Today marks the start of Suicide Prevention Month and I’m excited to announce the return of EVEN NOW. My incredible friend Levi Macallister, who you may know as Levi the Poet, was with me for the first one back in 2023. We get to dream up something new together now. This special online event will take place on World Suicide Prevention Day. September 10 is a date now deeply meaningful to both of us and that’s been true for a long time. Perhaps you can relate. We hope you’ll join us next Thursday starting at 8pm ET.

This time around, we’re celebrating Levi’s new book Pay Attention, You’re Alive and reflecting on 20 years of suicide prevention. I’ve been able to participate in a bunch of 20th anniversary events this year, first with Renee Yohe and then with TWLOHA around the release of To Write Love: A Documentary on the Movement. There’s been a lot of reconnecting and what feels like healthy letting go. I’m excited to talk about it.

It’s always great to be with Levi. While he and I will do some sharing individually, we want EVEN NOW to be conversational and interactive. We’ll be asking each other questions and leaving space for your questions as well.

EVEN NOW will be recorded. So if you have to arrive late or you can’t make it, you can still catch the entire thing. Your ticket purchase covers both the live experience and event recording. We’ll send you a Zoom (webinar) link before and a link to the recording after.

Get your EVEN NOW tickets here!

PS: If you would like to gift a ticket to a loved one, we’re all for it. Please include their email address in a note at checkout and we’ll be sure they get both links.

If you need help or have any questions, please feel free to email me: info@jamietworkowski.com

Subscribe now

What Else?

Gracie and I have been coaching up a storm. (She mostly sleeps in her little donut bed while I talk to people. She’s literally snoring right now as I’m typing.) After lowering the prices and making it easy to book sessions in my online store, doing more of this work has been feeling really good.

I’ve updated the list of things I love to talk about / areas of expertise. I’ve also added some evening hours for West Coast folks and fellow night owls. What do you want to talk about?

Speaking: As I mentioned at the top, today is the start of Suicide Prevention Month. September 6-12 is National Suicide Prevention Week and September 10 is World Suicide Prevention Day. If you’re interested in bringing a message of hope to your community, staff, or school, I’d love to help. Learn more.

Thanks for your support!
Jamie

Share

Give a gift subscription

Pay Attention, You’re Alive

TUESDAY, 8/25 (5PM ET)

As the hour begins, I learn she booked this coaching session because she wanted to support me. And because she wants to express her gratitude for the impact I’ve had on her life over the last 18 years. She says she might not be alive without it.

I don’t take this for granted. I thank her for her kindness. It means a lot to me, especially right now.

She says she doesn’t plan to use the full hour. I respond that I would like for her to get her money’s worth. (If you book a coaching session, you get a coaching session.)

We end up talking about her work, which of course means that we talk about her life. She has experienced success in real estate, and there’s a cost to this success. Her schedule is demanding. It doesn’t leave much room for other things that matter. Years ago, she dreamed of working with children. Life today looks different than the life she once imagined.

I ask how she might begin to reconnect with this part of her story, even if she started small. We talk about boundaries, because sometimes you have to say no to one thing, or a few things, in order to say yes to something else. I remind her that if she wants to make a difference in the lives of kids, there are plenty of kids and plenty of ways to make a difference.

Subscribe now

THURSDAY, 8/26 (2PM ET)

She is an author and a speaker and things are happening. There is a book deal and events. She also volunteers with TWLOHA. Her faith is important to her and comes up throughout the hour that we spend together. She asks me some great questions.

When you think about the Mental Health space as it exists online today, what’s missing?

If you were to start TWLOHA today, what would you do differently?

Your faith (at the time) shows up in the original TWLOHA story, but after that you were intentional about the non-profit not being labeled “a Christian organization.” Why?

I tell her I’ll be thinking about these questions for a while, especially the first two.

THURSDAY, 8/26 (3PM ET)

She works for a regional theater company. She’s also married and the mother of a three-year old. Which means that life is busy.

We talk about legacy. It’s something she’s been thinking about now that she’s a mom. You’ve come to the right place but also might regret it, because I have lots of thoughts on this. To quote one of my favorite Gang of Youths songs, “I used to want to be important, now I just want to be alive and without fear.”

A current personalized version: I used to want to be important, now I just want to pay my rent, which is due on Tuesday.

She wants to live a life that makes her daughter proud. She wants to make it count, wants it to be meaningful. There’s no rush but at the same time there is an inkling of a feeling. What if she didn’t work at this theater? What else could she do? How would she want to spend the time? She isn’t sure.

I share that in my experience, life’s biggest and best changes tend to show up as surprises. Earlier in our conversation, she had talked about the day she met her husband. I ask about the morning of this monumental day. When she woke up, did she have any idea that her life was about to change?

I tell her I’m a fan of where she’s at and what she’s wrestling with. I encourage her to stay curious and open.

Notice what you notice.

And right after I say this, I notice that I like this line a lot.

You can now book one-on-one coaching sessions in my online store. The cost is $100 for a standard one-hour session. You also have the option of a 30-minute session for $65. If you have any questions, please feel free to email me: info@jamietworkowski.com

Share

Give a gift subscription

September is Suicide Prevention Month. I’d love to bring a message of hope to your community. Events can be big or small, in-person or virtual, public or private. If you’re curious about making something happen, I’d be happy to hear from you.

A (voice) note of thanks to everyone who responded to my previous post, about looking for work. I’ve been so encouraged by your interest, kindness, and support. Thank You.

September is Suicide Prevention Month.
National Suicide Prevention Week: September 6-12
World Suicide Prevention Day: September 10

I’d love to bring a message of hope to your community. If you’re interested in making an event happen—whether it’s in-person or virtual, big or small, public or private—please reach out: info@jamietworkowski.com

Some work-related updates…

COACHING

I’ve lowered the prices and you can now book sessions in my online store.

$100 for a standard one-hour session (via Zoom) and you also have the option of a 30-minute session for $65. It’s quick and easy to book! Learn more and hear what a few past clients have to say about our time together.

I really enjoy this work and I would like to do it more. My hope is that the lower prices make coaching more accessible. If you’re feeling stuck or navigating change, or if there’s a project or idea you want me to speak into, I’d love to help.

Subscribe now

SMALL-GROUP CONVERSATIONS

I’m in a Season of Change - Friday, August 28

I moved to Orlando last year. I moved for love, which is my favorite reason to do anything. It’s been five years since I left TWLOHA, the organization that I started 20 years ago. Recently I shared that I’m looking for work. In my own life, it’s become clear; I am entering a season of change.

Perhaps you can relate. Maybe you’re experiencing grief after significant loss. Maybe it’s a breakup or divorce. Maybe you just moved or a move is on the horizon. Perhaps, like me, your work is changing or it needs to change. Maybe there’s a new baby or your baby just went off to college. It could be a combination or something else entirely.

What now? What’s next? How do I decide? What can I hold onto in the midst of transition? Is it okay to be honest when I feel afraid? What do I actually want? What does being healthy look like in this season? And can this be the start of something new?

If the words above are resonating, I hope you’ll join me Friday (8/28) from 7-10pm ET. We’ll connect via Zoom and the event will be limited to eight people, so that everyone gets time to share. If three hours sounds like a long time, I can promise you it goes by fast.

CONSULTING / JOB

As I mentioned in my previous post, I’m available for consulting and you can also hire me for a good, old-fashioned job. If you interested in exploring how I might be able to serve your organization, business, or brand, I’d love to hear from you: info@jamietworkowski.com

Areas of Expertise: Communication, Storytelling, Brand Strategy, Marketing, Merch, Sales

Share

Give a gift subscription

I made a playlist. Things Take Time / Lost Time

My friend Kyle said this to me recently.

The words rang true and I keep coming back to them. Financial stress is a beast unlike any other I have faced. If you can relate, I’m sorry. If you’re facing the same beast right now, you’re not alone.

To be clear, I’m not looking for a handout or donation, but I am looking for work. I would like to use my gifts to pay my bills. I also want to recognize that using my gifts to pay my bills isn’t something I’m entitled to. My bills are due regardless, and my bills could not care less about my gifts.

But you might care and that is why I’m telling you.

A bit more about all of the above:

SPEAKING

I’m starting here because this work is my favorite. 20 years in and I still absolutely love to speak. I still get excited and I still feel extremely grateful, any time an offer comes my way. I’ve spoken in pretty much every setting you can imagine, from high school gyms to fancy theaters to TEDx Malibu, which happened at a synagogue on PCH. The setting that had me the most nervous walking in? My second-cousin Connor’s 5th grade classroom, on the occasion of Career Day. (Ended up going well. One kid liked my shoes.) Fun fact: I’ve done events in all 50 states, including a community center in Alaska, and a book store in Hawaii. Any college you can think of—the odds are good I got to speak there. I’ve spoken to thousands of people at music festivals and I’ve also shared with just a few. (Usually, it’s somewhere in between.)

All of this to say, I’m open to anything. Nothing beats being in a room together, and so I’m happy to get on a plane. Events can also be virtual / online. I’ve spoken lots of times while sitting in the chair I’m in right now. If you’re working with a smaller budget, or if it’s simply easier on your end, virtual events are a great option.

As for the topic or themes, my sweet spot still tends to be mental health / suicide prevention / vulnerability / connection / hope. I feel like there’s a talk that I’ve been giving for the last two decades and it’s one that just continues to evolve. (Also: I always want to be open to the unique needs / goals / context of each event and audience.) I still love telling the TWLOHA origin story, about how meeting Renee Yohe changed my life. I talk about the organization’s early days, surprising open doors and growing pains, and lessons learned along the way. I share from my own experience with depression and ADHD. I believe that people need other people and so it feels important to talk about vulnerability, connection, and community. Counselors and therapists are rock stars; I love to celebrate the work they do. The best feedback, sometimes years after an event, is when someone tells me that they ended up getting help.

On that note, September is Suicide Prevention Month. National Suicide Prevention Week is September 6-12. World Suicide Prevention Day is September 10.

The SPEAKER page on my website has more info. You can watch my Speaking Reel (video) there or here is a direct link.

If you’re interested in booking me to speak, even if it’s for a small event and even if money is tight, please reach out. I would be happy to hear from you. info@jamietworkowski.com

Subscribe now

SMALL-GROUP CONVERSATIONS

I started leading these in 2022. The first topic was friendship, with groups of eight people meeting (one time via Zoom) for three hours. From there I started introducing other topics—romantic love, seasons of change, and more. I’ve been leading The Sunday Group & The Monday Group since 2023. Rather than meeting once united by shared interest in a topic, these groups would meet weekly, united by shared interest in each other’s lives. My assumption at the start was that people would do one month and be done. The current Monday Group—Dylan, Jeanette, Jennifer, Jordan, Kayla, Kelly, Marsha Tam, and Rachel—this crew has been together since September of last year, which means that August is their 12th straight month together. In November, I get to officiate a wedding for my friends Jay & Emma. Jay & Emma met in Sunday Group.

With Sunday Group and Monday Group being sold out for a million months, I wanted to introduce another weekly option. We kicked off Four Thursdays in August a couple nights ago. If you’re in the market for new friends, laughter, and connection, it’s not too late to join! Also, the price is right at $100. (Originally $200)

I will be adding some new one-off (topic) groups soon. I’m also available to lead private small-group conversations. I’ve done this for a few different teams and really enjoyed it. If you’re interested: info@jamietworkowski.com

COACHING

I’m available to meet one-on-one via Zoom. Standard sessions are one hour. You tell me what you’re wrestling with or figuring out, aka what you want to focus on. (If it sounds like something that deserves a licensed counselor, I will tell you.) You can come prepared with notes and questions or just show up and talk. From there, we have a conversation, one hour at a time. I do my best to listen and be curious. I ask you questions and follow-up questions. I offer the occasional suggestion or idea. If I have a story or anecdote that relates, I might share that as well. If you have questions for me, I’m happy to be an open book. If you want feedback on something, like a business plan or piece of writing, I’m happy to do this as well.

The cost is $150 per one-hour session and you can also do a package of four sessions for $500. I aim for weekdays 10am—6pm ET. If you can’t afford those prices or you need to meet outside those hours, I’ll do my best to be accommodating. (The title of this post is I’m Looking For Work. If you want to work with me, I want to work with you.)

If you’re interested, you can learn more and start the process here. (It’s a simple process. You email me with a couple lines about what you want to focus on, and then I email you back.)

You can also gift someone a session or sessions.

CONSULTING / JOB

I started TWLOHA 20 years ago. Full-time for 15 years, then on my own since 2021. It’s been meaningful to reconnect this year, for the organization’s 20th anniversary and the release of To Write Love: A Documentary on the Movement. Prior to 2006, I was with Hurley (sales rep) and Quiksilver (sub rep) for a combined eight years. I’ve experienced a lot, made plenty of mistakes, and learned a ton along the way. If my work has resonated with you, I’d love to explore how I might be useful to your organization, business, or brand.

(Here comes that email address again.)

info@jamietworkowski.com

“Remember this: Don’t run from the fight.”

My friend Jon sings these words in a song called “Beautiful Life,” which has been my anthem lately. The new Switchfoot album, Forever Now, gets its title from a song the band released almost 15 years ago. “Where I Belong” contains one of my favorite moments and I mean this in a way that transcends music.

“And on that final day I die,
I want to hold my head up high.
I want to tell you that I tried,
to live it like a song”

I don’t have any tattoos. If I were to get one, I’ve often thought about that final line. Those six words are how I hope to live.

Subscribe now

My incredible friend Levi Macallister, who you may know as Levi The Poet, has a beautiful new book out. It’s called Pay Attention, You’re Alive.

I have some merch and gift cards available in my online store. Anything I offer can be given as a gift and I’m happy to work with you to make it special.

Did you know about the documentary? It’s 20 years in 20 minutes, which means To Write Love is technically a short documentary. That’s a term I’ve learned throughout the process. Also, it feels good to say throughout the process because I have been participating in the process. After filming in Orlando near the end of last year, with Owen Dubeck and his awesome team, I’ve been part of four different early screening events—two in-person (Orlando and Melbourne, FL) and two more online.

If you missed those events, I have good news: To Write Love: A Documentary on the Movement premieres this Sunday, which is May 31 and the last day of Mental Health Awareness Month in the United States. YouTube is the place, 8pm ET.

Thanks to CauseVox and TWLOHA, I will be hitting the road to share the doc with folks in Austin, Denver, and New York. All three are CauseVox Nonprofit Club events. I’ll be in Austin June 18, Denver July 23, and New York September 10. The NYC date is significant as September 10 is World Suicide Prevention Day. It also happens to be the day before the 25th anniversary of 9/11.

If you’re interested in making an event happen, whether it includes a screening of To Write Love or just me speaking, you can learn more here. Please feel free to email info@jamietworkowski.com.

To celebrate the documentary release, Renee Yohe and I are bringing back 20 QUESTIONS, our special small-group conversation. We’ll be hosting this online event together (for the fourth time!) next Thursday, June 4, starting at 7pm ET. It’s limited to 10 people and you can learn more here.

Subscribe now

Did you know I offer coaching and consulting? If you’re curious about working together one-on-one in June, I would be happy to hear from you.

As the story goes, my friend Jon Foreman wore the very first TWLOHA shirt on stage that night. Another friend, Andy Barron, worked as Switchfoot’s full-time photographer back then. Andy captured a photo that felt instantly iconic.

Renee Yohe and I know each other because of David McKenna. Back in 2006, David owned a townhouse in Orlando and I rented a room from him. After being denied entry into a local treatment center, Renee spent the next five days with us. The story that we lived became a story that I wrote. To Write Love on Her Arms.

Renee checked into treatment. I moved to an apartment on New England Avenue with my friend Dylon York. David eventually sold the townhouse. The three of us bounced around. Renee and David remained close, while I drifted in and out of their lives. Sometimes we were brought together by a project, like the TWLOHA movie. Other times I’d bump into one of them at a concert or event.

David McKenna passed away in a car accident on December 14, 2012.

Yesterday, on the 20th anniversary of Jon Foreman wearing the first TWLOHA shirt, two hours before a screening of a documentary that’s being released to celebrate, Renee and I returned to the townhouse that used to belong to our friend David. It was our first time being back there together since 2006.

This is where we have to thank our new friend David Lawrence, who on very little notice agreed to photograph the occasion. As we’ve gotten to know David over the last couple of days, it’s become obvious that he was the perfect guy to take these pictures. TWLOHA is personal for him. We’re forever grateful to David and I’m excited to share some of the photos with you now.

Subscribe now

Renee and I have been hosting a series of online events to celebrate the 20th anniversary of the TWLOHA story. Join us Thursday, April 2 for 20 QUESTIONS, a small-group conversation that’s limited to 10 people. It’s the chance to ask us about the last two decades and we’ll have some questions for you as well. And then next Friday, April 10, BYGONES is back. Renee and I are looking forward to this one because with everything that’s been happening, we’ve got plenty to discuss!

Book a speaking event.

Or a one-on-one coaching / consulting session.

If you missed one or both events, the two recordings are now available in my online store:

Here’s Night One (7/10).

Lots of crying. This was a surprisingly meaningful and emotional night for me, bouncing between reading, reflecting, and Q&A.

Here’s Night Two (7/24).

I didn’t cry. The Chat worked this time. I got to read some different stories and folks asked lots of good questions.

Give a gift subscription

Share

I’ve been really enjoying the coaching & consulting sessions lately. If you’re feeling stuck, wrestling with big questions, or finding your way through a season of transition, you can learn more about connecting one-on-one here.

My next event is August 4 in Sioux Falls. I’m honored to be one of the keynote speakers at this year’s South Dakota Behavioral Health Conference. If you need a speaker for an upcoming event, whether it’s related to mental health, suicide prevention, non-profit work, or something else, I hope you will reach out.

There are shirts, posters and a few signed books available in my online store.

Tonight’s the night. We're celebrating a decade of my book, If You Feel Too Much, with one more round of reading and reflection, plus Q&A mixed in throughout. Your questions and requests decide the set list. This online event starts at 8pm ET and if you can't make it, the cool news is that each ticket purchase includes access to the recording. Meaning if you miss it, you don't have to miss a thing.

To learn more and grab a ticket, click on over to my online store.

If you weren’t able to join us for the first event two weeks ago, here’s a taste, and the recording is available for five bucks.

***

After tonight, I promise to get back to revisiting the entire book right here on Substack. I hope you’ll read along with me. We’ll do some looking back through the lens of the present, because of course today is the most interesting day.

Give a gift subscription

Share

I’ve been really enjoying my coaching & consulting work lately. If you’re feeling stuck, wrestling with big questions, or finding your way through a season of transition, you can learn more about booking a session here.

After tonight, my next event is August 4 in Sioux Falls. I’m honored to be one of the keynote speakers at this year’s South Dakota Behavioral Health Conference. If you need a speaker for an upcoming event, whether it’s related to mental health, suicide prevention, non-profit work, or something else, I hope you will reach out.

There are shirts, posters and a few signed books available in my online store.

Also, if you would like to watch more from one week ago this evening, the recording from July 10 is available in my online store.

Give a gift subscription

Share

I’ve been loving my coaching & consulting work lately. If you’re feeling stuck or if this is a season of significant change for you, please know that I’m available to help. You can learn more about booking a session here.

Another part of my job that I continue to enjoy? Public speaking! Next month I head to Sioux Falls and in September I’m booked to speak in Milwaukee. If you need a speaker for an upcoming event, whether it’s related to mental health, suicide prevention, or something else, I hope you will reach out.

There are shirts, posters and a few signed books available in my online store. Is there an EVER GET HOME poster with my dog Gracie on it? Yes. Is there a shirt? Also yes.

Thursday is the big day! I hope you’ll join me at 8pm ET for this special online event, as we celebrate 10 years of If You Feel Too Much. I’ll read a few of my favorite stories from the book, take a couple requests, and share some thoughts looking back from the perspective of a decade down the road. We’ll close things out with Q&A. If Thursday night doesn’t work for you, the good news is that each ticket purchase comes with a recording of the event. So if you aren’t able to be there as it happens, you can still check out the entire thing.

Info & Tickets

In addition to Thursday’s event, I’m revisiting the entire book—all 44 stories—right here on Substack. The first post, which went up last week, covers the various pieces that introduce IYFTM. Yesterday’s post took me back two decades, as the book opens with writing from my sales rep years. If you would like to take this journey with me, I’d love for you to read along. You’re also invited to join the conversation in the comments and the chat, when you become a paid subscriber.

Give a gift subscription

Share

I’ve been loving my coaching & consulting work lately. If you’re feeling stuck or if this is a season of significant change for you, please know that I’m available to help. You can learn more about booking a session here.

Another part of my work that I continue to enjoy? Public speaking! Next month I head to Sioux Falls and in September I’m booked to speak in Milwaukee. If you need a speaker for an upcoming event, whether it’s related to mental health, suicide prevention, or something else, I hope you will reach out.

There are shirts, posters and a few signed books available in my online store. Is there an EVER GET HOME poster with my dog Gracie on it? Yes. Is there a shirt? Also yes.

***

In the previous post, I touched on everything that comes before the 44 stories that make up If You Feel Too Much—Dedication, Note from Jon Foreman, Foreword, and Introduction. Today’s post covers the first three stories (or pieces) in the book, which were written all the way back in 2005 and 2006, at the end of my sales rep years. In recent weeks, as I’ve started to think and write about the IYFTM anniversary, I’ve been digging the phrase a decade down the road. While it’s been 10 years since my book came out, what we’re revisiting today was actually written 20 years ago.

Subscribe now

E-Mail to Mom

I just finished Rob Bell’s audiobook, A Feisty & Sobering Guide to Doing What You Love & (Also) (Still) (Somehow) Paying the Bills, which I appreciated so much and cannot recommend enough. One of the things Rob talks about in the book is loving e-mail. This made me smile because realizing that I loved sending emails was how I began to fall in love with writing. These weren’t emails that I needed to write for work. These were emails that I simply wanted to write, to people in my life. I like that IYFTM opens with an e-mail and I love that it was written for my mom. I continue to be thankful for her and for our relationship.

i hope i didn’t make you sad. i’m really okay. i think i’m just being super honest with myself, admitting what i see when i look at my life.

Wow. It’s safe to say I still relate. Those words could have been written a few months ago. I still don’t want my mom to worry. I still want her to believe that I’m okay. And I’m still trying to be honest, both with myself and with the people who love me, about what I see when I look at my life. The last year has delivered lots of change. I’ve gone from being single to being in a relationship. I’ve gone from living in Melbourne Beach, where I grew up, to living in Orlando, because my girlfriend lives here. Connection is important to me, not only with Christina but also with my friends and with my family. I would like to really know them. And I want them to know me.

Writing would be cool. My friend Gord says if i write, i will probably need to speak, and i think with some discipline, i could do that. i know it’s in me to connect with people… i might have to go see some things and say some things…

It’s certainly interesting to read these words so many years later, now through the lens of how life has unfolded. This email to my mom was written in 2005, which means a year later I ended up writing a story that changed my life. I got to write and publish a book that ended up on the New York Times Best Sellers list. I’ve had the privilege of being invited to speak at events in all 50 states. And at the same time, as much as I am thankful for everything I just mentioned, I can still relate to feeling lost. I’m still trying to figure out my work and my life and where I belong. I’m still trying to be honest with myself.

The #1 thing i want you to remember is that i love you.

Those words are still true.

***

To Whisper Against This

This is one of my favorite things I’ve ever written. And I like knowing it’s the product of a story that I lived. After Hurricane Katrina, I was moved by what I saw on my television screen, moved enough to fly to Houston and convince someone from the Red Cross to let me walk into the Astrodome, just to sit with people. That is not a normal thing. And yet it happened and it’s an experience I’ll forever cherish, both in the living and the telling.

Juxtaposition is the word coming to mind. I saw so many things of contrast side-by-side inside that dome. Nearly two decades have passed and I’m still proud of this piece. I’m glad I got to share it, glad it can continue to be shared.

***

Zeke Sanders: You Were Loved

Zeke and I worked together at Hurley. I remember getting the news in the middle of a sales meeting in California. We were told that Zeke had died and that his death had been suicide. We were then given a 30-minute break from the meeting and I remember going outside to the parking lot. In some ways it’s like I never went back in after the break. I didn’t know how to go back to work. I can still recall the feeling of really wanting to respond, wanting to honor Zeke in some way.

This happened in January of 2006. I would meet Renee Yohe one month later in Orlando.

Give a gift subscription

Share

Once again, the If You Feel Too Much 10-Year Anniversary event is coming up on Thursday (7/10). You can learn more and grab a ticket here.

If you’re interested in supporting my work, whether that looks like a speaking event, one-on-one coaching session, or small-group conversation, please visit JamieTworkowski.com.

Ever Get Home merch can be found in the online store.

In the weeks ahead, right here on Substack, I will be sharing some thoughts as we revisit If You Feel Too Much. If you would like to read along, the book is available in both hardcover and e-book, including a few signed copies in my online store. There is also an audio version, which I had the privilege of recording at Penguin’s studio in New York.

Before we get to the 44 stories that make up IYFTM, I want to start with how the book begins. Today’s post will cover all of the following: Dedication, Note from Jon Foreman, Foreword by Donald Miller, and the Introduction. As I read through each of these, I’ll pause to write a short reflection. Future posts will likely include some audio as well.

We’re now a decade down the road. Thank You for taking this journey with me. Thanks for caring. If you feel too much, there’s still a place for you here.

Subscribe now

Dedication

This book is dedicated to my parents, Joe and Janet, and to my sisters, Jessica and Emily.

And to David Kuo, who died but also lived.

That last part has always stood out to me.

I’m thankful for my family. I’m thankful they’re alive and thankful that we love each other. I miss my buddy David. He comes to mind often. I actually wrote about David here after seeing U2 at Sphere a couple years ago.

***

Note from Jon Foreman

What can I say? I felt honored the first time I read Jon’s note for the book, and honored reading it again just now. Jon is brilliant, thoughtful, intentional, humble, and kind. He’s also funny and he loves to laugh. We’ve been friends for something close to 25 years now. This has been more than a gift.

A few months back, my girlfriend and I took her youngest kiddo to their first concert. Jon Foreman at The Social in Orlando. Before the show, we went to dinner with Jon and the rest of the tour crew. The night was a 20 out of 10. As for the cherry on top? After the show, we met a guy named Charlie. It turns out Charlie is the president of the Orlando Magic, the team Christina and I have loved since 1989.

A couple weeks later, on the day that I officially moved (back) to Orlando, we were in good seats when the Magic played the Clippers.

***

Author’s Note

For those who have the expanded edition of IYFTM, which came out in 2016—one year after the initial release—an author’s note shows up next. I’m gonna skip (reviewing) this part, as I’d rather keep the focus on everything that just hit 10.

***

Foreword by Donald Miller

Don’s book Blue Like Jazz is a turning point in my story. I was just starting to write and BLJ made me want to write in a way that was both beautiful and honest. It also made me want to share stories from my own life, just as Don had done. Hero is a word I used to describe him back then, and over time we became friends. The writing that ended up becoming the foreword to IYFTM, these words are actually borrowed from Don’s book Scary Close.

Don and I have not connected in a while but I will always cherish what he wrote. And I continue to be grateful that we were able to use it as the foreword to my book.

It’s no small thing to find a friend, even for a season. And no small thing to feel seen or known by another person, especially someone we’ve looked up to or admired, even for a moment. What Don wrote feels now like a photograph, one that still makes me smile and remains a special thing to get to share.

***

Introduction

Some of this feels like a lifetime ago. I really wanted to prove myself. Reading this, I feel like I was trying to figure out how to be a public person. Or impressive or successful or someone who appeared to be successful.

As a sidenote, lately I’ve been listening to Rob Bell’s new audiobook, which talks a lot about this sort of thing. Rob is able to look back with a ton of grace for that ambitious earlier version of himself, while smiling at how much his life has changed, and the ways that he’s slowed down. I’ve been connecting with this deeply.

Back to the IYFTM intro…

I relate to the part about struggling to write a book, because I’ve been struggling to write a second book for the last 10 years. I still want to make it happen. Who knows—maybe all of this can lead to that.

The next part makes me smile:

It turned out there were clues back at the beginning, in the days before the story that would change so many things. There were words starting to emerge a decade ago, when I was just a surfer selling t-shirts and boardshorts.

What you hold in your hands is a collection of sprints. Ten years of sprints, and I also think of them as songs.

I like the list of things I’ve been. And the words that introduce what is to come.

And it’s hard to tell a story you don’t like.

I’ve thought about that sentence a lot over the years, probably more than any other in this intro. Because I lived there for a long time. It feels good to say today that things have shifted, that I like my story more. I like the life I’m living.

I dig the way the intro ends, with a focus on the reader.

May these words find you like a friend.

Give a gift subscription

Share

You are officially invited to join me July 10 as we celebrate 10 years of If You Feel Too Much. with a special online event. That’s a Thursday and we’ll start at 8pm ET. Learn more here.

To work with me, whether that looks like a speaking event, one-on-one coaching session, or small-group conversation, please visit my website.

Ever Get Home merch can be found in the online store.

This is my first post of 2025 and those are embarrassing words to type. I didn’t mean to go quiet and I’m sorry for the months of silence. I am especially sorry to those who support me here.

There have been some big changes and I’ve been smiling more since last October. With that, after years of choosing to share a lot of my life publicly, while simultaneously not always loving my actual life, it’s been a healthy shift to allow those two things to switch. Lately, I’ve been feeling good and learning to be present in my story without constantly thinking, How quickly can I write about this on the Internet? That question was honestly the lens I saw the world through for a long time.

At the same time, I do want to share things. I want to use my voice. I want to be an encouragement. I love telling stories. I just want to find the balance, so that the stories I share come from a life that I feel good about.

Of course avoidance is a big piece of this as well. Not showing up leads to shame leads to more not showing up. An object in motion stays in motion…

***

Here’s something that I hope can begin to make up for my extended quiet: In the weeks ahead, as a way to celebrate the 10-year anniversary of my book If You Feel Too Much, I’ll be revisiting all 44 stories, right here on Substack. These reflection posts will be a mix of writing and audio and I’m looking forward to looking back, from the perspective of a decade down the road. We’re just waiting on one important thing: A couple days ago I realized that I don’t currently own a copy of IYFTM. NAMI Northern Illinois hosted me for a speaking event in Rockford last month and apparently those kind folks bought every single book I had. So I ordered a fresh copy, which is arriving today.

In addition to the Substack posts, there will also be a special 10-Year Anniversary event on Thursday, July 10. (8pm ET) For this online happening, my plan is to read a few of my favorite stories, take a couple requests, and share some thoughts before we wrap things up with Q&A. If you’re not able to join us July 10, the event will be recorded. Each ticket purchase gives you access to the recording and tickets are available here.

Thank You for your patience and support. I’ll see you back here soon.

PS: The title of this post comes from the Gang of Youths song “Do Not Let Your Spirit Wane,” which is one of my all-time favorites and which led to some serious air drums a moment ago.

Subscribe now

Share

Bono’s Stories of Surrender made me cry six different times. And then a couple more times when I watched it with my parents. I might have ordered a poster and a shirt.

Thanks to a recommendation from my friend Kyle Griner, I’ve been loving Rob Bell’s new audiobook, A Feisty & Sobering Guide to Doing What You Love and (Also) (Still) (Somehow) Paying the Bills. Rob’s honest words are giving language to things that I’ve been wrestling with for years.

To work with me, whether that looks like a speaking event, coaching session, or small-group conversation, please visit my website.

Subscribe now

Give a gift subscription

Young Kirsten: “What kind of job do you have?”

Miranda: “Logistics.”

YK: “What does that mean?”

M: “It’s the path things take from A to B. It’s always made sense to me.”

You may recall Young Kirsten asking someone else the same question in the first episode. Miranda’s answer shares common ground with Jeevan’s in that it’s very much a loaded statement. Of course there’s more to who we are than what we do, but in both of these instances, the answers reveal a lot about the characters.

Moments I Noticed

“I lost everyone that knew me. I lost you. I had to finish this first.” —Miranda

***

Clark: “Those first few months you and Arthur were together, were the happiest time in my life. I wish we’d stayed in touch.”

Miranda: “Oh, I don’t stay in touch.”

***

“He called me. Told me you said some things that opened his eyes. I woke up the next morning and finished the book. Last two pages. Had a flight to Chicago. Found a print shop in Lincolnwood called Zalinski’s. Printed five.” —Miranda

I want Zalinski’s to exist in real life. And if it does, I want a shirt.

Kirsten & Elizabeth

Kirsten: “You know, every town we go to has fought for 20 years to survive. Not one of them has ever locked us up, held our members hostage. So I’m sorry about your fire but fuck you. You’re not special.”

***

Kirsten: “No one finds people from Before. The flu took everything from everyone. So it matters, getting anybody back.”

***

Kirsten: “You’re Gertrude.”

Elizabeth: “Sorry?”

K: “You should play Gertrude. You played Gertrude off-Broadway. I read about it in Us Magazine.”

E: “I’m not an actor anymore. I’m directing.” E

K: “No, I’m the director. But this is how you talk to your son. We do one show, then we leave. The entire Symphony.”

This feels like a pivotal scene. Kirsten takes charge, becoming the director in more ways than one. I love that after she tells Elizabeth how things are gonna go, she immediately gets up and starts directing those preparing for the play.

Alex & Kirsten

Alex: “I want to stay here. For a year.”

Kirsten: “No.”

A: “Why not?”

K: “Because we travel for a reason.”

A: “What is it?”

Read more

Subscribe now

Give a gift subscription

This one starts off all about Jeevan and Young Kirsten, where they end up after leaving Frank’s apartment, and how they end up separated. We assume, based on what we know of Jeevan, that he must have abandoned her. But this episode takes some unexpected turns.

***

Jeevan: “Wait, who are you?!”

Young Kirsten: “Who was that?”

J: “I don’t know. But we’re not snowed in anymore. Someone plowed the road.”

It turns out that the answer to Jeevan’s question is equal parts life-changing and surprising. The woman who we first assume must be some kind of enemy—well, they end up growing old together.

Moments I Noticed

Jeevan: “Oh and the two old people on the Jet Ski. They were great.”

Kirsten: “We need protein.”

In a brilliant bit of editing, this line is immediately followed by a gunshot, and it doesn’t come from Jeevan. Young Kirsten has just killed a deer. She continues to become a badass.

We then see Jeevan clean the deer while YK reads her Station Eleven book. (I definitely googled the word that turned out to be clean.)

***

Young Kirsten: “I don’t want to leave.”

Jeevan: “It’s not safe. Too isolated here.”

A wolf howls in the distance. Jeevan talks to Frank. Which you might say means he’s talking to himself.

“I didn’t promise, Frank. She doesn’t even like me. She’d rather read a book.”

***

Woman’s Voice on Radio: “Is anybody out there? I’m looking for a doctor. We really need help here.”

Jeevan: “I’m a doctor. Family doctor. It’s in the family.”

Once again, we see Jeevan saying yes to something he’s not qualified for—another part he wants to play. We then see Young Kirsten practicing her knife throws.

Jeevan: “You are getting so good.”

Young Kirsten: “Are you leavin,’ Jeevan?”

Read more

Subscribe now

Give a gift subscription

Kirsten: “What happened?”

Tyler: “You killed all those Bandanas, but… they got you with that dirty chemistry… People say their poison makes you see ghosts. What’d you dream about?”

K: “The First Hundred.”

T: “Cody died.”

K: “I saw… I’m sorry. You guys were together a long time.”

T: “There’s no before.”

In addition to finding out that Kirsten killed the Bandanas who attacked at the end of Episode Seven, we learn that Tyler took care of Kirsten for three days after. Their surprising alliance continues to surprise. Also, in this exchange it feels like Tyler’s There’s no before might simply be about avoiding pain. When he says it here, the words feel less mysterious or philosophical, and more like a defense mechanism.

***

Tyler: “Why are you helping me?”

Kirsten: “You’re going to die and I can’t stop it.”

The fact that she is quoting the book and we’re reminded that Jeevan said these exact words to Frank in the play… So good.

Tyler: “Isn’t that everyone?”

***

“I don’t think I’ve ever said this out loud. But I have always felt like a failure. Every room I’ve walked into, I felt hated. I know it’s wrong and I know it’s not true but… I feel it. I feel it, and I accept it.” —Clark

Clark wants to be important. When he walks in to show off the karaoke machine, the kids don’t seem to care. Clark’s need for power and control are on display in this episode. It’s 20 years after the pandemic and he’s still talking about quarantine. We can’t let the sick enter our community, he says. We can’t risk infection!

Read more

Subscribe now

Give a gift subscription

This post contains spoilers for the seventh episode of Station Eleven, but no spoilers for future episodes. You are invited to share your thoughts in the comments below, or in the chat. What surprised you about this episode? Which scene was your favorite? Were there other moments that stood out to you?

Episode Seven is not only one of my favorites of Station Eleven—it’s one of my favorite episodes of any series. We join Kirsten on a journey back in time to Frank’s apartment, and then we hardly see another setting. The ingredients are simple—just Young Kirsten, Jeevan, and Frank sharing space and talking, with Adult Kirsten observing certain scenes. We are given something rich and moving and dynamic, equal parts beautiful and heartbreaking.

Moments I Noticed

Frank: “Hey Jeev. You still scared of the dark?”

Jeevan: “Yeah.”

Jeevan’s fears and insecurities are at the heart of this episode. I like him so much and I relate to him a ton.

***

It’s windy and dark. The power is out. This is the first time we see the power out at Frank’s apartment.

Young Kirsten: “It’s like a spaceship.”

Jeevan: “We’re fucked.”

Frank: “It’s gonna get cold.”

J: “When spring comes, we’re gonna run out of food. Whoever’s left alive is gonna want to fight each other. We have to think about the future. We have to leave, because this… can’t last.”

***

“We’re adults. We pretend we’re not scared.” —Frank (Subtitle Nominee)

The next small-group conversation The Holidays Are Hard for Me is coming up on Friday, December 20. Because these celebration days tend to remind us what’s missing. So let’s talk about it. This one starts at 7pm ET.

Young Kirsten: “I’ll tell you when my parents call. Good night, Jeevan. Good night, Frank.”

Jeevan: “Well, parenting is easy… What’s gonna happen, really?”

Frank: “I don’t know. But I’m glad you’re here… How was King Lear?”

***

Young Kirsten: “Can I have that back? Station Eleven?”

Frank: “Sure. I just keep reading it. Should be doing my work. It’s good, though. I can relate.”

YK: “To which character?”

F: “All of them.”

A Thought

Read more

Subscribe now

Give a gift subscription

Power Rankings

Something new, inspired by all the nerdy basketball stuff I pay attention to. After rewatching the first six episodes of Station Eleven, here’s an attempt at ranking them in order of enjoyment—or how much I connected with each one.

1. Episode Three - Hurricane

2. Episode One - Wheel of Fire

3. Episode Two - A Hawk From a Handsaw

4. Episode Six - Survival is Insufficient

5. Episode Four - Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Aren’t Dead

6. Episode Five - The Severn City Airport

Do you have a favorite or favorites?

Moments I Noticed

“They only ever chased me. Or I killed them.” —Young Kirsten telling Gil about her experience with the Red Bandanas“

Foreshadowing, anyone?

***

“It was golf and weapons… This should be a theater. We could settle here, make art, be safe, stop running…” —Gil

***

Sayid: “How many Jesus dudes have we met along the way?” (Subtitle Nominee)

Kirsten: “No. He’s different. This is my fault.”

S: “He was in Alex’s head.”

K: “Alex is not a child.”

S: “Well, I’ll feel better when he’s dead.”

***

“Captain, I need you to do an impossible task.” —from the Station Eleven book (Subtitle Nominee)

The next small-group conversation The Holidays Are Hard for Me is coming up on Friday, December 20. Starts at 7pm ET.

Sayid: “Hey, Alex! I knew you’d be okay! Kirsten thought you joined a cult.”

Alex: “I’m already in a cult.” (Subtitle Nominee)

Dieter: “Where is she? What the fuck, Sayid?”

Read more

Subscribe now

Episode Five takes us to the airport—Severn City, Michigan to be exact. This piece of Station Eleven focuses on Clark, Tyler, and Elizabeth. We see Clark step into a leadership position and we learn more about Tyler, who is Arthur’s son.

I mentioned Clark and leadership. Power is at the heart of Episode Five—who gets it and how. Adjacent themes include fame, jealousy, charisma, truth, and confidence. In my mind, this episode is also about origin stories. We get Tyler’s and—though he’s further down the road—it feels like we’re seeing one for Clark as well. If not an origin than certainly a new chapter. We’re introduced to Agent Roker too!

Moments I Noticed

Clark: “Holy shit.”

Nun: “God has a plan.”

C: “Uh-huh. Let’s hope so.”

***

Why does Clark suddenly have sunglasses on inside the airport? Does this represent a shift? Famous people tend to be the ones who wear shades indoors.

***

“She won’t be very famous if everyone on the fucking planet dies.” —Clark, talking about Elizabeth (Subtitle Nominee)

A Thought

Fame is selfish and yet it relies on other people.

Civilization

“Civilization is a complex, self-correcting mechanism, as complex as a person… only self-aware to a degree.” —Clark, talking to Tyler (Subtitle Nominee)

Upcoming Small-Group Conversations:
The Holidays Are Hard for Me - 12/12
The Holidays Are Hard for Me - 12/20

My Favorite Scene in Episode Five

Clark: “Your plane’s not coming.”

Read more

Subscribe now

As Episode Four begins, we hear the sharpening of a knife. I wonder if it means that violence—or damage—is in store.

Moments I Noticed

“Well I care because if something happens to you, it’s my fault.” —Kirsten (to Alex)

***

“She killed our director?”

“Nah, she winged him. He quit. Haven’t split the troupe since.”

***

“Here’s a suspicious man I didn’t bother to tell you about from the other day.” —Sarah to Dieter, as the man from the Museum of Civilization shows back up on his bicycle.

The Prophet

“Beware the Prophet. If you see this man, cover your ears and run for your lives.”

Alex reads these words from the flyer that she picks up off the ground. While we see very little of him in this episode, The Prophet is on our minds throughout. And if Episode Two made it safe to assume that he was bad, Episode Four confirms it.

“That Post-Pans were special… the first human generation to be rid from trauma…and that the survivors were the only liars left,” Alex tells Kirsten when asked what The Prophet said to her.

K: “That’s what the Undersea thought. It’s from Station Eleven.”

A: “Maybe he read it.”

K: “No. There’s only one copy and I hid it.”

***

Kirsten: “What happened? Why did you put the mines back in?”

Gil: “Because he fucking took everything! The Prophet!”

***

Kirsten: “It’s like he knew I knew he was pretending. It was a game.”

Alex: “To me, he just felt honest. Most Pre-Pans don’t.”

Upcoming Small-Group Conversations:
Election Grief Revisited - 12/6
The Holidays Are Hard for Me - 12/12

Sarah

“I saw you… onstage. Something had you, just for a second. What happened?” —Sarah (to Kirsten)

Sarah really shines in this one. She has so much depth and soul and personality. I also love her moments with Gil later in the episode.

Gil: “Well, we said we’d never do Hamlet.”

Sarah: “Well, that was back when we made decisions together, so…”

***

Gil: “You don’t like risk.”

Sarah: “We’re artists. Everything is dangerous.”

The Cabin Year One

Read more