My first Vipassana was in 2022, two months after I shaved my head. I looked like a monk who had a septum nose piercing.

The image was confusing for some people.

2022 was such a full year for me. I had 3-4 deaths and rebirths in the same year. It was a lot. I needed the silence, reset, stripping everything and all the people away.

I needed to be in my own energy.

Vipassana meditation is one of the most ancient meditation technique in the world taught by Buddha. Even though it’s part of Buddhism, it’s not a religious thing.

It’s a deep mind excavation. Not for the faint hearted. It’s a warrior training. Brutal and hard. You’re completely on your own.

No talking. No phone for 10 days. No eye contact. No exercise. No reading. No journaling.

A complete stripping away of everything.

What got me to my first Vipassana was hearing the power of it from a few people around me.

I love challenges. I love discovering parts of me I haven’t met yet. It often requires going beyond what is familiar to me.

This felt like one. So I went.

During my first Vipassana, I realised how much I love silence. It deeply changed me and the trajectory of where I was going. You can read the poem I wrote after at the bottom of this post.

By the end of it, I told myself to do yearly Vipassana each December as a way of closing of the year and letting go.

It’s actually really hard to go in again. They are quite strict about who they allow in.

After being rejected 3-4 times, I finally got in this year.

This time around, I was in a very different place. I was living in Istanbul, Türkiye, where I grew up.

I already had a pretty stripped away life there around that time, mostly isolating myself.

I knew what a peaceful and no drama life felt like.

It started to become my new normal, after all the intensity I experienced all my life up until 2024 really.

At the same time, I was looking forward to not having my phone, going inwards and being with myself for a reset.

I take 2 weeks off from sessions which is the longest I’ve taken off since starting my business.

My plan was to do Vipassana then visit one of my closest friends Glenn and his partner who lived nearby.

I tell all my clients I’ll be offline during those 10 days, move all the sessions, do all the last admins.

I pack all my bland coloured outfits. They don’t want you to wear distracting colours there.

I set my intention on the plane to the UK:

Deepen connection with God + feeling safe in my body + reset energy

I wanted to send a prayer for myself as this is a challenging training. I hear this:

May you let go of everything you’re not.

Remember all that you are

And receive all that you need.

This was two months after the Egypt trip. I could feel the impact of that trip was still working on me, in me. It felt great to deepen that.

I thought about a few conversations I had with friends about Vipassana.

My friend Glenn, who is a solid Vipassana meditator told me,

“Trust the process. Shit will come up.”

One of my other close friends Karen, who also did her Vipassana years ago told me to eat lots of prunes to help with the digestion.

The day before leaving, I even ran into my old English tutor Ayda in Istanbul that I haven’t seen in 2 years. It was great to chat to her about our previous Vipassana experiences.

I watched Song of the Sea on the plane.

It’s a magical animation based on Irish mythology, selkies and grief.

I cried feeling a little out of place on the Earth, at times.

I could easily die tomorrow, I’m not scared of it.

I also feel I’m not done yet.

I had a full life already and there’s still a lot in me that wants to be lived.

Arrival

I land in Heathrow Airport, London and take a train to Herefordshire.

On the train, I complete my last conversations.

I realise I’ve been working a lot more recently which is amazing, and I was on my phone a lot more. I look forward not looking at any screens for a while.

I arrive at the centre, fill all the forms etc. I purposefully arrive slightly more towards the start time to avoid chit chat with people.

Last time, the final conversations I had circled in my mind for a whole day. I didn’t want that this time.

I settle in my room and come back to the main hall. They tell us all the things we need to know. We put all our valuables like phones, laptop, etc in lockers. We could still talk until the first sitting (meditation session).

Last time, I journaled my insights which you’re not meant to do. They believe it can be a distraction. I found it useful at the time.

This time, I thought to myself,

You know what? I’m going to follow the rules for once.

I took out all my jewelleries, no make up, no writing, nothing. I was ready to go total monk mode.

I shared a room with 8-9 women. Our beds were separated by curtains in between. It was kind of cute and cosy. At this point we could still talk, so we’re meeting people asking each other’s names, where we travelled from, if it’s our first time etc. We were all repeaters in that room.

Men and women have separate sections. We have lunch in the same place, that is separated by a partition.

DAY 1-4: Settling In

For the first 4 days, we do Ānāpāna meditation, which is watching your breath and see what sensation you can feel below your nose, above your upper lip.

The whole point is to sharpen your mind. Your mind wonders of course, it’s natural. You keep coming back to that Hitler moustache area.

For 4 days.

That’s all you do in each sitting.

For a lot of people, back pain or leg pain starts to become a problem during the sittings.

I hacked a sitting position. Hear me out and use it if you go:

You arrange the blocks in a way that your bum is lifted from the floor and you look like you are riding a horse sitting on two blocks.

You get one block underneath each knee as well. Now all of you is slightly lifted from the ground.

Try this if you go. My back was fine the whole time. There’s no need to go through unnecessary pain. You have other stuff to deal with there.

As I looked back over the next days, I saw people trying it out.

I was very proud that I started a movement.

Men and women also meditate in the same hall, separated. I was on the far end of women, closer to men.

I could feel this masculine energy from the left side coming, which was nice.

The first few days feel like bit of a holiday, I meditated, I napped, I rested. I didn’t write. I went for little walks during breaks.

The days start with a gong at 4am, for the morning meditation until 6am. I went to one, felt sick, went back to bed. I didn’t go to any of the morning ones. It was way too early for me.

The food was amazing. We would all eat in silence, looking out the window. It was nice not to talk whilst eating. Each lunch was a feast. Not talking, or not having distractions, made me enjoy and be present with the food more.

Apart from breakfast, lunch and some breaks, it’s pretty much meditating the whole time for 8-10 hours. Then we head to bed at 9pm when the lights go out.

Every evening around 8pm, we would watch Goenka’s videos from the 90s. He’s a wholesome Vipassana teacher from India.

Before the sittings start, we would hear a recording of his voice saying “Anicca” meaning impermanence. Constant change. Everything you experience, will pass away. His voice echoed in my head throughout. I can close my eyes, go back and can still hear it.

Then we head to bed at 9pm and the lights go out.

In the first few days, I quickly realised how not having my journal was a mistake.

However, I wanted to follow through on my intention. I also wanted to see how it would be to follow the rules.

I normally adjust them slightly without causing harm or distraction to anyone.

I like to document the insights I get to then move on from them. It was a bit annoying not do that. I gave themes to each day in my mind to remember the vibe of what happened. Like titles in a book pulling all the chapters together.

Towards the end of day 4, I genuinely worried if I signed up to the wrong course, whether we would actually get to the Vipassana technique.

They introduced the Vipassana technique at the end of day 4.

It’s basically a massive body scan. You go through all body parts, part by part. It can be very difficult as you’re not visualising, you’re actually trying to feel the sensation.

You’re encouraged to feel the air on your skin or the cloth of your top etc and take it from there.

Once this technique is introduced, that’s when we really begin.

Before, it’s all warm up.

DAY 5 - Saṅkhāras Clearing

After day 4, Adhitthāna is introduced.

This is committing to sitting for one hour without moving or changing position.

During those sittings, as we’re scanning the body, we’re encouraged not to react to any sensation, whether it’s unpleasant or pleasant.

Wanting to hold onto pleasant sensations creates attachment.

Trying to get rid of the unpleasant ones creates aversion.

The invitation is to just notice, observe and remind ourselves that all is passing.

What you resist, will persist. So what you not resist, will also go away. And it works! I promise. It actually goes away.

Our unprocessed emotions and trauma is stored in the body.

This, in a very slow way, allows you to go into it, if your body and psyche brings it up, observe it and let it go.

When you’re not reacting, observing, your body starts to bring up what they call saṅkhāras.

These are impurities in your psyche, patterns and conditioning.

They gave an analogy about how deeply a saṅkhāra could be embedded.

A very light saṅkhāra is like a line drawn on water. A reaction arises and disappears instantly.

A stronger saṅkhāra would be a line drawn on sand. Slightly stronger reaction, but eventually it’s washed away.

An even stronger, deeply ingrained saṅkhāra would be a line carved on rock. The reaction has been reinforced and becomes a pattern of craving, aversion or attachment here.

Through deep work, Vipassana aims to clear those saṅkhāras carved on rocks.

The day before, I had my period. On my day 1 (the day I have my period), normally I’d want to lay down and rest. Not sit up solidly and be in the same room with 150 people amongst coughs, farts and burps.

But anyway, here I am and we’re doing it.

45 mins into the sitting, I’m thinking,

Wow I’m doing pretty good despite the period.

A few moments later, I start to feel a flush of hot sensation rise from my lower back and belly. I go,

Oh no.

When this happens, I know I pushed my body, and I’m about to throw up, sweat, and go into bit of an episode.

The only way to end is make myself throw up and go to sleep. It always passes after sleep. It happened maybe 10 times in my life during day 1 of period.

I leave the room which you’re not meant to do during those sittings.

I go back to my room and bathroom and threw up.

The assistant teacher comes to check on me. I’m dying on bed, not looking great I imagine.

I tell her that I’ll rest a bit and come to the next session.

10 min later, another assistant teacher comes. I’m thinking,

Jesus, these guys. Just leave me alone.

I understand that’s their job but it pisses me off. After some more throwing up, I get myself to sleep.

I wake up feeling so much better. Raw, tender and vulnerable though.

And angry. I’m really angry. But I can’t shake, make sounds, punch pillows or anything that is my usual way of feeling and processing anger, so I’m just breathing through it.

It’s lunch time. If I don’t go now, I won’t have food for the rest of the day. I go and have an angry lunch. I’m angry at myself how I didn’t listen to my body and that was the result.

I went to the teacher during lunch break to ask - what the hell was that?

She says,

“We started doing Vipassana, that was saṅkhāras clearing.”

Now at the time, my Ego didn’t like that.

Later, as I sat with that, I could see that.

When I first had my period as a young girl, no one explained to me the power of the menstrual cycle and what it was about.

No one explained how there are four phases representing the four seasons, how each season had a gift and if I hone in on that I basically can unlock my feminine power and wisdom.

It’s living in alignment with nature and the four seasons - we just had a microcosm of that in a month. It’s actually mind-blowing.

I didn’t know any of that up until I was 23.

I just knew I had to use pads, hide them discreetly, pretend to have shame about it and deal with the period cramps. My teen brain was like,

Why don’t boys get periods?

My sense is that I was clearing that anger and unfairness feelings from that time.

I still don’t know what that was. Feel free to comment what you feel it is.

Another part of me, still does think it’s important to listen to the body during this tender, soft time and not push.

I definitely pushed.

DAY 6 - Autism & Forgiveness

The next day I felt much better as I got out of the day 1-2 period hazy, dreamlike brain space.

I got so many memories, images and flashbacks come up. I know when this happens it means that memory is being cleared and let go of.

Later in the day, as the images kept coming up, I noticed this second Vipassana was more about my life after I moved to the UK when I was 19. The first Vipassana was more about my life in Turkiye before then.

Since I was 3, I’ve bitten the sides of my fingers. It could be autism stims, anxiety or something else.

I don’t know.

Towards the lunch time, I start to spiral into an autistic hole.

Meaning sometimes, very rarely visible from the outside, I freeze. I don’t know what’s happening and my verbal skills start to deteriorate. My brain goes blank. I don’t do facial expressions as much.

It’s like a shutdown. One step further is a meltdown.

Walking to the lunch, I could feel this was happening. I remember thinking,

Thank God, we’re not talking or doing facial expressions.

So I don’t have to worry about that. Facial muscles are fully relaxed the whole time.

Registering what we need to do; queuing, grabbing the plate and putting food on it took me a minute. I fully go into the mode of,

I’m a blob and I don’t know what I’m doing.

Anyway, I somehow do all these little but many steps. I find a place to sit facing the window. Now that I have everything, I go into myself to see what that was..

I hear,

That’s your autistic little girl.

I start to cry in front of my food.

Basically, when I’m in a situation I don’t want to be in but I have to be there for whatever reason, or I don’t know what’s happening, I do that stimming.

It’s self-soothing in some ways. Sometimes it’s habitual too.

I send all the love to that part in me, hug myself, take a few deep breaths in. What felt like a bad trip, started to subside and I come back to presence and my adult self. I realised how trippy that was after coming back.

I take a deep breath. But no, can’t exhale loud, I do a silent exhale.

I have painful memories come up with mum and dad. Amongst these painful times, I’m reminding myself that it’s passing, to breathe and observe.

I got shown a memory in Nice, France.

We used to have a holiday home there when I was between 4-7 years old.

The memories I had there are some of the best ones I have with my parents.

Then I hear,

If you’re going to give your mum and dad such a hard time for what they didn’t do, look at what they did as well.

I start to cry. You can’t move because it’s an Adhitthāna sitting. So I feel the tears rolling down my cheeks.

I start to see all the beautiful memories.

It does some kind of balancing out the bad memories. The charge starts to subside. I naturally come to forgiveness.

I also feel like I had enough of my own shit, enough arguing with my parents in my head, even when one of them has passed.

I think it’s important to feel the emotions fully and not go into forgiveness prematurely through spiritual bypassing.

This was legit forgiveness through fairness.

My brain found a way to make forgiveness work for me that honoured all the parts.

I also noticed when I don’t write the insights instantly, I get to integrate it in the body.

This forgiveness piece might have been the most important thing that happened to me there.

DAY 7 - Old Relationships & Friendships

On this day, I went through all of my past relationships.

I lived, felt everything and re-experienced all the breakups.

It was actually beautiful, painful and so liberating. I felt all the past love again.

I cleared all past partners’ energy from my psyche and womb. I did this by welcoming any emotions I felt remembering them and letting them go. This is so not Vipassana, but it happened naturally.

I went through the deep friendships that ended, all the friendship breakups and the fallouts I had.

I remembered so many things I forgot. I apologised and thanked them.

I remembered all the love that was there.

Each time I opened my eyes, when a sitting was complete, it felt very trippy to come back.

I cried multiple times that day.

I got all the way up to date with relationships and friendships.

DAY 8 - I’m Done

On this day, I was done. I was ready to go.

There was nothing else left to be cleared. Not everyone does clearing by the way, I’m sure. That was my experience. I was using Vipassana to bring up things, find all the similar threads to that theme and then let them go.

I started to vision my life, business and things I wanted to do and create.

It was such crystal clear visioning as there’s no interference. It felt like drinking from a fresh well, pure water. Pristine-like quality.

I did wanted to leave though. I really had enough. But I’m stubborn. I want to complete what I started and keep the promise I’ve given myself.

I also want to talk to everyone and see them come to life on day 10 when we could speak.

DAY 9 - I’m Beyond Done

I was beyond done. I was bored out of my mind. It was just beyond.

I don’t normally get bored, ever. This was boredom on steroids.

I started to think why I was there.

I actually remembered this insight I got on day 3, even before the Vipassana technique started,

This is a very masculine yang training.

It can really break a woman in the long term.

I’ve done all these intense containers, transformational deep journeys in my 20s. Spiritual, shamanism, sexuality and more. I went all in between 2015-2024. And now I’m completing that phase. It’s taking me a while to wind down from that intensity. No need for intense containers anymore.

That Scorpio-like nature is giving it’s way to more Sagittarius-like nature. Someone even told me a planet in some house in my chart moved from Scorpio to Sagittarius.

Now it gets to be easy and playful.

I heard,

Trust yourself.

Trust your intuition.

I thought to myself that day walking outside,

I’m probably not going to do Vipassana again in this life.

I’m not a monk.

I don’t want to live in a monk way.

I want to live and express fully.

I want to be more.

Not less.

Monk life is fine by the way. It’s just not me. That realisation felt like a relief. I don’t have to keep coming back here. My meditation is dance and movement. I will continue that.

I’m grateful I got to experience this (meditation) to appreciate the other polarity (movement) more. The absence of movement, showed me more about movement.

I’m a dancer, not a meditator.

DAY 10 - Talking

The final day!

I remember the joy of waking up that day knowing soon we’d be able to talk. I was surprised at how much I wanted to connect with people again.

In my first Vipassana, I loved the silence so much that I wanted to stay in it for longer.

This time was the opposite.

We had 1-2 more sittings which felt like eternity.

They taught us Metta meditation in the last sitting. It is a meditation of sending love and compassion to all living beings.

After the meditation ended, we could talk!

I headed to the food section to have tea.

By this point, I forgot all social skills, keeping eye contact, pace of talking, not interrupting etc.

It took me around half an hour to come back online, especially in a group chat. Other women felt the same, it was social awkwardness at it’s best.

Last time, I loved the silence.

This time, I loved the connection.

I loved seeing everyone’s face come alive. Their expressions. The light in their eyes. Their accents.

That’s the feminine, that’s the expression. It’s the love.

It felt like we missed one another in there. Close, yet so far away from one another.

We were there together but also in our own worlds.

I went to find my friend, the woman who was sleeping next to my bed. She also sat next to me in the sittings.

We were like,

“Hiiiii!!!”

We laughed, hugged each other and couldn’t stop laughing. We had such similar experiences. We realised we’ve been tracking one another, cheering for one another energetically.

She thought I was very on it. I thought she was very on it. When internally. neither of us felt that about ourselves.

She told me she was worried about me on day 5 when I walked out of the meditation hall. Then she was relieved when I came back for lunch

It touched me that she cared. So much can be felt and shared without words.

I felt the energetic attunement I had with people. It happens over the days as our nervous system attune to and co-regulate with each other.

Those I felt energetically closer or drawn to, were the same ones I connected deeper verbally. The body knows.

I felt this in the France / Egypt trip, after a few days, we started to get attuned to one another, picking up each other’s thoughts and complimenting each other’s actions. This felt a little like that too.

It was also a bit awkward when someone opens the door for you, and you can’t say thank you back. Maybe it’s more of a UK problem than a problem that would exist anywhere else in the world.

Eventually, you get into flow, one organism living together.

Afterwards, they remove that partition. I realise I miss connecting with men.

I speak to a few men afterwards, about how it’s a masculine training. They find it very yin. I guess it is yin for them, it’s not martial arts, a yang thing. When I spoke to women, they find it yang, intense masculine practice, very warrior.

After a while, I grab my phone, laptop etc. I pack my bags. And now we can talk in our bedroom. It was so nice to see all the women come alive there too.

I grab my phone and go to the walking area amongst the trees. I switch on my phone. I go through some messages, a glance. It was 500 notifications, mostly from the groups I’m in.

I notice a bunch of hilarious photos of my friends. I laugh hysterically. My first laughter in 10 days. It felt like ray of sunshine coming through. I missed laughing.

After not laughing for 10 days, even smiling, this was healing.

Laughter is medicine.

(before - 2026)

(after - 2026) - I think I look and feel better before 😅

After Vipassana

I leave with my new friend. We say goodbye to the people. We get in the car.

As we were driving out, we were literally shouting,

“FAAAAK We’re free!”

We both were so done on day 8. We shout, laugh and howl. It was the best ending.

We then go to a cafe, have coffee, sandwich with meat in it. The food at the centre was vegan. We miss meat.

We laugh and laugh and make so many jokes. We both feel we’re not going to do Vipassana again, it was her second time too.

We walk on a hill, feel the fresh air, being able to walk out and do what we want.

She drives me to Great Malvern, where my friend Glenn lives. We say our goodbyes.

I walk into a cafe and I am so happy to be around people and bring able to talk.

I say “Hi” to the barista and he asks me how my day was. I say,

“I just completed a 10 day silent meditation. I feel great! I’m so happy I can speak to people again.”

He looks surprised and has so many questions. Later, he sits opposite me when he has his lunch break. Turns out he has done some spiritual journeying himself. He invites me to hang with his friends later playing bowling.

I seriously consider it. Then think to myself,

No need to side quest over here straight after a Vipassana.

I politely decline, but feels lovely to be invited.

I sit in that cafe for a few hours, catching up on my phone, emails etc. Last time, this felt overwhelming afterwards. This time it feels great. I’m so happy to be in connection again.

I get caught up on texts and emails within a few hours.

By the end of that day, Glenn comes over to pick me up from that cafe.

Back at their place, I have a rant about my experience that they find hilarious. I’m glad they were able to receive it and not get defensive about Vipassana.

I stay with them for 2 days. It gives me space to land back into reality. My senses are still very open. I remember feeling raw and tender.

I share with Glenn one day, my Egypt experience and cry my eyes out. He’s an excellent listener and has a big heart.

One night, we watch Pocahontas together, one of my favourite movies. We watch the Aladdin the next day.

I walk around town one afternoon, finding some beautiful trees. I realise I miss the big UK trees.

After a few days, I fly back to Istanbul.

I continue not wearing make up in the following few months.

My Post-Vipassana Reflections

I know it sounds like I hated it, however I’m very grateful for the valuable insights I got, the healing and closure that took place.

I’m glad I did this second time around. It was a great ending.

Because I have done this life excavation intensely so many times, I now go around in circles. There’s nothing else left to dig. Now it’s time for me to go out and create. And enjoy life. Not everything is inner work.

I will continue to be open and curious about what I find in myself, but I don’t have to actively look for it now.

I remember the period episode. I remember how stripped away it all is. No expression, connection. You’re silent, you’re sitting up straight. You’re stripped away of everything in deep presence. Inner peace.

These are all masculine qualities. If you’re someone who wants to cultivate that, absolutely go for it.

I believe this training could be great for women to cultivate their inner warrior, discipline and mind mastery. I do however believe it’s not set up for the female nervous system. Most down regulating tips out there for nervous system are actually were tested on male nervous system.

Female nervous system needs connection for regulation. Movement, sharing, connecting, weight lifting kind of things actually is what we need.

I don’t think it’s good for women to do it in the long term. It removes the joy, magic, radiance, magnetism of the feminine nature. I felt angry about this for days there and couldn’t even express, because you know, I was following the rules.

The silence is one of my favourite aspect of this course. You’re not talking and not interacting with anyone. No one interacts with you either. No need to smile back at someone, be polite etc.

Of course accidental eye contact happen and they’re a little weird in the beginning. This is where I get a mental reset. The autistic part of me can really relax. What happens instead of talking is interesting though.

After a few days of easing into it, the group energy gets synced. A lot of non-verbal communication goes on. You get fine tuned in your senses. So when you do choose to talk again after, it’s intentional. It’s not a word salad.

I feel there’s too much talking in the world and not enough listening.

There’s a deep peace that can be accessed in the silence.

Deep silence is actually very full. There’s so much going on there.

Just like how rest is productive. When you’re resting, you get to integrate, make connections, recover, rejuvenate, maybe get ideas and move forward after.

Another lesson was trusting my authority.

There can be a healthy relationship between humility and trusting one’s skills.

I’ve been working on myself since I was 14, meditating since I was 8. This was part of me, nearly all my life. I wanted to lift every stone and see what’s underneath it. This connected me with many modalities, skills. I embodied each experience, each learning as I went.

After Vipassana, I started to own who I am and what I do a little deeper.

I got clear steps on what to do. Going to bed early. Continuing my work. Building a community (coming soon!).

All in all, I would recommend Vipassana at least once! Try it for yourself. They do it all around the world. It’s donation basis. I believe this 10-day silent meditation course is especially great for men. It’s a training of determination, discipline and liberation.

So don’t let the title of this post dishearten you.

I benefitted a lot, then I was done. I’m super grateful that it taught me to appreciate silence, to enjoy eating my food without watching something or listening to a podcast. It grounded me and cleared things out of my system.

I still tell myself to observe, that it’s going to pass and the impermanence nature of things. It keeps me regulated in high stress situations.

It won’t be one of my main modalities, but forever grateful for it and won’t return.

I do recommend taking notes of your insights though, especially if you’re neurodivergent, more on the autistic side. It allows you to move on after writing.

Vipassana is a very much a neurotypical training. So you need to make it work for you.

Simple Practical Tips

If you’re reading this and thinking,

“Well, that sounds great. I have three kids and a full time job. I don’t have the time to go away for 10 days.”

Here are a few ways you can implement some aspects of this course into your day to day:

Ways to Implement This Course into Daily Life

Digital Detox: You can choose to switch off your phone for a few hours. Or you can a have a boundary such as phone off at 9pm.

Silence: Create moments of silence in your life. Can you go on that walk in silence? Can you eat your food in silence? Be intentional with your speaking time. Is it necessary for you to speak or are you filling space with words because you’re not comfortable with the silence? You can have a family quiet time for one hour each evening. You can read books together, play a quiet game like puzzle, colour together, chill, be. Being quiet together doesn’t mean it’s disconnected. It’s settled, grounded and peaceful. You get to connect beyond words.

Meditation: You can put 10-30 min time aside to go inwards. Have a timer on Insight Timer. Even just closing your eyes, noticing your inner world, thoughts, feelings, letting them pass by is meditation. You can also do walking meditation, dance meditation, whatever form of connecting with yourself works. I don’t do sitting down meditation anymore, but when I do I imagine receiving God’s energy through the top of my head, clearing my spine like a see through channel. Try that.

Eating: Connect with your food before eating. Take a moment to thank it and everyone who was involved to get that food to you. Then eat the food with presence. Don’t watch something as you eat or listen to a podcast episode. This is time to receive and nourish your body. Be present with it.

Nature: When you’re in nature, or even passing by flowers, leaves; slow down to smell or touch them. Connect with them. Don’t worry how it would look from the outside. Engage with nature. Remember you belong to it. It’s your home.

Here’s a poem I wrote after my first Vipassana in 2022:

✨

A warrior training,

Detox of the mind,

Clearing of the consciousness.

No touch,

No intimacy,

No words,

To escape the inner world.

Silence,

I loved it,

I hated it.

I didn’t know,

I needed it.

Moving together as a group,

Like dancing blind folded,

Familiar energies,

Drawn to each other.

Cups of tea,

Had together in silence

Watching the robin, the trees.

Moments of nothingness,

In the midst of,

Coughs, burps and farts.

Noticing my mind,

Going everywhere,

Addiction of worrying,

Of asking for what I want,

Of not trusting.

Stuck in an endless loop.

That I can’t escape.

Observing what I like,

And don’t like.

Being with reality as it is,

Not how I want it to be.

Forgotten memories resurfacing,

Frozen emotions in time,

Parts of me I left behind,

Demons coming back,

As if no time has passed.

All to be seen,

To be heard,

To be loved.

My teenage self,

Proud of me,

I became,

Who she needed the most.

Revisiting old relationships,

Letting go of friendships,

Remembering old lives,

Saying hello to different lifetimes,

Forgiving it all,

Thanking it all.

Going into places in myself,

I’m scared to go into,

Then nothing outside can scare me.

As it’s only me.

It’s all me.

I’m only scared of myself.

Of what I’ll find within.

True freedom,

Is being able to go anywhere,

In my consciousness and say,

Show me.

I was shown.

Softness over intensity,

Meeting life sensually,

Polishing a diamond with care,

So it doesn’t break.

The sweet art of doing nothing,

Having all the space,

All the time,

To be.

Art of living,

Is only possible,

With the art of dying.

A lot happening,

In the seemingly dull moments.

Snowflakes,

Pure magic of innocence,

Impermanence,

Everything changing,

Nothing lasting forever.

Just like the snow.

A homecoming,

So much clarity,

Nourishment for my mind,

Feeling more grounded than ever,

Knowing who I am,

Trusting myself.

I got me.

Life is starting,

Only now.

Gratitude and love,

Kindness and compassion,

For the journey,

For the people,

For all beings.

For life.

Above all,

Nothing is real.

It’s all a game.

Don’t get caught up in your identity.

Don’t take it all too seriously.

Go all in and play,

Know the rules to break them,

And don’t forget,

It’s only a game.

🤍

Me after my first Vipassana - Dec 2022

Me and my friend Glenn (who inspired me to do it) before my first Vipassana - Dec 2022

I wrote most of this post listening to this:

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It’s my favourite festival in the UK.

It was absolutely magical, joyful, connected, deep and powerful 🔥

I love festivals 🌈

They’re a magical container where you can just flow wherever you’re drawn to. Out of thousands of people you experience exactly what’s meant to happen. It’s never random.

Where you put your focus instantly is reflected back to you.

They’re a microcosm of life ✨

I saw friends I haven’t seen in years. It was so lovely to catch up. I met so many people. Made too many stupid jokes.

I laughed a lot. I cried a lot. I danced a lot. I ran into possibly all the Turkish people who were there 😅

I came across Amenti’s work for the first time. It was powerful and transformational.

Gill, the founder basically opens up a shamanic and energetic portal for the deep work to take place. I did their workshops every day. I feel that was the biggest reason I was there this year. I’ll be doing their immersions. It’s nothing like I ever experienced before 🔥

One morning I magically got up at 5:30am and walked around taking in the stillness of it all. Then I did the qi gong class at 7am. Never did this at a festival before.

I loved swimming in the lake naked ☀️

I had a gorgeous papaya fruit boat, it was one of the best things I ate there 🥝

I danced with my 5rhythms crew, Christian played. It felt like we were back in the church we used to dance in like no time has passed ✨

I went to Dominik + Extraordinary Lovers’ workshops on intimacy, sensuality and connection. They were deeply nourishing and fun. Thank you for your incredible work 🙏🏼

Thank you Medicine Festival for creating such an amazing experience on a beautiful land that I love keep coming back to.

Thank you to everyone who made it so magical 🌀 Love you! 💛

I’ll be back in 2028. Come join 😍

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I did all the things I LOVE 💛

Saturday morning, I went for an outdoor run. I’ve been doing these free runs by Run That created by Jay Copley. He’s the best run hype man. Highly recommend!

I discovered some parts of Hampstead Heath extension I never saw. In the end of the run, I felt drawn to a sacred churchlike building and land sort of place. There were name plates of people who passed. Then I realised it was a crematorium.

There was so much reverence, palpable love and respect for those who passed 🙏🏼

I walked around in these beautiful gardens that were so well looked after.

Then I found a Children’s Garden. It was for all the babies and children who passed 🥺 They had name plates, flowers, toys given in their names. It truly broke me. I walked around crying for other people’s kids and sending some prayers.

There were so many benches. I thought, “Maybe I’ll have one of those benches after I die.” Then I said, “Cancel.” I still want to live for a while 😄

The whole garden was massive and honestly one of the most beautiful gardens I’ve seen. Golders Green Crematorium - go check it out 🌺

Then I did life admin, organisation kind of stuff. I had a cleaner come over.

I had my cleaner come over. Her name is Albena, she’s Bulgarian. She’s like a ray of sunshine, has sooo much energy. I want to be like her when I’m her age. I gave her one of my Hellofresh coupon card things.

She said to me in the most joyful voice, “You’re so generous. May God bring you all that you want and more.” I teared up a little ☀️

I was feeling a little low then. It totally lifted me up. She also arranged my bathroom ducks looking like they’re kissing each other 🦆 She does cute little things like that each time she comes over appreciated the cute, colourful, weird things I have.

Then I went to see my friend Alex that I haven’t seen in years. We walked through sunny Soho feeling the lively London.

I think London people are in work and business mode Mon-Thurs. Then more open and connected mode Fri-Sun. I notice there’s more eye contact going on after Thursday 👀

We have ice-cream, catch up, go eat oysters in this cute beautifully designed sea themed restaurant. Then we have the best Italian sandwiches that are as big as my head 🥪

My adhd brain definitely needed the new experiences, chats and locations 🌀

I then go see the movie Obsession on my own. Initially I feel a little scared but I come to a conclusion that it’s much better to see it together with people in the movies than solo at home 😅

It was awesome! Disturbing, takes it really far and makes you think. Like Substance but in a different way. I love movies that pushe the boundaries and weird, unexpected things happen in them.

A few people at the back kept laughing at the scary scenes. Then the whole room laughed and it made the whole thing really really funny 😂 We were all laughing at scenes we shouldn’t be laughing at.

I went home feeling nourished, open and connected ✨

On Sunday, I went to ecstatic dance.

Wow it was divine! I saw friends I haven’t seen in a while. I pulled a card at the altar and got “surrender”. I had a dance where I surrendered. It felt gorgeous. The dj, the dancefloor, vibe of people kept getting better and better 🎉

I saw my friend Morag, the beautiful muse, artist and dancer that she is. I haven’t seen her for maybe 7 years. We sat, shared and cried remembering the magic of the Sweaty Thursdays in that church in Vauxhall back in the day between 2017-2019.

I shared with her how deep we all went beyond any words can capture on that dancefloor. There was a shared safety, expansion and ecstasy.

I processed a lot of grief on that dancefloor - dad passing, relationships ending. I also found myself on that dancefloor and the dance immersions that community had. I felt seen and welcomed in who I am. I truly miss it. Nothing came close to the magic of those shared moments with the dancers on that dance floor 🙏🏼

I’ve kind of forgot who I am a little in the last few months, even years when I was in Turkey. Talking to Morag and being with her made me remember myself a little more and those magical soulful times. I decided to reconnect with my 5rhythms community more from these years ✨

As I was talking to her, saying how I am coming back to myself, remembering all the things that used to give me joy, a lovely woman comes over and says,

“Are you Isik? I used to follow your writing on Facebook 10 years ago and loved it.”

I feel touched by her words. She added how much she appreciated the generosity and transparency in the writing.

That gave me the confirmation I didn’t know I needed. I haven’t posted on here in months. I haven’t shared like this in years.

I told her that. She said,

“I don’t normally go up to strangers and tell them what to do, but you should continue writing and sharing.”

She was a God sent angel. Her name is Ella. Thank you Ella 🙏🏼

Morag and I decide to meet up this weekend and have a proper hang out time catching up on all the years 🦋

I leave and go find a place to eat. I say hello to other dancers there. I soak in the sunshine feeling aliveness coming back.

I realise a lot of me exists in writing. Writing and dancing. Both expressions and they inform one another.

There’s a grief in me and feeling hard on myself how I didn’t write all this time. And it’s ok. I forgive myself. I restart today.

I feel like I’m waking from a long long winter sleep and it feels so f*cking great 🔥 Writing this post and the last felt like being able to breathe again.

Thank you for being here, reading this.

Whether you’re still here after all those years or just joined me, I’m so happy to have you here 😍🙏🏼✨

Here’s an epic Berlin vibe set I’ve been listening to writing this:

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I’ve actually been back since April and have been living here undercover 😅

After spending 2.5 years living in Istanbul, which was a much harder chapter than I expected (I’ll share that another time), I moved back to London.

The transition wasn’t smooth. I lived in Airbnbs for about six weeks while house hunting. By the end of it, I was properly burnt out.

I’ve eventually found a new home with a bath which is essential for my rest and regulation 🛁

I’m back in Golders Green where I used to live in 2019. I love it here. There’s a Turkish shop nearby. I love being near the Hampstead Heath hanging out with the trees nearly every day. I go there and sometimes walk for hourse, get lost, discover new spots I haven’t been 🌳

I made friends with the waitresses in a cafe nearby. When I went there after not having gone in a while, they gave me the biggest hug and asked me where I have been. They’re so sweet 🫂

I’ve been nesting and gently finding my way back into the London rhythm. I started to reconnect with old friends, make new friends, go on a few dates and return to the community events that were such a big part of my life.

Some of the events I used to love, don’t resonate with me anymore. And some of the places and gatherings I was never drawn to before, are now calling my attention.

I’m trying not to assume what I like just because I liked it in the past. Instead, I’m paying attention, listening and staying curious to see what I find. It feels like getting to know this new version of myself and discovering what she likes now ✨

I started going to the 5rhythms and ecstatic dancing again. I still like them. I’ve been away from doing them regularly that it’s taking me a minute to remember myself in the dances. I feel my dance is changing too 👯

I haven’t worked out for 6 months or so which might have been the longest I’ve gone without exercise in my whole adult life. I started to feel the heaviness of it. After the longest procrastination period, I started running outdoors again. Omg it was the best feeling ever 🏃🏽‍♀️

I cried in the end of some of the runs. It reminded me of the time I used to run in Oxford 15 years ago. I started to explore new places in my runs too. A lake, meadow and a crematorium so far. I got back into lifting weights this week as well and now my whole body aches 💪🏼

I didn’t really cook in Istanbul for 2.5 years which was amazing. I’ve been getting back into it again through HelloFresh meals. They send you the recipes and all the ingredients. So I don’t have to think about it. It’s been very grounding to nourish myself 🥘

I’ve gone to Glastonbury, Scotland and Istanbul since coming back which have been magical, expansive and healing. They were great completions and realisations which I will share soon 🧙🏻

I started to sleep before midnight, something I rarely did in my adult life. I even got a few sessions from a sleep coach and got sleepy in the sessions 😅 it works. The early wake ups and runs that come with them have been magical ✨

I started doing the Artist’s Way after 13 years. I’m in week 2 now. The last time I did it, I was in the second year of university (architecture studies lol) and it changed my life. I’ve been doing 1-3 morning pages ever since. It feels amazing to get back into it after all those years. I can notice the transformation that happened since on a deeper level. I’m excited to see what comes out of this round 🎊

I didn’t put make up on for 5-6 months and decided to use it again. It was a good detox though I realised my nature loves experiencing life, not removing life. I like enjoying beauty, adornment and creativity. I also like to be free with my expression, not limit myself and be able to change my mind 💋

I’ve been continuing the work I love, supporting my clients through coaching sessions. It’s been incredibly meaningful and fulfilling. And honestly, it kept me sane the last year especially. I facilitated breathwork workshops at a dance gathering and an exhibition. I also launched my Intuition Course - something I’ve wanted to bring into the world for nearly a year 🎊

And over the past few months, I’ve been working on something I’m really excited about: an online community which I’ll be launching in the next month. I can’t wait to share more soon 😍

I won’t be running Naked Breathwork™ for a while, but I’m feeling really drawn to creating workshops and events in London around intuition, relational dynamics, breathwork, dance and everything that brings us back home to ourselves 🙏🏼

I facilitated a workshop in Scotland recently. It reminded me just how much I love guiding people into deeper connection with themselves and with each other 💛 So stay tuned for those!

I’ve been isolating and hiding for a year really. Even though I know I needed that for a while, I can feel it’s no longer good for my nature nor healthy to stay there. I come alive through connection, sharing, joy, magic, adventure 🌈 I feel it’s time to step back into the world.

So HELLO world! And I’m here London people 👋🏼

Good to be back! 🥰🌈💛✨

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As I’m reflecting on the notes I’ve written on the trip, I’m crying remembering the beauty and the power of this trip.

It felt like we went into another world and time expanded. We supported one another in profound ways.

We have planned this trip from months ahead to visit Chartres Cathedral that was made in honour of Mary Magdalene and go to Cairo to experience the pyramids.

I’ve been going on adventures, trips and retreats with these friends guiding them through breathwork and intuition at times.

This time it was different. I wasn’t guiding anything, so I could relax a little like I was also on a holiday / adventure.

We agreed on meeting in Chartres Wednesday morning. I wanted to go to Paris on Tuesday afternoon, as sometimes I miss flights. I didn’t want to jeopardise the group.

As I was on the plane, I set an intention for the trip: to connect to God.

To cultivate a deeper relationship and connection with God.

And I said,

Show me how good it can get.

I could feel there was something about receiving.

TUESDAY - Paris

After landing in Paris, I take in all the French speaking around me.

I studied in a French high school in Istanbul for 5 years.

Each time I come back to France, I remember that time. My awkward, insecure and anxious teenage self comes out a little. I feel a little weird speaking French so I decide to stick to English.

I head to my Airbnb. As I’m texting with a friend from our group, out of nowhere he offers me a gift. It feels so generous and sweet. I cry with gratitude. I do one final group call and then close work for the week.

Miles who was traveling from the US also have arrived a day early to land. We decide to meet up for dinner. We go for a wonder across the streets by the Seine.

It reminds me of the movie Before Sunset where they have real time conversations in walking along the river. I love movies like that. They’re way more real and authentic.

We walk and catch up on life for a while. Then we intuitively find a place to eat. As we enter, a table opens up.

It’s a beautiful, cute little French restaurant. As the waiter talks about the dishes with such pride, I smile thinking how much he loves his job.

I could go a whole lifetime without eating if the eating section of being human was covered somehow by a pill or something.

Having said that, I love eating out, more so for the experience and seeing the creativity of the dishes, tastes and connecting. I also enjoy being with people I love where we share an experience together.

This was totally an experience.

I enjoy talking to Miles, being there with him and the whole thing. During our time there, two birthday celebrations happen.

It feels like a magical pocket of time.

After saying goodbye, I walk around a little bit. I take it all in.

I want to walk towards Eiffel Tower. After 45 minutes of walking and it being after midnight, I decide to call it a night.

I also drop a €70 cash accidentally and never find it again. Oh well - an offering to Paris.

WEDNESDAY - Chartres

The next day, I wake up super early at 5am.

I meet up with Miles, as we make our way to Chartres in a Uber. It’s a road trip!

We chat a little more, talk about life, our experiences, how we feel about where we’re at in our lives, about the trip we’re about to embark on etc.

I really appreciate this warm up time with him to the trip. He ends up being my magical buddy throughout the trip who I feel was looking out for me the whole time.

We arrive in Chartres and meet up with Jeff and Tom. We sit at a cafe nearby the cathedral as we wait for the rest of the group comes together.

When our group is complete, we go into the cathedral and take in the magnificence of it all. It’s made in honour of Mary Magdalene. I could feel the energy of the divine feminine engrained in the beautiful sculptures depicting her life.

One of our friends in the group gifts everyone a candle. It’s a beautiful candle that I end up taking home, not knowing we’re only meant to light them in the church.

Lol, no one told me.

After a walking tour of the underground section of the cathedral, we head to our Airbnb to settle. It’s a spacious, beautiful and cosy mini mansion.

Most of the group goes back to the cathedral to experience it more.

I stay and take a bath. Baths are my way of relaxation, processing and letting go. The whole world stays outside and I get to go in and reset.

I have some chats with God. I ask for clarity on something.

An hour later, as I go downstairs, we have what feels like the fastest and most efficient way of setting up a dinner table in my entire existence.

There is a cooking and setting up the table team. The whole thing is done maybe under 15 minutes. I am amazed and very impressed.

After dinner, a few of us hang around to chat. People leave one by one to go to bed, until there is me and Ali left.

This ends up being one of the most impactful, deep, multidimensional, amazingly timed and meaningful conversations I have had in the last few years.

It deeply touches me. I feel seen as me, the human me. He has some amazing and super on point insights for me.

He asks me if I know French. I share with him how I studied in a French high school in Istanbul. He looks at me surprised, given I’ve been speaking English the whole trip whilst knowing how to speak French.

He asks why I haven’t been speaking it.

I say, “Because it won’t be perfect. I hear my mum’s voice.”

I start to cry. As I cry, I could feel that critical voice that I internalised, starts to soften. The pressure I put on myself loosens up a little bit more.

By this point, I’m feeling super open and receptive. I could feel the trip’s energy, group’s synergy and cathedral’s energy - all of it’s working on me.

Ali says, “Tomorrow at the airport, I’d like you to ask for something in French. I’ll be there too.”

I’m scared of this idea, but I do like bit of a challenge.

Months later, as I share the trip with one of my closest friends, I realise this is the part that gets me the most. The thoughtfulness and kindness for something seemingly so little, yet so big and being known without being asked.

Ali is amazing with words. I feel my vocabulary expand in real time by just listening to him and how he speaks being bit of a word wizard.

I feel my physical body, then I feel my energy body going few layers up and few layers down, expanding as we were talking. It doesn’t feel like a normal chat for me. It feels like a chat that happened on so many layers and timelines, somehow.

It’s hard to explain.

I leave that conversation feeling nourished, inspired, supported and seen.

It changes me on so many levels. Like a life upgrade. I go to bed thinking how much I needed that.

It’s effect continues over the next days.

THURSDAY - Travel to Cairo

The next day, we have our flight to Cairo.

In the morning, I spend fair amount of time connecting with my inner teen girl. I talk to her, get her up to date of how far we’ve come since the last time we were in Paris trying to speak French.

When I was around 15-17 years old, I used to listen to Sigur Ros a lot. It was something I shared with my dad. I learnt a lot of music from him. So I listen to Sigur Ros and cry. Silently, people were still sleeping.

As I am chilling on bed, Tom checks to see if everyone was up. I do my packing. This is a very organised group. Everyone is ready to leave at 8:25am. I am still packing, nearly done packing by 8:28am.

Luckily, Miles pops in his head and asks, “Do you need help?”

I say, “YES! I need help.”

We finish the last bit of packing together and he brings my bag downstairs.

I go into the van Anastasia has hired for us.

I’m sitting at the back feeling so contained by the group. Everyone does something and covers their corner. I feel like floating about. Even when I ask if we have breakfast at all, a few boiled eggs are sent to the back of the van.

Literally everything is taken care of. This did wonders to my nervous system. I’m so happy in that moment.

I love transitions in trips. Transitions in anything really.

The in between moments of experiences that turn into their own experience.

The side quests that are random and unplanned.

In songs. You could feel one track ending, the other one flowing in and you feel connected to both songs for a few moments.

In seasons. Spring and autumn are my favourite seasons. You have access to all seasons within them, if you really pay attention.

The transitions open you up to less defined ways of being. They’re full of magic and insights.

Anyway, the van drive is so fun.

We’re laughing and chatting. So many inside jokes are being made. I’m picking up an egg shell that drops, it gets passed to the front as an offering. I hear about Jeff’s writing journey. We’re all syncing up with each other.

We arrive at the airport. As we’re going to the check in, one of our friend invites everyone to pick a card from his Ra deck to contemplate throughout the trip. I get significator of the mind - V.

I’m with Miles and Ali, those with the luggage that needs checking in. It’s beautiful to feel different constellations of people within the group.

After a while, Ali and I go and get some food. I ask Ali if he wants anything, he wants a coffee with milk. I think to myself,

Ok ask it in French. F*ck. This is the moment.

I go,

“Est-ce que je pouvais avoir un café avec ça, avec du lait?”

I’m hoping it’s ok and I’m sweating by this point. My inner teen girl is freaking out completely.

I get the coffee and it’s all ok. No one dies.

I turn to Ali,

“I asked it!”.

He smiles,

“I saw.”

A little vision quest within the greater quest feels complete.

I feel I passed that level in the game. Yey!

We head back to the gate where everyone else is chilling waiting for the flight.

We have two more hours, I think. I don’t know what to do with myself. In my whole adult life, I’ve never arrived this early to a gate before.

I eat, then go for a little walk with my headphones and music. I come back just on time to board. We settle on the plane.

My seat is 22C, Miles’ seat is 22A. It just happens to be that way.

We laugh and joke like kids. The plane is ridiculously hot, I get two fans out for us.

The screens on the seat have an inside chat like msn. (Do you remember the sound of msn?) Miles gets everyone on a group chat on there. We laugh so much.

These moments are my favourite ones - full of laughter, jokes and play as if we’re kids and inappropriate teens. We visit one another throughout the flight.

I’m super excited for Egypt, so I don’t sleep much.

We land. Miles and I walk through to the airport. I’m kind of amazed to see we got a good pace going on together.

I’m also surprised to see I’m the slowest one in the group when I often think I’m rushing ahead.

It gives me a permission to slow down even more, knowing others got it covered.

We get our forms filled and get our luggages. And we step into Cairo!

We leave and my God, it feels humid. I don’t do well in the heat or humid places but it’s ok, it’s December.

We find our driver. I sit next to Tom. We chat a little, I’m just happy to be next to him. Everyone in the group gives me so much safety and ease.

We arrive in the city and drive past Matrix looking houses. We see the pyramids at the distance. They’re huge. We arrive at the beautiful, massive hotel we’re staying in, overlooking the pyramids.

We check in and all go to our rooms that we’re sharing with each other. I’m staying with Anastasia. I unpack and settle - the one thing that makes me feel at home instantly wherever I go. If I don’t unpack, I literally don’t ground.

I look out the window and the pyramids are there.

I go, “Wow.”

They feel like a battery or power station that continuously goes, “Wwoum wwoum wwoum.”

I meet everyone else for dinner and the pyramids are still there. I’m feeling tired by this point and want to land properly. I stay for a short time and go back to the room to take a bath, then head to bed.

I sleep super well.

FRIDAY - Magic Session

The next morning, we have our online group session with an energy healer / guide we all know, Kush Modgil. I head to have breakfast, I see Miles there. We chat a little bit on how we slept then head to have the session.

This session was four hours in total in two parts. Time flew though.

The first part was more about Egypt and the magic of the pyramids.

He mentions how there was a powerful alchemy in the group that I kept feeling since Chartres, even during the dinner when we’re talking about normal stuff.

He shares how there is a pristine nature to Egypt, it’s a gateway to those who are ready. A bit like the restricted Harry Potter library section.

There are seven doorways and our group was formed of seven people too.

Number seven had a significance all throughout the trip.

He says all of us in the group holds a different gift, each person representing one chakra. (I was the heart.)

He mentions how power, love and wisdom when brought together and held equally, it’s potent.

In the second part of the session, he does something amazing. He goes into each one of our energy individually, shares about the main wounding the person was holding and goes through the other 6 people regarding that wounding.

That is 49 mini readings holding so many threads at the same time. I am blown away by the focus and articulation of what was coming through him.

The wounding I was holding was - fear of being seen.

That people won’t understand / get me in my fullest.

I won’t be understood so I’ll hold back.

And a belief of - I can’t be the fullest me.

He mentions a past life I had where I was doing some healing with my hands but it was misunderstood and there were consequences. I cry as he speaks.

As we go through each person, I could feel us dropping deeper.

I see each of my friend deeper, for who they are, their essence, their pain and their gifts.

When the call ends, I suggest we do an integration share going around.

As we go around, we truly drop and connect. I cry deeply and mention this pattern I have when people come too close, I might push them away.

I ask the group, to call me out if I remove myself from the group a lot to protect myself, apart from when I need rest etc.

Funnily enough, even just saying it out loud takes the power out of it and never even once in the remaining part of the trip, I feel like pushing anyone away.

The session connects us to a magical plane and to one together. After the session, we have some food together to decompress.

As everyone is having their food, the food I ordered was being delayed and was taking longer than expected. I start to get a little impatient.

When it arrives eventually, it isn’t just a grilled chicken. It’s a full blown barbecue with chicken, veggies and many other things in a super extravagant way.

I got an insight,

If what you want is taking longer,

When it arrives, it will be better than what you thought.

What you truly want is worth the wait.

I am amazed.

We then make some plans for that day.

I decide to visit the Grand Egyptian Museum which opened two weeks prior with Anastasia and Jeff. I wanted to experience Cairo that is outside the hotel.

We quickly find out it’s an absolute chaos. I thought Istanbul was chaotic. Cairo made Istanbul look peaceful. It was next level.

Getting an uber was a mission. We get there somehow. We become friends with our Uber driver on the way. We go to the museum. Getting in with tickets is another mission as it needed to be paid online.

When it was all going super chaotic and downhill, Jeff says,

“Let’s set the intention to get in.”

We do that and Anastasia manages to purchase the ticket within minutes.

It is huge inside. Many hieroglyphs, Egyptian jewelleries, scarabs, sarcophaguses, stories of Isis and Osiris and more.

It feels like another pocket of time to experience the history of Egypt.

I get Egyptian coffee later which tastes exactly like Turkish coffee. It is served in a takeaway cup though. That would be considered a crime in Turkey.

I chat to Jeff, in the midst of chaos. I enjoy hearing where he’s at and what’s happening in his life.

We go to the gift store and buy some things. I get blue Scarabs gifts for my friends. We call our Uber driver friend who took us back. Stepping back into the hotel feels like a sigh of relief.

We come back to peace.

Before food, we meet up and make some plans for the next day which was the big day, in a way. We were going to see the Pyramids and the sacred chamber we wanted to go in.

After dinner, most of us hang out in the lobby, laughing away.

A bit like the van moment heading to the airport, I remember this being another transition moment filled with joy for me. More inside jokes were being created. I cry from laughing at some point.

What made this spiritual and magical trip even more amazing was all the laughters that were had. Just silly, playful and hilarious jokes everywhere. No one was taking themselves seriously.

Anastasia brought 49 rocks, 7 for each person, for them to let go in the next day, representing what they’re willing to let go in their lives.

By this point, I feel super connected to the group, really getting used to them. We start to feel like one organism moving together as our nervous systems also start to sync with one another.

I have moments of finishing people’s sentences and them finishing mine. A conversation I would leave with someone, would somehow continue seamlessly with the next person.

Later on, back in the room, Anastasia and I go into a slumber party, giggly girl mode.

We laugh so much. I literally can’t stop laughing. We’re laughing loud. We have some proper girl chat. It feels like it’s been years I had a sleepover chat like that. It’s light, playful and deep. I love her and loved our time together.

I then later share with her that for the part in me that feels I need to protect myself from women (enter mother wound), or I need my alone time to relax, was so healing. It was so easy, effortless and safe to be with her in that room. We created a cosy little sisterhood bubble there.

Again I sleep super well.

SATURDAY - The Pyramids

The next morning, we leave the hotel super early to go the pyramids.

I feel annoyed as I didn’t have time to have breakfast. My neurodivergent brain is used to having eggs every morning for the last few years. Anyway, I get over it and we’re going.

We drive past the pyramids in the evenings twice so far. Seeing them in daylight was a whole different experience. They’re big, like really big. It does make you wonder how they built it. We go inside one, into different sections.

As we walk around, it’s hot. Really humid as well. I’m feeling like I need some alone time to regulate myself, get some food before passing out and want to experience the pyramids solo.

I ask the group if we can have some solo time and meet in 1-2 hours. A few others want the same. I leave the group and start to walk downhill to get to what looks like few cafes and sitting areas.

Miles catches up with me. He wants to go to one of the cafe places as well. I don’t say anything about having alone time as I love his company. And I was feeling, my capacity was getting so low with the heat and hunger.

I look into one of the cafes and couldn’t find food nearing a mental shutdown. He goes in and finds them. He gets me a sandwich and hands it over. I take the first bite and start to feel myself coming back to life. He notices it too and says life has come back to my face.

I look at the sandwich then him and hear this insight:

You don’t have to push people away.

This is care, not control.

I breathe there a little bit, allowing my body to have this reference point.

It was ok to be around people when I wasn’t my 100%.

That I could regulate around people. I was maybe at %20 there, pretty low. I got back up to around %70.

That felt vulnerable, unnatural, uncomfortable but necessary. This doing everything alone story was getting so old and I was over it.

I remembered few friendships I experienced in the past where I felt my low capacity version wasn’t welcomed. Here it was. People who do care, actually don’t mind.

And actually, no one really cares. Apart from me.

Seemingly nothing happened there, yet so much happened.

We chill and chat about past lives at a cafe in the shade for a bit having coffee as I eat my sandwich. Then we start to walk up towards the pyramids.

I feel the Middle Eastern vibes. In the facial expressions, hand gestures and the camel rider hagglers.

It all feels familiar. I feel like I’m in a more chaotic and hotter version of Turkey. I avoid them knowing if I have eye contact, I’ll be locked in forever.

As we walk to the top, it’s time to meet our friends again.

I remember that I had my 7 stones. I walk closer to the sand, close my eyes and slowly let them go as I let go of various fears I wanted to let go.

As I walk back to our group, Tom asks how it felt. I tell him it felt emotional. He gives me a hug. I feel like the whole time everyone got each other’s back, quietly, silently, just there, ready.

We then walk down again to the cafe area, I wave at little Egyptian kids who want to take photos. We get our Ubers which is always a mission. We head back to the hotel and decide to take some rest before we head to the sacred chamber.

I head to the pool for a swim. Then lay and chill. I could feel the calmness before the big ceremony we were about to embark on.

Ali comes and lays on the sun lounger next to me listening to his music.

We don’t speak at all. I love how we were being present with ourselves and sharing that space together in stillness. I feel very much at peace.

It feels like a deep exhale, before the big inhale.

The Sacred Chamber

I go back to my room to get ready. We don’t even speak that much in our room. The giggles from last night gave their place to a deep, sacred feeling of reverence of what we were about to experience.

I reflect on how much gets to be communicated without words, transmitted through our bodies. Words are overrated sometimes.

We come together as a group. Anastasia guides us to close our eyes and connect with our bodies and sound. With the music and her voice, I cry feeling so grateful that she’s here, we’re all here going through this experience.

I feel safe, held, supported and excited. It’s adventure time.

As we enter into the sacred chamber and start sounding, the resonance in the room feels amazing. The room sings with us.

We take turns asking to receive from the group. When it’s my turn, I ask the group to sound for me so I could move and dance in response to their voices.

I have done many dances on the dance floor amongst other dancers. We would take rounds in dancing and being witnessed. It was normal.

This was different. It felt like I’m being seen outside the dance floor, in the world, by my new friends. It reminded me of what Kush shared in the session a few days ago, about being seen.

I danced as my friends’ sounded in a fairly dark room. Only my silhouette could be seen. I was being seen, but not spotlight on your face type of being seen. It was an important moment of integration for me.

It very much felt like we were sharing an experience of altered state of consciousness through sound and being in the room together.

In our second round, I asked the group to hold the intention of me in living in deep connection to God and sound whatever they’d like to offer from their hearts.

As I lay down this time, I take in all their beautiful voices. It feels like a birthday. An energetic hug from my loved ones. Being sent to the world with those who love and care for me.

Then I remember, back in France, in the restaurant we were in, there were two birthdays happening.

As it completes, I smile and cry. I feel grateful for all of them.

What we did for one another in that chamber goes beyond this time and space.

As we get back to the hotel around 1am, we sit at the restaurant reflecting and sharing on our experience. There are no words to capture it really, but there was a sense of accomplishment in camaraderie, a sense of “We did it!”.

I loved feeling and seeing everyone in their power, bodies, hearts connected to who they are including myself. My heart was filled with so much love and respect for everyone in the group. We did amazing.

SUNDAY - Saying Goodbye

The next morning, it’s my departure day. I wake up with sadness.

Everyone in the group was leaving the next day. Normally, I feel complete after 4 days with a group. That’s why I booked my flight on this day.

This feels totally different. I feel so at home. I could have had another week with them.

After finishing packing, I go to have breakfast with Jeff and Anastasia. We have some chats. I started to feel separation anxiety about leaving. I don’t want to leave.

I give them a goodbye hug which was heartbreaking. I say bye to Tom too, who hates goodbyes.

I find Miles and thank him for everything sharing how connected I felt to him throughout the trip. I feel like crying but don’t cry.

Then I go to Ali’s room. As soon as he opens the door, I say, “I am so sad.”

I cry my eyes out on his shoulder leaving a little puddle.

I ask him to come with me to sort out checkout etc, as I was a total emotional mess. He helps out, then we say goodbye.

As soon as I sit in the cab, I put on a song that felt like the anthem of our trip, cry my eyes out the whole way to the airport watching the Matrixy buildings pass by.

I continue to feel super connected to everyone throughout the flight back to Istanbul.

My highest love language is words of affirmation.

Unless someone shares with me that they love me, care about me etc, I assume they don’t care. This trip showed me there are many other ways of expressing love. It’s not just words.

It’s the action - the sandwich, the presence, the little challenges, quietly tracking one another to see if anyone needs support and more.

Not only was I deeply touched by the love I received, but also by the love everyone showed one another. I felt it deeply and it has stayed with me ever since. It still lives with me today.

I asked God on the way to France, in the beginning of the trip - show me how good it can get.

And it got really good.

Post Egypt

The magic of the trip continued to work on me for the following weeks and months. I could only come back to normal reality two weeks after.

I didn’t journal throughout the whole trip to not put words to it. To let it gestate, do it’s alchemy in me.

I’m even only writing about it now, properly all throughout, 6 months later. Sharing it 8 months later.

After going back to Turkey, I went into a grief hole.

It felt like my heart was breaking. The last time I felt this was back in 2018, when my dad died and I went through a big breakup.

I was feeling and allowing all the emotions but also thinking what the hell going on.

I also felt a new sense of clarity and assertiveness land.

Less tolerance for bullshit. I called out someone with love who forgot our appointment. It was great to feel the integration of love, power, wisdom together in me, something our guide mentioned to us in the beginning of our journey.

I softened more.

As I was walking out and about, I wasn’t afraid to be seen. In Istanbul, people really look at you, sometimes intensely. Especially men, and it’s not subtle. There was a new sense of relaxedness in me.

In my 1:1 sessions, I felt a lot more relaxed. Less how I think I should be, more me just serving. More trust. It was one of the busiest session week ever.

Interestingly, whenever I grieve, I also make more money.

I got the final clarity that I integrated everything I needed to in Turkey, that phase is complete. I will be writing more about that 2.5 years long journey at some point.

I got a session with another guide Mary Margrave and something she said stayed with me:

Entire planet is your home.

Entire galaxy is your home.

You carry higher dimensional anchor wherever you go.

She picked up on the reverberation we created in the sacred chamber and mentioned how relaxed we all felt with each other.

No one needing to prove anything.

A profound initiation took place.

She mentioned how each of us was moving in a certain frequency, we were all doing it differently than one another.

As I asked her about the grief I was feeling, she said:

It’s like homecoming reunion.

And who wants to leave home?

Basically the grief was the deep grief of leaving home and coming to Earth. This is something I feel regularly actually.

I love life and I often feel lonely. I find being human generally weird. We wake up every morning, then go to sleep, repeat that every day. We have an eternal Soul in a limited body. Like, what is that?

“Thy will be done” had a significance during our trip. I never knew it’s exact meaning until I looked it up few weeks later coming back.

It said:

I burst out crying as this was my intention. I’m getting closer to that way of living.

Three weeks after our trip, we had another session with our guide Kush. He confirmed that together we cleared and let go of so much. He were there for each other in many ways.

He reflected to me my thoughts:

If only the world could operate like this.

I long for a world like that. Where we look after, care for and love one another as if we’re already friends.

He mentioned how I allowed myself to be seen.

I felt super vulnerable the whole time.

I also felt super liberated the whole time.

And I felt so loved by everyone in the group.

We were also wildly different than one another but somehow, it worked when we came together.

I remembered this:

People can only love you if you show them who you are.

Being loved for who you are is so much better than receiving love the mask you’ve been putting up.

Our group stayed in touch after the trip. We connect and support one another on a regular basis. We see and hold each other accountable.

This trip was one of most profound experiences of my life.

It’s like Jesus’ birth. There is a before and after.

It was on a whole other level. I saw the power of intention and what becomes possible when people come together with a shared purpose.

It showed me what we’re truly capable of - that beneath it all, we’re human and we need one another.

Doing it with spiritual, deep, grounded, hilarious and fun people made it extra special and made me feel so immensely grateful and lucky for this life.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading!

I’d love to hear what this touched, resonated or awakened in you.

I’ll leave you with a poem I wrote a month after the trip, while still carrying the experience within me:

A homecoming,

A profound initiation,

A remembrance.

I was shown,

How good it can get.

An evening in Paris,

A magic pocket of time,

Walking and talking,

Intuitively,

A special restaurant,

Two birthdays.

A road trip,

Matching colours,

Joy, beauty, lightness,

And a lot of love.

Chartres Cathedral,

In the honour of,

Mary Magdalene,

The Divine Feminine.

Asking clarity from God,

Only to receive,

Three hours later,

From a place,

Where I wasn’t looking.

A timeless conversation,

Being vulnerable,

Feeling seen,

Safe,

Understood and met,

Even supported,

When I didn’t ask.

I live for those conversations,

So many dots,

Connecting.

Going back,

Holding my teenage self,

Listening to Sigur Ros,

Showing her,

How far,

We have come,

Yey to us.

Receiving support,

From all directions,

I can relax,

I can trust,

I can be soft,

It gets to be easy.

Going to the gate early,

Asking for coffee,

In French,

Fans and Egyptian food,

Group msn chat,

This is the best time ever.

Arriving in Egypt,

Feeling the pyramids,

Ancient,

And powerful.

Group alchemy,

Starting,

To take place,

Love,

Power,

Wisdom,

Each person,

Holding a gift.

Showing,

Parts of myself,

I was scared,

To show,

It was ok,

To do so,

All along.

In my impatience,

Something taking longer,

When it does arrive,

Turns out to be better,

Than I expected.

What I truly want,

Is worth the wait.

So much depth,

So much laughter,

Moving together,

And differently,

As one organism,

WOW.

Egyptian museum,

Going into chaos,

Isis and Osiris,

Blue scarabs,

And Turkish coffee.

Late night chats,

Giggles and life advice,

Some deep,

Some funny,

Feeling safe,

In sisterhood.

I’m so surprised,

How easy,

It is.

Dodging camel riders,

Letting go of pebbles,

Saying hi,

To little Egyptian kids,

Middle Eastern gestures,

That feel familiar.

Feeling protected,

Looked after,

And cared for.

No need,

To push people away,

To confuse care,

With control.

Silence,

Presence,

Peace,

Resting by the pool,

No words.

A deep exhale,

Before the big inhale.

A night time adventure,

The sacred chamber,

Coming together,

In the unknown,

To create magic.

Following the lead,

Of the sounds,

Surrendering,

As I dance,

In the dark.

Profound initiation,

Deep reverberation,

So much clearing,

And activation,

Beyond,

This time,

And space.

Receiving love,

Through the sounds,

In the sarcophagus,

It’s like a birthday.

Feeling,

So much love,

So much gratitude,

Reverance and awe,

For each person.

Tears falling,

Feeling cracked open,

My heart is touched,

Raw and alive,

Tender and open,

We did it.

Grounded clarity,

Direct and unapologetic,

Many chapters are closing,

As the new ones are beginning.

My home is,

The entire planet,

The entire galaxy.

Being in the world,

But not of the world,

Disintegrating the glove,

Green light,

Go.

Now time to show up,

In my full nature.

So excited,

To see,

It all unfold.

Letting God,

Choose for me.

Thy will be done.

✨✨✨

Here’s the song I listened to on repeat as I wrote this post:

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I’m Isik - an intuition coach and breathwork facilitator.

In this post and the Youtube video below, I’ll be sharing what intuition is, why it’s important to listen to it, and how it can completely change your life.

What Is Intuition Really?

Intuition is your navigation system in life.

It gives you the next steps to follow your highest potential reality.

For example:

• You meet someone, you instantly get a good or bad vibe from them. That’s intuition.

• You walk into a place and it either feels right or off. That’s intuition.

• You feel like looking up the touring dates of a musician you love only to discover they’re in your city next week. That’s intuition.

Intuition is innate in us.

It’s not a special superpower that only a few of us can tap into.

It’s available for everyone.

You can hone in on that and sharpen your sword of intuition.

What Happens When You Follow It

When you act on your intuition, despite not knowing where it’s going, life opens up.

• Opportunities come your way.

• Things happen with ease.

• You experience synchronicities and magic.

• Some problems in your reality even take care of themselves without you doing anything.

You start to live in a more connected, aligned, joyful and authentic way.

You really start living and enjoying life.

Life becomes effortless and magical.

Because you’re following the direct wisdom from your heart.

The Voice of Intuition May Sound Like

“Leave this job.”
“Move into that new home.”
“This relationship is complete.”
“It’s time to start your business.”
“Finish that website.”

These nudges are directional. They’re guiding insights from your intuition, especially important in times of change and transition.

When you don’t know where you’re heading, intuition shows you the next step.

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Why This Is the Most Important Skill You’ll Ever Learn

Connecting with your intuition and learning to truly understand what it’s telling you is one of the most important skills you can develop.

It’s the ability to listen to and follow your inner knowing so you can create a life that feels fulfilling, meaningful and aligned with your truth.

Sometimes what you get from your intuition won’t make sense to your mind. That’s because the mind only knows the past.

Intuition takes into account the past, the present, the future - all the possibilities your mind can’t even comprehend - and guides you toward your highest potential reality.

That’s pretty magical. And it’s why learning to trust your intuition is so powerful.

When You Ignore It

When you ignore intuition, the voice gets quieter.

Think of a friend who always invites you for coffee, and you keep saying no. Eventually, they stop asking.

Intuition works the same way. The more you dismiss it, the weaker the connection feels. Though it never disappears.

Just like the sun behind the clouds, your intuition is always there, waiting for you to remember.

Sometimes we forget who we are.

We forget how powerful we are.

And your intuition helps you reconnect and remember.

So start paying attention. Start listening.

The more you trust your intuition, the more it speaks to you.

The more you act on it, the more evidence you’ll gather that it works, which lets you trust it even more.

A Guided Intuitive Exercise

Try this now:

• Close your eyes

• Take three deep breaths

• Notice how you’re feeling, what you’re thinking as your starting point

• Bring an area of your life into your awareness. It can be work, relationships, health, anything

• Acknowledge what’s happening in this area currently

• Now imagine a golden ball of light above your head, shining bright.
  It slowly descends and touches your head, lighting up your whole body. You become empty, free, connected.

• Ask yourself:

  What would I love in this area?

  What is the emotion of what I would love?

  Experiencing that emotion, what action am I compelled to take?

  What’s my next step?

• See what comes. Take action on that!

Open your eyes when you’re ready.

Leave a comment

Remember This Question

“What would I love?” is a great question to connect with your heart and intuition.

Keep asking yourself that and listen.

Whatever step you got, take action on that.

If this landed with you, I’d love to hear from you. Comment below with what came up for you in the exercise or any questions you might have.

Leave a comment

If you want to find out more about the difference between mind and intuition, check out this Substack post.

I created a step-by-step course to intuition - how to make live, create and make decisions from your deepest authentic truth, so you live in alignment with your highest potential every day. It’ll come out in the next few weeks. Join the waitlist.

Love and magic,

Isik ✨

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3 weeks in the UK. 4 cities. 7 location changes.

I’m only having time now to integrate, reflect, write and ground them all in.

Here’s what I was up to which felt like three months in one.

It started with few days in London, giving sessions, seeing close friends and attending a Leading Edge London dinner.

6 hours after the dinner, I was on my way to the airport to St Andrews, Scotland to co-facilitate a men’s retreat with founders and investors.

The retreat was full of magic, connection, healing and play.

I love working with men guiding them to connect with their intuition so they make choices that come from their heart aligned with their mission.

More presence, authenticity and joy. Less control, pushing, seriousness and forcing .

You can read about how the retreat and my insights from being the only woman in the room here.

After the completion of the retreat, I stayed the following week to work with Will’s company facilitating breathwork sessions and other practices to operate more from the heart.

During the in-between time, I explored St Andrews walking around to explore the town, the church and the sea.

At the company retreat, I facilitated morning breathwork sessions as well as guiding a meditation connecting with nature.

I really enjoyed the 1:1 conversations I had with the men from the previous retreat and some of the individuals from the company team. I could feel my being expanding into understanding the world of finance and it’s motivations a little more so I can serve them better.

On a day-off I had, I went to a botanical garden nearby. It was so luscious and rich. I allowed myself to receive and integrate all the gifts from the last few days, giving space to my system to calibrate to this level.

I missed the closing time of the garden so I had to escape through a wooden gate walking across the river 😄

I left the beautiful St Andrews home and it’s magical garden and headed to London listening to a song that was special to the group for the next 6 hours.

I reflected on the spaciousness of the garden. A deeper embodied awareness around how we’re meant to live dropped in.

I’ve always been a city girl. I love all the variety of things going on in a city. I still do. So many threads available to then decide which one you want to tap into. And you can always retreat and rest.

At the same time, if it’s the only way of living, it can be a disconnected way of living from nature.

We are nature.

We come from nature.

We’ll go to nature.

I believe most of our problems in our modern society comes from not living in alignment with nature.

When we come back to living in tune with our rhythm and nature’s rhythm, following the change in seasons, our life flows too. Problems naturally take care of themselves.

Having these thoughts, I felt the contrast in coming into dense London. I do love London though. I feel like it’s changing recently but I still love it there. It’s like visiting an old friend. We can just take it from where we left off, as if no time has past.

I settled into my Airbnb in a more naturey part of London, Richmond.

The following three days consisted of resting, catching up with few close friends and prepping for the Naked Breathwork™ Facilitator Training I had coming up.

Naked Breathwork™ is a breathwork modality I created back in 2022. Combined with the elements of circular connected breath, intuitive movement, sound and nudity, it provides a safe, healing and empowering space for those who want to take their embodiment practice to a whole new level.

I delivered the final part of this 1:1 training to a dedicated assistant I had, Caroline who will bring Naked Breathwork™ to Tulum.

The next day, I moved out of the Airbnb into a hotel for the day. I gave two coaching sessions and saw one of my closest friend Lauren for dinner. We were too tired to chat so just relaxed into a cozy sofa giggling and holding each other’s hands.

The following day, I made my way to Great Malvern, where a close friend of mine Glenn lives. We met at a dance festival back in 2022. He inspired me to do Vipassana 10 day silent meditation retreat. He’s an avid meditator himself and one of the most peaceful, grounded yet entrepreneurial people I know.

We meet maybe 3-4 times a year and each time, it’s deeply Soul nourishing.

I went to see him in his new home and met his partner of two years.

We had deep, meaningful and fun conversations, went for long walks, laughed a lot and played games. I had some connecting conversations with his partner too as well as solo time with Glenn paddling. It was so fun!

After a day of staying with them, the next day, Glenn dropped me off to my next adventure glamping with three of my friends.

To be honest, by this point, I was nearing a burnout. My brain couldn’t process anymore conversations so I had some solo time.

This gave me space to reflect.

I was deeply impacted by the time I had with Glenn and his partner. I mean, I tend to go deep with people anyway if both sides are open, but this was deep, yet light and playful. Grounded and magic. True.

Then it dropped:

They are such Godly people!

I experienced God through them.

They follow truth.

Those who follow truth, are Godly people, I feel.

I cried my eyes out thinking about this and how lucky I felt to even know two people like that in my life. And I know four. This is the definition of rich for me.

The next day, with the new crew, we went for a hike in the Forest of Dean where a lot of movies were filmed like Star Wars, Harry Potter and King Arthur. I lost my friends at some point so decided to head back.

At this point, a whole magical portal opened for me.

I found myself on a meadow of violet flowers.

If you have learnt intuition from me, you know that one of meditations I guide has a meadow full of violet flowers.

It felt like I literally stepped out into that meadow!

I continued walking in the countryside of Wales in my neon pink and yellow outfit. Then I found an old church. I had some apples from it’s garden and walked around the cemetery.

I always like walking in cemeteries (during daytime!). It helps me contemplate on death. It makes me appreciate life more. Then I send some love to the people who have passed away.

I chilled there for a bit.

Then my phone died. I walked all the way back for 90 minutes taking in the beautiful nature around me with all it’s nature sounds.

Upon reflection, I can see it was a very nature filled month. I felt held by nature as I was expanding.

We were planned to have another night of glamping together. The next day, I had my flight back to Istanbul.

As I was heading back, my intuition told me to leave that night and book a hotel near the airport. I was very much complete with the trip.

My mind was telling me that it wasn’t worth it as it was just one more night.

By this point, I know the difference between rationalisation and intuition.

Intuition comes first. It’s the voice of truth, expansion and most aligned option.

Rationalisation comes after. It’s the voice of logic, meaning making and false sense of safety. It rationalises what your intuition got and picks it apart.

The best example I can give for this is appreciating the beauty of a flower as is vs a scientist coming in and dissecting the flower to understand why it’s beautiful. Meanwhile they miss the point and destroy it’s beauty.

I know where each one leads. I decide to follow my intuition.

I explained the situation to my friends who totally understood. As I was packing and about to leave, few new people arrived. One of them said to me, “Stay true.” confirming my decision without knowing anything about me really. I smiled and told him that’s exactly what I was doing.

Sometimes God speaks to us through people.

I love these moments.

It was an instant lightness as I left. I got on a bus and train back to London, followed by a cab to the hotel. I stayed in Sofitel and omg it was the absolute nourishment I needed. I softened into the ease and spaciousness in this room.

The next morning, I went to the hotel’s spa. There was no one, so enjoyed it all for myself.

I thanked their amazing staff and headed to the airport.

On the train , I saw a mother of two boarding on and trying to calm down two kids having a meltdown at the same time. The father came on later carrying all the luggages.

I looked at the patience, calmness and resilience of this woman and nodded in respect. We shared an eye contact and I said, “You’re doing amazing.”

She responded, “Thank you.” whilst being present with the kids. I got teary feeling this little moment of connection with a stranger. Support from one woman to another. A minute or so later both the kids were calmed down.

I witnessed an expert demo of handling tantrums on the go, whilst trying not to look eating my pain au chocolat.

As I was leaving, the children and the mother waved at me with the mum saying, “Say bye to the lady.”. I waved back.

I love these short but meaningful exchanges with strangers.

My check in got denied as the plane was overbooked.

I got put on the next flight and got paid a compensation. The extra expenses I had from the train, cab and hotel got to be covered with it.

It’s like God winking,

“Always follow your truth. I got you!”

As I reflected on the month, I could see the number one factor that made it magic and filled with synchronicities was following my intuition.

Here are three ways to follow your intuition more:

1 - Create a structure. Leave space for intuition and flow

As the month started, I knew that the two retreats in Scotland, Naked Breathwork™ Facilitator Training, Great Malvern trip and glamping were happening.

That was the initial, planned structure.

I left space in between them all.

The botanical garden, nature explorations, solo time in Wales, staying in a hotel the final evening, spa time and interactions with strangers were all unplanned.

They happened in the space for intuition and flow.

These unplanned time had a certain magical energy about them. They were potent with new energy. They brought even more presence.

Where I didn’t leave the space and I felt overstretched, my body literally created the space by asking me to chill.

If you don’t create the space, your body will.

2 - Let Change Happen

Sometimes we make plans and when the time comes, it might not be true to go ahead with it anymore.

Of course, it’s different if it’s work or family related, as those have a sense of responsibility and integrity. However, if there is a certain level of flexibility available, check in with your truth again.

Allow yourself to pivot, adjust and adapt.

Going ahead with an old plan that doesn’t feel true, feels like keeping a promise to a previous version of yourself, when you’ve changed and became a new version of yourself as well.

Be ok with change. Let go.

3 - When Making Decisions, Ask Your Intuition

From the first moment of planning, adjusting plans and following through, always check with your intuition.

Here are two ways you can make plans intuitively with bit of a game:

3.1 - Puzzle Piece

Big Picture to Detail: Look at your calendar.

Feel the energy of that month, week or day. Imagine the energy of that time period is a puzzle piece and you’re searching for the matching piece to it.

Does that time period require more rest or action? Once you decided the pace, now zoom in more. What type of rest or action is it? Make plans accordingly.

For example, for this, I actually look at my menstrual cycle to see where I’ll be energy levels wise. Two weeks before ovulation, I can plan more things, knowing I’ll feel more active, social and extraverted. Two weeks after the ovulation, if possible, I try to plan less things knowing I’ll feel less active, needing more space to slow down and more introverted.

For men, you can look at the moon cycles when planning. Around New Moon is a good time for action and outward motion. Around Full Moon is a good time for rest and inward motion.

By aligning your life and actions with the moon’s cycles, you’re connecting with nature’s cycles, therefore cultivating more ease and flow in your life. As women, we have this built-in system in our bodies already. (If you’re on birth control pill, you’re disconnected from this unfortunately.)

Detail to Big Picture: If you have an existing plan you want to locate in the calendar, feel the energy of the activity you plan to do. Which day matches it better?

For example, when deciding when to deliver the Naked Breathwork™ Facilitator Training, I put it on the 22nd, as this gave me four days after coming back from the Scotland retreats to rest and prep.

Do this with a year, 3 months, a month, a week and with a day time period.

It turns planning into a fun energy game.

Bonus Step: Look at what comes before and after this set of time you planned. Think of this time the padding. Depending on how spacious the padding is, it can also inform what’s in the set time.

For example, I knew July was going to be an intense month. I consciously created more spacious time in June and August to support that.

3.2 - Feel the Yes and No in Your Body

Part 1: First establish your yes and no in your body.

Say your name out loud. “My name is X.” Feel where the yes is in your body. Does it feel light? Is it like a ping? Is it a glowing ball? Is it a sensation in your chest? It’s very personal and different for everyone.

Then say a lie out loud. For example for me, it would be, “I love eating fish.” Feel where the no is in your body. Check in how that feels in your body just like you did with the yes.

Part 2: Close your eyes. Imagine you’re doing the activity you planned on that day. See how it feels in your body. Is it a yes or no?

Now imagine the other option you were thinking to do that day. See how that feels in your body. Is it a yes or no?

Not what your mind thinks, what your body feels.

Another way to recognize a yes and a no is:

A sense of lightness and expansion, often is a yes.

A sense of heaviness or contraction, often is a no.

If you’re not getting anything, don’t force it. It might be too early to decide. Try again in a few days.

I use this method from big decisions to the small ones. It works with everything.

What you get from your intuition probably won’t make sense to your mind.

That doesn’t matter. We’re not looking for sense making or safe living here.

The mind knows what it knows from the past. Intuition takes into account the past, present, future, all the possibilities the mind can’t even comprehend and makes a decision based on the highest potential reality.

It’s the highest form of intelligence guiding you forward your visions.

Follow your intuition and watch your life expand beyond what you taught was possible!

Playlist as I wrote this post:

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The intention for this retreat was to go beyond the mind, to see, feel, be in the body and the heart.

It was to investigate these questions:

How do we cultivate right-hemispheric awareness?

How do we stay in not knowing rather than certainty?

How does integrated masculinity show up in the world?

How can we lead authentically from the heart?

The group was intentionally brought together by a big hearted dear friend William Oliver. We have collaborated four times now.

I introduced intuitive tools to connect with innocence, heart and truth alongside facilitating breathwork to let go, clear, connect with the body deeper and expand into the True Self and limitless possibilities.

Guillermo Rozenthuler is a sound alchemist. He guided us into exploring different parts of ourselves through sound and vocal improvisation alongside exploring different archetypes.

It was my absolute honour, pleasure and joy to be with and serve these highly capable, successful men.

Men who have created profound success and they want to go deeper into their truth in brotherhood, operate from the heart and dedicate their resources to purposeful work.

There were high levels of willingness, openness, courage and curiosity these men allowed themselves to go into.

We were surrounded by an exquisite garden with all kinds of plants, flowers and trees. Something landed in me how we’re meant to live in connection with nature, not separate in boxed in organized way of living in stacked buildings.

We were nourished by high quality food created by a talented chef Massimo Mancarella. The evening meals were thoughtfully curated drawing inspiration from the archetypes in the Tarot.

Here’s a beautifully written piece by one of the participants John Candeto sharing the journey we embarked on.

We also had so much fun! I don’t think I laughed this much at a retreat before.

Before leaving, I thanked all the rooms that held us with few tears in my eyes. It felt like the beginning of something incredibly powerful, expansive and alchemical.

Doing this work with high integrity, generous, good hearted, humble, soulful and resourceful business owners and change makers was a vision I held in my heart for years.

I feel incredibly excited that it’s happening now.

How was it to be the only women in the room working with men?

This was the question I got asked the most after this retreat.

Being the only woman in the room whilst being the only female facilitator allowed me to observe from a unique perspective.

I’ll share my insights in four parts:

1. When We Drop Gender, We Find Our Shared Humanity

Beyond our gender, age and background, we’re all made of the same stuff, just put together differently.

We all have dreams, fears, insecurities, pain and humanness in us.

We have a little child who wants to play and an older wiser version who just knows.

The first time I was facilitating in a group full of men, I was low level freaking out. Entering a room full of powerful men scared my inner little girl.

As I relaxed into it, I realised the essence of the work is similar. The how to get there might be different.

What I need to balance out as a facilitator, as I read the energy of the room might be different.

When I’m guiding a group full of women, I might bring a bit more structure and focus, gatekeeping the timing of things - holding the masculine pole more.

When I’m guiding a group full of men, I might bring in more flow, play and connection - holding the feminine pole more.

This allows an integration between the opposing forces and different energies. Whatever is missing is brought forward in order to create harmony and flow.

As this was my third time working with some of these individuals, I noticed myself a lot more relaxed this time.

I didn’t see them as men per se, I saw them as human. Because they are, before any gender, persona, mask, role, background - we’re all human in different meat suits.

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2. True Leadership: Integration of Masculine Structure and Feminine Wisdom

You can see the masculine as Yang energy - outward attention.

The feminine as Yin energy in Taoism - inward attention.

The mind is masculine. How you treat the mind, is how you treat the masculine.

The body is feminine. How you treat the body, is how you treat the feminine.

The left hemisphere is the masculine.

The right hemisphere is the feminine.

In a nutshell.

Regardless of our gender, we have both of these energies in us. Depending on our true nature and essence, one might be more dominant than the other. However we need a balance of healthy expression of each one.

I believe in a world we have the balance and harmony between both is an integrated world.

Neither patriarchy or matriarchy, but a balance.

It’s the Wu Wei in Taoism, effortless action.

The gifts of the masculine are different than the gifts of the feminine. Vice versa. Both are needed.

We need high integrity, high focus, heart-centred men to build love-led structures.

As women, our role is to be counterpoint for that. To be women, to support and bring our intuitive body-led wisdom.

We loose our feminine nature and power, when we try to prove we can do everything men can do.

We clash and it’s unnecessary.

We need to embody our true nature and start to see each other for who we are. And not to make each other the enemy.

We as women can bring in love, intuition, lightness, peace, nourishment, emotional attunement and more.

We can inspire, magnetize and make connections.

We can bring the embodied transmission, wildness and emotional range comes from our bodies.

We are magic, creating and birthing life.

When I looked into finding out why all the prophets were men, I found out that mothers and wives of the prophets prepared them for their mission.

These men on a mission were always supported by the women in their lives.

The son of God is at the forefront, but this doesn’t mean daughters of God didn’t participate. They were there, equally playing an important role, occupying the counter role.

A CEO of a company may look like they’re the face of the company. The truth is, they have a whole team behind them. They can’t do it alone.

Leading from the masculine is leading through the mind, focus, drive and consistency. Leading from the feminine is leading through the body, listening, changing, adapting and empathy.

True, authentic and healthy leadership that builds and sustains over long period of time is a balance between both.

Integration of the masculine and feminine feels like:

• an epic music building up, the beat dropping and continuing effortlessly.

• a flowing dance where both dancers are connected to their own bodies and their dance partner’s listening and responding to the shared space between them.

• a musical improv where the main and supporting singers listening to one another, participating and building the layers of the musical masterpiece.

• a deep and meaningful conversation where one speaks and the other listens, then switching and continuing, deepening the conversation.

How is the balance of masculine and feminine in your life right now?

In your work, relationships, family, finance and health?

What’s the one step you can take this month to revive a healthy balance?

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3. The Gift of Polarity: What Men and Women Can Teach Each Other

90% of my teachers were men.

I learnt so much from men whether they were teachers, partners or friends.

Even most of my intuition and embodiment learnings were from men.

The teachings really landed when they were shown from the opposite side of the pendulum. This gave my learning and embodiment of the teaching depth and scope.

Women can teach men about the feminine. Men can teach women about the masculine.

Equally, women can play an important role in teaching men about being a man. Men can also play an important role in teaching women about being a woman. By inviting one another to occupy the opposite pole.

A hot summer day can make you appreciate a cold winter evening.

The wildness of the ocean waves can make you appreciate the groundedness of the trees.

If someone is swimming and their aim is to get to an island, the masculine support might be getting in the water and swim with them, guiding them along the way in camaraderie. Just like fighting at the battle ground together.

The feminine support would be being on the island, guiding them forward to their destination embodying the vision and inspiring them forward. Especially at times where they might feel defeated, offering encouragement and emotional support.

Men are the architects of the vision planning and strategizing.

Women are the nurturers of the vision supporting and inspiring.

I believe men need to be in the arena knowing they have their wives back home believing in them and supporting them. Knowing they have a home to get back to, to provide for, inspires them to show up as better men.

They can’t do it alone.

As women, we can’t do it alone either.

I mean, everyone can, obviously. It would suck though leading to a miserable and lonely road.

Through understanding our gifts and different needs, we can teach so much to one another.

Here’s a little practice you can do with your partner:

1. Ask your partner, “What’s it like to be you as a woman / man?”. Listen.

2. Ask “What do you wish men understood more about being a woman?” or “What do you wish women understood more about being a man?”. Listen.

3. Then switch.

Listen with more curiosity, less judgement.

More empathy, less righteousness.

4. Great Men Exist and They are Shaping the Future

I used to be one of these women who didn’t believe that there were good men out there.

This was coming from my own wounding and conditioning. I took on the independent boss babe persona (which is a capitalist and consumerist twist on feminism I feel), to keep myself in a false sense of safety that brought various other issues which I’m in the process of undoing.

After years of inner work, I believe now there are good hearted, high integrity and incredible men out there.

As a result of this change in belief, the natural evolution of my work took me to work with the healthy masculine expression of men. I believe in these men, I respect and love them.

We’re a match to experiencing something in our reality, if we believe it.

If something is happening in your reality, from a physics perspective, know that you’re an energetic match to it. Let that be the proof to any doubt or not deserving voice you might be experiencing.

Each time, I work or even have a conversation with these individuals, I leave feeling inspired, invigorated and expanded.

I wish I could write down every conversation I had with them.

If you’re a woman reading this, thinking it’s a men’s world and men don’t care etc, this is for you:

Men care.

They really care.

They are human.

They have emotions.

They are incredibly dedicated to what matters to them.

The way they communicate is different than us.

They have a lot of love.

They often express it more through their actions.

Healthy masculine protects and provides.

The more they have to protect and provide for, just like a Pokemon upgrading through different levels (Bulbasaur - Ivysaur - Venusaur), they get better in time with focus and integrity.

There are good hearted men out there with great integrity.

At the end of this retreat, I felt very hopeful about the future of humanity, knowing that these men are out in the world being who they are, doing what they do.

(Playlist as I wrote this post)

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One evening, I was queuing to get food. I look up and at the distance I see someone who looks super similar to my friend.

He lives in another city though. So I think, “Oh wow, he looks very similar to him.”

At that moment, he turns around and he is my actual friend.

Turns out he moved to the area few months ago and changed his job. He is now the manager of this high end incredible hotel called Nuup.

That was his first ever time visiting there. We just happened to coincide.

We catch up, hang out, he comes and enjoys some music sets that play in the evenings.

I remember my other friend telling me about the Nuup Hotel a while back mentioning the owner of the place created it for his autistic son. That’s when I felt this place must be intentionally thought out and unique. He also happened to be at Bonjuk that weekend.

So a little side quest begins.

Last morning before leaving Bonjuk, with my friend who also knows and loves this place, we visit him at the hotel.

We go there, we pet baby goats (they’re the cutest!), have breakfast, see the place and swim in a beautiful bay.

I also saw the biggest trunked tree of my life so far. If I open my arms wide open, that’s how big the diameter of this tree was.

It was a magical, beautiful and abundant way to end an adventure with another adventure.

Live From Your Vision

This wasn’t random. I didn’t just stumbled upon this place.

I have a set of 12 visions that guide me to make choices aligned to them. For the last eight years, I’ve been connecting to different versions of them.

When I work with 1:1 clients, we also create their set of visions that comes from their heart.

Think of them as areas of your life in full expression, flourishment and potential.

Here’s one I have:

✨ “I choose magic and beauty in adventures, festivals and luxurious places all around the world.” ✨

What I experienced that weekend was totally that.

Whenever I travel, this happens as I open myself to magic.

I set my intention, the “what”.

Then my intuition comes into play for the “how”.

It shows the bridge.

When I’m in the vision of something I’d like to create, I get a specific feeling, visual, whatever it is.

When my friend first told me about this hotel, I remembered the energy of it, not the name.

When I ran into my other friend who’s running it, I felt it was the same hotel.

My intuition made the connection, asked them both the name and yes - it was the same place.

The energy of this place as they were talking about it, aligned with the vision I had about choosing magic and beauty in adventures, festivals and luxurious places all around the world.

That made it obvious to go there with my friend.

That was my intuition saying, “Go.”

Also I don’t know if you ever tried to go into another container whilst you’re already in a container or retreat / festival of some sorts, it’s often a mission.

This side quest was super easeful as it was true.

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Presence Unlocks Magic

Remember your most magical moments in life.

You were probably super present. Magic becomes available to you through your presence. Your presence and therefore intuition, is the bridge.

That’s why when you follow your intuition, magic happens. Things come together in a way you couldn’t have planned better.

Here’s a little practice you can do daily for deeper presence and magic - literally 30 seconds long:

• Next time you have a moment alone, close your eyes. Allow this to be a reset. Set the intention to when you open your eyes, choose to notice what you haven’t noticed before.

• Take a deep breath.

• Open your eyes.

• Notice everything around you, everything you see, hear, smell, touch and taste.

• Now allow yourself to receive this moment as is, beyond your five senses. Imagine it’s the first and last time taking it all in. What else do you notice?

If you do this regularly, you’ll start to find the magic in the mundane. Be patient with it, especially if this is something you’ve never done before.

It’s a practice to cultivate your tune in muscle or pick up antenna. It’s the first step to connect with your intuition also. To be open and to receive.

If you’re present with life, listening to each moment and really paying attention, magic is everywhere.

If it isn’t there, you’ll be guided to change locations to find it.

Be present.

Get clear on what you want.

Ask what your intuition says.

Pay attention and listen.

Follow the next step.

Love and Magic,

Isik 💛

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My soundtrack writing this post:

It’s completely free and we’ve been going on since January 2024.

After I guide the group through a short visualization to connect with their hearts and intuition, we all journal for 20 minutes our vision for the month followed by receiving the next intuitive step.

We then connect with a word for the month which becomes the month’s theme.

Visioning is Powerful

Vision without action is merely a dream. Action without vision just passes the time. Vision with action can change the world. - Joel A. Barker

Even when you have stuff planned in your calendar, visioning allows you to be intentional about them.

It brings more presence and precision to what you’re doing, instead of being on auto-pilot going through the motions.

It infuses with the true energy.

A Simple Daily Visioning Practice:

When you look at your calendar in the beginning of your day, close your eyes, visualize how you want each interaction to go.

Literally imagine it.

We often use our imagination to worry. Use it to imagine the best case scenario. This acts as an intentional anchor.

Then let it go.

Don’t hold it tightly, so that magic and synchronicity can happen too.

Something even better than you imagined can come your way.

Do this before each of your meetings even if it’s for a few seconds.

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Here are some of the steps I got for myself as reminders for this past month during the Monthly Visioning Circle:

• Don’t try to get it perfect.

• Be honest, be open. It’s ok to be messy and it won’t be, by the way.

• Don’t let the “not prepared” feeling hold you back.

• Serve, enjoy, show up.

• Don’t be afraid to be seen.

Looking back at this past month, I:

• co-facilitated a retreat for 16 men teaching intuition and breathwork

• taught daily breathwork at a company retreat

• trained a practitioner to become a qualified Naked Breathwork™ facilitator

• stayed in 7 different locations traveling around whilst continuing with my 1:1 sessions and catching up with friends

I can say that what I wrote in the vision happened with intentionality and presence.

And these steps were incredibly helpful. Notice how steps can be intangible too. They’re as valuable as the tangible steps, if not more!

My word was expansion. And wow - what an expansive month it was! Few more posts coming up about this past July soon.

Join our next free Monthly Visioning Circle tomorrow 4th August 5pm UK time to connect with your August vision.

Or the next month 1st Sept, if you can’t make this one.

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The catalyst for this trip was Leading Edge Summit which is a group of high performing, epic and curious people I’m part of.

I was there to facilitate a group breathwork session for 50 people.

I also found out that one of my favourite dancer DJs Tasha Blank who I have been following since 2017 DJ ing a week before then.

Of course I had to go. So I booked my flights to be there for 10 days.

My intentions for this trip were to serve, rest, expand, dance, connect with people and have fun.

A good word to describe these 10 days would be revolutionary. Transformational really.

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DAY 1

After being up for nearly 36 hours with an hour long nap, making friends with Turkish people in a 1.5 hours queue at the JFK Airport, I met up with my friend in New York and went to Tasha’s sober dance party - the Drop.

This is the set with a heartfelt intro on what the dance is about.

As soon as I walk in, it feels like home.

People are not too showy, also not too inward therapy like 5rhythms vibes. It’s just real, authentic, welcoming, fun and loving people.

I meet two guys who seem to be regulars there. We have bit of a chat and become friends. After a while, I want to get on stage and dance there. I feel a bit scared. I say to one of the guys, “I want to get on the stage to dance there but I’m scared.”

He goes, “Do you want me to go with you?”

Totally unexpectedly surprised by the kindness and support of this new friend, I say, “That would be amazing, thank you.”

So we go on the stage to dance.

Here I practice being seen and seeing others without going into performance. I sometimes feel uncomfortable when I’m seen. I breathe and relax into it.

The very nature of being on stage can bring up an element of performance. So I keep reminding myself to stay authentic wherever I am. The dance is for me, not for others.

I stay there for good 20 minutes. It became one of my core memories for life. Like in the animation movie Inside Out. It was so beautiful.

The energy on the dancefloor, the community, the joy - everything was incredible.

We stay until the end, have some chats, exchange details with those new friends and have a slice of pizza. Apparently it’s a very New York thing to do in the evening.

DAY 2

After catching up on sleep realising my laptop’s battery needs changing, I find a place to do that. I get the best customer service from such a thoughtful guy.

I walk around a little bit to feel the energy of the city.

I notice how open people are. There is a natural making conversation vibe with no attachments. I talk to few people.

I’m a spa lover. After getting all the spas to visit from another spa lover friend, I head to Bathhouse.

Even though the walls were all black, with slick lighting they managed to turn it into a beautiful space.

I go into a guided meditation induced aufguss.

We were asked to close our eyes and breathe. It felt so nice to be there with strangers I don’t know yet feeling connected with them at the same time.

Afterwards, I went up to the cafe area. A woman complimented on my bikini so we started chatting. She was from LA. After a bit of chats and giggles, we separated then met again at the spa area and went into a one hour proper chat about our lives, our visions, relationships etc. A whole life update. She even offered me a massage. We exchanged details too.

I left feeling rested, nourished and connected.

DAY 3

In the morning, I went to a sober morning rave by Daybreaker in Brooklyn - US equivalent of Morning Gloryville in the UK.

I went there not knowing anyone. 5 minutes into arriving, by asking someone if the breathwork before the dance has started, I met someone and we chatted for a bit.

The breathwork was divine. Then the dance started. The founder Radha was there who lives in Brooklyn.

I saw a woman in her 50s 60s totally in the dance. I said to her in the end that I loved her energy on the dancefloor and when I grow up I want to be like her. She laughed and said, “I get that a lot.”

After the dance ended, we were given cards that had a quote from Alan Watts on it:

We read it out loud together. Then we were asked to sit back to back with someone and breathe together. We then turned to eyegaze each other. My partner and I cried - she was this beautiful woman inside out who is also an amazing dancer.

We chatted later and turns out she’s Brazilian living between New York, Brazil and Colorado sharing the art of Brazilian living.

You can literally create the life you want doing what you love.

I then left to explore Brooklyn. It feels like Hackney in London. Maybe a bit better. Creative, down to earth and alternative.

Intuitively I feel drawn to a restaurant - Misipasta.

Their waiters had knitted ties. They had super cool bathrooms (restrooms). Their garden had white stones as the flooring. The food was divine. The desert I had was one of the best deserts I had - in my life. It tasted like cheesecake but better with honey and sea salt on it. What a flavour omg.

After food, I walked around and chatted to some strangers. I love how the conversations can be literally midway commentary of what’s happening around us including a teen girl’s Sweet 16 photoshoot.

I walked across Williamsburg Bridge. It felt so good to have a day where time didn’t exist and I can just explore intuitively wherever I am drawn to in my own rhythm.

As I crossed from Brooklyn back to Manhattan via the bridge, on my right side I see a “Psychic Amy” sign with palm reading on it. I feel drawn to it. It’s a palm reading for $20.

I go in feeling, “Yey adventure time!”

I receive the palm reading which was fun and accurate. Then the psychic gives me an information no one has ever picked up on. Something I had a feeling on, but I wasn’t able to put it into words before.

My intuition told me to trust her. There was such light in her eyes. Plus she was coming from a long lineage of psychics. Her whole family was psychics including her daughter and sister. They did this as their normal day job. It couldn’t be more normal for them. I loved that.

So a side quest has begun based on purely trusting my intuition with no human referrals: I am now working with her.

I continue to walk towards the financial district where the big buildings were.

As I’m walking, I take in the energy of expansion from the buildings around me literally expanding my energy. It was incredible to see what humans can create. Tallest buildings I’ve seen in my life. Lots of deep breaths to take it all in.

I find Mercer Labs. I’ve been seeing it’s ads on Instagram for a while.

I go into this immersive exhibition that includes more than 23 rooms.

I spend 1.5 hours there swinging, walking in mirrored rooms, playing in a ball pool, drawing a wolf that was projected onto the walls and making shapes with playdohlike material. I felt like a kid playing.

I then find the High Line walk one of my friend recommended to walk on. I did a night stroll there then headed back with achy legs.

DAY 4

After a lot of exploration, walking and taking stuff in the day before, I feel to have a fairly chilled day.

I start the day by giving an online coaching session to a brilliant teen girl I’m working with.

I meet up with two of my clients who just had a baby. It just coincided with my trip. I meet their gorgeous baby in Central Park which is also my first proper time there.

I’ve been doing coaching with them separately and we do weekly breathwork sessions. It has been such a pleasure and honour to be by their side for the last two years.

I then walk around Upper East Side of which my only reference up until then was Gossip Girl.

I then head to the Guggenheim museum.

I feel super lucky to be able to see and experience in person some of the architectural monuments I studied back in my architecture studying days.

The building has a swirling walkway that flows from the top floor all the way to the bottom floor. I also liked how they used the natural lighting and furniture placement in their reading room so the light would come directly onto the book you’re reading.

Then I dressed up to have dinner with my friend in New York with her daughter. Coincidentally where I’m staying was only 8 blocks (Manhattan is designed in grids and each building is counted as a block) walking distance from her flat. It made me smile when I found out that we were temporary neighbors.

We went to Massara which was a super cool Italian restaurant. It was in a neighbourhood called Flatiron with the iconic Flatiron building. I got blisters in my feet reminding me why I don’t wear heels that often.

DAY 5

During this trip, due to the time difference, I enjoyed having all my afternoon or evening calls in the morning.

I started the day with the online Monthly Visioning Circle I hold every first Monday of each month.

After having such a real and authentic time with the participants who by this point feel like friends and sisters, I thanked them for their authenticity. I started crying out of nowhere and something in me that keeps me separate and distant in the name of professionalism dissolved.

Still behaving appropriately of course for a session but having the heart open in the vulnerability.

After that I published my first Substack post after procrastinating on it overthinking and trying to get it right for 3-6 months. Yey!

This day became a general admin day.

Then I went to the second spa on my list: World Spa.

This was in a dodgy area in Brooklyn. Their concept was to bring different spa traditions like cold plunge, Turkish hammam, Moroccon hammam etc making it a multicultural hub of spaesque experiences.

What I got was, even though technically everything, the form and the ingredients were there, but the energy for the experience wasn’t there. It looked right but didn’t feel right.

Anyway, overall, a cool experience.

DAY 6

On this day, I received a business session from my friend who I work with regularly. Then gave three online sessions: one with an adult, one with an 8 year old and one with a 16 year old.

Before the summit, we decided to do breathwork with a small group, so I facilitated a breathwork journey with 6 men.

It was also the first time a lot of people were meeting for the first time.

I was fully ready expecting a group of serious men in finance as it was their background and how they met each other mostly.

Not at all.

The room instantly was filled with laughter, jokes and connection. The journey went deep with a lot of trust within the group.

We then had dinner seven of us sitting around a round table King Arthur style. After dinner, we went to a comedy club that was actually really funny and good. We laughed so much.

DAY 7

I started the day with an online coaching session then some calls.

Then some walking around in Central Park and the city. After chatting to a friend on the phone, I went to the drinks organised for the group. I bring some Turkish delights.

It was so good to meet a lot of members in person. To experience them outside the Zoom box. Again so much lightness, joy and laughter. I enjoy the short and long conversations I have with people.

Nearly everyone was flown in from all around US and from outside US too.

After leaving, I walked around Times Square and 5th Avenue taking in everything.

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DAY 8

This was the big day!

The Leading Edge Summit day.

After waking up at 6am, I head to South of Manhattan to get the ferry to the Governer’s Island where the event is held.

I continue to meet the members, feeling the group coming together increasing in number across the last three days.

Now the full group is here.

We all have breakfast together enjoying the view of the Statue of Liberty and high rise buildings across us.

I walk past two people having a conversation “I had a shamanic journey where..” and I smile as I realise people in the group are a lot more open and spiritual than I thought.

More spiritual than the “spiritual” people.

The summit is a day event having 5-6 speakers with 45 minutes slots.

I am one of the first speakers. I feel super nervous to stand up and talk. I hold the mic and as I speak, naturally the nervousness disappears, as it always does after the first few moments.

I get into the flow.

We do a breathwork together followed by a guided visualisation.

I feel amazed by the level of participation, openness and trust in the group. So much heart. So much authenticity. So much love.

After my bit, I feel like I could relax and enjoy the day. The day was filled with heart centred speakers who shared so vulnerably and authentically.

Everyone was so real.

The event had maybe around 7 women and 43 men. During the lunch, I met another female speaker who also teaches intuition. We instantly start giggling playfully feeling like fairies saying hello. I share how sometimes I feel a bit different in this group, but also there’s magic in bringing in the differences.

I often take time to warm up to groups. After lunch, I feel like I get there. I feel fully relaxed to be me.

Talks vary from leading with love in companies, the cost of needing to know, the fear of stopping, levels of consciousness, structures of organisations, sleep to intuitive games.

One of the intuitive games we played was eyegazing for 5 minutes, then holding our partner’s hands, closing our eyes and sharing what we get intuitively.

As I gave an intuitive reading to my partner with eyes closed, I had a breakthrough realising giving eyes closed readings really takes the reading go to the next level. At least for me. (This is what I do in my intuition coaching sessions and teach my clients how they can do it too.)

Often what I do is, I close my eyes, tune in, once I find the thread of the information, I open my eyes and share with my eyes open looking at my client’s face or looking around. It distracts me a little though from the reading.

Since then, I’ve been doing all my readings eyes closed and the power of them tripled. It was great to get this upgrade with a simple tweak after 8 years of doing them.

As the day nears the ending, we have social drinks.

After some chats, I find some hammocks to lay on for half an hour to take in the day. I look around feeling so grateful how my work that I do from my heart with love and passion brought me this far, serving these leaders who came from all around the world. What a privilege this was. I get a bit teary.

We then have dinner together, basking in the magic, beauty and connection from the day. We make and eat marshmallow chocolate sandwiches by the fire. We then run for our lives for the last ferry just about making on time.

DAY 9

This was a good rest day after such a big day. I update few friends how the summit was.

Then I get the laptop situation fixed.

I have hot chocolate from Glace which has marshmallows around it recommended by my friend.

In the evening, with my neighbour New York friend who’s down for any adventure, we go for a sober sauna rave by Daybreaker at the Othership, another spa.

This was super fun!

The main area was actually at a normal heat.

I was wondering how the heat would work with the DJ equipment and people dancing without dying in the heat.

There was a big sauna with music and cold plunges. We were guided through a breathwork in the sauna which was intense, then headed to a cold plunge.

As we come back to the main area, it feels like a beach party. The new friend from the rave a week ago joins us and three of us have a great time.

One of the highlight moment at this sober rave for me was everyone singing out loud a remixed version of “Smells Like Teen Spirit” as loud as they could.

Then we had insanely good mango pastry desert from Salswee. We walked around for half hour with another dancing friend we made. Such a great city to walk at night!

I find a heart shaped clip on the floor and keep it.

DAY 10

The last day!

This also turns out to be an explorative and magical day.

Feeing so full, I start the day with a coffee with a friend from the group giving them an intuitive reading.

I start to see - this is a city I could live in.

It’s like London, but bigger vertically and horizontally.

People are more friendly and open.

They have more eye contact

The weather and the food is better.

Before coming here, I heard that New Yorkers are rude. So I came prepared for that. And I haven’t met any rude people at all.

They’re just direct and honest, which I like.

I walk across Brooklyn Bridge in the rain. There’s something magical about crossing bridges walking or driving - connecting the past with the future. I also like tunnels.

I went to Bushwick Collective in Brooklyn to explore the graffiti filled streets.

I pick up my fixed laptop.

I meet up with a good friend from the group. We walk towards Central Park and sit on a bench feeling like we’re in a movie reflecting through the last few days.

After he leaves, I sit there, my legs pulled to my chest, under my umbrella in the rain, I reflect through this trip and smile.

Every day feels like a week.

I meet up with another friend from the group. By this point, most of the group have left. We sit on a super peaceful bench overlooking the park chatting. Then we go for a wander. We intuitively find a Greek Cypriot family owned diner with massive portions, enjoy the food and the company. It feels super wholesome.

At 11pm, I go a house party on the other side of town after an hour of travel. This was a crazy choice I didn’t regret actually. I experience a Brooklyn house party and then leave before the end to go to bed for my flight the next day.

DAY 11

I pack and then leave.

I cry a little as I had so many incredible memories there.

I felt so welcomed, celebrated, seen, meeting so many incredible people and making new friends.

It was an honour to serve these highly accomplished and capable changemakers.

I’ll definitely be back!

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What did this trip taught me?

✨ It’s super important to be surrounded by the right people.

Across the last 10 years, I’ve gone in and out of more than seven communities.

This is the best, most aligned one I feel I’m part of.

When you’re around people who have similar visions, habits and values as you, not only it mirrors back more of you, but it’s also inspiring. It’s a reminder of what truly matters.

I truly feel like I’m in the right place with these incredible people.

✨ The world will reflect to you who you are.

When I was feeling confused, I always lost my way in the subway (the tube).

When I was focused, it was easy to find my way.

When I was open, people were open approaching and talking to me.

When I felt closed, no interaction would happen.

Everything in my reality was a reflection of what was happening for me internally.

When I noticed that and shifted my internal state, the outside reflected that inner shift too.

Just like in life.

✨ Make connections.

If you feel to reach out to someone for whatever reason, reach out and express how they touched you.

We crave connection. When someone initiates it, it’s often met with appreciation, because it’s a brave thing.

Magic comes out of it.

I saw this at the summit, on the streets and at the dances.

Back in 2015, I had a fear around approaching people I didn’t know.

So I made a new year resolution:

Whenever I saw something beautiful in someone, I would express it.

It opened me up to give compliments to people when it felt genuine.

It was scary in the beginning. I didn’t know how people would receive it. The more I did it, I realised people love it. It would light them up, make their day. It was instant connection. Kindness between strangers.

Eventually I relaxed and now I express my appreciation to people as it comes.

✨ Let go of the stories that aren’t true anymore.

I have a story that I need a lot of alone time.

It’s not true.

I love people.

I love connecting and sharing.

And ideally I need one human interaction a day minimum whether its in-person or online.

I used to separate myself to self-preserve, my Ego assuming people aren’t safe.

It was nice to do a reality check, talk with that part in me and go, “That’s not true anymore.”

Things are different now.

✨ Listen to your intuition. Always.

It will lead you to magic.

Unexpected results.

Synchronicities.

Trust all that intuition brings to you.

You won’t ever regret it.

This whole trip lead to magic because I listened to my intuition moment to moment.

From the moment I decided to book it to all the way to the cab going back to the airport.

Even how most of this post was written - at 3am with this song on repeat because that’s what I felt intuitively. And now editing it in London on a Sunday at 8pm.

Thank you for reading my New York adventures.

May you listen to the nudges of your intuition, take risks, keep your heart open, say hello to that stranger, listen and move through life with flow, trust and courage 🌀

When you do so, life really opens up on a whole other level.

And if you’d like to learn how to listen to your intuition more, so you create your visions and dreams, you can book a discovery call or a true nature and purpose reading.

Love and Magic,
Isik 💛

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I’m Isik - an intuition coach and breathwork facilitator. I’ve spent the last 8 years guiding people into deeper connection with their inner knowing so they live fulfilling and authentic lives.

This is the question I got asked the most:

“How do I know whether it’s my mind talking to me or my intuition?”

It’s such an important question and learning the difference is one of the best skills you can develop for life.

In this post and in the Youtube video below, I’ll share how with an intuitive guidance practice at the end.

Ego or Soul. Mind or Heart.

In any given moment, we are either operating from our Ego or from our Soul.
Your mind or your heart.

Knowing which information is coming from which is one of the best skills you can develop for life.

Before I knew the difference, I used to take so many actions hoping one would work.

When I got what I wanted, I didn’t know what I did exactly that got me there.
And when I didn’t, I would be frustrated and annoyed.

You don’t have to do that.
You can take the true action from intuition.
You can do less and achieve more.

Let’s start here:

Your Ego is your survival mechanism.
Think of it like your limited self — where you see life from the point of your limiting beliefs based on past experiences.

When you live from Ego, you repeat the past a lot.
You find yourself in similar scenarios with different people.

Your Ego’s purpose is to keep you safe, small and secure.
To keep you in your comfort zone.

It’s like your mind.
It communicates to you through your thoughts.

Your Soul, on the other side, is like your higher self — your greatness, your limitless self.
Living from your Soul allows you to expand, evolve and grow.

It’s your heart.
You don’t repeat the past here — you create a new future that you love.

It’s like living beyond what you know — in trust and surrender.
Your heart and Soul communicate to you through your intuition.

Now that you know the framework:

Ego and Soul. Mind and Heart.
You can start to notice where each piece of information is coming from.

Here are some other ways you can spot the difference between your mind and your intuition:

When I say mind, I also mean Ego.
When I say intuition, I also mean Soul and heart.

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The Mind:

• Can feel like bouncing around, very fast, going in loops.
  It can feel like a rushing energy.

• Is in your head.
  What your mind tells you, you feel it somewhere up here in the head.

• Is concerned about external factors:
  What are other people gonna think?
  How will I look from the outside?
  What about this? What about that?

• Can give you information that benefits you.

  It's only in service to you.

• Has other agendas like:
  Do this, and then you’ll get that.
  Do A, get B.

• Can tell you a million different things. It changes.
  It often gives you a 10-step plan.

The Intuition:

• Has a calm presence about it.
  It’s grounded and centered. It’s not rushing.

• Lives in your heart and gut.
  What it tells you, you feel down in your body.

• Doesn’t care how you look.
  It only shares the truth, no matter how inconvenient.
  It tells you what truly matters and doesn’t care about the rest.

• Considers what benefits you and the benefit of all.
  It’s in service to everyone involved.

• Has no agenda.
  It says: Do A, and you’ll get A.
  It points you in the direction of what you love, for the sake of it.

• Is consistent.
  It repeats the same insight until you take action.

• Only gives you the next step.
  And it won’t tell you the next steps unless you take that first one.

Like in a game...

You can’t just jump to level 30.
You need to go through level 1 → 2 → 3 and follow that.

And think about it…

Imagine you got the 10-step plan.
You took the first step. Your reality would change.
You’d receive new information.

But just to stay loyal to the original plan — to stay safe — you dismiss the changes and commit to something that’s not alive anymore.

This is one of the reasons people feel stuck or uninspired in life:
Because they’re not listening to life moment by moment.

There’s a dysfunctional loyalty to a past, dead plan.

The biggest and most useful difference:

Your mind likes to stay in the known.
Your intuition will come from the unknown.

So whatever your mind tells you is coming from past experiences, learnings, and memory.

“Remember last time you did that? Here’s what happened. So do this instead.”

That’s okay — but it means you’ll be repeating similar results to the past.

If you want something you haven’t had before,
you’ll need to take new action.
You’ll need to listen to a different wisdom.

Your intuition gives you new information.
And when you first hear it, the mind might say:

“That doesn’t make sense.”
“That’s just crazy.”

Because it’s unknown, the mind will often do everything it can to convince you not to do it.

Rationalisation is the biggest killer of intuition.

So watch out for that.

Being in the unknown can actually be a fun adventure where you unlock one level at a time.

If you’re listening to your intuition, you can trust and surrender.

You can say:

Surely, wherever this wisdom came from has the same intelligence to continue supporting me, guiding me and having my back.

You can lean into that trust while taking aligned action.

A Guided Intuitive Practice

Let’s do a simple practice together - to feel what it’s like to be in the mind, then shift into intuitive guidance.

Take your time:

• Close your eyes

• Take three deep breaths

• Bring your awareness to a situation:
  maybe you feel stuck, unsure which direction to take, or triggered

• Acknowledge your thoughts and feelings about the situation. What are you thinking?

• What are you feeling?

• What are these thoughts and feelings telling you to do or not do?

• What would that result in?

Now…

• Take another deep breath in.

• Imagine you’re rising above it. See the whole situation from a bird’s eye view.

• Ask yourself:
  What would I love?
  What’s the emotion of that?
  What’s that emotion telling me to do / not do?

  What would that result in?

• Follow that!

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The first part was your mind.
The second part — after rising above — was your intuition.

You felt the difference.
You know it now.

The more you practice this, the easier and faster it becomes.
Eventually it becomes second nature.

I did this practice more than thousands of times now.
It used to be super slow and a little unclear.

It’s very normal when you’re first starting to doubt or not trust what you’re getting.

That’s okay.

The more you do it, the clearer and faster it gets.

Give it a go. Practice it.

Let me know if you have any questions. You can ask them below.
And if this resonated, please share it with someone who needs to hear it.

Love and Magic,
Isik 💛

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If you found this post helpful, please share it with someone who you feel might need to read it. I’d love to hear your thoughts or questions in the comments. And if you want more posts like this, feel free to subscribe 💌

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My name is Isik Tlabar. I’m an intuition coach and breathwork facilitator.

I have been writing posts on Instagram and Facebook since 2017.

They have been a combination of my personal journey, my work, experiments in life, extracting the lessons and sharing them.

Many posts were super long surpassing Instagram’s word limit ending with “continued in comments”.

I haven’t been writing long life update / posts for two years now.

I was stuck between not wanting to write on Instagram anymore and not having quite warmed up to Substack.

After months of overthinking and overanalyzing on how to start writing on Substack, I want to share a real human moment I had two days ago.

I do Monthly Visioning Circle every first Monday of each month.

It’s free and online. We’ve been going for 1.5 years now. It has naturally developed into a women’s circle. We occasionally have men too and everyone is welcome.

In this workshop, I guide a meditation. Then we journal our intentions, dreams for 20 minutes, followed by receiving our next intuitive steps and an anchor word for the month.

Beyond the practicals of what we do, there is magic, authenticity, connection and love in the space.

Every month, people show up with where they’re at. It has also became a space to connect with, see one another, celebrate each other’s creations.

Something personal happened on Monday that never happened in a space I facilitate.

During the closing, after everyone’s shares, I thanked everyone for their realness and authenticity.

I care about realness and authenticity a lot. And I try to live my life like that. When other people are being that, it means the world to me.

As I’m saying this, I went into a full cry. I had to stop talking to cry.

This never happened in the eight years of doing this work.

I have cried from the moments that happened in workshops and retreats that was about the participants, but never from a personal thing that was about me.

I mentioned this video I watched that day. It’s the best thing I watched in months.

Amongst many incredible insights about aging gracefully, living authentically, being in wonder, curiosity, she was sharing how we’re made of the same stuff but put differently.

Humans and trees even. Same stuff but put differently.

Then I went onto say how when we’re in grief, sadness and loneliness, we feel we’re the only one experiencing it.

But we all feel it, a lot of the time. We’re never alone.

I mentioned how I really care about creating clean spaces. I don’t bring my stuff to the place. I don’t really take up space for my own thing when I’m the one facilitating.

So that it can be “less me, more them”.

There is a pitfall to this that I caught myself doing.

I separate myself massively to be “professional”.

This separation keeps me lonely. And I do feel lonely on a regular basis.

My brain does this thing where I literally forget I have friends and I feel all alone.

Obviously, I’m not going to overshare every detail of my life with my clients now. We’re there for a purpose and service.

But what opened up for me is still be of service, be professional and show my human side a little more.

What I shared touched everyone.

Because it was real.

What is real is often felt.

Thank you to the women on that call 💛

So here it is, first Substack and a little heart share.

And I like writing here actually. You can add all these links and stuff.

You can join our July Monthly Visioning Circle btw. It’s on the 7th of July, Monday. Completely free.

Thank you for reading!