If I were sitting across from you, and we were going over your plans for your homeschool, one of the questions I would ask you is this: “What type of person are you hoping to launch from your home? What character qualities do you hope to instill?” I might offer you another thought, too: “When your child is 21 years old and a friend asks, ‘What was your home like growing up?’, what do you hope they would say?” To me, these questions get to the heart of the matter.

Curriculum can so easily become the first order of business. We plan the books, the science experiments, the copywork, the extracurriculars. But underneath all of that is a much bigger question: What sort of person are we aiming to form? Much of who our children are is innate. Much is also shaped. And what does that shaping look like? Our answers will undoubtedly differ. We are unique families with unique gifts, talents, communities, and assignments. But one quality I deeply desire for my children is the ability to notice, love, and serve the people around them—even the people we least expect.

Since entering the homeschool world, I’ve noticed a growing number of “character curricula,” programs designed to help us intentionally cultivate these qualities in our children. I love these resources, and I deeply respect the women who create them. But I’d like to pose another thought: Perhaps your children’s character curriculum is right next door, or right across the street. What if, instead of another program or extracurricular activity, we actually said “hi” to our neighbor? What if the lessons we are so carefully planning could also be found just beyond our front door, hidden behind the eyes and stories of the people living around us?

I’m going to put my family in the hot seat here and share some beautiful opportunities that have grown naturally out of relationships. I often ponder our motherly desire to “sign our children up” for opportunities that promote service, when many of those opportunities may already be waiting for us in a much more organic form. What I’ve found is that children often want to love their literal neighbors quite naturally. Sometimes we are the ones who unintentionally get in the way—not because we don’t care, but because life is full. It doesn’t fit into the schedule. We don’t feel like we have time to linger in conversation. But what happens when we do?

We have moved a lot—like, a lot. In the past five years alone, we have moved six times, from Atlanta to the Triad area of Winston-Salem and multiple times within our hometown. These circumstances haven’t always been ideal, but can I tell you what has happened in the midst of them? Neighbors. People who have opened our family up to worlds of service, friendship, skill, and beauty in the most organic of ways. From this point forward, I’ll change their names to protect their privacy. But their stories have left an imprint on our family.

There was Harry, a sweet elderly man who walked his little lap dog happily every day. My children asked him about his dog daily, and he happily obliged in the conversation, as elderly neighbors most always do. One day, he was walking alone, without his dog. My children asked, of course, and the sweet man wept, opening up to my children about his dog’s passing that morning. If you would’ve seen the scene of sweet curly-headed kiddos praying for this white-haired man on the sidewalk, you may have swooned as I did.

Then came Ralph, a divorcee in his late 60’s who moved in with his blind mother to be her caretaker. As he worked from home with a very high title within his company, pressure mounted at work and at home. Cigarette breaks out on the pavement on our street and taking his little dog for short walks became his quiet place. My children would pet his dog, Lady, and askquestions about his life every single day. His coming outside soon became less about the cigarettes and more about the routine of checking in with our family. He eventually revealed that he was a champion cyclist who had won races all over the world, from long-distance cycling to BMX. His garage, always closed up prior, opened one day to reveal dozens and dozens of bikes, all holding a story of a race that changed his life. He soon began hopping back on those bikes to ride up and down the street with my children, teaching them bike tricks and how to properly care for their bicycles. When my son learned how to ride a bike, who was the first person he wanted to tell? Mr. Ralph, of course. Instead of smoke breaks, Mr. Ralph now came outside to “play” and ride bikes with my children. I want you to imagine a middle-aged bachelor laughing like a child on his bicycle, telling stories and busting out bike tricks like a teenager, wonder re-filling his eyes in an otherwise very difficult time in his life. He said many times that my children were the bright spots in his life. When my son started asking to be a BMX rider, who do you think he wanted his trainer to be? And who do you think was willing to meet my son at every bike trail in town to teach him the skill?

Then there was Mrs. Abby and Mr. Doug, a retired elderly couple who lived a quiet life next door. My children noticed the couple always working in their garden and began walking over every day, asking to help. Before long, they were spreading mulch, sowing seed, and harvesting tomatoes and radishes with the couple.

Mrs. Abby cried as she told me she’d been so lonely. She was a retired librarian, and she missed being surrounded by children. She said that children don’t talk to their neighbors like they used to; people in general don’t talk to their neighbors like they used to. She expressed what a joy it had been to teach my children the skill of gardening and landscaping. When she went on vacation, who was left in charge of Mrs. Abby’s garden? The ones who knew it best—my children.

And then there was Stephanie who lived down the street, whose son, Maverick, had spina bifida. He was paralyzed from the waist down and spent much of his time inside. Fly over our neighborhood a few months later and what would you see? Her son and my children racing down the sidewalk, her son in his wheelchair, my children on their bikes, both popping wheelies, laughter billowing. My children got to witness an overcomer as they played with that little boy. They learned a strength, a tenacity that I couldn’t have manufactured into a unit study.

These stories are imprinted on my heart, each of these families offering something different to my children. They learned that behind the surface of a supposed recluse can be whimsical stories that no one has asked to hear in years, and that when we take the time to notice, ask, and linger, a world of possibilities can open before us.

These are simply a few of many, many stories. If we ever meet in person, we can linger through those stories, too. Through our neighbors, my children have learned practical skills like gardening, piano, and caring properly for a bicycle, but they have also learned something much deeper: the beauty and strength of children who battle disease, the stories hidden behind a hardened exterior, and the extraordinary impact a child can have simply by being willing to talk, ask questions, and notice.

Because, as Mrs. Abby says, “neighbors just don’t talk like they used to.”

Our neighbors have become the curriculum within the curriculum.

And it makes me wonder: Have you met your neighbor?

{photo by Ashley Olander}

Last week, I told you guys that I would do my best to read and discuss a chapter at a time, and to extend grace, realizing it may take me a few weeks. Well, it turns out the whole family got pneumonia and I was able to read all five remaining chapters! Am I the only one that secretly enjoys getting a cold if it’s not too bad and…

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My Personal Education Journey

Growing up in the public school system, I can unequivocally say that my motivation was rarely true learning; it was achievement for the sake of accolades. Some years, I did just enough to get by with grades that wouldn’t get me into trouble. Other years, I strived for excellence simply to make my family and teachers proud. E…

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Photo by: Ashley Olander

"The work before us is to bring up our children to this higher manner of truth. We no longer treat this or that particular lie or bit of deceit as a local ailment, for which we have only to apply the proper lotion or plaster; we treat it as symptomatic, as denoting a radical defect of character which we set ourselves to correct.”

…

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Introductory Thoughts

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Next week, we will be reading Chapters 16, 17, and 18. See you guys then!

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Setting the Scene at the Time of Mason’s Writing

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Introduction

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“The last chapter closed with an imperfect summary of what we may call the educational functions of parents. We found that it rests with the parents of the child to settle for the future man his ways of thinking, behaving, feeling, acting; his disposition, his particular talent; the manner of things upon which his thoughts shall run. Who shall fix limitations to the power of parents? The destiny of the child is ruled by his parents, because they have the virgin soil all to themselves. The first sowing must be at their hands, or at the hands of such as they choose to depute.”

- Parents and Children, p. 29

While Chapter Three introduced the concept of ‘parents as inspirers,’ Chapter Four digs much deeper. Mason lays the groundwork by, once again, making much of the role of parents. When Jesus crafted our children and chose us as their parents, He also gave us the authority to lead and guide these little ones into all Truth. He trusted us to shepherd, comfort, instruct, rebuke, correct and most importantly, love like crazy, these children. Ultimately, we teach our children how to think, what to think on, what to care about by what we put before them. The atmosphere of their home becomes a microcosm of what they know of the entire world. The sky is not even the limit for the destiny that awaits our children, as we sow rightly into their hearts, minds, and spirits. But what do we sow? Ideas. Mason describes ideas as seeds that germinate and multiply in our children’s minds.

Before Mason digs into how the child’s mind works on these ideas, she breaks down the ways that philosophers and certain educational theories have gotten it wrong. Children’s minds are not blank slates to be written on, or an empty vessel to fill. Rather the Lord has already endowed our children with irrevocable identity, identity which unlocks when the right ideas turn the latch.

I will use myself as an example. The Lord made me an artist of sorts- most of what consumes my mind is how to make things beautiful. I think in terms of beauty- I meditate on what I see as lovely. It’s just how He fashioned me. However, I had no idea that this is how the Lord made me until key points in my life. I remember when I first discovered that I could write and illustrate my own books, made perfect with construction paper, some colored pencils and a few staples. My entire world opened up, and I dreamed of being an author. Then later in my childhood, I discovered photography, and began photographing the adventures I went on with my grandmother. Then, I discovered the art of fashion design, and was so inspired that I chose fashion as my collegiate path. I remember crying on my first day of my fashion school, because I felt so full with inspiration. I also remember a distinct day, walking into a hole-in-the-wall coffee shop on campus that I had yet to go to. When I walked in and sat down, I observed my surroundings. Vivid and ornate paintings covered the walls. I felt as though I was enveloped in their beauty, and I spontaneously began to weep. I simply wept at finally feeling like I was discovering how God had designed me- to create, to make, for beauty. That was never something that was cultivated in me as a child, and to discover these things ‘from glory to glory’ felt like I was alighting hidden places of untapped territory in the deepest recesses of my identity. I had only to encounter my identity externally to connect with it internally. I grabbed what the Lord had pre-determined was mine to grab.

Now, perhaps I’ve butchered Mason’s thoughts, but this is how I interpreted her concept of ideas. Ideas are seeds, and the child keeps that which belong to them. But they cannot know what belongs to them if a feast of “possibilities” isn’t spread. I by no means only speak of “possibilities” in terms of a career, because that’s only part of it. Who is the child to be? What gifts, talents, traits has the Lord given the child, and which ideas will unlock them? Of course, we do not know- and hence, we spread a feast of ideas. We lay before them the best of art, literature, and music. We introduce them directly to nature, and let them build relationships with God’s creation all around them. We put them in touch with stories of men evil and good, selfish and humble, prideful and meek, and allow them to paint a picture in their own minds of the type of person they want to be. And high above everything else, wee put them before the Word of God daily, which alights their entire being, since we were made for God. Our chief purpose is to know Him, and as we read His word, sing hymns together, we feel it and we know- this is the ultimate reason we were created.

“In the early years of the child’s life it makes, perhaps, little apparent difference whether his parents start with the notion that to educate is to fill a receptacle, inscribe a tablet, mould plastic matter, or nourish a life; but in the end we shall find that only those ideas which have fed his life are taken into the being of the child; all the rest is thrown away, or worse, is like sawdust in the system, an impediment and an injury to the vital processes.”

“This is perhaps how the educational formula should run: Education is a life’ that life is sustained on ideas; ideas are of spiritual origin; and ‘God has made us so’ that we get them chiefly as we convey them to one another. The duty of parents is to sustain a child’s inner life with ideas as they sustain his body with food. The child is an eclectic; he may choose this or that; therefore, in the morning sow thy seed, and in the evening withhold not thy hand, for thou knows not which shall prosper, or whether they both shall be alike good.”

-Parents and Children, p. 38-39

I love this concept- that we feed and sustain our childrens’ inner life with ideas as we do their bodies with food. Just as we wouldn’t consistently feed our children junk food and except their bodies to function at optimal level, so we cannot feed their minds with subpar ideas and expect their minds to be inspired at its optimal level. Though we may not realize it, we answer major questions for our children without a word, by the atmosphere of our homes, questions like":

What is love?

What does love look like?

What is beauty?

What is Truth?

Am I seen and known?

What is family?

What role do I play?

What is considered ‘good’ and ‘right’?

“The initial idea begets subsequent ideas; therefore, take care that children get right primary ideas on the great relations and duties of life.”

-Parents and Children, p. 39

Do the habits of our daily rhythms, the atmosphere of our home in its normal state, and the life of ideas by which we sustain our children teach them Truth, goodness and beauty? These are big questions. These are the questions that matter most, in my opinion. Ultimately, as is discussed in Chapter Six, our chief purpose is that these ideas would lead our children to behold the face of God. Our aim is that the Truth, beauty and goodness we surround them with and present them with is but a kaleidoscope that reflects the One who is Beauty, is Truth, and is the only one Wholly Good. We have the mind-blowing opportunity to reflect Jesus Christ to our children, introducing to Him first by how we love them.

On page 54, Mason discusses the beauty that comes as a mother teaches her child to pray, introduces her little toddler to commune with God themselves. As soon as we can put our childrens’ hands in His, we must. She also discusses the beauty of the child getting to sit in on us crying out to God for ourselves. I couldn’t agree more. Jesus called His disciples to “Come and See.” He beckoned them to come and behold His relationship with His Father, the utter obedience to His leading. Jesus let them watch Him pray at times. He let them see what power ensues when Love is the motivator. Likewise, I believe with my whole heart that our sole role as mothers is to beckon our children to “come and see” as we follow Christ. To watch our testimonies unfold. To watch us cry out. To see how we handle disappoint and fall on our faces before Him. To ask, ask again, and then ask again. To see how we “count it all joy when we meet trials of various kinds.” To let them watch as “steadfast completes its work” and we are taken from glory to ever increasing glory. To watch us believe for the impossible. To have faith against all odds. We create the first image in their minds of what a faithful follower of Christ looks like, an “ideal,” which Mason tells us is an embodied idea!

Final Thoughts

Here’s how I’m looking at this as I keep reading:

Imagine the child is subconsciously painting a painting in their minds of what life should entail. Now what the child doesn’t realize is that this painting has already been painted for them before the foundations of the Earth, but the painting is masked to them until the child is introduced to an idea that already exists in the painting. Once that idea is captured by the child, that part of the painting is revealed.

The first idea we give them is Love, which we as soon as possible teach them comes from the Author of Love, Jesus Christ. So let’s say the first revealed portion of their painting is Jesus Christ and themselves in the middle of the painting.

Then, as art, or music, or nature study, or science, or poetry, or dance, or craftsmanship is introduced to the child, those ones that belong to the child are unveiled in the painting. The child grows up meeting the most wonderful ideas of Truth, beauty, and goodness until more and more of the painting is revealed, showing them what they’re made to do in this world, how they’re made to live, and who they want to do it with. We don’t provide them the painting- we help them unveil it.

Why I’m Reading Charlotte Mason’s Volumes

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The Way of the Will

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Last week got a little too hectic, and I wasn’t able to complete my article. Therefore, I’ll need grace as I attempt to unpack 64 pages of Miss Mason. You guys know one single page of her writing is meaty enough. I will break it down into the topics that stood out to me most.

Part 5 is quite literally the entree of this entire feast. All of Parts 1-4 was…

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“Reading presents itself first amongst the lessons to be used as instruments of education, although it is open to discussion whether the child should acquire the art unconsciously, from his infancy upwards, or whether the effect should be deterred until he is, say, six or seven, and then made with vigor.”

-Home Education, pg.199

Introduction

I love this as…

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Introductory Thoughts

Parts 1-4 truly laid the groundwork by giving us principles and ideas to chew on before digging into the actual lessons within the schoolroom. Part 5 invites us to think about what a child truly needs in his or her lessons to truly thrive.

I’m not going to focus today on the deep-dive into the “Kindergarten Theory,” because it truly…

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Recalling Last Week’s Reading

Last week in Part 3, Charlotte Mason introduced the concept of habit training- how our brains create new neural pathways, how no habit is impossible to train, and how habit training with children can prove to bless them for the rest of their lives. Whereas Part 3 discusses physical habits- shutting the door when entering/lea…

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A little over a month ago, I began a new, simple way to work on forming good habits with my children, completely inspired by Jo in Little Men by Louisa May Alcott. For me to implement something into my home that stands the test of time, it has to be simple and it has to feel organic- natural. As previously written in detail here, I grabbed this three-pack of notebooks from Barnes and Noble, and set to work. I told my children a parable of sorts, with me as the gardener, attempting to (by the empowerment of the Holy Spirit) plant good things into three little garden plots (representing my children). The entire story and way I presented this is in the full article, which I will assume you have read as I move forward.

How It’s Going

In the past, I have been quick to quit things that aren’t serving us well. This has been a blessing in some regard, but sometimes I quit things too soon without any perseverance. It has been a character flaw that the Lord really has helped me with. That said, I truly don’t start things unless I believe they will be a good fit and something that will last. This “method” has been working so beautifully, that I don’t see how I could ever stop! When I started, I asked the children what good habits they wanted planted in their gardens- patience/no complaining, truthfulness, and kindness were some of the original ones chosen. Every Sunday evening, I would meet with each of them privately and open up their books. We would go over moments where they triumphed over the temptation to lie, to take, to complain, to act rudely, and we would celebrate and thank God for His faithfulness. We would also go over moments where weeds were allowed to come in, and we repent and pray for the upheaval of those weeds and the strength to rise the next week. This is exactly what we’ve done, and the children have been looking forward to those private meetings every week! I don’t mention their books at all during the week, but they know I am observing them, and that I take notes in their books when I see things (not in a creepy way, but in the way of a gatekeeper).

How I’ve Changed the Method A Bit

I’ve started to just record awesome behavior and awesome things I see happening in each child’s garden book, rather than just focus on one specific trait. So it’s evolved from just writing about the topics/plants they’ve told me they want to see in their gardens, to my writing down every good thing I see that the Lord is doing in them, down to the seemingly smallest things. I also write down the date I saw this specific thing, so I can use the date when I tell the child what they did. They love this intentionality so much they’ve started to ask for the specific date if I forget. To give an example, here is last’s week’s entry for one of my children:

February, Week One

Opening Note: You got all blooms and zero weeds this week!

2/3 Apologized instantly for talking back to me, without my having to say a word

2/3 Acted as a peacemaker when your siblings and cousins were arguing (discuss with her the discernment on when to intervene and when to walk away)

2/3 Spoke kindly to siblings at bedtime instead of having a rude tone with them

2/4 Played board games and rolled the ball with your siblings when they asked, even though I know you wanted to play alone

2/4 Washed dishes from breakfast without complaining

2/5 Listened to your siblings critique and apologized instead of lashing out

Overall-

Consistently saying “Ma’am?” when I call you instead of “What?”

Overall being gentler with your siblings instead of consistent annoyance

Note: We see how you are taking note of your tone, your delivery and your actions overall. We are so proud of you. The Holy Spirit is really helping you grow in these areas, and you are becoming such a leader to your siblings on how you are stewarding yourself. We love you!

After I share something like this, the child is absolutely beaming. We hug. We celebrate. And then sometimes, the child talks about things he/she wants to work on this week. I tell the child I will definitely help with that if he/she asks in the moment, and that we can talk about the progress next week. This is something I started without my husband, but he has since joined the meetings, adding things he has specifically seen in the child and encouraging them. The children go to bed that night feeling encouraged, introspective, and ready to keep going with good habits the next week.

Sharing “Weeds”

I’ve chosen to start this process by not writing down weeds unless it is something really serious. Lying would be a “weed” that would get written down. I’ve noticed that even if I share with the child that they got 10 blooms, they remember the 1 weed I share with them most vividly. They don’t walk away feeling condemned, but they have gotten upset at times. There is a sobriety that comes when we realize we wronged someone, we sinned, we fell short. But I don’t want this to be the “takeaway feeling” they have each week. Instead, I want them to feel inspired to grow from a place of victory. I also want them to look forward to this each week, as a time where their parents are going to hold them accountable, yes, but in an encouraging way. Here’s how the conversation looks when I share a weed.

“Child’s Name, you got a ton of blooms this week. But you did get one weed. Overall, you did incredibly well this week. I could really tell that you were thinking through difficult situations and wanting to make wise choices. Let’s talk about the weed first. On February 1st, you told a lie when you said that [enter story]. Do you want to share why and what you were thinking in that? [Enter child’s response.] [Explain Scripture and pray with the child.] Now, let’s talk about all the blooms you got!”

I make sure I celebrate the blooms with double the energy that I called out the weed, so that the child is left feeling triumphant! I’ve not nailed this down yet, but it’s going well even as I work out the kinks.

Quotes From My Kiddos

I thought I would ask how the kids are liking the garden books, and write down their direct quotes here.

My Oldest Daughter, Lavender, age 9: “I like them. I think my favorite part about them is how it lets me know what I need to work on, and what I don’t need to work on. I think it’s good to know what I’m learning. I like to know what I’m doing good at, and how to do better at it.”

My middle daughter, Lyon, age 6: “I feel like whenever you talk about it with you, I feel what I’ve done wrong. But sometimes, I don’t know that I did that wrong. So you remind me. Then you get to the blooms, and I see things I did good that I don’t even remember. It’s like opening up a surprise present when I got all blooms.”

My youngest son, Halston, age 4: “It’s great so far! It’s just amazing.”

Final Thoughts

As I said before, I see no end in sight to this new habit-forming routine. It's definitely can foresee the next to keep tweaking to keep it fresh for the children, but overall:

• It’s helping me to be intentional with encouraging my children in the little things

• It’s helping them to be much more observant of their own thoughts and deeds

• It provides a private time each week with each child where we can pray together and share what God is doing them. (We’ve also added in the question, “How is your relationship with Jesus this week?” This gives them a chance to share what He’s showing them, where they want to grow, etc.)

• It’s helping me to be more watchful as the gatekeeper of my home.

Lord willing, I will write another update in a few months with how it’s going and any additional tweaks I’ve made. Until then, blessings to you and your families!

“The formation of habits is education, and Education is the formation of habits.”

-Home Education, pg. 97

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Charlotte Mason uses this entire Part to discuss the importance of direct engagement with the natural world — that being outdoors isn’t just healthy, but a central part of their education and development. She explains why and how outdoor experiences help children grow physically, mentally, and morally.

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