<![CDATA[having fun alone]]>https://ieailu.substack.comhttps://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!z9Tu!,w_256,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9c877593-0ae7-4dc3-99ef-2e77387563c5_246x246.pnghaving fun alonehttps://ieailu.substack.comSubstackWed, 02 Sep 2026 22:47:00 GMT<![CDATA[no words]]>https://ieailu.substack.com/p/no-wordshttps://ieailu.substack.com/p/no-wordsFri, 20 Jan 2023 01:30:50 GMTi’m propped up tall on a pile of drafts, notes, journal entries, and desperate sentences i feel like i’ve written a hundred times before. it’s a balancing act to not pull anything out from under me, to keep writing and hoarding, sliding more words under me as they come.

tonight i wanted to think about speechlessness.

speechlessness out of awe, anger, numbness, sensation, joy, disbelief, total belief, love. being speechless that it ever started, speechless that it ended after so much time, speechless that it has been going nowhere, speechless that it is so beautiful just the way it is. when you really have nothing to say, nothing to add, nothing to refute. when any additional expression and utterance feels like you’re dragging us all towards hell or ruining something too worthy for words.

speechlessness is total understanding, when you finally get it all and you retreat into your knowledge, so thorough and whole that all you want to do is rest in it. speechlessness is total ignorance, when you know so little that all you can do is to take it all.

speechlessness is comfort, when something is so far removed from your reality that having nothing to say about it is a symbol of your fortunes. speechlessness is also discomfort, when you’re so out of place that any amount of self expression makes you want to invert your whole head.

it’s inspiring how many different kinds of silences there are in this world. simply existing at the exact same time as the person you love most means more than words ever will.

i have nothing else to say

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