat to a rebrand done right. But first…

The Gen Alpha Anthem

Wow, someone did this mashup of songs that comprise the same 4 notes, calling it the Gen Alpha Melody. Once you hear it — it becomes unmissable. It’s the same song with different lyrics. Over and over. How did we all miss this?

No Influencers Allowed

The owner of this Nantucket antique shop has been making headlines after putting up a no influencer sign in the window because they are sick of feeling like a background character in someone else’s movie. The sign was sort of meant to be a joke, but it’s certainly struck a chord! Truly, it does take a certain amount of chutzpah to stroll into someone’s place of business and start recording yourself. No permission, no permit, no signed releases - just live-streaming your way through other people’s lives.

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The Sneakerina Is Not Going Away

Emily here: The ballet slipper / sneaker mashup has never really sat right with me. But much to my dismay, she seems to be sticking around. Cosmo has just named it a ‘wardrobe staple.’ Shivers. And yes, every major designer from Prada to Chloe has one.

Are these running rampant through your streets? Please let me know.

Are you ready to jump onboard this trend? If you’re out there trying to arabesque your way into a fashionable shoe, here’s a wee roundup.

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This week, the ladies share a few recent developments. Emily recaps how her annual family camp was derailed by Michigan’s explosive 💩outbreak and wildfire smoke that turned the air quality apocalyptic. Deanna bashfully reveals a Glow-Up Chart development, complete with 🔥 emojis and a weekly tally.

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Also on deck: the intricacies of “catching print” including a celebrity print sighting, and an earnest attempt to unpack the phrase “quiet on the creek.” (Spoiler: there may be some meat left on that bone.) Also, here is the Saucy Santana jam.

Plus, Emily cracks the code on why Gen Z has suddenly traded crew socks for ankle socks, sending the ladies down a memory lane as they reminisce about the iconic JCPenney catalog and her wildly sophisticated older cousin, the Spiegel catalog.

If you love the pod, please rate and review!

xoxo

Emily + Deanna

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THE MONTAGE QUEEN CODE: HTBLO for 5% off all packages. Perfect for a birthday, anniversary, memorial or B’nai Mitzvah. All TMQ videos come with a 100% snooze-free guarantee!

OMNILUX USE CODE: HTBLO10 for all Omnilux red light therapy products. Boost your collagen and your glow🌟( Devotees — Deanna, Emily and Kim Kardashian approve this message)

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• Earthbound Farm: Organic salad and produce brand fully owned and operated under the Taylor umbrella.

• Marketside: Walmart’s in-store produce label.

• 365 by Whole Foods Market: Whole Foods’ private-label organic and fresh selections.

• Simple Truth: Kroger’s natural and organic brand.

• Target and Amazon Fresh: Private-label bagged salads and fresh-cut veggies.

Well isn’t that a dang pickle. Since we recently talked about making smart investments in the stock market, I’m putting my money on the makers of Pepto for winning this quarter.

Now before we get any further, here is a song to enjoy while you read the rest of this post. The Atlantic darlingly said: “Gen Zs Jolene is Here”

Now on with it! While I was in Michigan not eating produce, I took my wee gal to the mall. I counted 7 girls wearing PARKE sweatshirts in the 90º heat. And, I’m guessing only 1-2 of them made the Target drop. The rest were paying full dang $130 + taxes dollar price, which kind of explains sweating it out in the dead of summer in your pricey sweatshirt. But only kinda.

In unfortunate news, if you were hoping to get the PARKE that’s a collab with Dunkin, you’re out of luck. She’s sold out.

What did we purchase at the mall? I’m so glad you asked! First, I will admit, I was feeling some major mom guilt. I was supposed to take time off work during our trip, but it just didn’t shake out that way. I was ready to do some retail therapy for my little lady.

She’s 9 (and small) so she’s in a weird in-between. Style / age-wise she’s not Janie & Jack, nor is she Hollister. She’s not The Children’s Place, nor is she Edikted. I was striking out left and right. At Abercrombie Kids I found this incredible shirt, but she didn’t want it, so I ended up buying it for my nephew:

*Fun fact: My dad had a career in advertising and he was creative genius that launched the “what you crave” campaign for White Castle, so this shirt holds more than kitsch.

*They also had a Taco Bell one but it felt too soon. No one needs to Live Mas rn.

Next, we sauntered over to Aerie and I was able to get her a Touchland hand sanitizer in mango scent. It’s the equivalent of buying a dang pair of socks. It’s a nothing-burger in terms of assuaging my guilt. (Speaking of socks, I have a shocking update below. I wish I could hold your hand when I break you this news.)

Hours in the mall and that was it. A single solitary hand sanitizer. I was feeling depleted and defeated until…(angelic singing)

She got to make her own bracelet by picking out two gems and I officially bought my way back into the best mom ever running. Please hold your applause. I’m blushing!

Okay, I heard the term catching print recently. And like any good reporter, I got out my notes app to jot it down to reference later, but I accidentally wrote down: check my print. So when I put “check my print” into the old Google, here’s what I got:

Rest assured, that has nothing to do with catching print. (P.S. Crave Man Melvin, do not continue reading.)

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Gosh, we are just moving right along this summer aren’t we. I attempted to make greek yogurt in the InstaPot yesterday, and along the way, something went awry. After 10 hours of prep and pot, I opened the lid to find — milk.

No matter, today is a new day and I'm thrilled to bring you a new phrase and a nostalgic walk down memory lane.

New Phrase Alert: Quiet On The Creek

I saw a gentlemen on TikTok proudly showing off his gorgeous skin. He walked towards a blast of sun to properly reveal its perfection and blurted it was: “quiet on the creek.”

The phrase hit my ear in a pleasant way. Not sure what it meant but I assumed that he looked so good he silenced everything in his path, including the creek.

The second time I saw “quiet on the creek” was in the comments of another post and I knew we had a new phrase on our hands.

After some taxing research, I discovered that the phrase originated from - get this - a livestream! Saucy Santana was reminiscing about fishing as a little girl and very off-the-cuff remarked, “You gotta be real quiet on the creek.”

Well, darn it if the internet didn’t pick up on that little phrase and run with it. And like any good creator, Saucy ran to the studio and laid down a track called — wait for it — “Quiet on The Creek”

Which is a good reminder that a hit song is just one livestream away.

But what does “quiet on the creek” actually mean? Seems HTBLO isn’t the only one trying to drill down on the meaning. In response to the confusion, there has been a slew of Toks where people act like they are going to explain the meaning but then don’t….

@xiandivyneExplaining Quiet on the Creek by Saucy Santana #fyp #xiandivyne #blacktiktok

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Turns out the origins of the phrase go all the back. It’s an old southern phrase that means: all is calm and peaceful. The updated slang version has evolved into something closer to: keep your business to yourself. Don’t ruin a good thing.

If you’re watching this season of Below Deck Med, third stew Gen was definitely not willing to be “quiet on the creek” when it came to her hookup with Luke. She blew up his spot and he’s been suffering since.

Moving on to JCPenney memories!

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Flashback Corner: JCPenney Edition

Penney’s Hive, please rise.

I was scrolling insta the other day and came across a post from celebrity hairstylist Clayton Hawkins featuring pages from an early ‘90s JCPenney catalog. Clayton was roasting the layouts, pointing out that one model looks like she puts “NyQuil in her morning coffee.”

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Anyone develop a scorching hot World Cup crush on England’s Jude Bellingham? You are not alone!

According to GQ:

In a time when the US is getting masculinity all wrong, we long for a smart, strong dude that’s not afraid to get emotional, that speaks Spanish and loves his mom. Oh, also he’s cute. And plays soccer. Thank you, Jude Bellingham for setting a lovely bar.

Will we ever recover? That remains to be seen! Let us know if you have any tips or tricks. Thank you.

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MAKING NATURE COOL

Interested in learning how to catch crabs? If you live in the Bay area, you are in luck. Two-laid off friends built a 7,000-follower crabbing community for women and non-binary folk interested in crabbing called Baddies Who Crab. They are all learning the sport together. From the San Francisco Standard:

Like every good club, they have rules, their own chants, and allow drinking while crabbing. How cute is this?

But it doesn’t stop at crabs! Apparently 20 and 30-somethings are getting more into BIRD WATCHING. The hobby formerly dominated by retirees is seeing an influx of youth clubs who are finding each other on reddit. If you’re in the LA area and you love birds, check out these cuties. https://www.instagram.com/labirdingclub/

Before you start sharing hobbies with your dad — you might want to hop on this amazing new dadcore aesthetic!

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We were wondering about the fiber content in kiwis and can confirm they’re are an excellent sources of dietary fiber.

Emily is happy to report — so far, so good! (Knock on wood - apparently, it can strike up to 2 weeks after ingesting contaminated food.

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Deanna shares her new love for Jennifer Aniston’s PVolve advertised as “The method that moves with you for life.”

Emily here: Okay! I’m sold!

And Deanna and Emily share all of their Earlybird dance party wins and losses - including the Emily’s jeans that were forever stained by mustard from the post dance party street meat.

And this is the TikTok creator who has Deanna in an absolute chock hold with her iced coffee drinks. While Deanna has not purchased an espresso machine, she did get the Nescafe Gold instant espresso powder and it is DELICIOUS.

@sayehsoltaniThis was so good, the salty vanilla mixed with the pistachio was🤌🏼🤌🏼 @Nespresso @Nespresso USA @Elmhurst 1925 #icedlatte #coffee #coffeetiktok #latte #pistachio

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We dedicate this episode to “Fax-y”, sorry we couldn’t recognize your greatness at the time.

Love ya!

Emily + Deanna

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The Legally Blonde prequel takes us back to 1995. Due to a nose job gone awry, the Woods family packs up their Beverly Hills life and relocates to the moody, grungy streets of Seattle. The show serves peak mid-90s nostalgia: see-through phones, flannel shirts, Trapper Keepers, and all the little details that bring you back to a time where MTV ruled and “selling out” was a literal crime.

Major bonus — my sister June Diane Raphael — plays Elle’s mom! I love her in this so much! Eva Woods is the absolute wind beneath Elle’s wings, and their mother daughter dynamic is my favorite part of the show. June is truly lighting up every frame and bringing the major lolz.

Elle is such a fun watch, I’m loving how specifically it recreated 1995. Watching it sent me tumbling back to the early days of grunge. Seattle was absolutely setting the tone. Nirvana, Pearl Jam, and Soundgarden all hailing from that neck of the woods. Hair was coming down, flannel was going on, and shirts no longer required ironing. It was a new world order.

@fashiongrungepod🎸 gather round children for your education • I Love The 90s on VH1 📺 #ilovethe90s #grungemusic #vh1 #seattle

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This ‘92 “Grunge and Glory” Vogue issue lives rent-free in my head.

I remember being at my friend Katrina Konrad’s house in 7th grade and going through piles of her Vogue magazines. My parents, kindly, got me an actual subscription to Vogue in high school. Seeing it stuffed in the mailbox each month was such a thrill. This particular issue was groundbreaking —

I pored over every page, learning that combat boots could elevate a flirty flower dress and a plaid flannel knotted around the waist wasn’t lazy— it was fashion.

It was the first time I realized fashion could borrow from young people instead of the other way around. Supermodels Kristen McMenamy and Naomi Campbell were dressed like the girls in high school, who smoked in a designated area called: The Commons.

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The kids who kicked it at The Commons leaned grungier as a whole. Wild to see their natural, fuck-the-man aesthetic elevated onto the pages of Vogue.

Note: I couldn’t remember what our smoking area was called, so I reached out to my high school Facebook group —

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Well, this week I came across the “poothie,” a portmanteau of ‘Poop smoothie.’ No, this is not because people are putting poop into their blenders and enjoying a nice puree. This is because “Fiber is the new protein,” and everyone is fibermaxxing. The poothie is a fiber-rich blend intended to make you poop.

Less than 10 percent of Americans consume the daily recommended amount of fiber every day. Turns out we need roughage to keep our systems happy. Adults should aim for 25-38 grams every day. (Whoops!)

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We all know I like to find ways to keep things regular, so I am going to share a few poothie recipes that I’d like to try.

Poothie 1

• 2 cups packed baby spinach

• 1 cup unsweetened plain almond milk

• 1 small very ripe banana

• ½ cup frozen mango chunks

• ½ cup frozen pineapple chunks

• 1 tablespoon chia seeds

This has 8 grams of fiber, courtesy of Eating Well.

Poothie 2

• 1 cup frozen mixed berries

• 3/4 cup vanilla Greek yogurt

• 1/2 banana

• 1 tbsp chia seeds

• 1/4 cup oats

• 1 cup almond milk

• 1 tsp honey, optional

This has 13 grams of fiber, courtesy of The Balanced Nutritionist

Poothie 3

• ½ cup frozen pineapple

• 2 cups packed fresh spinach, or 1 cup frozen spinach

• 1 ripe avocado

• 1 frozen banana

• ¾ cup light coconut milk, canned or from a carton

• 3 tablespoons fresh lime juice

• ½ teaspoon lime zest

• 1 teaspoon maple syrup

• Pinch sea salt

• 8 ice cubes

• 2 scoops vanilla protein powder*, optional

This has 10 grams of fiber, courtesy of Love and Lemons.

If smoothies are not your thing — here are some foods I found with a surprising amount of fiber:

• Lentils: 15.5 grams per cooked cup

• Black Beans: 15.0 grams per cooked cup

• Avocados: 10.0 grams per medium fruit

• Artichokes: 10.0 grams per medium vegetable

• Chia Seeds: 10.0 grams per ounce (roughly 2 tablespoons)

• Raspberries: 8 grams per cup

This is all top of mind because I’m traveling and that always changes things up for my system. Do you have any poop-travel tips?

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So, true to form, we hopped on the next zoom with Co-Meet the Mess Hosts and Jen Lancaster.

• We broke down our feelings on some of the major couples after the most recent movie night, IYKYK

• We talked about the magic and absurdity of the entire concept

• Dug into a dusting of terms

• We discuss where Taylor’s wedding might actually be held

• and most importantly, we met Benito, Karyn’s new baby kitten wehavenowords

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Emily here! This past Saturday, Deanna knocked on my door at 5:20pm. We got into an Uber at 5:40 and hit The Fonda Theater in Hollywood at 6pm. Doors were open and we headed in to a dance party called Earlybirds Club that markets itself as, “a dance party for ladies who have shit to do in the morning.”

A couple weeks ago Beth from Earlybirds reached out to us to see if we would like to check it out, because how spot on the dang nose for How to Be Less Old is a dance party where we can shake it — and still be in bed by 10pm.

After we accepted the invite and got our tushes together, I heard of a few other friends that were already hip to Earlybirds and had bought tickets to go. We are going to share our experience with you but first Deanna has to share what her nephew Gus thought when she told him about the event.

Deanna here! Earlier in the day, I squeezed in a game of ping pong with my 12-year-old nephew Gus. During our match, I told Gus about the concept of Earlybirds and that I was heading to my very first one that evening. He thought it sounded fun!

I explained that once you’re out of your twenties, there really aren’t that many places to go dancing anymore.

Gus paused before serving and scrunched up his face.

“But I don’t really think of you as older, Aunt Dede.”

Very smart child. Excellent judgment. Perfect vision.

Then he added:

“I’m a little worried you’re going to get there… and it’s just going to be, like, a bunch of old grandmas.”

Back to our night!

In our Uber ride over we did what any good journalists would do: crafted a few questions about the experience and predicted a few responses.

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Our questions:

• Would people be dressed up? Heels or sneakers? Bodysuits or workout clothes?

• Would we be the oldest or the youngest?

• Would it take 10 or 40 minutes for us to hit the dance floor?

• What kind of music? ’80s? ’90s? A healthy helping of Robin S.?

• Would a dance circle erupt? (Deanna: absolutely. Emily: absolutely not.)

• Would there be an MC? (We think yes)

• Club vibes or family wedding vibes?

• Would there be prizes?

So let’s dive into what we learned.

First impressions:

As we walked in there was definitely a range of ages and outfits, but everyone was giving a bit of an IDGAF vibe. These ladies were not here for us, they were not here for you. They were here for themselves.

Deanna very smartly wore sneakers, and in the biggest slap to all ironic faces Emily wore platforms made by (deep breath) Aerosoles.

We grabbed some drinks and walked out to the dance floor where things definitely felt “early” even for Earlybirds. We walked the perimeter, chatted some people up, and then found our way back off the floor to take another gander at the scene.

It felt like we blinked and suddenly the place packed. Just like that, we had a crew of friends, and we were dancing and singing. About 2 hours after we got there — we were FULLY in the vibe. *see video below

The DJ (not an MC, per-say) was good and also laughably young for the 80s New Wave theme. One of the only times she got on the mic she was loudly singing the whisper part of Blister in the Sun by Violent Femmes. That was new to us. But overall the music was good, the vibes were high, and we danced till we hurt. And as the event name promised, this was decidedly a club vibe — not wedding.

Emily here! There were lots of sneakers, hot shorts, muu-muus, rompers, LBDs, sequins, and a crew all sporting Amber from Clueless fur bucket hats. I was the only dumb-dumb wearing ambitious footwear.

Looking around, we had to admit - there probably were some grandma’s there! Gus totally called it. But we were not the oldest and we were not the youngest. We seemed to be in a sea of middle-ish-aged Eastside angelenos with zero fucks to give.

Deanna here! Guys, this is a really fun night.

A few dance circles formed organically, but from our vantage point, we never witnessed anyone taking center circle and busting a funky chicken.

Important to note —I don’t remember my battery draining so abruptly back in the day. I tapped my watch towards Emily to gauge exit time. She mouthed “20”. We stepped into the lobby, thinking we might sit and recharge. The second we got out there I blurted, “Gotta go now.” The scent of street meat was wafting through the lobby doors, my feet were cooked and my battery had officially drained to zero.

That street meat was one of the most important meals of my life. If food gets better than that, I haven’t had it. Three Michelin stars. No notes.

Side-note - Emily’s soft gold Aerosoles sandals were gorgeous, and she swears, extremely comfortable for regular, non-dance floor life. Just looked them up. They come in a bunch of colors and are on sale today for $48.95. So good.

Learnings for next time:

We’re already excited to check out the next round, which is 90s hiphop night. We will definitely go clad in full comfort, eat dinner first, arrive an hour after doors open, and with more friends.

Here’s more of what we love about this experience:

• Earlybirds donates a portion of the proceeds to a good cause. We learned that the LA Chapter gives to: Los Angeles LGBT Center & Red Cross of LA.

• Earlybird happens in cities ALL over the United States. Find one near you.

• Emily definitely got her steps in:

• A post-dance street meat was earned (unofficial prize)

• And yes, we were in bed by 10pm

A final note from the founders of the Earlybird Club:

High school friends Laura Baginski and Susie Lee co-founded Earlybirds Club in 2024 with a mission to give people — especially women and gender-expansive folks — an opportunity to dance the early evening away without the late-night drama, judgment, or creeps.

Sadly, Susie passed away from breast cancer in August 2025.

Susie’s message to us was blasted across the screen several times that night.

We co-sign that beautiful message. Thank you, Susie and Laura. Thank you, Beth. Thank you, Earlybirds.

Love love,

D & E

When you support our sponsors, you are supporting us at HTBLO!

NIRA LASER CODE: HTBLO for 10% off the incredible at home laser. Say Goodbye To Wrinkles! The NIRA laser is FDA approved and made in the USA 🇺🇸

THE MONTAGE QUEEN CODE: HTBLO for 5% off all packages. Perfect for a birthday, anniversary, memorial or B’nai Mitzvah. All TMQ videos come with a 100% snooze-free guarantee!

OMNILUX USE CODE: HTBLO10 for all Omnilux red light therapy products. Boost your collagen and your glow🌟( Devotees — Deanna, Emily and Kim Kardashian approve this message)

Join us on Instagram: htblo, deannamcheng, fredafoster and TikTok

HOW TO BE LESS OLD is available on APPLE PODCAST + SPOTIFY - follow our show! Please rate and review with 5 stars!