It was a Regular Sunday Afternoon and I was prepping to go to my Yin Yoga Class.

I didn’t really want to go but dragged myself there anyway

I remember driving to the class feeling incredibly emotional.

I didn’t really know why but I just need to cry.

We were in class when one of the yoga positions was targeted at opening the chest and the heart.

Emotion was rising and this position brought it all out.

I got up, left the room in a hurry and sat in the foyer balling my eyes out.

Tear after tear after tear poured out of me and I couldn’t stop it

I didn’t know why I was so emotional but I do now.

What I didn’t understand then is that when your beloved Angel is getting ready to transition there is an energetic unplugging of the heart that takes place.

Before you even met your pet in physical form energetic cords are being placed into your heart and heart field connecting the two of you together. This is why we feel so bonded and connected to them. So when the time comes for them to leave their bodies there is process of unplugging that starts taking place. Ie - these energetic cords start being released from the heart field in preparation;

This process occurs to;

A) Make the final moment of Good bye a little easier for the Human

B) Part of the Separation that needs to happen so the Body and Spirt can separate.

I came home from that Yoga Session feeling Raw.

Tilly was still with me. But things were changing.

Post that Vet Diagnosis, I went public on my Socials about what had been happening.

I shared my heart and Soul and received lots of feedback.

An outpouring of Love and Prayers for Tilly and I, and I was genuinely overwhelmed by it all.

But my Heart was Aching.

We continued with the IV Fluids and I also invested into a Frequency Healing Session with a RIFE Machine to support her healing at the Mitrocondrial and DNA Level.

It was a fascinating experience and one I’m so glad we did.

However her Kidneys Didn’t show up as the highest priority, her GallBladder and Eyes did.

And didn’t that spiral me into more research and understanding.

I mean I was happy but also confused.

A week later we went back for Fluids and the Vet said ‘she’s looking brighter’ and didn’t that bring a huge smile to my face.

Maybe we were onto something.

Maybe….

Everyday there was a constant battle between my Head and my Heart.

I had moments of surrender where I felt this knowing that our time was coming to end.

And at the exact same time I was desperately trying to convince myself that we could Heal Her.

We’ve done it before, we can do it again.

I’m not giving up, there has to be an answer, a solution.

She’s too young, it’s not her time.

WTF is going on.

You know what, maybe there’s no point.

Maybe she is taking her final Journey and there’s nothing I can do about it.

Maybe I can’t heal her.

Maybe I can’t make it right.

Maybe there is no point.

Maybe it’s a waste of time.

Maybe this is the end and all I can do is hold space for her.

And NO! No Jasmine. We will heal her.

The inner dialogue was constant.

Constantly oscillating between what my Heart KNEW and what my Head was trying to protect me from.

There is no worse feeling than seeing the one you love more than anything deteriorate in front of you.

There is no more helpless feeling.

And on Nov 26th it was going to be her 15th Birthday and I desperately wanted to get there.

The thought of her leaving at 14 felt so wrong in my body, like we were being robbed of time.

Cats, or animals in general don’t make meaning of these sorts of things, they don’t care about numbers, they come to fulfill a mission and when it’s done, they leave, but to me, if she passed being 15 instead of 14, somehow that 1 digit made things a littel easier to digest.

And we did.

Nov 26th Came and Tilly Turned 15.

I wrote this on FB:

Tilly is 15 today; Happy Birthday Queen.

I’m a bit lost for words atm as it’s been such a rough and highly emotional few weeks, if you’ve seen my stories you’ll know why.

10 days ago I didn’t know if we’d even make it here, but here we are.

I love you So much my angel. More than I can adequately put into words.

I am so proud of you, of us, of this journey you and I have been on the last 15 years.

You came into my world 15 years ago when i wasnt looking for a cat, i already had a senior one and it wasnt something i was looking for, but you, my higher self and spirit had other ideas.

It was divine guidance or divine intervention that you came into my life and i am so grateful you did.

I remember the day i went to pick you up and my friend said you can take this one or this one; i picked up your sister first and immediately knew that wasnt the one so i put her down and said, nope ill take this one.

We hoped in the car and you sat on my lap meowing the whole way home; you were 6 weeks old.

Baby girl, i love you So much.

I know it hasn’t been much fun the last few weeks, it’s been utter heartbreak for me too, but today I am / will celebrate you for all that you are and all of the magic and eternal love you have brought into my life.

I wouldn’t have changed the journey for anything.

You are so special to me, not only are you a Female Ginger, which is rare, you’re also my Familiar (this is our 8th lifetime together);

My Soul Mate

My Best Friend

My shining light

You light up my life is so many ways, especially those bedtime cuddles, head-butts, and face kisses.

You have taught me so much.

I love you for eternity and beyond my spiritual ginger ninja

Happy birthday my sweet angel.

Forever my Till Till

I had spent weeks fighting.

Researching.
Trying things.
Looking for answers.
Trying to heal her.
Looking for another possibility.

Throwing money at anything I could in the hope it would help her.

Convincing myself there had to be something I hadn’t found yet.

I’d spent weeks in Denial, still unable to fully accept that she was taking a journey totally out of my control.

But slowly, very slowly, I was starting to come into acceptance that this wasn’t going to end the way I wanted it to.

I didn’t know how long; weeks maybe months, but I couldn’t see years.

And then November 27th Happened.

In the early hours of Wednesday 27th November Tilly had a Seizure.

I heard her Meow at 2am and thought she was meowing to come up to me.

I got up hoping to let her in and instead saw lights on in the backroom.

Mum was holding her.

Tilly was Meowing and both of them looking visibly distressed.

Mum told me what happened.

I was sitting here and I heard a huge thud!

She was thrusting herself around on the ground and couldn’t get up.

By the time I had heard the Meow the episode had passed but Tilly was still open mouth breathing.

Mum looked at me and said ‘she can’t go on like this’’.

This isn’t fair.

—

I took over from Mum.

Held her so tightly and whispered in her ear.

Let go Baby Girl.

It’s ok, Let Go.

Mummy will be ok.

I’ll let you go tomorrow, ok.

She tried to walk but she was so wobbly and unsteady on her feet.

It was a hard watch.

I took her back to my Room and laid beside her.

It was 3am.

I was soaking up every single moment of us laying together and thinking how precious this moment is knowing that it was going to be our last.

God protected me from seeing Tilly’s episode, but this moment right here at whatever time it was was perfect.

We laid together.

Her paws on my Breast

Head slightly tucked

A very slight Purr and just her and I.

The way it’s always been.

She looked so peaceful despite what had just happened only hours earlier.

Pt 4 Coming Soon

I was crouching against the wall in my bedroom with my parents standing at the door.

Tears streaming down my face I said, Tilly isn’t right.

I think I need to take her to the Vet but I am so scared of what they might say.

Scared that they’ll say She’s Dying….

But if I don’t take her I’ll never know.

I guess I already knew but I was hoping and praying for a miracle.

Around Mid July of 2024 I remember being so stressed out.

The Hacking was ongoing and despite my Best Efforts I couldn’t stop it.

Each time she had an episode she would drop her body extend her head out, turn it to the side and try release the cough.

It could go for 10 seconds or up to 1 minute.

Watching on was heartbreaking; feeling completely and utterly helpless.

There wasn’t anything I could do other than just wait for it to pass.

It was a Hallow, Gut Wrenching feeling.

My baby. The love of my life was not well, in distress and I was literally powerless to stop it.

And that was agony.

When you see someone you love not well, all you want to do is make it better.

To fix what’s in front of you.

To make it right. To take away their suffering and make everything ok. And in those moments, I couldn’t.

What made it worse was the fact that we had no answers as to why she had a consolidated lung lobe in the first place.

We had band aid solutions but no answers as to the root cause.

I don’t know about you, but that makes the whole situation worse because you don’t actually know what you’re dealing with.

How do treat a Consolidated Lung Lobe when you don’t know why it’s consolidated in the first place ??

Despite this obstacle, there was no way I was giving up.

None.

No matter the cost, no matter the investment, I was going to leave no stone unturned to heal her and make it right, she was too important for me not to give it everything.

I bought her a Liquid Lung Herbal Supplement, A Respiratory Blend supplement, Light Wave Patches, A Frequency Wand, Medicinal Mushrooms and researched day and night.

It was a big financial investment and I didn’t know if any of it was going to work.

But the FEAR of losing her was so great that I was willing to try anything.

For a short while my hope was elevated when I seemed to notice a positive difference using the Light Wave Patches. For 10 days there was not a single hacking episode and I thought we’d done it… until it returned.

We didn’t stop but unfortunately we weren’t able to completely stop the hacking, nor remove the crackling sound or reduce the size of the consolidation.

And this is when I started noticing other things…

It was the Middle of winter in Melbourne, Australia and she wasn’t interested in lying on the Heater which she normally loved, spending day and night in my room.

She didn’t want to go outside;

She wasn’t as talkative;

There was more Wee in the litter;

Her appetite and desire for food was dropping;

And just a general feeling of she’s not right.

On multiple occasions taking the Kitty litter outside to be emptied I remember thinking Gee Tilly; you pee a lot.

My gut feel was that the amount for 1 night was ‘more’ than normal and looking back now I wish I actioned that observation sooner, but how much overthinking and over analysing can you do before you actually go insane.

Would it have changed the eventual outcome - maybe yes, maybe no.

But I was already hyper fixated on everything little thing, watching her like a hawk to make sure I caught any subtle changes.

You get to the point where you wander if the subtle are real or just in your head.

I think there was a bit of both.

Now to October 2024. That’s when I really noticed a Shift.

I went away for 2 nights and when I came back I noticed Tilly looked significantly lighter.

I knew instantly she’d lost weight.

When we spend every moment with them, we don’t often notice the subtle changes, it’s only when we step out, even for a few days that you can see it.

I mark this moment as a turning point. It’s when things really started to speed up.

Her eating continued to lesson.

Day after day I’d wake to see 1/2 - 3/4 of her food still sitting on the plate and I didn’t realise at the time that this was a sign of ‘getting ready to transition’ but I do remember becoming increasingly frustrated at her not eating.

Her Coat was becoming Dull and I remember saying to Mum and Dad, her coat has really changed the last 3 months, it’s not as soft and shiny as it used to be.

I remember the day when Tilly wanted to sleep on the cushions beside the window instead of the bed.

And even though she looked peaceful, something inside of me just Knew.

I was crouching against the wall in my bedroom with my parents standing at the door.

Tears streaming down my face I said, Tilly isn’t right.

I think I need to take her to the Vet but I am so scared of what they might say.

Scared that they’ll say She’s Dying….

But if I don’t take her I’ll never know.

I guess I already knew but I was hoping and praying for a miracle.

So with all my fear I made the appointment and asked my partner to come for emotional support.

We were in the treatment room and then it happened;

'“She has cysts all over her kidneys and one kidney is very small, the size of a pea”.

She won’t be getting anything from that kidney so she’s basically functioning off one kidney and even that is at 70%.

And in that Moment, every single fear I had came alive.

The one thing I was dreading was happening.

I burst into tears, hugged my partner and said No!

No, No, No No.

This can’t be happening.

How.

Why.

This doesn’t make any sense.

Less than 12 months ago she was a Healthy Vibrant 14 year old kitty, thriving, and now…

Now we are facing the very real possibility of saying goodbye.

What the Actual Fuck ?

He gave her some fluids and recommended I come back 2x a week.

I agreed and off we went.

We all hoped in the car with Tilly sitting on the floor in the rear of the car.

My Heart was Breaking as I trying to process what just happened.

I turned around and looked at Till sitting on the floor.

I said ‘Till Till, Till Till; where’s my Till Till’, a way of speaking we had between us, as she looked at me offering a very gentle meow…

We’re going home now baby girl, you did just a great job; mummy is here, everything is going to be ok…

I was trying to convince myself that everything was going to be ok, but deep down I knew this was not good, and I started to think that maybe, after 14 years we were nearing the end.

And that was a sickening feeling.

But it was only just beginning.

The Anticipatory grief had started and nothing; nothing could have prepared me for what was to come.

Part 3 Coming Soon

It was December 21st 2024. Summer Solstice in Australia and I had made the Decision to Say Goodbye to my Baby and Let her Go.

She had been sick for several months, showing progressive, then rapid signs of Decline.

In Late 2023, around November / December I put Tilly Under for a Dental Clean.

I was hesitant as I wasn’t sure if she really needed it but I also knew that Dental Disease can create long term effects both for the Heart and the Kidney’s and protecting her at all costs was my priority. I was willing to do whatever it took to ensure she lived a long healthy life.

The Day I took her in I was so Nervous, doubts and fears running through my head, the main one, would she come out ok.

It was edging closer to 5pm and I hadn’t heard from the Clinic.

Eventually I rang them and asked for an update.

I couldn’t wait to pick her up.

We’re just going to monitor her and keep her in a bit longer as she’s taking longer to come out if it, they said.

My Heart absolutely Sank,

Fears Sky Rocketed.

She’s going to be ok, isn’t she!.

I later found that she was the last patient of the day and her dental clean took only 10min and she had sparkling clean perfect teeth underneath.

That was great but my Mind couldn’t help think that I dropped her off at 8 am that morning, and she was alone in a pen all day having all these drugs put in her until she finally had her clean at 4pm.

I felt sick and like I had betrayed her.

Had I known that scenario I never would have put her in it.

The morning of her procedure she wasn’t allowed to eat and I can vividly remember her meow and eagerness for breakfast and yet she wasn’t allowed any (fasting). I felt so bad

When the call came through that she was ready to be picked up, I was thrilled and also nervous.

When they brought her out she was still so out of it.

It didn’t look like her.

She looked she drugged and I felt terrible.

She didn’t need this.

I brought her home and it took her some time to ‘come back’.

She ate that night and the next morning but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I put her under all this stress for nothing.

Is that what they call ‘Mum Guilt’.

She recovered fine and all was going great until Mid April 2024 she started coughing.

Once, then twice, then three times, then multiple days over multiple weeks.

I knew that wasn’t normal.

I had our neighbour whom is a vet check Tilly and yes there were hazy crackling breathing sounds.

She confirmed what I felt and recommended we went for more tests.

An X-ray showed a consolidated right lung lobe which meant Tilly had limited breathing capacity in one of her lungs and even though there was nothing sinister (cancer) I had no further answers as to what may have caused it.

The Solutions;

a) Steroids

b) Steroids and Anti Biotics

c) put her under, prob around and take some lung tissue for testing. Basically wanting to rule out Cancer. I knew she didn’t have cancer.

None of the options sounded good to me, nor did they feel like the answer but we needed to manage the hacking.

It seems crazy now but there was a part of me that considered the latter, but in the end it felt way too risky and way too invasive.

But Love and Fear have a way of making you consider things you normally wouldn’t.

In the end I choose to try to Steroids.

About a month of so later we had another check up.

Coughing was less but not gone.

The Steroids were masking the problem but not solving it.

Upon the Vets Recommendation we kept going with the Steroids and also had some bloods tested, except this time it was a very difficult take.

When the results came through all I remember was - Some of her kidney markers are elevated showing signs of Kidney Disease.

No that can’t be right. Her Kidney markers were Perfect before she went for Dental and we’d completely reversed Acute KD 4 years earlier.

I got a copy of the results and showed my Neighbour. She didn’t dismiss it but also wasn’t over concerned so I let it be.

And quite frankly I was worries about her Coughing that that took my whole focus.

I was desperate to Heal her and make it right because I was SO AFRAID of losing her.

She was my Safety Net. My Safe Space. My Anchor. My Regulator. I didn’t know how I was going to Live without her.

Inevitability she was going to pass one day but I was never ready to face that reality…

Until I had to….

Stay Tuned for Part 2

With Love, Jasmine

xx

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Not just grief.

Not just anticipatory loss.

But a quiet knowing that the way she would leave her body — and the way death wanted to be honoured — was going to be different.

Growing up, death looked a certain way.

The pet would be euthanised — usually at the vet.
We would carry the body home, wrapped gently in a towel or blanket.
A hole would be dug in the garden.
The body lowered into the earth — sometimes inside a pillowcase.

Depending on whose pet it was, we would stand quietly while the burial took place.
Then we would gather inside, share stories, and hold our grief over a hot cup of tea.

And by the evening, it was as though life had resumed.

It was loving.
It was respectful.
But it was fast.

Almost too fast.

As though death was an event to complete.
A task to tend to.
And once the earth was patted down, that chapter was closed.

The body disappeared almost as quickly as the breath had.

With Tilly, something else was emerging.

She was choosing a conscious death.
And she was guiding me toward a more sacred Conscious departure.

One I had no Control Over but was midwifing.

If euthanasia was to be our path, it would be at home.
No sterile lighting.
No cold stainless steel tables.
No rushed goodbye.

And when the time came — around 2:30 on that Saturday afternoon — I held her on my chest as she left.

The vet nurse gently prepared a cremation bag and said, “When you’re ready.”

But I wasn’t.

And in that moment, I knew burial was right for us.

From 2:30 until 11:30 that night, she did not leave my chest.

We slept together one final time.
I spooned her the way we always had.

The next day, I continued to hold her.
And when her body began the natural process of returning — the faint scent of decomposition whispering that time was moving — I prepared a space.

A box.
Ice packs.
Towels.
Flowers gathered from the neighbour’s garden.

I laid her gently on top of the cooled cloth.

I played How Great Thou Art and Amazing Grace.
I created a crystal grid around her — one at each corner.
I lit a candle called Love.

And I sang.

Not because it was ritual for ritual’s sake.

But because it was reverence.

Two days after her passing, I gathered my family.

We sat in a circle around her.
Held hands.
Opened sacred space.
Prayed.
Shared gratitude.
Placed roses beside her body.

I read a eulogy I had written — words of devotion, of gratitude, of honour for the body that had allowed her soul to walk beside mine for 15 years and three weeks.

Then I closed the ceremony.

And brought her back into my room.

For four days, I held her body.

I refreshed the flowers when they wilted.

I brought her out on Christmas Day so she could sit beside me like she had the year before.

It wasn’t denial.

It wasn’t refusal.

It was devotion.

But eventually, with the gentle reflection of a trusted friend, I knew:

That continuing to hold her body was no longer in her highest good and that it was time - time to return her to Gaia.

I had held her in life.
I had held her in death.

Now it was time to let the Earth hold her.

Something profound happened in those four days.

By not rushing the body away, my nervous system was allowed to catch up to reality.

My limbic brain was allowed to witness what had happened.

There was no abrupt severing.
No shock that bypassed the body.

Instead, there was gradual integration.

Ceremony became the bridge between devastation and regulation.

It didn’t remove Grief, but it helped soothe it.

We do not only grieve the soul.

We grieve the body.

The body that lay beside us.
The body that purred against our chest.
The body that carried their spirit through this world.

To honour the body is to honour the incarnation itself.

Holding her was the greatest act of love I could offer.

It softened the trauma of goodbye.

It turned pain into prayer.

It allowed love to fully extend, rather than collapse into shock.

Holding the body may not be possible for everyone.

And it doesn’t have to look like mine did.

But perhaps this is an invitation:

What if grief didn’t need to be rushed?

What if pain could be taken to ceremony?

What if devotion could soothe the nervous system?

What if goodbye could be sacred?

Tilly was not “just a pet.”

She was my familiar spirit — a soul who chose to incarnate beside me.

And in her leaving, she showed me a new way.

A slower way.

A more conscious way.

A devotional way to meet death.

And for that, I am forever grateful.

There is a kind of grief the world doesn’t fully understand.

The kind that comes when an animal leaves your life.

People say, “They were just a pet.”
But you know they weren’t.

They were family.
They were witness.
They were constant.
They were woven into your nervous system.

And when they go, something in you shifts.

Soul Mates was initiated from that space.

From the silence after euthanasia.
From the weight of making the “right” decision.
From the knowing that it’s time and the resistance that comes from that.
From the Medicine that comes from a Spiritual Initiation.

From the love that doesn’t end when a body does.

I’m Jasmine — Intuitive animal communicator and grief practitioner. My work sits at the intersection of love, loss, and conscious transition. I support individuals navigating euthanasia decisions, pet loss, and the emotional and spiritual transformation that follows.

This space exists because animal grief deserves reverence.
Because endings deserve to be met consciously.
Because love deserves to be honoured fully.

Here, we will speak about:

The day before.
The moment of goodbye.
The silence after.
The emptiness
The Ache, that no one talks about.

Plus,

Ways to Honour Grief and Yourself.

Holding yourself through it all.

Feeling every aspect of it all.

The Human and the Soul.

Plus so much more.

Soul Mates is not just about loss.
It is the remembrance that we are deeply connected — and that our animals guide us back home to ourselves.

They show us the mirror.
We choose whether to walk through it.

It’s Spirituality and Wellness.

It’s Love at the Deepest Level.

If you have loved and lost — or know you will one day — you belong here.

Welcome.