The incoming Mr Burnham was dull beyond words at his first PMQ, Kemi making mince-meat of him over the crucial question of his tax-and-spend approach to Government debt. The Bond markets hated it, taking the cost of borrowing to the highest for 28 years, much exceeding even the Liz Truss shambolic Budget. There is a very real risk that unless he sharpens his pencil, the markets will collapse, Government borrowing will become impossible and a banking crisis will be the likely outcome.

I was in London for a couple of engagements staying at Armoury House, the historic home of the Honourable Artillery Company- the oldest regiment in the British Army by virtue of our 1537 Charter from Henry Vlll. We moved into our present building now hidden away behind the skyscrapers of the City, in 1641, 25 years before the Great Fire! The HAC has ceremonial duties (I was nearly blocked in by a Passing-Off Parade for the 150 year old Light Cavalry). Every Wednesday evening at 9PM a single shot rings out from an ancient musket to commemorate the role we played in the suppression of the Gordon Riots of 1780. But it is also an extremely serious fighting unit of the British Army, having lost three soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan. That is true continuity; 500 years of service.

I had the great privilege of being invited to dinner by one of the Judges just down the road in the Old Bailey. What a magnificent building, and what awe-inspiring courtrooms (18 all told) in one of which I was perched on an office stool to watch my very distinguished hostess preside at a (mock, but still deeply impressive) trial. The ‘Bailey’ traces its ancestry through Newgate Prison to Mediaeval justice in the City of London and quite possibly before that to Roman times – the Bailey being the area enclosed by the Roman Walls. Here was tried Dr Crippen, William Joyce (Lord Haw Haw), Ruth Ellis, (the last woman to be executed in Britain), the Great Train Robbery defendants, the Kray Twins and Rose West amongst a glittering panoply of murderers, terrorists and rapists.

The HAC and the Old Bailey epitomise long-standing, stable and true service to the Nation, from which the flibbety-gibbet Labour Party could learn a thing or two.

“Hello, James Gray. I am [ABC, a well-known executive editor at Macmillan, New York]. I recently came across your work and was genuinely captivated by it… I’d love to learn more about any projects you may be developing… I’m also curious whether you are represented by a literary agent. If you are, I would be happy to continue the conversation via them.”

This was a shot straight to the pumped-up ego. I’ve been slaving away more or less unnoticed for many years and published a few books, all pretty modest. Small things but mine own. At last, I’ve been spotted by a major publishing house. My name in lights. Here comes the big time. So I shot off some manuscripts, a résumé, a blurb.

They continued: “If you do not currently have an agent, I would be happy to introduce you to a trusted literary agent, and we can continue to develop our publishing relationship through her. Here are her details…”

Naturally, I emailed. “ABC at Macmillan suggested I should contract you about becoming my literary agent… here are some manuscripts and details about my background, etc. etc.”

Then came the reply: “I am currently closed to unsolicited submissions, but because you were referred by ABC at Macmillan, I’m glad to make an exception and take a look… it’s wonderful to hear about your background… 27 years in the House of Commons and ten books published with various houses is a remarkable foundation and sounds like you’re now sitting on some genuinely compelling material. Behind Closed Doors: An Insider’s Guide to the House of Commons sounds like it has good appeal…send me your manuscripts etc. and I’ll put together a representation agreement.”

Wow. What a charming, well-written personal letter. I’m really on to something here. All going very smoothly. Very professional agreement arrives, signed. Huzzah! I’ve got myself a highly thought-of literary agent with good connections with major publishing houses. My worth will at last be fully recognized.

“Well done. You write clearly and engagingly and it’s obvious from your letter why ABC from Macmillan is intrigued by the book. However, there are a few specific things you need to tighten up on before we can start submitting your book to publishers,” came the reply, accompanied by a list of ten very sensible improvements. I was to provide a clear, punchy, opening pitch; my track record; reviews, awards from previous books should be spelled out, not left to the résumé; audience/market framing needs sharpening, etc. All very sensible, and six or seven easily handled. But what about “correct formatting preferred by publishers?” This is beyond my limited expertise.

“You’re welcome to take another pass at it yourself or I’d be glad to introduce you to a specialist, [PQR, an editor]. She polishes query letters and submissions that have caught major publishers’ eyes.” (PQR is another New York-based expert editor.)

So comes the email from PQR. “Your book is genuinely compelling and I would be very excited to help edit it for publication… Behind Closed Doors is a genuinely compelling premise. Twenty-seven years inside parliament paired with a mission to correct the caricatures most readers carry about is exactly the sort of hook that publishers respond to. Below are two packages available for you: Plan A Emerald Package. Total Investment $1,250 or Plan B Diamond Package $1,750.” This comes with a two-page list of all the wonderful things she would do for my book and for me.

I’m truly sucked in now, and almost ready to hand over some money. But my political antennae twitched. There was something just not quite right about it all. The language sounded like AI – and besides, how have I gone from Macmillan, through a highly trusted literary agent, to someone seeking $1,750 to rewrite my publisher’s submission? A quick check (ironically enough, using AI) alerted me to what has recently become a widespread scam in the New York publishing market and is apparently now in its early stages in the UK.

Using only slightly tweaked lookalike emails, a well-known publisher contacts an aspiring author (there are a lot of us around) out of the blue. The email lards you with flattery about your literary genius. What wannabe author would not glory in praise from such lofty sources? That leads to an introduction to an equally convincing and charming literary agent, who (apparently reluctantly) agrees to a contract. A bit of work is needed, so here’s the specialist – who is the first to ask for money. Doubtless the first of many.

AI tells me that you get more and more sucked in after that. “A major publishing house loves your book and is keen to publish. Just need some marketing materials/some further editing/travel to New York to meet publishers, etc. etc. Please remit $10,000.” And then you hear no more from them.

A lingering suspicion stirs. Reluctantly, blearily coming to realize that I have been scammed

(thankfully before handing over any money from my meager MP’s pension.) That prompts a detailed look at the falsified email chain and the other very flattering tactics of these highly sophisticated and energetic scammers.

So authors: beware of fake publishers bearing gifts. Own up to your own egotistical readiness to be flattered. But know that publishers do not make unsolicited approaches, agents do not refer you to other paid editors or the like – and at no stage in the publishing process should money change hands, or at least not from author to publisher/agent.

They very nearly got me. So please don’t follow in my perhaps naive footsteps.

James Gray

James Gray is a former MP and author of ten books including The Arctic: What next? He shortly hopes to publish Behind Closed Doors: An Insider’s Guide to the House of Commons. Literary agents, and publishers alike (genuine preferred), please contact james@jamesgray.org

I was at a wonderful funeral locally on Thursday for an old farmer, Uncle John – 95 years on the land, with neither family nor anything else to divert him from his farming life. ‘The Farmers Toast’ and ‘They plough the fields and scatter’ summed up his life.

Let the wealthy and great
Roll in splendour and state,
I envy them not, I declare it.
I eat my own lamb,
My chickens and ham,
I shear my own sheep and I wear it.

The next evening we had to put down our old friend Krumm the Dachshund/Teckel after an unexpected stroke. Our whole house misses her dreadfully- especially the other dogs.

Yet on Sunday we were singing ‘They plough the fields ‘ again at the charming baptism service for my step-granddaughter, Dot, on her grandparents’ lovely farm in Lincolnshire. All sorts of young families running around. Like a little resurrection, or perhaps new growth and life from death.

I have lawns, I have bowers,
I have fruits, I have flowers,
The lark is my morning alarmer.

The Harvest is in, the grain stores full. Some farmers will soon start to plough and scatter for the spring crop. What is past is past. Let us just hope that little Dot has as long and happy a life as Uncle John – and that soon we may get a new puppy and the cycle of life will be renewed.

Here’s God speed the plough!
Long life and success to the farmer!

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Wouldn’t it be good to have a kind of personal total eclipse to wipe out all of one’s lifelong mistakes and bring a brand new dawn? Everyone makes mistakes in this complex world- and in 35 years in public life, I have probably made dozens. Mainly insignificant, I hope, but still worth squaring up to and apologising where I can.

I felt true contrition on …

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Peter Abelard (yes he of Heloise) wrote an ethical discussion in Twelfth Century France whose title was ‘Know Thyself’. Without labouring over its complex philosophy, it’s a worthwhile instruction. Know Thyself.

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ABOUT THE BOOK

There are powerful and disturbing changes happening in the Arctic. It is warming four times faster than anywhere else …

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The appalling and tragic murder of my good friend Ann Widdecombe must under no circumstances be used for political purposes. It was without doubt a political murder- no-one would have heard of her were it not for politics. But making cynical and callous use of it to justify increased security measures for MPs (what- 24/7 for 650 of them?) or …

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Precious few Ministers of the Crown resign from the government on a matter of principle these days. They’d much rather blame someone else or wriggle out of any residual conscientious stand on some matter. Do you remember Lord Carington, who resigned over the Falklands even although it was not really his fault?

John Healey and Al Carns came to realise tha…

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I take great pride and pleasure in being a ‘Younger Brother’ of Trinity House. In the unlikely event that they asked me to become an ’Elder Brother’ I would be reluctant- it’s good to stay ’younger.’ Trinity House is the guardian of our lighthouses, but also the epicentre of so much of Britain’s maritime life- pilotage, cadet training, seafarer welfare …

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The closure of the Strait of Hormuz by an aggressive Iran has been a table - top exercise at Sandhurst for decades. What a shame that draft dodger Trump didn’t go to Sandhurst. It would have done him a power of good.

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“If you hate Labour and want to get rid of Starmer, who you voted for only 2 years ago, then Vote Labour in the by-election.” Eh? “The Labour Government needs to cha…

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