She mentioned they were going to ordain someone as a pastor and I was really shocked because I didn't expect it.

Something in me wanted to look or perceive this specific individual as something more than what I had assumed they were. Maybe with more reverence or honor.

As I pondered on these thoughts I realized that the title of a “Pastor” doesn't necessarily mean you know God or Christ. You can fact-check that in Matthew 7:21.

The fact that you bear a title doesn't mean you're now the most spiritually matured person in the room.

I’ve encountered several people in the past. Maybe people who I thought were random, but when you would talk to them, you’ll realize you're talking to a youth leader, an apostle, a prophet, etc.

I’ve met people who are so matured in the spirit, carry much weight, are powerful and full of fire, leading thousands to Christ and I’ve met them serving in a conference looking like an ordinary person who needed not to introduce his or herself by their title.

And I’ve also met the opposite. People who barely have anything tangible with the Lord. They don't carry His Presence, they barely spend time with God, etc. But anytime it's time to introduce their selves, they suddenly feel the need to add “I am Bishop…” “My name is Apostle…”

Maybe they believe that by adding the title to their name they'll be perceived as people in authority that are to be highly esteemed and respected above the average person.

Whenever I meet these kinds of people, it just tells me that you're looking for man’s attention, validation and approval rather than God's approval. It's like there's this pandemic where they want people to see how powerful or mighty or how far they've come in life, constantly seeking to tell a man all the powerful prophecies that has been spoken over their lives, so that you won't be looking at them as a small ordinary boy or “just my neighbor”.

My question is why? Why can't you accept that yes, you may have a powerful calling over your life, but you don't need to make it known to everyone you encounter.

Even if you had a prophetic word where they told you that you had the mantle of Elijah or the mantle to raise the dead, why do you always seek for everyone to know?

It almost looks like Instagram to me. Where people often post for the likes and the attention. Like you need to prove to people that you're enjoying life and doing fine even though you might be going through your worst.

And that's something I hate with every fiber of my being. When you look like something you're not. I really hate that.

I once heard that they were going to ordain a woman as a pastor. I was so shocked when I heard this, not because she was a woman but because the person they were talking about had recently been to a Davido concert and actively listens to worldly music. Omo if you see shocking.

It made me question the church that wanted to ordain her even more. Don't you guys look for a track record of a faithful and obedient life committed unto God before you ordain anyone? Honestly I can't understand it.

I’ve met so called “pastors” or maybe even leaders who just want the title, but not the responsibility that comes with it. Are you a pastor by mouth or are you actually walking in that office?

You present yourself as a deaconess in church, but your day to day life lacks the power of God.

I hate it when people take pride on the title that had been given to them but run away when it's time to take up responsibility.

I don't want you to call yourself a pastor, I want you to act as one. I don't want you to call yourself a prophet, I want you to act as one. Enough with so much title.

I realized that it's so uncommon to see an average Christian or believer have a daily time set aside for Bible Study and Prayer. It's not enough with coming to church, or being the most committed one. In fact, your family prayer isn't enough, not even the prayer from your spiritual father. You need to build something with God.

A daily life abiding in the secret place should be every believers lifestyle. But because we rarely have any actual believer doing so, we now ordain anyone who “appears” to be serious with God, not even that, who appears to be committed to the church. We now want to ordain them as our pastors and leaders.

Anyone can now call himself a teacher, prophet, leader, apostle, etc. At this point I don't care about your title, I care about you walking in that office.

Even if they prophesied that you’ll be very powerful and great, why do you see the need to tell the whole world? Let's stop seeking the approval and the applauses of men. Let's learn how to be humble and see no need to tell everyone about all the things that God has said about us!

Now this doesn't mean that I won't respect your office or position, that's not what I'm saying. But I’ve encountered people who do so much more without a title than those with one.

I’m a Jesus girl, and I love going to the house of my Father. I love working for Him and serving Him in anyway possible, whether it be in church, at home, the streets. It's not easy and I'm not perfect, but this doesn't mean that I am now qualified to lead a whole church! These qualities should be the ones of an average Christian. But because we don't have that, we now ordain passionate baby Christians who still need training to lead us.

Just because the average Christian doesn't want to seek God anymore. The average believer doesn't like to seek God's face in the place of prayer anymore. So we now lower the standards of what it takes to be an actual leader.

Again, I’m not dishonoring the office. But make sure that the person who bears that title is actually doing the work. We aren't asking for perfection, we’re asking for a heart that's actually willing to do God's work properly.

I pray you’ll be more interested in pleasing God's heart that in bearing a title.

Stop seeking validation from strangers or people who’ll forget you once you leave this Earth. Seek God's Approval. Seek Him First 🤍

Yep. That’s me. In 2021. Preaching at the altar in my church. During quarantine. That’s why I have a mask on. At our Prayer Intercessors Program.

Let me just give you guys a back story.

At this very moment, I had just given my life to Christ in 2020. After many attempts to actually follow God, finally in March 2020 I choose to give my life to Him genuinely. I was willing to repent of my lifestyle and God began a work in me, but after 3 months, that’s when I started to see a radical change in me.

I use to be addicted to YouTube for the longest time. I would binge-watch American youtubers for hours and I loved Roblox at that time. But God began to do something in me. I remember one night, I came across certain videos of people evangelising, leading people to Christ, baptising them, and praying for them to receive the Holy Ghost. They would speak in tongues, others would cast out demons, and many received healing.

This wasn’t the first time I’ve seen demons casted out of a person. Whenever the general overseer of our church came around he would have deliverance services in our church, so it was common to see people fall on the ground, scream and manifest. But for some reason, while watching these YouTube videos it seemed as if it was my first ever time seeing it. I loved the videos so much that I spent the whole night watching them. And just like that, in one night, my desires changed completely.

I no longer watched secular Youtubers anymore. I got addicted to watching baptism and evangelism videos. Eventually I started preaching the gospel to the people around me and even in Roblox —that would always cause chaos lol. I think people saw me and thought I was crazy, because those who knew me before, suddenly saw me preaching to them and telling them to follow Jesus. I desired to get baptised, speak in tongues and do many other things.

During this period I began to take church more seriously. I no longer saw it as just a normal gathering. I saw it as a gathering of believers whom God has saved coming together to fellowship in the spirit of love, even as we have our personal communion with the Holy Spirit. I wouldn’t miss any Bible Study or Prayer Meetings, because I obviously wanted to be in a space where I could learn more about this lover I had just encountered.

I started debating online with several people under the comments section of controversial youtube video topics. I would debate endlessly with all kinds of christians: orthodox, jewish, catholics, etc. Although I first began following the 7-Day Adventists Church. I was so into it that I was even considering switching from my own church to theirs. They constantly emphasized on the Sabbath Day rest, and the coming together of the brethren on Saturday and not Sunday.

I even have a note book with me in my room that I bought, to gather all the necessary information to justify why we should rest on Sabbath and do no work. I searched on how people changed the sabbath throughout history, and made people work on Saturday instead of Sunday. I was willing to tell the leaders in my church that they were wrong for worshipping on Sunday, and there were times I even fought with my parents because I choose not to clean the bathroom on Saturday because it was “rest day”. But of course, we also had to know what was considered as work. Honestly I laugh when I remember all of this.

See, my people, this is what happens when you have a new, passionate and hungry born again believer, yet lacks mentorship or even discipleship (this is a post for another day). But God eventually brought me out of that.

I started having a bunch of dreams of me casting out demons and healing the sick. I don’t know how, but I somehow knew these dreams were from God and not just my imagination. God also began speaking to me through several people in my church concerning things they would see that God was doing. Okay, now let me get straight to the point.

After a year of this transformation that God was doing in my life. I had already joined the Intercessors group. And we were planning how it would go, the things we would do and who would preach.

On a random Sunday, as I was in church, my former Prayer Warrior leader was preaching at the altar. Once he was done, he came to me rapidly and told me that as he was preaching he saw a light on me, then he asked the Lord what that meant. And God told him that I would be the one to preach on the day of the program.

I was in shock, but then after much thought, I assumed he meant another thing. I thought he was telling me to lead prayers or give a tiny word of exhortation on one of the little gatherings we had every Tuesday. So I had to ask him another day to make sure I didn’t misinterpret anything. But he then confirmed that I was going to preach.

In my head I knew that if God had called me to preach, that means He has given me the ability and capacity to do so. I didn’t really doubt myself, but the people around me doubted me, because they had never seen me preach, teach or speak much. There was even some contention amongst the members of our group because they most likely thought I was too young or that the leader was just being emotional.

Do I blame them? I was quiet shy and introverted. I didn’t speak much, I just loved God and most of the members had been in the Prayer Intercessors group way longer than I had been. And they were so much older than me.

Anyways, that was my understanding. If God called me to do something, then He’ll provide everything possible along the way.

I began preparing as they gave me the topic of the program. I believe I still have the notes from that day. I remember being a bit nervous before going up. And once everyone stood up for the word and they saw me walk up to the altar, I saw many faces and reactions.

My pastor’s wife was so shocked but happy and excited at the same time. Other youths were also surprised. Because I was the first youth —15 year old for that matter— to climb that altar and preach.

As at that time, we had 2 sessions, the morning and afternoon session, so I had to preach twice. But God took control and I was able to open my mouth for Him to fill it.

I’m saying this to tell you that I realised God didn’t need me to know the entire Bible from Genesis to Revelation. I was 1 year in the Lord, I had probably only read 5 books of the Bible as at that time, was still a baby in the faith. But I had passion, zeal and hunger for God.

God didn’t need me to be an expert at the Bible before He could send me to the altar to preach.

Now, don’t hear what I’m not saying. This was a one time experience. It was a direct instruction from God, not a template for everyone else to follow. There has to be wisdom and discernment when it comes to these things. Because we now have a pandemic of baby Christians on the internet trying to “mentor” or “disciple” people when they haven’t even gone through discipleship themselves!

One can see the unction of God upon a man. But if that man doesn’t pass through process, his flesh will take him out faster than the enemy itself.

Baby Christians should not be your teachers, because they still need to be taught and discipled. So again, this isn’t to say that all new believers should be standing on pulpits teaching please.

But I also know that when God sees a heart that’s hungry and willing. Even if the person hasn’t even scratched the surface, God will use that person. So even in your growth, you’re usable.

God doesn’t wait for the perfect finished product. Even as you mature and learn, you can also be sent on specific assignments.

This is for those who feel like they don’t qualify to be used by God. My brother/sister: NO ONE QUALIFIES, HE QUALIFIES US!

He doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called!

God most likely put me at that altar to show people something, share a message through me, or maybe even show that God can use the younger ones too! This happened over 5 years ago, but the story always touches me. Seeing how God brought a little girl who was just in love with Jesus to be preaching at an altar. This story humbles me a lot.

This doesn’t mean I should neglect studying or reading my Bible and praying. But again, God can use anything and anyone at any time!

So don’t obsess about not being the best preacher, teacher, evangelist, etc. Just make sure your heart is sold out for God and surrendered.

Because God would rather use a surrendered heart than a full mind.

Anyways… I’ve kept this article in my drafts for a little over 5-6 months and I realised it was time to publish hehe.

This letter contains many of the issues I’ve tried to communicate to you (leaders) in the past, but where ignored.

This isn’t to shame anyone, or drag anybody, but it’s a letter that comes from my heart.

Again, this isn’t directed to everyone, but I believe it could give perspective and help any leader out there.

Dear Leaders, I’m sad. I’ve cried to God because of you. I’ve tried to figure out what the problem was. I thought I WAS THE PROBLEM. I thought I was just too proudful to submit or listen to you, you made me feel like I hated leadership or submission. Or maybe I just had a problem listening to the one God had placed above me.

For the longest time, I was grateful. Grateful for the kind of leaders I had. The ones that allowed the gift of God in me to be displayed. You guys were and are the kind of leaders that will see the unction of God upon a vessel and will still allow God to find expression through that same vessel, so that it can benefit us all.

I’m grateful for every single opportunity that was given to me to develop and stir up the gift of God within me. I do not take it for granted.

This place has been my training ground, and God has used it to mature me. But I just had one issue —well, actually, I had many— but the main one was discipleship.

I’ve been talking about this for months. I sought for guidance elsewhere to see whether it was normal or okay to not have discipleship in a body.

Because I kept seeing a common issue repeat itself severally: people who had the anointing, but not the training to handle the anointing.

I kept seeing many things on display. Choir members who had no consecration. Went to club on Saturday night and ended up singing worship on Sunday mornings.

Teachers who would say one thing on the pulpit, but do otherwise on the streets.

Leaders, I never claimed to know more than you. I never disregarded the position God had placed you in, but I had many things to question.

I slowly kept seeing how our services went from being spirit filled and seeing the move of God in our gatherings, to slowly dying out and becoming dry, social and religious gatherings with no real impact or growth on the people.

I know what I saw. I know how I used to leave church in wonder and awe because I was amazed by the power of God. Everyday I longed for the next time we would gather. I would rush so I wouldn’t miss any second of the move of God.

But slowly as the years went by, the move of the spirit began to reduce.

I started questioning why I didn’t feel like I was growing. I started asking myself whether I had gotten too familiar to capture the wisdom in the Sunday Preachings. I started wondering why God’s Presence and power felt almost none-exsitant in our gatherings.

I am a member. And I can see it. But you’re a leader. My leader. So why can’t you see it?

Why couldn’t you guys see or discern that the people God had set under you weren’t growing?

Anytime we had our Yearly Workers Meeting, the same issues would arise: “this person didn’t greet me” “this person saw me and walked passed me” “I will not greet nor talk to this person until they apologise”

Year after year we have the same —sorry— “childish” issues arise.

How are we supposed to mature as a church? How are we supposed to become End Time Soldiers when we still struggle with the same things the people of the world struggle with for years???

We keep feeding the people with milk and that’s why they never get to the place of maturity where they can now chew bone.

Again, who am I? I’m just a member. If the leaders see the problem, but say nothing, then who am I to speak up right?

We would rarely fast as a church. The only fast I remember was the 21 day fast we had at the beginning of the year. We barely have any prayer programmes or teaching programmes.

CONCLUSION: THE CHURCH ISN’T GROWING.

After speaking to a couple of people I look up to, they asked me to pray for you guys. So I did. I prayed, I interceded and honestly… I saw some results. I saw God answering my prayers.

But I realised that my prayers where initiating something that could only be sustained by discipleship and accountability.

So yes, God heard me. But, Leaders, you had a part to play.

Please, I don’t say this with arrogance or pride. Neither do I believe I know better than any of you. But there are many things that are being swept under the carpet. Many things that if tolerated today, will become the order of the day tomorrow.

But this is my issue with you leaders. I brought up the matter to you. We told you the church wasn’t growing. We told you about how sin was being treated with such casualty. You gave us feedback and appreciated our commentaries. But once we left, NOTHING.

We saw no changes. No measures put in place. We saw no fear of God.

We brought the matter to you again, but you justified the matter of the church and labelled it as “passing through hard times and trials”. I accepted the response. But for how long?

For how long will the church be passing through these “trials” that we say we’re going through. Is it truly “trials” as you guys say, or are we most-likely not doing something right?

How do you justify the lack of growth in our members? How do you justify the tolerance and casualty of sin within our ministers and workers? And when the product of all these things is seen we label it as “trials”.

I’m so sorry. But I told God, I didn’t really like the leaders I have.

I know you aren’t perfect. No one is.

But I never sought for perfection in leadership. I sought for shepherds that cared about the spiritual condition of their sheep.

I sought for shepherds, not by title but by their character, selflessness, love and care towards their sheep.

I sought for shepherds who feared God a bit too much to allow their sheep casualize and swim in sin.

I sought for shepherds whose lifestyle I could emulate and it would lead me back to being on fire for Jesus.

But I didn’t see nor find that in you guys.

I saw a people who were too busy with their lives and felt like taking proper care of their sheep was too much of a burden.

“Nobody has time. Where is the time to be teaching people and discipling them?”

Then why did you answer the call if you were going to be too busy for it?

I’m really sad and frustrated. Because you guys aren’t false teachers. But I doubt your love for God.

Because if you love God, you keep his commandments.

If you love God, you’ll make sure to do anything possible not to break his heart.

But if this saddens me? Then I can’t even image how heart broken the Father might be.

I went online. I had to go online. I had to look for good teachers and shepherds who would help my spiritual growth and modelled Christ correctly. This isn’t to compare, but I had to seek guidance to make sure I wasn’t crazy for seeing this stuff.

It’s easy to think I’m crazy because my leaders aren’t seeing this, apparently, so I must be insane, definitely. God have mercy on me.

The worst part is that new members joined this ministry for about a year. They saw the issue, highlighted it to you guys, but you did nothing about it. So they left. And that was my last straw.

I’m not the type of person to disrespect people because they did me wrong, no. I can still respect and honor you, but unfortunately, I won’t be able to look up to you.

I will follow you as you follow Christ. But when you stop following Christ, then I’ll stop following you.

I’ve spoken to several people, I’ve cried and spoken to God about this. I’m still pretty frustrated about the matter. It was nice to have you guys in my journey. It strengthened my faith and helped me go deeper in God. It deepened my roots and minimised my tolerance for sin in our churches.

God used you guys to make me even more vocal about purity and holiness. And He made me more radical about Jesus. So yes, all things do work together for the good of those who love God.

I learnt a lot under you guys. But I was getting weary of constantly trying yo make you guys see the issue. I’m not sure it worked, maybe it did. I’ll be praying.

But for now, God closes this chapter and opens a new one for me. I hope you read my heart dear leaders. I’m not against you, I’m for you as long as you’re for God. I wish you guys the best in life, and I pray that our eyes will be enlightened to see where we’ve missed it, so that we may go back to God in repentance and He may restore our land. With much love, your fellow sister in Christ.

Again, am I crazy? God forbid. Is it just me? Am I exaggerating? What’s actually going on?

I, as a Christian girlie, trying to follow Christ, have 2 topics that I’m really strict with.

The first one is worldly music, and many of you already know where I stand with this because of one of my articles that blew up concerning it.

But another topic I’m really picky on is modesty. Now, I’m a bit more graceful with this one, but yet really strict also. I know it’s a struggle for many to still dress modestly and I know God honours every woman’s effort to dress in a way that would represent their Maker properly.

But still… maybe it’s because I’m Nigerian or… I’m not even sure.

It’s easy to believe I’m the crazy girl here because tell me why I’m looking at a bunch of Christian women dressing somehow?

I don’t know how to express this but what I am seeing might not be a very obvious kind of immodesty. It’s really subtle, but yet, it isn’t giving Jesus.

We dress in a way that’s more or less seductive, but we try to cover it up with some Jesus in our caption.

I don’t know why it has become so normal to show off our cleavage like it’s something to parade. I promise you it’s not that hard to cover up your cleavage as a woman, especially if your boobs aren’t that big to cover up.

For some reason it has been normalized. Especially in weddings. I don’t know why people just choose to show off their whole boobs on their wedding day.

For me personally it’s really uncomfortable. Knowing that when people look at me, their attention will slightly drift to my cleavage. I promised myself that on my wedding day ain’t nobody gon’ see my cleavage.

I’m asking whether I am crazy or mad, because the women I see doing this are TRUE CHRISTIAN WOMEN.

I mean, FIRE BRANDED WOMEN OF GOD. I’m talking about POWERHOUSES.

I remember looking up to a woman of God that really helped me on my journey of faith —I still look up to her till today— but she got engaged.

Once she got engaged, her bridal shower dress, wedding dress and any other party they celebrate before you get married dress, were all pretty short and all of them showed cleavage.

I remember being really confused. Because this was a woman I really looked up to. I started thinking or wondering whether it was okay to dress like this. Cuz I believe she hears God and everything she does is to please God. So I thought to myself, is God approving of this?

I promise you I got so confused. Not just by that, but because they also played worldly music at their wedding.

I eventually had to stop watching her for a while.

See, I’ve been hearing this teaching going around social media where people believe it’s okay to play secular music, but not worldly music. Call me extreme or whatever, but I have my reasons to disagree completely with this.

You could call this my own personal conviction, it’s not a law written in the scriptures. But we all know music is spiritual. It’s either your music is inspired by the spirit of God or another spirit. And the devil doesn’t always come with two horns on his head, he can come as a very happy little girl child who says “accept everyone” “you don’t need to change who you are” “there’s nothing like sin, everyone just lives life”.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to listen to a music inspired by another source.

Some people listen to love songs from unbelievers cuz they believe there aren’t enough christian love songs. Sometimes I’m like:

What do you know about love, when you constantly reject the highest form of love that Jesus demonstrated on that cross? You wanna talk about love, while rejecting the one who created love in the first place?

How can you sing about loving a woman properly when you don’t even understand how Christ loved us, His bride in the first place? Sorry but your definition of love is shallow and incomplete.

So, again. Am I insane? Why do these things trigger me so much?

See, If you tell me that listening to secular music is okay? I’m the type of person that will go digging and inspect all the songs that may be good enough to not be worldly.

Opening the door for secular music in a believers life is danger zone. It’s like: how close can I get to the fire without getting burnt?

And one day you’ll find out you were vibing to a song that talks about same-sex relationships without you even knowing.

So my question is why? why put yourself in that situation?

I ONLY listen to christian music. And that saves me the stress of having to dig and investigate every song I listen to, to see of it’s ‘innocent’ enough to be heard.

My goodness, there’s so much to this topic. But I just thought to put my thoughts out here for a minute. I believe I’m not the only one feeling like this.

The people you think or thought were for Christ —which they might still be— are freely dancing, singing and promoting songs that don’t necessarily glorify God. These same ones might also be the ones who get so comfortable wearing tiny skirts and shirts that really show a lot of cleavage.

Please, I do understand that there are some women who are trying their best to cover up and dress well. I’m not speaking to them, I’m speaking to the ones who have actually gotten comfortable with this. Giving a bit of Jesus/baddie. Which cannot be.

Holy Spirit I nor mad abi? God abeg oh.

And honestly, it has been a whole mixture of things until now.

If you’ve read through some of my past articles, you’ll find out that in some I’m frustrated. In others I’m genuinely asking questions on how people tarry so much. Other ones talk on God’s silence, having faith in the unknown and trusting God despite hating the situation I was in.

I’m here to continue sharing a couple of lessons on this School of Prayer God has been taking me through.

Not gonna lie, I’ve been praying more than I used to. But I’m not where I want to be.

It’s weird because this season of fasting, prayers and studying scriptures has been an intense season.

It has been really hard and continues to be hard on my flesh. But my flesh is beginning to long for God.

You know, the Apostle Paul was talking about how the flesh and the Spirit fight against each other so you won’t do what you’re supposed to do. (Galatians 5)

And this is really true. As long as we carry flesh, our flesh will continue to fight us so we don’t pray, fast, study, worship and devote ourselves to God on a daily basis.

But I then remember Psalm 63:1

“O God, thou art my God; early will I seek thee: my soul thirsteth for thee, my flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is”

My flesh… longeth…

I thought my flesh could never long for you, God?

My flesh has desires that are contrary to the desires of the spirit. But what happens when the desires of my flesh begin to switch?

I don’t expect everyone reading this to understand what I’m saying. This isn’t for everyone. But if you believe it’s for you, then please stick around.

I no longer have the desires I used to have.

It was hard to deny outings to spend time with God. It was hard to leave my movies or YouTube videos to spend time in the word.

But God is doing something to me and in me.

He’s changing me from inside out. To the point where going out doesn’t bring as much joy as it used to. Playing games —and I love games— doesn’t bring me the peace and happiness it once did.

Please don’t get me wrong. I still enjoy playing table games like a quiz, puzzle, etc. It’s also fun to go out with your loved ones.

But I no longer find as much joy in things that don’t feed my spirit.

That’s why I’ll rather spend my money on a conference that will change my spiritual life forever and take it to another level, than on countless outings in fancy restaurants that only feed my flesh and nothing else.

Again, I’m not saying you shouldn’t go out and eat oh, ehe.

But what fulfils you? What brings you fulfilment?

I’m currently in a place where praying long, fasting, studying scriptures still feels like a sting to my flesh. But not as much as before.

In fact, I remember a couple days ago. I was with one of my youth and we came together to pray. We prayed for like an hour and twenty minutes or so.

What I was feeling was so weird.

Normally, I would be counting the minutes so I could end the prayer already. But I’ve been finding myself extending it.

“10 more minutes”

“20 more minutes”

“30 more minutes”

It’s like I’m now enjoying prayer.

I remember how I wanted to end that prayer session with my youth, but I kept getting ‘boosts’ of energy from the spirit to continue. I didn’t want to stop at all.

After praying. It felt like I was finally breathing well. Like my spirit was happy and joyful. And whenever I’m like that, it feels like I just entered heaven for a moment and came back to planet Earth. In those moments I can start laughing out of nowhere.

It’s a kind of joy that comes from God. From a happy spirit. It feels as if someone just poured cold water in your body after standing on the hot sun for several hours. Like a touch of heaven.

Like a breath of fresh air came through. Like I could finally breath properly.

This is no longer ‘God please, I want to pray, my spirit needs it, i am dry’

No, this is ‘I need to pray to function well. I need to feel a touch of heaven so I won’t be depressed and worried by the issues of life. I have to pray if I don’t want to be a dead man walking’

Like, prayer has become air to my spirit. But it seems like it’s becoming air to my flesh too.

When I pray. I see God’s supplies. ‘He will supply all my needs according to his riches in glory’ ^{_{Philippians 4:19}}

God saw a demand of strength that my spirit and soul were crying out for. And God supplied me with strength, or what I like to call ‘energy boosters’

They’re like streams of energy that flow through my body. I’m praying, my spirit is praying, but my body is feeling it.

I can be a weak man who’s about to faint. But once I give myself to prayer, I look like a man who just had a feast. yes a heavenly feast.

Prayer rejuvenates my physical and mortal body.

I don’t know what keeps people going, happy and joyful in life. But for me it is prayer.

Prayer is a necessity.

So, yes I want power. I want the glory. I want to feel His burdens and pains and travail/tarry till the burden is lifted. But even if I don’t have any of those things to push me into the secret place. I’ll still enter because it has become my life.

Lord. Do not permit me to grow cold. Bend my knees to the place of prayer. Chain me to the altar. Don’t allow me escape. Bind me to prayer!

It’s currently 2:24 am as I’m writing this. In the stillness of my room. On 3 hours of sleep. So just know I’m writing this from my heart. Because my mind can’t even think properly right now.

So even though I want to sleep. I can’t. Because I won’t have peace until I pray.

And that’s my prayer everyday.

• Lord do not allow me rest. Father disturb me. Don’t let me have peace while my generation is dying.

Imagine a pastor being at peace while the church God has called him to pastor is dying and drowning in sin. People’s destinies being aborted daily. And the pastor is sleeping?

How can a pastor be sleeping at peace when God is disturbed?

The Most High is troubled. But his sons are playing.

Another product of intimacy with God is that you share the same burdens. His pain becomes your pain. His joy, your joy. His sadness, your sadness.

Anyways my aim with this article is that yes, God is teaching me the ways of prayer. And something I’ve learnt is that it’s quite hard, but it has become oxygen to my spirit, soul and even my body.

I’ve not searched all the mysteries and dimensions prayer can lead me into. But for now I can tell you this.

Sometimes we struggle to pray for long, because we pray from the flesh.

Many people pray, but few get to the point of prayer.

It is a place where the Holy spirit carries you. Because prayer cannot be done by the flesh. It has to be done by the spirit.

Praying longer is easier now. And I’m enjoying it now.

I remember a time I would attempt to pray long with a friend of mine. And at the end she would say “Wow, I barely noticed how time passed!” —and I would be there looking like :) —because I felt every second and minute of that prayer session, and It felt like so many hours had passed. But that’s because I was praying from the flesh.

I’m not sure how to describe it. But hunger and desperation can lead you to cry out to God for a renewal of strength from within. Just like the verse says in Ephesians 3:16:

“That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man”

And these are the ‘energy boosters’ I’m talking about. And these boosters are powered by my meditation. Whenever I pray and meditate on revival or God’s power falling upon us again —anything related with scripture. This flow of ‘energy’ that I notice in my body intensifies.

Let’s just say prayer is like a journey. Let’s say I’m running and I’m getting tired. Well God ‘recharges’ me as I meditate on scripture.

So the more scripture I have downloaded in my spirit, the better I flow in prayer.

So if you struggle staying long in God’s Presence. Just wait for the quickening as you meditate in Him. Cry out for an empowerment and renewal of strength. I’m telling you for a fact that long prayers cannot be done by the flesh, but by His spirit alone.

Anyways, these are some of the things God is teaching me in prayer. And I’m so excited to learn so much more. I pray you join me in class as God teaches us how to journey in prayer. Love you all!

I finally got what I’ve been praying to you about. I don’t know how to feel honestly.

I remember all those days I was frustrated and would cry for this specific thing. I felt pressured by society, family and friends. I wanted to enter the ship everyone seemed to be in. But you had other plans.

I created an idol or a god out of this specific thing I was asking you for. I would cry day and night. I thought you didn’t like me.

“Is it a sin to have this thing?”

I had people call me names and tell me all kinds of things because It seemed like I was ‘behind’. It seemed like I was ‘delayed’. But in who’s timing?

Even when I tried to forget about it. The pressure came again. I kept coming to your presence asking questions, but I wasn’t getting answers.

But that season taught me a lot.

I realized how much people tie their value and worth to materials things.

It was a difficult, really difficult time. But this has taught me that my value comes from you alone. That without any materialistic thing in this world, I am still a valuable person and I bring value into people’s lives.

This season was painful. I saw those who used to proclaim being ‘proud of me’ suddenly switch and call me a ‘disappointment’ —they didn’t necessarily call me that, but their speech and every of their actions made it clear.

Let me be real: IT WAS MISERABLE. I WAS MISERABLE.

I looked like a foolish person ‘waiting on you’.

“Am I the only one serving God or concerned about what you’re saying about my future?”

“Don’t others seek God when they are making their decisions?”

“Then why do I look overly spiritual because I’m trying to seek guidance from you?”

”Then what did God tell you ever since you’ve been praying” she said.

“I don’t know yet” I said

How am I supposed to explain myself? I’ve been seeking you, crying, asking, begging, yet nothing.

Lord I learned to trust you despite life seeming to fall apart.

I’m an overanalitical person, and I like to know where I will be in September from January. But this year, i couldn’t. Not because I didn’t want to, but you didn’t allow me.

I tried my own way, and things weren’t working. So I chose your way. The risky way. The hard way. The ‘foolish’ way. The ‘YAH-WAY’ ;)

The one where I have no control.

The one where I can’t determine the outcome.

The one where I had to trust that you had my future in mind.

I finally got was I was looking for. But I haven’t told anyone yet. Or maybe I haven’t told anyone I trust. Anyone that still saw my worth and value despite not having anything or this specific thing I’ve been asking you for.

I hated the fact that I had to come to ‘my secret place’ having this request in mind.

I hated the fact that despite trying to be intimate with you and forget about the worries of life, there was that same thing that kept popping into my head.

And I can’t pretend in your presence, so I had to let the tears out and tell you why I was sad.

I hated that this specific thing controlled how I felt.

The moment I got it, I would be happy. The moment I lost it, I would be sad — no, sorry, in CRISIS.

This season stretched me and tested my faith.

I had to trust you in ways I never thought I could. I had more idols and I had put my trust in all these material things more than I thought I did.

So… I now have it. Thank you.

But it no longer controls me. It no longer controls how I feel.

Maybe it was necessary. Not maybe —actually it was.

I hate saying this but it’s true: I probably wouldn’t have prayed, fasted, cried, studied as much if not because of this thing I was seeking clarity on.

I’ve always wanted to pray for long… but not like this. I didn’t expect it to be like this. For my own interests.

But even through the journey, my mind shifted. I began in the flesh, but didn’t end up there. I started looking beyond my own needs and focused on your own burdens.

And when I least expected it. I finally got it.

I’m glad I passed through this. Because the answer to my prayers doesn’t control me. It almost looks crazy to say this but, Lord, even if you choose to take it away again. Then let your will be done, not mine. I’ve stopped worrying or stressing about my future.

I let go and let YOU God. Take control. I surrender.

Again, it’s quite sad. Really sad. That the ones around you only see you valuable or only respect you when you get a hold on these material things —which aren’t bad by the way. And they most likely want the best for me.

But even when I have nothing. Still see the gold hidden in me. Look for the treasure hidden inside what looks like a disaster outwardly.

That’s why I love you so much Lord. Because of this verse:

^“6 Though the Lord be high, yet hath he respect unto the lowly:”_{Psalms 138:6}

Because I was that ‘lowly’ human being. And though they call Him the Almighty, above all. He came to my level, respected me, saw a priceless soul and never looked down on me.

Truly, God is not a man. Neither does He act like man. Love you Abba.

with much love. your daughter ;)

Jesus, I look forward to the day I will meet you face to face.

No, not death necessarily. But I wish I could have a table between us. —No, actually remove the table. Let nothing be between us.

I just wish we could have a conversation. Since I’m still learning to hear your voice, which seems like a battle to quieting the noise in my soul and listen to the promptings you place in my spirit.

God, I feel like Job. I want to have a one-on-one conversation with you. Both of us seated.

One where I can see you, your face, as if you were a human sitting in front of me.

I want to ask you questions in your face. And have you answer me. In front of me.

Not the type where I pray and hear silence. Or the one where I have to be attentive to see the way you’ll answer me. I want to have you sit in front of me. I want you to show me a picture of my life.

What’s the plan you have? I’m so intrigued.

There are so many things I don’t understand.

I just wish I could ask you questions directly, and have you answer me to my face within the next couple of minutes.

There are so many things I want to ask you, but silence is what I’ve been hearing all along.

I know it’s a call to go deeper.

But I’m trying. At least I try to try.

No, I’m not gonna cry. not today.

So bad I can’t do anything about how I’m feeling right now.

I’ll just continue to pray, get encouraged, feel joy, then have reality hit me again, cry. But my tears don’t seem to move you. So I better pray. And continue hoping for a hope I’m not sure when it’ll come.

I wish I could just have you in front of me. I would ask you so many things.

(this might take me 2 hours to write, add some final touches and then post but let’s goo!)

I was invited to the birthday of one of my church member’s child. She had turned 1 a couple weeks ago, but they chose to celebrate it today.

She invited me and my younger brother, so we went. It took us 1 hour to get there by bus. We were accompanied by some fellow church members too —please have in mind that this post isn’t to talk bad about anyone or gossip anybody thankyou ;)

As we got there we met the celebrant, her parents and many more family members and friends. As I sat down, I saw what was put on their TV. It was cocomelon. Okay, nice, nothing harmful, just some children’s song.

They had even put children’s Christian afrobeat, and I was really glad it was Christian.

I actually thought that’s what would be playing throughout the whole birthday celebration because the celebrant was a child. But after cutting the birthday cake one of them said “Oya it’s time for our own music, the birthday girl has enjoyed her own, it’s time for us to enjoy” —something like that.

In my head I was just praying “please God, let it be Mercy Chinwo or Ada ehi, please God”

Before I knew it, they had started putting worldly afrobeat songs.

Was I surprised despite knowing that the parents of the celebrant were ‘Christian’? No, I wasn’t.

I believe that if you make your stance right as a Christian, then people will respect it and know it. They might even call you ‘holy holy’ for it. But at least they’ll respect your decision.

Honestly, I haven’t heard or even watched any worldly afrobeat music video or even heard it in such a long time. I’m not even familiar with the recent songs that have been published. But in their house I sat and watched.

I wasn’t vibing to the song —of course— but I was looking at the visuals in their music video.

Have in mind that children were in this birthday party and the TV was open for everyone to watch.

As I started visualising it. I was amazed by how good the videography was. Their professionalism was top-notch truly. That was something I had to admit.

And seeing Nigeria’s condition today, I was surprised at how good their visuals were.

But as I kept observing, I began seeing stuff that were really disturbing to me and my spirit. I always say this —a place were there’s no God, the devil will come in, in one way or the other.

I saw how women were dressing immodestly, which is something normal in their world. But it was the fact that women were being so sexualised. I see women talking about the fact that we are more than just our bodies and our pretty faces. But these music videos say otherwise.

I was even listening to some of their lyrics. ‘See your pretty face and your beautiful body’. Nothing made reference to how smart the woman was, or being in love with her personality and brain, no. Everything was just external gratification.

We say ‘don’t sexualise women’s bodies’ which I totally agree with. But those people will be the same ones listening to music videos who only talk about a woman’s appearance and how they make the man go crazy. God have mercy.

It was so disturbing to see that in their videos, men didn’t have the need of removing all their clothes and being in boxers, no. They could be well dressed and have their full trousers on. But for some reason women always had to have minimal clothing. Skirts and shorts that pretty much show everything that should be covered —at this point just take off your clothes cuz there’s nothing else to cover.

There were scenes of the camera man recording a woman’s butt even as she was walking —I cant even imaging how they record those scenes honestly.

There were other parts were the man would be singing and you’ll see 2 women beside him twerking none stop. I was so irritated and disgusted.

Parents were watching and dancing to the music. Some of the kids even knew their songs —nooo God whyyy??

Many things were being portrayed that would normally be censored. But children were watching and dancing —what kinds of parents do these kids have sef?

Honestly some people aren’t qualified to have children —that’s just my opinion.

These worldly musicians have made a ‘god’ out of the woman’s body. They literally worship and adore it. It’s all they see, do and think about.

I would also see money being glorified and some sort of ‘gangster’ lifestyle.

The worst part is that some of these worldly musicians would start their song saying ‘listen to this song, God is the one behind all of this’ ‘Only God can raise a man like this’ —Excuse me?

‘‘Let’s make a toast” —I heard one of them say.

We shared non-alcoholic children’s champagne. And before drinking it he started declaring some prayers to which all of us said ‘Amen’ but in my head I was like:

“Bruhh, your prayers can’t even pass this ceiling because you’ve contaminated the whole atmosphere with all this worldly music”

In one of their videos I saw a familiar face that I had seen somewhere online before. I knew the woman was a worldly singer and I could even sense she was into something deep and dark —these were only assumptions btw.

But when I saw the face of this woman again in this music video… I couldn’t believe my eyes. She was doing literal witchcraft or some sort of occultic stuff. There were candles that formed a circle and this woman would be doing some strange movements and dancing steps —almost naked of course— as if she was dancing to a god or a kind of deity.

I was so pissed at this point. Not just because of the disgusting things I was seeing on their TV. But because the people in this house were supposedly Christians.

This people are literally dancing and watching witchcraft being done in their faces, but instead of them to be irritated and alarmed they say things such as ‘I like the vibe of the song’ ‘I’m not focused on the lyrics, just the melody’. Yes of course, melodies they got from satan.

Some of you think that “it’s not that deep”, you’re so blinded to the point were witchcraft is being done in your face but you still can’t see it—no, sorry. YOU REFUSE TO SEE IT.

At some point, the connection wasn’t working well and the music stopped playing. “Thank you Holy Spirtttt!!!”

wait-

‘why am I seeing our Sunday School teacher taking the remote controller??’

‘Is he going to remove it?’

‘dang! he played it againnn nooo!!’ — you see the reality I’m living in? God abegg why!

Can you see why I get so angry at us? christians?

These are the same people who will be praying against any “witch from your mother’s side” “any strongman from your father’s side” —meanwhile you’ve invited that same witch to come and dine and sleep with you through that worldly song you were just ‘vibing’ to.

I even saw a very well known “christian” music singer as a ‘backup’ for this worldly musician. I was so disappointed. I don’t understand why believers can’t just stand firmly in what they believe. They always have to intermingle with the people of the world and their music.

From what I’ve observed and seen, these worldly musicians aren’t trying to see what the church is doing or what kind of ideas they can steal from the church to add to their own. They aren’t even concerned about it. I bet you most of them don’t even know the latest Christian song that has been released.

But believers? believersss???

It seems like we’re just as updated and attentive to the latest afrobeat worldly songs that have been released. Because we now pick ideas from their own songs and add them to our praises??? God whyy???

And don’t you dare tell me ‘how else will we win them over?’

You don’t convert someone by becoming like them. You can’t be part of what they are doing and still expect to change them. They will question and judge you for trying to convert them, meanwhile you’re eating from their same table. Repent!

The worst part is this: (well maybe not the worst, but anyways) I heard the song ‘Jerusalema’ which became really popular and everyone was singing it. I didn’t even know what the song meant.

I heard some people trying to justify it saying that the song was actually a ‘christian song’ talking about Jerusalem and stuff. I was surprised by that, but I didn’t pay too much attention to it. Although I’m not gonna lie, because of that statement I was more ‘free’ to vibe to the song whenever I overheard it.

But today I saw the official music video of the song and I didn’t even have to think twice to know that THIS WASN’T A CHRISTIAN SONG.

Honestly, I don’t even care if the intents were to sing about God. The musician in itself has been so drowned in sin that they can’t even sing a song concerning God without involving nakedness, smoking, money and more.

These people believe in a god that ‘blesses’ them and their music career while they expand the devil’s ministry —yeah, a self made god that agrees with everything you do. They forgot that the devil can also make someone rich. smh

I was counting down to the moment I would officially leave their house. At some point I had to remember that my eyes are ‘gates’, my ears are gateways for the enemy to come into my heart. So I put on my headphones and watched another thing that could distract me and my little brother from what was being displayed on their television.

I think one of them caught the face of disgust I had put on. Because again, it was disgusting and irritating to my spirit.

As we were on our way back, in the bus, I literally had to start blasting some Theophilus Sunday songs because I literally felt contaminated. Yes, atmospheres can contaminate you and affect you, that’s why as believers we don’t go ‘anywhere’, we need to be careful and discerning.

I finally went to church ‘Uff thank you Jesusss’ It felt like a breath of fresh airr!

This was my place, my atmosphere, my people. I’m not even sure if I’ll go to their house next time before I comeback worser than I had come in.

So yeah, thank you for reading through this long story of mine. I believe you can now see why I hate worldly music so much. And this experience just made me hate it even more x1000000. I actually can’t believe people are living like that. Constantly chasing women, money, fame, etc. Christ brings so much freedom and peace. Not a momentary satisfaction that you get through a ‘shot’ no. Just sitting at His presence brings so much joy to my soul.

I don’t have to strive to please anybody. I’m not living based of other people’s opinion of me. I live to please my Father and Maker. There’s no joy that can pass that kind of joy.

If you’re reading this and you’re still bound to worldly music. Please, try Jesus. I promise you, you won’t regret it. You won’t turn back. He’s the best thing that has ever happened to us! And He’ll be the best thing that could ever happen to you!

Okay, bye ;)

I believe we’re all familiar with this saying: “is not by how long you pray”

And as much as I understand where the people saying this are coming from —it is looking like IT IS by long prayers.

Of course there are people who may pray for long yet be one of the most wicked human beings you’ve known to exist on the face of the Earth.

Of course there are people who pray long just to boast about the fact that they can speak in tongues for long hours.

People do many spiritual things with wrong intentions/motives. Honestly, if you pray, but you heart isn’t involved or your motive isn’t to reach God, then you’re just wasting your time. Someone can pray for 6 h with the wrong motives, and another could pray for 5 min with the wrong heart posture too! So yeah, I understand it when people say it is not by how long you pray. It’s about your heart.

This carries some truth, but not the entire one.

I’ve comforted myself with this same statement. But can I be honest with you? Can we be real here for a second?

I’ve had God answer my 5-10 min prayers in the past. Sometimes It would be a whisper and He would answer.

But I had a deeper concern rather than just an answer to my requests. I have a burden to see revival again, to be a glory carrier, to speak and mountains shift. I want to be able to step into a room and bring God there. Let people look at me and see Jesus. Let someone come with their sick child and a single prayer would make that child whole again.

Some people may see this as pride. But trust me it isn’t. I say these things with humility. I say it out of hunger —if no one around me will manifest God’s glory, then let me be the first.

I genuinely want to see God’s power come back, whether it be through me, or through another person —sha I want God to use me oh! Ehe…

And I realised this:

- My 5 minute prayer won’t bring back the revival that happened in the book of Acts.

- My 20 minutes prayer won’t raise that dead person from the dead.

- My 30 minutes prayer won’t break that generational curse that has lasted for generations.

I’m being very real here… I know people don’t like numbers, but my brother/sister in Christ can we be real here for a moment?!

Yes! It is by long prayers! And you can deny it as much as you want to. You can use your life as an experiment and see whether the curse from your mother/father’s lineage is broken completely because you prayed for 30 minutes.

I’m not saying this because I want to brag about the fact that I can pray for long hours, not at all. In fact this is a journey everyone should embark on progressively in your walk with Christ.

I’ve had moments where I prayed for 3h every day in a whole week and nothing happened. I had a time I told myself that “God must encounter me today!!” I prayed for almost 5 or 6h and nothing happened. That’s why I say that the posture of your heart matters… a lot!

If not you’ll find yourself praying for hours, yet without change.

I say it is by long prayers, not just by mouth, but I have seen it.

I have people around me who walk in the prophetic. Before anything happens, they’ve seen it in the spirit already. If they don’t know what to do, they ask God and they hear Him clearly and accurately.

I know at least 3 people in my circle who walk powerfully and intimately with God. I admire their walk with Christ so much! And they inspire me to go deeper. And after much conversation, I’ve acknowledged that every powerful man/woman of God that I see around me is a product of long and consistent prayers.

It has to be by long prayers. Because I’ve been praying my little little prayers since I gave my life to Christ, but none of it has truly brought me to the depth in God I’ve been craving.

I want to have people around me who hear God clearly when I can’t. And I am blessed to tell you that God has connected me with some amazing people who I can reach out to when I am down.

But I also want to be that friend who can hear God when others can’t. I want to be that friend that speaks life into the people around her. I want to be that friend that sharpens the iron beside me. I want to be the girl people can reach out to when they want to hear from God. I want to be the person people approach when they’re looking for a solution.

I have this girl that I know, who God connected me to and I’m blessed to have her. If you see this girl ehh she’s a prayer and fasting machine. I haven’t come close to doing any of the extreme things she has done to encounter God. Sometimes I wonder whether all the fasting and prayer she is doing is necessary sef. But I can testify that it has been working for her.

I often crave the kind of encounters she gets, the way she hears God so clearly, but then I think to myself… Have I attempted to do any of the sacrifices she has done to get to that level of accuracy in the spirit? No right? So don’t say God is biased or unfair, because God responds to sacrifice. And if you aren’t willing to put in the same amount of sacrifice, then don’t crave the same results.

Maybe some of the things she did wasn’t too necessary, but at least, see where she is. This isn’t to compare oh please don’t get me wrong. It’s for you to see why I say it is by long prayers.

I also know a powerful man of God who was my former Prayer Warrior’s Leader. And I can tell you for a fact that I’ve seen this man walk in power. I’ve seen him prophesy and see visions like never before. A couple years ago we used to see God’s power move tremendously. And whenever he spoke —because I like interviewing people, He would usually tell me how he’d often spend 6 h with the Lord. How he’d pull all nighters just to spend time in intimacy with Abba. Because this was beyond looking for power.

These people had learned the language of intimacy. And when you learn it, you discover that:

Intimacy is the power you’re looking for.

Honestly, power is just the by-product of intimacy. Because when you become intimate with someone, you give birth to fruit!

So when I say IT IS BY LONG PRAYERS. I know what I’m talking about. Not just a one-time 10h lock in. Long and persistent prayers! Just like Elijah who prayed 7 times for rain to fall. That shows you consistency and I can bet you it was long —it’s just because the Bible doesn’t mention it.

Or let’s look beyond Elijah, look at Jesus! He would often withdraw himself from the crowd to pray all night.

There was this specific night Jesus went to pray with Peter, James and John. And Jesus prayed so much to the point where he had an encounter with Moses and Elijah himself. —Men of prayer discussing matters of the future.

And his garment was literally and physically shinning! Common, don’t tell me his garment began shinning because he prayed for 20 or 30 minutes!

There was this other time Jesus prayed so much that he was sweating, and his sweat turned into drops of blood! Crazy stuff!

He would even meet his disciples sleeping and would ask them —couldn’t you pray with me for AT LEAST 1 hour? Omo Jesus is setting a standard here!

Please this is in no way a “formula to get your garment shinning” or an “equation to have encounters with fathers of faith” —you haven’t even encountered God/Jesus but you want to meet with Moses (just be playing). In fact some of you can’t even read your Bibles but you want deep encounter you can boast off — please go and sleep.

My emphasis here isn’t the encounters in itself —even though that can happen. My focus here is to tell you guys that if you want to be carriers of glory, people of impact and instruments useful in the hands of God, then long prayers MUST be part of your journey —of course, as long as your heart is involved.

Ask the fathers of faith, then come and tell me their report.

God is teaching me the way of prayer, which is indeed hard, but I am bound to it as I explained in one of my letters: I am bound to a life of prayer..

Nobody can tell me otherwise. I have too many examples from scripture and Jesus himself to prove to me that it is by long prayers. And looking at my life too, I can tell you that your 1h prayer will be able to sustain you just enough to feed your spirit, but not enough to carry glory into spaces. —if you like don’t believe me. Use your life as experiment and bring your report.

this isn’t me in the picture. i don’t even think I know this guy. Sha I like the picture, it’s giving serious lol. And I love photography so…

The journey our fathers passed through.

If I prayed my 1 hour and got everything I needed. Wouldn’t God be wicked?

How would He hand anything under my care, when I can’t relate with the ones He has sent me to?

Wouldn’t God be wicked if He didn’t teach me how men pray?

If He didn’t teach me the way of the desperate?

If He didn’t teach me the way of the travailing woman?

I complain and get discouraged because I pray where my strength reaches and God isn’t responding.

But what do men do when we don’t get an answer?

What do men do when there’s no response?

What does the travailing woman do when she’s been pushing but nothing seems to happen???

I know it’s hard. But that’s the way of prayer! It’s hard!!

And only the desperate can walk through it

I wonder what keeps these men going?

What keeps these men going?

How do they tarry so much in prayer?

What are they still seeking?

Why aren’t they satisfied?

What are these people beholding?

What are they looking at?

What’s that thing that keeps weak men going? What have they encountered?

Hmm… the ways of God are not caught they are taught.

And I want to be taught. Amen.

Is it that His ways are hard, or we are too caught up with our flesh? Selah

I am a Christian. But I’ve been seeing the need of going to a psychologist (a Christian one btw) lately😂

Because life can be… tough. Very tough.

And I know that the HolySpirit is my number one therapist. He cools me down when my brain wants to burst! And only He can deal with the inner parts of us we can't share to anyone.

But sometimes I need to process what I am feeling.

I tell myself I need to go to therapy because I often times feel things I can't fully understand or comprehend, or can't fully put into words…

And I know I have my Bible and the HolyGhost. But if you actually read your Bible… you’ll see that God never puts us or leaves us alone.

That's why we have community, mentors, spiritual fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters in Christ.

When we pass through things in life we often go to our Pastors who also take on the role of a therapist honestly.

I know God heals wounds. But many times He heals wounds we aren't aware we carry. And a therapist can help uncover the root of our hurt in a quicker way.

But again, it has to be a Christian one. So they know the kind of mindset I carry and understand where I am coming from.

A therapist could help me process my thoughts and know why I act a certain way at a certain time. But of course I never put them in the place of God. But God can put these people on the Earth to create awareness.

Do you understand how many Christians go to church but are suffering from mummy and daddy issues?

Do you understand the amount of churches filled up with broken families? Because we talk about the spiritual aspect of our lives but neglect the emotional side?

We are emotional human beings. When we neglect the issues of the heart we grow cold. We stop functioning as we should. You hear someone say they can pray for 8 hours but can't remember the last time they cried in the Presence of God.

I am currently reading a book called “Dysfunctionality” by Pastor Femi Lazarus.

And it deals with the dysfunctionalities that people grow up with within their households.

There are many topics to talk about in Christianity that we're choosing to ignore:

• God and gluttony?

• The inability to keep money that isn't your own.

• The fathers/mothers who are physically present but emotionally absent.

• How to handle your urges and desires as a young christian youth and not just expecting us to act as robots without hormones.

• What happens when God didn't answer that prayer?

• And many more that aren't coming to my head right now…

And I can tell you for a fact the HolySpirit won't tell you everything on the spot. He raises men and women, most of them being people who have passed through these things, so that people can be conscious about these issues.

It's not enough for God to heal you from something you might be unaware of.

If we don't know what caused the hurt, you’ll must likely repeat the same mistakes.

So yeah, a Christian therapist isn't a contradiction. It's a very important role that could advance the equipping of the body of Christ so we become better people and represent Christ in a better way.

The fact that prayer is just for fellowship and not for transactions.

You know, we’re so used to praying for things and to get things. But we aren't used to praying just for the sole purpose of being intimate with God.

Like, anytime I come, I feel as if I have to receive or get something. Even if it's not material.

I feel like, If I spend hours spending time with God, my spiritual senses will sharpen and I may be able to prophesy, see visions or at least hear concerning others.

It's looks hard to admit that prayer might just be for intimacy and if I get nothing or receive nothing that's okay.

It's true that as you spend time with God, you get to know Him better and His voice becomes clearer.

But again, it seems as if we say we want to be “intimate” with God. But deep within we just want to hear Him clearly so we can take the next step. Or we just want to know the future before it happens. We wanna have crazy dreams and visions.

These things normally happen when you get closer to God.

But why can't we just accept that I might come to His presence, spend hours there and not receive anything spectacular?

We say we want God, but deep down we don't really desire Him. We desire what He can give…

And I struggle with this too. It just feels as if my “hours with God will soon pay off”

Maybe by His power being evident on my life or hearing in the spirit.

Can't I spend time with Him and be satisfied that my reward is Him alone? That my reward is His presence alone? That my reward is more of God? Omo is hard oh😭❤️

Abba you know I love you..🥺❤️

When it comes to love, we often think of romantic love. But we also have love between friends, family, enemies (lol), etc.

Well… I have been wondering what it actually means to be loved. Like… truly loved.

Ever since I was a child, even up till now, I’ve found myself in uncomfortable situations. Situations where I was “loved” or really “liked” by different people and it felt like I had to pretend.

This could be in friendships or romantic relationships.

People would often tell me they really like me or that they loved everything about me. These statements added pressure to “perform” so that they’d keep on loving/liking me. I am also a very self-aware person. I’d try my best so they didn’t see my weaknesses or flaws because I thought that when someone loves you, it meant that they loved all the good sides of you.

It almost looked like I had to pretend to be someone I wasn’t so I won’t do anything that would make them stop loving me. I wanted to please them and act like the perfect human being I know I wasn’t.

I am a bit of a perfectionist and an overly self-critical person. I see my flaws and my imperfections. I am really aware of them, but I feel tense when someone points out my flaws. Not because I don’t like correction or I don’t want to see anything wrong with me. But because I’m already aware of my weaknesses and working on them, striving to be the best I can. So when someone sees my faults, it feels like they’re highlighting something I’m already trying to fix.

Ughhhh!!!

When somebody says they love/like me, I hear: “I like how good/loved you make me feel”. Yes, I know it isn’t true.

Lately, I’ve been reading and listening to different things concerning love. And I’ve realised that being loved doesn’t mean the person only admires the good sides of you.

Being loved means being accepted as you are with your flaws, imperfections, and all. It’s not about loving a perfect version of you, but the real you. They don’t want you to be fake or pretend; they love the messy, beautiful mix of your strengths and weaknesses.

For me, realizing this was a game-changer. I used to think love meant performing, being flawless, and avoiding mistakes. But true love means embracing each other’s imperfections, arguments and all. It’s about loving the whole package. The good, the bad, and the messy.

At least now I know this.

I remember years ago, telling a guy who claimed he loved everything about me, to tell me something about myself he disliked. Because I could not comprehend someone loving everything about me, when I don’t even love everything about myself.

It’s weird. It’s strange. I guess that’s the thing about love. I may not understand how or why. But love can sometimes not be understood.

In the past, I’d count down to the day they’d see a side of me they didn’t really like and not love me anymore. But now, I thank God my mindset’s changed.

This doesn’t mean I won’t be working on the areas of my life that need improvement. But if someone says they love me, I won’t feel pressured. If they truly love you, you won’t have to pretend or hide your flaws. Because at the ending of the day, the person you say you love has been shaped by the choices they have made, the mistakes they did and all their flaws. Again, it doesn’t mean they won’t strive to be better, but love doesn’t make you hide the true you. True love makes someone stay despite the flaws they see, because they are all part of your being and make you special and unique.

I told myself I would cry to God and pray. And so I did.

I have been having a nudge to pray longer than usual. But anytime I would plan for it, I got distracted with one thing or the other, and I would not fellowship with God the way I wanted.

Today, I prayed. Longer than I would (as I had been planning) and I came to the realisation that I am bound to a life of prayer. This is what I have been called to do.

Many times I would tell myself that maybe that life of fasting, long prayers, intercession and going “too deep with God” wasn’t for me. Because I had tried severally, but I would never seek God to the level He wanted me to seek Him.

But the more I pray, the more I acknowledge that this is my life. No matter how much I try to run from it; because it requires a huge amount of sacrifice, time and it’s really uncomfortable.

I wake up everyday and reflect upon my life. Deep inside of me I hear the Holy ghost calling me into deeper depths of Him. Deep calleth unto deep. And I see God calling me to go deeper. Everyday I walk dissatisfied with the way I am living because I keep running away from the life God has called me into.

I get distracted with different forms of entertainment. That could be Christian podcasts, vlogs, youtubers, movies, etc. And also Instagram, sometimes even Substack. I think I have been running away from this life because it’s painful. And I feared I would loose myself in the process.

I really love all these kinds of entertainment because they somehow distract me from the reality I am living in for a moment. I thought this was me. This was my life. I love YouTube, movies, photography, cinematic videos, debates, etc.

So I feared that if I sacrificed these things to spend more time with God, then I would loose myself. But God did not create my identity around these things. Since when have we tied our personality to social media and the technology of this age?

It’s scary. Because surrender is scary. Giving God more is terrifying. Often because we still love the things of the flesh, and we fear God might take it away from us. But something I have realised is that Jesus changes your desires, our desires. You might fear giving all of yourself to Him, but He will change your desires towards these things. You’ll no longer miss them as you would before. And a moment will come where you won’t desire it anymore. Not because they are bad things.

But as a Christian, a consecrated one. Wanting more of God means giving Him more of you.

And I’ve decided to stop running and embrace what I’ve been called to do. You might wonder aren’t we all called to a life of prayer and fellowship with God? Yes, we have.

But not everyone lives that life. And God could be calling and drawing all of us to go deeper into specific areas in this kingdom. For some it could be evangelism, for others it could be digging deeper into God’s word. For others it could be the healing ministry, and for others prayer and intercession.

Again, the more I pray, the more I realise this is my life. I live for prayer, eat for prayer, sleep for prayer. God has called me into this form of consecration where prayer is my breath and His word is my daily bread. I can’t function well without fellowship. I will drown in my fears without fellowship. I can’t fulfil purpose or live to the measure He has called me into without prayer. I can’t even create content as I should without fellowship.

This is my life. And I will embrace it.

I can tell you for a fact that I felt a huge rush of joy overwhelm me as I got up from the place of prayer. That’s why I keep on saying it: some of you are still depressed because you aren’t spending time constantly at God’s Presence. I came crying and discouraged, reflecting on my life. But once I prayed, a sense of purpose, a rush of joy and a confirmation that this is what I’ve been called into came. I am not the same, that’s for sure.

It’s scary. To decline certain outings to spend time with God. To sacrifice food for the sake of seeking Him. To sound too spiritual. But I can’t continue living life like this. Dissatisfied on a daily basis, to be confused without direction, allowing any little thing to destabilize me. Having God in me, yet things are dying around me and I can’t speak life into them. I’m done with this life. It’s time to go deeper.

And if any of you have had the same nudge. Please, answer it. Your purpose requires it. Your destiny requires it. The destiny of your future generation depends on it. Selah

Don’t mind my face oh! lol

Sometimes I see the way some people write and I really admire them, sometimes I try to copy it, but I’m just going to be myself and type the same way I speak, putting my thoughts in here.

Yes, I am in a waiting season.

Not every waiting season is a single season. Some of us aren’t waiting for a man of God. Some of us are waiting for answered prayers. It could be that you’re waiting for this season to pass, or you’re looking for a job. Maybe you’re wanting some form of breakthrough in your academics or believing God for healing.

Not every waiting season is a season where we are “single” waiting for God to bring us a man of God.

On this post, I want to talk about trusting God and having faith. True faith.

It seems easy to say “I trust God” because everything is going well in your life. But your trust and faith in God is tested when life suddenly starts to hit and pressure you.

I’ve never really had to question whether I truly had faith in God or not. Until these past couple of months.

I had been praying to God for a specific thing. I heard that God wanted the best for us, and that He doesn’t withhold any good thing from His children. That if “we” being evil know how to give good gifts to our children, then how much more God?

But these past year, my faith and trust in God was tested. I passed through a very rough season this time last year. I had prayed for hours, studied, used scriptures and read them back to God. I saw God doing it for others and I believed it was His will to do it for me too. I even got prophecies that God would grant me my request in specific timelines. There were times I had prayed by myself and “believed” that I heard God tell me He would answer me.

But even after all these things… Nothing.

After passing through a season where I believed tremendously that God would answer me, and I did extreme things to prove that “I had faith in God” which eventually almost caused me my life. I was… it’s hard to explain how I felt towards God.

I felt… disappointed, angry. I was mad at God.

But, who are we to question God right?

After that incident, I pretended I was fine. I still went to church and did all the activities. Everyone around me thought I was fine.

But my spiritual life? It wasn’t fine. It wasn’t okay at all.

I stopped praying and talking to God for a month and a half I believe. I didn’t even open my Bible and study either. I didn’t say it with my mouth, but my actions were speaking… loudly.

I wasn’t bitter towards God… right? At least, I couldn’t be.

I didn’t understand why. God why? Why did you allow that to happen? Even if you were teaching me a lesson… would you have allowed me to loose my life all because you were teaching me a lesson?

Honestly, when I gave my life to Christ, I left everything about my past life in the past. The girl before Christ was dead. I had built my whole identity in Jesus, and without Him there’s no me.

Spending time with God was the only thing that gave me purpose and a reason to live. If I now leave Him, where will I go? Is not as if the old girl was good without Christ either. But I am now in Christ and see what I’m passing through. But I can’t go anywhere else. God is my only hope.

So after a month and a half. I choose to start seeking God again. But this time, I wanted to KNOW GOD.

I wanted to understand His ways and why He does certain things. I know God is real, but I don’t understand why He allows specific things to happen. I knew God had heard me cry and plead endlessly for this request. But for some reason He chose not to give it to me… yet.

This was when I had to learn God’s love. I truly believed that God didn’t really want the best for us. I once heard my mentor say “God is looking for an excuse to bless you” I was like… what!? an excuse to bless me? then let Him do it, I am here, I am available!

Because of what I went through, that experience whispered lies into my head about who God was. It was hard to believe that God loves me so much, that He wants the best for me. Cuz I felt like, “If you have the answer to my prayer, and you know how much I have struggled with this, then why not give it to me? Why withhold it from me? Does that sound like a very loving God or a good Father?”

Yup. My faith was definitely tested. It’s worse when He now asks you to do certain things for Him, to the benefit of others, but you’re still there waiting for your own request to be answered.

Trusting God is hard. Till today, I am still trusting God for specific things in my life. It’s not easy. Is this what trusting God looks like?

There are days I am content with the season I’m in. I’ve even learnt how to take advantage of it and romanticise it sef. But there are other days I get too overwhelmed and I cry, heavily.

Sometimes we cry, and somewhere in our heads we believe that if we cry like this, for sure God must answer. But I cried even more when I acknowledged that I may cry heavily and still not get my prayer answered… yet.

That made me cry even more. Is this life? I’ve never wanted to get out of a season so badly before. Well, I guess trusting God isn’t about pretending that I like this season or that I am extremely joyful in it.

But even after the tears, I still tell God thank you for this season. Don’t get me wrong, it’s hard to say that. Especially if you truly mean it. But I have been renewing my mind a lot concerning God’s Love. And truly, He wants the best for me. So even in this season I say thank you God for this season. I may not like it, it may be extremely uncomfortable, but I know all things work together for my good because I love you.

Your faith is true, if He doesn’t answer but you still stay. When He doesn’t tell you why, but you choose to trust. When you have other options, but you chose to have Him as your only option.

From time to time. I encounter God’s love deeply. And I know He is right by my side. I know He hears me and wants to spend time with me deeply.

It’s weird to acknowledge His Love, yet still have your prayers unanswered. But I believe this is an intimate journey with Abba that each person needs to navigate.

Definitely, this has gotten me closer to God than ever. And of course, I had a wound in me, I felt hurt by God. But He shone his light into that area and lavished me with so much love. And I can testify, God heals wounds. Wounds caused by myself, my ideologies, my traumas, other people, etc. He heals. I am a testimony.

And I can definitely admit, that I haven’t experience anything like Job did. That a man can be so righteous and still loose everything he had. That doesn’t change God’s character. It doesn’t deny that God is good, kind and loving.

So yeah, it’s still hard to trust at times. But I choose to have faith and believe in Him and His Word. Because He is Faithful and He is Good. No matter what my situation says (this is meditation by the way lol)

All this to tell you, again. Christians don’t live perfect lives. We don’t have it all figured out. We struggle and cry. We pass through troubles… but, like Paul said in

2 Corinthians 4: 7-9 :

⁷ But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. ⁸ We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; ⁹ persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

Sometimes it’s easier for God to remove the storm that to pass through it.

But even in the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for God is with me. Why do I have to pass through the valley of the shadow of death? I’m not sure, but I know He is with me. He holds my hand.

That’s why it’s called the valley of the shadow of death. It’s not death in itself, It’s a shadow, It won’t harm me. It may look like death, but it isn’t death.

People “fake it till they make it”. Everyone pretends to be settled in every area of their life. Everyone seems to hide their weaknesses and struggles. You see people post the best side of their selves on social media. Especially on LinkedIn, every one seems to be getting new job offers and opportunities, building their careers and opening up new businesses. Everyone is perfect and has everything figured out.

Then you look at your life… (lol)

It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparison. I hate comparison. You’re most likely improving in life, learning new things, moving at your own pace and being content.. then comparison appears, and suddenly, you feel behind in life. You feel like you’re missing out or not doing enough. You see why you need breaks from social media?

And recently, people have been going viral on their social media platforms because of this 13 letter word: vulnerability.

(Oh how I lovee that word!)

Many have this ideology that showing your struggles makes you a weaker person. If you say you don’t have everything figured out yet people will look down on you or even loose respect for you. You must pretend everything is fine (even though you may be dying on the inside). It’s like putting on a facade to please people.

We say “people don’t want to listen to your struggles or insecurities” “people look for who can help them and bring a solution to their problems” Now I don’t deny that this last quote is true, but who told you sharing the side of you that’s still figuring life out isn’t helping people? Some of the most life-changing moments in my life happened when people opened up and showed that side of them everyone seems to hide.

We are all here pretending as if everything was perfect in our lives, when in reality, we’re all passing through different things in life.

See let me tell you this: Vulnerability brings freedom. It brings hidden weaknesses to the light. That’s why posts that show the realities of human beings go so viral. Because someone finally speaks up on something we’ve all chosen to keep quiet on.

That’s why I love people who are honest and sincere about their journeys. Even those who have “made it” in life, whenever they show you the realities of what they went through and how they got to where they are without hiding the truth, they make you see that they are human beings like you too. If they could do it, then I can do it too.

That’s why I love people like Pastor Lawrence Oyor. If you know him, you know he is a man of powerr! And he didn’t hide his journey. He was so blunt with it. Because this same man of God that you admire today still had days where they fasted and broke by 11 am. This same man of God that is hosting 12 hour prayer sessions was the same man who struggled to pray for even 1, 2 or 3 hours straight. This same man of God that you all admire was the same man who struggled with Bible study before and attempted to run away from a prayer meeting because his flesh was weak and despite his spirit being willing, he hadn’t trained it enough to stay long hours in prayer.

When I see a man like Elijah, who called down fire from heaven and killed 450 prophets of Baal, yet he ran away from a woman called Jezebel and even wanted to commit suicide. Do you know what this tells me? That he isn’t some special man with superpowers more privileged than the rest of us, no! This tells me that God can use anyone. When the Bible says that “Elijah was a man subject to like passions like we are”, it’s showing you what you can become if you just yield yourself to God.

Showing me your weakness won’t make me disrespect you. It will make me honor and respect you even more. I will be surprised (in a good way) that such a great and successful person can still have things they are still trying to overcome and struggles the Holy Spirit is helping them through. Lay down your pride and start being honest, so as to help those who are still coming up.

Vulnerability, again, it’s so important.

A place that lacks honesty and sincerity will be a place of performance. Growth happens when we get real with eachother. That’s why I have this burden to share my struggles here on Substack. Because I don’t ever want anyone to think I am better than them or that I have everything figured out in life, no, I am a human being just like you, I pass through the same struggles you pass through.

We live in such a performance based generation, that we even take that same attitude to God in the place of prayer. We start to compose ourselves before God and recite perfect prayer lines. And then you wonder why your prayers aren’t reaching anywhere. Because God doesn’t just listen to what your mouth utters, but He listens to what your heart is saying. God is not a human being!!! God is the one who knows your greatest character flaws, weaknesses and struggles yet He still exalts you before men, honours you and causes men to favour you. And this my brethren, this is the reason I will not disrespect or even look down at someone despite their weaknesses. Vulnerability doesn’t make us weaker, no, it actually strengthens us as a body.

Because Christianity isn’t about who’s the best or who is the least. Its about helping ourselves grow, carrying our brothers burdens, and lifting each other up. Even Jesus told Peter: “when you are strong, strengthen your brothers”. Christianity isn’t a religion, but man has turned it into it. Christianity is about imperfect people who have found a perfect God. It shows you that a man can still achieve great things in life despite his condition. It brings a poor beggar at the street into a the kings table and sets him as the chief in command. See if you don’t know Jesus, know Him today. Because what I am telling you now is every true Christian’s story. He turned me from nothing to something, that’s my life story.

Jesus turned a girl who no one knew was crying every night in her room because she didn’t know who she was, into someone who is now secure in herself, speaks boldly before people, helps others grow and impacts value into peoples lives. Not because I am now a perfect person, but because I found a perfect God. (I’m about to cry lol)

I don’t want a baby in the faith to think our lives are perfect and absent of trials and tribulations. They aren’t. But I want them to see that it’s not about us, our reputation, steez or composure. It’s about the fact that God can raise anyone, He isn’t a respecter of persons. All you need is to be yielded to Him. Let your heart long for Him daily. “As the deer pants after the water so my heart pants after you God” that was David’s heart cry. He was the first to kill Goliath in his generation, and he became a giant slayer and and raised those under him to slay giants too. In fact he became a walking giant on the Earth; such a powerful man of God, that despite his shortcomings, left an unforgettable and remarkable impact on the Earth because he was a man after God’s own heart.

Please, share that side of you that God is still refining. You never know who it will help. Life isn’t just about successes but it’s also about the process. Love you all!

Silence isn’t always the absence of words. Silence can be the avoidance of a matter also. The fact that you choose to ignore or not speak concerning an issue.

I’ve acknowledged that God wants me to speak through social media. But there are days I hearken to foreign voices in my head and I start to overthink, so I remain quiet. But that’s so selfish of me. It’s selfish to stay silent knowing that my words might contain the key to someone’s deliverance.

This isn’t just about me. But about you and the body of Christ.

Our silence towards certain matters are killing our congregation. Your refusal to speak when it’s needed is keeping people bound to their sin. And God will hold you accountable. Because instead of calling out people’s sin, you chose to go through the corners all in the name of “people pleasing”. What?!

I’ve seen what silence does to a people. I’ve seen how sin strives, grows and multiplies in secrecy. If sin isn’t exposed we can’t tackle it. The Bible says we should not be partakers of the works of darkness, but rather, exposed them. Ephesians 5:11

This isn’t about disgracing, shaming or condemning people. It’s about bringing to light what the devil wants to keep hidden. We don’t call out sin to condemn people. We call it out to bring conviction. When you speak the truth 2 things may happen:

1. Conviction: “the Word of God is quick and powerful, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart” Hebrews 4:12. When you speak truth, it hits peoples hearts, it awakens them to the reality of the sin they are living in.

   • Conviction is Holy-Spirit led, and leads to repentance. 2 Corinthians 7:10

   • But condemnation is from the devil, and leads to death. Romans 8:1

2. Offense: this is often as a result of our ego. When our sin is called out, instead of us to be remorseful and repent, we get angry, because it affects your pride. A prideful man doesn’t want to look weak, he doesn’t want his blemishes exposed. So he thinks he can cover them up with his pride. But this will lead to his downfall. Proverbs 16:18

   People may throw stones at you because they can’t own up to their mistakes, (just like the Pharisees wanted to stone Jesus) and may even want you dead, as we see nowadays with the persecution of Christians all over the world.

We call it out sin to set people free. It is not enough to say “come out of sin”. Point out that specific act. Some people have itching ears, they don’t understand your christianised language. Speak to them directly, from a stand point of love. Your refusal to speak will destroy your congregation. You will keep on preaching and avoiding certain topics. But your people will remain stagnant and drown in their sin because you refused to call it out.

Words can kill, that’s true. But your silence at the wrong time can kill even more.

There’s a time to speak and a time to remain silent. Ecclesiastes 3:7 You don’t keep quiet when you see sin creeping into your church. You don’t keep quiet when there’s a goat trying to destroy the sheep of Christ. You don’t keep quiet when there are rumours in the church. You don’t keep quiet when confusion is all over the place.

If there’s gossip in the church. Call it out!

If there’s enmity/ malice in the church. Expose it!

If fornication is thriving between the members. Speak up!

Because the longer you stay silent, the longer they stay bound. This is crucial, especially for baby Christians. I realized that exposing false prophets it’s part of preaching the gospel. There are many new believers that could be led astray by these false teachers because you chose not to speak up.

Yes, it will offend people. But if speaking up will lead to their freedom, then let it be so. If speaking up will ensure people don’t compromise their faith and lead up to transformation, then let it be so. But enough of keeping quiet when it comes to sin.

Your congregation is dying daily because you don’t want to call out people’s sin. Stop the people pleasing thing. Is costing you souls! And after exposing darkness…Pray! Pray for a repentant heart and a genuine change that comes from God! Intercede! But let’s stop playing around with sin, thinking we can go to clubs Saturday nights, and dance praises on a Sunday morning.

You know in my city, there’s this system they’ve established in order to help immigrants get a better life. They do this by helping them learn the language in our country, so that they can eventually enter a course that will help them get a job. To help and support them, they also give them food every week to help them minimize their expenses.

I saw them today, collecting food. Some of them shouting and fighting because they probably gave someone more food than the other, or perhaps they were wasting too much time in bringing out the food or someone jumped the queue, etc. As I observed, I realised many of them were single mothers, others looked very rough; they most likely lacked a job, but I also saw them smoking too. Being bound by their addictions.

Most of them were Muslim people, who probably fled their country in order to have a better life. As I watched them, I felt conviction. This people need help, they are here fighting over food. I told my self at that very moment, that I would never allow myself end up in such a situation. Where I can’t afford to buy enough groceries that I now have to go somewhere so they give me food. When I encounter these kinds of situations, I always tell myself that I can’t be ordinary, I can’t end up like this. I can never be poor. I can never be a beggar. These are the kinds of things that would push me to study more and strive to enter university so I can have a stable job.

I will never allow my children pass through all of this. I put that responsibility upon myself to never allow my children beg for bread, or trek long distances because they’re seeking food, or because they can’t afford transportation. God forbid, my children will not end up like that. I won’t allow my future children feel scared to ask me for something because they think we don’t have enough money. I want my kids to ask me for things without being scared of the cost. I want them to be proud of having parents that can provide their necessities and their wants. They should be able to tell their friends “don’t worry my mum/dad will pay for it” or “my parents will take care of it”. That’s the kind of confidence I want my child to have.

But even as having a stable job, and money can release you from so much stress. It doesn’t fulfil me. Don’t get me wrong. I will feel extremely fulfilled as a parent if I can do all these things for my children, being able to see them happy and stress-free because money isn’t a burden. But that’s not everything God has asked me to do.

When I looked at these Muslim people, I asked myself, where is their god? They follow all these rules and regulations because of their religion, but what’s their relationship with God like? Is their god a far away person in the sky who just observes them and doesn’t help? Do they involve their god in their daily lives. Do they have a personal and intimate relationship with their god? Does he speak to them?

That’s when I believe the Holy Spirit kept whispering to me saying that these people need help, a hope and a future. I always ask myself: “is this all life has to offer?”. I feel like telling them that Jesus has a better life for you than this!

As I left that place and was on my way home, it started raining a little bit. I saw a couple of workers who had to keep on working under the rain, setting up tiles on the floor. And I began to meditate and think. These workers are men who are probably doing this job to meet up with their expenses at the ending of the month. Some may be fathers trying to provide for their family. I sometimes wonder: “what was their childhood like?” “what dreams did they have as a child?” “what did they want to become when they were kids?” because I know that this isn’t the future they hoped for, “what circumstances did they find their selves in, that didn’t allow them chase their dreams and ambitions?”

That’s when I feel that conviction again. “Tell them about Jesus” is what I hear. “Jesus can give them a better life, a hope and a much better future” is what I perceive. I’ve seen so many YouTube videos of people evangelising. Someone can literally meet another person to evangelise. And after speaking life into their soul, they’re prayed over, and that person encounters God at that very moment. I’ve seen people bound, who were encountered by a preacher, and after that moment their life changes completely. Someone’s life can be transformed in a day just because a son/daughter of God approached them with the gospel. When we evangelise, we aren’t just sharing a normal message with people. We are introducing them to a life of power, imposibilites and encounters. We are preaching light to darkness. A hope to the hopeless. Liberty to the captives. Because without Jesus, we’re all captive, whether we’re aware of it or not, we need Him.

I’ve seen this happen online, but never in person. I hear the conviction in my spirit, to tell them about Jesus. But then, I think to myself: “Am I living that life that I want to introduce them to?”. I tell you your life can change completely because of Jesus, but it’s that my reality?

Many Christians are like this. We say we serve Jesus. We say he brings liberty, hope, light, power, etc. But we don’t believe what we say. Because when someone gets hurt, we can’t pray for them. Why? Because we lack faith. But it’s that the life God promised to us? Don’t get me wrong, I serve God and I am intimate with Him because I want to get to know Him. But when you spend time with God there has to be some proof and evidence that yes, God is true and real. How can you spend time with the Almighty and have the Creator of the Universe dwelling within you. But yet, your life looks worse than that of an unbeliever.

Lately, I’ve been wanting to go out and show Jesus to my city. In other words, I want to not just tell people about Jesus, but show them Jesus. I want to volunteer to pray over people and believe God will touch them, heal the sick and cast out demons. That’s the life I want. A life where Jesus has encountered us and has saved us, and He now uses us to save others and lead them to encounter God. That’s why I always say that when we evangelise, we must be very convinced about Jesus and sound convincing. Because you’re introducing them to someone who will change their lives completely. They aren’t sure Jesus can change them, but you need to show them that He can and will if they allow Him into their hearts.

The life I live right now, isn’t the one I want. I have to challenge myself to go out and evangelise by myself, and offer to pray over people. Yes, our evangelism group began about 3 weeks ago, but we haven’t seen any soul saved, we are barely praying over people, and I don’t want it to end like this. I want it to be a lifestyle, where I evangelise everyday and people encounter Christ daily. Omo, is not easy to do it alone oh.

I was about to cry today as I pondered on all of these things. Telling myself:

Ijeoma, this people need Jesus, they need to encounter Christ, you can’t remain like this. Is not about what you feel, is about a hopeless generation that need the light of the Gospel. Go back home, pray seriously, fast, study and go out and preach this glorious gospel. Miracles aren’t for the church, they are for the world, to serve them as signs for them to believe. It doesn’t matter if no one around you is doing it. You start, and they will eventually catch the fire. I know you’re upset that people around you are comfortable in their ordinary Christian life, but change can begin from you. Jesus is with you and goes with you. When you pray with an honest and sincere heart God will hear and listen to your prayer.

Don’t you say you believe Jesus can change someone? Then act upon it and move with conviction being fully persuaded the same way Paul was. I believe in you Ijeoma, you carry God in you. You aren’t doing anything, it isn’t your responsibility to change them, but it’s your responsibility to go out there and introduce people to Jesus. You can do this.

Hope this serves as an encouragement to challenge you reading this. Let’s show the world what true Christianity looks like. Loveeee youuu allll.

I was a little girl who had a sweet tooth. I liked sweet foods. But then this became more than just a sweet tooth.

It became an addiction.

As an 8 year old girl, my mum would always buy cupcakes for me. They normally came in a pack of 20 or 24 inside. I ate these cupcakes almost everyday. I remember there was a time we were left with no more cupcakes.

I cried so much that day, I would literally scream so that my parents would buy them for me. I was clearly addicted. But it wasn’t just that, there were days where I would carry a whole pack of biscuits (like 20-24 inside) and would finish it in a day. I remember a time where my dad told my mom that I was eating too many sweet things and that it wasn’t good, he was even telling her concerning the diabetes thing, but my mom didn’t listen, as long as giving me the sweets kept me away from crying.

As a result of these habits, I had a lot of sugar spikes or rushes. I would eat, jump and run around the house due to the amount of energy I had. At a point I noticed that I was peeing a lot.

There was no night I wouldn’t get up at least 4 or 5 times to pee. Including during the day. I also noticed that I would get extremely thirsty at all times. My mom also started noticing that I was loosing a huge amount of weight.

Anytime she would bathe me and put cream on me, she noticed that my backbone was showing. When people saw me, they would tell me I was going to become a model when I grew up, but It was because of the high levels of sugar in my blood.

I remember this day so vividly: It was on a Monday evening, after coming back from school, at around 8 pm. My mom took me to the clinic near my house and told my doctor the symptoms I was having. Then they made me pee in a container, and after the results were out, my doctor said we had to rush to the big hospital. It was so urgent that they even ordered an ambulance to pick us up.

I can’t remember the exact details of what happened that day, but as at that time my mom had given birth to my baby brother just a month ago I believe, so we all had to go in the ambulance. My mom didn’t know what was happening to me, so she started crying, and because of that I began crying too.

Often times, a lack of knowledge can make you scared, because you don’t know what is happening. And the fact that we were in an ambulance just made her fear increase, maybe thinking I was going to die or something.

After this, they rushed me into the hospital, and I don’t exactly remember what happened, but the only memories I have of that day are of me, laying on a bed, with a drip attached to my arm and my mom beside me. After a while, they told my mom that they had to move me into another place and my mom couldn’t come with me. I was crying, shouting something like “mommy please stay”, and she was crying also.

At this point, I didn’t know what time or day it was (as I said I really can’t remember every detail). But they eventually put me in a normal room where people could visit me. My mom couldn’t stay with me always, so she got one of my aunties to be with me during the day, and my mother would stay during the nights and mornings.

There was this day I was on my bed laying down, and suddenly a bunch of “doctors” came into the room, while I was on the bed laying without a T-shirt on. They were up to 10-15 doctors that came into the room looking at me, while the chief doctor was explaining my situation to them. Although I now know that most of them they were actually medical students.

Then, the doctor explained to me and my mother that there were 2 types of Diabetes: Diabetes type 1 and Diabetes type 2.

In Diabetes type 1, you have to take insulin through injections anytime you eat anything. But in Diabetes type 2, you have to take pills. In my head I wanted the one where I only had to take pills because I didn’t like needles. But they told me I had Diabetes type 1 (which is mostly common amongst children). So they wouldn’t allow me leave the hospital until I learned how to take the injections by myself.

I spent about a week in the hospital, I believe, till I learned how to take the injections by myself.

At this moment, life was kind of different. I suddenly went from eating about 20 cupcakes in a day or two, to no sweets at all. So this sudden change caused a lot of issues just as hiding to eat sweet things and additional stuff. That I’ll clarify on the next post so stay tuned for that also!

Yes. This story is for those who have battled with sickness in their Christian life.

This story is very personal for me. I’ve cried countless times because of this. Maybe I don’t have all the answers yet as to why some of these things happen but I hope this encourages someone else out there battling with the same issue.

Here we will talk about:

• My Story, My Journey.

• How parents prefer cure rather than prevention.

• The need for education and awareness among parents.

• My journey navigating Food and Self-Control.

• The cover up some Christians use for sickness.

• How lonely it can feel.

• The trauma this has caused me.

• The different ideologies built to explain chronic illness in my relationship with God.

I am turning this into a series, because I believe it will be too long for a single post.

Have in mind that I still don’t have all the answers concerning this issue, but I am navigating through this journey with God, and by his grace He is teaching me and using me to highlight some of the things that can be often overlooked.

I am bringing this issue to the light, because for some reason, we like to cover up our struggles and hiding them making people assume we live perfect lives. But that isn’t true.

I recently read an article from someone dealing with chronic illness. She explained that people often believe illness has to be seen in your body. But the worst kind of illnesses are the ones that people cannot see.

For some reason, if you do not “look” sick, your complains are just exaggerations. And we assume someone is fine because they appear well. But on the inside they are struggling. There are a lot of emotional issues that go on behind having a chronic illness. But on here, again, I hope to bring to light these issues, so as to cause an awareness on this matter.

Stay tuned for my upcoming posts!