People lie.

People switch up.

People say things they don’t mean

and mean things they’ll never say.

You start noticing patterns.

The way someone looks at you

when they want something.

The way their energy changes

when they don’t need you anymore.

The way people only stay

as long as it benefits them.

The way people act

once they get what they wanted.

And the truth is

everyone sucks.

The “nice” ones aren’t that nice.

The “loyal” ones leave at some point.

The “different” ones are… the same.

Just better at hiding it.

But the real shift happens

when you stop taking it personally.

Because it was never about you.

I stopped taking things personally

when I realized the way people act

has nothing to do with me

and everything to do with them.

People act based on what they want,

what they lack,

what they need.

And once you see it,

you can’t unsee it.

You stop explaining yourself.

You stop expecting too much.

You stop believing words so easily.

You start seeing people as they are,

not who you want them to be.

You just watch.

You notice.

You remember.

And maybe the messed up part is

you realize you’re not that different.

You’ve been selfish too.

You’ve lied too.

You’ve walked away too.

So maybe everyone sucks.

Not because they’re bad.

But because they’re human.

And humans are predictable

when you pay attention.

That’s why I don’t expect much anymore.

I just watch.

And I let people show me exactly who they are.

My sister once dated a man who turned out to be completely different from who he pretended to be.

At the beginning, he was the perfect match for her.

the way he treated her was the way that my sister needs to be treated.

planning dates, giving gifts, and making her feel special.

He told her that he wanted something real. Something serious. Someone like her.

Looking back now, it’s clear that he was love bombing her.

Constant messages.

constant mails.

even, promises about the future.

When someone gives you that much attention, it’s easy to believe it’s real.

But slowly the lies started to appear.

At first they were small.

Where he was.

Who he was with.

Why he didn’t answer his phone.

Then the stories became bigger.

Before my sister even knew he was married, he had already told her stories about another woman in his life.

He said he had been ‘baby trapped’ by someone in the past. According to him, that woman had forced him into a situation he never wanted.

He also said that the same woman had recently lost her brother to suicide, and that she was going through a very difficult time.

And that part was actually true. Her brother really had taken his own life.

But the rest of the story was not what he said it was.

My sister believed him again.

Until one day someone sent her a photo.

In the photo, he was standing with that same woman.

His wife.

That’s how my sister discovered the truth.

Not only was she his wife, they also had a child together.

The story about being “baby trapped” was just another lie.

I was there when my sister called him to confront him.

His wife was also on the phone.

Instead of apologizing, he started saying strange things.

At one point he said:

”I can divorce her if you want. If that’s a problem.”

As if a marriage was just a small inconvenience.

But what stayed with me the most was hearing the way he spoke to his wife.

The tone in his voice.

Cold. Almost careless.

In that moment I felt sick.

And I realized something.

When someone lies like that, you realize you never really knew them.

The person you thought you knew was never real.

It’s like discovering that the person in front of you is actually a stranger.

A completely different person.

Another strange thing was how he behaved whenever my sister tried to distance herself.

If she stopped talking to him, even for a short time, he would start contacting her again and again.

Calling.

Messaging.

Trying to pull her back in.

It felt almost like stalking.

And that’s what makes situations like this so confusing.

Someone can lie, manipulate, and hurt you but still make you feel like you’re the only person they care about.

Love can be a strange and difficult thing.

Because loving someone means trusting them.

But when you give the wrong person that chance, things become confusing.

You start believing stories that later turn out not to be true.

You build feelings for someone who was never really the person they claimed to be.

And suddenly you realize something painful.

Sometimes the person you loved never really existed at all.

“I’m one of the good ones.”

Maybe that’s true. Maybe you’re not the guy harassing women in the street. Maybe you’re not sending weird messages online.

But being a “good man” is not only about what you don’t do.

It’s also about what you allow around you.

Because I notice something a lot. Many men say they respect women, but when their friends say sexist things, suddenly everyone is quiet.

Someone makes a sexist joke in the group chat.
People laugh.
Nobody says anything.
The conversation just moves on.

At a party, I once had a moment like this myself. A guy kept talking to me and getting closer, even though I was clearly not interested. I tried to stay polite and gave short answers, hoping he would understand the hint and leave me alone.

But he didn’t.

And the thing that stayed with me the most was that people around us could see what was happening. They noticed. They were right there.

But nobody said anything. Everyone just kept talking and acting like nothing was wrong.

And that’s the moment where the “good men” disappear.

This is also not a one time thing. I’ve experienced situations like this many times.

There have been moments where a man said really inappropriate things to me in a group. Things that made me uncomfortable. And instead of someone saying something, the other men just laughed.

Not because it was actually funny, but because it was easier than speaking up.

And that’s the part that stays with you. Not just what that one man said, but the fact that the others were completely okay with it.

What I hate the most is how low the bar is for men to be called a good person.

A man is called a “good guy” just because he is not openly disrespectful.
Just because he doesn’t harass women.
Just because he acts like a normal human being.

The bar is literally on the floor.

And somehow that’s supposed to be impressive.

Another thing I’ve noticed in my own life is that a lot of “good guys” are only nice because they want something in return.

For example, when a guy helps me with something on the street, like directions. At first it feels like a normal kind moment.

But often it doesn’t stop there.

The conversation suddenly keeps going.
They ask more questions.
They start flirting.
Or they ask for my number.

And it makes me wonder something honestly:

Why can’t some men just be kind to women without expecting something back?

Why does simple kindness sometimes feel like the start of a transaction?

I’ve also had moments where a guy seemed really kind and respectful at first.
But the moment he realized I wasn’t interested in him like that, the whole attitude changed.

Suddenly the kindness disappeared.

That’s when you realize the kindness was never really about respect.
It was about getting something.

Because real respect is not transactional.

And if your friends are sexist and you stay quiet, I will see you as part of the problem too.

Not because you did the same thing.
But because you allowed it.

Silence is not neutral.
Silence protects the person who crossed the line.

So if you call yourself one of the good ones, ask yourself something honestly:

Are you actually a good man or are you just faking it?

‘If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality’ ― Desmond Tutu

I always felt like I wasn’t enough. Not skinny enough, not funny enough, not smart enough. Whatever I was, it never felt like enough.

The only compliments I got as a kid were about my looks. I was a cute girl with a big head full of curls.

When beauty is the only thing people praise you for, you start believing it’s the only thing that makes you valuable.

I noticed early on that people mostly noticed the pretty girls. The others were ignored. I wanted so badly to be the kind of girl everyone liked. I wanted to feel like I was enough, so I became constantly aware of how people saw me.

The prettier you were, the more attention you got. And when you’re young, attention can start to feel like proof that you matter. I was always comparing myself to the girls who seemed to get the most of it.

When I became a teenager, I started feeling really insecure. I had acne, braces, no curves yet, and I was taller than most girls. On top of that, I was one of the only non-white girls at my school, which made me even more aware of how different I looked from everyone else. Being flat was seen as ugly, and it felt like everyone else was becoming the kind of girl people liked except me.

I became obsessed with my appearance. I worked out every day, watched every makeup tutorial I could find, and spent most of my money on makeup, hair, and skincare. Even though I was getting “prettier,” I felt like I was slowly becoming someone else.

The strange thing is that no one ever actually called me ugly. In fact, I heard “you’re so pretty” far more often than anything negative. But somehow it never felt like enough.

Because once you start chasing beauty, the goalpost keeps moving. There is always something else to fix.

Clearer skin.

A better body.

Better hair.

Better style.

There was always something else to improve.

I thought that if I could just become pretty enough, everything else in my life would fall into place. Maybe people would like me more. Maybe life would feel easier. Maybe I would finally feel like enough.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but I had already started measuring my worth by how I looked.

And once you start measuring your worth that way, it’s very hard to see yourself differently.