Add the loss of Dolly and Gloria, too much.

In the midst of the chaos, can I offer you an art collection in haiku?

But first, an invite:

Need a creative reprieve in syllables? Join me in community for my first Writing Salon where we will gather on ZOOM on September 23 to write haiku and if willing, share them out loud (always optional). All are welcome. Note: if cost is a blocked doorway, message me and we will open a window. (link)

Cunty Little Bob

Woman to woman,
Are we all chopping our hair
And then, hating it?

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Happy September to all.

I keep this Audit & Ask behind a paywall and today, I found out why as I unleashed myself fully in this one and it felt pivotal. Thank you for being here, reading my words and support my art. It means a lot as I lean on your support to continue to foster my creative expression and clarity my why, again and again.

I am writer, I whisper to myself in the mirror, again and again. .

Every month, I check in. I audit the last month in moments and learnings and celebrations and then I make requests of myself for the month ahead. Writing it down matters. I invite you to try out the practice, creating consistencies in our day and our months has been a necessity for me right now.

Here is my Audit & Ask for the past month of August to September:

AUDIT

Take a moment to close your eyes and see all that was August. Moments, meeting people, health, work, commitments, failures, feelings, celebrations and all the learnings.

In some words, how was August ______________

A stream of sweat stress running down the center of my chest along the curves and edges,
drip,
drip,
drip.

What are two learnings you experienced from August?

1. The heat of August felt like a pressure cooker and while I boiled over often, I can now see I needed the pressure to make some bigger decisions for myself.

2. If it aint broke, don’t fix it is just terrible advice. Hear me out, something is whispering to be changed from the underbelly, however, on the surface it all looks like it is working. I could bet people rarely say this to anyone having a great time, this is often the first - albeit tiny, it is there - red flag that we override. This is performance culture to a tee, this is Instagram culture to a tee. Elder millennial daughters, knock knock.

What are two celebrations you can share from August?

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When not sipping coffees with me at a little café called Bev’s, Paige is a fractional CFO and loves to make the money conversation way more digestible and tangible. What I love about her in this domain, is she is really good and cares that her clients feel heard and held AND she is practicing what she preaches while living her life where money is essential for the way her family chooses to live - like, how they are going on a six month family adventure across the globe in a couple months. Or how she and her husband moved to Mexico when the kids were young for a few years. And how every year, they have pulled the kids out of school for incredible global adventures with an understanding that this is an education, too.

Psst, Paige is a featured guest speaker in my upcoming UNRAVEL immersion (starts next week, come on in) on money beliefs and knowing your numbers. Come learn from her and unravel with us!

Meet Paige:

What inspired you to start your business?

Having my boys. When I became a mom working a 9-5, I knew pretty quickly that entrepreneurship was the only way for me (it was something I dabbled with since I was young). I wanted to have as much freedom as possible to be with my kids and husband and travel but also make money and support our life. I just sort of fell into accounting because it was something I happened to be really good at!

How do you define ‘success’?

I think success to me at the most stripped down level is having your basic needs met (food in your belly, a home to settle in, etc) while also being able to find immense joy in your days. Not necessarily ALL of your days because I don’t think that’s realistic but if you are lucky enough to find joy and some freedom in your life, then that seems pretty successful to me!!

What’s one major decision that changed the trajectory of your work?

The decision to stop trying to figure it all out alone and bring on outside support in the form of a business coach. It was the first step I needed to really change the entire trajectory of my business. Coaching led to changing up my services which helped me make more money which led to joining masterminds and other coaches and a full support system of other women running their own businesses. It changed my life financially, professionally and even emotionally.

What core values guide how you run your business?

I think the ultimate core value in my business is TRUST. Especially when dealing with people finances and money mindsets. My clients have to have so much trust in me and I never

I know you don’t 9-5, so tell us what does a day in the life look like?

Depending on the time of the year, the routines change but right now, it’s August so summer days feel much lighter to me! My sons are teenagers, so they are pretty self-sufficient, unless they need rides somewhere (ha!). Day’s start with coffee first, always! It’s my most favorite part of the day. Then I get some movement, at the gym or long walk with the dog. If I don’t move my body first thing I probably won’t get around to it for the rest of the day. Then I usually come home, eat breakfast and start working around 10. My meeting days are Tues and Thurs so I’ll have my calls if they are on the calendar. Most days I try to get in 4-5 hours of work, but some days I get less depending on what the kids have going on or if it’s a nice beach day (we HAVE to take advantage of summers in Maine). I’ve recently become obsessed with horseback riding for the last year so once or twice a week I try to do that in the afternoons. Then evening is family time and dinner.

What’s something people don’t see about being a founder?

The invisible mental load we carry. And if you are a mother, then you have double! I wouldn’t trade entrepreneurship for anything, but some days I let fear and imposter syndrome get to me, and those are the worst feelings! I also think that many of us push to keep creating, keep producing, and it’s really hard to just BE in our business, enjoy what we’ve built, and be content. I think there is always this small fear that the work will stop coming, the business will fail, and we will have to find something else. At least that is true for me. Most people see the flexibility and the freedom but it does come with it’s own set of problems.

What is your vision for the future, be it in your business or beyond?

I love my business so much but I would LOVE to have another business or side hustle on the side that brought in some revenue so I didn’t depend on my financial business as much. I’d love to do something creative or have some sort of brick and mortar. I don’t know what that looks like but I do think, when the time and location are right we will make it happen.

What advice would you give someone building something of their own?

I would say that the TYPE of business you build is less important than how you want your life to feel and how that business FITS into your life. Self-employment is wonderful, but my business fits my life because I can go anywhere and take it with me (good and bad haha), and that was really important to me when I started. I wanted to be able to travel and move around and still run my business. I didn’t want to be tied down to a specific location. To some people that wouldn’t matter, but no matter what, your business will own you in the beginning, so really thinking about how it fits into your life would be my biggest piece of advice.

If I were starting a secret society of support, what would you ask for?

I’d ask for a network of experts in their field and good humans at all stages of business, building something to create a life they love. Honesty and transparency around all the things life and business but with a dash of “I did this so I know you can get there too”. A society of women who truly WANT to help each other grow and not just grow themselves.

__

Keep up with Paige:

Her website

Her Instagram

BIO: Hi, I’m Paige! I am a mom to two teen boys and a wife to an amazing Mainer. We currently live in Southern Maine but are getting ready to take a 6 month adventure around the world as a family! I’m the founder of Tidewater Consulting, where I work as a fractional CFO and all around money person for entrepreneurs, mostly female service providers and creatives who are ready to stop stressing about money and start understanding it. I’ve got a Master’s in Accounting and over a decade of experience. I love the organizational aspect of numbers but I also love the challenge of making them less “taboo”. Trust and zero judgment are my most important professional values.

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What is sleep?

Who needs it, really?

And the answer is me, I need it. All of 42 years of age and I now will crumble if I don’t get sleep. I am talking lite sleep, deep sleep, REM, I need every stage. I skip any phase of sleep and I am royally fucked the next day for any type of brain synapses firing on time, much less the right space.

As someone actively recovering from thyroid issues, I am hyperaware of the wet blanket feeling of a dominatrix style of fatigue. She takes that reign when you are tired, navigating a stress load, a viral load, a grief load, a life overload and you better have a safe word ready.

Every week on Tuesday morning, I host a writing club with incredible women. We come together to learn about a Goddess and then connect with Her as muse and write with the divine mythology as guide. When I think of my favorite offerings of my career this year, this is one of them.

And this Tuesday, my children awoke from the worst sleep and still feeling sick and needed different offerings of food to try and none of them worked and someone spilled broth on the kitchen table and then half an epsom salt bag was spilled in a warm bath. Worried about her pH balance of all her parts, I rush her out of said bath sopping wet. The minutes are closing in on me as I get them comforted, dressed and a Christmas movie on. I have not had a sip of coffee yet and I don’t have the time or even the wherewithal to ask someone to guest lead the call for me. I rush up to the coffee machine willing it to pull faster and bring me to life in all of one sip.

I sit down and press the begin button to open the ZOOM meeting. I am two minutes late and I hate being late. I see myself reflecting back to me in the video box and I look worn for the wear, exhausted and emotional. I feel even worse. I hate this part of being human in this very moment. I do not enjoy not appearing like I have my shit together. I do not enjoy feeling low energy when people are paying for an experience with me. I do not like this feeling of lack of control on my … humanness.

And I tell the truth. I say to my dear writing club which had two brand new members doing a test call that exact day, ‘Hi everyone, I had such a terrible night with sick children and I am not going to be speaking as much as I usually do today. Thank you all for being here and thank you for the grace.’

It took everything in me not to burst into tears. Often on the verge of tears on a good day because I feel deeply and the waters are always at the edge of my being, I felt the pressure welling as I spoke. Two of my most empathetic friends were on the call that day, I could feel them both reeling for me and at odds with not being able to reach through the screen and care for me.

And it got me thinking, how do we know when people are struggling now?

How do we know someone needs helps if we are always performing?
How do we know someone is going through a hard time when there is make up and you can sleep in hair roller things and sweatpants are style not a cry for help?
How do we know to check in if I keep adding a filter on my face on social media?
How do we know you’re hurting if you don’t let yourself cry in public?
How do we know if we don’t have consistent spaces we see one another on a weekly basis, like my writing club every Tuesday?
How do we know in a world obsessed with being careful and not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings by saying the thing that they already know out loud?
How do we know in a I-can-do-it-by-myself culture, one that brags about income over purpose and is lacking a village or third place?
How do we know if your’e okay if you never ever show up disheveled?

In the lifetime I had with her, my Grandmother went to church every Sunday and counted the church money on Tuesday mornings. Some days, her friends would go for coffee or a piece of pie together at the new pie spot in town after their volunteer hours. I would tag along as I held on to every word they said just hoping someone would look my way or oh my god, ask me something, anything. And it was gossip but it didn’t feel mean. They were keeping tabs on one another. They were sharing the community news. They were witnessing one another and also, in a gab style of way, making notes about people’s well being, sicknesses and so on. Okay, a tinge of judgment might have come in. You have to balance the do-gooders out a bit as these ladies hosted every funeral and cooked for the bake sale and doled out the crackers every Sunday in a full blown dress and hair and make up done.

Most often and even more, the women were checking in on one another. They would ask about doctors appointments, their loved ones, talk about the obituaries they read that morning and the upcoming trip they were going on (often with the church).

Gossip got hijacked to have a negative connotation (read about it here) many moons ago. While I would never condone women getting together and being cruel, I will forever advocate for women in circles together talking about one another, community and the future. This is a powerful connection for women, most often the keepers of community, to be seen by one another, to be held by one another, to be un-fine with one another.

That very night, my friend from the ZOOM call delivered dinner to my doorstep. I am talking three mason jars of cozy potato soup and even toppings like bacon and green onions and cheese and a small paper towel with carefully snipped cilantro. And there was a bar of chocolate she snuck in there for me. And popsicles for the kids. And red wine that doesn’t have sulfites in it. My glasses are fogging as I am crying thinking about that dinner on my doorstep right now.

My other friend called me the next morning to check in. She had been doing text check ins but I finally answered and we cried and stewed a bit in the chaos - both mine and hers.

It is always temporary, you know this as much as I do. The spirals we enter into and the tired days. But in the moment, it doesn’t always feel that way. Add lack of sleep, all my past patterns pounce upon me and I get pretty sad, honestly.

I forget I have friends. I forget my kids are building their immunity and this is part of the back to school frequency - especially when your rebel child disregards the home packed lunch you made for her and keeps going for the hot lunch line and you wonder if that was the the culprit for the stomach virus? I forget Chris is tired, too and I do love a blame game when feeling petty and (over)tired. I forget I am 42 and own my own business and a week day of Christmas movies in a row healing myself and the kids is actually allowed. I forget I can ask for help. I forget how to, really. I forget a lot of things when I am feeling and looking like shit on a ZOOM call created for creative writing and community and honoring the dynamic-ness of this existence. And here I am feeling some kind of way that I cannot be my best self on this exact Tuesday, I forgot I am dynamic, too.

Me and my kids got better and they all went back to school. I finally got a good night’s sleep and remembered I have friends and my worth does not = showing up perfect (and fake). I am still in repair as I keep having one too many coffees and then stay up reading a little too late. Considering I was too tired to even read my beloved books, this is a good sign and I’ll take it. And I do feel better physically and emotionally.

I honestly think we need to gossip more. In a good way. We need to circle up and ask how our people are doing, ask how our community is doing? It is an act of love. Even greater when we have the capacity to act on it.

Which brings me to a final point, are we resting enough to even care to gossip in a good way? Are we too nervous the gossip will point to a need that we don’t have energy for? I feel nervous for the collective answer to that question.

Listening to Amy Poehler’s podcast, the only pod I listen to as I would rather be listening to books, she always asks people about their sleep routine and even recently asked Keke Palmer how she relaxes. I love these questions because she then introduced me to Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith who speaks about the rest deficit and the 7 ways to rest (you can watch the TED TALK here). Did you even know there are seven (!!) types of rest, I didn’t. Of course, I didn’t.

You can spend time with the lecture (it is all of 9 minutes and potent wisdom), however I realized I am currently deficient in creative rest, spiritual rest and sensory rest. Obviously, physical rest is an active point of focus for me as I used to need very little sleep and well, I changed and I am a Mother. And yet, that one feels very accessible. The sensory reset of no screens and less light and letting my brain and body rest feels very essential right now (I so want to go get a flip phone). And spaces of awe, I love this with a nod to being in nature and really being in a space of reverence. Recently, I have been on a soap box about social rest especially the narrative around who we can feel restored by, so I loved she spotlighted that part. And this seems to come up a lot in conversation with a lot of women in a state of change or that liminal in between space of identity shifts.

My dear friend, Margaret James is an Ayurvedic councelor and used to lead rest practices. She is now the Soup Witch, creating divine soups here in Colorado for our bellies and beings to rest with, however, her rest leadership stayed with me as she often guest spoke for my masterminds. She guest wrote here in 2025 about conscious rest, you can read it here.

tl:dr She would lead a practice where you would build a rest nest. I am talking pillow under your head, pillow under each elbow, pillow under your knees and a blanket and eye cover. A nest for you to rest. She would speak to removing sensory experiences, no music and no light, less distractions for a more internal pause. And you lay there. For 20 whole minutes. And breathe and be. The first five minutes are brutal, depending on your current mental load. Some times it took me all of 18 minutes to finally feel myself rest, where my mind went off loop and my body released the grip of control. I highly recommend giving it a try.

So I ask you this: are we talking enough to one another so that we can check in and ask about rest and sleep and if we are doing okay? Are you in any type of community with a consistent connection weekly or monthly? Can you show up looking like absolute shit one day so someone can see you are on that struggle bus? Are you open to being seen as human? Are you also open to receiving help? Are you in an energetic space where you can provide a helping hand? Are you open to receiving rest? And if so, can we lay this vessel down for 20?

I say we all just do it right now, for good measure.

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And she and me and her, we would sit on the rocks with our knees knocking or held close to our chest and talk about life. We would dip in every so often and river rot even more often.

Because when you are with Leslie Alterman, the voice behind , you are deep in the thick of what it means to be alive. She is an artist, a somatic movement practitioner, a mother, a lover and a friend who does not settle for mediocre, you are going to feel it all. To know Leslie is to know the edges and when you make eye contact and in her touch of a southern drawl she says, ‘I see you, girl’, it is a revival.

In four days, I get to move this vessel with Leslie as she is a guest speaker in my UNRAVEL Summer Club (we have been designing community all Summer) and dare I say, they don’t even know what is coming and a pre-you’re welcome from me for how you feel after because it will unravel you … in the best way. (psst my next UNRAVEL cohort starts Sept. 1, all about compass, desire and alignment, details here).

Meet Leslie:

What inspired you to start your business?

There are a few inspirations: I wanted to be an inspiration to my boys. I wanted them to see their Mother as a whole person, that not only am I a Mother and a Wife, but that I also belong to myself and value art and healing and being of service to to others.

How do you define ‘success’?

I have a feeling that I don’t really believe in success and failure.

What’s one decision I made that changed the trajectory of my work?

I’ve made so many decisions that have changed the trajectory of my work. I have zero problem with change. I think it’s really natural and what keeps the work honest. The most recent change was getting certified to teach Somatic Activated Healing. When I was teaching my intuitive art process to other women l, I would notice how difficult it was for them to stay connected to their senses and allow themselves to be messy so that a process could reveal itself to them. This made me very interested and curious about how to get people into their bodies and trust their human intelligence. I realized it’s the most under harnessed tool we have at our literal fingertips and under used. So, now I am reverse engineering my teaching. Teach people how to be connected to themselves and the art will naturally come…

What core values guide how you run your business?

Being of service to humanity, in a capacity that can be deeply healing and meaningful to not only them but have a ripple effect to all of humanity.

I know you don’t 9-5, so tell us what does a day in the life look like?

I don’t 9-5. I do still manage a household and mother, so they’re still my #1 priority. I do try to keep housr of 9-1 M-F and I have regualrly scheduled teaching days.In that time I am creating my class for the week. Doing the real work which is marketing and educating people on the work. Then I am actively creating. Right now that means sewing mini quilts, prayer shawls, altar cloths…

What’s something people don’t see about being a founder?

What people don’t see as being a founder is how the work to actual making money ratio is OFF!!! At least for me, right now. I work so hard. I don’t think people know because they rarely see the “failures”, the mess and the deep courage it takes to keep showing up.

What is your vision for the future, be it in your business or beyond?

Vision for the future is a brick and mortar community creativity “gym”. A place to go “work out” with other artists. A place to play. It will have movement practices, along with different art practices to keep artists inspired and healthy and connected!! I’d also like to travel and be a guest facilitator on retreats. Teaching people how to access their own creativity through the process I use.

What advice would you give someone building something of their own?

Advice I’d give someone, start! Don’t wait to be perfect or ready. Just go for it. Everyday you have 24 hrs to work on your future vision. So use each day to get you as close As you can towards that vision. Stay connected to your heart.

If I were starting a secret society of support, what would you ask for?

As for support… gah, I’d like someone to run the business and let me be the talent. I shouldn’t run a business…I’m actually not great at it…lol. Not sure that’s inspiring. But it’s true.

Find Leslie Alterman:

Her website

Her substack,

Her instagram

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I relished in it for a while.
And now, well, I feel kind of over it.

I get nostalgia and I so get the escape tactics, hello, I read romantasy books (I wrote 20 reasons why I do). And I do feel the joy from remembering having to dial up the internet and so many butterfly clips and clay yin yang necklaces. Yet, I keep bumping up against how many trends-devices-nostalgia-entertainment keep pulling me out of this exact moment in time. And I keep asking myself, why I am so easily distracted?

Okay not to prove my point to myself, but I accidentally looked online and just found out that Elon Musk and one of his space ships attachment things hit the moon, the actual moon - leaving a 60ft crater upon her. And now I am even more annoyed than the 90s thing.

Back to what I was saying: I am curious, does anyone like right now?

Believe me, I know we have a lot clapping back against the joy factors. However, let me take a moment to clean the proverbial lens and give a think about what is going well:

1. Last night, we took the kids night swimming and there was a frog on a rock and he had to be in mating season because the song he sang was so loud and righteous. I have never heard anything like and how cool to sit down and be surprised - dare I say delighted - to hear a sound in nature you have never heard before.

2. I recently heard that humans that had a hell of a time on Earth come back as trees so they can rest for a century. I like that.

3. I am currently reading a book about the history of the American book shop, It is aptly titled ‘The Bookshop’ and is written by Evan Friss. And today, I am going to a book shop!

4. My middle child wakes up so early and makes her bed, brushes her teeth and her hair, gets dressed and even puts her shoes on to complete her outfit.

5. Today, that same middle child was already ready before anyone, we are in Florida with family, and she and I grabbed a couple of bikes and cruised to the beach for a morning walk. We decided to sit down on the sand for a minute and right then and there, a dolphin jumped out of the water for air. Can you believe it?

6. Damn, the early bird does get the worm. Fact.

7. I got pooped on by a hummingbird recently. I shrieked with glee and then, I made a wish. My husband said, ‘that did not go how I thought it was going to’.

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8. I led a call today and ran out of time. I love knowing we all could have talked for three more hours, truthfully. And while I want to be a good time keeper and be known as someone who hits her marks and ends on time, I really don’t know if the current structures of time and even directions will ever be something I am great at. I surrender, finally.

9. I have been secretly-ish resurrecting the Goddesses. All of them. And I don’t mean energetically, I am talking Artemis, Aphrodite, Oshun, Brigid, Athena, Hekate, Persephone, Boann, Frigg, Sēņu Māte and Kwan Yin…to name a few. Let’s walk counterclockwise, set up new temples, talk with them and see what happens.

10. Mushrooms are a communication system. I live for all the details and I hope one of them is the town gossip and she is the matron mushroom, the crone of hearts, the great grandmother mushroom of them all.

11. Airplanes have wifi. I am grateful as I recently utilized it for the younger kids to watch old school Beauty and the Beast while my oldest watched The Truman Show, so I could read my paperback book about book shoppes.

12. I am sure you have heard of a potbelly pig, but have you heard of a potbelly seahorse? They are real and to attract a mate, they inflate their bellies like a balloon.

    

13. My daughter received a snail mail response from her long distance best friend, she had placed gems and stickers all over the envelope and there was a neon yellow sticker that we owe the post office .49 and in handwriting it said ‘for the bejewels’. I love that.

14. I feel hopeful that someone is going to write a riotous poem about Elon Musk and the moon and I cannot wait to read it.

15. I took the kids to a public water park pool a couple week’s ago and a child pooped in the pool. Not a Snicker bar floater, nope. We are talking down the entire blue slide. Shut it on down. So gross and yet, the amount of people I have told and laughed with has made it all so worthwhile. By the way, there is a gorgeous coffee table book on poop I checked out recently from the library, you must see it.

16. My kids were in The Lorax play a couple of weeks ago after attending an amazing local theater camp. Fast forward, we met a new neighbor over the weekend and she said to my oldest, ‘hey, I recognize you, you were the Once-ler! You did so great!’. Community showing up and speaking up, more of this!

Your turn!
Share in the comments the good-good right very now.

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Places I go for lens cleaning:

The Sun News

Any body of water

(at) goodnews_movement

My friends, my children

I just found out about Orion Magazine

The trees

I write a story with my own imagination.

About Jacki Carr
Hey there! I’m Jacki. By day, I run a creative coaching business and a writing club and a community club. By night, I take really hot baths and then indulge within my library books way too late, some times into the next day. Here though, I write about unleashing your creativity, crying in public, haiku collections, and the essential salt of community.

—

Feel free to like + comment on this newsletter so more Substack users can find it! ♥️

Share Feral & Patient | Jacki Carr

1. I have been ravenous for books this past month. My imagination loves a portal and reading creates an outlet for expression and release. Left to my own devices and a doomscroll, I cannot say my own crafted portals are always that supportive. I wrote a 2026 book list here and have already gone off the list, haha.

2. Power balls with peanut butter, honey, oats and dried coconut and Just Ingredients protein in Vanilla Bean flavor. Not an ad, just our fav! I make these every other day, honestly! Message me and I will send you my recipe I created!

3. I don’t even know who I am without a fanny pack on, truly. Still my fav fanny pack designer.

4. My friend snail mailed me a hat that is green with pink letters that read “Coffee Creates Community”, I wear it all the time. Thanks Stace!

5. It has been a mezcal summer for me. Mezcal margs, mezcal mules, mezcal ranch waters, and even a mezcal tasting with orange and cinnamon sprinkle.

6. Chris has been growing out his hair and I…

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And then Steph called.

And she made me an offer to jump departments to the people team, hopscotch from Chicago and back to California and start to dream and create my own role at the company. The biggest question she asked me was during salary negotiations and she said to me: ‘how much do you need to make to live your whole life?’. And I will never forget that question and I took three days to answer it and when I presented her with a number, she said yes and we (Chris moved to California with me) turned a whole new page, hell, a new life chapter.

The question she posed and our friendship have stayed with me.

Meet Steph:

What inspired you to start your business?

Truthfully, this time around, I thought I wanted to be an employee again. After applying to way too many jobs all around the world, I heard more No’s than Yes’s. Internally, I heard a gong that said: you must start again. And with that, a new consulting practice was born: the tendr way. So I suppose you could say I was inspired from a place of rejection.

How do you define ‘success’?

I think the greatest measure of success is: how quickly you can fall asleep at night, how swiftly you can rise in the morning and who is with you to celebrate the moments that matter in life? I wish those metrics hit more performance reviews for human health where ever you define “work” to be.

What’s one major decision that changed the trajectory of your work?

Most recently, being promoted to Aunty Steph made me wildly committed to crafting my work-life around the opportunity to visit my incredible nephew who lives in the UK (and his Dads!). Children have a way of making the clock tick faster and I feel the race to make the moments matter. With that clear distinction, it became imperative that my work could support global love!

What core values guide how you run your business?

I have been completely *unable* to separate my own values from those of my work. Perhaps it is (one of) my greatest downfall or my secret sauce. My Core Values as a compass are:

WILD ADVENTURE

TOTALLY POSSIBLE

ABUNDANCE ALWAYS

ENORMOUS LOVE

I know you don’t 9-5, so tell us what does a day in the life look like?

My preference is to rise before the sun and sweat to start the day. After that, I’ll quite literally do whatever the calendar calls for! However, my naughty sidekick named Bernie will always jump at exactly 5PM looking for a walk and his dinner. So there is an undeniable pause in every day for him. Admittedly, I feel less constricted by a calendar and more committed to doing the most important things for health and vitality. If that means walking on the treadmill in the middle of the day - I’ll do it. And if that means very early morning calls with Europe - I’ll happily do that too. Less boundaries, more bounty is the current era.

What’s something people don’t see about being a founder?

There is no off switch. Ever. Ever. Ever. It’s the background music and the foreground headlight. Everything is an opportunity; everything is a possibility. Some may see it as a constant buzz. When I changed my perspective to the buzz being a beating drum of purpose, it completely changed how I see the privilege of being “on”.

What is your vision for the future, be it in your business or beyond?

A few years ago I had some health challenges that put the preciousness of life into perspective. It’s so cliche, yet when it hits, it really hits. I quickly committed that I would honour health as my greatest wealth. I would be of conscious contribution to all relationships and energetic exchanges (ie. work!). I would promise to spend my days asking: how good are you willing to feel? With that, I’m here to explore the future -- really, in a state of awe. (And in the current state of of the world, finding awe sometimes makes me feel like an astronaut!)

What advice would you give someone building something of their own?

“Their own” is powerful in so many ways, yet I really believe in “together” being even more powerful. Find the crew, the tribe, the advisors, the support team - paid or unpaid, that is not what it is about. It’s the support in an otherwise pretty wild (and sometimes lonely) version of life. Beyond my personal Board of Directors, I think goals matter - micro and macro - direction and focus are a currency. And of course, joy or hobbies of inspirational pursuit. Be it Writing Club with you, Jacki, my garden or trail adventures, having things to pull me away from an online space into offline reality is imperative -- I think it is for everyone to build the castle of their dreams.

If I were starting a secret society of support, what would you ask for?

I really wouldn’t mind air travel that was easeful, reliable wifi in the sky and a cure for jet lag.

Keep up with Steph:

Steph over on LinkedIN

Steph’s writing here on Substack

The Tendr Way

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Eat

Soggy

Waffles

Or something like that, the mnemonic device we were all taught in order to remember North, South, East and West. Or was it sour watermelons in your neck of the woods? These days, I navigate by a different kind of compass, one I've come to call the compass of alignment. We’ll get to that.

Of course, I know what an actual compass looks like and I have seen the dial move on a hiking trail but that is about the extent of it for me. When I lived by the ocean, that humongous marker helps but on the rarest of occasions, I couldn’t tell you which way North is. I wish you could have seen me as a teenager with printed mapquest notes (who remembers mapquest?) in the front seat, there was a loop of a highway and oh, I would loop it. And my oh my, I used to lead hikes on mountain trails for groups, can you even imagine how many times I had to go practice the trail beforehand? A lot, a lot.

In all honesty, I have never really operated within the systems of man-made tools like direction and time. I realize that is the most Aquarian thing I might have ever written and yes, it does make me chuckle a bit all while my husband is shaking his head as he loves being on time and always know which way is West.

This, however, makes me a fun person to co-create with as I lean all the way into delusional visions and there is really never only one way to do something, the possibilities and thus, directions to go are endless. And while this sounds very fun (and is), I have found I have yearned for a tool that does work for me - one that does clarify exactly where I am standing and can support direction that feels aligned for me. One where I don’t feel lost all the time, you know?

Enter, the compass of alignment.

The compass still plays within the structure that I have been taught with the up and down and right to left lines, however, the language and magnetic pull is different because instead of looking to the earth’s poles, I turn to my own. My emotions, my nervous system, my felt sense of safety and home and identity ever changing and yet, defined, add my people and my community, too, these are my inner magnetic pull forces.

Have I lost you?
That is okay, by the end of this, you will have your own compass to consider + create and then direction to get back home to your own self.

In my life’s work, I have really tuned in to what has supported me the most in finding and feeling my center. I am a forever student and would truly sign up for certifications for the rest of my days if one of my astute teachers had not looked at me one day and said, ‘it is time to use what you have and lead, dear one’. And she was right.

Along the journey of devouring self help books, crying in rom-coms, receiving feedback on retail floors and conference rooms, along with the many certifications I do have somewhere in a folder in a moving box in a room I could never tell you where, I have found the compass, my compass.

Here are the basics:

My south node is designated to my core values. The things that matter most to me. The anchors that distinguish what I say yes and no to and how I know I have gone too far in say, the wrong direction. When someone says something that bothers me, it is usually connected to my core values and what I believe to be true.

My north node is connected to my vision, my desire for where I want to go. This is where I can close my eyes and see the hopes + dreams I desire and begin to map out how to get there.

My east and west nodes are the people, my people and people around me. This includes my family, my nearest and dearest friends, far away friends and my larger community. The connective force of people has two nodes and that makes sense to me. I usually play with family and friends on the left side of the compass and community and other on the right side of the compass.

And at the center, is the heart of the compass and there resides my why. My why for decisions I made, for the work I do, for the words I write and even love I have for my children, my Chris and our beloved Earth. Every line goes through the center, again and again.

This compass didn't just help me find my footing, it became an essential tool that I wanted to hand to others, too, one node at a time. These are the themes of each of my e-books, Getting Found on core values, Within Your Dreams on vision design, and CONNECT on people and community, with the final and fourth book on knowing your why (currently still in drafts). These e-books will come to a culmination in my final offering in this digital series, this exact conversation, the compass of alignment. More to come on that later.

When I was spiraling out of control this week, as we will have weeks and phases of life that shake the ground we stand upon, I finally sat down and re-visited my compass. I felt the magnetic pull of the core values reminding me what matters and anchoring me in current choices. I took time, albeit so vulnerable, with my vision and inquired why I feel so far away right now? And I called my people, hugged my children, went to my favorite coffee shop and connected with my husband. An then as I landed in the center of the compass, there it was, I realized my why needed a recalibration. I have been wondering why my fourth book has been so hard to write, it was me who was a touch disconnected to my why. I have not landed on all the language, however, I now have direction. A space to place my spiraling thoughts and land even for a moment, in the now.

Because that is what a compass does, it allows you to land right where you are. And then, assess, reckon, realize and go. We all could use one, especially on days that create the spirals. So I will ask you, what are your gravitations pulls, how do you land and what/whom is at the center?

Happy compass-ing, it is a verb in every sense of the word now.

PSA: This is the exact work I will be leading in my immersive UNRAVEL program starting in September 2026 through May 2027. A collective space for you to design your own compass that, by the way, absolutely does not have to look like mine.

You are invited to join, details here.

About Jacki Carr
I’m Jacki. By day, I run a creative coaching business, a writing club and a community club. By night, I take really hot baths and then indulge within my library books way too late, some times into the next day. Here, I write about unleashing your creativity and opening Pandora’s box all the way up, haiku collections, and the essential salt of being all the way alive.

—

Feel free to like + comment on this newsletter so more Substack users can find it! ♥️

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Today, meet Kelly Ferraro of Side Hustle. I cannot even deal with how creative this mini truck idea is and how Kelly has literally launched the coolest business(es) with her family in Austin, TX. Think a mobile bookstore on a mini truck, morning coffee truck, lemonade stand on wheels, pizza night and more! And have you ever heard of a smart growth neighborhood, well now you have and Kelly lives in one!

Of course, now, I want one! The truck and the hood!

Meet Kelly Ferraro:

1. What inspired you to start your business?

My latest business is Side Hustle, a 1988 Subaru Sambar Japanese kei (pronounced like the letter “K”) truck.

Here is the backstory, I’ve always wanted a cute little coffee truck. I was inspired by a Piaggio Ape (pronounced “ah-pay”) that a hotel in Key West had converted into a champagne cart. My brain exploded, and instead of relaxing on vacation, I spent my time writing a coffee truck business plan and researching mobile food vendor permits in Austin, Texas.

Around the same time, I noticed my kids always wanted to sell stuff. You could walk by our porch on any given weekday and they’d be hocking lemonade, lovies, and used books. My son would even go door-to-door looking for customers.

We live in a smart-growth neighborhood (learn more here) across from a walking trail and a public golf course. Every time I step outside, I see this space where I think a coffee truck should exist.

Then my husband “needed” to rent a kei truck for an SXSW activation, and something ignited inside me.

“Why don’t we just buy it?” I said. “What if we treat it as a test-and-learn project and just try different things, partner with other collaborators, and see what jives with the community?”

We said yes, and Side Hustle was born.

In the weeks since we bought it, Side Hustle has become a vehicle for community and collaboration - an iced coffee pop-up for my track team, a mobile arcade, a pizza-party pop-up, a lemonade stand, a swim team snack bar, a vintage car show participant, and a Father’s Day espresso and matcha bar... and these are just the activations I can remember!

And we are just getting started…

2. How do you define success?

It sounds trite, but success to me is being happy.

Nobody is going to remember how much money you made or whether you built the rare business that broke a million dollars. Nobody really cares whether you raised venture capital.

You can make all the money, raise all the funding, and still build yourself a prison—showing up every day with a sour face. I’ve witnessed that firsthand.

My teacher, Susanne, often said, “You are responsible for the energy you bring into the room.”

I’m always doing this little calibration of my soul: Is my soul happy? Am I bringing good energy into the room?

That’s success to me.

3. What’s one major decision that changed the trajectory of your work?

I had a lot of corporate jobs with fancy titles at fancy places, even a literal corner office.

My parents were public school teachers, and we lived near the beach, so I had the best summers growing up. I’d get summer jobs at the beach just so I could get paid to be a beach bum.

As an adult, I’ve always hated working through the summer. I’d sit in my office daydreaming about the beach, forcing myself to concentrate on corporate tasks. To me, summer is the sweet, slow season meant for relaxing, being outside, and spending time in the water with my kids.

Last summer, I finally said, “F-ck it. I don’t want to be in an office all summer. I want to be with my kids.”

I put in my notice, took my kids surfing in Costa Rica, and let go of the idea that my life had to look like a traditional 9-to-5, 365 days a year.

4. What core values guide how you run your business?

The main one is community. I know we share that value, Jacki, and that’s probably why I’m popping up on your Substack!

This is also about family and teaching our kids about entrepreneurship. I spend so much of my time advocating for public education, but I’m also married to a serial entrepreneur. I want to pass this value of entrepreneurship on to my kids.

And finally, this has to be fun. Because if we aren’t having fun, what’s the point? Owning any business, even a side hustle, is a lot of work.

Fun is the reward.

5. I know you don’t 9-to-5, so what does a day in the life look like?

I wake up and caffeinate. I’m a total espresso addict, and I don’t think that’s ever going to change.

I read before my kids wake up. I just finished Yesteryear, and holy heck, did that mess with my head a little. Right now, I’m tackling Master of the Senate because it struck me that I’ve been a Texan for more than a decade and know so little about local history and public figures.

One of us makes breakfast and packs lunches before I drop the kids off at camp or school.

Then I exercise: run, lift, or go to a yoga or Pilates class. Movement is a non-negotiable.

Some days are busy - trying local coffee spots, learning about coffee, meeting with suppliers, and making sure we have everything we need for upcoming events. Or I might be working on building my “main hustle”: writing coaching content, taking one-on-one calls, or debating whether I should get a job with good benefits and a pension… ha!

Other days, I’m just trying to get our house in order.

In the afternoon, I pick up the kids from school or camp and make dinner. Some weeknights are jam-packed with activities: swim practice, basketball at the Y, PTA meetings. There is no shortage of opportunities to hang out with our neighbors—swimming at the community pool, watching the World Cup, or heading to trivia night at the local pizza shop.

And if there isn’t anything on the calendar, we’ll go for a family walk and check out the wildflowers.

I wind down by reading to my kids and then reading to myself, unless I’m binge-watching a show, like the final season of The Bear.

That’s it. Pretty simple.

6. What’s something people don’t see about being a founder?

I think it can get really lonely some days, and I can get in my own head.

I’m constantly ping-ponging between the parts of me that are fast and slow.

The “go fast” part wants to be successful by traditional standards and says, “Let’s knock this business out of the park and make a million dollars!”

Then the slow part kicks in and reminds me to recommit to my why, my core values, and remember that this season is about my family.

Slow always wins.

7. What is your vision for the future, in your business or beyond?

I’ve been half-joking that I just want to sell it all and move to the beach, maybe Costa Rica.

My happy place is ocean waves, sand, tacos and margaritas.

People pretty much always want an iced coffee at the beach, and I can provide that for them.

If my kids don’t want a traditional life, they can join us and sell coffee and surf. If they “fail to launch”, they will always have a landing pad with me. I’ll take snuggle forever.

8. What advice would you give someone building something of their own?

I actually do give advice in the form of coaching!

I was lonely as an entrepreneur and armed with all this marketing expertise from my corporate career, so I built what I wanted: a collective for women entrepreneurs called Rise & Build Collective.

I don’t give advice as much as I connect women who can support each other through generous listening, experience-sharing, and open-ended questions.

Oh, and laughter. Laughter is the most important part.

Is this answer a cop-out?

Okay, if I had to give one piece of advice, it would be this: find the sweet spot between aliveness and need.

1. What makes you feel alive?

2. What do people need?

Now, go do that.

9. If I were starting a secret society of support, what would you ask for?

I have always admired your ability to be true to yourself. You are an original, Jacki Carr.

I would want to know how you really tune into your authentic path and tune out all the noise.

There is so much societal messaging about what women should be, and social media creates endless opportunities for self-judgment and needless comparison.

I am so guilty of doom scrolling and shaming myself for not living up to these invisible expectations.

How do you tune it all out and confidently create a unique path?

That’s what I would ask for.

___

Keeping tabs on Kelly:

Follow @ sidehustleatx on instagram!

Check out Kelly’s coaching and growth strategies here.

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I am excited to introduce you to my first interviewee, Anna Kujacznski, she is a mentor + mystic and writer. I met Anna when she became a client of mine what could be deemed a few lifetimes ago for both of us - I am still honored that I got to read some of her incredible writing way back when she was drafting a book and work with her on reckoning her incredible voice and honing her own business. She is a potent force speaking to capacity and decision portals. Anna is also a Substack writer, you can find her works here on .

Meet Anna Kujacznski:

What inspired you to start your business?

Defiance, ha. The first iteration of my business was hanging my shingle fresh out of grad school. But truthfully, I’ve been an entrepreneur my whole life. After a certain point the idea of working for someone else became antithetical to the life I wanted for myself. My approach to owning my business has evolved massively alongside me, shifting from the chaos of a hope and a prayer to a much more rooted ownership of being a founder and a leader and showing up as someone that I have respect for in both the work and the way the work is held. I believe having skin in the game is a necessary layer of further proof that it is the framework I am meant to serve within, because it is mine, and it gets to breathe and morph with me.

How do you define ‘success’?

Success has many facets, but the most important for me I believe is a sense of coherence. Not just a feeling of alignment, but a state of clarity that the ways I move, execute, think, speak, embody, and dream are all congruent. There isn’t this cache of ‘realness’ tucked away, that it’s out front and center. That my multifaceted multitudes no longer read as inconsistency, but as fractals of the Truth of who I am. I have felt the ‘success’ of a six figure therapy business that was built so haphazardly, and was built purely from survival and codependency and my own need to be needed. And I hold compassion for that version of both myself and my business because it taught me very viscerally the true cost of that. So in some ways, success to me has really transformed into the feeling of building something that is alive, that is evolving and changing always, and that allows me to do the same within it. I think the most liberating gift entrepreneurship has given me, regardless of how long it took me to receive it, is that you really truly can do what you want. If it is alive in me, I trust that I can find a way to incorporate it into my brand and my offerings. The ideal that I need to lob off parts of myself to remain conceivable is a mindset that I no longer wish to inherit from capitalism. I landed into my definition of success when I built a business that holds all of me. In jest I have said that my niche market is me, I am my target audience. I am my own muse. I mentor from what I have lived through, I write about what inspires me, I move toward what expands me, and I trust fully that those efforts transmute into a vocation that has no choice but to bend to my desire for purpose and provision.

What’s one major decision that changed the trajectory of your work?

It’s almost laughable to think of the trajectory timeline now, but last spring I rebranded my business to include the titles of coach and writer along with therapist. I see the ways this was me, at the time, feeling brave and expansive. And, as it often does, that expansion gave me new perspective, new access, and new desires. Somewhere in there, I was thrust into a season of spiritual shedding and sloughing, stripped of many of my identities and stories and beliefs about myself, my role, and my work. I was invited into a fierce audit of how I was showing up in my life, and with great humility was shown the ways these stabs at additional titles were still me asking for permission. I was still surveying the consensus of what was allowed. How big was I allowed to be? How conceivable did I need to remain? How many boxes did I need to section myself into to stave off the hunger I felt around my magnitude? I submitted to this alchemy fully, and it completely changed my internal experience of myself, bringing me into a state of remembrance. There was no ‘becoming,’ it was a return to the Truth that was always there; my sovereign wholeness and divine power, and it set everything untrue in my life on fire, and I let it burn. Skip to this gorgeous morning where I am writing to you now, I have fully abandoned the limitations of a therapist, and denoting myself as a writer now feels almost like calling myself a breather. The monikers themselves feel less relevant than the presence I am now holding in my work, but for now mentor and mystic fit the bill. The one major decision that remains as the underpinning of this trajectory shift is that I decided to unfurl. I decided to submit to the conditions that Truth was asking of me, and I allowed my life to reorganize around that Truth. And this is the precise threshold I midwife women through in The Decision Portal; it is one decision, but you will be asked to make it many times.

What core values guide how you run your business?

I have built in the clouds before. I have built on a hope and a prayer. And on the front end it’s nice because it’s significantly less work, but it does not bring me peace and trust. Integrating the concepts of masculine energy into my business has been an absolute game changer for me. Learning to build something that holds ME while I show up and do the work of holding others. If I want to play and flow in the resources of my creativity, my vitality, my erotic yes, my intuitive directives, I must honor those resources by being a good and faithful steward of them. Implementing structure, systems, boundaries, and discipline as devotion to the craft allows those resources to flourish more freely, because I trust they are being shepherded by the architecture I have built to hold them. My team is all women; coach, back-end, accountant etc, and that will remain true moving forward. It has become increasingly important to me whose hands the money generated from this work passes through, and I believe there is a sacredness to that.

I know you don’t stick to the old 9-5 model, so tell us what does a day in the life of Anna look like?

I’m a morning girl, and I usually wake up naturally around 5am, (I know, I know…). This can lead to juicy and spacious morning pages, coffee, and staring at the wall in a soul trance. OR, three days a week I dive in for practice with the local masters swim team and log a few miles. Right now, I am client-facing just two days a week, which allows me to be so full and present with the souls in front of me; witnessing these women alchemizing into their bravest expressions is far from a puritanical concept of ‘work,’ it is service, it is mission work, and it fuels me. Outside of client facing hours, I’m finding a regular cadence of writing and output, professional development, and ample time to sit and receive counsel from the divine. I never, ever miss a long walk in the woods with my pup, sometimes two. No headphones. No music. No podcast. Just me and the trees and my prayers. I deeply value good food, slow evenings, and am grateful to be living back near family.

What’s something people don’t see about being a founder?

It’s terrifying! You will feel alive and liberated and fulfilled in many ways, and you realize the safety net truly is you. I joke that entrepreneurialism is just creative living + shadow work dressed up in a trench coat posing as business, and I find that incredibly accurate. Any aspect of your work as a self-led woman will ask you to examine yourself more deeply, should you choose to answer. Low reach? Your fear of visibility is running. Capped income? You’ve associated success with burdensome responsibility. Undercharging? Claiming your worth feels audacious and dangerous. Softening your message? You are still apologizing for your presence and asking for permission to be at the table. Again and again, when I run into snags in my work, they are always a brutal and stunning mirror inviting me into deeper intimacy with myself, which never fails to call me into deeper intimacy with what I create. Being a founder is choosing to live a creative life, and a creative life will ask you to build your home on the precipice of all that is coming. You will consistently feel like you are ‘about to launch,’ because there are no guideposts or milestones you can numbly plod along toward. But what I am learning to offer myself is that despite how frequently I feel like I am gearing up to “go for it,” to remind myself I have been going for it, that I have much under my belt thus far, and that the feeling of uncertainty and precariousness is the underpinning of an authentic life. What many people call safety and stability, in my opinion, is more an amnesiac reliance on the illusion of safety. A 9-5 is not “more stable,” than being self-employed, because out here on my own, I know without falter that I am in my own corner, and therefore I cannot fail.

What is your vision for the future, be it in your business or beyond?

*cracks knuckles* My vision of the future is connective, verdant, and wild, filled with places and spaces of sanctuary and expansion. I’ve got a few plans up my sleeve I’m keeping consecrated, but I’ll share that specifically in the last five years I have been held and hosted in ways that recalibrated me on a cellular level, and I am eager to continue offering that same resonant charge back to the women in my orbit in both deeper and larger ways.

What advice would you give someone building something of their own?

Begin. Begin begin begin. I heard a quote recently that said “If your first try is perfect, you waited too long.” Ha! And I think there is so much truth in that. There is nothing that will teach you like experience will, but even more than that, experience is what carves out the version of you who can hold what you are building. When you say “yes!” to The Big Thing, you must remember that you will first be initiated into the version of you that can actually *hold* The Big Thing. I’ve had a sticky note on my laptop for the last year of a Yeshua channeling, and it states “Your vibration must be higher than what you are called to create or else you cannot manage it.” I view trying and failing not just as whittling down systems and directions, but as capacity building, which is so much of what occurs in The Decision Portal. Yes, you made one choice, the big one, but it will relentlessly demand that you make it again and again as everything that is incongruent or incoherent or in opposition to the Truth in your life will come up for audit. Much would be calmed within you at the beginning of the build to recognize that as with any true art, in your creation of it, you yourself are being created, too.

If I were starting a secret society of support, what would you ask for?

I love this question. In a world where women have been scrutinized and shrunk into the maladaptive coping of competing with one another, there is nothing more powerful than a group of women who become a chorus of “hell yeah’s” in my mind. Being in connection with women who are living so fully and bravely themselves that if I were to even consider softening or reducing my work and my Truth I can picture the disappointment on their faces. That’s what I crave; women in my corner who are not only not intimidated by my expansion, but that would be disappointed in any shrewd couching or tiptoeing I did. I think we need more of that; a sense of healthy disappointment. Kind of like that feeling you’d get when you describe to an 87 year old woman how ‘smart and reasonable’ a decision was and she just looks at you, leather skin and a thousand mistakes under her finger nails, deflated that you somehow decided your illusion of safety was more important than letting your feral moxy catapult you into a life so delicious it drips off your chin.

Ways to work with Anna:

Return To Truth Event - 7/22 - Virtual - $55
An educational and experiential workshop around the energetic practices and rituals that dissolve what stands between who you are moving as right now,, and the version of yourself you came here to be. We confront contracts, stories, identities, and beliefs that feel cellularly engrained in their believability, and we dismantle them. Participants will walk away with a clear understanding of the limitations they have been allowing in their lives, an agentic perspective on how to shift their internal experience that will then shift their external world, and practical application and tools specific to them. This is the fourth time I am hosting this workshop and it truly just keeps getting juicier.

The Decision Portal - 3 month intensive - $12k
Gloves are off and the heat is on high.
Three months | Seven 1:1 sessions | Telegram access for boots-on-the-ground shifts.
This is a ruthless, soul-level audit of your life.
It is the threshold of your decision to stop negotiating with your power. To no longer hem and haw around if you’ve got it in you. You know you do, you’re just so accustomed to leaking it everywhere trying to prove you’re allowed to be here. Through identity work, consciousness expansion, energetics, and an unflinching dance with Truth, this portal plops you into your highest timeline, and from there the invitation is yours to build a life that reflects your magnitude.

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Meet Anna

She felt the zip up her spine. The drop in the belly. Or was it a rise in the belly, they said, she didn’t know, she had never felt it before. But a sultry voice floated across the ether and caressed her insides.

Slowly, ever so slowly, she turned around to find the owner of that voice. At age 397, she was never in a rush. She learned a long time ago that impatient people make impatient decisions and she had done enough to make her cringe for the rest of her immortal life.

Scanning the space, though, she could not find him.

The event was full of hot heads anyways. Sage hated these pompous affairs but this one was for the local library, so she made her appearance, as she did every year drenched in sex appeal. Sex and books made sense to her. She gave an abhorrent amount of money to keep the books lining every single shelf, including her own very popular books. I guess sex in books also made sense to her and a lot of the people there who had read and re-read her works of art. No one there would ever have guessed her darkest secret, that while she could write the most tantalizing of tension, she had never experienced this connection of the page. Not with another. She obviously was well versed in how to pleasure herself, she would have never made it this many years orgasm-less. Good hell, as she always said aloud and in her books.

The voice came again, like a slow thunder off in the distance. This time, she turned a bit quicker - her curiosity getting the best of her. And she moved towards the gentle humming.

A large man in a maroon suit stepped aside and there was the voice and the man, a very young man. Skin soft and taut around his cheek bones, emphasized when he half smiled to whomever he was talking to. His brown hair tussled and obviously on purpose to look like he didn’t care and why does his shirt look a size too small?

Sage sighed and turned back to the bar. She leaned and laughed to herself a bit. All these years she knew the waiting game. An oracle years ago had told her love was on the other side of three centuries. As she closed in on late 300s, her patience had surrendered and she had almost entirely let go of the notion. Like the final sliver of a crescent moon, all that was left was a curvaceous line of hope.

She felt eyes on her.
She felt eyes all over her.

Most people here knew she kept the libraries open with her donations. And each year, some reporter or non-profit organization would want to bend her ear, become her ‘friend’ or congratulate her on all her successes as a writer. She would appease the brave enough souls to cross the energetic circle she so carefully drew around her. It was a boundary, a space for containment, a protection and a guard - she had been burned before.

A large, calloused hand barely hovered over her lower back.

She turned around half smiling, ready to perform her act of financial friendliness, when she bumped into an unyielding presence and bounced right off of him. The electric hum in her body, it had returned.

And he was there with that half smile now turned directly to her. He brushed his hand, the one that was just upon her back, through his hair and he laughed and told her, “I hope you don’t mind the intrusion, I have been wanting to meet you.”

His youth is endearing.
His half smile, though, dangerous.

She placed her manicured hand on her own curvaceous line and nodded.

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Taking my turn to share where I no longer am willing to pretend to like what you like, how Aquarian of me, really. The truth is this: groupthink is a tricky thing and careful on that Instagram scroll of life, it is one big groupthink project! And what we do like and what we don’t like is what makes us human and not robots, you know?

1. Reality TV.

   My two best friends from college LOVE reality TV. It is a constant electricity source in their relationship. And I love that for them. I don’t have a clue what Love Island is, something about Love is Blind people have told me to watch so many times and I never have. Real Housewives, hard pass. I would much rather galavant in my own imagination and read a book - especially one dripping with poetry, romantasy with faeires or slutty vampires or weird girl literature.

   1. Okay wait, I do watch Great British Bake Off and yes, I have a lot of nervous-ness about the new chef + hostess.

   2. Confession, I was once on a reality TV show in my 20s. People change, wink.

2. Lakes.

   Can we talk about the bottom of the lake though? My grandparents lived on a lake in Indiana and I think I got in it maybe four times. One of the times was when I fell through the ice checking if it was ready to ice skate - it was not and I was totally fine. When people call a lake a beach, I want to fight. Give me oceans forever and ever with that salty water and the sandy beach and the endless bottom with aliens we haven’t yet met. Truth: I still have sand in my car from our Maine life and I never want to vacuum it all the way out.

3. Reading all books from start to finish.

   I used to be an all-in, you start what you finish kind of girl. Not anymore! I don’t finish books (DNF) like it is my job! Who actually has the time or wherewithal to read a book they do not enjoy? I was reading a book and got to the last chapter, did not finish. See, I am still bragging about it. Eldest daughters of the world, join me and Marie Kondo and DNF the books that don’t spark joy!

4. Make-Up.

   I am one of the three sisters and both of my little sisters are make up queens. I imagine they do know how to contour and why some concealers are green. They both did my make-up for my wedding. I had gone to Sephora and did a trial run and it was so terrifying, I have never gone back. I own mascara from six years ago that my sister gave me for Christmas in my make-up bag who is friends with a tinted sunscreen I used as concealer that can’t actually still be SPF - it is as old as my oldest child. I have a bronzer and a blush that I love from Jones Road (chuckling if you think that is an affiliate link, it isn’t). Oh! And one eyebrow brush as I have not had my eyebrows done since my sister got married in 2022, below is proof with my Dad when I was scaring everyone working safety patrol at the kids’ elementary school one morning. In all honesty, I just don’t recognize myself with make-up on or these eyebrows … so, I don’t.

   

5. Being a Swiftie.

   At the around about timing TSwift took off running into fame, I was most likely listening to the Garden State soundtrack on repeat and then finally, when I was ready for a new CD, I shifted to the 500 Days of Summer soundtrack. I have so many Swiftie friends in my life and I kept nodding and saying certain songs I kind-of-sort-of liked, the truth is this: she is just not my type.

6. Parasocial Relationships.

   If I were to really think about anyone I am in a parasocial relationship with, maybe the Greek Gods and Goddesses? But that would be a stretch. I am a real human texture person, as the kids say, I like to frictionmaxx.

7. Sarcasm.

   Why does it always feel so mean though? I have started just responding directly to it and get a tiny thrill when people then try to explain to me they were just joking. I am well aware what you were doing, I just didn’t want it to continue.

8. Being (so) Busy.

   Oh, how I used to kneel at the alter of the hustle and praise a calendar full of back to back bubbles and being a girl boss. I turned the fifth decade and I don’t want to be busy ever again. With three young children and my own business(es), this is utterly laughable, but I am not going to pretend to like it or use it as a status symbol like I thought it was in my 20s. I am slowly teaching myself to be a relaxed woman and what I have seen so far, wow, I really like her.

9. Humble Women.

   I am done with humble. Give me eros, give me decadent, give me unabashed self love in a poem you read out loud to strangers. I want praise culture and brassy women who love and celebrate themselves and their art and unique gifts and favorite outfits.

   ---

   Anything you pretend to like and are ready to let that performance go? I feel pretty free, dare I say, relaxed!
   

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   Share Optional Optimism

As a creative, I am also inspired to try on her fragmented writing style for myself. And so, in the style of Patricia Lockwood, I am sharing a scroll of thoughts and meaning making and un-making of myself, really.

…

“I want a Goddess body with curves and shape, edges and softness,” I whispered to mirror in the tiny makeshift dressing room made of curtains at my local thrift shop called ‘Highway Queen’. This past January, I bought two pairs of pants that day with a bold zebra print in emerald green and a checkerboard vibe on a turquoise teal pair. They were two sizes too big on the waist but something in me told me I would grow into them or could get them altered. Until then, I had a huge safety pin on my right side to keep them up at an event.

Then this past week, I grew into one of them. And I freaked all the way out for a whole two days with old narratives as a girl growing up in the 90s who watched Victoria Secret models and read Seventeen magazine write story after story of who I was not.

And then I realized, I did it. I heard the whisper from January and I had grown into myself. Filling out in places I had become small, physically and spiritually.

I am the Goddess. I am the body. I am the whole narrative.

…

Is America the place for us right now, a place to raise kids, a place to live and not just live but be so alive? And then I jump on a call with a long time client and she is moving her family to the Netherlands in three weeks. I said to her, ‘What? I just talked about America this morning and not three hours later, you are tell me you are moving?’.

…

I often wonder if she is so vivaciously happy and effervescent because I was navigating such a grief when I was pregnant with her? And does the Universe really always find a way to even out?

…

How do I explain that when I charge a set amount for my goods and services, that money goes in all the directions. It feeds my family and then it purchases the fresh eggs from a cooler at the end of a friend’s driveaway and then it brings broth to a doorstep when a friend is sick. It creates a donation to the library fund because we must have libraries. And then it opens up the home I am renting from another family across the highway where women gather for community and a baked good (made with the driveway cooler eggs) and we all sit on the front porch for what the younger kids call today, friction-maxxing. It purchased the compost soil that will soon bloom flowers that then feeds the bees and butterflies because we are in a drought here in Colorado and they must prevail and if not me, then whom?

Because I do believe this: women are the economy.

…

To move to a new address, even across the street, it will wreak havoc for a long while on your nervous system. Because even a year later, some company will send your credit cards to an old address and you will try to pay somewhere with an expired card and every pore in your body will begin to pool sweat with the shame of a declined card. It is science.

And it is also a nod to the fact that technology can only take us so far. And well, I like that, only now that I have stopped sweating.

…

I hope that there is one of the four private cubbies at the public library open today for me to write and eat peanut butter m&ms within. Something about the fabric on the seats and the maroon cube-like cocoon feels like a creative portal.

No, I do not want the high top spot near the back by the blocked off teen section.
Nor do I want to sit in that row of tables between DVD’s and audiobooks.
Absolutely not.

The study rooms? No, those are too private.

…

Poetry is art in words. The way they crescendo like an ocean wave, the words that is. I always loved how late and great poet and spoken word artist, Andrea Gibson said they preferred their work spoken aloud versus read from a page. I feel the exact same.

…

My best friend told me that she has been losing track of time lately, even showing up to places late. And then asked, ‘aren’t you proud of me?’. I am proud of her. And I am miffed that I have never given a second or third thought that some people never lose track of time, as if I did not even know that was even possible. And yet some people are always on time, if not early. So it does make sense. But in my brain, it will never make sense. I’ve already lost track of time thrice today and the sun is not even touching 12noon.

…

I saw today on the Instagram app that a couple had escaped to an AirBnB with friends for the holiday weekend. A picture was behind the text of her writing and it showed her partner in an opposing chair, both of them on their respective phones. The next set of words read they were spending the morning talking to Claude AI and building their businesses.

At the shared AirBnB? With other real humans?

Why do I feel so sad? And is Instagram a facade of humans being artificial, too?

Perhaps, I have gone too far.

…

I read a poem this morning about how God is the electrician. And I am currently reading a book titled ‘When God Was a Woman’ by Merlin Stone. My child saw the book on my blue bed and said, ‘but God was never a woman’ and pointed to the words. I look at her and said, ‘how do you know that?’.

We have been to a handful of Christian churches a handful of times. Perhaps nostalgia for my Grandmother or nostalgia for my youth or something to anchor onto when my inner world spirals. I like the smell of the incense. But I only like it there. I don’t want that smell in my home-home.

God is a man, a father, the father there in those walls. And he has a son. And all those words are capitalized in most texts. Only if you are very lucky, will Mother Mary be somewhere around there draped in so many veils and always looking sad. And I have never seen Mary Magdalene ever before.

So, of course, she would ask me that.

A smattering of Greek mythology books co-mingle on our book shelves. Women Who Run with the Wolves is the thickest book with the tiniest text shoved somewhere on my shelves downstairs. And really, I have only just started to capitalize Goddess in my writing.

…

I hope no one sets off fireworks this year or ever, really. Because of the micro-plastics and wildfires and pollution. My sister’s dog is terrified of fireworks, he has this specific thunder jacket he has to wear.

One time, my Mother and my Aunt took my Grandpa’s green fishing boat to the middle of my Grandma’s lake in Indiana and shot fireworks into the sky. My cousin had brought her boyfriend that year to the large gathering at the edge of the water and he was so very quiet. My Mom and Aunt lit a firework and it fell over and shot right into his leg. Just a small scrape, but can you even imagine?

He is still pretty quiet.
He married my cousin and they now have three kids.
And a scar on his leg.

…

Do you ever wonder if the books are choosing you?

This year, I have been in a vortex of reading books that were not on my list and were not on my radar. They just show up and after I finish the last chapter or choose to not finish, which is a conversation in boundaries and imperfection that feels so free-ing to me, I am never the same.

Books that have altered my brain and being this year:

The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield
East of Eden by John Steinbeck
When Women Were Dragons by Kelly Barnhill
Happy Place by Emily Henry (a re-read)
The Women on Platform Two by Laura Anthony
The Correspondent by Virginia Evans
The Giver by Louis Lowry (a re-read)
Mary Magdalene Revealed by Meggan Watterson

…

Who am I to open a bookstore?

And yet, who am I if I were to not open the bookstore in my small town that so desperately needs an intentional bookstore with cozy nooks and a secret wine bar and shelves on wheels so we can host fun events within and beyond the pages? Where my kids will work one day. And my friend’s kids will work one day. Where you can stop in and friction max with real humans and real books.

…

The bruise on my inner thigh on my right leg, I have not a single clue where it came from. And while my life is full and busy, what if we are actually living multiple timelines? And I got this exact bruise in one of the other life?

There I go again, perhaps a touch too far.

…

To be continued.

About Jacki Carr

Hey there! I’m Jacki. By day, I run a creative coaching business and a writing club and a community club. By night, I take really hot baths and then indulge within my library books way too late, some times into the next day. Here though, I write about unleashing your creativity and opening Pandora’s box all the way up, haiku collections, and the essential salt of being all the way alive.

—

Feel free to like + comment on this newsletter so more Substack users can find it! ♥️

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As an American, I was not taught the midday rest. I was taught the hustle, the go-go-go, the working for the weekend song of the 80s by Loverboy. And as the decade of my 40s and give-less-fucks era takes a grip on my being and my style and how I work, the status quo and anything norm-core feels abhorrent.

So, today, the kids and I are going up to a friend’s house to learn how to care for her chickens while she and her family are away on a month-long trip. We will be their chicken tenders and I love that job title (and fresh eggs!). Upon returning home, we will lay down around 230pm for a rest and see what happens.

Happy Summer!

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In sharing about the golden mirror, not what we choose to see but what we choose to remember in the reflection, I was transported to my paternal Grandmother’s home in Indiana. She lived in a small town home on the first floor near three man-made lakes we used to take a pontoon boat out on when my Grandfather was alive. There were two bedrooms and my sisters and I always slept in the living room on the pull out couch where my parents would let my brain rot watching Nickelodeon. We did not have cable growing up, so her house was a 90s dream of Rugrats, Hey Arnold! and Salute Your Shorts.

There was small guest bathroom with wicker furniture, an entire half wall was a mirror and she had a plastic-y cushioned toilet seat cover. Did your Grandmother have this? I will be honest, it was quite comfortable. The bathroom was also decorated in ceramic white geese with orange beaks and a brown ribbon tied around their necks just so in a perfect bow. That bathroom was where I was taken back to one day in my tween years, brushing my insanely long hair as acne made its debut right between my eyebrows and making friends with my oily forehead. “The T-zone”, my mother told me as she drew a capital ‘T’ on her face and handed me a cotton ball, drenched with astringent. Oh how it burned when I placed it on my ever-changing skin.

I acutely remember the rage that day.

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“I really don’t, reading is a ritual for me, it is how I relax” I responded in my hanging egg chair that floats in the corner. I took a moment to think more on this. Reading is how I know myself, expand my overthinking brain into chapters, continue my learning. I did add, “I can burn out on a genre, though. But never books entirely, I am, in a word, obsessed with reading”.

He nodded and the conversation continued into what it means to truly be obsessed with something and how and why we stay with a job, hobby, geographical location, et al. And I went meandering through my Substack posts to see if I had made my reading list for 2026, and I found this post

and this post:

oh and I loved writing this one:

And I realized I had only posted my TBR for 2026 on Instagram and just a month ago, I went feral and deleted all my posts and started over a bit because, gestures to life, I needed to simplify. So, it is June and here are the books I have read thus far and my TBR for the rest of the year. Tell me, what are you reading and what have you loved this year?

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Have read thus far (note: I did not hyperlink so you can go to your local bookstore and grab, wink):

The Will of the Many by James Islington

On Our Best Behavior by

Spark of the Everflame by Penn Cole

Glow of the Everflame by Penn Cole

East of Eden by John Steinbeck

Loose Woman by Sandra Cisneros

How About Now: Poems by

Mary Magdalene Revealed by

I, Medusa by Ayana Gray

The Correspondent by Virginia Evans

Babylonia by Costanza Casati

Broken Country by Clare Leslie Hall

The Giver by Lois Lowry

Women on Platform Two by Laura Anthony

When Women Were Dragons by Kelly Barnhill

Pick a Color by Souvankham Thammavongsa

A Court of Thorn and Roses (re-read) by Sarah J. Maas

The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield

DNF:

Throne of Nightmares by Kerrie Maniscalco (I literally have like three chapters left….)

Briefly Perfectly Human by Alua Arthur

Currently Reading:

Yesteryear by Caro Clare Burke

A Court of Mist and Fury (re-read) by Sarah J Maas

The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion

Will read:

Mestra by Madeline Miller

The Strength of the Few by James Islington

the will to change by bell hooks

Against Breaking: On the Power of Poetry by Ada Limón

How to Be a Rich Old Lady by Amanda Holden

How to Kill a Witch by Zoë Venditozzi

Heart the Lover by Lily King

Kin by Tayari Jones

A Court of Wings and Ruin (re-read) by Sarah J Maas

A Court of Frost and Starlight (re-read) by Sarah J Maas

A Court of Silver Flames (re-read) by Sarah J Maas

Heat of the Everflame by Penn Cole

Burn of the Everflame by Penn Cole

The Great Cosmic Mother by Monica Sjoo and Barbara Mor

Hell Bent by Leigh Bardugo

The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah

Considering:

A couple more, has anyone read Matt Haig’s new book, Midnight Train? Shall I embark on a whole new world and read When the Moon Hatched by Sarah A. Parker? Send me all the poetry you love. I have a book by I will read soon! I feel like my fiction choices, when not romantasy, are so sad. Why is that? Send me your favorites!

And I have not forgotten this vote a while back when I was considering my next retreat spot and theme, pondering:

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Grab a pen because I have some ideas and you are going to want to get on a post-it note or you could even create a Summer is for Lovers BINGO CARD!

So, I recently wrote about ideas to do with your best girlfriends this Summer and another essay about 9 tried and true ways to build community. My husband is my most avid Substack reader. Some evenings he dramatically shushes me because he is reading, as he says, his favorite author and then flips his phone around and it is my Substack (swoon). I am always open to feedback from my readers and he requested that he would like to see a Summer idea list for the lovers. Communication is key in any relationship, ask and you might receive. Here are 15 ideas for time well spent this Summer with your beloved.

And PSA, your beloved can be whomever you choose to love, your partner or a bestie or anyone you want to spend time with, drenched in love in all its forms, a good time will follow. Oh by the way, Happy 🌈 Pride 🌈 Month 🌈 all!

15 DATES TO GO ON THIS SUMMER:

1. Grab a blanket and go sit at the park or any grassy knoll. Let it be this simple, folks. I promise if you sit long enough, you will be so happy there. And the romance if you get a lite rain, I cannot even. Tell me about it!

2. Go learn something together. Like a coffee tasting event or a cooking class.

3. Do not sleep on the free events hosted at the public library. Last year, I went to a wild bird class and it was awesome. I still think about the golden eagle I met about every 11 days.

4. Go out for ice cream. All about ice cream this Summer. Take your time, savor and saunter, and by all means, get the waffle cone!

5. A couple’s massage is so fun when you can relax side-by-side. Add the nourishing honey heel massage!

6. Book club for two? Yes please. Hear me out on this one, never in my wildest did I think Chris and I would talk books. He was not a reader when we first dated. Lo and behold, 16 years later, he reads! And we talk about books and chapters we love and themes we are vibing within. PSA: You don’t even have to read the same book to be in a two person book club. (My love of books goes deep, read about it here. And how do I not have a 2026 TBR list? I will write that soon, stay tuned).

   1. A dear friend of mine and her partner read out loud to one another. I love that.

   2. On roadtrips, you can listen to a book together.

7. Book an overnight somewhere. This can be fancy or you can go camping. It matters to get away and disrupt the norm.

8. Speaking of disrupting the norm, why are dates always at night? Set an alarm and go on a sunrise date. When we lived in Maine, one sunrise we went for a walk on the beach (the grandparents were in town visiting). I have the picture from this exact date sitting on my desk with sleepy eyes and the sun rising behind us all tangerine and purpley.

9. Have a food frenzy date. Don’t worry about reservations, just find a block that has a handful of food options and meander. Grab a taco here or start with ice cream and then split a burger later. Snack your way through dinner.

10. Okay, how fun is a Farmer’s Market date? Find a local market and go one morning for breakfast. Grab coffee there. Next vendor, a pastry. Sure, I will gladly try soup at 10am. Yes, I would love a homemade dog treat for our Moose-dog. Oh you hand knit that mushroom keychain, I’ll take it. Flower, for me? And you are supporting your community farmers and entreprenuers!

11. Channel your 90’s Summer and find a community pool, pay the entrance fee, and sit for a couple hours poolside. We have one nearby that is a total hidden gem and even has a concession stand!

12. Cook a meal from a country you want to visit. Chris and I are itching to go to Italy and I have been begging him these past weeks to make his famous gluten free lasagna a la Ina Garten frequency (cue much cheese and fresh herbs). He puts on Italian music and get Italian red wine, he makes it a whole thing. You can romance anything and make it a thing!

13. Go see live music together. Large concert venue or at the local park this Summer, you have options. This one is so fun because live music can be trance-like and magic and then after the show, the very next day, you can play the songs and remember about the amazing time you had….the night before!

14. Rent a canoe or paddleboat! Our local lake now has these swan shaped paddle boats you can rent by the hour. It is on my list!

15. Last one, I know I already mentioned book club. However, what about a date at a local independent bookstore. Plot twist, you each go find the other one a book and buy it for one another in hopes they love it!

Oh, you liked the BINGO idea? I did, too. Here you go:

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