I spent all summer finding comfort in repetition. I went to Horseshoe Bay and watched the aquamarine waves lap over the pink sand, in and out, over and over. I watched Southern Charm for hours on end and felt parasocially connected to these people that live in a place I have never been to in my life. When my coworker told me he was taking a family vacation to Charleston, I audibly gasped with excitement. I told him he had to check out Republic because that’s where Kathryn first felt a romantic spark with Thomas Ravenel. He was like, who are those people, and I was like, I don’t know them personally but they’re very important to me. I read On the Calculation of Volume (I am currently finishing Volume III), and I thought about how I would feel if I were trapped in the same day over and over. It would feel isolating but it would also feel hypnotic, even dream-like. Like nothing had consequences. I sat on Brighton Beach with a dead phone and I thought to myself that the telling of time may be a construct but its passing is necessary. I watched the sun go down and the light soften and I got mushroom vareniki at Tatiana with extra sour cream. I thought about this newsletter and the way that I structure my memories through the lens of months and years, of how people use the passing of time to create narratives and mythologies of their own selfhood. I dragged shelves from one end of the classroom to another and found comfort in the Montessori belief that works should be repeatable, that repetition breeds mastery. Once a child has achieved mastery of a particular work, it is time to present them with the next challenge in that particular sequence. Summer is over, and it is time for fall.

PLAYLIST

Here are two songs I like that came out this month.

1. “Marianne” - Fontaines D.C. I’ve recently gotten into Fontaines D.C. in a big way after Shazamming their music on no less than four occasions at Di’s Corner Bar and deciding they had a lot of other really good songs in addition to my tried and true favorite, “Jackie Down the Line.” This new single has a really good autumn ambience.

2. “LIGHT DESIGN: BLOOD ORANGE VERSION” - Turnstile, Blood Orange. Didn’t know I needed this until it arrived. Very beautiful.

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Here are two songs I like that came out this month.

1. “Beatback - Justin Strauss en La Piscina Remix” - Fcukers, Justin Strauss. Justin Strauss is one of the all-time GOATs of the NYC DJ scene, and he performed two of my favorite dance music sets in recent memory at (i) Mansions and (ii) Solarplexia. It’s amazing the way that he can still tap into the current culture and drop incredible remixes like this one. Need to hear this on the dance floor STAT.

2. “Idola” - Melaina Kol. The lo-fi indie icon is back with a cool mix of acoustic guitar and understated glitchy production. This track also has a great cello outro.

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Here are two songs I like that came out this month.

1. “Wink Wink” - Charli xcx. My favorite by far of her most recent crop of singles. A little bit of spoken word and a catchy chorus with some guitar. Fun!

2. “Profane Break” - Chanel Beads. An album with the same name as the last one and most of the songs sound the same too, which is to say that they’re chill and good. Listened to this album once while cleaning up my classroom on Friday and once while commuting to Coney Island yesterday. Both times it was a vibe.

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I haven’t been in the mood to watch movies lately, and I can’t figure out why. Is it because I am currently very obsessed with the Bravo show Southern Charm, and I just want to watch eccentric Libertarian politicians and young debutantes flirt and fight with one another instead? Or, more likely, is it because the ambiguity of my own life feels all-consuming? Resting in discomfort and uncertainty is very difficult for me. It becomes impossible to turn my brain off.

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I’m at yoga, and the teacher asks us to kick out each leg repeatedly while completing breaths of fire during three legged dog. It’s a strange exercise, but it feels really good. I am shaking off the last two weeks, which have been largely anxiety-inducing and unpleasant. I am entering a period of renewal and revitalization. I am hoping for the best.

Here are two songs I like that came out in May.

1. “What You Want - Fcukers Remix” - Angéle, Fcukers, Justice. So fun. I picture myself dancing to this song at a dark house party with a half full glass of pet-nat sloshing around in a red solo cup. It has some sort of indie sleaze dance party energy and I like it.

2. “Doorway” - feeble little horse. This is the first track from feeble little horse’s new album, bitknot. A perfect entry point into a really good album. feeble little horse transition seamlessly from loud guitar to understated electronic backbeats, all the way to a strange and wacky outro. Great stuff here.

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Here are two songs I like that came out this April. Both very clubby and dancey this month. Enjoy <3

1. “Rock the Rhythm” - Odd Mob, Luciana, Richard Vission, Static Revenger. Put this on at the gym. Thank me later.

2. “Girls first” - Effy. Very epic. Wait for the drop around 1:08.

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Here are two songs I like that came out this month.

1. “Lonely” - Fcukers. Their new album Ö is fun. It features a lot of singles that have already been released from 2025 onwards, but this track is new and it slaps.

2. “Agony Freak” - Snail Mail. I like the heavier guitar here.

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I’m very depressed because I am trying, and failing, to manage scheduling conflicts that are outside of my control. I am looking at medieval art in the Met when I run into yet another setback. I think of Helene Schjerbeck’s haunting self-portraits when she is close to death, which I just observed in the Lehman Wing moments ago. I crumple in a folding chair and bow my head. Last night I watched the last fifteen minutes of Sirat through tiny windows between my fingers while covering my face with my hands. I wanted things to work out. I really did.

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Rick and I are playing Crazy Eights over pints of pilsner and spätzle at Heidelberg uptown. There are stained glass windows and ceramic mugs hanging from hooks on old wooden beams above us. At night there is a big party at Baby’s All Right where I vent to friends and acquaintances about my grievances. God’s Plan by Drake plays in one room and a mariachi band plays at midnight in another. There is a male stripper in the green room in an FDNY hat. It’s good old fashioned New York City fun. I am filled with the sensation that everything will work out just as it’s meant to. Not yet, but eventually.

Here are two songs I like that came out this month.

1. “White Feather Hawk Tail Deer Hunter” - Lana Del Rey. Sick as hell. Oscillated between listening to this song on repeat and reading Flat Earth in LA earlier this month. Similar themes!

2. “This Time I’m Present” - Ulrika Spacek. Really liking their new album. Excited to see them at Mercury Lounge this month!

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White hot radiator bounces beams of light off of my dirty clothes 
Lana Del Rey cosplays as Tiger Lily and it’s never sounded so good
All of my boundaries are melting in the rain
And I want to live in this fairytale cottage with you 
Down the street from Sephora
Eating Nerds Gummy Clusters on the living room floor
Talking about how they’re the best invention 
Even better than smart phones
Because Nerds Rope was just too bulky
And hard to pull apart

Here are two songs I like that came out this month.

1. “Good Night Baby” - Daphni. Caribou’s side project is ephemeral, wistful, and still dancey.

2. “Dead End” - Snail Mail. This track feels very Momma-inspired, and I like Lindsey singing in this higher register.

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Here are two songs I like that came out in December.

1. “But You Just Woke Me Up” - This Is Lorelei. Feels like early 2010s pop rock in a really good way.

2. “Flowers” - BeerbellyJake. BeerbellyJake is somewhat of a sleeper hitmaker in the shoegaze / lo-fi community. This single would be fun to hear live in a small DIY venue. RIP The Glove, you would have been perfect for this.

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I’ve only ever lived in cities: Los Angeles during my youth, New York during my adult life, and London during study abroad. For me, small towns like Haddonfield are just about as alien as foreign countries, and I explore them with the same level of care and intrigue. It is strange and delightful to be somewhere so wholesome.

Seemingly everyone greets each other by name. I go with my cousin Celia to drop off homemade ginger snaps at each house down the road, and neighbors respond in kind. Two varieties of homemade pretzels are delivered; one soft and covered in salt, the other crunchy and coated in chocolate.

There are long silences in the living room while my cousins work on a miniature puzzle replica of Van Gogh’s “Wheat Field with Cypresses.” My maternal grandfather, a retired surgeon, watches with hawk-like eyes, acutely judging my cousins’ level of precision as they struggle to correctly match near-identical pieces of sky and tree.

My mom (Jennifer), brother (Tyler), and mom’s fiancée (Bruce) have all flown in from LA. My mom loves sparkling wine, and she and Bruce have ensured that we have some of the very best; bottles of Veuve Cliquot, Tattinger, and Mumm are all flowing throughout the Christmas festivities.

Days are short here in Haddonfield. I find myself waking up close to noon and exhausted by 9:30 PM. I’m catching up on sleep from this semester of teaching (I typically wake up at 6:50 AM on weekdays). It’s not just that, though — I feel comforted and held with so much family around in my aunt and uncle’s cozy home. I feel safe and cared for. At home in New York City, I’m always hustling. Here, I can finally rest.

Here are two songs I like that came out in November.

1. “Not Sacred” - Momma. A heater of a deluxe track.

2. “Cruise Ship Designer” - Dry Cleaning. Kind of feels like a poem, kind of feels like a Flight of the Conchords style track. It’s strange and I like it.

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There have been many fun nights with friends and colleagues recently, with good food and drinks and conversation flowing. Sake and endless sashimi at Decibel with Rick, VR, and Jordan; there was a sweepstakes to win a bottle of sake that night and of course VR and Jordan, who were only in the city for one night visiting from Oregon, won the sweepstakes. New York City magic. Work events in the evenings with coworkers. How can we make the school even better? How can we show up as our best selves every day? Good questions and a plethora of answers. Friendsgiving with Sal, Matt, Dani, Kim. Thai takeout because no one had the bandwidth to cook, but that was fine by us. White wine for some and NA seltzer for others. Going around the table, we all say we’re thankful for each other. Then we curl up on the couch and watch The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, with Olive the cat padding underneath our feet.

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Two highly acclaimed films are out about kidnappings performed under pretenses which may or may not be false — Yorgos Lanthimos’ Bugonia and Jafar Panahi’s It Was Just an Accident. What does this say about an era where so many people have their own version of the “truth”? Can truth ever be objective? Should we trust our intuition, even when others might think we’re acting insane? These films both ask questions that speak to our distinct cultural moment. It’s a strange and interesting time to be alive — but when isn’t?

Here are five songs I like that came out this month.

1. “Ascend” - Kelly Lee Owens. She’s in her Basement era and I’m here for it.

2. A new track from ⣎⡇ꉺლ༽இ•̛)ྀ◞ ༎ຶ ༽ৣৢ؞ৢ؞ؖ ꉺლ. (When I try to copy and paste the title of the track here, it breaks my post. Too many symbols.) Suffice to say, Four Tet continues to put out incredible, hypnotic tracks under this inscrutable alias.

3. “The Coward Forgets His Nightmare” - Chanel Beads. A good band doing what they do best.

4. “What You Need” - Jay Som, Soft Glas. This is good brisk cool fall weather music.

5. “Pussy Palace” - Lily Allen. She really laid David Harbour out to dry.

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