Yesterday I launched an idea that has been on my heart for a while.

It’s a proven concept. Something women have been asking me about repeatedly over the last several months.

As a 40-year-old woman rebranding my life and business at 40. It’s such a valuable framework.

And something I can confidently say can have a major impact on a woman’s ability to stay focused and actually make progress on the things she keeps saying she wants.

Within seconds of the first post, women started saying YES.

This was no surprise.

The need was there.

It’s a solution to a problem so many women struggle with.

This morning when I went to my Instagram account, I saw so much positive feedback for the launch. Women asking me to send them the link.

I also had a message from a woman mocking me.

Actually, she took time out of her day to leave not one, but two comments.

It wasn’t anything that bad. I’ve received far more hateful things in the past.

But it was enough to make me stop for a second.

A little pit in my stomach before I bounced back.

If I wasn’t so confident in what I had created, it had the ability to make me second-guess myself.

Here’s the thing. I have tough skin. My bounce-back rate is very strong.

I also don’t take advice or criticism from someone whose life I don’t admire. And I certainly don’t admire anyone who takes time out of their day to leave negative comments on someone’s Instagram the day they launch something new. (Or any day for that matter.)

But THIS right there is why so many women don’t start.

Why they sit on the idea they’ve had for years.

Why they don’t make the change.

Or why, when they finally get the guts to start something, they stop because the fear of what people will think becomes louder than the thing they actually wanted to do.

You’ve probably heard me talk about my shower analogy. So many women have amazing, inspiring ideas in the shower every morning, and then they talk themselves out of them before they even dry off.

“No, that won’t work.”

“I can’t do that.”

“It’s not the right time.”

“I’m not being realistic.”

If you’re reading this and now thinking about all the times you’ve been guilty of this (sometimes without even realizing), I want you to do something.

Before you worry about what someone else thinks of you, I want you to stop and ask yourself:

What do I REALLY think of them?

And I think this is part of a much bigger problem for women.

There is SO much noise.

Women are exhausted.

We wake up already thinking about everything that needs to happen that day.

We spend our days reacting to what needs to be done.

And then we get to the end of the day having done SO MUCH and somehow still feel behind because the things that mattered most to US didn’t happen.

The workout. The idea. The business. The appointment.

The thing we’ve been saying they want to change for six months.

It’s not that women aren’t productive.

We’re incredibly productive. WE get sh*t done.

But we’re reacting. We’re managing. Life is so noisy that it becomes really easy to lose sight of what we’re really trying to create.

This is exactly why I started using ChatGPT differently.

I stopped using it as a place to ask random questions and created a system that helps reduce my mental load. I trained it to spot my blind spots. To see where I am making life harder than it needs to be. And to remind me what I am really trying to achieve.

you can find all the details here

The Chatgpt Setup Every Woman Needs

More importantly, it calls me out when what I am doing doesn’t match what I said I wanted.

(I’m the queen of saying I want more peace in my life, then adding on situations that will make my life way more complicated. Please tell me you do this too!)

Women don’t need more ChatGPT prompts or more things to put on our to-do list. We don’t need to add anything to our plate.

WE NEED TO BE REDUCING OUR MENTAL LOAD.

Whenever I told people how I was using ChatGPT in this way, the response was basically.

WHAT? I never thought to use it like that. Tell me everything…

So I spent hours figuring out how to turn what I’ve created for myself into something another woman could actually set up and use.

I created The ChatGPT Setup Every Woman Needs.

It’s a step-by-step setup that walks ChatGPT through your life, your goals, what you’re carrying, what you’re trying to change and where you tend to get stuck.

At the end, you have what I’m calling your Personal Operating System. (Probably the most off-putting and repelling way I could describe it, but I haven’t found another name yet.)

And then it will forever change the way your ChatGPT supports you.

In just 5 minutes a day, you’re going to save yourself hours and find yourself getting closer and closer to the life that you’ve been pinning on Pinterest.

The last thing women need is:

Another planner (even though I just grabbed a great one lol).

We don’t need someone to tell us to wake up earlier.

Or that we need to meditate and do red light therapy every morning before we give ourselves a lymphatic drainage face massage.

We definitely don’t need another list of things we should be doing.

And if you’re curious, that starts here:

and if you have any hate, go leave me a comment on Instagram so I can get some inspo for my next Substack post ;)

Yesterday, my Pilates instructor, who has also become a really good friend, and I were catching up after a week of no sessions.

Honestly, I think she gets me more than almost anyone.

I was away. She was away. And man, did my body and mind miss those workouts.

“How are you?” she asked.

Looking at me, I knew she already knew.

“I’m good,” I lied.

“No, HOW ARE YOU?”

So I told her the truth.

I felt a little stuck. A little discouraged. But I knew it was all going to be good.

I get this way every year around this time. There’s this pressure to enjoy the last days of summer while the unpredictability and lack of routine are simultaneously getting to me.

I’m craving routine. Quiet mornings. The part of the year when I’m not packing and unpacking every weekend.

(I know, first-world problems, but man, I just want to feel settled.)

I want the time and space to do my thing.

I want fall.

And then there’s this whole rebrand.

If you’ve watched me in this pivot and thought everything has been going smoothly, let me tell you, that’s not the truth at all.

It’s been a roller coaster, a mind f*ck and probably one of the most challenging experiences of my life.

The messy middle is a thing. It’s also worth it.

“You need to be sharing this process,” she said.

It’s something I’ve known for a while, but for some reason... I haven’t.

To be honest, I’m used to knowing exactly what I’m doing and how I’m doing it. But this time, it’s different.

Sharing how I’m really feeling while I’m still in it feels a bit too vulnerable.

But maybe that’s exactly why I should be sharing it.

So, here are some of the things I’m doing as I rebrand my life and business at 40.

1. Resisting the urge to go back to the version of me I already know how to be.

This one is probably the hardest.

I know how to be the stepmom expert. I know how to run that business. I know what content works. I know exactly how to crush it in that space.

And when a new post tanks or I start questioning whether this whole rebrand is actually going to work, there is definitely a part of me that wonders if I made a misake.

Because the old version of my is comfortable. It’s easy.

But I wanted this change for a reason. I don’t want to let discomfort convince me to go back to something I already decided I’d outgrown.

2. Editing before I add.

My closet. My calendar. My business. My house. My phone.

I think when we want a change, our instinct is to start adding shit.

New routine. New clothes. New strategy. New goals.

(Okay, I did get new shoes.)

But for the most part, I’m doing the opposite.

I’m getting really honest about what I already know I don’t want to bring with me first.

3. Putting actual limits on my screen time.

I’ve been using the Opal app because I can spend an embarrassing amount of time looking at other people’s content and convince myself it’s “research.”

It’s not.

I did this at the cottage a few weeks ago. I spent way too much time scrolling, looking at what everyone else was doing and ended up in such a rut I couldn’t get out of my own head.

I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to post. What I wanted this next chapter to look like. What was actually me.

Turns out consuming everyone else’s ideas, businesses, style and lives isn’t particularly helpful when you’re trying to figure out your own.

4. Looking at what I DIDN’T like about the life I created before.

There was a lot about my old life and business that I loved.

There was also burnout.

Like actual burnout. The kind where my body physically shut down and forced me to stop for a full month.

I don’t want to forget that part just because I’m excited about building something again.

I’m not interested in recreating the same life with a different podcast name and Instagram bio.

5. Making my morning routine significantly less impressive.

I used to have a hardcore morning routine. And honestly, it worked until it didn’t.

Eventually, it became one more thing I could fail at before 8 a.m.

So now?

Coffee. Pen to paper. A little reading (maybe). A very specific prompt into ChatGPT to help me figure out what actually matters that day.

That’s it.

6. Not trying to solve everything the second I feel uncomfortable.

This is VERY hard for me.

I love solving a problem. Preferably immediately.

My stepdaughter once told me it’s my superpower.

And maybe it is. But I’m realizing not every problem needs to be solved in the moment.

Nothing is an emergency, even when my brain is telling me it is.

So I’m getting better at NOT immediately sending the email, making the decision, changing the plan or trying to fix whatever is making me uncomfortable.

Sometimes I need to do absolutely nothing until I’m back to myself.

Turns out not every feeling requires an action item.

7. Actually feeling how I feel instead of analyzing the shit out of it.

My therapist used to tell me, “You’re really good at talking about how you feel. Now you need to actually feel it.”

Rude. But accurate.

I can explain why I’m disappointed. Analyze why I’m jealous. Understand why something scared me. Figure out where a feeling came from.

I can intellectualize the shit out of pretty much anything.

But that’s not the same as actually feeling it.

So I’m practicing letting myself be disappointed. Scared. Excited. Jealous. Uncomfortable. Unsure.

Without immediately trying to understand it, assess it, analyze it or solve it.

Just feel it.

Still working on this one.

8. Changing my mind. A lot.

When I first decided to rebrand my business a couple months ago, I wanted to figure out exactly what the new version was going to look like.

Then execute the plan.

Cute.

I’ve changed my mind several times since then.

About what I want to talk about.

How I want to work.

What I want the business to look like.

What I thought this next chapter was going to be.

As someone who really likes things to be perfect and figured out BEFORE I do them, this has been uncomfortable.

But I’m trying things. Seeing how they feel. Keeping what works. Changing what doesn’t.

Maybe I don’t figure out this next version of myself and then start living it.

Maybe living it is how I figure her out.

Feeling this too?
If you know something in your life needs to change but you can’t quite figure out what, start here →

Yesterday I woke up feeling motivated for the day. I had my coffee. Did my journaling. Read a little fiction (I am feeling personal development booked out these days - however, with my current state, maybe it would do me some good)

I had every intention of going downstairs to do a workout, but somewhere between talking to my daughter about how she was feeling about the first day of school and picking out a workout top, I talked myself out of it.

Instead, I hopped in the shower and decided to get ready for the day.

My to-do list was packed, including creating some content for Instagram. (Full disclosure: I have been really struggling with Instagram lately)

Despite putting on what should be a very reliable, tried-and-true outfit, I couldn’t get comfortable.

I went to Pinterest for inspo from my “my style board”. I searched “comfy outfit for a cold summer day". But nothing landed. I changed my clothes three times.

It didn’t matter what I put on; everything felt tight, constrained and not like what I wanted to wear.

Have you ever felt that feeling? Like everything you put on feels uncomfortable? Like all of a sudden you just hate everything? (and well… everyone?)

Suddenly I was in such a weird mood.

I went downstairs and sat at my computer. All the ideas that I had ready to act on that morning were gone. I was spinning my tires.

Literally the last thing I wanted to do (or could do) was work.

I had this instant wave of depression and anxiety flow over me. One that has been lingering, but I have been able to push down.

These days I know myself well enough to know that we don’t force things.

So I went upstairs and asked myself what the most comfortable thing I own is.
Then I remembered about Cozy Earth’s wide-leg bamboo sweatsuit (that could very well go for pyjamas).

No, this is not an ad for Cozy Earth, even though they sponsor the podcast. This was one of those moments when I realized how much more this brand means to me than bamboo sheets.

I instantly felt better. From there, I gave myself permission.

I was down in the dumps.
Overwhelmed.
Unfocused.
Frustrated.
Just blah!

From a nervous system perspective, I was in fight, flight or freeze.

With a huge to-do list. But not in a creative space where I could do anything.

So I didn’t.

(I’ve learned to do that since learning more about my Human Design. I’m a projector. We’re not meant to work the same way as everyone else. Things should not be forced. So I didn’t force it.

If you’re curious, I talked about Human Design in this episode of the Podcast.

With the exception of my one-on-one coaching call with one of my favourite business coaching clients (my second client, who told me she just had her highest cash month yet), I said screw it. I took the pressure off.

I decided to putter.

I finished laundry that had piled up from the cottage.
Cleaned the kitchen
Scrolled my phone looking at pillows for my stepdaughter’s old bedroom.
Made this delicious high-protein Buffalo Chicken Dip I saw on Instagram the other day
Planned a little podcast stuff
and then watched the last few episodes of Sterling Point.

In the meantime,

I went back and forth between wanting to go off the grid, say screw social media, and just be a stay-at-home mom.

I looked up jobs in Child Protection (that’s what I did before I had my daughter), momentarily forgetting that I could absolutely never ever work for another person ever again.

I questioned my entire online presence and my rebrand.

I scolded myself for not finishing my book proposal this summer (because rebranding the podcast and revamping my entire life while living on a rock was not enough)

I just wanted to share that with you.

Because THIS is what entrepreneurship looks like
It’s an emotional roller coaster.
Days where you’re on a high and days when you’re questioning every decision you’ve ever made.
Days when your bank account is overflowing and then days when you feel like an absolute loser.

Just in case you’re scrolling through your feed right now at all the boss babes who look like everything is all hearts and sparkles and five-figure months.

In fact, the other day I was on a Group Coaching call with a bunch of other coaches, and one of the women on the call got super vulnerable about what she was going through.

She was questioning herself and had very negative thoughts about her capabilities and her appearance. She was in tears.

I had literally just been on her feed thinking how cool and successful she is.

Instagram never tells the full story. Actually, it’s not Instagram; it’s us. We don’t tell the full story on Instagram.

Anyways, that’s all I have for now. It’s a new day.

I’m going to move my body and see where we go from there…

Jamie

PS. I also had a Häagen-Dazs (twice) and ate all that dip.

Maybe we can talk about the messy middle a bit more, okay?

Maybe nothing is technically “wrong”

You have a good life.

Maybe you have the husband. The kids. The house. The business. The career. The friends. The closet full of clothes.

Maybe a lot of what you have right now is exactly what you wanted five or ten years ago.

And you’re grateful for it.

But lately, something feels off.

You think: “My life is fine on paper, but I don't feel like myself anymore and I know something needs to change”

You suddenly hate everything in your closet.

Things you’ve tolerated for years are driving you fucking crazy.

You’re craving more time alone and then feeling guilty about how badly you want it.

You’re questioning friendships you’ve never questioned before.

You’re looking at jobs or business ideas even though you already have a job or business.

You want to make more money, but the thought of working more makes you want to scream.

You keep saying, “I don’t know what I want,” while simultaneously having a very long list of things you know you don’t want anymore.

And then comes the guilt.

I have a good life.

I should be grateful.

Who am I to want more?

Am I being selfish?

Why can’t I just be happy with what I have?

But here’s what I need you to know:

Being grateful for the life you have and wanting something different are not mutually exclusive.

You can love your life and still edit it.

You can appreciate what you have and still decide something doesn’t work for you anymore.

You can love the person you were when you made certain decisions and recognize that you’re not her anymore.

And wanting something to change doesn’t mean everything needs to change.

You don’t need to quit your job.

Sell your house.

End your marriage.

Cut off all your friends.

Completely reinvent yourself.

Maybe some big changes are coming. Maybe they’re not.

But I think we get it wrong when we think changing our life has to be some dramatic decision.

Most of the time, changing your life starts much smaller.

It starts by actually paying attention.

If you’re sitting here thinking, “Okay, this is me. Now what?” that’s what the rest of the article is for.

I’m walking you through the exact questions and exercises I’d use to figure out what you want more of, what you want less of, what you’re probably done with, and what might actually need to change.

Including:

The Before-I-Say-Yes questions
The “Of Course I Would” test
The NOT ANYMORE list
What your jealousy and irritation might be telling you
The two-week experiment
The MORE / LESS / NOT ANYMORE / CURIOUS exercise

The goal isn’t to blow up your life.

It’s to figure out what isn’t fitting anymore and start there.

Read more

Pivoting my business and podcast away from primarily coaching and speaking about stepmotherhood hasn’t just been about evolving my personal brand.

It’s about stepping into a new season personally as well.

Read more

Smarter. Cooler. Like she knew things I didn’t.

And then one day in Grade 10, she let me read her essay.

I still think about it now.

I’ve noticed that some women are trying to complicate things.

Sound smarter. Use bigger words. Industry jargon. Unnecessary words that they would literally never say in a normal conversation. At least no one else would.

Have you ever gotten an email from someone and it sounds so professional it’s almost bitchy?

Or someone tries to explain their business, and you’re like, I literally have no idea what you just said to me.

Or they’re telling you a simple sentence and swapped in a word that makes you be like WTF? Just speak like a normal person, please.

It always reminds me of our Grade 10 essays.

You remember the first five-paragraph essay that you had to write? I think ours was on Lord of the Flies. (Love that book.)

The day we were handing in our essays, one of my friends let me read hers. I remember reading it and thinking, “OMG she sounds so smart. How does she know all these words?”

Admittedly, I had no idea what she was saying in the essay. It made me wonder if we’d even read the same book.

But it sounded legit.

Turns out, she didn’t know the words either.

She had gone through the thesaurus and replaced a bunch of the words she would normally use with bigger, smarter-sounding ones.

And for a minute, it worked. At least on me.

Then she got the essay back.

Our teacher’s feedback was basically: write like you talk. Stop trying to sound smarter and just say what you mean. You don’t need to be using the thesaurus.

There were red circles around some of the words with “What does this mean?” written beside them.

I have thought about that ever since.

It’s probably why one of my biggest pet peeves is when I’m talking to someone or reading an email and they overcomplicate it.

Or when my husband tells me I’m being “ornery” and I’m like... just ask me what my problem is.

Just say it normally.

I was literally on a call with a bunch of entrepreneurs the other day, and after someone explained their business, I was like, I have no idea what she just said.

She’d been talking about struggling to land clients. And I remember thinking, if I don’t understand what you do, your potential clients probably don’t either.

I see this with my coaching clients all the time.

People trying to explain what they do using words their actual clients would never use.

Trying to describe what they want for their life with whatever buzzwords everyone is using right now.

The intention is good. They’re trying to sound more credible, more professional, more intelligent.

When really, it’s messing up the flow.

But I think there’s another part of this too.

In real life, what do you actually mean?

Sometimes we’re using these words and phrases and I’m not even sure we know what we mean by them.

“I want to live more authentically.”

“I want something different.”

“I want to feel like myself again.”

“I want more balance.”

“I want to be happier.”

“I think I need a change.”

“I want a better relationship.”

Give me examples. Walk me through your day. How do you want to feel? Paint me a picture here.

What do you want? What don’t you want? What doesn’t feel right?

You want a change. Okay, what kind of change?

What part of your life feels like it doesn’t fit anymore?

What are you doing because you actually want to do it, and what are you doing because you’ve just always done it that way?

You want to feel more like yourself. What does that version of you actually do differently?

You want a better relationship. Better how?

What do you want more of?

What are you sick of having the same conversation about?

What would actually be different between the two of you on a random Wednesday night?

Even “I don’t have the bandwidth.” (I say this one all the time. My husband hates it more than I hate when he calls me “ornery.”)

What do you actually mean?

You’re exhausted? You don’t have time? You don’t want to do it? It’s not a priority right now?

Okay, back to life coaches.

“I want to help women.”

Okay. Give me the example.

Give me the scenario.

What are they struggling with?

What is actually happening in their life that makes them need what you do?

What are they frustrated about?

What are they saying?

Tell me exactly what you do. i

I think sometimes we use the bigger word, the buzzword, the industry language because it sounds like it says everything.

But sometimes it actually says nothing.

And maybe that’s the bigger point here.

Say what you actually mean.

In your business.

In your relationships.

When you’re talking about what you want for your life.

When you’re trying to explain why something doesn’t feel right anymore.

Just say it.

No jargon. No thesaurus required.

You usually sound a lot smarter when you’re not trying so hard to sound smart.

“I’m not going to follow you for your business stuff. I follow you for the way you think... and I want the links to your shirts.”

When she said that, I had a bit of an aha moment.

That’s what this is about.

The business has always been one piece of it.

Now you’re just going to see the rest.

This season feels different.

I was sitting at the cottage the other day thinking about how strange this season feels.

Not in a bad way. Just... different.

Part of me wants to soak up every last minute of summer. Slow mornings. Coffee outside. Boat rides. Being present with my family. There is part of me that’s like “wait until things calm down in September to go all in”

But I have 47 ideas running through my head at all times.

Ideas I’ve had for years that suddenly feel like it’s time.

Because here’s what I know for sure. There are too many women waiting for things to calm down before they make the move they can’t stop thinking about. The problem is, life never slows down. It’s about creating a business and a life that flows when life is being… well, life.

Plus, delayed gratification has never really been my thing.

When I decide I want something, I want to fast-forward six months and see how it all turned out.

I go all in.

Which is probably why I’ve found myself physically burnt out more than a few times.

(I talk about the time my body literally shut down, and I spent 28 days on the couch here.)

This season doesn’t work like that.

It’s slower.

It’s messier.

It’s forcing me to enjoy building instead of rushing to the finish line, which is really hard for me.

Especially because the past version worked so well.

Sometimes I open the Notes app and find ideas I wrote three years ago and think, Damn... that was actually really good.

Then I delete it.

Not because it’s a bad idea.

This chapter deserves new ideas.

We don’t see enough of the middle.

While this pivot feels so right, there have definitely been times where I’ve thought,

“Okay... did I just make a huge mistake?”

But ultimately I know, It’s about tiny decisions that don’t seem important until you look back and realize they quietly changed everything.

That’s the part I’m in.

And instead of disappearing until I have the picture-perfect “after,” I’ve decided to share the behind-the-scenes.

(and we all know I really love when things are perfect)

Tiny decisions become your life.

I’ve spent years talking about how our lives are shaped by the small decisions we make every day.

• The conversations we avoid.

• The boundary we don’t set.

• The things we convince ourselves we don’t really want.

• The routines we keep because we’ve always done them.

• The clothes we keep wearing because they’re “fine.”

• The way we spend our mornings.

• Our money.

• Our energy.

• The way we let the stories we’ve been told about ourselves shape what we think we can accomplish.

None of those decisions feel life-changing. Until one day you look around and realize they’ve quietly become your life.

You can be grateful for your life and still want more

The other day I was looking at my old vision board.

I realized almost everything on it has happened.

Five years ago, I would’ve looked at this life and thought,

Holy shit.

And while I’m incredibly proud of what I’ve built...
And grateful for the life we have.

I also know I want so much more.

For a long time, I felt guilty admitting that.

I don’t anymore.
Being scared of being “too much” is what keeps so many women small.

Now I finally have the space to share what I’ve wanted to share all along.

Figuring out who I am outside of “KICK-ASS Stepmom” (but damn, that was a really good niche wasn’t it)

I want to be clear. This isn’t becoming a business account.

This isn’t me becoming a business account.

Yes, I love coaching women in business.

I’ve been doing it on the side for years, and I’m so jacked to finally go all in.

I love talking about messaging, offers, content and building a business and showing women how to become the obvious choice in their industry.

But that’s only one piece of what I care about.

This has never really just been about business. Or being a stepmom.

It’s about intentionally creating a life that feels like yours.

• In your marriage.

• In the way you dress.

• What you eat.

• What you tolerate.

• How you manage your home.

• Your routines.

• The way you spend your mornings.

• The way you spend your money.

The woman you’re becoming is created in those little decisions too.

That’s the conversation I want to have.

Because I don’t think most women wake up one day and realize they don’t love their lives.

I think they get there one tiny decision at a time.

Until one day you turn 40 and think...

Holy shit... is this my life?

I am not becoming an influencer.

I am going to be sharing more links.

More strategies.

More things that I’m loving.

(Like the Aritzia order I just placed while curating my wardrobe for the fall.)

But I’m not trying to become an influencer who happens to coach.

I’m building a business where my home, wardrobe, routines, travel and the things I’m loving are all part of intentionally creating the next version of me (and perhaps you too)

Come along with me.

So that’s what August is about.

Not reinventing myself.

Not blowing up my life.

Sharing the behind-the-scenes.

If you’re hanging around this month, you’ll probably find a little bit of everything.

What I’m wearing and buying as I slowly build a wardrobe that actually feels like me.

The podcast relaunch... and all the overthinking that comes with trying to name something that fits who I am now (send me your suggestions, k?)

The products that make me feel my best.

The ideas I’ve had for years that I’m finally tired of talking myself out of.

The conversations Darren and I are having.

The grief that comes with walking away from a version of your life that looked successful from the outside but just didn’t feel right.

Like, the financial freedom I had & the confidence that came with knowing exactly what I was doing.

Walking away from that has been harder than I expected.

Not because I don’t think I’ll build it again.

I totally will.

Just differently this time.

This isn’t going to be perfect.

I’m sure I’ll change my mind. I’ll probably overthink things.

I’ll definitely make mistakes.

And I’ll share all of it.

Because I think more women need to see what it actually looks like to intentionally create the next version of themselves.

And what it looks like to have the courage to say,

“You know what... that doesn’t feel right anymore.”

Welcome to August.

Jamie

P.S. If you ever want to chat, ask me a question, or have something you’d love me to write about, come hang out with us on the paid side. I’m launching a private chat over there. You can also submit questions for future posts, and I’ll answer as many as I can.

When what you’re known for, what you’re congratulated for, is no longer who you are. It’s a trip.

As someone who spent years building a successful coaching platform for stepmoms and recently announced a pivot, I can tell you this for certain.

Even yesterday, my cousin came over, and we were talking about my switch from solely focusing on stepmom life to sharing things beyond that. My husband, who is literally the most patient and supportive man, goes, “Yeah, she had built quite the annuity with her other business.”

He didn’t say it as a “well that was a dumb move.”

I think he was saying it to show his support.

But all I could hear was, “Yeah, Jamie, can you do it again?”

When we read about other women’s pivots online, it feels inspiring. Motivational. Aspirational. It looks like it’s as easy as making the decision, manifesting a new life, and it all falls into place.

When we’re on our power walks or having an everything shower, daydreaming about our future, it feels so in reach.

Then we find ourselves sitting down to work, overthinking, overanalyzing and looking at everyone else for the answers.

Admittedly, I thought it would be easier than it has been.

It’s actually a rollercoaster of emotions.

One thing that I see, and I’ve caught myself doing over the last few weeks, is looking at everyone else for the strategy.

Looking at other online coaches.

What are they doing?

What hooks work for them?

What strategy are they using to grow their Substack?

I have literally changed my Instagram bio like 40 times in the last month trying to get it just right.

Until I caught myself.

This is my latest version. Most coaches would probably tell me it’s shit. I like it.

Doing what everyone else is doing is the exact opposite of how I built my stepmom coaching business. It is the exact opposite of how I have built everything I have.

Seriously, as a stepmom and an entrepreneur, I literally did the fucking opposite of what I was told to do.

Any time over the last few years that I have tried to directly replicate someone else’s strategy, it has flopped.

(Facebook ads, specific funnels, lead magnets)

So why, in this new season, am I falling into that trap?

I think when you’re building something new, it’s easy to forget that the thing that got you here in the first place was trusting yourself.

That’s literally how I built my entire business.

Because now it’s public?

There’s more on the line?

(And when I say there’s more on the line, there really isn’t. It’s all in my head.)

Everyone Is Doing The Same Thing

My feed is flooded with business coaches sharing the “three types of content” you must share.

Everyone is doing this butter yellow font, and I’m sitting there being like, wait... now do I need to do butter yellow font when I truly hate the colour yellow? Actually, all colour in general?

Seriously, I spent like an hour on the colour wheel trying to find a colour similar to yellow that wasn’t yellow, but was similar to the vibe to be on trend. The crazy part is, if you know me, you know there really isn’t an ounce of colour in my world.

(Hmmm... what about a cream?)

Let’s bring it back.

Here’s what I know to be true.

1. The only strategy you really need is to show people you want to connect with that you get them. Like truly freakin’ get them.

The moment where they feel stuck, when they’re second-guessing themselves. When they are desperately looking for the solution to their problem.

They need to feel seen in that moment.

2. You need to show them that you can take them from A to B. From how they are feeling right now to how they want to feel.

3. You need to show them what makes you different, not the same as everyone else.

The other day I was scrolling through Instagram and saw like 55 people doing the same trend.

(Like everyone does not need to do the Netflix documentary skit. It is SO overdone.)

This is not the move.

Instead, ask yourself.

Why you?

Why your yoga studio?

Why your Pilates studio?

Why your consulting business?

Why your coaching framework?

What makes YOU different than everyone else?

Why are you the choice?

What can you give people that someone else can’t?

What makes people look at your content and be like, “Okay, I need to be involved with this”?

How are you instilling FOMO, in the best way?

And sure, there is strategy in here. Of course.

But when we’re wrapped up in labelling different types of content, the hooks you need to share, and the trends you need to follow, the content calendar you need to create, the flow gets kind of lost.

You can strategy yourself right out of success.

And then you’re left spinning your tires, doomscrolling, looking at other coaches online, feeling like you need to do it exactly how they do it.

Then all of a sudden you have one of those portable mics, doing the same yap video as 4,000 women, with butter yellow captions, and maybe you have more likes but no more money in your bank account.

I’ll tell you, that’s wrong.

I created my stepmom platform because I was not like any other stepmom coach out there.

(Full disclosure, I do have one of those mics and plan to use it more in the coming weeks)

If any of this is landing, I want you to ask yourself:

• What makes you different than anyone else in your industry?

• Why are you the obvious choice?

• What do you have to offer that no one else does?

• Is it the experience from your childhood that gives you grit?

• Is it the way you teach people to write their captions in a way that their clients feel really connected to?

• Is it that you are combining experience from different industries or your personal and professional life?

• How is your perspective different than anyone else’s?

Don’t overthink it.

Like, why are you the most aesthetically pleasing Pilates studio in town?

Maybe it’s because you’re giving your clients a killer workout and a great mirror selfie experience that ultimately leads to free marketing because everyone wants to post and tag you.

Because in trying to be like everyone else, using everyone else’s strategy or content pillars or content labels, you’re losing the plot.

You’re losing what makes you, YOU.

You’re diluting what makes you the obvious choice.

Because when you’re doing the exact same thing as everyone else, there is nothing obvious about choosing you at all.

Maybe this article is actually for me as much as it is for anyone reading it.

Because somewhere along the way, while trying to build this next chapter, I forgot that the thing that got me here wasn’t the perfect hook, the perfect bio, or butter yellow font.

It was trusting myself enough to do it differently.

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Want to work together?

If you’re growing a business, making a pivot, or trying to become the obvious choice in your industry, I also work with women privately.

We dig into messaging, strategy, offers, content, systems, and all the overthinking that gets in the way of building the business you’re actually trying to create.

→ Learn more about coaching

The women who look like they have it all together usually get there differently than other women think.

It’s not about being more productive or a hack that makes everything more organized.

Women who look like they have it all together have just stopped making so many little things harder than they really need to be.

They know what’s worth their energy and what’s not. They are very intentional about how they move through the world

Here’s a list of things they don’t have or don’t do.

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Some may surprise you. Others may trigger you. Either way, my hope is that this list gives you permission to start making tiny choices that will compound into a whole new feeling about your life.

1. Having “boundaries”

They don’t have “boundaries. They never use the word.

They just have a way they move through life.
They know that the best boundaries are set without using the word.

2. Asking everyone else what they think

They trust themselves enough to make the decision...
And figure it out afterwards.

3. Having a packed calendar

They stopped believing that being busy was a flex.

They have buffer days between social events and plan their life around when they know they need rest.

4. Pretending they don’t want more

More money.
Nicer clothes.
A stronger marriage.
A different career.
A healthier body.
A slower life.

They stopped acting like wanting more made them ungrateful. They want more for their life, and they aren’t afraid to say it out loud.

5. Avoiding fights with their husbands

They fight. Not in a toxic way. But they don’t let things linger and aren’t afraid to say their piece.

They’d rather have an uncomfortable conversation today than a resentful marriage five years from now.

6. Saying, “I don’t care”

When they absolutely do.

7. Being the one everyone relies on

They delegate.

Just because they can do it...
Doesn’t mean they should.

Their worth isn’t wrapped up in what they do for others. Yes, if it works, they will absolutely be there. But their own priorities are actually a priority.

8. Keeping every friendship

They stopped believing every friendship was meant to last forever.

Some people were part of one season, and that’s okay.

9. Having FOMO

The only thing they’re afraid of missing is eight hours of sleep and their morning coffee.

10. Having a closet full of clothes

They don’t keep the jeans from five years ago “just in case.”

It clutters their closet, makes it harder to get dressed and creates unnecessary chaos before they even start their day.

They’ve stopped getting dressed for the woman they used to be.

11. Feeling bad about eating the bun

Because sausage on a bun is delicious.

12. Leaving the house without pulling themselves together

They know that some tinted moisturizer and brow gel can change the energy they bring into the rest of the day.

13. Rewriting the text before they send it

Taking out the exclamation mark. Adding the emoji.
Softening what they actually wanted to say.

They’ve learned that not every message needs to sound “nice.”

14. Being surprised when people show up the way they always have

At some point, you have to stop expecting different behaviour from someone who has shown you exactly who they are.

15. Waiting for September to start

They’re enjoying summer.

They’re also planning what’s next.

The Notes app is full.

The coaching call is booked.

ChatGPT already knows the plan.

16. Spending two days cooking before people come over

They know no one really cares if they made the cream cheese dip.

They’d rather order the food and actually enjoy the people they invited.

The gathering is about connecting, not putting on a show.

17. Feeling guilty for reading a book in the middle of the day

Sometimes the most productive thing they can do is give their mind a break.

18. Buying cheap sh*t they’ll replace in six months

They’d rather buy one thing they love than five things they don’t.

Those Amazon shirts look really great until they go through the wash.

19. Looking at the price before deciding if they actually want it

They ask themselves if they want it first and then go from there.

Not because they’re reckless with their money, because they let themselves want nice things.

They may not buy it today, but it’s going on the vision board as something they’re working toward.

20. Thinking old sweatpants are “good enough”

Think about it. You spend hundreds on a dress they’ll wear twice a year and then wear stretched-out sweatpants five days a week.

Women who look like they have it all together don’t do that.

They spend more time in loungewear than almost anything else in their closet. Why wouldn’t they invest in it?

Being in sweats doesn’t need to feel sloppy.

21. Thinking doing everything themselves saves money

They stopped asking:

“Can I do this myself?”

And started asking:

“Should I?”

Sometimes it’s meal prep.

Sometimes it’s a house cleaner.

Sometimes it’s grocery delivery.

Sometimes investing in getting your time back makes you money.

(Let me know if you want more on this one because I am SO passionate about this topic)

22. Buying coffee every day

They’d rather spend that money somewhere that actually moves the needle.

Do the math.

That daily coffee run adds up.

23. Waiting until life calms down to start

Because they know life never calms down.

There’s always a reason to wait.

24. Keeping things just because they spent money on them

Sometimes letting it go is cheaper.

A cluttered house is a cluttered mind.

25. Thinking every text needs an immediate response

Unread notifications are actually a flex. Right now I have 70.

26. Worrying about being judged by someone they don’t even really like

At some point, you have to ask yourself why their opinion gets that much power. Before you worry about what they think about you, ask yourself what you think about them.

The women who look like they have it all together don’t do everything perfectly. But they do it intentionally.

I used to be a big Rachel Hollis fan. She’s the author of Girl, Wash Your Face. I bet you’ve read it too.

One of the strategies she shared was writing your goals in the present tense in your journal every day.

Rachel Hollis told me to do it, so I did it.

Every day, I wrote my intentions in the present tense. About five or six of them.

One of them was:

I make $10K a month.

I did this for years, long before I made $10K.

That was the number I saw as success.

That was the goal. Initially, the biggest goal.

For years, I wrote it and nothing happened.

Eventually, it did.

And I moved the number up to $20K and $30K+ months too.

But when I look back, it wasn’t one funnel, one launch, or one perfect strategy that changed the business.

It was a bunch of decisions that changed how I worked, what I tolerated, and what I believed was possible.

Some of them looked like business decisions.

Some of them looked like firing a client, watching more TV, and finally paying the coach I had muted because her success was triggering me.

These are the eight decisions that changed my business more than any strategy did.

Proof that the shift you need probably won’t come from a new funnel.

Read more

It started shortly after my daughter was born.

I went from zero to four kids in a very short period of time, becoming a stepmom of three at 26 and then having an “ours baby” the following year.

I was home with my baby. I was managing all the kids, but I was craving an outlet.

So I started a blog.

My posts would get four or five likes. I’d share what I was going through as a stepmom and a young mom. It was cathartic. I truly never thought anyone would read it. I just needed to get it out.

The more I talked about being a stepmom, the more traction I got. All of a sudden I was getting messages from stepmoms from all over the world thanking me for saying the things they couldn’t say.

It became very apparent that while real talk for moms was rampant online, stepmoms didn’t have the same support.

So I created it.

After months of spending hours talking to stepmoms online, I decided to run a live program.

The KICK-ASS Stepmom Project.

Six women. Six weeks. Wednesday night calls. Sharing the strategies that had helped me transform my stepmom experience.

I made my first $1,000 and felt like I had freakin’ made it. I was ready to really do this. But I had no idea how.

Knowing absolutely nothing about running an online platform, I decided to invest in a program called B-School, by Marie Forleo. She’s the OG in online courses.

Back then, I believe the course was $1,000.

Having already spent the $1,000 I made from the program, because man, did it feel good to have my own money, I put the course on my credit card and decided to figure it out later.

I knew this investment was going to teach me what I needed to do to really go all in.

$1,000 I didn’t have.

$1,000 I didn’t tell my husband about because I wanted to do it on my own. He was already drowning in legal bills and child support payments.

$1,000 on the MBNA credit card, vowing to figure it out.

Over the last eight-plus years, I’ve built a coaching business that has generated close to $1.5 million in revenue, created digital programs that have supported thousands of women worldwide, built a top-charting podcast with nearly two million downloads and partnered with brands like LMNT, Ritual, Cozy Earth and Lululemon.

(I’ll put this receipt here for the lovely lady who left a negative podcast review insinuating that my “success” was fabricated.)

And before we go into the “seven-figure reference” stigma, let me clarify what I am referring to.

This is a screenshot from Kajabi, the platform I use to run my coaching. This is not brand deals, or other sponsorships, or contract work. Just coaching.

This is the revenue.
Before expenses.
A seven-figure business does not mean you take home a million dollars

Anyways…

I’ve also launched things that flopped, wasted time on things that didn’t matter and learned a lot about what actually moves a business forward.

And I know that if I had done some things differently, I could have had even more success.

But I did this myself. Through Google, trial and error and regular 5 am work sessions.

While being able to pick my daughter up from school every day, take countless vacations with my family and support my husband as he accelerated his career. That feels really good.

But if I could go back, there are so many things I would do differently.

A lot of what went into running my business was successful.

Some of it also made the business so complicated that it burnt me out and created unnecessary expenses.

If I had to build it again, I would do almost everything differently.

I would keep it lean.

Build one strong offer.

Create recurring revenue.

Hire less.

Sell more.

Track profit.

And stop adding things just because it felt like that was what you were supposed to do.

These are the same things I now look at when I work privately with women on their businesses.

Here’s what I would not do again, and exactly what I would do instead.

Read more

Being “low maintenance” has almost become a flex for women.

I’m easy.
It doesn’t matter to me.
I’m happy with whatever.
All good

And don’t get me wrong, there’s absolutely something to be said for being chill.

But I think it’s deeper than that.

We were on a weekend away with some family at our chalet in Collingwood.

A very kid-heavy weekend. A fun one. But also, one where the adults were craving some adult time.

So, we decided to leave the older kids in charge and head to a local brew pub for a cocktail before going home for dinner.

A few hours of adult conversation without anyone saying, “Mom, Mom, Mom,” or hearing screams from a game of hide-and-seek in the basement.

We walked in and asked for a table for six.

The hostess sat us right beside the serving station and the front door.

Not really the vibe I had in mind. It was arguably the worst table in the restaurant.

I mentioned asking for another table, and one of the other moms immediately said,

“No, no, no. This is fine. Don’t ask. This is fine.”

But for me, it wasn’t fine.

I politely asked anyway.

There was a really great table inside.

It had more ambiance. It was quieter. And we didn’t have the serving station, dirty dishes, and stacked highchairs two feet away from us.

She moved us over. No problem at all.

“See, this is so much better,” I said, feeling quite proud of myself.

Everyone agreed.

Except one. “It really wasn’t that big of a deal.”

We sat down, the men on one side and the women on the other.

Somehow, the conversation turned to scenarios where we ask for what we want in life.

I asked,

“If your hotel room wasn’t the one you booked, would you ask to switch?”

“No, never. It’s not that big of a deal”

”You’ve never asked for a different table?”

”Never”

As someone who will...

• ask for a better table

• ask for the upgrade

• ask for the room with the view

• send my husband’s associate links to the Christmas present that I really want

... this blew my mind.

The “you get what you get and you don’t get upset” saying came up in conversation.

I was like, “This isn’t about giving a kid a popsicle flavour; this is about curating your experiences”

I got the sense that asking for what I wanted came across as demanding. Almost embarrassing.

But to me, it isn’t about being demanding.

It’s about having the courage to ask.

It’s about intentionally curating your experience instead of automatically settling for whatever you’re given.

So many women pride themselves on being easy-going, low-maintenance, and going with the flow. But this isn’t really about being low maintenance,

It’s about the tiny ways that women accidentally teach themselves, and the people around them, that their needs, wants and preferences don’t matter.

So much that many women get to the point where they feel so stuck that they don’t even know what their needs, wants and preferences even are.

Every time you say “it’s fine” or don’t ask for what you want, it reinforces a belief.
It shapes your identity. It also shapes other people’s expectations.

Have you ever stopped and asked yourself:

What are my everyday behaviours teaching me about myself?

And...

What expectations are they quietly creating in my relationships?

The Small Decisions That Quietly Shape Your Life

Tell me, do any of these scenarios sound like you?

You always order the cheaper option.

What it quietly teaches you:
I shouldn’t spend money on myself. Wanting more is excessive.

What it quietly teaches other people:
She doesn’t need much.

The consequence:
Years later, you feel unseen, disappointed, and resentful. Or worse, you don’t even know what you want anymore. You stop expecting yourself to have the nicer things. The life you actually want slowly starts feeling “too much.”

You buy the practical bag instead of the one you want.

What it quietly teaches you:
My wants come after being sensible.

The consequence:
You get really good at talking yourself out of the things you actually want. You begin judging and resenting the women carrying the bag you’d secretly love to own.

You skip your hair appointments, nails, skincare, or buying clothes you really love.

What it quietly teaches you:
I’m not worth investing in right now. It’s too much.

The consequence:
You stop feeling like yourself. You don’t walk into rooms with the same confidence because you’ve stopped showing yourself that you’re worth caring for. This isn’t about vanity. It’s about self-worth.

You never ask for help.

What it quietly teaches you:
I should be able to do it all.

What it quietly teaches other people:
She’ll handle it. She doesn’t need me. She’ll just say, “I got it.”

The consequence:
You become the default person for everything, then wonder why nobody offers to help.

You always say, “It’s fine.”

What it quietly teaches you:
My disappointment isn’t worth talking about. It’s not a big deal.

What it quietly teaches other people:
Everything’s okay.

The consequence:
The gap between what you actually want and what you settle for gets wider every year.

You never say what you actually want.

What it quietly teaches you:
My needs are an inconvenience.

What it quietly teaches other people:
She’ll go along with whatever everyone else wants.

The consequence:
You become known as “easygoing” while secretly feeling overlooked.

You reply to every text immediately.

What it quietly teaches you:
Everyone else’s time matters more than mine.

What it quietly teaches other people:
She’s always available.

The consequence:
People begin expecting immediate access to you because you’ve never shown them otherwise.

You always work around everyone else’s schedule.

What it quietly teaches you:
My time is flexible. Theirs isn’t.

What it quietly teaches other people:
She’ll make it work.

The consequence:
Your life slowly becomes organized around everyone else’s priorities instead of your own.

In my article “I Think Most Women Are Accidentally Living Their Lives,” I shared this story. I am going to share it again here because I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately.

When I was in university, I had this boyfriend. When we first started dating, we were walking through the food court of the mall and we walked past this pasta bar that I used to love.

Ms. Vanelli’s. (Anyone remember Ms. Vanellis?)

I looked at him and said, “If you ever want to take me out, we don’t have to go anywhere fancy. I’m totally happy with Ms. Vanelli’s. I love that place.”

It seemed like an innocent comment.

But it wasn’t. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately.

At the time, I thought I was being easygoing.

Looking back, I don’t think I was being easygoing at all.

I think I had already learned that wanting less somehow made me more lovable.

That if I didn’t ask for much, I wouldn’t be too much.

I wonder how many of us are still doing that.

Not just with money, but with our dreams, our relationships, our businesses, and the way we move through the world.

How often do we tell ourselves, It’s fine. I don’t need much. I don’t want that. When deep down it looks pretty sweet.

Not asking also prevents us from being disappointed.

Here are a few questions to consider

• Where did women learn that wanting less made them easier to love?

• When did having preferences become the same thing as being “high maintenance”?

• How many times do we say “I don’t care” when we actually do?

• What’s the difference between being genuinely easygoing and habitually minimizing yourself?

• How often do we negotiate against ourselves before anyone else even asks us to?

We don’t always wait for someone else to tell us no.

Sometimes we’ve already told ourselves no.

We just decided it wasn’t that big of a deal.

Little by little, we practiced wanting less.

And when you do that enough times, it starts to become who you are.

Looking at the menu and immediately scanning for the cheaper option before asking yourself what you actually want.

Starting to type what you actually want in a text, then deleting it and replacing it with, “Whatever works for you.”

I have a feeling there will be women reading this thinking,

“Shit. This is me.”

Not because of one big thing. Because of dozens of little ones.

And the good news?

The same way we accidentally create a life that doesn’t quite feel like ours...

...is the same way we start creating one that does.

None of this changes because you suddenly become more confident.

It changes because you start making different decisions in everyday moments

If you read this and thought, sh*t, that’s me, keep reading. I’m going to tell you exactly what to do next.

Read more

I don’t think most women wake up one morning and decide they’re going to build a life that doesn’t feel like theirs.

I think it happens slowly.

So slowly that you barely notice it.

I believe most women aren’t intentionally creating their lives.

They’re accidentally living them.
They accidentally stay in jobs they’ve outgrown.
They accidentally become the default parent.
They accidentally build businesses they secretly resent.
They accidentally stop buying clothes they love.
They accidentally organize their schedules around everyone else.
They accidentally make themselves smaller.
They accidentally stop asking for more.

It isn’t one big decision. It’s thousands of tiny ones.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Not because I have all the answers, but because I’m in a season where I’m intentionally rebuilding parts of my own life and business.

The other morning, I was driving to Pilates, feeling pressure to go all in on this next chapter, balls to the walls. I could feel my chest tightening and stomahc turning in the way it does when the perfectionist overachiever in me is activated.

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Then I stopped myself. I said “not this time”. Because I want need to be intentional about curating what this new season looks like, instead of jumping in and then figuring it out later.

Because I get to decide, on purpose, what I want this next chapter to look like.

How do I actually want to spend my mornings?
What kind of work do I want to be doing?
How many women do I have the capacity to support?
What do I want to prioritize?
What kind of home do I want to create? What vibe, what style?
What kind of woman am I becoming in my forties? (I want this to be the healthiest, hottest, most abundant decade yet… more on that later)

I know some people read posts like this and think, “Must be nice”, or “what about the responsibilities in life?” That’s true. I’m also thinking about how I am going to make money as I rebuild this business.

Money Matters

The money matters. I want to make great money.

I love nice hotels, beautiful spaces, good food, and buying clothes that make me feel like myself.

I also like having my own money. Not having disposable income of my own makes me feel powerless in a way I don’t like. I don’t want to have to ask for anyone’s permission (real or perceived)

But underneath all of that is a bigger question.

Am I intentionally creating my life, or am I accidentally living it?

The more I think about it, the more I believe most women are accidentally living their lives.

Not because they’re lazy or don’t have dreams. But because somewhere along the way we stopped making decisions based on what we actually want and started making them based on what felt expected.

Tell me if this lands for you:

• You keep saying yes because you’re worried about disappointing someone.

• You keep wearing clothes that don’t really feel like you anymore because buying new ones feels frivolous.

• You stay in the friendship because you’ve known each other forever.

• You don’t say what you really want because you’re afraid it will come across as “too much?”

None of those decisions seem particularly important on their own. But our lives aren’t built on one big decision. It’s the thousands of small ones.

The Simple Conversation That Makes Me Cringe

When I was in university, I had this boyfriend. When we first started dating, we were walking through the food court of the mall and we walked past this pasta bar that I used to love.

Ms. Vanelli’s. (Anyone remember Ms. Vanellis?)

I looked at him and said, “If you ever want to take me out, we don’t have to go anywhere fancy. I’m totally happy with Ms. Vanelli’s. I love that place.”

It seemed like an innocent comment.

But it wasn’t. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately.

At the time, I thought I was being easygoing.

Looking back, I don’t think I was being easygoing at all.

I think I had already learned that wanting less somehow made me more lovable.

That if I didn’t ask for much, I wouldn’t be too much.

I wonder how many of us are still doing that.

Not just with money, but with our dreams, our relationships, our businesses, and the way we move through the world.

How often do we tell ourselves, It’s fine. I don’t need much. I don’t want that. When deep down it looks pretty sweet.

The Dangers Of Complacency

Years ago, I was at a conference with my husband, and the keynote speaker spoke about complacency. And the danger of complacency in life.

I’ve never forgotten it. My husband and I talk about that conversation often.

Not because I think we should always be chasing the next thing.

Because I think it’s entirely possible to be deeply grateful for your life and still want more from it.

But you can’t strive for more if you don’t get incredibly honest with yourself about what you actually want.

Seriously, what do you ACTUALLY want?

What’s Next

As I am curating this next era in my life, I am so excited to broaden the topics I can write about. After years of being boxed into stepmom content, there is so much I want to dive into.

Relationships, money, style, health, travel, boundaries, and all the things that make up a full life.

But underneath every conversation is the same question:

Are you intentionally creating your life, or are you accidentally living it?

I’m asking myself that question every day right now.

Maybe you’ll start asking yourself too…

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It feels like I’ve been talking at nauseam about the pivot that’s been brewing in me for the last year and a half or so.

If you missed it, I’m pivoting and branching my content out into personal growth, supporting women in building businesses and, well... just being more intentional about the life they’re living.

I’m doing that because I know there are so many women feeling similar things.

Women who say any (or all) of these things in a day.

“I have so much on my to do list that at the end of the day I feel like I’m just in survival mode.”

“I know something needs to change. I’m just not sure where to start.”

“I’m exhausted and feel like I’m getting pulled in so many directions.”

“I know what I want, but I keep getting off track.”

“I’ve had the same goals for who knows how long, but I’ve never been able to make them happen.”

“I have the same idea every time I’m in the shower or out on a power walk, but I never seem to have the guts to follow through.”

Maybe it’s waking up every morning feeling like you’re being pulled in ten different directions.

Maybe you’re straddling the identity of who you were and who you want to become.

Or maybe you’re just trying to stay focused long enough to actually get where you want to go.

What Women REALLY Need

Lately, I’ve realized something.

Most women don’t need another productivity hack, planner or another morning routine.

They’re overwhelmed because they’re carrying around a thousand thoughts, ideas, goals, worries and decisions with nowhere for them to actually go.

That’s where AI completely changed things for me.

Not because it gave me answers. Because it helped me organize the thoughts in my head.

Most people use AI like a search engine.

They ask it a question. They get an answer. Move on.

Even now, when I’m on coaching calls and recommend ChatGPT for strategy, brainstorming or even talking something through, I still get that look.

The one that says...

“Really?”

It’s made me realize that so many people are missing out on a tool that can genuinely help you create a life that feels more focused and more aligned.

During this transition from being known as a stepmom coach to supporting women in business, personal growth and building lives they actually want to wake up to, ChatGPT has become one of the biggest tools I’ve leaned on.

Not because it’s writing my content or coming up with my ideas. It’s become the place where I go to think.

When I’m feeling scattered.
When I don’t know what decision to make.
When I have six ideas and can’t figure out which one deserves my attention.
When I need someone to challenge my thinking.

I open up my New Era Project inside ChatGPT and dump out everything that’s in my head.

Sometimes it’s messy.

Sometimes it makes no sense. Usually full of spelling errors.

Sometimes it’s ten different ideas that have absolutely nothing to do with each other.

But it gets it out.

And somewhere throughout those conversations, something unexpected happened.

I accidentally built something that completely changed the way I apporach life, business and my mental load.

My Personal Operating System.

Now, before you roll your eyes because it sounds way more technical than it actually is...

Stay with me.

Your Personal Operating System is simply one place where ChatGPT learns how you think, what you’re building, what matters to you and how to help you stay on track when life inevitably pulls you away from it.

It’s the place where ChatGPT learns how to coach you.

Instead of opening a brand new chat every time and explaining my goals over and over again, I created one place where it could understand how I think, what I’m trying to build and how I actually want to be supported.

That’s the difference.

I stopped asking random questions. And started giving AI context.

Looking back, I don’t actually think ChatGPT got dramatically better. I just got better at using it. All of a sudden it stopped feeling like a search engine and statted feeling like the smartest sounding board I had ever had.

ChatGPT has become

My coach.

My journal.

My brainstorming partner.

The place I organize my thoughts before difficult conversations.

The place I pressure test business ideas.

The place that reminds me of my own goals when I’m drifting away from them.

It gave me somewhere to unload everything that was taking up space in my head.

And ironically...

It’s probably one of the biggest reasons I finally had the confidence to make this pivot.

It didn’t tell me what to do. It helped me hear myself more clearly.

That, more than anything, is why I wanted to share this with you.

Not because I think everyone needs to become an AI expert.

But because I think more women deserve a place where they can slow down, think clearly and stop carrying everything around in their own heads.

So... how do you create one?

It’s actually much simpler than it sounds.

All you’re going to do is answer a series of questions inside ChatGPT.

That’s it.

I use ChatGPT for mine. Lots of people also use Claude. I personally use both, but ChatGPT is where my Personal Operating System lives.

Copy the questions below into a new chat. Answer them honestly.

Don’t overthink it.
Don’t worry about sounding smart.
The more honest you are, the better it works.
(Typos don’t matter. Let it rip)

Once you’ve answered everything, save that conversation as a Project (if you have access to Projects) or simply save it as its own chat and keep coming back to it.

That becomes the place you go whenever you’re planning your week, feeling overwhelmed, making a decision or trying to figure out why something feels off.

It becomes your home base.

I don’t start over every time anymore.

I go back to the same conversation.

Because that’s where ChatGPT already knows me.

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Some of the ways I use Personal Operating System now

• I check in with my schedule when I’m feeling overwhelmed.

• I brain dump everything that’s in my head and ask it to help me prioritize.

• I talk through business ideas before acting on them.

• I ask if a new opportunity actually fits where I’m trying to go.

• I organize my thoughts before difficult conversations.

• I ask it to tell me when I’m making decisions from fear instead of intention.

• I ask it to challenge me if it thinks I’m drifting away from my long term goals.

• When I feel off but can’t figure out why, I start talking instead of sitting in it.

• I use it to plan my day.

• I use it to prioritize what matters.

• I use it to work through decisions.

• I use it to get myself back on track when I know I’m drifting.

The biggest shift wasn’t that AI suddenly became smarter.

It was that I finally stopped treating every conversation like it was the first one we’d ever had.

A few prompts that have completely changed the way I use ChatGPT

Once you’ve created your Personal Operating System, these prompts become incredibly powerful because ChatGPT already has context.

Instead of generic answers, the responses become personalized to you.

These are a few of my favourites.

“Based on what you know about me and my goals, I want you to challenge me, inspire me, ask me clarifying questions and help keep me aligned.”

“I don’t just want answers. I want you to notice patterns, question my thinking when needed and tell me when something doesn’t seem aligned with the person I’m trying to become.”

“If you think I’m making a decision that doesn’t fit my long term vision, tell me. If I’m self sabotaging, avoiding something important or getting distracted by something that isn’t aligned, call me out respectfully and explain why.”

One of my favourites is:

“Help me build a business that supports the life I want, not a life that serves the business.”

That one has probably saved me from chasing a lot of shiny objects.

The goal isn’t to have ChatGPT make your decisions for you.

The goal is to have something that consistently brings you back to yourself.

Now for the questions.

Answer them, then finish by saying:

“This is going to act as my Personal Operating System. Please ask me any clarifying questions you need in order to help me meet my goals.”

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Wow… this week has been one evolution after another.

Earlier this week, I shared that I was evolving my business to include business coaching and that I was going to branch out, diving into more business coaching and more personal development-type content on my page.

You can read the post here, but basically, I was saying that I was ready to evolve beyond just being seen as a stepmom coach and podcast host.

On Monday night, I messaged MY coach with the update.

I told her I needed a call stat.
We hopped on Zoom the following evening.

She lives in Australia, so the time difference is kind a thing for us.

It takes a lot for me to make a call after 3:00 p.m. Honestly, any other coach, I’d say, “Sorry, you’re not for me. But she’s worth delaying my bedtime routine.

I started this week saying I was not doing a full pivot, but an expansion.

That was until she challenged me a bit more.

She called me out. Hard.

The truth?

I was still holding onto the identity of a stepmom coach because it has been such a pivotal part of my success.

I’ve built a successful coaching business. I had a membership and online community with women from 30+ countries around the world. I’ve supported thousands of stepmoms. I’ve spent over a decade talking about the complications of stepfamily life.

I’ve been holding onto the identity of a stepmom coach because it’s worked. I’m not saying this has been about money, but the coaching alone has made more than 1.5 million dollars and I’ve grown my business every year since I started. (That’s not something most people walk away from.)

Being a stepmom has been such a huge part of my story. But I’ve outgrown that identity. It’s time for what’s next.

Back to our call. We’ve been working together and have become good friends over the last year and a half. We met IRL in Toronto earlier this year. If we lived near eachother, we’d be the best of friends. Our husband’s too.

The best part? We’re brutally straight with each other.

Halfway through our call, I said, “Just give it to me. Tell me what you really think.”

She basically said to me, “You’ve been straddling your old identity and what you want your new identity to be since I can remember. It’s time to move the f*ck on.”

Actually, I think her delivery was a bit more colourful than that. As good friends do.

Finally, it landed.

“Yeah, you’re right,” I responded.

The way she said it was exactly what I needed to hear.

So, we wiped my Instagram bio of the word stepmom, got clear on what the next steps are, and made a plan for this next chapter.

After almost two years of indecision, I was done.

This is proof that sometimes the biggest breakthroughs come from one conversation. Often with someone who’s willing to tell you what you can’t see yourself.

Sometimes you’re too close to your own business (or life) to see what’s actually keeping you stuck.

DEEP DOWN I KNEW.

The truth is, the thought of sharing another Instagram reel with a stepmom hook makes me cringe. I’ve had some really good ones lately too. But I’ve literally gotten to the point where I am giving MYSELF the ick.

Not because the content is ick, but because it no longer represents who I want to be.

(My coaching client, who happens to be a stepmom coach, reaped the benefits of this ICK yesterday when I gave her all the content ideas that had been floating around in my head.)

THE QUESTION THAT SHOOK ME.

On our call, my coach asked me a question that finally made me stop straddling and actually make a move.

She said, “In 5 years, what do you want to be known for?”

I’ll save the details, but the answer did not include being a stepmom coach.

I TRIED THIS BEFORE AND FAILED.

This is not the first time I have tired to pivot. I did it before and it was an epic fail.

I’ve been running this business for a while. More seriously, in the last few years, I was doing all the things.

Coaching, membership, podcast, blog.

On paper, things were good. But in the fall of 2024, I burned myself out. I was feeling the same misalignment I’m describing here.

I tried to push through, but my body had other plans. When you don’t listen to your body, your body MAKES you listen.

In December, I pulled my back by just trying to put my hair in a ponytail. I was bedridden for a week. Sitting in the car had me in tears.

In January 2025, I spent 28 days on the couch sicker than I’d ever been in my life. Pneumonia, a crazy eye infection, zero energy, and violent sickness, like I had never experienced in my life.

One day my stepson came home and saw me on the couch, and said “I think i should take you to the hospital.”

I literally felt like I was dying.

During that time, I knew something had to change.

My business was thriving. High five-figure months. Clients telling me I had saved their marriage.

But I wanted something different.

So I announced I was walking away from it.

I closed the membership. I paused my podcast and said I was going to start sharing more than just stepmom content. Business mentorship. Showing women how I had done it.

I lost 4,000 followers.

Received hate messages.

Women telling me how disappointed they were in me.

The shift was uncomfortable. So uncomfortable that I slowly went back to the business that brought me success.

The pivot was a failure. But the pull never went away.

I was straddling what got me here and where I want to go.

Over the last few years, something that has lit me up the most is talking to other women about their businesses. Sharing strategies, giving tips, creating systems.

If I could choose one thing to talk about, THAT would be it.

I had countless women tell me that this is what I should be doing, but abandoning the business and identity that got me to this place felt really scary.

Until she called me the f*ck out.

Since then, the craziest things have happened.

It’s been just a few days, but my Oura Ring stress has gone down drastically.

I wake up motivated and feeling at peace.

My inbox is full of women who want my eyes on their businesses.

And the craziest thing ever, I dropped the last 3 pounds that literally wouldn’t budge on the scale for the last several months.

High stress spikes cortisol, which can cause your body to retain extra water. As stress comes down and cortisol levels settle, your body can let go of some of that retained water.

Whether that was the case here or not, I stepped on the scale and finally saw my goal weight.

It turns out trying to force myself to stay aligned with something that wasn’t aligned anymore was making me hold on to more than I thought.

I started this week saying that this wasn’t going to be a pivot but an expansion.

Turns out it’s a pivot.

A big f*cking one.

I’m going to bring you along too.

If you’re not already a paid subscriber, this may be a good time to jump in.

I’m going to share it all.

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Last week I wrote a post, Life Right Now, The Uncomfortable Truth. (you can read it here)

I have to tell you, something came over me when I pressed publish on this post.

A weight was lifted. I knew this weight had been a heavy one. I just didn’t know how heavy.

As soon as the post went out into the world, a new wave of creativity came over me.

It was this sense of relief, but also of expansion.

Ideas started flowing. The way they used to.

The notes section of my phone is full of post ideas and half written Substack posts that I need to elaborate on because I truly do have so much to say.

I think I just needed to give myself permission to say them (like actually).

I meant what I said in that post. This is not about a pivot. This is about an evolution.

Pivot - Changing direction because what you’re doing isn’t working.

Evolution - Becoming more of who you’ve always been. Taking everything you’ve built with you.

Last night, sitting at the table with a glass of wine, waiting for the people I was meeting for dinner, I whipped out my phone and started writing a list of things that I do to protect my peace.

I’ve always said that the best boundaries are set without using the word boundaries.

When they are authentic, boundaries are simply how you move through the world.

A few weeks ago, I was having a drink with some ladies after our golf lesson. We were talking about the process of getting our hair and nails done.

I am a firm believer that nails and hair are not self care. They are maintenance, and that is very different.

The women in my lesson told me that they feel like these appointments can be exhausting because they have to talk to the hair and nail ladies the whole time.

“Oh, I don’t really talk,” I said.

When I get my nails done, I usually have my AirPods in and am listening to a podcast.

When I get my hair done, I chit chat a bit, but most of the time I spend on my laptop or phone working or writing.

They were floored.

“Don’t you feel like you’re being rude?”

Not at all.

It honestly never occurred to me that someone would think that’s rude.

My hair can take a few hours to do. I’m supposed to talk the whole time?

It was such a small conversation.

But I haven’t stopped thinking about it.

Because I don’t think it was actually about getting your hair done.

This conversation made me think about how much women carry other people’s expectations of us.

Showing up the way we think we are supposed to show up. Considering other people’s experiences before our own.

Somewhere along the way we started believing we were responsible for making sure everyone around us felt comfortable too.

Not in a kind and empathetic way.

In a self sacrificing way.

The truth is, most moms need silence and they need a break. They don’t need to fill that hour with small talk.

(By the way, at my most recent hair appointment I asked my hairdresser if she finds it rude when people don’t talk during their appointment. She said, “Not at all. I have a lot going on back here and need to focus.”)

So if you needed permission to scroll Pinterest while you’re getting your hair done, there you go...

This is another example of how some of the expectations women put on ourselves are based on assumptions too.

The nail lady probably doesn’t want to talk just as much as you don’t.

Are we talking about boundaries or simply a way of life?

This made me think about some of the boundaries that I have in place in my life. Not boundaries in the traditional sense. Just the way I move about life to protect my energy and my peace. How I take care of myself, if you will.

Some would say these are a bit unhinged. Especially the women who feel like they need to talk during their entire manicure.

But as I have said countless times before, our time and energy are limited. We only have so much to give.

What would happen if we started prioritizing our peace as much as we prioritized other people’s experiences?

Here are seven things I do that some people would probably call “unhinged.”

I Ruthlessly Block People

I have absolutely zero problem using the blocking feature on my iPhone.

We all have our phones with us most of the time, so with text messages, anyone who has your number essentially has access to you at any point of the day.

Not only do these become distractions, but if the text messages aren’t productive or are triggering, they can hijack your focus, your peace, and your success.

(Just ask the stepmoms who get a text message from the ex and spend the rest of the day ruminating about it.)

If someone’s text message is affecting any of those things for me, I block. Sometimes temporarily, sometimes permanently.

Before anyone thinks I’m running around blocking people like a drama filled 13 year old... that’s not what I’m talking about.

I’m talking about access. Protecting it.

We are so intentional about what we consume on social media because we know it affects our mindset.

But then we’ll hand out our phone number to people who repeatedly interrupt our peace.

Not everyone deserves immediate access to you.

For example, I recently had an interaction with an acquaintance where we were discussing something about our kids. A friendly and respectful conversation all of a sudden turned into long paragraph rants with accusations and gaslighting.

No thank you.

After receiving one right before I was heading to bed and then waking up to another one in the morning, I replied respectfully with what I thought the best next steps were and then blocked and blessed.

Why?

Well, the messages were distracting.

They were not productive, and they weren’t necessary.

They were impacting my ability to be productive and have the day I wanted to have.

So... block.

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I Remove Myself From Any Situation Where I Feel Disrespected or Don’t Feel Safe

I pay attention to how I feel in any given situation.

Does it feel safe?

Do I feel like the person is going to go talk about me or that I can be myself?

Do I feel valued and respected?

If not, I have no problem leaving early, doing the Irish goodbye, and not accepting an invite in the future.

I’d rather be alone than in a social situation where I don’t feel safe.

Not safe in the physical sense.

But safe to be myself.

Safe to not feel judged.

The Only FOMO I Have Is For Sleep

I don’t get FOMO (fear of missing out).

The only FOMO I have is the fear of missing out on sleep.

According to my Oura Ring, I need about 7 hours and 6 minutes of sleep each night.

I Pause Before I Decide (Most of the Time)

This is something that has been very hard for me because I am an act now, figure it out later person. I always have been.

But sitting with decisions and asking myself if it’s something I really want or something I think I should or am supposed to want to do has been a game changer.

I use the goals I have created as a filter for what gets a yes.

If it is not aligned with my goals... then it is not happening.

I Used AI to Create a Personal and Professional Operating System

A while back I wrote a post about how I am using AI to improve my life.

One thing I unintentionally did through the conversations I have had inside ChatGPT is create an operating system for my personal and professional goals.

It includes my goals, my priorities, the lens in which I make decisions, what I used to want, what my values are, and what I stand for.

Now when I am unsure or struggling with a decision, I often go to ChatGPT and spill it in there, and it helps keep me in check.

ChatGPT will often respond and tell me that while this seems like a good idea, it isn’t aligned with where I want to be in five years. Or it might tell me it’s simply a distraction.

Sometimes it will say something like...

Jamie...

I don’t actually think this is about whether it’s a good opportunity.

I think you’re excited because it’s new.

When I compare it to the vision you’ve described over and over again, writing books, growing the podcast, speaking, and building a broader personal brand... this pulls you sideways, not forward.

You’ve told me before that one of your patterns is getting distracted by opportunities that are good instead of committing to the ones that are great.

Five years from now, would Jamie be glad she said yes to this?

Or would she wish she had spent that time writing?

One thing I’ve noticed is that ChatGPT remembers things I forget.

It reminds me of goals I set months ago.

It points out when I’m slipping back into old patterns.

Sometimes that’s exactly what I need.

Jamie,

Looking at everything you have on your plate today, I don’t think your problem is time.

I think your problem is trying to switch between too many priorities.

(If you want to know how I have created a personal and professional operating system and the questions and prompts I have used in ChatGPT to make this happen, let me know.)

No Fear of Being Disliked

I don’t take advice or criticism from people who are not living the type of life that I want to live.

Putting Myself in Rooms With People Doing Things I Want to Do

My goals are big.

Yours should be too.

Where I live, there aren’t a lot of podcasters or creators who are doing the things that I want to be doing at the level I want to be doing them.

I know that surrounding yourself with people who are smarter than you and beyond you can be a catalyst for growth.

Not doing this for the last few years has definitely kept me stuck.

So this year I have really made the effort to put myself in rooms with people who act as expanders.

I recently travelled to Chicago for a day event with other creators and entrepreneurs and left feeling seen, understood, and inspired in a way I hadn’t for so long.

It’s funny.

For years I talked about how lonely being a stepmom could feel.

Turns out building something can feel lonely too.

Different chapter.

Same feeling.

Maybe that’s why that room in Chicago felt so different.

It reminded me how important it is to be around people who make your goals feel normal instead of unrealistic.

Maybe I’ll elaborate on this more, but entrepreneurship where I live has been lonely.

I look at creators online in LA and other cities and feel so much jealousy toward the community.

Just like I did when I felt this way as a stepmom, I think it’s time to create my own.

Operating From the Lens of Jamie Five Years From Now

While I don’t know exactly what my life is going to be five years from now, I know what I would like it to look like.

Speaking.

Author.

Broader personal brand.

Travelling.

Financial freedom.

These are all things on my vision board.

Now when I am making decisions about what gets my time and energy, I do so through the lens of my future self.

Sometimes it’s something as small as saying yes to a coffee meeting.

Or agreeing to another project.

Or feeling guilty saying no to something that isn’t actually moving me forward.

When I ask myself, “What would Jamie five years from now do?” the answer usually becomes a whole lot clearer.

In fact, this week my plan is to look at these goals and work backwards.

What do I need to do to get to where I want to be?

Remembering what got me here isn’t going to get me there.

To achieve what I want, I need to start showing up as that person now.

Questions?

Comments?

Things you want me to expand on?

Let me know.

Jamie

I briefly mentioned how I’ve unintentionally created a personal operating system inside ChatGPT.

Truthfully, it’s become one of the most valuable tools I use. Not because it tells me what to do, but because it reminds me of the life I am trying to create.

I’m going to break it all down in my next post for paid subscribers. The prompts I use, how I set it up, and real examples of the conversations we have. Exactly what you need to do to create your own operating system.

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Craving more conversations? Listen to The KICK-ASS Stepmom Podcast

I’ve been sitting with something for the last little while.

Actually, if you’ve been in my world for the last couple of years, I’ve been experiencing it on and off.

And when I say sitting, I mean squirming. Uncomfortable AF.

On paper, it looks like I should know exactly what I’m doing.

I’ve built a successful coaching business. I’ve supported thousands of stepmoms. I’ve hosted a podcast for years. I’ve spent over a decade talking about and coaching women through the complications of stepfamily life.

My signature framework for stepmoms inside The Stepmom Rebrand has changed the trajectory of so many women’s lives, including my own.

Want to stop letting stepfamily stress be the main character in your life, I will show you exactly how.

But I have been struggling with this pull to evolve

Maybe it’s turning 40.
Maybe it’s because my stepkids are now out of the house and stepmotherhood isn’t at the forefront of my everyday.
Maybe it’s because I am ready for something different.

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I hear from stepmoms all the time who tell me they’ve tried everything.

They’ve read the books. They’ve listened to the podcasts. They’ve set the boundaries. They’ve disengaged. They’ve had the conversations. They’ve worked so hard to communicate better, to let things go and to show up differently.

And yet they still feel stuck. Life doesn’t feel the way they want it to.

They’re still ending up in fights with their husband after trying to implement the advice they found online.

They’re still carrying around this constant mental load that follows them everywhere they go.

They’ve done everything. (Maybe that’s the issue)

At some point, I think we have to ask a different question.

Not, “What’s the next tip?”

But...

Is what I’m doing actually working?

Because here’s what I’ve learned after more than 13 years of being a stepmom and supporting thousands of women from around the world.

A lot of the advice we’re given doesn’t always apply.

Often, it backfires.

Not because you’re doing it wrong.

But because so much of the advice is focused on helping you manage your stepfamily instead of helping you create the kind of life you actually want.

It’s not built for the life you want to live.

Take boundaries, for example.

I’m all for boundaries. I think they’re incredibly important.

But if every boundary you set ends up turning into another argument with your husband... if it creates more resentment, more distance and more tension in your home... I think it’s worth asking whether the way you’re approaching that boundary is actually serving you.

Even if that Instagram post you saved last week said “Just hold your boundary. You have to be consistent”

Because boundaries aren’t about controlling another person.

They’re about what you will do in response.

Here’s an example for the stepmoms who love control

Sometimes we think we’re protecting our peace, but what we’re actually doing is trying to control a situation that was never ours to control in the first place.

You’re wondering if he worded the email the “right” way.

You’re checking whether the schedule is going to change again.

You’re thinking three steps ahead, trying to make sure nothing catches you off guard.

I’ve been there.

I’ve set the boundary that backfired. I’ve tried to control situations because I thought that’s what would make me feel safe. I’ve also been the stepmom crying on the bathroom floor because none of it worked.

When you’re trying to control everything, you’re not actually creating more peace. You’re living your life on edge. (and not in a good way)

The problem is that eventually your whole life starts revolving around managing everyone else’s behaviour.

That’s exhausting.

Because if your peace depends on how someone else shows up, you’re giving your power away.

Disengaging

The same thing happens with disengaging.

Sometimes stepmoms are told to take a step back, so they do.

They totally disconnect. Tell their partners it’s all on them.

Only now they’re feeling even more disconnected from their partner because they’re no longer acting like partners.

Or they finally set the boundary they thought they were supposed to set, and somehow now they’re fighting even more than they were before.

I think that’s the piece that’s often missing from the conversation.

Somewhere along the way, so many stepmoms started measuring whether they were doing a “good job” by how well they followed the advice.

Did I set the boundary?

Did I disengage?

Did I communicate the right way?

But what if that’s the wrong measure altogether?

What if being a good stepmom isn’t the goal?

What if the goal is creating a connected marriage, a peaceful home and a life that doesn’t feel consumed by stepfamily stress?

Because those are two very different things.

So instead of asking whether you followed the advice, ask yourself whether the advice is actually helping you create the kind of life you want.

Did that boundary create more peace, or did it leave you in another fight with your husband?

Is the way you’re disengaging helping your relationship, or creating more distance in your home?

Is what you’re doing making your life feel lighter, or is it just giving you one more thing to manage?

Those are the questions that change everything.

What Stepmoms Really Want

Because I don’t think most stepmoms actually want better boundaries.

I don’t think they want another communication framework.

I don’t think they want to become experts at disengaging.

What they really want is to stop carrying stepfamily stress around with them all day.

They want date night to stay about the two of them.

They want to stop replaying conversations while they’re blow drying their hair.

They want to feel connected to their partner again.

They want to wake up feeling lighter.

They want to have space to start the business, take the class or take the trip.

They want to enjoy their life without every decision, text message or schedule change taking up so much space.

That’s a very different goal.

And when that’s the goal, the advice starts to look different too.

It becomes less about following a checklist and more about asking yourself one simple question.

Is what I’m doing getting me closer to the kind of life I want... or further away from it?

So, if you’ve been following all the advice and still feel stuck, I want you to know there isn’t something wrong with you.

You’ve done your research. You’ve sought out support. It just may be time to realize that it wasn’t built for the life you want to live.

Maybe it’s time to stop looking for more tips and start asking whether the tips themselves are actually working for your life.

I unpack this much more in this week’s episode of The KICK-ASS Stepmom Podcast because I think it’s a conversation we need to be having a lot more often.

I also created a free guide that expands on these ideas. It’s a collection of the conversations I wish someone had had with me years ago and the things I think are often missing from traditional stepmom advice.

You can grab the guide here.
I’ve linked the episode below.

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Leave me a note in the comments, or maybe we can get this Substack Chat thing going?

A few weeks ago I was talking to some women about ChatGPT and I realized something.

Most people are barely scratching the surface.

They’re using it like Google.

They’re asking random questions, then moving on with their day.

But that’s not how I use it. I use it as a thought partner. A strategist. A sounding board.

It’s a virtual member of my team.

Someone who helps me organize my thoughts before I react, make decisions, or spiral.

For example, recently I found myself completely overwhelmed with work and spinning my wheels about what I should be focusing on.

I opened ChatGPT, dumped everything I was feeling into it, and asked:

“Based on what you know about me and my goals, can you help me get back on track?”

The answer wasn’t revolutionary. But it kind of was.

It simply reminded me of what mattered most.

Sometimes that’s all we need.

And if you’re a stepmom, there’s a very good chance you’re carrying a mental load that ChatGPT can help lighten.

No, it’s not a therapist. No, it’s not a lawyer.
And no, it shouldn’t be making your decisions for you.

But it can help you think more clearly, communicate more effectively, and spend less time stuck in stress.

Before I share the prompts, here’s the most important thing to understand.

Step One: Teach ChatGPT Who You Are

Most people open ChatGPT and immediately start asking questions.

That’s a mistake.

Take some time and tell it who you are.

Tell it:

• Your goals

• Your family situation

• Your biggest challenges

• What you’re trying to create in your life

• What tends to trigger you

• What you’re working on personally

• What matters most to you

I would literally start with this prompt:

Copy and Paste Prompt

“I want you to act as my thought partner, strategist, and sounding board. Before we begin, ask me every question you need to fully understand my life, goals, family situation, values, challenges, personality, and priorities. I want you to challenge me when necessary instead of simply agreeing with me.”

Once ChatGPT understands who you are, the quality of the answers changes dramatically.

One thing I say all the time is:

“Based on what you know about me and my goals...”

The more it knows about you, the more helpful it becomes.

The other thing I say all the time is:

“Ask me any clarifying questions you need to help me meet my goals.”

I write this underneath almost every initial questions.This might be one of the most underrated ChatGPT tips out there.

Most people ask a question and accept the first answer.

The problem is ChatGPT only knows what you’ve told it.

The more context it has, the better the answer.

So before it starts giving advice, make it ask questions.

The quality of the conversation changes dramatically.

When You’re Overwhelmed and Need a Plan

One of my favourite uses for ChatGPT is helping me organize my day.

Not because I don’t know what needs to get done.

Because sometimes everything feels important. And when everything feels important, nothing gets done.

Maybe you’re staring at a to do list with twenty things on it.

Maybe the kids are coming tomorrow and the house feels chaotic.

Maybe you’re trying to fit work, marriage, exercise, appointments, parenting, and a little bit of time for yourself into the same 24 hours.

Sometimes the overwhelm isn’t because you have too much to do.

It’s because everything feels equally important.

Copy and Paste Prompt

“Here are my commitments for today. Here are the tasks on my to do list. Here are my personal goals. Based on what you know about me and my priorities, can you create a realistic schedule for today? Please identify what is most important, what can wait, and ask me any clarifying questions you need before creating the plan.”

Stepmom version:

“My stepchildren are coming this weekend. Here are the things I need to accomplish. Here are my typical triggers. I want to stay calm, prioritize my relationship, and make time for myself. Can you help me create a plan for the weekend that supports those goals?”

Imagine heading into a custody weekend with a plan instead of a knot in your stomach.

A little preparation can go a long way.

Stop Letting ChatGPT Agree With Everything You Say

One thing I’ve noticed is that ChatGPT can sometimes be a little too supportive.

You’ll tell it an idea and it’ll tell you it’s amazing.

Then you’ll completely change your mind and suddenly that idea is amazing too.

Sound familiar?

One of the reasons I think ChatGPT works best as a thought partner is because I don’t want it simply agreeing with me.

I want it to challenge me.

I want it to point out blindspots.

I want it to tell me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear.

Copy and Paste Prompt

“I don’t want you to simply agree with me. Challenge my thinking when appropriate. Point out assumptions, blind spots, weaknesses in my reasoning, and alternative perspectives I may be missing.”

This is especially helpful in stepfamily life.

Because when emotions are running high, we don’t always need more validation.

Sometimes we need perspective.

Sometimes we need someone, or something, to point out that we’re making assumptions.

Or personalizing something that isn’t personal.
Or focusing on being right instead of focusing on what outcome we actually want.

Before Responding to the Ex

You know those texts.

The ones that immediately make your stomach sink.

The ones you read while standing in the kitchen and suddenly can’t focus on anything else.

The ones that have you drafting responses in your head while you’re folding laundry or grabbing dinner from the grocery store.

The ones you tell yourself you’re over and then somehow you’re still talking about three days later.

Before you hit send, use ChatGPT.

Copy and Paste Prompt

“Here is the message I received from my husband’s ex wife. My goal is to minimize conflict, stay grounded, and communicate clearly. Can you help me draft a response that is calm, respectful, and aligned with those goals? Please tell me if there is anything in my draft that could escalate conflict.”

One of the things I love most is that ChatGPT will often point out the sentence you really want to include but probably shouldn’t.

Sometimes peace is more valuable than proving a point.

Is This Worth Fighting About?

This one is huge.

Especially in stepfamily life.

Because not every hill is worth dying on.

And not every battle is worth the emotional energy, legal fees, or stress.

Maybe it’s an extracurricular expense.

Maybe it’s a holiday schedule disagreement.

Maybe it’s something you’ve spent three days talking about and you’re still not sure whether it’s actually worth the battle.

I’ve said this so many times, but sometimes peace is better than being right. Sometimes we’re fighting with the ex about something that is actually getting us further away from our goals.

Copy and Paste Prompt

“Here is the situation. Here is my position. Here is the other person’s position. Based on the information available, can you help me evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of both arguments? What outcome would be most likely? What am I potentially missing? Do you think this is worth our time and energy?”

Notice what I’m asking?

Not who’s right.

I’m asking for perspective.

Sometimes that’s exactly what we need.

One of the biggest benefits of using ChatGPT as a thought partner is that it isn’t emotionally attached to the outcome.

You’re frustrated.

Your partner is frustrated.

The ex is frustrated.

Everyone has an opinion.

ChatGPT doesn’t.

Sometimes having a neutral perspective is exactly what you need before deciding whether something deserves more of your time, money, energy, or attention.

Preparing for a Difficult Conversation With Your Partner

So many stepmoms come to a conversation wanting to solve a problem.

Their partner hears criticism.

The conversation goes sideways.

And now you’re fighting about the fight.

You want to talk about the chaos in the morning routine.

Or the fact that everyone leaves dishes in the sink.

Or how the kids seem to have different expectations than everyone else in the house.

Or maybe you’ve spent weeks biting your tongue because you don’t want another argument.

Somehow the conversation ends with your partner feeling like you’re criticizing the kids instead of trying to improve life for everyone.

Before you bring something up, try this:

Copy and Paste Prompt

“I need to have a conversation with my partner about the following issue. My goal is for us to work together on a solution without him feeling attacked or criticized. Can you help me prepare for this conversation and identify anything I may not be seeing from his perspective?”

This prompt alone could save some couples a lot of unnecessary conflict.

Understanding Age Appropriate Behaviour

One of the hardest parts of becoming a stepmom is not knowing what’s normal.

Especially if you don’t have children of your own.

You can end up personalizing behaviour that has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Like the teenager who barely says hello when they walk through the door.

The stepchild who rolls their eyes.

The twelve-year-old who ignores a request for the fourth time.

The child who seems completely engaged with everyone else and gives you one-word answers.

It’s easy to make those moments mean something about your relationship when sometimes they’re just being twelve.

Copy and Paste Prompt

“My stepchild is ___ years old. This happened today. I interpreted it as disrespectful, dismissive, or hurtful. Can you help me understand whether this is age appropriate behaviour and offer some alternative interpretations of what may be happening?”

Sometimes the goal isn’t changing the behaviour.

Sometimes the goal is changing the story we’re telling ourselves about the behaviour.

When You’re Spiraling

We’ve all been there.

You replay a comment your partner made three days ago.

You convince yourself the ex’s text had a hidden meaning.

You spend an hour wondering if your stepchild doesn’t like you.

You lie in bed next to your partner while mentally arguing with someone who isn’t even in the room.

Meanwhile everyone else has moved on.

Before you react, try this:

Copy and Paste Prompt

“Here’s what happened. Here’s what I’m making it mean. Can you help me separate facts from assumptions? Please challenge my thinking if necessary and offer alternative interpretations.”

This prompt has saved me from creating problems that didn’t actually exist.

Creating a Life That Doesn’t Revolve Around Stepfamily Stress

This might be my favourite prompt.

Because eventually it stops being about the ex.

The schedule.

The conflict.

The parenting disagreements.

At some point it becomes about the amount of space it’s taking up in your life.

It’s checking your phone during date night because you’re worried about a message.

It’s spending your Sunday talking about the schedule instead of enjoying your weekend.

It’s being physically present for your life while mentally living somewhere else.

Copy and Paste Prompt

“Based on what you know about me, what are the biggest ways stepfamily stress is taking up space in my life right now? What practical changes would help me create more room for the things that matter most to me?”

That question alone can be incredibly eye opening.

Because sometimes the goal isn’t solving another stepfamily problem.

Sometimes the goal is getting your life back.

A lot of people worry that AI is making us less human.

I understand the concern.

But personally, I’ve found the opposite.

When I’m spending less time overthinking, spiraling, replaying conversations, researching every possible outcome, and stressing about things I can’t control, I have more energy available for the people and experiences that actually matter.

More presence. Better conversations. Better decisions.

More room for my life.

And if you’ve been around here for a while, you know that’s what I’m really interested in.

Not becoming better at managing stress.

Creating a life where it doesn’t take up so much space in the first place.

A Final Thought

The most powerful thing about ChatGPT isn’t that it gives you answers.

It’s that it helps you ask better questions.

Use it as a tool. Use it as a sounding board. Use it as a strategist.

But stay in the driver’s seat.

The goal isn’t to have ChatGPT run your life.

The goal is to stop spending so much time stuck in stress that you forget to live it.

P.S. In this week’s episode of The KICK-ASS Stepmom Podcast, I go much deeper into how I’m using ChatGPT in my personal life, marriage, productivity, travel planning, business, and stepfamily life. If you haven’t listened yet, start there.

If you listen to on Apple Podcasts, here’s the link to listen over there. Be sure to follow the show so you get new episodes every week.

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:

🎙️ How to Improve Your Stepfamily Life in 30 Days (Without Changing Anyone Else)

🎙️ Why Your Husband Won’t Set Boundaries With His Ex

🎙️ How Your Stepkids Really Feel According To Research with Dr. Todd Jensen

🎙️ Should Dads Get 50/50? Are Dads Outsourcing Parenting To The Stepmom?

🎙️ Being The New Young Stepmom, 7 Years Older Than My Stepdaughter with Savana Chapin

🎙️ Creating A Pinterest Board Summer (And It’s Not What You Think)

Welcome to Ask Jamie.

A subscriber-only series where I answer real questions from real stepmoms.

The awkward situations.

The family drama.

The things you can’t stop overthinking.

No fluff.

No generic advice.

Just the things I’d tell my best friend if she were venting to me in our group chat.

Earlier this week, I got a question from a former coaching client about graduation.

She had to see the ex at her stepchild’s graduation, and her stomach was in knots.

How would the ex act?

How would her stepkids act?

Would it be awkward?

The what-ifs were consuming her thoughts.

“Any advice? What should I expect?” she asked me on Telegram. (That’s where coaching clients can message me directly.)

From our coaching sessions together, I knew the background here.

The ex wasn’t her biggest fan.

Despite not knowing much about her, she had said things about her to the kids that had affected them and their relationship with her. This bothered the stepmom. It was always in the back of her mind.

Essentially, Mom had given them the message that she didn’t approve of her.

Behind the scenes, she and her stepkids were good.

But when Mom was around?

She knew it might be a different story.

(These comments had also affected her confidence as a stepmom, leading her to interpret age-appropriate interactions with her stepkids through the lens of, “I wonder if their mom said something to them again.” IYKYK.)

The thing is, this wasn’t just about the graduation.

It was about the stories she was telling herself about the graduation.

Because often the event isn’t the hardest part.

It’s the week leading up to it.

The conversations you have in your head. The worst case scenario you imagine.

It’s about the what-ifs.

The energy you spend stressing about something that hasn’t even happened yet. Anticipatory anxiety. It’s a stepmom thing.

The good news is that often stepmoms go to these events that have had so much build-up and then message me afterwards saying, “It wasn’t that bad at all.”

I anticipated this would be the situation for her, but I gave her some strategies to help ease the anxiety.

Here are seven pieces of advice I gave her.

The first one will surprise you. Sure, it’s a bit controversial. But I stand by it. Once you try it, you will too.

Read more