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Most people think they’re fighting for truth — that they have figured something out that must be promoted, defended, and emerge victorious. We see this belief play out in business, family, community, religious, political, and other arenas.

In reality, these people are fighting for validation.

Ego fuels the drive to be understood. In that process, the price paid is most often disconnection. If this mode persists, the result can be a loss of relationships and, with them, lost opportunities for the future.

The Contrast: Ego and Connection

Ego: Gratification

We live in a society in which everything must happen quickly — now! We don’t want to wait for answers, food, wealth…or much of anything else. We seek instant gratification.

This mindset damages our creativity, our self-mastery, and our ability to think long-term. It feeds our egos. It values speed over the qualities of durability and sustainability.

Connection: Foresight

HumanlyConnected people see beyond the moment. We step into other people’s worlds and interact in their paradigms. We value long-term alignment over short-term agreement. These are the elements that deliver real, sustainable connection, maximizing opportunities while minimizing success-sucking friction.

Ego: Escalation

People escalate because they feel the need to protect their image. They push to be proven ‘right.’ They fight for their positions. They justify their actions as necessary to bring about the ‘greater good.’ Whether they realize it or not, they are fueled by ego.

Escalating negative emotions and actions serves no one. It proves nothing beneficial. It is a distraction from productivity.

Connection: Calmness and Patience

HumanlyConnected people protect the future by not escalating. We know who we are. We feel no need to protect our image through escalation; rather, we act consistently and let others reach their own conclusions as to who we are and what we stand for. We don’t feel the drive to be proven ‘right.’

We don’t fight. We don’t need to. (We don’t even want to.)

We know that we protect everyone’s future by calmly maintaining connection. That’s what fuels us.

This isn’t to say we’re soft. We’re not.

It doesn’t mean we don’t have strong opinions. We may.

And it certainly doesn’t mean we are others’ punching bags — allowing those who subscribe to a “might makes right” mentality to abuse us. No way. We stand firm. We simply don’t engage in fruitless battles.

Ego: The Moment

The allure of short-term victories clouds our vision. Greed and selfishness become our guides. Dishonesty, distrust, and disconnection are the destinations of such journeys.

We lose. Those with whom we interact lose. The people we could have otherwise blessed lose.

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Kindness

I’m on the last couple of legs of a 6,000-mile on-/off-road ride on my adventure bike.

For those who don’t know what that is, it’s a motorcycle that can carry full gear comfortably on the freeway, handle twisty canyon roads with plenty of power and control, and travel off-road to places that road bikes could never hope to go. (I’ve included some pictures below to accompany this story.)

This multi-leg journey has included plenty of solo riding, along with four legs where I was accompanied by three of my sons. It’s been a blast!

Aligning with Reality

Most of the ride has been relatively uneventful. The bikes have performed well. Traffic has been light because we have ridden the smallest backroads, backcountry unpaved roads, and recreational vehicle trails. And, surprisingly, we have been rained on only a few times. (Afternoon thunderstorms are common in the desert regions we’ve traveled. Somehow, we seem to have ridden between most of the storms, seeing them in the distance, but either unintentionally dodging them or riding on the wet roads and trails they have left in their wake.)

We’ve been on mountaintops at 11,000 feet where the hottest summer days have turned to a bearable but not fully comfortable chill. We’ve awakened to cool mornings in the 50s, only to be sweating in 100-plus-degree weather by lunchtime as we drop into lower desert regions. It’s a completely different experience than driving in a vehicle with four points of contact on the road and the ability to open and close windows to manage weather conditions and turn on the air conditioning when things get too warm.

When you’re out in the elements like this on two wheels, you either embrace becoming one with the environment by being properly prepared, or suffer the consequences of being at the mercy of Mother Nature.

Along with being prepared for ever-changing weather, adventure riding also involves hauling food and water, knowing your route so you don’t become a search-and-rescue story, having enough mechanical knowledge to maintain your bike and make minor repairs on the trail, and having very specific tools with you for those needs — carrying everything you need to address possible breakdowns, while only including what you absolutely need to minimize weight and maximize limited cargo space.

It’s not convenient. It’s not always comfortable. And it’s definitely not for the faint of heart.

The Unplanned

Despite best-laid, well-executed plans, adventure riding inevitably leads to facing unplanned situations. A complete engine failure. A broken leg. A bent rim. These, and many other possibilities, can shut down your ride completely. Hopefully, with foresightful planning, these extreme situations may result in significant inconvenience and expense, but you still return home safely.

I’ve endured a broken back dozens of miles from the nearest town (and even more miles to the nearest hospital), a broken leg and incapacitated wrists (in a separate incident from the one that broke my back), flat tires (three times), bad fuel that caused my bike to be inoperable, and, undoubtedly, a few other inconveniences that my brain has chosen to forget.

One such situation happened this week.

My son and I were off-road, enjoying the last day of our three-day leg together. We had been rerouted off our planned backcountry itinerary due to a wildfire on the first day, ridden through hail and rain (changing route plans to avoid muddy trails the second day), and were looking forward to a rain-free, fire-free day as we made our way to our destination on day three. It looked like he would get one as-planned day out of his time with me.

I led as we made our way along a mostly smooth trail frequented by ATVs (personal four-wheeled vehicles the rider straddles like a motorcycle), UTVs (multi-person, four-wheeled vehicles with seating similar to that in a car, with occupants sitting side by side), and motorcycles. On this particular day, however, we didn’t see any other vehicles or people as we glided along our path.

The road ahead looked great! The skies were clear. I was enjoying myself very much, glancing in my rearview mirror periodically to make sure my son was still behind me.

All was well.

I came over a small rise and saw that some recent flash floods had washed across the trail, causing some minor ruts. I slowed down to cross the ruts, standing to allow my legs to absorb the bumps. A few dozen yards later, I encountered another minor wash and repeated my deceleration and stand-to-cross approach. No problem. This, and much more aggressive situations, are part of the fun of adventure riding.

I came upon a third wash, but this one was different. First of all, the rise of the trail was such that it hid the wash from my view until I was upon it. Secondly, this wash didn’t consist of minor ruts crossing the trail; rather, the trail had been washed completely out on the downhill side, leaving a gaping chasm nearly as wide as my bike was long, and deep enough to suck my bike into a situation that would require it to be winched out (or retrieved by four or five particularly strong people).

I didn’t have time to stop, so I defaulted to the off-road rider’s motto: “When in doubt, throttle out!” I leaned to my left to cross the wash on the uphill side, where the damage to the trail was significantly less — perhaps half the width of my bike’s length. I leaned back as I stabbed the throttle, hoping to get my front wheel to come up and clear the other side of the wash. I almost made it.

My front tire came down with its lead edge squarely on the far side of the wash, bottoming out my forks. Had I not throttled hard and leaned back, my front tire would have most definitely gone down into the wash, hit the far side, and flipped my bike, throwing me over the handlebars. The forks would very likely have been bent in the process. I was fortunate!

As I recovered from the impact, keeping my bike upright, I sat down on the seat and glanced in my mirror, just in time to see my son encounter the wash. He had the opportunity to slow down considerably and was able to ride through the far uphill side of the wash, still being thrown hard, but recovering and riding it out successfully.

I was so relieved!

Then reality set in. My bike’s front end felt odd. My control was mushy. I had an impact blowout. My front tire was toast.

The good news is that I wasn’t riding solo, as I most often do. Solo riding isn’t usually an issue, since there are others on the trail. As I mentioned earlier, however, we hadn’t seen anyone that day. I left my son with my disabled bike and plenty of water, jumped on his bike, and headed to town to find someone with a trailer who could rescue my bike.

This is where the story really begins…

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An Unexpected Turn of Events

I pulled into a convenience store, went in, and talked to the woman behind the counter. “I assume in a town like this, there are plenty of people with motorcycle trailers and four-wheel-drive vehicles. Do you know anyone with that equipment who would like to make some money this afternoon?”

The woman slowly shook her head. “I can’t think of anyone,” she replied. “People around here really don’t ride motorcycles. This is an ATV/UTV town.”

“I’m sure we could make any recreational vehicle trailer work,” I said. “I’m in a bad spot.”

She thought for a moment, stepped away from the counter while pulling out her phone, and made a call. I couldn’t hear anything she said.

She finished the call, turned to me, and said, “Someone will be here in 15 or 20 minutes.”

“Thank you!” I exclaimed. I was shocked! My first attempt to find help was bearing fruit.

A young man in a pickup truck with a trailer pulled up less than 15 minutes later. He and I talked through the situation, and he told me he would follow me out on the trail.

I had asked this young man a couple of times how much he wanted me to pay him for his help. He had simply replied, “Oh, we’ll figure it out when we’re done.” I didn’t get any vibe that he intended to be unfair to me, so I let it ride, trusting it would all work out equitably.

I’ll spare you the play-by-play details. Suffice it to say it was a time-consuming, slow-going effort. The good news is that we got my bike back to town successfully.

We unloaded my bike in a space beside the convenience store where I had gone seeking help — a spot where it could be easily picked up and towed to a shop that could not only repair my tire but also check whether I had damaged the rim.

1. Distant storm and damp dirt roads (my favorite). 2. Summer hail and heavy rain. 3. Among the pines at 8,000 feet. 4. Slowly making our way off the trail with a disabled bike.

During the few minutes I had waited for the young man who rescued my bike, I had called to see if I could find an open shop and a tow truck to get me there. The tow truck was no problem; however, no bike shops equipped to meet my needs were open until Tuesday (most bike shops close early on Saturdays and are closed all day Sundays and Mondays, and it was the weekend).

At my wife’s suggestion, whom I had called to inform her about my situation, I found a truck and driver willing to retrieve me and take my bike to my regular shop, some 150 miles away.

I called the shop owner. He told me he could get to my bike on Tuesday, but didn’t want it sitting outside at his shop until then. He told me to let him know when we were 30 minutes away from his shop, so he could meet us there and put the bike inside. Thankfully, the arrangements for the truck and shop were made before we headed out to recover my bike, so the truck showed up shortly after the young man and I had unloaded my bike by the convenience store.

Once my bike was unloaded, I thanked the young man again for his help and asked him how much I owed him. “I need to grab something inside,” he said, and headed into the convenience store. I went in to wash my hands. When I came out, the young man, his truck, and his trailer were gone.

My son, who had followed us in off the trail, had parked his bike next to mine and was getting a drink of water. I asked him if he saw where the young man went. He had not.

Puzzled, I stood there wondering what was happening. Surely, this guy expected to be paid. Where was he?

Just then, a pickup and trailer very similar to the one the young man was driving pulled up and parked next to us. Surprised by the similarity between the two setups, I asked the gentleman driving it if he knew a young man in town with a similar-looking truck and trailer. “Why are you asking?” he queried.

“Well,” I explained, “He just recovered my bike from the trail, but he disappeared before I paid him.”

The man smiled. “Oh!” he went on, “You’re the guy my son just helped bring in.”

I was ecstatic! I found the guy’s dad. Surely I could settle the bill with him.

“This is great!” I exclaimed. “Can you call him to see what I owe him? I can give the money to you, and you can give it to him for me.”

The man smiled even bigger. “If he didn’t charge you, he must have gotten what he wanted out of the deal,” he said quietly. “It’s taken care of. Don’t worry about it.”

I was stunned. When I had originally headed into town on my son’s bike after the mishap, I had hoped to find someone who was fair-minded and wouldn’t gouge me because of the spot I was in. I never expected to find someone who would sacrifice his afternoon and not get paid anything.

I must have looked as surprised as I felt, because the man repeated himself, “It’s taken care of. Don’t worry about it.”

“That is more than too kind,” I stammered. “I don’t know what to say. ‘Thank you’ seems insufficient, but thank you — and your son.”

I continued, “I don’t want to insult your son and his kindness by pushing to pay for this, but I’d like to give him a little something to express my appreciation. What would be appropriate?”

The man gave me a modest dollar amount and said, “He would see that as a return gesture of kindness without feeling like you were trying to pay him for the recovery.” I pulled out the bills in the amount he suggested, handed them to him, and, on the verge of tears, told him I appreciated him for being the dad he obviously is, for having raised the son he raised.

The man took the money, shook my hand, and thanked me for seeing the good in his son. “He will really appreciate this,” he said before turning and walking away.

I stepped into the store to thank the woman again for helping orchestrate my rescue. It turns out she was the stepmother of the young man she had called to recover my bike.

“Thank you again for helping turn a terribly inconvenient experience into a pleasant one,” I said. “You have an amazing family. I hope your kindness is repaid many times over for the difference you made for me today.”

“That’s just what we do,” she replied with a smile.

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I had sent my son home on his bike. There was no reason for him to hang around. My tow showed up. We loaded the bike and headed for the shop — a two-and-a-half-hour drive away.

When we were about 30 minutes from the shop, I called the owner. He pulled in just ahead of us, helped unload the bike, and told me he would let me know what he finds when he gets to my bike in a couple of days. What a guy to drive 30 minutes to meet me, just so my bike didn’t sit outside. That was very kind.

The final kindness of the day came when I asked what I owed for the tow. “Just cover my fuel — or don’t even do that. It’s up to you,” was the reply. What? Who drives 300 miles and eats up their afternoon and evening just to have their fuel level returned to where it was (or even pay for the fuel out of their own pocket)? There are genuine expenses to every mile put on a vehicle beyond the cost of fuel, not to mention the value of one’s time.

“Seriously,” I replied, “I’d like to pay you appropriately.”

“You already have,” was all he said. At my request, we found a place with diesel between the shop and my house, and I fueled his truck before being dropped off — safely back home.

Two Truths

There are many truths remembered and lessons learned that I could choose to focus on from this experience. I will limit my thoughts to those surrounding human kindness.

Five people — three of whom I had never met before — went out of their way to help me when I needed them. I’m still basking in the light of their selfless kindness.

What could have easily resulted in a tab exceeding a thousand dollars all told cost me just a couple hundred dollars — including the necessary repair to my bike. But far more important than the money not spent is the connection that came through the thoughtfulness of these five people and their willingness to sacrifice to help a fellow human in need.

What could have easily been a two-day, time-wasting experience that had me spending a couple of hotel nights in a strange town and a repair at a shop I didn’t know anything about was reduced to just eight hours from the time I hit that wash until I was sitting in my back patio rocker, visiting with my wife and sharing my deep gratitude for everyone who had made the day enjoyable and memorable.

Truth #1: People are amazing.

We rise to the occasion.
We see beyond our selfish desires.
We employ our resources to help each other.

I appreciate the people in my life.

Truth #2: Clarity delivers favorable results.

While I try to live in a state of unconditional peace so I can enjoy the benefits of the clarity it brings, situations occasionally attack that peace. To my own surprise, this was not one of them.

As I rode my son’s bike back into town to find help, I reflected on the aftermath of the few seconds during which the situation took place and forced the end of our ride.

I didn’t get mad.
I wasn’t frustrated.
I didn’t use any colorful language.
I didn’t wonder why this happened to me.

None of those reactions are beneficial.

Because I didn’t step outside my place of peace and react emotionally, my mind was clear. I quickly assessed the situation and arrived at what seemed to be a plausible solution to my conundrum. While I didn’t feel any lightning-bolt moment, I will fully attribute my thoughts to divine inspiration. I can’t imagine any other reason that I would have immediately had a thought that seamlessly resulted in exactly what needed to happen.

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Peace and Service

I’ll wrap up this journal entry with a couple of thoughts on peace and service.

1. When we live in a state of peace that allows our minds to be clear, we open ourselves to opportunities that benefit us and everyone around us.

2. When we live in a state of service — and allow others to serve us when appropriate — we all win.

These two realities work hand-in-hand. Living in states of peace and service changes the game in ways nothing else does.

Pursue peace as a life-giving element equivalent to breathing.

Seek service opportunities with the same consistency as eating nutritious food.

These are foundational elements to living a fulfilled life.

They are necessary to being HumanlyConnected.

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What are your thoughts on kindness, peace, clarity, and service? What came to mind that may benefit others? Please share your thoughts, ideas, or questions. Thank you!

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The Principle

Listen to me share The Principle, read it below, or both!

Empathy

Genuine, sustained empathy is rare.

Being able and willing to surrender our agendas, put our own values, experiences, and vision aside, and truly hear and feel someone — without succumbing to the urge, at some point, to say, “I know what you need… Let me tell you what to do…” — is a skill and trait that sets effective connectors apart from everyone else.

Accepted Wisdom

We’re all familiar with a commonly accepted concept that says, in essence, that we should first strive to understand others, then help them understand us and our position. On the surface, it sounds productive. Letting others go first is something we’ve been taught from our childhood.

Here’s the rub…

We can say we’re listening — that we’re trying to understand others — however, when we have our position ready to fire as soon as the other person is done talking, are we really understanding, or simply waiting for our turn to speak?

It’s the second part of the concept that is flawed. After all, does anyone else have to understand us to live their own fulfilled life? No. And yet, we expend significant energy attempting to get people to understand us.

The day I realized that no one — and I mean no one, including my own spouse — needs to understand me to get what they are seeking out of life was the day I began to let go of so much of what had held me back as I wasted time and effort trying to be understood.

The DRIVE to Be Understood Is the THIEF of Human Connection™

I replaced that old, ineffective concept with this maxim. It’s not that we don’t need to be understood. We do. Each of us. It’s a human need that, if absent, causes some significant mental and emotional disruptions.

But no one person in particular needs to understand us. Who chooses to understand us is outside our control. The good news is, there are plenty of people out there who sincerely want to understand you. You just don’t get to choose who they are.

So, it’s not our need to be understood that creates the barrier; it’s our drive to be understood that robs us of the connections we seek.

Put other people first. Be fully present. Then step into other people’s worlds and be that person who sincerely understands them — regardless of whether they reciprocate — and watch the magic unfold. You will be amazed at the number of people who come to genuinely understand you and what you stand for. Those relationships, in turn, deliver everything to you that you need to succeed.

Want a deeper dive into this topic? You’ll find more in Session 1 of VEVA: The Art of Human Connection

Now, let’s look at how we can put this concept and the principle of empathy into practice.

The Practice

The ability to step into other people’s worlds in a state of sincere empathy — and stay there, not attempting to pull them into our worlds, understand us, or accept our wisdom — is a skill that separates great leaders, facilitators, guides, and difference makers from the sea of good and less-than-good ones.

The single, simple practice I’m about to share will come as no surprise to those who have read/listened to my two preceding journal entries. It’s powerful. And it works with many potent principles…

Listen to me share The Practice for this journal entry, read it, or both!

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The Principle

Listen to me share The Principle, read it below, or both!

Presence

A few years ago, I was facilitating a discussion series in a lecture auditorium at a university. I was setting the stage to dive into the often-overlooked skills that accelerate entrepreneurial success by sharing the three concepts I’m sharing with you in this three-part journal entry series.

I had finished my brief comments on putting people first in every consideration and had proceeded to introduce some thoughts on being fully present by sharing a solemn — even sacred — experience I had that had cemented the importance of the concept for me.

Just as I shared my crowning point on the topic — the room dead silent as everyone absorbed the account of the experience I had shared — three students entered the room (some five minutes into the scheduled class time) through the main entry door on my left, effectively placing them on the podium of the auditorium in front of the entire audience. They were talking loudly with each other — completely oblivious to the fact that they had just illustrated the antithesis of the very topic they had interrupted.

I stopped talking and watched them. For some 20 or 30 seconds, their antics continued as they made their way to their seats — every eye in the entire auditorium on them; the room completely silent aside from their boisterous interactions. Finally, one of them tuned in to his surroundings. He looked around the room, then at me. I stood quietly, looking directly at him. He attempted to pull his friends into the moment, a task that took him several tries. At last, all three of them sat, big-eyed, looking at me.

I glanced around the room. Some in the audience were looking at these three in disbelief. Many were looking at me, obviously wondering what my reaction would be.

With everyone’s attention ultimately on me, I remained motionless and silent, my face displaying what I assume sent a message of contemplation. Then I continued where I had left off, addressing the damage we do to our reputations and the opportunities we miss when we fail to be fully present. The disruption could not have occurred at a more perfectly timed moment to bring those points to life. (In fact, after class, one person asked me if I had arranged the entire scene. It was impactful to him, and he couldn’t imagine that it had occurred by chance.)

Awareness

Although it took them much longer than one would have hoped, these three students eventually became aware of their lack of presence as they entered that room that day. I couldn’t have asked for a better teaching moment. I can only imagine their well-timed and disruptive entrance is etched in the minds of the many other students in the auditorium who were feeling the depth of the message being shared and the distinct shattering effect these students’ thoughtless entry imposed on the moment.

The questions this experience brought up for me were these:

• There have been plenty of situations in my life in which I’ve become aware of my lack of presence and corrected my mindless behavior; but how often have I failed to be present and not been afforded the luxury of becoming aware of my lack of presence?

• What damage to my reputation have my actions caused in those situations?

• What opportunities have I missed out on because of my lack of presence?

I’m sure if I had a way of knowing the answers to these questions, it would make me cringe.

The Spectrum of Presence

Being present doesn’t only mean not being disruptive. It goes much deeper and broader than that.

Being present is what allows us to pick up on the nuances of situations and environments.

It tunes us in to fine details missed by those who are not fully present.

It unveils opportunities, reveals truth, connects dots, and much more.

The benefits of learning how to live in a state of presence are truly endless.

You’ll discover a unique application of combining the concepts of putting people first and being fully present in my next journal entry — one I can say, with full confidence, that you’ve not considered before (unless you’ve followed my work). For now, however, let’s look at how to put the principle of presence into practice with a simple starting point that can change your performance, relationships, and opportunities virtually overnight.

The Practice

Just as the benefits of being fully present have no boundaries, the practices that help us consistently show up and interact in a state of presence are many. In this journal entry, I will share one simple, powerful practice you can begin employing immediately that has the power to polish your reputation as a connector and aware leader while illuminating opportunities you might otherwise miss.

You can listen to me share The Practice, read it, or both!

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Listen to me share The Principle, read it below, or both!

Priority

What do you prioritize? Success? Image? Money? Winning? Personal fulfillment?

Those things make us sound self-centered, don’t they?

Most of us align with the concept that people are more important than things. Yet, when it comes to practicing that stated belief, we often find that we don’t put people first in every consideration.

These three words — people come first — were the answer to a months-long journey I embarked on with great purpose years ago when virtually everything in my life was falling apart. I was being crushed from every side, with seemingly no way out. When I hit my lowest low, I decided there must be something I missed, so I went looking for it.

After months of intentional searching, conversations, study, and introspection, these three words came to me one day.

“Of course,” I said to myself. “I know that. This isn’t revelatory.”

Then I asked myself, “Do I really do this? Do I genuinely put people first in every thought, consideration, decision, and action?”

I quickly found that the answer to this query was no; I did not. I put forth a focused effort to begin this practice. What I found as I made this change was truly life-changing.

My outlook was brighter.

My problems diminished in size and importance.

Everything I needed showed up through other people.

Realities I could never have imagined, much less engineered, materialized.

The First of Three Concepts

This “people come first” concept — I’ll even call it a mantra — became the first of three concepts that completely changed my world from a crumbling mess to a world of wonder, discovery, and a new level of success I hadn’t experienced before.

And what about image, money, winning, and personal fulfillment? Well, they came along for the ride.

It all begins with putting people first — really putting people first. Not just in word, but in action.

I’ll share the other two concepts in my next two journal entries. For now, let’s look at how to put this concept into practice.

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The Practice

Ready to discover how to genuinely, consistently put people first and reap the massive benefits that come from this consistent practice? Let’s dive in…

Listen to me share The Practice, read it below, or both!

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In my last journal entry, I touched on the first five of these 10 breakthroughs.

If you haven’t read/listened to that entry yet, here’s the link:

I’ll talk a bit about the last five in this entry.

Here they are…

Be a Category of One

Preeminence

As individuals and organizations, we have been taught to base our positions, abilities, and offerings on a foundation established by someone else. This approach severely limits our opportunities.

Yes, people need a frame of reference from which to understand what we’re saying, doing, or offering. However, employing an existing frame of reference and basing what we’re doing on someone else’s work are two different things and should not be confused.

Being a category of one means that our personal or organizational brand has been developed to the point that when someone says, “I need [fill in the blank],” and that need is best filled by you, you are the only one they think of as a solution provider. You hold a preeminent place in your audience members’ minds as someone who provides what they are seeking.

This isn’t accomplished by following “best practices” or comparing ourselves to perceived competitors. It happens by seeking insights on your audience members’ needs (co-workers, family members, supervisors, etc. — not just prospects and clients), then discovering the unique ways you or your organization effectively address those needs.

The way we interact. The questions we ask. The messages we share. The results our audience members enjoy. These are a few indicators that tell us whether we’re swimming in a sea of noise or rising above it and being seen as the only party in our category.

This isn’t an easy process. It doesn’t happen overnight.

It is, however, well worth the effort.

Close, lasting relationships develop more quickly. Conflict diminishes into the background. Resistance lowers and synergy increases. Our focus is less on process and more on the joy of the journey. The visions we have but can’t quite seem to transform into reality come together in ways we never could have engineered.

While there are elements of preeminence that go beyond the basic VEVA framework, it is just that — the framework that creates the opportunity to become a category of one.

(Here’s the link to VEVA: The Art of Human Connection, in case you haven’t completed that training yet.)

Be Seamless

Simplicity

As our world moves more quickly, we’re told that technology simplifies our lives.

Does it?

I’ll say yes…and no.

While technology can streamline activities and accelerate certain outcomes, it can also be a barrier to the simplicity that makes others’ interactions with us seamless.

Being seamless isn’t about having a tech stack that replaces human interaction. Seamlessness is the lack of friction a person feels when interacting with you or your organization, making the experience pleasant and fulfilling. It’s a significant portion of nurturing a category of one.

When others’ experiences with us are seamless, they don’t feel the transitions between becoming aware of us, being educated about what we do, deciding to interact with us, and enjoying an ongoing relationship. From the first point of contact, the flow is natural. It fits the party’s needs. There is no discomfort caused by pushing an agenda.

Either by design or default, the most successful individuals and organizations have discovered how to provide a seamless experience for those with whom they interact.

When we make others exert effort to meet our pre-packaged agendas, we lose — and so do they, if what we could have provided was what they genuinely needed.

When we employ an outside-in mindset, basing our audience members’ journeys with us on their values, their experiences, their visions, and the actions they are able and willing to take to transform their visions into reality (in other words, VEVA), we have created a seamless, simple path that reduces friction and accelerates forward momentum, allowing us to focus on what we do best instead of pushing our agendas uphill.

Be Remarkable

Presence

We live in a noisy world. Being good at what we do isn’t enough to be noticed anymore. Developing a presence that says, “I have something unique to bring to the table” is no longer a luxury. It is requisite to gaining attention and getting that seat at the table that allows us to share our talents at their highest levels.

What do you or your organization do that others talk about in a positive way? What is it about your presence in their lives that causes them to talk about you with others?

We’re not talking about anything huge in most cases. We’re talking about the little things that set you apart from would-be competitors.

• It’s the ice cream shop that not only makes all its products from scratch, but puts that extra little scoop on top of every cone that you don’t get anywhere else.

• It’s the employee who, with real sincerity, recognizes every co-worker’s birthday with a small, inexpensive (maybe even handmade) gift that ties to something that co-worker enjoys. (Note that this isn’t something the company is doing, but an individual in that company who understands the power of sincere, personal branding.)

• It’s the online shoe company that guarantees your satisfaction by providing free return shipping and customer service representatives who are trained to do whatever the customer wants, creating a concierge experience no one else has yet to offer remotely. (Remember Zappos? They took online shoe shopping to an unprecedented level.)

• It’s the neighbor who, because he has the time and doesn’t want to grow old alone, buys a couple of rotisserie chickens a few times a week and drops by to give them to his neighbors and visit with them. (You were a one-of-a-kind guy, Andy! Thanks for your many examples of service.)

What are you doing to create a unique presence around yourself? Your organization? Your family? Your community?

How are you or an individual or organization you know being remarkable? We’d love to hear about it in the comments!

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Be Sharable

Ubiquity

When I was a kid in the ‘70s, I saw a piece of mirror art featuring the Grateful Dead’s logo. It spoke to me. I wanted it hanging on my bedroom wall. My parents and I didn’t see eye to eye, so that never happened.

I wasn’t a Deadhead or anything. I simply enjoyed their music.

We listened to it in my uncle’s truck.

I heard it in the second-story record store with cedar-clad walls on Center Street (where, I might add, they also sold waterbeds, with one set up in the store to try—providing an experience no other record store matched).

I regularly saw Grateful Dead-inspired art on tie-dyed t-shirts and handmade banners.

They seemed to be everywhere.

It wasn’t until much later (in my 50s) that I discovered why I seemed to see and hear so much about a band that wasn’t even getting much radio play at the time.

The Grateful Dead did what they wanted to do, the way they wanted to do it — squarely bucking the “best practices” of the day for bands that wanted to grow an audience.

They controlled their own concert ticket sales.

They regularly changed up their show, creating new experiences people wanted to be part of.

They were relevant to their audience members in a way other bands’ corporate-controlled approach couldn’t touch.

They lived a unique brand.

They involved their fans in creating one-of-a-kind merchandise and allowing them to sell it at their performance venues.

They were a gathering place for their people.

They created a new category that didn’t previously exist by doing these (and many more) things differently.

They not only encouraged fans to record and share their concerts, but also set up a special area near the soundboard for them, so they could get the highest-quality recordings. While other concert producers banned recording, the Grateful Dead welcomed and facilitated it. This made them, perhaps, the most shareable band of their era. This drove the ubiquity I mentioned a moment ago.

One might argue that their mailed newsletters, personal touch in selling tickets directly to fans, allowing open recording and sharing of their shows, teaming up with fans to create unique, authorized merchandise, and many other touchpoints made them the analog version of what social media has become today.

On brand. Relevant. A gathering place. A category of one. Seamless. Remarkable. Sharable.

These are some of the attributes the Grateful Dead mastered to become the biggest touring band of all time without bowing to convention.

How can you or your organization be more sharable?

What do you have that can add value to others in a way that they not only use it, but get excited to share it with others?

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Be Invited

Attraction

When we employ the nine breakthroughs (or even some of them) that I’ve shared here, we begin to be invited to the places we want to be.

We don’t play positioning games.
We don’t compete.
We don’t pay to play.

We don’t need to.

Being invited isn’t the end of the journey; it’s the point at which the most meaningful doors open that allow us to enter into the environments where we can make the most meaningful impact as ourselves — synergizing our values, experiences, vision, and actions to benefit others while advancing our own careers, relationships, opportunities for ongoing growth, and service to society.

When we are at peace, live our brands, are perceived as relevant by others, illuminate people’s minds with our discoveries, act as hubs for collaboration and creation, are seen as the go-to in our spaces, make it simple for people to follow us, provide insights that evoke excitement and prompt conversations, and give people a way to share what they gain from us, we are rewarded with the rare opportunity to no longer have to play the game of pitching, persuading, our finding a bigger megaphone to engage with those who will benefit from what we offer.

Instead, people are attracted to us because of who we are and what we stand for.

They invite us into their worlds and onto their journeys as trusted traveling companions.

We have no competitors.

We transcend flavor-of-the-day tactics to gain attention.

We are sought out as the experts and advocates we genuinely are.

Does this mean we never invite others, but wait to be invited? No. Not at all.

There are plenty of times when it is appropriate to invite others to see what you’re doing, attend events you’re hosting, sample your products or services, collaborate, and so on.

The breakthrough of being invited refers to unexpectedly finding yourself in places or being offered opportunities you haven’t specifically sought out and, in many cases, weren’t even aware of. It’s the magic that results from conscientiously developing the other nine breakthroughs.

And when it happens, it’s exciting!

There they are — the benefits credible communicators and connectors enjoy as a result of focusing on and experiencing these 10 breakthroughs.

Implementation

If you’ve read or listened to many of my journal entries, you’re familiar with my views on “the what” of concepts versus “the how” of implementation.

The path to implementing these breakthroughs is woven throughout my journal entries.

There are no check-box lists that get you there.

Everyone’s journey is unique.

A starting point, if you haven’t done so already, is to complete the brief course titled VEVA: The Art of Human Connection. It’s available as part of your paid membership in this community.

Beyond that, paid members can also ask questions, make comments, and get feedback in this community.

If you’re serious about improving your interpersonal communication skills to create human connection, it’s the best few dollars a month you can invest in yourself or your people (companies, governments, families, nonprofits, etc.).

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What spoke to you in this two-part journal entry? What questions do you have? I welcome your comments and questions. Let’s have a conversation!

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We all want to create something. All our cognitive effort goes toward realizing the visions we have for ourselves, our families, our communities, our businesses, and even the world at large.

The path to intentional creation follows a natural progression: compassion, communication, connection, credibility, collaboration, creation.

You can discover more about this progression in Session 1 of VEVA: The Art of Human Connection:

This journal entry, along with Part 2 of this two-part series, addresses 10 breakthroughs that help us more effectively communicate and connect compassionately and nurture credibility so we are invited to collaborate with those who see us as powerful co-creators.

For more on creation, see my journal entry entitled “All Creation is Co-Creation.”

I’ll share the first five breakthroughs in this journal entry. The remaining 5 will be in the entry titled “10 Breakthroughs of Credible Communicators and Connectors (Part 2).”

The 10 breakthroughs are:

• Be at Peace
• Be Your Brand
• Be Relevant
• Be an Illuminator
• Be a Nexus
• Be a Category of One
• Be Seamless
• Be Remarkable
• Be Sharable
• Be Invited

Let’s begin with a look at the first five breakthroughs…

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Be at Peace

Clarity

Clarity is requisite to optimizing success. When we become clear regarding our own purpose and direction, and then help others do the same, we nurture unstoppable cultures in our businesses, our communities, and our families.

Peace is requisite for optimized clarity. For most of my life, I didn’t believe that the opportunity to live in a state of unconditional peace was possible.

That belief has changed.

I now know that not only do we each have the opportunity to harness peace in a way most people can’t imagine, much less attain, it’s also much simpler to do than I previously perceived.

Simple, not easy.

It requires focus. It takes effort. However, the building blocks of this reality are simple.

My journal entries that specifically address the concept of harnessing peace are found in the section of this journal with that title: Harnessing Peace. As of this journal entry, there are only a few entries there. Rest assured, that number will grow. Stay tuned as we travel together, and I will continue to share insights on this topic.

For now, I’ll suffice it to say that peace has become a non-negotiable for me. The clarity that comes from living life from a place of peace is something I’m no longer willing to live without.

Be Your Brand

Authenticity

When most people think of brands, they think of companies, catchy names, logos, and other commercial visual branding elements. While these are part of the branding story, this view is extremely limited.

A brand encompasses the emotional experience one has at every touchpoint with a person or organization. That means we each have a personal brand. In most cases, our personal brand is interwoven with the brand of the company where we work. By the definition I just shared, our families also have brands, which are also integrated with our personal brands.

All of these brands are developed by design or by default. Aside from carefully crafted and executed brand experiences in the business world, most brands — personal, familial, communal, etc. — largely develop by default, without specific thought or effort that might otherwise mold the brand by intentionally creating the environment where the desired experience of our audience members can take place.

When we purposefully develop our personal brands, then authentically live by them, we take a giant step toward setting ourselves apart from the crowd. The authenticity of everything we believe, think, say, and do exudes from us in a way that we don’t need to describe our brand; people experience it.

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Be Relevant

Accessibility

Part of the brand we intentionally develop as HumanlyConnected people is an ability to step into other people’s worlds, stay there, and interact within their paradigms. This gives birth to our naturally being relevant to our personal, professional, and community audience members. A significant part of us is that we are all about them.

This level of relevance is something individuals and organizations spend massive amounts of money and untold effort attempting to create — very often unsuccessfully. A reason for this lack of success is that they begin inside themselves or their organization, developing what they perceive as being relevant, then pushing it to their would-be audience. This approach regularly misses the mark.

Living the VEVA principles and engaging HumanlyConnected practices makes us accessible to others because what we offer them is based on what they already told us they want. And when our words, actions, and the feelings others have when they interact with us are naturally accessible to them, we are, in natural order, relevant to them.

No need to explain ourselves.

No wasted effort attempting to explain why we believe they should see us as relevant.

We simply are. Because we have aligned with them (i.e., we haven’t expected them to align with us).

For a deeper look into the power of alignment, see my journal entry titled “Agreement is Optional.”

Be an Illuminator

Stewardship

HumanlyConnected people are illuminators. We facilitate others’ journeys of discovery that shine light on truth in a way they see it from their perspective.

Everything we do is aimed at enlightening. As people discover and own their purpose, their opportunities, and the universal truths that govern us all, selfishness and conflict diminish, connections accelerate, and success soars.

Sharing the light we discover and benefit from isn’t optional for intentional difference makers. We are duty-bound to share it. However, our approach is different from many who feel the drive to share the truths they discover.

We don’t pitch. We don’t push. And I’ll even suggest that we don’t persuade — at least not in the way most people do as they attempt to pull people into their worlds and prove to them why their views are superior.

We feel a stewardship to illuminate truth, minds, lives, …the world. We fulfill that stewardship naturally in the process of being outward-facing in our views and outside-in in our leadership.

For more on using outside-in leadership to illuminate, see my journal entry, “Engage Your Audience from the Outside In.”

Be a Nexus

Visibility

It’s difficult to effectively communicate and connect with others so we can make a positive impact if we’re not seen by our intended audience. This is true in personal and family relationships, business settings, community involvement — everywhere and at every level.

(Note: What I’m about to share may feel like it contradicts the final breakthrough on this list — Be Invited. It doesn’t. I’ll explain more about how these concepts work together when I introduce that final breakthrough.)

A nexus is a key connection between components. It’s a point of convergence. It’s at the center of multiple elements that combine to create synergistic value.

Most individuals and organizations are content to find a spot in an existing system in which to operate. For much of the mundane yet necessary elements of our lives, that’s okay.

Breakthrough communicators and connectors know there is a more impactful place to reside.

We create (that is, co-create with others) new spaces, new opportunities, and new paths by discovering ways to be at the hub of activity that benefits from our genius.

There is no need to wait for anyone’s permission to do this.

You don’t need to be hired or be specially credentialed.

It’s a straightforward matter of considering what you can bring to the table that produces value for a collective group that is currently poorly connected, misaligned, unaware of the mutual opportunity you see, or otherwise working in silos, and being the communicator, connector, and credible collaborator that pulls people and resources together.

Being a nexus takes form in industry associations, shared interest groups, joint projects, and other collaborative settings. I believe all of us who sincerely want to be deeply HumanlyConnected have the opportunity to be a nexus in at least one area in a way that significantly increases our visibility among our purposefully identified audiences.

When we do this effectively, the game changes. We no longer fight for attention. We don’t get passed over for the advancements we seek. Opportunities and resources we would have never imagined show up in our lives.

People can’t follow, employ, collaborate with, or otherwise engage with people or organizations of which they are not aware. Visibility is key. And nothing creates more consistent, valuable visibility than being a strategically positioned nexus, setting the stage for us to live, work, and interact in a category of our making — our Category of One — which is addressed in our next breakthrough in Part 2 of this series.

Do you have a comment or question? Let’s have a conversation!

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Intending or taking offense creates instant disconnection between people.

While we can’t ensure that our actions will never offend anyone, we can act with care, being outward-facing and putting other people first in every consideration.

At the same time, we have complete control over whether we give power to others to offend us. No one can offend us without our permission.

That’s a powerful realization and position.

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The Principle

Permission

We can’t be offended unless we choose to be — unless we give our permission.

When we live in a state of peace, we retain our freedom of choice. When ego rules us, causing us to live outside our place of peace, our freedom of choice diminishes. It becomes difficult, if not impossible, to choose not to be offended.

When we are at peace, we see the good in others’ intentions. This lens reduces the likelihood of misunderstanding. We allow others space for missteps. Our peace transfers, in part, to others, as they are seen, heard, respected, and appreciated by us.

When ego is piloting our journey, we are easily offended. We have allowed expectation to be our co-pilot. This team of ego and expectation causes our focus to be on ourselves, our image, or our position, rather than on other people. We are no longer outward-facing. Our options and opportunities dwindle.

These shortcomings are fixable.
We are in control of ourselves.

From our place of peace, we realize that others’ bad behavior is a reflection of their own suffering. We feel compassion. We strive to help those people find joy in their journeys.

Choose to see and assume the best in people and in situations.

Choose to view life in such a way that being offended isn’t an option.

Never give others permission to control you by choosing to be offended.

Let’s consider how to make these choices in The Practice…

If you like what you’ve read/heard, please consider sharing it. Thank you!

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The Practice

We’ve touched on both sides of offense scenarios: offending others (intentionally or unwittingly) and being offended. Let’s look at two simple practices that help overcome both of these points of disconnection and distractions to productivity.

Listen to me share The Practice, read it below, or both!

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Everyone Is Looking for Leaders

Leadership is widely misunderstood.

Most people believe it’s a position or role. It isn’t.

Leadership is a state of being. It’s something we do. It’s part of who we are.

This is great news for the many who believe they can’t create meaningful impact because of their lack of a title or their place on an organizational chart.

People want to be informed, heard, supported, and inspired. We follow people we trust. We want options when it comes to who we choose to listen to and align with.

And those people aren’t always the ones in “leadership” positions.

Leadership vs. Management

As a quick note, I want to point out that the terms “leadership” and “management” are often used interchangeably. This is erroneous.

Management is the process of ensuring that the components of a bigger picture work together to achieve a prescribed result. It’s largely tactical.

Leadership, in my opinion, is a process of discovery — driven by genuine curiosity and care for others — that causes us to uncover what others want and how we can help them get it. We help integrate the visions of our external and internal audiences with that of the organization. Once we’ve facilitated such discovery, we ensure the people we lead have everything they need to succeed — personally and professionally.

Leadership, in my world, if nowhere else, is masterful facilitation, coupled with active support of and care for those around us. It’s embodied in active, outward-facing service.

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Lead from Any Position

If my view on leadership has validity and people are actively looking for leaders, this means we don’t need to wait for anyone else to give us permission to lead. We can simply observe and act. No title required.

A Savvy Leader’s View on Growth and Success

As leaders, we don’t just serve those we see as below us on an organizational chart, in social standing, or in financial status; we serve everyone. This becomes particularly powerful when we lead from a place most people would consider an “underdog position.”

I’m talking about the employee who does everything he can to make sure his supervisor succeeds and looks good to her boss.

This level of leadership shows up in the politician who, despite disagreeing with a peer, fosters understanding by setting his agenda aside so he can fully understand that would-be adversary for the benefit of the citizens they have both committed to serve.

As an example from my own life, allow me to share the account of a situation in which I felt the people in power held all the cards and were using them to beat me up without warrant, and the mindset shift in me that turned an extremely ugly situation into as positive a scenario as it possibly could have been…

The Ant and the Gorilla

Years ago, I found myself on the undesirable end of a lawsuit filed against me by our federal government. I felt it was completely unwarranted. In fact, I had gone above and beyond (I believed) what was legally required of me to “do the right thing.” Yet the lawsuit moved forward.

This wasn’t a small matter. The sum for which I was being pursued reached into the tens of millions of dollars.

They pursued me relentlessly. I fought back — convinced that my being “right” would allow me to prevail in the end.

One day, after years of this time- and resource-wasting battle for both parties, a thought hit me: what if I helped the attorney from the Department of Justice who was driving this suit against me be the hero? What if he got what he wanted because his boss got what he wanted (and so on)?

At first, the thought seemed foreign and misdirected. Sure, I was always happy to help someone succeed if I agreed with what they were doing, but why would I help someone whose efforts were overtly misdirected (according to me) and making my life miserable?

As I considered this question, I came to two conclusions:

First, did this attorney, the DOJ, and the federal agency that were pursuing me think they were wrongfully pursuing me? I highly doubted it. After all, who would spend their time trying to put the hurt on someone they thought was innocent?

Second, was there a chance I wasn’t as innocent in the situation as I saw myself being? Were there things I didn’t understand that caused me to look different to my legal opponents than I appeared to myself? That thought hadn’t crossed my mind prior to that moment.

So, I did something that felt a little crazy: I contacted the attorney and told him I wanted to discuss a change in approach I was considering. When we met, I told him about the two thoughts that had resulted from my reconsidering the entire situation.

He was surprised. Then I really threw him a curveball.

“David (not his real name),” I began, “in all our interactions, I have failed to gain clarity on your position on this matter. I apologize for that. What do you ultimately want out of these proceedings? What I’m really wondering is how can I help you succeed at whatever is most important to you?”

David looked deeply into my eyes, studying me to determine my intent in taking such a drastically different approach from the one I had taken for the years we had been at odds.

“What’s your angle?” he asked.

“Simply wanting to bring this matter to a conclusion as quickly as possible that meets both our needs as well as possible,” I replied. “It just hadn’t occurred to me before that you have people to keep happy and a career to consider, just like I have my own realities to protect.”

That day, something significant changed between us. David moved with me in this new direction slowly, making sure I was acting in good faith, just as he should have. I, in turn, became curious, asking questions about how the DOJ worked, what they wanted to see happen to meet their objectives, and how I could help them succeed in their real, ultimate purpose — which, from my updated perspective, I realized had to consist of something more than simply beating me up because they could.

We began discussing my intent behind what I had and hadn’t done, rather than simply examining actions or outcomes, which had been the prior focus. We revisited the interpretation of the law and how my situation differed from other cases they had previously seen as similar. In the end, we saw each other as humans. It became clear, I believe, to them that my actions were made in good faith and that I had attempted to be thoughtful and selfless in what I had done — the opposite of what they had previously seen.

In the end, the laws hadn’t changed. My prior actions and their outcomes hadn’t changed. Yet, the conversation changed dramatically, as did the financial obligation I was left to satisfy. I still didn’t wholeheartedly agree with the decision, but I understood their position and, more importantly, was able to get on with my life rather than being distracted by spending more years in the courtroom.

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Step Into Other People’s Worlds

Taking this approach of putting sincere effort into seeing a situation through the eyes of those whom most people might see as adversaries wasn’t a first for me. I had done the same thing many times before while effecting turnarounds on troubled companies. I had similar conversations with creditors, unhappy vendors, the IRS, state tax commissions, and many others who had existing claims against struggling companies I stepped in to help.

I suppose the reason I hadn’t seen this opportunity in the federal case I shared a moment ago was that I was being accused of creating the problem — a claim that simply wasn’t true. I was the guy who showed up to fix the existing problem. That didn’t seem to matter to them. All they seemed to want was someone to pin the problem on, and I was that guy.

Because of this emotional blind spot, I hadn’t taken the opportunity to step back and be objective in my views as I had in other situations. The fact that this matter reached into the tens of millions of dollars likely triggered me as well, putting me in defense mode instead of objective communicator mode — something that happens to most of us when the stakes are high.

The end of this account is that, while I didn’t get what I asked for, we were able to come to a settlement agreement that was infinitely more equitable than what had been dropped on me to begin with — and we did it all within months, not five to seven more years (on top of the eight years we were already into the matter), as my attorney had told me to expect.

For more on stepping into other people’s worlds and interacting within their paradigms, review Session 1 of VEVA: The Art of Human Connection.

Limitless Opportunities

When we consider the opportunities we have to step away from our own agendas and see the world through others’ eyes, we open the door to connecting with others in ways people who lack this desire or skill will never experience. Stepping into other people’s worlds, staying there, and interacting within their paradigms is one of the most powerful skills we can develop.

The opportunities to exercise this skill are everywhere. At home. In the workplace. In our communities. Everywhere we go, there are people we can help succeed, who, in turn, see us as leaders — whether or not we hold a leadership title.

And when the people we help are “above” us in an operational or social hierarchy, the effect is that much more powerful.

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Alignment

Living with the mindset of helping those who have some type of authority or power over us succeed — this whole idea of leading from an underdog position — does not, in any way, mean that we are obligated to support actions, beliefs, mandates, or other directives with which we do not align. In many cases, we can disagree with the process or even the position and still be supportive. However, if, at the moral, ethical, or legal level, you are not aligned with what is being done, please do not take my message as indicating in any way that you should support such actions.

When we look beyond agreement and focus on alignment, it’s relatively simple to see what warrants our support and what does not.

This was the key that allowed me to change my mindset from seeing the 800-pound federal government gorilla stomping on me relentlessly as an adversary to viewing the matter from their perspective and realizing that, just like me, they had their own priorities driving their actions. We were more alike than we were different. We were fellow humans putting effort behind what we saw as being “right.” We were working to protect our positions.

All I had to do was be outward-facing enough to see this, act on it by discovering our shared point of alignment, and then lead from my underdog position — despite our lack of agreement — to ensure that our shared point of alignment was protected.

Did it feel natural? Not at first.

Was it easy? No.

Did it make me happy? Not instantly.

Did my change in approach fuel understanding? Absolutely!

Did it yield a more productive result than either party had seen prior to the shift? I know it did for me. I can only assume it did for the federal entities involved as well, based on their willingness to come to a speedy conclusion to the matter.

And here’s a question for careful consideration: Did we have to compromise to arrive at a meaningful conclusion? I don’t believe so. I think we both achieved what we ultimately envisioned as the best possible outcome because we reached our shared point of alignment. (We’ll talk about compromise and why it isn’t a path to peace or clear communication in a future journal entry.)

Putting It Into Action

Are you ready to lead from an underdog position when you’re not in the driver’s seat?

Would you like those calling the shots to see you as a supporter and ally rather than an adversary or a threat to their authority?

Do you want to help your employees, team or family members, or others develop this skill?

The topic of alignment vs. agreement and how to apply what I’ve shared in this journal entry is addressed in another journal entry titled “Agreement Is Optional: How savvy difference makers use disagreement as an asset.” Here’s the link:

Imagine a world in which conflicts between people are minimized because we all understand that we don’t have to be “right,” that we can align without agreement, and when we forget about being understood and, instead, invest our energy into understanding and serving others, we all get more of the positive things we’re all seeking as fellow humans.

We create our realities.
What do you want your reality to be?

I’d love to hear your thoughts or questions about this journal entry. Please share them and let’s have a conversation. Thank you!

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—Bryan

If the message in this journal entry resonated with you, please consider sharing it with others. Together, we are creating a HumanlyConnected society. Thank you for being an important part of this world-changing movement!

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We waste a lot of time trying to get people to agree with us.

Business owners. Parents. Co-workers. Spouses. Salespeople. Teachers. Civic leaders…

We all do it.

While the squandered time and effort are enough to give us pause, perhaps the bigger slap is the realization that we have missed opportunities day after day because our bandwidth is spent pushing agendas rather than productively accomplishing the work that transforms visions into reality.

If agreement is genuinely optional, how do we get on the same page and work together to make things happen?

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The Principle

Alignment

When we transcend the need to agree and, instead, focus on higher-level alignment, breakthroughs occur. Contention disappears. Connection happens naturally.

Consider a situation you’ve observed or been involved in recently in which people didn’t agree. What did the conversation sound like? Were people genuinely listening to each other? Did a meaningful resolution unfold that everyone supported?

Probably not.

Now, consider the same situation, looking far down the road at what everyone ultimately wanted. Try to distill it all down to a principle, if possible. Did everyone ultimately want similar results but just didn’t agree on how to achieve them?

Here’s just one example that is likely universal…

Multiple civic leaders are involved in addressing an issue facing the citizens they serve. Opinions about effective solutions vary widely. Everyone thinks their solution is best. No one wants to budge. Anyone who doesn’t agree with a given person is, in his or her eyes, uninformed.

Sound familiar?

Regardless of the topic at hand, the reason these civil servants are addressing the matter has its roots in a common vision; otherwise, no one would be passionately taking a stand.

When we’re savvy (and emotionally mature) enough to see past initial disagreements and find our point of alignment, we identify a focus we can all work toward together instead of exhausting our efforts by battling each other.

In a civic situation like this, some points of alignment might include providing a safe place for families to live, streamlining traffic flow for a more enjoyable commuting experience, providing open spaces for kids to play in the middle of an otherwise heavily developed urban area, and so on.

These ideas aren’t new. We hear them all the time in politicians’ campaign promises.

As often as topics like these are brought up, many of these visions never become reality. Or they come to fruition much more slowly and at considerably greater expense than citizens had hoped.

Why? Because the “my way or the highway” mentality of the decision makers hinders the work.

The Power of Disagreement

When we collectively focus on our point of alignment — our guiding star — we now have the capacity to have meaningful, objective discussions about points of disagreement, stepping into each other’s worlds and genuinely working to understand where everyone is coming from in our differing views.

We already align on what we ultimately want. Now it’s our opportunity to discover, through meaningful curiosity and discovery, what we don’t know — what others’ values, experiences, and visions are based on because of their unique situations.

Here’s my iron-clad, 100% guaranteed promise to you: When you make this your default mode of interaction, you will learn more things you didn’t know or fully understand than you ever will by assuming you have it all figured out. Period.

Disagreement — seen as an opportunity for discovery and not the creator of contention — is, perhaps, the most powerful asset any of us can harness and use to create new, more productive realities than any of us can possibly hope for by operating strictly from our own paradigm. As I’ve written about in a previous journal entry: All Creation Is Co-creation.

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A 3-Step Approach

Benefitting from disagreement can be boiled down to a three-step approach:

Illuminate. Celebrate. Activate.

Let’s look at how to do this in The Practice…

The Practice

You can listen to me share The Practice for this journal entry, read it below, or both!

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“If everyone would just listen to me, we’d all be better off.”

How often have your speech and actions shown others that this is how you feel?

What does this do to your relationships? your credibility? your blood pressure?

Being this way doesn’t make you a terrible person.
It makes you normal.

But do you want to be normal?
Or were you meant for something greater?
What does “greater” look like for you?

For Business Owners

Owners who lead with peace and communicate with clarity…

• attract and keep world-class employees and fiercely loyal clients
• reduce marketing expenses and sales cycles while increasing revenues
• have more time to enjoy the rewards of their labors
• sleep better at night and have more energy

For Employees

Employees who lead with peace and communicate with clarity…

• quickly gain the trust of their co-workers
• get to see beyond the haze of workplace drama
• get the fastest and best promotions

For Solopreneurs

Self-employed businesspeople who lead with peace and communicate with clarity…

• remove the awkward transitions between marketing, sales, and fulfillment
• discover how to invest their time doing what they do best
• live in the enviable place of having no real competitors

For Parents

Parents who lead with peace and communicate with clarity…

• enjoy low stress levels and increase family member interaction
• foster conditions where harmony and love naturally reside
• nurture children who live in peace and thrive

For Civic Leaders

Civic and community leaders who lead with peace and communicate with clarity…

• invest their efforts in making a difference instead of talking about it
• don’t waste time and energy defending their positions or mudslinging
• are regarded as solid, believable people who warrant trust and support

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My Work, My Journal

HumanlyConnected is what I call my work. This publication is my journal. It draws on 40+ years of experience nurturing deeper human connections, beginning with an experience I had while living in Asia as a young adult in the mid-1980s.

This ongoing journey has been the proving ground for raising self-aware and community-minded children, building multiple businesses (including a couple of nationally leading companies), nurturing unstoppable cultures, transcending the petty disagreements that stifle progress, and living in a state of unparalleled peace.

I share the principles, practices, and tools you can use to create these same realities for yourself and those you lead.

A Community of Difference Makers

HumanlyConnected is a place where people who understand the value they offer discover how to attract others to them by rising above the noise and accelerating their success by moving beyond the limiting communication practices we’ve all been taught, accepted, and integrated into our interactions.

A new view on ourselves, others, and how we interact allows us to gain more influence by whispering. Let everyone else clamor for the bigger megaphones. This is a place to build deep, lasting relationships and develop unsurpassed leadership skills.

Stop wasting time and energy attempting to be understood.
Start investing your resources into doing what you do best.
Nurture a culture of trust and understanding everywhere you go.

Where to Start

To get you started on this new leg of your journey, I’ve compiled links to resources to help you lead with peace and communicate with clarity. Here they are…

Resource #1: My Journal

The first resource is my HumanlyConnected journal — the publication you’re reading right now. If you haven’t subscribed yet, do that now.

The free version shares plenty of insights you’ll find valuable. The paid version adds the “how” that helps you consistently implement what you discover and share your discoveries with your team members, employees, family members, and others who share your interest in living in peace and enjoying the benefits of clear communication.

(Note: Businesses and other groups find it helpful to have memberships for all their people. To make this affordable, there’s a deep discount for groups of 10 or more.)

There’s a free trial period that gives you full access to everything (training, archives, conversations with other members), so you can make sure it aligns with you before you invest a dime. Take advantage of that now:

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Resource #2: VEVA

The introductory training found in VEVA: The Art of Human Connection gives you the foundation you need for everything else you’ll discover and experience through your membership in this community.

My suggestion: Listen to the audio for all the sessions first (about 1 hour and 45 minutes total, broken up into an intro and four sessions) to get a high-level overview. Then go back with the downloadable PDFs in front of you and work through the exercises and implementation practices over a period of a few weeks.

Here’s the link to the training:

VEVA Training

Resource #3: Recordings of Journal Entries

I know you’re busy! That’s why I produce my weekly journal entries to be digested in less than 20 minutes.

Beyond keeping my journal entries concise, I also record them so you can listen to them on the go. They are the perfect companion for drive time, workouts, walks in the sunshine, or other places where feeding your mind with beneficial ideas and insights helps you grow without requiring dedicated focus.

(Note: If you’re using the Substack app, make sure you listen to my recordings included in the journal entries and not the “Listen” button that appears at the top of the screen. That button leads to a computer-generated voice that misses the nuances of my work as it reads.)

Resource #4: Implementation Practices

Many of my journal entries are organized into three sections: The Principle, The Practice, and The Conversation Starter.

The second section — The Practice — provides direction on actions you can take immediately to enjoy the benefits of the principle that guides that journal entry.

Find the way that works for you to include consistent implementation of what you discover, and you’ll gain all the benefits of being HumanlyConnected!

Resource #5: Conversation Starters

Many of my journal entries also include conversation starters. These are downloadable MP3 files you can share with your teams, employees, family members, and others to help them prepare for conversations about the topics we address in this community.

This is a powerful, done-for-you tool that provides meaningful discussion and training materials for your staff meetings and other gatherings, with no specific preparation on your part!

Resource #6: The Archive

The HumanlyConnected archive is where you’ll find everything I’ve written and recorded in my journal since I started sharing it publicly. Read or listen to existing journal entries, along with paying attention to the new, weekly ones that show up in your inbox. The topics cover every facet of interpersonal communication, and the principles are timeless.

(Pro Tip: Use the conversation starters from these journal entries for the communication and culture training segments of your staff meetings and other gatherings!)

Go to the Archive

Resource #7: Search

You can conveniently search the entire archive by topic or keywords using the magnifying glass icon that appears at the top of the journal entry list in the archive. This is a powerful way to use it as a resource for in-house training sessions for your people or to brush up on topics of interest to you.

Search the Archive

Resource #8: Links to Additional Journal Entries

In many of my journal entries, I include links to other journal entries that have a connection to the topic in the entry you’re reading. Following these links is a great way to continue to heighten your awareness of and improve your skills around leading with peace and communicating with clarity.

Resource #9: Events

From time to time, I host events — both virtual and in-person — to create opportunities for interaction, skill-building, and further insights into how to maximize the realization of your personal reason for being a member of this community.

Watch for these announcements in my journal entries, or see all upcoming events anytime here:

Upcoming Events

Resource #10: This Journal Entry

You have far too much in your brain and on your mind to remember all these resources. That’s why I’ve assembled them here!

You can access this overview anytime by going to HumanlyConnected.com and clicking/tapping on this “START HERE” journal entry, where you’ll find all the directions and links you need to make the most of your membership in the HumanlyConnected community.

Jump in. Listen. Read. Ask questions. Share comments. Facilitate conversations. Implement what you discover.

This is the place for difference makers who want to lead with peace and communicate with clarity. Thank you for being one of these world-changing people!

And thank you for being here. I sincerely appreciate the trust you’ve placed in me.

All my best in your ongoing journey,

–Bryan

Questions? Thoughts? Please share them here:

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Who else do you know who might find this helpful? Please help us spread the word by sharing it. Thank you!

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“My wife says I don’t listen to her. At least I think that’s what she said!”

This tongue-in-cheek statement is something I heard many years ago. I’ve shared it with a smile from time to time when it illustrates a truth any married person has experienced from one side or the other of its [hopefully] humorous reality.

While we may smile at it because of the truth it embodies in a few words, the damage this condition can cause is real and adversely affects many family members, business associates, friends, employees, and others with whom we spend our time.

Let’s look at how we can improve our ability to be the type of people others seek out because when they are with us, they know they are seen, heard, and appreciated.

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Phase 1: Self-assessment

Here’s a brief self-test to see if you believe you genuinely listen to people. There are plenty of other questions we might consider; however, these three are enough to shed light on our ability and willingness to listen.

Answer each question with a quick “yes” or “no” without qualifying your answer or rationalizing your thoughts:

1. Do you ask drill-down questions to gain a deeper understanding of others without sharing your views until they are requested or you ask permission to share them?

2. Are you a facilitator of discovery for others in conversations, rather than the provider of answers or advice?

3. When you disagree with what someone is saying, do you avoid sharing your opinion so you have the opportunity to understand them without interrupting their thought process?

Let’s see what your answers reveal.

If you answered “yes” to all three questions, you might be a world-class listener!

If you answered “yes” to two or more, you may be doing much better than most people. Consider whether you’re satisfied being an above-average listener, or if you want to improve in this area.

If you answered “yes” to only one or none of the questions, you may want to consider the very real possibility that you are damaging your relationships with others and limiting your opportunities, both personally and professionally, due to your lack of listening skills. Again, it’s your call. If you’re okay with that, no need to act. If you’re not, the good news is that there’s a viable path to improvement, and you’re in the place to discover the tools you need to make that journey.

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Phase 2: Outside Feedback

With your direct, yes/no answers (no “Yes, but…” or other qualifications) in place, go ask a few people who are closest to you the questions below. They contain essentially the same points, just reworded for your convenience in asking them to other people.

The audience for this exercise might include your spouse or partner, co-workers, employees, friends, family members, business partners, or other members of the circles in which you interact.

Some suggestions for getting genuine feedback:

• Have the conversations one-on-one in private settings.

• When setting a time to have each conversation, tell the person you are working on some self-improvement matters and would like to get their honest feedback on some key points, asking them when the best time is to talk so they can be focused.

• When meeting to talk, warm up the exercise by asking the other person to be open and to answer each question quickly (first thoughts matter!) with a simple “yes” or “no” with no qualification or explanation. Let them know that the two of you can go back and discuss any of the questions further after they have answered all of them quickly and directly with their yes/no responses.

• Ask each question, get their yes/no response, then immediately go on to the next question. This momentum is key to gaining genuine responses. Save additional questions for after the initial questions are asked and answered.

Here are the questions for those conversations:

1. When you talk to me, hoping to be listened to, do I ask questions to gain a deeper understanding without sharing my views until you ask to hear them, or I ask permission to share them?

2. Do I help facilitate your discovery of answers, rather than simply sharing my answers or advice initially?

3. When we disagree, do I avoid sharing my opinion so I have the opportunity to understand you without interrupting your thought process?

As you ask these questions and listen to the answers, don’t limit your audience members’ feedback to the words they share. Facial expressions and body language will add much to the meaning of their feedback. If they are answering “yes” to each question but you see fear in their eyes, they avert their gaze, pause before answering, or squirm or otherwise fidget, weigh these factors into their responses. The purpose of this exercise isn’t to validate your beliefs about your listening skills; it’s to see if you have blind spots you’re not aware of.

A sense of uneasiness or fear, coupled with a “yes” response, likely means they are afraid to share their true view and are fudging their answer. This same countenance, coupled with a “no” response, likely means they are sharing their genuine feelings, but are afraid that their honesty may offend you.

Once you have all three answers from a given respondent, you may choose to ask further questions about their responses, if you want deeper insights.

A Point of Awareness

Since the topic of this exercise is how well you listen, be aware of whether you feel defensive — or even become verbally defensive — to the other person’s initial answers or deeper insights about how well you listen. If you feel defensive, I will submit that you have your answer right there: you have some room to grow in your listening skills.

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Phase 3: Reflection, Decision-making, and Action

Once you’ve considered your own answers to the assessment questions, then combined them with the answers you received from others, it’s time to reflect on your discoveries and decide what you want to do with the insights you’ve gained.

• Were you surprised by any of your own answers to the questions?

• Did the answers you received from others give you new insights into the way other people perceive you as a listener?

• Are you satisfied with the current state of your mindset, ability, and willingness to listen?

• What do you want to do with what you’ve discovered?

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Action

The resources below can help you improve your listening skills, become a more effective leader, a sought-after employee, an in-demand mentor, and a highly regarded friend and family member. You don’t need to dive into all of them. Consider the descriptions accompanying each link and invest a few minutes into the ones that most directly address what you discovered in your self-assessment and conversations with others about your listening skills.

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NOTE: I’ve continued to have some of my biggest fans (you know who you are) tell me that having The Principle, The Practice, and The Conversation Starter included in every week’s journal entry feels like a little too much — that they feel like they are falling behind if they aren’t using everything I share every week.

I don’t want anyone to feel overwhelmed.

So, I’m going to mix things up for a while, with the hope that everyone will find at least one useful focus in my weekly thoughts each month.

To that end, today’s journal entry will feel more like a short podcast episode — a little longer than my previous entries, but all in one section, with no specific “to-do” items (although I will prompt you to act on what you discover for yourself).

Over the coming weeks, please share your thoughts on the formats I use. Thank you for being here and for being a member of the HumanlyConnected family!

An Observation

Recently, I spent time with a large group of people over the course of two days. The reason for our being together: the marriage of a young couple.

At every point of the multiple events over these two days, I noticed something disheartening: the lack of presence displayed by so many, which was manifested, among other ways, in the mindlessness with which people were constantly paying attention to their phones — scrolling, typing, checked out from the reality in which their bodies were surrounded.

The Exceptions

Not everyone who was using their phone was completely checked out. Facial expressions, brevity and sparseness of use, and body language cues indicated when someone was taking care of a quick need, then getting back to the present moment as quickly as possible.

But those were the exceptions.

Intention

What a blessing that technology has allowed us to be away from the office and other obligations in so many cases that would have meant missing important social events like this wedding in the past.

Technology isn’t good or bad. It just is. Our intentionality in using it makes it an asset or a distraction.

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A Blatant Distraction

I had a completely different topic ready to go for this week’s journal entry. Then, while polishing it off, a little dialog box popped up in the lower-right corner of my word processor — an ad from my up-until-now unintrusive grammar-checking tool. I closed it. It reappeared a few minutes later, so I clicked the “Check It Out” button, more than any other reason, so it would discontinue interrupting my thoughts as I was writing.

There it was, one more website promising the ultimate AI suite to unite all my apps and tasks, streamline my work, and automate mundane tasks.

The AI Trap

The allure of having AI be our cheaply paid personal assistant is strong. I’ll admit, it’s impressive what it can do. And I’ll be quick to concede that it has its place.

Along with that admission and concession, however, I’ll also submit that we are unwittingly slowly, incrementally handing our most creative and connective abilities over to something that isn’t and never will be able to be human — to create that which has not been previously contemplated and to connect soul-to-soul.

Again, AI isn’t good or bad. It just is. How and when we choose to employ it is where we decide whether we’re enhancing or diminishing our human experience.

There’s plenty of information and many thoughts out there on the topic of how AI is changing our interactions as humans, so I won’t take either of our time rehashing them. Instead, I’ll share three things we might all consider to rein in our infatuation with technology and double down on being human…

1. Decide in Advance How and Why We’re Using Technology

It’s become normal for many (most?) people to get excited about the latest app or AI-enhanced feature on tools we already use. Instead of excitedly exclaiming, “Great! One more way AI is saving me time and making my life easier,” stop and consider what the new app/feature is replacing or “enhancing,” and what it is taking off your plate.

If it is causing you to relinquish your creative or decision-making processes — the finely nuanced abilities that make you human — think twice before turning one more pivot point of your life over to something you had no hand in designing.

For me, if tech can wash my clothes or maintain the temperature in my home, I’m okay with letting it do so, giving me more time to accomplish meaningful work that machines can’t do. If, however, it’s deciding what I should eat or how I’m interacting with my family members, I’ve given away pieces of what makes me human. That’s unacceptable to me.

2. Identify Tech-Free Time Slots Every Day

We’re all creators — either by design or by default. We create our realities. Our level of intentionality in doing so determines our level of fulfillment, our mental and emotional well-being, and the state of peace (or lack thereof) in which we live.

I have found that a significant contributor to all three of these important components of a healthy life — personal fulfillment, mental and emotional well-being, and peace — is being completely analog for as much of each day as possible.

For example, I did away with my smart watch. Exercising my brain by remembering my schedule, controlling my use of text messaging and my email inbox as scheduled tasks, knowing how much (and how long) to exercise to meet my desired level of health, and mindfully tracking my nutritional intake without a digital coach have all led to greater success in each of these areas than when I was relying on technology to remind me, push me, or call out my lack of performance.

This is just one example. Others include tech-free mealtimes with humans, reading at least one physical printed book alongside whatever I’m reading on digital devices, and enjoying earbud-free thinking time during part of my exercise, housework, or other daily activities that don’t require intense concentration.

Being fully present with ourselves and others without the distractions of technology is key to being human at the deepest and most enjoyable levels.

3. Turn to Tech AFTER Actively Exercising Our Creative Abilities

This is a big one! Being able to ask questions into our phones in natural human language and receive rapid responses that are, for the most part, helpful is nothing short of miraculous. I’m consistently blown away by the advancements in AI that provide ever more useful information in this way.

That said, when we choose to use technology in this way — and for other similar tasks — are we taking the time to exercise our abilities as creative beings and exercise our brains before submitting ourselves to technology’s direction? This step is important to our long-term wellbeing. Of my three points, this is the one I wish to put a big exclamation point after!

I mentioned earlier that what ultimately prompted this journal entry was my grammar-checking tool, which crossed the line by interrupting my sacred thinking and writing time with an ad. Until that point, I could easily avoid being distracted by the marks it placed as I wrote, knowing I would go back and consider its suggestions once I was finished. Now that it has chosen to disrespect our relationship in this way, I have turned it off while writing. Moving forward, I will switch it on after my creative process is complete to see what corrections or stylistic changes it might suggest I have missed as I have written. Turning it off and on isn’t convenient. I’d rather not have to. However, my writing is mine. I’m in charge. So I’ll take the time to accommodate this inconvenience for the value I find in the small catches this app makes that provide a more enjoyable reading experience for my audience.

Here are a few more areas to consider remaining in analog mode until you have exhausted your abilities before turning to technology to validate, enhance, further develop, or manage your work or other elements of your life…

Brainstorming

Don’t start your brainstorming activities using a digital partner. It only knows what others have already created and fed to it. Many would-be breakthroughs and manifestations of human genius are lost as we willingly follow the direction of the ‘shiny objects’ produced by generative AI tools. Yes, they are impressive. Yes, it can be amazing what they come up with that we wouldn’t have. However, everything they deliver is, again, based on someone else’s thinking.

Exercise your mind. Think deeply. Connect all the dots you can. Make discoveries and come to conclusions using your own faculties and those of any other humans who may be involved in the process with you.

Once you’ve exhausted those resources and have original human thought as a foundation, engage technology to help discover additional insights, identify holes in theories, and otherwise engage the minds of an infinitely larger audience than you ever could in person — with your human-generated thoughts, insights, emotions, and abilities directing the effort.

Using technology in this way can take our abilities, ideas, and inspiration to new levels.

Engaging technology prematurely can cause us to miss the core creation that would have fueled such opportunities.

Writing

It’s exciting that AI has enabled many people with limited writing abilities to express themselves more fully in this medium. At the same time, far too much of the writing I encounter is sinking into a sea of sameness as AI trains incestuously on rehashes of the same information and writing styles.

Most of what I would say under this subheading is a specific application of what I’ve already said under “Brainstorming,” above. In addition to those general thoughts and guidelines, here’s a specific process I’ve found to work for helping those who struggle with writing create high-quality finished work while maintaining their original thought and voice:

• Sit down and write without regard to order of information, style, grammar, punctuation, or any other element of writing that might hinder your thought process or progress. Use one-line bullet points if you need to. Just write. It doesn’t matter how it sounds or reads. The key is to make it yours.

• If you have a personalized or organizational messaging style guide you’ve created (NOT using AI), use it in the next step of this process. (The guides I develop with my clients are called Your Messaging DNA. They provide deep insights for human or AI-assisted writing processes.)

• Provide your original writing and your messaging style guide to the generative AI tool you are using, along with a thorough prompt that details the nature of the finished piece you are aiming for, asking it to create a bullet-point outline for you to follow as you write the finished piece. Note that you are not asking it to write the piece. You are asking it to organize the flow of information for a specific type and length of the finished document — something that AI tools have proven quite good at.

• Once you have the outline, which is based on your original thought and content, use the outline to flesh out your thoughts. Simply follow the outline, writing what is in your mind on each point. This will keep you from having to think about flow. You can simply say what is in your mind regarding each point. This is your original creation, using your words and voice.

• If you’re uneasy about your grammar, spelling, or other technical aspects of the piece you’ve created, you can then, once again, use technology to clean up those small issues. Do NOT ask your AI tool to rewrite it, make it sound like a specific author, or provide other commands that will strip the piece of your voice. Your voice is yours. Use it. People will connect with it better than reading one more AI-generated, mind-numbing piece.

Being in Person

Are you old enough to remember the television show, The Jetsons? When George Jetson’s boss, Mr. Spacely, would talk to people on a video call — which was facilitated by a tube-type television monitor descending from the ceiling in front of him — my imagination went wild. Would the day come when we could truly see someone on a video screen and talk to them as if we were in person, instead of calling on a voice-only phone?

When video conferencing services appeared at Kinko’s (now FedEx Office) locations around the country, we were really there! For just a few hundred dollars, a room of people in one location could interact with a room of people elsewhere — far less expensive and time-consuming than flying people around the country (or even world!).

At the time, I was working with companies in Southeast Asia. A 45-minute trip to the nearest Kinko’s location offering this service saved days compared to flying to Asia for in-person meetings. I was sold!

Of course, now we can have these conversations on small devices we keep in our pockets, at no additional cost for using the service. Truly amazing. Almost magical.

When we were all relegated to our private spaces in 2020 due to a viral outbreak that became a global pandemic, these technologies boomed. I’m grateful we had the option to continue communicating remotely. That was a genuine blessing.

As life returned to pre-pandemic norms, however, we continued to lean on our newfound dependence on technology for hosting meetings, often even when in-person meetings were an option. We turned back to in-person gatherings as people grew hungry for human connection. We’ve seen the ongoing return of in-person events mixed with an ever-growing number of online interactions. Both have their place.

My thought here is this: find and use every opportunity to be with other humans. If this isn’t feasible with your work situation, prioritize it more heavily in your personal interactions. Even if you are able to be with people in your work setting, make sure your personal, in-person interaction time is rich both in quantity and quality.

It’s easy to get pulled away not only from in-person connections to digital ones, but also to further lessen the level of connection through asynchronous digital interactions (like social media, texting, and email), thinking that we’re connecting with others. We’re not. At least not in a way that meets our mental and emotional needs. As humans, we have a need to be with other humans.

A Call to Double Down

These are some of my thoughts regarding our infatuation with technology, some of the problems and potential issues being caused by that focus, and, hopefully, some ideas on how we can individually and collectively act on some simple changes in our behavior to improve our lives. Let’s not just talk about it. Let’s do it!

This is my call to all of us to double down on being human — to proactively and intentionally plan our use of technology, take time for analog living, and use technology thoughtfully and intentionally to accelerate our original thoughts and human-led activities, rather than letting it call the shots for us.

Are You In?

What one small thing will you change today that will help you feel and be more human for yourself and those around you?

How will you continue in this thoughtful trend to ensure that your journey is headed where you want it to, and not to a destination of someone else’s choosing?

I’d love to hear your comments.

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And please, share this message with others you feel will benefit from it. Thank you!

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Here’s to your fully enjoying all the benefits that come from being HumanlyConnected!

–Bryan

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We live busy lives. We’re told that to get the most out of every facet of our lives, we must focus on constantly improving. I agree.

That said, there are two caveats I will submit are key to genuine progress:

1.) The most effective long-term approach to progress requires a plan and consistency, and

2.) Progressing at a pace dictated by someone else is an exercise in frustration that is not likely to yield desirable results.

Among other rewards, progressing at our own pace contributes significantly to our peace.

Overwhelm goes away. Frustrations reduce. We find joy in the journey.

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The Principle

Progress

Constantly progress — at a pace that works for you.

Many driven people will tell you to push it to the limit all the time. It’s got to hurt to work, right? Go, GO, GO!

I’m not suggesting you become complacent. Be honest with yourself. You know what you can do.

Constantly move forward. Just make sure it’s at a pace and in a way that delivers consistent, desirable results while bringing you peace. This is your journey.

Bursts of progression followed by lulls of complacency, confusion, or burnout won’t create sustainable peace. Move forward sensibly.

In The Practice, below, I’ll share a tool and a simple application to ensure that your progress — personally and professionally — is consistent and sustainable while being compatible with your busy life. The Conversation Starter, below, will give you what you need to help others enjoy these same benefits.

Thank you for being here. I hope you’ve found what I’ve shared so far thought-provoking, and you’ll discover at least one new practice as we proceed with this topic that you can implement today to find greater peace through progressing at your own pace.

–Bryan

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The Practice

You can listen to me share The Practice for this journal entry, read it below, or both!

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We all have opinions. And we should.

After all, we think. We have experiences. We want to share what we discover with others.

This is an important part of being human.

The downside of sharing our opinions comes when we do so from a place of prescription, not a place of peace.

Peace is an interesting traveling companion. It isn’t necessarily easy to harness; however, when we effectively put it to work — for ourselves and those around us — it builds on itself.

In the case of the topic of this journal entry, we share our opinions appropriately while in a state of peace. That peace accompanies our words as our audience receives them. This helps nurture peace in others. They enjoy greater clarity from their place of peace as they consider our words and how they might apply to their situation. Then they act in peace as we continue to help facilitate their success.

A Blessing and a Curse

I was born a strategic communicator. I’ve always been able to see the big picture, connect dots (even seemingly unrelated ones), share information in a compelling way, and direct the outcome of interactions with others.

And opinions? I had a strong one for every situation. And, as the saying goes, everyone was welcome to my opinion.

I used my communication skills to get my way for much of my life. It is genuinely scary to me sometimes, in retrospect, to see how dangerously close I came to using my talent in ways that would have detrimentally changed the course of my life. I am sincerely grateful to the many people who helped direct me in more productive paths — and to God, who put those people in my path and gently nudged (and sometimes head-smacked) me when those people’s influence wasn’t sufficient to keep me from self-destruction.

Then, through a series of eye-opening events over the course of years, I saw the light: I was missing the mark on the larger prize available to me through my gift because I was using it for my own gain. The pivot to making other people’s needs and success my primary focus changed me and my life in myriad positive ways. (Hopefully, these changes show up as threads through everything I share in this journal.)

As I share the principle I’m going to focus on in this journal entry, my hope is that something I say will prompt just one little mindset shift for you that will benefit you in your journey today.

After that, I’ll share the one practice that I’ve found to be effective virtually 100% of the time in maintaining connection and peace when sharing opinions — even in high-stakes and potentially contentious situations.

The Conversation Starter that accompanies this journal entry is guaranteed to set the stage for meaningful conversations with your people (work, family, community) that will shed some light for everyone on when and how to share opinions more productively — an area in which we can all continue to improve.

Thank you for being here. Thank you for taking the time to read or listen to this journal entry. There are years of discovery, missteps, retries, resets, and ultimate success I’ll share in the next few minutes.

I hope you find it beneficial.

–Bryan

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The Principle

Restraint

People at peace share opinions selectively.

Our focus is on understanding others. We don’t feel the drive to be understood; rather, we find fulfillment in understanding others so we can act as effective facilitators and guides to them.

Sharing one’s opinion often breeds conflict in others’ minds. When we live in peace, we are mindful not to cause conflict for others.

This isn’t to say we don’t have opinions. As I already mentioned, we do.

Nor am I suggesting we don’t share them when appropriate, even when they may be controversial.

I suggest we simply be aware of the potential effects of sharing a given opinion and do so in a way that maintains connection and avoids inviting conflict.

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There’s a way to share opinions that meets these objectives. We’ll delve deeper into how to do this in The Practice, below.

As a starting point, ask yourself these two questions:

• Will sharing my opinion detract from my opportunity to fully understand others?

• Will sharing my opinion foster peace?

Let’s look at how to share our opinions without compromising our connection with others.

The Practice

You can listen to me share The Practice for this journal entry, read it below, or both!

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Most of us try to do good, to be good.

Then, when we’ve decided what is good, we want others to agree with us. This desire is commonly born of love, genuine concern, and a desire for others to enjoy the good we’ve found or produced.

Here’s the rub…

In this process of attempting to spread the good we have, we create friction. Why? Because when we see ourselves as clearly being right, someone else must be wrong. We unproductively believe that those who don’t see ‘good’ the same way we do need to wake up and see what they’re missing.

You know what I’m talking about. We all take these positions at times.

What if ‘good’ doesn’t need us to push its agenda?
What if it doesn’t need us to fight for it?
What if it doesn’t even need to be defended?
What if it only needs to be modeled?

I can already hear some thinking it: “Is Bryan suggesting there is no ‘good’ and ‘bad’? Is he suggesting we become complacent and let those with bad intentions have their way?”

Not at all.

What I am suggesting, however, is that you consider this possibility: There is no fight between good and bad — beyond the one we choose to create by playing into the snares of those who do not understand the power of peace.

Peace.

We openly revere historical figures who model the principle of peace.
Mother Teresa.
Mahatma Gandhi.
St. Francis of Assisi.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
Siddhartha Gautama (Buddha).
And my personal peace mentor, Jesus Christ.

We like ‘the idea’ of being at peace. We enjoy the fruits of peace. Yet, when faced with a situation that challenges our ‘good,’ peace often makes a quick exit from the room as we succumb to our well-trained instinct to defend our position.

Being.

Although it may sound like the principle I’m focusing on in this journal entry is peace, it’s not. I’d like to share some thoughts on the principle of being and how it allows good to do its work.

To do this, I’m going to raise the bar a bit, and instead of addressing ‘good’ and ‘bad,’ I’m going to use terms most of us are familiar with that carry a bit more weight: ‘good’ and ‘evil.’

‘Good’ Just Is

What if there is no fight between good and evil? What if those of us who have been taught about this struggle have fallen victim to the limitations of language, unwittingly taking our stance of ‘good’ in the form of a battle cry against evil?

What if the original purpose of our being aware of the forces of good and evil was just that: awareness? Not so we could pit our good against others’ evil, but so we could be clear about the boundaries related to these two places to ensure we consistently act within the framework of goodness?

Think about this for a moment…

In the scenario of good fighting against evil, which position has the power?

Is it the reactionary position (good) — or is it the position that has sparked the reaction (evil)?

When our initial mindset and stance are against something, we have already given away a significant portion — perhaps even the majority — of our power. We are on the defensive. We must now prove why we’re ‘right’ and the other party is ‘wrong.’

I lived much of my life in this place where we’ve all been taught to operate. In retrospect, it’s exhausting. How did I ever have time or energy to achieve any positive results in anything I did?

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Now, allow me to turn around this idea that there is no fight between good and evil. Consider this question and these statements:

Is there a fight between evil and good — one in which good has set the standard and evil is on the defensive? Absolutely.

Evil is constantly striking at good.
Yet good doesn’t need to attack evil.
It has no need to. It knows where it stands.
Engaging in battle only feeds evil’s drive.
Good’s simply being adds no fuel to evil’s fire.

Good protects others’ interests by being.
It stands calmly — firm in its position.
It invests its energy in building.
It is aware of evil, but feels no fear.
It is too engaged in producing value to be distracted.

Good is already victorious by its nature.
It has no need to prove itself to evil.
It enjoys the benefit of unconditional peace.
It sees itself in others.
It attracts other good.

Good spends no resources on positioning.
It doesn’t have to create its place.
It is openly invited into its native environment.

Good is the owner of all desirable attributes.
It is the guide of all beneficial journeys.
It freely shares its assets with other good.
It operates on a one-item agenda: perpetuating itself.

Its life is simple — its wins, consistent.

Good sees opposition as beneficial resistance.
It calmly grows in the face of adversity.
It has no need to do hard things.
It doesn’t see ‘hard.’
It only sees opportunity and productive effort.
It exerts its effort with joy.
Joy isn’t hard.

Good stands as an unmovable pillar —
not to be seen but to simply be what it is.

Good is the most constant of friends.
It asks for nothing in selfishness.
It has all it needs.

Good’s pleasure is in others’ constructive victories.

Good lives each day as a lifetime.
It carries no baggage from the past.
It arises ready to be fully present.
It always puts people first.
It knows no lust for things of the world.
It leaves no necessary work undone.
It concludes each day fulfilled.

Good multiplies every worthwhile thing it touches.
It sees beyond facades into hidden truth.
It empowers its allies beyond their known abilities.

Good holds no regrets.
It sees no enemies.
Its vision is unobstructed by these would-be distractions.

Good is weightless.
It is bright.
It only illuminates paths to meaningful, lasting success.

Evil despises good.
It wants what good has — yet it never will.
It thinks victories are won through battle.
While evil is busy attacking good, good carries on —
engaged in its liberating work of lifting.

Good doesn’t expend energy engineering its progress.
It enjoys ongoing growth as a natural outcome of its being.

‘Good’ just is.

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Both Sides of the Fence

I lived much of my life in ‘fight mode.’

Be smart. Be thorough. Be right.
Then make sure everyone knows you’re right!

This approach wasted a lot of time and energy.
It brought on many difficulties that didn’t need to be.
It caused plenty of issues, including losing a decade of my life to a soul-crushing legal battle. (Which, I might note, the opposing party was completely wrong about while I stood 100% in the right.)

Side Note: I know you’re smiling to yourself right now over that last statement. See how silly it sounds when we’re able to witness such stilted absolute statements as a third party without feeling the emotion that drives conflict?

It was during that dark decade that I finally saw the light of the full power of peace, of letting goodness stand on its own, and of simply being — tuning out the noise that was positioned to suck me into conflict.

I will simply state in summary that there is no comparison between the genuine power we possess when we choose to live in a state of peace — to simply be — and the socially fabricated counterfeit of power to which we subject ourselves when we opt to wield weapons of war masquerading as the champions of goodness.

For Your Consideration

• Does the concept of owning your ‘good’ without feeling the need to push it on others or defend it against attack appeal to you?

• Do you see the power in modeling goodness and letting it speak for itself?

• Can we really stand for good without fighting its attackers?

• How do we become facilitators of peaceful resolution and meaningful collaboration in a world so sharply divided by people who use conflict to disorient, distract, and manipulate?

I’m interested in your thoughts.

Will you share them?

All views are welcome. Please be open and forthright in sharing your sincere thoughts.

In keeping with the theme of being HumanlyConnected, I simply ask that all views are shared and responded to from a place of peace and respect for our mutual understanding and growth.

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If you found this journal entry insightful or thought-provoking, please share it with others who may be interested in communicating from a place of peace.

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Thank you.

–Bryan

Last week, I had the honor of spending time with a group of high-performing entrepreneurs from across the country as they participated in a multi-day retreat focused on improving their businesses. I facilitated a workshop on communicating from a place of peace and nurturing peace in our team members as a core focus to unite people and naturally enhance performance.

Sharing experiences from my own journey and those of others with whom I’ve worked — along with drawing on the experiences of the leaders in the room — was calmly electric. Those of us in the conference center unified instantly over some much-needed mindset shifts in today’s fast-paced, performance-first, pain-avoiding, money-focused, tech-driven world.

Today, I’d like to focus on just one mindset shift that delivers quick, meaningful results. It’s a simple one. You’ve heard it before. However, making the shift isn’t easy for most of us.

I hope you find it beneficial.

–Bryan

Who else might benefit from this message? Please forward it to them or share it with your network. I appreciate your help in spreading the HumanlyConnected movement. Thank you!

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The Principle

We’ve been taught not to make mistakes.

Plan. Perfect. Then execute — with an aim at performing error-free.

What causes us to take this rigid approach? Among other factors are the expectations we have set for ourselves, the expectations we have allowed others to impose on us, and the expectations we place on others.

For a deeper dive into the topic of setting and accepting expectations, refer to:

What If We Expected Errors?

It is from our mistakes that we often learn the most. This isn’t a new concept. We’ve all heard it. We’ve all experienced it. Yet we still attempt to avoid missteps, even at the expense of taking no action out of fear of making a mistake.

Grace

While there are many places from which we can approach a change of outlook that allows (and even welcomes) errors, a strong starting point is a position of grace.

Grace for ourselves, as we discover and learn.
Grace for other individuals, as they do the same.
Grace for collective groups, as the ripple effects of our actions unwittingly upend others’ efforts (and the forces of their actions, at times, derail ours).

When we live in a place that naturally and consistently allows grace for learning curves, because we expect errors in the course of being consistently proactive, our overall results — and those of the people we serve and lead — dramatically improve.

Checked vs. Unchecked Errors

It may be that the reason we see errors as the enemy of success is that we don’t clearly see the difference between checked and unchecked errors.

Unchecked errors are problematic. A small issue grows into an uncontrollable monster as additional resources are pumped into pushing a misdirected effort along its path.

Checked errors are powerful. We bravely act. We discover something that doesn’t work. We pivot. We act again. We repeat the cycle.

Checked errors are where innovation happens.
It’s the place where people feel confident to experiment.
It’s the platform from which new realities are launched.
It’s a safe testing ground where everyone expects missteps and redirects.

Error is a gift… If we allow it to be.

So, the concept is simple. The idea isn’t new.

If you’re already living in this space, that’s wonderful! You’re in the small minority. Your opportunity is to share how you’ve arrived in this place with others so they can improve their leadership abilities and enjoy the benefits of embracing error.

If you’re still not sure how to fully allow yourself and others the grace necessary to transform errors into building blocks, you’ll find some direction in The Practice (below).

The Practice

You can listen to me share The Practice for this journal entry, read it below, or both!

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Being People-First

Ask most leaders — business, civic, family, or otherwise — and they’ll claim the same thing: “Yes! We are all about our people.”

But are they (we)?

The people-first concept has been around for a long time. I tuned into it in the late ‘80s when “diversity” was becoming the hot new watchword.

It’s easy to think we’re people-first — in our personal and professional pursuits — when, in reality, that simply isn’t the case much of the time.

• When a matter at hand is budget-sensitive, we become money-first.

Think about the last time you experienced a conflict with someone over a money-related issue. Were you thinking about that person, or the money first?

• When completing a task seems urgent, we become time-first.

My favorite illustration of this is when we’re in a rush to get somewhere while driving. Those other terrible drivers… Ugghhh! Why can’t they get out of our way? Hmmm… when have we changed lanes in front of someone and become their roadblock — quite literally — without realizing it because we were only focused on our own schedules and needs, and not those of the other drivers on the road?

• When we see a specific outcome as being high priority, we become results-first.

As bosses, parents, neighbors, and friends, this one occurs often. Despite someone’s best efforts, the results of a situation for which they were responsible just aren’t what we were looking for. The result becomes the focus, not the person. These situations often prompt hasty words and actions that chip away at relationships and require follow-up apologies. Wouldn’t it be more productive (and enjoyable) to avoid missing the mark with our reactions in the first place?

Let’s look at how we might do that.

I hope you find this journal entry beneficial!

–Bryan

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The Principle

It’s an interesting exercise to consider what causes us to prioritize something (a task, object, opinion, etc.) over everything else. Our default reactions to the myriad situations we encounter each day can tell us a lot about who we are and what we value.

Priority

Perhaps you’re not someone who believes in the concept of being people-first in every consideration you make. I will assume you likely are, since you’re reading my HumanlyConnected journal. If you’re not, consider keeping us close by to see whether a mindset shift in this direction might yield more desirable results for you over the course of time. I’m just one person; however, that’s been my undeniable experience.

Change

We’re told you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. I’m sure glad we’re not dogs.

I believe people are more able than we give ourselves credit for. I’ve watched people steeped in lifelong training conscientiously change their actions and attributes to align with the vision of who they want to be. I’ve undergone my own transformation that, in short, has taken me from being something other than people-first, to enjoying life at the highest level ever by making people my top priority in every consideration and action.

Am I perfect at being people-first? No. Not in the sense we typically use the word “perfect,” meaning “flawless.” I fall short at times in my people-first approach to living.

If we look deeper into the etymology of the word, however, we discover the concept of completeness — of having all the necessary or desirable elements. In this regard, yes, I am perfect at being people-first. That innate human understanding of the importance of our fellow beings is instilled deep inside me, as it is in you.

We — you, me, and those around us — are perfect in the completeness of our ability to place others front and center as our primary consideration in every belief, thought, and action we experience.

A Simple Exercise

Ready to have a little fun with this? Here’s a simple exercise you can undertake immediately after finishing reading this journal entry…

Start paying attention to the first thing that comes to mind and out of your mouth as you interact with others. Is it about them? their needs? their success? Or are your first thoughts and words about money, time, results, or other factors?

Be prepared to be surprised at how often you think of something other than the person or people in front of you (or on the phone with you, at the other end of an email response, etc.) as your default response or consideration. It’s eye-opening.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that results, time, and money aren’t important. They absolutely have their place as puzzle pieces in creating complete pictures of success. They, too, play their role in completeness and fulfillment. I’m simply suggesting that the dynamics of human interaction and connection change dramatically depending on the nature of our initial thoughts. When we consider people first by default, everything that follows integrates more fluidly and works together more powerfully — all while dramatically reducing friction, missteps, and wasted resources.

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Once You Realize Your Opportunity

When you’re aware of how often people aren’t your first consideration, you have the opportunity to proactively make a change that will positively impact every facet of your life. The “how” of this transformation is found in Session 1 of VEVA: The Art of Human Connection. Let’s examine this opportunity more closely in The Practice…

The Practice

You can listen to me share The Practice for this journal entry, read it below, or both!

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I was a master at beating myself up, making sure others knew when they messed up, and using external excuses to explain my poor performance. In retrospect, I see that this approach to life is both exhausting and ineffective. I’m not all the way there, but Wow! I’m doing much better.

Getting past playing the Blame Game is something that only happens with focused attention and effort for most of us. We blame ourselves. We blame others. We blame circumstances. It’s only when we realize that blaming doesn’t help the situation (or anyone involved in the matter in question) that we can finally begin our journeys out of this trap.

Owning our realities and allowing others to own theirs, while giving ourselves and them latitude for error, helps us remain connected and avoid time- and effort-wasting conflicts.

I hope you find dropping the Blame Game as beneficial as I have. The Conversation Starter below includes great prompts to help you gain insights from others, so we can all help each other grow and improve.

Enjoy the journey!

–Bryan

The Principle

You can listen to me share The Principle for this journal entry, read it below, or both!

Blaming ourselves for issues or outcomes over which we have no control — or that deliver undesirable results despite our best efforts — breeds discontentment and shame.

Blaming others for our shortcomings or matters over which they have no control — or that deliver undesirable results despite their best efforts — is misdirected and creates disconnection.

Blaming circumstances or external forces for situations within our stewardship and control weakens our character and diminishes our credibility.

None of these brands of blame is beneficial.

None of them improves anyone’s reality.

None of them fosters connection.

None of them brings peace.

Responsibility

Accepting responsibility for our missteps is empowering.

Understanding when others aren’t responsible for undesirable outcomes is bonding.

Giving ourselves grace when situations are beyond our control is liberating.

Be the person who facilitates the discovery of solutions to problems instead of seeking to lay blame on yourself, others, or circumstances. You’ll feel greater peace and connection to yourself, others, and your world — and so will all those around you.

Let’s look at how to do this in The Practice…

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The Practice

You can listen to me share The Practice for this journal entry, read it below, or both!

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My greatest desire for you is that you find your place of unparalleled (and, ultimately, unconditional) peace, where you’ll see all facets of your growth accelerate and every element of your success increase.

The Principle

You can listen to me share The Principle for this journal entry, read it below, or both!

Peace, Joy, and Happiness

On a recent retreat, I was soaking in a hot spring at the edge of a river that provided the perfect background track for my meditation. A couple joined me in the 102-degree pool of natural mineral bliss, being careful not to disturb my peace.

At length, a conversation ensued. As is often the case with people I meet in these settings, the conversation was meaningful and insightful.

After exchanging thoughts for a short time, the man told me he had an angle on a common concept that ran counter to popular belief and had experienced resistance from everyone he had shared it with. He asked if he could get my take on it.

Of course, I readily agreed, excited at the prospect of what I might discover.

The Happiness Trap

He simply made this statement: “Happiness is a trap.” He then sat back and awaited my response.

I instantly connected with his thought process. I had already walked this road. (Although I had never used these words and appreciate this insight I gained from my new friend.)

“Agreed,” I replied in short order. He looked surprised, even puzzled.

“Really?” he looked at me inquisitively. “Keep going,” he urged.

“Happiness, for most people, is tied to an event, an object, or some other external influence,” I suggested. “What you’ve likely discovered, based on your assertion that happiness is a trap, is that joy resides above happiness, and can be present when superficial happiness eludes us.”

His face reflected his elevated level of surprise. “How do you know that?” he queried.

“Because I’ve been on the same journey you’re on. I made that same discovery, but it took me longer than it’s taken you.” (This man and his wife appeared to be in their 30s.)

Then he asked the question that took our conversation deeper: “I have stopped chasing happiness,” he said, “I understand how fruitless that is. But I feel like no matter how diligently I pursue joy, it comes and goes. I can’t seem to remain in that state. How do you do that?”

I was excited. Here was a bright, thoughtful fellow traveler who was mindfully working on personal growth, inviting me into his world to discuss something of deep importance to him.

“May I share a concept that might shine a light on your query?” I asked. He readily accepted my offer.

I continued, “Consider the possibility that you don’t have to ‘chase’ or ‘pursue’ anything. Those two words you used show that you continue to seek your desired state of being based on external elements.”

He sat, thoughtfully, mulling my words in his mind as he looked up at the majestic trees that surrounded us, framing the sunny, blue springtime sky. Then he made eye contact with me and quietly said, “You know how to get past that, don’t you?”

I went on to share one of the greatest treasures of my journey of intentional discovery…

I Want Peace More Than I Want to Be Proven Right

As this savvy man had already discovered, joy resides above happiness in its purity and sustainability. But not everything is joyful.

For many years, my mantra was, “If you’re not feeling joy, you’re doing it wrong.” I ultimately found this notion to be flawed. I don’t feel joy when something detrimental happens to someone I love. I don’t feel joy when a fellow human experiencing pain chooses to act out that pain by violating someone else’s safety. There are plenty of times we don’t feel joy.

I also changed my casual use of what I now call “lazy adjectives and adverbs” (e.g., the word “wrong”). We use them often and thoughtlessly. Good and bad. Right and wrong. Best and worst. They aren’t very descriptive and hold a high risk of misinterpretation since our reasons for thinking something is good, bad, right, wrong, best, worst, etc. may be completely different from someone else’s — even when we agree on the condition.

Given all these factors, I had embarked on a quest to discover what resided above joy in the hierarchy of human emotion.

What did I have control over?
What could I hold close that couldn’t be destroyed by any external influence or force?
What was completely sustainable that would deliver the experience I was seeking?

Peace

After months of consistent contemplation and observation, this mantra took shape: I want peace more than I want to be proven right.

There it was. The barrier standing between me and my desired place of residence was my need to be “right” — to be the smartest person in the room, to push my agenda, or even, in a state of genuine compassion and love, to make sure someone who clearly understood less than me about a given topic was placed back on track by being graced with my wisdom (which they would not stop hearing until I saw they had accepted and engaged it).

Wow! I was doing a lot of unnecessary (and unhelpful) work. Unloading that self-imposed burden has been a blessing to me and everyone around me. Thank you all for your patience as I worked toward that discovery.

So, it is peace that sits supreme in the hierarchy of human emotion — at least for me… and until I make another discovery that transcends peace (which I’m open to, but have a difficult time believing will happen), that’s where I’ll remain.

When we’re at peace, we more naturally feel joy. When we feel joy, our happiness isn’t contingent on external inputs or distractions.

And when peace, joy, and happiness are our traveling companions, life is beautiful, light-filled, and productive.

Peace Isn’t Passive. Peace Is Proactive and Powerful.

In my conversations — especially with driven business professionals — I’ve found that most people say they want peace, yet they have bought into practices that don’t (can’t, never will) deliver consistent, sustainable peace.

I hear statements like, “I’ll feel more peace as soon as…” or “Yes, it would be nice to be at peace, but peace doesn’t get the job done.”

Hmmm… I’ll reference a sentiment attributed to Henry Ford here and say, “Whether you believe you can, or believe you can’t — you’re right.”

I’ve lived in the state of go, push, win… And I’ve basked in the warmth that envelopes the state of peace. Maybe it’s just me, but I will assert calmly and without reservation that I, my associates, our employees, family members, and everyone else we touch have found far more tangible success and inner fulfillment with a peace-focused culture than we ever did in the days of playing the game we’ve all been trained to participate in.

Peace isn’t a warm-fuzzy.
It isn’t a concept for those who aren’t tough enough to jump into the fray.

Peace is a proactive, powerful state that brings clarity, unveils opportunities, and promotes growth.

Leaders at peace make more beneficial decisions.
Managers at peace are sought out as advocates.
Teams at peace are more innovative and productive.
Employees at peace thrive in their jobs and stay.
Owners at peace sleep better and enjoy life.
Parents at peace foster strong relationships with their kids.
Partners at peace genuinely see each other and act cohesively.
Teachers at peace nurture unmatched learning environments.
Students at peace discover the joy of lifelong education.
Civic leaders at peace fulfill the visions of their constituents.

Harnessing Peace

If living in a state of unconditional peace is interesting to you, that’s where this journey is headed. We’ll address this topic many times in the coming months and years.

If harnessing the power and productivity of peace for your organization, partnership, team, family, community, or other group is intriguing to you, let’s keep talking.

This isn’t an unattainable dream.
It’s the lived reality of those who choose it.

Let’s look at a solid starting point for this journey in The Practice, below.

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The Practice

You can listen to me share The Practice for this journal entry, read it below, or both!

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