My favourite animal is the Sunfish (Mola Mola)!

Sunfish! : a slang that refers to a person , character, or entity that dies, fails, or gives up easily under pressure.

The irony is so hillarious how the ocean sunfish symbolizes mindful awareness , calmness, resilience, and the natural flow of life. Because it often floats flat on its side to bask in the sunlight on the ocean front & moving effortlessly with the currents instead of against them.

https://pin.it/3Y3zWVp1b 📍

👆 watch this video first otherwise don't talk to me , go home 💨

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STORY TIME

This is a story of a friend of a friend, a sunfish who tends to think that if she falls short on that one not worth 2 penny exam or rebel a few “frands” when she's wronged by them or disappoint a few relatives who only cracks the tea while sipping on tea or her eventually failing infinite versions of herself while mimicking the things she second doubted? Third doubted? Tenth doubted? wether she really wanna do it or is it just her trying to project someone else's life . She always wonders how do people even know what's the right path for them.

Busted!? That’s me lol .

I asked the same question a month ago to my father as in how did he know what he's doing so rigorously is infact made for him to the extent he's breaking his back when he's verily glued to the same chair for more than 300 days year after another.

Unlike chatgpt people tend to converse in an authentic manner just like my father spiraled down his own struggles while teaching me the truth as to why he's doing what he's actually doing neither come from any random celestial announcement from the sky nor any random 3am dream , it was simply a cluster of choices he made himself which lead him to his path and moulded him originally. From what I concluded from his story & struggles while i almost teared up,

Karma | Hardwork | Destiny are The Big 3 my father believes in and I can agree with him upto most extents but honestly reaching a destination isn't the same as inheriting a map. Not because I don't value what he stands for, but because I don't wanna walk a path lit by signboards someone else planted — signboards I haven't yet laid for myself . I gotta pave my own path and plant my own boards even if I end up walking down the same horizon as he did .

Some people have everything
And other people don't
But everything don't mean a thing
If it ain't the thing you want

Express yourself, uh
Express yourself, uh

Song by Charles Wright & the Watts 103rd Street Rhythm Band ‧ 1970

Not kidding I struggle with a discrete spectrum when the subject is “You sure you chasing life & not mourning it?" , sometimes it's hot as if Life is a 69 y/o mademoiselle in da club in L.A. and I'm a male stripper dancing in her birthday party , sometimes cold loss as if she (life) is the dead wife of mine who only resides in the graveyard of my memories , memories I'm yet to live but I'm eerily nostalgic for them and in anycase the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle remains intact in my life , metaphorically?! A foundational concept in quantum mechanics that defines a strict limit on precision over what we can know about a particle.

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Lemme downsize all the mourns into basics for you,

"To be doomed by a narrative is to have only ever been its witness. The question was never what life means — it's whether I'm inside this story or holding the pen , despite the strikes blowing against me ."

And with god's grace & yours , we all know the answer to this question to which I further ado my next question ie.

"What are you to life — participant or witness?"

✨Thanks for reading ts lol🌹

⋆.𓆝 𓆟 jaymieselldonuts 𓆝 𓆟.⋆

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P.S. : if mola mola have a million fans i am one of them. if mola mola have ten fans i am one of them. if mola mola have one fan then that is me. if mola mola have no fans that is because i am no longer on the Earth. if the world is against mola mola i am against the world. i will love mola mola until my last breath.

I love you bro even if u don't lock in , you still got your shit together . No I don't believe in you ! unless you yourself do ! I mean what's the point of this article even if you don't have this unfathomable unshakable believe in you YOURSELF lol take care mwahh 🪽.

Not your blueberry, you couldn't mould me into a fairy

Tears leak out, yet all you do is shout

Not your eclairs, you couldn't mould me into your hand flares

Childlike wonders offending fragile composures

Not your apple pie, you couldn't mould me into an easy child

Trying with intentions, lost my retention

not your choco chip, you couldn't mould me into "my ladyship"

That vague pounding, left me astounding

Not your cherry coke, you couldn't mould me into country folk

Ticking in a check box, only stacked my hard knocks

Not your sour jelly, you couldn't mould me into Cinderella's belly

Playing wordle, simply to realize I'm my own hurdle

Not your cassata, you couldn't mould me into a pinnatta

Bursting with possibilities, floating like a bastard sunfish

Not your skittles, you couldn't mould me into brittle

Insinuating I'm a shrew while thou hast loose screw

Not your cupcake, so you could never mould me for your sake

Always whining I'm not worth the play, don't you realize I'm the wrong clay?

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The Origin:

When I was finally about to devour my leisure time yesterday by cozying up my sofa and binge watch satc , my father spawned beside me from thin air with a very obvious question on his face ‘what are you watching?’ to which i gave a very propmpted reply - ' just another new york based sitcom' before i could finish my sentence he starts preaching to the choirs ‘ ah it's sex and the city i know it all’ tagged along with the darest statement I heard in my life ‘New York is worlds apart than ours , you don't have to mimick their livelihoods’ . This! Left me astray and all flushed with a revoulting thought ‘like what? Is New York situated on something like mars or saturn❓’ .

I tell them it's just your culture and everyone rolls their eyes…

🎵🎵🎵

As I dive deeper into this taunting comment, I feel the pressure of this unsettling debt for the fact that God didn't even considered me for the cheat sheet of being a born native in NYC or anywhere sharing waters with pacific ocean🌊 .

Sex and the City , Friends , Gossip Girl , How I Met Your Mother yadda yadda made it look glamorous, yes. Real NYC is cramped, expensive, and chaotic — and people who live there are obsessed with it anyway. Because the energy is real. The culture is real. This damn culture is what swings my mind both ways.

Contrasting Conflicts:

The dewlling thoughts transitions into swelling conclusions and a series of polarizing opinions . Which are qualified enough to counterintuitively question my whole lifestyle till date with an obvious ‘the fuck am I doing with my life?' scream.

1. It's not that deep! :

Maybe I'm just overthinking and over analysing over not-worth-a-penny thoughts.

2. Miles afar from home :

Being the only girl child i get a gist of my parent's overly concerned remarks regarding my future livilehood and I see where's that's coming from so at the end of the day my only fairytale-like ray of sunshine lies at the barks of tall towers and flashing lights with resonance of intertwined music & noises, jammed roads with bulky footpaths leading the way to traditional jobs at 7:00 AM rushed sandwiches where you are under the impression that if you blink once it might advance with it's scapes & scenery leaving you stranding at the station.

3. Maybe my thoughts are being whitewashed by some British white boy? :

Chances are negligible but never zero. I still catch myself overstimulated with short type of contents of media and the hyped influencers playing their trickeries of marketing.

4. My coming-of-age horrors :

The idea of pursuing a fancy chicstyle passionate fruitful lifestyle and not just any financial aide yet corner office desk . Leaves my hands cold and my lips cracked and zipped .

I'm bound to shirk my rambling about further questions on life to not deviate from our ground thoughts of the moment and yet I dare to conclude :

Life isn't about “happening” or “planning out in one sitting” instead creating a living that encapsulates with your visions and eventually alligns with your voyage . life is “experience” and not simulating a romcom series that you watched while toasting your living room sofa.

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P.S. Well coming from a orthodox brown household where ‘send is considered the second f-word I was legit shocked that my father mentioned Satc first heh! Though he has watched Friends (Joey is his favorite). Who's your bias in Friends?

This was that unlucky 800+ words article that got randomly deleted mid drafting so I had to rewrite it again from my goldfish memory. Shower some love and support this poor author.

⋆˚꩜｡˖ ݁♬⋆.𓆝 𓆟 jaymieselldonuts 𓆝 𓆟.⋆♬ ݁݁݁݁˖｡꩜˚⋆

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The Cry :

Hello my dearest sassy victims~ , my adorable aunt recently got engaged💍 and went on a date yesterday with her fiance not to mention how excited she and i was , because i'm naturally rooting for her new stage of her life so I decided her dress , bag, jewelery and gave her polaroid edits to make new memories all along i was happy indeed but as the next day arrives i'm back to my mundane life with a “do not disturb me till it's important” sign before anyone reaches me out. Its not that i tend to live the way i do right now but i pray for some change. Real physical change. No I'm not talking about moving into a some fresh apartment in a brand new city honestly deep inside i do hope yearn for such a fortunate change but its just way out of my league right now . The cry is all about “how long am i supposed to suffer God? ” tagged along with “When will be my time to shine and rise ? ”

The ick :

Unfortunately I'm living my prime years under the rocks while trying to rehabilitate as i just recovered from my depressive phase which is somewhat directly linked with my career choices just so you can get a gist of my problem. I'm back to hibernation baby! So anyone one interrupting my peace shall perish in my block list . I'm a simple minded person mind you I repeat simple minded not narrow minded , someone who is extremely prudent with her peace .

You must have heard the saying that “Toleration eventually leads to disguist” . Bingo! That's exactly my case right now I can not share the same air with anyone “casual” right now you see.

The Cure:

1. If you find yourself thinking of past stuff admist daylight you aren't busy enough girlie.

2. Try creating stuff , literally anything , small or big just complete something.

3. Find your own ways to add that lil whimsy to your life , be it your food , your outfit , your room etc.

4. Find your ways to get fresh air atleast once in a while if you feel home caged.

5. Revisit your childhood routines for example : how you used to go out on early walks in park with your father every weekend ( just an example in case ).

6. Try eating something sweet 🍬 but something new ✨ that you haven't tried yet.

7. Never give in to doomscroll no matter how down-spirited you feel. You ain't no pessimist!

8. Last but not the least pick up that damn hobby back!!!

Witch is Signing off ~

Mwahhh.