I made this one as I recovered from a difficult event

2. I continued writing for my book about religious deconstruction

After I finish writing on a topic, I stamp the card and put it in my book box. If you’d like to try a similar system for starting a book, here are the index cards, box, and stamp I use.

3. “Meet My Autistic Brain” reshared my podcast interview: What is autism?

4. Speaking of podcasts, I’m currently ramping back up guesting on podcasts

I’ll be doing more interviews in the coming weeks on topics like late-identified autism, religious deconstruction, and art therapy. If you have a podcast and are looking for a guest for any of those topics, please let me know.

5. I’m reading a great book: The Culting of America

I’ve read almost 200 pages now and I’m still enjoying it!

6. I shared a list of books, podcasts, and documentaries about religious deconstruction

7. I finally tended to my garden

I haven’t spent time in my garden for a month because the mosquitos and ticks have been horrendous, and I didn’t want to wear bug spray. But I finally caved. I excitedly pulled up green onions from my garden … only to realize I pulled up garlic too early. I should have used the app for identifying plants iNaturalist

8. I made a painting of Egon!

9. I watched the Netflix show The Audacity

It’s about a therapist and her tech billionaire clients. How could I not watch? I laughed a lot, and it made me think more deeply about AI.

10. I turned the painting I didn’t like into another painting

You can see the old painting in my FUNletter from last week

11. Two new coffee shops opened near me!

How can I be so blessed!?! Claws and Cleavers has an area where you can drink your coffee with cats. Seekers will even have a bookstore inside! They’re still remodeling the building, so they’re doing pop-up coffee service on their porch/parking lot. Egon and I went today so I could journal.

Here are 3 ways to connect with me more:

1. Check out my autism essays on Medium.

2. Become an expressive arts therapy client. I work with clients on late-identified autism or religious deconstruction (and sometimes both).

3. Read my book Being an Autistic Writer

I left religion altogether in my 30s. But so much lived on in me - things I couldn’t see. It is only through reading and listening to others that I’m slowly developing awareness. Slowly dismantling. Slowly deconverting. It’s a process, and I thought you might like to join me in that process. If you’re untangling from religion, we can learn together - sharing resources and insights.

Below is a mix of books, podcasts, and courses that I’ve found helpful. I’m also including ones that I’m still reading. I’d love to hear what books and other media you’re finding helpful.

I don’t have religious deconstruction all figured out, and that’s ok. That’s part of the freedom from my religious upbringing. I don’t have to have all the answers. But lucky for me, I absolutely love learning.

1. Current read: The Culting of America

It was just published this year, and this book is making me feel more sane! I’m only about 50 pages in though.

2. Completed podcast: The Turning: the sisters who left

It’s a podcast series about sisters who left Mother Theresa’s religious order. It was deeply moving.

3. Current read: On Fire for God

It’s a memoir about a queer man who was raised in an Evangelical church. He’s an investigative journalist and brings that rigor as he examines his past in his memoir. I’m 150 pages in, but it’s a heavy read and so I don’t read it every day.

4. Completed read: Letters to a leaving mormon

Ashley Mae Hoiland was raised in the LDS church and beautifully captures what it was like to leave

5. Current course: Religious trauma and cult recovery

It’s a lengthy course intended for therapists, but the material is soooo good. Unfortunately, it’s quite expensive, but I’ve found it is worth the money (plus I get 15 hours of continuing education credits for my license renewal).

6. Completed read: Cultish

I didn’t expect to like this book so much, but it gave me language for many of the things I’ve experienced.

7. Current read: Liturgies for resisting empire

It’s another book that was recently published - which makes a big difference because it tackles curtain issues within the Christian church. It’s written by a Christian woman and beautifully examines how Christianity has contribute to empire, and how we can separate faith from empire.

Here are 2 ways to connect with me more:

1. Become an expressive arts therapy client. I work with clients from all over the world who are either religious deconstructing or recently identified as autistic (and sometimes both!).

2. Read my book Life as a Late-Identified Autistic

I seldom buy paintings, but this painting by Nigel Noel Eugene really spoke to me. I met him at the Black Frederick Festival. I didn’t crop the picture so you can see the size of it.

2. There’s a new pen in my life

For someone who writes by hand every day, this is a big deal. I was at my writer’s group when my pen died, and a friend gave me this one as a replacement. I’ve come to love it dearly and bought replacement pens too. If you’re looking for a thin pen that glides well, you can find it here.

3. I shared an article with my favorite autism books

4. I started taking continuing education courses for my therapy license with Agents of Change

They have some really unique courses I’m looking forward to taking, like courses on suicidality. That may not sound like fun, but it’s a topic I care deeply about and that autistics frequently experience. I’ve written multiple essays on the topic:

• What will it take for autistics to want to live?

• The fox, the groundhog, and my autistic suicidal ideation?

• The autistic desire to hibernate

5. I made a painting inspired by Nigel’s painting

Here’s how it started:

Here’s how it looks now:

6. I expanded my therapy schedule

I’m loving meeting with clients in the evening, and have opened more space for that in my schedule. I work with clients in two categories: autism and religious deconstruction (and sometimes clients come to me for both). I meet with clients from all over the world through zoom. You can see my availability here.

7. I used my dump canvas

I absolutely hate wasting extra paint, so I always have a spare canvas near to put the paint on. Later, I turn them into paintings. Surely I’m not the only one who does this??

8. I found the funniest little journal

I cannot wait to give it to a client

9. I made a painting I didn’t visually like

It was absolutely worth the process (I was exploring power and boundaries in my life), but I’ll paint over it later

Here are 3 ways to connect with me more:

1. Check out my autism essays on Medium.

2. Become an expressive arts therapy client. I work with autistic clients from all over the world.

3. Read my book What is Autism?

It captures the visceral experience of autism beautifully with its coloring. It’s also a story of a woman with a late-diagnosis of autism. My dog Egon wanted to model the book for you:

2. My favorite comprehensive explanation of autism: The Adult Autism Assessment Handbook

Yes, it’s a book written for therapists, but I think anyone who wants to thoroughly understand autism would love this book (and we autistics certainly love to deep-dive). It provides a clear history of autism, as well as a neuro-affirming explanation of autism today.

3. My favorite fiction book: The Kiss Quotient

I admittedly am not a fan of fiction. However, this book was suggested to me and I gave it a try. I cried at times because the internal depiction of autism was so relatable! It’s written by an autistic woman as well.

4. My favorite autism memoir: But You Don’t Look Autistic

When I read an autism memoir, I’m doing it to understand more about autism and myself. I therefore prefer memoirs that are informative and stay focused on the subject of autism(versus long caveats into other aspects of their life). This book did it perfectly for me.

5. My favorite book written by a man: Funny, You Don’t Look Autistic

I read books by all genders, it just happens that most of my favorite autism books are written by women and non-binary folx. I enjoyed Michael McCreary’s book because his brother was also autistic, which made Michael think he couldn’t be autistic too. I also appreciated the layout, font, and graphic design of this book. There’s also a deeply human twist at the end.

6. My favorite short explanation of autism: What I mean when I say I’m autistic

The book is only 106 pages and gets right to the heart of things.

7. My favorite introduction to neurodiversity: Divergent Mind

8. My favorite unexpected book: Passing for Human

I picked up this graphic memoir because of the beautiful artwork. It didn’t mention autism, but as I made my way through the book, I thought, “Wait, this author sounds autistic.” Sure enough, she finds out she’s autistic later in the book!

And now for the books I didn’t like…

1. Unmasking Autism

I know, this is a favorite for sooooo many people. However, I just couldn’t connect with the writing style and only made it halfway through.

2. The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy

There wasn’t any information in the book that I didn’t know. However, I am a therapist who specializes in autism and already know a great deal on the subject. This book was meant for people who are new to therapy for autism.

3. Autism in High Heels

I wasn’t a fan of the long story telling. I wanted more direct information and eventually put the book down.

Here are 3 ways to connect with me more:

1. Check out my autism essays on Medium.

2. Become an expressive arts therapy client. I work with autistic clients from all over the world.

3. Read my book Life as a Late-Identified Autistic

I’m 50% through and loving it. It provides new insights and inspires me. Kat Armas is also a clear, direct writer who weaves in beautiful perspectives.

2. I’ve hit my writing groove with my book about religious deconversion

After a month, it’s starting to feel natural and easy to write every day. I put all my completed index cards (I spend ten minutes writing on each topic) in my book box.

3. I’m continuing to work on my self-portrait

It’s one of my ways I self-regulate. I love filling in circles and lines. I’ve been spending about an hour on it every night. I need it after a day of heavy writing.

4. I traveled to Maine with my family

We spent the majority of our time in Acadia. My favorite parts were kayaking in Long Lake and hiking on this trail:

5. I’m loving the Religious Trauma and Cult Recovery course I’m taking

It’s a 90 day course, and I’m about 50% through. I’ve learned so much and recommend it for anyone going through religious deconstruction or therapists who work with religious trauma.

6. I’m continuing to meet with my therapy clients

While I love my writing and traveling about, I’m grateful to have my therapy clients to ground me. It’s such meaningful work, and I enjoy helping my fellow autistics. If you’re looking for an autistic therapist, I currently have an opening for a new client on Thursday evenings (EST). You can see my availability here.

7. I went to four bookstores!

On my trip to Maine, I got to stop at bookstores in Portland, Sea Harbor, and more! It was so fun and I picked up 5 books along the way. Here’s one I’m especially excited to read:

8. I also went to over 6 coffee shops!

My new favorite thing on long road trips is to stop at independent coffee shops along the way (this was actually my husband’s idea). One of the coffee shops I went to in Maine was on the University of Maine campus in Hotel Ursa. Look at this beautiful room:

9. And just in case you miss reading my essays (I’m taking a break from essay writing while I focus on my book), here’s one of my most popular autism essays: How to respond when a neurotypical says they also experience that autistic trait

Here are 3 ways to connect with me more:

1. Check out my autism essays on Medium.

2. Become an expressive arts therapy client. I work with autistic clients from all over the world.

3. Read my book Life as a Late-Identified Autistic

It was a funny sign I made to encourage myself. It makes me chuckle to think of who will come across it at Goodwill. I hope it finds its ways to someone who needs that extra energy.

2. I’ve paused writing and publishing essays while I work on my book

I need my brain to stop thinking in “essay” format as I write a long-form book. I’m also writing my book by hand to give my brain an opportunity to think in a different way.

I’ve created a system that’s working well for me. I first wrote the topics I want to address on individual notecards (300+). Every day I select at least one card and write for ten minutes. Some days it’s just the one, and many days it’s a lot more. Some days I write profoundly … and other days it’s a garbled mess. That’s ok. At this stage my goal is to get my thoughts out of my head.

3. iNaturalist helped me figure out what’s growing in my garden!

My client recommended the app to me and I’m so grateful! Now I can remember what I planted where, as well as identify the invasive stuff. Plus, the app is free and contributes to science!

4. I closed my in-person art therapy studio

The studio wasn’t working well for me anymore (noisy neighbors, far away, AC issue, etc.). We also moved into a larger home that has a large studio - it’s a perfect place for me to create my art and meet with my telehelath clients. As part of the closure process, the landlord asked I paint over my mural. I’ve learned that part of being an artist is letting things go. I even wrote an essay about it two years ago: How the erasure of my art helped me

5. I took a weekend trip to Ithaca, NY

I found it so inspiring! There’s so much nature at hand, and the city itself is full of independent bookstores, co-ops, reuse centers, anti-capitalist establishments, and more. It’s had me dreaming about ways I want to expand my art therapy business (include other therapists, offer internships, provide supervision, etc.) and make it more accessible for clients (both financially and the physical location). Okay … I’m at risk of turning this into an essay, so I’ll wrap it up with a picture of Egon and I at our campsite in Ithaca:

6. I started taking a Religious Trauma and Cult Recovery training course for therapists

30 continuing education credits are due for my mental health counseling license, so I’m using it as an opportunity to take courses in things that interest me.

7. Do you know any online autism courses for therapists?

I want to take more continuing education classes in neurodiversity. I asked on LinkedIn and received the recommendations below. If you or anyone you know is offering classes, please let me know. I’d much rather directly support therapists and educators than paying a platform for CE trainings.

• Attwood and Garnet

• Autplay therapy

• Nyck Walsh

8. I let some books go

Do you ever hold on to books that you “should” finish, but you just can’t get in to? I finally released the pressure and donated a bag of books. Here are three books I wanted to love, but the content and writing style didn’t provide anything insightful or new for me (that doesn’t mean you may not like them)

9. I continued volunteering at the local library

Many libraries have a “friends of the library” program where you collect used books, organize the books, run book sales, and then donate the money to the library. I’ve really love being around the books and fellow readers. If you’re looking of low-key way to volunteer, I recommend you see if your local library has something similar.

10. And just in case you miss reading my essays, here’s an old one I wrote: Raisins are causing my brain to explode - autism and hyper-active thinking

Here are 3 ways to connect with me more:

1. Check out my autism essays on Medium.

2. Become an expressive arts therapy client. I work with autistic clients from all over the world.

3. Read my book Therapy Private Practice: Creating a private practice that enriches you as a human and therapist

But they should.

Maybe they just assume I learned all the techniques in graduate school.

Maybe they think I pull them from some arsenal of encyclopedic knowledge in my head from all the art therapy books I’ve read.

Maybe they think every art therapy directive I give is something I give to every client.

But here’s the thing — they’re not.

I tailor every art therapy directive to the client.

Each client receives something unique. That’s what graduate school teaches us to do.

Now, how successful every art therapist is with that depends on a lot.

Our educational background knowledge makes a difference. It can provide inspiration and give us ideas to morph into something perfect for the client sitting in front of us.

Some of that background knowledge is the aforementioned things (graduate school training and art therapy books), but I find the greatest inspiration comes from art experiences in my life.

The more familiar I am with different mediums and artistic techniques, the more things I can use with my clients.

For example, I took a class with my local art council about finding wild clay in New Jersey. This gave me the idea to encourage a client to dig up some mud in her backyard to make a sculpture.

I took another class about making your own watercolors. It’s so empowering to make your own paints! Now, I can also pass that skill along to my clients.

I also find inspiration from my own experiments with art.

For example, I recently tried carving my own stamps. I became familiar enough with the materials and techniques that I can now step my own clients through the process. I can give them art directives that involve creating a stamp that symbolizes them or perhaps a stamp that signifies a boundary. The possibilities are endless.

But simply knowing how to create art isn’t enough- we have to know how to join it with psychology.

It takes skill to identify what a client is needing and then create an appropriate art directive.

As art therapists, we’re not just encouraging people to make art, we’re having clients create art with a purpose in mind.

Let’s return to that client that I encouraged to dig up clay in her backyard. I didn’t just suggest that activity to her because I happened to know she had a large backyard. She was an autistic woman who was struggling with identifying and voicing her internal emotions.

I asked her to dig up her backyard clay and have it ready for our next session. During that session, I asked her to create a sculpture that depicted how she felt everything was frozen inside of her.

We examined the sculpture together, and processed how it depicted her internal world. I drew parallels between the mud in her backyard that also cannot directly speak … but still accomplishes a great deal. She was an avid nature lover, and she had a lot of insight on that, as well as parallels she drew to her own life.

We also examined how she was able to communicate how she felt with the mud … without saying a single word. We discussed other ways she nonverbally communicates.

As the session rolled on, she shared more and more. Toward the end of the session, I pointed out that she was naturally and clearly communicating her emotions with me. We looked at what allowed that and noted techniques she could use in the future. It also led to a great discussion about alexithymia and how autistics need more time to process.

I relied heavily on my knowledge of autism for that session (it’s my area of expertise as a therapist), and it was only because I had that knowledge that I could design an appropriate art therapy directive for her and help her process the meaning behind it.

And that leads me to another vital component for designing art directives: how well we know our clients.

I had to know my client well enough to know what she was struggling with, as well as how to guide a dialogue between her and the art.

But “knowing” a client isn’t just about the things clients directly tell us or the questions we ask. It’s also about intuition.

The only way I know how to explain this is through my own autistic lense. As an autistic, I take in a lot about a person. I notice patterns, I pick up on small details. Not all of these things are held consciously in my head, but I get a felt sense of knowing a client. Sometimes I’ll have an idea for an art therapy directive for a specific client that sounds absolutely wild to me. But I trust my gut, knowing that it will lead somewhere.

An art therapist doesn’t have to be autistic for this to happen, we all have access to our intuition and gut feelings … but it certainly takes practice to trust it.

I think that leads me to the final component of designing art therapy directives: who we are as humans.

Each art therapist brings something different to the table by nature of who they are. For example, my lived experience as an autistic enables me to relate to my autistic clients and design art directives that might be helpful. For other therapists, it might be their own experiences with parenthood that helps them guide other parents. Or maybe the art therapist especially loves nature and comes up with incredible nature-based art therapy directives.

Now that this essay is stretching on, I realize I might be lucky that no one has ever asked me how I come up with my art therapy directives. They would have received a long explanation. But now that I’ve written this, I can summarize it as this:

• Training in graduate school

• Supplemental education with art therapy books

• Educational experiences with art

• Personal art exploration

• Psychology knowledge

• Connection with the client

• Intuition

• Personal experiences and interests

• Personality/neurodivergence/identities held

Thanks for reading!

Here are 3 ways to connect with me more:

1. Sign up for my free FUNletter. I share a weekly list of all the things I find fun as an autistic artist, author, and art therapist.

2. Become an art therapy client. I work with autistic clients from all over the world.

3. Download my short book “For the Autistic Going through Times”

2. I wrote an essay: Shattered routines and autism

3. Egon and I continued working in the garden

4. I read a book in one morning

It had some good points, but also some that I didn’t agree with. It’s a short little book if your’e looking for some thoughts on how to move from inaction to action with your art.

5. I used my stamp to keep my book writing process fun

I have a giant stack of notecards with topics for my book. Every day I pick a notecard at random and write about the topic. Afterward, I stamp it when done!

6. I wrote an essay: My autistic monster is out

7. Egon stepped on a wasp and then I had to carry him home because he couldn’t walk

I made some art about it. I hope it serves as a reminder that your art doesn’t have to be pretty. Also, Egon is perfectly fine now.

8. I listened to a podcast episode about habits and really enjoyed it

It’s an interview with the author of Atomic Habits. Ironically, I didn’t like the book, but the podcast interview was great!

9. I brought my indexing work for my book to my local coffee shop

I’m creating terminology for the harmful practices and systems within Christianity

10. I saw Hamilton!

I wore my noise-canceling headphones during intermission … and as we walked through NYC to get to the theatre.

Here are 3 ways to connect with me more:

1. Check out my autism essays on Medium.

2. Become an expressive arts therapy client. I work with autistic clients from all over the world.

3. Read my book Making it through Chemotherapy

I’d recommend it if friendship were painful for you in elementary school. Otherwise, it may not connect with you and I’d say pass on it. Fun side note, look at the two bird feathers in the picture - I found them outside on my yard!

2. I wrote an essay: Rest for present and past autistic self

Here’s my artwork I paired it with:

3. I made my own garden trellis for my beans … and then a creature came along and ate them!

4. I played will paint pens made for kids

I looked at an art book to inspire what I made

5. I read this great book in one sitting!

I highly recommend it. Even if you’re not interested in the topic, the artwork is inspiring!

6. I wrote about the most healing place I never knew

7. I decided to stop my Substack, The Worst Missionary. I wrote about how I decided to conclude:

The Worst Missionary

It's time to let this Substack go

I think it’s time to let my Substack, The Worst Missionary, go…

Read more

2 months ago · 3 likes · Jackie Schuld

8. A friendly reminder that it’s ok to make a hot mess with your art.

Here’s a page I painted, but accidentally didn’t leave enough time to dry before closing the notebook.

9. I worked on my book about religious deconstruction.

Here’s just some of my index cards with my ideas on them

10. I read this book about religious deconstruction

I absolutely loved it and would recommend it for anyone interested in the topic or looking at how patriarchy impacts the practice of Christianity. But moreso, it was an absolutely beautiful story of a woman’s journey from being a pastor’s wife to finding herself. I read it one day!

11. And I saved the best for last … Egon sleeping

Here are 3 ways to connect with me more:

1. Check out my autism essays on Medium.

2. Become an expressive arts therapy client. I work with autistic clients from all over the world.

3. Read my book Grief is a Mess

It’s a book for young adults - but I thought it was great! I even used a quote from it in the book I’m writing.

2. I wrote an essay: Why routines are so damn important to autistics

This is my artwork that I paired with it:

3. I was interviewed by The Neurodivergent Report and the podcast episode is now available.

4. I wrote about the death of the ground hog that lives on my property: The magical groundhog I will mourn

5. I tried to survive the heatwave here in New Jersey … while Egon intentionally sat in the sun and refused to move

6. I read an incredible book about losing children to suicide

I wrote an essay about my experience reading the book that I’ll publish in the short future.

7. I had a second writer’s retreat with my friend

We loved our first retreat so much, that we did another one! We structure it by creating an opening and closing ceremony, doing two workshops (we each make-up one), allowing time for reading and editing each other’s work, and then write a list of things we want to discuss. It was more than enough to fill a glorious weekend! I highly recommend you try it with a friend - and you could do it for any medium (painting, knitting … you name it!).

8. I used a projector to help with my giant self-portraits

It’s not cheating to use tools to help us create art. I have a really difficult time getting proportions correct when I make them larger, so I took a picture of my face and then projected it onto my canvas. Here’s the projector I used. Here’s my painting that is still in the works:

Here are 3 ways to connect with me more:

1. Check out my autism essays on Medium.

2. Become an expressive arts therapy client. I work with autistic clients from all over the world.

3. Read my book Life as a Late-Identified Autistic

This is my artwork that I paired with it:

2. I rehabilitated my friend’s parrot

3. I published a new autism essay: What a tight back and autism have in common

4. I read The Ghost of Eternal Polygamy as research for my upcoming book about religious deconstruction

I highly recommend it for anyone who is LDS or formerly LDS. This book also taught me a lot about how to write about a difficult subject with tenderness

5. I shared an essay here on Substack for anyone who missed it:

6. My friend and I weeded my garden and then planted seeds

I’ve already forgotten what we planted in each row.

7. I wrote about when your autistic culture clashes with your family culture

8. I painted my kitchen green

I don’t know that anyone else but me likes it, but it makes me so happy!

Here are 3 ways to connect with me more:

1. Check out my autism essays on Medium.

2. Become an art therapy client. I work with autistic clients from all over the world.

3. Read my book Life as a Late-Identified Autistic

But “deep depression” doesn’t quite capture it. Neither does “hopelessness” and “suicidal ideation.” It’s like feeling dead inside.

In contrast, this morning I felt the sparks of energy and inspiration in my mind. I felt so wondrously alive. Like the world and my life were full of possibilities, and I could actually make them happen. I even had the energy to follow through on my ideas.

Maybe that’s why it’s so hard to feel the opposite - the deadening. The inability to think clearly or creatively. The nothingness is so awful.

I’ve been thinking a lot about autistics and our high rate of suicide.

I don’t think the solution solely lies in suicide prevention courses, more crisis lines, or even the education of our loved ones for recognizing the signs of suicidal ideation.

I wonder if the signs even look the same for autistics anyways. For me, suicidal ideation can come on pretty rapidly. It’s not a slow ascent across months or me gradually giving away items.

But I know what keeps me from suicide is likely different than others. When I was in my 20s, I found a man who died by suicide. I do not want to give that experience to others.

In my 30s, I taught art classes for high schools students who lost someone to murder or suicide. Sudden, complicated death wreaks havoc on families. I would not want those consequences for those around me.

I think all autistics need their own specific reasons that stop them from attempting suicide. Something that helps us draw a line in the sand that we will not cross.

But that isn’t enough.

When we myopically focus on stopping suicide, we miss a key component: a life worth living.

We need to be asking: What would it take for more autistics to want to live?

It is possible.

We can learn how to reduce major pain points and challenges.

We can figure out how to make space for the copious amounts of rest and recovery time.

We can experiment with different ways to build friendships or navigate difficult relationships.

We can explore how to expand the periods that feel amazing - like when I was journaling this morning and was filled with inspiration.

This kind of work though takes time. It often takes outside perspectives too - others who can help us see things we cannot. Who can nudge us in the right direction.

I’m a therapist who specializes in autism, and I still need outside perspectives on my autistic self.

Sometimes this looks like meeting with my autistic therapist. Sometimes it means reading books by my fellow autistics. Sometimes it means sharing my struggles with an autistic friend and asking for advice.

These sources - I think these are the things not every autistic can find. They are the things not every autistic believes exists. They worry no one can help them.

In my initial therapy meetings with autistic clients, many express that they “don’t want to get their hopes up” or are “wary of therapy, but willing to try.”

I get it, especially if someone had therapy in the past with a therapist who didn’t understand autism or provide therapy tailored to the unique needs of autistics.

But therapy, when done right, can be life changing.

It doesn’t eradicate the difficult periods, but it softens the intensity and frequency.

I started this essay by sharing my own recent low/depressed/whatever-you-want-to-call-it period. I share openly about these things because I want to normalize what it is like to be autistic. Even when we have support, we will still experience grueling periods.

But I can say that I now understand my grueling periods better, which means I don’t release the horrible self-critic on myself as often. If you’re autistic - you know the one. It whispers, “You shouldn’t feel this bad. What’s wrong with you?” and then you rapidly spiral lower and lower.

My low periods last far less time now. I know how to lessen the pressure on myself during these times. I know how to communicate what I’m feeling with others. I know what little things I can do as time passes and I come out of the fog.

But therapy isn’t just about learning how to get out of the fog. It’s also about learning how to live expansively when we’re out of it. When we’re in a good period, that’s actually one of the best times for therapy. We have our full executive functioning, powered with our enthusiasm and creativity. We can figure out the necessary changes we need to make in our lives, as well as try new things to help us.

When we’re really low, we don’t want to do a thing.

And too many autistics hit that breaking point where all hope seems lost, and they don’t have any reasons to stay alive.

We need to get to them before that happens.

Thanks for reading!

Here are 3 ways to connect with me more:

1. Sign up for my free FUNletter. I share a weekly list of all the things I find fun as an autistic artist, author, and art therapist.

2. Become an art therapy client. I work with autistic clients from all over the world.

3. Download my short book “For the Autistic Going through Times”

Our landlord originally wanted to mow the field, but I asked him to keep it wild because so many animals live nearby. I had no idea purple flowers would come!

2. I started offering 45 minute expressive art therapy sessions

While I love my 90 minute sessions with clients, I recognize that not everyone has that much time or bandwidth. So, I’ve added an option for 45 minute sessions. I work with late-identified autistics - because let’s face it, it can be really hard to navigate life as an autistic. Through art (painting, clay, writing, - you name it), we explore how to make life feel better. You can see my availability here.

3. I reshared my essay: How therapy designed for autism/ADHD is different than traditional therapy

4. I delighted in the first flowers of my garden

Don’t laugh, but I’ve already forgotten which plant this is. I’m clearly an expert gardener.

5. I wrote about happiness in my essay: Want to be happier? Run to the mountain

6. I just loved this bit of green growing out of this old post

You can tell I’m on a nature kick lately!

7. I wrote about my unexpected encounter with orcas

8. I revisited the essays my fellow autistics wrote about the joy they experience due to autism. You can see them all here: 39+ reasons it’s great to be autistic

9. I read. A lot.

Most of my reading is research for my upcoming book about religious deconstruction. I’m reading what feels like 10 books at once. But I am about 75% done with “Cultish” and loved her take on MLM's and how language is used.

2. I wrote an essay: Playing games with my autistic self so I do my chores

3. I expanded the hours that I offer therapy

It’s summer and the glorious sunlight has me expanding my hours. I now offer art therapy M-F from 11am-6:30pm EST. If you’d like to talk and see if we’d be a good fit, you can schedule a 30 minute consultation. If you’d prefer to get started right away, you can scheduled your first art therapy session (90 minutes). I offer art therapy through zoom for people all over the world.

4. I started reading Calm

Jaiya John is one of my favorite authors. His words are like balm to my soul.

5. I wrote about how I was recently scammed: I will celebrate my fake publishing deal

6. I made friends with the neighborhood cat!

She actually let me pet her.

7. I tried water aerobics

I recently joined a gym that offers a ton of classes for seniors. Turns out the intensity of the classes are perfect for my slow muscular recovery. My favorite class thus far is water aerobics.

8. I wrote an essay about the slow autistic trajectory from thought to verbalization

I paired it with a self-portrait I’ve been working on

2. I continued painting my studio walls

I first paint my prayers on the wall - things I want for my life and things I need help with. I then paint around the letters. It’s still a work in progress. Also … can we admire my beautiful plant that I got at Trader Joe’s for just $12?! I loved it so much that I bought two.

3. I read the book Vegan Art

“Reading” may not be the appropriate word because the entire book was full of pictures. I flipped through them all. I’ve been interested in how to use art for change, and thought I’d check out how the vegan movement is doing it. I’m not vegan, but I find animal rights thinking fascinating.

4. I wrote an essay about how it’s ok to be a few steps behind.

I paired it with artwork from my journal

5. I bought a t-shirt in remembrance of Garrett the Groundhog

Last week I saw Frankl, the fox on our property, trotting away with Garrett, the groundhog I watch for every day, in his mouth. I was shocked, and quite sad. So I held a small memorial at Garrett’s hole, leaving flowers and orange bits. I then bought a groundhog shirt. You can read an essay I shared two weeks ago that highlights how much Garrett meant to me: The fox, the groundhog, and my autistic suicidal ideation

6. I shared an essay related to religious deconstruction:

The Worst Missionary

Mormons are Not Christians - or so they say

Mormons (also known as the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints or LDS) consider themselves to be Christian because their entire faith is based on following Christ…

Read more

3 months ago · 1 like

7. I returned to offering therapy for religious deconstruction

When I went to graduate school for mental health counseling, religious deconstruction was my main area of study. For my capstone project, I created an art therapy curriculum for those who have left high demand religions (fundamentalists, evangelists, mormonism, Jehova’s Witness, etc). You can read more about my religious deconstruction journey and why therapy is often needed after someone leaves a high demand religious group.

7. I picked back up the book Pleasure Activism

It feels like an apt time for me to re-read this book. I’m tackling tough subjects in my writing about religious deconstruction, and I don’t want this experience to feel stressful. I want it to feel good and liberating. I meant to take a picture of the book in this photo … but it ended up focusing on Egon! Ha!

8. I continued researching for my upcoming book by reading The Kingdom, the power, and the glory

9. I laughed at Egon watching over my father-in-law outside

And yes, my garden space is still 70% weeds.

2. I published a new autism essay: The fox, the groundhog, and my autistic suicidal ideation

3. I read the book Creativity Takes Courage

It was such a beautifully illustrated book. I cut out pictures as I went and pasted them into my journal. The recommendations in the book also align well with autistic ways of being.

5. I shared 2 essays related to religious deconstruction:

The Worst Missionary

How autism impacted my mormon mission

I asked my missionary companion why she never asked how I was doing. She responded, “I don’t need to ask. You wear your emotions on your sleeve…

Read more

3 months ago · 1 like

The Worst Missionary

Documentaries About Cults Help Me Understand My Religious Indoctrination

There is nothing that gets me more excited than a documentary about a religious group or cult…

Read more

3 months ago

6. I listened to the podcast series What Happened in Nashville

It’s an investigative journalism series about an infertility clinic that abruptly shuts down. Definitely worth listening to.

6. I wrote an essay exploring the question: When is a victim also a perpetrator?

7. I finished reading All We Want is Everything

It’s a heavy read, but excellent if you’re interested in learning more about male supremacy and how it impacts all of us (including men!) today.

8. I chatted about my book What is Autism?

A family member saw it on my bookshelf and didn’t even know I wrote it! It reminded me that I need to share about my work more. My book is about what autism feels like for late-identified autistics. You can find it here.

9. Looking for a therapist?

I’m an AuDHD therapist who specializes in late-identified autism/ADHD. Through art therapy, I help clients learn how to work with their unique brains so that life can actually feel worth living. It’s how I spend most of my working hours, and I’m really lucky, so it definitely deserves a mention here in my FUNletter. If you’re interested in therapy, you can sign-up for a 30 minute consultation or jump right into your first 90 minute therapy session.

10. I read the book The Oxen at the Intersection

It’s the true story of two oxen who were sentenced to death, and the people who fought to save them. The author, pattrice jones, is an incredible thinker and she’ll shift the way you think about the world.

I hope you are each managing to move with ease through life.

What a wish, right?

At the beginning of the year, I came up with three words for myself: ease, space, and strength.

When I move through life with ease, everything feels better. I’m more present. I’m less stressed. I just am.

But it takes a lot to continually return to ease. Even that sentence structure reflects it: ease is something I have to “return” to. As if I’m visiting a relative in another state. I would love for ease to be my de facto mode. Deep down, I trust that it is.

Last week I stayed with my friend for the weekend while we created our own writing retreat. She’s autistic too, so our conversation naturally drifted toward our autistic ways of being. I shared about how hard it has been to meld into my husband’s family culture. They’re happiest when everyone is together, full of energy and moving as a mass unit wherever they go.

My friend suggested that I have my own culture. I’d never thought about that. It’s certainly not a culture that stems from my upbringing. It’s formed across my life, as I’ve tried over and over and over to support myself. To nourish myself. To make sense of why life feels so hard.

My culture looks like slow days. Early mornings filled with yummy coffee drinks (I always add something delicious to my coffee), journaling, and reading. Deep, connecting work as I meet with clients in my profession as a therapist. Rest, rest, and more rest as I take naps each day and often just sit and think. Evenings full of art. Snacks galore. It’s a day of ease.

Read more

2. I finished the book Sister Wives

It took me a little while to get into this book, but then I couldn’t stop! I loved her straightforward insights about her polygamous marriage and eventual decision to leave. I’ve been reading a lot of heavy books lately and it was nice to have a lighter read, as well as a simplistic writing style.

3. I gave my dog a bath, and then he promptly rolled in the dirt outside to “dry off”

4. I shared 3 essays related to my religious upbringing:

The Worst Missionary

What if God gives you more than you can handle?

When my mum was dying from cancer, people treated me like I was some sort of superhuman. They would say things to me like, “I just don’t know how you do it…

Read more

4 months ago · 1 like · Jackie Schuld

The Worst Missionary

Leaving behind the Christian conception of God

I grew up being told God was our father in heaven. One entity, one being, separate from us. A god who loved us, but who was also full of wrath and judgment. A god who couldn’t be around anything impure…

Read more

3 months ago · 1 like

The Worst Missionary

What religious deconstruction really looks like

I was raised in an extremely religious environment. My parents were non-denominational Christians and we lived at a Southern Baptist camp that my parents helped run. Every week, different church groups came to rent cabins, eat at the dining hall, enjoy the lakes and forest, and get closer to God…

Read more

4 months ago · Jackie Schuld

5. I listened to an incredible podcast series In the Dark: Season 3

If you like listening to investigative journalism on deep topics, I cannot recommend this enough! It even won the Pulitzer Prize!

6. I wrote an essay about Wretched Emotional Hangovers and Autism

7. I continued meeting my art therapy clients

I meet with my clients for 90 minute sessions so we have time to do art, get to all the important topics, and make a plan for the future. Many of my clients only see me once a month, so I give them art activities to do between sessions. If you’re interested in therapy, you can sign-up for a 30 minute consultation or jump right into your first 90 minute therapy session.

8. I watched the show LoveCon Revenge and then wrote an essay inspired by it: The accountability I didn’t seek and what it cost me

9. I attended an early-bird dance party!

It’s just like it sounds… a dance party at an early hour. It was from 6-10pm. I, of course, left by 8:30pm.

10. I created a writer’s retreat with my friend

It was just the two of us, and we came up with our opening ceremony, workshops, interlude activities, and closing ceremony. It was so much fun and we nourished ourselves with what we needed as writers.

11. I wrote about why I’m always writing: Why isn’t everyone like Hamilton and I?

It wasn’t going the direction I wanted, so I gave it a fresh start:

You can still see glimpses of what it was. After the white, I wrote down things I wish for my life:

I then started doing a self portrait on top. We’ll see where it goes from here. Maybe I’ll paint white over it all over again!

2. I shared 3 essays about religious deconstruction:

The Worst Missionary

For the person who is leaving the religion they grew up with

Dearest Human…

Read more

4 months ago · Jackie Schuld

The Worst Missionary

The 10,000 versions of Christianity I experienced

I don’t talk much about my religious upbringing. I was raised by Christian parents and spent the majority of my childhood at a Southern Baptist Camp in the Sierra Nevadas…

Read more

4 months ago · Jackie Schuld

The Worst Missionary

5 beliefs to deconstruct after leaving Christianity

Christian beliefs provide support and comfort for many individuals. However, some beliefs can have unintended harmful impacts and consequences on an individual’s self-concept and sense of worth, even after they leave Christianity. Here are five beliefs to deconstruct…

Read more

4 months ago · Jackie Schuld

3. I continued working in my garden:

I planted some herbs and flowers to attract bees. All the other tall plants you see are weeds. I only have the energy to pull weeds one small area at a time.

4. I shared about what it’s like when no one buys your book, in my essay: What if no one buys your book?

Here’s the book that no one bought:

5. I wrote an essay about my autistic experience: I’m scared of house guests

6. I’m still accepting new art therapy clients

If you’re interested, you can sign-up for a 30 minute consultation or jump right into your first 90 minute therapy session. I work with neurodivergent clients from all over the world through Zoom. We meet anywhere from weekly to once a month.

7. I wrote some uplifting essays:

• A reminder that people are beautiful

• What if your life purpose is creating beauty?

8. I’m looking for someone to read over my query letter for a book agent and offer feedback/edits

You can read more about my book, The Worst Missionary, in my explanation here to see if you might be interested. Just reply to this email if you are and I’ll be oh so grateful!

This image is actually real.

My fellow artist resident, Lee, showed it to me on his Instagram. His instagram is full of him doing “absurd” things.

That’s his word for it.

And I love it.

Everything about his art seems … pointless. And there’s something absolutely wonderful in that.

I originally spoke with Lee so I could interview him about environmentalism.

Our interview went pretty dark, pretty fast.

“It’s quite bleak really,” he said. Our conversation teetered back and forth between optimistic action and nihilism.

He shared about how we can grow our own food, and mentioned his own apartment patio garden where he grows potatoes from a soil sack.

But the next moment he said, “But you cannot do anything of real substance.”

He talked about cities cutting down trees because they don’t want to pay for the upkeep or deal with liability.

His face looked concerned, “You just feel powerless to it.” (Ironically I wrote about the same thing happening in my neighborhood three years ago).

He started to talk about how everything feels futile, and then offered a glimmer of hope, “It’s not futile if it works.” He then mentioned electric cars, buying your clothes second hand, and more.

Later, he was back to talking about how corporations know that what they’re doing is wrong, and we’re all investing in that system by buying products from them. His eyes looked off in the distance as he said, “You just have to buy what you can afford.”

Lee’s oscillating optimism reminds me of my own.

I have moments where I think there are great ideas that can shift the course we’re on, and then moments that I feel like nothing makes a difference in the face of government and industry action.

Perhaps this is why the image of Lee flinging objects around in the air stuck with me. There is something so delightful and wacky and weird and wonderful about it.

In the face of such destruction around us, a moment of levity shocks my spirit. It reminds me what it is to be human. To play. To laugh. To explore. To be.

Isn’t that why we’re trying to save the earth anyways?

So we, the earth included, can live fully?

So we can joyfully exist?

Or even exist at all.

Lee nor I have the solutions for the destruction and disregard we find ourselves in.

However, I think we both know what we want, and we’re actually doing it.

As I write this, Lee is down at the artist studio constructing a Land Rover out of discarded cardboard and tape.

Why?

Because it’s something his wild mind came up with and it seems fun to pursue.

What will he do with it?

I don’t even know if he knows. Maybe chuck it off the roof of a building like he did with his fighter jet he made from cardboard?

Maybe if more of us were like Lee, playing for the sake of playing, we’d remember what it means to be human.

We’d shift our priorities to protect not just our own humanity, but our wondrous earth that enables us to live so fully.

Thanks for reading!

This essay is part of my ongoing art exhibition: How can we care for the earth and ourselves? I first interview people on the above topic, and then create response art (as seen in this essay) and write contemplative essays.

If you’d like to connect with me more, here are 4 ways:

1. Sign up for my free FUNletter. I share a weekly list of all the things I find fun.

2. Read my illustrated books for adults, like Grief is a Mess and Life as a Late-Identified Autistic.

3. Become an expressive arts therapy client (don’t worry, no art experience required). I work with neurodivergent clients who want to live meaningful, joyful lives.