After college, I went on a backpacking trip across Europe with one of my best friends from high school. A plane ticket and a Eurail pass was my graduation gift and it was the first time I had ever been out of the country. My friend and I did tons of research, picking our cities, finding the least expensive hostels and planning how we would have the best experience spending as little money as possible. It’s funny to think back now and realize, in the six weeks, we ate in two restaurants. I remember them both— a pizza place in Prague and a cafe in Paris. Otherwise, we got fruit and cheese from farmers markets or sandwiches from take out shops. My other most vivid memory of the trip is the time we mistakenly got on the wrong train. We were supposed to go to Prague and just as the train left the station, we realized we were heading to Vienna. We freaked out, because we had a tight schedule and this detour was going to throw us way off track. But as were trying to map out how much time we would lose by getting off in Vienna and heading back, we realized the schedule was completely of our own making. No one besides ourselves was holding us to it. What if, we just added a stop in Vienna and took a day off somewhere else? We hadn’t researched Vienna at all and this was before phones, so it’s not like we could google anything on the train. But somehow, when we got there, we found a hostel to stay the night and set out in the city with no plan whatsoever. I remember the charming streets, the ornate architecture, the beautiful pastry shops and stumbling on a puppet show set to classical music in the park. It felt like fate. If you asked me what my favorite part of my 6 week trip to Europe was when I got back, I would have told you the time we got on the wrong train. The time we had an unplanned day in a beautiful city we would have missed if not for our mistake.

Whenever I start sharing a trip on Instagram, I get a lot of messages from people asking about who plans our trips and how, lamenting about how they find the vacation planning process overwhelming. My answer is usually Mike, but the truth is, when the two of us travel on our own, we do not always research or plan that extensively. I always put together an itinerary for people to follow when I return from my vacation, but I think many of my followers don’t realize that a lot of that itinerary comes together on the fly, while we make decisions day by day. To be clear, I have also used a travel planner for some trips, who was fantastic and put together expertly planned days I never could have scheduled on my own, but I fear that the upsurge of “travel content” on our feeds, with everything from professional travel vloggers to packing experts, convinces us that “vacation” is actually quite a bit of work, and one that must be done correctly to reap the maximum benefits. Maximum culture, maximum relaxation, maximum sunsets, maximum bang for your buck, along with all the perfect travel visuals to post online to achieve maximum jealousy. That’s a lot of unnecessary pressure to put on a trip that is supposed to be FUN.

Here’s my big travel secret: you can go to many destinations and have a great time exploring without having an elaborate pre-determined plan. It’s just a different travel mindset, less focused on crossing items off your bucket list and more about vibes and self-discovery. I find that these experiences can be just as valuable and memorable as a perfectly planned trip, which is one reason I have loved my trips to Portugal for the last two summers. For me, Portugal’s cities are filled with “points of interest” rather than “must-see tourist attractions,” so our days have less crowds, more flexibility and a lot more happy accidents. I’m gonna call it “Type B Travel” and let you in on a few of my secrets.

(Editor’s Note: I just reread this and realized Type B Travel could also be called Remarkably Average Travel. Iykyk.)

TYPE B PLANNING

The first secret of Type B travel is to make sure you have your flight and hotel booked, so at the very least, you know you will get to your destination and have somewhere to sleep. We are not winging this entirely! I like to rely on Mike for this, my Type A Travel Companion. Mike also makes a few restaurant reservations “so we have them,” but we often switch them up once we are there. This is usually because I announce where I am going on Instagram while we are in the airport and then get lots of recommendations from you guys. I often go through them, looking for places that people mention more than once, and then by the time we land, I have a short list where I want to try and get last minute reservations. Now, when I do this, I know everything on my list is not going to be available, but I always remind myself that I didn’t even know about these restaurants a few hours ago, so none of them are going to make or break my trip. It’s just food after all! I will say though that every trip we’ve taken, we’ve been able to secure top tier restaurant reservations while we are there.

For hotels, we have a few parameters. The first is that the room has a good view. When I was younger with less disposable income, I thought paying extra for a view was unnecessary, but I’ve come to realize that a good view can change your whole perspective of a trip. Waking up and drinking coffee on the balcony of your hotel room as you soak in the sights of a new and foreign place is perhaps one of life’s greatest pleasures. Ditto to coming back to the hotel after dinner and seeing your chosen destination at night before you go to sleep. I would go so far as to say, if you are happy with the view out your window, it takes a little bit of the pressure off the rest of your trip. Snap that “I’m in Portugal!” pic from your balcony and post it! Maximum jealousy achieved before the first day of your trip has even started. I would choose a good view over a more spacious or luxurious room every time.

I would also choose location over a nicer hotel room. When you don’t have a buttoned up plan, you want to walk out of your hotel and feel the vibe of the city. In some cities, you have to choose between a good view and a lively neighborhood (especially when the city is built on a hill like Porto), but we try not to be too far from good shops and restaurants. In NYC, I always tell people to stay uptown or downtown (depending on your style), but never in midtown. So many people book hotels based on locations that are near the major landmarks they want to see, when they should be booking hotels in neighborhoods where locals actually live, shop and eat. We’ve been to Copenhagen twice— the first time we stayed in a really nice hotel that was in a more commercial area where you had to walk down a major highway to get anywhere and the second time we stayed in a small budget hotel that was in a charming neighborhood where we walked out the door to bustling cafes and coffee shops every morning. That second trip was far and away the better experience and our location added exponentially to my positive impression of the city.

Another important factor is how you choose to get around the city. I am a huge fan of the subway in my daily life, but when you are traveling, being above ground can you give you a better feel for a new city, especially as you pass through areas that might not have been on your radar. I remember the first time I went to Paris (on that same backpacking trip), we stayed in a hostel in a pretty desolate area and took the metro to all the major tourist attractions. I wanted to love Paris so badly and just didn’t get it. The next time I went to Paris was for work and we took cars everywhere. It was seeing the full breadth of all the architecture as we passed through neighborhood after neighborhood and all the stylish people gathered at cafe after cafe that helped me understand what was so special about Paris. I realized that by taking the metro exclusively the first time I was there, I missed the places where Parisian people actually lived and hung out. It’s the equivalent of traveling to NYC, staying in Times Square and taking the subway to One World Trade and the Brooklyn Bridge, and then saying you don’t understand how people live there.

As far as activities, sometimes we book things in advance but I’ve also never had a problem booking things once we are in our destination. My favorite thing to do in a new city is walk around, and if you are too scheduled, it takes away a lot of the opportunity for self discovery. I usually have a list of places to see or things I want to do and I’ll refer to it while we are there and make decisions day by day. Of course, if you go to a major city with a lot of popular tourist attractions that book up far in advance, like Rome or Paris, and you are with kids or a larger group, you have to be more on top of things, but if it’s just two adults, and you don’t have a long list of must-sees, it’s very possible to arrange things more spontaneously.

One thing I always make use of is the hotel concierge, or if they don’t have a dedicated person, the receptionist. Usually that’s the first person I’ll talk to after I check in to a hotel. They often have the best nearby restaurant recommendations (and sometimes they know people who can squeeze you in even if it’s not available online) and they can help you get the lay of the land, give you an insider perspective on what’s most important to see and book any last minute excursions, cars, or guides. When we first arrived in Porto, we asked the concierge for a good first day activity. Since we had just come off an overnight flight and our room was not ready yet, they suggested a private boat ride down the Douro River with drinks and snacks. We said that sounded perfect (a boat ride down the Douro was on my list) and they booked the car and boat on the spot. We had time for lunch first, so they told us about a restaurant in walking distance. On our way there, we happened to spot an interesting looking doorway, peeked in and discovered the restaurant Bosco, where we decided to go instead. We loved it (both for the atmosphere and the food), so I will now say “you HAVE to go to Bosco!” But truthfully, we stumbled on this spot accidentally and I’m sure there are a million versions of this same happy accident in every city. After lunch, we hopped into a car and were drifting down the Douro with a glass of wine in hand and a plate of cheese about 45 minutes later. None of that was booked in advance.

Another tip is to pick restaurants for dinner in a variety of areas, so you get to see the vibe in different parts of the city. Then, if we cab it there, I might pick a drop off location that’s about a ten minute walk away, so we spend magic hour out and about exploring a neighborhood, as opposed to going directly to the restaurant and missing the prettiest time of day. After dinner, we often skip dessert and go search for gelato instead, which is another excuse for an after dinner stroll. I love seeing a foreign city at night.

One thing I do not like to mess around with is the sunset. In every city, I always research the timing of the sunset and the best viewpoints to watch it, and then try to make sure we have at least one dinner reservation that either has a sunset view or is timed nicely around the sunset. For instance, in Porto, the sunset was around 8:45pm and I knew I wanted to see it from Jardim de Morro, so we booked a 9:15pm dinner in walking distance. It’s best to make your sunset night as close to the beginning of your trip as possible, because if you don’t get a good one, you can try again. I’ve definitely been on entire trips where, for whatever reason (weather, timing, location), it never worked out. In those instances, I just try to remind myself— you have the sunset back at home too.

TYPE B PACKING

A lot of people also ask me about packing tips, which is hilarious because I put little to no thought into it whatsoever, besides knowing I want a bunch of outfits that are comfortable for sightseeing, but also look good and colorful in photos. Obviously, creating content is my job, so I pack nicer clothes than I might if I wasn’t taking pics and videos to post online, but also, I look at travel as an opportunity to up my fashion game. I try to look more like a stylish local and less like a tourist. I also love that travel gives you an excuse to dress up for dinner and I have a few dresses that I wear exclusively on vacation.

People often message me wondering how I fit so many things in one bag. Honestly, I think you could give me any bag and just about any amount of clothes and I would make them fit. Mike always looks at my clothes piled up on the bed and says, “you are never gonna fit all that” and I say— “watch me.” I genuinely don’t think people realize how much you can stuff a suitcase. I used a mid-size suitcase for Portugal (not a carry-on but not the largest one we own) and one small carry-on bag in addition to my purse. If the trip is under a week, I would have taken just a carry-on. I don’t use packing cubes. I just fit my clothes like Tetris, folding some things, rolling others, shoving tank tops and bathing suits in the back or the middle, always making sure the clothes are perfectly flat as I stack them, so the suitcase closes easily. If it doesn’t, I can usually sit on top of it to zip it up.

I also laugh when people say things like, “Have you packed yet?” a week before the trip. Ummm, no. I don’t plan outfits and I do it very last minute. This is partly because I’m not a planner and partly because I don’t want my clothes sitting in a suitcase getting wrinkled before the trip has even started. Also, it’s not that hard. I pack the night before a trip if we leave in the morning and I’ll pack that day if we are leaving in the evening. I like to pack a little more than I need, and usually try to revolve my selections around one or two walking sandals (one black, one brown) and one going out shoe (gold or neutral). I wear my sneakers on the plane. I keep a toiletry bag of travel items under my sink, so it’s always ready. I always pack some kind of flat tote that I can use for day trips or if I come home with more than I brought. I take very limited pajamas and no workout clothes. I do not believe in working out on vacation— hopefully you are walking more than enough! I also don’t pack an outfit in my carry-on in case of emergency. I just trust that everything will arrive and if it does not, I will have a funny story to tell.

I know there are some moms who pack for every member of their family, but I do no such thing. Sometimes Mike and the girls will go over their choices with me and make sure they packed the right things, but for the most part, they all pack their suitcases on their own. We travel enough that my kids know what they need. Carry-ons are the same— everyone packs their own bag and includes everything they need on the plane. Headphones, iPads, chargers, snacks, games, etc. This way, when we walk out the door, everyone is very self sufficient and no one is asking me for anything during the flight.

TAKING SOCIAL MEDIA WITH A GRAIN OF SALT

Social media can be a great resource to get travel ideas (which is why I post my trips), but with the algorithms now, sometimes it can be inspiration overkill as we are continually inundated with all the things to do in the areas we are visiting. For me personally, too many choices can make me question my decisions. Am I seeing what I am supposed to see? Am I doing Portugal right??? I especially struggle with my algorithm as my trip nears its end, which is when Instagram and Tiktok really ramp up content about my destination, delving deeper into the area beyond the obvious— showing me all the special experiences I won’t have time to do and the neighboring towns I didn’t realize I should be exploring. Why do you think I went back to Portugal this summer? Because as soon as I got back from my trip to Lisbon and the Algarve last summer, my algorithm started showing me Porto and Madeira. LOOK AT WHAT YOU MISSED. I try my best to remember, it’s impossible to do everything and all the research and planning in the world won’t change that.

The other thing that’s important to keep in mind (and it pains me to say this) is that sometimes all the pretty visuals online can set our expectations a little too high. When I’m being influenced on Instagram, I try to remind myself that everything looks better with filters and editing and music. The amazing travel reels that go viral are often the result of extremely talented photographers doing some very careful planning with the time and the lighting and then getting very lucky with the weather. Or editing in a sky that was never there or removing people or obstructions that make the moment less than perfect. When we watched the sunset in Porto, there was a guy singing “I Just Called to Say I Love You” quite badly to a karaoke track, but you would never know that because I put “Claire de Lune” over the top when I posted in my story.

Also, I hate to tell you this, but if it’s viral on Instagram, that means word is out in real life and that place is gonna be super crowded with tourists. Nothing kills a vibe more than everyone holding up their phone trying to capture it. And yes, I know, I am guilty as charged.

When we were in Madeira, I kept seeing reels of people going through this particular tunnel and coming out the other end to a spectacular landscape. I mentioned the viral tunnel to our guide and he said that he’d tell me when were going to pass through it, so that I could take the same video. I waited all day for that tunnel and then when we finally went through, the windshield was dirty so my camera wouldn’t focus. The guide told me to put my hand out the window to get a clearer shot, but I got nervous sticking my arm out in the tunnel, so I ended up getting the worst angle ever. It didn’t really matter though, because the sky and the landscape didn’t look nearly as dramatic as I had seen on Instagram anyway. And then I had to have a think about why I wanted to recreate that exact same video when someone else had already captured and posted it perfectly?? Wouldn’t it have been better to just experience the tunnel in real life? Why add that unnecessary pressure and then be disappointed when you don’t get it? I will give myself a break and say I care because this is my job, but I really hope that non-influencers aren’t trying to capture everything they see online and living more in the moment. It definitely takes away from the trip rather than adds to it.

Even though the sunset in Porto wasn’t perfect (I also regretted not walking a little farther left when I saw a video after the fact of someone at the same spot with a more unobstructed view) and we didn’t have the right weather for the sunrise hike in Madeira (you should see the stunning reels of that hike that flooded my feed all vacation long), and I didn’t get that tunnel shot, we still had an absolutely wonderful trip with more than enough envy inducing footage to post.

The best part was that I didn’t take the time to post anything while I was there, so that the trip felt like an actual vacation. Of course, now I have the pressure of putting it all together quickly before school starts, but that’s another story. I thank you guys for following after the fact and understanding that it’s always easier for me to share on my own timeline.

What is your vacation style? Planned or more spontaneous? How has social media changed how you travel? Tell me the comments!

If you are the kind of person who likes to follow a plan (or just wants some good recommendations), I did put together my Porto and Madeira itinerary with exactly what we ended up doing day by day. It’s ready to go and will be shared later this week for paying subscribers, so if you’d like to make sure you get all the info, please consider upgrading your subscription!

We have now reached the part of the summer where my real life is moving significantly faster than my online life, and I need to catch back up before school starts, so I thought that while I’m busy hiking Madeira on Instagram, I would give a real life update on Substack. The most major update being that Mike and I are back from Portugal, Mazzy is finished with her college program (which was business communications at Syracuse) and as of Friday, Harlow is home from camp, so we are all currently soaking up the rest of summer at our house on Long Island. I know a lot of people question sending your kids away over the summer, but with a full month left before school starts, I still feel like we get plenty of family time.

What are we doing with this time exactly?

Mazzy has two jobs at the moment. By day, she is working as a counselor at a summer camp, and in the afternoons, she took on an internship with a publicist. Although, apparently, she signed an NDA, so she is taking great pleasure in keeping everything she is doing a secret from me.

Last week, I held my first ever theater group night. (Still looking for good names for the group by the way!) It was a big success (from my perspective at least) and I can’t wait to do it again. About 30 of us met for drinks at Miss Nellie’s and then saw Titanique together, which is a retelling of the movie Titanic by a Celine Dion impersonator who inserts herself into every scene. Yes, it’s as crazy as it sounds. After a few moments of looking around me nervously and hoping no one was questioning my choice, I think we all gave into it and laughed our asses off. There was one joke that involved Mitch McConnell, Armie Hammer and the turkey legs at Disney World that just about killed me. It was so great to meet so many of you in person and I cannot wait to do it again! If you’d like to be part of the group (or at the very least get the email telling you about the next one), you can sign up here.

Last night, we went into the city as a family to see Don’t Say Good Luck. It’s starring Max Greenfield and Sunny Sandler, two of Mazzy’s favorites and literally a half hour before the red carpet started, the Netflix team asked Mazzy and Harlow if they would like to conduct interviews on the red carpet. We were definitely underprepared, and I was just filming on my iPhone without a tripod, but I think we pulled it off. I’ll put together a video as soon as I can. Sadly, Max Greenfield was not in attendance, but Mazzy did get to meet both Sunny and Sadie. We also stood next to Adam Sandler for a full 20 minutes, but I was too shy to ask for a pic, so I got our feet as proof.

The movie is about a high school sophomore who accidentally finds out her mom has cancer right before she tries out for the school play and ends up getting the lead. It’s a tearjerker, obviously, but I thought it was done really beautifully and Sunny Sandler’s performance blew me away. It’s gonna make all the moms of theater kids (and I know that’s a lot of us) bawl their eyes out. Highly, highly recommend.

Also, thank you for the positive response to my Yesteryear review. I am still getting messages from people saying they printed it out for their book clubs, which makes me beyond happy. It’s been awhile since I put myself out there to write something critically, so I’m glad people found it thoughtful and useful. This message made me particularly happy:

After the review, a lot of people recommended I read Everyone is Lying to You which is a tradwife murder mystery that came out first. It’s told through the perspective of both a tradwife influencer suspected of killing her husband and her college roommate who is now a writer for a failing magazine in NYC and a reluctant but somewhat obsessive follower of her old friend online. I liked it waaaayyyy better than Yesteryear. I think because the author doesn’t look down on either of her main characters and explains who they are and what path they took to get there in a way that makes you understand and sympathize with both of them. Don’t get me wrong— it’s still a cutting commentary on social media culture, but way more fun, with people to root for and way less of an icky feeling when you are done.

Also, now might be a good time to tell you that after a good 10 year hiatus, I’m officially a reader again! Well, a listener. I’ve discovered audio books and there is no turning back. I don’t know what this says about me, but I’ve always had a hard time with reading because it puts me to sleep, so I never get through anything. I definitely used to have a better attention span, so this might be social media’s fault. But with audio books, I can listen while I am doing something else, whether that’s laundry, getting ready, commuting, etc. and then I’m able to pay attention just fine. And then recently, I discovered my idea of a PEEK relaxation activity. This is a little embarrassing, but it’s listening to an audio book while I’m playing a game on my phone. Something mindless like Block Blast that kind of operates on another brain plane. I actually have a little folder of embarrassing games that I play on the subway, and now I’m playing them in my apartment while I read, which makes it feel like a semi acceptable behavior. Does anyone else do this? Or do I have a problem? Anyway, if it gets me to read, I feel like that’s a win. Just finished The Lion Women of Tehran— another book I’d highly recommend and currently trying to read Calamity Club but I don’t like the lady doing the audio so I can’t get into it. That is the problem with audio books, the narrator really affects your perception of the book. Any recommendations?

Also, I need to talk about Harlow’s camp. We just found out that the owners sold the camp and the kids will not be able to return next summer. I am beyond angry with how it was handled and so devastated for the kids. Did anybody watch Company Retreat? The pinnacle moment is when Anthony finds out that the new owners plan to fire all the employees and shut the company down, so he runs to stop his boss from signing the deal, knowing his boss would never knowingly screw his people like that. Anyway, what happened at our camp feels like the owner knowing exactly what was going to happen and signing anyway. Blerg.

In brand partner news, this week I made my version of a romcom trailer for a partnership with Paramount+, had a sign with my face on it at a Kohl’s pop-up, gave Mazzy a blush pink MacBook for a partnership with Best Buy and cleaned Harlow’s room for a tiktok with Glad trash bags. That last video contains a very real art project she made at school. Would love to know what you would do if your child brought home a brown and navy ceramic bat/octopus for your display.

I think that’s it for now. Back to Madeira!

If you have tweens and teens, you know it’s really hard to shop for them. They are super particular about what they like and their shopping options are very limited. It seems many brands skip straight from children’s clothes to men’s and women’s, none of which are appealing to my 13yo. The brands that do make clothes specifically for the tween and teen set are often “one size fits all” when in reality, the shapes and sizes of my daughter’s friends could not be more different. This is why I think a lot of tweens and teens gravitate towards more oversized sweatpants and leisure clothes.

This September, Harlow will be starting high school(!!!) and is looking to up her style game, but it’s hard to find items in her size that are on trend and school appropriate while also allowing her to express her individuality. I mean, every one of her friends shops at the same three stores! I also know that Harlow is going to grow out of her clothes quickly and styles change overnight, so I don’t want to spend too much on a wardrobe she’s only going to wear for one season.

This is why both she and I were so excited when Kohl’s reached out to do a back-to-school partnership. Harlow immediately gravitated to SO by Kohl’s, which makes stylish clothes designed to appeal to tweens and teens with a broad range of sizing (from junior to plus size). They also come at a very reasonable price point.

I let Harlow do some online shopping and put a bunch of items in her cart. You can find all her selects in her Kohl’s storefront.

When everything arrived, we were so impressed with the quality, the price point and most importantly— the cuteness. Harlow immediately went to work putting together some back-to-school outfits and I think you can probably tell by the photos below—she felt so confident in everything and rocked the photo shoot.

First Day of School Outfit:

Juniors' SO® Linen Apron Shell Camisole Tank Top

Juniors' SO® Mid Rise Tencel Pull-On Shorts

SO® Ellda Fisherman Women's Woven Platform Sandals

Shopping with Friends in Soho Outfit:

Juniors' SO® Core Zip-Up Hoodie

Juniors' SO® Shelf Bra Layering Cami

Girls 6-20 SO® Smocked Ruffle Skort

SO® Ellda Fisherman Women’s Woven Platform Sandals

Running for School Council Outfit:

LC Lauren Conrad Scallop Hem Sweater

Juniors' SO® Tiered Mini Dress

SO® Ellda Fisherman Women’s Woven Platform Sandals

It’s a Gym Day but I Still Want to Look Cute Outfit:

Juniors’ SO® Core Zip-Up Hoodie

Juniors' SO® Lace Trim Henley Cami

Girls 7-16 SO® Fleece Shorts

If Harlow’s endorsement isn’t enough, I noticed when we dropped Harlow off at camp, Mazzy had stolen the blue striped SO® Lace Trim Henley Cami. It’s not often that Harlow discovers a brand before Mazzy and I’m so thrilled to add a few new brands exclusive to Kohl’s to our consideration set. I’ll definitely be shopping for both my kids at Kohl’s again!

This post was sponsored by Kohl’s but all thoughts and opinions are my own.

I finished Yesteryear about two weeks ago. I listened to the audio version in two days, could not put it down, and then proceeded to make roughly ten separate videos trying to talk about it, because apparently, I have too many thoughts for one take. So then I decided my best bet was a substack post, so I had time to organize exactly what I wanted to say. I won’t give away the main twist, but there are some spoilers. If you haven’t read it, Yesteryear is about a “tradwife” influencer who romanticizes old fashioned values and is then forced to confront the brutal realities of pioneering life when she wakes up one day in the 1800s. There’s a lot to unpack, but I decided to focus mainly on the content creation piece and my experience reading a book while knowing a little too much about both the author and her inspiration from social media. To be honest, I went back and forth about whether I liked the book as I was reading it, but as someone who also posts about my family online, I often found myself wondering— would the author judge me as harshly?

Here’s my main issue: I did not read this book as a work of fiction about a “tradwife influencer” named Natalie. I read it as fan fiction about Ballerina Farm (aka Hannah Neeleman), written by a woman I know doesn’t like Ballerina Farm because I’ve followed the author’s content on Tiktok for years. Caro Claire Burke is actually the first person I ever heard use the term “tradwife” and I’ve listened to her explain many times why she thinks influencers like Ballerina Farm are dangerous for women, through a series of videos specifically dissecting her lifestyle and content, all of which have since been deleted. So, early on in the book, when Natalie describes the “angry women” who hate watch her videos, I think it’s fair to place the author herself in that category. I’m not even sure the author would argue with that assessment. So what would be the fantasy for a hate watcher of Ballerina Farm? It would be that while she performs this picture perfect version of domestic farm life and motherhood, she is actually miserable. And not just quietly miserable internally, like many “angry women” like to believe Hannah Neeleman is, but outwardly a terrible wife, mother and person when the camera is off too.

Natalie is very smart but also insufferable, judgmental, and cruel. She loathes her husband, resents her kids, and thinks she’s better than everyone around her, online audience included. Her inner monologue distills family members and acquaintances down to the absolute worst parts of themselves. She wishes harm on them sometimes too. There was something that made me feel uneasy about the author taking all the surface-level, publicly available pieces of a real person’s life and imagining the worst possible interior for her. Yes, it made for a deliciously juicy read, but it was also mean-spirited and felt kind of unethical. Like gossiping behind a friend’s back. Of course, novelists pull from real life all the time. Often characters are written as thinly veiled versions of family members or high school friends and the author just takes the risk that person might recognize themselves and be upset. But it felt like a parasocial version of that same risk — the author isn’t writing about someone she actually knows, just someone she’s watched from a distance for a long time. And then assumed her life to be one big lie. Which, of course, is one of the major points of the book— to hold a lens up to the massive difference between real life and online life, through the eyes of a creator who is so invested in her fabricated version, she fools even herself.

To be fair, I don’t think anyone in this book gets off easy; even the characters that portray a lifestyle that is probably closer to the author— characters like Rena (Natalie’s college roommate), Vanessa (her high school classmate) and Shannon (her new young producer). Natalie’s internal dialogue rips apart progressive and outwardly ambitious women with fervor. Her assessments are shockingly cruel but also feel true, like reading a burn book of all your worst qualities. So if we are to believe that the author relates more to these characters, she’s not sparing herself either. I guess I wish I could have read the book without all that background knowledge, because I didn’t like knowing how the author felt about the characters as I read it. I suggested Yesteryear for my book club and I think many of them had a different experience reading it.

I will say, I enjoyed reading the book and being inside Natalie’s mind. Much like you might enjoy reading snark about a creator on a reddit page. “I knew there was a reason I didn’t like her!” And once I accepted the mean spirited nature of the writing style (which is full of uncomfortable truths), the book gave me a lot to think about, especially since as a content creator myself, there were a lot of cringe inducing similarities between me and Natalie.

One of the big cracks in Natalie’s online persona isn’t just that she is unhappy, or performing, or trapped. It’s that the content creation itself is the actual labor. The housework, the homeschooling, the farm work — all outsourced, all hidden. What she’s actually spending her time on is strategy, filming, editing, and figuring out the shot. That’s the big secret about “tradwife” content. And I have to be honest: reading how much work goes into content creation landed differently for me than I think it’s supposed to, because I am well aware that making content is a full time job, whether your kids are present or not. I watch everyone’s videos with the illusion lifted, imagining them setting up the shot before the shot itself. But I could still feel how it would sound to the reader. There’s a moment where Natalie describes filming a recipe and then taking an overhead shot of the food she just made her kids, and I laughed out loud because I have absolutely done that. Served dinner, then told the kids to wait a beat before they start eating so I can get my shot. The way it’s written, it made me feel several levels of shame, but is it really that bad? A lot of the time I shoot the food, because it’s a way to show dinner without putting the camera in my kids’ faces.

There is also a scene in the book where Natalie is giving her new producer a tour of her farmhouse and quietly steering her away from the room stuffed with PR boxes, trying to keep the illusion intact — and I was listening to that scene on audio while literally cleaning my own apartment, waiting for my new assistant to arrive for her first day. I was wondering if my space would match whatever image my assistant already had in her head from watching my content, and Natalie quite literally says the same thing in the book. There is another scene where Natalie is approached by a fan at Target and talks about how she tries to meet the expectations of the person they know online. Natalie falls short because she is actually a cruel person who thinks little of her audience, but I understand the desire to live up to whatever idealized version a fan might have of you. It’s not that my online self and my real self are different, it’s that you have a very limited time to convey that you are as nice and normal as they expect before it starts getting awkward. I often walk away from a fan encounter thinking— did I do too much? Did I do too little? Just like Natalie. Now, how does someone like the author so easily articulate this? I think because Burke also has a large following and probably gets approached quite a bit too, so she’s familiar with the feeling as well.

Over and over, as I was reading the book, I found myself wondering if the author would have as harsh an opinion about me as she does about Ballerina Farm. Whether she would wish me the same fate that Natalie encounters by the end of the book. I’m not a tradwife obviously, and I think my life is pretty authentic to what I show, but maybe that doesn’t matter. I’m still performing a happy married life with kids and leaving out a lot of the things that make my life less shiny. I think we all do that online, whether we have a large following or not. One big difference between me and Natalie is that I don’t try to hide the labor of content creation. I would honestly prefer if people recognized how hard it is to do this for a living! When I left advertising to be a blogger/creator full time, one of my biggest worries was that people would read my choice as deciding to become a stay-at-home mom with a hobby, rather than what it actually was, a strategic career decision. So I’ve tried, over the years, to just be honest that this is a job. I’ve had a nanny, I’ve rented office space, I have a full time assistant, my husband does a large share of the housework and I never tried to hide any of those things. But there does seem to be an unspoken rule online that creators aren’t really supposed to talk about how much work this is, or we risk sounding tone deaf or ungrateful for something a lot of people would consider a dream job. People like to believe content creation is easy and so their favorite creators are often the ones who make it look effortless, regardless of what is actually going on behind the scenes. The labor mostly stays invisible, because that’s part of what the audience is there for — and then when it turns out someone like Ballerina Farm has a team and a schedule and a real strategy behind it, it can land like a betrayal, even though, if you really thought about all the effort that goes into setting up a single shot, let alone a whole day full of them (and the fact that to build and retain an audience you have to do all that daily), it’s pretty obvious how much work it is.

Another part of the book I have a hard time with is Natalie’s hatred of her kids. Not “struggling,” not “overwhelmed,” but genuinely resentful of them in a way that reads almost like a caricature. I actually looked up whether the author has kids herself, and it did not surprise me that she does not. I also struggle with the way Burke portrayed what reads like neglect, because I think most of us have been there. I’ve forgotten to feed my kids dinner on time because I was mid-project. I’ve definitely skipped a bath or two because I ran out of time. I’m sure, when my kids were younger, there were instances of someone crying or hanging off my leg while I was trying to meet a deadline. That’s just what juggling work and motherhood looks like sometimes, and I think you can read those specific moments in the book two totally different ways — either “she’s a monster” (which felt to me like what the author was trying to convey) or “she’s a hot mess like the rest of us” which is normal and forgivable, just not the mother Natalie imagined herself to be.

There’s also an argument to be made that Natalie was experiencing postpartum depression and kept popping out kids so she never recovered, but I don’t really think that’s what the book was trying to do. I think Burke was trying to portray a woman who would have been a lot happier if she made very different choices (no husband, no kids, career focused, and maybe even some therapy), but instead Natalie was so determined to stay faithful to her (rather ambiguous) religious beliefs and got high on the superiority she thought she could claim when others strayed, that she sacrificed her own health and happiness.

Lastly, and this is a bit of a spoiler, but I found that the book leans heavily on Natalie losing her grip on reality, which explains away some of what doesn’t quite track, like why anyone would sleep with her husband as she’s described him. I don’t mind Natalie being an unreliable narrator, but when you use “she was losing her mind” to explain almost any plot points that don’t add up, it feels like maybe that’s doing a little too much narrative work. I know a lot of people hated the ending, which I won’t reveal. I didn’t hate it. It made sense to me and was what I was expecting. But maybe that’s because knowing the author’s thoughts and feelings on tradwife influencers, I was not expecting a redemption arc or any sort of happy ending. The fantasy is the misery and so Natalie digging herself deeper into an unrecoverable place is almost like the author’s version of a happy ending. It read a bit like revenge porn to me.

Here’s the question I keep circling back to, which I would love your opinions on— I think one of the main things the author wants me to take away from the book is that “tradwife” influencers are frauds. That they are business people selling a version of domesticity that only looks and feels aspirational because it’s a highly curated performance. While I agree with part of that sentiment, I don’t know that I can find fault with the creator. I believe Natalie is an ambitious woman who wanted a bigger, more important life than her husband could provide, so she figured out how to get it herself without compromising her traditional values. I think this is the reason we have so many Mormon mom influencers— they figured out a loophole in the system that was set up for them, that allows them to make money and a name for themselves by being at home and doing the skills they were taught— cooking, cleaning, homeschooling, crafting. I’m guessing the success of their online platform brings them a level of happiness they couldn’t achieve by just staying home with the kids and as ambitious woman myself, I find that pursuit admirable.

As for what the popularity of tradwife accounts means for society, I probably agree with the author that it leads nowhere good. It pairs neatly with the manosphere and red pill content, which feeds into the ugly politics of today and possibly the rollback of women’s rights. But Natalie (or Hannah Neeleman) is just one individual who genuinely holds those conservative values, so is she herself at fault for promoting them? Or is the audience the problem for suspending several levels of disbelief to accept it at face value? If we recognized the work behind the facade and the money needed to run such a business, does that change anything?

Let’s pretend for a moment that Hannah Neeleman is as happy as she says she is. If that’s the case, is there anything wrong with what she’s doing? Maybe making the character of Natalie miserable is the author’s way of assuring herself that she’s chosen a better path to happiness and success.

Actually, one of the things I really hated about the book was almost a throwaway comment toward the end. Something Shannon said implied that Caleb was the real reason that Natalie’s social media platform had grown into what it did. And as much as I hated Natalie in the book, I didn’t want anyone to take away the fact that she had built her own business and orchestrated her success despite all the things she was taught and the factors working against her. I thought it was interesting that a book railing against traditional gender norms would end up giving all the credit to the husband.

Ultimately, I enjoyed the book and resented it at the same time. Which is pretty much how I always felt about Caro Claire Burke’s tiktoks back when she posted regularly. I didn’t always agree but they introduced new concepts, challenged my preconceived notions and got me to self-reflect. And here I am, still turning Yesteryear over in my mind two weeks later, writing and rewriting this post as my thoughts continue to evolve. Which, honestly, might be the best endorsement I can give it.

If you read Yesteryear, please let me know your thoughts and feelings in the comments below! Did you love it? Did you hate it? Did you see Natalie more as a villain or a victim? What did you think about Caleb’s role in both time periods? If only she had just let him be a kindergarten teacher!

A few weeks ago, I announced that I was making the exciting step of becoming a co-producer for the musical Mythic, which if all goes as planned, will be coming to Broadway some time in 2027. It’s an original pop rock musical comedy based on Greek mythology, which is nice because so few shows are original works these days. The story is set in modern times, centered around the story of Demeter and Persephone (a mother and daughter wrestling with how their relationship will change once she leaves the nest) which is also nice because it so closely resembles what many of us are going through right now with our own kids.

After my announcement, I asked if anyone had any questions and got quite a few! So I answered what I could and gave the rest to the Mythic team to answer. Nothing like having access to a qualified group of professionals to answer your questions rather than running to AI! I also had the opportunity to sit down with Mythic creators Marcus Stevens (books and lyrics) and Oran Eldor (music and orchestrations) to answer all questions related to the creation of the show.

If you have any more questions, please ask them in the comments!

What is a co-producer exactly?

What is a co-producer? What decisions do they control, and do they contribute financially?

First let me explain the producing team. There’s Mythic’s lead producer, Shoshana Parets, who serves as the primary decision-maker. She raises money, hires the creative team, oversees the production, and is responsible for the show’s overall success. Then there is Samantha Lazarus Levin and Jacob Levy who are both producers helping Shoshana produce the show and bring the vision to life.

The degree of decision-making authority varies from production to production, but usually co-producers serve as advisors, advocates, and strategic partners as opposed to hands-on decision makers. Part of the co-producer role is helping raise the money needed to produce the show, usually by introducing potential investors to the project and helping build excitement around it. Many co-producers also bring a particular expertise or perspective. Someone with a marketing background might help think about audience development and advertising, while someone else may focus on partnerships, fundraising, or industry relationships. Ultimately, co-producers help champion the show and support its journey from development to opening night.

Often, there are only a certain number of co-producing opportunities available, so it’s important to find people who are truly in love with the project and have skills to help it succeed.

Does being a co-producer also mean being an investor? How do you find investors?

Often but not always. Many co-producers invest in the show themselves because they believe in the project and want to be part of its success. They also frequently help identify and introduce other investors who may be interested in supporting the production.

Most investors come through relationships and networks. They may be theater lovers, businesspeople, philanthropists, or simply people who are excited by a particular project. A producer’s job is to help them understand both the artistic vision and the business opportunity.

Can anyone be a producer or co-producer?

In theory, yes. There’s no specific degree or certification required to become a producer. Some producers come from theater backgrounds, but many do not. What successful producers tend to have in common is a passion for storytelling, strong problem-solving skills, and the ability to bring people together around a shared vision. Producing is ultimately about helping great work get made.

Do producers have any say in casting, lighting, or set design?

Yes. Theater is a highly collaborative art form and producers are integrally involved in all decisions that affect the success and design of a show.

One of the lead producer’s most important responsibilities is hiring the director and assembling the creative leadership team. Once that team is in place, producers generally trust those artists to do their jobs, while remaining actively involved throughout the process.

Producers attend rehearsals, watch presentations of the work, and offer feedback, thinking about the show from the audience’s perspective: Is the story clear? Is the experience exciting? Is it reaching its full potential?

The best productions happen when the creative team and the producing team trust each other and work together toward the same goal.

What is the time commitment like for producing?

For lead producers, it can be a full-time job that lasts for years. For co-producers, the commitment is more varied or as needed; usually focusing on fundraising, strategy, or supporting specific aspects of the project.

About the Show

How did Mythic come to be and what kind of musical is it?

Mythic began when Oran and Marcus met through the BMI Musical Theater Workshop (a highly selective training ground for emerging musical theatre composers, lyricists, and bookwriters) and decided to create something together. Marcus says he was inspired by a mythology book he was reading, which had a paragraph about Persephone and Demeter that reminded him of the relationship between his mother and sister.

From the beginning, Marcus and Oran thought there was something funny about the inaccuracy of placing ancient Greek gods in modern times, along with the awareness of that contrast. Like the idea of Aphrodite having a cellphone. They also imagined that the Greek gods of today would be more like Beyoncé and Taylor Swift. This idea led the music to evolve into a more pop-inspired sound.

How many years has Mythic been in the making?

Mythic has been in development for nearly two decades. Writers Marcus Stevens and Oran Eldor first met in 2008 and began developing the show shortly afterward. Their original idea evolved through years of writing, rewriting, workshops, readings, and productions.

Along the way, the show was selected for the National Alliance for Musical Theatre (NAMT) Festival, one of the industry’s premier showcases for new musicals. It later had productions and developmental opportunities in London and Montreal before making its U.S. premiere at Cincinnati Playhouse in the Park.

One of the things people don’t always realize is that Broadway musicals are rarely built quickly. By the time audiences encounter a show, they are usually seeing the result of years of experimentation, collaboration, and refinement.

The recording is from 2019. What's been happening since then?

The short answer: A lot. One of the biggest misconceptions about Broadway is that shows appear fully formed. In reality, most musicals spend years developing out of the public eye.

The 2019 concept album introduced audiences to the music, but a musical is much more than its score. Since then, the creative team has continued developing every aspect of the show—rewriting scenes, deepening character relationships, refining the storytelling, and learning from each new production and audience.

Since the album’s release, the show has continued its journey through productions and developmental opportunities, including work in London, a sold-out run in Montreal, and most recently its U.S. premiere at Cincinnati Playhouse in the Park, which also sold out. Each stop provided a different audience and a different opportunity to learn what was working and where the show could grow.

Some of the songs from the album remain central to the show, while others have evolved significantly, and new material has been added as the creative team has continued exploring the characters and story. That’s one of the exciting things about developing a new musical: it’s a living piece of art. Every production teaches you something, and every audience helps shape what comes next.

By the time a show reaches Broadway, it has often been tested, revised, and reimagined many times. What audiences will see when it opens is the result of everything the team has learned over the past seventeen years.

Why did Mythic open in other states before New York? What is the general path for getting a show to Broadway?

The purpose of an out-of-town production is to put the show in front of a real audience and learn from that experience. You look for theaters that are excited about the project, have strong audiences, and can be great partners in the development process. As the show grows, producers continue raising money and assembling the team needed to bring it to a larger audience.

How closely does the show represent the creators' original vision?

The heart of the show remains very true to the original vision. What changes over time is how that vision is expressed. Songs evolve, scenes get rewritten, characters become more nuanced, and new ideas emerge through collaboration and performance.

When we first put Mythic up in London, we found that we wanted the show to have more feeling and heart. Then, we went to Montreal and felt we needed to bolster the humor. By Cincinnati, the show was really delivering a heartfelt message with honest and true humor.

The goal isn’t to change the vision—it’s to tell the story more clearly and more effectively. In many ways, development is about discovering the best version of the story that was there from the beginning.

Technical Questions

What comes first— the lyrics or the melody?

There is no single correct way to write a song, and every songwriting team works differently. In the case of Mythic, the music generally came first, but before any songwriting begins, Oran and Marcus discuss the structure, including the hooks, whether the song follows a verse-chorus format or a different structure, and how the lyrics and music will fit together. They also ask each other several key questions about the goal of each individual song: What does this character want? What is happening in the scene? How does this character express themselves differently from everyone else, and what makes this song unique to them?

After those conversations, Oran typically creates a first pass that is entirely instrumental, usually on the piano. Marcus then writes the lyrics and “populates” the music with the story and character’s voice.

One of the first songs written for the show was Aphrodite’s song, because they knew early on that putting a spell on Persephone would be an important plot point. They also knew they needed a defining song for Persephone as the main character and spent time exploring who she is: a high schooler who loves her mother but feels stifled by her as she tries to discover where she belongs in the world. These conversations ultimately led to “Pantheon.”

What is the audition process for a Broadway musical like?

Professional auditions are actually more similar to school and community theater auditions than people often expect. Different creative teams structure auditions differently, but the basic process remains remarkably consistent. Short choreo, 16 counts of a song and a side of a scene. Professionals may have slightly less time to learn slightly more complicated material, but overall it’s the exact same audition elements.

How much does a show like this cost?

Broadway musicals are incredibly expensive to produce. A new musical can easily cost $10 million to $20 million or more before it ever opens.

That budget includes everything from salaries for actors, musicians, stage managers, and crew to scenery, costumes, lighting, sound, theater rental, advertising, insurance, and countless other expenses.

What audiences see on stage is the result of years of work and the efforts of hundreds of people behind the scenes.

What does the process of designing the set look like?

Set design usually begins with conversations between the director and designer about how the story should be told physically. What world does the show live in? Those conversations become sketches, renderings, and eventually scale models. Once the team agrees on a direction, the design is budgeted, engineered, and built.

The set often continues evolving throughout rehearsals and productions. Actors, directors, and designers all learn from seeing it in use, and adjustments are frequently made as the show develops.

What’s fascinating is that a set isn’t just scenery—it’s a storytelling tool. The design has to support the actors, help tell the story, and create the world the audience is stepping into.

How long are you in rehearsals and previews before opening night?

Every production is different, but Broadway musicals typically rehearse for four to six weeks before beginning previews. During previews (which are public performances that happen before the official opening night), the creative team continues making adjustments based on what they’re seeing and hearing from audiences. Changes can happen right up until opening night.

One of the unique things about theater is that it remains a living, evolving art form even after audiences start seeing it. Even though it’s supposed to be frozen by the time it opens, sometimes things don’t go as planned and improv is needed!

What makes a successful Broadway show?

If there were a guaranteed formula, everyone would use it! Successful shows come in many forms, but they usually create a strong emotional connection with audiences. They give people an experience they want to share with friends and family.

Great music helps. Great storytelling helps. Memorable performances help. But perhaps most importantly, successful shows create excitement and word-of-mouth.

One thing that’s exciting about Mythic is its ability to appeal to a wide range of audiences. The broader the audience a show can bring together, the greater its chances of long-term success.

Supporting the Show

How can we support the show? Do you need theater-family investors from across the country?

Everyone on the Mythic team is so excited about the response to my announcement and very grateful that my audience wants to support the show’s Broadway journey! As the team told me, “Producing a new musical takes an enormous community of believers!” I am happy to connect anyone interested with members of the producing team if you’d like to learn more about investing or getting involved.

FYI, I asked about the possibility of crowd funding a “Mommy Shorts investor group” but for tax reasons, it’s actually quite complicated if investors aren’t individuals. It’s also a pretty high entry point, but if anyone has serious interest, please email me directly (you can just hit reply to this email) and I will put you in touch! We actually already have one investor from my audience!

Are there ways to support the show that aren’t financial?

YES!!! One big way is following Mythic’s journey to Broadway and spreading the word! That includes liking, commenting and sharing my videos and posts about the process, sharing this Substack, and following Mythic on Instagram, of course. You know, all the social media things. This is actually why Mythic made me a co-producer. Because they know I have an interested community of theater goers who can hopefully become audience members who feel invested in the process and the success of the show. How great would that be??

I’m also in many conversations with the team about unique ways to get you all more involved. Like weighing in on design choices, participating in market research and maybe even hosting additional events leading up to the opening. If you have any ideas, feel free to leave them in the comments!

Is there a way to get on a presale list?

Absolutely. The best way is to join the show’s mailing list and follow its official channels for updates.

As we get closer to future productions and ticket announcements, that’s where people will hear about opportunities first. I’m excited to continue sharing the journey with you all as Mythic moves closer to its next chapter!

If you are excited about this new venture, please heart this post. And if you have any more questions, ask them in the comments!

Yesterday, I was in the car with Mazzy and she said, “I can’t believe it’s almost the end of June.” I was like, “Almost the end? It’s July 1st tomorrow!” Then she said, “Nooooo, I’m not ready to go back to school!” Easy Mazzy, we’ve still got over two months left before school starts. But I get her point— school just ended and yet summer already seems like it’s passing too quickly. So, what have we been doing since the kids have been off and what are our future plans now that summer is in full swing?

The last day of school was on June 7th, but all Mazzy and Harlow’s friends were still in the city, so they wanted to stay in the city too. Plus, June was Leah’s last month as my assistant, so I wanted to spend as much time with her as possible. Both so I could get as much work out of her before she left me and because she’s become a dear friend and I just genuinely like spending time with her. Who’s gonna listen to all the things I wish I could say online without getting canceled??? I’m kidding. I’m pretty noncontroversial in real life too.

My new assistant Eva started on June 21st so that Leah could train her for during her last week, and then we said our official goodbye. Our last event was the Love Shack Fancy X Target event (more on that in a second) which was a fitting and very frilly send-off.

Harlow spent June being pretty independent in the city. She’d meet her friends in Soho, go on trips to Rockaway Beach (with a parent) and even navigated to Brooklyn by herself. We also went to a bunch of Broadway shows together. We made sure to see Death Becomes Her before it closed (highly recommend catching it on tour if it comes to your city), we saw Two Strangers (which is an adorable love letter to NYC) and went to a special performance from the cast of Maybe Happy Ending, where Harlow got to interview the new cast members. Darren Criss and Helen Chen are moving on, but Zachary Noah Piser and Hannah Kevitt are going to make excellent replacements. We actually saw Hannah when she was an understudy, so I can say that with complete confidence.

Mazzy spent the first half of June studying for her ACT, which I would say was no fun, except she took the test on the 13th and got her goal score, so I don’t think there is anything that could have helped set her up for a good summer better than that! She’s going away for a few weeks to do a college program for credit in mid July, but she’ll be at home getting some quality family time until then. She’s working for me behind the scenes (as usual), working on her college essay and doing her summer reading. In August, when she gets back from the college program, she’ll be working as a counselor at a day camp in the Hamptons like she did last year. At the moment, we are watching lots of Love Island together (it’s my first time and I had no idea it was so many nights a week!) and debating starting Girls. Can we watch that together??? I’m not sure!

Harlow left for sleepaway camp this past weekend and will be gone for 6 weeks. Photos so far indicate that she is surrounded by close friends (this is her 5th summer at the same camp) and having a great time. She has once again requested pop culture updates in her letters, so I’ll be bringing that back to my content too! Taylor Swift possibly getting married at MSG, Will Ferrell starring in a SKIMS campaign, all the people from around the world coming to America for the World Cup and loving our ice and AC, etc. I’m keeping a list.

As for Mike and I, we are going back and forth from our house to the city, sometimes together and sometimes separately, because I need to be in-person for work events sometimes. Also, ultimately, I’m a city person and I get really bored if I spend too much time at the house! I think the Knicks game watch parties really showed me how much I love being around my fellow New Yorkers for milestone moments, so I’m planning to spend July 4th in the city this year. It’s going to be an especially huge fireworks display for the 250th, and I don’t want to miss it. My mom and Sam, who have been staying at our house this week, are coming into the city for it too. Mike can work from anywhere and really loves taking the full summer to be out at the house to golf and work on his garden. He’s growing tomatoes, more mint than we know what to do with and some huge zucchinis this summer!

As for any current partnerships? I’ve got some good ones happening!

We’re working with Tate’s Bake Shop, which makes my favorite chocolate chip cookies for as long as I can remember. Tate’s actually started in Southampton so I did a video about our first weekend at our summer house and included a stop at the Tate’s Bake Shop. You can watch it here.

And, as I mentioned earlier… before Harlow left for camp, I took the girls to the launch party for the Love Shack Fancy x Target collab. With all the ruffled dresses, floral patterns, pretty cupcakes, and trays of tuna crispy rice, I might as well have been in a Mazzy and Harlow fever dream! The next best thing to being invited to the Love Shack Bat Mitzvah 😂 Seriously, there is so much great stuff in this collection at such a great price point, which includes clothes, school supplies, phone cases, hair accessories and more. If you’ve also got kids obsessed with the Love Shack Fancy aesthetic, I highly recommend snagging what you can when it drops at Target on July 5th. You can watch my full video about the event here and shop the full collection here.

What’s coming up content-wise on my Substack in the next few weeks?

I’ve got three things on my list— a Yesteryear review (that’s the book that everyone is talking about this summer), a Q&A with the team behind Mythic (that’s the musical I am co-producing that fingers crossed is coming to Broadway in 2027) and a full breakdown of Harlow’s Bat Mitzvah— the party, the montage, and the myriad of emotions. I already posted about the service and I promise, I’m posting the Part 2 about the party before the summer is over.

One of my big goals in the next few months, now that my new assistant has started (say hi to Eva!), is to be more consistent with my Substack. I miss writing and I love that as people try to manage their time on social media, they are getting back into blogs again.

I also love that so many of you responded positively to my IRL theater group idea, so with that in mind, here is a link to a google form so I can put together an email list. I’m looking into organizing group tickets to Titanique later this summer! I’m thinking discount group tickets and drinks after. I haven’t seen it and this is not sponsored, but I’ve heard great things, know the person who does their social media and think it would be a fun start to this series.

Additionally, if you are in the city this summer and are looking for fun things to do for the 250th, the Downtown Alliance is hosting a screening of On the Town outdoors in Battery Park with a view of the New York Harbor. That’s the Frank Sinatra and Gene Kelly movie musical that made the song “New York, New York” famous. So a pretty iconic movie in a pretty iconic setting. Admission is free and I plan to be there on a picnic blanket with a few friends! If you see me, please don’t hesitate to say hello!

If you want to support my Substack, please consider becoming a paid subscriber! That will also give you access to all the posts from the past few years, which includes paid subscriber only posts like my five part Dyslexia series and “What the Hell Did You Do to Your Eyes?”

Alright, I think that’s all for now!

Have a great week!

xo, Ilana

School is officially out for both Mazzy and Harlow and I have to say, as the kids get older, each graduation gets more and more bittersweet. The mix of pride and impending doom is an interesting one. I’ve been googling synonyms for the past 15 minutes and can’t quite find the right word for it. Mazzy ended her junior year with finals, an art show (you can see her work here), the junior prom and straight A’s. Harlow ended hers with a starring role in the school musical, her Bat Mitzvah (which I still have to write about) and an 8th grade graduation ceremony. The moments are already memories thick with nostalgia. Time passing both happily and too quickly. It’s cool, I’m cool. This is the whole point, I tell myself.

Harlow will be going to a new school next year — studying musical theater at a performing arts high school! Her dream. I didn’t talk much about the audition process because it’s highly competitive and I didn’t want to jinx anything, but Harlow applied to a handful of performing arts schools (you submit an audition tape and if asked, go to callbacks) and got into one of her top choices. It was actually my favorite and the second I saw it, I could totally picture Harlow there. We also would have been more than happy if Harlow decided to remain at her current school since it goes through high school, so the high school application pressure didn’t feel quite as great as with Mazzy who went to a K-8. In fact, I wasn’t entirely convinced that Harlow leaving her current school was the right move, since they teach specifically for her dyslexia and she’s done incredibly well there. Plus, most of her friends are staying. When Harlow got her acceptance notification from the performing arts school, I thought it was going to be more of a family discussion, weighing the pros and cons, but Harlow knew what she wanted pretty immediately.

We had a few weeks before we gave them our answer so Harlow suggested we go to the school’s spring musical, which was that weekend. I figured there was no better way to understand what Harlow was getting herself into than by seeing the show, so I bought tickets. I can’t even describe the emotions I went through during that performance. One minute into the opening number and I started crying. There was just so much talent and passion up on that stage, it was hard to comprehend. Then Harlow tugged on my arm and whispered, “Mom, they think I’m good enough to go here.” I just lost it. The entire show from beginning to end was phenomenal and although I’ve always liked going to the theater, I don’t think I’ve ever had a transcendent theater experience quite like this. Harlow and I both agreed that it was better than a Broadway show. I think it’s because a) we were watching the culmination of months of hard work, not one night in a long run like you see on Broadway, b) there is something truly beautiful about young talent that’s so full of promise and possibility, and c) I recognized this was an incredible opportunity that Harlow couldn’t pass up. Maybe this is why my family has always had this thread of musical theater running through it, why we live in New York City, why we never moved to the burbs— to bring Harlow to this moment. Needless to say, whatever doubt I was having about Harlow leaving her current school went away by the time we were giving our standing ovation.

Still, I’m sad to leave yet another school community. And Mazzy will be a senior next year, so I’ll be leaving hers too. I’ve made a few close friends who I will continue to hang out with, but it’s a different feeling than being part of good solid community. One where you continue to see the same people over and over again, even if you don’t hang out with them outside of school events. Nobody really talks about that aspect of your kids graduating— the parents have to move on too. Sometimes I feel like life is a series of finding and leaving your people. This is probably more true in New York City than other cities, because most kids don’t stay with the same kids from kindergarten through high school. If you include preschool, this will be Harlow’s fourth school. Mazzy is on her third. On the plus side, you get to meet a lot of different people in the city, but as the kids get older, there are less opportunities to see people on a regular basis and you really have to make an effort to connect quickly and then stay in touch. This is something I’m historically not that good at, but have tried to be better at in recent years.

It’s an interesting transition to make your community more about you than about your kids. Especially when you work from home. Over the last few years, I’ve tried to structure my life in a way that I continue to see friends even if I’m not at drop-off with them every morning. That’s one reason Zen Girl Fitness has remained such a big part of my life. I train with a bunch of moms from Mazzy and Harlow’s old elementary school and it’s definitely helped me stay in touch with that group. We also recently started a book club (first time reading a book in forever!) so I’m looking forward to that point of connection too. Becoming a co-producer on Mythic is another way I’m looking to fill that community gap. And I’ve been debating if there is a way to bring more “in real life” events to my online community too.

For instance, would anyone who lives in the area be interested in doing group discount tickets to a Broadway show? Maybe make it a monthly thing with drinks before or after? That’s a real question. Please let me know in the comments!

What else has been happening in my world?

• This is officially Leah’s last week and my new assistant Eva is starting today! More on that soon.

• I just finished Broken Country for my book club and I’m very proud of myself because I haven’t found time to read a book in forever. I actually read it by listening to the audio version, which I’ve learned is a totally acceptable way to read a book. Many of the women in the book club are doing the same. I found myself listening to it instead of my podcasts (which are mostly politics and tech) and it was such a nice break from the hellscape that is the current state of the world, I immediately started a new book. I chose Yesteryear which is an insanely brutal read for a mom blogger/content creator. It is such a scathing take on content creators, I’m not even sure if I can write about it, but if you read it, you know exactly what I mean. I’ll let you know what I think when I’m finished.

• I posted a few things about Harlow’s Bat Mitzvah (here’s photos and my thoughts about the service, a substack that includes my speech at the service, a timestamped day of everything leading up to the party and Harlow’s first look at the event space), but I still want to post about the actual party! Mazzy’s POV of the party was a perfect way to give you guys all a taste, but I feel the need to put together my own video. I hope it’s not too late! I actually made a party montage video using a song with the perfect beat and then realized there is a pretty inappropriate lyric right in the middle, so now I’m wrestling with choosing a new song that’s as good. I always do this— build momentum and then get stuck trying to make sure it’s exactly right! I promise, it’s coming soon. In the meantime, if there are any specific questions you have, please ask them in the comments.

• If you want to know everything that’s been keeping me busy these last couple of months, here’s a rundown. If you want to see how where I watched the Knicks win the finals, here’s a recap of the whole week.

• As for my current sponsors, I threw a summer time rooftop gathering with Utz (that sadly was in 55 degree weather so everyone is wearing my jackets and scarves) and I talked about teaching my kids about investing and financial responsibility for Charles Schwab Teen Accounts. If you want to support me, please go watch and give them a like and comment!

• Also, I’m gonna give you a random unsponsored unsolicited product rec: Top Lash serum. If you’ve noticed that you can actually see my eye lashes in recent videos, this is why! And please know, I’ve used lash serums for years and this one is the only one that made a difference I can actually see on camera. FYI, I buy tons of stuff on tiktok shop and never mention them, but this one really made a difference that I wanted to share. That link is Amazon.

I think that’s it! I hope everyone had a great Father’s Day weekend!

xoxo, Ilana

I’ve got a huge announcement today that feels like a lifetime in the making. I am going to be a co-producer of a show called MYTHIC, which if all goes as planned, is coming to Broadway some time in 2027! This is a total full circle moment for me, because I’ve had Broadway dreams ever since I was a kid, so it’s amazing to see them take shape in a way I never could have imagined back then. When I was younger, I wanted more than anything to be a famous Broadway star and spent many delusional years thinking that’s where I was headed. It took me a long time to come to terms with this, but I was never meant for the stage. Being involved in theater behind the scenes feels much more in line with who I am and one of the biggest reasons I signed onto this project is because I know there are a lot of former theater kids in my audience, and I want to take you all on this journey with me.

Some of my earliest memories are theater related. My parents were actually part of a community theater troupe when I was little and I remember going to see them in their respective shows. My dad played Renfield in Dracula and was fantastic. Total and complete commitment. He stole the show. My mom played Charlotte in Sondheim’s A Little Night Music and I remember her singing “Every Day a Little Death” with a stunning alto voice that I had no idea she possessed. In second grade, I was old enough to join the children’s troupe affiliated with their theater troupe and acted in shows like Free to Be You and Me, Annie, The Flower Drum Song, and The Red Shoes. It’s amazing to me how I have a relationship with these shows to this day. I remember the choreography to “You’re Never Fully Dressed without a Smile” and can still hear the laughter and applause that followed when I belted out the high notes in “I Enjoy Being a Girl.”

My mom loved going to Broadway shows, probably just as much as Harlow, and took me as often as she could. We couldn’t afford full price tickets so we’d just go to the city and line up at TKTS hoping to get a deal on whatever shows were still available that night. I remember the one time my mom shelled out for good seats ahead of time was to take me to see CATS for my 10th birthday. I wore a rhinestone cat sweatshirt and she picked me up from school early to go into the city on a week night. It felt so special. When my parents got divorced and my dad moved to the city, he’s often take us to Broadway shows too. We saw Sweeney Todd, Guys and Dolls and Starlight Express, where he somehow scored seats in the stage so they roller skated around us.

It probably goes without saying that Broadway was the theme of my Bat Mitzvah. I actually remember sewing silver bowties (pictured below) with my mom at my dining room table to give out as party gifts and going with my dad to take a picture in Times Square for my signing board. We collected all the playbills for the table centerpieces ourselves too. Each table was named after a different show.

When you are younger, the only jobs you know are the ones you see, so to me, being on Broadway meant being a performer. I loved singing and acting, but unfortunately, I had a crippling case of stage fright. I went to a theater camp, where I was cast in the role of Creon in Antigone. It was a huge part and I was on stage almost the whole show, and I remember developing a fear that I would need to pee while I was on stage. I started a ritual of waiting until the last possible second and then running to the bathroom right before I had to go on. When I was a little older, I became terrified I would forget my lines. Or worse, the words to a song right in the middle. And I still had my last minute bathroom ritual. I told myself this was normal nerves. That I’d outgrow it. But I didn’t. It just got worse. My fears became so all encompassing, it became hard to think about anything else while I was performing. The moment I always liked best was the applause at the end. Not the enjoyment of being up there, but the relief that nothing went wrong.

Then one day, during my freshman year of college, I started questioning why I put myself through this. It’s a very weird thing to suddenly turn off a dream, but I gave it all up. I dropped my theater and voice classes and became an art major instead. I stopped going to see Broadway shows too. I think it was partly because my parents weren’t paying for them anymore and partly because it made me sad to watch a world I once wanted so badly to be a part of, knowing that I didn’t have what it takes to make it. I actually remember a few years after college, running into two kids from my theater camp. I asked what they were up to and they told me all about the bit parts they had gotten and the things they were auditioning for. I told them about my job in advertising and I remember feeling a bit of shame. And then thinking, ‘I can’t believe they wanted it more than I did.’ That feeling didn’t last that long though, because I ended up loving being a creative in advertising. Brainstorming ideas for commercials and being on set making my visions come to life was way more satisfying for me creatively than performing on stage. On these commercial productions, I got to be on the other side of the casting table and from that side, the acting life seemed particularly brutal. I was thankful and still am that I changed courses. So it all worked out, and my inner theater bug slept peacefully.

Then I had Harlow, who woke the theater lover in me right back up. Seeing shows through her eyes brought me the same joy I got watching them as a kid. And also, being able to sit in the audience knowing that I had absolutely no desire to be up on stage gave me a whole new clear-eyed lens to view theater. Purely appreciation. It took a few years before Harlow’s love of musical theater translated into her performing herself. She was always a ham around us (as you guys know), but I think her dyslexia had me hold her back from trying out for a show or taking an acting class. It was her current school that helped me see how talented she is. I remember one weekend, I was driving the kids to my friend’s in Rhode Island and I started getting sleepy in the car. I asked Harlow (she was in third grade at the time) if she could keep me entertained. Her class was working on a version of The Little Mermaid and she said she would “do the show” for me. She had a small part and they had split the script by class so there were numerous Ariels and Sebastians, so I wasn’t sure what “do the show” meant. Harlow surprised me by reciting the entire script line by line, song by song, complete with stage directions. Before each line, she would say which kid was playing the role at that point in the script. It was incredible. It reminded me of how she had memorized all of Hamilton after just a few viewings on Disney +.

Cut to just last month when she was performing as Elle Woods in Legally Blonde. There was no cut-up script this time. She was on stage as Elle for the entirety of the show– song after song, line after line. And she knew it all backwards and forwards. No faltering, no nerves. She also knew her haftarah the next day, her role in Beetlejuice a week later, and all five of her dance routines for her recital the week after that. It occurred to me that Harlow’s brain works in a way that mine does not. It learns those lines and steps and stage directions and locks them in so she can focus on performing. You can tell she is fully enjoying herself on stage, completely in her element.

It occurred to me that perhaps my fears of forgetting the words were not just nerves. I am a forgetful person and always have been. I always studied for tests last minute partly because if I studied too soon, I would forget everything by the time the test came. I can’t even memorize a Tiktok dance that is 15 seconds long in the privacy of my home, let alone a full dance number for an audience. I have listened to the same pop songs my kids have listened to a million times, yet they know all the words and I can barely sing along with the chorus. I think my brain has a hard time with retention, which made performing memorized material on stage particularly anxiety inducing. I’m not saying this to put myself down, I’m saying it to give myself a break. Perhaps my stage fright wasn’t a self confidence issue, it was justified.

Everyone’s brains works in different ways and my brain gave me the gift of being able to organize my thoughts on paper. It made me a creative brainstormer and a good storyteller, which is why I do well as a content creator. Why I write my voiceovers instead of delivering my stories straight to camera. And how I have been able to use my platform to tell stories about Harlow and I going to see Broadway shows, which has led to us getting comped tickets, dress rehearsal invites, paid partnerships with Broadway shows and more recently, requests for Harlow to do interviews on the red carpet. It’s Harlow’s big personality coupled with my power of storytelling that has created these opportunities, and I’ve been so grateful that this is how Broadway has become a big part of my life again.

I thought the next part of my Broadway journey would be me seeing where these opportunities took Harlow. But then at some point last year, a few shows reached out to me to invest. I didn’t end up taking those offers, I wasn’t really looking for a purely financial arrangement, but it did get me thinking about the possibility of being involved more behind the scenes. If shows are paying me to advertise them on social media once they premiere, what if I could get a show to sign me on earlier so I could share the journey of a musical as it prepares to open on Broadway? It could be mutually beneficial and great content for my audience as well.

And that’s about the time that two producers from MYTHIC reached out. Shoshana Parets and Samantha Levin said they had been following my content for a long time (they are both city moms with daughters the same age as Mazzy), were about 18 months away from opening on Broadway and would love to work with me on the show in some capacity. After doing some research and listening to the music, I knew I wanted to be a part of it, and suggested the idea of taking my audience on a behind the scenes journey of the making of a Broadway show, so we could all learn something about the process and build interest before it even opened. They loved the idea and after a few discussions, I signed on as a co-producer.

Obviously, I am very new to this, so this will be a learning journey for me too. Let’s start here. MYTHIC was created by Marcus Stevens (book and lyrics) and Oran Eldor (music and orchestrations), it’s already had successful runs in London, Montreal and Cincinnati. It’s an original pop rock musical comedy based on Greek mythology, specifically the story of Demeter and Persephone, a mom and daughter wrestling with how their relationship will change once she leaves the nest. Sound familiar? The story is set in modern times, so the Gods are all rock stars, power-hungry politicians and influencers. It has a Tony Award winning powerhouse creative team and you can click here to listen to the London recorded soundtrack.

What comes next? Well, we met with Oran and Marcus last week for a glimpse into their process and next week, the dance captain from the Cincinnati run is going to teach Harlow a few of the steps. I’m going to document all of it, to share with you all in the same way that I always do.

If you have any questions about my involvement, what being a co-producer means, if there is a role for Harlow (there is not, but I told her she’s officially a Broadway nepo baby now), how someone comes up with a musical to begin with, etc. please ask me any and all questions in the comments! I will be making a second post with all the answers and have a whole team of professionals who can answer what I don’t know.

I’m so excited. I hope you are too!!!!!

Harlow’s Bat Mitzvah was this past Saturday and I thought, before I share my thoughts and feelings about the day (spoiler alert: it was one of the best days ever), I would share my thoughts about Harlow leading up to the big day, which is what I wrote for my speech at the service. Often the mother of the Bar or Bat Mitzvah will give a speech at the service and the father will give a speech at the party, which is what we decided to do. For Mazzy’s, our temple was more conservative and did not allow speeches from the parents at the service, so we both gave a speech at the party. But I like it this way better, because I get nervous giving speeches, so I preferred to do it in the quieter more serious setting with the bimah in front of me (that’s the Jewish term for the podium where you unscroll and read from the torah) and then not have to think about it during the celebration.

I also want to add that there was a spot in the middle where I got all choked up and almost couldn’t continue. Harlow put her arm around me and said, “It’s okay, Mom” and I said “I”m sorry, I just love you so much” which got some laughs and helped me to keep going. I watched my sister crack in the middle of her speech about Jack at his Bar Mitzvah service, so I guess this is just something that happens to us moms when the joy and love and pride becomes too overwhelming. Also, the speech is very much about Harlow being a good friend and apparently, I learned after, all her friends who were sitting in the back started crying. Honestly, I’m shocked they were even paying attention (I remember many Bat Mitzvah services as a kid when I was doing everything possible not to fall asleep) and I think their reaction is a real testament to the truth of everything I said. Harlow is that awesome of a friend.

I haven’t really mentioned this online yet, but Harlow got into one of her top choice performing arts high schools (as a musical theater major) and will be switching schools next year. So, I think the tears from her friends, who are mostly from her current school and staying for high school, were a little bit about Harlow leaving too.

Okay, grab the tissues. Here goes…

First, I want to say hello to everyone and thank you all for being here. But even more than that, for being such a meaningful part of our lives, so much so that Harlow wanted you in this room. If you know Harlow and I think you all do, she is very intentional and specific. No one was getting an invite without Harlow’s approval.

Harlow has always been this way. I remember when she was a baby, she had these huge eyes that watched and judged everything, even before she could speak. She’d fixate on people with this unwavering stare. Strangers would be standing next to me, catch her looking at them, and say, “Your baby is… very intense.”

I wasn’t sure how that intensity would evolve as Harlow got older. But imagine my surprise when instead of seriousness, her power of observation evolved into an incredibly sharp sense of humor. Even from when Harlow was a toddler, she had a way about her that made everyone laugh. Not because she was being silly but because she had real comedic timing and a very quick wit. Her teachers told me that she’d often go to the front of the room and pretend to read the class books, improvising the stories as she turned the pages, adding funny bits that weren’t actually in there and making the whole class laugh like a preschool version of a stand-up routine.

A few years later, we realized that this stand-up routine was partly because Harlow was compensating for a learning difference. She ended up switching schools in 3rd grade, right in the middle of the pandemic. At first, Harlow was upset because she thought of her school as part of her identity, like she does with so many things— her camp, her Judaism, her acting class; all pieces of herself that she takes very seriously.

But Harlow rose to the occasion. She made new friends, won over new teachers, and did it the way Harlow does everything—with her infectious personality. That special Harlow magic that includes kindness, generosity, empathy, dedication, and most notably, fun. It’s like she’s somehow both serious and hilarious at once. An out of the box personality who sticks to the rules and is way more responsible than any of us.

I think it’s that unique combo that wins over so many adults. First, it should be said, that Harlow looks at everyone, regardless of age, as a potential friend. Her ability to build real relationships with her teachers, counselors, and even my co-workers has proven to give her an incredible advantage. Over and over again getting recognized at camp and at school for being the kind of person that represents the core values of whatever community she happens to be in. The responsibility award, the vanguard of social justice, the spark award at camp. Each time Harlow wins an award like this, I am incredibly proud, but not surprised. People get to know her and quickly see what I see. That she is both fun and reliable. That she brings her true self to every situation. That she knows when to be a leader and when to support others. That she has an empathy and a spirit that should be rewarded and celebrated so that others hopefully follow her example. They are saying, “See how Harlow acts? We would like everyone to be more like THAT.”

This is a kid who didn’t get the part she wanted in the camp musical—and still cheered for the friend who did. A kid who chose not to run for student council again—not because she couldn’t win, but because she thought other kids deserved a turn. A kid who stood in the back during dance for years, and when I suggested her teachers might think she didn’t want to be there, she said, “No, I just know other kids really want the front—and I like having space in the back.”

Harlow puts other people’s needs in front of her own so frequently that sometimes I have to remind her that it’s okay to put herself first.

A bunch of years ago, I wrote a children’s book called Hype Girl that never got published. I came up with the idea after Harlow asked to see her friend dance in a ballet at Lincoln Center. During the performance, I could see Harlow’s pride as she applauded her friend from the balcony. She even went up to her after the show and asked her to autograph her program. No jealousy, no competitiveness, just happiness for her friend who had accomplished something pretty amazing. And it occurred to me that in this day and age, that’s a pretty rare way to approach things.

So I wrote a story about a kid who continually shows up for all her friends’ accomplishments and in the end, they celebrate her for being a great friend.

But my agent told me it needed more of a “lesson”—that maybe it should be about a kid who learns to be a better friend. After trying and failing to write the new version, I realized—I didn’t write the book to teach a kid something. I wrote it because Harlow had taught me something. How valuable it is to really show up for the people in your life.

Even with her speech today, she talked about “trying to make sure her friends know their relationships are strong.” That’s true. Harlow does that. She shows up over and over again for her friends. She buys them birthday gifts with her own money and organizes gift exchanges on holidays and plans thoughtful parties full of activities for her friends to enjoy. Sometimes because I am so busy, I forget to go that extra mile to show people what they mean to me. So when I proofread her speech the other day, it gave me a bit of pause. I thought about a friend who’s birthday dinner I was unable to attend. I had texted and apologized, but I thought in Harlow’s world, that wouldn’t be enough. She would show up with a gift for them on Monday at school. So I decided to send this friend flowers and got a call saying they had brightened her whole day, which in turn brightened my day too.

This is the magic of Harlow. Whether it’s with a gift or a joke or a helping hand or the excitement she gets every time Timothee Chalamet appears on the screen, she has a light within her that brightens your day. It’s a light I think everyone can see. At home, in class, away at camp and definitely on stage.

Which brings me to today. As many of you know, becoming a Bat Mitzvah isn’t the only thing that Harlow had on her plate this weekend. She was also Elle Woods in Legally Blonde in her school musical, with four performances over the last two days. Yes, that’s right, last night she was singing “Bend and Snap” to the entire school and today she is singing from the torah. Now as an adult, I do not think I could handle both of these major events happening at once. But when we found out the timing at the start of the year, Harlow said, “I’ve got this.”

Did I think we had made a terrible mistake that would all come crashing down on us this final week? I did. I even prepped my co-workers with the possibility that I wouldn’t be able to get my work done because I would be too busy stressing out for Harlow. But as usual, my worry wasn’t necessary, because as usual, she did have it. She was on stage that entire show, with every line memorized, singing her heart out with multiple costume changes she had put together herself. After the show, so many of her teachers came up to me to say how fantastic Harlow was in the show and what a joy she is to teach. I imagine she got that part both because she has the talent and because the teachers knew her dedication and work ethic would influence everyone around her.

And now, here she is, bringing that same dedication to becoming a Bat Mitzvah. Taking it seriously. Embracing this part of her identity. Honoring her traditions, her values, and her community.

Harlow, you said in your speech that you hope becoming a Bat Mitzvah makes people treat you less like a little kid. I’ll admit, I am guilty as charged. You are my baby and it’s hard to see you as an adult. But what might surprise you is that I already see you as one of the most mature and responsible people I know. I trust you, I learn from you and I am so proud of you.

For who you are on stage, how you’ve faced challenges, how much passion and dedication you bring to everything you do, how you show up for your friends and how you show up in the world.

You bring so much joy to so many people and so much laughter to our home.

May you keep using your voice, staying true to your heart, and shining your light.

Mazel Tov.

Harlow did a fantastic job and the service was so special. The Jewish community we belong to doesn’t have an official synagogue so we rented a temple space that was just for us. They only thing better than hearing Harlow sing beautifully from the Torah was looking up during my speech and seeing an audience filled with our closest family and friends. These are the moments that life is all about. Truly.

All photos were taken by our incredible photographers Camila Ostero and Javier Seclen. They are a married couple who specialize in Bar and Bat Mitzvahs and they are fantastic.

If you haven’t seen it yet, I made a video about everything that happened the day of Harlow’s Bat Mitzvah leading up to the party, with timestamps! Although, I left out the whole shower incident because I didn’t want to cause any more controversy! If you know, you know. Also, I know I said it would take awhile before I started sharing footage of the party that followed, but that went out the window the second both Mazzy and Harlow completed their own videos before me! Harlow made a “get ready with me” transition video and Mazzy made a recap video of the party for Tiktok. Do you guys know Mazzy posts on Tiktok? Everything she posts is with my approval and I think she’s old enough now where I can say, it’s okay to follow her. Anyway, I’ll be sharing their videos and my own on both Instagram and Tiktok, so pick your social media of choice and follow along!

This newsletter is sponsored by Microsoft.

As I wrote about in my last newsletter, we are well into the college process with Mazzy. At the moment, this means researching schools, touring campuses and narrowing down where to apply in the fall: the likely’s, the targets and the reaches. The goal is to have a whole list of schools where Mazzy would be happy (not just one!), because as I’ve seen with friends who are a year ahead of us, you really can’t predict what’s going to happen. Students can get rejected even if they have great grades and perfect test scores.

My biggest learning so far is that we should have started earlier, because it really helps to visit the schools while they are in session so you can get a sense of the vibe while the kids are going about a regular school day. Unfortunately, college ends in mid-May, so we don’t have quite as much time as I thought. So, when Microsoft reached out about partnering on how to help parents prep their kids for life on campus, my first thought was— but it’s over a year away! It’s too soon! And then my second thought was — wait. Maybe this is exactly when we should start prepping. I am a lifelong procrastinator but when you are trying to get your kid ready for something as monumental as leaving home for the first time, it helps to be a few steps ahead.

To be fair to myself and Mike, I think we’ve actually fostered a lot of independence in our kids, especially with how Mazzy is able to conduct herself outside the home. She has been getting all around the city by herself since 8th grade, and navigating her after school activities and her social plans with no help from us whatsoever. She also has excellent time management skills and is very much on top of her schedule and her school assignments. We don’t have to remind her to do homework or make sure she studies for an upcoming test; she’s got it all under control. Where we have given a bit more leniency is on her chores at home. We are always there to offer a hand, whether that be making sure her favorite sweatpants are washed and dry or buying last minute supplies for a school project. Mike and I have always prided ourselves on keeping our kids’ needs met, but now I’m realizing, this could do her a disservice when she leaves for school. We need to make sure Mazzy has the skills and tools to take care of herself without leaning on us once the big day arrives. (I’m sorry Mazzy, but I think this starts now.)

Here are 9 things we need to do between now and when Mazzy leaves for college:

1. Teach her basic life skills like how to do the laundry, cook simple foods (or at least boil ramen), keep her room clean (not just tidying but dusting, sweeping and taking out the trash) and get her own toiletries before she runs out.

2. Set her up with all the necessary tools she needs for success. That might be buying her the straightening iron she always borrows from me, or that could mean making sure she has the right laptop for school. For instance, Windows 11 PCs are reliable, built with security in mind, and can handle everything she needs for class while keeping her organized.

3. Teach her how to stick to a budget. Getting her familiar with the parameters around her meal plan and everyday spending now will go a long way. We’ve even started using Microsoft Excel as a simple way for her to keep track of her spending.

4. Get her excited about decorating her dorm room by researching some cost effective upgrades.

5. Research the surrounding area to find all the places that would make her feel at home, like cute coffee shops to study in, vintage stores for shopping, and the nearest place for a quality scoop of ice cream.

6. Prep her for a challenging transition period and a little homesickness. Change is hard and not everyone finds their people right away. I need to emotionally prepare Mazzy to be a bit uncomfortable.

7. Give her an emergency contact for when she can’t reach me, but also encourage her to figure things out on her own.

8. Get her comfortable using tools like Copilot in Microsoft 365 Premium so she can work more efficiently, from helping her format and synthesize her notes to building out full presentations from a doc or outline. She can also use it to simplify her day-to-day, like creating a chore chart to help her and her roommate delineate responsibilities.

9. Give her permission to try and fail. Ultimately, the most important thing you can do as a parent, once you give them all the lessons and the tools, is trust they will be okay and take a big step back. If I think back on my college experience, there was no better feeling than using all my resources and everything I’d learned to do hard things on my own.

If your student is getting ready to head off to college this summer, I’ve started looking into what tools make sense for them when it comes to their school setup.

One thing I learned from Microsoft is that they are offering a great deal for college students! When you a purchase a new Windows 11 PC, eligible U.S. students can get the Microsoft College Offer [1] which includes a year of Microsoft 365 Premium [2] (with Word, Excel, PowerPoint and Copilot), a year of Xbox Game Pass Ultimate [3], and even a free, design-your-own Xbox Wireless Controller that may be customized by color [4].

I imagine it’s so helpful for first year college students to have everything they need for school and everyday life in one place from Day One, so they can start figuring things out on their own.

Click here to find out more about the Microsoft College Offer for students.

[1] Offer ends June 30, 2026. Eligibility requirements apply, and students will need to verify their academic status using their college .edu email address. Redemption requires a Microsoft account and following the provided steps after purchase of a qualifying PC.

[2] For new subscribers only. Valid payment method required; subscriptions auto-renew. See terms and conditions for details.

[3] For new subscribers only. Valid payment method required; subscriptions auto-renew. See terms and conditions for details.

[4] Upgrades available; additional fees apply.

Harlow’s Bat Mitzvah is this Saturday. I wish I could say that is unequivocally the biggest thing happening to us this month, but nope, it’s got competition! Let’s go in order, shall we?

For starters, this spring, we have been doing lots of college touring with Mazzy as she devises and refines her “college list” of where she will apply in the fall. You might have seen on Instagram that we visited some schools in LA, but please know, we are looking all over. Mazzy is trying to find the best college fit for herself and location is not one of the things she has a hard and fast rule about, so she’s keeping her options open. What are her hard and fast rules? She wants a school with the program she is interested in, a good reputation academically, and a pretty campus. Anything less than an campus that could double as a college movie set is non-starter. Initially it seemed a little silly to be googling campus visuals as the main prerequisite for consideration, but I’ve come to understand it. Mazzy is a visual person and a beautiful setting motivates and inspires her. To be honest, I’m the same.

I don’t think making her exact college choices public is a good idea, but I am cool with posting about the experience in a more general sense. What Mazzy determined while we were in LA is that she’d only want to go that far away for one of her top choice schools. Her preference is to be closer to home if all other factors are equal. Although she did really appreciate that LA universities have a diverse student body which feels similar to NYC, while some of the other schools we have visited in other parts of the country feel more homogeneous, so she added diversity to her list of must-haves.

Another takeaway we got from the college tours we have been on (in three different states so far) is that seeing a college when it’s on break does not sell it. Mazzy really needs to see what the campus feels like when it’s in session, with the students milling about. This means that we are trying to shove more tours into the next few weeks before colleges finish in mid-May, as opposed to waiting for the summer to see them. There will also be time to visit schools in the fall, but if I could do it over, I would have started touring colleges a bit sooner. Although, seeing Northeast schools in the winter doesn’t sell them either. Fall and Spring are really the only seasons for college tours, especially if you have a kid who bases her opinion heavily on vibes and campus aesthetics!

When we got back from spring break, Mazzy had one more really exciting thing that happened. Her photo was awarded a Gold Key from Scholastic and as a winner, it will be hanging in the Met all throughout this month. Mazzy and I went to visit it last week, and although she noted that it’s in a side room that doesn’t feel quite like it’s hanging amongst the masterpieces, it’s still really exciting. I don’t know anyone else who can say their art has hung on a wall at the Met! FYI, Mazzy took the photo in Italy when she was on her Travel for Teens tour, so that trip was well worth it for many reasons!

Mazzy’s photo is the one of the pink buildings. Obviously.

Now, you’d think at this point in the post, we’d be up to Harlow’s Bat Mitzvah, but nope! Not yet. Last weekend, my family went in all different directions. Mazzy and Mike flew to Atlanta to look at more colleges, I flew to Austin to be Instagram’s mom correspondent at Mom 2.0 Summit, and Harlow woke up in NYC all on her own, got herself to school and then stayed with a friend for the weekend. I haven’t been to a Mom 2.0 Summit in a number of years and it was so fun to reconnect with old blogging friends, this time as a representative for a brand. I spent most of the time at the Instagram booth talking to moms about how they monitor their teens’ social media and showing them how to use all the parental supervision tools within Teen Accounts. Most of them had no idea how much information and control you have in the back end if you pair your account with your teen, like seeing who they’ve DMed in the past seven days, and controlling their time spent. Also, you can now monitor your teen’s activity online across supported Meta apps like Instagram, Meta Horizon, Facebook, and Messenger all in one place with the Meta Family Center. I'm so glad Instagram is continually putting protections in place to help teens have safer, more age-appropriate experiences online. I’ll be posting a full recap reel soon!

Okay, now we are up to Harlow, but not the Bat Mitzvah, because on the Sunday I returned from Atlanta, she was asked to interview the stars of The Sheep Detective on the red carpet; the most exciting celeb for Harlow being Hugh Jackman. She asked him where his character would go if he visited NYC and he said the petting zoo in Central Park. Good answer. The movie was about a flock of sheep whose caretaker (Jackman) reads them murder mysteries until he, himself is murdered. Then when the police fail at their jobs, the sheep try to solve the murder themselves. It’s heartwarming and adorable and I highly recommend. I’ll be posting a full recap of that soon too!

Now we are up to present day, so I can only tell you what’s to come. Nope, not just the Bat Mitzvah! On Thursday and Friday nights, Harlow will be starring in her school musical. She is Elle Woods in Legally Blonde, so it’s quite an undertaking. This week is tech week at school, which means there are lines to memorize and costumes to bring in and lots of singing in the shower. Also, since our whole family is coming into the city for the Bat Mitzvah on Saturday, we’ve had lots of ticket requests. It’s a lot of pressure, as you can imagine, so Harlow has said only the grandparents are allowed to come. I promised everyone else there would be video.

And then Saturday, it’s the Bat Mitzvah! I won’t say too much because I assume there will be much more to say after. Or maybe I will be just like I was with Mazzy and unable to process my thoughts for three full years. Do you know I still have a half written post about Mazzy’s Bat Mitzvah languishing in my drafts?

And that’s not all! Because if Harlow is able to pull herself upright at the end of this very busy weekend, she has been invited to interview Broadway stars on the red carpet for Miscast again this year. That’s on Monday. Now, she might have turned this opportunity down due to her incredibly busy schedule, but she said yes for two reasons: Lea Michele and Darren Criss. I don’t know if they will actually walk the red carpet or if they will stop to chat with Harlow, but they are both scheduled to perform, so this is her best shot!

Let’s all take a big deep breath for Harlow and wish her well! Take one for me too. I am STRESSED.

If you thought the manosphere or the health and wellness pipeline was bad, I’ve got a whole other online spiral for you— it’s being the parent of someone applying to college. The consultants with college application advice, the families gathered around the computer watching the acceptances and rejections in real time, the students openly deliberating on their options via slide carousels complete with pros and cons, the college bed parties with more forms of merch than I knew existed… it’s all currently clogging up my feed like a bad car accident I can’t look away from, seeping into my system with it’s strategies for success and potential disappointments. I used to think comparison culture was comparing the size of my kitchen pantry or the fanciness of my vacation accommodations, but college comparison culture is so much worse. You can’t look at it and think, well maybe one day. You look and think, if not now, never. To quote a mom friend at the exact same phase lamenting about her current algorithm, “MAKE IT STOP.”

Like with most things, my algorithm started to shift as soon as we began researching different colleges online. My social media platforms immediately must have noticed the uptick in my college google searches (“what’s a college that has a traditional campus but is close enough to a big city so that a NYC kid won’t feel trapped”) and adjusted themselves accordingly. Not only did I start to get flooded with college experts, I also got content specifically about the schools I was looking up. How to get in to the school, who gets into the school, why this school is harder to get into than ever before, why you should only go to this school if you fit this particular criteria, why this school will set you up for life, why this school isn’t as good as it once was, etc. I would get students telling me why a particular school was the best and other videos about why everyone was transferring out. No school is safe from a negative review. Even if the video was positive, I’d find naysayers in the comments explaining why it was the worst decision of their lives.

Then my algorithm started to take me to the concept of college not being worth the time and money at all. Why college doesn’t prepare kids for their careers in the way it once did, why college was more about the connections than the academics, why trade schools are a better option, etc. There was the mom who said she would only pay for college if her child was going to major in engineering or nursing. A consultant who said that college wasn’t worth it unless your kid got into one of top twenty schools. A student languishing in debt from a degree that couldn’t even get him a job. Oh my god, is “which school” even the right question to be asking???

And then of course there are the kids who got into their dream schools who love to tell you everything they did to get accepted. They list their perfect SAT scores, GPAs that are higher than you even thought possible, the leadership roles, accolades, awards and oh yeah did I mention I won the National Robotics Championship and started a non-profit program to introduce kids from lower income areas to STEM??? Oh, and those professional looking paintings hanging behind me? I painted them and then sold prints online to raise money to support the program. Uhhhh, wow. Okay. Tell me about trade school again?

Finally, I had to put my phone down, ignore the influx of information and just focus on what I know to be true. College is a right of passage that can hopefully lead you to your chosen career, but it also offers tons of other value, no matter where you attend. It’s a great transition to adulthood, where your child can learn independence and responsibility in a structured environment absent of their parents. It’s a networking opportunity for sure, but it’s also the place where you can meet your closest friends. Not just kids who happen to live in your hometown, but people with similar interests and shared values. And maybe most importantly, it’s the only way to ensure that the next generation is educated, informed and thinking critically when they are inundated with opinions and false information online.

Once I had a little space and time to reflect, I picked my phone back up again. And it was almost like the platforms knew I had moved on. Phew. And then a few scrolls later… “How going to a performing arts school for musical theater ruined my life.” I guess my algorithm moved on from Mazzy and straight onto my concerns about Harlow. I thought I’d never say this, but— can we please get back to talking about politics????

Who here has a junior in high school and is suffering from the same algorithm affliction? Or perhaps you are past this stage and have some level headed advice?

Usually, I enjoy scrolling Tiktok and Instagram. You know when people say, “I built this algorithm brick by brick?” That’s me. My algorithm serves me funny slices of life (with even funnier comment sections), smart people breaking down think pieces in the New Yorker and lately, a whole new generation of people discovering the brilliance of Mad Men. I use these platforms so much, they know me well and give me what I want. But in the past month, the algorithm has turned on me. They sensed my stress and started feeding me highly specific content like they’d been reading my to-do list and my credit card statements. Like the recent deluge of over-the-top Bat Mitzvah content on my For You Page, right at the moment when my family is making some tough financial decisions about Harlow’s party. And the college consultants telling me all the reasons why students don’t get into their top schools at the same time we are booking college tours for Mazzy. Or literal 8th graders in NYC praying to the internet gods that they’ll get into their first choice high school on the eve of high school acceptances coming out for Harlow. It’s all hitting a little too close to home and creating an anxiety I don’t think I have amongst my social circle in real life.

Harlow’s Bat Mitzvah is about a month and a half away. We are in the height of planning and although we made many of the big ticket decisions months ago, now is the time when we start to nail down the details and decor, which has a pretty endless range cost-wise. Unfortunately for parents with budgets, the Bat Mitzvah parties that have been featured on social media recently clearly have a “sky is the limit” mentality. There’s the lavish Love Shack Fancy Bat Mitzvah which ensconced the ballroom at the Plaza entirely in pink, the perfectly curated “New York or Nowhere” Bat Mitzvah which had mini versions of Shake Shack, Bon Bon, and Pop-up Bagels and the Tennis Club themed Bat Mitzvah with designer level merch. They all looked absolutely amazing, but since I am currently staring at a line item sheet for Harlow, I can tell you that their choices were astronomically expensive.

To be clear, I did not go looking for these videos, they found me, but since I’m a content creator who will post about Harlow’s Bat Mitzvah on all the same platforms, I started to feel like we had a slot immediately following the most talented kids in the talent show. In my real life, I do not feel competitive about the size and scope of our party. We’ve been to Bar and Bat Mitzvahs big and small, and appreciated each of them. I know Harlow will love her party and that our friends and family will have a great time regardless of the size. But as a content creator, who has an audience excited to see snippets from our upcoming party, I started to get nervous that in comparison to those larger viral parties, our celebration would feel underwhelming online. And it wasn’t just about the size and scope of the parties, it was about the creativity too, because there’s nothing like an unlimited budget to help you really blow out a clever theme.

I ended up making a few Tiktoks about the pressure I was feeling, in an effort to reset expectations for my followers. Obviously the parties that go viral on social media are the ones that are over the top, so I wanted everyone who doesn’t normally attend Bar/Bat Mitzvahs to know that they are not all like this. Not even close. Also, for those of us currently planning a Bar/Bat Mitzvah party (I’ve got quite a few following me), I wanted to commiserate with those trying to throw a “normal party,” and realizing that even the base prices can give you major sticker shock. We’ve found that fixed costs for things like the venue, catering, and DJ already puts us over our intended budget, and that’s before we even get to the fun stuff like decor. It’s hard to see these next level parties when you are cost cutting things you once thought were standard party fare and trying to figure out how to effectively do your theme without spending the cost of a college education.

Originally, I thought Harlow was going to do a Broadway themed party. As I think you all did too. Not only does Broadway feel “so Harlow,” it’s also pretty easy to find creative ways to stick to the theme without breaking the bank. For instance, a photo booth that looks like a Playbill, tickets for the seating cards and Broadway show posters around the room. But Harlow surprised me by not being interested in any of that. She hates the colors that Broadway implies (red, yellow, black, white and gold) and thought all my ideas were cliché. She told me she wants a “show” theme but not Broadway. Okay, I hear you, but what does that look like exactly? I am currently working with Harlow to create logos, merch and decor ideas that fit an idea in her head that I don’t 100% understand. But, as I try to remind myself, this party is for her and not a representation of me.

One of my Tiktoks talked about trying to plan a Bat Mitzvah in the midst of all these larger than life parties online and the other talked about my struggle to figure out exactly what Harlow wants. Thankfully, they both resonated strongly with my audience (getting over a million views) and several Jewish mom friends told me that they had been sent around their private group chats as well. That made me a little nervous, because even though I’ve never met any of the moms throwing these larger parties, I feel like as a fellow Jewish mom with a 13yo daughter, they are somehow a part of my community. I don’t want it to feel like I’m insulting anyone or questioning their values. Quite the contrary. They all threw gorgeous parties, meticulously put together by very talented people and I’m sure their daughters and all of their guests were thrilled to be there. But I also felt like in this moment, it was important to have “normal” Bar/Bat Mitzvah representation online too.

That’s when I decided that is was finally time to put together a video about Mazzy’s Bat Mitzvah, which was over three years ago. I didn’t make a video at the time for a few reasons:

1. Mazzy is not always comfortable on camera so I didn’t want to take away from her day by sticking a camera in her face.

2. I wanted to be present at the party so I didn’t film any of it, but then later had mixed feelings about looking at the footage other people captured, because I didn’t want their perspective to take away from my real life experience.

3. The whole event (both the service and the party) were so special to our family, it felt a little wrong trying to turn it around quickly for content.

Now, all these years later, and with Mazzy’s blessing, I edited together the video with the benefit of space and hindsight. It felt really nice to reflect on the day and the footage felt more like a bonus than the totality of the event. Plus it felt good to post a more relatable Bat Mitzvah (even though it still cost what I would consider a small fortune) and by the response, it seemed my audience liked the glimpse into a lower key party as well. It was also nice to be reminded that my followers are not expecting (and do not want!) a Love Shack Fancy level party from me.

Last weekend happened to be my nephew Jack’s Bar Mitzvah, which was even more scaled back. My sister opted to do a small family luncheon after the service, followed by taking a small group to a Knicks game the next night. My family got to go as well. Before the game, we had passes to watch the practice and much to my sister’s surprise, the event organizer arranged for Jack to high five his favorite players, get his Jersey signed and be an honorary ball boy before the game. He actually passed a ball to his favorite player, Jalen Brunson. Literally a dream come true. I posted about Jack’s event on Instagram and called it another “normal” representation of a Bar Mitzvah celebration, but my sister objected to that clarification. She said Jack’s event wasn’t “normal” either, albeit for different reasons. She told me the honorary ball boy position usually goes to kids with special circumstances, like “make a wish.” The only reason Jack got the surprise opportunity was because one of the kids dropped out. She also told me that they didn’t pay for these add-ons to the experience and either got lucky that the event coordinator was able to make them happen, or perhaps they were extra generous due to Jack’s fundraising efforts. He had raised over $3K for Jalen Brunson’s foundation as part of his mitzvah project. My sister didn’t want any parents to see my story and have the same expectations if they decided to plan their own Knicks Bar Mitzvah, and then have their child disappointed.

“The real problem is that social media can skew kids’ perceptions of what’s normal and affect how much they enjoy the experience,” my sister texted me. “For many people, Mazzy’s Bat Mitzvah would be considered extravagant (it requires a budget and saving up like you would for a wedding), but only looks ‘normal’ next to the Love Shack Fancy type events where money is clearly no object. Parents need to explain to kids the significance of the milestone instead of comparing the parties. Tell your kids to focus on making their friend feel celebrated and teach them how to be a good guest, regardless of the scale of the event.”

My sister is a voice of reason, as always. I think social media made me lose a bit of perspective on what is “normal.” Throwing a party for over 100 people in NYC is a privilege, even if you scale back on the flowers and balloons.

Since my Tiktoks went viral last week, I’ve been working closely with my party planner Shari to flesh out Harlow’s party details. Shari is so creative, I think we figured out Harlow’s “make it a show but not a Broadway show” theme. We designed the photo backdrop with Balloon Artistry (the same company we used for Mazzy’s) which is gonna look awesome, and suddenly I’m feeling a little ridiculous for falling for the social media comparison game. It’s a game you can’t win. You can watch, take some inspo and then scroll away, putting the focus back on real life.

Please share tell me how you felt about the larger celebrations seen on social media recently in the comments. And tell me how you’ve navigated celebrating milestones and throwing parties in your family. Would love to hear your experiences- big and small!

I thought Bad Bunny’s Super Bowl half time show was amazing and judging by the overly positive response on my timeline (I follow good people), it really captured the feeling of many Americans right now. Even for those of us who aren’t Puerto Rican, it showed the power of community, culture, identity, pride and joy. Usually, dancers in the half time show are all dressed in uniform, barely indistinguishable from one another, designed to show formations from afar rather than individuals. Whereas, Bad Bunny’s performance had everyone dressed in their own style and color palette, often doing their own thing, close-up and personal. I loved that there were so many moments highlighting individuals, like the Puerto Rican social club owner, the couple who got married (for real!) and the little boy watching the Grammy’s. Even though Bad Bunny was highlighting culture in Puerto Rico and Latin American countries, I still felt a sense of personal pride. This is my America too and despite what the current administration might believe, it’s the diversity of our people that make it so special.

Let’s contrast that realness and community to the Super Bowl ads, which were all about AI (Google, Meta, OpenAI, Anthropic, Genspark), sports gambling (DraftKings, Fanatics), and Crypto (Coinbase). Obviously, I am not the target audience for the Super Bowl, but I swear, I have never felt more at odds with the advertisers. Is this what Americans really want? Virtual robot friends who do all their thinking for them, so they can spend their time betting on minutia with crypto currency? While they Instacart their groceries and Uber Eats their dinners so they never have to interact with humans outside their house? (Well, I’m on board with those last two.) The ads felt cold and dystopian especially in comparison to handcrafted sets and real life human beings displayed in the half time show.

Even the ad that made fun of AI was an ad for AI— a company called Claude that is directly competing with Chat GPT. Ironically, it was selling itself as an AI platform devoid of ads.

There were also lots of ads clearly generated by AI, like the Svedka vodka ad, which had me questioning to whom exactly they were selling. A party of robots? Is this what we want from a product that we usually drink to lower our inhibitions in social environments? Were the polar bears in the Pepsi commercial AI or was that CGI? How about the eagle in the Budweiser commercial? Or the snake in the Alexa ad? Who knows, it’s all becoming the same to me.

I was even questioning the celebrities in the ads, who seemed to be present in abundance. Ben Affleck, Ben Stiller, Kendall Jenner, George Clooney, Emma Stone, Bradley Cooper… Were they really there though? Like that ad for Dunkin. Did anyone actually come onto set to act in that ad? Or did they just agree that Dunkin could use their likenesses?

Yep, I don’t know. And that’s just an obvious one. What about Jeff Goldblum and Heidi Gardner in their Homes.com ad which put them in various extreme settings like an airport runway, a space shuttle and a desert? I used to think ads like this involved art direction and green screens, but now I’m wondering if it was just a few well written prompts. Were they even in the same room together? I’m not convinced. I actually saw an ad with Jen Aniston and Jason Bateman recently, which had me asking the same question. Jason’s hair had a weird edge to it and I found myself rewatching frame by frame to figure out if they were ever in the shot together, and when they were, I thought maybe it was Frankensteined together. Then I had a scarier thought, did they actually film this at all? I mean, we’ve all seen the deep fake Tom Cruise guy and what they can do with politicians.

I mean clearly, everyone from Chris Hemsworth to Matthew Broderick has no problem making an ad for an AI company (despite actors complaining that AI is ruining their industry), so who’s to say they wouldn’t hand over their likeness for a work-free paycheck?

Now, I might be taking this all a little far. Perhaps all these actors showed up, worked together in a room and there is a lot less tech involved than I am imagining, but the point is— I really don’t know. I can’t tell and now I’m suspicious of everything.

As a former advertising creative, the whole thing made me sad. Yes, the ideas and storytelling are still there, but half of the creativity of the Super Bowl ads is the ability of the production teams to pull it off within the budget. You used to have to think practically about how to make Jeff Goldblum look like he was in a desert and a second later in space. Did you have the budget to fly to multiple locations? Or could your art directors and set designers and lighting technicians and cameramen succeed in making it all look real in a studio? If you spent half your money on Jeff Goldblum, you’d have to sacrifice in another area and get creative. But no more. Anything is possible, and therefore, nothing is impressive.

Once upon a time, back when I was a creative director in advertising, I made an ad for peanut butter Oreos. Our concept was that a kid in the stands at the circus was eating peanut butter Oreos and a baby elephant who was performing in the center ring, saw the Oreos, walked over to the kid (stopping the circus in the process) and demanded the Oreo with his trunk. To shoot that ad, we flew to South Africa, built an entire circus set and trained an actual elephant to walk across the set and raise his trunk to make it look like he was asking for the Oreo. We pulled it off and seeing our idea come to life in such a major way was absolutely magical. Now, I get that using live elephants in an ad today would be seen as unethical (this was 20 years ago and my thoughts have evolved on this topic) but is that ad nearly as good as AI output from a prompt? Nope. A big part of the fun for the audience is thinking— how did they do that? It wouldn’t give me nearly the same kind of satisfaction as a creative either.

Now let’s go back to the Super Bowl Half time show. In addition to Bad Bunny’s message, do you know what I keep seeing people obsess over online?

The plants.

Originally, when the set up started and everyone realized there were people in the plants, most of us thought the plants were going to dance. And then when we realized that wasn’t part of the plan, it somehow became even more impressive. Some genius in production figured out that the easiest way to move and change the set as Bad Bunny navigated the field in real time was to put people in the plants. The people were faster and more efficient than anything they could have been done mechanically. It wasn’t spectacle, it was practical. And that realization was better than any single ad effect I saw during the commercials.

If there is anyone who works for one of these ad agencies reading, who is looking for proof that people don’t want AI, look at our love for the plants.

What did you think of the half time show? How about the ads? Tell me in the comments!

Instagram has a new series called Carversations which encourages parents to talk to their teens about social media while they are in the car. Why the car? Because many psychologists say that kids are more likely to have an open and honest dialogue in the car because they don’t have to make eye contact. The first video stars Usher and his two teen sons, who talk about navigating life online, screentime, and how they use social media to express their creativity. Instagram also partnered with me to have a Carversation with Mazzy and Harlow, and it was so fun to see where the conversation went. You can watch part of our Carversation here, where my kids talk about what kinds of social media accounts they like to follow and why.

Not every topic we discussed in the car made the cut, so I’d love to go into more depth about what we talked about. I was actually so surprised at how candid they were and how much they both had to say. I want to caveat this post by saying this is purely based on my family’s own experience with social media, which so far, has been pretty controlled and harmless. I think that’s in large part due to the fact that social media has always been a big topic of conversation in our house, way before my kids were on it themselves. I think the fact that I make a living online has definitely had a big influence on my kids, in that they do not really see it as a place for secrets and privacy. A lot of their friends follow me and I follow them back. I’ve also been clear with them that anything they post, even amongst a few friends, can be screenshotted and shared.

One thing I have always done with my kids which I believe has helped keep their experience positive is make it a point to watch our social media feeds together pretty regularly. It’s fun for us to see how their algorithm compares to mine and it’s a shared activity that we enjoy, not one that feels like I am policing them. (We talk about what we watch together in the Reel.) I love that Mazzy opens her feed without hesitation, which tells me a lot about what she is watching. Social media is going to be part of our teens’ lives, so I think it’s best to be part of their social media life too, not just when you have concerns, but all along. Ultimately, I try to use social media with my kids the way it was originally intended— to bond and connect over common interests. So, our conversation reflected that perspective. I kept it light and positive.

I started by asking what accounts they like to follow and why. Mazzy said she likes to follow celebrities from shows that she likes and Harlow said she likes to watch celebrity gossip updates, but they both agreed that social media was mainly about connecting with their friends. Mazzy says she watches Reels sometimes, but mostly she goes through her feed to see what her friends are up to and comments on their posts.

I asked Mazzy to talk more about supporting her friends, because one thing I have noticed about their generation is how they always like their friends’ posts. I feel like my generation is a little stingier with their likes. It’s as if we have a limited amount of likes and have to give them to the things we feel real strongly about or else they become meaningless. Mazzy thought that was weird and said her friends always give and get likes no matter what. I’ve also noticed that Mazzy’s friends will often leave multiple comments under the same post. Mazzy said that was just a further show of support.

Then we talked about the decision making process that goes into what to post. Mazzy does not post often so she definitely puts a lot of thought into what she posts and when. She likes to curate her feed so it’s aesthetic and shows her friends potential posts so they can help decide the number of photos in a carousel and the order they should go in. “The order is very important!” “I get it, Mazzy. I do this for a living!” She said she doesn’t think you should have more than five in a carousel and that’s where I had to disagree. The more the better! Mazzy further clarified that all the photos shouldn’t be of yourself, they should be a nice mix. I said yeah, but I always think showing yourself in the first photo is important, so your friends and followers know it’s you and don’t scroll past.

Then we talked about creating vs consuming. I said I’ve always thought of myself as more of a creator than a consumer, and spending most of my time creating helped me feel like I had a healthier relationship with social media, because it allowed me to exercise my creativity and be productive. I mean, it’s also my job, so I’ve got that excuse too. But as things like Instagram Reels get more and more entertaining, I have to be careful, because I can end up scrolling my work hours away without being productive. Mazzy said she didn’t have that problem, which is great, but I think it’s also because we have limits set up on her phone through Instagram’s parental supervision tools. Instagram Teen Accounts also have an automatic, built in daily time limit, which reminds teens to stop scrolling after 60 minutes and goes into sleep mode at 10pm, which mutes all notifications. Maybe I should do that for myself! Harlow doesn’t have Instagram yet, so she talked about how her friends all send “Get Ready with Me Videos” to each other in a group text thread. She’s been doing this with her friends for years and it’s almost like they’ve created their own social media feed. It’s pretty cute and if and when they join Instagram, it’s pretty good training for the creation side of things!

We talked about what kind of content we DM each other vs what they might DM a friend. Mazzy and I DM each other King Charles Cavalier content all day long but she says she sends her friends more brain rot content. “What’s that exactly?” She said funny irreverent stuff I wouldn’t understand. Fair. Mazzy also mentioned something that happened recently when Mike and I were questioning why she didn’t use the hour before her friends came over to study. After trying and failing to communicate her position effectively, she ended up sending us a Reel about how kids with ADHD often struggle doing a task when they have another event coming up quickly after. Not only did I watch the video and understand a bit better how her brain works, I read the comments and found a lot of common ground that I related to as well about executive dysfunction and time blindness.

Harlow said she would love to DM me things IF I LET HER JOIN INSTAGRAM. I told her she’ll be able to join when she starts high school, just like we did with Mazzy.

Below is a list of questions you can ask your kids about social media, inspired by conversation starters you can find on Meta’s Family Center resources hub. Personally, I think it’s best to approach the topics positively and open minded to keep the conversation non-judgmental. I like to emphasize the good ways one can use social media— community, connection, common interests, creativity, so they are aware of what healthy usage should look like.

1. What kinds of accounts do you like to follow? What kind of videos do you like watching?

2. How does social media help you connect with your friends?

3. What do you like posting about? How much thought do you put into what you post?

4. Do you think people post what their life is really like or an idealized version?

5. Do you think likes and views affect what people say and do? How do they affect you?

6. What kind of person do you want to be online? How do you want people to feel after interacting with you online? What makes someone a good role model on social media?

7. How do you feel after you’ve been on your phone for a while?

8. What do you think parents should worry about on social media?

9. Do you consider yourself more of a creator or a consumer?

10. Have you ever been inspired to try a skill or hobby because of social media? Do you see ideas online that make you want to create something?

11. What kind of content makes you laugh? What are some of your favorite memes?

12. Are there any accounts that I should follow that you think I would enjoy too?

I hope these questions lead to open conversations with your kids about social media that keep the door open for future communications, especially if they do get themselves into a situation where parental involvement is necessary. If you want to read about all the ways Instagram is trying to implement tools and practices that help protect teens on Instagram, you can check them out here.

I love to travel so earlier this year, when my family made the case to stay home over winter break, I was pretty disappointed. Mike wanted to do it to save some money, which I understood (we have some pretty big ticket items coming up like Harlow’s Bat Mitzvah) and the kids just wanted an actual break. For the last few years, we’ve gone skiing over Christmas vacation, but as much as we love to ski as a family, it’s not the most relaxing of activities. Plus the snow was not that great out west this year, otherwise Mike might have caved and made some last minute reservations.

So what did we do? Well, we went to Connecticut to visit my sister’s family for a few days, including Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, which was lovely, and then we spent the rest of the time in the city. Our only concrete plan was to see Marty Supreme on Christmas night (more on that in a second.) We talked about going out to the house, but Mazzy and Harlow both had friends in the city and preferred to be within subway distance. I guess that’s the thing when you have teenagers in NYC— they have a ton of freedom with public transportation, so the idea of staying at a house where they lose all their access to independent decision-making is way less appealing. It also feels like as the kids get older, and make more plans on their own, it’s your job to be the home base. Their plans are important to them, but also abstract and uncertain (friends who might come into the city, friends who want to meet up but not sure what time, friends who are 75% sure they are going to throw a party but haven’t asked their parents yet), so I always feel like I need to keep my schedule open in case my kids’ plans fall through. This seems be a common theme amongst my city friends with kids in the same age group— everyone planning around their kids’ “maybe plans,” which means a lot of time, everyone ends up hanging out at home.

After we got back from Connecticut, I did make some effort to get the kids out of our apartment. I mean, people travel from all over to be in NYC during the holidays, so surely there is a lot to do. It worked the first few days. One day it snowed and we met friends in Central Park to go sledding, which was perfect. Another day Harlow and I took Mike on our regular Chinatown route— dumplings at Tasty, pork buns at Mei Lei Wah and then foot massages at this place on Doyer Street. Then I thought maybe we would try some of the bigger NYC attractions— spend a day at the Met or get a ticket to the top of One Vanderbilt. Well, that dream died when I started to see Tiktok videos of NYC attractions with lines stretched all the way around the block. I guess as a tourist, waiting on a line to get into the Met isn’t that big of a deal (I’ve certainly waited on long lines to get in everywhere from the Louvre to the Hagia Sophia while on vacation), but as a New Yorker who passes the empty steps of the Met on the off-season pretty regularly, waiting seemed insane. Then I decided we would go to SOHO. Mazzy had two sweaters she needed to return at Edikted, so I figured we would make an activity of it and spend the day shopping. We took the subway, walked a half block to Edikted, took one look at the line out the door (and then the lines at all the stores around us), turned right around and headed back home.

Did I mention it was cold and windy outside? Crowds and below freezing temperatures are not a good combination.

“Okay I give up, you guys win. Let’s just spend the rest of break watching television.”

“YAY!!!!”

We watched Scandal, Lost, Squid Games 2 (the game show, not the drama), Pluribus the Diplomat and of course, Stranger Things, ending with the finale on New Year’s Eve, which seemed appropriate. You can watch a full video of everything we did over Christmas vacation here, but I figured the best way to sum up our break would be to give you guys my thoughts on all the TV shows and movies we saw— what we watched as a family, what I watched with Mike and what I recommend.

Let’s start with Marty Supreme, which is a movie I watched with my kids, but you should definitely NOT watch with yours. Let’s just say it earned it’s R rating. But more than that, you should be aware that it’s a story about a pretty unlikable guy. He’s a guy who will stop at nothing to realize his dreams, which includes lying, stealing, and being generally terrible to everyone who cares about him. It was still a good movie and Timothee was excellent in it, but it was not quite as good as I wanted it to be. I loved the marketing campaign, so I’m honestly not sure if all the hype set my expectations too high. I wanted to love it so much, and was totally willing to go along for the ride, but about 3/4 through, I thought— I’m not quite buying this. I don’t mind watching a movie with a bad guy as the main character (I loved The Talented Mr. Ripley as an example), but this movie either didn’t go far enough or it’s redemption arc wasn’t quite believable enough, so in my mind, not quite worth the discomfort. If you want me to expand on this in the comments, I can, but I don’t want to give any spoilers!

Moving on to Squid Games 2 (the game show, not the drama) which I highly highly recommend for the whole family. I think it might be my favorite reality show. The games are simple and cutthroat enough so that you can focus more on the psychology, the backstories and the relationships developed throughout the show. I love how quickly it moves, how much strategy is involved in setting up your alliances and how important winning the money (a whooping $4.86M) is to the players. The show continually surprises, because it seems like the winners and losers are really up to chance. No one is being spared just because they might be an audience favorite. For instance, there was one episode where the whole storyline revolved around this one guy being bullied for being bad at sports, and then in the big moment where he is supposed to catch the ball, your heart tells you it’s gonna happen because that’s what would happen in a scripted show; but then he does not, and you realize no one is really pulling the strings to create your happy ending. It’s a good life lesson.

Pluribus I watched alone when I was sick and then finished the last two episodes over Christmas. It’s a little slow but so compelling. The premise grabs you right away— a fast spreading virus causes everyone on planet earth to become one big hive mind, sharing all knowledge, thoughts, and feelings. That is, everyone except 11 people, who need to decide whether to fight what’s happening or use the hive mind to their advantage. The show is basically a metaphor for our willingness or unwillingness to use AI.

Scandal is a show Mazzy has been watching for awhile and Mike and I show up for it intermittently. It’s a ridiculous show with unbelievable storylines and terrible acting, but if you watch it for the camp quotient, it’s a ton of fun. All the actors actually have the same style of speaking (maybe it’s a Shonda Rhymes thing?") which is hilarious to emulate with your family. But on the off chance that Harlow walks into the room, it definitely feels a little too advanced for her. Sex scenes are uncomfortable enough without it involving the main character having an affair with the President.

When we are not watching Scandal with Mazzy, Harlow takes over the television to watch Lost. This is a show that Mike and I watched in its entirety before the kids were born and it’s so fun to watch it all again with Harlow. There are episodes I couldn’t wait for her to see (like Locke’s origin story) and entire plot lines that I forgot existed. Also, just like with Scandal, it feels like we have a neverending stream of episodes of get through. We watched so much and are still on Season 1! It’s really crazy how many more episodes are in a standard network season than a season made for streaming. My only fear is that I know how Lost ends and if Harlow ever gets there, I am not sure what she will think about it. Anybody watch the entirety of Lost with their kids? What did they think of the ending?

The Diplomat I watch with Mike and although, he loved the first two seasons, he thinks the 3rd season has gotten too ridiculous and is veering into Scandal territory. Personally, I love Keri Russell and Rufus Sewell, and find both their relationship and their influence on world politics fascinating. I loved the way season 3 ended and can’t wait for the 4th.

The Beast in Me was another one I watched with Mike. We both highly recommend it. Definitely not for family viewing. It is creepy as hell and super dark. But the acting was great and the story was fast moving, with more than one episode where I was at the edge of my seat. To make it even better, there was no cliffhanger at the end setting up a second season. I love a one season show with a tidy ending.

We are always looking for a great rom-com and the kids often reject anything that was made before the year 2010. I argue that all the best rom-coms were made before then, but trying to get them to watch something like When Harry Met Sally is like my parents trying to convince me to watch Gone with the Wind when I was a kid. Not going to happen. But somehow, after years of suggesting this movie and getting rejected, I finally got everyone to watch and enjoy The Holiday. Mazzy liked it so much (I knew she would!), she watched it again with a friend a few days later. But another more recent rom-com that surprised us all was a movie Mazzy picked— Set It Up from 2018 starring Glen Powell, Zoey Deutch (Lea Thompson’s daughter), Lucy Liu and Taye Diggs (who my kids recognize as the guy who once tried to open a baby proofed toilet in our apartment.) Anyway, the movie was adorable, very funny, tame enough for a 13yo and we all loved it; even Mike. If anyone has any other similar rom-com suggestions, put them in the comments!

We watched two terrible Seth Rogan movies— Good Fortune and The Interview. I like Seth Rogan so I walked away from both of these thinking he has to stop doing favors for his friends. Good Fortune was the worst, written and directed by Aziz Ansari. He stars in it too. Mazzy and Harlow both thought his acting was horrendous, which I argued was kind of his thing. “Bad acting is his thing???” “Well, part of his comedy is coming off a bit insincere… but I get how that translates into bad acting when you’re supposed to sympathize with him as the main character in a movie.” The Interview was… interesting. The acting was intentionally atrocious, the set-up was totally over the top (it’s about a TMZ style reporter and producer who get invited to North Korea to interview Kim Jung Un) and it’s probably the most offensive thing the kids have ever watched (I was glad Harlow fell asleep before it got too raunchy), but there were some funny parts. I think the only reason we didn’t turn it off is because there was a King Charles Cavalier in the trailer and Mazzy did not want to stop watching until the dog showed up which was in the last 15 minutes of the movie. I do not recommend either movie.

I saved Stranger Things for last because it was how we ended the year. I actually loved that they made it a New Year’s Eve release, because it seemed totally fitting to give the nerds without a party something to do. If I could do anything differently, I would have taken the kids to see it in the theater, because I saw Tiktoks afterward where it looked really fun viewing it with a roomful of invested fans. We watched it at home with a few friends, and then rehashed what happened until the ball dropped. I’ve heard a lot of people complain on social that the ending played it too safe and left a lot of unanswered questions, but personally, our family loved it and was very satisfied. Although, I definitely did not follow the story quite as closely as those complaining online. I watch it for entertainment’s sake, and not to dissect it. It ended a little ambiguously, which I thought was appropriate for the story, and then talking it out with our friends on New Year’s Eve was useful in helping me decide what I think happened. In short, without giving any spoilers, “I believe.”

And that’s it! What should we watch next?

My family is Jewish, as most of you know, but we also celebrate our own non-religious version of Christmas with my sister’s family. If you’ve followed me for awhile, you have seen our Christmas tradition evolve over time, but if you are a newer follower, you might be wondering how we got here. I know this because every Christmas, I get lots of direct messages asking about why we celebrate the holiday. Some questions feel like genuine curiosity (“No judgement but…”) and others make it sound a little more loaded (“I thought you were Jewish.”) Either way, I always have a hard time figuring out how to respond. “Because we want to” seems to be the most concise, but also not very nice. Longer answers sound defensive. I think there is a bit of Jewish guilt attached. The truth is, there are lots of reasons, not all related to one another, some of which might seem more satisfying than others depending on who asked the question, and if you ask my sister (I recently found out), she would tell you a totally different explanation than any of mine. So, this post is my attempt to give one long comprehensive answer where I can send people every time it comes up, and then I never have to try to figure out how to word my answer again.

The first thing I want to explain is that there are all different sects of Judaism, just like there are all different forms of Christianity. Reform, conservative, orthodox, reconstructionist… we all practice differently and have different rules we live by. For instance, I get messages all the time confused as to why I’m eating bacon or shellfish, and then I have to explain that’s a rule for Jews who keep kosher which is not nearly all of us. According to Pew Research, Jews who keep kosher are about 17-22%. For reform Jews (of which I am one), the number drops to about 5%. There are also lots of cultural and ethnic Jews who keep their family traditions alive but are not particularly religious. A lot of my friends fall in that category.

Amongst the Jewish people we are friends with, celebrating Christmas in some fashion is fairly common. Many of us did not grow up celebrating Christmas at home, but have incorporated some non-religious aspects into our own traditions as adults. Some just like the idea of having a tree because they think it’s festive and pretty. Others put out milk and cookies and do the whole Santa thing, because it’s fun for the kids. I think the commercialization of Christmas has grown over the years, and coupled with seeing everyone celebrate on social media in a more intimate way than we saw on TV and movies growing up, has made a lot of cultural Jewish families throw their hands up and say, okay fine, I’ll partake in the festivities. Of course, there are many Jewish families who do not participate and would never dream of having a Christmas tree at home. People like my own mother. But she has also come to our Christmas and is very happy for the excuse to bring our family together.

Although we never celebrated Christmas at home growing up, we still always acknowledged the holiday. I remember my mom taking me to sit on Santa’s lap as a kid (there’s a very funny picture of me straightening like a board and screaming like I’m being kidnapped), going on a family trip to Woodstock where Santa rode around town on a sleigh giving out stockings full of presents on Christmas Eve, and as a theater kid, I participated in more than one rendition of A Christmas Carol. But it was actually my mother’s brother’s second wife who introduced my sister and me to what Christmas really feels like. Aunt Alice was Christian and came into our lives when I was about 10 years-old. A few days after Christmas, she invited my sister and I to their house to celebrate. I remember not knowing what to expect and walking into a fully decorated living room with stockings hung on their mantle with our names on them and tons of presents underneath the tree addressed to us. I sat there opening one gift after another from a woman who had just become part of our family, absolutely shocked by the generosity. I’m not sure how many years she did this for us (maybe 3?), but it created quite an impression. She gave us elaborate Easter baskets on Passover too.

When I was 13 years-old, my dad got remarried to my stepmom Paula, the woman my kids now call Nonna. Paula is Catholic and although we didn’t spend Christmas Day together growing up (they always went home to her family on Rhode Island), they had a tree in their apartment for the month of December (we would visit every other weekend) and they threw a big Christmas party every year where they collected Toys for Tots. I remember being really surprised to see that tree in my dad’s apartment the first time.

Still, I never imagined I would celebrate Christmas with my kids when I was an adult, but that changed when Mazzy was about 5 years-old and Harlow was two. Poppy and Nonna invited my family and my sister’s family (Jack was one; Neve wasn’t born yet) to Rhode Island to celebrate Christmas with them. This was my kids’ first Christmas, and it was my first real Christmas too. Meaning, it was the first time we did the whole thing— decorating the tree upon arrival, Christmas Eve dinner, hanging our stockings, wrapping gifts the night before (my stepmom had gotten small dollar store gifts for the kids- quantity over quality), milk and cookies left out for Santa, and the kids running down the stairs to open their gifts in the morning. I probably don’t have to tell you how it felt to be a new mom watching my little kids eat the whole Christmas experience up— absolutely magical.

I thought we would celebrate Christmas with Poppy and Nonna every year after that, but it didn’t quite work out that way. They sold their house and the next year, we didn’t have a plan in place. My sister and I discussed it and decided we would still love to get our families together for the holiday. I think Hanukah actually overlapped with Christmas that year. We had just bought our house out east and invited them to stay for a few days. It ended up being a last minute decision, the day before Christmas actually, to buy a tree. It was a very small tree, one that we could replant in our yard after we were finished with it (a very Jewish thing to do) and the kids made ornaments from paper and tinfoil to decorate it. Mazzy even fashioned a pipe cleaner into a Jewish Star to put on the top and we called it a “Hanukah bush.” The whole weekend was amazing, the kids loved celebrating with their cousins at our house and a new tradition for our family was born.

We continued to host Christmas at our house for the next few years, our “hanukah bushes” still small, but getting a little bit bigger each year. Our collection of homemade ornaments grew to include places we traveled, framed mini photos and collectibles. I loved unboxing them each year and seeing the kids recognize each one and claim their favorites.

In 2020, my sister moved to a house in Connecticut and decided that she wanted to take Christmas over. Apparently, Christmas is a big deal to my brother-in-law (aka Uncle Mikey) and according to them, they are actually the reason we celebrate. You are??? She told me they had a longstanding tradition of decorating the cactus in their apartment for Christmas, giving gifts on Christmas morning since they started dating and even getting engaged on Christmas Day. Then they got married right before the holidays so they could honeymoon over Christmas break. Had I been trying to justify my celebration all these years when it was really their doing???

Initially, I was a bit disappointed that my Christmas tradition was coming to an end, but Mike was never fully on board with it, and I realized Christmas in Connecticut at my sister’s was actually kinda perfect. Plus, they had no qualms with getting a full size legit Christmas tree.

We’ve celebrated Christmas at my sister’s for the past five years, minus the one year when we went to New Zealand. We continue to celebrate even though the kids are old enough to understand it’s not really our holiday. Our Jewish holidays might be a lot more meaningful for us, but personally, I love Christmas because it’s just for the fun of it. It’s my sister and I demonstrating our own free will as adults. Most of our holidays are complicated with extended family, who to invite and which side of the family to celebrate with, and with my mom now in Florida, it’s not a given that my sister and I will spend them together. Our Christmas celebration however is simple. It belongs just to the eight of us. It’s a time for food, puzzles, presents and sitting around in our pajamas. No pressure. No greater meaning. No guilt. We’re just all grateful to have an excuse to be together.

Now that the kids are getting older, and with Mazzy going to college soon, making sure my sister and I have established traditions seems more important than ever. And when our kids have free will to make their own decisions on how to spend the holidays and who to spend them with, I hope Christmas in Connecticut with the cousins is one tradition they will keep.

My mother called me this morning to talk about Harlow’s Bat Mitzvah gift. Harlow wanted a Jewish star necklace like the one Grammy gave to Mazzy. Mazzy’s Jewish star is very small with tiny diamonds so close together, it almost looks like a flower. That’s one reason my mother picked it. My mother was born in a displaced persons camp in Germany after World War 2 and came to America when she was a toddler. Her parents were Holocaust survivors and once they were in US, they were still very cautious of displaying signs of Judaism outside their home. That’s how my mom grew up and I think, that’s how I grew up to a certain extent as well. I remember when I first started talking about our Jewish traditions on my blog, my mother was very surprised. She told me to be careful.

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It’s here! The holiday gift guide you have all been waiting for! But before you start scrolling, I should be clear that my guide is posted on mommyshorts.com, as always, simply because Substack can’t accommodate that number of graphics and links. We’ve got 70 categories this year, which is intentionally a little less than last year (it got too long!), b…

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