The end of September marks my one year work anniversary. Time flies.

After a year of consistent pay, better healthcare (I hate that it’s attached to employment in the US) and a space to explore my hobbies and interests outside of work, I realized I don’t want to return to freelance or run a solo service based business. 1

For the intent of this letter, I’ve settled into my current situation, knowing that there are things I can accomplish faster going this route.

This doesn’t mean I’ve given up or that I’m less ambitious. Nor does it mean I have everything I want today. It simply means amongst multiple choices in front of me, that I made a conscious, intentional decision that presently makes sense.

Unless you’re putting yourself in harm’s way or simply talking yourself out of getting what you want, settling just means out of all your available options, you’re making a conscious deliberate choice.

We are familiar with settling when we say people “settle” for the toxic boyfriend or friends or even a toxic job but to me, you accept things at the level of your self respect and discernment, aka self accountability and self awareness. That’s not what I’m talking about.

What happens when you’ve done the things and it still doesn’t feel like it’s enough? You still feel like you’re settling or “giving up”?

Even though I had a thriving freelance career, I was always carrying this feeling that it was never enough. I kept raising the bar again and again. Although my needs were met above and beyond, I still wasn’t settled.

In hindsight, I was afraid to be seen as “settled and satisfied.”

I thought I should always be striving for more. In my mind, an ambitious woman such as myself should always want more! Never settle! And yet I felt lost, wayward and wondering when I could take my foot off the gas?

Maybe settled should be replaced with satisfied. Satisfied with my choices and content (happy) regardless of what it looks like to the public. The first step was writing without thought what would satisfaction (or enough look like) to me. The second was asking “if I’m not satisfied what is the gap between where I am currently and reaching satisfaction?”2

It was a pretty simple list:

• Credit Card and Tax Debt Free

• $x amount in my savings

• $x in my retirement accounts (knowing it’ll grow over time)

• a condo

• healthy and pain free (these injuries ya’ll!)

• being in a healthy and loving relationship

• having 3 strong, solid friendships

I’d never actually written out what satisfaction would look like for me. Looking at this list, satisfaction and settling no longer felt impossible. Satisfaction and settling feels doable and within reach. More importantly after one year of working a 9 to 5, where I’m no longer fighting for my supper, I’m already on my way to achieving these things or already have them.3

This list gave me relief - I was at peace knowing what enough looks like for me. I can be satisfied in my choices and know settling for me looks different for someone else… and that part is none of my business.

Change settling to satisfied and see what it brings up for you. Do you know your enough list? Can you identify the gap between where you are and satisfaction? Can you still hold yourself with grace knowing what’s for you is for you?

Being “settled and satisfied” doesn’t mean you’ve given up. It simply helps you acknowledge that you’re already abundant and that fulfillment isn’t as far off into the distance as you once believed. Satisfaction alleviates the burden of always looking for more and helps us to stay present. It helps us to make more deliberate and intentional choices and be at peace.

“We should create our offers with love, not fear.” The Bar of Bars. Now I’m sure can comment with her interpretation wink wink but here was my takeaway.

Don’t let fear (fear of financial scarcity, fear of maintaining relevance) be the catalyst to create an offer for your audience.

Yes you can execute the offer, but do you really believe in the offer?

Will you still want to consistently promote the offer when you’ve only booked one out of five spots? Will you need to lean into fear or guilt to convince people to book your offer?

I’ve seen this play out in my life. Last year I created an express headshots service.

It was something I could easily execute and I had a repeatable and easy system for client booking, onboarding and delivery. But I knew deep down that although I needed the money, I wasn’t 100% convicted by it (how’s that for being a HD Generator?!).

I was stressed about money and I knew my energy would be absolutely off while promoting the service. Plus if I’m honest a handful of photography peers offered similar services and I thought surely I could replicate that success. AHAHAHAHA! The joke was on me.

Instead of siphoning energy towards promoting an offer I didn’t believe in, I used my energy instead to secure a higher paid opportunity, which eventually became my current job (that I love).

When you prioritize play, ease and love, that’s when the right offer or service just clicks. When I first started offering product photography services, two things were true: I knew this was a service small businesses needed AND it was fun for me to do.

Even though I wasn’t as skilled at photography as I am now, I still approached the work with a sense of curiosity, joy and fun. Plus making money while having fun felt radical and something I never heard expressed before then.

What about creating a low ticket offer? Sometimes that is an expression of fear too! Fear of turning away people. Fear of being perceived as better than (better than who?). Fear of it actually working out. Fear of rising to the occasion, but higher rates just mean higher standards and needing less volume to hit your financial goals.

I’m learning not to tell anyone what to do because no one is wired the same, but if you’re asking yourself what your offers should be here are a few questions:

• Is there a substantial audience size that needs that service? Black women or insert demographic is NOT a deep enough niche. You need to know your audience intimately and psychologically including their motivations for booking the service.

• Do you have the experience to offer it?

• Important: Do you enjoy offering the service?

• Are you willing to consistently promote said service for a minimum of 6-12 months before eliminating, maintaining or growing the service?

• Do you have a willingness to keep learning and mastering your craft?

Sure there is a quick offer you can create for immediate satisfaction, but if you took a few steps back, there is probably a better offer you can develop that serves your audience and is rooted in joy and love with a better profit (because we’re not starving artists over here).

If you created from love instead of fear, what would your offer look like?

The epiphany - I wasted my pretty in my 20s chasing independence and being a “girlboss”.

I should have secured my private equity husband so that by the time I was in my early 30s, I’d gone through my divorce and gotten my alimony so I can live in peace. You may have read that and clutched your pearls. You may even ask yourself, “Tamera are you going to become a trad wife?”

The answer is definitely no [besides I’m not young enough to be one at this point] and second, Black women have ALWAYS worked. For as long as I can remember, Black women have never had the luxury to rest. Even when married Black women had to rear their children and they’re bosses’ children. And even now, wealthy Black women are admitting that they’re still working hard to contribute 50% of household expenses.

Black women have always had to work.

So forgive me if when I watch Disney princess movies, that I’m asking to be suspended in fantasy for a little bit. Yes, I want someone to find me doing what a Taurus queen does best, resting and sweeping me off my feet. Yes, I want to sing in the woods and have woodland creatures bend to my will. I want to not have to say a word and have my man say, “Yup that’s her. That’s wifey right there.” I want someone to tell me, “Tamera you’re actually royalty… the princess of Wakanda!” Okay that last one was a Marvel reference but you get where I’m going.

It’s why I despise Princess and the Frog so so much.

One Friday morning I was looking for a movie to watch and I saw Princess and the Frog in my cue. For some odd reason, I had a visceral reaction of disgust. It shocked me to say the least, considering the first and only time I saw it was when it premiered in 2009.

I wasn’t exposed to the harsh realities Black women face in work and love just yet as I graduated from college the year before… but somehow when I saw it in my que I subconsciously knew it was on some bullshit. The only princess movie that highlights a Black woman (not including the remake of Cinderella with Brandy) where she was a frog for most of it and it played up every troupe or stereotype that Black women have had to endure in real life.

Let me count the ways…

She played second fiddle to her white best friend, Lottie. The triggers started early!!! How did they become friends? Because Tiana’s mama was a seamstress for Lottie’s family. Now Lottie was sweet but in no other circumstances would their worlds have collided if Eudora (Tiana’s mom) didn’t work for Lottie’s family. In the movie, it’s made apparent Tiana is of low status based on her clothing compared to Lottie. Although children, the dynamic already plays up the delusion of white superiority between white women and Black women. Even in history, white women have always despised Black women turning rags into riches when given nothing… even enforcing Black women to wear a head covering in the late 1800s with the Tignon Laws in Louisiana.

Her father had dreams of being a successful chef, but racism…. and then he died in the war. So now Tiana and her mama are making due, losing a substantial source of income and emotional support. We fast forward to Tiana working double shifts to save money for a restaurant. And I just recall many of friends (including myself) having to make due and work multiple jobs just to make ends meet, not having ample support or opportunity. It makes me immediately think of how 750,000 Black women and counting have been eliminated from the workforce, having to lean on our community that is also strapped.

No time for fun, leisure or love Because her priority is to open a restaurant to make her daddy proud and I’m sure to have financial independence (something that is not pushed in other Disney princess centered movies). It never even crosses her mind that she can do both - find time for love AND success. She has chosen to put her life on hold until she opens the restaurant (sound familiar ladies?).

The Prince was fine but he was also broke. He admitted he was cut off from his parents and needed to marry rich to restore his coffers. I’m not sharing any spoilers here but essentially when Tiana and Naveen fell for each other, he was in reality, broke. The man was broke ya’ll!!! This was so triggering to me because until recently, I can’t tell you how many times Black women have been told money isn’t everything and to marry for love - only to be left disappointed and financially carrying relationships (to our detriment).

*It’s very possible that once he proved to his parents that he wasn’t a little shit, they gave him access to the bank but we can’t confirm or deny this fact.

She was a frog for most of the movie…having to kiss a frog. “You’ll have to kiss many frogs before finding your prince.” I mean GAH!!! She had to fight off the voodoo man, gators, people, racism and discrimination just to get to her “happy ending” which was working more! Because let’s be honest here, when you’re a business owner you’re working more. Statistically Black women are using their own resources to keep businesses afloat, having difficulty securing business loans and grants to help us grow and scale.

By the end scene I was almost brought to tears. But not tears of joy, tears of disappointment and sadness for my girl Tiana and maybe even for me too. Why do we have to work so hard for peace? Why does the media feel so comfortable pushing this narrative?

Maybe life has radicalized me that I don’t walk around with rose colored glasses anymore. I’m sure some people will read this and think Tamera you had too much time today, but don’t we deserve better from our media?

Yes, this letter is a bit humorous but that’s just to make the taste less bitter. I often say representation matters and moreover that art can serve as a reflection of society. It’s so easy to say it’s not that serious, but when I think of movies like The Princess and The Frog or shows like Love Island, Love and Hip Hop or Married at First Sight, I can’t help but wonder, what the media is trying to tell us about ourselves? It’s important that we do not internalize these stories and instead, create a story that is filled with mutual respect, softness, rest and yes having money without losing our shit.

I, we deserve all of the above, without having to toil and kiss a ton of frogs.

It’s cute. But can I be honest? It’s a complete waste of youth and time to focus so much energy on thinking too much. Your 30s will bring another set of challenges and your 40s and your 50s so on and so forth. This shit never ends until you’re in the grave.

While I’d never do my 20s again, I do think back on the decade with laughter. I had so many one night stands and late nights partying. I got a little too drunk here and there. I travelled and made out with a guy in a poorly lit dancehall. I worked multiple jobs and spent a lot of money. I had a lot of amazing sex. I had some not so good sex. I made some poor financial choices. I had to experience the consequences of my poor financial choices. I wasn’t writing about life, I was living it. And I lived a lot of it. I definitely wasn’t thinking about how to break generational curses. It actually never crossed my mind.

And guess what, I still grew up. I created the business. I identified my triggers (as we call them). I found the friend group. I did the hobbies and got the job. The work as we call it. I’m evolving in real time and I don’t think evolving ends until we’re gone from this Earth (and even then). But I’m experiencing all of this after living a little bit longer and handling more bullshit as it comes. I don’t want to think piece my life away (update at the end of this letter).

I wouldn’t waste your time, vitality or energy trying to figure out life in your 20s when it literally hasn’t even started yet and more importantly because there will always be something.

To get the point, I think we’re all taking ourselves a little too seriously. At least I have the experience of living life to say this. I have 20 years of adulting behind me to say, friend, you’re thinking too much. Like TEW MUCH. And we’re thinking too much in the context of content. No you don’t need to hypothesize why you broke up with your childhood best friend - the average friendship lasts about five years. No you don’t need to question why you dated the toxic guy with the good dick. Self-explanatory. No you don’t need to consider why you like to spend your money on nice things… just make sure you are earning more than you can spend and please open a ROTH IRA and set up automatic transfers (trust me!!!).

The best experience comes from living it, offline, without needing it to be a lesson for anyone else to learn. Economic context aside, I wonder if people would be more joyful if they stopped trying to find the lesson out of every experience. Sometimes the lesson is to cry about it, share with a close friend and move on.

I didn’t start therapy until I was 28 years old and again at 31 when I experienced a traumatic incident. And even though I don’t experience a lot of the fuck shit I did in my 20s, life still lifes. There will always be something to get over or under. There will always be consequences for your actions. There will be injuries, deaths, layoffs, breakups or whatever the fuck life will hand to us and we still have to keep going.

Let out a deep guttural sigh and release the need to always figure out the lesson immediately. Most times there is no lessons. It’s life. Step away from the laptop and instead journal or go for a walk. Hell cry about it. Text your one friend if you have one. Don’t worry about if they’re fairweather friends or not. Trust me you’ll find out soon enough!!! Life has a way of revealing the lessons you need to learn and it may not always happen in your 20s. It will likely happen at 32, 36, 40, 45, 55 or even 80.

I don’t have a pretty way of wrapping this up but to say, life is meant to be lived. And we can’t flatline our experiences to only experience the good and prune out the bad. Unfortunately (or fortunately for us), that’s not how this life works.

Please enjoy your 20s. You can only live them once.

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I said I was unleashing my inner nerd and I meant it!

I launched a second substack: Black Girls Love Marvel and the first letter is up! I’ve watched every Marvel movie since 2008 and I have opinions! LOL. If know Chris Evans middle name is Javonte, call Mjolner Da Hammer and hate Quill with a passion, this substack just might be for you! Enjoy!

Black Girls Love Marvel

8 Small (Big) Moments from Spiderman: Brand New Day

hi there! Spoilers…

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23 days ago · 1 like · Tamera Darden

Our money beliefs come from many sources—our parents, friends, economic climate, environment and personal experiences. While we may have converging points, no one has the same money story.

When I started my business, I had to deprogram the money story I adopted as a child and build a new money story—a story that continues to evolve as I do.

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What I know for sure is just because I am a creative, doesn’t mean I can’t earn a lot of money. I don’t believe in being a struggling artist. And as a woman, I don’t carry guilt for charging what I need to sustain my livelihood.

I know this is very hard for creatives, especially women creatives, to hear. Women are taught to not take up space and are judged for wanting more. But if life has taught me anything, it’s that no one is coming to save me…or you. In the words of Taurus queen Cher, “I am a rich man.”

Here are 18 money beliefs I have around making money as a creative.

Having more money means better choices and a better quality of life. I know what it feels like to have an overdraft account and relying on Medicaid to treat chronic pain, it’s quite restrictive. When I ask for more I know money has an assignment—better access to more and better choices. When you adjust your expectations to always accept less, that’s what the universe will give you. I’m motivated to earn more so I can have more access.

Sure I can cut expenses, or I can figure out how to make more money. Yes there is a benefit to cutting unnecessary expenses. But eventually the better solution becomes how can I utilize my skills to earn more income. I find that we’re sitting on untapped skills that could bring in an extra $500 a month.

A fellow writer shared a note about 2 women who spent 10 hours per week doing extreme couponing and wondered would any of us do it. My response—I’d focus on earning more during those 10 hours per week.

Money carries energy. I really believe you get what you put out into the universe. If you believe you can’t make money, if you believe you can’t ask for more and get it, then you won’t. The same applies if you believe you can make money and ask for it. You may not get your full ask, but you’ll get more compared to not asking at all…which leads me to the next thought.

You have not because you ask not. People leave so much on the table because they don’t ask mainly out of fear of losing a client or getting the offer rejected. Rejection is in the fine print of living. It’s unavoidable. What isn’t avoidable are these bills and your desires. 🤷🏾‍♀️

I have a few letters about negotiation and I’ve linked them here.

After years of judging myself for it, I’ve accepted I’m naturally a spender. I love nice things! Money is meant to be spent on things and experiences that bring me joy. The issue is learning to say stop so I don’t go for broke. Restriction never worked for me because it led to shopping binges that left my account empty.

I write ‘nice to have’ and ‘need to have’ lists that I review bi-weekly. It gives me more balance and more control over my spending.

You can negotiate most raises and rate increases. I’ve negotiated kill fees that were not in original agreements, doubled my rates and negotiated 10-20% budget increases. Let me hold your hand when I say this: you’re not doing your client any favors because you’re asking for less. In the client’s eyes they’re getting a steal. Do you want to feel like you’re being robbed?

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Making money should be fun. Of course there are serious matters like taxes, but you should enjoy what you do. I didn’t say it needed to be your passion. Whether you’re a freelancer or an employee, work should be enjoyable.

Making money isn’t complicated, keeping money is. Earning money and keeping it are two different skills. I cringe when someone celebrates making $1 million and some asshole asks well how much did you keep…it’s none of your business!

Throughout my life I’ve learned how to make money… keeping it has always been a point of challenge because of my own money story. This doesn’t negate my ability to earn money. If everyone could earn six figures as a creative everyone would do it, and yet here we are.

Slow and steady growth is still growth. Early 2025, I found myself having to start from scratch, re-opening a ROTH IRA account. I started with saving $50/paycheck and by the end of the year, I was able to invest my first $1,000. You don’t have to wait until you have a lump sum to begin saving and investing, you can start with what you have.

You don’t need to monetize every interest to earn money. From a social psychology perspective, I trust a person who offers 6 different offers LESS vs someone who offers 1-2 services very well. Do an audit for yourself-What are your current offers? Which ones do you enjoy providing? What do clients come to you for THE MOST? Which offers can/could you execute well and charge exceptionally well for?

I guarantee you’ll get more clarity by doing this very simple exercise.

There is a customer at every price point… the question is what are you willing to tolerate? The lower the price point, the more headaches. I don’t make the rules. If you’re someone who offers low price point services and your clients are great, congratulations you’re an outlier! And also, it’s time to increase your rates!

When you begin to increase your prices so should your standards. Higher rates don’t always mean giving your clients more deliverables or complicated systems. Clients pay for clarity not confusion. Instead of using a bunch of google sheets to secure client information, you’re investing in a project management tool to collect information. Instead of using Venmo or CashApp to accept payments you’re using an encrypted third party service like Bill.com.

Higher rates = Leveling up your actions.

Save just because. I don’t need to save towards a particular goal. I can save because I value freedom and independence. If I decided to pivot or make another life change, I want to be able to without the burden of my finances. Again, start with what you have and go from there.

I spend my money joyously and to save time. What’s the point of having money and not spending it with joy? I’m scheduling the grocery delivery and paying for the tax preparation. If it’s going to save me time, it’s a valuable investment.

I can become a millionaire by investing vs hustling hard for 25 years. I have about 15-20 high earning years left. If I knew better in my 20s, I would have used ages 20 to 40 to invest and grow my retirement accounts so I can work less in my 40s.

My goal is to really focus on the next ten years to get as close to a million by investing.. not hustling. Hustling is not how I want to use my energy in the second half of my life.

I no longer feel the need to keep up with the Joneses. I did it in my 20s and my early 30s and it doesn’t interest me anymore. My goal is seeking financial harmony.

I cannot spend my way into wealth. I recently heard this psychology term-repetition compulsions. It is an unconscious psychological mechanism where people repeat traumatic past experiences, relationships and situations in an attempt to change outcomes or find resolutions. An example would be self-sabotage.

I would save money and then convince myself that I can buy one thing here or there and still save/invest the way I want to. It’s a recent aha that helps me explain the cycle I find myself in.

I know that if I want a different financial result, I’ll have to make different choices. I’m not crazy or a failure for having to relearn how to manage my finances. I’m more determined to keep trying so I can experience financial harmony. I think I’m on my way.

Do any of these money beliefs resonate? Are there any that made you cringe? Why?

Let me know in the comments!

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I’d hire a business manager. The second is actually file my taxes on time (it’s stressful…see footnote)1.

I ran a pretty tight ship while running my photography business, which sets the tone for why I’d hire a business manager.

There was something pure and exciting about learning and understanding every aspect of my business (retouching, styling, selling, pitching, hiring, etc). While I eventually outsourced and hired team members for projects, I was still doing project management and new business development, in addition to photography + producing.

Now, I know better.

Because I’ve touched every aspect of my business, I know I don’t need to do all the things. I can hire for exactly what I need so I can focus on my zone of genius, which today is photography.

What would my business manager do? The top 2 responsibilities (based on my needs):

• Find new clients and potential leads. They must be well connected within the commercial photography industry, specifically beauty and lifestyle spaces, as well as have relationships with producers and studios.

• Oversee project and inbox management. Be the liaison between me and the client during negotiations and pre-production planning.

The initial pay structure would be 10%-15% of my total rate. Can you tell I’ve thought about this?

I’m currently in a space where I really like my job and want to hopefully stay there long term… BUT, when we make plans, God laughs! Just know if the opportunity to go freelance ever came back up, this is the one thing I’d hire for immediately.

In my original letter I was going to walk through a current negotiation but I wanted to protect the anonymity of the client (maybe it’s time to turn on paid subscription again?). Instead, here are my thoughts on the negotiation in general.

Not asking for what you want is making you resentful.

Getting pushback and rejections doesn’t scare me. What scares me is leaving money on the table because I didn’t ask. A lot of women just don’t ask. Many women overthink their rates and create entire storylines for why their client cannot pay their higher rates without even asking them.

So what happens? Women find themselves on the short end of the stick, possibly resenting their clients. Not because their clients are terrible, but because they haven’t taken personal responsibility over their own careers and money.

Negotiations are quite normal. We may not use the word negotiation, but we’re bargaining daily to find the best solutions that work for us. We often negotiate with our time, energy and money whether we’re aware of it or not. This doesn’t make you greedy, selfish or insensitive. Instead it makes you acutely aware of what you need and want. So why would business and money negotiations be any different?

I guarantee you’re not charging enough.

I can share all the statistics and behavioral studies around women and money but you already know, women are not charging enough for their work.

Whatever your rate, double it. I’ve learned the hard way that when a client quickly agrees to a rate, chances are it was probably too low.

I thought we were “friction-maxxing”? Invite the friction. Charge more and just see what happens!

Feelings are not Facts

When it comes to negotiations, “I feel” statements really mess women up. Mainly because a client isn’t thinking about how you feel about your rates… their priority is how does this offer affect the business’ bottom line? At the end of the day, your feelings are not your client’s responsibility.

I’ve had plenty of conversations where women will overthink their rates to death. They’ll create entire storylines for why they shouldn’t charge more. Excuses I’ve heard: this job offer was from a friend of a friend, it was a last minute request, I’ve worked with them for x amount of years.

Some tough love… no one gives a f*ck.

The questions that need to be answered are:

• What is the scope or ask?

• Who is the client? This provides context: you’ll charge differently for a private equity business vs a small business with less than 2 years in operation.

• What is the project duration?

• What is the budget?

Nothing more, nothing less. Once you have this information, you can objectively ask for your rate.

Make it easy for your client to make a decision. You’re the expert.

Once you know the ask, your job is to create an offer that (1) covers the scope (2) makes it easy for the client to make a decision.

said “one of the most underrated forms of care is making life easier for people,” and this is a great business principle.

No one likes being confused and left with more questions to ask. When it comes to negotiations, this looks like offering 2-3 options (or less) that are easy to understand and follow.

I’m currently in the middle of usage renewal negotiations and I have to practice what I preach.

When a client first approached me, they wanted a myriad of options, which I knew would lead to confusion for the both of us. I asked for clarification (sometimes you’ll need to), asking for what they really needed.

From there I presented 2 options. When a prospect approaches you, two things are already true: they’re interested to work with you and they anticipate they’re going to pay you. The question is does it work within their budget parameters?

Negotiation = Creative Problem Solving

At the end of the day, negotiation is creative problem solving. You and the client are trying to find a solution that works for the both of you.

You’re not a “bad” person if you ask for more. You’re not greedy or on track to be an evil billionaire for asking for an additional $1,000. I rather you be scared than broke. Ask scared and just see what happens!

“The true measure of success is a calm nervous system.” I remember when public figure Elaine Welteroth first shared this on IG. So many people reshared, reposted, redesigned the quote in pretty colors and backdrops. With so much chaos around us, a calm nervous system seemed like the best thing to hope for and aspire to.

But now with what we know about people isolating themselves from each other in the pursuit of “peace” and building restrictive boundaries to avoid “destabilization,” I don’t think a calm nervous system is the goal.

Our nervous systems were built to endure sudden shock and amazement. It was built to deal with the highs, lows and in between of life. The goal isn’t to always remain calm, but to remain flexible, resilient and buoyant.

Because here is what I know for sure: Life holds joy and suffering simultaneously. Bad things will happen. It’s not an if, but a matter of when. And so when we come up against friction, we hope our nervous system will guide us through the storms and difficulties.

About four years ago, it felt like I became injury prone overnight. It started with a low back pain flare up…then a torn hip labrum, a sore shoulder, a sprained ankle and mid back pain.

Running down the list of ailments, you’d think I was a member of a contact sports team, like rugby or that I was pro wrestler.

I used to internalize my injuries and wonder, “what are they teaching me?” Maybe the physical pain is a manifestation of stress? Or maybe a sign I’m outgrowing my environment?

I value movement and have always been physically active and this sudden round of injuries felt like one big joke. I would ruminate to justify or understand why and how someone who is so movement conscious suddenly felt weak and vulnerable.

The injuries (and concurrent aftermath) were a shock to my nervous system, nevertheless I’ve had to remain flexible and buoyant. I’ve had to adjust my level of physical activity (pilates will always be that girl for me) but more importantly, I’ve had to keep living my life.

Trying to overanalyze and find the reason behind why bad things happen is a waste of time. It simply leads to more suffering and disappointment and it doesn’t allow our nervous systems to recalibrate and adjust to our new normals (temporary or permanent).

Sometimes bad shit just happens. It wasn’t karma with swift justice or a lesson I needed to learn. The truth: not all things need to be analyzed nor does everything happen for a reason. Some shit just really sucks.

Instead of keeping my nervous system stuck in the past or even trying to remain “calm” a better use of my time is asking “how do I live in this current reality, holding space for joy and discomfort?”

How do I approach fitness with more grace? How do I show myself more grace? How do I get physically and mentally stronger while I continue healing? What can I say to myself differently without judgement? Life doesn’t end when something bad happens, but maybe things will look differently.

It’s so easy to approach life when things are good, but I find bad shit builds character development. It teaches you how to become more resilient and flexible, even when things take a turn.

How I stay buoyant and resilient when life gets crazy

Pause & Breathe It’s easy to be reactive. It’s better to pause and take a step back before deciding on next steps. If an issue doesn’t require an immediate response (i.e. most things) then I take a day or two to feel my feelings and decompress.

Affirm This is a practice I started doing several years ago. Whenever something unexpected or less than savory happens I say to myself: “This is a bad moment, not a bad life. This will not affect the rest of my day.” The body follows the mind and this little affirmation helps me often.

Assess Next, I decide the next best step. I don’t think about the next three, four, five or ten steps, only the next best step. It could be cancelling something, doing research or scheduling an appointment. I do the next best step and let the rest follow naturally.

Move My friends will tell you that I am not one who gets perpetually stuck. I move quickly and make adjustments later. Why? because I’ve already paused, assessed and researched… the obvious next step is moving forward. Staying stuck keeps you in analysis paralysis and replaying a bad moment over and over again.

**And no lie, sometimes you still may need to crash out! But cooler minds prevail, most times.

Acknowledging that bad things can and will happen frees me from over analyzing and ruminating. I can use my energy to find a solution and live within my new reality.

I feel more at peace and “calm” because I’ve learned to accept that life is a culmination of good and bad events. It doesn’t mean I’m not evolved because I don’t aspire to have a “calm nervous system.” I allow my nervous system to do what she’s meant to do, and that is withstand the highs and lows: the laughter and sadness, the rises and falls, the wins and loses. My goal isn’t a “calm” nervous system but to take care of one that is flexible, buoyant and resilient.

I still vividly remember my first day and yet time has flown by so quickly.

In the life cycle of a career pivot, I’m in between stages four & five: integration and flow. Integration is when you’re beginning to learn and practice new skills on the job, build autonomy and independence and integrate in the existing work culture which leads to stage five, being in flow. Flow is finding a rhythm in your work and successfully managing the natural ebbs and flows at your job.

I’m not gon’ hold you when I say, work is great and I don’t take it for granted in this volatile job market. And yet, I still asked for a $30,000 raise because I’m doing waaaay more than my job description (my boss’ words not mine) AND I deserve it damn it.

Sidebar: I’ve made it through my first round of layoffs. I’m happy at my job because… I’m not doing and juggling twelve roles at one time compared to when I was a business owner. I have a good boss. We’re sister signs (Taurus and Scorpio) and we thankfully balance each other out. But the biggest revelation, I’m back to enjoying photography.

I can’t believe it because if you’d ask me about a year ago, I didn’t want to shoot anymore. In reality, I needed to drop the burden and responsibilities of entrepreneurship.

I was tired, burned out and being at my job now reminds me that I love doing this… I forgot what it felt like to create and only focus on that. I thrive best when I can focus on one interest at a time. I can drop in and focus. I am more confident when I’m doing less, it allows me to master one interest at a time (which makes my generator heart satisfied).

If and when I decide to go back into entrepreneurship, I’ll be more diligent about building a team around me FIRST!

Nevertheless, aside from daily responsibilities, I recognized there are non-work related things happening that let's me know I’m integrating well at my job. In no particular order here are three of them.

Privy to more private office conversations. A great boss tends to shield you from the bullshit in the office when you first start. This happens for two reasons: one, your boss wants you to focus on the job, avoiding information overload and two, they don’t want to scare you away!

Naturally, you build a personal relationship with your coworkers and possibly, they share more private information with you.

I have an accidental ability to disarm people so much that they share what’s on their mind. In other words, people share the tea with me. 😂 The key here is not spilling it. The gossip stops with me. There is nothing worse than sharing something someone told you in confidence, only for it to get back to them. That erodes trust within your budding coworker relationships. Keep your mouth shut!

Building relationships with coworkers (and upper management). It’s so easy to stay in your bubble and just do the work but it’s important to get to know your coworkers. There are a handful of coworkers I really enjoy chatting with and we share a few interests. It’s a kiki and I love it.

Simultaneously I’m building relationships with upper management and managing up. This can be done through monthly touch bases, contributing to team meetings and completing work that supports the company’s overall goals.

Learning how to handle conflict. Chances are you’ll have one or two disagreements in the office within the first year on the job. My biggest aha is that just because I love my job, doesn’t mean there won’t be conflict. A good way to approach conflict is to avoid being accusatory and going straight to the source. Aside from getting counsel from your boss (if they’re not the one causing the drama) it’s best to speak directly with the person you’re having the issue with. Keep it short and remember it's us vs the issue, not me vs you.

In the past I’d complain to everyone except the person I had a problem with and that led to such unnecessary drama for me. Twenty-something Tamera would be proud of big age Tamera.

Even though my job title suggests I’m at the bottom of the totem pole, I know I’m still influencing change and making an impact. My title doesn’t stop me from showing up for myself and my team.

There are more things happening than clocking in and out each day. It’s important to stay present and track other ways work is going well besides getting a pat on the back.

How do you know if work is going well for you? Let me know in the comments!

I’m writing this in the laundry room, because people have the itch to take out your clothes to commandeer the dryer. Needless to say, June was a busy month. If I had to summarize June in one phrase it would be “chaotically abundant.”

No lie, June 2026 in New York may have been the best time I can remember in recent years.

A mayor that actually cares for his constituents and FOLLOWS THROUGH…

The Knicks winning their first championship in over 50 years. Juneteenth. The Puerto Rican Day Parade. Mostly sunny skies. I’m up for a promotion and a raise. A mini trip to one of my favorite places in North Carolina. All good things.

The energy in New York is palpable and I feel more courageous and confident than usual (and I have a pretty high baseline).

This month showed me that imposter syndrome doesn’t exist. I’ve mentioned in the past that I don’t believe imposter syndrome is real. I’m going to take it a step further and say it’s really a distraction from stepping into your power and knowing you’re already enough.

Speaking of which, I’m re-releasing my book The Photo CEO: A Practical Guide for How to Book Clients, Get Paid and Master the Business of Photography without Losing Your Sh*t on Tuesday, September 8th! I’m really excited and I’m celebrating with a mini book tour in Washington, D.C., Paris and New York City. I’ll share more deets in upcoming newsletters.

This month I’ve been sharing some updates on my work promotion. It’s been ten months since I started and once my coworker was fired, my workload went from 0 to 200. I went from standing behind the scenes to running full photo shoots from beginning to end.

Now of course, this isn’t my first rodeo. I’ve been running productions on a bigger scale for the past 10 years… I think sometimes my coworkers forget that the stakes for me have been much higher (or maybe I’m underestimated?) but either way although it was a hard and long month, “we did it, Joe!”

Although work has taken up most of my time, I’m still keeping the promises to myself and Adult Summer Camp is underway!!!

More people were interested than I expected! Here’s what I’ve done so far…

Art Galleries

I visited Danielle McKinney’s beautiful exhibit Forest for the Trees in Chelsea…

Supported D.C. Native Lindsay Adam’s and checked out her exhibit Soil in Hell’s Kitchen. I’d love to own one of her originals when I’m grown grown….

Next Up: Yves Saint Laurent and Photography exhibit at ICP in Lower East Side

Swimming

Swim class started this week and I just want to thank me for actually showing up. The last week of June felt like Hell Week at work. Early call times, late evenings (than usual). I still made it to swim class with 25 minutes to spare. No regrets.

I’m taking classes at the Y in Chelsea and we’re learning how to build endurance and jump in the deep end (literally). The biggest aha is that I remembered how to swim!!! My last swim classes were over a year ago and it felt like no time had passed.

Swimming is more technical than I expected, but also it feels like riding a bike. Once you do it, you’ll never forget. The biggest mind trick? You can’t be afraid of the water. If you’re afraid, you’ve already sank to the bottom (morbid, I know).

Weekend Trips

I went to Durham, North Carolina and ate my way through the city. I really love this small quaint town. I used to travel to Durham-Raleigh frequently for client work and fell in love with the place. I never had a bad meal. Truly!

A few places I love in Durham

Pizzeria Toro - I’m not a fan of kale but I make an exception for their Kale Ceaser. It’s fresh, delicious and the kale is so rich and green, not as bitter as I find baby kale can be.

Nana Steakhouse - I love a quality steak and you can never go wrong. A quick walk from my hotel and it’s easier to get a seat at the bar. Get the fillet!

The Durham Hotel - it’s the only hotel I stay at when I visit Durham. I’m sucker for a quality breakfast and it goes until 11am throughout the week. I love their room service (which I ordered a ton of it)… get their smash burger! Go to the rooftop to grab a margarita and watch the sunset over Downtown Durham.

Parker Paper Co - a lovely stationery store in downtown Durham walking distance from the hotel. Lisa, the owner relocated to the area almost 15 years ago from the DMV and she is so sweet. Say hey and grab some beautiful journals and pens.

The Washington Duke Inn and Golf Club - Lisa of Parker Paper Company recommended lunch and/or dinner and it didn’t disappoint. I sat on the patio, overlooking the vibrant golf course. I ordered the Crispy Oysters and Cornmeal Grits. One word: wow.

Sarah P. Duke Gardens is 55 acres of greenery in the middle of Duke University open to the public. It was sweltering hot the day I went but it was absolutely beautiful. If you have to time, take a blanket, bring your favorite book and have a picnic on the south lawn.

Links

Having A Life Outside Your Work is What Makes The Work Richer Practicing what I preach and being outside!!! lol

Examining the Chains of Black Excellence A few years ago I had to examine Black Excellence for myself. My assessment - it’s overrated. I would write my own synopsis but I think this one does a better job than I could have.

How to be a Self Promoter Self promotion starts with promoting others, joyfully and selflessly.

What Google Search Data Reveals About Our Support for Black-Owned Beauty Brands This letter really broke down when sales spike for Black-Owned Beauty Brands, and it’s humbling. My personal opinion, in the beginning, I used to say my business was Black-owned, that was and is true! But I didn’t want people to support me just because I’m Black and moreover, I can work with more than just Black owned/operated businesses. I’m a beauty photographer at the end of the day who caters to beauty businesses, I just happen to be Black. This is incredibly nuanced and maybe will take another letter to explain.

Your Body is Not a Startup We are optimizing our bodies to exhaustion.

The American Dream is to leave At 50, I’m considering leaving the US and spending my hard earned money (and interest) where the racism isn’t so thick and my money stretches longer. This letter explores what people are really looking for when they say they want a “European Summer.”

Movies

Disclosure Day I’m not gonna lie, this movie had me in the first half and then it all unravelled. I enjoyed the quick pacing in the beginning of the film and then it just ended. I’ll be honest I didn’t like the ending and it didn’t leave me wanting to discuss what happened after the credits rolled (unlike Inception).

Toy Story After all these years, Toy Story still knows how to pull at my millennial heart strings. It was timely and relevant for today’s phone/brick generation.

The Invite Okay I saw this during the heatwave and it was really good! Olivia Wilde’s direction was great and chaotic. It sums up Angela and Joe’s state of their marriage (played by Olivia and Seth Rogan). Edward Norton had unexpected comedic timing and Penelope Cruz served as the linchpin in this chaotic dinner. FYI: Esther Perel was a consultant for this movie.

Not that it matters, but I appreciated reading her origin story: growing up in East London, and being parentified early as the oldest of four girls, I can understand why she goes so hard. While I am an only child, I can understand the fear of falling back into poverty and struggle and therefore working extremely hard to avoid it again.

I can also understand using every resource, tangible or intangible, to my advantage when I’m starting several paces behind the starting line. Black women especially can understand that the cards are sometimes stacked against us and we excel usually in spite of being seen as underdogs in what seems like a fixed fight.

I’ve never considered myself a victim of my circumstances, but I also know that I’m living in a world that doesn’t care whether I win or lose. Knowing this motivates me to just go for whatever I want because who is actually going to stop me?

In no particular order, here are my 5 takeaways from Start With Yourself.

Emma practices radical self responsibility. Emma repeats throughout the book that it is truly up to us to decide what we want out of this life and to be the one who makes it happen. In the intro she shares that this book is for “anyone who is tired of feeling like a passenger in their own life and wants something different for their future.” While I believe systems were set up for us to fail and the idea can borderline extreme individualism, our joy and satisfaction are really our responsibility. It means, we cannot blame other people for why we didn’t go for it or at least try. For a lot of people that is incredibly daunting, to look inward and identify our weaknesses and strengths to course correct. The beautiful thing is that nothing happens overnight and it’s never too late to move into the direction of your most important goals and deepest desires.

Trade-offs are inevitable. Women can have it all, but not at the same time. My trade-offs for living the life I really really want, may be (and are) different from yours. The key to attaining that life requires 1: knowing that you will have trade-offs 2: knowing your non-negotiables. Emma offers a great list of questions to help identify your trade-offs as well as outlining what enough can look like for you.

“You cannot be a mum with perfect attendance and have a demanding career. You cannot be a leader and a people pleaser. You can’t please your children all the time… You will miss out on things. Feelings of guilt are to be expected but these feelings are not a good reason to put off going after what you want.”

More women need to publicly talk about money. Period end of story. You probably know from reading this newsletter, that I am not afraid to discuss money. Several years ago I posted an IG reel sharing my photo day rate ($2,000/day at the time) and it was extremely eye-opening. Most people who responded were women. While some were impressed at my day rate others realized that were not charging enough. It led to more money conversations and it was cool to see the impact of talking about something in an industry where money feels hush hush (and yet men make much of it). I agree with Emma, that while we wish for equity, we can’t wait for it to happen in order to earn what we’re worth. No one is going to just “reward” you with more just because you’re a hardworking woman… in fact they’ll probably find a reason for not paying you more. Therefore you have to demand it.

“While it’s true that money can’t solve all your problems, money sure will solve all your money problems. Money is not bad or unspiritual…. to meet your needs, you’re going to need money. Money is not negative. It’s a neutral tool. And it needs to be explored…from that perspective. You need to think about it from a professional point of view.

Marrying the right partner is crucial to your personal and professional success. I don’t like saying relationship goals because we don’t know the deep and private parts of anyone’s relationship but and I mean BUT, I can feel the love and respect through my screen while reading Emma’s thoughts on Jens, their relationship and how they support each other. I’ve seen healthy and incredibly toxic relationships up close. I’ve seen women marry men that added nothing to their lives except stress and disappointment. I’ve seen women marry men that complimented their lives and were able to support each other as they grew as whole people together and apart. I’m not married and I’d love to be one day, but I know one thing is for sure, love is not and never has been enough to build a strong marriage.

“From the first day I met him, long before we were ever romantically involved, Jens has always believed in me, maybe even more than I believed in myself. I knew that he wasn’t going to dump anything on me or expect me to be his mother.”

Follow what comes easy for you. I had to admit guilt for overcomplicating success recently. I take my photography and organization skills for granted, because it is something that comes easily for me. But that is exactly the direction I should go to build a business that works and makes money (the point of being in business). You are probably sitting on skills that can become your next big idea, but you’re talking yourself out of it because women are taught to believe business should be hard. No. Follow what’s easy. Business is hard enough, make sure you’re doing something that comes easily to you.

“You don’t get extra credit for making it really hard for yourself, or for reinventing the wheel. There’s always an easier way, and you should look for that easy way. It doesn’t mean you’re taking a cop-out. It means you’re smart… Something doesn’t need to be complex to be worthwhile.”

Bonus Everyone should read Chapter 5: Building a Brand & Business! This chapter breaks down sound business principles aka the unsexy part of building a sustainable and successful business. I cover similar concepts in The Photo CEO for photographers and it really does separate those who will and will not succeed by simply following and applying basic business principles.

That last part isn’t true, but, I’m dealing with a terrible chronic pain flare up, this time from a terribly constructed bed (thanks Macy’s!). *Also can we talk about how the enshittifacation of our products is leading to more injuries and dissatisfaction?!!!!!!!

I’ve dealt with sports related injuries periodically throughout my adult life and for the most part, I’ve been able to come through on the other side adopting holistic (and expensive) modalities like pilates, chiropractic manipulation and massages. My chronic pain is just as bougie as I am apparently.

Because I’ve had to learn how to live with pain, I’ve had to be strategic about how I spend my often limited energy. Because when my top priority is eliminating or alleviating pain, I’m not concerned about how much I can accomplish or produce.

When I’m in the middle of a chronic pain episode, it’s easy for me to want to throw everything at it to try to fix the issue, but like life, I’ve learned that less is more. Trying one or two modalities at a time help me discover the methods that actually work to help manage my chronic pain.

While my chronic pain has sometimes dictated my capacity I know that’s no reflection of my capabilities.

I manage my chronic pain the same way I approach most things in life. With a curiosity to try new things, without overwhelming myself to complete exhaustion.

I don’t think I’ve ever thought about this before but my chronic pain is my superpower.

I don’t waste my time doing anything longer than I need to, I fail faster, and I feel confident that doing less will allow me to pivot faster than most because I know what does and does not work for me.

I still do what needs to get done, but I don’t push past pain to do it, I work with it.

I alchemize my pain into power and autonomy.

Not to “LinkedIn-nify” this post but I find better success when I focus my energy and efforts on one or two ideas. Whenever I’ve diverted my attention to run multiple projects simultaneously (like a podcast, an affirmation card deck, a course) the main thing, my business, and energy levels suffered. Siphoning my energy away from the one thing that works just led to more resentment, exhaustion and confusion around what was actually working.

It’s why I’ve always preferred running a business with a simple approach/question: what is the fastest way to make money or make a decision?

This looks like:

• reaching out directly to business owners and making the ask for the sale

• working with commercial clients and people with an actual budget who I don’t have to convince why the price is the price

• not over-explaining myself

• working hard one-third of the year and being able to rest throughout the year

• saying no to unprepared clients or dropping difficult ones (and charging an inconvenience fee!)

It’s easy to feel like I’m doing something when I do all the things, but then, I wake up a month later in more pain and discomfort. When I do less the vision becomes clearer. I can identify which activities build forward movement vs feeling stuck.

Choosing to do less, doesn’t make me lazy but is a practice of discernment. I feel more at peace when I know I’m not trying to prove I can “keep up.” Maybe it’s because I’m in pain, but I don’t feel the pressure to perform success. I don’t push through or go hard in the paint. I work with my pain vs against it.

Instead of thinking I need to have an all or nothing approach, I’m learning to adopt a consistency over intensity approach. I mean, I don’t have a choice in the matter.

I have to be confident that what I’m doing is working because I don’t have much energy to give on most days. Now, let me go schedule this chiropractor appointment and lay down.

In 14 minutes, Recho announced she just inked a multi-year deal with Patreon. This comes after 8 years of sharing her unfiltered, honest and refreshing thoughts on fashion, the industry at large along with her guests, consistently building a loyal and sophisticated listening audience.

And while this should have been picked up by legacy media, it was ultimately crickets. To be honest, in hindsight this didn’t surprise me. I find that legacy media don’t always pick up Black stories unless it’s to announce missteps, business breakdowns and closures. They rarely run feel good stories or stories where people from the diaspora wins, especially if it’s a Black woman.

Nevertheless, representation matters and this felt like such a great win. Here is Recho’s IG statement:

You can read the entire press release below:

I found The Cutting Room Floor around 2022 in the middle of a random night I couldn’t fall asleep. I don’t remember how and when, but I remember listening to about 3 episodes back to back that evening. I listened to: S3 EP1: The End of Fashion feat Teri Agins, S3 EP3: Change or Die feat Mara Hoffman and S2 EP5: Having a Moment Feat. Martine Rose. You can listen to the earlier episodes through season 3 on Spotify.

After a polarizing episode featuring Leandra Medine, Recho made the transition to Patreon, creating a more exclusive (aka paid) membership. Recho has experienced highs and lows (definitely more highs than lows) and she’s handled each with care, authenticity and thoughtfulness. I always appreciated the range of her guests: from big marquee names and influencers to experts who worked behind the scenes for almost 20 years or more.

Aside from a departure from legacy media, this deal confirms to me what I’ve always believed: that doing less better will always be the winning strategy. Consistently sharing a clear and distinct point of view will always win.

Here are a few other thoughts that come to mind:

It’s okay to double down on exclusivity. Recho moved The Cutting Room Floor to Patreon at the end of season three, introducing a barrier to entry. To some that may sound negative, but it signals exclusivity and a filtering process. Paying for access creates a deterrent for trolls or people who only comment during viral moments while attracting and building an audience that is loyal, consistent and sophisticated. When someone commits with their dollar, they take a more vested interest and become more engaged within the community itself. A smart move for a podcast that hit its first major viral moment after the Leandra episode. If you’re for everyone, you’re for no one.

Quality over Quantity. Aside from using IG reels to push interview video clips, Recho’s main priority was building her audience on Patreon. I appreciated TCRF’s seasonal cadence vs a weekly schedule. The schedule prioritized value over viral moments and that is evident in the guest list. They didn’t follow a trend or press cycle (sans Cynthia Ervo and Law Roach) but were rather interesting people with interesting stories.

Recho has a great interview style, doing extensive research on her guests and having exploratory conversations prior to episode recordings, making the episodes feel like I’m eavesdropping on a private conversation. Extended breaks aside, which I’ll get to in a minute, I never felt like my monthly subscription was a waste, because the episodes are always enjoyable and valuable. I always walk away learning something new that I can apply to my own life.

There is power in speaking directly with your audience. Occasionally Recho releases Quick Cuts, solo episodes where she gives an update i.e. extended breaks, big news breaks (or drama) and pushing back the curtain sharing personal news. She’s hosted AMA sponsored by Patreon giving subscribers an opportunity to speak directly with her in an intimate setting, allowing us to learn more about her and how she thinks. I promise you this audience includes some of the most engaged people I’ve ever seen online.

We value and crave authenticity and it’s great when things go right, but what about when things go wrong? She’s shared why some episodes just don’t make the cut, why never releasing episodes is the better solution and apologizing for a faux pas (i.e. The Tanning of America episode and $55,000 gate). I appreciate that Recho handles issues with honesty and integrity, staying true to herself and that looks like apologizing to her Patreon audience, not to the peanut gallery. Showing up and speaking with her audience when things are good and bad continues to build trust and credibility with TCRF community .

Congratulations to Recho and TCRF!

There were big windows facing the south and every morning I could catch the sunrise and feel the warmth and glow from the sun. The sun was the main character in my apartment, serving as my light source throughout the day. I rarely needed to turn the lights on in the morning because the sun shined so brightly.

I curated my space with care and intention—I painted my bedroom walls a calming sky blue, added wallpaper to my living room wall, drilled holes to hang my favorite pieces of artwork. I lit candles that positively shifted my mood. I would blast music (sorry neighbors!) early in the morning that served as my soundtrack while I squeezed in a workout. I cooked to my heart’s content trying new recipes from my favorite cookbooks. It was so spacious, I even ran a handful of photo shoot productions in my apartment. It was my safe space and by all accounts, it was “perfect.”

Fast forward to today, I now live with my grandmother and aside from having a roof over my head, the conditions are far from perfect. We’re crammed into a small one bedroom apartment. I’m sharing space with my grandmother and her “things.” I don’t have a front row seat to the sun’s morning show because she lives in the front of the building. A lot of her furniture are remnants from a former part of our lives… reminders of deceased loved ones and collected dilapidated equipment from others. In my eyes, it’s a poor use of the space she spends most of her time. But in her eyes, it’s “perfect.”

Clearly, “perfect” is conditional.

We always say once we have more time, more money, more space, more friends, etc etc then we’ll be able to write the book, train for the half marathon, take the cross country trip, etc.

We lament that we can’t achieve what we desire if we stay in our environment. It’s our environment that keeps us “stuck.” For a handful of us, that may be true.

But if I lived by that logic that means I couldn’t achieve half of what I’ve done the past two years because the conditions were not “perfect.” I’ve taken up painting, traveled to my dream destinations, learned how to sew and swim, and created a writing practice… and that’s been in the last 2 years living in “imperfect” conditions.

Sometimes you won’t have the option to change your environment. Does that mean you put your life on hold? No!

Current messaging suggests that if you’re not in “alignment” or if your environment isn’t working, that it’s time to go. But that may not be true. It may be time to bloom where you’re planted.

You have to learn how to make do with what you already have. You can’t let current circumstances or environment stop you from living the life you want. In other words, you must be flexible in your methods and steadfast in your vision.

I don’t need to control the how because there is more than one way to get what I want.

Instead of seeking perfect conditions I ask myself what promise do I want to keep to myself, what constitutes a “perfect” day regardless of the environment I find myself in?

For example, I have a one hour work commute. I have to walk out of my door by a certain time to get to work on time. But, I don’t like rushing in the morning and prefer easing into my day (Taurus life: I don’t like to be rushed).

I’ve created a container that allows me to be able to enjoy my mornings before leaving for work. That looks like waking up 30 minutes earlier and choosing what I need to feel good: fifteen minute writing session, a 15-20 minute workout sesh and a warm shower without the bathroom light on (a game changer!).

What container and parameters can you create to make sure you keep the promises to yourself under less than “perfect” conditions? What are you willing to do to make this happen regardless of the environment you find yourself in?

Don’t delay your life because you’re waiting for “perfect.”

Ambition isn’t pushing through and going hard to achieve my goals as it really means meeting myself where I am every day. I need simple easy to set and forget systems to achieve my goals. In other words, I eliminate as many barriers as possible to achieve my end result.

With fewer hours available to me now because of my full time job, I have to be more intentional about how I use my time, while still saving room for flexibility and spontaneity. I am choosing progress over perfection. I know I’ve dropped more than enough platitudes in this last paragraph but you get the point 😂.

Here are a few activities I do to move forward with ease.

Automatic money transfers. Rebuilding my emergency savings and retirement funds are two of my financial goals for this year. I set up automatic transfers for every pay period, so I can set it and forget it. I can make adjustments when needed, but at least the habit of saving is already established. It’s definitely been one of the biggest mental space hacks for me.

Working out at home. Adjusting to my work hours + commute has been a challenge. I enjoy working out, but found myself not wanting to schlep to the gym before and certainly not after work. The best option? I reactivated my Peloton app membership for on-demand workout classes access. Now I’m able to climb out of bed and dedicate 15-20 minutes in the morning before starting my day. Any movement is good movement!

Style Uniform. My style evolves every few years and I’m all about living my core style adjectives: sexy, cozy, chic. For one thing, a button-up hates to see me coming lol. Another example, a straight leg jean with a fitted tee or a Canadian tuxedo. I don’t like wasting time figuring out what to wear, and having a style uniform allows me to get dressed quickly and go.

Intentional Grocery Shopping. I can’t go to the grocery store with just vibes. I thrive best when I eat healthy whole foods and although I love take out, I have to be thoughtful about my meals. I create food shopping lists based on the meals I’m going to eat for the week which cuts down on food waste and overspending. I save recipe experimentation for during the weekend when I have more time and energy to cook.

I’m a Calendar Girlie. I learned this very early on in my career, but I add everything to the calendar. I’m not strict by any means, but it helps to see what I’ve committed to during the week and see if I need to push appointments out if I need additional breathing room. If it’s not on the calendar, it doesn’t exist!

Cut my weekly to do list by 40%. We overestimate what we can do in a week and underestimate what we can do in a month. Every week I do a to-do list dump and then select the top three that need to be accomplished by the end of the week, usually determined by how pressing it is or how flexible the deadline is. Deciding to focus on 3 main tasks, alleviates the pressure of feeling like I need to do it all.

Buy the wax passes. This is entirely random, but has been a life saver. If you identify as a woman (or are woman presenting) you’ll understand. If I don’t purchase a multi-wax pass, I’m less likely to stay on top of appointment scheduling. When I buy a wax package I won’t have to worry about budgeting this future expense. I can schedule it and go about my business. I know this is a mini privilege, but it’s one I’m willing to accept because it makes my life easier!

These simple decisions allow me to leave room for mental clarity, space and room for spontaneity. I automate simple decisions so I have the space to make bigger ones when I need to. A win is a win!

Any hacks you follow that allow you to live with ease? Let me know in the comments!

I don’t appreciate May ending with rain, but at least we have Mamdani mayor-ing it up. He is the breath of fresh air this city has been yearning for and a true example of if they wanted to, they would! Also Go Knicks!

Last month six people were laid off in my department and although bittersweet, it’s increased my workload exponentially. The plus side, I get more responsibility and visibility at work. The down side, I will make mistakes. I’ve made mistakes. Instead of internalizing them, my boss has had to let me know that mistakes are normal and it happens to the best of us. It doesn’t mean the work is bad or that I did a bad thing, the work just needs to be refined. There’s a message in there somewhere.

I’m in a space of removing as many barriers to accomplish my goals and taking the path of least resistance to get there. Last month, I reactivated my Peloton membership so I can start working out. Getting to the gym before or after work was not happening, so I removed the barrier of having to be in a gym to workout. No regrets.

I’ve been thinking about entrepreneurship and what I’d want to do as my next business idea. I’d love to combine my love for negotiation, connecting with people and curating beautiful spaces OR negotiating on behalf of creatives/brands. I don’t know exactly what that looks like, but I’m open to any ideas! Maybe it’s something I have to create but I’m sure there is nothing new under the sun. I’m all ears.

Now let’s get to some links!

Reads

The Erasure of Solange’s Motherhood I sometimes forget that Solange is a mom. This writer beautifully describes how Solange grew up and found her identity alongside motherhood. We often hear stories of woman losing themselves in motherhood, but Solange thrives alongside it.

Three Networking Tips that actually work (that doesn’t involve spamming your LinkedIn followers) I always enjoy Ashley’s letters. This guest letter offered great ways to begin networking that doesn’t give you the ick. Right now “weak connections” are the best way to get opportunities.

I Fucking Love My Career, Sue Me Yes, I have more work to do but I still fucking love my job. I GET to do THIS! I don’t feel shame for being ambitious and really great at my job, neither does this writer.

We simply do not have that kind of time A beautiful piece of prose around time on earth being short and precious.

The economic case for being an asshole What happens when it seems like everywhere you look the bad guys are winning AND rich? A broken social contract. This writer examines what happens when bad guys finish first and leaves the rest of us financial stressed and precarious.

In-Studio: Branding by Midheaven I love a little astrology and this letter breaks down careers based on your Midheaven. I’m a Libra Midheaven and it was pretty accurate!

P.T. Barnum’s Golden Rules for Making Money I’m learning people really over-complicate financial success. People think it should be harder than it really is. This writer breaks down P.T. Barnum’s really simple rules for making money. The first one: choose something you’re already good at.

Mundanity. Life is really a culmination of the day to day that turns into something beautiful. A beautiful piece of writing by Reggie.

Experts Explain the “Window of Tolerance” and why it’s important (Huffington Post) Always feeling short? You may have hit your window of tolerance about a month ago. This article examines what is the “window of tolerance” and how to manage it.

As Easy as Riding a Bike? Adult Learners Give It a Try. (NYT - free link) This was a feel good article I could relate to. During the pandemic I took an adult class to relearn how to ride a bike. As the article mentions, many of the attendees were women. I love riding a bike and I’m thankful for organizations like WABA (D.C.) and Bike New York for these opportunities to reclaim freedom and autonomy.

Brides Are No Longer Tossing Their Bouquets. They’re Keeping It. (NYT - free link) There is a market for everything and in the last few years, women are keeping their bouquets instead of the archaic tradition of tossing them in the audience of single women. This article highlights a handful of artists who are setting bouquets in resin or creating beaded or crochet bouquets. And yet, they’re not any cheaper than real flowers… that’s the gag.

Movies

Fun fact about me, I love going to the movies. I enjoy a matinee with as many snacks as possible. Between The Drama, The Odyssey, I Love Boosters, Spider Man Brand New Day, The Hunger Games…I’m going to be in the theater a lot this year. Here are a few movies I’ve seen in the theatre (and at home) this month.

Is God Is I wouldn’t say it was horror but there was definitely gore. If you’ve seen the previews you know the premise, on her deathbed, a twins’ mama asks for one request: to kill their father for all the harm he has caused. It leads to a road trip of discovery, revenge and unadulterated rage. I enjoyed it! I enjoyed Aisha’s review of this movie which really comes down to not carrying our parents’ trauma.

I Love Boosters very campy and trippy. The movie was a trippy commentary on capitalism and exploitation. It was okay but if you’re not into camp, this may not be for you.

The Devil Wears Prada 2 I went into this movie with very low expectations and was very surprised and impressed on how they handled this over 20-year material. It was relevant without being preachy and a fun ride. I love how it ended. One of my favorite lines: “You’re not a visionary, you’re a vendor. That’s all.” Burn!

Shrek Series I watched all four movies over the weekend considering I was inside due to the rain. Honestly, it’s a story of overcoming one’s traumas to become a better person. Shrek Forever After is how Shrek deals with a mid-life crisis. I didn’t mean to get too deep but, yea. It was a fun rewatch and a reminder of how fun and joyful movies used to be during the early 2000s. Bring fun movies back!

Buys

Once I find something that works, I’m loyal until the end, or at least until the item is discontinued. This list covers some of my everyday favorites and new favorites. Enjoy!

Bobbi Brown Lip Gloss In The Buff After cult brand SKINGLASS discontinued their nude shade lip glosses, I went back to my old faithful Bobbi Brown. It’s long lasting doesn’t feel sticky and is the perfect everyday nude lip gloss.

New Balance 408 I promise you New Balance sneakers seem to be one of the few brands I can wear. They have a wider toe box and it helps that they’re stylish.

Leopard Sling-backs They’re comfy, cute and on sale! Leopard is a neutral in my household, so I had to have these. I like wearing a loafer, or low heeled shoe at work so these are a great addition to my wardrobe.

Abercrombie Curve Love Dad Shorts It’s always hard to find shorts that fit around the waist and don’t ride up my cooter cat during the summer. It’s one reason why I avoid them all together. These Abercrombie Dad Shorts are becoming a staple in my closet. I purchased the shorts in Black.

Bare Babe Reusable Silicone Nipple Covers Listen, I don’t like wearing strapless bras. They never stay up and they make my tops look bulky. I started wearing Bare Babe Silicone Nipple Covers a few months ago and I love them. I’ve worn them for 8 hours. I’ve mistakenly worn them at physical therapy and I never take off my shirt to find one of them stuck down my shirt. I rotate between 3 sets and I’m buying a fourth. I wear a size large for reference.

Zara Button Up A button up hates to see me coming. I’m building a style uniform and it consists of fitted stylish tops, striped button ups and comfy denim. Maybe I should do a what does a full time photographer wear to work series? Anywho, I loved this pink striped button up from Zara.

Old Navy Bestee Crew-Neck Tees Finding quality tshirts are tough. I love wearing a fitted tee that feels like a tee. IYKYK While I do enjoy Uniqlo tees, they can be a bit too heavy during the Summer months. I found these at Old Navy and I just love how soft they are! They’re an easy way to dress a look up or down.

Disclaimer: Some links are affiliate links, which means I may earn a small commission if you purchase through them. I only share things I genuinely enjoyed, found useful, or would recommend to a friend.

After a quick nudge by my friend, I refreshed my headshot bookings page and it is live! It feels good to offer this now that I have a little bit more breathing room. Idk where this will lead, but I’m following my instincts and seeing where it leads!

In 2022 while I lived in D.C. I had this pull to begin connecting with agencies, producers and studios in New York. I was approaching a plateau in D.C. and knew returning to New York was the natural progression in my photography career.

I didn’t know how it would materialize but I knew if I kept putting it out there (telling friends, sharing with my network and keeping my options open) that it would eventually happen.

The original plan was I’d live in D.C. and travel to New York and other cities for work, which I did start traveling for work in 2022 (North Carolina, Tulum, Mexico). While I didn’t plan to move back to New York, I found myself back home in 2024 feeling dejected.

In hindsight, moving back to New York brought me closer to the dream of becoming a working photographer in the city.

In 2025, I secured a full time photography role that felt like it fell into my lap although my grey hairs would say differently. To keep track of a timeline: Early 2022 I began thinking about working in New York City and traveling for work Late 2022 - 2024 I started traveling for work 2024 I moved back to New York City and did a few freelance photography jobs in the area 2025 Secured a full time photography job.

It took three years to manifest my current reality but it wasn’t by happenstance as I’d like to believe. The opportunity found me working, networking, sharing my vision and luck carried me across the finish line.

People discuss manifestation or the idea of manifesting as a mystical experience, elusive, hard to describe or something that just happens. But in my many experiences manifestation is a combination of work, luck and visibility.

I opted not to write a how to manifest letter. It’s better to drop the platitudes and quotes and share the truth.

Embodying what you desire most - “As it is so shall it be.”

According to Webster’s dictionary manifestation is an event, action, or object that clearly shows or embodies something, especially a theory or an abstract idea. It originates from the Latin word manifestare or “make public.” Synonyms include: display, demonstration, showing or show.

Manifestation is an embodiment of your vision. It’s why we celebrate starting small or where you are, with whatever you have. When we manifest, we’re sharing physical evidence of our desires and ideas.

Embodiment is like tending to the soil or sowing before reaping. Traveling for work in 2022/2023 was embodying the idea of becoming a traveling working photographer. Expressing my desire to become a working photographer in New York City and booking a job in New York in 2024 were two more examples of embodiment. By this point it wasn’t a matter of if, but rather a matter of when. The more I showed up for myself, the more evidence I created to manifest whatever I wanted.

Building pattern recognition

The reason why I believe I can materialize my desires is because the opportunities have found me working. Many people share their ideas and that’s where they end.

But I find doing the work helps to bridge the gap between your current circumstances with your desired reality.

Whether it was learning how to ride a bike, heal from a terrible injury, or building a successful business I showed up and did the work required to achieve each manifestation without the pressure of hitting a specific deadline.

You can’t be afraid of trying and failing a few times before finding the thing that works or becomes a gateway to more opportunities.

Luck and Visibility exponentially builds manifestation

Your work builds the foundation and luck plus visibility helps you cross the finish line.

People don’t like acknowledging luck but sometimes it really is about being in the right place at the right time. It doesn’t mean your work is irrelevant, but it means that you’re putting yourself in a position where your work will pay off which can be a stroke of luck. Friend, someone has to see your work! You can’t be afraid of what spectators will say. Usually they’re not doing anything anyway!

This looks like being “cringe” or speaking up for yourself. Doing your job well. Showing up even when no one quite understands. Repeating yourself two, three or four times before getting an answer. Reaching out to people in your network. Creating personal projects. Pitching your ideas and services. Asking two or three people to try out your beta idea.

When I wanted to be a wardrobe stylist, I’d send my resumes to agencies to assist lead stylists. A year later I was brought on to work on a major shoe campaign.

When I was a waitress for a mom and pop restaurant in SoHo, I learned one of the patrons was a wardrobe stylist. I gave her my resume and that led to working with her and other stylists.

The work, the reps, the cringe moments led me to meeting someone who worked for my current employer. I asked a model on a job I produced to pass over my resume to my current boss and I guess you can say the rest is history.

So let’s land this plane

If I had to create a formula it would look something like this: (work + visibility)*luck = manifestation. Here’s the thing, it may not happen on your timeline, but it will eventually happen!

The opportunities will always find you working. Putting in more reps means more opportunities and therefore increases your “surface area” or chances for your desires to materialize.

When the haze disappears, manifestation is really when you keep your promises to yourself. The more you show up for yourself, the more evidence you’re collecting to believe you can manifest whatever you want.

There isn’t anything new under the sun, but every ten years or so concepts get rebranded to sound cool or relevant for the new generation. While some make sense, others like “the partless slickback” aka a ponytail, sound utterly ridiculous.

Another term I can’t wrap my head around is “the portfolio career.” I’ve seen the term as I’ve scrolled up and down my timeline and I couldn’t shake why I didn’t like it. Until a few days ago while getting ready for work I realized side hustles just got a freaking rebrand.

In recent years, the term “portfolio career” has picked up traction within work conversations and spaces. According to a fellow writer, a portfolio career is defined “as having several part-time jobs or multiple income streams rather than one full-time gig.”

It can look like working a part time job, offering a digital course and a done-for-you service simultaneously. In theory, it sounds great to be able to monetize maximize your skills across multiple avenues. But as someone who had a “portfolio career” before it was cool, because I needed to have multiple sides hustles to create a minimum living wage, it is utterly exhausting in the long run.

My dream

When I first started my photography business, I had multiple jobs to cover my expenses. At one time, I was a spin instructor, a part time sales associate at Athleta and a social media consultant, all while building my photography clientele.

Ya’ll, I was absolutely exhausted. The idea of jumping from one role to the next wasn’t exciting, it was depressing and gave me whiplash daily.

I remember one day while laying in bed, dreaming of the day when I didn’t have to have so many jobs in order to make a living. I was so focused on making photography my one thing, that I focused my time and energy on becoming one of the best product photographers in the D.C. area.

Maybe because I lived it, but I knew I wanted to focus on building one great thing to cover all of my personal and business expenses. If I wanted to add another revenue stream, it would be by choice not because I needed to make ends meet.

What happened to being an expert?

Before I continue let me say, I know the economic landscape. People have to hold more than one job or pivot industries all together to make a living. And yet, I still believe when someone is so undeniably great at what they do, they can demand what they want without holding multiple roles.

In my book The Photo CEO, I talk in depth about how I made the jump from multiple side hustles to photography. To summarize, I determined my niche was beauty product photography. The more I publicly shared my work and promoted my services, the more I was hired for work. In fact two things happened: people outside of my network started referring me for projects and I found more confidence to increase my rates. At the peak of my business, I generated $200,000 and worked only one third of the year.

I never felt like I needed to add more to my plate because I was charging enough to cover my livelihood. Piece-mealing offers to create one salary didn’t make sense to me.

In my experience and speaking with other entrepreneurs, when you focus on creating a strong business around one speciality three things will naturally happen:

• Your credibility and reliability will increase.

• Mastery will lead to more money. You can charge a premium price for your services because you are one of the best in your industry.

• You’ll have more time to explore personal interests, without the pressure to monetize them.

Building a mono-career takes discipline and strategy. But it’s not impossible. And another thing, don’t we all have portfolio careers aka our résumés? But I digress.

Let’s say you provide four different services, but there may be one to two that people consistently hire you for. If those two services make up 60% or more of your sales, why not drop the two weaker services and go deeper into the ones that bring you money, joy and space?

Edit Edit Edit

After a season of exploration, I always recommend editing your offers. The net net: sure you can offer four ways to work with you, but I guarantee there are one or two that check off all three boxes:

• You’re willing to invest one to three years refining the service/offer/course etc

• You enjoy offering the service aka you’re having fun

• The service/offer/course is in demand from your audience

Only once one revenue stream covers your expenses should you consider adding another revenue stream. May I suggest one that requires a less physical lift? For example, I made my first $100,000 from physical labor and grunt work (photography).

After three years, I realized I could rebuy my time by hiring other creatives to complete parts of the work and increase my rates.

It wasn’t until year five, that I started to offer a second service, photo production (less physical more mental lift) for other photographers based on my experience.

Production represented a smaller percentage of sales, but it didn’t matter because it allowed the main thing to continue being the main thing. I built an ecosystem of two complimentary services. The first offer required physical labor, while the second was a mental labor and lighter physical lift.

I know I’m rejecting one term and recommending another. I see the irony! But I always believe doing less well leads to more impact, mastery and revenue.

Instead of spreading yourself thin, building an ecosystem allows you to tap into your strongest skills in high impact/revenue avenues.

More examples of ecosystems with complimentary services:

Accountant & Consultant for Tax Preparation Companies

Interior Designer & Adjunct Professor for Continuing Studies

Ghost Speech Writer & Book Editor

Maybe you don’t want to build a portfolio career or an ecosystem and that’s okay. I don’t blame you! But being ambitious doesn’t always mean filling your cup to the brim. Nor does it mean creating a “Frankenstein” career. If the portfolio career doesn’t allow us to create work-life harmony, haven’t we just created a new monster to try to optimize and control? A question for us all to consider.

I attended Barbizon modeling school and Alvin Ailey School of Dance when I was in the 5th and 6th grades, with the hopes that I would find “my thing” and become famous (or at least become a source of income for my family) but I had other ideas.

When I graduated from Barbizon I chose to go back to school to focus on my education and graduate (what I said to the Barbizon rep).

I attended Alvin Ailey dance classes for about 1 month before I knew it wasn’t the place for me.

I rarely paid attention to cues in ballet classes, hated the click clack of tap shoes and although I found more freedom in jazz class, it was never long enough to do a full 8 count…but the moment I knew it wasn’t for me was during a lunch break.

There we were, almost 30 girls in our pink leotards and “nude” tights, and tight buns eating our lunch cramped in a small dance room. Some girls had already found their clique and gathered around each other. I found myself sitting alone while still surrounded by all these girls who were excited about the next dance lessons.

And then like a moment in the movie Fame, music starts playing. No lie. Someone brought out a Discman music stereo, turned up the volume and a circle naturally formed, with girls jumping in one at time, to flex their plié, do back flips and splits.

I stared in awe… and was absolutely terrified. I didn’t know exactly what intuition was, but in that moment I knew becoming the next Misty Copeland was not in my future.

The next Saturday, when it was time to head to class, I looked up at grandma from watching Saturday morning cartoons and said, I don’t want to go back to dance class, I don’t like it.

What I remember vaguely is that she didn’t ask me why, she didn’t try to convince me or force me to go, instead she trusted my decision and said “okay”. Relieved, I went back to watching Saturday morning cartoons in bliss because I didn’t have to contort into someone I didn’t want to be.

I tried a lot of activities during my formative and teenage years: Girl Scouts, Tennis, Track and Field and each time, after a few weeks or maybe even just one meeting, I knew it wasn’t for me. Each time my no was respected.

Clearly, I’m one to follow through. I have evidence the shows I can when I’m interested and a few things eventually did stick: student council, cheerleading, the step team and baton team.

I’m not sharing my “failures” to redeem myself but rather show that my grandmother taught me several important lessons at a very young age: experimentation leads to clarity, it’s better to decide quickly and move on and more importantly, honoring my no and trusting me to make the right choice for myself.

The last one has guided my life in many ways that I don’t take for granted. I trust my no just as much as I trust my yes because I know who I am. I know that if I just lock into my own intuition, I’ll find the right answers with the information I have access to, which is already inside of me.

How many times have you chose what you think you should because of what society, family, friends or even social media says what you should or should not like?

How often do you use the millennial pause to tap into your own center and ask, “do I like this because someone told me I should or because I want to?” “Does this even feel good to me?”

What I’m describing is different from avoiding being a beginner. Doing hard things builds resiliency and makes the journey more worth it, imo. But there are moments, when I’ve had to pause and ask, does this align with where I want to go or where I see myself?

I’ve dropped projects, clients and revenue streams because I trusted my no. I had enough evidence, clarity through experimentation and intuition to know when to let something or someone go.

You may wonder, how? While there isn’t a clear roadmap or formula, I’ve found that the more reps I put in, the clearer my vision became. The faster I made a decision, the faster I moved on to try an idea or go deeper in another. I can find my yes because I’m quicker to declare my no’s.

Maybe you didn’t have a grandmother or parent who honored your no. I know my experience can seem like a privilege to some, but now we’re old enough to speak up for ourselves. You can step out of your parents or society’s shadow to create your own path littered with the no’s you never got to say when you were younger.

The fastest way to build the life you want is to start saying no to things you think you should do and say yes to what you really want to do. It means ignoring what it may look like to others and tapping into what feels good to you.

A more rooted answer - discover your core values and ask do your actions align with your core values. It also looks like moving because clarity and confidence come from action.

My life doesn’t need to look a certain way in order for it to be great. It’s great because I’m in it! And when something doesn’t feel good, I know I can pivot and course correct at any time.

What’s stopping you from living in your truth? What can you do today to lead you to living the life you really want? It’s one “no” or “yes” away.

My first 9 to 5 job and concurrent retail work experiences gave me an edge in entrepreneurship that put me ahead of my peers and kept me top of mind with clients and prospects alike.

Working at Macy’s was a crash course in people management, buying psychology and work politics. I learned how to negotiate with vendors, conduct market research, manage client expectations, conflict management and much more.

So whenever I hear people say they want to have a business because they don’t want to answer to anyone else, I know they’re going to have a hard time sustaining one. Entrepreneurship requires the same if not more interpersonal or soft skills than working a 9 to 5.

I didn’t know everything when I started my photography business at 30 years old, but I knew the basics of how to get my point across and advocate for myself very early on.

Unfortunately due to the current work climate, many people don’t have the opportunity to build and exercise many skills before deciding to jump into entrepreneurship, leading to a lot of unmet expectations and resentment.

AI in the workplace is dismantling entry level job opportunities that Gen Z would otherwise have upon entering the workforce. As a result, many are skill deficient and being fired at a much hire rate.

Millennials have endured two recessions, a pandemic and now another war during our adult years along with recurring layoffs.

We have the spirit and resilience to build something on our own as the promise of the American dream—go to school, get a great job and retire in 30 years has disintegrated before our eyes.

So I understand that for some if not many of us, entrepreneurship or some form of hybrid entrepreneurship seems like the more ideal work option in this precarious climate.

But aside from understanding taxes, pricing and marketing, there are intangible and invaluable work and life skills you must add to your entrepreneurial kit.

Negotiation skills. At Macy‘s I negotiated pricing for large product orders weekly. It’s not hyperbole to say most things in life are a negotiation. We negotiate with our time, energy and money. In business, negotiation is a skill that can take you from earning a mealy hourly rate to earning 5 figures working less hours. I have a few negotiation letters to read here.

Market Research. I know AI swears it’s going to take market research but nothing beats having conversations and paying attention to what’s happening around you to understand your audiences’ needs and wants intimately.

Market research helps you niche down because without it, you’re promoting your services without a compass. In the beginning I used to schedule interviews with beta users to understand why they’d want to use my services. Moreover, I collected testimonials from clients to understand what they liked or did not like while working with me. This information helped me tremendously once I transitioned from working with small business owners to commercial brands. It required speaking a different language that I wouldn’t have known if I didn’t do the research.

I cringe when people say they’re niche are Black women when in truth, Black women are not a monolith. You have to intimately know your customer— is she a burned out high level executive? Is she a SAHM desperately seeking a creative outlet? Maybe they’re someone who deals with a skin condition like eczema. Knowing the ins and outs of who your customer is will help you connect with them easier and sell better and faster.

Conflict Management It’s uncomfortable but someone’s gotta do it. Eventually you’ll move from a team of one to managing 1-2 people and you’ll have to lead work performance conversations. Sometimes you’ll have to fire employees or clients and reinforce boundaries.

Clear & Succinct communication It’s so easy to be long winded and say that’s transparency but I’ve learned that the less the better. What are the top 1-3 things your client needs to know? They don’t need to know that you outsource retouching to 3 people in Europe. They DO need to know the retouching turn around time is 5 days. When working with others who have limited time, it’s important to keep things high level, leave the particulars (or getting stuck in the weeds) for your internal team.

Resolution Skills. Sure I’m going to complain about it but I’m coming with some solutions! In business, no one likes a complainer. Especially someone who only complains and doesn’t bring possible resolutions. People appreciate someone who can solve problems. Even if the resolution doesn’t fix everything, it shows courage, the ability to take risks and deescalate issues when everything doesn’t go as smoothly as expected.

Self-Starter Energy “Build it and they will come” only works in the movies. When I first started my photography business I was so confused when I didn’t have any clients. I knew my idea was solid, I just needed people to notice me! I needed to let people know who I was. I needed to actually market my offers. I needed to show up where I thought my clients existed, which was Instagram at the time.

Once I got that through my skull, I started to get traction AND clients. One of my competitive advantages was my ability to pitch my services consistently and follow-up with prospects, something a lot of my contemporaries just didn’t do. 🤷🏽‍♀️ I saw incremental growth doing the bare minimum — showing up and being consistent.

If you currently have dreams of working for yourself, great! If you’re working a 9 to 5, let it be your playground. Use this opportunity to build these interpersonal skills and more so you’ll be set up for entrepreneurial success.