Isn’t it crazy how the same country that once empowered us by increasing the number of girls in school and putting us in parliament is now controlling what we wear in just a span of a few decades? Isn’t this just a different form of misogyny? If I can’t decide something as simple as what I wear, what power do I really have? Will I go to work and lead men, no matter how below they are in rank? Will they listen, or silently watch me like hawks, evaluating what I wear, judging me not for my hard work but for how much skin my tank top and skirt show?

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While I have been busy with school and have tried to avoid writing about this issue, my will to stay silent is no more. Rwanda is unfortunately no longer safe for women. Isn’t one of the country’s biggest responsibilities ensuring the safety of its citizens? But women are being dragged, cuffed, and treated like animals for wearing a dress that is above knee length! Where can we turn if the place we call home turns on us? What do we do when men, fathers, uncles, and brothers meant to protect us are bringing us down?

I think what frustrates me the most, and forgive me, I am still trying to find balance between emotional and writing to spark conversations that inspire change, is that leaders say that they are doing it for us! Just like slave masters were enslaving people for their own good, and just like colonialists exploited us for our good, the Rwanda National Police is threatening to beat women if they don’t cover up for their own good. How ironic!

They say it will reduce rape cases! Where are the statistics? Which research and evidence backs this up? As a victim of rape, I can assure you that I was not wearing anything revealing or “asking for it” as many are accusing victims of rape. Is it really because I was wearing revealing clothes or because a man wasn’t respectful and had no self-control? And why should I be the one paying for men's crimes?

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Research has shown that women’s clothing does not correlate with rape, as clearly shown in this fully credible article. So, to the Rwandan leaders, will enforcing rules to cover up, protect your daughters, sisters, and wives? Will it really protect us? Or will it justify men who prey on innocent women? Should we treat rape victims with such indignity? If you tell a rape victim that she was asking for it, how different are you from her perpetrator? If you don’t defend her honor and rights, will you not be an accomplice to rape?

Allow me to comment on words that unknowingly undermined this issue! Yes, there are bigger questions to ask! There are social media trends and beauty standards that young girls are exposed to from an early age, leading them to believe that to look beautiful or cool, they have to wear revealing clothes. But isn’t this what the country should be correcting, not harassing women who are a product of society and social media? Hasn’t the country failed us if it didn’t educate us properly from an early age, and now punishing us? Should we not address the immediate harm women are facing and then ask the deep questions later? What is the priority?

A friend of mine said something that made me realize how much we have lost the mark. If men can not be trusted to control their lust because women are wearing short clothes, can we trust those same men to do a pelvic exam, to deliver our children? Most OBGYN doctors in Rwanda are male! Where does that leave us? If I can’t walk safely in public in my shorts, how safe will I be in a closed hospital room with a man who will ask me to fully undress to perform a medical exam? As a future doctor, I can’t ignore the implications of these rules!

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And so many other facts raised by people all over the country make me wonder how this even started! We have water shortages and power outages constantly in Kigali, many children are malnourished, many have dropped out of school due to poverty; yet our leaders find controlling what women wear the biggest problem of our country! How strange? I’m trying to be respectful, but I swear, as days go by, these incidents are trying my patience!

Please comment your thoughts below! Speak up! Break the silence! As Elie Wiesel said, “Take sides, neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim.”

Love,

nicole

When I turned 16, I started making New Year's resolutions. I’ve always been obsessed with personal growth, in a good way. I must admit, however, that at the time I didn’t know what I was doing. I just went with the flow and didn’t check all the boxes on the goals I had set for myself. Over time, I learned that it mattered not how many boxes I had checked, but how many things I attempted, and whether I gave my best.

Now, 7 years later, I am in a different headspace, but I still have so many unanswered questions about the topic. Setting goals is difficult, and seeing them through is more difficult, and staying consistent in the process is all that and even exhausting. But I firmly believe that it’s doable. I don’t think there is a simple formula for it, but I've learned a few things over the years.

1. You can’t do it alone

There are so many things we have to figure out ourselves, so many choices and decisions to be away from the crowd. Going through life is certainly not one of them. Last year, I had a personal crisis that took me away from working out, and I struggled so much finding my way back. I asked one of my closest friends for help, and she pushed me, went with me, and before I knew it, I didn’t need as much pushing, and I went alone. It wasn’t a bad thing, especially since I love being independent; I could argue that it was the next logical step. After all, you can’t keep holding a baby’s hand; at some point, you let it go to teach them how to stand and walk on their own.

What we don’t often realize, though, is that there is never a time we don’t need other people in life. Of course, their roles might change, and their contribution might decrease, but we always need them. If not to push us, to celebrate us. I learned the hard way when I struggled again and realized that if I had kept anyone close, it wouldn’t have happened. So, I implore you, find accountability partners (yes, more than one if possible), tell someone to check on you, ask a friend to remind you, etc. Only then can you get through the year without being plagued by disappointment, guilt, and shame, or giving up halfway.

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2. Plans and real life are different

Oh boy! This one is as real as they get. Last year was one of my toughest. I had so many plans: playing tennis, writing more, conquering medical school (lol), working out consistently, and so much more. I’m a dreamer, as you can tell, and I like being involved in so many things. So, I set out to live my best life that year. January was great, but in February, I got sick. March, I left school, April, I was hospitalized, May I returned to school and continued recovery and caught up with everything I had missed. In June, I celebrated my birthday without achieving any of the goals I had set. From July to September I got busy with school, October I went to the gym again for the first time in over six months, November I healed, and in December my park returned.

Definitely not the year I had planned. During all that, I felt like I had failed myself, that I wasn’t living to my potential. That year was very dramatic for me, but for you, it can be as simple as sleeping in from exhaustion or getting busy with school or work and not being as present. Whatever it is, it can pull you down if you’re not ready for it, and nobody ever is. We don’t know what the future brings. But having an open mindset can prepare us for the changes and inconveniences. Take it one day at a time, and if things don’t go your way despite your efforts, leave room for life and nature to take their course. Control only what you can’t control. It will give you so much freedom and save you from self-criticism.

“Plan like you will live forever, but live like you will die tomorrow.”

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3. Rewarding yourself is as important as pushing yourself

So many times, we motivate ourselves to not give up and work hard, but how often do we appreciate our efforts? Not just a quick “I did great,” but a genuine reward for every sacrifice you made and every time you showed up! “Stop being lazy, you need to do better. How far will that get you in life?” We are too hard on ourselves, so sometimes we get to a point where it harms us more than it helps. Oh, how much happier we would be if we rewarded our efforts even only half as much as we push ourselves! Life would be more exciting and worth living, no? Buy yourself a treat, watch your favorite show, sleep in every once in a while, you name it. So, from today, don’t deny yourself a reward; you’ve certainly earned it.

4. You can take a break

You will get tired at some point. When that point comes, allow yourself some rest without remorse. At the end of the day, we are human beings, and if we don’t listen to our bodies, they won’t carry us through life anymore. In fact, don’t wait for a break point to rest! Schedule some time, even if just minutes or an hour in a week, to just exist, without the pressure, without anticipation of what is coming next. It’s also important to be honest with yourself. A lot of people say that rest is subjective, but I don’t think so. If it’s doom scrolling for hours, it’s not rest. So, I would suggest trying something very different from your daily work, something new yet fun. You can scroll or watch shows to reward yourself, but don’t confuse that with rest. Rest needs its own separate time.

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5. It’s never too late to get back at it/ or begin

Often, when we spend so long without working on goals, we are reluctant to return. I think sometimes it is the fear that you are not as sharp as you used to be, that edges are not as smooth. And it is a valid fear, not being as good as you once were. It helps to be graceful to yourself and remind yourself that it is okay to start again. That you are not less than you once were, that you take that first step- again. What’s the alternative anyway? Giving up? Not an option.

Why is this important anyway?

As I end this accidentally long Substack, I want to pause and reflect on why this is important. Why should we set goals, make resolutions, and have plans? We don’t know what will happen anyway!

Ever watched a movie when a person is on their deathbed and suddenly wish they had more time to do things they never did? Sometimes that is what happens when we are not intentional about how we spend our days and, consequently, our lives. We can’t exhaust everything there is to do before we die, graduate, change jobs, or move to a different city, etc. But we can certainly try. Try to live to the fullest. Try to be intentional with our time. So that one day, we won’t look back and wonder how much we missed out on. So, get back to your journal or phone and try again on the goals you gave up. And if you haven’t started, what better time than now?

With love,

Nicole

I’ve been thinking a lot,
About the meaning of life,
The right way to live it,
If there’s such a thing?

Two decades ago, I was born,
From the fusion of a sperm and an egg,
Of friends or foes, family or strangers?
Who knows?

Somehow, the product was not an empty shell
But a being with emotions,
Love, hate, pain, and passion,
I’ve got ambitions,
Say I will change the world,
Somewhere along the way,
I get lost in “life,”
How ironic?

And then I started school,
A blessing or a curse?
Ignorance is bliss,
Knowledge comes with responsibility,
Headlines in red ink- blood,
Ashes and remains of people’s lives,
In the blink of an eye,
The world was no longer a happy place,
I thought it to be.

Then I ask,
What am I to do?
Fight to make a difference?
Or at least die trying?
Those who lived the same fate,
Did it make a difference?
How big or small?

I’ve been thinking about faith,
How it differs from religion,
How the latter has shaped the world,
Wars, peace, love, hatred,
The lines are blurry!
What am I to do?
Stay away from “sinners?”
Or discriminate none?

And now in college,
I’m at the crossroads,
Medicine? Writing?
The battle rages on,
What I love, or what I owe?

Before long, I’ll graduate,
Enter the job market,
Fight the system or adapt?
Make enemies with the former?
Or live comfortably with the latter?

Soon, I will be old enough to settle,
Wonder who set the age limit.
What is love, family, marriage?
Why is it so important to us?
Better yet, what does it mean?
Brushing hands with a stranger?
The weight of a ring on a finger?
Silence between arguments?
Kindness? Forgiveness?
Forever? “Love?”

Then I will possibly have a family,
Kids, and perhaps grandkids,
And before I know it,
I’ll be on my deathbed,
Thinking of my journey.
Wondering.

Did I live to the fullest?
Was I true to myself?
Did I love enough?
What could I have done differently?
What is the meaning of life?

And then I will die,
Buried under the ground,
A century down the road,
Perhaps my legacy will remain,
Or not!

So tell me?
Who are we?
What are we doing here?
Passengers going through?
With or without a map?
I’ve been wondering
What all this means,
And still I wonder!

With love,

nicole

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Last week, I had a conversation with one of my closest friends and mentors, whom I look up to. After months of struggling with balancing life and medical school and being on the brink of giving up on school and life itself, she inspired me to live again, but this time from a different perspective.

There are generally two ways of seeing things when going through difficult situations. One of them is seeing the negative side and thinking of the worst-case scenario if you are like me. The other is being overly optimistic. Tell yourself that it is not a big deal or could be worse, and hope you convince your smart mind to fall for the trick.

There is a third perspective that I recently learned that changed my mind. This is one in which you see the challenges for what they are, allow yourself to grieve, and see the flip side of the coin. You don’t pretend that everything is alright; you know that everything is wrong, but you find meaning and joy in the mess.

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I made a list of things I once dreaded but now express gratitude for. I implore and challenge you to think deeply and make a list of your own.

I am grateful for:

…the empty perfume bottles,

Because they mean that I had the luxury of smelling good

…the clothes that don’t fit anymore,

Because they mean that I am well-fed or that my exercise goals are paying off

…the mistakes and classes I fail,

Because they mean that I am still learning and growing

…the times I was hard on myself,

Because they mean that I cared for and was passionate about my work

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…the setbacks and scraped knees along the way,

Because they mean that I put myself out there and tried

…the crazily overloaded schedules and to-do lists,

Because they mean that my life is rich and I am progressing

…the tearful and sleepless nights,

Because they remind me that I am human and not meant to go through life alone

…the people who mistreated me,

Because they taught me that I deserve much more

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…the hobbies and parts of myself that I left behind,

Because it means that I am growing and evolving

…the times I have fallen down and didn’t want to get up,

Because they remind me that I don’t have to be perfect; I am enough, even in my imperfections

…the things that don’t go my way,

Because they challenge me to be open to finding happiness in unchartered territories

…the things that have ended: phases, friendships, relationships, etc.

Because they gave me a chance to start afresh

…the unfinished tasks and postponed goals,

Because they mean that I allow myself to take a break and be graceful to myself

…the scars- both visible and hidden from the naked eye

Because they remind me that I am a survivor and a warrior

…the ruckus that is my life,

Because it reminds me that chaos can be very beautiful!

Can’t wait to hear how the experience of trying this was for you! Cheers to finding joy in the tumultuous journeys of life:-)

With love,

nicole

Have you ever thought about what would happen if there were no boundaries or divisions in the world? Some asked me if that was even possible, and others retorted at the chaos we would live in. Certainly, divisions, classes, and boundaries, whether geographical, national, financial, etc., have given our world order. But I have to say that they have also brought about the forgetfulness of that which unites us. At the end of the day, we are all human beings. Whether rich or poor, black or white, religious or atheist- we all bleed the same.

From a medical perspective, I have been challenged to see that at the end of the day, human beings, no matter their background, will try their best to cheat death at all costs. The fear of death knows no boundaries, and death itself certainly favors none. The goals that the rich and well-developed countries try to achieve in their hospitals are the same, if not more concrete, in impoverished countries. So, sayings like “the poor can’t use HIV antiretrovirals” or “TB drugs will not succeed in Africa” have never been more wrong.

How many times do we think that we are better than some people because of their race, age, background, sexual orientation, religion, or lack thereof? And I don’t say this to condemn anyone; if anything, I have been guilty of the same blunder. However, society is to blame for most of the dangers we face. We are taught that there is only one right way to live, love, look (appearances), etc., and that every other way is wrong. Because we subscribe to that which we have been led to believe, we deceive ourselves that our way is more righteous- our lives more pure. And we go around judging everyone different from us, sometimes unconsciously.

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Occasionally, it is circumstances in which people have no choice that makes our sense of highness- for lack of a better word- apparent. When I was young, we had a mentally challenged man in my grandmother’s village. I was taught that when I saw him, I should run away, and I did. To my dismay, I still avoided him 15 years later when I visited my grandparents as if all the years had taught me nothing. Like me, there are certain people we are taught to avoid or never associate with, but we are more like them than we realize. We are all trying to do the best with what we have- human beings trying to find their place in this world.

Unfortunately, some of us do it behind the veil of religion. We tell ourselves that the Bible says to never walk in the way of the wicked or sit with sinners. For those who believe in God and are Christians, you also know that Jesus hung out with sinners. He dined at Mathew’s house, where tax collectors and “sinners” joined him, and He stood up for a prostitute. “If any of you is without sin, let him cast the first stone.” “Above all, love one another.” So, if you are a believer, I hope you love without boundaries, for humanity knows none. The same applies to non-believers.

And let us not lie to ourselves that we love people when it is not translated into our words or actions. If you talk about someone you love, it is crystal clear; the same goes for those you detest. The ways we think about the people who are different from us, how we treat them, and how we talk about them in their absence or presence say a lot more about us than about them.

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We are all a human species grappling with finding meaning in the ecosystem and surviving and thriving along the way. When there is an earthquake, and we are all affected, selectivity is forgotten. In the wake of a pandemic, it doesn’t matter how rich you are; no one is immune. As much as you can avoid being affected for as long as possible, there is only how far you can go before time catches up with you. In the long run, no one is superhuman, at least not yet.

Why does this matter, and so what? For the former, everything begins in our thoughts, translating into feelings and behaviors. Until we understand and acknowledge that the resources we have, the opportunities with which we are met, and the life we are dealt with do not make us any better than the rest of the people, we shall always succumb to the lie that we are greater. Once we free ourselves from such beguilement, we will treat those different from us well, and the world will be a better place for it.

I mean, there is so much wrong with the world, from wars to famine and climate change, so many injustices, but one of the reasons we have been grappling with them for so long is that there are some people we turn our faces from. We think poor people's problems are not our problems if we are rich or that LGBTQ+ problems are not our problems if we don’t identify as them. Little do we know how wrong we are. An injustice to one is an injustice to all, and the first step to fighting this is to remember who we are- human beings.

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PS: Imagine hypothetically how easy it would be to turn humans against each other if another species took over. While aliens are a work of fiction, the fact there are some truths in the previous statement warrants this issue's attention.

As we move into 2025, let’s examine to what extent we might have forgotten what unites and work towards finding it again. Let our differences not become our downfall but a reminder of what we all have in common.

Happy New Year!

I first thought about the words “growing up” when I read Becoming by Michelle Obama. In the book, she talks about how when we are children, we are often asked: “What do we want to be when we grow up? As if there is one point in time when we grow up, and that’s it, we stop growing.” When I read these words, I started reflecting on how every 9 in 10 children are asked this question, if not at home or school. One of the things that this reveals is our perception of the concept of growing up.

Because there is no specific age or period that signifies growing up, we set standards for different age groups. At 10 years old, kids are told to stop eating dirt since they have grown up. Then, by 15, girls are told to start dressing in a certain way now that they are older. By 20, kids are told to stop wasting time in bed and on social media and start acting like responsible adults they should be. By 35, women are told that they are too old and should get married before it’s too late. Yet, most countries declare people adults as soon as they reach 18.

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Along the same lines, growing up is often associated with broken dreams. Some of the most popular answers to what kids want to do vary from doctors, lawyers, presidents, artists, and millionaires to kind people, magicians, and so much more. Some of these responses evoke words like “I also wanted to be that!” I’ve also heard many words like “When I was young, I wanted to be…but.” My reaction as a kid was, “I don’t want to grow up if I’ll say the same words.” I knew I was too young to see the weight of my words or dreams, but growing up was painted as a dark place with so many disappointments and no room for dreams.

Another perception at variance with the previous one is that growing up is freeing. When people say that we can’t do something we want because we are young, we can’t help but wish we were older. Children can’t wait to grow up and eat ice cream for breakfast, go out without a curfew, or finally take part in making family decisions. As we anticipate growing up, these contrasting insights bring about mixed feelings of worry and excitement. Sometimes, the former results in pressure to live up to different expectations, and the latter leads to an abuse of freedom. So, how can we grow up without worrying that we will disappoint others or ourselves not make decisions out of defying everything we were warned not to do? Maybe all we need is a shift in perspective.

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Growing up is normal, and it’s not meant to be painful. Like every change, it’s difficult, but it is meant to be a natural and beautiful process. While no one gets prepared for this change, embracing it with self-love and humility makes a difference. Whether we like the changes we experience or dislike them, it’s essential to know that you are still the same person. Take care of yourself, and love the new you!

Growing up is a lifelong process. It’s not a one-time event that has a beginning and an end. Growing up does not happen at 18, 25, 30, 40, etc. We are constantly growing from the moment we are born to the day we die. This helps us realize that growing up doesn’t happen all at once. It’s not a destination or a milestone. It’s a path we take to find ourselves, learn about others, and form a connection between the two.

Growing up looks different for everyone. Again, it doesn’t matter how old you are; the pace is yours. Just because your 25-year-old friend does or has something, you shouldn’t be pressured into doing the same thing. I know! It’s easier said than done. When I was 16, most of my classmates had phones. It was considered the age of getting your first smartphone. While that may seem trivial, I remember feeling pressured and determined to get a phone, no matter the cost. It did not end well:-) Like I like to say, the point is there is no clock you should be racing against.

I used to think that, surely, there is a time you reach and leave your childish behavior behind. Surely, you can’t eat dirt all your life or get out of something by crying. And it’s true. Growing up means changing a lot. Change is gradual. If you still like SpongeBob or candy, it’s okay. Be who you are, and do what comes naturally to you. Don’t try to imitate others. We can’t force ourselves into growing up; in the same way, we can’t avoid it.

#Happy growing!

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Read along music:-)

I find it interesting and insightful to explore our thoughts about our home/continent as the young generation of Africans. Talk about eating rukacarara1 (sorghum paste) and yuck! is the reaction you get. Gusimbuka urukiramende2 and other traditional sports, and we won’t feel like we have exercised unless we wear Jordans or Nikes and play Basketball like NBA players. African praying styles, “ughhhh, that’s devil’s way.” Why, pray tell, calling on Nyabingi3 is guterekera4 and seen as demonic. When our ancestors die, they become abazimu5, but when the white man dies, he is called a saint! What is the difference between praying on Ryangombe6 and calling on saints in the catholic church? Traditional healers? “Oh, what has become of you uncivilized Africans!” Yet we praise psychedelics and hypnosis in Psychology. “African statues? They are  weird!” If I don’t paint or draw a certain way, my art is not beautiful. Even our traditional celebration styles are described as primitive and barbaric. 

We have been taught to hate our traditions so much, and it’s quite sad that we undermine them ourselves. Our identities have been so soiled that today, as Gen Z’s, we can’t look back without expressing disgust or shame. Our favorite foods are Mexican and Korean, but who thinks about Rwanda’s ikivuge7 or Nigerian’s fufu and eru8? We pride ourselves on wearing denim skirts and Gucci-branded clothes and accessories, but who thinks about Kenyan kanga(s) or Zimbabwean Safari shirts? And shoes, “What in the world are you wearing?”  is what you get if you wear a rugabire9.

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Why did colonialists work so hard to undermine our identity elements? Was their reputation that fragile they couldn’t maintain without putting us down? Were they that desperate to be seen as superior? Why were we taught so hard that we were supposed to dress a certain way to be fully civilized or that we had to speak a particular language to be described as elites? Today, before an African goes to a country like the US, we must take an English exam or interview. Pray tell us why the same doesn’t apply to non-Kinyarwanda speakers in our country. Speaking English and French is cool, and some vow never to let our children speak Kinyarwanda or other traditional languages. I am even writing this in English!

What about research and academia? Less than one percent of academic research comes from African researchers.  We read about African lives and wars from non-Africans. Is there any reason why our story should be told by someone else? Yet we fight day and night, saying that there are a lot of stereotypes about Africans. We don’t write as often or as much as we should. We don’t tell our story. Until we do, we will always be a victim of racial prejudices and inferiority complexes. 

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Someone would say, why should I care? I also used to think like that. I mean, we can keep on living in our “modern” and “civilized” ways, but if you think deeply to the core, you realize that as an African child, you have an inherent responsibility that you can’t run away from for the rest of your life. It is deeply ingrained in each of us that every once in a while, we find ourselves contemplating and bothered by the colonial legacies that continuously plague our continent. 

What Can We Do?

It is not enough to talk about decolonization or to share our opinions on the matter. We need to do more than just abstract decolonization; let it reflect in the way we carry ourselves. The way we dress, the conversations we have outside public ears, and how we treat one another as Africans. All this starts with a radical change in our mindsets and being conscious of our own biases against Africa. It almost sounds like forcing ourselves to change the things we love, but like we learn and unlearn habits, maybe we need to learn our African heritage and how to love and take pride in it. 

While this might bring many reactions from our friends or other people around us, we should not let that discourage us. Keeping in mind that our actions will bring about the change we want to see in our countries and continent, we should embrace our Africanness with our heads held high.

May we find the courage to unlearn, learn, and relearn what it means to be African! 

I spent almost all my life focused on achieving things I didn’t have, and I never paused to think and appreciate what I had. I complained a lot, and I had every right to complain given that I never grew up with my parents or had a stable support system as a kid, or that I was forced to move out and live on my own, or that I lost things that really mattered to me. But I also had an incredible educational gift: I had an opportunity to turn my life around and I went to school when I never dreamed that I would. So, why was I only focused on the wrong things?

I grew up in the village of Gitarama in Kamonyi, rural Southern Rwanda, which was filled with many 4-year-olds. Back then, we used to play mabigibi and ikibariko and run around playing saye, a hide-and-seek game. As time passed, I moved to Kigali and started learning the alphabet and counting in  English for the first time. I was eight years old. 

When I got to Kigali, I was amazed by the height of skyscrapers in the city, the vast array of foods, and the freedom that city life offered intellectually and socially. For the first time in my mind, all the things I had only seen in my imagination came to life. Books, teachers, and everything offered a source of curiosity that created the person I am today. 

A few months after my arrival, I went to school for the first time, my stubbornness had only found just the thing to rekindle my flame. I was excited to make mistakes and learn. I started reading books I never even knew existed, and stories became a catalyst for my success. I went straight to primary 2 (grade 2) because I was already behind. Most of my classmates spoke English fluently and knew their stuff. I, on the other hand, was just a beginner. I was still trying to make sense of this new ocean I was immersed in. But I made it. 

Four years later, I went to Lycée Notre Dame de Cîteaux, one of the best all-girls high schools in the country. While there, my love for reading led me to Ben Carson’s Think Big, and I would never be the same. I started setting goals, learning about personal development, and working to be the best version of myself. For a 14-year-old, I should have been watching Victorious or whatever every other upcoming teenager was watching. 

For my A Level, I went to College Marie Reine de la Paix, and I must admit that I thought I was not going to succeed. But I was in for a surprise. From winning EAC Writing competitions to developing a science project to extract Cadaverine (responsible for foul smells) from landfills, and many others, I saw myself grow into this new person. What happened to the 7-year-old who came to the city reserved and scared? She evolved!

Then came Bridge2Rwanda, which opened my mind to the world. I started thinking of people around me, the rich, the poor, the healthy, and the sick. Being globally minded? I never even knew that those words existed, let alone the idea. I was lucky to meet teachers who believed in me and pushed me beyond my limitations. I’m finally at UGHE, sitting with world leaders, the best professors, and government officials. Last week, I had an opportunity to attend a conference with the former president of the World Bank, Jim Yong Kim, now the Chancellor of UGHE, and he said something that stuck with me. “Given the ridiculous nature of our education, what is the nature of our responsibility to the world and to our communities?”

When I was born, I was just another girl conceived by accident. I would live my life with no dreams and hopes and would soon bring more children to burden my family like every other girl born in our village. But I didn’t. A few weeks ago, I visited the village I was born in, and I was so humbled. Given my journey, all the things that happened to me, and for me to put me where I am today, what is the nature of my responsibility to those around me?

It is easy to look and spot something that is not going well, but there are so many things in our lives that we sometimes take for granted. Looking back, I realize that I was not supposed to be where I am today, considering the context I was born into. For most of us, that is the case. And I don’t say this to mean that we don’t deserve what we have today because we do. But so do other people who are not here with us. 

If anything, this gives us a greater responsibility. All of us, no matter what stage of life we are in, have something to give to the world. So, again, I ask, given the ridiculous amount of opportunities we have had in our lives, what is the nature of our responsibility? What can we do?

Happy hunting!

Love, 

Nicole

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Dear gentle readers, 

Welcome back to our substack platform. It’s been long, but I’m excited to be back and share glimpses with you all:-)

Three days ago, I celebrated my 21st birthday, and I wanted to share some of the ways I have grown as a 20-year-old Rwandan lady who was out of high school and trying to find her way in life. I know that some of you are older than me and are wondering what they can possibly learn from a girl just out of her teens, but carry on; you might be surprised. 

Disclaimer: Most people who know me thought I was 25 or older because I was different from most people my age, but I just exposed my real age. Feels like one of those superheroes revealing a real face behind the mask. The pun is intended:-)

Last year, on 7th June 2023, I turned 20, and my expectations of myself were so high because I was no longer a teenager. The person I expected myself to be, however, and the person I was were two different people. It had been one year since I graduated from high school, and I didn’t have any idea of when and where I would go to college; I was very broke, and I was depressed. For a regular 20-year-old, this would have been an okay place to be, but I was very independent and played a big role in supporting myself in different aspects of life. So, the pressure to build a life I wanted for myself was too much. 

Still, I had two beautiful parties with my best friends.  I have shared pictures below (please don’t judge my 20-year-old face:-). It was a very beautiful day, but I remember waking up that Wednesday morning and feeling like I had let myself down to the core. I was angry at myself and God for the fact I hadn’t reached any of the milestones I had planned to reach by 20. At the end of the day, I went to bed feeling grateful for my friends (shout to Eloi, Praise, Pati and everyone). I was, however, still down and disappointed in myself.

After my birthday, you can imagine the pressure I had to set goals to achieve before I was 21. Surprisingly, I didn’t set any. It wasn’t because I had had any wise realization; I will admit that it happened accidentally. I was so uninspired and unenthusiastic to think about what I wanted in the next chapter of myself, so I just went where the wind took me, and it was one of the best things I have ever done. I would not say that it is good to leave our lives to chance and fate, but there’s only so little we have control over. On this year’s birthday, I celebrate starting a blog, joining medical school, and having grown physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. 

For most of us, our definition of growth and success is limited to a few things that society expects us to have at a certain time. For me, it was college in the US, financial stability, and happiness. For you, it might be a career/job, marriage, finances, etc. The first lesson I learned is that success, growth, and happiness are more than about reaching our expectations or the expectations that others have for us. As you might have realized, we will always have things we want to reach and places we want to go. But how do we set goals and not bend until we break trying to achieve them?

In my favorite poem, “If by Rudyard Kipling” the lines I love the most are “If you can dream – and not make dreams your master; If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim…” These lines are a powerful depiction of the importance of detaching from one’s ambitions. In other words, our goals, successes, or failures should not define us. We are more than just a win or a fall in one phase of our lives. The second lesson I learned is that our worth does not change because things don’t go as we had hoped for. We’re still the same people when we don’t get that job, we’re still the same people when we get denied by the school of our dreams, and we’re still the same people when we stay single when our younger siblings or peers are getting married. The question is, do we love ourselves enough to acknowledge that? 

Just like someone said, “Life doesn’t have to go according to plan to be beautiful.” In my fourth glimpse, I shared how there’s no checklist and tight schedule unless we put one for ourselves or embrace society’s. There is nothing wrong with setting goals and being ambitious. Obsession, though, is dangerous. The third and final lesson I want to share is that there is only so much we can control. As we plan, let’s not get lost in achieving perfection but learn from every experience, celebrate our efforts to try, and find solace in the fact that some things are out of our control. 

As I think of my next birthday, my vision is to try, applaud myself for trying, make peace with myself, and live in the present. I also hope to love fully and live without holding back. I  encourage all of you to pause and celebrate your efforts throughout your life and make peace with where you are right now. This will not only set you free but also bring happiness and immense growth!

Finally, here are a few of my 21st birthday snapshots (credit goes to Gentil Quentin:-) 

For everyone seeing these, I don’t mean to portray the perfect social media posts where everything looks perfect, that it gets you questioning your life. To get where I am today, I was denied by over 40 universities, struggled with finding shelter more than four times, and was broke for quite some time. The behind-the-scenes are messy. I still struggle with being at peace with where I am now, and I don’t have it figured out yet. But I’m on a journey. If it worked out for me, it can happen for you. It’s only a matter of time. In the meantime, love yourself and be proud of how far you have come!

Love always,

Nicole

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Dear Gentle Readers,

Happy New Month! I can’t wait to walk this journey with you. :-) This month, I would like to hear from you. Share your opinions and thoughts on these posts in the comment section, and add future topics you’d like us to explore together. Thank you!

A few days ago, at one of the Lunch n’ Learn series at Bridge2Rwanda, one of the speakers shared an important lesson that resonated with me profoundly: the law of attraction! I have been wrestling with practicing it the right way, and during our conversation, I was inspired to share this with you all. So here we are:-)

Have you ever heard of proverbs like “You reap what you sow, and You are what you eat?” These phrases often remind us that we get out of it what we put into it. Diet, weight control, and body image are famous topics on social media and certainly are at the epicenter of many conversations among people of all ages. One of the principles of diet and a healthy lifestyle is the discipline to put in the work. Then, with the right amount of work, and if the genes are on your side, you achieve the desired weight loss or gain results.

Lately, I have been reflecting on the same process, but this time, we are feeding the mind and the soul instead of the body. While it is relatively easy to notice weight gain or loss in the physical body, it is difficult to observe whether our minds or souls are deteriorating or flourishing. It is natural to notice things visible to the human eye, such as changes in color, size, shape, etc. Reflecting on the patterns of our feelings and thoughts– is not easy at all.

However, just like the health of our body depends on what we take in, food, water, exercise, and more, the health of our non-physical entities depends on what we feed them. In this sense, we feed our minds and souls our thoughts, our words about ourselves, and our actions. Every thought we think about ourselves, every word we say about our lives, and everything we do for ourselves or do not do impacts the well-being of our psyche and souls. Because we see our physical bodies literally, it is easy to lose track and forget that we are more than just our physique. When this happens, the results are that we think less about the abstract/intangible parts of our lives.

Along the same lines, I’d like to add another layer using the gardening analogy. When someone plants a garden, let’s say of flowers, there are things that he/she does to ensure the flowers grow. There is watering, pruning, weeding, and other activities to take care of the garden. Our minds and souls are like gardens in a way that when we take care of them and feed them the right ingredients, they will flourish and prosper. When we don’t, they are stunted and destroyed. I’d say that we might be unconsciously starving our souls.

We're feeding our minds poison when we entertain thoughts of fear, worry, and doubts. Whenever we think that we are inadequate, not enough, or will fail, we take care of the weeds and allow them to grow. When we say words like “I have bad luck” or “Nothing ever works for me,” we are planting seeds of negativity in our minds. The more we repeat this and the longer we let it linger, the quicker it grows. It’s like adding fuel to the fire or fertilizers to the soil.

On the other hand, when we affirm ourselves and speak positive words in our lives, we pull out weeds of negativity and free up space for the flowers to bloom. When we affirm that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, are able, and are enough, we are doing right by our souls. Now, this, for some people, might sound delusional. That is why it is important that we believe what we are saying. If we lie to ourselves, our brains will know, which will be counterintuitive. To do this, we need to start small. We must first affirm what we already have and move on to what we want, from confidence to courage and beauty.

I am not oblivious that the world is not a rosy place and that bad things happen. You wake up and meet a motorcyclist who overcharges you or works with a difficult person who annoys you. You lose your money, get stolen (like I recently did:-), etc. And I am not saying we should always pretend everything is fine, chill, and not think about difficult things. What I am saying, however, is that we should avoid being obsessed with the bad, that it’s all we think about. It is easy to focus on the negatives; after all, the pain is familiar, and shifting the perspective is not as easy as it sounds. The most we can do is try and fail and try again, and fail again, and still keep trying.

I am also aware of how chaotic life gets that we rarely pause and reflect on our thoughts or words that speak about ourselves. Nevertheless, we must track what we feed our minds and what we consume. It is important to notice the patterns of our thoughts and words. These, just like our choices, play a big role in shaping our lives. The law of attraction works, and we attract what we think about the most. For those interested in knowing about the law of attraction, here is a video briefly explaining what it means.

As we embark on this journey, remind yourself how great you are every time you wake up. Speak success in your life, speak victory, and affirm yourself. With that, you will take care of your soul and mind in addition to nourishing your body.

Good luck,

N

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Dear gentle readers,

Welcome back! This is the last post in this month and I must say, sharing these glimpses with you has been a true blessing. Have fun:-)

MAID! I have watched this movie three times, and each of those times, I cried as much as I did the first time when I watched the ending scene. There’s something about it: the way it is written, the choice of music, and every tiny detail was carefully perfected in a way that makes my heart skip. Today, I would like to share another glimpse of my recent reflections and throw in bits of the scenes in a movie. Of course, I won’t spoil it for you. It is a must-watch :-)

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When I was born, my whole life was handed to me on an invisible long parchment. On this paper was a set of rules and regulations on how I should live my life and what I should do by when. It was written that I should teeth at 6 months, walk at 1 year, go to school at 3 (differs according to socioeconomic background, but 3 was the most common), finish primary school, go to secondary, then university if I was lucky, or get married. Along with this life timetable was a list of dos and don’ts. I was never to question these rules, speak up, or miss a deadline. Like any other class, my life was sentenced to be a class with a tight schedule, difficult teachers, and even more difficult lessons.

Fortunately, I was a kid with a lot of mischief and tricks on how to dodge what would have been a long, boring lecture until I died. I teethed at 1 year, started walking at 2, and made it my mission to defy those rules one by one, except for the good ones. Sometimes, I defied them on purpose; sometimes, it was by accident, and other times, fate forced me to. Some people said I was lagging, reckless, and wasting time, but I called myself a late bloomer. I was either late or early, but never on time. I never thought this would ever be a good thing. It was the best thing that I ever did!

The parchment describes life as a straight journey with a series of stops and unrealistic circumstances that Wonderland would not live up to. But guess what? That is the complete opposite of what life is. I learned this the hardest way. The trajectory is zig-zag, up and down, linear, and circular. The terrain is rough on some ends and smooth on others. How we are supposed to follow such a tight schedule in an unperedictible classroom is something I never understand. 

This parchment is a representation of society. The rules and the tight schedule are silent expectations set for us and everyone born in this world. Sad to say, these expectations follow us no matter where we go or how old we are until we die. We are expected to get married at a certain age, have kids at a certain age, and retire at a certain age; even the food we eat is not free from these expectations.  Women are expected to be obedient, take the second seat, and be neat. This would only be possible if we had no brains to think, no mouths to speak, and no work to get done. Pretty annoying. Men are expected to have money, pay for dates, look strong, and not cry. Again, annoying. This would only be possible if we had no emotions to feel and if everything was handed to us on a silver platter. However, nothing is ever certain. 

Unfortunately, many of us are okay with this. We welcome the parchment, read it carefully, and commit our lives to living word by word. We eat what we are told, we wear what will please people, and we say what we think society wants to hear. Now, before any thoughts come up, I’m not advising you to start trouble wherever we go and take on destructive behaviors, but why live our lives walking on eggshells? Who are we living for? Is it ourselves or society? After God, it should be us, not anyone else. If I may ask, is your favorite color your actual favorite color, or is it what you were told suited your gender? Just asking:-) On a serious note, I implore you to reflect on whether you live for yourself or others. 

Alex, the main character in MAID, defies the parchment by taking care of her mother since she was six, cleaning toilets for a living, leaving her abusive boyfriend, and putting herself in college as a single mother. From her, I learned that it is up to us to build a life we want for ourselves. At the end of the day, people will always have something to say about our choices, so why let them control us? 

Mahatma Gandhi said, “ The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.“ I couldn’t agree more! There is a difference, however, between serving others and letting them define your life. Serve people, love them, but acknowledge boundaries. How much of your life can people control? Is it everything or a small part of your life? And what are your non-negotiables? All these are things we should think about when reflecting on this. 

Along the same lines, relax. You are exactly where you need to be. There is no deadline for pursuing your dreams or whatever you want to do. Be kind to yourself. You alone have lived your life. Your wins and losses are all yours, and guess what—you get to try again! Don’t let society’s pressure get to you. You are doing great!

It is not often that we are encouraged to celebrate ourselves. Today, I encourage you to do something for yourself. Buy yourself a drink, treat yourself to a movie (watch MAID:-), and be incredibly proud of how far you have come. You got this! Cheers to a life of self-appreciation ahead!

Truly,

Nicole

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A few days ago, I posted a quote on my WhatsApp, and many people texted me asking what had gotten into me. The quote was, "All will taste death, but only a few will taste life.” I promise you, I'm not a psychopath, or maybe I am a little bit...just joking :-)

This past month, I have been reading a phenomenal book called Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom. In this book, Morrie, a Sociology professor at Brandeis University in Massachusettes, invites us on his journey toward death and shares some of the greatest lessons he learned throughout his life. One of the most profound topics he talks about is death. In this chapter, he talks about how we rarely talk about death and that sometimes, we become oblivious to its existence in our lives. In the book, we (people) are described as half-asleep. We walk around saying things on command and doing things automatically. In other words, we don’t experience life fully. Thinking about death, though, turns the trajectory around!

Like Morrie says, everyone has a lot going on in life. It can be so chaotic that we rarely pause and reflect on where we are going or what direction we are giving life. Death is one of the topics that we seldom think about and explore. But he says, "Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live.” When Morrie is diagnosed with Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis, a terminal illness, he starts thinking about living life fully. The moment you come face to face with death or stumble upon its shadow, you start reflecting on how you live your life. However, I have been thinking, wouldn’t it be nice to have this moment of awakening way before we reach our deathbeds? Should we wait for death to catch up with us before we start living to the fullest? The answer is subjective, but I would say no!

As we think about this idea, let’s not get lost in its grandeur. Tasting life and living to the fullest are not complex projects that one has to work hard on for months or years. It is done through realizing that a moment, a second, or a minute is what really makes your life. The decisions you make every day impact the life you live five years from now. Let’s say you decide to join a casino because your friends are doing so. You start small, betting a few hundred, and maybe get lucky and win. The thrill of winning keeps you there, and you go there again until it becomes your habit, and five years later, you are a gambler by identity. I am not saying this because I have anything against gambling (which I do), but merely to illustrate how a small decision you make hugely changes the course of your life. 

Having said this, how can we be more mindful of our daily decisions and taste life to the fullest? The first step is being conscious that we are alive and that every day is a chance to write our story. A chance to be the people we want to be, to build a life we want for ourselves. Acknowledging that we are alive helps us to not take it for granted. When we start being aware that we are “living,” it will help us to make decisions that will steer us in the right direction. Asking ourselves questions such as “Is this the person I want to be?” will also remind us that every small action shapes our lives. This is not to say we are our choices, but these decisions significantly shape our lives. 

The second is to stop playing safe and stop it for real. In one of my favorite books, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, the story of Santiago, a Spanish shepherd boy, captures this perfectly. Santiago keeps having the same dream of a treasure buried under the pyramids. When he finds out what it means, he decides to sell his ship and head to Egypt to follow his personal legend, with no idea what awaits him. Along the way, he faces challenges and wonders if he made the wrong decision and whether he should quit. He later decides to keep going and find a job working for a merchant in a crystal store. In this store, he helps the merchant make a lot of money, and their business thrives. For a long time, he stays there, and life is comfortable, but he remembers that he has a personal legend for which he embarked on his journey to fulfill. The rest is history.

Like Santiago, we all have personal legends, purposes, or whatever you want to call it. Most of us, however, are stuck at the crystal store. This is a stage in life where we get comfortable with the bare minimum. We stop dreaming big and convince ourselves that we have grown up and that those were childlike dreams. We stop taking risks and dare not do anything outside our comfort zone. We stop fighting and giving our best. To find fulfillment and happiness and to taste it to the fullest, we must be willing to move past the crystal store no matter how comfortable and warm it is. Practically speaking, we can let go of habits that don’t enrich us, no matter how comfortable they are, leave places that don’t add value to who we are, leave behind rigid ideas and thoughts, and be flexible to relearn. When we do this, we begin a new, exciting journey to fulfill our personal legends.

Another perfect illustration of the crystal store is the blue pill, originally from the 1999 movie The Matrix. In this movie, Neo is presented with a choice between the blue pill and the red pill. The blue pill keeps you in the ordinary life reality, while the red pill leads you to discover a potentially life-threatening TRUTH. When asked which of the two we would choose, most of us say the red pill. But we are kidding ourselves! Taking the red pill is not easy. The alternative (blue pill) equates to all situations we encounter in life, and we choose the easy way out. The safest route. We take the blue pill every time we make a decision, knowing that it’s not the right one. On the contrary, we take the red pill when we know that we are making a crazy choice and make it anyway. We take the red pill when we leave the crystal store and follow our legend. We take the red pill when we let go of mediocrity and chase our dreams with all we have. 

Leaving the crystal store and taking the red pill are not decisions; they are lifestyles. These lifestyles have helped me find myself, find dreams I had outgrown, and taste life to the fullest. Like many things we share in these glimpses, this is not an easy lifestyle. Waking up daily and making choices that turn your reality upside down and push you outside your comfort zone has never been easy. Still, it is worth it. 

I would like to encourage all of us to remain conscious that we are alive and don’t know for how long. Again, this should not make us afraid but instead remind us to live our best lives and be the best versions of ourselves. Remember, it’s every second of your day that makes your life!

So, who’s ready to leave the crystal store and take the red pill?! It certainly tastes like life:-) 

Yours truly,

Nicole

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Dear Gentle Readers,

“Being sick is your body’s way of telling you that you’re way too awesome and you need to slow down so everybody else can catch up.” At least, that’s what I told myself every day for the past five days as I fought illness. It’s for you, too, if you’re not feeling well:-) It’s awesome to be alive and here again to share yet another glimpse of my musings with you all :-)

I hope you have been filling your lives with a healthy dose of questioning. There’s no such thing as overdosing, though. If you missed my first glimpse, please read the first few sentences of my previous post and then some to get your first dose of questioning. It’s never too late!  

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Lately, I have been reflecting on my high school life. I was amazed by how much growth I  experienced in those six years. I went to Lycee Notre Dame de Citeaux in Kigali for my first three years of high school and later went to College Marie Reine de la Paix in Rwamagana, where I graduated. I spent most of these years worried about getting the correct answers to test questions, and I rarely paused to see how far I had come. Now, I know that I’m still young and that there is more I have yet to see, but isn’t that what makes life exciting? You never know what tomorrow brings!  

So, back in high school, I was different or quirky, a sophisticated way to put it. There are things that I loved and found beautiful that most of my classmates labeled as “white.” I liked the smell of the rain and sat on the windowsill for the wind to better slap my face. I loved the feeling of the first light droplets of rain as they sent shivers down my spine when I danced in the rain. But this was labeled “white.” I loved the warmth that filled my heart when I sat for hours drinking in the beauty of the full moon, but that was white, too! I loved lying in the grass and gazing into the deep blue eyes of the sky as I took in its vastness. But I couldn’t do this and get away without eyes watching and classmates teasing me that I acted white. I didn’t mind; I learned not to mind the hard way.

While this was harmless for me and other kids, some things to which this label was attached were. Showing excitement by jumping up and down or other “crazy” ways, crying, being vulnerable, fighting for what you believe in, and more were seen as white. Depression, too, was and still is one of them. Growing up, I was taught that telling people my problems was a big weakness and that I should leave it all in. When I went to school, I was tired of keeping it together, so occasionally, I talked about it with some people or even raised conversations on topics such as happiness and mental health. So many people told me that being depressed was for the rich and for white people. 

At first, I thought that it was just my classmates, my family, or kids being kids. However, even after graduating and moving out, I found the same beliefs in my neighbors and other people I met in different circles. For so many people, depression was for grown-ups, and not just any grown-ups. Rich, white grown-ups!

But guess what? Losing a loved one, going into an accident, or losing yourself is not white, or yellow, or black, for that matter. It’s human. Being hurt is human, so why should you not feel the pain? Why should you not be depressed? Why should you not express it? Why should you not seek help? Going to therapy is not white! While mental health awareness is not famous in Africa and our country, Rwanda, it doesn’t mean that we don’t have the scars and the pain. In fact, we have so many of them. We just need to stop being dismissive and bottling it up.

I have also realized that by calling depression white and putting other labels on mental health, society tends to run away from issues that need to be dealt with. Sometimes, it is a way of shifting the responsibility for things that need to be done to others. Sometimes, it is denial or delusion. Convincing oneself that a problem is not there over and over again and hoping that it will somehow go away. 

As kids, we grow up being taught this like other things until it becomes our new normal. We are told to stop crying every time we fall or smile, even when we’re unhappy; over time, this becomes routine. A few years later, when we fall down or get hurt, we don’t dare cry, first because we’re afraid that our parents will hear us, and later because it just happens. It becomes wired in us, and we don’t think about it.

As we grow older, we forget the topics of pain, mental and physical, and we rarely explore those conversations at home or school. We are groomed to forget or ignore that such feelings exist. Some of us are lucky to find a way back to vulnerability and authenticity, but even then, our views are twisted. For those who are not lucky at all, sometimes we even struggle with depression, but we don’t know it. We keep telling ourselves to keep our lives together and look strong, to fake it until we make it. But what matters most: how we look or how we feel?

Today, more than ever, we need to reflect on our stereotypes about depression and mental health and unlearn some of the biases we consciously or unconsciously acquired. Being sad is not white, and talking about our sadness certainly isn’t. I invite you all to be the change you want to see among your friends, in your families, and in your communities. Let’s discuss mental health without any stigma but as a topic from which we have much to learn. Then, maybe then, we will finally understand that being human is not white and stargazing is for everyone, no matter the color of their skin!

Yours truly,

inicole

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For a long time, I have been questioning many things, from the rules that govern our societies to why we like or dislike different things. In all these years, I have learned that questioning is a double-edged sword! While it’s a source of immense joy and satisfaction for me, most of my family called it treading down a route where I had no business. Of thousands of people I have met since the day I was born, more than half of them, if not all of them, except a few kindred spirits, everyone else told me in one way or another how I should accept things as they are. 

Accepting things as they are! This weird statement reminds me of an essay I read in Untimely Mediations, Schopenhauer as an Educator, a book by German Philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche. The essay recounts a tale of a man who traveled around the world and concluded that humans have a “propinquity of laziness” to question. Like this traveler, I don’t understand why we must settle for what we are told. Surely, the 86 billion and more neurons in our brains are there to do more than just hear and accept. 

I do not want to connect this tendency of blindly accepting things to feminism, but I grew up struggling with knowing my place as a young girl in traditional Rwandan society. I was raised by my grandmother, a very great and resilient woman who fought for me. Her most common words to me, though, were “urabaza iki,” a Kinyarwanda translation of what /why are you asking? Somehow, I was a very stubborn kid to raise. I was never satisfied by sitting in the corner or doing chores in the kitchen, as an ideal girl child was expected to do. I wanted to sit in and ask questions about politics or why girls were expected to know how to cook. While my curiosities were not entertained by my no-nonsense traditional grandmother, my rebellious spirit refused to be tamed.

As I grew older and went to high school, the same resistance in my peers and teachers met me. Questioning the textbook or the teacher was a grave mistake that could cause you to lose your grades. Still, I was never deterred. The traditional elders in my community could not bend me, and grades were certainly not going to subdue me. Somehow, I listened to the voice in my soul or heard what it is called, encouraging me to seek to understand the world around me. 

Today, I encourage you to question. While questioning things around me was not always a rosy experience, it allowed me to break free. In a world that fought to shut me down, I found my voice and took part in writing my own story. It gave me a say and satisfied my curiosity. Now, obviously, the easy way out is sitting back and drinking the Kool-Aid. It is a shortcut, but we all know where those lead from childhood stories. I would encourage you to sit back and reflect on some of the things you were taught to hold onto as sacred principles. It can be as complex as why you are told not to talk about sex or as simple as why you are told to choose blue over pink because you are a boy. 

Questioning opens new doors to possibilities you had never imagined existed. Unfortunately, our societies don’t encourage us to question, and we lose our childlike wonder when we grow up. Do we stop learning, does the desire to know disappear, or are we simply adhering to society’s definition of a “proper grown-up?” Walking down memory lane, remembering some of the questions we used to ask when young, and finding the courage to break free and find our way is one of the best gifts we can treat ourselves to!

Now, this path won’t be a smooth one, but I say to you, you could stay on the land where it’s safe or sail the sea that will bring you intellectual freedom! Have fun-:)

To the seekers, the questioning, here are a few resources to guide and inspire you in your quest to ask the forbidden questions: 

• Schopenhauer as an Educator

• Fearless by Isabela Merced

• The value of asking questions

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