I realized pretty quickly it wasn’t easy-peasy to tweak this article. I recognize now that as with everything in life, we continue to grow and evolve. Although you may recognize some of my previous musings (hopefully, worth repeating), I have added new thoughts and perspectives.

I picked the article entitled “Blowin’ in the Wind,” that I wrote during the throes of the pandemic. The words of that song capture the question about how long do we have to wait to resolve our disparate divisions? Here we are some 5 years later from that time and thinking about our country’s 250^th anniversary, I thought it was timely to think about the factions that continue to separate us.

As I watch the news, I can’t believe my eyes and heart. Having lived through the Civil Rights Movement in the 60s, I thought we had grown to be more accepting of others since then. How can there still be so much division and hate spewed at others who are different than us?

Like most of you, the protests, raids, and “dramatic” events we’ve experienced in recent years, cause me to do some serious soul searching. I like to think that MY heart has always been in the right place. But I never took the time to examine the systemic issues that have yet to be resolved. Did our feelings and judgments really evolve in the last few decades (like I thought) or did they just go underground?

Since the pandemic, we have continued to experience emotionally charged issues—coupled with high stress. It has become a recipe for creating an alarming schism across our nation. As we deal with all the feelings we experience every day from watching the news, here are a few things I try to practice and encourage you to do as well. What else can we add?

Discernment. Or as my mom used to say, “Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.” In my original article, I used the example of “Defund the Police.” (Remember that???) Slogans like that got our attention--for sure. I was shocked and it didn’t make sense to me. Why would we ever want to get rid of the police?

Before we jump to conclusions, it behooves us to do our own research. Back in my younger days, we only had encyclopedias! It was impossible to have up-to-date information, even if we did get the annual updated volume! Today, we can jump on a computer and do a digital search. I’m sure you wouldn’t be shocked to know there is a lot of incorrect information on the computer. So, be cautious.

I did just that 5 years ago. It didn’t take long for me to learn that beneath those 3 words was the intention to increase preventative programs such as mental health, youth services, health programs, and affordable housing. The belief was that by aiding underserved populations ahead of time, we wouldn’t need as many punitive/corrective systems (aka police and jail). The excess monies no longer needed for police departments—could then be used to create more preventative services.

Once I understood its intent, my opinion changed. It seemed very idealistic, of course, but there was a lot I could get behind. I wondered how this catch phrase rose to fame to being with. Why would the creators of this model construct such a negative reaction/connotation since it detracted from their end goal? I suspected it came from the opposing side (why, I don’t know).

• Do your homework and be a discerning and inquiring person. Investigate multiple reliable resources. Use objective (if possible!) judgement to determine what’s really happening before clarifying your opinion and what reflects the values and direction you support.

Use the power of AND instead of BUT. Stringing 2 thoughts together by using the word “but” negates or lessens the first part of the statement. There’s another way to examine many things we face in our lives. Here is an example where I learned an alternative way of thinking.

Did you have imperfect parents like me? There were things I wished they didn’t do while I was growing up. I felt angry at them when remembering parts of my life. But then, I felt guilty knowing the many positive aspects of my growing-up years. How could I get mad at them?

With the help of a therapist, I learned that you could hold two truths at the same time. Both aspects were true. And of course, I eventually appreciated that they were doing the best they could (like all of us).

• We can use this mindset just about every day, not only when it applies to people but for many aspects of daily life. It could be an employer, the country, or a political party. There are things we like, but other things we wish were different. The challenge, though, is not only to identify what needs to change, but how we can make a difference.

Remember to walk a mile in their shoes. Let’s face it, it’s hard to listen to some people. We often jump to conclusions based on our own experience and the stories we tell ourselves. Sometimes we need an extra dose of understanding where they are coming from based on their own perspective.

Although we might not have had the exact experience another person has gone through, most times we are able to relate to something similar. I try to avoid saying, “I know what you are going through.” Chances are I don’t.

• Stop, listen, and try to understand someone’s perspective, without judgement. The reminder that rings true for me is—we don’t know what another person is going through—so just be kind.

Choose love over hate. Loving humans that you don’t agree with or don’t understand doesn’t mean you have to be best friends or tolerate abuse. It is an act of goodwill. Start by consciously wishing them well and actively choosing empathy over harsh judgement. It also frees you from the poison of animosity and brings you peace.

• Wish them well. Find simple ways to be kind and bring people some joy. Be a “joy gardener.” Consider returning good despite what might have been done toward you.

Aim for convergence. Not a word I have ever used before. But after hearing it recently and learning its definition, it’s something worth aspiring to. A couple of definitions I found:

• Convergence means 2 or more different things coming together, moving toward each other.

• The convergence of different ideas, groups, or societies is the process by which they stop being different and become more similar.

• I am reminded of one of Maya Angelou’s sage observations. “We are more alike than we are unalike.” Her profound message reflects that no matter our backgrounds, cultures, or skin tones, every human being shares the exact same fundamental experiences, needs, and emotions.

For this article, I chose another folk song (both made famous by Peter, Paul & Mary) to reflect my hope that each of us will find ways they can take to bring us closer to principles our country has been founded on.

Excerpts: “If I Had a Hammer”

Written by Lee Hayes & Pete Seeger

If I had a hammer…I’d hammer out danger, I’d hammer out a warning,

I’d hammer out love between my brothers and sisters, all over this land.

If I had a bell… I’d ring out danger, I’d ring out a warning,
I’d ring out love between my brothers and my sisters, all over this land.

If I had a song… I’d sing out danger, I’d sing out warning,
I’d sing out love between my brothers and my sisters all over this land.

Well, I’ve got a hammer, and I’ve got a bell, and I’ve got a song to sing…

It’s the hammer of justice! It’s the bell of freedom! It’s a song about

love between my brothers and my sisters all over this land!

Interpretation: The hammer represents the power needed to build a better society, and serves as a tool to fight injustice | The bell is a symbol for communication and broadcasting, sounding the alarm for injustice and spreading the message of freedom | The song symbolizes the unifying power of music and words. It serves as a tool to express solidarity and love between my brothers and sisters.

• The final verse reminds listeners that they do not have to wait for someone else to change the world—the tools and power to create justice, freedom, and love are already in their hands.

I hope you enjoy my articles. Four things I’d appreciate you doing at some time or other:

1. One way is to “like” my articles. Yeah, it’s a bit silly, but I guess in the virtual world, it can get more attention from others.

2. Do you know someone who might also enjoy receiving these articles? If so, please use the link below as an easy way to pass the word around.

3. I’d love to have a dialog regarding the topics I write about. Are your experiences/opinions similar or different than mine? There is a Comment Section below—for any thoughts you’d like to share. I want to hear from you! (Note: You have to create a brief profile before you can use this feature).

4. And last, but not least, “Subscribe” below (if you haven’t already!)

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Writing has never been about money for me. By using this platform, I hope I will be able to reach a broader readership. Substack provides free access for readers as well as gives folks an opportunity to support the writer with a voluntary donation.

In addition to a donation that can vary from $5/month for any designated period of time, I am providing an option for my readers to simply “tip” me—a one-time tip (like you might tip for coffee or other service). For those signing up for a 6-month commitment or more, I decided I would provide the Reflections part of the PhotoJournal I created for my family.

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The essays were later read and critiqued by classmates. One of the comments about my piece was “not everyone is a friend.” I wish I knew what I had written that implied that, because of course, I knew that.

And although my friends have played an important part in my life, I realize there have been many other people who have made a significant impact on my life. This famous quote sums it up quite nicely for me:

“People come into your life for a reason… a season… or a lifetime.”

(credited to Brian A. Drew Chalker)

For a lifetime…

It’s easy to identify the people who have been with me for a lifetime. I define lifetime in this context as the influence a person had on my life—not necessarily a literal beginning to “the end.”

Of course, my parents quickly come to mind. They gave me the emotional foundation to build the rest of my life. Most of their lessons/values/ethics weren’t ever verbalized, I just absorbed them during those early years. Maybe like you, we then spend a lot of our adult years unraveling just how this “inheritance” has affected our thinking and behaviors! Although my parents died many years ago, some of those messages continue to unfold themselves even now.

For a season…

As I look at the people who stayed in my life for a season, there are tons of people I could list—classmates, teachers, neighbors, coworkers. But I believe the quote’s message is to “call out” those who have been with us for a period of time and have made an impact. Well, that narrows it down a lot!

It’s been fun remembering those folks (non-friends) who have affected my life in some way. Here’s a couple of examples I came up with:

Music

Mrs. Pierson. For some reason, my mom wanted me to play the piano. The piano arrived when I was 4 and Mrs. Pierson did the rest. I took weekly lessons faithfully until high school. I’m sure my mom was pleased that I liked playing it. Of course, like most of us, I didn’t like to practice. I can still hear my mom remind me, “Time to tickle the ivories.”

I don’t think Mom or Mrs. Pierson could have ever imagined how learning the piano created a significant thread throughout my life. In grammar school, I would be asked to play an occasional song in my classroom. I was pleased to be asked to perform at my eighth-grade graduation. (I’m guessing my mom was too.) I was also proud that I picked a “showier” piece than my classmate, Howard. (Just sayin’.)

Playing the piano and reading notes eventually led to singing. I always told others that I don’t have a great voice, but I could read music and follow (sing) the notes. I sang in my church choir and would continue to sing in many church choirs throughout my life.

I tried out and was accepted for a select chorus in high school and another one in college. I learned the guitar and used guitar/piano/singing as a camp counselor and later, as a Kindergarten teacher.

Matter of fact, I selected Early Education because I figured I could utilize music with younger children.

Although my passion for music never waned, music took a back seat while raising my family (about a 25-year pause). I had the opportunity to buy a piano early in this decade with a company bonus. I relearned the piano (thanks to another piano teacher who helped).

I once again embraced the joy that music occupies a big part of my heart. While I was living in Pennsylvania, I joined a church with an exceptional church choir—wonderful memories of a European choir tour and our special Christmas concerts.

Which brings me up to now. I am re-learning how to play the guitar and am active in a local Folk Singing organization (for 55+ years) and oh yeah, learning to square dance!

The gifts from Mrs. Pierson’s season have blossomed over and over throughout my life.

New career

Back in the 70s, after moving to Rochester (my husband grew up in this region), I had hoped to land another teaching job (I had been a Kindergarten teacher in NJ for 4 years). While I was looking/applying, I took an entry level clerical job in a company.

I thought of myself as a teacher. Business was the last place I wanted to be and felt like a fish out of water. Unfortunately, during this era, there was a downturn in needing teachers. Eventually, I came to grips that a career in education was probably not in the cards for me.

I had gotten a promotion as a department secretary (I recognize secretaries are an outdated term these days). It had more responsibilities, but it still wasn’t enough. I wanted a job that I enjoyed (almost) as much as teaching. But what? I knew little about the opportunities in the business world.

I started making a mental list and eliminated careers/jobs I knew I didn’t want to do. Finance? Nope, not good at math. Computers? Not left-brained. Sales? Too intimidating! The only other area that I was aware of was Personnel (now called Human Resources). I could interview people!

As it turned out, the company I worked for was getting ready to close its doors and move the division to Florida. Before I was laid off, though, I talked with the Personnel Representative. It was through that discussion that I realized there were more aspects than just interviewing. (Duh) The job sounded more attractive. Sure, I could (probably) do that.

After my unemployment was over, I started a new job at a new company. One of the benefits of this company was they paid for college courses with no waiting period. I began enrolling in a handful of basic Personnel classes right away.

Although I had made some advancements in the former company, I had to start over again at the bottom—in the Typing Pool. Do you remember what a Typing Pool was? Back in the 70s, word processing typewriters were just evolving. The Typing Pool had a handful of typists who would handle overflow documents/reports from various departments. This allowed department secretaries to focus on more pressing/priority items.

Lloyd. Lloyd was one of the managers who used the Typing Pool for numerous projects. He learned about my interest in Personnel and that I was taking classes. When his secretary left the company, he hand-picked me to replace her. Lloyd just happened to be the Personnel Manager for the Equipment Plant.

Although I was “just” a secretary, he would share some background information why decisions were made and allowed me to interview some candidates (with his oversight). He would also push me to try things and do more, when I balked that I wasn’t “ready.”

Lloyd provided me with foundational skills to qualify me for a more advanced position outside the company. That position turned out to be an HR Director of a nonprofit. Yes, I went from being a secretary on Friday to being a director on Monday (that’s a story for another time!).

During this “season” of my life, I credit Lloyd for seeing potential in me and launching me on my satisfying 30-year career.

That could be the end of this memory—but wait, there’s more!

Despite my hesitation about the world of business, I found Human Resources a good fit for me. I was a generalist who handled recruiting, compensation, benefits, and employee relations. I liked the variety and that every day was different.

After working in HR for several years, I realized I would have less employee relations issues if the managers had improved skills and we could provide a better work environment. The privately held company I worked for didn’t have funds to use a consultant (and computer resources back then were just evolving).

So, I decided to put the training together myself! I read many books and articles and developed what I later called a “Soup to Nuts” management training series. In addition to HR duties, I held multiple classes for supervisors, each focused on a different topic.

…I continued to be involved in management training the rest of my HR career. Although it wasn’t what I had imagined when I first graduated college, and my students were taller, I believe God had another plan for me to capitalize on my skills and passion for teaching. [We plan; God laughs.]

[Note: Side story: Many years after working for Lloyd, I had a business meeting at a local hotel. As I was going into the hotel, there was Lloyd going the other way on the same path! I was so grateful to have an opportunity to tell him how he influenced my life/career!!]

For a reason…

I’ve come to realize that reason translates to growth (and many times involves pain). That reason could be a simple quick statement that brings an “a-ha.” I’m sure there have been many in my life. But the one that comes first to my mind was a situation where growth wasn’t fast and preceded by a lot of stress.

In my HR role, I have supported many, probably hundreds of managers, in one way or another. One of them really rocked my world. Right from the beginning of our reporting relationship, I immediately felt I didn’t measure up to his expectations. I remember trying to figure out how I could intentionally change myself to turn around his opinion of me. Nothing seemed to work.

Eventually, I hired a Coach to help navigate this professional relationship. Through our conversations, she reminded me that I didn’t have the ability to change his beliefs (duh). But when she said he was a soulmate, I was like, “WTH?”

Like many of you, I associated soulmates as a romantic relationship. Was this some sort of cruel joke? Through my later research, she was indeed correct… “Soulmates can enter your life to teach a lesson or facilitate growth, and not just a long-term partner.”

My lesson? I always knew I had a fair amount of a people-pleasing trait in my personality. This situation helped me realize that trying to change myself for someone to like me simply doesn’t work.

Being my authentic self is enough and serves me best. This situation was not a “light-switch” change of my personality, but it sure was a starting point. I became more aware of my tendency and gradually learned to celebrate who I have become—just as I am.

[Note: The post-script to this story was that through a series of corporate changes, I discovered that I was not the only one who found this manager difficult to work with. In particular, he didn’t like anyone telling him what he could/could not do—especially in HR and oh Lordy—a woman! Several years later, he left the company to “pursue other opportunities.” (wink wink)]

Often when I start writing an article, I have a brief topic in mind, and I’m sometimes surprised what comes out on paper (or on the computer!). So was the case with this article.

I have always been thankful to my friends and family. When I think of my blessings, they are always top of my list. As I started writing this article, I realized just how many people have influenced and shaped me. I guess our lives do, indeed, take a village. I never stopped to think about it before.

And so, I invite you to think about your own life influencers. I’m confident all of us have made a difference to someone. If possible, I hope you can share your story with that person. What a wonderful gift to know the difference they have made in your life.

[From: It’s a Wonderful Life…]

I hope you enjoy my articles. Four things I’d appreciate you doing at some time or other:

1. One way is to “like” my articles. Yeah, it’s a bit silly, but I guess in the virtual world, it can get more attention from others.

2. Do you know someone who might also enjoy receiving these articles? If so, please use the link below as an easy way to pass the word around.

3. I’d love to have a dialog regarding the topics I write about. Are your experiences/opinions similar or different than mine? There is a Comment Section below—for any thoughts you’d like to share. I want to hear from you! (Note: You have to create a brief profile before you can use this feature).

4. And last, but not least, “Subscribe” below (if you haven’t already!)

Subscribe now

Writing has never been about money for me. By using this platform, I hope I will be able to reach a broader readership. Substack provides free access for readers as well as gives folks an opportunity to support the writer with a voluntary donation.

In addition to a donation that can vary from $5/month for any designated period of time, I am providing an option for my readers to simply “tip” me—a one-time tip (like you might tip for coffee or other service). For those signing up for a 6-month commitment or more, I decided I would provide the Reflections part of the PhotoJournal I created for my family.

Leave A Tip

As an only child, I was often asked if I missed having a brother or sister. (A great example of dumb things adults ask kids.) When I was old enough, I developed a wise answer saying I didn’t know any differently.

Although I started my life in a small family, I have formed a much larger family of my own (people sometimes refer to them as “framily”). My friends have always been an integral part of my life, and now I often read that having a social network is an important key to aging well.

When I think about my friends, the song I learned in Girl Scouts bubbles up in my mind, “Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other’s gold.” Some people say that old friends are the best. Of course, it’s wonderful to have someone who knows you “when.” But I appreciate each friend for their own specialness that makes them dear. It’s like apples and pears—how can you compare them?

I am blessed to still have my very first friend—from age 4. We grew up in the same neighborhood, 3 houses apart. When I look at photos from when I was a kid, Madeline is almost always there with me.

So many memories! Not only did we go through high school together, but we also went to the same college. I consider Madeline the sister I never had. Perhaps you’d think she is the one who knows where the bodies are buried…but there are no bodies and no secrets. (Haha)

Have you ever had an experience meeting a friend after many years and you picked up where you left off? Thanks to the internet, you can often make that happen. Years ago, I remembered a teacher/friend of mine—back from the late 60s when I taught Kindergarten. I successfully “stalked” Penny, and we had the opportunity to meet up early in this decade. Thanks to FB and email, we are still connected (one advantage of this digital age).

Another memory is when I reunited with Marlene, a college friend, after some 30+ years. We kept in touch for a long time after we graduated. Eventually she moved out west to Wyoming, life happened, and well, we lost touch. We first re-connected on Classmates.com and then corresponded through email.

When I took a cross-country trip in 2007, I made sure we stopped to visit Marlene. It was like time stood still. Her voice, her mannerisms—it was the friend I remembered so many years ago. We simply filled in a few (ahem) details.

We then took the opportunity to create new memories together. She came to see me when I lived in North Carolina and later, we explored not only Wyoming, but also Montana, and even Mexico.

Tragically, Marlene died of ALS about 10 years after we renewed our friendship. I wish we had more time, but I cherish those bonus memories we made together.

A few years ago, I traveled back to New Jersey to attend a high school reunion. What a great opportunity to renew some friendships. Matter of fact, the friends I hung out with during those high school days are planning a weekend together sometime this May. I’m looking forward to renewing our friendships and laughing/sharing about the old days.

There hasn’t been any one way of finding and creating my framily. Many of my friendships evolved from situations where I spent a lot of time. It’s impossible to remember when work, church, or hobbies/passions flowed over to include our personal lives. But there have also been some friendships when we connected almost immediately.

One of my favorite life memories was when my daughters threw me a surprise birthday party (2006). My daughters invited friends from different parts of my life. What a wonderful experience to have these friends meet each other. It was fun listening as they shared Jane-stories (there are many). And later, several of them mentioned how easily they clicked and had a wonderful time.

After that party, I started wondering if there are common threads with my friends. Hmmm. Each of my friends has their own personality and life experiences. Having a sense of humor is important to me but being open and authentic was always the starting point. My friends probably have similar values (or I wouldn’t consider them a friend), but I’m not sure I could list them. I saw this quote and I thought how true it is:

Friendship is born at a moment when one person says to another: “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” CS Lewis

How wonderful it is to be with others who are going through the same things as you in each chapter of our lives. Yes, we often sound like our mothers—but didn’t we always? Friend conversations revolve around our lives and the focus at the time. In our early years, you could hear us talking about our careers/co-workers, husbands/partners, vacations, and kids.

These days, we continue with these same topics but add medical/health to our conversations (a lot). A few of my friends are working part-time like me, and we are always amazed how difficult it is to find time when we are both available. How did we do it when we were working?

But of course, it’s the season of our lives when we experience the hard part of love—having friends die. I lost 3 dear friends in one year, friends who were still in their 60s. That was tough. Gone, way too soon. It just didn’t feel fair.

Every loss feels like a part of my life goes with it. I imagine my friendships as part of a multi-faceted diamond prism. Each friend has its own unique cluster of conversations and experiences that only the two of us have shared together. They cannot be replicated. It’s sad to lose them, but not to love someone is even sadder.

“Grief and love are sisters, woven together from the beginning.” Francis Weller

I am so grateful to have my “inner circle” of friends (you know who you are). These are the folks I can share whatever happens in my life. They always listen with love and without judgement (that I know of!). They may have different opinions, but I know they are there for me without any hesitation. They accept me, warts and all. But of course, I don’t have too many warts. (hmmm)

My hope for you, my readers, is that you have your own circle of friends. It’s never too late to build your network. A smile and a warm greeting are all you need to get started.

I hope you enjoy my articles. Four things I’d appreciate you doing at some time or other:

1. One way is to “like” my articles. Yeah, it’s a bit silly, but I guess in the virtual world, it can get more attention from others.

2. Do you know someone who might also enjoy receiving these articles? If so, please use the link below as an easy way to pass the word around.

3. I’d love to have a dialog regarding the topics I write about. Are your experiences/opinions similar or different than mine? There is a Comment Section below—for any thoughts you’d like to share. I want to hear from you! (Note: You have to create a brief profile before you can use this feature).

4. And last, but not least, “Subscribe” below (if you haven’t already!)

Subscribe now

Writing has never been about money for me. By using this platform, I hope I will be able to reach a broader readership. Substack provides free access for readers as well as gives folks an opportunity to support the writer with a voluntary donation.

In addition to a donation that can vary from $5/month for any designated period of time, I am providing an option for my readers to simply “tip” me—a one-time tip (like you might tip for coffee or other service). For those signing up for a 6-month commitment or more, I decided I would provide the Reflections part of the PhotoJournal I created for my family.

Leave a Tip

Age is just a number, and mine just got larger. Like you, there have been numerous events and challenges that have shaped who I’ve become. Many of them required me to endure pain. But in the end, they have added to whatever wisdom I’ve accumulated.

But there’s more! Through the years, I have embraced beliefs that make me “me.” As I try to recount these for this article, they are elusive and difficult to trace back to a particular point in time when I adopted them. They remain mysterious and unseen.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more curious about what happens after we die. Yes, I’m talking about heaven. Most of my beliefs were taught to me in Sunday School starting as a young child. I believe in God and that there’s a purpose for our lives. Of course, there’s no proof there’s a Higher Power, but that’s why it’s called “faith.”

My curiosity about death has led me to read about Near Death Experiences, people whose heart has stopped for a few minutes before bringing brought back to life. These touching stories are very similar, and reinforced what I hope it would be like when I die.

Although I am not afraid to die, I do worry a bit about what could lead up to that final moment. My mom used to tell me, “It’s not dying (that’s the issue), it’s the dying.” When I hear stories about friends who are dealing with tough medical issues, my mind goes “south.” I (try to) intentionally change my mind to another channel.

One of my close college friends suffered with ALS. Besides Dementia, ALS is on my top 2 worst ways to die. I remember commenting to her about her courage and strength in going through those awful challenges. Her answer, “What else can I do?” I know I am strong enough to deal with whatever happens…when/if it happens. How much better for me to appreciate the health I enjoy now than wasting time on what may never happen.

I consider myself a logical person. Maybe it was my Life Coach training that opened my mind to some “fluffier” beliefs. Like the Law of Attraction (see AIs summary below).

The Law of Attraction is a belief that positive or negative thoughts bring positive or negative experiences into a person’s life.

My training emphasized that visualization is an important start, but needs to be coupled with action and changing negative patterns to align your internal state with your goals. It’s not just wishful thinking.

I like the symbolism of the red cardinal. It’s often referred to as a sign that a loved one is near or watching over you. A few months ago, a friend and I were chatting while waiting for our lunch from a local Chinese restaurant. I was recounting a memory about how my mom and I used to eat at a certain Chinese restaurant every time we shopped at Passaic, NJ (many years ago). Just at that moment, we saw a cardinal come to my patio and hover around the table for several minutes. “Hi, Mom. Thanks for those fun times together.”

After a dear friend gave me a book by SQuire Rushnell, I was sold on the experiences SQuire referred to in one of his books about God Winks. The “winks” he refers to can be described as a little nudge or message from someone we loved (now in the spiritual realm). It’s an experience so perfectly timed or astonishing that feels more than just chance. Yup! I’ve had a few of those situations. I now call them Winks. Others may just ignore them or consider them coincidences.

I leave you with one of my favorite personal stories about an unprovable mystery of life.

…

Many years ago, I was coming home from work and stopped at Wegmans for a few things. There were a few snowflakes when I went into the store, but there was a lot of snow when I got out! Luckily,I didn’t have far to drive. A mile from my home, I turned on a long road that is mostly open land, with a few homes scattered here and there. A perfect place for “white outs.” (A term I only learned when I moved to upstate New York). There were a few cars ahead of me and as they seemed to go faster, I tried to gently slow down my car. “Don’t step on the brakes.” Is the general advice up here.

Despite my efforts, a gust of wind lifted my car, and I knew my tires were off the ground. My steering wheel was useless; I had no control. Within a nano-second, I realized my car was headed straight for a utility pole. I can still see it in my mind’s eye—right smack in the middle of my front bumper. I remember thinking (quite calmly, surprisingly), “This is going to hurt.”

The next thing I knew, I was in a ditch—seemingly in the middle of nowhere. This was in the 90s, and I was very appreciative I had a cell phone. I called 911 (was told it would be a while since they got a lot of calls).

I looked up and could see a yellow house, the only house on that long road where I knew someone. As I was sitting there, I saw a couple of flashlights coming toward me. It was the two boys from that family who attended my church. At the time, I was the Christian Education Director. One of the boys said to the other, “It’s the church lady!”

Luckily, I wasn’t hurt and was able to get out of the car. We walked to their house, not far away. It felt good to tell my story to the mom while we waited for the police. Finally, we saw the police car and the boys walked me back to my car.

As the cop was filling out his report (gave me a ticket for not adjusting to conditions) one of the boys yelled, “Wow! Just like the cartoons!!!” In my shock, I had forgotten all about that utility pole. The teen pointed to my tire tracks—one set on each side of the pole. It was as if the pole was lifted and my car just came to a stop. When the boy said that the cop immediately went to the pole and shook it, making sure it was solidly in the ground (seeking a rational reason).

I replayed the scene in my mind driving directly at that pole. How DID that happen?? There is no logical explanation. I was left with the question that I have to this day “how did that happen?”

…

As I end this article, many of you might laugh at these musings. My hope is that you may open your mind to recognize that there are some things that happen in life that can’t be proven. Enjoy and embrace those mysteries!

I hope you enjoy my articles. Four things I’d appreciate you doing at some time or other:

1. One way is to “like” my articles. Yeah, it’s a bit silly, but I guess in the virtual world, it can get more attention from others.

2. Do you know someone who might also enjoy receiving these articles? If so, please use the link below as an easy way to pass the word around.

3. I’d love to have a dialog regarding the topics I write about. Are your experiences/opinions similar or different than mine? There is a Comment Section below—for any thoughts you’d like to share. I want to hear from you! (Note: You have to create a brief profile before you can use this feature).

4. And last, but not least, “Subscribe” below (if you haven’t already!)

Subscribe now

Writing has never been about money for me. By using this platform, I hope I will be able to reach a broader readership. Substack provides free access for readers as well as gives folks an opportunity to support the writer with a voluntary donation.

In addition to a donation that can vary from $5/month for any designated period of time, I am providing an option for my readers to simply “tip” me—a one-time tip (like you might tip for coffee or other service). For those signing up for a 6-month commitment or more, I decided I would provide the Reflections part of the PhotoJournal I created for my family.

Leave a Tip

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference” (Prayer written originally by Reinhold Niebuhr and adopted by Alcoholics Anonymous)

There were many times in my life when I said this prayer as a reminder that I am powerless over a lot of things. I can’t control what others do or think. I acknowledge that although I may have (and sometimes share) my opinion, I must accept that friends and family have the right to make their own decisions.

But it seems I must “apply” this wisdom increasingly to my health and other factors that come into play in this last chapter of life. I now have a deeper understanding of how our health makes us rich.

I recognize I’m in my bonus years (with increased life expectancy). These issues bubble up because we didn’t die young. But we don’t get this old without some parts wearing out, needing a tune-up, or requiring accommodation of some sort.

It’s regrettable that when we’re in our twenties, we can’t foresee how we could positively influence some of what happens when we’re in our 60s+. None of us could predict how fast we would get there. (“We get too soon old and too late smart.”)

These are the years when performing repetitive motions (sports or work related) catch up with us. We may suffer consequences from not following those medical recommendations exactly or consistently…eating too much, eating the wrong things, worshipping the sun, not exercising, smoking (gasp) etc. Often though, what we face feels random.

Like many of you, I have a growing cadre of doctors. Besides my primary care doctor, I have a cardiologist who is monitoring my irregular heart rate, my dermatologist who is checking my skin for any additional basal cell carcinoma (or worse!), my chiropractor, my ophthalmologist, my audiologist, and of course, my dentist (throw in an occasional oral surgeon).

I recognize that what I personally face is minor compared to many others my age (and younger). On a recent phone call with a good friend of mine, we talked about perspective—not liking the issues we face but appreciating that at least it’s not x and y. Perspective is great…but when all is said and done, we still must deal with what we got.

I remember when my daughter was diagnosed with diabetes at age 4, A lot of people trying to support me would say something like…”at least it’s not …” Of course, that’s true. But I still had to go through the challenge of learning how to inject her little arm with insulin and deal with all the other aspects of diabetes with a small child. To us, it was a pretty big deal. It wasn’t “nothing.”

With every new challenge or medical issue, I face decisions as to the course of action to take. I may accept the diagnosis, but it doesn’t mean I just “walk away.” Acceptance doesn’t mean passive resignation. We are fortunate that we live in a time where technology, research, information, and resources are available.

For serious diagnoses, most of us quickly explore specialists and treatments. Other issues are not as clear. How we handle aging issues seems to depend on the issue, how it impacts the quality of our life, and available resources.

Our ego often plays a part. Your family tells you that you can’t hear—but you dig your heels in before getting hearing aids. Your knees are giving you trouble, but you refuse to use a cane or walker. Does this walker make me look old?

It’s hard to look in the mirror and not see the reflection of the former me. Ah, the effects of gravity and sun (no matter how careful I’ve been..ahem!) and thinning hair. I find myself exploring various options, including OTC treatments, supplements, and cover-ups. All I have to do is google a few words, and the algorithms do the rest. They remind me every time I turn on the computer about “options.” (Ugh!)

I’ve been surprised at the changes I thought I could overcome myself. I used to be able to work over 5 hours a shift at my part-time job. Since I regularly did it, I was surprised that one day, it became too much. It wasn’t a matter of my willpower, it seemed my body had a different “will.”

The other day when my back wasn’t quite up to par, I went to a local mall to buy a few things. I walked from one store to another, requiring me to walk the length of the mall. I realized if I slowed down my usual (former?) pace, the ache/pain wouldn’t be as bad. It was very frustrating, and I had to stay out of the way, so everyone else could pass me by.

Endpoints are elusive. When is enough, enough? We weigh alternatives. We may choose a smaller plot for our garden. Reduce the Christmas decorations. Take more breaks. Live with a little more dust. Get that cane so we can go out of the house. Accept what is for now. New options may become available (we hope).

When I hear the deaths of people younger than me, I am reminded that these extra years are a gift and I am grateful. In all honesty though, I have moments of sadness and even grief as I deal with some of these aging “adjustments.”

I try to remember that I’m still me. All ’n all, I am glad to be hanging around another day—hopefully, another year (and longer)!

May 2026 be filled with good health, good memories, and people you love!

I hope you enjoy my articles. Four things I’d appreciate you doing at some time or other:

1. One way is to “like” my articles. Yeah, it’s a bit silly, but I guess in the virtual world, it can get more attention from others.

2. Do you know someone who might also enjoy receiving these articles? If so, please use the link below as an easy way to pass the word around.

3. I’d love to have a dialog regarding the topics I write about. Are your experiences/opinions similar or different than mine? There is a Comment Section below—for any thoughts you’d like to share. I want to hear from you! (Note: You have to create a brief profile before you can use this feature).

4. And last, but not least, “Subscribe” below (if you haven’t already!)

Subscribe now

Writing has never been about money for me. By using this platform, I hope I will be able to reach a broader readership. Substack provides free access for readers as well as gives folks an opportunity to support the writer with a voluntary donation.

In addition to a donation that can vary from $5/month for any designated period of time, I am providing an option for my readers to simply “tip” me—a one-time tip (like you might tip for coffee or other service). For those signing up for a 6-month commitment or more, I decided I would provide the Reflections part of the PhotoJournal I created for my family.

Leave a Tip

I don’t know how to answer the question when people ask how I like being “retired.” When I google the definition of a retiree, I found “A person who has retired from employment.” So, I really don’t fit that definition but most think of someone who has retired from what I call, a “traditional career.”

As you probably know, Social Security began in 1935 when President Roosevelt signed the Social Security Act to provide economic security for people 65+ during the Great Depression. Eventually that age became synonymous with retirement age.

Back then, the US life expectancy was at 61. Through medical advancements and other factors, our US life expectancy today is 78. With these extra “bonus years” Baby Boomers (like me) have an opportunity to reinvent retirement.

To retire is to “withdraw,” but I believe we “replaced” our time. Many of us filled those extra years with part-time jobs, grandchildren, hobbies/interests, and/or volunteering. A few years ago, I looked at my calendar and realized I had replaced my time with work-related things. I worked part-time at Wegmans and then spent a fair amount of time on my resume business. Where was the fun part of my life?

After taking some time to do some soul searching and exploring ideas, I was successful in filling some of the parts of my life that were missing. Now, I need to figure out balance!

Besides learning how to square dance, I joined a folk singing organization which tapped into the roots of my college years when I played the guitar and sang folk music. What started intermittently, I found myself really enjoying the weekly “jam” sessions (called Singarounds) and grew to feeling that these folks were my “tribe.”

I have learned that volunteering and being involved is key to meeting and getting to know members/participants vs. just showing up. With this philosophy, I heard myself agreed to be this organization’s annual Festival Director for 2025 (yikes). And thus, the lesson for this article.

Of course, it was an enormous “project,” but more than just the size, this assignment was just not where I wanted to spend my time at this time in my life. This experience pushed me to evaluate what I want to do with this chapter in my life. [I have great admiration for the individual who had taken the lead many years prior. And luckily for me, she was also there to help make this festival weekend successful.]

Some of the challenges with this opportunity are universal. Finding enough volunteers is always a struggle and it seems to be the same ones who raise their hands. In our organization, we face an aging membership where some people feel they have given their time and/or don’t have the energy to do too much anymore.

There were problems to be solved, personalities to deal with, understanding the “way things were done in the past,” and learning new aspects (to me). As the date of the festival became closer, things became more intense. I put my pending resume projects on hold and yes, writing these articles. (And true confession: cleaning my home!) My ability to be creative was non-existent. It didn’t take me long after the festival to realize the emotional price I had paid. One side of me knows that with one year’s experience under my belt, it might be easier next year. But by saying “yes” to this commitment, I was saying “no,” to other things in my life I enjoyed.

Balance is something we often struggle with when we are younger. Many things tug on our time—careers, kids, families, homes, but why do “retirees” struggle? In trying to schedule my friends for lunch, it often takes some back-and-forth texts to find available time that works for each of us, and then it’s two or three weeks in advance!

Recently, one friend (you know who you are) confessed that too much of her life has been taken up by needs of others, leaving little time for what she wants to do. We all have things we have to do (can’t forget those medical appointments!) But other commitments may start out at a reasonable level, then one thing leads to another, then suddenly, it’s out of control.

Back in the 80s, I took a “time management” program (lasting several weeks) that was very impactful for my life. It not only talked about how to design your daily activities around your goals but gave guidance on how to have a more purposeful life. For many years, I kept my “wish list” up to date and at the end of every year, I would review it. I was amazed at how often I achieved those goals or replaced/removed some by simply taking the time to be more intentional.

I see it’s time for me to take a similar inventory for my last chapter. After all, there’s no time to waste, right? I invite you to re-evaluate whether your “yes time” is where you want it too.

Allow yourself to write anything that comes to mind and create your “Wish List.” If you’re like me, there’s a tendency to say, “Too late for that…” Write all ideas down anyway!

Consider all elements of your life including Family/Friends | Hobbies/Interests | Travel | Health | Home | Career/Work. You can be as detailed as you’d like—but the important thing is to take an inventory about where you are spending your hours, your days, your life! Does it match up? Are there things you need to do differently? What’s most important to you/your values?

What solutions are there to help you accomplish those goals? If money is the answer, how can you save more/differently? Could you get a part-time job? | How could you improve your health? Start walking a few minutes every day, start a work-out program, etc.

You know the old saying, “If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll continue to get what you get.”

I hope you enjoy my articles. Four things I’d appreciate you doing at some time or other:

1. One way is to “like” my articles. Yeah, it’s a bit silly, but I guess in the virtual world, it can get more attention from others.

2. Do you know someone who might also enjoy receiving these articles? If so, please use the link below as an easy way to pass the word around.

3. I’d love to have a dialog regarding the topics I write about. Are your experiences/opinions similar or different than mine? There is a Comment Section below—for any thoughts you’d like to share. I want to hear from you! (Note: You have to create a brief profile before you can use this feature).

4. And last, but not least, “Subscribe” below (if you haven’t already!)

Subscribe now

Writing has never been about money for me. By using this platform, I hope I will be able to reach a broader readership. Substack provides free access for readers as well as gives folks an opportunity to support the writer with a voluntary donation.

In addition to a donation that can vary from $5/month for any designated period of time, I am providing an option for my readers to simply “tip” me—a one-time tip (like you might tip for coffee or other service). For those signing up for a 6-month commitment or more, I decided I would provide the Reflections part of the PhotoJournal I created for my family.

Leave a Tip

I would never claim to be a gardener. For starters, I don’t like getting my hands dirty. I know very little about flowers and greenery, and I don’t have a lot of interest in learning more. I don’t like bugs or worms or what-have-you. And I don’t like kneeling on the grass or weeding.

But! I like beauty. My home is very important to me and no matter where that is, I quickly make the space mine. My friends tell me I’m a “nester.” I used to change my dishes and trinkets every season and love changing different color schemes that each season brings.

These days, I live on the first floor of a two story condo building. My patio faces a fence and when I sit on the couch, my view out the sliding doors is what I lovingly call my “land.” Sure, it is small. But it is my view, and I make sure it’s pretty since I sit on the couch a lot!

When I first moved here almost 10 years now, the fence was the only thing I could see (boring). I started adding a little area for mulch and flowers. Each year I came up with a few new ideas. One of my best decisions was to add a slow-growing evergreen tree between each fence panel.

This year, I asked a lovely woman who does love gardening to help me. I paid her a very modest sum to do the things I don’t like to do, like the edging. Planting flowers is not my favorite thing to do, but I do enjoy the maintenance. I’m faithful to watering, fertilizing, and trimming the buds. And my flowers do very well.

Like many of you, I sometimes go too fast through life and don’t take time to appreciate each day. As I work on my land this summer, I stopped and realized some of the joys and lessons my little garden has taught me.

Not too late.

There were several reasons I didn’t start buying flowers until June (which is typically around Mother’s Day) this year. When I was ready, I discovered everything seemed “picked-over.”

As you might imagine, a fence is a perfect place for hanging flowers…of course! I have hooks on every fence panel. Working part time at Wegmans, I saw a lovely cone flower hanger back in May, full of pink petunias (Yes, pink is my flower theme). But, it was more money than I wanted to spend.

Fast forward to June, that same planter was 50% off. How could I resist? As I was checking out and the cashier was trying to find the price tag, I mentioned how pretty it was. The cashier kind of gave me the “eye,” as I was placing it carefully in my cart. When I looked down in the cart, I saw what she saw. Since no one had clipped the dead flowers off, the plants/planter was actually pretty sad. No wonder the cashier had looked at me like that.

Once I got home, I quickly cleaned up all the dead buds, watered them, and fertilized it. It wasn’t too long before the flowers returned to their original beauty. I wish I could show that cashier how its beauty has returned—with some love and care.

What are the chances?

Last year I bought a little container I thought was perfect for my little patio table. When I bought it, the garden store had already planted several unknown plants in it. I watered it all summer and was very pleased with how they all grew and lasted all season.

I wasn’t sure what to do with that container this year and even thought about bringing it back to where I bought it to fill it again. One day, I found a package of little artificial plants at Goodwill. It gave me an easy solution. I used some soil I had in a bag from last year and added some to the container. Perfect. It looked almost real and it would be green!

As the weeks went on, we had some rain here and there, and I started seeing a few leaves that I didn’t think were part of those fake plants. Hmmm. How could that be? I decided maybe I should give the container a little water. To my surprise, yes indeed, the leaves grew, and in time, some cute little flowers emerged!

What a fun surprise to see those little flowers. Who could have imagined that the soil, a year old, still held a few flower seeds that given the right care, would find their way to blossom!

Don’t Give up

Several years ago, I bought a 10” pot of a blue hydrangeas (at Wegmans, of course). When I was growing up, my mom had them all along the side of our house. People used to compliment her on them. I didn’t get it at the time, now, when I see hydrangeas, I think of her.

I planted that pot near a couple of unsightly fans next to our building on “my” land. My hope was that the bush would grow large enough to hide its ugliness.

The next spring I was surprised the flowers that appeared were pink—not blue. Not knowing anything about hydrangeas (re-read first paragraph), I decided to do a little research. I learned that hydrangea flowers can start out as blue, but it doesn’t mean you will get blue flowers ever again. I discovered it was all about the soil. It doesn’t make sense to me, but whatever. At the time, I was determined to get my blue flowers back and experimented with the suggestions I found., To no avail.

Eventually, I embraced pink flowers or whatever color showed up. I just wanted flowers. (And since I have recently come up with a pink “theme” on my land, they fit in perfectly.)

Over the years, the bush grew quite nicely. But last year, I was disappointed to only get 2 pink flowers. Early this spring, I was ready to pull the whole bush up and plant something else. Thank goodness I didn’t act too soon! This year, the bush is full of (pink) blooms. My gardener friend credits the wet spring we had. I even have enough flowers to cut and bring in to enjoy indoors. It brings me a lot of joy seeing all the flowers.

Unfortunately, the bush doesn’t really hide that ugly air conditioner. Luckily, I can’t see it from my couch.

Persistence

Of course, there are many things in life when I have wanted to throw in the towel and give up.

But can you imagine being a spider? I go around almost daily, removing all the spider webs along the fence and my patio. I clean them off and Wah-la!

The next day, the webs are back! Sure, it’s annoying for me to have to remove them yet again, but can you imagine being that spider (if he escaped my wrath) thinking, “Oh no. I have to rebuild yet again…”

Don’t give up!

Final garden joy for you:

Although this song has been around for several decades (and sung by a few of my folk/country favorite singers), I only heard it a few years ago.

I smile every time I hear it. I encourage you to take a few minutes and listen to it too.. follow the YouTube link to John Denver’s “The Garden Song.” Enjoy!

I hope you enjoy my articles. Four things I’d appreciate you doing at some time or other:

1. One way is to “like” my articles. Yeah, it’s a bit silly, but I guess in the virtual world, it can get more attention from others.

2. Do you know someone who might also enjoy receiving these articles? If so, please use the link below as an easy way to pass the word around.

3. I’d love to have a dialog regarding the topics I write about. Are your experiences/opinions similar or different than mine? There is a Comment Section below—for any thoughts you’d like to share. I want to hear from you! (Note: You have to create a brief profile before you can use this feature).

4. And last, but not least, “Subscribe” below (if you haven’t already!)

Subscribe now

Writing has never been about money for me. By using this platform, I hope I will be able to reach a broader readership. Substack provides free access for readers as well as gives folks an opportunity to support the writer with a voluntary donation.

In addition to a donation that can vary from $5/month for any designated period of time, I am providing an option for my readers to simply “tip” me—a one-time tip (like you might tip for coffee or other service). For those signing up for a 6-month commitment or more, I decided I would provide the Reflections part of the PhotoJournal I created for my family.

Leave a Tip

Most everyone is trying to find ways to deal with all the negativity that surrounds us on social media and the news these days. Some have turned off the news almost entirely. And who can blame them?

I confess I find myself numb at times. When the war in Ukraine begun, I was all eyes and ears to what was happening there. But after many months/years hearing about it, it seems like business as usual in our sad state of the world. It feels so far away and when it doesn’t impact on our daily life, it’s easy to turn it off.

But when things happen that affect us or the people we know/love, our minds and hearts pay attention. How many times do we hear people on TV say, “I never imagined this could happen in my town…” There was a time when I thought we were safe in the US from the ugliness of “war.” But then September 11, 2001. End of being naïve.

It was sad to hear about the damage done during Hurricane Katrine (New Orleans). But since I had no connections there, I didn’t have a lot of emotion as I watched updates on the news. When Hurricane Helene destroyed so much in Asheville, I sat up and paid a lot of attention. I read all I could on what was happening there after the storm. Why? I used to live there. I still have dear friends there. I saw places I used to visit. It was devastating to see the damage of that beautiful area I had come to love.

These days we not only hear about tragedies like fire, floods, and hurricanes but so many man-made “tragedies” that bombard our minds. Mass murders seem to happen more often—in small towns as well as big cities. And these days, we may see our values and beliefs being challenged or cancelled.

If you’re like me, you feel small and helpless. I faced the fact that there is nothing I can do can change the World (capital “W”), but I could do something to help my little corner of my world (small “w”). Granted, it doesn’t feel like a lot sometimes, but it is better than giving up and doing nothing.

Recently, I recognized something I had done quite naturally could be something I could do more often…One of my coworkers (I work part-time at Wegmans), had the best smile. Every time I saw her, my eyes went to that smile, and I thought how friendly and joyful she seemed to be. Instead of only thinking about it, one day I decided to tell her—I didn’t even know her name. And yes, she gave me that big smile and thanked me for telling her that.

Another time (again at Wegmans), we had a manager that had gone on to another job. Recently, she visited our store, and I decided to tell her that I missed her and thought she was one of the best managers I have ever had. Then I went on to tell her why (hint: her people skills). Her comment was,

“Thank you so much! You made my day—which wasn’t very good.”

From then on, I realized I was onto something. Instead of just thinking a compliment, I would reach out and tell someone… (being care not to get creepy—it must be sincere). I could make someone’s day a little nicer.

So, I challenge you to think about ways you can make a difference to make the part of our world a little better. What feels right to you? By taking a step, done with sincerity, I’m convinced these little acts of kindness can change our world.

I hope you enjoy my articles. Four things I’d appreciate you doing at some time or other:

1. One way is to “like” my articles. Yeah, it’s a bit silly, but I guess in the virtual world, it can get more attention from others.

2. Do you know someone who might also enjoy receiving these articles? If so, please use the link below as an easy way to pass the word around.

3. I’d love to have a dialog regarding the topics I write about. Are your experiences/opinions similar or different than mine? There is a Comment Section below—for any thoughts you’d like to share. I want to hear from you! (Note: You have to create a brief profile before you can use this feature).

4. And last, but not least, “Subscribe” below (if you haven’t already!)

Subscribe now

Writing has never been about money for me. By using this platform, I hope I will be able to reach a broader readership. Substack provides free access for readers as well as gives folks an opportunity to support the writer with a voluntary donation.

In addition to a donation that can vary from $5/month for any designated period of time, I am providing an option for my readers to simply “tip” me—a one-time tip (like you might tip for coffee or other service). For those signing up for a 6-month commitment or more, I decided I would provide the Reflections part of the PhotoJournal I created for my family.

Leave a Tip

My google calendar reminded me of the day when I adopted Josie. Although Josie crossed Rainbow Bridge 2 years ago, the memories and feelings came right back. Here’s our story…

I’ve always loved animals. But I confess I would always think when I heard someone spending thousands on a dog’s surgery or several hundred dollars on veterinary care seem way over the top. “It’s only a dog…”

Getting a dog was never on my Goal List (of course, I always had one). I liked dogs, but I knew nothing about taking care of them. I was sure they required a lot of work. You know the saying, “We plan and God laughs.”

After being laid off/retired, I moved to North Carolina. (Moving south was one of my goals!) One Christmas, my youngest daughter came to visit. As she got off the plane, she quickly declared we would be going to get her a dog while she was here (a week). She said that it was hard to find animal shelters in Brooklyn where she lived—this was her chance. I thought she was joking. But no, she was dead serious.

As we visited several rescue places in the area, I was surprised how much information they needed before handing a pup over to someone. Were all those questions necessary? Are they being too fussy? Aren’t they trying to find homes for these dogs? How difficult do you need to make it?

With only a day or two left of her visit, she finally found “the one” - an older Chihuahua she named Sargent. Not knowing anything about taking care of a dog, I was very fortunate I had two neighbors who were experienced dog owners. They were invaluable in getting us started. One of my friends gave her a travel bag for him and helped her get ready for the plane ride. And despite all my worries, it was smooth sailing.

I thought Sarge was adorable. He had a calm demeanor and those sweet little eyes. After the holidays, I was surprised when the thought bubbled up, “Maybe someday I’ll get a cute little Chihuahua like Sarge.” Not now, maybe someday. Well, if you’re a believer in the power of attraction like I am, I set myself up for exactly that! I didn’t expect that “someday” would be in 5 months.

I didn’t go looking for a dog…a dog found me. It happened when I was on a treadmill, warming up for a group personal training session. A gal, not normally a member of our group, was there to make up a class. As we were next to each other and warming up on the treadmills, she looked over to me and asked, “Hey, would you like a cute little black and white dog?” Huh? Another woman warming up next to us, laughed and said, “What would make you ask her that?” (No answer.)

Without thinking it through I asked, “What kind?” When she answered, “Part Chihuahua,” I knew it was a “sign.” I thought about it for a few days, but then I made arrangements for Josie to come home with me for a week…on trial. (Stop laughing.) The rest, as they say, was history. During Josie’s “trial” period, I asked my friends, Kathy and Carla, if they would help orient me with the care and feeding of a dog.

I learned that Josie had been given away a few times before I got her. The lady on the treadmill mentioned that she had previously given her to a family with a young boy. Then Josie ran away and was on the “lam” for a month. With a chip, Josie was eventually returned to her. (I suspect the boy hurt her.) The result was that Josie developed Separation Anxiety.

The first day after Josie’s arrival, I went to church as usual and then made a quick stop at Walmart, only to find Kathy and Carla sitting in my living room (they had my garage code). They said they heard Josie crying when I went out and came over to keep her company. They said that although several cars had driven by my house while they were there, it was only when I started coming down the street that she ran to the garage, waiting for me to come in. We were all convinced she was indeed, “my dog.”

As you might expect, Josie quickly changed the way I lived. I used to joke that I wanted a relationship and I got a dog. But it sure turned out to be a wonderful one! Many of my friends were surprised I got a dog. They wondered how I would adjust to being tied down.

Despite my own reservations and those of my friends, I quickly embraced my role as a dog mom. I enjoyed talking to other pet owners about their dogs and felt an instant connection. I now got it…how a dog (or pet) could quickly earn a spot in a family’s heart.

Josie loved her walks and so we walked…a lot. Good exercise for both of us. I got tired of walking the same paths, so I would drive to different neighborhoods and parks. I started seeing things differently, “Oh, I have to take Josie here, she would love it…” I loved seeing her excited when we pulled up to one of her favorite parks. I wouldn’t have thought so before, but I willingly changed my schedule to provide walk time for her.

I loved making her happy with a new toy or treat and got to know what she would like. She made me happy just by being around me. I enjoyed coming home and seeing her sitting at the door, wagging her tail. She would make me laugh at the things she did, and I felt more peaceful by petting her or having her lay on my lap. Many simple moments that made such a wonderful difference in my life.

Perhaps I spoiled her a bit—just a little. My human kids would sometimes remark with jealousy that I loved Josie more than them. Of course, that wasn’t true (most of the time). The photo above was taken by a Pet Photographer for her first Christmas portrait.

I’ve written about some of my challenges and lessons I’ve had. We all have challenges we have to deal with in our lives. But there are many happy memories as well. I share this story as one of those unexpected positive chapters in mine.

Life with Josie changed my attitude and perspective towards animals, especially pets. I now get it when people call their dog their baby and a special member of the family. Sure, it’s not a child, but it is hard not to love this little fur-baby who simply wants to please you and be with you. I now smile whenever I see a dog on the street or riding in a car. My heart truly grieves when I read those sad tales about pups who are mistreated.

Josie lived until she was 14 (12 of them with me). Of course, the last day of Josie’s life was awful. I knew she was suffering and it was time. But despite that grief, I never regretted taking the chance to adopt her.

Or did she adopt me?

A few years before she crossed Rainbow Bridge, I got an inspiration to write a little note to the treadmill lady who gave her to me. I thought she would enjoy knowing that she gave me a great gift and we have had many wonderful years together. We connected on Facebook, and she answered me the next day.

She told me she never had a dog like I described. She had no memory of giving her to me. But she now has a large black and white dog named Josie.

“Dogs (pets) are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.” Author Unknown

I hope you enjoy my articles. Four things I’d appreciate you doing at some time or other:

1. One way is to “like” my articles. Yeah, it’s a bit silly, but I guess in the virtual world, it can get more attention from others.

2. Do you know someone who might also enjoy receiving these articles? If so, please use the link below as an easy way to pass the word around.

3. I’d love to have a dialog regarding the topics I write about. Are your experiences/opinions similar or different than mine? There is a Comment Section below—for any thoughts you’d like to share. I want to hear from you! (Note: You have to create a brief profile before you can use this feature).

4. And last, but not least, “Subscribe” below (if you haven’t already!)

Subscribe now

Writing has never been about money for me. By using this platform, I hope I will be able to reach a broader readership. Substack provides free access for readers as well as gives folks an opportunity to support the writer with a voluntary donation.

In addition to a donation that can vary from $5/month for any designated period of time, I am providing an option for my readers to simply “tip” me—a one-time tip (like you might tip for coffee or other service). For those signing up for a 6-month commitment or more, I decided I would provide the Reflections part of the PhotoJournal I created for my family.

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John Denver is one of my favorite singers and his songs often come up in my various playlists. In his song, “Poems, Prayers, and Promises,” he sings, “I have to say it now, it’s been a good life, all in all. It’s really fine to have a chance to hang around…” Hearing it always causes me to pause and wonder if I could describe my own life as “good.” What is a good life anyway?

When I hear “good” what instantly comes to my mind is “easy.” You know, smooth sailing, having it “all” throughout your life. I admit I sometimes look at people I know and think, “Well, their life has been “good.” Realistically, I recognize I don’t know what is beneath the cover.

In my last article, I wrote about forgiving my ex. And indeed, that was a tough one to deal with. We can’t live this long without struggles, disappointments, and grief. But somehow, I have weathered the storm. (Hmmm. Was there another choice?) Looking back now, I see some of the ways I (eventually) met those challenges and obstacles…

In most situations I found it easier to forgive others than myself. A couple of people who worked for me made a point to share how my words helped move them from their own flagging themselves. Some of the things I remember saying to my staff would include, “Well, no one died. We just need to find a way to correct the issue.” I wish that was enough when it came to forgiving myself.

There have been countless times I would kick myself for saying something wrong or saying/doing something stupid. Nothing big, mind you. When the error was MY mistake, I was ruthless. And ‘way over-blown. Other people can be human, but ME!! I want to be perfect. And while I still struggle with my imperfections, I have created a few ways to bring me back to humanness.

I often ask myself, “Well, if so-and-so (a friend) did/said this, how long would you remember it?” Would I even remember “it” the next day? From one to ten, how awful/important is it, really?

One night I was watching one of my cop shows (which I love). They were talking about how much time this person would get for his crime. It finally dawned on me that I was putting a jail sentence on myself for my mistake. What would a judge give me for my “jail” sentence for that infraction? By dwelling on whatever I said wrong, I had was keeping my peace of mind in my own (mind) jail.

Writing in my journal was a critical tool to my survival during rough times. During the toughest of days, as soon as I was done with my journal entry, I felt some relief. In my googling for this article, I discovered a bit of why this was so.

Journaling provides a safe way to express what is on our minds without judgment. It provides a way to release pent-up thoughts and feelings which can help prevent them from spiraling into obsessions or rumination. I recognize that I have less impulse to write, when things are going along fairly smoothly.

I also credit and salute the therapists (one in particular) who walked with me during various times of my life. Talking to an objective person about the deepest parts of what I was going through has also been invaluable in my journey. Through them, I learned a lot about myself and about coping tools that have helped me in approaching future experiences.

And without a doubt, my friends have held me up time and time again. They are truly the family I have chosen myself. I will even take a little credit for selecting them and surrounding myself with good, similarly values-based, people.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention a personal trait that has also helped me. I’m not sure if I was born with it, or it was strengthened over time—maybe both. And that is I am mostly optimistic. I tend to think situations will resolve with a somewhat positive result or that I will survive the outcome. I also tend to trust people—with the caveat that I have also learned to “read” people quite well.

I agree with the definition that faith is the belief that something is true (now) whereas hope is a belief that something will be true in the future. Although hope can exist on its own, it is often seen as a natural outcome of faith in a higher power (I call it “God”) or a belief in a positive future. I’ll also add that I believe our experiences shape who we become and influence our life’s legacy.

I hope you enjoy my articles. Four things I’d appreciate you doing at some time or other:

1. One way is to “like” my articles. Yeah, it’s a bit silly, but I guess in the virtual world, it can get more attention from others.

2. Do you know someone who might also enjoy receiving these articles? If so, please use the link below as an easy way to pass the word around.

3. I’d love to have a dialog regarding the topics I write about. Are your experiences/opinions similar or different than mine? There is a Comment Section below—for any thoughts you’d like to share. I want to hear from you! (Note: You have to create a brief profile before you can use this feature).

4. And last, but not least, “Subscribe” below (if you haven’t already!)

Subscribe now

Writing has never been about money for me. By using this platform, I hope I will be able to reach a broader readership. Substack provides free access for readers as well as gives folks an opportunity to support the writer with a voluntary donation.

In addition to a donation that can vary from $5/month for any designated period of time, I am providing an option for my readers to simply “tip” me—a one-time tip (like you might tip for coffee or other service). For those signing up for a 6-month commitment or more, I decided I would provide the Reflections part of the PhotoJournal I created for my family.

Leave a Tip

In my last article, “Life as a One Percenter” [being in a small group still alive of those born between 1930 and 1946], I shared what life is like at this stage of my life.

Doctors/lawyers often tell their patients when they have a serious diagnosis, “Get your affairs in order.” Even without that warning, we know that life could change quickly at any time. We become especially attuned to that as we enter the last quarter of our lives.

Maybe now is a good time to take an inventory, and finally let go of what is weighing on you. We can’t wait for others to bring us peace. We start by making the decision to make peace possible ourselves.

Of course, this is easier said than done.

***

Whenever I think of needing to forgive, my mind goes right to one or both of my ex-husbands.

Maybe it’s because relationships envelop so much of our body and soul. It included all the hopes I had when I started that new life. Then the sad reality—the death of those dreams.

When I remarried, we had two more daughters to join the daughter from my first marriage. After 12+ years, I found myself doing a lot of soul searching. I told no one what I was thinking during that time, but eventually, I had to admit to myself I needed to end our marriage. As my therapist described our situation, I was on a train going forward and he was stuck at the station; coupled with the recognition of emotional abuse.

Without a doubt, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I felt I was being selfish. Here I was deciding what was right for me—knowing how badly it would hurt him and the girls. It felt like there was an elephant on my chest all the time. There were two years of trying to hold onto my marriage, and trying to ignore the inevitable.

Eventually, though, I summoned all my courage and told him my decision (a horrendous moment). I had soooo much guilt. How could I hurt him so badly (and the girls?) My lawyer had to convince me to protect what was rightly mine, because I was ready to give the “store” away.

Then things changed.

He became full of revenge and did some really ugly things. How sad it was to think about how this person I had chosen and spent so much time with, could change so drastically. I had hoped to end our marriage amicably (like celebrities do. haha). The guilt I had originally turned to anger.

My anger was palpable for a long time. I remember talking to God and asking “What the blazes are you thinking?” For years, I had ignored and justified my husband’s actions in order to survive my marriage. My eyes were now open. In all modesty, I believed I was the better human in this situation. So why was I the one being punished and suffering like I was? I could think of no reason. Now I see it was my attitude that changed—I wanted my ex to hurt like I was hurting.

The anger and sadness felt like a mental/emotional tsunami. I knew I had to release this bitterness for my own health, well-being, and sanity. Once I recognized I had to make a change in my emotional mindset, it took a long time to really feel any differently.

I believed and still believe, “what goes around, comes around.” I was finally able to pray…

“Lord, I believe I am the “healthier” person. I don’t understand why this is happening to me. I realize I may never see how “it comes around” to him. It may happen on this earth or not. I’m now turning it over to you…”

Of course, I was knew I was powerless anyway! I had no ability to change him or control the situation. Worrying and stewing wasn’t going to change a thing. The important part of this, was that I “let it go.” I remembered hearing that when we worry, we believe we’re at least doing something. But it does nothing—except ruin your day (over and over).

I will never forget what happened during that time in my life, but the “sting” eventually lessened (slowly). My lawyer once again, gave me good advice, “Just keep being Jane. The girls will make their own decisions and figure things out.” That hope helped me through some rough times. It took years longer than I had anticipated, though.

As the girls got older, two of them broke off all ties with him. He dealt with serious back issues, heart issues, and Parkinson’s for many years. Right after our divorce, I thought I’d be happy seeing him get his just due. In the end, seeing his suffering did not bring me any joy.

He died last year.

Decades have passed since our divorce. His death was a trigger and my mind went back to those awful days. But it didn’t stay there. I didn’t regurgitate everything all over again.

I know his reactions came from a place of deep hurt and sadness that went way beyond our divorce. His actions were from that dark place. Although I can’t forget those memories, they no longer have the power to weigh me down.

My peace started with me. I traded the drama of that constricting force of anger and unforgiveness for a life of calm and forgiveness.

***

Is there any unresolved anger weighing you down? It begins with your decision, but it is not a light-switch process. If not now, then when? Do it for you.

As I googled this topic, I discovered tons of books written on forgiveness. You might check some of them out. Sometimes it helps to journal about the situation or person. Then tear it up or get rid of that paper using whatever personal meaningful ceremony you want to do. And of course, consider using a therapist. Therapists have made an enormous difference at various times in my life.

“One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is to forgive. Forgive everyone.”

Maya Angelou

I hope you enjoy my articles. Four things I’d appreciate you doing at some time or other:

1. One way is to “like” my articles. Yeah, it’s a bit silly, but I guess in the virtual world, it can get more attention from others.

2. Do you know someone who might also enjoy receiving these articles? If so, please use the link below as an easy way to pass the word around.

3. I’d love to have a dialog regarding the topics I write about. Are your experiences/opinions similar or different than mine? There is a Comment Section below—for any thoughts you’d like to share. I want to hear from you! (Note: You have to create a brief profile before you can use this feature).

4. And last, but not least, “Subscribe” below (if you haven’t already!)

Subscribe now

Writing has never been about money for me. By using this platform, I hope I will be able to reach a broader readership. Substack provides free access for readers as well as gives folks an opportunity to support the writer with a voluntary donation.

In addition to a donation that can vary from $5/month for any designated period of time, I am providing an option for my readers to simply “tip” me—a one-time tip (like you might tip for coffee or other service). For those signing up for a 6-month commitment or more, I decided I would provide the Reflections part of the PhotoJournal I created for my family.

Leave a Tip

I recently came across an article that mentioned 99% of individuals born between 1930 and 1946 are now dead.

I’m one of the younger ones in that group; but yes, since I am still living, I am a member of this prestigious (?) “one percenter” group. So how am I using this “bonus” time?

My tribe. Most of my friends are a bit younger than me, but I know they too, are experiencing life similarly as I am. We laugh that we have turned into our mothers. Of course, part of our conversations include completing sentences for each other. We don’t even have to say the word out loud, just a simple, “Yeah, I know what you mean.” And then we move on. (Many times the missing word will pop into my head much later.)

[Here’s how I describe this phenomenon: When you’re a kid, you start developing a file folder of stuff you know.

Someone in Kindergarten may have one folder…Each decade, you add more and more folders and by the time you’re over 60, you have a several file cabinets of folders. So, when you get stuck on a word, you just need more time to find the right cabinet, and the right folder!]

I am forever grateful for my tribe—to share my life with people who “get it.” Having friends is a required ingredient for us “1%-ers.” Or, any age, for that matter.

Maintenance. After a lifetime of wondering how “good” I look, I am now grateful for how good I feel (well, mostly; I do focus a lot on my weight). Although doctor appointments can be annoying and take a lot of time, I credit medical advancements for expanding our average lifespans.

Despite my good health, I still have considerable appointments including an annual physical, eye exam, mammograms, and bone scans. Add in periodic blood draws and trips to a cardiologist, orthopedist, podiatrist, physical therapist, dentist, and chiropractor. And then there’s time to pick up prescriptions. Then add time to organize them and my vitamins. (Although it only takes a few minutes every week, I hate that task!)

Keeping Engaged. After spending considerable time in the workplace, most of us dream of the time when we are retired. You may have had a vision of sitting on the beach, playing golf, or pursuing a special hobby/interest you have. Well, that was definitely not something I ever imagined.

I didn’t have a specific vision though. But life after “retirement” materialized for me in different ways. I didn’t imagine I would be writing resumes professionally for 14 years. And I certainly never thought I’d be working part-time to extend my savings. Although working in the Sub Shop certainly wasn’t in my plan, I find it has its advantages. It gets me out of the house, meeting/working/helping different generations, and getting paid to exercise (somewhere between 5500 to 6500 steps a shift).

I find time to enjoy my passions. I am in my happy place when I create these articles (I hope you enjoy them). My other passion has always been music. I have gotten (heavily) involved in a local folk singing organization (I am now their Festival Director), I love playing my piano, and I am learning the banjo and square dance.

Although my schedule may be a little too much (even for me), I believe we should keep moving. Get out of the house, meet people, find a hobby that you enjoy, walk, garden, or whatever floats your boat!

I also want to mention about the challenge and benefits of keeping up with technology—essential for being engaged these days. I once heard someone describe us as being immigrants to technology. It’s a new language and skill that people our age have to learn. Some of us have decided not to participate, but I think that is unfortunate. Yes, so many are addicted to their phones (and other things), but it is a way to connect with our grandkids and loved ones. I’ve seen classes given at night in high schools—I encourage you to learn some basics!

[And when I don’t know something, I ask my daughters to help, of course!]

Aging Gracefully. When I tell anyone my age, I am stunned to hear me saying those numbers out loud. I confess I sometimes look at others and wonder if they are older or younger than me. I’m not trying to be mean—it’s more about “how am I doing?”

With the advancements of plastic surgery, who we see on TV is not a standard many of us can afford. I’m not against using technology (I’ve had a few tweaks in my life), but it doesn’t feel right when someone comments about how “good” Martha Stewart looks…or Jane Fonda, etc. Sure, they look good—GREAT, matter of fact. But is that what “aging with grace” looks like? It’s ‘way beyond the “refreshed” look. Then I hear that people like Sally Field who decided not to go under the knife, get criticisms (and she looks good to me!). It’s a crazy world, eh?

This is the time of life when the rubber meets the road. We are saddled with our gene pool, but although there were many things we could have done back in the day, most of us never gave any thought of the effects would be after 65.

I always hated the smell of my parents’ cigarettes, so that was an easy one for me to stay away from. (That’s a big win for those who were never addicted.) My lifelong quest to be slimmer helped with a fairly-good diet. Of course, eating healthy food is important for us, but I’m disappointed it hasn’t translated to a slimmer body type (aka chunky).

All ‘n all, I believe I’ve done pretty well with the things I have control over. But I am very cognizant that things can change in an instant.

▪ ▪ ▪

Well! There’s a lot more to share about my thoughts during this time of my life. Without making this too long, I am going to save those areas for future articles.

I hope you enjoy my articles. Four things I’d appreciate you doing at some time or other:

1. One way is to “like” my articles. Yeah, it’s a bit silly, but I guess in the virtual world, it can get more attention from others.

2. Do you know someone who might also enjoy receiving these articles? If so, please use the link below as an easy way to pass the word around.

3. I’d love to have a dialog regarding the topics I write about. Are your experiences/opinions similar or different than mine? There is a Comment Section below—for any thoughts you’d like to share. I want to hear from you! (Note: You have to create a brief profile before you can use this feature).

4. And last, but not least, “Subscribe” below (if you haven’t already!)

Subscribe now

Writing has never been about money for me. By using this platform, I hope I will be able to reach a broader readership. Substack provides free access for readers as well as gives folks an opportunity to support the writer with a voluntary donation.

In addition to a donation that can vary from $5/month for any designated period of time, I am providing an option for my readers to simply “tip” me—a one-time tip (like you might tip for coffee or other service). For those signing up for a 6-month commitment or more, I decided I would provide the Reflections part of the PhotoJournal I created for my family.

Leave a Tip

One of my Wegmans coworkers and I were talking about our favorite Christmas movie. It was not unusual for Stephanie to chat about a particular movie scene she liked. I am always amazed at how much she remembers—a lot more than I do after seeing any movie.

Inspired by our conversation that afternoon, I decided to rent “Elf” instead of watching yet another Christmas Hallmark movie. I saw the movie many years ago and remembered how Buddy the Elf, (played by Will Farrell) made me laugh. I had forgotten most of the details, but knew it made me feel happy.

After watching Elf again last week, I wondered how it would be to look at the world like Buddy. If you haven’t seen the movie, here is a brief summary.

Buddy (Will Ferrell) was accidentally transported to the North Pole as a toddler (from a Convent) and raised to adulthood among Santa's elves. Unable to shake the feeling that he doesn't fit in, the adult Buddy travels to New York, in full elf uniform, in search of his real father. As it so happens, this is Walter Hobbs (James Caan), a cynical businessman. After a DNA test proves this, Walter reluctantly attempts to start a relationship with the childlike Buddy with increasingly chaotic results.

Although Buddy’s approach to everyday things were a bit over the top (‘ya think?). I found myself wishing I had that same enthusiasm about life—anything and everything! Buddy’s curiosity and looking at everything with excitement and joy was indeed his “go-to” lifestyle.

As I was thinking about writing this article, I Googled (of course) the movie. Who knew that there were others who had similar impressions as me? Here are some Buddy quotes that especially meant a lot to me:

Treat every day like Christmas.

As I finish writing this article, Christmas 2024 is over. Over the last few days, I’ve heard people lament about how quickly Christmas went by. All the anticipation and planning for the “big day” are gone in an instant. I would guess that most of us feel a let-down at the end of the evening or holiday week. (Granted some may feel relief—but that’s another article!)

What would it be like if we continued that same sense of anticipation every day? Thinking about a loved one and trying to find ways to do something special for him/her. It doesn’t have to be a gift or anything tangible. It could be as simple as a phone call or text, telling them you were thinking about them and loved them. It could be planning a time to meet a friend for lunch or coffee.

There’s room for everyone on the nice list.

By acknowledging that everyone can be on the Nice List, Buddy looks for the best in people. He really believes that even the worst people (in our opinion) can have redemption. Wouldn’t it great to meet new people and approach friendships: Acceptance ▪ Forgiveness ▪ No prejudice

The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.

Music often fills the quiet times in our days—car rides, walking/jogging, doing the dishes. Music stirs the joy in us. How often a song can transport us back to a meaningful event, time, or feeling in your life.

Music is incorporated in all major religions. Humans spend loads of time and money on concerts and “records.” I belong to a folk singing group and a wife of one of our “folkies” has dementia. Despite her failing memory, she mouths all the words to the songs we sing.

“I just like to smile. Smiling’s my favorite.” (Buddy)

Part of phone training for customer service reps often includes instruction to smile when talking with a customer. That automatically makes you sound more friendly and approachable.

The benefits of smiling include reducing stress, strengthening immune system, and improving your mood. Smiling is contagious —try it on for size.

▪ ▪ ▪

Aim for joy.

Happiness is a short-term emotion (like getting a gift). Joy is considered a deeper, consistent state of contentment which can help you weather the storms of life. It’s important to have the right people around you. You also need a willingness to hold on to life, no matter what troubles arise.

Besides adopting some of Buddy’s behaviors, some of the ways you can develop more joy is by practicing gratitude (feeling appreciation for the little things in your life you take for granted), finding small ways to be kind and give appreciation, and perhaps volunteering for a good cause.

How can you embrace some of Buddy’s approach to life? Can you commit to selecting one or two ways mentioned above (or others you may know) to embrace/practice this kind of joy in 2025?

Every day is an opportunity to start fresh. I hope 2025 is your year to start anew!

I hope you enjoy my articles. Four things I’d appreciate you doing at some time or other:

1. One way is to “like” my articles. Yeah, it’s a bit silly, but I guess in the virtual world, it can get more attention from others.

2. Do you know someone who might also enjoy receiving these articles? If so, please use the link below as an easy way to pass the word around.

3. I’d love to have a dialog regarding the topics I write about. Are your experiences/opinions similar or different than mine? There is a Comment Section below—for any thoughts you’d like to share. I want to hear from you! (Note: You have to create a brief profile before you can use this feature).

4. And last, but not least, “Subscribe” below (if you haven’t already!)

Subscribe now

Writing has never been about money for me. By using this platform, I hope I will be able to reach a broader readership. Substack provides free access for readers as well as gives folks an opportunity to support the writer with a voluntary donation.

In addition to a donation that can vary from $5/month for any designated period of time, I am providing an option for my readers to simply “tip” me—a one-time tip (like you might tip for coffee or other service). For those signing up for a 6-month commitment or more, I decided I would provide the Reflections part of the PhotoJournal I created for my family.

Leave a Tip

“I complained to God when my foundation was shaking, only to discover that it was God who was shaking it.” Charles Weston

I typically don’t write about politics, but after this year’s election, I believe it warrants some thoughts from me. I think we can all agree this year’s election brought out a broad range of feelings no matter who you voted for. There might have been a time in our lives when we could converse fairly easily about election results, but this is not that year.

During the presidential election season, I noticed how often news pundits would refer to “this experiment called democracy.” I was curious and did a little research. I discovered that using that reference started ‘way back to the founding era.’

George Washington in his first inaugural address, described the republican model of government as an “experiment entrusted to the hands of the American people.” Lincoln saw the crisis of the Civil War and said, “Our government has often been called an experiment. The one remaining aspect of this experiment is its successful maintenance against a formidable internal attempt to overthrow it.”

The human-made nature of our institutions has always been a source of both hope and anxiety. The hard truth is that the “experiment” of American democracy will never be finished as long as the promise of equality and liberty for all remains unfulfilled.

With each election it is us Americans, who choose to renew our commitment to democracy. If decisions move forward as promised by the next President, many of the aspects of our government will change. [These excerpts are taken from “The Conversation” about this topic.]

Ah, change! Change is one of those things we constantly have to deal with, yet we never seem to master. We all will face a change tsunami. Although there will be some changes that benefit us, some may require adjustments to our everyday lives, some may bring disappointments, and perhaps some will make us angry. Remember, even positive change can be stressful.

As we prepare for the government changes coming next year, and for other changes that happen in our lives—here are some things to help you take care of yourself.

• People in leadership positions may make political decisions, but with every thought, you make decisions that affect the quality of your life. Be the leader of your mind.

• There may be times you need to grieve. Grieve when you have to. But take time to also be grateful. Start a practice of listing/noting 5 things you are grateful for each night before you go to bed. Each item can be something you normally take for granted, “like a sunny day.” Gradually, you will increase your positive perspectives.

• Despite the world’s weariness, look for good and beauty in your everyday life. Take a walk in nature to renew your soul.

• Whenever you feel afraid, you are making up an untrue story and living in it as if is so. Remember, you are the author of the story you experience.

• If you wait four years (or tomorrow) to be peaceful, you have chosen to distance yourself from your happiness. What a waste of your time! You have the power to choose happiness.

• I believe all things are lessons God would have me learn. Every experience sheds light on whether we are viewing life through the lens of fear or the lens of love and faith.

• We are more alike than different. Look for the things that unite us.

• Surround yourself with your tribe—people who love and support you. Friends who “get you.”

I love this illustration that one of my Facebook friends shared. As things change around us, this is a great guide to remind yourself what is within your purview to affect.

I hope you enjoy my articles. Four things I’d appreciate you doing at some time or other:

1. One way is to “like” my articles. Yeah, it’s a bit silly, but I guess in the virtual world, it can get more attention from others.

2. Do you know someone who might also enjoy receiving these articles? If so, please use the link below as an easy way to pass the word around.

3. I’d love to have a dialog regarding the topics I write about. Are your experiences/opinions similar or different than mine? There is a Comment Section below—for any thoughts you’d like to share. I want to hear from you! (Note: You have to create a brief profile before you can use this feature).

4. And last, but not least, “Subscribe” below (if you haven’t already!)

Subscribe now

Writing has never been about money for me. By using this platform, I hope I will be able to reach a broader readership. Substack provides free access for readers as well as gives folks an opportunity to support the writer with a voluntary donation.

In addition to donation that can vary from $5/month for any designated period of time, I am providing an option for my readers to simply “tip” me—a one-time tip (like you might tip for coffee or other service). For those signing up for a 6-month commitment or more, I decided I would provide the Reflections part of the PhotoJournal I created for my family.

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Have you ever tried to imagine what your life would look like if you had taken a different path?

I recently returned to my hometown for my 60th (yikes!) high school reunion. As I was reminiscing about those early days, I realized my HS graduation was really the “kick-off” for the rest of my life. I started replaying my life’s movie in my mind and the many decisions that occurred after that.

The biggest choice that changed the trajectory of my life was deciding to leave New Jersey and move to Rochester, where my new husband grew up. After visiting the Upstate region, I was immediately drawn to the area. As we drove around, I was impressed by all the open space, lakes, and farms.

I compared my hometown (considered a bedroom community of New York City) where one town morphs into another—versus the open fields/farms that separated most towns in Rochester. I heard the warnings of cold and snow which were true at the time. But these days with global warming, our winters are (usually) much milder. Despite those warnings, I believed there were more pluses than negatives.

Unfortunately, my marriage was short-lived and I “grew up” very fast. I often wonder why I was attracted to him in the first place—he didn’t fit with my values and goals. The only answer that ever comes to mind is that he was the conduit for me discovering Rochester. It always felt like I was meant to be here.

What I gave up, though, was leaving a teaching career I loved. I was confident I would find another position in Rochester. Sadly, that never happened. Despite my reluctance to ever get involved with the business world, that’s exactly where I ended up. Eventually, I went back to school which led to my 30-year career in human resources. There was a time I almost returned to New Jersey, but then I met a guy whom I married and together, we raised our family here.

In trying to reimagine my life, I realized how moving to Rochester caused a domino effect that became my life. If I had made a different choice, would my life have been easier? Would it have been better?

Would I have continued to teach school? Would I have found someone to marry in New Jersey?

Of course, I know my family would look different. I wouldn’t have the friends I now cherish and thinking about those losses makes me sad. What about the myriads of personal and professional experiences and opportunities I have had?

I’ve faced many ups and downs in my life and it certainly hasn’t been boring. There were many decisions I’ve made that were inconsequential, while others bared more weight.

One of those that were “weighty,” was moving to Asheville in 2007. For several years, I wondered what it would be like to live in the south. After being laid off/retired unexpectedly, I did just that. I toured several areas to figure out where I wanted to live. When I drove into Asheville, I had the same feeling when I saw Rochester so many years ago—it simply felt right.

Like many people, I love(d) the beauty of the Blue Ridge mountains and made many friends while I was there. I lived in the Asheville area for over 8 years, returning to Rochester only to support one of my daughters, whose husband died tragically.

As you might imagine, watching the recent hurricane’s destruction of that area has broken my heart. I wish I could do more than make financial donations. Some lost everything; but almost everyone had to deal with no electricity, internet, and phone service for weeks. Access to safe water in most areas will continue to take many weeks and months. The reality is that it’ll be many years for its beauty to be returned to its new normal.

What would have happened if I stayed in the Asheville area? How would it have affected my life?

Could I have lost my home? My car? Would I have lost all my savings? I feel a bit guilty knowing I am safe where I am and did not have to live through this catastrophe. But it is scary to think about.

Why do things happen the way they do? At the lowest points in my life, I can remember wondering, why, why, why? Why do I have to go through this? Why do bad things happen to good people—like me, of course. It’s just not fair.

Of course, I still do not have any of those answers. When I try to sort out my beliefs, they often contradict each other:

✓ I believe in a Higher Power whom I call God. Admittedly, I sometimes felt “picked on” by God. I know that everyone experiences bad things and difficult challenges—but some seem to suffer more than others. I wish only mean/bad people had to deal with crappy things.

✓ I believe it is not what comes at you, but it’s what you do next that is important.

✓ I believe in Karma. I have lived my life believing that what goes around, comes around.

✓ I believe some aspects of our lives are predestined. But I also believe we have some control over our decisions. How that works together, I have no clue.

✓ I believe what Maya Angelou said, “Do your best until you know better, then when you know better, do better.”

Granted, I will never know why challenging situations and obstacles came into my life. But the roads I’ve taken, the cards I’ve been dealt, have built my strength, character, and wisdom. They have all worked together to shape me to be the person I’ve become.

I hope you enjoy my articles. Four things I’d appreciate you doing at some time or other:

1. One way is to “like” my articles. Yeah, it’s a bit silly, but I guess in the virtual world, it can get more attention from others.

2. Do you know someone who might also enjoy receiving these articles? If so, please use the link below as an easy way to pass the word around.

3. I’d love to have a dialog regarding the topics I write about. Are your experiences/opinions similar or different than mine? There is a Comment Section below—for any thoughts you’d like to share. I want to hear from you! (Note: You have to create a brief profile before you can use this feature).

4. And last, but not least, “Subscribe” below (if you haven’t already!)

Subscribe now

Writing has never been about money for me. By using this platform, I hope I will be able to reach a broader readership. Substack provides free access for readers as well as gives folks an opportunity to support the writer with a voluntary donation.

In addition to donation that can vary from $5/month for any designated period of time, I am providing an option for my readers to simply “tip” me—a one-time tip (like you might tip for coffee or other service). For those signing up for a 6-month commitment or more, I decided I would provide the Reflections part of the PhotoJournal I created for my family.

Leave a Tip

This September has been a busy month for me. At the beginning of the month, I served as the Volunteer Coordinator for the annual festive for the Folk Singing organization I belong to. Additionally, I have been very active with my high school reunion. It’s finally coming up next week! Yikes. (I wonder if I’ll be bored come October.)

It has been a tough time to sit down to craft my next article. And so, I went to my newsletter vault and found this one, written in 2019. I believe it’s worthy of repeating a second time. I hope you enjoy it!! (You will see current updates in parentheses.)

▪ ▪ ▪

There seems to be two official annual beginnings. One is in January and the other one comes in September. It is often a time when we return from vacation and relaxation mode, to one of routine and back-to-business. Diets start and other goals are developed or re-visited. But I love the reminder that we can start anytime we want.

“No matter what has happened…let today be new.”
- Alan Cohen (one of my favorite self-help authors)

I confess that after retiring from a 30-year human resources career more than a decade ago (now almost 2 decades!) I miss having the power I used to have. People came to me for answers and solutions. I had the ability to use my skills/wisdom to create initiatives that had significant importance to a department or company. I resolved employee issues and coached managers. Of course, there were down sides—terminating employees, organizing layoffs, and dealing with difficult people.

(Reading this today, I realize what I struggled with was not power per se, but authority. And it is still a struggle. As many of you know, I work part-time at Wegmans, a large grocery chain known for its customer and employee satisfaction. Wegmans is a caring employer and does a lot to keep quality consistent and staff happy. But every once in a while, I feel “called” to voice my sage advice. I am guilty of giving my observations and recommendations, often followed by a reminder of my background. I suppose my hope is that not only am I a great employee, but I have the experience and education to make this suggestion “more right.” Haha)

Although I was ready to leave my corporate role, the decision was made for me—5 years too soon. It wasn’t long after my last day that I remember meeting some new people at a networking function, and I struggled how to introduce myself. Who am I…if I’m not an HR Director?

Life has moved on for me. I never returned to corporate America and I now recognize that titles, jobs, and roles are fleeting throughout our lives. Although I still miss some of the trappings of the jobs I’ve had, I continue to learn what is truly important during a lifetime. I love this excerpt from a 2013

Commencement Speech by Oprah:

“The secret to life is not to build a resume that is just a listing of what you want to be, but of who you want to become. Not just what you want to accomplish, but why. Your resume of life is not just a listing of your titles and positions, but a story about your purpose—your true calling.”

Who do you want to be and how do you get there?

Our experiences shape us. There’s nothing like life event(s) to promote change, but it’s how you deal with them that builds character. When a crisis happens, you may choose to become a victim. “Oh, woe is me; you don’t know what I’ve been through…” Or, you could hold on to anger, resulting in emotional baggage that gets heavier and heavier. You may wonder why you explode at situations and your blood pressure starts boiling over. Hopefully, someday you realize that it’s a trigger from an old emotional injury that has never healed (and get help to heal).

► We can choose our reactions…

- Use that “lemon” to make “lemonade” so you can help others.

- Instead of harboring anger, you learn to forgive him/her for their perceived negative actions.

Granted this is not easy. And remember that you are not condoning what happened, but releasing YOU from carrying that burden of anger.

► Take time to figure out what you are supposed to learn from your challenges and obstacles. As some of us know all too well…if we don’t learn the lesson right away, the consequences get more and more serious until you are hit by the proverbial brick—the wake-up call—when you finally realize what you’re supposed to learn.

► Whether you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth or on the other side of the tracks, life (and getting older) is not for sissies. You may find yourself going down an unintended path, but the good news is you can make a change and start again.

Who you are—is more important than what you do. I remember when I had just relocated to my new home in North Carolina and didn’t know a soul. I was feeling overwhelmed and was second-guessing that decision. As I began tackling the “city of skyscraper-cartons” in my garage, my neighbors next door stopped by to welcome me. They brought a goodie for me (always appreciated), but it was their warmth and sincerity that turned my anxiety to that of hope. “Maybe I will be okay here after all.”

Jack and Adele quickly became my dear friends. Adele continued to show up unexpectedly with a food surprise from time to time. I quickly realized she was a wonderful cook and a genuinely caring person.

When I later found out she was a nurse, I could corroborate she must have been a wonderful nurse.

It would be several months after my move when I learned (not from them) that Jack had been the photographer for the President for many years, Yes, THAT President! So, here’s a man who took iconic photos including those of Ronald Reason and others—now featured in history books—and now they are my neighbors!! Wow!

Sadly, both Jack and Adele were tragically killed in a car accident about 2 years after I moved there. I decided to volunteer to represent our townhouse community in giving a eulogy and tried to capture what they meant to all of us. What was fascinating to me was that all the presenters that day repeated similar reflections and qualities of these wonderful people. While their careers were noble and inspiring, they were hardly mentioned. I must say this observation has been very impactful to me:

Who they were—spoke louder than what they did.

The End. No matter where you are in your life, you still have that precious commodity—time. How do you want to be remembered? How do you hope your kids will describe you? Explore your values and then become congruent with them. You may need to work with a coach or therapist to do this.

► When I was a girl scout, one of our mottos was to leave the path better than you found it. Seems like it could apply to the human experience too, doesn’t it?

► There may be lots of things you can do to make this world a better place and be a positive example to people around you. One simple and easy thing you can do right now is always…you can Be Kind.

I hope you enjoy my articles. Four things I’d appreciate you doing at some time or other:

1. One way is to “like” my articles. Yeah, it’s a bit silly, but I guess in the virtual world, it can get more attention from others.

2. Do you know someone who might also enjoy receiving these articles? If so, please use the link below as an easy way to pass the word around.

3. I’d love to have a dialog regarding the topics I write about. Are your experiences/opinions similar or different than mine? There is a Comment Section below—for any thoughts you’d like to share. I want to hear from you! (Note: You have to create a brief profile before you can use this feature).

4. And last, but not least, “Subscribe” below (if you haven’t already!)

Subscribe now

Writing has never been about money for me. By using this platform, I hope I will be able to reach a broader readership. Substack provides free access for readers as well as gives folks an opportunity to support the writer with a voluntary donation.

In addition to donation that can vary from $5/month for any designated period of time, I am providing an option for my readers to simply “tip” me—a one-time tip (like you might tip for coffee or other service). For those signing up for a 6-month commitment or more, I decided I would provide the Reflections part of the PhotoJournal I created for my family.

Leave a Tip

The algorithm for my Facebook profile is right on—because I get a lot of memes and posts about older folks and “The Good Ol’ Days.” 

They make me smile because they remind me of parts of my life I have forgotten—like playing street games, having a milkman, using a rotary phone, etc. I love the post about kids trudging up a hill in a huge snowstorm to go to school. The way the artist depicts it, I find myself inserting the phrase….”and not wearing shoes.”

Many technology “advancements” and cultural shifts have happened since the 60s. “Back in the day” …most mothers stayed home from work. Their time was more available, and there was limited use/need the electronic babysitters we have today.

Our world was smaller—it was usually limited to our town, our state, and our country. We no longer need the latest annual update for our encyclopedias. We can now quickly access most everything in the world with a few clicks on our computer or phone. 

We would probably agree that the fast advancement of technology has been one of the biggest drivers of change in these past decades. But, how we use them has made an even greater impact. 

Maybe the smart phones (and games on them) and internet are the problem. But, don’t take away my microwave. And sure, bed sheets smell good with outside air, but I don’t want to hang them out on a line!

One of the memes that comes up regularly in my FB feed is highlighting the low costs of things back “then.” People have a tendency to cherry-pick the prices they wish they had now. What’s missing is listing the salaries during that time for comparison. 

I have one of those refrigerator magnets (have I mentioned I collect them?) with examples from my birthyear. A new house was $5,600, new car $1,235, Gasoline, 15 cents, milk 70 cents gallon, stamp, 3 cents. All sounds great, but the magnet includes the average annual income of $2,500.

Lots of these memes imply we had the best childhood (vs kids of today), and perhaps that’s true. Although we enjoy (most) of the innovations of today, on the flip side, kids today are exposed to so much and grow up faster. And I agree, most of our kids are addicted to their phones/computers which is now starting to be (finally) recognized as a problem.

Despite having fond memories and reminiscing, I don’t find myself wistfully wishing a return to the days of my childhood. I treasure the memories (those I remember), but it never occurred to me to want to go back.

With this said, I am on my Reunion Committee for my 60^th high school reunion, being held in September. It is a shock to realize how quickly our journey has gone. We are making name tags with our high school pictures on it, because although “I haven’t changed” since then, I’m sure there will be others we wouldn’t recognize. 

I worked on the spreadsheet to locate our classmates. As we developed a list of those who are interested, we found we had at least 50 classmates (class of roughly 250) who have died—including three who passed during the planning of our reunion. Seeing all those names grouped together, really has made me realize how fortunate I am to still be on this side of the dirt (as they say).

I believe it will be a fascinating journey back to the past, and remembering how we all started out in our life’s journey. [Who knows—maybe it’ll be fodder for an upcoming article.]

Below is an article I found that captures many of the changes Baby Boomers have gone through in our lives. It is quite a list. I am amazed how many changes there have been (many more not on this list). 

Yes, it will be fun remember the past, but I am living the day that faces me now.

Baby Boomer article – Author Unknown

They call us ”The Elderly”

We were born in the 40-50-60’s.

We grew up in the 50-60-70's.

We studied in the 60-70-80's.

We were dating in the 70-80-90's.

We got married and discovered the world in the 70-80-90's.

We venture into the 80-90’s.

We stabilize in the 2000’s.

We got wiser in the 2010’s.

And we are going firmly through and beyond 2020.

Turns out we've lived through EIGHT different decades...

TWO different centuries... TWO different millennia...

We have gone from the telephone with an operator for long-distance calls to video calls to anywhere in the world.

We have gone from slides to YouTube, from vinyl records to online music, from handwritten letters to email and Whats App.

From live matches on the radio, to black and white TV, color TV and then to 3D HD TV.

We went to the Video store and now we watch Netflix.

We got to know the first computers, punch cards, floppy disks and now we have gigabytes and megabytes on our smartphones.

We wore shorts throughout our childhood and then long trousers, Oxfords, flares, shell suits & blue jeans.

We dodged infantile paralysis, meningitis, polio, tuberculosis, swine flu and now COVID-19.

We rode skates, tricycles, bicycles, mopeds, petrol or diesel cars and now we drive hybrids or electric.

Yes, we've been through a lot but what a great life we've had!

We've kind of “Seen-It-All”!

Our generation has literally lived through and witnessed more than any other in every dimension of life.

It is our generation that has literally adapted to “CHANGE”.

A big round of applause to all the members of a very special generation, which will be UNIQUE.

I hope you enjoy my articles. Four things I’d appreciate you doing at some time or other:

1. One way is to “like” my articles. Yeah, it’s a bit silly, but I guess in the virtual world, it can get more attention from others.

2. Do you know someone who might also enjoy receiving these articles? If so, please use the link below as an easy way to pass the word around.

3. I’d love to have a dialog regarding the topics I write about. Are your experiences/opinions similar or different than mine? There is a Comment Section below—for any thoughts you’d like to share. I want to hear from you! (Note: You have to create a brief profile before you can use this feature).

4. And last, but not least, “Subscribe” below (if you haven’t already!)

Subscribe now

Writing has never been about money for me. By using this platform, I hope I will be able to reach a broader readership. Substack provides free access for readers as well as gives folks an opportunity to support the writer with a voluntary donation.

In addition to donation that can vary from $5/month for any designated period of time, I am providing an option for my readers to simply “tip” me—a one-time tip (like you might tip for coffee or other service). For those signing up for a 6-month commitment or more, I decided I would provide the Reflections part of the PhotoJournal I created for my family.

Leave a Tip

A few years ago, I decided I needed more fun in my life. Other than work, my life was, well, boring. Then the pandemic happened. All my good intentions were put on hold.

While the world was on pause, I thought about what things might interest me. Friends of mine had gotten into square dancing years ago, and I thought that was something I could learn. And it would be an opportunity to get out and meet people.

I was surprised to learn, however, that it wasn’t as simple as just showing up at a dance. There were required lessons—like 8 months of lessons! Who knew? At first it seemed excessive. Didn’t we all learn square dancing in high school? But I quickly discovered that “real” square dancing isn’t that easy. Did you know there are hundreds of “calls” you have to learn and various levels to aspire to? If a dancer doesn’t know the “moves,” it literally trips up others in their square.

I did quite well in the beginning and felt good about learning the basic calls. But then everything seemed to pick up speed. It is bad enough to make mistakes by myself, but when my mis-steps break the square down, I am embarrassed. Although I have been assured over and over by other dancers to be more patient—that it takes time (years!), my perfectionist tendencies taunt me. I wasn’t learning fast enough. I toyed with quitting.

Around the same time, I began attending an organization that is centered around folk music. Every Tuesday night they hold jam sessions (for the past 53 years). Each participant plays an instrument and sings or you can simply request a song. We often join in on choruses. I quickly became enamored with these Tuesday evenings and wanted more than just singing along.

So of course, I decided to learn how to play the banjo!! I used to play a guitar when I was (much) younger, but I thought a banjo has less strings and a thinner neck (ala arthritis) it would be easier. Despite my reasonable expectations (just to accompany a song I wanted to sing), it was harder than I expected. I wanted to give up.

Frustrated with my incompetence, I began thinking about why I was so quick to want to “jump ship.” As with most goals in life, there is more to it than you anticipate. When you see someone else do it masterfully, it looks so easy. I wanted the end result, but geez, does it have to be so hard? 

My perfectionist tendencies are not new. Over 12 years ago when I was taking the resume certification, I was frustrated when the instructor found a mistake or had a criticism on my assignment. I wanted to submit something that was perfect. I thought I’d never “get it.” And yes, I wanted to quit.

I know I am not alone. I thought back to when one of my daughters got her drivers’ permit. She had counted down the days until her 16^th birthday. The first day she was eligible, she took the written test and she couldn’t wait to get behind the wheel. 

I took her to a college parking lot (free of obstacles). Within a few minutes of switching seats, she drove the car into a small ditch. It was at that point, she panicked and realized that “Maybe this driving thing would take a bit longer than I thought.” I drove the rest of the way home. Practice would be another day. For mom (me!), I was thrilled that no harm had been done, and it level-set her expectations and she appreciated the amount of skill that is needed.

But unlike some of the other endeavors I have undertaken in my life, these goals are simply because I want to do them. There wasn’t any business reason and there wasn’t any reward. It was for my pure enjoyment.

After whining to my banjo teacher yet another time, I decided I had to take a long hard look at whether I could really walk away and not regret doing so. I remembered The Popcorn Theory—something I learned during my life coaching certification many years ago. “We are like kernels of popcorn, some pop early, some pop later…but they are all delicious in the end.” Yes, I even used to use that analogy with my clients. 

Could I actually practice what I preach? Why does enjoyment seem to happen at the “end?” (Whatever that is—there is always something more we could learn.)

Soon after I decided to re-commit and try to enjoy celebrating my incremental progress, I allowed myself to see what I have learned so far. Indeed, I have learned many “calls” in square dancing, maybe not all of them, but many. And I finally was able to play a few basic chords on the banjo.

Last week at our Tuesday Singaround, I took a big step and played along as I led singing “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot” (only 2 chords) in front of 40 participants. Another much younger person that night said I had been her inspiration and she played a tune on the ukulele for the first time. 

So, yes, I will keep on, keeping on.

I hope you enjoy my articles. Four things I’d appreciate you doing at some time or other:

1. One way is to “like” my articles. Yeah, it’s a bit silly, but I guess in the virtual world, it can get more attention from others.

2. Do you know someone who might also enjoy receiving these articles? If so, please use the link below as an easy way to pass the word around.

3. I’d love to have a dialog regarding the topics I write about. Are your experiences/opinions similar or different than mine? There is a Comment Section below—for any thoughts you’d like to share. I want to hear from you! (Note: You have to create a brief profile before you can use this feature).

4. And last, but not least, “Subscribe” below (if you haven’t already!)

Subscribe now

Writing has never been about money for me. By using this platform, I hope I will be able to reach a broader readership. Substack provides free access for readers as well as gives folks an opportunity to support the writer with a voluntary donation.

In addition to donation that can vary from $5/month for any designated period of time, I am providing an option for my readers to simply “tip” me—a one-time tip (like you might tip for coffee or other service). For those signing up for a 6-month commitment or more, I decided I would provide the Reflections part of the PhotoJournal I created for my family.

Leave a Tip

My ex-husband was found dead a few weeks ago. He probably had a heart attack or stroke and had been dead a few days before a neighbor discovered his body.

We were divorced 35+ years. Back then, my therapist summarized our situation aptly—I was on the train going to the next station and he was stuck at the station.

As time went on, I eventually was able to forgive him for some of the things he did. The “kids” (now all adults) made their own decisions about their relationship with their father. Two of our daughters eventually decided to have no contact with him. I tried to convince them otherwise, saying he was still their father. But they could not be swayed. 

I worried that they would regret their decision when he died. To date, they have not. Our third daughter who was with him last (ironically on Father’s Day), is going through a roller-coaster of emotions. She readily admits to his mean-spiritedness and angry outbursts, but also acknowledges he was still her father. 

Although we’re all still processing his death, what’s sad to me is that there have not been remembrances of fun memories, his strengths, or celebrating his life in some way. He did not leave a will and I am already watching the discords between my daughters. As an only child, I dreamed of having a family. It is heartbreaking not only to experience a tumultuous divorce, but now have to witness all this playing out with my “kids.”

When I first heard this little-known song (see below) sung by one of my folk-singing pals, I found the message meaningful. I’ve always been interested in exploring my life’s purpose and it really spoke to me. Now, seeing how a person’s legacy could play out in real-life, this song has an even more powerful reminder for me.

Sometimes it’s hard to see the impact we make on people. I’ve had the experience of having something I’ve said and years later, that person mentions how much it influenced them. You never know how a compliment, encouragement, or good deed can make a difference to someone—for a day or a lifetime.

Several years ago, I participated in a group called Speaking Circles. I joined it because I wanted to feel more comfortable in presentations. What turned out to be even more powerful, was the positive feedback after your “speech,” given by the rest of the group, describing your essence. The big take-away for me is how quickly your essence is conveyed. Call it your energy or personality, but you can’t fake it.

Have you ever imagined your eulogy? I believe it’s never too late. Maybe it’s time to make amends with some folks. Maybe there are behaviors you need to change or begin incorporating some others in how you deal with people.

And besides a reminder to write your will so there your wishes after your death are clear—I invite you to consider: What Will I Leave Behind? 

What Will I Leave (by Si Kahn)

Late in the evening as light fades away

In silence we gather together

Searching the faces of those who are here

For those who have left us forever

[Chorus]

What will I leave, what will I leave?

What will I leave behind?

When I am gone, who’ll carry on?

What will I leave behind?

Who will remember the words of the brave

Who lifted us higher and higher

Who will remember the price that they paid

For lives lived too close to the fire?

[Chorus]

Where are the ones who caught flame in the night

Fired up to heat of devotion?

Measuring their lives by the light of the truth

They burn like a lamp on the ocean

[Chorus]

Hearts of the ones who inherit your lives

Will rest in the truth you have spoken

Memory will echo the trust that you kept

Like you, it will never be broken.

I hope you enjoy my articles. Four things I’d appreciate you doing at some time or other:

1. One way is to “like” my articles. Yeah, it’s a bit silly, but I guess in the virtual world, it can get more attention from others.

2. Do you know someone who might also enjoy receiving these articles? If so, please use the link below as an easy way to pass the word around.

3. I’d love to have a dialog regarding the topics I write about. Are your experiences/opinions similar or different than mine? There is a Comment Section below—for any thoughts you’d like to share. I want to hear from you! (Note: You have to create a brief profile before you can use this feature).

4. And last, but not least, “Subscribe” below (if you haven’t already!)

Subscribe now

Writing has never been about money for me. By using this platform, I hope I will be able to reach a broader readership. Substack provides free access for readers as well as gives folks an opportunity to support the writer with a voluntary donation.

In addition to donation that can vary from $5/month for any designated period of time, I am providing an option for my readers to simply “tip” me—a one-time tip (like you might tip for coffee or other service). For those signing up for a 6-month commitment or more, I decided I would provide the Reflections part of the PhotoJournal I created for my family.

Leave a Tip

I never thought I’d be working at a grocery store in my late 70s. But here I am…

I received an unexpected “retirement” (aka layoff) back in 2006. I had planned to work at least another five years. Five years would have helped me build up my savings, after a financially depleting divorce and paying off my daughters’ college expenses.

At the meeting when they gave me my walking papers, my employer started talking about my “retirement benefits.” I wanted to scream, “I am not ready to retire!” Although I was in my 60s, I knew there was more for me. Granted, the “what” wasn’t clear. Once the decision to leave was made for me, I planned to get another HR job, perhaps part-time.

You may recall though, during that time we were going through an economic recession and jobs were hard to find. I know I am not alone in facing this situation in our later years. I couldn’t help but wonder if younger people were being selected over older workers.

As the saying goes, “we plan, God laughs.” Sure enough, God had other plans for me. With no traditional job on the horizon, I was free to finally move south (I had relocated to the Delaware area for that job). Once I settled into my new home in Asheville, I jump-started my own business.

My business morphed through the years, and today it is almost entirely writing resumes and other associated personal marketing products such as cover letters, LinkedIn profiles, and interview preparation.

I returned to Rochester in 2015, due to the tragic death of my daughter’s husband. I wanted to be closer to support my daughter as she dealt with her new reality. Besides my resume business, I still wanted additional part-time income. My old (pun intended) local network had gone in various directions, and no HR job materialized.

Within a few months of moving back home, I found myself working as an associate in the Produce Department (I later transferred to the Sub Shop) of a well-respected grocery chain that is known for quality and customer service. [Note: I have thought about getting a remote job. But I have decided to stay where I’m at.]

As someone who ponders life’s meaning and purpose, I sometimes wonder why—what’s the point of this “opportunity?” A few things I’ve uncovered:

One of the definitions of retire is “a withdrawal from or to a place.” I’ve mentioned this in other articles, but I question the wisdom of just doing nothing. While we are working in our early career, most of us have this fantasy about how wonderful it would be to sit on a beach, travel, or play golf, etc. when we retire. No responsibilities! No boss to contend with! It’s the dream that keeps most of us sane while we are waiting for “that day.”

Doing nothing gets boring rather quickly. Having no deadlines gives us permission to do it tomorrow…or next week. We have plenty of time, so there’s no rush. Despite being a little grumpy when my alarm rings at 5:15 for an early shift, I think it is good for my spirit and body to be out and about and engaged.

I’m sure you have heard it too—we need to keep the brain in gear and continue to learn new things as we age. My job may not be rocket-science, but for sure, there’s always something new to learn (and contend with)!

Besides my brain, I’m also keeping my body in gear with functional exercise. I log about 6500 steps every shift. You can often see me carrying 10 pounds of lettuce or 5 pounds of tomato packages, bending to load more product, breaking down boxes, and carrying/pushing who-knows-what-else during any work day. I think I surprise people (and myself) by my speed and stamina.

I enjoy interacting with our customers. Several have told me they like how I make their subs and I find I’m patient with some of the unusual requests we get. I’m a people person and find that most of them are good humans. Yes, occasionally we get mean-spirited customers, but luckily, not many.

I coached many managers in my HR career and developed management training on how to treat their staff. Now being on the low end of the totem pole looking up, I am proud that I gave solid guidance. And I’ve learned that I, too, am human. I struggle with the same issues, schedules, pay, co-workers, etc. etc!

I bring my positivity and work ethic every day. I am proud I am considered one of my department’s best employees. I am willing to go above and beyond, doing quality work, and giving excellent customer service. I love the Sub Shop because it’s always busy which makes the shift go by quickly. It can be exhausting at times. When a high schooler complains about how tired they are, I give them the side eye.

This article wouldn’t be authentic without sharing some of the other side of this work:

When I started working at this job, I decided to reset my mindset and put my HR aptitude aside. “I am just a worker-bee now.” I quickly realized you can’t simply undo the values and insights you had in a 30-year career. I care a lot about doing things the right way. And since I’m not intimidated by upper management—if I see something isn’t right, I have been known to speak up (wink, wink).

I have worked with several wonderful young people. I enjoy sharing laughs end exchanging information from each of our worlds. Like comparing celebrities, movies, and singers (“What? You never heard of Ricky Nelson—my high school idol?”). They seem to enjoy my sense of humor and they say they enjoy working with me.

(Here’s the “but”): Unfortunately, there are many others entering the workforce that do not demonstrate good work ethics. It’s disappointing to see a lack of pride in creating an excellent result/product. It’s frustrating to see some of them having long conversations (45 minutes without doing anything) throughout the day, doing the bare minimum, checking their phone often, and an attitude of not taking initiative because they aren’t paid enough (their words).

Perhaps the most challenging aspect that impacts the team, is their lack of concern in “calling out.”

Are they really sick or did they find something else they wanted to do that day? It’s very suspect when the same people do it often.

I suspect that many are still living at home and don’t feel the pain and consequences of their decisions. The rest of us (mostly older workers) with solid work ethics are there to pick up the extra work. It’s hard to watch and not have the ability to make changes.

I know our industry is not alone in experiencing these challenges. Early in the 2000s, there weren’t enough jobs for people. Employers could be choosy. Today, there are not enough workers for jobs.

Companies tolerate unacceptable behaviors, with little or no consequences because they fear they won’t be able to get someone else in the door. (The “devil” you know is better than the “devil” you don’t know.)

How did we get to this point? We might blame over-indulgent parents, iPhones, games, social media, the pandemic, and declining birth rates. There are those who point to corporate greed and surmise if they gave more of their profits to workers, people would work harder. Of course, I’m familiar with some of the old motivation theories of Herzberg and Maslow and I’m not confident it’s just a money issue.

As a culture and society, how do we swing the work ethic pendulum more to the middle? I know there are no easy or fast solutions.

My hope is that parents, schools, and companies be more intentional about preparing and guiding our youth to achieve a more productive life and career. In the meantime, maybe I can be a role model to influence our young workers. We often do not know how our actions make a difference. I know that someone may be watching.

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